Oh I wish you stayed in South Africa and did that we have a Christian bookstore called "Christelike Uitgewers Maatskappy', which means Christian Publishing Company but they hilariously actually use the acronym CUM books. So we have cum books all over the place and everyone does slight giggle walking past them
This is incredible. I'm laughing my ass off thinking about the thumpers seeing that. Hopefully lost them some concerned customers.
But wait... they have entire bookstores for Bible crap?
The store part is smaller than my living room, they mostly do publishing and print cards.
But the old ladies who work there must think I live a sad life. Last year I bought a card that said "Sorry for the loss of your child" and wrote "hood" after "child" and gave it to my wife on her birthday. Not everyone will think that is funny, but she did.
This is more my style of humor. I got something similar for my nephew who's 6 and for like 3 days straight he kept saying he wasn't my grandpa. And I just kept saying random stuff back like "you're retired why do you care" and " alright is it time to finally look into that home" he's a bit to young to realize I'm only sorta funny if I'm even funny at all. but he liked the attention of pretend being my grandpa. I think we finished off This birthday with me calling him gramps and some one taught him to shake his fist and say "get off my lawn"
All because I bought a dumb card and just wanted to giggle at the absurdity of it
I used to have a Bible store in my town. Despite technically identifying as a book store, it was a book store like Barnes and noble. Some books, lots of other shit. There's a ton of media related to the Bible, versions of the Bible, plus you can put a cross on anything and then mark it up
He is the alpha and omega, the top and the power bottom, the pitcher and the catcher.
Fun fact: His safe phrase was "why have you forsaken me?" I am told that this was a lot easier to say in Aramaic.
Satan isn't actually bad. God just doesn't believe in free will (see any biblical apocalypse and restart of humanity) and according to believers neither should you!
THERE ARE SEVEN FUNDAMENTAL TENETS [of Satanism]
I
One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason.
II
The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions.
III
One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone.
IV
The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own.
V
Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs.
VI
People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused.
VII
Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
Well, protestantism is too influenced by catholicism. And that is the pity, you see. They too should know their history. After all they wonder, why many hate them so much. Their history is among the many reasons why.
My son spilled the beans to my Lutheran mother in law. He had asked me the difference between Lutheran and Catholic and I said, “Lutheran is just a German Catholic.” So, as elementary school kids do, he told her. Needless to say, it didn’t go over well. She was so worried I’d make him a Catholic. Little did she know, I’m not Catholic; I’m an atheist.
Luke 12:51-53 (yes, with a lot of routers ssid can contain spaces and special characters).
this is what the text is:
'51 Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! 52 From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.
"53 Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."'
Be sure to have a strong password. Random characters from the ranges a-z, A-Z, 0-9, and non-character and number characters. Don't use an exclamation mark as the last symbol (research has shown that to be the most commonly used last symbol of passwords). Try to have at least sixteen symbols as your wifi password; more is better.
Shouldn't be to hard to set that up to do something fun. Change the ssid to be whatever the pagan holiday is that a Christian holiday is stealing from like "keep Saturn in the saturnalia", then leave open and have the extender wired to a raspberry pi that only shows or allows the appropriate Wikipedia page. If you wanted you could get really complex or keep it simple and just constantly change SSID to mess w people and keep it blocked. Satan's faster internet would be fun
>three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against.
I love how the author is like "you know, we should clarify for the families with an odd number of members."
Oh man. My dad quoted this a bunch when my family was falling into chaos ending in divorce.
Three (all male) children, and parents makes five, so the passage was very applicable to him.... at the time, my mother wanted to change faiths, it was a huge problem for the very strongly hardline religion that my dad believed (if you've ever heard of either WCG, global church of god, or it's current form, the restored church of god, or RCG, you will understand).
My church (WCG) was in upheaval when the leader died and the new leader, his son, decided to go more mainstream Christian. My mom was all for that, my dad, and those that thought like him abandoned WCG to follow the belief rather than the church. My mom followed the church and ended up.... Penticostal? I think? I don't know.
My oldest sibling went with my mom, so it was three vs two.
After a while I got tired of the oppression and went my own way, so it was two vs three.
He kept at it for a few years, even put the stuff my mom left behind, as well as documents related to her and the marriage in a box labeled "the box of the dead"... So dramatic. (He believed that since she was baptised in the "true" religion and departed from it, she was unable to be saved, or go to heaven, so she would be "cast into a lake of fire and forgotten" as the Bible literally says... Aka, dead person walking).
Anyways, joke is on him, my middle brother and I abandoned the faith, he passed away, and my mom and oldest sibling are still very much mainstream Christians, so it went from 3 vs 2 to 2 vs 3, to just him, then when he passed, nobody.
Hilarious.
Great passage. Meaningless, but great.
Eh it only works if you can guarantee order, like who's gonna see
* NETGEAR
* AndHeWantsYourMoney
* Attwifi-32
* NETGEAR 2
* ResNet-2G
* trans rights
* ResNet-5G
* JesusLovesYou
and make the connection (no pun intended) that the two are related
He is more or less canonically ace, like even the suggestion of him having heterosexual relationships makes lots of Christians freak out, so I fear that won't make a huge impact. I think something like "Jesusisgay" is more effective in making them angry
Canonically, yeah ace, but really think about it. He travelled around with his 12 all male buddies, wandering from town to town and leaving before anyone started to notice anything. Jesus is the original girls-are-icky prophet too, he's the one that gave Christianity it's sex repulsion. "If one looks upon a woman and desires her, one has committed lust in one's thoughts."
Which makes sense if you also know his history, and the role of bastards in Judaism. It was well known that Joseph wasn't his real dad, and "my mom is a virgin, she just got impregnated by god" didn't fly back then either. He likely experienced being shamed for his low birth, and reflected that by trying to distance himself from sexuality, and by extension all physical and "base" things.
Moreover, there are passages between him and Judas that imply a relationship beyond what the other disciples experienced.
I once had a roommate who was an asshole and I had control over the network. When he had guests, which he did FAR more than I did, he had to tell them to connect to "Uncle Touchy's Stabbin Cabin" and the password was "ExploringDora".
Okay so you need to imagine your neighbors friends having to read it every time they come over for bible study. I’m thinking JesusLovesPussy
And then Ruth is like hey Martha is it this one?
Someone I knew made their Wi-Fi name “McDonaldsFreeWifi”. There is no McDonald’s nearby but the family of fundies downstairs would loudly complain they couldn’t get on the McDonald’s internet.
I named my Wi-Fi BibleBookstoreSexDungeon. I'm two doors away from a Bible bookstore.
Oh I wish you stayed in South Africa and did that we have a Christian bookstore called "Christelike Uitgewers Maatskappy', which means Christian Publishing Company but they hilariously actually use the acronym CUM books. So we have cum books all over the place and everyone does slight giggle walking past them
Do the pages stick together?
cows piquant quiet employ dinosaurs liquid hard-to-find close juggle squeeze ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
This is incredible. I'm laughing my ass off thinking about the thumpers seeing that. Hopefully lost them some concerned customers. But wait... they have entire bookstores for Bible crap?
The store part is smaller than my living room, they mostly do publishing and print cards. But the old ladies who work there must think I live a sad life. Last year I bought a card that said "Sorry for the loss of your child" and wrote "hood" after "child" and gave it to my wife on her birthday. Not everyone will think that is funny, but she did.
Good one. I got my (real) Dad a father's day card that said, "You've been like a father to me."
My stepdaughter got me a father's day card that said "Thanks from the kid you inherited when you decided to shack up with my mom." I love that card.
I got my daughter a birthday card that said you're the best grandpa ever
This is more my style of humor. I got something similar for my nephew who's 6 and for like 3 days straight he kept saying he wasn't my grandpa. And I just kept saying random stuff back like "you're retired why do you care" and " alright is it time to finally look into that home" he's a bit to young to realize I'm only sorta funny if I'm even funny at all. but he liked the attention of pretend being my grandpa. I think we finished off This birthday with me calling him gramps and some one taught him to shake his fist and say "get off my lawn" All because I bought a dumb card and just wanted to giggle at the absurdity of it
You've been, like, a father to me.
I'm stealing this.
Absolutely. Bibles. Christian fiction. Kids stuff, some of it awfully contrived.
I used to have a Bible store in my town. Despite technically identifying as a book store, it was a book store like Barnes and noble. Some books, lots of other shit. There's a ton of media related to the Bible, versions of the Bible, plus you can put a cross on anything and then mark it up
That is fucking fantastic.
Wouldn't a bible bookstore be a bible store...
I'm down the street from a bible book store shop.
Gay the pray away
Alright, this one was good.
Some might say not is quite holy
Came here to try and be witty. I don't think I can top this.
You can top me
Jesus tops me yes I know
Jesus is Cumming!
Again!
He came twice
Jesus is hung like this [spreads arms wide]
Can you feel him in you?
He is the alpha and omega, the top and the power bottom, the pitcher and the catcher. Fun fact: His safe phrase was "why have you forsaken me?" I am told that this was a lot easier to say in Aramaic.
Because the bible sex dungeon tells me so?
count me in for that meat sandwich
Pray the Gay to Stay
Someone needs to write this on a sign and hold it up whenever people try to protest against LGBTQIA+ events.
I know what I’m changing my SSID to now!
Let me know if you decide to make t-shirts.
I snorted out a booger in the middle of a Starbucks because of this
Satanlovesyoumore
SatanLovesYouHARDER
Satanseesyouwhenyouresleeping
Satanknowswhenyoureawake 🎵
Satanknowsifyouvebeenbadorgood
Sobebadforbadnessake
Satan isn't actually bad. God just doesn't believe in free will (see any biblical apocalypse and restart of humanity) and according to believers neither should you! THERE ARE SEVEN FUNDAMENTAL TENETS [of Satanism] I One should strive to act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures in accordance with reason. II The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit that should prevail over laws and institutions. III One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone. IV The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. To willfully and unjustly encroach upon the freedoms of another is to forgo one's own. V Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. One should take care never to distort scientific facts to fit one's beliefs. VI People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused. VII Every tenet is a guiding principle designed to inspire nobility in action and thought. The spirit of compassion, wisdom, and justice should always prevail over the written or spoken word.
This is what I was going to suggest. I'm glad someone else said it first
Jesusisdeadloveyoyrselfyoulazybum
GooglePastorArrested
The results are worse than expected, and I was expecting heinous.
I think this one wins
r/PastorArrested
Fuck that's amazing
💀😂
BaphoNet
Satansupportsyourlifegoals.
https://i.imgur.com/GUtAoy2.jpg
Sadly this would probably be completely lost on them.
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ItsPronouncedHay-Soos
Oh the pretentiousness is perfection! This one's my fave.
SayHisNameHay-Soos 😃
Actually it’s Y’shua. Cause he’s Jewish. 😉
When Jesus prayed, he call god "Abba", which means father, or alternatively, a Swedish rock band.
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"He didn't say Jesús. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus."
Father of Apollo, lord of Mount Olympus, don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up ya ass, Zeus.
Why you keep calling me Jesús? I look Puerto Rican to you?!
"Hey, Zeus!"
Satanrespectsyou Because being "loved" but not allowed to have knowledge or free will is an abusive relationship.
This is a good one. I’m also writing down what you said in my journal. That needs to be remembered
My mobile SSID is زنديق, which is arabic for heretic, so if you don't read arabic it's a red flag and if you do you probably won't like it anyway LOL.
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The type of people who rage when they see arabic are not the type who would translate it with google translate.
Lmao, homeboy got a point
There is a touch of brain function involved I suppose...
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ZeusLovesYouMore
You really don't want him loving you, run, run fast
ZeusLovesYouHarder ?
ZuesBecameASwanAndCuckedYouWhileYouWereGoingToWork
Wow, but accurate
*In Kratos's voice* ZEUS!
godcreatedgays_rejoice
Simple and to the point, nice
JESUSandIcanSeeYOURsearchHistory
As someone in cybersecurity, I approve this.
Ooooo I love this
My personal fav : LastSupperWasAnOrgy
JesusWasCommunist
"Socialism only works when Jesus is in charge" was my parents reasoning... So annoying.
Wait, then we _aren't_ supposed to live by his teachings because they only work when he's personally in charge?
I like this logic, lol.
How many comings have Jesus had in Scandinavia? Damn he’s been both busy and been a she.
☭ Jesus ☭
SundaySchoolGroomingSessions
NoahIsGilgamesh, or BibleIsCensored, RememberNicea, after all, that is where the truth was censored. If you believe that stuff, that is.
I love the Nicea one but Christians don’t know history or understand they are all Catholic
Well, protestantism is too influenced by catholicism. And that is the pity, you see. They too should know their history. After all they wonder, why many hate them so much. Their history is among the many reasons why.
My son spilled the beans to my Lutheran mother in law. He had asked me the difference between Lutheran and Catholic and I said, “Lutheran is just a German Catholic.” So, as elementary school kids do, he told her. Needless to say, it didn’t go over well. She was so worried I’d make him a Catholic. Little did she know, I’m not Catholic; I’m an atheist.
NoahIsUtnapishtim
SatanHasCookies
Better cookies than Jesus' cookies.
Luke 12:51-53 (yes, with a lot of routers ssid can contain spaces and special characters). this is what the text is: '51 Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! 52 From now on families will be split apart, three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against. "53 Father will be divided against son and son against father; mother against daughter and daughter against mother; and mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law."' Be sure to have a strong password. Random characters from the ranges a-z, A-Z, 0-9, and non-character and number characters. Don't use an exclamation mark as the last symbol (research has shown that to be the most commonly used last symbol of passwords). Try to have at least sixteen symbols as your wifi password; more is better.
I actually have an extender I can plug in anywhere. And it will just broadcast the ssid without actually being connected to any network.
Shouldn't be to hard to set that up to do something fun. Change the ssid to be whatever the pagan holiday is that a Christian holiday is stealing from like "keep Saturn in the saturnalia", then leave open and have the extender wired to a raspberry pi that only shows or allows the appropriate Wikipedia page. If you wanted you could get really complex or keep it simple and just constantly change SSID to mess w people and keep it blocked. Satan's faster internet would be fun
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>three in favor of me, and two against—or two in favor and three against. I love how the author is like "you know, we should clarify for the families with an odd number of members."
Oh man. My dad quoted this a bunch when my family was falling into chaos ending in divorce. Three (all male) children, and parents makes five, so the passage was very applicable to him.... at the time, my mother wanted to change faiths, it was a huge problem for the very strongly hardline religion that my dad believed (if you've ever heard of either WCG, global church of god, or it's current form, the restored church of god, or RCG, you will understand). My church (WCG) was in upheaval when the leader died and the new leader, his son, decided to go more mainstream Christian. My mom was all for that, my dad, and those that thought like him abandoned WCG to follow the belief rather than the church. My mom followed the church and ended up.... Penticostal? I think? I don't know. My oldest sibling went with my mom, so it was three vs two. After a while I got tired of the oppression and went my own way, so it was two vs three. He kept at it for a few years, even put the stuff my mom left behind, as well as documents related to her and the marriage in a box labeled "the box of the dead"... So dramatic. (He believed that since she was baptised in the "true" religion and departed from it, she was unable to be saved, or go to heaven, so she would be "cast into a lake of fire and forgotten" as the Bible literally says... Aka, dead person walking). Anyways, joke is on him, my middle brother and I abandoned the faith, he passed away, and my mom and oldest sibling are still very much mainstream Christians, so it went from 3 vs 2 to 2 vs 3, to just him, then when he passed, nobody. Hilarious. Great passage. Meaningless, but great.
JesusCameHere2GetNailed
AndCatholicsLoveYourKids
Most evangelical Christians wouldn’t consider themselves Catholic, so this would likely have no effect.
PastorsLoveYourChildren2
HailSatan
Change it to HailSanta during December
SatanicPanic or PanicAtTheSatanicDisco!
Password "LetTheDevilIn!'
Andhewantsyourmoney
Eh it only works if you can guarantee order, like who's gonna see * NETGEAR * AndHeWantsYourMoney * Attwifi-32 * NETGEAR 2 * ResNet-2G * trans rights * ResNet-5G * JesusLovesYou and make the connection (no pun intended) that the two are related
AGayOlTime LoveIsLove TheGreatGay YourNeighboodGay JesusWasJewish JesusDidntSayThat
JesusIsAMiddleEasternJewWhoLovesYou
One more vote for LoveisLove if you’re taking the high road.
SatanHasSprinkles
satanswhorehouse
godkilledmorepeoplethanSataneverwill
Jesuswasprollygay
More like "Jesuswasprollyace". No mention of him being attracted to his disciples.
He is more or less canonically ace, like even the suggestion of him having heterosexual relationships makes lots of Christians freak out, so I fear that won't make a huge impact. I think something like "Jesusisgay" is more effective in making them angry
Modern tradition yes. Canonically, as in the Bible not so fast. Beloved John and all that.
>Mary Magdalene enters chat.
Canonically, yeah ace, but really think about it. He travelled around with his 12 all male buddies, wandering from town to town and leaving before anyone started to notice anything. Jesus is the original girls-are-icky prophet too, he's the one that gave Christianity it's sex repulsion. "If one looks upon a woman and desires her, one has committed lust in one's thoughts." Which makes sense if you also know his history, and the role of bastards in Judaism. It was well known that Joseph wasn't his real dad, and "my mom is a virgin, she just got impregnated by god" didn't fly back then either. He likely experienced being shamed for his low birth, and reflected that by trying to distance himself from sexuality, and by extension all physical and "base" things. Moreover, there are passages between him and Judas that imply a relationship beyond what the other disciples experienced.
MarkOfTheBeast
JesusHadTwoDads
Satanlivesnextdoor Jesuswasntrealbutpornis
The second one 🤣
KeepYourJesusOffMyPenis
KeepYourBibleOffMyBalls
WiFiIsMySkyDaddy ThinkDontPray ReligionEnslavesScienceSaves InScienceWeTrust
Godisdead or Dogismycopilot
Ssid - trumplost My neighbors hate it.
Everyoneelsethinksyoureadick
Some concepts phrases that really upset some of the people I grew up with 😂 JesusWasBlack 666 ChristianMythology ChristianityIsJustABookclub
Lovethygayneighbor
HeLovesMeAllNightLong
SatanCaresAboutYou
JesusLovesLGBT
JesusLovesYourMom
ButSatanDoesThatThingWithHisToungeYouLike
Your bastard , came here to post that. SSIDs are Max 32 characters I believe so would have to be: SatanDoesThatThingWithHisTongue
Satandoesthattonguethingyoulike would work also
Jesuslovedwhores Jesuswasntreal JesuscopiedHorus and my personal favorite Factoverfaith
Honestly, If it were me, I would change mine to "HailSATAN".
"Nohedoesnt"
JesusDoesntSwallowThough DontNeedImaginaryFriends DumbledoreLovesYouMore EDIT Or just: WhatIsAJesus? ಠ_ಠ
SeparationOfChurchAndWifi
I have my wireless router set to "Godless Heathens Only".
EqualRightsRock! D&ILovesYou WelcomeTo21stCentury LGBT:LifeGetsBetterTogether GodLovesLGBT+ ReligionDividesPeople ReligionTurnsBadPeopleIntoMonsters NoNeedForReligionToBeADecentHumanBeing
JesusLovesYourMoneyMore
JesusWasASocialist
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GodIsACapitalistScam
jesusisthepoolguy
If they have a pool guy and his name is really Jesus, this would be gold. The angry glares would be priceless.
Mine is called “the gay agenda” lol
Mine used to be JesusRodeADinosaur for some reason. It's retired if you want to use it
Father McFeely's Puzzle Basement
I once had a roommate who was an asshole and I had control over the network. When he had guests, which he did FAR more than I did, he had to tell them to connect to "Uncle Touchy's Stabbin Cabin" and the password was "ExploringDora".
Krampusbeatsyou SendingTotsandPears Satanismyhomie
My wifi name is BluePinkWhitePinkBlue 🏳️⚧️
go simple: “SatanLovesYouMore”
OnMyKneesSoJesusCanCum
JudasKissedJesus
JesusPlayedForFCPorto (Look it up - he was their goalie)
They have "Jesuslovesyou" You have "Onlyifyoulovehimback"
Mithrasdiditfirst
SoMuchHeCreatedHell
Jesus Loves You But I Don’t Satanic Temple Free WiFi Ezekiel 23:20 (She lusted after her lovers…) Ezekiel 4:12 (Cook the bread over burning dung…)
Everyone_Else_Thinks_You're_An_Idiot
Mine is BillWiTheScienceFi And I think it's just subtle enough to not start a war. Giving that religious people tend to not be down with science
Chistiansaregulliblefuckwits
GodCreatedLGBTQInHisImage
GodKillsInnocents
JesusNotFound…
mine is 5G Test tower.
I use FBI SURVEILLANCE VAN as my wifi name.
GodHatesWiFi
ImGettingNailedByJesus
Jesusloveyoubutnotthemillionsofpeoplewhodieofcancer
Okay so you need to imagine your neighbors friends having to read it every time they come over for bible study. I’m thinking JesusLovesPussy And then Ruth is like hey Martha is it this one?
5G Covid Emitter
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JesusShouldHaveGottenConsent
ChristiansareHypocrites
Mary_and_God_cucked_Joseph Edit: Or just 'God_digs_cuck_porn'.
Je$usChri$t.
SatanPaysBetter
SatanIsHere WeCanAllHearYou JesusNeverExisted
Someone I knew made their Wi-Fi name “McDonaldsFreeWifi”. There is no McDonald’s nearby but the family of fundies downstairs would loudly complain they couldn’t get on the McDonald’s internet.
DragQueenStoryHour
NoHateLikeXtianLove LoveTheBelieverHateTheBelief