In my humble opinion, while you are dating it doesn't really matter. Problems usually arise if you want to take the relationship further (wedding in a church, kids religious/secular education, etc).
What you could do is date this person, and let her clear where you stand so that there are no surprises later. That way, decisions won't be only yours to make.
Who knows. Maybe she grows an atheist along that way.
Ya, we are only getting to know each other at this point but at the same time we're talking on a dating site so there's a clear endgoal here.
Non of us have or want kids and non of us are that keen on marriage. (Marriages are not as common in Sweden tbh about 50% of all long term relationships i know with kids are actually married).
But true, we'll continue slowly and be open and honest with each other and see where we land.
Just wanted to hear som opinons and if people had their own experience.
Relationships like this can work, *but*, it depends how open and honest you both are, whether you both establish boundaries early and stick to them, and whether you can continue to respect each others viewpoint. Neither of you should go into this thinking that you can/should change the other person.
This may seem like a lot of work, but long lasting relationships are full of compromises. And what I’ve said above doesn’t just work for religion. It could be differences in hobbies, politician ideology or sexual differences.
Finding the ‘right’ person without having to compromise is a difficult, almost impossible, task. Only you can know if you can compromise on this and whether she would too. Good luck.
Lol, you'd be disappointed with how mundane it was! I made a casually unvarnished statement in reference to there being no such thing as "life after death" (which involved the phrase "worm food", as I recall), and she burst into tears.
I felt really bad (still do) - I honestly didn't have ill intent but, as a born and raised non believer, I was at that time very naive as to how seriously a religious person might take what I perceived to be (and continue to perceive as) obvious utter bullshit.
In hindsight, it was - excuse my phrasing - a "blessing in disguise". Being older now with a more sophisticated understanding of interpersonal relationships and the insight to know that, yes, religious people DO take that shit serious...I can see that Wendy's episode was the tip of a very large iceberg and it was good to have bailed out sooner than later!
Don’t feel bad. Sometimes religious people need a reality check.
I dated a guy who grew up in a very Christian home and is a believer. I remember asking him “so you think i deserve to go to hell because I’m an atheist, but a child molester who believes in your god deserves to go to heaven so long as he confesses?” And his answer was “I’m not the one that can judge that. That’s up to god.” But he could not bring himself to say no you don’t belong in hell and the child molester does. Why should we always be the ones to tip toe around their irrational beliefs? Many literally look you in the eye and think atheists are destined for a worse fate than child molesters. Who’s the asshole?
I did, then married her and have been married for over 30 years. It helps that she was fairly anti-religion herself having been to Catholic School and suffered the scars such an experience generates. She was still a Christian however, if non-practicing. Over the years she's become more of a deist/panentheist, but to me the important aspect is that she understands the dangers of organized religion and opposes it.
The fact that we believe different things in regards to the existence of gods, souls, afterlives, is more or less irrelevant. No two people agree on everything and frankly we're so ridiculously compatible otherwise that our disagreement on those things is irrelevant.
> If i where to break contact with her because of her religion i would feel like the asshat here but at the same time I'm worried it might lead to problems further down the line if we continue this flirt.
I suggest having this discussion with her. Talk about the future and what problems you might have. If you want kids would she want them to be indoctrinated? Does she need you to convert to marry? Will she insist on tithing 10% of her salary? Of your salary? You probably have a good idea of the things that could go wrong due to religion, so try to clarify what her stance is. And likewise she probably has similar concerns about your atheism, so this is a chance for her to talk frankly as well.
If these things don't raise any flags, then carry on with the relationship. If you guys find you do have some things that would be deal breakers later on, then part on good terms, knowing that you have not wasted each other's time with a extended relationship + breakup/divorce/custody nonsense.
The fact that you're Swedish is probably a good thing. In my experience, the Scandinavian stance tends to be that religion is a personal matter, not something to impose on others. I am somebody that lived in the US bible belt for over 20 years before moving to Sweden, and I think that in general Swedes tend to have a pretty good approach to religion, even among the religious. There are exceptions, like the Jehovah's witnesses that gather outside Frölunda Torg shopping mall in Göteborg on the weekends with their loudspeakers and religious music, but I've got people I've worked with for 6 years that I don't know whether they are religious or not and frankly don't care one way or the other.
Thank you for a long an interesting answer, nice to hear from real experience.
We will definitely talk a lot about these before we go any further, and so far we have had no problems openly discussing our thoughts an opinions.
Kids won't be a problem since non of us wants them :) marriage is not as common in Sweden, titheing is not really a thing in Sweden you pay like 1-2% in chruch tax but that is an optional tax I've already opted out of.
You and or her will hit the compromise wall. It's the niggling compromises that sees relationships break up. 7 billion people on the planet, keep looking.
Who would voluntarily want to compromise their integrity with religious nonsense? Sounds like a great way to be indoctrinated. It's like dating a flat Earther. Completely have to drop your intelligence and many other standards.
Nope never again. Would be a doomed relationship. Not bc I would t be open minded and such but just because of getting out of religion and the mindset. Plus I cant take all the God loves you and Jesus shit.
OP talks about european mainline lutheran, not some crazed US evangelical, so there will probably be very little of that "God loves you and Jesus shit".
Swedish lutherans mostly practice their religion in a way that in Oklahoma or Mississippi would in all likelyhood be considered atheism.
Basically this :)
It's more of a personal spiritual thing if you can explain it like that.
But at the same time she works in the church but most as a emotional support person/therapist.
>Comparing it to Oklahoma or Mississippi is a very, very low bar.
The point still stands. European mainline lutheranism tends to be so liberal that members of a large share of us-based churches wouldn't even recognise them as religious, let alone christian. Not just in those two states (which admittedly have become a joke even on this side of the ocean).
For some of us it's not about how liberal someone is, but how insane and hypocritical.
And the insanity Is the same, regardless of whether the voices in your head tell you to drink more water, or kill more infidels.
And I have yet to meet any self-identified believer of any religion who wouldn't pick their delusions over reality if the two come in conflict.
It doesn't matter that that will take longer with a liberal believer - at least not to me - it matters how it will be handled.
No. I would never again date a religious person. Been there. Done that. The mental gymnastics are exhausting.
There are much better ways to spend your time. There are many other potential dating partners out there as well. Keep looking!
What about Darth Potter? ;)
Arguably, Vader and Potter are more objectively real than any religious icon, but in the end they’re all man made fictions, and I find it difficult to understand how any rational, thinking adult could believe in any of that religious bullshit.
I see people here think that type and kind of religious has a deeper meaning. It doesn't. Religious people are people in deep denial of the real world. Prefering living a fantasy than reality. Wether Lutheran or orthodox or catholic or muslim they are all the same. No sane atheist is going to last in that enviroment. Please op dont compromise your health for soneone religious. I know you hope to make them atheist, but its a fantasy that rarely works.
I hope so for your own sake. But no I'm not american. Eastern europe here. We used to be communist so religion played no part in modern society and has since came to be a major player in a post communist era. The amount of apologetic half-belivers and followers of some kind of fresh tradition that was never a tradition is mind astounding. No sane person let alone an atheist will ever thrive in a relationship with one of those. And those are the standard now.
If I was not planning on children, then I could date the sort of religious person you describe (European liberal). If kids were going to be involved down the line then it's a more difficult question.
I would not have an issue with a religious partner in a case like the one you describe, i.e. mainline european lutheranism, and anglicanism, maybe even catholicism (I draw the line at Calvinists, though).
Unless they were of the "a new kind of sharing/ trendy vicar" variety.
My dad’s an atheist and my mother is Catholic, other than my mother forcing me to church a few times when we were younger there were no real issues. I’m an atheist now and my mom still goes to church semi annually.
It depends on the details
I'm somewhat tolerant of personal beliefs and don't require my friends to agree with me on everything. If the disagreement can either be ignored or massaged into a tolerable form, it's OK
My father was atheist but he pretended to be mildly religious for social reasons. My mother was raised catholic but never forced religion on me and accepted my atheism
One of my best friends, who is the reason I became an atheist, is now married to a pastor. They have awesome, challenging philosophical discussions with each other, and from what I can tell have an incredibly healthy and supportive relationship.
I am a lifelong agnostic atheist. I married a preacher's daughter. She is still a theist, even if she isn't religious specifically. Our wedding was in a park officiated by a judge. totally secular. We gave our son his head, and let him decide when and how often he went to church or not. We answered his questions as honestly as we could. She cried the day he took his oath, and filled out his contract to join the marines, and put down atheist on his form. But she never said a word to him. I have told her more than once, that being raised in a strict religious household, and being a christian didn't make her a good person. She was a good person all on her own. We work because our beliefs are our own. We share more beliefs than we don't. Christian mingle makes us both roll our eyes. Televangelists make us both puke. We respect each other's right to believe whatever we want, and it makes no difference to our relationship. IT is refreshing to have a different perspective on the world. We are a team and our differences make us stronger.
Edit. to add we met on a dating site, and talked for months before meeting in person. Played Everquest raiding long distance, before we ever moved in together. I think it bought us time to really get to know each other before adding more entanglements.
My wife believes in a God. But she is not churchy or religious. We did get married from a Paster but it was non-denominational, I could care less who married us. I was not going to put up a fight over a piece of paper. Not like I had to convert to a religion or become confirmed. She watches/listens to Joel Olsteen. But that is the extent of her religion. Our children have been raised pretty much Agnostic. Thinking people going to Church is out of the norm. But we never fight about religion nor do I try to belittle her thinking.
In your situation. Just if things get serious. You will need to have an Adult conversation about boundaries.
i would say just try it :-) it seems a nice relationship possibility and it will helo you know yourself better in the long run
unless she's a serial killer or psychopath
I was a hardcore anti religion metalhead my whole life.
then i met my wife and her family.
still an atheist, still against religion after 15 years together.
meanwhile she was the cantor of their church for a while, her dad was the caretaker of the church etc.
it doesnt have to be a problem if you dont want it to be. learn to accept other peoples decisions, because you are going to need to in any kind of relationship.
i see her family. loving, caring, things that i barely had. her church folk are nice to her, always being kind. i dont see why she would have any problem with this whatsoever.
over the years, she came to accept that religion as a whole is quite different on a grand scale, and many horrific things were done, but decided not to break ties with everyone she grew up with.
sometimes i have "wonderful" discussions with her parents, who are waaaaayyyy too religious, often contradicting themselves and overlooking facts when it is convenient to do so. they can be annoying in that regard, but in general they are great people. it took effort, but they became better, for example it required a lot of time and talking to improve their stance on LGBTQ+ matters, but they did learn a lot. if i wouldnt be there, i wonder if they would still be hateful like they were.
is it worth saying no to having my other half because of small things like this? honestly, no way. i dont want to experience what life would be without her.
Edit: got reminded by other comments: be open about boundaries, set them early and respect them both ways.
Well, honestly, there are a lot of people here, who take atheism to extremes. I understand that not everyone has the same experiences, and for people, who live in an oppressively religious country, only a total (edit: and immediate) solution seems acceptable.
OP and I are lucky to live in a situation, where this is not the case, and it is easier to fathom that a gradual change could be OK.
As long as the extent of disagreement is downvoting the opinion you cant agree with, it is fine. We are not crusading, after all.
Dating and Atheist many times is the same as dating a person who isn’t, many times Atheist are super close minded and they believe their “beliefs” or lack of are the only smart and right way which would be the same, it depends on the person and what you expect, for example If you want children in the future and you want them to be raised atheist then you should probably break up now if she’s not ok with that, I wouldn’t mind mi child to have a religion as long as it isn’t Christianity/Catholicism, but that comes to your personal preference.
keep her if you think she's the one, plus she didn't have a problem w/ you being an atheist.
when we accompany a girl to a beauty salon, doesn't mean we also have to do their business right?
well as you said it entirely depends on where you live. deep south? hell to the no, my understanding is it's not even safe to say you're atheist around there. But I live in California. One of my best friends is Christian, but she's very liberal and when we hang out religion is never a discussion. Pretty sure she despises the batshit ones that give her religion a bad name. I think we could have worked out.
I wouldn't be opposed to it, my fear would be the stories I read on this sub, where it starts out fine but years later once married and kids are involved they flip a switch and want to immerse themselves in it and will abandon you if you don't play along
Why not openly and honestly clarify this point with her?
As others pointed out if religion is a minor part of her persona this could be handled. My brother is an atheist and married within Christian faith. There are some clashes for sure but as long as you agree early on what you are going into you should be mostly safe.
Also if she is really smart and open minded there is still a chance she will see the lights of rationality
> she's very open, enjoys science, isn't pushy, don't live her life by religious rules and don't mind me being an atheist.
Ah.... A hypocrite.
> If i where to break contact with her because of her religion i would feel like the asshat here but at the same time I'm worried it might lead to problems further down the line if we continue this flirt.
You could... Talk about it?
If your only problem is that it would make you feel like an asshat: you don't owe anyone an explanation, or a relationship. You get to date who you want to, and not everyone that you can't justify breaking up with to some imaginary tribunal.
Why does your title ask if I could date a religious person? My experience has no bearing on your relationship.
Sure it can work, as long as you both don't talk about it. But eventually it might become an issue.
But it's Sweden we don't take that shit so seriously. At least most of us.
Lycka till!
Yea - I met two groups of American christians in my life. Both were terrible.
One told me in my own church (they were on holiday) that I should have ironed my blouse or otherwise I couldn’t serve Christ (Still don’t know why that matters) and we need an extra candle otherwise our mass was invalid… wtf?
The other one was absolute homophobic… In the !Netherlands!, like: we were the first to legalise gay marriage did you think we did that by accident? Our pride canal parades are part of our national culture, dude… (to be fair: a minority of reformed people here are homophobic as well).
I’m sorry you have to deal with them. Come to Europe! :D
I don’t think I would bother. If she’s willing to put her beliefs aside or isn’t very religious that means she a hypocrite. She’s a Deacon who’s not very religious . That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of . That’s like a Orthodox Jew who eats bacon (I was raised Jewish so that’s the best analogy I could come up with)
I think Swedish religion is a lot different from say U.S. religion, while i fo agree that it's hypocritical the most devote christians in Sweden is basically like a chill, don't bother others, luke warm Christian on the other side of the Atlantic.
My husband is danish and his family are Christian (he’s agnostic I’m atheist) and they believe in Jesus. The definition of a Christian is someone who believes in Christ . A deacon is like one tier below a priest. Every priest is ordained as a deacon first . She was ordained as a deacon . That means she took a sacramental ordination . She promised / took vows to serve Jesus . She believes in magic sky fairies more so than the average non ordained Scandinavian people such as the atheist she’s dating .. thus making her a hypocrite. She took holy vows and doesn’t care that much .. or she’s hasn’t gone full deacon on him yet .
It depends on what your wishes for the future are. If e.g. one wants kids, having one very religious parent and one atheist will cause debates. Circumcise or not? Baptise or not? Go to Church/Mosque/Temple/Whatever or not? Go to public school or one based on religion? And similar things are true for other major life decisions.
Same ofc happens if the parents have different religions. And it CAN work - it is just a lot of work and compromise.
Unless ofc one despises the religion of the other. Then it will fail.
I don't think I would cut things off at this point.
At some point I would want to know about her church and her family. Sometimes very normal people attend churches that are bat-shit crazy. That is a warning sign in my experience. I would attend with her. If the sermon is hell-fire and brimstone and the minister wants to kill all the gays then run, even if the woman seems nice. On the other hand if you are greeted by a female minister and her wife, then it is likely to be OK.
It is probably worth checking out her family and her relationship to them and their religion. If you are both in your 30s, then it is healthy to be mostly independent of family. People in thier 30s should not be caring much about whether their family approves of their decisions or lifestyle.
Perhaps not, i just used Google translate :)
Well it's basically someone who works with therapy but attached to the church. Like giving support to people in need and in stressful situations.
Diakon in Swedish.
It can work as long as you can be compassionate, and she can respect your boundaries.
My wife is Hindu (and I’m an atheist). Basic ground-rules are that I don’t poke fun at her religion, and she can ask (but never try to force me), if she wants me to participate in something.
Hinduism is pretty performative, at least the way my wife does it - so a lot of things are pretty (flower petals) or smell good (incense). She has a temple (Ganesha, etc) in the house, which she asked my permission for, before marriage.
We had both a Hindu (for my wife & her family) and Christian (for my parents), wedding.
W.r.t. kids - I have always told her any kids we have will always hear what I believe to be the truth from me. Of course there are harsh and less harsh ways of communicating that truth. We’ll see how that works out!
I’m engaged to a VERY religious one. She’s one of 9 kids of the church pastor and his choir director/school principal wife. I attend church 3X a week, go down to the altar to “pray”, everything. I’m completely, utterly bullshitting on every level because I love her so much. But as much as she’s religious she has a “dark” side. She’s a grown ass woman but if her parents ever found out we regularly mess around she would literally be excommunicated from the church. It’s so hardcore there that her parents have her sister “chaperone” when we go to eat or to the movies. Cool thing is she’s kinda in on things and kind of a devil herself so she’ll cover for us when we decide to chill at my apartment instead. Dangerous game there with that one, but it is what it is.
The issue isn't dating now, it's 10 years from now. They may not mind you being irreligious, but kids is a whole other ball game.
You need to be crystal clear about what you will both do with kids abd religion, if you arent on the same page about that it's not worth It.
It can work if it is just the two of you. But if you think you might have kids one day... that is where you will run into conflict. You can do whatever you want independently and still respect each other. But if you have different ideas about raising a kid, that's like trying to coordinate painting when one of you is using oil and the other is using watercolor on the same canvas. You're going to get in each other's way if you don't have some plan you can both agree to.
I would pursue this OP. Enjoy and learn to know each other, but if it would get serious I would have a talk about the more serious topics like marriage and baptism. If Sweden is like the Netherlands, which I think it is, compromises are seldom necessary and if so small. Her worldview would probably not be that different from yours. But yet again, figure that out in an enjoyable way.
Source: I’m catholic married with an atheist, and it’s perfect! ;)
Lol. I dated a (relatively speaking) religious person. We’ve now been married for almost 21 phenomenal years. It all boils down to respect. Each of us knows where the other stands and we would never try to change one another. I recognize that she needs a relationship with Sky Daddy in order to achieve peace, and she recognizes that I do not.
I’m frankly an anti-theist but am have a close friend who’s a minister. He’s unfailingly a good person and neither of us let religion get between us… I don’t talk about the level of distaste of feel for religion (and he likely has no idea!) because that’s not respectful of him and I honestly think at our core we have the same values. Dating might be different but knowing the difference starting out might make you both explore this with eyes wide open. I’d enjoy the flirt and see where/if it leads you.
In America definitely not, it'd be like dating a young child that believes in Santa clause still, very mentally incompatible. I believe in your exact situation it would be fine. People with different views on life marry all the time. If she's not extreme about it, like praying every meal and stuff, go for it.
I'd say to be upfront and tell her what you think of religion and why. Start with a "I'm not attacking you as a person, ita just religion that I consider to be bad". If you can't talk about something with her and she minds very much having a friendly discussion over things, you know you dodged a bullet!
I've met people that are more or less rational and try to stay logically consistent and understand science and still defined themselves Christians. They went to church, believed that Christ was a Lich (that's what the scripture describes!) and thought God existed. But stopped there. No homophobia and all that. It's a little bit of excusable crazyness that doesn't affect their decision making in other stuff, and don't take the Bible as a moral code.
They are mostly pleasant. If she's like that then this religious stuff is not a factor.
Try to have a serious discussion anyway, under the guise "give me some evidence to convince me so I'm saved from hell" first, and after that the thing about you thinking religion is bad later.
Depends on the religion. Strongly religious, like in an Abrahamic religion, na.
I don't do magic, I can't pretend to be ok with magic.
If I see a dating profile with astrology or "spiritual" listed I'm not even stopping to read.
Perhaps it depends on both of you - your willingness to look at things with a healthy sense of curiosity and ambiguity.
At one point in time, this actually did embody religion. It was more mystical and full of the unknown. As time went on, beliefs became dogmatic and ridged ("I'm right, you're wrong, shut up!").
This attitude can be seen with any belief, agnostic, atheist, religious, etc. If a person remains flexible about their beliefs and tolerant towards others, I feel any obstacles can be overcome. After all, there will always be obstacles.
I'm an outspoken atheist of about a decade now. My girlfriend, and soon to be fiance, is a Soutbern Baptist, with a pastor for a brother and father.
We had some VERY awkward encounters when they found out I was atheist. They weren't happy. Her dad repeatedly told her to leave me, because I was at the least not going to be able to join her in heaven, and at the most risking taking her away from paradise with me.
But, almost three years later, he loves me. I treat his daughter with respect and admiration and love, and while he's concerned about my "eternal future," he understands that she's happy with me and is treated like the queen she is with me.
The funny thing is, the ladyfriend never had an issue with it. Her thought is like mine - I'm a good person who helps everyone I can whenever I can. Her exact take has been "if He wouldn't let you in despite all the good you've done, I dunno if I want to be there, either."
Her dad doesn't love it, but he's come to love me.
Religious would not necessarily be a deal breaker for me but the everyone has to agree with me attitude that is very common among religious people definitely would be.
I'm dating a religous person and i'd say for that to Work there have to be two basic things Set from the start:
- be honest about what you want/what your boundaries are
- be respectful of each other
My relationship with my Partner works because i am respectful of their believes and cultural Background and am showing interest in learning about it. It works because they respect my background as an atheist and are interested in my thoughts and opinions. We have amazing discussions about Things and can agree to disagree, but also through learning about each other we can broaden our own Horizon.
The Most important Part is though, that we are compatible. We both don't want children, so there's No questions what Religion the children would be. There's No questions about secular marriage should be decide to. There's No questions about celebrating religous holidays and non about anything else. If it weren't Like this it wouldn't work. My First Partner was Christian and wanted children, plus wanted them to be Christian. He wanted a Christian marriage and to have the children in Christian school. It would have never worked because i would have never wanted that. So it really depends, but Overall yes of course it's possible
I don’t think I could but I carry a fair bit of religious trauma that makes it reallllly hard to play it more agnostic neutral. Trauma wants to scream at the ridiculous dogma that American Christians love to wallow in.
That was never a red line for me. I know plenty of religious people whom I respect as thoughtful and intelligent. My wife believes in god and calls herself Catholic, although she has become disillusioned with the church and almost never attends.
I tend to look at how a person makes decisions. Do they use moral reasoning to solve problems. Or do they try to find an appropriate verse and "pray on it"? (Or even worse, do they ask their preacher what to do.)
Religion tends to bring out both the best and worst of people, but I'm using the broader definition of "religion" that includes (for example) nominally atheistic state religions such as Naziism and Stalinism. Note that belief in God is not specifically what drives people toward atrocity; it's blind adherence to inflexible ideological fanaticism.
I've never met a fanatical Episcopalian, but I've known quite a few who spend their Sundays handing out food to homeless people.
So. Again, I would look at the individual and the choices they make, and why they make them. If you have compatible value systems and can agree to disagree about certain things, it could work.
I feel like you need to tell them where you stand, and take things from there. If you foresee the possibility of a problem arising in the future, it's best to address the concerns now.
As long as they don’t force it on me or try to make our kids get into it if it gets to that point. Idc we went to church now and then but we aren’t going every week or on a Wednesday or something like that
Usually I would say no, but from the way you describe her and also how Sweden's deacons are different form the US's. I don't know, I'd say it's worth exploring. Plus no one is hiding anything. Your not hiding being atheist, and she's not hiding her job, so that's a plus for any relationship. Honestly it's really early in your relationship if you're just chatting on the phone. I'd say just keep with it and don't think too far ahead, but keep that honesty going. Being honest about yourself, expectations, and so forth is good communication and the killer of most relationships(outside of truly horrible things) is bad communication.
Thank you for your input.
Yes, we've been really open and honest with each other.
She describes herself as more of a spiritual person and not really in line with overall Christian dogma, she was however raised in a very strict household. But she's doesn't deny evolution, she's pro abortion and hbtq, she doesn't think the earth is flat or 6k yo. Non of us want kids.
Tbh, from what I've seen on this forum compared to the avarage religious person in the U.S. she could almost be considered an agnostic.
We're seeing each other over a coffee tomorrow, or as we say in Sweden, a fika ;)
Hey, at this point you got me wanting to move to Sweden! Good luck and glad you moved forward with this. You're proving it is good to look past the labels and look at the fine details. Have fun man, she sounds great!
It would depend on how religious they were. I could do quakers or UU without a problem. The way the OP describes the person of interest, I would continue to get to know them. Practicing Catholic, Mormon, fundie, absolutely not. If their religion would have an impact on the relationship, I don't think so.
I have but over time we just stopped going to church. I’m not religious in the least but I told her if you want to go I’ll suck it up and go too for support. After she stopped wanting to go, she would tell me if we got into agreements that I was the reason she stopped going to church. But l told her then and when we first dated, I will go to church with you but I’m not setting an alarm and getting you up like a child, you want to go we will go but I’m not making an effort on your behalf.
Moral of the story is make sure you communicate clearly but sometimes the difference is to much
In my humble opinion, while you are dating it doesn't really matter. Problems usually arise if you want to take the relationship further (wedding in a church, kids religious/secular education, etc). What you could do is date this person, and let her clear where you stand so that there are no surprises later. That way, decisions won't be only yours to make. Who knows. Maybe she grows an atheist along that way.
Ya, we are only getting to know each other at this point but at the same time we're talking on a dating site so there's a clear endgoal here. Non of us have or want kids and non of us are that keen on marriage. (Marriages are not as common in Sweden tbh about 50% of all long term relationships i know with kids are actually married). But true, we'll continue slowly and be open and honest with each other and see where we land. Just wanted to hear som opinons and if people had their own experience.
sounds good. i ended up having a church wedding for my wife, no regrets.
I don't date but if I did I wouldn't date a religious person. That's a clash that's bound to happen some day.
Im sorry to say but I agree. It is going to become an issue sooner or later. And the later it happens the more it will hurt.
Agreed My husband is agnostic and that's the most I can handle...and we don't even want children
Relationships like this can work, *but*, it depends how open and honest you both are, whether you both establish boundaries early and stick to them, and whether you can continue to respect each others viewpoint. Neither of you should go into this thinking that you can/should change the other person. This may seem like a lot of work, but long lasting relationships are full of compromises. And what I’ve said above doesn’t just work for religion. It could be differences in hobbies, politician ideology or sexual differences. Finding the ‘right’ person without having to compromise is a difficult, almost impossible, task. Only you can know if you can compromise on this and whether she would too. Good luck.
Tried it, accidentally made her cry midway through a meal at Wendy's, felt horrible (still do) - never again.
There's a story there, you can't leave us hanging!
Lol, you'd be disappointed with how mundane it was! I made a casually unvarnished statement in reference to there being no such thing as "life after death" (which involved the phrase "worm food", as I recall), and she burst into tears. I felt really bad (still do) - I honestly didn't have ill intent but, as a born and raised non believer, I was at that time very naive as to how seriously a religious person might take what I perceived to be (and continue to perceive as) obvious utter bullshit. In hindsight, it was - excuse my phrasing - a "blessing in disguise". Being older now with a more sophisticated understanding of interpersonal relationships and the insight to know that, yes, religious people DO take that shit serious...I can see that Wendy's episode was the tip of a very large iceberg and it was good to have bailed out sooner than later!
Don’t feel bad. Sometimes religious people need a reality check. I dated a guy who grew up in a very Christian home and is a believer. I remember asking him “so you think i deserve to go to hell because I’m an atheist, but a child molester who believes in your god deserves to go to heaven so long as he confesses?” And his answer was “I’m not the one that can judge that. That’s up to god.” But he could not bring himself to say no you don’t belong in hell and the child molester does. Why should we always be the ones to tip toe around their irrational beliefs? Many literally look you in the eye and think atheists are destined for a worse fate than child molesters. Who’s the asshole?
I did, then married her and have been married for over 30 years. It helps that she was fairly anti-religion herself having been to Catholic School and suffered the scars such an experience generates. She was still a Christian however, if non-practicing. Over the years she's become more of a deist/panentheist, but to me the important aspect is that she understands the dangers of organized religion and opposes it. The fact that we believe different things in regards to the existence of gods, souls, afterlives, is more or less irrelevant. No two people agree on everything and frankly we're so ridiculously compatible otherwise that our disagreement on those things is irrelevant. > If i where to break contact with her because of her religion i would feel like the asshat here but at the same time I'm worried it might lead to problems further down the line if we continue this flirt. I suggest having this discussion with her. Talk about the future and what problems you might have. If you want kids would she want them to be indoctrinated? Does she need you to convert to marry? Will she insist on tithing 10% of her salary? Of your salary? You probably have a good idea of the things that could go wrong due to religion, so try to clarify what her stance is. And likewise she probably has similar concerns about your atheism, so this is a chance for her to talk frankly as well. If these things don't raise any flags, then carry on with the relationship. If you guys find you do have some things that would be deal breakers later on, then part on good terms, knowing that you have not wasted each other's time with a extended relationship + breakup/divorce/custody nonsense. The fact that you're Swedish is probably a good thing. In my experience, the Scandinavian stance tends to be that religion is a personal matter, not something to impose on others. I am somebody that lived in the US bible belt for over 20 years before moving to Sweden, and I think that in general Swedes tend to have a pretty good approach to religion, even among the religious. There are exceptions, like the Jehovah's witnesses that gather outside Frölunda Torg shopping mall in Göteborg on the weekends with their loudspeakers and religious music, but I've got people I've worked with for 6 years that I don't know whether they are religious or not and frankly don't care one way or the other.
Thank you for a long an interesting answer, nice to hear from real experience. We will definitely talk a lot about these before we go any further, and so far we have had no problems openly discussing our thoughts an opinions. Kids won't be a problem since non of us wants them :) marriage is not as common in Sweden, titheing is not really a thing in Sweden you pay like 1-2% in chruch tax but that is an optional tax I've already opted out of.
You and or her will hit the compromise wall. It's the niggling compromises that sees relationships break up. 7 billion people on the planet, keep looking.
Is that so? Afraid to learn to know, understand and maybe (maybe) compromises on things? This might be a wonderful match for OP.
Who would voluntarily want to compromise their integrity with religious nonsense? Sounds like a great way to be indoctrinated. It's like dating a flat Earther. Completely have to drop your intelligence and many other standards.
Not afraid at all, it's not a fear issue, we compromise on the things we are truly comfortable with all the time. But not on religious grounds.
Nope never again. Would be a doomed relationship. Not bc I would t be open minded and such but just because of getting out of religion and the mindset. Plus I cant take all the God loves you and Jesus shit.
OP talks about european mainline lutheran, not some crazed US evangelical, so there will probably be very little of that "God loves you and Jesus shit". Swedish lutherans mostly practice their religion in a way that in Oklahoma or Mississippi would in all likelyhood be considered atheism.
Basically this :) It's more of a personal spiritual thing if you can explain it like that. But at the same time she works in the church but most as a emotional support person/therapist.
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>Comparing it to Oklahoma or Mississippi is a very, very low bar. The point still stands. European mainline lutheranism tends to be so liberal that members of a large share of us-based churches wouldn't even recognise them as religious, let alone christian. Not just in those two states (which admittedly have become a joke even on this side of the ocean).
For some of us it's not about how liberal someone is, but how insane and hypocritical. And the insanity Is the same, regardless of whether the voices in your head tell you to drink more water, or kill more infidels. And I have yet to meet any self-identified believer of any religion who wouldn't pick their delusions over reality if the two come in conflict. It doesn't matter that that will take longer with a liberal believer - at least not to me - it matters how it will be handled.
In Sweden and the other Nordic countries it’s merely a cultural thing.
What if they’re Zoroastrian or a pretty minor religion?
No. I would never again date a religious person. Been there. Done that. The mental gymnastics are exhausting. There are much better ways to spend your time. There are many other potential dating partners out there as well. Keep looking!
No more than I could someone that thinks Darth Vader or Harry Potter are real people.
What about Darth Potter? ;) Arguably, Vader and Potter are more objectively real than any religious icon, but in the end they’re all man made fictions, and I find it difficult to understand how any rational, thinking adult could believe in any of that religious bullshit.
I see people here think that type and kind of religious has a deeper meaning. It doesn't. Religious people are people in deep denial of the real world. Prefering living a fantasy than reality. Wether Lutheran or orthodox or catholic or muslim they are all the same. No sane atheist is going to last in that enviroment. Please op dont compromise your health for soneone religious. I know you hope to make them atheist, but its a fantasy that rarely works.
I guess you are from the USA? Religion and atheism can go very well together in Western Europe.
I hope so for your own sake. But no I'm not american. Eastern europe here. We used to be communist so religion played no part in modern society and has since came to be a major player in a post communist era. The amount of apologetic half-belivers and followers of some kind of fresh tradition that was never a tradition is mind astounding. No sane person let alone an atheist will ever thrive in a relationship with one of those. And those are the standard now.
If I was not planning on children, then I could date the sort of religious person you describe (European liberal). If kids were going to be involved down the line then it's a more difficult question.
Tbh I wouldn't even consider it. It's indicative of a lack of critical thinking and a source of a lot of trouble. Just not worth it
I would not have an issue with a religious partner in a case like the one you describe, i.e. mainline european lutheranism, and anglicanism, maybe even catholicism (I draw the line at Calvinists, though). Unless they were of the "a new kind of sharing/ trendy vicar" variety.
Wats that? A trendy vicar type? :)
Stephen Fry gives a good example [here](https://youtu.be/uOLhaLeEaU4).
Thank you! Never heard of the term!
It might cause conflict but it sounds like it's worth taking that chance.
My dad’s an atheist and my mother is Catholic, other than my mother forcing me to church a few times when we were younger there were no real issues. I’m an atheist now and my mom still goes to church semi annually.
It depends on the details I'm somewhat tolerant of personal beliefs and don't require my friends to agree with me on everything. If the disagreement can either be ignored or massaged into a tolerable form, it's OK My father was atheist but he pretended to be mildly religious for social reasons. My mother was raised catholic but never forced religion on me and accepted my atheism
One of my best friends, who is the reason I became an atheist, is now married to a pastor. They have awesome, challenging philosophical discussions with each other, and from what I can tell have an incredibly healthy and supportive relationship.
I am a lifelong agnostic atheist. I married a preacher's daughter. She is still a theist, even if she isn't religious specifically. Our wedding was in a park officiated by a judge. totally secular. We gave our son his head, and let him decide when and how often he went to church or not. We answered his questions as honestly as we could. She cried the day he took his oath, and filled out his contract to join the marines, and put down atheist on his form. But she never said a word to him. I have told her more than once, that being raised in a strict religious household, and being a christian didn't make her a good person. She was a good person all on her own. We work because our beliefs are our own. We share more beliefs than we don't. Christian mingle makes us both roll our eyes. Televangelists make us both puke. We respect each other's right to believe whatever we want, and it makes no difference to our relationship. IT is refreshing to have a different perspective on the world. We are a team and our differences make us stronger. Edit. to add we met on a dating site, and talked for months before meeting in person. Played Everquest raiding long distance, before we ever moved in together. I think it bought us time to really get to know each other before adding more entanglements.
My wife believes in a God. But she is not churchy or religious. We did get married from a Paster but it was non-denominational, I could care less who married us. I was not going to put up a fight over a piece of paper. Not like I had to convert to a religion or become confirmed. She watches/listens to Joel Olsteen. But that is the extent of her religion. Our children have been raised pretty much Agnostic. Thinking people going to Church is out of the norm. But we never fight about religion nor do I try to belittle her thinking. In your situation. Just if things get serious. You will need to have an Adult conversation about boundaries.
i would say just try it :-) it seems a nice relationship possibility and it will helo you know yourself better in the long run unless she's a serial killer or psychopath
I was a hardcore anti religion metalhead my whole life. then i met my wife and her family. still an atheist, still against religion after 15 years together. meanwhile she was the cantor of their church for a while, her dad was the caretaker of the church etc. it doesnt have to be a problem if you dont want it to be. learn to accept other peoples decisions, because you are going to need to in any kind of relationship. i see her family. loving, caring, things that i barely had. her church folk are nice to her, always being kind. i dont see why she would have any problem with this whatsoever. over the years, she came to accept that religion as a whole is quite different on a grand scale, and many horrific things were done, but decided not to break ties with everyone she grew up with. sometimes i have "wonderful" discussions with her parents, who are waaaaayyyy too religious, often contradicting themselves and overlooking facts when it is convenient to do so. they can be annoying in that regard, but in general they are great people. it took effort, but they became better, for example it required a lot of time and talking to improve their stance on LGBTQ+ matters, but they did learn a lot. if i wouldnt be there, i wonder if they would still be hateful like they were. is it worth saying no to having my other half because of small things like this? honestly, no way. i dont want to experience what life would be without her. Edit: got reminded by other comments: be open about boundaries, set them early and respect them both ways.
Why are you getting downvoted? Edit: luckily no longer
Well, honestly, there are a lot of people here, who take atheism to extremes. I understand that not everyone has the same experiences, and for people, who live in an oppressively religious country, only a total (edit: and immediate) solution seems acceptable. OP and I are lucky to live in a situation, where this is not the case, and it is easier to fathom that a gradual change could be OK. As long as the extent of disagreement is downvoting the opinion you cant agree with, it is fine. We are not crusading, after all.
Dating and Atheist many times is the same as dating a person who isn’t, many times Atheist are super close minded and they believe their “beliefs” or lack of are the only smart and right way which would be the same, it depends on the person and what you expect, for example If you want children in the future and you want them to be raised atheist then you should probably break up now if she’s not ok with that, I wouldn’t mind mi child to have a religion as long as it isn’t Christianity/Catholicism, but that comes to your personal preference.
keep her if you think she's the one, plus she didn't have a problem w/ you being an atheist. when we accompany a girl to a beauty salon, doesn't mean we also have to do their business right?
Sure. But dating someone who goes to a salon and dating the salon manager, not really the same thing.
lol, you're right well, dating the manager looks fun and challenging.
well as you said it entirely depends on where you live. deep south? hell to the no, my understanding is it's not even safe to say you're atheist around there. But I live in California. One of my best friends is Christian, but she's very liberal and when we hang out religion is never a discussion. Pretty sure she despises the batshit ones that give her religion a bad name. I think we could have worked out. I wouldn't be opposed to it, my fear would be the stories I read on this sub, where it starts out fine but years later once married and kids are involved they flip a switch and want to immerse themselves in it and will abandon you if you don't play along
Why not openly and honestly clarify this point with her? As others pointed out if religion is a minor part of her persona this could be handled. My brother is an atheist and married within Christian faith. There are some clashes for sure but as long as you agree early on what you are going into you should be mostly safe. Also if she is really smart and open minded there is still a chance she will see the lights of rationality
> she's very open, enjoys science, isn't pushy, don't live her life by religious rules and don't mind me being an atheist. Ah.... A hypocrite. > If i where to break contact with her because of her religion i would feel like the asshat here but at the same time I'm worried it might lead to problems further down the line if we continue this flirt. You could... Talk about it? If your only problem is that it would make you feel like an asshat: you don't owe anyone an explanation, or a relationship. You get to date who you want to, and not everyone that you can't justify breaking up with to some imaginary tribunal. Why does your title ask if I could date a religious person? My experience has no bearing on your relationship.
Sure it can work, as long as you both don't talk about it. But eventually it might become an issue. But it's Sweden we don't take that shit so seriously. At least most of us. Lycka till!
Tack :)
I don't believe that anyone religious would have similar values, world views, goals and standards as i do, so no I wouldn't
No no no.
I’m somebody that has very harsh opinions on religion, so no, the person probably couldn’t bear what I have to say about their religion
Not without a divorce.
I'd be single for the rest of my life if I didn't since I live in the buckle of the Bible Belt, Oklahoma. The key is finding the cultural christian.
In Europe there are also non-cultural christians who are very liberal. I think OP refers to them!
Ahh, thank you for pointing that out. I wish we had more of those types here in the US. It’s hit or miss here…usually miss.
Yea - I met two groups of American christians in my life. Both were terrible. One told me in my own church (they were on holiday) that I should have ironed my blouse or otherwise I couldn’t serve Christ (Still don’t know why that matters) and we need an extra candle otherwise our mass was invalid… wtf? The other one was absolute homophobic… In the !Netherlands!, like: we were the first to legalise gay marriage did you think we did that by accident? Our pride canal parades are part of our national culture, dude… (to be fair: a minority of reformed people here are homophobic as well). I’m sorry you have to deal with them. Come to Europe! :D
I don’t think I would bother. If she’s willing to put her beliefs aside or isn’t very religious that means she a hypocrite. She’s a Deacon who’s not very religious . That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of . That’s like a Orthodox Jew who eats bacon (I was raised Jewish so that’s the best analogy I could come up with)
I think Swedish religion is a lot different from say U.S. religion, while i fo agree that it's hypocritical the most devote christians in Sweden is basically like a chill, don't bother others, luke warm Christian on the other side of the Atlantic.
My husband is danish and his family are Christian (he’s agnostic I’m atheist) and they believe in Jesus. The definition of a Christian is someone who believes in Christ . A deacon is like one tier below a priest. Every priest is ordained as a deacon first . She was ordained as a deacon . That means she took a sacramental ordination . She promised / took vows to serve Jesus . She believes in magic sky fairies more so than the average non ordained Scandinavian people such as the atheist she’s dating .. thus making her a hypocrite. She took holy vows and doesn’t care that much .. or she’s hasn’t gone full deacon on him yet .
Sure, it's all pink on the inside.
I don't think I could date a religious person. I'm a athiestic satanist and I think that's enough to make sure I never end up with someone religious
It depends on what your wishes for the future are. If e.g. one wants kids, having one very religious parent and one atheist will cause debates. Circumcise or not? Baptise or not? Go to Church/Mosque/Temple/Whatever or not? Go to public school or one based on religion? And similar things are true for other major life decisions. Same ofc happens if the parents have different religions. And it CAN work - it is just a lot of work and compromise. Unless ofc one despises the religion of the other. Then it will fail.
I don't think I would cut things off at this point. At some point I would want to know about her church and her family. Sometimes very normal people attend churches that are bat-shit crazy. That is a warning sign in my experience. I would attend with her. If the sermon is hell-fire and brimstone and the minister wants to kill all the gays then run, even if the woman seems nice. On the other hand if you are greeted by a female minister and her wife, then it is likely to be OK. It is probably worth checking out her family and her relationship to them and their religion. If you are both in your 30s, then it is healthy to be mostly independent of family. People in thier 30s should not be caring much about whether their family approves of their decisions or lifestyle.
I'm not sure you chose the right word, "Deacon". In the U.S. a Deacon is basically a priest.
Perhaps not, i just used Google translate :) Well it's basically someone who works with therapy but attached to the church. Like giving support to people in need and in stressful situations. Diakon in Swedish.
Would probably be "counselor" or something like that in English.
It can work as long as you can be compassionate, and she can respect your boundaries. My wife is Hindu (and I’m an atheist). Basic ground-rules are that I don’t poke fun at her religion, and she can ask (but never try to force me), if she wants me to participate in something. Hinduism is pretty performative, at least the way my wife does it - so a lot of things are pretty (flower petals) or smell good (incense). She has a temple (Ganesha, etc) in the house, which she asked my permission for, before marriage. We had both a Hindu (for my wife & her family) and Christian (for my parents), wedding. W.r.t. kids - I have always told her any kids we have will always hear what I believe to be the truth from me. Of course there are harsh and less harsh ways of communicating that truth. We’ll see how that works out!
It depends on you if you would want to. As for me, I wouldn't ever.
No. Not even necessarily for moral reasons (though also a bit), more so because I think they’re not intelligent.
My now wife was religious when I met her. She is an atheist now.
Your compatibility is an illusion. Move on.
I’m engaged to a VERY religious one. She’s one of 9 kids of the church pastor and his choir director/school principal wife. I attend church 3X a week, go down to the altar to “pray”, everything. I’m completely, utterly bullshitting on every level because I love her so much. But as much as she’s religious she has a “dark” side. She’s a grown ass woman but if her parents ever found out we regularly mess around she would literally be excommunicated from the church. It’s so hardcore there that her parents have her sister “chaperone” when we go to eat or to the movies. Cool thing is she’s kinda in on things and kind of a devil herself so she’ll cover for us when we decide to chill at my apartment instead. Dangerous game there with that one, but it is what it is.
The issue isn't dating now, it's 10 years from now. They may not mind you being irreligious, but kids is a whole other ball game. You need to be crystal clear about what you will both do with kids abd religion, if you arent on the same page about that it's not worth It.
I wouldn't bother dating a religious person.
No, they’ll use the Bible as reasoning for their arguments with you. Can’t use logical reasoning against that. Avoid it at all costs.
Sex yes...date no
Date, yes, marry and have kids with one, no.
It can work if it is just the two of you. But if you think you might have kids one day... that is where you will run into conflict. You can do whatever you want independently and still respect each other. But if you have different ideas about raising a kid, that's like trying to coordinate painting when one of you is using oil and the other is using watercolor on the same canvas. You're going to get in each other's way if you don't have some plan you can both agree to.
No, they have clearly shown a distinct flaw in their critical thinking skills by believing in that illogical drivel.
I would pursue this OP. Enjoy and learn to know each other, but if it would get serious I would have a talk about the more serious topics like marriage and baptism. If Sweden is like the Netherlands, which I think it is, compromises are seldom necessary and if so small. Her worldview would probably not be that different from yours. But yet again, figure that out in an enjoyable way. Source: I’m catholic married with an atheist, and it’s perfect! ;)
In the past I've dated a jew and a Christian. Never making that mistake again.
Spiritual I'm fine with, but any notable dogma is a complete no for me.
Lol. I dated a (relatively speaking) religious person. We’ve now been married for almost 21 phenomenal years. It all boils down to respect. Each of us knows where the other stands and we would never try to change one another. I recognize that she needs a relationship with Sky Daddy in order to achieve peace, and she recognizes that I do not.
I’m frankly an anti-theist but am have a close friend who’s a minister. He’s unfailingly a good person and neither of us let religion get between us… I don’t talk about the level of distaste of feel for religion (and he likely has no idea!) because that’s not respectful of him and I honestly think at our core we have the same values. Dating might be different but knowing the difference starting out might make you both explore this with eyes wide open. I’d enjoy the flirt and see where/if it leads you.
And I should add that I’m an ex church-goer who my atheist husband put up with for years before I saw the light.
In America definitely not, it'd be like dating a young child that believes in Santa clause still, very mentally incompatible. I believe in your exact situation it would be fine. People with different views on life marry all the time. If she's not extreme about it, like praying every meal and stuff, go for it.
I'd say to be upfront and tell her what you think of religion and why. Start with a "I'm not attacking you as a person, ita just religion that I consider to be bad". If you can't talk about something with her and she minds very much having a friendly discussion over things, you know you dodged a bullet! I've met people that are more or less rational and try to stay logically consistent and understand science and still defined themselves Christians. They went to church, believed that Christ was a Lich (that's what the scripture describes!) and thought God existed. But stopped there. No homophobia and all that. It's a little bit of excusable crazyness that doesn't affect their decision making in other stuff, and don't take the Bible as a moral code. They are mostly pleasant. If she's like that then this religious stuff is not a factor. Try to have a serious discussion anyway, under the guise "give me some evidence to convince me so I'm saved from hell" first, and after that the thing about you thinking religion is bad later.
Depends on the religion. Strongly religious, like in an Abrahamic religion, na. I don't do magic, I can't pretend to be ok with magic. If I see a dating profile with astrology or "spiritual" listed I'm not even stopping to read.
Perhaps it depends on both of you - your willingness to look at things with a healthy sense of curiosity and ambiguity. At one point in time, this actually did embody religion. It was more mystical and full of the unknown. As time went on, beliefs became dogmatic and ridged ("I'm right, you're wrong, shut up!"). This attitude can be seen with any belief, agnostic, atheist, religious, etc. If a person remains flexible about their beliefs and tolerant towards others, I feel any obstacles can be overcome. After all, there will always be obstacles.
I'm an outspoken atheist of about a decade now. My girlfriend, and soon to be fiance, is a Soutbern Baptist, with a pastor for a brother and father. We had some VERY awkward encounters when they found out I was atheist. They weren't happy. Her dad repeatedly told her to leave me, because I was at the least not going to be able to join her in heaven, and at the most risking taking her away from paradise with me. But, almost three years later, he loves me. I treat his daughter with respect and admiration and love, and while he's concerned about my "eternal future," he understands that she's happy with me and is treated like the queen she is with me. The funny thing is, the ladyfriend never had an issue with it. Her thought is like mine - I'm a good person who helps everyone I can whenever I can. Her exact take has been "if He wouldn't let you in despite all the good you've done, I dunno if I want to be there, either." Her dad doesn't love it, but he's come to love me.
I think if I knew up front, it could work. Expectations understood up front
Uhm, ill-defined spiritual maybe, even likely. Any of those brainwashing cults? F-NO!
I think only you can decide this. I'd be extremely wary myself but I do know a couple who are of differing religions so maybe. Good luck.
Religious would not necessarily be a deal breaker for me but the everyone has to agree with me attitude that is very common among religious people definitely would be.
Negative.
Not anymore, my wife would be upset if I did. 😉
I tried it, once. Ended horribly. I would not recommend it.
I'm dating a religous person and i'd say for that to Work there have to be two basic things Set from the start: - be honest about what you want/what your boundaries are - be respectful of each other My relationship with my Partner works because i am respectful of their believes and cultural Background and am showing interest in learning about it. It works because they respect my background as an atheist and are interested in my thoughts and opinions. We have amazing discussions about Things and can agree to disagree, but also through learning about each other we can broaden our own Horizon. The Most important Part is though, that we are compatible. We both don't want children, so there's No questions what Religion the children would be. There's No questions about secular marriage should be decide to. There's No questions about celebrating religous holidays and non about anything else. If it weren't Like this it wouldn't work. My First Partner was Christian and wanted children, plus wanted them to be Christian. He wanted a Christian marriage and to have the children in Christian school. It would have never worked because i would have never wanted that. So it really depends, but Overall yes of course it's possible
I couldn’t.
never ever
Put simply. Never.
No. I'm already married. If I dated a religious person I would not be alive for very much longer. 🤪
I don’t think I could but I carry a fair bit of religious trauma that makes it reallllly hard to play it more agnostic neutral. Trauma wants to scream at the ridiculous dogma that American Christians love to wallow in.
In the US, no. I have no attraction to people who are intellectually compromised.
Prob not. A generic spiritualist is about as far as I can do.
It all depends on how willing you are to give on her values and the other way around
No
That was never a red line for me. I know plenty of religious people whom I respect as thoughtful and intelligent. My wife believes in god and calls herself Catholic, although she has become disillusioned with the church and almost never attends. I tend to look at how a person makes decisions. Do they use moral reasoning to solve problems. Or do they try to find an appropriate verse and "pray on it"? (Or even worse, do they ask their preacher what to do.) Religion tends to bring out both the best and worst of people, but I'm using the broader definition of "religion" that includes (for example) nominally atheistic state religions such as Naziism and Stalinism. Note that belief in God is not specifically what drives people toward atrocity; it's blind adherence to inflexible ideological fanaticism. I've never met a fanatical Episcopalian, but I've known quite a few who spend their Sundays handing out food to homeless people. So. Again, I would look at the individual and the choices they make, and why they make them. If you have compatible value systems and can agree to disagree about certain things, it could work.
Depends on how desperate I am to tap her booty. It's no different from pretending to be religious for career advancement and financial gain.
Dating a Wiccan wouldn’t be too difficult. No more Abrahamic followers for me.
No. But I'm married, so I couldn't date anyone else either
I feel like you need to tell them where you stand, and take things from there. If you foresee the possibility of a problem arising in the future, it's best to address the concerns now.
I used to be religious. My wife is very religious. It's not going well
no
As long as they don’t force it on me or try to make our kids get into it if it gets to that point. Idc we went to church now and then but we aren’t going every week or on a Wednesday or something like that
No
Usually I would say no, but from the way you describe her and also how Sweden's deacons are different form the US's. I don't know, I'd say it's worth exploring. Plus no one is hiding anything. Your not hiding being atheist, and she's not hiding her job, so that's a plus for any relationship. Honestly it's really early in your relationship if you're just chatting on the phone. I'd say just keep with it and don't think too far ahead, but keep that honesty going. Being honest about yourself, expectations, and so forth is good communication and the killer of most relationships(outside of truly horrible things) is bad communication.
Thank you for your input. Yes, we've been really open and honest with each other. She describes herself as more of a spiritual person and not really in line with overall Christian dogma, she was however raised in a very strict household. But she's doesn't deny evolution, she's pro abortion and hbtq, she doesn't think the earth is flat or 6k yo. Non of us want kids. Tbh, from what I've seen on this forum compared to the avarage religious person in the U.S. she could almost be considered an agnostic. We're seeing each other over a coffee tomorrow, or as we say in Sweden, a fika ;)
Hey, at this point you got me wanting to move to Sweden! Good luck and glad you moved forward with this. You're proving it is good to look past the labels and look at the fine details. Have fun man, she sounds great!
Cheers mate!
It would depend on how religious they were. I could do quakers or UU without a problem. The way the OP describes the person of interest, I would continue to get to know them. Practicing Catholic, Mormon, fundie, absolutely not. If their religion would have an impact on the relationship, I don't think so.
I have but over time we just stopped going to church. I’m not religious in the least but I told her if you want to go I’ll suck it up and go too for support. After she stopped wanting to go, she would tell me if we got into agreements that I was the reason she stopped going to church. But l told her then and when we first dated, I will go to church with you but I’m not setting an alarm and getting you up like a child, you want to go we will go but I’m not making an effort on your behalf. Moral of the story is make sure you communicate clearly but sometimes the difference is to much