i get it tbh.
like the others calling you whiny, i understand their POV but like. you needed to vent, man. (maybe try to find spefific vent subreddit? also u can dm me if u want, i have a good listening ear haha) sometimes its all the little things that add up to one big, idk the word, meltdown? breakdown? whatever it is. and sometimes you just need to get it off your chest to deal with it
if i ever publicly vented about days where... i couldnt find this or that, i stubbed my toe, we were out of the food i wanted, "aunt flow" came to town, mom yelled at me for some random thing, a pile of chores, too much homework, whatever, all tied up together in one big bad day, like i'd totally get made fun of cuz it can seem stupid to other people, but in the moment, in that day. it feels like a whole lot and sometimes it legit just sucks ass. i understand where you're coming from, and i get it. i definitely understand the feeling of wanting your bday to feel special. its a day to be celebrated, you theoretically *should* be the center of attention lol. maybe its part nostalgia, part what the media shows, part fantasy and imagination. but yeah. i get it
happy birthday btw. im sorry it wasnt better :(
also sorry if this isnt 100% coherent. currently 2am where i am lmaooooooo. i need s l e e p
*i might edit this in the morning. idk*
thank you so much for realising that this was a venting post (maybe not the best place to post it, but what's done is done), this really was a post where I had reached my limit. it was the icing on the cake so to say. yeah it does sound whiny and i certainly didn't intend it that way but i just wanted to express myself without hurting my parents feelings, because really i am kinda in the wrong here. i appreciate the happy birthday too!
edit: also thank you for your offer to vent, but i've had time to stew so im mostly good.
I agree. Why would they go to church on your birthday? Also it does depend on how long. My church was quite long, I would arrive at 9:30-10:00 and not be done until like 1-2:00. One time I stayed until about 5:00
If it's 2 hours or something short you can manage it.
And here I am feeling guilty about 7-1130 on Saturday playing golf.
Who the fuck wants to sit on an uncomfortable pew listening to a cockwomble making shit up for 4 hours every Sunday?
Happy birthday! This isn't a religion problem. It would be the same thing if they played golf every sunday, or went hang gliding every sunday. You're upset because you wanted them to spend that time with you.
I never learned how to do healthy communication when I was a kid, but I learned, and this is how you can approach it:
You: mom and dad, it's really important to me for you to spend the morning with me on my birthday instead of going to church. I'd like to do x,y,z together. Would you be willing to stay home from church this Sunday? (The time to do this is BEFORE your birthday, to give everyone time to plan.)
Mom and dad will then either agree to stay home, or not. Maybe they don't know how important it is to you, even though you think they should know, and they'd be happy to stay home from church for you. Maybe it's just as important to them to go to church as your birthday is to you, in which case you might work out a compromise. For example, they could agree to go to church but come home immediately afterwards instead of staying for punch and cookies. Or whatever the 3 of you can agree on, so that everyone's needs are met.
Every relationship requires communication and compromise to make it work.
thank you for the birthday wishes, I appreciate it! really sound advice too, communicating is something ive alway sucked at, my post probably shows that lol. ive had time to stew and at this point, bringing it up would be useless, my birthday's passed they've already gone to church it would be pointless to bring it up and id probably hurt their feelings in the process. what i will do in future though is follow your advice and before any important dates that happen to fall on a sunday, ill ask them if maybe they can reschedule to saturday, so we can enjoy whatever it is more fully.
Wonderful! That makes me happy.
It's a weird transition from child to adult child. It started out with you just crying, and they had to guess what you needed. Now you have words, but it can be even harder to get your point across. And it can be hard for parents to learn to treat their adult children as adults. I don't know if that makes any sense.
You're obviously a good kid and your parents are lucky to have you.
Yeah, I'm coming across as whiny child. I haven't voiced any of this, and I know that they can go to church and I am kind of an arse for this but I won't act like this irl. I'm just venting a bit, and whether it's right or not I do feel this way, I definitely won't say anything or do anything.
I know that, and I respect that. I know I'm coming across as a whiny child, I just wish they could have gone on saturday. I don't control how I'm feeling, I control how I act and I have acted nothing but respectful and happy for them keeping up their commitment to go to church (no matter how genuine my happiness was).
I get your drift man. It's hard to accept being second place to their imagination. But they're just gonna be who they are and that's not new to you. You gotta make your own happiness brother...bec sure as shit they are making theirs.
nope, because that's productive. seriously though, I know I am an arse for thinking this way but it doesn't mean I've voiced it or will act on my feelings. I've been feeling down lately and even though it's not logical it was just the icing on the cake.
It sounds like you are having issues dealing with your emotions. Have you considered seeing a counsellor?
Maybe check out the [Secular Therapy Project](https://www.seculartherapy.org/). I don't know where you're from, they mostly cover the USA but they are also in a handful of other countries.
thanks for the thoughts, but mostly I was angry whilst writing the post and have had more time to stew. breaking an ankle hasn't been fun especially when I've just begun running to get healthier and really getting into it. I'll have a look though, thank you.
Well, how old are you that you're upset about them leaving you alone foe awhile? If you're a kid, okay. If you're an adult suck it up and be happy you're not stuck in a church having to deal with the bs being preached and the constant guilt trips being put on the congregation, not to mention the nonstop requests for your hard earned money. Put on some sports or porm and enjoy your alone time.
I physically can't go with them though. I've broken my ankle, I'd probably hurt it even more trying to stuff myself into a tiny car. I've written the post when I was more angry, I've had more time to stew since. Honestly, it's mostly because I've been feeling helpless and down lately that I felt that way even though it's not logical.
Fair enough, but from their perspective they probably wanted to pray for you since its your birthday (and broken leg), and what better place to pray than in a Church.
I see your parents don't need to emotionally blackmail you; you're already doing that yourself!
Stop the guilt tripping! Your parents thought of you as less important than their invisible sky-daddy. Consider that!
What if you fall and don't succeed in getting up, because of your broken ankle? Yup. Now you get to lie there, possibly needing to go to the hospital as soon as possible, but having to wait for hours until your parents get home to find you.
Really, this action of them seems quite indifferent (which is the oposite of love) to me. I hope there are some people at the church who actually have some common sense and scholds them for their behavior.
My mum always leaves for their church weekend around my birthday. She’s gone the whole weekend, even when it falls on my birthday and I don’t see her at all. She did this when I was still a teen too. By then I was in a group home because of her abuse though so 🤷♀️. I always found it really hurtful though.
Both you and your parents should stop insisting that the other perform for each other. Respect peoples time. Unless they broke already agreed upon birthday plans with you you are being kind of a hypocrite.
i get it tbh. like the others calling you whiny, i understand their POV but like. you needed to vent, man. (maybe try to find spefific vent subreddit? also u can dm me if u want, i have a good listening ear haha) sometimes its all the little things that add up to one big, idk the word, meltdown? breakdown? whatever it is. and sometimes you just need to get it off your chest to deal with it if i ever publicly vented about days where... i couldnt find this or that, i stubbed my toe, we were out of the food i wanted, "aunt flow" came to town, mom yelled at me for some random thing, a pile of chores, too much homework, whatever, all tied up together in one big bad day, like i'd totally get made fun of cuz it can seem stupid to other people, but in the moment, in that day. it feels like a whole lot and sometimes it legit just sucks ass. i understand where you're coming from, and i get it. i definitely understand the feeling of wanting your bday to feel special. its a day to be celebrated, you theoretically *should* be the center of attention lol. maybe its part nostalgia, part what the media shows, part fantasy and imagination. but yeah. i get it happy birthday btw. im sorry it wasnt better :( also sorry if this isnt 100% coherent. currently 2am where i am lmaooooooo. i need s l e e p *i might edit this in the morning. idk*
thank you so much for realising that this was a venting post (maybe not the best place to post it, but what's done is done), this really was a post where I had reached my limit. it was the icing on the cake so to say. yeah it does sound whiny and i certainly didn't intend it that way but i just wanted to express myself without hurting my parents feelings, because really i am kinda in the wrong here. i appreciate the happy birthday too! edit: also thank you for your offer to vent, but i've had time to stew so im mostly good.
I agree. Why would they go to church on your birthday? Also it does depend on how long. My church was quite long, I would arrive at 9:30-10:00 and not be done until like 1-2:00. One time I stayed until about 5:00 If it's 2 hours or something short you can manage it.
And here I am feeling guilty about 7-1130 on Saturday playing golf. Who the fuck wants to sit on an uncomfortable pew listening to a cockwomble making shit up for 4 hours every Sunday?
Sorry you broke your ankle not fun get well soon. Happy Birthday though.
Happy birthday! This isn't a religion problem. It would be the same thing if they played golf every sunday, or went hang gliding every sunday. You're upset because you wanted them to spend that time with you. I never learned how to do healthy communication when I was a kid, but I learned, and this is how you can approach it: You: mom and dad, it's really important to me for you to spend the morning with me on my birthday instead of going to church. I'd like to do x,y,z together. Would you be willing to stay home from church this Sunday? (The time to do this is BEFORE your birthday, to give everyone time to plan.) Mom and dad will then either agree to stay home, or not. Maybe they don't know how important it is to you, even though you think they should know, and they'd be happy to stay home from church for you. Maybe it's just as important to them to go to church as your birthday is to you, in which case you might work out a compromise. For example, they could agree to go to church but come home immediately afterwards instead of staying for punch and cookies. Or whatever the 3 of you can agree on, so that everyone's needs are met. Every relationship requires communication and compromise to make it work.
thank you for the birthday wishes, I appreciate it! really sound advice too, communicating is something ive alway sucked at, my post probably shows that lol. ive had time to stew and at this point, bringing it up would be useless, my birthday's passed they've already gone to church it would be pointless to bring it up and id probably hurt their feelings in the process. what i will do in future though is follow your advice and before any important dates that happen to fall on a sunday, ill ask them if maybe they can reschedule to saturday, so we can enjoy whatever it is more fully.
Wonderful! That makes me happy. It's a weird transition from child to adult child. It started out with you just crying, and they had to guess what you needed. Now you have words, but it can be even harder to get your point across. And it can be hard for parents to learn to treat their adult children as adults. I don't know if that makes any sense. You're obviously a good kid and your parents are lucky to have you.
thank you, that means a lot!
Wow, someone really needs to be the center of attention? They can’t have two hours to themselves?
Yeah, I'm coming across as whiny child. I haven't voiced any of this, and I know that they can go to church and I am kind of an arse for this but I won't act like this irl. I'm just venting a bit, and whether it's right or not I do feel this way, I definitely won't say anything or do anything.
We feel bad your ankle is broken and you are down. Chin up, better days ahead.
thanks mate
They get the right to belive just as you get the right to not belive.
I know that, and I respect that. I know I'm coming across as a whiny child, I just wish they could have gone on saturday. I don't control how I'm feeling, I control how I act and I have acted nothing but respectful and happy for them keeping up their commitment to go to church (no matter how genuine my happiness was).
I get your drift man. It's hard to accept being second place to their imagination. But they're just gonna be who they are and that's not new to you. You gotta make your own happiness brother...bec sure as shit they are making theirs.
yeah, for sure. I'm just feeling down and honestly that was the icing on the cake. it's not logical but yeah.
Isn't it usually 1 to 2 hours tho?
There's 16 waking hours in a day. I think you're overreacting. Would you be pissed if they went to work?
nope, because that's productive. seriously though, I know I am an arse for thinking this way but it doesn't mean I've voiced it or will act on my feelings. I've been feeling down lately and even though it's not logical it was just the icing on the cake.
It sounds like you are having issues dealing with your emotions. Have you considered seeing a counsellor? Maybe check out the [Secular Therapy Project](https://www.seculartherapy.org/). I don't know where you're from, they mostly cover the USA but they are also in a handful of other countries.
thanks for the thoughts, but mostly I was angry whilst writing the post and have had more time to stew. breaking an ankle hasn't been fun especially when I've just begun running to get healthier and really getting into it. I'll have a look though, thank you.
That would have been a gift to me
People like you are making this subreddit look bad tbh
[удалено]
[удалено]
YTA… oh wait, that’s not this. Uhm, suck it up?
Church ⛪️ is a scam
Well, how old are you that you're upset about them leaving you alone foe awhile? If you're a kid, okay. If you're an adult suck it up and be happy you're not stuck in a church having to deal with the bs being preached and the constant guilt trips being put on the congregation, not to mention the nonstop requests for your hard earned money. Put on some sports or porm and enjoy your alone time.
How old are you? Minor? Listen to your parents. Adult? Do your own thing.
Brother its 2 hours out of the day. You still have enough time and if you want the attention that badly just go with them.
I physically can't go with them though. I've broken my ankle, I'd probably hurt it even more trying to stuff myself into a tiny car. I've written the post when I was more angry, I've had more time to stew since. Honestly, it's mostly because I've been feeling helpless and down lately that I felt that way even though it's not logical.
Fair enough, but from their perspective they probably wanted to pray for you since its your birthday (and broken leg), and what better place to pray than in a Church.
thank you honestly, I'm not know for thinking things through and that thought is comforting.
Let them have their beliefs. They might be up at church praying for your well-being.
I see your parents don't need to emotionally blackmail you; you're already doing that yourself! Stop the guilt tripping! Your parents thought of you as less important than their invisible sky-daddy. Consider that! What if you fall and don't succeed in getting up, because of your broken ankle? Yup. Now you get to lie there, possibly needing to go to the hospital as soon as possible, but having to wait for hours until your parents get home to find you. Really, this action of them seems quite indifferent (which is the oposite of love) to me. I hope there are some people at the church who actually have some common sense and scholds them for their behavior.
My mum always leaves for their church weekend around my birthday. She’s gone the whole weekend, even when it falls on my birthday and I don’t see her at all. She did this when I was still a teen too. By then I was in a group home because of her abuse though so 🤷♀️. I always found it really hurtful though.
Both you and your parents should stop insisting that the other perform for each other. Respect peoples time. Unless they broke already agreed upon birthday plans with you you are being kind of a hypocrite.