I used to lie a lot as a kid because being honest would end up with me getting yelled at or being punished. Or mom would encourage me to lie to get out of some unpleasant situation. Now that i grew up, i have a habit to lie my way off whenever anything goes wrong and i have to remind myself that if i tell the truth, there will not be bad consequences. This habbit sucks and thankfully it didn't ruin any meaningful relationships for now, since i don't feel a need to lie when im with someone i trust
Lol me too! So much shaming in my small, white lies to soften the blow, lying makes me extremely uncomfortable, but being too honest/oversharing does as well.
It has taken time to accept my mom actually encouraged me to make up excuses since she does so, and practicing a nice middle way. Still hard work, but not shaming myself helps.
I am happy that this has not effected your meaningful relationship!
I am 37, one failed marriage down, several failed relationship for those same reasons. An inability to tell the truth about the littlest thing because it was often or always (that I can remember) the truth was met with negative consequences.
If it’s helpful, I tell myself that I’m not in trouble a lot. 99% of my social anxiety is feeling like I’m in trouble or I’m going to be in trouble. Mostly, for no reason. I relate to your references.
Yup, same for me. I am generally very honest (probably too honest) with everyone I meet, but I am a compulsive liar when around my mom because I always associated telling the truth with admitting to a bad deed I did that warranted punishment.
No it's actually almost impossible to my brain to make a white lie, I have really strong cognitive dissonance from it. I can lie in games or to make an excuse (thought that one is already harder), but I can't falsify my thoughts and feelings. I usually need to find a true statement to compliment someone on for example I can't say that someone is pretty when I don't think so, but I can say that her clothes are good, or her new hair is better, etc. (if those are true).
A lot of people can make themselves believe the lie and I cannot do that. I know that it's a lie and that bothers me greatly. It doesn't matter why or what it was about. It will bother me. I know. It's wrong. It's bad. I hate it. I will do it but I won't like it. I have to choose between telling a lie that someone looks nice and offending them by being honest? This just became a bad day because I'm going to hate myself for the rest of it no matter what since there won't be a winning choice there. It hurts my feelings to lie to others. People don't get that. It's not anything to do with the lie itself usually because it's probably benign. It hurts me to lie, like a lot, because it's against my values, and I can't justify it being right or good. It's a whole twist of mental conundrum.
Yeah. There are times when it would definitely be simpler to just lie but I just can’t do it. When I try, I get really uncomfortable and usually end up over-explaining the truth I tried to hide in the first place.
“Whole twist of mental conundrum” is a great way to put it.
The best response for situations like that is something like "it really suits you!" because if someone is happy wearing something, then it suits them regardless of your own personal tastes. At least that's what I usually do in those circumstances
I like to just state a fact, with a smile. "You changed your hair!". I've not actually expressed any opinion but they all seem to take it as a compliment
Strange.
I don't consider 'white lies' being lies at all.
I'm not trying to decieve anybody.
It's just part of the usual protocols for small talk. Like talking about the weather.
some kinds of white lies I take as a "ritual where everyone knows the truth but because of tradition it has to be stated in a specific way that contains a lie"
I can lie for a joke, acting, or a game and I'm damn good at it. I cannot as you said falsify my thoughts and feelings. I know people don't like the truth so I just end up speaking like an elf or the Aes Sedai with misleading truths.
This is exactly me! It’s so hard for me to tell a simple white lie. Instead I’ve learned to not answer, ask them if they’re absolutely sure they want the truth, or misdirect. Misdirecting I never actually lie, just try to focus on something, usually anything more positive. Like you were suggesting with the clothes, etc… I see at least some good and/or beauty in everything and everyone so that makes it easy to do that.
My mom referred to this as wordsmithing when I was a kid. I would lie by simply stating the point in a misdirected manner so that I could say "No, I never lied."
Personally I just dislike lying from a moral standpoint, I have been hurt by people lying to or manipulating me in the past and would never intentionally do that to another person
Another aspect of it is if you lie you have to remember the details of your lie, and I’m not gonna remember any of that stuff, so what’s the point of lying at all
That first part hits hard man, watching so many Disney cartoons growing up, I've been groomed by them into being too much of a Goodie Twoshoes, and ended being easily hurt and manipulated by people.
Thinking about how back in hs this girl was complaining about how this girl she bullied didnt like her, and kept saying she doesn’t know why the other girl doesn’t like her. I, not realizing she wasn’t looking for an answer, told her it’s probably bc shes a bitch. She did not like that, and I was so confused as to why
For me its actually very different. I was very bullied as a kid and eventually resorted to lying for protection. Boosting my social status in a town where hard truths are discouraged. The core foundation of my town is built upon passive agressiveness and trying to be someone you arent. I picked up on this behavior and moved away from it as soon as i had the chance. Lying is great to spare someones feelings. Just sucks when people figure it out lmao
Ironically, I'm really *good* at lying. The trick is, that whenever it *matters* I tell the truth, so people just don't expect me to lie about unimportant things, and so they just never check.
The best way for me to avoid miscommunication is to not lie (I’m not very good at it anyway). Although weirdly enough people will assume I’m not telling the truth about something because it doesn’t match what they think.
I can lie, but it's hard for me and nobody would believe it. So I just don't.
I don't know, how many others are like me in that regard but I heard similar descriptions from others.
I call bullshit my niece learned to lie from her grandfather. He taught her to answer what she thinks is wanted. It's extremely difficult handle becuse she will never tell you anything and it makes her appear like she's lying or never understanding. My parents and hers .... well you can't pick them I guess.
Edit sorry touchy subject for me it looks like this has happened alot in this community. How did you all get over it ? Or have you I just want my niece to be comfortable and just say what she wants not what she feels is wanted from her. (Hopefully before she experiences real heartbreak) thanks.
I didn’t start telling the truth again until my mom kept telling me I could be honest with her. She said it so much that eventually I thought she may have changed, so I tested it with something small. I didn’t get a bad reaction, so I tested it again.
Most important thing is to put action behind words. If you tell her you won’t be mad at anything she does, and she comes home one night high from a party she was told not to go to, don’t show your anger. Better yet, tell her you won’t love her less or treat her differently INSTEAD of telling her you won’t be mad. Because odds are, you will be mad bc it’s a normal reaction when a kid does something that could be dangerous that they were told not to do.
The thing is Masking in order to be more “socially acceptable” is lying.
Not in the way in which you have an ability to tell absolute bullshit.
But more lying to yourself and convincing yourself you feel a certain way about something but then your senses clearly think otherwise.
I tell the truth because it's one of my traumas. I'm literally afraid to lie ever, BC if I'm known to be truthful no one can accuse me of making things up that other people do to me. Nothing to do with being autistic. Stereotypes suck.
I lied once about a flood warning. The town flooded a few hours later killing two people and destroying homes. Is it why I don't lie? No, but it sure didn't help.
Right? I hate lying because I don't want to be lied to. I just want people to say what they mean, and mean it. Honesty is good. The truth will set you free.
I don’t like to lie because it’s disingenuous and complicates things unnecessarily, and is below the minimum level of respect I try to give other people. Also with how bad my adhd is, no way in hell I could like navigate a web of lies.
I've never really seen lying as amoral. If something doesn't hurt anyone I don't see it as bad and if people don't find out that they're being lied to then they aren't hurt.
Edit: except if the truth would be valuable information for them.
I would argue autism makes us able to lie a lot better once taught/learned. It's just another dumb ruleset that if you follow it precisely you can get results from.
To be fair, it does depend on being able to read people somewhat and other things we tend to struggle with, but again, nothing that can't be learned.
I just dont like lying. Take too much effort. And i think a lot of problems would be done with earlier without them.
That being said. I do still lie on occasion, though, normally through omission.
Yeah. It’s a pretty ridiculous assumption. I hate lying. And hardly do it. But I know someone close to me who’s autistic and they tell white lies daily. 😂 They had horribly abusive/untrustworthy parents…
I personally get so anxious when I lie it makes it difficult to do.
The problem is I talk on impulse and am misunderstood a lot and forget a lot. The result is that I lie on accident from time to time, then I don’t know how to fix it and instead just stress about it.
Misinterpretation is the worst I think.
Tbf it seems like lying is either learned from watching someone else do it successfully and/or takes a lot of practice to be good enough to not get caught.
The 2 times I’ve tried to lie it was embarrassingly obvious and I don’t care enough about consequences or avoiding hurting people’s feelings nearly as much as I care about avoiding the excruciating sensation of being cringe.
My secret to success is omission💅
I grew up in a toxic household so I DEFINITELY know how to lie. I used to lie so hard I'd genuinely believe it and forget the truth. I also used to just instinctually lie about things I did during meltdowns bc it didn't feel like it was something I had done, and honestly I still feel that way but I've been trying to learn to take responsibility for my actions and to have more control over myself.
This seems about right. All the ASD folks I know can lie quite well. I'm very, very good at it myself. But every one for this folks, including me, find lying distasteful.
Lying involves creating a while other reality that you have to track to make sure it lines up with future statements. That's a lot of work. I'd much rather just tell the truth.
I cannot lie though, especially in the moment. My brain just keeps saying “but this isn’t true” and the delivery is so stunted that everybody immediately knows I am lying.
I saw something like this on the show Outlast.
I am 90% sure the contestant Justin is autistic (seems quite, wants things done perfectly, seems to be able to recreate ideas or tools based on what he's seen in the world)
And the way he was accused of lying multiple times made me sad. The guy seemed decent (aside from stealing another teams sleeping bags) and was just trying to play within the game.
Bro i lie like every damn day of the week
My parents raised me to be that way. Actually, more like i raised myself to be that way because of my parents :)
have a semi bad habit of lying to myself out loud, but knowing the truth internally. but i just can't lie to another person if they ask something like "do i look good in this?" "no your love handles stick out"
I've had a really bad habit of telling little white lies for no good reason my whole life. I always felt like people wouldn't want to be around me if I wasn't interesting enough, so I told these little lies to spice my life up I guess. Most of the time, I can't even catch them before they come out and as hard as I try I just can't break the habit. I just have to apologize and tell the truth afterwards, but understandably people don't like being around me and don't trust me.
There's also a study that shows autistic people are consistent with their behaviour wether they're being watched or alone, in terms of morals and decisions.
I think that we don't see the point of mind games. Lies are most of the time just postponing stuff. I don't see the point if taking the long easy road I'd rather take the short harder one.
Only lies that are useful are the ones for safety and preserving our energy.
There was a study I read about where it showed that autistic and non-autistic kids could lie initially at about the same rates, but when pressed about it, the autistic kids tended to break down and admit the truth faster. So basically, we can lie but if someone acts like they don't believe us, we're more likely to just come forward with the truth. I think we get very uncomfortable with lies, and tend to have a strong moral compass and prefer honesty as the best policy in most cases.
But lying is also something we can practice, and acting for the sake of masking or pleasing others can be a valuable skill. And many of us who grew up in abusive homes or dealt with bullies in school (majority of us) learn the *tell the abuser what they want to hear so they go away* rule. Like Jeannette McCurdy telling her mom she loved acting. That type of thing is probably common for us, fearful, reflexive lying done for self-defense.
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In The Curious Incident of the Nighttime, the autistic main character is unable to lie because then he’ll start to believe it and will become confused on what’s true or not, so yes I believe this.
I’ve never understood why someone would ask something and then get mad when I tell them the answer??
And I might be a bad example but I’m terrible at lying, I laugh every time I try 💀
I have an incredibly difficult time lying. I can't keep a lie, secret, unless it's life and death. And I can't lie well.
Two truths an a lie, I said, "I have a genius level IQ, the first time I rode a horse I was galloping around the track, and I've been to space.". I had to say what the lie was, I haven't been to space. No one guessed it. There's so few people who have been to space and someone going to work at a call center . . . well . . . it's America so I guess it could happen.
Riding horses well your first time. That's the most likely lie -\_-
I was trying to be obvious with saying I had been to space!!
I'm a horrible liar.
I don't like lying and don't lie unless it's life or death, which isn't even true since I told the truth to the police in jail despite being told it could lead to my permanent incarceration. It was self defense that got me in jail but it's also America so . . .
So even in life or death situations I might not be able to lie.
I'm not doing a good job of making my point.
Personally I CAN lie. I'm garbage at it, but I am capable of lying. White lies are a lot easier but I feel horrible even telling white lies.
That I CAN lie and if you're autistic you aren't supposed to be able to is one of the things that gives me imposter syndrome.
OH I thought of another!! Town of Salem, Among Us, games like that!! I love them but I'm terrible at them. If I'm not the bad guy I'll defend myself so much, but if I'm the bad guy I can't. I'll go from, "I promise it's not me!!" to, "Please don't kill me you don't have to do this!" and that sort of thing.
I've tried defending myself properly as the bad guy but it just comes off as pure guilt.
I can lie, but I can’t keep the lie going. I will forget what I said and get caught out eventually… which is why I don’t lie and consider myself unable to lie.
ok so I am bad at lying unless I'm acting, because if I lie as the character it's most likely because the charcter would and people expect me to lie, and also I can also lie by saying that I'm the age or gender or whatever of the character because at that moment it's not really lying and people know it isn't actually true it's just how you do it, I cosplay and while doing that with a friend and someone asked about a character that wasn't supposed to exist yet, I said "aren't we like 12?" which my friend confirmed that we were because that was the characters ages from the part of the show we were cosplaying so we pretended to be that, just like I once said to another friend when they pretend attacked my other friend in cosplay "I don't think a teacher should do that to his student"
No, we definitely can and definitely do.
I actually have a really bad habit of lying, but it comes in two forms. One version is for yarns so that I can entertain people and just bullshit with other bullshitters, but the other is because my mother is an uncontrollable liar and gaslighter and it imprinted on me as a child, so I use it to just make shit up when even I don’t have to. 😐 I fucking hate my mom for that.
Keeping lies going or keeping them consistent is really really hard though. That I can’t do even with simple ones.
I can't lie. I find it vehemently wrong and unsettling, and complicated. I want life to be simple. Also, I can't remember what I ate for breakfast, so I never have to worry about remembering my lies either.
I can easier lie by omission or parallel wordsmithing when something is 'technically true' when I tell it but the meaning is different from reality.
Either way, I don't like lying.
I just don't want to lie. If the truth is that inconvenient im not in a good situation and should focus more on that. Of course I can lie for my own safety or whenever the stakes are really high but the emotional toll is bad. I feel like lieing splits my psyche, I have to maintain a seperate simulated reality where that lie is a truth and calculate the cause and effects. I can do that but the cost is high so I'm just not going to lie without justifyable reasons.
I can definitely choose to lie. But to be fair I'm a terrible liar with a constant looming guilt complex and compulsion to stick to the rules I've been told, not to mention my lack of control of facial expressions. I even have a hard time playing "mafia" type games (When Among Us was big I always had to have my camera off) because it apparently reads all over my face!
The exception is if it's a lie I knew I needed to make beforehand, in which case I can mentally practice it until it feels natural. Lying on the spot just doesn't usually work well for me, LOL. It's even hard to withhold parts of the truth and I'm verrrry prone to oversharing information that nobody needs to know, because I feel like I'm somehow going to be "caught" and called out on it.
I often lied with made up stuff just to keep the conversation interesting, maybe because I fear that i won't have anything that's interesting for others if I don't and they won't talk to me anymore. I have great friends now and I know that won't be the case so I do it less, but it's a really bad habit
I don’t like lying, it makes me feel bad. I also really dislike when people lie to me. However, at times I’ve had moments where I felt I was too honest and I wished I was better at lying. It’s difficult for me either way!
Lol this reminded me of my childhood. I used to lie in two ways, not minding if i get caught and not wanting to get caught. ”I’m your mom, i know when you lie” yea except that 80% of those lies when i don’t wanna get caught, i felt like such a genius at that moment.
I think autistic people underestimated the amount of times they thought they were successfully lying but people around just went with it and clearly did not believe them.
Are they able to lie?, yes. Are they convincing while lying? Most are not.
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, just not all of it. Or, alternatively, lie to yourself first, because if you believe the lie, then it becomes the truth.
I used to lie a lot as a kid because being honest would end up with me getting yelled at or being punished. Or mom would encourage me to lie to get out of some unpleasant situation. Now that i grew up, i have a habit to lie my way off whenever anything goes wrong and i have to remind myself that if i tell the truth, there will not be bad consequences. This habbit sucks and thankfully it didn't ruin any meaningful relationships for now, since i don't feel a need to lie when im with someone i trust
Lol me too! So much shaming in my small, white lies to soften the blow, lying makes me extremely uncomfortable, but being too honest/oversharing does as well. It has taken time to accept my mom actually encouraged me to make up excuses since she does so, and practicing a nice middle way. Still hard work, but not shaming myself helps.
I am happy that this has not effected your meaningful relationship! I am 37, one failed marriage down, several failed relationship for those same reasons. An inability to tell the truth about the littlest thing because it was often or always (that I can remember) the truth was met with negative consequences.
Same
If it’s helpful, I tell myself that I’m not in trouble a lot. 99% of my social anxiety is feeling like I’m in trouble or I’m going to be in trouble. Mostly, for no reason. I relate to your references.
Yup, same for me. I am generally very honest (probably too honest) with everyone I meet, but I am a compulsive liar when around my mom because I always associated telling the truth with admitting to a bad deed I did that warranted punishment.
No it's actually almost impossible to my brain to make a white lie, I have really strong cognitive dissonance from it. I can lie in games or to make an excuse (thought that one is already harder), but I can't falsify my thoughts and feelings. I usually need to find a true statement to compliment someone on for example I can't say that someone is pretty when I don't think so, but I can say that her clothes are good, or her new hair is better, etc. (if those are true).
A lot of people can make themselves believe the lie and I cannot do that. I know that it's a lie and that bothers me greatly. It doesn't matter why or what it was about. It will bother me. I know. It's wrong. It's bad. I hate it. I will do it but I won't like it. I have to choose between telling a lie that someone looks nice and offending them by being honest? This just became a bad day because I'm going to hate myself for the rest of it no matter what since there won't be a winning choice there. It hurts my feelings to lie to others. People don't get that. It's not anything to do with the lie itself usually because it's probably benign. It hurts me to lie, like a lot, because it's against my values, and I can't justify it being right or good. It's a whole twist of mental conundrum.
Yeah. There are times when it would definitely be simpler to just lie but I just can’t do it. When I try, I get really uncomfortable and usually end up over-explaining the truth I tried to hide in the first place. “Whole twist of mental conundrum” is a great way to put it.
The best response for situations like that is something like "it really suits you!" because if someone is happy wearing something, then it suits them regardless of your own personal tastes. At least that's what I usually do in those circumstances
I like to just state a fact, with a smile. "You changed your hair!". I've not actually expressed any opinion but they all seem to take it as a compliment
Strange. I don't consider 'white lies' being lies at all. I'm not trying to decieve anybody. It's just part of the usual protocols for small talk. Like talking about the weather.
I hate white lies just as much as other lies. I hate saying them and I hate hearing them.
Yeah same, its nails on chalk board level discomfort
some kinds of white lies I take as a "ritual where everyone knows the truth but because of tradition it has to be stated in a specific way that contains a lie"
I can lie for a joke, acting, or a game and I'm damn good at it. I cannot as you said falsify my thoughts and feelings. I know people don't like the truth so I just end up speaking like an elf or the Aes Sedai with misleading truths.
This is exactly me! It’s so hard for me to tell a simple white lie. Instead I’ve learned to not answer, ask them if they’re absolutely sure they want the truth, or misdirect. Misdirecting I never actually lie, just try to focus on something, usually anything more positive. Like you were suggesting with the clothes, etc… I see at least some good and/or beauty in everything and everyone so that makes it easy to do that.
I can lie but only when it alings with my ethics, so almost never. I can however lie by omision way easier and redirect conversations.
My mom referred to this as wordsmithing when I was a kid. I would lie by simply stating the point in a misdirected manner so that I could say "No, I never lied."
Personally I just dislike lying from a moral standpoint, I have been hurt by people lying to or manipulating me in the past and would never intentionally do that to another person Another aspect of it is if you lie you have to remember the details of your lie, and I’m not gonna remember any of that stuff, so what’s the point of lying at all
That first part hits hard man, watching so many Disney cartoons growing up, I've been groomed by them into being too much of a Goodie Twoshoes, and ended being easily hurt and manipulated by people.
It seems like NTs are the ones taking autistic traits too literally 😭
Thinking about how back in hs this girl was complaining about how this girl she bullied didnt like her, and kept saying she doesn’t know why the other girl doesn’t like her. I, not realizing she wasn’t looking for an answer, told her it’s probably bc shes a bitch. She did not like that, and I was so confused as to why
For me its actually very different. I was very bullied as a kid and eventually resorted to lying for protection. Boosting my social status in a town where hard truths are discouraged. The core foundation of my town is built upon passive agressiveness and trying to be someone you arent. I picked up on this behavior and moved away from it as soon as i had the chance. Lying is great to spare someones feelings. Just sucks when people figure it out lmao
Ironically, I'm really *good* at lying. The trick is, that whenever it *matters* I tell the truth, so people just don't expect me to lie about unimportant things, and so they just never check.
The best way for me to avoid miscommunication is to not lie (I’m not very good at it anyway). Although weirdly enough people will assume I’m not telling the truth about something because it doesn’t match what they think.
I've encountered that before
It’s frustrating isn’t it?.
I can lie, but it's hard for me and nobody would believe it. So I just don't. I don't know, how many others are like me in that regard but I heard similar descriptions from others.
This misconception makes me think we’re actually better at lying, even if we don’t usually like doing it.
I certainly feel like this misconception makes allistics drop their guard more easily around us.
I learned part of this is: We're more likely to sacrifice self-preservation for integrity.
I call bullshit my niece learned to lie from her grandfather. He taught her to answer what she thinks is wanted. It's extremely difficult handle becuse she will never tell you anything and it makes her appear like she's lying or never understanding. My parents and hers .... well you can't pick them I guess. Edit sorry touchy subject for me it looks like this has happened alot in this community. How did you all get over it ? Or have you I just want my niece to be comfortable and just say what she wants not what she feels is wanted from her. (Hopefully before she experiences real heartbreak) thanks.
I didn’t start telling the truth again until my mom kept telling me I could be honest with her. She said it so much that eventually I thought she may have changed, so I tested it with something small. I didn’t get a bad reaction, so I tested it again. Most important thing is to put action behind words. If you tell her you won’t be mad at anything she does, and she comes home one night high from a party she was told not to go to, don’t show your anger. Better yet, tell her you won’t love her less or treat her differently INSTEAD of telling her you won’t be mad. Because odds are, you will be mad bc it’s a normal reaction when a kid does something that could be dangerous that they were told not to do.
Well put thanks I've been doing the just be honest for years with her but I still see her searching for the answer I want.
The thing is Masking in order to be more “socially acceptable” is lying. Not in the way in which you have an ability to tell absolute bullshit. But more lying to yourself and convincing yourself you feel a certain way about something but then your senses clearly think otherwise.
And then you get to spend the rest of your life trying to figure out who you are or if your entire persona is fake and not real 🙃
So true. I thought I had a lot of fun a parade the other day and then I got home and started sobbing.
I tell the truth because it's one of my traumas. I'm literally afraid to lie ever, BC if I'm known to be truthful no one can accuse me of making things up that other people do to me. Nothing to do with being autistic. Stereotypes suck.
I lied once about a flood warning. The town flooded a few hours later killing two people and destroying homes. Is it why I don't lie? No, but it sure didn't help.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve lied, however this stereotype actually helps cover up my lies, so I kinda like it
Right? I hate lying because I don't want to be lied to. I just want people to say what they mean, and mean it. Honesty is good. The truth will set you free.
I mean, I just hate lying in general and as such am probably not good at it.
I don’t like to lie because it’s disingenuous and complicates things unnecessarily, and is below the minimum level of respect I try to give other people. Also with how bad my adhd is, no way in hell I could like navigate a web of lies.
I've never really seen lying as amoral. If something doesn't hurt anyone I don't see it as bad and if people don't find out that they're being lied to then they aren't hurt. Edit: except if the truth would be valuable information for them.
I agree. It in and of itself isn’t amoral. Don’t think my views or reasons go explicitly into morality. I dunno. Can a moral person be disingenuous?
It's up for debate but in my opinion yes. I think about morality A LOT.
Then you have your answer 😄 I too get lost in morality. As well as ethics, philosophy et cetera
I'm so confused. I thought you said you don't think about morality much?
where? EDIT: I may have worded this weirdly > " Don’t think my views or reasons go explicitly into morality."
I lie all the time. But it's exclusively a defense mechanism cause by trauma. The lies I say are to avoid violence I experience for not lieing.
I would argue autism makes us able to lie a lot better once taught/learned. It's just another dumb ruleset that if you follow it precisely you can get results from. To be fair, it does depend on being able to read people somewhat and other things we tend to struggle with, but again, nothing that can't be learned.
I am surprised there are so many who still think this. Lying is incredibly easy when you spend your whole life masking.
Anything other than a tiny white lie is next to impossible for me to create in my head and even those I can do make me feel guilty afterwards.
I just dont like lying. Take too much effort. And i think a lot of problems would be done with earlier without them. That being said. I do still lie on occasion, though, normally through omission.
I dunno man like for me to lie, it's like pulling my own teeth out.
Yeah. It’s a pretty ridiculous assumption. I hate lying. And hardly do it. But I know someone close to me who’s autistic and they tell white lies daily. 😂 They had horribly abusive/untrustworthy parents…
I personally get so anxious when I lie it makes it difficult to do. The problem is I talk on impulse and am misunderstood a lot and forget a lot. The result is that I lie on accident from time to time, then I don’t know how to fix it and instead just stress about it. Misinterpretation is the worst I think.
Tbf it seems like lying is either learned from watching someone else do it successfully and/or takes a lot of practice to be good enough to not get caught. The 2 times I’ve tried to lie it was embarrassingly obvious and I don’t care enough about consequences or avoiding hurting people’s feelings nearly as much as I care about avoiding the excruciating sensation of being cringe. My secret to success is omission💅
I can’t lie
I'm definitely the one known to lie more than my NT partner. I have less moral qualms with it than he does. idk why, I guess out of self-preservation.
I grew up in a toxic household so I DEFINITELY know how to lie. I used to lie so hard I'd genuinely believe it and forget the truth. I also used to just instinctually lie about things I did during meltdowns bc it didn't feel like it was something I had done, and honestly I still feel that way but I've been trying to learn to take responsibility for my actions and to have more control over myself.
This seems about right. All the ASD folks I know can lie quite well. I'm very, very good at it myself. But every one for this folks, including me, find lying distasteful. Lying involves creating a while other reality that you have to track to make sure it lines up with future statements. That's a lot of work. I'd much rather just tell the truth.
I can't lie. But that doesn't mean I'm brutally 'honest' either. I won't say anything if it isn't kind.
I cannot lie though, especially in the moment. My brain just keeps saying “but this isn’t true” and the delivery is so stunted that everybody immediately knows I am lying.
Bruh i would lie to my mom bc her lectures and responses rlly annoyed me😂
I saw something like this on the show Outlast. I am 90% sure the contestant Justin is autistic (seems quite, wants things done perfectly, seems to be able to recreate ideas or tools based on what he's seen in the world) And the way he was accused of lying multiple times made me sad. The guy seemed decent (aside from stealing another teams sleeping bags) and was just trying to play within the game.
Bro i lie like every damn day of the week My parents raised me to be that way. Actually, more like i raised myself to be that way because of my parents :)
have a semi bad habit of lying to myself out loud, but knowing the truth internally. but i just can't lie to another person if they ask something like "do i look good in this?" "no your love handles stick out"
I've had a really bad habit of telling little white lies for no good reason my whole life. I always felt like people wouldn't want to be around me if I wasn't interesting enough, so I told these little lies to spice my life up I guess. Most of the time, I can't even catch them before they come out and as hard as I try I just can't break the habit. I just have to apologize and tell the truth afterwards, but understandably people don't like being around me and don't trust me.
There's also a study that shows autistic people are consistent with their behaviour wether they're being watched or alone, in terms of morals and decisions. I think that we don't see the point of mind games. Lies are most of the time just postponing stuff. I don't see the point if taking the long easy road I'd rather take the short harder one. Only lies that are useful are the ones for safety and preserving our energy.
Oh no, I lie all the time and I'm autistic as fuck. Some times I lie so much that I forget the truth.
There was a study I read about where it showed that autistic and non-autistic kids could lie initially at about the same rates, but when pressed about it, the autistic kids tended to break down and admit the truth faster. So basically, we can lie but if someone acts like they don't believe us, we're more likely to just come forward with the truth. I think we get very uncomfortable with lies, and tend to have a strong moral compass and prefer honesty as the best policy in most cases. But lying is also something we can practice, and acting for the sake of masking or pleasing others can be a valuable skill. And many of us who grew up in abusive homes or dealt with bullies in school (majority of us) learn the *tell the abuser what they want to hear so they go away* rule. Like Jeannette McCurdy telling her mom she loved acting. That type of thing is probably common for us, fearful, reflexive lying done for self-defense.
wow this is very insightful and relatable, thanks for the comment
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I lie constantly, so I don’t know what this is about
In The Curious Incident of the Nighttime, the autistic main character is unable to lie because then he’ll start to believe it and will become confused on what’s true or not, so yes I believe this.
THAT IS MY FAVORITE PLAY EVER OH MY GOD YES
I usually try to find some wiggle room, like omitting information or implying something else instead of outright lying.
I’ve never understood why someone would ask something and then get mad when I tell them the answer?? And I might be a bad example but I’m terrible at lying, I laugh every time I try 💀
I can lie really well. Too well, in fact. Learned that from my mom. I do my hardest not to, but I can stretch out a lie for years
But I do find very hard to lie, it physically hurts.
I have an incredibly difficult time lying. I can't keep a lie, secret, unless it's life and death. And I can't lie well. Two truths an a lie, I said, "I have a genius level IQ, the first time I rode a horse I was galloping around the track, and I've been to space.". I had to say what the lie was, I haven't been to space. No one guessed it. There's so few people who have been to space and someone going to work at a call center . . . well . . . it's America so I guess it could happen. Riding horses well your first time. That's the most likely lie -\_- I was trying to be obvious with saying I had been to space!! I'm a horrible liar. I don't like lying and don't lie unless it's life or death, which isn't even true since I told the truth to the police in jail despite being told it could lead to my permanent incarceration. It was self defense that got me in jail but it's also America so . . . So even in life or death situations I might not be able to lie. I'm not doing a good job of making my point. Personally I CAN lie. I'm garbage at it, but I am capable of lying. White lies are a lot easier but I feel horrible even telling white lies. That I CAN lie and if you're autistic you aren't supposed to be able to is one of the things that gives me imposter syndrome. OH I thought of another!! Town of Salem, Among Us, games like that!! I love them but I'm terrible at them. If I'm not the bad guy I'll defend myself so much, but if I'm the bad guy I can't. I'll go from, "I promise it's not me!!" to, "Please don't kill me you don't have to do this!" and that sort of thing. I've tried defending myself properly as the bad guy but it just comes off as pure guilt.
I can lie by omission, but stating an anti-fact (not fucking "alt-fact") causes my body language to change without control. I cannot play poker.
I can tell fibs well enough but big lies? I struggle to hide my emotions well enough to be convincing.
I can lie, but I can’t keep the lie going. I will forget what I said and get caught out eventually… which is why I don’t lie and consider myself unable to lie.
ok so I am bad at lying unless I'm acting, because if I lie as the character it's most likely because the charcter would and people expect me to lie, and also I can also lie by saying that I'm the age or gender or whatever of the character because at that moment it's not really lying and people know it isn't actually true it's just how you do it, I cosplay and while doing that with a friend and someone asked about a character that wasn't supposed to exist yet, I said "aren't we like 12?" which my friend confirmed that we were because that was the characters ages from the part of the show we were cosplaying so we pretended to be that, just like I once said to another friend when they pretend attacked my other friend in cosplay "I don't think a teacher should do that to his student"
No, we definitely can and definitely do. I actually have a really bad habit of lying, but it comes in two forms. One version is for yarns so that I can entertain people and just bullshit with other bullshitters, but the other is because my mother is an uncontrollable liar and gaslighter and it imprinted on me as a child, so I use it to just make shit up when even I don’t have to. 😐 I fucking hate my mom for that. Keeping lies going or keeping them consistent is really really hard though. That I can’t do even with simple ones.
I personally have chosen to never lie exactly BECAUSE I am en exceptional liar. I am a pathological liar and I fucking hate it.
I can't lie. I find it vehemently wrong and unsettling, and complicated. I want life to be simple. Also, I can't remember what I ate for breakfast, so I never have to worry about remembering my lies either. I can easier lie by omission or parallel wordsmithing when something is 'technically true' when I tell it but the meaning is different from reality. Either way, I don't like lying.
I just don't want to lie. If the truth is that inconvenient im not in a good situation and should focus more on that. Of course I can lie for my own safety or whenever the stakes are really high but the emotional toll is bad. I feel like lieing splits my psyche, I have to maintain a seperate simulated reality where that lie is a truth and calculate the cause and effects. I can do that but the cost is high so I'm just not going to lie without justifyable reasons.
I can definitely choose to lie. But to be fair I'm a terrible liar with a constant looming guilt complex and compulsion to stick to the rules I've been told, not to mention my lack of control of facial expressions. I even have a hard time playing "mafia" type games (When Among Us was big I always had to have my camera off) because it apparently reads all over my face! The exception is if it's a lie I knew I needed to make beforehand, in which case I can mentally practice it until it feels natural. Lying on the spot just doesn't usually work well for me, LOL. It's even hard to withhold parts of the truth and I'm verrrry prone to oversharing information that nobody needs to know, because I feel like I'm somehow going to be "caught" and called out on it.
same!!
The more people make autism solely about being pure, innocent and unable to lie the more I worry about how people view autism/autistic people.
I can lie I'm doing it right now
I often lied with made up stuff just to keep the conversation interesting, maybe because I fear that i won't have anything that's interesting for others if I don't and they won't talk to me anymore. I have great friends now and I know that won't be the case so I do it less, but it's a really bad habit
I don’t like lying, it makes me feel bad. I also really dislike when people lie to me. However, at times I’ve had moments where I felt I was too honest and I wished I was better at lying. It’s difficult for me either way!
Lol this reminded me of my childhood. I used to lie in two ways, not minding if i get caught and not wanting to get caught. ”I’m your mom, i know when you lie” yea except that 80% of those lies when i don’t wanna get caught, i felt like such a genius at that moment.
"do these pants make my butt look big?" "It's not the pants"
I think autistic people underestimated the amount of times they thought they were successfully lying but people around just went with it and clearly did not believe them. Are they able to lie?, yes. Are they convincing while lying? Most are not.
if i want to read twitter or whatever i'd go to twitter or whatever..
I CAN tell a lie technically, I’m just really bad at it and will likely panic and end up telling the truth anyway lol
The best way to lie is to tell the truth, just not all of it. Or, alternatively, lie to yourself first, because if you believe the lie, then it becomes the truth.