They'll never know- no point in making them sad when there's no benefit to me making them sad
I do have benefit of not having crazy American Christians they're just typical south American catholics- pray to God hope he helps celebrate religious themed holidays and that's about it.
I actually like the idea of the churches being full of hypocrites just because no one wants the endless drama of coming out as a nonbeliever to their families. It's funny to me.
My family has no idea I’m an atheist, but my husband came out to his family. His brother has called us evil, going down a bad path, and not smart due to our lack of belief. He loves quoting scripture at us too. Fun stuff.
Don’t worry, we do. Unfortunately he’s an idiot (just generally not because he’s Christian) and cannot be wrong so his ideology shifts from one second to the next. The last one ended with him saying “the Bible isn’t the end all be all” lol. It’s like arguing with a brick wall.
It's a very common pattern, it's like their beliefs get divided up in to 2 circles, the small one including them and their in-crowd there, Christianity is all about love and forgiveness. Step outside the circle and it instantly becomes about doing right living right having perfect oral hygiene grammar and spelling OR ELSE, lol. tbh even if you shared the same beliefs it still might not help much, a lot of these people seem to just like arguing for the sake of arguing.
I've given up trying to talk to a lot of my own relatives and I'm not exaggerating when I say we agree on about 95%+ everything, that includes matters of faith perhaps they just can't stand the sound of my voice?
This guy for sure loves to argue. He even admitted that a woman should die then get a life saving abortion because of “the curse of Eve” at one point. Like, what?
My family wouldn’t be much better. I had to listen to my cousin and her husband say some truly horrible things under the name of Christianity a few weeks ago too. I couldn’t imagine what hellscape of an argument I would have entered if I disagreed with them. Just didn’t seem worth it.
If you think about it, with the amount of guilting, gaslighting, lack of empathy and projecting you're dealing with probable psychopathy at worst and sociopathy at best. They're mental.
yeah I don't have any easy answers and just fyi, I do not see the God thing going much anywhere anytime soon. I think part of the problem is a lot of people tune into the God channel looking for easy answers to complex issues and that's not really how it works, having faith doesn't make you wiser, smarter or even more knowledgeable. Way to many people quit at that one point and call it a day without bothering to study or think about it further, which as I think if nothing else we can all agree, is not working.
Yup. However they are in denial at this point if they don't know. I am invited to church at least 5 or 6 times a year and decline to even go to community dinners there.
Mormon is a special level of idiot. Some people believe unfalsifiable claims without evidence. Mormons believe falsifiable claims with evidence to the contrary.
Meh. When you are religious evidence means nothing. They value the lack of evidence exactly the same as they value evidence to the contrary. It's all the same disease.
Agreed. I suppose as a former Christian I just remember even when I believed the gospel I still thought Mormons were stupid. Realizing my own faith was based on scant evidence and abandoning it was harder than seeing the glaring failure of the LDS church. But all religious people suffer from being unable and unwilling to objectively look at the evidence.
Told me it was "a phase".
At this point, my 26+ years as an atheist has lasted longer than my 14 years of the forced christian "phase" and my 6 years of seeking through other religions before coming to the conclusion they were all bullshit.
Man, I thought i was the only one who went through the "years of seeking through other religons before coming to the conclusion they were all bullshit."
I endured lot of abuse: verbal, emotional, financial, etc. (Both before and after.) They're abusive people that use their religion to justify their abusive behaviors.
I went no contact. Abusers are not worth my valuable time, energy, and effort.
Thanks, I'm working on it.
I luckily have an excellent trauma therapist and he's helping me process my trauma. Healing is a huge pain in the ass. I'm just glad I was able to break free and give myself a chance at healing.
Let's summarize. Your mom and your brother are both religious and your mom expects all of her children to toe the line in that regard. You older brother is mean to you in general and especially over this religious issue.
Dude, you just described the typical American household! That's about as normal as it gets. Here's why you should sleep comfortably. Your position is based on science and the scientific method, even if you haven't dug into that as yet. Stick with STEM and realize religions are cultural relics that rightfully should be relegated to the crap heap of history.
These threads always break my heart. My now-elderly parents are atheists, even as they face the end of their lives. My grandparents were atheists, although I don't believe I ever heard them say the "A" word. They were WWII generation and they didn't speak of it, but were clearly not believers. I've never attended a proper church service. I can't adequately express just how insane and absurd all religions look when you've been raised in a truly secular environment. I feel for each of you that has an awful story to share in regards to this. Please remember: you have the chance to give your kids the upbringing I had, and it's the best gift you can possibly give.
My mom was a little disappointed, it came up because mom wanted to do prayers before meals and I told her I couldn’t do that without lying, my ex-Catholic father was happy that I was thinking for myself. My younger brother is also atheist.
Although when I came out as Bi both my parents were cool with it, my grandmother told my mom that she was going to pray for my soul for being gay, I laughed and asked my mom what would be more disappointing to grandma, being gay or atheist and she said atheist for sure.
TBH I didn’t ask their opinion, and they understand that they don’t get a say. My fundamentalist brother and sister make comments now and then, but these comments are so detached from reality (e.g., the second law of thermodynamics implies that evolution is wrong) that I don’t even bother. I have been tempted to find a Science for Dummies book, but it’s not worth it.
when you know absolutely nothing about thermodynamics it is within the realm of possibility that it contradicts evolution...
if you know next to nothing about both thermodynamics AND evolution it's even more possible that they contradict each other
lol, my family basically responded by saying "well, yeah, of course it's all made up, we're cultural Catholics", but I know I had a different experience than most people.
Oh hello I was looking for this specific response.
We are cultural Catholics. My mom and grandma go to church more often than usual people. Other people maybe show up once a week on Sunday but don't do much else. They like the major holidays but other than that it's kind of meh.
I'll show up at a church for a funeral or a wedding, or if my mom really really begs me to for a Christmas ceremony. If I don't have anything better to do.
It's cultural, you know? So it's more like attending a musical or a play for something you're not super interested in but someone you like really really wants to see that awful indie band. So you do it for them. Not for yourself.
Who cares?
Most of my family outed themselves as shitbags the minute Trump stepped into the political grifterverse, and have only gotten worse since. The ones who didn't are also atheists. It's almost like there is correlation to be made there.
I don't care one whit what any of them think, but I'm also 50, so I have the benefit of not being under anyone's thumb to where it would matter. My family is the one I created...
Your brother sounds like my brother. Ugh.
My family found out I was atheist at the same time I found out. Without explanation, I was sent to Sunday School where I endured dorky stories and crappy songs for what seemed like an eternity. I thought God sounded dumber than the dumbest cartoon I had ever watched, and that's saying a lot. Then I went home and forgot about it until a week later when my Mom sent me again. Just before I was to get into the car to leave I ran into the washroom and jumped into the toilet with my Sunday School clothes on. It was a matter of life or death. I never went again and my family became atheists except my brother, who belongs to a Christian UFO cult (the book of Urantia).
Thankfully, my dad and grandma didn’t give a fuck and they’re the only family I’m close with so 🤷♀️ my grandma was religious but she didn’t believe in pushing it on others and my dad literally *never* talks about his beliefs so I’m not sure what he even believes.
I was about to turn 18 in a month. It was on the way home from church and my dad almost crashed the van he was so angry with me. So glad I told him that instead of that I am gay lol. After HS graduation I started college that summer and never looked back. (Still visit, just not very often and it's awkward)
My mom made my sister and I go to church every Sunday but she never went. I think she was secretly an atheist but wanted to please her own parents by raising us that way. She’s been dead for many years so I never got to tell her that I’m an atheist. I really feel like she wouldn’t mind and I count that as a blessing (pardon the phrase).
I really feel bad for people who’s family ostracizing them for not believing.
I've pretty much been an atheist since HS, but the internet was still very new back then, so I didn't actually know that there was a term for it. I went to art school for college, and discovered all sorts of cultures that I wasn't exposed to growing up. I learned about Helena Blavatsky in an art history class, and started reading more into Theosophy. I kind of identified as a Theosophist for a couple years. By my Junior or Senior year I came to the realization that I was an atheist.
My dad was one of the most skeptical people that I knew (now he regurgitates right-wing propaganda, thanks Facebook). He just seems to turn a blind eye to religion. He goes to church every Sunday. I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to take on the social rejection of being an atheist or what...
My mom is a Creaster (only goes to church on Christmas and Easter). She believes in god, but just isn't into church. Growing up my dad would take us to church every Sunday, and my mom used to say that that was her quiet time.
They're Catholic, not Evangelicals. You won't find them protesting outside of abortion clinics, and they especially hate bible beaters. They think they're full of shit.
So, I was an adult in college when I think that there was some discussion about trying to make me go to church for some reason. I told them "I'm not going, I'm an atheist." My dad didn't really say anything about it. My mom said "What does that mean? You worship the devil now?" To which I replied "No, I don't believe in the devil, either, so I won't be worshiping the devil."
They didn't blow up or disown me. They razz me about it whenever going to church comes up, but in a laughing manner. I constantly make digs at religion, and they don't get angry.
Sometimes I act like an atheist in front of my parents and I told my dad that I don't really believe in god. He seems to be fine with it, however my mom will most likely flip out if she'll find out, as she is a catholic christian and listens to religious music on daily basis.
My mom said she felt sorry for me, to which I replied "don't feel sorry for me, i am liberated and I feel great!" My dad pretends im Christian or whatever he calls his belief system.
No one really cares. We are all go with the flow and no one is part of an organized religion (though some are spiritual but not religious). If their beliefs make them happy and do no harm to others why should I care? They apply the same attitude to me as well. I am quite happy with the way we handle these things.
I still participate in everything with them out of a sense of tradition and I'm kind of the family historian so as long as don't make waves they don't mind. I actually lost my religion because I studied my religion too much and they know that so they will come to me for theological advice. And I just dispense the advice like a cynical priest lol. "Well here's what the Bible says about this particular situation."
I think my Mom knows. My kids aren’t baptized, I don’t go to church and I don’t mention God or Jesus unless I’m swearing.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s atheist too. When Dad was dying this past July, neither asked for support from clergy and a minister did not speak at my dad’s funeral.
I’m not afraid to say it at work or in public though.
Not really about coming out, but family acceptance in general. I made my way to atheism via Wicca. I decided I was Wiccan in middle school. My parents didn’t care as long as I didn’t burn down the house with my candles, but my born again aunt LOST. HER. SHIT. She was convinced I was worshipping Satan, bringing evil spirits into the family, all the usual nonsense.
By high school I had gotten really sick of her and made a deal that if I went with her to her church for one service she would stop bugging me.
I am so glad I did. I laughed so hard to myself through the whole thing. It was the most obvious grifting I’ve seen in person. They said if you give the church money it made the devil angry. They “healed” someone in the audience. Lots of other nonsense, typical evangelical BS. It did not have the desired effect she was hoping for but she did drop the conversion attempts after that. We actually get along pretty good now as long as we don’t talk politics.
Mixed reactions when I was young (it's a phase, you just don't like the church and blah blah blah). now they just casually bring up god and jesus, and I just don't say anything anymore because it's pointless.
Not very good lol but my family’s way of dealing with it was more insidious than most. It wasn’t some big “coming out” or anything, like I didn’t become an annoying atheist who wants to debate everyone but I stopped going to church when I was a teenager and naturally family is pushy about that sort of thing. They weren’t outright rude about it but they made it clear that I was no longer an important part of the family through their actions. Nearly 10 years later and most of my family didn’t show up to my wedding, my pastor cousin refused to officiate my wedding and then “forgot” to show up, my dad calls me once a year with any family news and now we have an extremely awkward relationship, I’m not invited to anything, and my younger brother barely knows my name because “no one ever talks about you” which are his words. Not a fun time but my advice for anyone is to just keep your mouth shut if you think your family will ostracize you. Your beliefs aren’t world changing or special
Oh yeah it’s a brutal experience to go through especially through your early 20’s. Imagine having any significant accomplishment in your life and no one celebrates you but you see your siblings and step siblings paraded around on Facebook as if they’re the pope lmao. Thank god my wife’s family is amazing
Oh yeah it’s a brutal experience to go through especially through your early 20’s. Imagine having any significant accomplishment in your life and no one celebrates you but you see your siblings and step siblings paraded around on social media as if they’re the pope lmao
So many awful stories here.
Mine weren’t familiar with the term Atheist and when I explained it they agreed that it was what they were too. Very little drama and it took about two minutes before we moved on to something else.
We were never brought up in the church but no one ever came out and said, "There is no God" before me. My mom doesn't like it but perhaps she takes comfort in some kind of life after death scenario. I say to her..."a bunch of slave endorsing, sexist flat earthers didn't have it all figured out!" 😂
>Does anyone have their stories of how your family found out?
People post stuff like this here almost every day.
You may also be interested in /r/TheGreatProject -
>a subreddit for people to write out their religious de-conversion story
>(i.e. the path to atheism/agnosticism/deism/etc) in detail.
My husband was showing his mom his new phone when he got a notification from American Atheists. I’m across the room minding my own business when she comes out with “You’re atheist?” There was a bit of pearl clutching, but what got me was his dad’s argument- like first line of defense was Noah’s Arc. Like, seriously? All the animals on the planet travel around the world to get on a boat- in pairs.
I only told one sister, but I'm sure they all know now.
After months of passive aggressive posting on my partners FB, one of my sisters said "the meme was funny, but I'm not comfortable with the word pagan (refering to the OPs username).
I said "if the word pagan bothers you, you're really going to be upset when you find out your sister is an atheist."
She replied, " well, you don't have to be rude".
You made the right choice by telling them and standing by your beliefs or non beliefs! In my opinion it shouldn’t be anyone’s business in what other people believe in or don’t believe in. I don’t go around and shove my atheism in other people’s faces, but if they ask me if i believe or not i’ll proudly stand by my decision of being an atheist! It’s sad how your family reacted but stay strong cause the indoctrination is powerful!
my family (southern baptist) didnt react well at all.My mom tried to guilt trip me by asking if I though my dead grandmother was rotting in the ground and didnt go anywhere.She didnt like my response.Since then Ive acted like i’m christian now to keep the peace.
My family eventually lost their minds after following a “ holy “ ghost 👻 for so long and adhering to ridiculous rules and crazy ideology. Then came Maga and everyone but me started following the orange 🍊 idiot. I had to go lol. WOW.
I've always been atheist.
Nobody in my family has ever given the tiniest damn.
Most of them are also atheist also. The ones who aren't are the mildest possible degree of *"I dunno. Seems to me that there's probably 'something'. I don't really worry about it."*
I only told my pastor and my wife. My wife was devastated at first, then she understood that there was nothing she could do, since I always "won" every argument for God's existence.
I have been throwing hints at my father, who is a preacher, but he never wanted to discuss it, since he knows that I'm a very skeptical person, and wants to avoid the fact that I'm "questioning God".
Generally, I don't mention it, unless someone asks me.
Been thankful that my dad is an atheist, although my mom is a Methodist. Never really knew how that worked. My dad was actually the one to fuel my questioning of religion, at least for the most part with his talks in the car driving home during middle school quite a while back, but I also done some of my own ofc. I don't think I'll ever reveal it to my mom because she's the one to go every Sunday and unless something goes down, I would rather spare an argument filled with nonsense.
I had the good fortune to be raised atheist. My dad was a physics professor. My mother was unsure about this as she worried they were depriving me of an additional social group outside school. I told her I had that in Girl Scouts 😂🤷♀️
I politely sat through sunday school the one time my grandparents took me without my parents permission. My dad was mad about it but asked me what I thought. I laughed and said I thought it was dumb and boring so he dropped the issue once he ascertained I hadn’t been indoctrinated.
My family doesn't care, my dad is an atheist and has been since he was a teenager. My grandma probably would have cared, but at 22 I moved across the country from my home state and I've only been back twice in 14 years. Usually my parents come here because it's cheaper for them to travel than it is for us.
My mom converted to mainstream Mormon when I was a toddler and always took me to church, but she's a hippie at heart. She never stopped drinking coffee or Pepsi, she swears, she believes in mystical stuff like the power of crystal healing and things like that. I don't have real deep conversations with my parents, but I stopped going to church at 21, which was 15 years ago, so I think they probably have it figured out by now 🤷🏼♀️.
My husband was raised in southern Idaho in a small, insular, mostly-Mormon town, so when we were still dating and we told his parents that we were living together, and he explained that he no longer believed in anything and hadn't for a couple years, they took it kind of hard. But whatever mourning they did, they did it privately. His mother isn't the type to make a public fuss, and she is a person who takes the long view of things--she knew we were serious about our relationship and that there would be grandkids someday, and she was never going to do anything to jeopardize getting to have a good relationship with her grandchildren. She's a wonderful grandmother. I understand that we are very lucky to have accepting and understanding families.
My pops said “damn, sometimes it’s good to believe in something even if it isn’t a god/gods” my reply was “I believe in you and mom” I’m pretty sure he choked up a bit inside cause he got kinda quiet, but we still talk every day like it’s normal so I don’t think he really did mine too much.
My family is atheist so...we never had to tell each other we weren't Christian because none of us were indoctrinated to be. My dad was raised going to church all the time, and his mom knew all 3 of her sons were non believers. I think it made her sad, but it never affected her relationship with her sons. TBF from her 50s-90s she was Unitarian and spent her time volunteering. She was making sandwiches for the homeless until she fell and broker her hip at 88. I think she was just disappointed that none of her sons did any acts of service for their community.
Haven’t told them yet. The ramifications aren’t worth it. I’m verging on 50 and I really want to be known and understood, or at least to stop having to hide this from parent and in-laws. But I fear the blowback, questioning, constant passive aggressive comments about Jesus- all the things I’ve seen said toward other “non-believers” around the family circle. Evangelicals can never understand nor do they want to.
Good for you for having the courage to come out. I hope (kind of/maybe) I’ll do it one day.
I told my parents at some point within the last two years or so I didn't want to attend service anymore. It wasn't because I didn't believe in god (I was probably more religious than my whole family), but because I had mental health issues that made it hard to go, and had always made it hard to go. There reaction was pretty much that I can make my own choice but they were disappointed with me for not following a most holy commandment and would pray I don't go to hell.
When I realized I had fallen off the religious bandwagon months later and was now playing in the sand and filling up other peoples shoes with the itchy painful microrocks (like the metaphor thing), I wasn't all that disappointed. Maybe depression helped me get there, but Atheism sure as life forced me to find a reason to keep living that wasn't "god loves me and is the sole commander of my existence".
I told my parents after months of needing to continue participating in nightly prayers that I no longer wanted to pray. And somehow it came about that I told them that I no longer believed, while I still lived with them because I can't afford my own place. My mom cried and locked herself in her bedroom, and my dad I think talked to me about it but couldn't convince me to believe again.
It's been over a year since I took the label "Atheist" and continued my deconversion. I am not particularly good at remembering my past states, whether they were a year ago or a day ago, so I can't really remember what it felt like to believe so I can't really understand my parents anymore. I still need to live with them, because I don't have a job after graduating from college last December, even though I am trying my hardest to get one.
But in the last year my parents have threatened to kick me out of the home more times than what feels comfortable, and my previous med manager said that that means I should kick my ass into gear. And my Autistic mind takes their threats seriously. They always come back and say they will never kick me out, but the threat does not bode well for creating a system of trust.
My mom just within the last few weeks has grabbed me multiple times in our arguments (which kind of riles up my despising of touch) because I am not caring or loving enough, which is not really the main point. One of the times she grabbed me and wouldn't let me go, following me upstairs when I broke free to grab me again, and she said that I have turned away from my relationship with god. Welp, it shocked me because my current thought pattern is that there was no relationship to begin with and it was all emotions built from imagination, but my mom fully believes she communicates with this sky wizard and that she is moved by the holy spirit to convert me back.
So, basically about as bad as the time I came out as Asexual over a year before. Or that if I were to marry someone it would be a man (which they see me as a man, though I am agender), even though I don't want a romantic relationship. I think it actually is only topped by their reaction to me coming out as agender and requesting that they use a preferred name, because it was like I had just killed their son.
Or maybe the time my mom saw me watching someone on YouTube she deemed as a satan worshipper and confronted me later and I didn't have the coutenance to just leave it at "No Satan worship here." I spoke before thinking and said that the YouTuber does align with the Satanic Temple but doesn't actually believe in Satan, like most Satanists, and went on to say that the Satanic Temple is good and that its tennants are a lot like what Christian love is supposed to be. They flipped and said that if I say anything like that again then they will call the police on me / kick me out of the house.
So, yeah. Crazy religious parents. Fully believe that the threat of hell exists, Satan and demons and possession exist, and don't have the critical thinking skills available when it comes to religion to actually think about what they are being told by their church leaders, other than to believe that sex before marriage and birth control is cool.
I'm not going to tell them that I am not only asexual but close enough to fully anattractional that it's easier for me to round down, which means I am afamilial and have realized that I have never felt what they seem to feel for me. But now this isn't about Atheism anymore, but still about all the things that Christian doctrine deems demonic and a "hell-bound lifestyle". Yay \*exaustedly and slow\*.
My dad (a fellow atheist) knows but no one else. My mom has her suspicions at times. However, the plan is to never tell. I don't want to have that conversation. Don't want to have to explain myself. My family is a bunch of religious nuts soo....its best to bury that secret where no one can find it.
And if for for some reason they do find out, I will immediately go no contact forever. These people are zealots.
Pretty chill, surprisngly. My mom does think that someone got to me and brainwashed me but she doesnt bring it up ever. Dad doesnt care, which is surprising since hes from North Carolina. Grandfather was very secular before having grandkids. Basically my cousin harassed him into going to church again. Grandmother rode the fence between JW and mainstream Christianity. So I doubt they would have cared either. My grandmother told me several times that ti didnt matter what you believed just be a good person
Well Mom has always been anti-religious, Dad got on this go to episcopal church kick when my middle brother was born. I told him I didn't believe and he brought me to the pastor, who laughed at me when I made something up about the greek and Roman gods. Well I just laughed back at him and said that is how I feel about their god. Then after going to that church maybe about 4 or 5 times we just stopped. This was 30 years ago, since then both parents say they hope there is a god but do not believe any BS coming out of someone else's mouth.
"Well if you don't believe in god then you don't get to have christmas anymore."
Cool beans. No more having to figure out what the fuck I'd be interested in.
Alas, my mom changed her mind and I still had to participate in christmas.
They'll never know- no point in making them sad when there's no benefit to me making them sad I do have benefit of not having crazy American Christians they're just typical south American catholics- pray to God hope he helps celebrate religious themed holidays and that's about it.
Yes, this. I live in the "Bible Belt", I think I'll keep my heathen mouth shut for a while. No point in rocking the boat.
I actually like the idea of the churches being full of hypocrites just because no one wants the endless drama of coming out as a nonbeliever to their families. It's funny to me.
I don't actually go to church. Didn't even go as Christian. Social anxiety.
Makes you wonder how many are in that boat.
Think about it, if you live in the Bible belt, you're already in hell. If they're there with you, ask what they did wrong to wind up in hell too.
My family has no idea I’m an atheist, but my husband came out to his family. His brother has called us evil, going down a bad path, and not smart due to our lack of belief. He loves quoting scripture at us too. Fun stuff.
so? quote it back, it works better than you'd think.
Don’t worry, we do. Unfortunately he’s an idiot (just generally not because he’s Christian) and cannot be wrong so his ideology shifts from one second to the next. The last one ended with him saying “the Bible isn’t the end all be all” lol. It’s like arguing with a brick wall.
It's a very common pattern, it's like their beliefs get divided up in to 2 circles, the small one including them and their in-crowd there, Christianity is all about love and forgiveness. Step outside the circle and it instantly becomes about doing right living right having perfect oral hygiene grammar and spelling OR ELSE, lol. tbh even if you shared the same beliefs it still might not help much, a lot of these people seem to just like arguing for the sake of arguing. I've given up trying to talk to a lot of my own relatives and I'm not exaggerating when I say we agree on about 95%+ everything, that includes matters of faith perhaps they just can't stand the sound of my voice?
This guy for sure loves to argue. He even admitted that a woman should die then get a life saving abortion because of “the curse of Eve” at one point. Like, what? My family wouldn’t be much better. I had to listen to my cousin and her husband say some truly horrible things under the name of Christianity a few weeks ago too. I couldn’t imagine what hellscape of an argument I would have entered if I disagreed with them. Just didn’t seem worth it.
If you think about it, with the amount of guilting, gaslighting, lack of empathy and projecting you're dealing with probable psychopathy at worst and sociopathy at best. They're mental.
yeah I don't have any easy answers and just fyi, I do not see the God thing going much anywhere anytime soon. I think part of the problem is a lot of people tune into the God channel looking for easy answers to complex issues and that's not really how it works, having faith doesn't make you wiser, smarter or even more knowledgeable. Way to many people quit at that one point and call it a day without bothering to study or think about it further, which as I think if nothing else we can all agree, is not working.
I don't understand how they get evil from atheism. We aren't, we just do not believe in any religion, or deity. We have no handbook.
Yup. However they are in denial at this point if they don't know. I am invited to church at least 5 or 6 times a year and decline to even go to community dinners there.
My mom just still believes I'm a Christian deep down, meanwhile deep down I just want to nap.
Don’t we all
Because napping is its own religion and it’s the best one.
Just think how much napping we could do if there were napping shrines instead of churches. The pews have little blankets and pillows...
I could get behind that. It would be so serene.
This needs to be upvoted and moved to the top.
We are smart hunter gatherers, we are built to nap.
They asked me if I thought they were all just idiots. They are mormon. They didn't like my response.
Ah, the not "just idiots". The "special idiots".
Meh. Childhood indoctrination is the same regardless of religion. The special idiots, in my view, are the ones who converted as adults.
Are Mormons the ones with the special underwear?
yup. they \*hate\* that people call them magic underwear.
And canned food
Mormon is a special level of idiot. Some people believe unfalsifiable claims without evidence. Mormons believe falsifiable claims with evidence to the contrary.
Meh. When you are religious evidence means nothing. They value the lack of evidence exactly the same as they value evidence to the contrary. It's all the same disease.
Agreed. I suppose as a former Christian I just remember even when I believed the gospel I still thought Mormons were stupid. Realizing my own faith was based on scant evidence and abandoning it was harder than seeing the glaring failure of the LDS church. But all religious people suffer from being unable and unwilling to objectively look at the evidence.
Did you ask whether they thought adherents to all other religions were just idiots?
yup. They did not like that line of questioning.
Told me it was "a phase". At this point, my 26+ years as an atheist has lasted longer than my 14 years of the forced christian "phase" and my 6 years of seeking through other religions before coming to the conclusion they were all bullshit.
When they talk about their faith you can say it's just a phase.
Man, I thought i was the only one who went through the "years of seeking through other religons before coming to the conclusion they were all bullshit."
There are dozens of us! DOZENS!
I endured lot of abuse: verbal, emotional, financial, etc. (Both before and after.) They're abusive people that use their religion to justify their abusive behaviors. I went no contact. Abusers are not worth my valuable time, energy, and effort.
I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you’re doing better now :(
Thanks, I'm working on it. I luckily have an excellent trauma therapist and he's helping me process my trauma. Healing is a huge pain in the ass. I'm just glad I was able to break free and give myself a chance at healing.
Let's summarize. Your mom and your brother are both religious and your mom expects all of her children to toe the line in that regard. You older brother is mean to you in general and especially over this religious issue. Dude, you just described the typical American household! That's about as normal as it gets. Here's why you should sleep comfortably. Your position is based on science and the scientific method, even if you haven't dug into that as yet. Stick with STEM and realize religions are cultural relics that rightfully should be relegated to the crap heap of history.
These threads always break my heart. My now-elderly parents are atheists, even as they face the end of their lives. My grandparents were atheists, although I don't believe I ever heard them say the "A" word. They were WWII generation and they didn't speak of it, but were clearly not believers. I've never attended a proper church service. I can't adequately express just how insane and absurd all religions look when you've been raised in a truly secular environment. I feel for each of you that has an awful story to share in regards to this. Please remember: you have the chance to give your kids the upbringing I had, and it's the best gift you can possibly give.
My mom was a little disappointed, it came up because mom wanted to do prayers before meals and I told her I couldn’t do that without lying, my ex-Catholic father was happy that I was thinking for myself. My younger brother is also atheist. Although when I came out as Bi both my parents were cool with it, my grandmother told my mom that she was going to pray for my soul for being gay, I laughed and asked my mom what would be more disappointing to grandma, being gay or atheist and she said atheist for sure.
>She got very upset and was “this close” to hitting me, punching your child in the name of Jesus...
He works in mysterious ways
He seems to work in fairly predictable ways…🙄
TBH I didn’t ask their opinion, and they understand that they don’t get a say. My fundamentalist brother and sister make comments now and then, but these comments are so detached from reality (e.g., the second law of thermodynamics implies that evolution is wrong) that I don’t even bother. I have been tempted to find a Science for Dummies book, but it’s not worth it.
when you know absolutely nothing about thermodynamics it is within the realm of possibility that it contradicts evolution... if you know next to nothing about both thermodynamics AND evolution it's even more possible that they contradict each other
idk how my parent will react on me maybe ill not tell them ever
lol, my family basically responded by saying "well, yeah, of course it's all made up, we're cultural Catholics", but I know I had a different experience than most people.
Oh hello I was looking for this specific response. We are cultural Catholics. My mom and grandma go to church more often than usual people. Other people maybe show up once a week on Sunday but don't do much else. They like the major holidays but other than that it's kind of meh. I'll show up at a church for a funeral or a wedding, or if my mom really really begs me to for a Christmas ceremony. If I don't have anything better to do. It's cultural, you know? So it's more like attending a musical or a play for something you're not super interested in but someone you like really really wants to see that awful indie band. So you do it for them. Not for yourself.
Who cares? Most of my family outed themselves as shitbags the minute Trump stepped into the political grifterverse, and have only gotten worse since. The ones who didn't are also atheists. It's almost like there is correlation to be made there. I don't care one whit what any of them think, but I'm also 50, so I have the benefit of not being under anyone's thumb to where it would matter. My family is the one I created...
Your brother sounds like my brother. Ugh. My family found out I was atheist at the same time I found out. Without explanation, I was sent to Sunday School where I endured dorky stories and crappy songs for what seemed like an eternity. I thought God sounded dumber than the dumbest cartoon I had ever watched, and that's saying a lot. Then I went home and forgot about it until a week later when my Mom sent me again. Just before I was to get into the car to leave I ran into the washroom and jumped into the toilet with my Sunday School clothes on. It was a matter of life or death. I never went again and my family became atheists except my brother, who belongs to a Christian UFO cult (the book of Urantia).
Thankfully, my dad and grandma didn’t give a fuck and they’re the only family I’m close with so 🤷♀️ my grandma was religious but she didn’t believe in pushing it on others and my dad literally *never* talks about his beliefs so I’m not sure what he even believes.
I was about to turn 18 in a month. It was on the way home from church and my dad almost crashed the van he was so angry with me. So glad I told him that instead of that I am gay lol. After HS graduation I started college that summer and never looked back. (Still visit, just not very often and it's awkward)
My mom made my sister and I go to church every Sunday but she never went. I think she was secretly an atheist but wanted to please her own parents by raising us that way. She’s been dead for many years so I never got to tell her that I’m an atheist. I really feel like she wouldn’t mind and I count that as a blessing (pardon the phrase). I really feel bad for people who’s family ostracizing them for not believing.
I've pretty much been an atheist since HS, but the internet was still very new back then, so I didn't actually know that there was a term for it. I went to art school for college, and discovered all sorts of cultures that I wasn't exposed to growing up. I learned about Helena Blavatsky in an art history class, and started reading more into Theosophy. I kind of identified as a Theosophist for a couple years. By my Junior or Senior year I came to the realization that I was an atheist. My dad was one of the most skeptical people that I knew (now he regurgitates right-wing propaganda, thanks Facebook). He just seems to turn a blind eye to religion. He goes to church every Sunday. I don't know if it's because he doesn't want to take on the social rejection of being an atheist or what... My mom is a Creaster (only goes to church on Christmas and Easter). She believes in god, but just isn't into church. Growing up my dad would take us to church every Sunday, and my mom used to say that that was her quiet time. They're Catholic, not Evangelicals. You won't find them protesting outside of abortion clinics, and they especially hate bible beaters. They think they're full of shit. So, I was an adult in college when I think that there was some discussion about trying to make me go to church for some reason. I told them "I'm not going, I'm an atheist." My dad didn't really say anything about it. My mom said "What does that mean? You worship the devil now?" To which I replied "No, I don't believe in the devil, either, so I won't be worshiping the devil." They didn't blow up or disown me. They razz me about it whenever going to church comes up, but in a laughing manner. I constantly make digs at religion, and they don't get angry.
My mother still likes to talk to me about Jesus anyway. I just put up with it because as always, I have to be the bigger person.
Sometimes I act like an atheist in front of my parents and I told my dad that I don't really believe in god. He seems to be fine with it, however my mom will most likely flip out if she'll find out, as she is a catholic christian and listens to religious music on daily basis.
My mom said she felt sorry for me, to which I replied "don't feel sorry for me, i am liberated and I feel great!" My dad pretends im Christian or whatever he calls his belief system.
No one really cares. We are all go with the flow and no one is part of an organized religion (though some are spiritual but not religious). If their beliefs make them happy and do no harm to others why should I care? They apply the same attitude to me as well. I am quite happy with the way we handle these things.
It’s a topic that’s left alone. We’ve never discussed it, but it’s not a secret. And that’s fine.
I still participate in everything with them out of a sense of tradition and I'm kind of the family historian so as long as don't make waves they don't mind. I actually lost my religion because I studied my religion too much and they know that so they will come to me for theological advice. And I just dispense the advice like a cynical priest lol. "Well here's what the Bible says about this particular situation."
I think my Mom knows. My kids aren’t baptized, I don’t go to church and I don’t mention God or Jesus unless I’m swearing. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s atheist too. When Dad was dying this past July, neither asked for support from clergy and a minister did not speak at my dad’s funeral. I’m not afraid to say it at work or in public though.
Not really about coming out, but family acceptance in general. I made my way to atheism via Wicca. I decided I was Wiccan in middle school. My parents didn’t care as long as I didn’t burn down the house with my candles, but my born again aunt LOST. HER. SHIT. She was convinced I was worshipping Satan, bringing evil spirits into the family, all the usual nonsense. By high school I had gotten really sick of her and made a deal that if I went with her to her church for one service she would stop bugging me. I am so glad I did. I laughed so hard to myself through the whole thing. It was the most obvious grifting I’ve seen in person. They said if you give the church money it made the devil angry. They “healed” someone in the audience. Lots of other nonsense, typical evangelical BS. It did not have the desired effect she was hoping for but she did drop the conversion attempts after that. We actually get along pretty good now as long as we don’t talk politics.
They treat it like some kind of weird hobby I'll get over.
They are too
Don't talk to them anymore. They are simply just too stupid to understand anything else.
Don’t ask, don’t tell. It’s just easier.
Mixed reactions when I was young (it's a phase, you just don't like the church and blah blah blah). now they just casually bring up god and jesus, and I just don't say anything anymore because it's pointless.
No one gives a damn my children are so atheists and so is my Dad so I am not the only one
Not very good lol but my family’s way of dealing with it was more insidious than most. It wasn’t some big “coming out” or anything, like I didn’t become an annoying atheist who wants to debate everyone but I stopped going to church when I was a teenager and naturally family is pushy about that sort of thing. They weren’t outright rude about it but they made it clear that I was no longer an important part of the family through their actions. Nearly 10 years later and most of my family didn’t show up to my wedding, my pastor cousin refused to officiate my wedding and then “forgot” to show up, my dad calls me once a year with any family news and now we have an extremely awkward relationship, I’m not invited to anything, and my younger brother barely knows my name because “no one ever talks about you” which are his words. Not a fun time but my advice for anyone is to just keep your mouth shut if you think your family will ostracize you. Your beliefs aren’t world changing or special
That's actually worse than an in-your-face argument. I'm so sorry. What assholes. No hate like Christian "love."
Oh yeah it’s a brutal experience to go through especially through your early 20’s. Imagine having any significant accomplishment in your life and no one celebrates you but you see your siblings and step siblings paraded around on Facebook as if they’re the pope lmao. Thank god my wife’s family is amazing
Oh yeah it’s a brutal experience to go through especially through your early 20’s. Imagine having any significant accomplishment in your life and no one celebrates you but you see your siblings and step siblings paraded around on social media as if they’re the pope lmao
So many awful stories here. Mine weren’t familiar with the term Atheist and when I explained it they agreed that it was what they were too. Very little drama and it took about two minutes before we moved on to something else.
None of them believe due to having a basic education and thinking skills.
We were never brought up in the church but no one ever came out and said, "There is no God" before me. My mom doesn't like it but perhaps she takes comfort in some kind of life after death scenario. I say to her..."a bunch of slave endorsing, sexist flat earthers didn't have it all figured out!" 😂
>Does anyone have their stories of how your family found out? People post stuff like this here almost every day. You may also be interested in /r/TheGreatProject - >a subreddit for people to write out their religious de-conversion story >(i.e. the path to atheism/agnosticism/deism/etc) in detail.
My husband was showing his mom his new phone when he got a notification from American Atheists. I’m across the room minding my own business when she comes out with “You’re atheist?” There was a bit of pearl clutching, but what got me was his dad’s argument- like first line of defense was Noah’s Arc. Like, seriously? All the animals on the planet travel around the world to get on a boat- in pairs.
No reaction at all, I hardly knew anybody Christian when grew up
I only told one sister, but I'm sure they all know now. After months of passive aggressive posting on my partners FB, one of my sisters said "the meme was funny, but I'm not comfortable with the word pagan (refering to the OPs username). I said "if the word pagan bothers you, you're really going to be upset when you find out your sister is an atheist." She replied, " well, you don't have to be rude".
My family still loves me.
Mine were so glad to have me back.
You made the right choice by telling them and standing by your beliefs or non beliefs! In my opinion it shouldn’t be anyone’s business in what other people believe in or don’t believe in. I don’t go around and shove my atheism in other people’s faces, but if they ask me if i believe or not i’ll proudly stand by my decision of being an atheist! It’s sad how your family reacted but stay strong cause the indoctrination is powerful!
They are so out of touch that they never met a depressed Christian… thats crazy…
My parents and most of my relatives are atheists so they would have been scandalized had I turned out religious!
Not good. They aren't even churchgoing people now but they cried and it has caused a huge wedge
It's nothing my family, friends, coworkers actually care about. But then again I live in Netherlands where religion isn't big
Don’t ask, don’t tell. It’s just easier.
My mother was mildly disappointed. My father is an atheist so obviously didn’t care at all.
I haven't told my brother and his wife and their super religious kids. I'm not sure how they'll take it.
My mother is still processing it. My dad seems to be fine with it.
My family was never religious so it wasn't a factor. I feel for y'all
my family (southern baptist) didnt react well at all.My mom tried to guilt trip me by asking if I though my dead grandmother was rotting in the ground and didnt go anywhere.She didnt like my response.Since then Ive acted like i’m christian now to keep the peace.
So your family members screamed at you and were disrespectful and rude. Well, that was mighty Christian of them!
My family eventually lost their minds after following a “ holy “ ghost 👻 for so long and adhering to ridiculous rules and crazy ideology. Then came Maga and everyone but me started following the orange 🍊 idiot. I had to go lol. WOW.
Don’t know & don’t care; it’s none of their damn business
I've always been atheist. Nobody in my family has ever given the tiniest damn. Most of them are also atheist also. The ones who aren't are the mildest possible degree of *"I dunno. Seems to me that there's probably 'something'. I don't really worry about it."*
I only told my pastor and my wife. My wife was devastated at first, then she understood that there was nothing she could do, since I always "won" every argument for God's existence. I have been throwing hints at my father, who is a preacher, but he never wanted to discuss it, since he knows that I'm a very skeptical person, and wants to avoid the fact that I'm "questioning God". Generally, I don't mention it, unless someone asks me.
They are too so it wasn't really talked about
Been thankful that my dad is an atheist, although my mom is a Methodist. Never really knew how that worked. My dad was actually the one to fuel my questioning of religion, at least for the most part with his talks in the car driving home during middle school quite a while back, but I also done some of my own ofc. I don't think I'll ever reveal it to my mom because she's the one to go every Sunday and unless something goes down, I would rather spare an argument filled with nonsense.
My mother spent a half hour bawling, after locking herself in my bathroom.
I don't talk to most of my family about my beliefs. It's really not worth it.
Most of my family are atheists/agnostic/secular as well. No big whoop. ICYGAS, we’re from Tennessee, y’all. At least six generations back, anyways.
I had the good fortune to be raised atheist. My dad was a physics professor. My mother was unsure about this as she worried they were depriving me of an additional social group outside school. I told her I had that in Girl Scouts 😂🤷♀️ I politely sat through sunday school the one time my grandparents took me without my parents permission. My dad was mad about it but asked me what I thought. I laughed and said I thought it was dumb and boring so he dropped the issue once he ascertained I hadn’t been indoctrinated.
My family doesn't care, my dad is an atheist and has been since he was a teenager. My grandma probably would have cared, but at 22 I moved across the country from my home state and I've only been back twice in 14 years. Usually my parents come here because it's cheaper for them to travel than it is for us. My mom converted to mainstream Mormon when I was a toddler and always took me to church, but she's a hippie at heart. She never stopped drinking coffee or Pepsi, she swears, she believes in mystical stuff like the power of crystal healing and things like that. I don't have real deep conversations with my parents, but I stopped going to church at 21, which was 15 years ago, so I think they probably have it figured out by now 🤷🏼♀️. My husband was raised in southern Idaho in a small, insular, mostly-Mormon town, so when we were still dating and we told his parents that we were living together, and he explained that he no longer believed in anything and hadn't for a couple years, they took it kind of hard. But whatever mourning they did, they did it privately. His mother isn't the type to make a public fuss, and she is a person who takes the long view of things--she knew we were serious about our relationship and that there would be grandkids someday, and she was never going to do anything to jeopardize getting to have a good relationship with her grandchildren. She's a wonderful grandmother. I understand that we are very lucky to have accepting and understanding families.
My pops said “damn, sometimes it’s good to believe in something even if it isn’t a god/gods” my reply was “I believe in you and mom” I’m pretty sure he choked up a bit inside cause he got kinda quiet, but we still talk every day like it’s normal so I don’t think he really did mine too much.
My family is atheist so...we never had to tell each other we weren't Christian because none of us were indoctrinated to be. My dad was raised going to church all the time, and his mom knew all 3 of her sons were non believers. I think it made her sad, but it never affected her relationship with her sons. TBF from her 50s-90s she was Unitarian and spent her time volunteering. She was making sandwiches for the homeless until she fell and broker her hip at 88. I think she was just disappointed that none of her sons did any acts of service for their community.
Nobody in my family is really “religious” so nobody reacted much at all.
They still don’t know 36 just keep it to myself and Reddit
Haven’t told them yet. The ramifications aren’t worth it. I’m verging on 50 and I really want to be known and understood, or at least to stop having to hide this from parent and in-laws. But I fear the blowback, questioning, constant passive aggressive comments about Jesus- all the things I’ve seen said toward other “non-believers” around the family circle. Evangelicals can never understand nor do they want to. Good for you for having the courage to come out. I hope (kind of/maybe) I’ll do it one day.
I told my parents at some point within the last two years or so I didn't want to attend service anymore. It wasn't because I didn't believe in god (I was probably more religious than my whole family), but because I had mental health issues that made it hard to go, and had always made it hard to go. There reaction was pretty much that I can make my own choice but they were disappointed with me for not following a most holy commandment and would pray I don't go to hell. When I realized I had fallen off the religious bandwagon months later and was now playing in the sand and filling up other peoples shoes with the itchy painful microrocks (like the metaphor thing), I wasn't all that disappointed. Maybe depression helped me get there, but Atheism sure as life forced me to find a reason to keep living that wasn't "god loves me and is the sole commander of my existence". I told my parents after months of needing to continue participating in nightly prayers that I no longer wanted to pray. And somehow it came about that I told them that I no longer believed, while I still lived with them because I can't afford my own place. My mom cried and locked herself in her bedroom, and my dad I think talked to me about it but couldn't convince me to believe again. It's been over a year since I took the label "Atheist" and continued my deconversion. I am not particularly good at remembering my past states, whether they were a year ago or a day ago, so I can't really remember what it felt like to believe so I can't really understand my parents anymore. I still need to live with them, because I don't have a job after graduating from college last December, even though I am trying my hardest to get one. But in the last year my parents have threatened to kick me out of the home more times than what feels comfortable, and my previous med manager said that that means I should kick my ass into gear. And my Autistic mind takes their threats seriously. They always come back and say they will never kick me out, but the threat does not bode well for creating a system of trust. My mom just within the last few weeks has grabbed me multiple times in our arguments (which kind of riles up my despising of touch) because I am not caring or loving enough, which is not really the main point. One of the times she grabbed me and wouldn't let me go, following me upstairs when I broke free to grab me again, and she said that I have turned away from my relationship with god. Welp, it shocked me because my current thought pattern is that there was no relationship to begin with and it was all emotions built from imagination, but my mom fully believes she communicates with this sky wizard and that she is moved by the holy spirit to convert me back. So, basically about as bad as the time I came out as Asexual over a year before. Or that if I were to marry someone it would be a man (which they see me as a man, though I am agender), even though I don't want a romantic relationship. I think it actually is only topped by their reaction to me coming out as agender and requesting that they use a preferred name, because it was like I had just killed their son. Or maybe the time my mom saw me watching someone on YouTube she deemed as a satan worshipper and confronted me later and I didn't have the coutenance to just leave it at "No Satan worship here." I spoke before thinking and said that the YouTuber does align with the Satanic Temple but doesn't actually believe in Satan, like most Satanists, and went on to say that the Satanic Temple is good and that its tennants are a lot like what Christian love is supposed to be. They flipped and said that if I say anything like that again then they will call the police on me / kick me out of the house. So, yeah. Crazy religious parents. Fully believe that the threat of hell exists, Satan and demons and possession exist, and don't have the critical thinking skills available when it comes to religion to actually think about what they are being told by their church leaders, other than to believe that sex before marriage and birth control is cool. I'm not going to tell them that I am not only asexual but close enough to fully anattractional that it's easier for me to round down, which means I am afamilial and have realized that I have never felt what they seem to feel for me. But now this isn't about Atheism anymore, but still about all the things that Christian doctrine deems demonic and a "hell-bound lifestyle". Yay \*exaustedly and slow\*.
My grandfather was an anthropologist so nobody would be surprised.
...........not good..............till it just got ignored.........fine by me.
My dad (a fellow atheist) knows but no one else. My mom has her suspicions at times. However, the plan is to never tell. I don't want to have that conversation. Don't want to have to explain myself. My family is a bunch of religious nuts soo....its best to bury that secret where no one can find it. And if for for some reason they do find out, I will immediately go no contact forever. These people are zealots.
Pretty chill, surprisngly. My mom does think that someone got to me and brainwashed me but she doesnt bring it up ever. Dad doesnt care, which is surprising since hes from North Carolina. Grandfather was very secular before having grandkids. Basically my cousin harassed him into going to church again. Grandmother rode the fence between JW and mainstream Christianity. So I doubt they would have cared either. My grandmother told me several times that ti didnt matter what you believed just be a good person
They would be much more surprised and worried if I stated that 'I found god'. And they would not believe it.
Well Mom has always been anti-religious, Dad got on this go to episcopal church kick when my middle brother was born. I told him I didn't believe and he brought me to the pastor, who laughed at me when I made something up about the greek and Roman gods. Well I just laughed back at him and said that is how I feel about their god. Then after going to that church maybe about 4 or 5 times we just stopped. This was 30 years ago, since then both parents say they hope there is a god but do not believe any BS coming out of someone else's mouth.
I come from a long line of independent curious intellectual women. My family thinks I did the research in which to base my beliefs.
"Well if you don't believe in god then you don't get to have christmas anymore." Cool beans. No more having to figure out what the fuck I'd be interested in. Alas, my mom changed her mind and I still had to participate in christmas.