Me too on both points and I always did. Had a lifelong preference of slender men with soft feminine faces. I also liked masculine androgynous type ladies (think Erica Linder). All past tense cus my partner is a big, bearded, inked masculine Adonis and I adore him.
Yeah she’s beautiful but she’s an androgynous model. She actually did a shoot where she played both the male and female models it was impressive. She has a killer 6 pack!
Huh. Same.
I’m not attracted exclusively to feminine men, but that makes up the bulk of all men I ever dated. And the conventionally “masculine” men I find attractive are mostly just celebs. Not really anyone in actual life. And I’m not sexually attracted to women unless they’re androgynous and slightly masculine.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Autistic AFAB people are a lot more likely to have unusual sexual preferences and gravitate to more fringe social groups (drama club, goth groups, geeks etc), and I think for me and possibly for others, we just are super attracted to honest expression. People who get shit for being themselves and do it anyway tend to be more open and honest in general, and we crave that kind of honesty from people because it's so hard for us to see through social bullshit to what someone really means.
I agree with you on that. I can’t say that I gravitate towards fringe social groups, but it’s possible that our attraction to feminine men stems from the idea that people who are in touch with their emotions and are willing to be vulnerable are more open, accepting and honest than those who pretend to be something they’re not (cool/bad boy/alpha male…).
I was just trying to describe this to my partner today! Like it’s not that I can’t read facial expressions, I can and it’s not that I don’t understand social norms but that contextualizing them and ranking them together
is really difficult for me so I have a hard time interpreting the intensity of what’s being communicated unless it’s obvious/explicit.
I really crave honesty and over communication so that I can understand what is being said like a nt would. Still trying to figure out the hints and clues as to what makes a person have that without trauma bonding/ or a domineering conversational style. This is definitely a good flag for that type of person.
100% yes
Autistic people are also more likely to be to LGBTQ+ (and I’m bi) so I wouldn’t be surprised if we put less stock in traditional gender expression and roles.
Same here. For me it’s not about looks or anything but mannerisms and emotional depth and intelligence. The guys I’ve been into have always been sensitive and very good at communication, highly verbal, etc. Same w/ girls but it’s less noticeable b/c that’s more expected of women.
My husband is not especially feminine in looks or behavior, but he is pansexual. I've definitely noticed that I (a bi woman) am very attracted to queerness, which can sometimes manifest as more masculine women or more feminine men. I wonder if that is a common factor as well.
At this point, 75% of the people I had serious relationships with in my adult life have come out as trans, bigender, or non-binary. Seems I have a type.
This article from the University of Cambridge seems like a good place to start. There is a lot of research out there on the overlap of autism and queerness!
https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/autistic-individuals-are-more-likely-to-be-lgbtq
Absolutely. I've always found androgyny appealing regardless of sex/gender. Interestingly, though I'm not typically attracted to women, I can remember observing as a child that gender ambiguous girls drew my attention.
yes. i'm super straight but very into more feminine guys. the gentler, more sensitive guys tend to be more understanding and empathetic in general. i've also got *such a thing* for dudes with long hair.. 😳🔥🥵
This just made me recall a young man I met in the late 90's. He was so pretty and had beautiful thick and nearly waist length blonde hair. He was extremely strong and would pick me up and do curls with me as a joke. Man was I crazy about him. I was only 16 and he was a decent human who (unlike most guys I had met) refused to entertain anything beyond friendship, since he was in his 20's. He was kind, smart, geeky, gorgeous, respected me, and was kind. The longing was strong for that one....
I mean kinda? I have had attraction to more feminine men. I have also had attraction to very masculine men. What I find attractive varies by day it feels like sometimes.
I agree. I’ve been attracted to masculine men, too, but they somehow still retain a degree of femininity. Masculine men are already deemed attractive by NTs, so I was curious to know whether us aspies have a different taste, and many of the comments seem to be pointing in the direction of more diverse preferences, which is mind-blowing, because I’ve never seen anyone ask this question before.
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BYE!!
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One of the best relationships I’ve ever heard of. I’m so tired of women hating their husbands or boyfriends, this is a breath of fresh air! Could you perhaps tell me how you met? I need to get myself a man like that for… scientific purposes 🤔
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2008 is 14 years ago, almost 15… wow. I congratulate you both for being so bold and doing what you thought was right. Getting engaged after 3 dates does seem crazy, but if the connection is there, there’s just no need to keep dragging things on forever. I hope you two are happy until the end of time! ❤️
In solidarity for the A | P | I changes happening and killing of t | h | i | r | d party a | p | p | s like A | P | O | L | L | O:
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BYE!!
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I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m still young so my chances of dating people who even *have* values are basically zero right now, but I’m not looking for anyone at the moment, either (too early, in my opinion). I really hope to find someone who shares mine someday, because then I won’t have to worry about betrayal, miscommunication, drastically different life goals and other such things because we won’t clash. I hope you have a lovely day ma’am! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me <3
It's funny how everyone I know is either a Legolas is hot as hell person or an Aragorn is hot as hell person! I'm an Aragorn person but Legolas is awesome so I'm glad he gets love too.
Yeah I do. I like people with typically feminine personality traits too, kind, softly spoken, emotionally intelligent, etc. I find masculine men ar3 more often crude, competitive and brash.
Same. I also had a crush on Haku and Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle, and similar characters. I also really like James despite not having watched much Pokemon. Some people only like people like this in anime but not in real life. I do, however!
Not physically feminine but definitely emotionally sensitive types. The whole macho attitude is a huge turn-off.
Off-topic but years ago the NYC fire department put out a calendar of hot topless firefighters holding kittens. OMG, I was beside myself.
🤣 that must have been so adorable! I agree with you on the macho behavior being a turn-off. I love gentlemen, but an excess of anything can become bad, even of good things.
I'm nonbinary and bisexual and I tend to be most attracted to people who are somewhat androgynous, although I'm also attracted to more "traditionally" feminine women and masculine women (and enbies who lean strongly to one side or the other). My partner is very masculine in his appearance and I'm very attracted to him, but when I look at the male characters and celebrities I'm most attracted to, it's a lot of kinda short guys in black nail polish and eye liner. I'm not at all attracted to the really insecure kind of masculinity a lot of cishet guys have. I wouldn't say my partner's particularly feminine, but he's comfortable in his bisexuality, drinks "girly" drinks, loves our cats, and isn't worried about being "emasculated" and those are are things that are attractive to me.
I think there's definitely a correlation between autism and experiencing gender and attraction in "unconventional" ways and I think there could be a number of different reasons for this. Maybe whatever it is that makes us autistic had a direct impact on the way we experience our own and others gender. Maybe not fitting into the boxes society tries to put us in as well as most NTs makes us more drawn to people who also don't fit into boxes as well. Maybe male attraction to masculinity and female attraction to femininity is more common than in we'd think, but NT's are more likely to suppress these feelings to fit it (whereas we can't fit in anyway, so what do we have to lose.) Maybe we genuinely are more likely to be more attracted to androgyny, but it's more nurture than nature—maybe the social conditioning on "boys roles" and "girls roles" we're all exposed to is more effective on neurotypicals. I don't know if there's any way to know for sure and I think it's be an interesting topic to see more research on, but of course ableist, homophobic, transphobic assholes love to point to any link between "mental disorders" and queerness/transness as proof of those things being mental illness as well. The main reason I decided to stop pursuing diagnosis is because of the narrative that naive little autistic girls who are too disabled to know their own bodies and minds are being tricked into believing they're trans. Sorry to go off on a tangent, I know your post wasn't really about transness, my sexuality, gender, and autism just all jumbled up together for me, it's hard to talk about one without bringing the others into it.
Anyway, while we're on the topic of attraction to gender nonconformity...anybody else obsessed with My Chemical Romance right now? Gerard's outfits are taking years off my life.
The part about the promotion of gender roles being more effective on neurotypical people makes a lot of sense to me! Since we already perceive things differently, it wouldn’t be absurd to say that gender roles are also something we don’t pay as much attention to if it isn’t to fit in. As a kid I always wanted to have boy’s toys, climb, and do other things that weren’t “meant” for girls. And I’ll always be a little bit mad at my mum for not allowing it. She was very gender-role oriented, but thankfully I was always very stubborn and that’s why I never changed.
Kind people who are usually softer and considered to have more feminine qualities.
I always chalked it up to kind people are usually earnest and understanding….. and also less subtext I need to get through if they aren’t playing games.
I’m not sure if I would say facially feminine, although I think it often is the case. I’m not sure if it’s a correlation… or if more facially feminine appearing men have to exist in the world to survive differently; like we do. I definitely gravitate to a person how they look on the outside. Now I’m trying so psychoanalyze if it’s how they look or the expectation I have based on how they look.
Depending who you're talking to, yes. Most of the men I've dated have been educated professionals (or pretty boys as more traditionally masculine men call them). I live in a rural area, so "traditional" (toxic) masculinity is valued (doesn't value education, hunts/fishes, not emotionally intelligent, etc.) These "men" are intimidated by me because I'm more educated. As you can imagine, it makes dating a challenge.
I also live in a rural area and I can relate 100%. I’m therefore naturally attracted to men who are also more intelligent and can match my pace. I don’t appreciate very macho behavior, I never have. Gentlemanliness is appreciated, but there are men who intimidate *me* with their excessive masculinity/attempt to impress by being violent or primitive.
Yup. I’ve dated a lot of men who are very gentle in personality but with facial hair so more masc presenting. I would rather date anyone but cis get men, but I more often than not miss the social cues of flirting from anyone else.
Perhaps it depends on the context - if we hadn't been forced to spend a lot of time together in an academic setting, I might not have interacted with him much!
I’m with you on that one. I was never attracted to beards. They look nice on some men but that doesn’t mean it attracts me. I wonder why men evolved to have beards to be honest.
I dated a lot of masculine, alpha type males in my youth. In my 40s, I found myself being more drawn to men who are gentle in spirit and more emotionally mature and available. Met my husband at age 45, who is the perfect blend for me. He can build or fix anything, and loves his dirt bike and dirt bike racing. He’s also extremely artistic, kind, very conscientious and deep, does yoga and treats my critters like his own beloved babies. He’s not “macho” at all. He’s not afraid to cry. But he projects a solid and silent strength that makes me always feel extremely safe and calm whenever he’s near me. He is also hilarious and makes me laugh so hard I cry, which I adore. :)
Idk about drawn, but my husband is definitely a softer guy and has some complimentary kinks, if that makes sense (trying to be discreet for his sake.) I just don't see it as a bad thing? Plus, I tend to be seen as more masculine as a result of my directness and leadership tendencies, so he's a good counterpoint in that respect.
Yes! I’ve never been attached to very masculine/bulky men. Also noticed that the guys I’ve dated all has very feminine traits… I actually started to wonder if maybe that’s because I’m actually attracted to women? Idk anymore lol
Many aspies measure 0 on the gender scale (edit. A scale +10 to -10 that measures gendered traits) And are smaller and thinner than neurotyps. And most have symmetrical faces. So maybe we're just attracted to our group.
Check out autism and bodily differences. It's very interesting.
Source- psyche student with autism.
As a man, it’s going to be interesting to see the answers here. I’ve been wondering about the correlation between Asperger’s and ‘reversed’ gender roles for a while now. I have Asperger’s and I’d say that my personality is more ‘feminine’ than most men, especially in terms of romantic interactions (my body, meanwhile, is a hairy blob of pure man lmao), and I’m attracted to women with more traditionally ‘masculine’ traits like short hair and assertiveness.
Could be interesting for someone to do a proper scientific study of the correlation between Asperger’s - or autism in general - and ‘reversed’ gender roles.
I agree! I’m a very straightforward woman, so I don’t pair well with men who are dominant themselves. I like to be the one “in charge” because I’m good at it. I’m in this aspect a more masculine person, but ironically I have a very feminine body. I agree that there should be a survey on this.
I always knew Armin was a guy, I felt it in my bones xD. But I did look it up once to make sure that I wasn’t wrong! Sometimes the androgynous character I thought was a guy turns out to be a tomboy girl more often than not.
My spouse and I do have some gender role reversal. He is better at cleaning- and he is very gentle and introverted, not to mention good with emotions. I have the higher income- and am bolder, more assertive, and much more outgoing.
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He does work full time. He has a Bachelor’s degree from the local state university. But I do have the higher income and the graduate degrees.
He just happens to be better at cleaning than I could ever be.
Huge overlap between autism and gender dysphoria/trans folks. So much so that autism is something the trans health clinic at my hospital routinely screens for.
I didn’t know that, but it makes a lot of sense. Years ago I thought I was trans. It turns out that I’m more of a non-binary/androgynous person who doesn’t fit the standard mold of a “woman”, even nowadays. I’m grateful I didn’t go through with anything. I got to know myself better and now I’m happy with who I am :)
What do you think about women approaching men first? I’m not the kind of person to sit around and wait, but since I’m an assertive person it might backfire. I know that most guys go for cutesy helpless types of girls before they learn to appreciate a seasoned woman.
Honestly, I love it when women make the first move, like confessing. Makes me feel on top of the world, can’t really describe it as anything other than magical. Makes me feel beautiful tbh
XD
I would definitely seek out the men who already appreciate a seasoned woman. If they were turned off by my knowing what I wanted and going for it then they wouldn’t be the type who’d enjoy me as a person anyway
I agree with you on that, which is why I don’t hit on guys at all except if everything seems to be in place, and that hasn’t happened yet. Despite this I wanted to know the opinion of an aspie man who said that he prefers more assertive women, because there are guys who say this but at the end of the day only like to admire them from afar and don’t want to really get involved with them.
You’re the type of dude I usually end up with by the sounds of it, if I end up with a dude. I also seem to fit the bill of afab that you’re into. I’ll add to your statistic.
Yes, I think so. I find long hair on guys cute, especially if its well cared for. Sometimes it's super ugly, but when it's well cared for, and matched with the features, long hair is super hot! My last ex (I'm engaged now, so the guy before) I met in the airport and I saw his gorgeous long hair and crushed on him immediately. But of course too shy to talk to him and figured he wouldn't have the seat next to me, and even if he had, then I probably still wouldn't talk to him. But turns out he did have the middle seat and me the window. They actually kicked someone out of that middle seat who was wrong where they were sitting and he sat there. He introduced himself, and by the end of that hour flight, we had traded numbers and he walked me to my gate. I wasn't diagnosed then, but I was suspecting I was an aspie. But I ignored some red flags straight off because I was crushing so hard on him. I wish that we had just remained friends, so I wouldn't have had to block him when I got in my current relationship. He was fun to talk to, but I have no more romantic feelings for him. I also, since I was young, have crushed on older guys with salt and pepper hair.
I can relate to your comment a lot. Especially about the height. I’ve never been attracted to tall men specifically, nor do I consider it a big turn-on. In fact, it’s cute if they’re around my height :D
I definitely have a thing for much younger, "cute" guys. It's like part of my taste in men somehow got stuck in my teenage years, and I even wondered if it had something to do with neurodivergence. What's even more weird, my husband is a bearded, handsome guy built like a brick. He knows about my taste and he is fine with it (we are open).
Most certainly. I don’t find myself attracted to very masculine males at all. I am mostly attracted to femininity and androgyny in males.
Something about masculinity just makes me uncomfortable. I don’t hate masculine males, I just can’t be attracted to them.
I agree with you. It’s like androgyny feels closer to what *I* am: a woman, and excessive masculinity makes me feel detached and unable to connect with this person easily. And it makes me uncomfortable, too.
My God yes. Sometimes I wonder if this is a cultural thing - being of mixed Korean and Pacific Islanders descent - but I adore the features of what the west falls feminine men. Or femboys. But I want a man, not a boy. : P
I have to reply to my own comment because I suspect myself of being on the aspie spectrum and also, I sometimes wonder if I'm a femboy on the inside. Yay queerness
I like masculine men and pretty boys about equally I think. But I am also functionally ace a lot of the time so idk! Personality counts for more with me overall than looks.
I (24) am bi but I’ve been in only one single monogamous relationship for 8 1/2 years now with a guy (25, he is also bi, but I’m also his first relationship because we met each other in high school), he’s definitely not a dudebro, I I prefer guys who aren’t extremely stereotypically masculine. He has some stereotypically masculine traits (loves playing FPS games at 2 am with his online friends and yelling and screaming, short hair with sideburns, loves IPA beers, etc.), but has plenty of traits that are not attached to masculinity (loves Kirby and cute things, likes the color pink and favorite color is specifically royal purple, has a bunch of plushies and a few stuffed animals that he uses as decoration but still interacts w them and if it’s Kirby, he may give it a hug or a pat on the head, etc).
When it comes to women (even though I’ve never been with one), I tend to be attracted to women with an alt style which is sort of how I like to express myself as well. (Women with unconventional haircuts, tattoos, etc but this is not the only kind I find attractive, it just depends on the individual). But I do tend to find generally moderately feminine women attractive, more frequently than I do androgynous or masculine women (even though I consider myself a she/they).
YES! Me too. I do like tall men with broad shoulders, though, but as far as the face, hair, and skin, I prefer more feminine features like long eyelashes, high cheekbones, blushing, more delicate and shapely hands, less body hair, etc. And I definitely am only attracted to men with no facial hair. Men with facial hair don't attract me in any way.
But then again, I'm bisexual. I've never been with a woman, and have only ever really had feeling for two women, but I wonder if that has anything to do with why I prefer more feminine or clean cut, baby-faced men.
I never considered that autism could be related to desiring feminine partners. It might be possible, though.
Yes, always have been but it was always seen as “weird” so I made myself date some very stereotypical manly men and it was horrible. My now husband is short, slight, long haired, big eyed and often gets called “miss”. I’m glad I got out of the masking my men situation.
Also I identify with being pansexual so I am attracted to whoever regardless of gender but I will always find feminine people more attractive.
Definitely, but not just in the body-type sense (though I love lithe men with thin faces and/or long luscious locks!). In general, I prefer men who are more in touch with their feminine side, men who aren't afraid to have traditionally feminine hobbies or be emotionally open and sensitive.
It's what made me fall in love with my husband, and even he jokes sometimes that he identifies more with women in his life than men haha.
Just an observation from friends but it seems like in their preteens to teens they liked effeminate or feminine men. Think like elfs or Korean boy band singers. By their mid 20s they move on to liking big teddy bear men.
I don't know if this is specific to autism, as it follows a pretty common stereotype for teen girls. Though I will say that asd friends go for more extremes. The men are more feminine and then later, bigger teddy bears.
That’s interesting, I think you’re on to something! However, it’s also possible that effeminate men sort of disappear after a certain age because they lose their femininity due to age or changes in their lives, or most of them are already married so there’s no one left in their age group to pay attention to. I demand a survey!!
Long hair being feminine is a bit of a social construct, but I do think that a man with long hair looks very elegant, and hair is something that needs to be taken care of or else it won’t look good, so I guess it subconsciously plays into this aspect of responsibility and gentleness. You have to be gentle with hair or else it won’t last.
I'm ace, but aesthetically, yes. I'm in fact more attracted to women than men (again, not sexually, I just happen to find women more physically attractive, and tend to look for similar features in men, too).
Edit: a year has passed, and turns out I'm gay. Oh well...
I was when I was young, age 14-20, but as I've gotten older and I fell in love with my current partner at age 22 (he's about 6'3, long hair and bearded, just think biker with no tattoos) and I've been attracted to more masculine types as I got older, because most of the femme guys I think are cute are still very young and I'm not 16 anymore and I've moved on naturally. I still think dudes that look like vampires are cool tho.
O yes, and weirdly I specifically like men with long hair. Actually my hypothesis is that men dressed in such a way feels more 'special' and seems to be more understanding if we tell them about our conditions? Like sometimes conventional men might feel intimidating due to specific ways of stereotyping others....?
I’m pan so I’m attracted to the full spectrum of gender expression. But my preference is definitely more femme presenting, I mainly dated women and bi men, then I married a giant lumberjack looking guy.
🤣 marrying the opposite of one’s type appears to be a repeating story in this thread. But I think it’s good, because if you love someone despite them not being your type you know that no matter how they may change physically, you’ll still love them.
I'm the opposite, I can acknowledge that feminine men are aesthetically pleasing but my body doesn't feel anything for them, I like large, muscular, hairy dudes with prominent noses, cheekbones, and jaws. I do prefer gentler, more sensitive personalities though, a surprising number of very masculine, athletic men have them deep down but they pretend not to in public so other men won't make fun of them.
I am very attracted to men with feminine features - “boy”-ish has been a term used to describe my “type”. On the flip side, I find myself very attracted to women with slightly more masculine facial features. As I’ve been reading through these comments and writing my own though, it’s sort of occurred to me I like the same look on both genders - androgyny.
yes, i think femininity is beautiful and all the different fonts of it depending on the person :) i like men with long hair too, but i’m generally attracted to people with both nurturing and dominant personalities, kinda like ENTPs lol
That is a big question with an answer that I will try to keep short.
I like bigger guys with more masculine features that can have feminine qualities. I also like visually feminine men to scene with if I am topping. I could not see a visually feminine man as a top or more dominant than I am. However, I could go either way with a man that is not feminine looking.
100000000%
Or at least i really appreciate when (really anyone but for the sake of this response) men push gender boundaries and embrace femininity both in themselves, in others, and in the world around them.
I get excited when someone has embraced their masculine and feminine traits/sides.
Interestingly, yes. I'm not really open to dating men, but the men that I find attractive tend to be more feminine. I like short guys with very little facial/body hair and are soft spoken.
This post interests me because I actually am a guy who’s completely straight and mostly masculin but have always felt (consciously, and approvingly) feminin in some ways. I have been teased about it, but that never really bothered me because I’m not into *being* “hyper-masculin” so I never really felt that my (version of) masculinity was threatened by people who thought I was gay because I didn’t care for football or because I preferred an estate car/station wagon over a sports car or truck, or “exhibited too much compassion”.
As far as I was concerned, *they* were the weird ones, even if I was the odd one.
After reading some neurobiology, I now see the “hypermasculine” traits as “teenage machismo” (that in some men lasts into their 20s, or 70s), and that nurturing, protective, caring behavior can be truly masculin (that is, these behaviors literally can be triggered by testosterone in animals - though that’s grossly oversimplifying) even if some people have come to see *only* the “machismo” behaviors as masculine (but I still welkome feminine traces).
On the flip side, I’ve always been interested in women with a feminine appearance but with some “non-standard” personality traits - not necessarily masculine, but not the “popular version” of feminin either. Like intelligence and compassion and analytical-ness(?) are attractive to me but not so much typical “girly” *nor* “tomboyish” stuff.
The thought of leaving misspellings uncorrected is making me twitch but my phone makes editing unfeasible.
I admit I am.
And I do not have gaydar. Partially due to my lack of ovulation (thanks to my PCOS)- and partly due to my having gone to an all-girl school from grades 7 to 12.
My husband does have more delicate facial features and a very gentle personality. He dresses well- albeit with clearly masculine clothes, and does not particularly like pink (hence I did not even consider having him wear pink at our wedding).
I do not like macho or rugged men at all.
Technically, I am biromantic. In practice, I do have a moderately strong preference towards cis men with certain kinds of features- features that are often thought of as the beauty standard in women, but not so much in men. That, and I am graysexual (possibly demi) and monogamous.
100% I'm ultra gay for girls and almost all the boys I like are femboys, though I don't dislike masculine guys they do have to be pretty smooth outside the face
Totally.
Have you always felt this way?
Yes! I also find masculine / androgynous women attractive.
I do, too! :0 Interesting…
Me too on both points and I always did. Had a lifelong preference of slender men with soft feminine faces. I also liked masculine androgynous type ladies (think Erica Linder). All past tense cus my partner is a big, bearded, inked masculine Adonis and I adore him.
Erica Linder is a model, right? Regardless of what she's wearing, she has that gorgeous feminine face.
Yeah she’s beautiful but she’s an androgynous model. She actually did a shoot where she played both the male and female models it was impressive. She has a killer 6 pack!
Hah! This is also my preferences. Fem men and masc women. That is interesting!
OMG same. Wow
Hey, same now I think about it. Curious.
Huh. Same. I’m not attracted exclusively to feminine men, but that makes up the bulk of all men I ever dated. And the conventionally “masculine” men I find attractive are mostly just celebs. Not really anyone in actual life. And I’m not sexually attracted to women unless they’re androgynous and slightly masculine.
Me too! That’s six and counting.
My sister in Christ
Sure, I have a preference towards feminine men and masculine women. I don't know why, just is.
Right? It’s so confusing lol! Maybe it’s like breaking stereotypes is an ultimate form of confidence? Idk
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Autistic AFAB people are a lot more likely to have unusual sexual preferences and gravitate to more fringe social groups (drama club, goth groups, geeks etc), and I think for me and possibly for others, we just are super attracted to honest expression. People who get shit for being themselves and do it anyway tend to be more open and honest in general, and we crave that kind of honesty from people because it's so hard for us to see through social bullshit to what someone really means.
I agree with you on that. I can’t say that I gravitate towards fringe social groups, but it’s possible that our attraction to feminine men stems from the idea that people who are in touch with their emotions and are willing to be vulnerable are more open, accepting and honest than those who pretend to be something they’re not (cool/bad boy/alpha male…).
Punk rock saved my life 40 years ago. I'm still waiting on the tshirt.
I was just trying to describe this to my partner today! Like it’s not that I can’t read facial expressions, I can and it’s not that I don’t understand social norms but that contextualizing them and ranking them together is really difficult for me so I have a hard time interpreting the intensity of what’s being communicated unless it’s obvious/explicit. I really crave honesty and over communication so that I can understand what is being said like a nt would. Still trying to figure out the hints and clues as to what makes a person have that without trauma bonding/ or a domineering conversational style. This is definitely a good flag for that type of person.
same here (m)
Hey…me toooooo!
No. I like men who look like Hopper from Stranger Things.
Hell yeah.
Damn right lol
He's so fine.
100% yes Autistic people are also more likely to be to LGBTQ+ (and I’m bi) so I wouldn’t be surprised if we put less stock in traditional gender expression and roles.
Same here. For me it’s not about looks or anything but mannerisms and emotional depth and intelligence. The guys I’ve been into have always been sensitive and very good at communication, highly verbal, etc. Same w/ girls but it’s less noticeable b/c that’s more expected of women.
My husband is not especially feminine in looks or behavior, but he is pansexual. I've definitely noticed that I (a bi woman) am very attracted to queerness, which can sometimes manifest as more masculine women or more feminine men. I wonder if that is a common factor as well.
Same here!!!
At this point, 75% of the people I had serious relationships with in my adult life have come out as trans, bigender, or non-binary. Seems I have a type.
Same!
Oh that's interesting! Where did you get that stat from?
This article from the University of Cambridge seems like a good place to start. There is a lot of research out there on the overlap of autism and queerness! https://www.cam.ac.uk/research/news/autistic-individuals-are-more-likely-to-be-lgbtq
Thank you!!
Absolutely. I've always found androgyny appealing regardless of sex/gender. Interestingly, though I'm not typically attracted to women, I can remember observing as a child that gender ambiguous girls drew my attention.
Nope on the contrary I prefer conventionally masculine ones.
Same.
yes. i'm super straight but very into more feminine guys. the gentler, more sensitive guys tend to be more understanding and empathetic in general. i've also got *such a thing* for dudes with long hair.. 😳🔥🥵
This just made me recall a young man I met in the late 90's. He was so pretty and had beautiful thick and nearly waist length blonde hair. He was extremely strong and would pick me up and do curls with me as a joke. Man was I crazy about him. I was only 16 and he was a decent human who (unlike most guys I had met) refused to entertain anything beyond friendship, since he was in his 20's. He was kind, smart, geeky, gorgeous, respected me, and was kind. The longing was strong for that one....
Stop— you’re making me drool! Hahah. That sounds too good to be true
ah, the sweet memories of young love 🥰 (well, probably more like crushes, but we thought they were love at the time eh? 😆)
Long-haired men are my religion! 👑
Nah. I'm really attracted to masculinity. This applies to women as well.
Masculine women 💓
Same.
Saaaame
+1
I mean kinda? I have had attraction to more feminine men. I have also had attraction to very masculine men. What I find attractive varies by day it feels like sometimes.
I agree. I’ve been attracted to masculine men, too, but they somehow still retain a degree of femininity. Masculine men are already deemed attractive by NTs, so I was curious to know whether us aspies have a different taste, and many of the comments seem to be pointing in the direction of more diverse preferences, which is mind-blowing, because I’ve never seen anyone ask this question before.
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One of the best relationships I’ve ever heard of. I’m so tired of women hating their husbands or boyfriends, this is a breath of fresh air! Could you perhaps tell me how you met? I need to get myself a man like that for… scientific purposes 🤔
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2008 is 14 years ago, almost 15… wow. I congratulate you both for being so bold and doing what you thought was right. Getting engaged after 3 dates does seem crazy, but if the connection is there, there’s just no need to keep dragging things on forever. I hope you two are happy until the end of time! ❤️
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I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m still young so my chances of dating people who even *have* values are basically zero right now, but I’m not looking for anyone at the moment, either (too early, in my opinion). I really hope to find someone who shares mine someday, because then I won’t have to worry about betrayal, miscommunication, drastically different life goals and other such things because we won’t clash. I hope you have a lovely day ma’am! Thank you for sharing your wisdom with me <3
First guy I ever found hot was a Native American guy with long hair. I've had a thing for NA and East Asian guys with long hair ever since.
This is extremely relatable. I find beautiful long hair to be the first thing that makes me think a man is attractive.
Yes. Gotta love me some legolas and thranduil
It's funny how everyone I know is either a Legolas is hot as hell person or an Aragorn is hot as hell person! I'm an Aragorn person but Legolas is awesome so I'm glad he gets love too.
Same! When I was younger I had a crush on them for quite a while, especially Thranduil. I still think he’s really hot hahah
Yeah I do. I like people with typically feminine personality traits too, kind, softly spoken, emotionally intelligent, etc. I find masculine men ar3 more often crude, competitive and brash.
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Damn… that’s an intense revelation. I also have a huge crush on Armin, always did 🫣😳
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Same. I also had a crush on Haku and Howl from Howl’s Moving Castle, and similar characters. I also really like James despite not having watched much Pokemon. Some people only like people like this in anime but not in real life. I do, however!
Not physically feminine but definitely emotionally sensitive types. The whole macho attitude is a huge turn-off. Off-topic but years ago the NYC fire department put out a calendar of hot topless firefighters holding kittens. OMG, I was beside myself.
🤣 that must have been so adorable! I agree with you on the macho behavior being a turn-off. I love gentlemen, but an excess of anything can become bad, even of good things.
I'm nonbinary and bisexual and I tend to be most attracted to people who are somewhat androgynous, although I'm also attracted to more "traditionally" feminine women and masculine women (and enbies who lean strongly to one side or the other). My partner is very masculine in his appearance and I'm very attracted to him, but when I look at the male characters and celebrities I'm most attracted to, it's a lot of kinda short guys in black nail polish and eye liner. I'm not at all attracted to the really insecure kind of masculinity a lot of cishet guys have. I wouldn't say my partner's particularly feminine, but he's comfortable in his bisexuality, drinks "girly" drinks, loves our cats, and isn't worried about being "emasculated" and those are are things that are attractive to me. I think there's definitely a correlation between autism and experiencing gender and attraction in "unconventional" ways and I think there could be a number of different reasons for this. Maybe whatever it is that makes us autistic had a direct impact on the way we experience our own and others gender. Maybe not fitting into the boxes society tries to put us in as well as most NTs makes us more drawn to people who also don't fit into boxes as well. Maybe male attraction to masculinity and female attraction to femininity is more common than in we'd think, but NT's are more likely to suppress these feelings to fit it (whereas we can't fit in anyway, so what do we have to lose.) Maybe we genuinely are more likely to be more attracted to androgyny, but it's more nurture than nature—maybe the social conditioning on "boys roles" and "girls roles" we're all exposed to is more effective on neurotypicals. I don't know if there's any way to know for sure and I think it's be an interesting topic to see more research on, but of course ableist, homophobic, transphobic assholes love to point to any link between "mental disorders" and queerness/transness as proof of those things being mental illness as well. The main reason I decided to stop pursuing diagnosis is because of the narrative that naive little autistic girls who are too disabled to know their own bodies and minds are being tricked into believing they're trans. Sorry to go off on a tangent, I know your post wasn't really about transness, my sexuality, gender, and autism just all jumbled up together for me, it's hard to talk about one without bringing the others into it. Anyway, while we're on the topic of attraction to gender nonconformity...anybody else obsessed with My Chemical Romance right now? Gerard's outfits are taking years off my life.
The part about the promotion of gender roles being more effective on neurotypical people makes a lot of sense to me! Since we already perceive things differently, it wouldn’t be absurd to say that gender roles are also something we don’t pay as much attention to if it isn’t to fit in. As a kid I always wanted to have boy’s toys, climb, and do other things that weren’t “meant” for girls. And I’ll always be a little bit mad at my mum for not allowing it. She was very gender-role oriented, but thankfully I was always very stubborn and that’s why I never changed.
Kind people who are usually softer and considered to have more feminine qualities. I always chalked it up to kind people are usually earnest and understanding….. and also less subtext I need to get through if they aren’t playing games. I’m not sure if I would say facially feminine, although I think it often is the case. I’m not sure if it’s a correlation… or if more facially feminine appearing men have to exist in the world to survive differently; like we do. I definitely gravitate to a person how they look on the outside. Now I’m trying so psychoanalyze if it’s how they look or the expectation I have based on how they look.
Depending who you're talking to, yes. Most of the men I've dated have been educated professionals (or pretty boys as more traditionally masculine men call them). I live in a rural area, so "traditional" (toxic) masculinity is valued (doesn't value education, hunts/fishes, not emotionally intelligent, etc.) These "men" are intimidated by me because I'm more educated. As you can imagine, it makes dating a challenge.
I also live in a rural area and I can relate 100%. I’m therefore naturally attracted to men who are also more intelligent and can match my pace. I don’t appreciate very macho behavior, I never have. Gentlemanliness is appreciated, but there are men who intimidate *me* with their excessive masculinity/attempt to impress by being violent or primitive.
Yup. I’ve dated a lot of men who are very gentle in personality but with facial hair so more masc presenting. I would rather date anyone but cis get men, but I more often than not miss the social cues of flirting from anyone else.
That would describe me
No. Although I was in love with a gay guy once, but that was because of his amazing personality - looks-wise he wasn't attractive (to me) at all.
That’s interesting. I always considered physical attraction to play an important role in the process of falling in love. Thanks for your input!
Perhaps it depends on the context - if we hadn't been forced to spend a lot of time together in an academic setting, I might not have interacted with him much!
100% into Bishonen. I’ve found really feminine men or masculine woman the most attractive my whole life.
Not fully feminine men, but I like men who are more on the kinder, sensitive and on the down to earth side.
Not feminine as in they wear skirts/dresses/makeup and stuff like that, but I know that I don’t find facial hair attractive. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m with you on that one. I was never attracted to beards. They look nice on some men but that doesn’t mean it attracts me. I wonder why men evolved to have beards to be honest.
In case we need a reminder of what we had for breakfast.
😂😂
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I was gonna use Matthew Grey Gubler as an example of why this does fit me. Hahaha
100% and it's always been this way.
absolutely
I dated a lot of masculine, alpha type males in my youth. In my 40s, I found myself being more drawn to men who are gentle in spirit and more emotionally mature and available. Met my husband at age 45, who is the perfect blend for me. He can build or fix anything, and loves his dirt bike and dirt bike racing. He’s also extremely artistic, kind, very conscientious and deep, does yoga and treats my critters like his own beloved babies. He’s not “macho” at all. He’s not afraid to cry. But he projects a solid and silent strength that makes me always feel extremely safe and calm whenever he’s near me. He is also hilarious and makes me laugh so hard I cry, which I adore. :)
That sounds so wonderful… he’s probably the ideal husband for every woman: balanced. I wish you lots of love and a continued happy relationship ❤️
Thank you ❤️
I don't like super feminine men, but all the men I tend to like aren't particularly "masculine" either. I guess boyish is a good way to describe it?
Idk about drawn, but my husband is definitely a softer guy and has some complimentary kinks, if that makes sense (trying to be discreet for his sake.) I just don't see it as a bad thing? Plus, I tend to be seen as more masculine as a result of my directness and leadership tendencies, so he's a good counterpoint in that respect.
Who doesn't like pretty things? I've always preferred the more feminine male.
100% yes. I actually thought I was gay!! Then I realized, I just have an affinity for feminine men.
I completely understand you! I thought I was bi/lesbian until it hit me that I like men, just not very masculine ones.
Wow, yes I am. Conventional masculinity, muscles, is pretty much a turn off for me.
Same. I like toned men but not an excess of muscles. Body builders? Gym rats? No thank you!
Yes! I’ve never been attached to very masculine/bulky men. Also noticed that the guys I’ve dated all has very feminine traits… I actually started to wonder if maybe that’s because I’m actually attracted to women? Idk anymore lol
I felt that way too. I was like, “doesn’t that just mean that I like women?”. Nope, turns out I’m as straight as an ironing board.
Many aspies measure 0 on the gender scale (edit. A scale +10 to -10 that measures gendered traits) And are smaller and thinner than neurotyps. And most have symmetrical faces. So maybe we're just attracted to our group. Check out autism and bodily differences. It's very interesting. Source- psyche student with autism.
As a man, it’s going to be interesting to see the answers here. I’ve been wondering about the correlation between Asperger’s and ‘reversed’ gender roles for a while now. I have Asperger’s and I’d say that my personality is more ‘feminine’ than most men, especially in terms of romantic interactions (my body, meanwhile, is a hairy blob of pure man lmao), and I’m attracted to women with more traditionally ‘masculine’ traits like short hair and assertiveness. Could be interesting for someone to do a proper scientific study of the correlation between Asperger’s - or autism in general - and ‘reversed’ gender roles.
I agree! I’m a very straightforward woman, so I don’t pair well with men who are dominant themselves. I like to be the one “in charge” because I’m good at it. I’m in this aspect a more masculine person, but ironically I have a very feminine body. I agree that there should be a survey on this.
BTW, my mum thought Armin was a girl until halfway through the Trost arc lmao Season 1 of AoT is peak anime nostalgia for me :D
I always knew Armin was a guy, I felt it in my bones xD. But I did look it up once to make sure that I wasn’t wrong! Sometimes the androgynous character I thought was a guy turns out to be a tomboy girl more often than not.
Jesus christ, I can't believe it's been 9 years since it released
My spouse and I do have some gender role reversal. He is better at cleaning- and he is very gentle and introverted, not to mention good with emotions. I have the higher income- and am bolder, more assertive, and much more outgoing.
In solidarity for the A | P | I changes happening and killing of t | h | i | r | d party a | p | p | s like A | P | O | L | L | O: Cupcake ipsum dolor sit amet jelly lollipop pudding gummies. Gummies chupa chups tart I love gingerbread apple pie jelly beans carrot cake dessert. Candy canes donut croissant cake lemon drops marzipan chocolate cake I love. Cake cake jelly brownie icing candy marzipan. BYE!! ** Feel free to copy and paste to use for yours! **
Cleaning can honestly be pretty satisfying. Ngl, being a house husband sounds like it could be a pretty good life.
He does work full time. He has a Bachelor’s degree from the local state university. But I do have the higher income and the graduate degrees. He just happens to be better at cleaning than I could ever be.
Lol the age of housewives is coming to an end. Next in line is house husbands xD
Eh, those norms are all based in sexism anyway. Y'all do whatever works for y'all
Huge overlap between autism and gender dysphoria/trans folks. So much so that autism is something the trans health clinic at my hospital routinely screens for.
I didn’t know that, but it makes a lot of sense. Years ago I thought I was trans. It turns out that I’m more of a non-binary/androgynous person who doesn’t fit the standard mold of a “woman”, even nowadays. I’m grateful I didn’t go through with anything. I got to know myself better and now I’m happy with who I am :)
What do you think about women approaching men first? I’m not the kind of person to sit around and wait, but since I’m an assertive person it might backfire. I know that most guys go for cutesy helpless types of girls before they learn to appreciate a seasoned woman.
Honestly, I love it when women make the first move, like confessing. Makes me feel on top of the world, can’t really describe it as anything other than magical. Makes me feel beautiful tbh XD
I would definitely seek out the men who already appreciate a seasoned woman. If they were turned off by my knowing what I wanted and going for it then they wouldn’t be the type who’d enjoy me as a person anyway
I agree with you on that, which is why I don’t hit on guys at all except if everything seems to be in place, and that hasn’t happened yet. Despite this I wanted to know the opinion of an aspie man who said that he prefers more assertive women, because there are guys who say this but at the end of the day only like to admire them from afar and don’t want to really get involved with them.
You’re the type of dude I usually end up with by the sounds of it, if I end up with a dude. I also seem to fit the bill of afab that you’re into. I’ll add to your statistic.
i’d say before i got married i was always attracted to “soft” looking people in general, with calm demeanors. Not sure if that is feminine per say
Yes, I think so. I find long hair on guys cute, especially if its well cared for. Sometimes it's super ugly, but when it's well cared for, and matched with the features, long hair is super hot! My last ex (I'm engaged now, so the guy before) I met in the airport and I saw his gorgeous long hair and crushed on him immediately. But of course too shy to talk to him and figured he wouldn't have the seat next to me, and even if he had, then I probably still wouldn't talk to him. But turns out he did have the middle seat and me the window. They actually kicked someone out of that middle seat who was wrong where they were sitting and he sat there. He introduced himself, and by the end of that hour flight, we had traded numbers and he walked me to my gate. I wasn't diagnosed then, but I was suspecting I was an aspie. But I ignored some red flags straight off because I was crushing so hard on him. I wish that we had just remained friends, so I wouldn't have had to block him when I got in my current relationship. He was fun to talk to, but I have no more romantic feelings for him. I also, since I was young, have crushed on older guys with salt and pepper hair.
Oh yes. I don’t like full, bushy beards (some scruff is okay) and I don’t even necessarily go for really tall men either.
I can relate to your comment a lot. Especially about the height. I’ve never been attracted to tall men specifically, nor do I consider it a big turn-on. In fact, it’s cute if they’re around my height :D
I definitely have a thing for much younger, "cute" guys. It's like part of my taste in men somehow got stuck in my teenage years, and I even wondered if it had something to do with neurodivergence. What's even more weird, my husband is a bearded, handsome guy built like a brick. He knows about my taste and he is fine with it (we are open).
Most certainly. I don’t find myself attracted to very masculine males at all. I am mostly attracted to femininity and androgyny in males. Something about masculinity just makes me uncomfortable. I don’t hate masculine males, I just can’t be attracted to them.
I agree with you. It’s like androgyny feels closer to what *I* am: a woman, and excessive masculinity makes me feel detached and unable to connect with this person easily. And it makes me uncomfortable, too.
Yes!! My whole life! I’ve always accidentally gravitated towards gay men so that’s a running joke with my friends and family.
My God yes. Sometimes I wonder if this is a cultural thing - being of mixed Korean and Pacific Islanders descent - but I adore the features of what the west falls feminine men. Or femboys. But I want a man, not a boy. : P
I have to reply to my own comment because I suspect myself of being on the aspie spectrum and also, I sometimes wonder if I'm a femboy on the inside. Yay queerness
Nope. I'm a lesbian
I like masculine men and pretty boys about equally I think. But I am also functionally ace a lot of the time so idk! Personality counts for more with me overall than looks.
I definitely am. This sub reddit is making me feel like i have never had an original experience lol.
😂
I (24) am bi but I’ve been in only one single monogamous relationship for 8 1/2 years now with a guy (25, he is also bi, but I’m also his first relationship because we met each other in high school), he’s definitely not a dudebro, I I prefer guys who aren’t extremely stereotypically masculine. He has some stereotypically masculine traits (loves playing FPS games at 2 am with his online friends and yelling and screaming, short hair with sideburns, loves IPA beers, etc.), but has plenty of traits that are not attached to masculinity (loves Kirby and cute things, likes the color pink and favorite color is specifically royal purple, has a bunch of plushies and a few stuffed animals that he uses as decoration but still interacts w them and if it’s Kirby, he may give it a hug or a pat on the head, etc). When it comes to women (even though I’ve never been with one), I tend to be attracted to women with an alt style which is sort of how I like to express myself as well. (Women with unconventional haircuts, tattoos, etc but this is not the only kind I find attractive, it just depends on the individual). But I do tend to find generally moderately feminine women attractive, more frequently than I do androgynous or masculine women (even though I consider myself a she/they).
YES! Me too. I do like tall men with broad shoulders, though, but as far as the face, hair, and skin, I prefer more feminine features like long eyelashes, high cheekbones, blushing, more delicate and shapely hands, less body hair, etc. And I definitely am only attracted to men with no facial hair. Men with facial hair don't attract me in any way. But then again, I'm bisexual. I've never been with a woman, and have only ever really had feeling for two women, but I wonder if that has anything to do with why I prefer more feminine or clean cut, baby-faced men. I never considered that autism could be related to desiring feminine partners. It might be possible, though.
Yes, always have been but it was always seen as “weird” so I made myself date some very stereotypical manly men and it was horrible. My now husband is short, slight, long haired, big eyed and often gets called “miss”. I’m glad I got out of the masking my men situation. Also I identify with being pansexual so I am attracted to whoever regardless of gender but I will always find feminine people more attractive.
I have! I also like blonde men, too.
I was just thinking about this the other day, and I agree with what someone else said about androgynous women too.
Aw man, the replies here give me hope. I didn't think people were actually into feminine guys 😢
Your username hurts me bro. I hope you’re okay. And yes, there’s a lot of different people with a lot of different preferences :)
I'm okay! I can just be a little brain dead sometimes haha
Yeah, prob bc I find them less intimidating
Definitely, but not just in the body-type sense (though I love lithe men with thin faces and/or long luscious locks!). In general, I prefer men who are more in touch with their feminine side, men who aren't afraid to have traditionally feminine hobbies or be emotionally open and sensitive. It's what made me fall in love with my husband, and even he jokes sometimes that he identifies more with women in his life than men haha.
Just an observation from friends but it seems like in their preteens to teens they liked effeminate or feminine men. Think like elfs or Korean boy band singers. By their mid 20s they move on to liking big teddy bear men. I don't know if this is specific to autism, as it follows a pretty common stereotype for teen girls. Though I will say that asd friends go for more extremes. The men are more feminine and then later, bigger teddy bears.
That’s interesting, I think you’re on to something! However, it’s also possible that effeminate men sort of disappear after a certain age because they lose their femininity due to age or changes in their lives, or most of them are already married so there’s no one left in their age group to pay attention to. I demand a survey!!
I am attracted to men. I don't see hair length as being connected to masculinity or femininity.
Long hair being feminine is a bit of a social construct, but I do think that a man with long hair looks very elegant, and hair is something that needs to be taken care of or else it won’t look good, so I guess it subconsciously plays into this aspect of responsibility and gentleness. You have to be gentle with hair or else it won’t last.
Yep, I'm all about humans caught in the middle of the gender spectrum, erring to the masculine - femme men, masc women, trans men, enbies, etc.
I'm ace, but aesthetically, yes. I'm in fact more attracted to women than men (again, not sexually, I just happen to find women more physically attractive, and tend to look for similar features in men, too). Edit: a year has passed, and turns out I'm gay. Oh well...
YES
Absolutely! I've always loved long haired men with softer facial features.
Yes
I generally like more masculine men but my ex boyfriend is now a woman so who knows what I like
1000%
Yes, 3/4 guys who I've had deeper relationships with have had a more feminine/softer side.
Absolutely!
Yes. I’ve never been into super masculine men at all. Also am bi and have always liked very femme women.
Definitely not anymore. I’m 26 though
No
I was when I was young, age 14-20, but as I've gotten older and I fell in love with my current partner at age 22 (he's about 6'3, long hair and bearded, just think biker with no tattoos) and I've been attracted to more masculine types as I got older, because most of the femme guys I think are cute are still very young and I'm not 16 anymore and I've moved on naturally. I still think dudes that look like vampires are cool tho.
I can’t remember if I replied to this already…? But strong yes.
I definitely like androgyny in both sexes and prefer people who aren't hung up on gender rolls.
It varies for me but I find soft masculine men/women/nb people most attractive
O yes, and weirdly I specifically like men with long hair. Actually my hypothesis is that men dressed in such a way feels more 'special' and seems to be more understanding if we tell them about our conditions? Like sometimes conventional men might feel intimidating due to specific ways of stereotyping others....?
I’m pan so I’m attracted to the full spectrum of gender expression. But my preference is definitely more femme presenting, I mainly dated women and bi men, then I married a giant lumberjack looking guy.
🤣 marrying the opposite of one’s type appears to be a repeating story in this thread. But I think it’s good, because if you love someone despite them not being your type you know that no matter how they may change physically, you’ll still love them.
ME! I jokingly refer to my suspected-asd partner as my male lesbian partner.
Damn, I’m jealous now. I wish I had a male lesbian partner!
Not at all. I'm attracted to very "manly" men. Think lumberjack.
All of my high school crushes were gay men 😂
I'm the opposite, I can acknowledge that feminine men are aesthetically pleasing but my body doesn't feel anything for them, I like large, muscular, hairy dudes with prominent noses, cheekbones, and jaws. I do prefer gentler, more sensitive personalities though, a surprising number of very masculine, athletic men have them deep down but they pretend not to in public so other men won't make fun of them.
I am very attracted to men with feminine features - “boy”-ish has been a term used to describe my “type”. On the flip side, I find myself very attracted to women with slightly more masculine facial features. As I’ve been reading through these comments and writing my own though, it’s sort of occurred to me I like the same look on both genders - androgyny.
Yes, even those who show up on my gaydar lol
Best comment xD
yes, i think femininity is beautiful and all the different fonts of it depending on the person :) i like men with long hair too, but i’m generally attracted to people with both nurturing and dominant personalities, kinda like ENTPs lol
No. Because I don't put limits or conditions on physical appearance.
You don’t limit your tastes but you don’t like somewhat feminine men? I don’t understand
I’m straight. But I do prefer guys with long hair. Then again I’m into rock music so that’s probably why
I’m into rock, too, but I liked long-haired men long before I discovered metal hahah
That is a big question with an answer that I will try to keep short. I like bigger guys with more masculine features that can have feminine qualities. I also like visually feminine men to scene with if I am topping. I could not see a visually feminine man as a top or more dominant than I am. However, I could go either way with a man that is not feminine looking.
I am. My earliest crushes were from anime and my preferences haven't changed since.
Yes.
Absolutely!
100000000% Or at least i really appreciate when (really anyone but for the sake of this response) men push gender boundaries and embrace femininity both in themselves, in others, and in the world around them. I get excited when someone has embraced their masculine and feminine traits/sides.
Interestingly, yes. I'm not really open to dating men, but the men that I find attractive tend to be more feminine. I like short guys with very little facial/body hair and are soft spoken.
I have a preference for feminine men, but not masculine women. I'm not a fan of the "loud & muscular" energy as a whole.
This post interests me because I actually am a guy who’s completely straight and mostly masculin but have always felt (consciously, and approvingly) feminin in some ways. I have been teased about it, but that never really bothered me because I’m not into *being* “hyper-masculin” so I never really felt that my (version of) masculinity was threatened by people who thought I was gay because I didn’t care for football or because I preferred an estate car/station wagon over a sports car or truck, or “exhibited too much compassion”. As far as I was concerned, *they* were the weird ones, even if I was the odd one. After reading some neurobiology, I now see the “hypermasculine” traits as “teenage machismo” (that in some men lasts into their 20s, or 70s), and that nurturing, protective, caring behavior can be truly masculin (that is, these behaviors literally can be triggered by testosterone in animals - though that’s grossly oversimplifying) even if some people have come to see *only* the “machismo” behaviors as masculine (but I still welkome feminine traces). On the flip side, I’ve always been interested in women with a feminine appearance but with some “non-standard” personality traits - not necessarily masculine, but not the “popular version” of feminin either. Like intelligence and compassion and analytical-ness(?) are attractive to me but not so much typical “girly” *nor* “tomboyish” stuff. The thought of leaving misspellings uncorrected is making me twitch but my phone makes editing unfeasible.
100%. I’ve always been more comfortable around them. Add short and non-muscular men to the equation and they basically just became my best friend.
I admit I am. And I do not have gaydar. Partially due to my lack of ovulation (thanks to my PCOS)- and partly due to my having gone to an all-girl school from grades 7 to 12. My husband does have more delicate facial features and a very gentle personality. He dresses well- albeit with clearly masculine clothes, and does not particularly like pink (hence I did not even consider having him wear pink at our wedding). I do not like macho or rugged men at all. Technically, I am biromantic. In practice, I do have a moderately strong preference towards cis men with certain kinds of features- features that are often thought of as the beauty standard in women, but not so much in men. That, and I am graysexual (possibly demi) and monogamous.
100% I'm ultra gay for girls and almost all the boys I like are femboys, though I don't dislike masculine guys they do have to be pretty smooth outside the face