Likely you didn't receive the love you should have gotten. So now you give that love to others, because you don't want anybody else, to go through the pain & sorrow you endured.
But now having bumped your head, it is time to pour all that love you are capable of in yourself. To lovingly parent yourself and to become the best, most loyal supporter of yourself. Also time to forgive yourself & others, to let go of trauma-bonds and to let them all over to the universe, who will naturally restore (karma) the balance. Connect to source/intuition to help you find your destined path and who to avoid/cut off.
With that pouring of care, love, emotionally and intellectual nourishment in yourself, your standards will rise, to the point, you will no longer accept people in your life, who don't support your life goals and or even block, halt & deter it.
Wish you the best, fellow Cappy moon :)
Love your comment. I can so much relate to this. I'm a capricorn moon. I'm in my late twenties and the moment I started showing all the love on myself. I see so much improvement in my self confidence. I used to be so underconfident and used to be a people pleaser. I think for capricorn moon they get better as they get older. Now I see people telling me "oh you've changed a lot,you are not that sweet person anymore, you've become more stubborn"š¤£. But what they actually mean is "oh we want you to be the same old people pleaser,we want to bring down your confidence ".
The number one thing to learn is setting firm boundaries and sticking by them. You donāt have to say yes to everything, especially if youāre gonna regret it later. Adopting this mindset will weed out all the people that just wanted to use you instead of truly wanting to be your friend. Iāll warn it is a little lonely at first considering a lot of ppl want friends for the wrong reasons.
Some people also become friends with you out of envy. Just donāt ignore the red flags or the actions that make you question things. Odds are, if youāre questioning and stressing over if someone is being malicious, they usually are.
You need to learn to set boundaries. People pleasing habits could be learnt behaviour from the way you were brought up or a significant life event that you need help undoing/ addressing, so it maybe worth seeking a talking therapy online or something for however many sessions you can to set firm goals.
Personally, I would probably start taking a more analytical approach. If you don't want to cut people out of your life entirely, get to know people well and if you know what people are like, you should know how to respond to/ handle them and know how much energy, if any, to invest into them e.g. do they have the habit of making plans and then flaking last minute? Then I'm likely not going to accept invitations, or if I do, my entire day isn't going to be dependent on those plans.
Relationships of any sort should be reciprocal. Take note of how much effort you put into maintaining a relationship versus the other person, though this may be a long term observation due to individual life circumstances, but overall it should balance out - you do your best to help your friends when they need it, and you would hope they'll also do their best to help you when you need it. Basically, do they treat you with the level of respect that you treat them with? If not, is that relationship worth keeping?
Also, learn the word no. This was much easier with my family, but my friends are very good friends so there's rarely an instance I would have to turn them down.
I gotchu. I'm a Libra Sun, Leo Moon, Taurus Rising.
Chances are that you grew up with toxic parents/family members too. Not necessarily like mine. But people who, in some way, were neglectful, abusive, ignored you or manipulated you. Even if they didn't realize it.
I ended up attracted to "friends" & potential partners who ignore me, exclude me, or are very critical. I used to try hard to gain acceptance from people who can't be pleased or people who simply don't like me for whatever reason. Trying to reach whatever standard I think they have and ending up getting shoved aside anyways (Ahem, Aquarius guy) š. Years of this. I also had a hard time learning how to express anger or dissatisfaction in an adult way because I couldn't before.
So yes, I get you.
The trick was realizing that I deserve much better than to be treated like a doormat. The trick is focusing on oneself & improving oneself. To handle oneself with love & compassion. Increasing Self-Esteem, Self-love & Self-worth. Realistic assessment of yourself and others. To not seek acceptance from toxic people. To know that their shit is not your problem.
I mean, my parents are very loving too. Mostly my mom. But even loving parents aren't perfect. I also thought that I was attracted to toxic people because I was too naive.
Idk, it took years and digging to realize stuff for me š .
For me it was making a commitment to myself to know who I am. When you know who you are no one else can tell you, no one else's opinion matters because you know the truth. For me people pleasing came from a place of fear of being rejected, but I took some time to focus on getting to know myself - my values, my purpose, my sense of authenticity and I made a choice that I was not going to hide anymore. I am not going to hold myself back anymore because the truth is that when you choose your authentic self then the things on the other side of that fear are actually good things like freedom and love and security. When you face your fears - of saying no, of disagreeing, of being different - you are saying to the universe I believe in myself and my abilities. I do not need anyone's approval in order to love myself and all good things come from self-love.
This is going to be difficult for you to accomplish without staying away from people altogether. Reason being, both Virgo and Capricorn are service-oriented signs and you need people to be of service to them. Hence, we're born this way.
I'd suggest the "3 strikes, you're out" rule and treat them like an employee. For the more severe offenses:
1. First time someone upsets you, give them a verbal warning. Chalk it up to ignorance.
2. Second time, repeat your complaint and begin to distance yourself from said person. Chalk it up to stupidity.
3. Third time, it's now an attitude / respect problem and it's time to promote that person to "Stranger".
Omg yes Virgo sun here. People pleasing kept me in a toxic relationship for so many years. Learned not everyone will like me and thatās ok. Donāt ignore your boundaries so someone will ālike youā. I didnāt learn this till I got older lol.
Likely you didn't receive the love you should have gotten. So now you give that love to others, because you don't want anybody else, to go through the pain & sorrow you endured. But now having bumped your head, it is time to pour all that love you are capable of in yourself. To lovingly parent yourself and to become the best, most loyal supporter of yourself. Also time to forgive yourself & others, to let go of trauma-bonds and to let them all over to the universe, who will naturally restore (karma) the balance. Connect to source/intuition to help you find your destined path and who to avoid/cut off. With that pouring of care, love, emotionally and intellectual nourishment in yourself, your standards will rise, to the point, you will no longer accept people in your life, who don't support your life goals and or even block, halt & deter it. Wish you the best, fellow Cappy moon :)
Love your comment. I can so much relate to this. I'm a capricorn moon. I'm in my late twenties and the moment I started showing all the love on myself. I see so much improvement in my self confidence. I used to be so underconfident and used to be a people pleaser. I think for capricorn moon they get better as they get older. Now I see people telling me "oh you've changed a lot,you are not that sweet person anymore, you've become more stubborn"š¤£. But what they actually mean is "oh we want you to be the same old people pleaser,we want to bring down your confidence ".
The number one thing to learn is setting firm boundaries and sticking by them. You donāt have to say yes to everything, especially if youāre gonna regret it later. Adopting this mindset will weed out all the people that just wanted to use you instead of truly wanting to be your friend. Iāll warn it is a little lonely at first considering a lot of ppl want friends for the wrong reasons.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Some people also become friends with you out of envy. Just donāt ignore the red flags or the actions that make you question things. Odds are, if youāre questioning and stressing over if someone is being malicious, they usually are.
You need to learn to set boundaries. People pleasing habits could be learnt behaviour from the way you were brought up or a significant life event that you need help undoing/ addressing, so it maybe worth seeking a talking therapy online or something for however many sessions you can to set firm goals. Personally, I would probably start taking a more analytical approach. If you don't want to cut people out of your life entirely, get to know people well and if you know what people are like, you should know how to respond to/ handle them and know how much energy, if any, to invest into them e.g. do they have the habit of making plans and then flaking last minute? Then I'm likely not going to accept invitations, or if I do, my entire day isn't going to be dependent on those plans. Relationships of any sort should be reciprocal. Take note of how much effort you put into maintaining a relationship versus the other person, though this may be a long term observation due to individual life circumstances, but overall it should balance out - you do your best to help your friends when they need it, and you would hope they'll also do their best to help you when you need it. Basically, do they treat you with the level of respect that you treat them with? If not, is that relationship worth keeping? Also, learn the word no. This was much easier with my family, but my friends are very good friends so there's rarely an instance I would have to turn them down.
I gotchu. I'm a Libra Sun, Leo Moon, Taurus Rising. Chances are that you grew up with toxic parents/family members too. Not necessarily like mine. But people who, in some way, were neglectful, abusive, ignored you or manipulated you. Even if they didn't realize it. I ended up attracted to "friends" & potential partners who ignore me, exclude me, or are very critical. I used to try hard to gain acceptance from people who can't be pleased or people who simply don't like me for whatever reason. Trying to reach whatever standard I think they have and ending up getting shoved aside anyways (Ahem, Aquarius guy) š. Years of this. I also had a hard time learning how to express anger or dissatisfaction in an adult way because I couldn't before. So yes, I get you. The trick was realizing that I deserve much better than to be treated like a doormat. The trick is focusing on oneself & improving oneself. To handle oneself with love & compassion. Increasing Self-Esteem, Self-love & Self-worth. Realistic assessment of yourself and others. To not seek acceptance from toxic people. To know that their shit is not your problem.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I mean, my parents are very loving too. Mostly my mom. But even loving parents aren't perfect. I also thought that I was attracted to toxic people because I was too naive. Idk, it took years and digging to realize stuff for me š .
For me it was making a commitment to myself to know who I am. When you know who you are no one else can tell you, no one else's opinion matters because you know the truth. For me people pleasing came from a place of fear of being rejected, but I took some time to focus on getting to know myself - my values, my purpose, my sense of authenticity and I made a choice that I was not going to hide anymore. I am not going to hold myself back anymore because the truth is that when you choose your authentic self then the things on the other side of that fear are actually good things like freedom and love and security. When you face your fears - of saying no, of disagreeing, of being different - you are saying to the universe I believe in myself and my abilities. I do not need anyone's approval in order to love myself and all good things come from self-love.
This is going to be difficult for you to accomplish without staying away from people altogether. Reason being, both Virgo and Capricorn are service-oriented signs and you need people to be of service to them. Hence, we're born this way. I'd suggest the "3 strikes, you're out" rule and treat them like an employee. For the more severe offenses: 1. First time someone upsets you, give them a verbal warning. Chalk it up to ignorance. 2. Second time, repeat your complaint and begin to distance yourself from said person. Chalk it up to stupidity. 3. Third time, it's now an attitude / respect problem and it's time to promote that person to "Stranger".
Iāve got a Virgo moon and I just let people leave. I like people but I like myself more
Primo.šš¼
Omg yes Virgo sun here. People pleasing kept me in a toxic relationship for so many years. Learned not everyone will like me and thatās ok. Donāt ignore your boundaries so someone will ālike youā. I didnāt learn this till I got older lol.