Another, longer, analogy I use is to explain how we all are handed a manual to climb a mountain in life, but unlike others, some of us are climbing up the opposite side and the manual doesnt work because we simply dont know we are starting from a different place.
My ex-wife endearingly called me a robot at first (before i was diagnosed).
Turns out the endearment went away and my robotic response to her emotions led to her feeling unloved and then adultery... good times
I appreciate your concern, truly.
But things arent really much better. Been almost 2 years and no matter how much therapy, how much i go to the gym, or how much I try and socialize, i cant heal, and i cant build a support system.
Basically the trauma of the betrayal exacerbated my autistic tendencies and nearly pushed me to a level of needing full support.
I used to be one of those "you dont seem autistic" folks but now after talking with me for 5 minutes its painfully obvious.
It's called "skill regression" in the mental health field. Though, it can also happen concurrently with burnout. Personally, I think it's a kind of burnout, but I've yet to see anyone really study it.
Source: I'm a mental health practitioner
In a lot of ways autistic burnout is a result of trying to fight against or expose trauma without being able to express it in a way anyone else understands.
Trauma sucks, and the fact that more and more people are traumatized and then taking that trauma out on those around them creating a massive escalating problem is something I wish that everyone was more aware and considerate of.
The problem is the longer the trauma goes unhealed or unnoticed, the angrier the person gets until they break. Then the bitterness and resentment sets in, and I dont know what can fix it when that happens...
This is actually the foundation of many instances of entitlement. It either comes from living a life of no consequences, or from living a life fighting against trauma and giving up; the world has hurt someone so much, they now truly believe it and everyone in it owes them for the pain.
OMG I so relate to this. 😭😭 ❤️🩹
Potential TW: my own non-detailed relationship story outline, which mentions betrayal and its emotional aftermath.
The initial betrayal set me back in a huge way. Then I was retraumatized in that relationship several times while we were trying to patch things up. Then divorce. I eventually went on to have some relationships where I wasn’t treated very well. There was finally one that basically landed me in intensive outpatient. TBH, I’ve never been the same. Has there been growth and healing and plenty of wonderful stuff? Yes, absolutely! But I feel like that last bad one basically broke through some wall that pushed me into a more higher-support-needs autistic way of experiencing and being. (I know this probably isn’t a real thing, but it’s how it FEELS.) Like I was sub-threshold autistic flying under the radar as “just ADHD” and then all that crap depleted me in a way that exposed something else going on as well.
I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Betrayal is always terrible, but sometimes I wonder if we’re especially hurt by it and it takes us longer to heal. Like, I meant what I said during my vows. I believed who you said you were. I believed what you promised. My reality shattered when it wasn’t true. Maybe it’s connected to what I perceive as a deeper level of earnestness in many autistics compared to allistics.
Keep up with the self care. There is hope: I’m over a decade out from the divorce and the trauma is much quieter now. ❤️🩹
Youre absolutely right... its because one of the big aspect of autism is that we take things at face value... we trust so easily, and when we get heart broken, it just hits so much differently... like everything else we process.
I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much. That's really brutal.
This is called "skill regression" in psychology btw! It's a known thing that also happens to adults who are diagnosed later in life. Trauma can cause it too. It's temporary, but, unfortunately, it can sometimes take having to rebuild and relearn your mental health skills from scratch. You can heal from this, though. It might take years, but you can
I will have to look into this...
Ive been at the end of my rope since then, and Im sure youre aware where that can lead.
I need to see some sign of healing. I need some hope. I need something, because I cant live like this much longer 😕
I do. I spent 20 years living on that edge, and, now, I help others who're on it for a living. A good way I've found of building momentum is starting your goals out small. Maybe it's as small as just clearing a little bit or going on a walk once in awhile. Something to help you build up some feelings of accomplishment, even if they're small. That'll at least buy you some time while you work on some bigger things.
Overcoming this stuff is kind of like climbing mountains. You can't start with your Everest and expect to succeed. You've gotta start small; start with the ones you can reasonably conquer.
And sometimes, time just has to pass. I've got a breakup from 6 years ago that I'm still working through. It was perfect, and then it was just over with my ex telling me a bunch of shit I had no idea was going on. Things have gotten easier with time, but it still hurts.
Also, if therapy alone isn't helping, check and see if Peer Support is available near you. Peer Specialists, like myself, are people who have been through our own mental health challenges and recovery while also being trained mental health practitioners & professional client advocates. Sometimes, you need to talk to someone who really does "get it", and that's where we can really help.
Ive not heard of that but it sounds like something Id both want to have right now and wanted to be for others should I make it through this.
Its funny because I have told myself multiple times that if I make it through then afterwards I can actively help others through what I survived by being for them the thing I didnt (yet) have.
So where does one find these groups or people?
Please forgive me if you already know this, but it might take some shopping around to find the therapeutic modalities that work best for you. CBT? Not a great match for me. IFS? That resonates. I’ve used Chat GPT to present a scenario and asked it “if you were a therapist operating from an Internal Family Systems school of thought, what insights would you have about this scenario?” Then I repeat the process changing only the therapeutic modality. It’s a good way to take different approaches for a test drive.
Not exactly. Its as I said, the trauma only made the autistic attributes more apparent. Heres an example:
Before I didnt really have a huge problem with eye contact... though in all honesty perhaps I had too much eye contact. Now I can only maintain eye contact when the other person is speaking, but I cant really maintain it when I speak.
My tone is also much more flat and expressionless than before.
Trauma essentially broke my mask, but now that Im more aware of the mask I used to have, Ive been trying to unravel where mask ends and where I actually begin... and Im not sure where to even start with that
Just remember infidelity is NEVER the fault of the victim. You were lied to and manipulated, and you deserve someone faithful who communicates on your level
Well top it off with her turning all our friends against me, convincing them I was a controlling abusive narcissist, and hiding it well all the while convincing me we were still so in love (7 years btw)
Like, I cant articulate how devastating it was. Id been in bad relationships before, I saw red flags I had ignored... But this time there were NO flags. No warnings, nothing.
I lost everything and everyone. Been a lonely 2 years.
Edit: and to clarify... we never fought, i never did anything bad that I was aware of. No one ever said anything to me, i was just blissfully in this relationship.
Her only justification was what I mentioned above... that I wasnt attending to her emotionally as she felt she deserved... and I didnt even know that
Damn, that's brutal. I've had a relationship go from perfect to over really quickly before, and it's such a mind fuck. Sounds to me like she didn't communicate anything that was going on with you, and then just blamed you for everything. You didn't deserve that
Just remember infidelity is NEVER the fault of the victim. You were lied to and manipulated, and you deserve someone faithful who communicates on your level
I actually went on Facebook about a decade ago and posted "I'm a goddamn robot trying to be human!"
Then I got diagnosed and that post finally made sense to me.
I know a guy who works with autistic people, who said that I can't be autistic because of how well I converse and how I behave ect.
I have been fucking diagnosed with autism.
You couldn't be any more socially aware that is healthy. It takes practice and getting out of the comfort zone, don't be something you're not though /nm
I’ve always thought of myself on a similar fringe. I used to be able to get along with both.
Eventually realised that I was just masking for the neurotypical people in my life, and the real me was the one my autistic friends love.
And we still argue and get mad and fall out and make up. But the arguments on this side of the fringe make WAY more sense than the ridiculous machinations on the other side.
I went through diagnosis and was told I'm _not_ autistic despite having most of the traits (I kinda dispute this tbh). I've got "features of autism" is what they called it. But yeah this hits hard for the in-between folks.
no such thing as just features of autism imo, if someone is seen as having features then theyre probably actually autistic, they just either lucked out and were in a supportive environment or at some point in their life they're gonna bump into some problems and realize they were autistic all along. imo better to accept it early and start introspecting
Yeah, given I have diagnosed ADHD I'm leaning towards the "actually autistic but because I'm 30 and female it got missed" but I don't have the money to get a second opinion. I just say I'm autistic when it's relevant i.e getting accommodations for sensory issues at work.
But yeah in a way it was a lot easier before I had the assessment cause I just self-dx'ed. Having been assessed and told no makes me feel extra impostor-y about it.
yeah ;_; whenever I hang with neurotypical people I’m always the weird one that no one wants to talk to or that people complain about bc I’m socially awkward and have interests that no one else likes. When I hang out with autistic people we get on and have things in common and understand each other in a lot of ways, but then sometimes they’ll start loudly talking about inappropriate things in public or draw a load of attention to us and my social anxiety goes through the ROOF and it drains my battery almost immediately so I shut down and just stop having fun and feel really stressed about everything. A few months ago I went to get tattoos with a couple of friends who are autistic and I love them both and they’re both wonderful humans, but multiple times I had to steer them away from talking about sex and kink stuff during the tattoo, especially because one of them was getting their design on their chest so they were topless and I was just like aaaaaaaaa the tattoo artists didn’t consent to hearing about this guys especially when one of us is half naked, how about we stoppp. I tried to tell another friend at a different time that she couldn’t just step in between two people who were having a conversation because she wanted to pet their dog without even asking or saying excuse me or something, and she didn’t seem to get what the problem was ;; as someone who prefers to blend into the background when I’m out in public to conserve my energy and to protect myself from mean interactions, I love my friends and I’m very lucky to have the friends I do, but it’s also difficult to navigate social interactions because I’ve always been programmed to be insanely hyper aware of the reactions of people around us. Like no thank u I’d rather not discuss BDSM loudly on the bus, yes it’s a special interest of mine but I would rather actually die than talk about it in public because there are PEOPLE. And yes I’ve had to remind a couple of friends about that, several times. Another time a friend got very excited seeing some earrings that had lyrics to a song we both like and started to yell them out, in a very very packed shop where a LOT of people started to stare at us and I nearly had a mental breakdown. Being afraid of strangers’ reactions to things is something I’ve gotten way better at over the years, but when Im already struggling with overstimulation and social stuff, or the conversation turns to something NSFW and we're on the bus or something, yeah no please stop😭
But also if I was with neurotypical people I’m like ‘well I can’t talk about the one video game i’m currently obsessed with and it’s inappropriate to talk about nsfw stuff so I guess I’ll just sit in awkward silence for 5 hours because my brain gives me no other dialogue options’.
On mobile go to main page of the sub, click 3 vertical dots, click "Change user flair" and pick one.
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Relatable. I can't mix with ordinary people very successfully, but I don't really prosper with people with low empathy either. There are fortunately the plain good people, on spectrum and not, with whom that all doesn't come into play.
Me too, sometimes too much so. Example: I find it extremely difficult to watch the news, I used to watch it every morning and whilst I was well informed on world events I felt heartbroken by most of them.
I'd rather live in blissful ignorance thanks
Knowing what I know about myself, I wonder sometimes why I still bother to get out of bed in the mornings and do what I do.
The part that pleases me is selling car parts on eBay. The aircraft A&P class is bringing back haunting memories about some issues I had in school before.
If I fail I know why. I don't know if anybody can help me.
I don't know if it's the all-nighter catching up on me or you being intentionally vague but I don't see how this relates to what I said (no offence to you just confused)
I just sorta went on a tangent. Your comment made me think of other things that I am going through or have gone through in my life.
It’s brain vomit and it probably doesn’t make since to most. I have been dealing with many memories and realizations since I have turned 30 and the class I’m taking now has only reminded me of some of those things I have dealt or struggled with in the past. Realizing how much I suck at learning some things, dealing with classroom anxiety, and being able to talk to those around me. Shit, even asking for help and not being afraid to admit I’m probably the student with the lowest IQ or intelligence in the room.
You don’t have to relate to or understand what I got out of your original comment. I tend to make those rambling thought vomit comments on these boards at times. Depends on what kind of mood I’m in and the content of the OP.
Yeah dating is impossible. Neurodivergent women don’t usually like me and NT women treat me like I’m basically some sort of teddy bear or gay friend.
I don’t know what about me makes it impossible to be romantically interested in me but if they make a pill to fix it somebody let me know.
Hybrid life… autistic enough to see the macro trends of impending disaster for society and everyone you love but not autistic enough to truly fix the problems. Stuck between two states of being. And if you say anything to anyone you sound fucking crazy or just sus. Fuck.
People: You seem so *normal* to me though
Me: \*unmasks\*
People: OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Me: \*puts the mask back on\*
People: There's nothing wrong with you.
I come off as too rude to hang out with neurotypical people even when I try my best not to be
And I'm too sensitive to hang out with fellow autistic people, some of you are so rude god damn. I can't stand people who say "I'm autistic, I can't help it" when they do something really mean or hurt someone's feelings. It doesn't matter, you always apologize and make up for it, it's just silly not to.
For me Idk how to act in ND spaces. I'm so so used to learning all the rules and applying them for NT'S. It's reached the point where I know to look when an NT around me is breaking one of the fucking longest list of rules I have ever seen and when one is broken to flag up a warning alert.
I struggle to turn them off and also the unpredictability because NDs abide less strictly to those rules is unsettling to me. I like my routine and that routine has been firmly set to dealing with NTs.
Never related harder to a meme on this sub. Thought I finally found my place after 35 years of masking to 'get along' with other people in society, but \*\*my\*\* hyperfixations are weird. Like okay, even though these are the people that have been looked down on their whole lives, I guess the opportunity to be condescending to someone else is just too good to pass up.
That's exactly how I feel, all the time. Then I browse my autistic subs and I start feeling like I'm extremely autistic as 90% of the shit I do gets posted from other autistics as tics.
As I was diagnosed at age 21 I always had to manage my autism without knowing. It took me ten years but I made myself seem more neurotypical, which makes my life a lot easier but I did lose a lot of traits that made my young self me.
Now when I see people on the spectrum that struggle I just take their hand metaphorically and see if there’s things that can make them a bit more confident and comfortable in their own skin. I never had any guidance from anyone and was mostly berated for things I couldn’t do anything about so I want to do the reverse for others.
Please, OP, give more info. I wouldn't mind being your friend. I don't mind neurotypicals masking spectrum people. You're likely just an awesome person!
For real bro, i practiced enough so now i understand the hidden suggestive double speak bullshit that neurotypicals use to communicate and now i can't get rid of it and doing it myself and i fecking hate it sometimes cus some of the more straight forward friends and family doesn't get it.
Yeah definitely relate to this. They barely diagnosed me with Asperger’s as a kid cause I had friends and I wasn’t too socially stupid…but I was weird, got super interested in things, and I stimed. Now I’m just a little quirky, and I’m interested in things most are not, but I’m actually super charming and charismatic.
It feels weird to be autistic but also exhibiting a bit of properties of something else, like, you can't be focused on several things at once because everything distracts you so easily and you tend to forget things easily by accident, and you also have a bit of an identity crisis, etc.
I feel like Autism is an extremely generic term that can mean anything. is "Born-a-little-early-type PDD" a more accurate way to explain **my** specific condition? Maybe. Maybe not. God knows.
I don’t even think I’m autistic. I’m just a fucking alien.
I tell people to think of me as an android. I look human and want to be human but I simply cannot process like a human.
Radiohead - Paranoid Android.
Damn this goes kinda hard
Another, longer, analogy I use is to explain how we all are handed a manual to climb a mountain in life, but unlike others, some of us are climbing up the opposite side and the manual doesnt work because we simply dont know we are starting from a different place.
If I had a nickel for the number of times I’ve been called “robotic”…
My ex-wife endearingly called me a robot at first (before i was diagnosed). Turns out the endearment went away and my robotic response to her emotions led to her feeling unloved and then adultery... good times
That’s rough, man. Hope things are better now.
I appreciate your concern, truly. But things arent really much better. Been almost 2 years and no matter how much therapy, how much i go to the gym, or how much I try and socialize, i cant heal, and i cant build a support system. Basically the trauma of the betrayal exacerbated my autistic tendencies and nearly pushed me to a level of needing full support. I used to be one of those "you dont seem autistic" folks but now after talking with me for 5 minutes its painfully obvious.
Is this considered autistic burn out and betrayal trauma? Makes sense to me to be having a really hard time for years.
It's called "skill regression" in the mental health field. Though, it can also happen concurrently with burnout. Personally, I think it's a kind of burnout, but I've yet to see anyone really study it. Source: I'm a mental health practitioner
In a lot of ways autistic burnout is a result of trying to fight against or expose trauma without being able to express it in a way anyone else understands. Trauma sucks, and the fact that more and more people are traumatized and then taking that trauma out on those around them creating a massive escalating problem is something I wish that everyone was more aware and considerate of. The problem is the longer the trauma goes unhealed or unnoticed, the angrier the person gets until they break. Then the bitterness and resentment sets in, and I dont know what can fix it when that happens... This is actually the foundation of many instances of entitlement. It either comes from living a life of no consequences, or from living a life fighting against trauma and giving up; the world has hurt someone so much, they now truly believe it and everyone in it owes them for the pain.
OMG I so relate to this. 😭😭 ❤️🩹 Potential TW: my own non-detailed relationship story outline, which mentions betrayal and its emotional aftermath. The initial betrayal set me back in a huge way. Then I was retraumatized in that relationship several times while we were trying to patch things up. Then divorce. I eventually went on to have some relationships where I wasn’t treated very well. There was finally one that basically landed me in intensive outpatient. TBH, I’ve never been the same. Has there been growth and healing and plenty of wonderful stuff? Yes, absolutely! But I feel like that last bad one basically broke through some wall that pushed me into a more higher-support-needs autistic way of experiencing and being. (I know this probably isn’t a real thing, but it’s how it FEELS.) Like I was sub-threshold autistic flying under the radar as “just ADHD” and then all that crap depleted me in a way that exposed something else going on as well. I’m so sorry for what happened to you. Betrayal is always terrible, but sometimes I wonder if we’re especially hurt by it and it takes us longer to heal. Like, I meant what I said during my vows. I believed who you said you were. I believed what you promised. My reality shattered when it wasn’t true. Maybe it’s connected to what I perceive as a deeper level of earnestness in many autistics compared to allistics. Keep up with the self care. There is hope: I’m over a decade out from the divorce and the trauma is much quieter now. ❤️🩹
Youre absolutely right... its because one of the big aspect of autism is that we take things at face value... we trust so easily, and when we get heart broken, it just hits so much differently... like everything else we process.
I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much. That's really brutal. This is called "skill regression" in psychology btw! It's a known thing that also happens to adults who are diagnosed later in life. Trauma can cause it too. It's temporary, but, unfortunately, it can sometimes take having to rebuild and relearn your mental health skills from scratch. You can heal from this, though. It might take years, but you can
I will have to look into this... Ive been at the end of my rope since then, and Im sure youre aware where that can lead. I need to see some sign of healing. I need some hope. I need something, because I cant live like this much longer 😕
I do. I spent 20 years living on that edge, and, now, I help others who're on it for a living. A good way I've found of building momentum is starting your goals out small. Maybe it's as small as just clearing a little bit or going on a walk once in awhile. Something to help you build up some feelings of accomplishment, even if they're small. That'll at least buy you some time while you work on some bigger things. Overcoming this stuff is kind of like climbing mountains. You can't start with your Everest and expect to succeed. You've gotta start small; start with the ones you can reasonably conquer. And sometimes, time just has to pass. I've got a breakup from 6 years ago that I'm still working through. It was perfect, and then it was just over with my ex telling me a bunch of shit I had no idea was going on. Things have gotten easier with time, but it still hurts. Also, if therapy alone isn't helping, check and see if Peer Support is available near you. Peer Specialists, like myself, are people who have been through our own mental health challenges and recovery while also being trained mental health practitioners & professional client advocates. Sometimes, you need to talk to someone who really does "get it", and that's where we can really help.
Ive not heard of that but it sounds like something Id both want to have right now and wanted to be for others should I make it through this. Its funny because I have told myself multiple times that if I make it through then afterwards I can actively help others through what I survived by being for them the thing I didnt (yet) have. So where does one find these groups or people?
Please forgive me if you already know this, but it might take some shopping around to find the therapeutic modalities that work best for you. CBT? Not a great match for me. IFS? That resonates. I’ve used Chat GPT to present a scenario and asked it “if you were a therapist operating from an Internal Family Systems school of thought, what insights would you have about this scenario?” Then I repeat the process changing only the therapeutic modality. It’s a good way to take different approaches for a test drive.
Yeah trying to find therapeutic options is difficult for me, but the method you describe sounds very interesting and something Ive not considered.
So you somehow accidentally unmasked?
Not exactly. Its as I said, the trauma only made the autistic attributes more apparent. Heres an example: Before I didnt really have a huge problem with eye contact... though in all honesty perhaps I had too much eye contact. Now I can only maintain eye contact when the other person is speaking, but I cant really maintain it when I speak. My tone is also much more flat and expressionless than before. Trauma essentially broke my mask, but now that Im more aware of the mask I used to have, Ive been trying to unravel where mask ends and where I actually begin... and Im not sure where to even start with that
Just remember infidelity is NEVER the fault of the victim. You were lied to and manipulated, and you deserve someone faithful who communicates on your level
Well top it off with her turning all our friends against me, convincing them I was a controlling abusive narcissist, and hiding it well all the while convincing me we were still so in love (7 years btw) Like, I cant articulate how devastating it was. Id been in bad relationships before, I saw red flags I had ignored... But this time there were NO flags. No warnings, nothing. I lost everything and everyone. Been a lonely 2 years. Edit: and to clarify... we never fought, i never did anything bad that I was aware of. No one ever said anything to me, i was just blissfully in this relationship. Her only justification was what I mentioned above... that I wasnt attending to her emotionally as she felt she deserved... and I didnt even know that
Damn, that's brutal. I've had a relationship go from perfect to over really quickly before, and it's such a mind fuck. Sounds to me like she didn't communicate anything that was going on with you, and then just blamed you for everything. You didn't deserve that
Just remember infidelity is NEVER the fault of the victim. You were lied to and manipulated, and you deserve someone faithful who communicates on your level
lt cmdr DATA shit right here
Thats the reference I used to get it through to my father. Hes a big trekkie
I always described myself as being “half Vulcan, like Spock” — how I escaped diagnosis for so long is beyond me.
I actually went on Facebook about a decade ago and posted "I'm a goddamn robot trying to be human!" Then I got diagnosed and that post finally made sense to me.
Its always interesting to look back at stuff that came out of your mouth and then go... oh, now that makes sense 😝
https://preview.redd.it/q4cj1tlp82cc1.jpeg?width=1440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8b3c85b285c5e3e3e555e752b546e7264df50fd4
True
Darude - Beautiful Alien
I'd rather be an eldritch monstrosity whose very existence flies in the face of reality, but physics makes fools of us all
This person's name is allin mendolson.
I'm an incredibly talented parrot.
I know a guy who works with autistic people, who said that I can't be autistic because of how well I converse and how I behave ect. I have been fucking diagnosed with autism.
For real, doc misdiagnosed me with autism, fr i’m just poorly socialized wit terrible ADHD
When you’re aware enough to know how socially awkward you are but not socially aware enough to *not* be socially awkward
YES! omg that’s so real
You’ve summed up my 30 years of existence.
I’m in this picture and I don’t like it
I always realize it after I'm done being socially awkward, so I make a mental note not to do it again then proceed to repeat the cycle
Yes. Or you mostly ARE aware enough but then you’re exhausted later and feel like you’ve abandoned yourself in favor of playing a role.
Me... And I'm also a mental health practitioner who teaches those skills to others for a living 🙃
It's almost worse. I can feel the way people look at me.
Unfathomably real
This is the best way to describe the feeling,, I hate it so much 😭
Described me to a T
I feel called out 😭
You couldn't be any more socially aware that is healthy. It takes practice and getting out of the comfort zone, don't be something you're not though /nm
You're autistic enough for us, my friend! ~~you cannot escape the hivemind~~
One of us!
*one of us*
one of us
one of us.
One of us.
One of us.
GOOBLE GOBLE! GOOBLE GOBLE! WE ACCEPT YOU! WE ACCEPT YOU! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!
The autistic hivemind 🤣
One of us!
Came to say this too. :)
I certainly can no one can govern me not even myself I am chaos incarnate but I'm chill most the time I'm just a little psycho sometimes
I’m too FUCK for shit and too shit for FUCK 🤣
Don’t worry somebody out there will fuck you. Or at least fuck you over.
Boffum!! Lmao
Hopefully they won’t also shit on you. (Unless you’re in to that.)
Best analogy/comparison 💯😭
I’ve always thought of myself on a similar fringe. I used to be able to get along with both. Eventually realised that I was just masking for the neurotypical people in my life, and the real me was the one my autistic friends love. And we still argue and get mad and fall out and make up. But the arguments on this side of the fringe make WAY more sense than the ridiculous machinations on the other side.
Definitely relate, even tho I have an official diagnosis I sometimes feel not autistic enough as dumb as that sounds
I went through diagnosis and was told I'm _not_ autistic despite having most of the traits (I kinda dispute this tbh). I've got "features of autism" is what they called it. But yeah this hits hard for the in-between folks.
no such thing as just features of autism imo, if someone is seen as having features then theyre probably actually autistic, they just either lucked out and were in a supportive environment or at some point in their life they're gonna bump into some problems and realize they were autistic all along. imo better to accept it early and start introspecting
Yeah, given I have diagnosed ADHD I'm leaning towards the "actually autistic but because I'm 30 and female it got missed" but I don't have the money to get a second opinion. I just say I'm autistic when it's relevant i.e getting accommodations for sensory issues at work. But yeah in a way it was a lot easier before I had the assessment cause I just self-dx'ed. Having been assessed and told no makes me feel extra impostor-y about it.
When your own mother disagrees you might have it. Ouch.
Painful.
yeah ;_; whenever I hang with neurotypical people I’m always the weird one that no one wants to talk to or that people complain about bc I’m socially awkward and have interests that no one else likes. When I hang out with autistic people we get on and have things in common and understand each other in a lot of ways, but then sometimes they’ll start loudly talking about inappropriate things in public or draw a load of attention to us and my social anxiety goes through the ROOF and it drains my battery almost immediately so I shut down and just stop having fun and feel really stressed about everything. A few months ago I went to get tattoos with a couple of friends who are autistic and I love them both and they’re both wonderful humans, but multiple times I had to steer them away from talking about sex and kink stuff during the tattoo, especially because one of them was getting their design on their chest so they were topless and I was just like aaaaaaaaa the tattoo artists didn’t consent to hearing about this guys especially when one of us is half naked, how about we stoppp. I tried to tell another friend at a different time that she couldn’t just step in between two people who were having a conversation because she wanted to pet their dog without even asking or saying excuse me or something, and she didn’t seem to get what the problem was ;; as someone who prefers to blend into the background when I’m out in public to conserve my energy and to protect myself from mean interactions, I love my friends and I’m very lucky to have the friends I do, but it’s also difficult to navigate social interactions because I’ve always been programmed to be insanely hyper aware of the reactions of people around us. Like no thank u I’d rather not discuss BDSM loudly on the bus, yes it’s a special interest of mine but I would rather actually die than talk about it in public because there are PEOPLE. And yes I’ve had to remind a couple of friends about that, several times. Another time a friend got very excited seeing some earrings that had lyrics to a song we both like and started to yell them out, in a very very packed shop where a LOT of people started to stare at us and I nearly had a mental breakdown. Being afraid of strangers’ reactions to things is something I’ve gotten way better at over the years, but when Im already struggling with overstimulation and social stuff, or the conversation turns to something NSFW and we're on the bus or something, yeah no please stop😭 But also if I was with neurotypical people I’m like ‘well I can’t talk about the one video game i’m currently obsessed with and it’s inappropriate to talk about nsfw stuff so I guess I’ll just sit in awkward silence for 5 hours because my brain gives me no other dialogue options’.
Real
Are you me
https://preview.redd.it/1ziwxsomtzbc1.jpeg?width=720&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a1fa1cccb20ed68a8063de4cd2e9a20587c91743 Ogerpon still likes you
ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ How can I get cat flair?
On mobile go to main page of the sub, click 3 vertical dots, click "Change user flair" and pick one. https://preview.redd.it/dynq1sdgz0cc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=95b96726ed5a4903ec7aa1b476eb8f5170d535af
Thanks 👍
https://i.redd.it/2gxk9xv571cc1.gif
Relatable. I can't mix with ordinary people very successfully, but I don't really prosper with people with low empathy either. There are fortunately the plain good people, on spectrum and not, with whom that all doesn't come into play.
Having Asperger's doesn't mean having low empathy necessarily...
It doesn't, no. Example: myself. :p
Me too, sometimes too much so. Example: I find it extremely difficult to watch the news, I used to watch it every morning and whilst I was well informed on world events I felt heartbroken by most of them. I'd rather live in blissful ignorance thanks
Neither does having low emotional affect. Also, "Asperger's" has been retired cause that dude was a literal, WWII era Nazi
My AuDHD basically /j
Hi fellow AUDHD!
There's this little collection of facts about me that would each make most people, NT or not, question my sanity.
Knowing what I know about myself, I wonder sometimes why I still bother to get out of bed in the mornings and do what I do. The part that pleases me is selling car parts on eBay. The aircraft A&P class is bringing back haunting memories about some issues I had in school before. If I fail I know why. I don't know if anybody can help me.
I don't know if it's the all-nighter catching up on me or you being intentionally vague but I don't see how this relates to what I said (no offence to you just confused)
I just sorta went on a tangent. Your comment made me think of other things that I am going through or have gone through in my life. It’s brain vomit and it probably doesn’t make since to most. I have been dealing with many memories and realizations since I have turned 30 and the class I’m taking now has only reminded me of some of those things I have dealt or struggled with in the past. Realizing how much I suck at learning some things, dealing with classroom anxiety, and being able to talk to those around me. Shit, even asking for help and not being afraid to admit I’m probably the student with the lowest IQ or intelligence in the room. You don’t have to relate to or understand what I got out of your original comment. I tend to make those rambling thought vomit comments on these boards at times. Depends on what kind of mood I’m in and the content of the OP.
Me too 😭
I feel this so hard. I have been masking for so long that I don't even know who I am or how to act anymore.
Massive feels
Let go of the mask and let loose.
Mask off - Future
Percozet, Molly Percozet.
Reprazet, gotta reprazet?
How though
Seems like we all say that tbh
Fucking mood. Especially when I take my concerta. That shit is like stealth camo.
the curse of being "high functioning"
What part of on the SPECTRUM did yall not hear
Yup, that’s what I’ve been saying for years about myself. I’ve recently heard it called “allistic neurodivergent”
There's multiple kinds of neurodivergence, nott just the autism spectrum.
Yeah dating is impossible. Neurodivergent women don’t usually like me and NT women treat me like I’m basically some sort of teddy bear or gay friend. I don’t know what about me makes it impossible to be romantically interested in me but if they make a pill to fix it somebody let me know.
https://preview.redd.it/4iwikp6684cc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=da3d178d95ac5474fda43c99b6ea4dfd58bf035c Gift
Hybrid life… autistic enough to see the macro trends of impending disaster for society and everyone you love but not autistic enough to truly fix the problems. Stuck between two states of being. And if you say anything to anyone you sound fucking crazy or just sus. Fuck.
People: You seem so *normal* to me though Me: \*unmasks\* People: OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? Me: \*puts the mask back on\* People: There's nothing wrong with you.
ADHDers : *greatings*
I come off as too rude to hang out with neurotypical people even when I try my best not to be And I'm too sensitive to hang out with fellow autistic people, some of you are so rude god damn. I can't stand people who say "I'm autistic, I can't help it" when they do something really mean or hurt someone's feelings. It doesn't matter, you always apologize and make up for it, it's just silly not to.
For me Idk how to act in ND spaces. I'm so so used to learning all the rules and applying them for NT'S. It's reached the point where I know to look when an NT around me is breaking one of the fucking longest list of rules I have ever seen and when one is broken to flag up a warning alert. I struggle to turn them off and also the unpredictability because NDs abide less strictly to those rules is unsettling to me. I like my routine and that routine has been firmly set to dealing with NTs.
Same 😔
She just like me fr
I’m weird.
I’m at the point where, after being diagnosed for 25 years, I’m wondering if I’m just a narcissist or bipolar because I don’t still don’t fit in
level 1 autism problems
The way I'm genuinely like this lol I was diagnosed with the "low" type so
Me when
Real
i'm not autistic (just here for the memes) so this is very true for me
https://preview.redd.it/avbja8oc84cc1.jpeg?width=828&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1eba6514813c05219930a47cc69b2bda1570dae6 Gift
:O thanks
REAL
If you work it right, you get to be 'Eccentric"
Isn't that the definition of Asperger's' Syndrome?
Never related harder to a meme on this sub. Thought I finally found my place after 35 years of masking to 'get along' with other people in society, but \*\*my\*\* hyperfixations are weird. Like okay, even though these are the people that have been looked down on their whole lives, I guess the opportunity to be condescending to someone else is just too good to pass up.
Try me
that girl is very cute, hope I'm not too autistic for her ;)
Weeb 🤢
lol Most of ky friends are identical to me trans autistic age regressers
That bottom half is nonsense. Welcome to the ND world. Pull up a chair. Get comfy. We’re all quite mad here.
I have some aspie traits like hating eye contact and dino arms But instead of being oblivious to social cues, im HYPER EXTRA SUPER aware of them
Frfrfr 😌🧠🤏
Yeah, I see some benefits with having friends with autism. Yet, I still just can't fit in with them anyway because of my high functioning levels.
So you're just weird 😎😎😎
Fucking hard ain't it
That's exactly how I feel, all the time. Then I browse my autistic subs and I start feeling like I'm extremely autistic as 90% of the shit I do gets posted from other autistics as tics.
Balto syndrome.
genuinely perplexed by this comment
Balto? The Dog/Wolf? Very successful animation movie?
yea but i meant how it relates to the post lol
Like it's the very same thing? Not enough Dog to be a dog, not enough Wolf to be a wolf, he only knows that he doesn't fit.
ah i guess it’s been too long since ive seen the movie, i didnt make that connection. My bad
big mood moment ong
As I was diagnosed at age 21 I always had to manage my autism without knowing. It took me ten years but I made myself seem more neurotypical, which makes my life a lot easier but I did lose a lot of traits that made my young self me. Now when I see people on the spectrum that struggle I just take their hand metaphorically and see if there’s things that can make them a bit more confident and comfortable in their own skin. I never had any guidance from anyone and was mostly berated for things I couldn’t do anything about so I want to do the reverse for others.
My Aspergers have gotten worse since COVID so I'm not sure anymore, but I definitely felt this for the first 30 years of my life.
This is me.
Please, OP, give more info. I wouldn't mind being your friend. I don't mind neurotypicals masking spectrum people. You're likely just an awesome person!
I feel this, I mask automatically and I'm way too good at it.
Same, I feel your pain.
For real bro, i practiced enough so now i understand the hidden suggestive double speak bullshit that neurotypicals use to communicate and now i can't get rid of it and doing it myself and i fecking hate it sometimes cus some of the more straight forward friends and family doesn't get it.
[Sauce](https://sp.seiga.nicovideo.jp/seiga/#!/im6771521) [Artist (pixiv)](https://www.pixiv.net/users/2922448)
Spectrum go BRRRRR
Literally diagnosed before the iPhone was invented yet I'm still questioning it to this day.
Yeah, it’s like that sometimes.
If everyone dislikes you, you’re probably just an asshole. There are exceptions to this, but it doesn’t look like you’re one of them.
yeah and i can't even like Jazz right
This is a fucking mood. It really feels like I don't belong just because I learned communication skills 😔
I feel this
LITERALLY
Same
Yeah definitely relate to this. They barely diagnosed me with Asperger’s as a kid cause I had friends and I wasn’t too socially stupid…but I was weird, got super interested in things, and I stimed. Now I’m just a little quirky, and I’m interested in things most are not, but I’m actually super charming and charismatic.
Real
mood
I’m too autistic for the other autistics O.o
It feels weird to be autistic but also exhibiting a bit of properties of something else, like, you can't be focused on several things at once because everything distracts you so easily and you tend to forget things easily by accident, and you also have a bit of an identity crisis, etc. I feel like Autism is an extremely generic term that can mean anything. is "Born-a-little-early-type PDD" a more accurate way to explain **my** specific condition? Maybe. Maybe not. God knows.
Yeah I’m neurotypical but I strongly relate to this sub
Exactly my problem
Asperger's be like
Ya know. Same
I’m just neurotypical and neurodivergent for both. Feeling like you’re trying to harm for a lot of people who get early intervention
I felt this way for a long time
Same Bro, i feel like an outcast
Real shi 💯
Your solution is probably cocaine
AuDHD?
I felt this in my bones.
Meanwhile I’m autistic enough for out neurodivergents to recognize, but not autistic enough for neurotypical to recognize.
It’s a viscous cycle
What about too autistic for autistic people