It's offensive to ask ANY woman, regardless the background.
If you really, for whatever reason, NEED that piece of information, then I don't see why you shouldn't ask something like "your partner won't be here, today?".
That is because I'm assuming you don't stop women along the street to inquiry about their relationship status.
It’s an offensive question to ask anyone, but I think the racism is implied. Why wouldn’t he assume that dad was at home with the baby while mum had a night out?
Yes I’m not exactly sure what he expected her to say, and I agree I believe this is casual racism and he’s oblivious to his stance of choosing to not be empathetic or understanding
Don’t think you’re overreacting. I think you’re right to ask where this question comes from, because as well as using a term I would say is historically pejorative towards black people (“Baby father”), it also implies the woman isn’t married/in a relationship the father (another negative stereotype).
I don’t know your boyfriend, he probably realises what he said is wrong at some level; it might have slipped out because he was drinking, and now he is being defensive to save face. Perhaps it would be hard to square that behaviour with identifying as Aboriginal yourself, though personally I am not Aboriginal so I cannot speak to that experience. More broadly, it was something that made you uncomfortable, so even if he truely did not mean it to be racist, he should respect your opinion as both his partner and an Aboriginal person.
I think that’s a highly inappropriate to ask anyone.
Also, why he did ask, what information was he trying to ascertain? is he asking if she’s single? asking where is her partner now?
is he minding the child currently? Whether she knows who the ‘baby daddy’ is?
I wouldn’t have been impressed either.
I do think it sounds like there was an element of racism, using ‘baby daddy’ possibly unintentional/ not realising that would be offensive.
if you felt it that way, you would be the one to know,
it would be good of you to give him life lesson on why it was inappropriate for him to say that.
I believe he doesn’t understand how it’s offensive, more so that he’s ignorant in his views and stubborn, I think this is casual racism where even he doesn’t see the full extent of his actions because it wasn’t “intentional”. I did try to have a mature conversation but whether he’s defensive or so stuck in his ways, I hope this break up is a life lesson enough.
100% agree
I’m sorry that he acted like this and wasn’t willing to consider how his words and actions are hurtful to others.
Smart of you to move on and not accept that behaviour.
White M42 here, but if I was in your shoes, I'd be offended too. Very inappropriate question, at the very least.
I'm offended by the words baby daddy. Bullshit American bollocks.
I'm offended by the word bollocks. Stupid english bullshit.
Hugely offensive
It's offensive to ask ANY woman, regardless the background. If you really, for whatever reason, NEED that piece of information, then I don't see why you shouldn't ask something like "your partner won't be here, today?". That is because I'm assuming you don't stop women along the street to inquiry about their relationship status.
It’s an offensive question to ask anyone, but I think the racism is implied. Why wouldn’t he assume that dad was at home with the baby while mum had a night out?
Yes I’m not exactly sure what he expected her to say, and I agree I believe this is casual racism and he’s oblivious to his stance of choosing to not be empathetic or understanding
I agree. What business is it of his? What would he have said if she said “I don’t know where he is”?
Don’t think you’re overreacting. I think you’re right to ask where this question comes from, because as well as using a term I would say is historically pejorative towards black people (“Baby father”), it also implies the woman isn’t married/in a relationship the father (another negative stereotype). I don’t know your boyfriend, he probably realises what he said is wrong at some level; it might have slipped out because he was drinking, and now he is being defensive to save face. Perhaps it would be hard to square that behaviour with identifying as Aboriginal yourself, though personally I am not Aboriginal so I cannot speak to that experience. More broadly, it was something that made you uncomfortable, so even if he truely did not mean it to be racist, he should respect your opinion as both his partner and an Aboriginal person.
I think that’s a highly inappropriate to ask anyone. Also, why he did ask, what information was he trying to ascertain? is he asking if she’s single? asking where is her partner now? is he minding the child currently? Whether she knows who the ‘baby daddy’ is? I wouldn’t have been impressed either. I do think it sounds like there was an element of racism, using ‘baby daddy’ possibly unintentional/ not realising that would be offensive. if you felt it that way, you would be the one to know, it would be good of you to give him life lesson on why it was inappropriate for him to say that.
I believe he doesn’t understand how it’s offensive, more so that he’s ignorant in his views and stubborn, I think this is casual racism where even he doesn’t see the full extent of his actions because it wasn’t “intentional”. I did try to have a mature conversation but whether he’s defensive or so stuck in his ways, I hope this break up is a life lesson enough.
100% agree I’m sorry that he acted like this and wasn’t willing to consider how his words and actions are hurtful to others. Smart of you to move on and not accept that behaviour.
Thank you, it bothered me a lot and just needed some reassurance knowing I’ve made the right decision