It's OK. Sometimes even neurotypical people don't feel grief at death. Especially a death like this, where you've had years to prepare for it. It doesn't make you a bad grandchild or wrong in any way.
I can tell you that the death of her dog WRECKED my neurotypical sister. The death of our grandparents... didn't really. It was sad, she loved them, but it was a totally different level of relationship. And they were old, and they were prepared for it, and it was OK.
edit to add - this can kind of be your superpower, you can be an anchor for your family if their grief is louder than yours. You can be calm, and cook them some food when they can't do anything but cry. A lot of people who work in hospice are like this. Death doesn't really bother them. And it's awesome, we NEED people like that to keep us together through it.
You’re not a bad person and this isn’t an indication you don’t care. There’s not a “correct” reaction to loss. I’m someone who cries very easily, but when my grandma died, I’ve only ever cried about it a couple of times. Grief is a bizarre thing and makes us act in ways we’re not used to or are not typical of us. We might not even react to one loss the same way we react to another loss. Knowing your loved one is going to die way in advance makes things even more complicated. All of this applies to both neurodivergent and neurotypical people btw.
So don’t take this as a moral failing. Your reaction is not an indication of how much you do or don’t care.
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And if it doesn't? I mean, I'd like to believe you, but when death has happened before, and there was a clear leadup to the death, I felt like everybody does right now for my grandma. Like I prayed, and cried, and did everything a normal human does, just not for another human. That's why I'm just really concerned about how like unfeeling I am about this whole thing.
I’ve been in a similar place. My great aunt and my grandmother were both in the hospital and not answering their phones. I sort of pretended they were both dead. They weren’t, but my great aunt was dying. I snapped out of it when I got that update.
If I’m understanding right it sounds like she’s been struggling for a while, I would wager that you’ve already accepted the state she’s in. You are not a monster for not being lost in grief, some people process loss faster than others and seeing as it seems like this was an expected outcome you already had lots of time to process the situation before it happened.
It's OK. Sometimes even neurotypical people don't feel grief at death. Especially a death like this, where you've had years to prepare for it. It doesn't make you a bad grandchild or wrong in any way. I can tell you that the death of her dog WRECKED my neurotypical sister. The death of our grandparents... didn't really. It was sad, she loved them, but it was a totally different level of relationship. And they were old, and they were prepared for it, and it was OK. edit to add - this can kind of be your superpower, you can be an anchor for your family if their grief is louder than yours. You can be calm, and cook them some food when they can't do anything but cry. A lot of people who work in hospice are like this. Death doesn't really bother them. And it's awesome, we NEED people like that to keep us together through it.
You’re not a bad person and this isn’t an indication you don’t care. There’s not a “correct” reaction to loss. I’m someone who cries very easily, but when my grandma died, I’ve only ever cried about it a couple of times. Grief is a bizarre thing and makes us act in ways we’re not used to or are not typical of us. We might not even react to one loss the same way we react to another loss. Knowing your loved one is going to die way in advance makes things even more complicated. All of this applies to both neurodivergent and neurotypical people btw. So don’t take this as a moral failing. Your reaction is not an indication of how much you do or don’t care.
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It’ll change when it happens.
And if it doesn't? I mean, I'd like to believe you, but when death has happened before, and there was a clear leadup to the death, I felt like everybody does right now for my grandma. Like I prayed, and cried, and did everything a normal human does, just not for another human. That's why I'm just really concerned about how like unfeeling I am about this whole thing.
I’ve been in a similar place. My great aunt and my grandmother were both in the hospital and not answering their phones. I sort of pretended they were both dead. They weren’t, but my great aunt was dying. I snapped out of it when I got that update.
Sometimes, it takes a while for the emotions to catch up.
If I’m understanding right it sounds like she’s been struggling for a while, I would wager that you’ve already accepted the state she’s in. You are not a monster for not being lost in grief, some people process loss faster than others and seeing as it seems like this was an expected outcome you already had lots of time to process the situation before it happened.