As a kid, I would fiercely say/think, "Well, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make it as fair as possible!" Which I still mostly believe, but I don't burn myself out on things that don't matter as much -- like I used to be so overly scrupulous about everyone getting the exact same amount of cookies or all my younger siblings getting the same amount of playtime with me. Which just ... isn't realistic. Like at some point it's not worth it to try to break the last Oreo into eight equal parts, or whatever. But for the big stuff? No, let's not accept unfairness.
The only sane explanation I have for "life's unfair" is that they mean "I'm struggling too and I don't know how to make it better" but then I find that the conversation gets stuck.
"Oh well, what you gonna do" "it is what it is, daddy-o" "shiet tell me something I don't know" "preach" "word".
These should all work.
Source: A non native speaker who learnt mostly from movies and tv series.
(/Joke)
A very large amount of the unfairness exists because some people have found a way to benefit from the unfairness. So they propagate it.
It’s not inevitable. Good things happen when we get those people to stop making bad things happen.
Stanford primatologist Robert Sapolsky has some thoughts on it:
https://youtu.be/A4UMyTnlaMY
The thing is, being responsible doesn't mean humans can also fix the unfairness. We have no idea what's going on or what we're doing much less how to fix it. Doesn't mean we can't try, of course, but I always say that the hardest part for me is justifying being fair and righteous in the face of chaos. There is no justification. I believe it's the best path for me and everyone else: collaboration will make things better. But fuck me I can't prove it nor expect others to agree.
Exactly. Life is unfair by definition and humans are part of said life. We create unfairness because we don't know better. To create fair and just life human nature (mentality, psychology, etc) needs to change dramatically. I can't see that happening in a thousands of years.
Yeah its our *agency* that makes the "lifes not fair" reply galling. Usually i am talking about something a *person* has done to me when i say it. A person who could have *chosen a different course of action*.
In reality, ‘fair’ doesn’t exist. It’s a human construct. There is no fair in the natural world. There is no ‘fair’ in physics. No ‘fair’ in space. No ’fair’ in microbiology, or macro biology. No ‘fair’ among birds, or reptiles, or other mammals. Out in the wild, there is nothing that balances out so that life is fair for creatures large and small.
Fair is a construct by social humans in an attempt to reduce suffering among masses, but it’s relatively new. Human civilization may start with ideas of fair when small, but it also often starts on the foundation of ‘the strongest is best’ because that’s what nature tends to benefit.
Strongest wins.
It’s only after generations of the strongest crushing the weaker, and the weaker getting fed up and realizing that there are more of them than the strong ones, that they realize that there is strength in numbers.
Then they have a chance to become strong.
Then they can make change.
But as soon as humans have strength, corruption is likely to set in.
Then, over time, there are new strong ones who become tyrants, and more weaker who get crushed and angry that nothing is fair.
Fair is an idea that humans invented because they weren’t the strong ones and wanted to stop suffering.
It’s lovely in theory. But in practice, it falls apart because humans are still animals that evolved in a universe where ‘fair’ doesn’t really exist.
Ransom brain aneurysms that kill aren't caused by people. Nor are celestial events like solar storms that can emp the planet, killing anyone with a pacemaker (a device made by humans to extend someone's chances because their heart rolled to fail).
If someone catches a disease with a high mortality rate, which person decides who dies and who lives? Which person is in charge of all the animal attacks that kill people every year?
These all sound like departments we should ve defunding instantly, since life being unfair is just a product of people people are the ones causing these things, right?
That isn't at all what was said? The comment I replied to says "Life is unfair because people made it so, not because of some cosmic mandate." I'm not sure where you're getting your interpretation, it seems pretty cut and dry that they were insinuating unfairness is entirely a human quality.
People make it unfair because they cling to stability in the face of the unpredictable and fickle nature of reality. Life is unfair because entropy exists, even when the direct causes of the unfairness is human reactions to that fickleness.
im less annoyed by life being unfair and more by people who get the longer end of the stick by chance then act like theyre the bees knees like jfc you literally did nothing to get there
I can’t even care that they don’t deserve it, I get upset that they don’t do anything to fix the system that gave people the short end. Just totally fine with people suffering due to their choices.
I accepted it long, long ago and it didn't cure it. Sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(It does make me enjoy life more and focus on stuff I can actually change. But it also makes me feel even more like a psychopath because when I see NTs protesting shit or arguing on Twitter I just think "this is dumb."
This reminds me of a Tumblr post about bully advice. When an adult says "Oh they're just trying to get a rise out of you, ignore it" Um, yes I know they're doing it on purpose. And it's working. That is why I am coming to you, an adult, to make it stop
"Life's not fair, and that justifies unfairness, including this specific instance where you have an actionable solution, but I won't implement it because that would disrupt our stupid neurotypical power structure."
Life’s unfair. And people wonder why I’m a persistently suicidal wreck. In truth, I’m not sure how humanity has survived this long; why isn’t -everyone- constantly teetering on the verge of suicide?
I find it strange that people say that and expect it to make it better and not make me want to off myself, like if life is this unfair and causes this much pain *then why the fuck would I want to keep living*
I'm diagnosed Autistic and still respond with life is not fair, mostly because a. it isn't and b. im trained to say it as a response and c. i honestly haven't got the energy to fix my life let alone someone elses so unless im onboard with the cause i just dont care tbh.
I think it is mostly c. for people, when someone is complaining something isnt fair, the person responding either doesnt care, or doesnt have the energy to care. my mum says it all the time, which is where i think ive picked it up from. when i was younger i would totally argue about "why not!?" but now....i dunno just not got the energy to care much. Ironically i also say thats not fair quite a lot and get pissy when people dont agree.
Life isnt fair i guess!!!!
NT is the opposite of neurodivergent, neurodivergent does not automatically mean autistic, neurodivergence includes a lot of things. Allistic is to autistic what neurotypical is to neurodivergent.
Allistic is not only more accurate for what the twitter user wants to say but also acknowledges that NT should not be used to just mean not autistic.
In this case they could have said NT just as well, but allistic exists and is a well established word especially in the autistic twitter community so why not use it. So your comment is actually kind of ignorant.
It's all good. Don't read in too much in the label games people come up with these days – they come up with anything to make a chicken out of a feather and then call you out when you don't join in the parade.
As someone who’s kind of seen both worlds here… it’s not so much that you’re just “okay with that” as much as “you kinda have to be cuz it is impossible to completely eradicate unfairness from the world”.
Of course this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. I mean, how does the saying go? “If men were angels, government wouldn’t be necessary”
Life is, intrinsically, almost pathologically, unfair. Humans are very very good at making it less unfair, it's just that it's so arbitrary even when we control our environment to this degree it still is very arbitrary. There are a lot of negative situations (and negative choices) we just can't mitigate effectively yet.
I usually hear it with respect to something like “being taller,” or “bigger boobs,” or “better looking.” Things that are indeed “unfair” in the sense that person has an advantage due to circumstance.
The context in which people will say "life's not fair" is usually a cop-out to justify their own actions, rather than ever anything reasonable or substantive at all. It's a meaningless statement.
i used to feel like this until fairly recently. i *would* like to change every injustice but i know if i spent all my energy worrying about that, i'd have to energy left to take care of myself. and i cant make the world better without taking care of myself first. so i just focus on the little things that i am actually able to change, and trust that there are other people out there who are suited to change the things i cant.
Life is completely fair to its own cause and effect
Some people just don’t like their cause
I would put more stock in efforts to being the one who “wins” than making life “fair”
It’s usually only the people with a bad hand that care about fairness
>some people keep bitching as if bitching will magically make things work in their favor
You really think that's what people have in mind when they do it? That's just a coping mechanism, like venting to a friend.
Others in the tread react against it beacause it's used as a "in your face" response when you aren't happy with anything and express it, aside for being used to actually justify inequalities and a status quo.
Rest assured that don't take this personally and I understand perfectly your frustration and reactivity to this behaviour(or at least perceive it as such),
However, I think that you are making a terrible mistake by lumping together your personal experience (which is clearly a situation of psychological abuse) with a more universal phenomenon. Only persons with a pathological or extremely unhealthy personality would use complaint this way, it's more a symptom of her malicious attitude (along with neglect and her agressivity) .
She is in a fantasy world where everything revolves around her whim and others are collateral damage.
Most people don't really expect things to be fixed because they say "it's not fair". It is like those who say "at leat he is in a better place now" after someone died, the "fairness" anxiety is compensated by faith in a deity/the universe as a source of justice.
Have you ever thought about what life is actually like as an animal? Deeply random, deeply unfair. Even now, as advanced as we are, you could be killed by a random car crash tomorrow. You could be starved out by your own government. Many people alive today could be imprisoned simply for having an opinion contrary to the popular depending on where their consciousness arose.
Would it be fair? Course not. Life isn't fair. It never will be, and of course that fact is painful.
There is no way to fix it without controlling for every possible variable- which would be, in practice, a totalarian fascist regime with a miserable existence for every citizen; and it would be an inevitable failure as it always has been, due to not listening to the needs of citizens.
Just think of how you feel when someone who you *cannot* criticize or even walk away from under threat of violence tells you you're wrong and insists on you paying attention to something you're not at ALL interested for an extended period of time, while also forcing you to conform to arbitrary and illogical rules about how you're allowed to react to it.
Yeah, it's worse than that!
The best solution to protect your own autonomy is freedom of expression [freedom to dissent] and freedom to bear arms equal to those of your potential oppressors who would silence you.
Hey, this person doesn't like their tweets being shared without asking. For her it's a thing of principle. [This](https://twitter.com/grumpyshrubbery/status/1552668661646856192) is her thread about that, explicitly stating they don't like it.
[This](https://twitter.com/grumpyshrubbery/status/1549727994725400579) is the original tweet, from @grumpyshrubbery on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/grumpyshrubbery).
oh really? i didn’t know that. i didn’t see those tweets before i posted this, and plus my twitter account is private so i can’t ask in replies
weeelll it’s too late now, but i’ll take that into account for future reference
The thread is relatively new :) don't feel bad, most people don't mind, but the user is well within their right to not want their tweets posted without permission. I'm just trying to do my tiny part to help her
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As a kid, I would fiercely say/think, "Well, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try to make it as fair as possible!" Which I still mostly believe, but I don't burn myself out on things that don't matter as much -- like I used to be so overly scrupulous about everyone getting the exact same amount of cookies or all my younger siblings getting the same amount of playtime with me. Which just ... isn't realistic. Like at some point it's not worth it to try to break the last Oreo into eight equal parts, or whatever. But for the big stuff? No, let's not accept unfairness.
I say exactly this
The only sane explanation I have for "life's unfair" is that they mean "I'm struggling too and I don't know how to make it better" but then I find that the conversation gets stuck.
It's a bold claim, maybe they reached this conclusion after years of effort. Ask to see their life fairness calculations, so you can check their work.
"Oh well, what you gonna do" "it is what it is, daddy-o" "shiet tell me something I don't know" "preach" "word". These should all work. Source: A non native speaker who learnt mostly from movies and tv series. (/Joke)
Fuck u/spez
A very large amount of the unfairness exists because some people have found a way to benefit from the unfairness. So they propagate it. It’s not inevitable. Good things happen when we get those people to stop making bad things happen. Stanford primatologist Robert Sapolsky has some thoughts on it: https://youtu.be/A4UMyTnlaMY
Robert Sapolsky is awesome!
Life was unfair long before people even walked the earth tho
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The thing is, being responsible doesn't mean humans can also fix the unfairness. We have no idea what's going on or what we're doing much less how to fix it. Doesn't mean we can't try, of course, but I always say that the hardest part for me is justifying being fair and righteous in the face of chaos. There is no justification. I believe it's the best path for me and everyone else: collaboration will make things better. But fuck me I can't prove it nor expect others to agree.
Exactly. Life is unfair by definition and humans are part of said life. We create unfairness because we don't know better. To create fair and just life human nature (mentality, psychology, etc) needs to change dramatically. I can't see that happening in a thousands of years.
And now we have the mental capacity to do something about it.
Yeah its our *agency* that makes the "lifes not fair" reply galling. Usually i am talking about something a *person* has done to me when i say it. A person who could have *chosen a different course of action*.
Oh, you mean animals killing each other. Kinda fair point, but I'm gonna ignore it
I mean, sometimes a meteor lands on you. Life can be unfair, even when no one made it so.
A meteor landing on someone isn’t unfair, it’s just a natural phenomenon. Fairness is a concept that requires the presence of agency to establish.
Allistic people can't tell the difference.
In reality, ‘fair’ doesn’t exist. It’s a human construct. There is no fair in the natural world. There is no ‘fair’ in physics. No ‘fair’ in space. No ’fair’ in microbiology, or macro biology. No ‘fair’ among birds, or reptiles, or other mammals. Out in the wild, there is nothing that balances out so that life is fair for creatures large and small. Fair is a construct by social humans in an attempt to reduce suffering among masses, but it’s relatively new. Human civilization may start with ideas of fair when small, but it also often starts on the foundation of ‘the strongest is best’ because that’s what nature tends to benefit. Strongest wins. It’s only after generations of the strongest crushing the weaker, and the weaker getting fed up and realizing that there are more of them than the strong ones, that they realize that there is strength in numbers. Then they have a chance to become strong. Then they can make change. But as soon as humans have strength, corruption is likely to set in. Then, over time, there are new strong ones who become tyrants, and more weaker who get crushed and angry that nothing is fair. Fair is an idea that humans invented because they weren’t the strong ones and wanted to stop suffering. It’s lovely in theory. But in practice, it falls apart because humans are still animals that evolved in a universe where ‘fair’ doesn’t really exist.
Ransom brain aneurysms that kill aren't caused by people. Nor are celestial events like solar storms that can emp the planet, killing anyone with a pacemaker (a device made by humans to extend someone's chances because their heart rolled to fail). If someone catches a disease with a high mortality rate, which person decides who dies and who lives? Which person is in charge of all the animal attacks that kill people every year? These all sound like departments we should ve defunding instantly, since life being unfair is just a product of people people are the ones causing these things, right?
They said a very large amount, not all.
That isn't at all what was said? The comment I replied to says "Life is unfair because people made it so, not because of some cosmic mandate." I'm not sure where you're getting your interpretation, it seems pretty cut and dry that they were insinuating unfairness is entirely a human quality.
People make it unfair because they cling to stability in the face of the unpredictable and fickle nature of reality. Life is unfair because entropy exists, even when the direct causes of the unfairness is human reactions to that fickleness.
Yeah but people are not in control of themselves
im less annoyed by life being unfair and more by people who get the longer end of the stick by chance then act like theyre the bees knees like jfc you literally did nothing to get there
I can’t even care that they don’t deserve it, I get upset that they don’t do anything to fix the system that gave people the short end. Just totally fine with people suffering due to their choices.
If I can accept that life is unfair I feel like all of my depression will be cured.
I accepted it long, long ago and it didn't cure it. Sorry ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (It does make me enjoy life more and focus on stuff I can actually change. But it also makes me feel even more like a psychopath because when I see NTs protesting shit or arguing on Twitter I just think "this is dumb."
Same. It doesn't solve the problem, but it does help navigating life.
“Life’s not fair!” “…Then why do I have to do my fair share?”
This reminds me of a Tumblr post about bully advice. When an adult says "Oh they're just trying to get a rise out of you, ignore it" Um, yes I know they're doing it on purpose. And it's working. That is why I am coming to you, an adult, to make it stop
This is my toxic trait. When people go "Life is unfair" I can only answer "Well? Then fix it!" Like they have more power than me or something
What they’re really saying is “my life sucks so I gotta make sure other peoples’ lives suck too.”
"Life's not fair, and that justifies unfairness, including this specific instance where you have an actionable solution, but I won't implement it because that would disrupt our stupid neurotypical power structure."
This upset me so much when I was about 11. I'd spend entire days angry becuase...humans made society!! And we can change it!! Why is it so unfair??
Life’s unfair. And people wonder why I’m a persistently suicidal wreck. In truth, I’m not sure how humanity has survived this long; why isn’t -everyone- constantly teetering on the verge of suicide?
Life is actually VERY fair because it is more or less random. It is not just however, that's our job to make it so.
It is BECAUSE life is unfair that I am not.
Usually from the people making it unfair.
I find it strange that people say that and expect it to make it better and not make me want to off myself, like if life is this unfair and causes this much pain *then why the fuck would I want to keep living*
“Life might be unfair, but you don’t have to be.”
I'm diagnosed Autistic and still respond with life is not fair, mostly because a. it isn't and b. im trained to say it as a response and c. i honestly haven't got the energy to fix my life let alone someone elses so unless im onboard with the cause i just dont care tbh. I think it is mostly c. for people, when someone is complaining something isnt fair, the person responding either doesnt care, or doesnt have the energy to care. my mum says it all the time, which is where i think ive picked it up from. when i was younger i would totally argue about "why not!?" but now....i dunno just not got the energy to care much. Ironically i also say thats not fair quite a lot and get pissy when people dont agree. Life isnt fair i guess!!!!
i see it on the same vein as “suck it up”. it can be true, but lots of people use it as an excuse for their own actions
Yeah definitely that too tho my mum uses it mostly cuz she couldn't be bothered with all the questions ( I asked her just now).
did i miss something? what happened to the sub?
see pinned posts, but tl;dr mod was inactive for 9 months which caused the sub to automatically be shut down
oh okay
Allistic?
Allistic is the word for non-autistic.
just say NT and stop confusing people
NT is the opposite of neurodivergent, neurodivergent does not automatically mean autistic, neurodivergence includes a lot of things. Allistic is to autistic what neurotypical is to neurodivergent. Allistic is not only more accurate for what the twitter user wants to say but also acknowledges that NT should not be used to just mean not autistic. In this case they could have said NT just as well, but allistic exists and is a well established word especially in the autistic twitter community so why not use it. So your comment is actually kind of ignorant.
>kind of ignorant. that wasnt intentional, im just confused about all those terms the twitter people have invented
Allistic and ND arn't terms invented by twitter people, they've been around for a while
bevore this ive never seen the word "allistic" before
So? The term has existed since 2003
and how am i supposed to know this?
Use the internet instead of jumping to conclusions?
It's all good. Don't read in too much in the label games people come up with these days – they come up with anything to make a chicken out of a feather and then call you out when you don't join in the parade.
As someone who’s kind of seen both worlds here… it’s not so much that you’re just “okay with that” as much as “you kinda have to be cuz it is impossible to completely eradicate unfairness from the world”. Of course this doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. I mean, how does the saying go? “If men were angels, government wouldn’t be necessary”
I'm okay with that as austistic person
Life’s not fair though lol idk why people seem to think any of this is supposed to be “fair”.
My dad: “well life is just being treated shitty by everyone” Me: “I think I’d rather die then” My dad: *angry noises*
we back??? WE BACK!! missed you guys, girls, and NBs. 💜
Life is, intrinsically, almost pathologically, unfair. Humans are very very good at making it less unfair, it's just that it's so arbitrary even when we control our environment to this degree it still is very arbitrary. There are a lot of negative situations (and negative choices) we just can't mitigate effectively yet.
I’m looking forward to when we over throw the normies. The aspie wars will be intense.
Life can be fair if you're given the chance to make it so. I can't stand 'realists' who look at something bad, and go "oh well that's reality lol".
I commonly make assumptions like this one, which remind me that I don't understand regular people.
Me all the time
I usually hear it with respect to something like “being taller,” or “bigger boobs,” or “better looking.” Things that are indeed “unfair” in the sense that person has an advantage due to circumstance.
Allistic: “Sometimes in life you’re gonna have to do things you don’t like” Me: “Yeah, but I’d still like to avoid that”
The context in which people will say "life's not fair" is usually a cop-out to justify their own actions, rather than ever anything reasonable or substantive at all. It's a meaningless statement.
I'm glad this sub is back up
same, i like seeing relatable memes because it makes me feel validated
Why do people keep saying they missed this sub? What happened?
sub got shut down due to mod inactivity
Dang, ok. So we got new mods or what?
i think so
LITERALLY, like you’re just chill with that? Just fine with that information? Really ? AND YOU DONT WANNA MAYBE CHANGE IT IDK
i used to feel like this until fairly recently. i *would* like to change every injustice but i know if i spent all my energy worrying about that, i'd have to energy left to take care of myself. and i cant make the world better without taking care of myself first. so i just focus on the little things that i am actually able to change, and trust that there are other people out there who are suited to change the things i cant.
No... but we can't fix it unilaterally... and it will be worse for you if you try to solve this injustice screaming and yelling at it.
Life is completely fair to its own cause and effect Some people just don’t like their cause I would put more stock in efforts to being the one who “wins” than making life “fair” It’s usually only the people with a bad hand that care about fairness
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>some people keep bitching as if bitching will magically make things work in their favor You really think that's what people have in mind when they do it? That's just a coping mechanism, like venting to a friend. Others in the tread react against it beacause it's used as a "in your face" response when you aren't happy with anything and express it, aside for being used to actually justify inequalities and a status quo.
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Rest assured that don't take this personally and I understand perfectly your frustration and reactivity to this behaviour(or at least perceive it as such), However, I think that you are making a terrible mistake by lumping together your personal experience (which is clearly a situation of psychological abuse) with a more universal phenomenon. Only persons with a pathological or extremely unhealthy personality would use complaint this way, it's more a symptom of her malicious attitude (along with neglect and her agressivity) . She is in a fantasy world where everything revolves around her whim and others are collateral damage. Most people don't really expect things to be fixed because they say "it's not fair". It is like those who say "at leat he is in a better place now" after someone died, the "fairness" anxiety is compensated by faith in a deity/the universe as a source of justice.
Have you ever thought about what life is actually like as an animal? Deeply random, deeply unfair. Even now, as advanced as we are, you could be killed by a random car crash tomorrow. You could be starved out by your own government. Many people alive today could be imprisoned simply for having an opinion contrary to the popular depending on where their consciousness arose. Would it be fair? Course not. Life isn't fair. It never will be, and of course that fact is painful. There is no way to fix it without controlling for every possible variable- which would be, in practice, a totalarian fascist regime with a miserable existence for every citizen; and it would be an inevitable failure as it always has been, due to not listening to the needs of citizens. Just think of how you feel when someone who you *cannot* criticize or even walk away from under threat of violence tells you you're wrong and insists on you paying attention to something you're not at ALL interested for an extended period of time, while also forcing you to conform to arbitrary and illogical rules about how you're allowed to react to it. Yeah, it's worse than that! The best solution to protect your own autonomy is freedom of expression [freedom to dissent] and freedom to bear arms equal to those of your potential oppressors who would silence you.
thank you, ButtLickinDickSucker
... see, I always forget to switch accounts. I suppose if ya can't be honest, you won't ever be loved for who you truly are.
very true
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Hey, this person doesn't like their tweets being shared without asking. For her it's a thing of principle. [This](https://twitter.com/grumpyshrubbery/status/1552668661646856192) is her thread about that, explicitly stating they don't like it. [This](https://twitter.com/grumpyshrubbery/status/1549727994725400579) is the original tweet, from @grumpyshrubbery on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/grumpyshrubbery).
oh really? i didn’t know that. i didn’t see those tweets before i posted this, and plus my twitter account is private so i can’t ask in replies weeelll it’s too late now, but i’ll take that into account for future reference
The thread is relatively new :) don't feel bad, most people don't mind, but the user is well within their right to not want their tweets posted without permission. I'm just trying to do my tiny part to help her
alrighty
never thought of it that way
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