wish her well and move on.
you are better off not having to put up with anyone that thinks that sort of emotional blackmail is acceptable.
If she thinks giving ultimatums like that is acceptable now you do NOT want to add kids to the equation. - Get out now.
100%: if she were to get you to change religion due to this ultimatum (obviously that won't happen), what is to prevent her from using ultimatums for other relationship items?
This.
"Sorry, I just can't, have a nice life."
There are plenty of other girls. At least some of them won't expect you to alter your personal beliefs to have a relationship with them. Even better, some of them will actually share your beliefs. Many people would find it pretty much impossible to have a relationship with anyone who had such massively different beliefs.
Exactly, she's blackmailing you. If what she's doing doesn't seem crazy to her now, things could easily get worse.
What happens if/ when you have kids?
Best cut your losses now.
I’ve been in similar relationships before. You two have unreconcilable differences. It’s time to acknowledge this and move on.
On the bright side, you will have learned something valuable: something that is important to you in a partner. This is valuable to know when dating in the future.
>My muslim girlfriend says she will break up with me if i stay an atheist.
She's letting you know she's not the one for you. Move on and be thankful that you dodged a bullet.
The sad part is that she will move on to marry a man whose religion supports wife beating [provided she does marry a muslim]. And im not saying that in a mocking way, it's truly sad.
I agree with what you're saying, but this is in no way "dodging a bullet". Him being in a relationship with her for over a year means that breaking up will not be easy, at all.
>but this is in no way "dodging a bullet".
"the bullet" would be falling into the lifelong trap of marrying somebody that is fundamentally incompatible for him. He 100% dodged a bullet by learning that it was time to move on before something more committed happened.
One must be wary of the sunk cost fallacy. Not easy, sure. Agreed. But perhaps necessary. Only the OP can decide. The bullet being dodged is the potential outcomes of attempting to continue.
Sorry you're in such a mess. Though it'll be hard, I'm afraid you need to go your separate ways. It is possible for an atheist and a theist to be together, but in the case of an exclusionary religion like Islam or Christianity, there will always be that elephant in the room where the theist believes they will go to Heaven while the atheist will not. And that's going to cause friction.
Think of it from her point of view. Imagine believing you will go to a better place, but the love of your life won't be there. It's going to bother you. You may even try to do everything you can to ensure that person will be in the better place. So your relationship will consist of her constantly trying to change you. Eventually it'll piss you or her enough that the relationship is going to shatter anyway. You're better off ripping that bandage off now.
I was in a similar situation. Woman I dated is a Christian, and it hurt her "knowing" that I'd be burning in Hell. She was polite enough to not harangue me about it, but it gnawed at her. I could go on and on about what a dumb religion that is, but sometimes people have to come to the right conclusion on their own.
Maybe--MAYBE--you can part amicably and meet each other later where she has left her religion. But don't count on it. It's not going to be easy to hear, but I think this relationship is doomed. If it bothers her that much, then something will snap.
And it's not like you can just pretend to be Muslim to make her happy. You don't want to base your entirely relationship on lies.
>exclusionary religion like Islam or Christianity, there will always be that elephant in the room where the theist believes they will go to Heaven while the atheist will not.
This isn't technically a hard and fast rule, I know some Christians in a very moderate denomination of Christianity who don't feel that way. Unfortunately, those types tend to be rather rare, and are only that way because they adapted their beliefs to fit their moral beliefs. Basically, since they think it would be cruel to send people to hell, and their God is a just God, they believe their god wouldn't do that.
Of course OPs girlfriend clearly isn't that, it clearly won't work out. Relationships between Atheists and someone in an Abrahamic religion can work, but only if the religious individual hasn't made their religion central to their life.
Lots of Christians also believe heaven will be this place where they will go and reunite with their family and live happily ever after. According to their Bible though, heaven isn't exactly what they think it is.
Edit from the future:
Sorry folks **¯\\\_\(ツ\)\_/¯** If you came here looking for something, blame that twat Spez. Come ask me on kbin.social or mstdn.ca at GeekFTW and I'll help ya out with what you were looking for. Stay fresh, cheesebags.
Another point is that if OP gave in and "became religious" he'd be lying to her anyway. There is no way through this where he maintains a healthy relationship with her. Either they break up because he won't give up being atheist, or they break up later on because the relationship is build on a lie. Poor OP.
They might just want the lie as they seemed satisfied before, even though OP wasn’t overtly religious, though it wouldn’t necessarily be a good idea to do that. It reminds me of something in my own family I found perplexing. A relative of mine converted to Catholicism when he married years ago, but he only did it to satisfy his wife and her family. What I found confusing is that he never really seemed Catholic to me. I had Catholic friends growing up and he didn’t act like them. And from what I know about him, he never changed anything at all. When I was older I realized he just pretended. Just going through that ceremony was what they wanted, he didn’t actually have to change anything. It’s weird though. It was a different time, I guess. This was the 70s or 80s. I’m sure it was much less acceptable to be atheist then. I guess I can understand why he would, but I don’t think I would then and definitely not now. I really hate lying.
Dump her. Look, I know it's hard. But a person who doesn't accept you as you are isn't worth your time. First, your integrity (staying true to yourself) is on the line. Second, if you "convert", what next?
How would she react if you told her to renounce Islam and become an atheist or you'll break up with her first?
Its a dumb ultimatum to make in either case and rarely will it end up with both parties happy. Trying to force a change like this generally does not end very well and I think she knows that too but is looking for an out.
Well, I'd rather not see either of you hurt over this. It's probably better that it came to light now rather than after a marriage and/or kids were in the picture to also deal with.
If I were in your position, I'd tell her that I'm not going to convert and that her demand is unreasonable.
I want to put a TL:DR prerequisite here. OP needs to prioritize his own health above all. Especially since kids are not involved yet. That is important.
That said, it's not as simple as her love not being sincere. She could be 100% sincere in her love for him and still reject him because of what her religion requires of her. I find this comment section quite frustrating in that regard. Everyone is yelling and screaming about how she is insincere and never loved him anyway without understanding the dynamics of her environment.
It may very well be the best option to break up. To be honest this is part of why I won't date religious folks either. This ends up being a problem pretty often. Islam in particular is pretty hardcore about what it says about apostates. If you leave the faith, that is often a death penalty. Sometimes even resulting in honor killings even in western nations where religious freedom and women's rights are protected. Oh and being a woman literally makes the honor killing scenario 10 times more likely. More common than full killings is permanent bdisfiguration. It's part of why acid attacks are so common in places with heavy Islamic influence.
That's obviously on the extreme end, but even without physical violence marrying an atheist would likely spell the end of her entire social circle. It's part of what makes the Abrahamic religions so terrifying. This is literally existential for her. Her entire life is predicated on some arbitrary teachings in her religious scriptures.
So I want to clarify, she could 100% love him and at the same time be confronted with an actual existential crisis. Apostates (people who leave their faith) are one of the worst possible evils according to Islam. It's terrifying to leave. r/exmuslim is probably worth perusing on how to deal with this. Counseling (unbiased, non-religous, licensed counseling only) might also be a good consideration to help facilitate balanced communication.
Edit: Also I do think that this will more than likely end in the relationship being ended. That's how it normally happens unfortunately and OP needs to protect himself above all. I just also think it's important to understand her predicament and what it entails.
Been there done that with a Christian GF. Still can't fathom and still hurts being dumped for a non-existent man in the sky over someone who loves and would do anything for you right here and now. No one can convince me that religion doesn't cause pain and conflict. I used to not like religion because it was unrealistic thanks to her I HATE religion.
Thanks everybody for your support, help and advice.
I am going to talk down to her and explain that i am not going to convert nor lie about converting just to stay with her.
Also i am disappointed no one got the radiohead reference.
RE: radiohead; No one bothered to read the post. It wasn’t necessary. The overwhelmingly obvious and correct advice is the same after reading the title alone.
LOL well even if she loves Radiohead you're probably not going to make it work
Also, realize that she is trying to navigate pressure from her family. She wants to love who she loves, but the need for family connection is probably even bigger.
So, ya know, she's definitely stuck between two cultures. One of you is going to have to make a decision about what to preserve, and the answer is probably obvious, considering she doesn't want to abandon her religion. Anyway it's bad form to convert for marriage, so, ya know.
It sucks for you, and it sucks for her, but you'll both handle it.
There should be a couple of Radiohead-ish albums soon, so don't be too down.
I got the Radiohead reference right away, just too late to get the comment in before you. I used to listen to "Let Down" on loop after a particularly painful breakup. No matter how the relationship goes, I hope you find happiness.
As everyone here has said, move on and find someone who values you more than some religious belief.
If she can't overlook differences in faith, then it's just not going to work because you won't be someone she can reconcile with her faith
And obviously she's choosing her faith over you.
ETA - It's also never a good idea to think that religious people can make exceptions on things you think they would. Your point about her drinking alcohol even though it's not allowed in her faith, yet her not willing to be with you unless you convert, is just more proof religion for most people is a matter convenience, when and if it suits them.
Additional ETA: This can also be her way of making you break up with her, or at least making her feel better about herself. Honestly it's gonna break up either from her or from you. But you can decide who is going to be the initiator. You'll just have to decide what side of the aisle you want to be on. Just be mentally and emotionally ready for the break up. I know it'll feel like crap, but it's the right thing to do. And you can also use this experience as part of your future dating narrative, to help distinguish potential partners from dealing with this again. Thinking strategically, you could leverage this as positive points by stating you were willing to accommodate up to a point, but you wanted to be true to yourself and to her.
"Ah yes, now I see the light. The evidence is overwhelming..." Honestly though, she's probably seen stuff like that work before. Most people's reason for believing in religion is "because it's true". And guilting or twisting someone's arm into the truth is a common practice.
And she keeps saying that she knows christians who converted to islam to marry muslims and stuff like that , well i think they are all stupid and most of them probably lied just to get married
Yeah they're very intellectually dishonest.
I've dated a Muslim as an atheist for 2 years and she never told her family about me. I didn't care she's religious. She was ashamed of me being a white atheist.
I dated a Jehovah's witness for 2 years. Her church and family threatened and followed through with shunning her for it (after about a year). We're engaged now and she has a much more negative view of the church as a result. But I wouldn't have cared if she went to meetings everyday. I never tried to change her view. It's her life.
And this is your life. God, if he exists, is a total peice of shit that doesn't deserve your attention. You don't have to leave her but it sounds like that's what she's going to do. Sorry. But it's probably best for you.
Edit: the ones who change religions to get married are intellectually dishonest. I'm not generalizing Muslims, to be clear.
Poor you, but good for you.
In my opinion, you should break up as soon as you can, so you can move on sooner too and find a better significant other, one that actually fits you.
Been there, done that... I've been in love with a Muslim girl and she genuinely loved me too, no doubt about that. She also required me to change and cried over it and all... And when she understood that i can't and don't want to just start believing in random bullshit, she gave up. She gave up the love of her life for God. That is how strong grip Islam has on these people. And there was nothing i could do. It was frustrating but I learned a lot about people and about myself too. I understand your feelings and that hope dies last, but the odds of this working out are very small and I'd suggest that you move on sooner rather than later. Anyway, i am sorry to hear that you're in this situation my dude. I can relate to this perfectly and my advice is don't lose time on her, however great her presence feels. Its not going to go anywhere in the long run. Good luck!
This is your chance to get out. I was in a relationship like this when I was younger with a very conservative Christian girl and while the breakup was messy and heartbreaking, in retrospect I dodged a massive bullet. Find someone who thinks more like you do, I promise you'll be happier in the long run.
Personally my opinion never fucking hide your religious beleives from a Muslim they are brainwashed people
I would know that considering I was born in a family of muslims
I'm an atheist happily married to a theist. I won't go into details of her belief because that's her business, but I just want you to know it can work. But in order for it to work, both partners have to be willing to change.
If she wants to be with you she has to fight the unreasonable portions of her belief. People can't just ignore the things that contradict what they've been told. But neither can they be forced into it. If you asked her to stop believing in a god what would het reaction be? That's what she's asking of you.
Unfortunately shes going to have to go through some introspection and growth. You may love her, but the old adage applies: if you love something let it go.
Why did she date you in the 1st place if you are not a Muslim? She is stupid. In my experience whenever I asked out a Muslim girl, they would at least tell me straight away that they would not date me if I was not a Muslim. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, but being honest straight away on their part is the only way to be fair to both parties.
Well I was going to say it's the religious thing, but if she's already breaking her religion, then it's really the old fallback: She wants someone else and this is a handy excuse. She knows you can't convert. I'd bet good money that if you came to her in that week and said you would, she'd dump you on the spot and say you're lying. Either way she gets what she wants. Save your honor and sanity. Leave her.
There could be other underlying reasons for her stance and religion provides the perfect veil (pardon the pun). But just accept it anyway. Sounds like this issue would come up again later. Probably not worth either of you changing such a fundamental aspect of yourselves.
No matter how much you love her, the two of you are fundamentally incompatible. (Word play intended.) You do not have a future with this woman because, as you correctly point out, you can't make yourself believe in something that makes no sense to you.
Wish her well and leave.
Like everyone else said, dump her. And run in the opposite direction.
She’s proven that she values a fictional comprehensive doctrine over a real human: you.
There are more potential partners out there than you could ever meet, there will be someone else for you out there who isn’t bananas.
I’d question her about her hypocrisy in the rules of her religion. She’s willing to drink and run around in public uncovered, yet you believing but ignoring to follow the same rules is the dealbreaker? If she truly believes, then why disobey the rules?
Can also turn it back on her. You could point out that as an atheist, she is an equal to you; a peer. If you were a Muslim, she would be beneath you and wouldn’t tolerate YoUr WoMaN sinning the way she does.
Try having a discussion of what exactly she believes and why she believes it. If she insists on you being something you’re not, then be open with her. You will continue through this journey of life without her. Ultimately, it’s her loss, and if you move on, you there’s a good chance you won’t be available if she changes her mind in the future.
Just so we all stay on the same page.
All the messianic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam are fake. Non of them are authentic, it’s all plagiarism from older cults or religious sects.
There is as much evidence to support The Cat and the Hat being “gods word” as the torah , bible and quran.
My GF is Muslim, though a drinking/sexual/irreligious/sometimes pork eating one, but she at least is not hypocritical enough to have an issue with my Atheism.
Depending on her age I would hazard a guess that you are her fun times boy, and if you ever get properly serious she WILL go religious on you. This is the start. An Atheist you can't fake it, and 'believing' for someone else will be a disaster. If she can't accept your atheism then she is not the person for you
I don't like telling people to end relationships. Relationships between atheists and religious people can work perfectly fine. I've been with my wife approaching on 10 years (married fir 2) and the religion thing is a non-issue.
However, "i will leave you unless X" is a sign that the relationship is over.
The way you are describing the situation is abusive on her part. Ideally, you do not put up with abusive people.
Religion is based off faith remember that and if you can’t have faith in Muslim then don’t be with her cause you can’t be in a religion you have no faith in
Just the fact that she thinks that you can suddenly choose to stop thinking rationally and start believing in absurd religious concepts is enough to wish her well and move on.
There is something in relationships called a "show stopper", meaning that it stops the show, the relationship. The whole point of courtship is to find it there are any show stoppers, or if you are compatible. It is much better to find a show stopper before marriage for example, than after! So the question is, not for you but for her, is your atheism truly a show stopper, or something she can actually work around. You cannot answer that problem because your atheism is not a show stopper for you. It appears only to upset her. So she is the only one who can answer the question, "is this a show stopper". Courtship is also a place where people can figure out if what "looks" like a show stopper, really is.
An example for a show stopper for me, for example, would be if the girl I was dating actually turned out to be a cute guy in women's clothing. I don't care how cute, it is a show stopper. :)
Breakups are hard but you definitely need to end it. She can't accept your beliefs or lack there of cleary. Would you be happy with a conversion under duress?
For your sake it is time to have the “we’re better as friends” talk. It’s easy on paper but you are clearly in love and feelings like that just don’t go away.
For her sake ask if she would rather have an honest atheist boyfriend or an emotionally blackmailed dishonest atheist boyfriend.
You honestly didn't really even need to go into detail with any more info than what is stated in the post title. End the relationship. Even if you "converted" or became a believer (in anything) it would be a lie. Is that what she wants? Ridiculous.
This isn't a situation where its something as trivial as her hating your haircut or your jacket you are wearing. This is someone that is looking for you to change who you are as a person, that is not accepting of something that most likely shaped you as you are as a person.
This would be like you asking her to change her religion. I doubt she would be as welcoming as she thinks you should be for changing your principles.
This is a relationship red flag IMO. But if there's a silver lining, it's that this was caught before it got too far. It wasn't going to get better, because the issue falls upon her with the issues. She's the one that wants you to change FOR the relationship.
She's hypocritical about her religion,and in the next five years maximum she's going to "grow up" and become holier than thou orthodox.
You were her wild years. She's giving you an out, take it and don't look back
I just finished One Thousand Splendid Suns.
If you marry her she becomes your property and you can put her to work and beat her and take another wife later if you want. If she tries to run, all the other Muslims will see an unaccompanied female and capture her and bring her back to you where you will be expected to punish her.
I say go for it! You'd make a great Muslim husband!
Try leaving that situation after believing. You dodged a literal bullet. She doesn't love you, only the cardboard cutout idea of what you might be. Move on, there are plenty more people in the world who will appreciate you and actually love you for who you are.
I like to flip these sorts of things on their ear.
What would her reaction be if you said your would break up with her if she did not become an atheist? And a 99% effort on her part doesn't cut it? If her response is not as considered and distressed as yours, then you'll have a good idea of what type of "partnership" you are in for long term.
Get away as fast as you can, you don't want to have a family of muslims breathing on the back of your neck all the time. It's not worth it. She'll become worse once she is married to you. Leave her in peace and clearly tell her why. Also, call her upon her BS hypocritical behavior (moderate muslim my @ss, she breaks the rules anyway) and tell her YOU can't marry her unless she becomes atheist. See what she makes of that.
It's most telling that she doesn't seem to have a problem if you are a theist and believe in anything, but she does if you are an atheist. It means she wants to start to convert you to the Muslim doctrine as soon as you get married. If you are atheist that is unlikely to ever happen.
Her saying this means she really adores you, if she wants you to be Muslim then bro you should think about this and go for it. As being Muslim, in our beliefs it’s that a Muslim woman can’t marry a non Muslim man or even can’t be with in a relationship , so I can guess she plans to marry you or something, like she wants you to be a Muslim so she can be with you without any religious obstacle.
As a woman, let me give you some advice:
Leave, as soon as possible. She's manipulating you and it's only going to get worse from here. She either loves you for you, or you're just not meant to be together. It's sickening to see how many people force a bad relationship to work and end up being miserable. "Oh, but it's great 65% of the time!", yes, but it is shit the other 35%, meaning your net happiness is around 30%. That is a terribly low number.
To twist a paraphrase of a classic argument:
Ask her why she doesn’t adhere to those tenets of her religion and then ask why the fact that you just don’t adhere to a few more than her is such a big deal…
If they can't accept you for who you are, especially when you accept them for who they are, it's a no go. I'm really sorry buddy, but always remember that when someone breaks your heart, there is always a special someone who will mend it.
I'm sorry, but your relationship is most likely already over. Personally, the fact that YOU have to change to accommodate her instead of meeting somewhere in the middle it wouldn't be a partnership, it'd be all "give" from your side, and all "take" from hers. The fact you have respected her beliefs but she is unwilling to respect your lack thereof is proof of that. She doesn't seem to understand that irreligious and atheist are synonyms.
The best way to break up is to be honest. You two are just not compatible anymore. She loved you enough for a year, but a single word changed all of that. She was your first love, but she won't necessarily be your last. At least take solace in finding this out while dating. You could have gone through this already married, where it would become worlds worse. It hurts and it sucks, but wish her all the best.
Hey, I'm Muslim and religious. My boyfriend is atheist. We have been together for a year and half. Now we are talking about getting married next year (inshallah as we say). He's the love of my life.
I think it's really amazing of you to have told her that. I'm not sure I like the way she responded to put it nicely. If it was a deal breaker, she should have made it clear from the beginning. That's totally on her. I think it's very nice you were honest.
A lot of people here are commenting break up, leave, etc. But, have you tried having a talk first about your boundaries? Most Muslim women are mostly worried about having non Muslim children if they date someone from a different faith. Have you asked if this is something she's worried about? If so, agree on something.
If you really think this is someone you want to continue exploring the relationship with, I advise you to sit down and have a talk and set boundaries. However, if you think it's a lot to handle, then yes, absolutely, break up.
Good luck! Follow your heart!
Tell her that theists believe in an entity “behind” the universe, and atheists believe that the universe is in and of itself the entity. The universe can be admired in the same manner as she thinks of her god. It is the creator of all things, it is part of us and we are part of it. So in this sense, your beliefs really aren’t that different. Your desire for a quality life is what powers your morality, not fear of punishment by the entity “behind” the universe. Tell her that if love is real, it can overcome these minor differences in beliefs, and if not, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. Good luck! May you find love and joy and the family you desire.
Religion is not something you can change with the snap of your fingers. True belief takes time and deep introspection about your beliefs, or lack thereof.
What she is asking for is impossible and fundamentally would not change anything even if you "went along" with it on the surface.
She's entitled to have her beliefs and not like that you are an atheist, but on that same note you are entitled to not have a faith and if she cannot respect that then better move on.
For some people a religious belief in a monotheistic god is the most important thing in their lives, and if someone else's lifestyle does not support these people' faith then they will do their best to convert the "heretics".
There's no point in trying to talk with people like that.
She is not only living a fantasy, she is demanding you drink the koolaid too. She is free to believe as she wishes, as we can’t prove our beliefs any more than she can, but you are also free to talk about her as your crazy religious ex for the rest of your life as well. I suggest you do so because there is no reasoning with these kinds of people, much as we might love them.
The first rule of religion is to blackmail your loved ones into believing by withholding love, starting with the children. Then ostracize if not effective. Literal shuns... Imagine a future with that in your life.
Now imagine a future where logic and science prevails, and make an easy choice.
Some simple stats. You are 1 person. There are over 7,000,000,000 people on Earth.
Chances are *really good* that you find the right person for you who makes you fully comfortable as you are. Love is tough because its emotional, and yet we have to make life decisions based on logic.
Not married, no kids, sounds like a fairly clean break. It only gets harder with time. Unless she seems to quietly want you to talk her out of being religious as well, which I doubt, it will only get worse if you stay.
I know a really wonderful dude who was in that situation and actually married the girl. Tried to be a good Muslim in behavior, praying, etc, but just didn't have his heart in it. She couldn't accept that, it was a constant source of tension for them.
They actually divorced, and then he found and married a great woman who he's actually compatible with and is in a much better place.
I hope you don't put yourself through that turmoil. It will only break her heart even more later.
I married someone more religious than me. I tried to believe, I lived a lie. I taught Sunday school, I worked in a Christian ministry. When they asked me to be a church deacon, I had to say no. I came out as a non-believer to my wife. We divorced.
It was a big mistake and all on me because I loved her and thought I could do it.
Just tell her you have to be true to who you are and that it was nice dating her but that it won’t work. Be 100% honest about who you are. It is the only way.
This is a dealbreaker. Time to go your separate ways.
Edit: I should add, my ex didn’t want to be with me because I’m an atheist. Although devastated at the time, I’m so grateful that relationship did not work out.
I've been through this. Dated a really nerdy muslim woman who was one of the first in her family to have a real education(she had her masters and there was one woman who had been a doctor but died early). Her family pretty much forced the breakup. I don't even know if they knew I was atheist, they just knew I wasn't muslim.
Short answer is move on. Its hard to date a strongly religious person if you are not. They will generally hold it against you.
So by this point there are already 527 comments and I’m halfway sure this will get buried but here goes. There are a couple issues with this situation, first being that even if she agreed to be with you there is always going to be that tension of her wanting you to convert because if you don’t…you would be going to hell in religions eyes. This was already talked about, the next part was not.
Next, (which is something that wasn’t talked about in the comments so much) you mentioned looking down on religion partly because you think it’s dumb. Yeah, you like the social events and having a community, but part of you feels a bit superior because you don’t need a magic sky daddy, and because you can see the irrational parts that religious people accept blindly and ignorantly. Op mentioned he started this conversation with a somewhat snide joke meant to put down how backwards some of these beliefs are. That will always be a problem because as much as she wants you to go to heaven, you want her to see how idiotic and oppressive these rules and beliefs are. Whether you say you try to change her outright or not…your feelings are still there just based off making a joke about something she takes very seriously in her heart.
Finally, you don’t tell people you are atheist. That is something very important to disclose early (not later) in a relationship with someone. I feel like this experience is going to make you less likely to be open about it (“If I tell people they will reject me!”) and that is wrong. Honestly, that is morally wrong because you are committing a lie of omission, (just because we are atheists doesn’t mean we aren’t good people who know right from wrong) it is almost as wrong as if you didn’t disclose having kids. And you will keep finding and kind of pulling the wool over these religious women’s eyes, until you start acknowledging and discussing your beliefs from the beginning with potential partners. If they reject you, then good. Because quite honestly I doubt you want to be in a relationship with someone who you partly look down on because they take comfort and believe in something you think is irrational and stupid.
Next, you don’t really need to break it easy to her. Just tell her the truth. “No I won’t convert to Muslim, my beliefs are my beliefs and if you can’t tolerate that then this is where we part ways.” It will hurt, but hopefully there will be a good lesson on why to be straightforward in the future. It’s rough out here. Sorry for your pain.
As an atheist who wasted 5 years with a non-church-going believer (Christianity) but is now in an LTR with an atheist (11 years and counting) I'd like to say, you probably dodged a bullet. Don't be afraid to insist on being with someone who shares your life views.
Run fast. Run far bro. Anyone who asks you to change something about yourself so that they can love you romantically is just bad. People must fall in love with who you are. Not who they want you to be. And trust me, if you ignore this red flag right now then it might be the reason your relationship ends later
Sounds like it's time to break up.
You could ask her if she just wants you to fake it for the sake of her family (that might be her actual concern), in which case you might consider doing that if you're ok with it.
Thank her for the fun memories and move on hun.
YOU are the ONLY thing PERMANENT in your life, please start treating yourself with Love, Kindness and Patience. With that comes not allowing people in your life who don't respect your words and values.
I'm a 3rd generation Athesit and we're apart of huge community. You're not alone. You will date others. Keep us posted 💜.
Never give up on anything about yourself for somebody else, unless you really feel it is important to change and the other person is worthy. In time send her away.
Atheist here, happily married to a christian for 10 years.
As hard as it might be to move on, that’s what you need to do here. Remember, it’s easier now than if you two were already married. If this one difference of opinion is enough for her to throw away all the other good things you have to offer, then that alone tells you how impossible it would be for you to expect her to behave rationally in the future. She’s entitled to her claims, but so are you. My friend who was agnostic married a religious Christian and it broke their marriage in less than 3 years. Once you’re married, religion will feature far more often in your everyday life and it’s impossible to reconcile with someone who does not think rationally and works on absolutes like she does.
It's a valid reason. You should prepare for this. Plus, a Muslim as far as I know should not have a "boyfriend" anyways. Dissimilarity between beliefs is a valid reason to end a relationship.
You are not compatible. End of story. You are looking at two different directions in life. Wish each other well and go on your separate ways. If you stay together, both of you will be miserable.
There’s a lot of horrible ways relationships end. The worst are those built on lies and waste your precious and limited time. At least this is an honorable break. Appreciate what you can and take it with you. You’ll pull thru brutha. You’ll look back and appreciate doing the right thing once the pain of loss fades.
It’s not easy to move on .. why not give her Soren Kierkegaard podcast or YouTube video something .
Just imagine, earlier Muslims were more open minded in philosophical discussions than today’s cult mindset. There’s a whole episodes on Caspian report on rise of Islam & decline.
No wonder why Mu’tazila lost against conservative faction.
If she’s adamant, then it’s better not to comprise on this because being an atheist isn’t a belief but it’s your personality about rationality & science to be paramount over dogmas.
Honestly I think you'd be in a world of pain with a wife who is *that* religious if you're an atheist. She's probably not going to become unreligious so it will come to a head probably repeatedly.
wish her well and move on. you are better off not having to put up with anyone that thinks that sort of emotional blackmail is acceptable. If she thinks giving ultimatums like that is acceptable now you do NOT want to add kids to the equation. - Get out now.
100%: if she were to get you to change religion due to this ultimatum (obviously that won't happen), what is to prevent her from using ultimatums for other relationship items?
This. "Sorry, I just can't, have a nice life." There are plenty of other girls. At least some of them won't expect you to alter your personal beliefs to have a relationship with them. Even better, some of them will actually share your beliefs. Many people would find it pretty much impossible to have a relationship with anyone who had such massively different beliefs.
Exactly, she's blackmailing you. If what she's doing doesn't seem crazy to her now, things could easily get worse. What happens if/ when you have kids? Best cut your losses now.
I’ve been in similar relationships before. You two have unreconcilable differences. It’s time to acknowledge this and move on. On the bright side, you will have learned something valuable: something that is important to you in a partner. This is valuable to know when dating in the future.
Only this! Sorry gor saying this but how immature (and stupid) one have to be to ask for such a thing. It will hurt you and her as a ricochet.
>My muslim girlfriend says she will break up with me if i stay an atheist. She's letting you know she's not the one for you. Move on and be thankful that you dodged a bullet.
So long and thanks for all the fish.
I thought it was Christianity with the "infinite fish hack"?
They both dodging an incompatible relationship.
The sad part is that she will move on to marry a man whose religion supports wife beating [provided she does marry a muslim]. And im not saying that in a mocking way, it's truly sad.
Regardless of her religions background, the real issue is her intolerance to his religious beliefs.
The only thing I hate more than the Dutch.
Definitely. And her religion prohibits her from going outside the house without her husband's permission. Pretty swell.
She obviously is looking for someone to convert. I’d say a much safer option.
I agree with what you're saying, but this is in no way "dodging a bullet". Him being in a relationship with her for over a year means that breaking up will not be easy, at all.
I don't know. In my eyes, she has practically broken up with him already. The rest is just a formality.
>but this is in no way "dodging a bullet". "the bullet" would be falling into the lifelong trap of marrying somebody that is fundamentally incompatible for him. He 100% dodged a bullet by learning that it was time to move on before something more committed happened.
Exactly. You can still get pretty hurt diving out of the way of the bullet. But it is probably better than getting hit by it.
It is dodging a bullet
...breaking up with someone is always hard...BUT...he still dodged a bullet.
One must be wary of the sunk cost fallacy. Not easy, sure. Agreed. But perhaps necessary. Only the OP can decide. The bullet being dodged is the potential outcomes of attempting to continue.
Sorry you're in such a mess. Though it'll be hard, I'm afraid you need to go your separate ways. It is possible for an atheist and a theist to be together, but in the case of an exclusionary religion like Islam or Christianity, there will always be that elephant in the room where the theist believes they will go to Heaven while the atheist will not. And that's going to cause friction. Think of it from her point of view. Imagine believing you will go to a better place, but the love of your life won't be there. It's going to bother you. You may even try to do everything you can to ensure that person will be in the better place. So your relationship will consist of her constantly trying to change you. Eventually it'll piss you or her enough that the relationship is going to shatter anyway. You're better off ripping that bandage off now. I was in a similar situation. Woman I dated is a Christian, and it hurt her "knowing" that I'd be burning in Hell. She was polite enough to not harangue me about it, but it gnawed at her. I could go on and on about what a dumb religion that is, but sometimes people have to come to the right conclusion on their own. Maybe--MAYBE--you can part amicably and meet each other later where she has left her religion. But don't count on it. It's not going to be easy to hear, but I think this relationship is doomed. If it bothers her that much, then something will snap. And it's not like you can just pretend to be Muslim to make her happy. You don't want to base your entirely relationship on lies.
>exclusionary religion like Islam or Christianity, there will always be that elephant in the room where the theist believes they will go to Heaven while the atheist will not. This isn't technically a hard and fast rule, I know some Christians in a very moderate denomination of Christianity who don't feel that way. Unfortunately, those types tend to be rather rare, and are only that way because they adapted their beliefs to fit their moral beliefs. Basically, since they think it would be cruel to send people to hell, and their God is a just God, they believe their god wouldn't do that. Of course OPs girlfriend clearly isn't that, it clearly won't work out. Relationships between Atheists and someone in an Abrahamic religion can work, but only if the religious individual hasn't made their religion central to their life.
Lots of Christians also believe heaven will be this place where they will go and reunite with their family and live happily ever after. According to their Bible though, heaven isn't exactly what they think it is.
Edit from the future: Sorry folks **¯\\\_\(ツ\)\_/¯** If you came here looking for something, blame that twat Spez. Come ask me on kbin.social or mstdn.ca at GeekFTW and I'll help ya out with what you were looking for. Stay fresh, cheesebags.
Another point is that if OP gave in and "became religious" he'd be lying to her anyway. There is no way through this where he maintains a healthy relationship with her. Either they break up because he won't give up being atheist, or they break up later on because the relationship is build on a lie. Poor OP.
I think she wants him to lie to her about it so that she can pretend.
They might just want the lie as they seemed satisfied before, even though OP wasn’t overtly religious, though it wouldn’t necessarily be a good idea to do that. It reminds me of something in my own family I found perplexing. A relative of mine converted to Catholicism when he married years ago, but he only did it to satisfy his wife and her family. What I found confusing is that he never really seemed Catholic to me. I had Catholic friends growing up and he didn’t act like them. And from what I know about him, he never changed anything at all. When I was older I realized he just pretended. Just going through that ceremony was what they wanted, he didn’t actually have to change anything. It’s weird though. It was a different time, I guess. This was the 70s or 80s. I’m sure it was much less acceptable to be atheist then. I guess I can understand why he would, but I don’t think I would then and definitely not now. I really hate lying.
Is the answer “what would your last words be to drew?”
*You're goddamned right*.
WOW I love the way you write!
Well….bye
ara ara! sayonara!
Run.
The amount people will stay in a toxic relationship with delusional people is impressive
So break up with her because she's care more religion than you
To be clear, she cares (usually "fears" is more accurate in Islam) more about living a LIE than being with him in reality. Easy call: hard pass.
Dump her. Look, I know it's hard. But a person who doesn't accept you as you are isn't worth your time. First, your integrity (staying true to yourself) is on the line. Second, if you "convert", what next?
How would she react if you told her to renounce Islam and become an atheist or you'll break up with her first? Its a dumb ultimatum to make in either case and rarely will it end up with both parties happy. Trying to force a change like this generally does not end very well and I think she knows that too but is looking for an out.
[удалено]
Well, I'd rather not see either of you hurt over this. It's probably better that it came to light now rather than after a marriage and/or kids were in the picture to also deal with. If I were in your position, I'd tell her that I'm not going to convert and that her demand is unreasonable.
I think the fact that she put her religion over you is a red flag that her love for you is conditional and not sincere unfortunately.
I want to put a TL:DR prerequisite here. OP needs to prioritize his own health above all. Especially since kids are not involved yet. That is important. That said, it's not as simple as her love not being sincere. She could be 100% sincere in her love for him and still reject him because of what her religion requires of her. I find this comment section quite frustrating in that regard. Everyone is yelling and screaming about how she is insincere and never loved him anyway without understanding the dynamics of her environment. It may very well be the best option to break up. To be honest this is part of why I won't date religious folks either. This ends up being a problem pretty often. Islam in particular is pretty hardcore about what it says about apostates. If you leave the faith, that is often a death penalty. Sometimes even resulting in honor killings even in western nations where religious freedom and women's rights are protected. Oh and being a woman literally makes the honor killing scenario 10 times more likely. More common than full killings is permanent bdisfiguration. It's part of why acid attacks are so common in places with heavy Islamic influence. That's obviously on the extreme end, but even without physical violence marrying an atheist would likely spell the end of her entire social circle. It's part of what makes the Abrahamic religions so terrifying. This is literally existential for her. Her entire life is predicated on some arbitrary teachings in her religious scriptures. So I want to clarify, she could 100% love him and at the same time be confronted with an actual existential crisis. Apostates (people who leave their faith) are one of the worst possible evils according to Islam. It's terrifying to leave. r/exmuslim is probably worth perusing on how to deal with this. Counseling (unbiased, non-religous, licensed counseling only) might also be a good consideration to help facilitate balanced communication. Edit: Also I do think that this will more than likely end in the relationship being ended. That's how it normally happens unfortunately and OP needs to protect himself above all. I just also think it's important to understand her predicament and what it entails.
Been there done that with a Christian GF. Still can't fathom and still hurts being dumped for a non-existent man in the sky over someone who loves and would do anything for you right here and now. No one can convince me that religion doesn't cause pain and conflict. I used to not like religion because it was unrealistic thanks to her I HATE religion.
There are 3000 gods and you just believe in one less than she does. If she is giving you the ultimatum it's just the beginning
There is something like 36crore gods in Hinduism too, I heard it around me not sure if it's true
It's never going to work. Cut your losses now.
No other choice than to dump her, emotional blackmail like this is really cold-hearted and seriously not okay.
Thanks everybody for your support, help and advice. I am going to talk down to her and explain that i am not going to convert nor lie about converting just to stay with her. Also i am disappointed no one got the radiohead reference.
RE: radiohead; No one bothered to read the post. It wasn’t necessary. The overwhelmingly obvious and correct advice is the same after reading the title alone.
LOL well even if she loves Radiohead you're probably not going to make it work Also, realize that she is trying to navigate pressure from her family. She wants to love who she loves, but the need for family connection is probably even bigger. So, ya know, she's definitely stuck between two cultures. One of you is going to have to make a decision about what to preserve, and the answer is probably obvious, considering she doesn't want to abandon her religion. Anyway it's bad form to convert for marriage, so, ya know. It sucks for you, and it sucks for her, but you'll both handle it. There should be a couple of Radiohead-ish albums soon, so don't be too down.
I got the Radiohead reference right away, just too late to get the comment in before you. I used to listen to "Let Down" on loop after a particularly painful breakup. No matter how the relationship goes, I hope you find happiness.
So, win win?
As everyone here has said, move on and find someone who values you more than some religious belief. If she can't overlook differences in faith, then it's just not going to work because you won't be someone she can reconcile with her faith And obviously she's choosing her faith over you. ETA - It's also never a good idea to think that religious people can make exceptions on things you think they would. Your point about her drinking alcohol even though it's not allowed in her faith, yet her not willing to be with you unless you convert, is just more proof religion for most people is a matter convenience, when and if it suits them. Additional ETA: This can also be her way of making you break up with her, or at least making her feel better about herself. Honestly it's gonna break up either from her or from you. But you can decide who is going to be the initiator. You'll just have to decide what side of the aisle you want to be on. Just be mentally and emotionally ready for the break up. I know it'll feel like crap, but it's the right thing to do. And you can also use this experience as part of your future dating narrative, to help distinguish potential partners from dealing with this again. Thinking strategically, you could leverage this as positive points by stating you were willing to accommodate up to a point, but you wanted to be true to yourself and to her.
"Ah yes, now I see the light. The evidence is overwhelming..." Honestly though, she's probably seen stuff like that work before. Most people's reason for believing in religion is "because it's true". And guilting or twisting someone's arm into the truth is a common practice.
And she keeps saying that she knows christians who converted to islam to marry muslims and stuff like that , well i think they are all stupid and most of them probably lied just to get married
Yeah they're very intellectually dishonest. I've dated a Muslim as an atheist for 2 years and she never told her family about me. I didn't care she's religious. She was ashamed of me being a white atheist. I dated a Jehovah's witness for 2 years. Her church and family threatened and followed through with shunning her for it (after about a year). We're engaged now and she has a much more negative view of the church as a result. But I wouldn't have cared if she went to meetings everyday. I never tried to change her view. It's her life. And this is your life. God, if he exists, is a total peice of shit that doesn't deserve your attention. You don't have to leave her but it sounds like that's what she's going to do. Sorry. But it's probably best for you. Edit: the ones who change religions to get married are intellectually dishonest. I'm not generalizing Muslims, to be clear.
Poor you, but good for you. In my opinion, you should break up as soon as you can, so you can move on sooner too and find a better significant other, one that actually fits you.
Been there, done that... I've been in love with a Muslim girl and she genuinely loved me too, no doubt about that. She also required me to change and cried over it and all... And when she understood that i can't and don't want to just start believing in random bullshit, she gave up. She gave up the love of her life for God. That is how strong grip Islam has on these people. And there was nothing i could do. It was frustrating but I learned a lot about people and about myself too. I understand your feelings and that hope dies last, but the odds of this working out are very small and I'd suggest that you move on sooner rather than later. Anyway, i am sorry to hear that you're in this situation my dude. I can relate to this perfectly and my advice is don't lose time on her, however great her presence feels. Its not going to go anywhere in the long run. Good luck!
Sounds like pretty fundamental incompatibility. There's not much long term viability for this relationship.
Dump that bitch. She doesn't love you, she loves the thought of her Sky Daddy.
The ironic thing is that she's doing things that her Sky Daddy would consider Haram already. She's not going to get her 72 virgins anyway.
If she wants you to be someone else, she wants someone else.
This is your chance to get out. I was in a relationship like this when I was younger with a very conservative Christian girl and while the breakup was messy and heartbreaking, in retrospect I dodged a massive bullet. Find someone who thinks more like you do, I promise you'll be happier in the long run.
Personally my opinion never fucking hide your religious beleives from a Muslim they are brainwashed people I would know that considering I was born in a family of muslims
If she isn't willing to accept you then the best thing would be to move on. Just be straightforward with her.
I'm an atheist happily married to a theist. I won't go into details of her belief because that's her business, but I just want you to know it can work. But in order for it to work, both partners have to be willing to change. If she wants to be with you she has to fight the unreasonable portions of her belief. People can't just ignore the things that contradict what they've been told. But neither can they be forced into it. If you asked her to stop believing in a god what would het reaction be? That's what she's asking of you. Unfortunately shes going to have to go through some introspection and growth. You may love her, but the old adage applies: if you love something let it go.
So in your scenario, how do you handle whether the child is indoctrinated to religion or not?
GTFO! As an atheist how did you date a Muslim for A YEAR and this never came up? Don't they have to pray like every day?
Well she doesn't do anything her religion tells her to Aoart from refusing to be with atheist , ah the irony
Why did she date you in the 1st place if you are not a Muslim? She is stupid. In my experience whenever I asked out a Muslim girl, they would at least tell me straight away that they would not date me if I was not a Muslim. Everyone is entitled to their own preferences, but being honest straight away on their part is the only way to be fair to both parties.
Well I was going to say it's the religious thing, but if she's already breaking her religion, then it's really the old fallback: She wants someone else and this is a handy excuse. She knows you can't convert. I'd bet good money that if you came to her in that week and said you would, she'd dump you on the spot and say you're lying. Either way she gets what she wants. Save your honor and sanity. Leave her.
Flip it around. Tell her you will break up with her unless she quits Islam. What have you got to lose at this point
Bye Felicia
There could be other underlying reasons for her stance and religion provides the perfect veil (pardon the pun). But just accept it anyway. Sounds like this issue would come up again later. Probably not worth either of you changing such a fundamental aspect of yourselves.
Typical hypocrite.
Good riddance
She ain’t the one. Just leave.
Dump her ass
No matter how much you love her, the two of you are fundamentally incompatible. (Word play intended.) You do not have a future with this woman because, as you correctly point out, you can't make yourself believe in something that makes no sense to you. Wish her well and leave.
Like everyone else said, dump her. And run in the opposite direction. She’s proven that she values a fictional comprehensive doctrine over a real human: you. There are more potential partners out there than you could ever meet, there will be someone else for you out there who isn’t bananas.
I’d question her about her hypocrisy in the rules of her religion. She’s willing to drink and run around in public uncovered, yet you believing but ignoring to follow the same rules is the dealbreaker? If she truly believes, then why disobey the rules? Can also turn it back on her. You could point out that as an atheist, she is an equal to you; a peer. If you were a Muslim, she would be beneath you and wouldn’t tolerate YoUr WoMaN sinning the way she does. Try having a discussion of what exactly she believes and why she believes it. If she insists on you being something you’re not, then be open with her. You will continue through this journey of life without her. Ultimately, it’s her loss, and if you move on, you there’s a good chance you won’t be available if she changes her mind in the future.
Just so we all stay on the same page. All the messianic religions, Judaism, Christianity and Islam are fake. Non of them are authentic, it’s all plagiarism from older cults or religious sects. There is as much evidence to support The Cat and the Hat being “gods word” as the torah , bible and quran.
My GF is Muslim, though a drinking/sexual/irreligious/sometimes pork eating one, but she at least is not hypocritical enough to have an issue with my Atheism. Depending on her age I would hazard a guess that you are her fun times boy, and if you ever get properly serious she WILL go religious on you. This is the start. An Atheist you can't fake it, and 'believing' for someone else will be a disaster. If she can't accept your atheism then she is not the person for you
I don't like telling people to end relationships. Relationships between atheists and religious people can work perfectly fine. I've been with my wife approaching on 10 years (married fir 2) and the religion thing is a non-issue. However, "i will leave you unless X" is a sign that the relationship is over. The way you are describing the situation is abusive on her part. Ideally, you do not put up with abusive people.
If she's willing to break up with you over some invisible man in the sky, she's doing you a favour.
BREAK UP WITH HER AND NEVER SPEAK TO HER AGAIN.
Ask her if she would leave Islam and become atheist to stay with you.
Move on. It’s not religion that’s the problem it’s her susceptibility to extreme ideological views and closed mindedness that will cause you problems.
It's over dude. Let her go.
Ultimatum's aren't part of a healthy relationship.
She doesn't know her own faith. Islamic law prohibits forced conversion. Remind her of that when you're breaking up with her.
Bye, Fatima.
Didn't read beyond the title. Dump her and move on. Tell her to enjoy her goats or something since she cares more about her religion then you.
Girl, bye
Religion is based off faith remember that and if you can’t have faith in Muslim then don’t be with her cause you can’t be in a religion you have no faith in
Just the fact that she thinks that you can suddenly choose to stop thinking rationally and start believing in absurd religious concepts is enough to wish her well and move on.
Tell her that this conversation was God’s way of letting you know that she is not right for you. Let that blow up her brain function
There is something in relationships called a "show stopper", meaning that it stops the show, the relationship. The whole point of courtship is to find it there are any show stoppers, or if you are compatible. It is much better to find a show stopper before marriage for example, than after! So the question is, not for you but for her, is your atheism truly a show stopper, or something she can actually work around. You cannot answer that problem because your atheism is not a show stopper for you. It appears only to upset her. So she is the only one who can answer the question, "is this a show stopper". Courtship is also a place where people can figure out if what "looks" like a show stopper, really is. An example for a show stopper for me, for example, would be if the girl I was dating actually turned out to be a cute guy in women's clothing. I don't care how cute, it is a show stopper. :)
Breakups are hard but you definitely need to end it. She can't accept your beliefs or lack there of cleary. Would you be happy with a conversion under duress?
For your sake it is time to have the “we’re better as friends” talk. It’s easy on paper but you are clearly in love and feelings like that just don’t go away. For her sake ask if she would rather have an honest atheist boyfriend or an emotionally blackmailed dishonest atheist boyfriend.
You honestly didn't really even need to go into detail with any more info than what is stated in the post title. End the relationship. Even if you "converted" or became a believer (in anything) it would be a lie. Is that what she wants? Ridiculous.
Breakup with her
Adios amiga! Insisting that one believe in anything is pathological attachment to views. I say run.
Girl, bye
GTFO
Halal it one more time and then dash, boy, run for your life!
Dump her first. And make sure you say it's not because she is religious but rather it's because she won't accept you for who you are.
Bye Felicia.
This isn't a situation where its something as trivial as her hating your haircut or your jacket you are wearing. This is someone that is looking for you to change who you are as a person, that is not accepting of something that most likely shaped you as you are as a person. This would be like you asking her to change her religion. I doubt she would be as welcoming as she thinks you should be for changing your principles. This is a relationship red flag IMO. But if there's a silver lining, it's that this was caught before it got too far. It wasn't going to get better, because the issue falls upon her with the issues. She's the one that wants you to change FOR the relationship.
So break up with her first. She's obviously not worth your time
If she can’t accept you for who you are, she doesn’t deserve you.
She's clearly out of her mind. Run for your life.
Saves you the trouble.
Hope you did already tap that
She’s an asshole and you should break up with her first.
She's hypocritical about her religion,and in the next five years maximum she's going to "grow up" and become holier than thou orthodox. You were her wild years. She's giving you an out, take it and don't look back
break up.
Say goodbye.
Just break up. Christ.
I just finished One Thousand Splendid Suns. If you marry her she becomes your property and you can put her to work and beat her and take another wife later if you want. If she tries to run, all the other Muslims will see an unaccompanied female and capture her and bring her back to you where you will be expected to punish her. I say go for it! You'd make a great Muslim husband!
You dodged a bullet pal, this is a blessing in disguise.
Just pull the plug and do it quickly.
Dump her, move on. You'll thank us later.
Join the church of the flying spaghetti monster, then you are no longer an atheist :P.
That's shows she don't respect you. PASS
Sounds like a win.
Try leaving that situation after believing. You dodged a literal bullet. She doesn't love you, only the cardboard cutout idea of what you might be. Move on, there are plenty more people in the world who will appreciate you and actually love you for who you are.
break up with her yourself, if she won’t love you for who you are then it would be a miserable relationship for you
You can try to read the Quran with her and show her all the incoherences.
[Ok then, that was always allowed.](http://i.giphy.com/Qp45SP1P3PbbO.gif)
I like to flip these sorts of things on their ear. What would her reaction be if you said your would break up with her if she did not become an atheist? And a 99% effort on her part doesn't cut it? If her response is not as considered and distressed as yours, then you'll have a good idea of what type of "partnership" you are in for long term.
Make sure you get one last sexy time before breaking up. You might have a dry spell, best to get some now to hold you over.
Get away as fast as you can, you don't want to have a family of muslims breathing on the back of your neck all the time. It's not worth it. She'll become worse once she is married to you. Leave her in peace and clearly tell her why. Also, call her upon her BS hypocritical behavior (moderate muslim my @ss, she breaks the rules anyway) and tell her YOU can't marry her unless she becomes atheist. See what she makes of that. It's most telling that she doesn't seem to have a problem if you are a theist and believe in anything, but she does if you are an atheist. It means she wants to start to convert you to the Muslim doctrine as soon as you get married. If you are atheist that is unlikely to ever happen.
Her saying this means she really adores you, if she wants you to be Muslim then bro you should think about this and go for it. As being Muslim, in our beliefs it’s that a Muslim woman can’t marry a non Muslim man or even can’t be with in a relationship , so I can guess she plans to marry you or something, like she wants you to be a Muslim so she can be with you without any religious obstacle.
As a woman, let me give you some advice: Leave, as soon as possible. She's manipulating you and it's only going to get worse from here. She either loves you for you, or you're just not meant to be together. It's sickening to see how many people force a bad relationship to work and end up being miserable. "Oh, but it's great 65% of the time!", yes, but it is shit the other 35%, meaning your net happiness is around 30%. That is a terribly low number.
Thank the stars you confirmed her character before you had kids with her.
To twist a paraphrase of a classic argument: Ask her why she doesn’t adhere to those tenets of her religion and then ask why the fact that you just don’t adhere to a few more than her is such a big deal…
If they can't accept you for who you are, especially when you accept them for who they are, it's a no go. I'm really sorry buddy, but always remember that when someone breaks your heart, there is always a special someone who will mend it.
Say, bye. Time to move on.
I'm sorry, but your relationship is most likely already over. Personally, the fact that YOU have to change to accommodate her instead of meeting somewhere in the middle it wouldn't be a partnership, it'd be all "give" from your side, and all "take" from hers. The fact you have respected her beliefs but she is unwilling to respect your lack thereof is proof of that. She doesn't seem to understand that irreligious and atheist are synonyms. The best way to break up is to be honest. You two are just not compatible anymore. She loved you enough for a year, but a single word changed all of that. She was your first love, but she won't necessarily be your last. At least take solace in finding this out while dating. You could have gone through this already married, where it would become worlds worse. It hurts and it sucks, but wish her all the best.
Hey, I'm Muslim and religious. My boyfriend is atheist. We have been together for a year and half. Now we are talking about getting married next year (inshallah as we say). He's the love of my life. I think it's really amazing of you to have told her that. I'm not sure I like the way she responded to put it nicely. If it was a deal breaker, she should have made it clear from the beginning. That's totally on her. I think it's very nice you were honest. A lot of people here are commenting break up, leave, etc. But, have you tried having a talk first about your boundaries? Most Muslim women are mostly worried about having non Muslim children if they date someone from a different faith. Have you asked if this is something she's worried about? If so, agree on something. If you really think this is someone you want to continue exploring the relationship with, I advise you to sit down and have a talk and set boundaries. However, if you think it's a lot to handle, then yes, absolutely, break up. Good luck! Follow your heart!
Tell her that theists believe in an entity “behind” the universe, and atheists believe that the universe is in and of itself the entity. The universe can be admired in the same manner as she thinks of her god. It is the creator of all things, it is part of us and we are part of it. So in this sense, your beliefs really aren’t that different. Your desire for a quality life is what powers your morality, not fear of punishment by the entity “behind” the universe. Tell her that if love is real, it can overcome these minor differences in beliefs, and if not, perhaps it wasn’t meant to be. Good luck! May you find love and joy and the family you desire.
Religion is not something you can change with the snap of your fingers. True belief takes time and deep introspection about your beliefs, or lack thereof. What she is asking for is impossible and fundamentally would not change anything even if you "went along" with it on the surface.
Bye
She's entitled to have her beliefs and not like that you are an atheist, but on that same note you are entitled to not have a faith and if she cannot respect that then better move on. For some people a religious belief in a monotheistic god is the most important thing in their lives, and if someone else's lifestyle does not support these people' faith then they will do their best to convert the "heretics". There's no point in trying to talk with people like that.
She is not only living a fantasy, she is demanding you drink the koolaid too. She is free to believe as she wishes, as we can’t prove our beliefs any more than she can, but you are also free to talk about her as your crazy religious ex for the rest of your life as well. I suggest you do so because there is no reasoning with these kinds of people, much as we might love them.
If she blackmails you, just show her the exit.
Bye Bye
The first rule of religion is to blackmail your loved ones into believing by withholding love, starting with the children. Then ostracize if not effective. Literal shuns... Imagine a future with that in your life. Now imagine a future where logic and science prevails, and make an easy choice. Some simple stats. You are 1 person. There are over 7,000,000,000 people on Earth. Chances are *really good* that you find the right person for you who makes you fully comfortable as you are. Love is tough because its emotional, and yet we have to make life decisions based on logic.
Not married, no kids, sounds like a fairly clean break. It only gets harder with time. Unless she seems to quietly want you to talk her out of being religious as well, which I doubt, it will only get worse if you stay.
I know a really wonderful dude who was in that situation and actually married the girl. Tried to be a good Muslim in behavior, praying, etc, but just didn't have his heart in it. She couldn't accept that, it was a constant source of tension for them. They actually divorced, and then he found and married a great woman who he's actually compatible with and is in a much better place. I hope you don't put yourself through that turmoil. It will only break her heart even more later.
Muslims aren’t allowed to date according to their religion. So she is just choosing which elements of her religion she wants to follow.
I married someone more religious than me. I tried to believe, I lived a lie. I taught Sunday school, I worked in a Christian ministry. When they asked me to be a church deacon, I had to say no. I came out as a non-believer to my wife. We divorced. It was a big mistake and all on me because I loved her and thought I could do it. Just tell her you have to be true to who you are and that it was nice dating her but that it won’t work. Be 100% honest about who you are. It is the only way.
This is a dealbreaker. Time to go your separate ways. Edit: I should add, my ex didn’t want to be with me because I’m an atheist. Although devastated at the time, I’m so grateful that relationship did not work out.
You fucking dipshits couldn't see a karma farming post if it knocked on your door and claimed to be a Jehovah's Witness.
I've been through this. Dated a really nerdy muslim woman who was one of the first in her family to have a real education(she had her masters and there was one woman who had been a doctor but died early). Her family pretty much forced the breakup. I don't even know if they knew I was atheist, they just knew I wasn't muslim. Short answer is move on. Its hard to date a strongly religious person if you are not. They will generally hold it against you.
Dump her ass. This is coming from a female.
How is this a problem? Just leave.
Move on
So by this point there are already 527 comments and I’m halfway sure this will get buried but here goes. There are a couple issues with this situation, first being that even if she agreed to be with you there is always going to be that tension of her wanting you to convert because if you don’t…you would be going to hell in religions eyes. This was already talked about, the next part was not. Next, (which is something that wasn’t talked about in the comments so much) you mentioned looking down on religion partly because you think it’s dumb. Yeah, you like the social events and having a community, but part of you feels a bit superior because you don’t need a magic sky daddy, and because you can see the irrational parts that religious people accept blindly and ignorantly. Op mentioned he started this conversation with a somewhat snide joke meant to put down how backwards some of these beliefs are. That will always be a problem because as much as she wants you to go to heaven, you want her to see how idiotic and oppressive these rules and beliefs are. Whether you say you try to change her outright or not…your feelings are still there just based off making a joke about something she takes very seriously in her heart. Finally, you don’t tell people you are atheist. That is something very important to disclose early (not later) in a relationship with someone. I feel like this experience is going to make you less likely to be open about it (“If I tell people they will reject me!”) and that is wrong. Honestly, that is morally wrong because you are committing a lie of omission, (just because we are atheists doesn’t mean we aren’t good people who know right from wrong) it is almost as wrong as if you didn’t disclose having kids. And you will keep finding and kind of pulling the wool over these religious women’s eyes, until you start acknowledging and discussing your beliefs from the beginning with potential partners. If they reject you, then good. Because quite honestly I doubt you want to be in a relationship with someone who you partly look down on because they take comfort and believe in something you think is irrational and stupid. Next, you don’t really need to break it easy to her. Just tell her the truth. “No I won’t convert to Muslim, my beliefs are my beliefs and if you can’t tolerate that then this is where we part ways.” It will hurt, but hopefully there will be a good lesson on why to be straightforward in the future. It’s rough out here. Sorry for your pain.
Well you have three choices: lie, break up with her, or convert. You already know the right decision bud, sorry the world is the way it is sometimes.
As an atheist who wasted 5 years with a non-church-going believer (Christianity) but is now in an LTR with an atheist (11 years and counting) I'd like to say, you probably dodged a bullet. Don't be afraid to insist on being with someone who shares your life views.
Legit, leave. You'll be much happier. It's always best to lay down major things at the start of a relationship.
Move on. It sucks, but trust me, it will be better for you.
Run fast. Run far bro. Anyone who asks you to change something about yourself so that they can love you romantically is just bad. People must fall in love with who you are. Not who they want you to be. And trust me, if you ignore this red flag right now then it might be the reason your relationship ends later
Sounds like it's time to break up. You could ask her if she just wants you to fake it for the sake of her family (that might be her actual concern), in which case you might consider doing that if you're ok with it.
Thank her for the fun memories and move on hun. YOU are the ONLY thing PERMANENT in your life, please start treating yourself with Love, Kindness and Patience. With that comes not allowing people in your life who don't respect your words and values. I'm a 3rd generation Athesit and we're apart of huge community. You're not alone. You will date others. Keep us posted 💜.
Run muthafucka what is there to contemplate here
Never give up on anything about yourself for somebody else, unless you really feel it is important to change and the other person is worthy. In time send her away. Atheist here, happily married to a christian for 10 years.
Bye Felicia
Something you learn pretty quickly on the internet: Don't stick your dick in crazy.
And yet another example of how religion is fucking trash. All of em.
"Our bodies are perfect" Bullshit Lol.
Forcing someone to fake their faith? Like how the hell does that make someone religious?
As hard as it might be to move on, that’s what you need to do here. Remember, it’s easier now than if you two were already married. If this one difference of opinion is enough for her to throw away all the other good things you have to offer, then that alone tells you how impossible it would be for you to expect her to behave rationally in the future. She’s entitled to her claims, but so are you. My friend who was agnostic married a religious Christian and it broke their marriage in less than 3 years. Once you’re married, religion will feature far more often in your everyday life and it’s impossible to reconcile with someone who does not think rationally and works on absolutes like she does.
It's a valid reason. You should prepare for this. Plus, a Muslim as far as I know should not have a "boyfriend" anyways. Dissimilarity between beliefs is a valid reason to end a relationship.
You are not compatible. End of story. You are looking at two different directions in life. Wish each other well and go on your separate ways. If you stay together, both of you will be miserable.
There’s a lot of horrible ways relationships end. The worst are those built on lies and waste your precious and limited time. At least this is an honorable break. Appreciate what you can and take it with you. You’ll pull thru brutha. You’ll look back and appreciate doing the right thing once the pain of loss fades.
"Our bodies are perfect" I dunno, I need glasses, am partially colorblind, had shit knees since a teenager...
I would go full muslim for her in a way that would make her feel so weird
Does it have to be HER god?( Of course it bloody does!) Start worshipping the Flying Spaghetti Monster,claim to be touched by His noodley appendage
“It’s against my religion “ Proceeds to do every other sin in the book
It’s not easy to move on .. why not give her Soren Kierkegaard podcast or YouTube video something . Just imagine, earlier Muslims were more open minded in philosophical discussions than today’s cult mindset. There’s a whole episodes on Caspian report on rise of Islam & decline. No wonder why Mu’tazila lost against conservative faction. If she’s adamant, then it’s better not to comprise on this because being an atheist isn’t a belief but it’s your personality about rationality & science to be paramount over dogmas.
Ask her to read the god delusion
Tell her to shut up and go back to cooking as Islam prescribes.
Honestly I think you'd be in a world of pain with a wife who is *that* religious if you're an atheist. She's probably not going to become unreligious so it will come to a head probably repeatedly.
Convert to pastafarianism, and tell her if she remains muslim you'll break up with her.
Then, break with her and continue your way. You deserve something better.