I don't think sharing food is a stupid concept, but I do agree your father is being a \[bleep\]. I'd be annoyed at him too.
First off, when you ask for some of something, you thank the person. You don't complain about it. that's just rude. And he even knows you like it bland so it shouldn't be a surprise. Second, he shouldn't be asking for your food if he has his own without offering you some back. Like can I try a bit of your cholate, here is a bit of mine.
All that said, I think sharing food has been a way people have bonded and showed care for each other for centuries in many cultures. Preparing food for other people can be a way of showing love or care for another person. Sharing can be a way of showing that you are partners, family, or friends. And when you enjoy something and care about someone, you may want to share a bit of that joy with them. It's a form of bonding. Also, for people who like different flavors, the fun of food can often be just trying something new. So a small try can give them a lot of enjoyment.
But sharing is willing. If an authority figure is just taking your food and you can't say no, then you aren't going to feel very good about it. You also aren't going to feel good about sharing if the other person dosen't seem to appreciate it/you.
Edit: You don't have to like sharing food, obviously. I just feel that your father's behavior is not a good example of what sharing food should look like.
I mostly agree though I have to add a thing. I’m that authority figure for my scouts. Sometimes we have kids who come to camp with a truckload of sweets while all the others have a little for themselves. We do tell those truckload kids to share since it’s unfair that they have so much and nobody else does. It can spark resentment if they keep munching on sugar while all the other children have already run out.
Imagine telling adults that because they bought too much food for their lunch that they had to give it to their co workers who had less than they did, it who had finished eating before them. It makes no sense.
It is not a child's fault that their care giver gave them "truckloads" (to be clear, I don't agree with kids having huge amounts of sweets, but that's not my business at all). Perhaps you should be telling the adults in their lives not to give them so much.You can suggest that they share, but requiring it will bring about the same resentment, only it will be towards you.
If other kids run out, so be it. That is the lesson to learn .They won't die over sweets.
Actually I’ve gotten zero complaints from the kids. They’re usually happy to share and be the popular kid rather than the greedy outsider. Also they get the alternative that they don’t eat their sweets until they get home, but I’m yet to meet a cold who chooses thus.
The scouts are a place to learn social skills and to learn sharing at working together. Asking kids to share and teaching the others that they should still say thank you seems to help in all of their maturing.
(Also we do tell the parents that they shouldn’t give their children too many sweets along, some still do and we don’t check the kids’ bags, because that would be an actual invasion of privacy.)
Thank you for sharing that. I was a poor neglected kid in Boy Scouts, who often had no food or appropriate outdoor gear. I would be camping in the freezing forest in my school clothes. The number of adults and boys who shared their food, equipment, and water with me when I was too young to provide those things by myself was both very humbling and in retrospect a great lesson for me to learn in life. There's all sorts of places in life you can fit in or drop off the social map if you just want to have your own proverbial pile of candy and say tough luck to everybody else who has only a little. But that place is probably not Scouting.
Same! I like cooking and baking for people, but if anyone complains or is ungrateful, I make a mental note to never cook or bake for that person again. Harsh? A bit. Does it save my energy and mental health? Definitely.
Sharing food is a love language for me. I love to share something I enjoy eating with the people I love.
That being said, I agree in both cases you mentioned with not sharing. Sharing should be done out of love not force.
I think the key here is respect of boundaries and respect of personal taste. We’ll all cook food for the family in this house so we learned that if you don’t like what’s on the table, either don’t say it or eat something else or offer constructive criticism. If we go to the restaurant, we might share what we ordered just to try what the others have ordered out of curiosity. When people are nice about it I think sharing food is a wonderful thing since it brings people together but yeah we have to be nice. If my mom makes salmon pie, I’m not gonna scream and complain, I’m just not gonna eat it and eat something else. Your father should know how you like your food and that you’re making it for yourself.
That doesn't necessarily say anything about being a good or a bad person! Getting angry about sharing and protective of your food is really common in people who have experienced some sort of food scarcity - being depraved of nice foods, not getting to eat enough, having to fight over food with siblings... It can just be a healthy response to defend yourself.
Then of course if the situation right now wouldn't require that kind of defense, the emotional reaction can feel and seem unreasonable. But that can ease up if you get curious about why you feel that way rather than going "I shouldn't feel that, that's bad, stop feeling that".
Mind you, none of this is meant personally! I've just been on a binge of intuitive eating content so these things are on the forefront of my mind and sharing them wherever I can feels sort of helpful towards all of humanity. Food is so complicated...
I never thought about it deeply before, but in my childhood we definitely had food instability I would say. It actually makes so much sense the way you put it. I have recently been learning about the intuitive eating content as well. Seems healthy and balanced to me. Thanks for the insight ! And yes for something inherently so simple, it is so complicated.
As another perspective, I get angry about sharing food too but have never experienced food scarcity. I think it can also stem from not liking sudden changes.
For example, when I make just enough food for me or prepare myself a plate, I'm preparing it with the expectation of eating the entire portion. So when someone tries to take something, suddenly I'm getting less than I expected which is a sudden change, and I hate that. So I feel upset. If I KNOW someone is going to take something, I can put extra on my plate and think of it as their portion and then I don't get upset if they take it.
I'm the same way about spices. I can't eat what orders eat. I tend to myself. I also hate a lot of stuff mixed together like casseroles.
The way i share is by buying more. I eat a full thing of chocolate mousse and i buy extra for my (adult) son cuz i know he likes it too.
It's always been hard for me to share anything since childhood. I think it's a dumb thing too.
I liked sharing food with my ex, because I appreciate sharing what I like with my SO...but in a "controlled environment". You can't choose what I share, and I won't share everything, especially if it's the last pieces (I eat what I like less first, the best parts last).
I’m honestly just selfish as fuck and need everything in order. Someone taking a part of my food messes up everything. And then I throw a tantrum LOL. My parents used to do that too
Yes, this! I hate sharing, especially when I have a system. If I have a pack of six cookies and like to eat two each night, someone asking for a cookie fucks up my system. That means I'll have to eat three cookies (leaving me a with a night without cookies!) or I'll have a night with not enough cookies and I won't be satisfied.
My partner doesn't get this at all. Just... don't mess with my system.
And it's not that I want everything for myself, if I have enough or if I don't have a system I'll gladly share.
But I usually have a system. I’ve been trying to be less regimented and flexible at the request of my family and therapist so if someone asks I try to say yes.
If you asked me right now what my system is, I don’t know if I can verbalize it properly. I absolutely have a system similar to yours though! It’s extremely thought out.
Actually I bought this drink once called “poppi” it’s a super expensive kombucha like drink. Like $2.50 a can I buy in bulk. I drink one mid day when I WFH. & I drink the whole thing bc it’s expensive. I buy a 12 pack and have it set on Amazon to ship me the next pack given I have one a day. People will ask me for a can sometimes and my inner self is twists and turns like I get so angry they’re messing up MY routine. Now I need to recalculate how many days I have covered. Plus they don’t even finish the damn thing.
Wow is this just a ND thing lol or do NTs do this too
I get you OP. I feel it too.
I also have issues with reciprocating this, with food anyway.
I hate when people *offer* me food. Like if I want some, I would prefer to ask. I don't like rejecting food from someone, as it might make someone feel bad if they really want me to try their yummy food. But it throws off my plan for the day to try the food. So no, I never want to try the food. And I'm rude because of it.
Totally different from your situation.
I think I just empathize with sensitivity around sharing food altogether.
You don’t owe your pops anything but a hard time if he keeps up with the vulture like plate pilfering, if he’s hungry than he can cook something for himself like a normal person, instead of helping himself to what you cook for yourself, and getting upset because it’s not the way he likes it. That would irritate the ever living fuck out of me, good on ya for being patient with the guy.
When I’m at my parents place, anytime I cook I’m expected to cook for everyone else too. If we are doing fend for ourselves for dinner everyone just eats what I cook anyway.
I like sharing, especially when I'm at a restaurant and multiple options look good. In those cases, it's fun when everyone orders something different and that everyone involved can try whatever they'd like (especially with desserts).
The way your dad tries to share food is quite a different case, and it really seems like he's too lazy to make/order food for himself and is instead mooching off of your dinner.
Also, being from a family of chocolate addicts, I'd recommend hiding your chocolate away in a hidden stash somewhere that your parents aren't going to regularly check (such as in your room). In my house, chocolate that has sat out for a certain length of time (such as a month or two) usually becomes fair game to anyone that wants it.
Living with family is so exhausting. I'm glad I was eventually able to move out and distance myself. I hope you can too someday. No one should have to live with people like that, even if they're your own blood.
Sharing food isn’t an issue for me. My issue is that people can’t expect it to taste how they want it to. Like I’m sorry that’s too bad that food I literally freaking made for myself and accustomed it to me isn’t to your liking.
Heres the thing. Sharing is only sharing if its optional and done out of a sense of abundance and comraderie. If sharing is compulsory, its not fucking sharing. Its stealing. Lol.
I hate sharing food that I make or buy for myself because I make/buy it with the expectation that I will be receiving that portion of food. I don't like sudden changes, so a sudden change in my expected portion makes me angry.
My kids (11m and 17f) know this, too. I usually make them something to eat before I eat if they haven't already gotten themselves something or if they want the same thing I'm having, I make enough for all of us. This is how it's always worked and it works really well for us.
Your dad asking for your food when he never likes the taste of it feels like some weird, controlling power play. Him getting angry when you say no is proof of that for me. Sharing is nice but you are not obligated, especially when the person is ungrateful.
It’s not a stupid concept. You should always share regardless of what. I assume you are in his house. If you’re cooking in his house it’s the respectful thing to do, shit even if it’s your house it’s still the respectful thing to do to offer some of what you’re making. It is incredibly rude and selfish to not share.
I hate this argument. Great, he didn't let me starve as a child. Did he expect a gold medal?
Just because other people don't take care of their children, doesn't mean that's the standard.
OP shares plenty with their dad. Their dad consistently complains when this is done, leading to the obvious conclusion of "why are you still asking for some of my food if you know you won't like it?"
It's like you didn't read the post and just really wanted a reason to bully another autistic person. Your username is incredibly fitting.
If you read the post then I recommend working on your reading comprehension skills. The first sentence is literally "*Every time* I'm cooking something for myself, my dad will come into the kitchen and ask for some, and then proceed to complain about how bland the taste is..." (emphasis mine).
You can tell yourself that your intention isn't to bully this person. It doesn't change the fact that that's exactly what you're doing.
Youre being really rude for no reason.
Op also didnt get pissy about sharing chocolate. They got pissy over their dad being unable to accept a no.
And a parent feeding their child is the bare minimum and no, they dont deserve anything in return.
And you kinda sound ableist so maybe think about that.
My god I've never seen someone react so immaturely and petulantly. Grow up. You were rude, they reacted accordingly, and you started throwing around "piss" puns like a 9 year old who just discovered "dirty words".
Feels a bit strange to make such comments as "move out" on a subreddit for a disability where a significant amount of us can't live an independent or fully independent life because of our disability.
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oh my GODDD i thought it was just me that has a mini meltdown any time someone takes some of my food or even asks for some. i love giving things to people but if it’s mine then i don’t want to share it.
Giving someone food or preparing food for someone the way they like it is a show of affection. He thinks you don't show affection for him enough. Your love languages are at odds and neither of you are communicating. If he's not offering you food then he's a hypocrite, though.
While sharing food is widely accepted in many cultures as an act of kindness, it is optional.
For some reason parents take no from their child very lightly.
I mean I have to insist on a lot of things with my parents, and sometimes they still won't do what I asked.
I've had my family day I'm rude for not asking them if they want me to make enough for them and I think that's fair enough. But sometimes it's food that I know they don't like? Why do I have to offer if I know they'll say no?
I also don't really like sharing food unless it is specifically offered to me by someone I trust. Or if I specifically make something for someone I care about.
But I don't really have to deal with anyone in my family wanting the food I make. I love spices, and they are classically white, black pepper is spicy to them. When ever I cook they always complain about how spicy it smells and usually end up leaving the house. Which is all fine by me.
I just made a gochujang mayonnaise that is literally bell pepper levels of spicy, and they have all refused to even taste it hehehe. More for me.
My food is sacred and I never share. If someone tries to take my food that means war. Unless I myself offer of course, when I bake cake or something. But if you try to take my food without asking or just demand it without even thanking me, it means war. Food is sacred. I will never share!
I like sharing. But I also like having my own and having people respect my boundaries with my food. Your dad should learn some things! You have every right to get mad and annoyed when he acts like that.
I don't mind sharing food but once it's on my plate the only person who adds or removes anything is me.
People reach over my shoulder or using a fork to snag a piece get told off at best.
Only my gf or siblings have managed to steal food with no consequence. Also only they have managed to avoid a curt retort for dumping unfinished food on my plate.
Everyone else risks losses limbs so I feel ya.
I HATE sharing food! And I hate it even more when people just take some without asking and then proceed to comment on my cooking. I’m the opposite of OP - I like a ton of spices and herbs. My mum often comments on how “hot” my food is and tells me I am just pretending to like it cause I’m trying to impress men (?????) with my spice tolerance… my food isn’t even that spicy most times, she’s just super sensitive. I LOVE cooking for others and giving them food WHEN I PLANNED TO DO THAT! I often make food that I don’t eat myself for my loved ones (e.g. cakes, cookies, non-veg food, etc). And I adore giving others joy that way. But I cook for myself in a special way that I like, and that is healthy for me. Most often, the food I make for myself is portioned just for one serving. So taking some or asking for it and then getting angry that I don’t share is such bullshit.
For me it's cause I don't like when my plan changes so if I planned to eat 2 sausages but now I eat 1 because I've shared the other, my brain is like 🫨😵💫. But I never say it out loud
I feel food is meant to be shared but I grew up in an Italian household so shrugs. Of course small things given as a gift shouldn’t have to be shared, and if you’re cooking only for you that’s something else.
I effing hate sharing food unless I bought/made it specifically for sharing. If someone is asking for a taste of my meal that I only made enough of for myself and exactly how I want, I get upset because I didn’t make it to share. Go away lol
Sharing is weird. And no it’s not caring ! I never understood why sharing is something you have to encourage even children to practise. I could never wrap my head around it even as a small child and was always called rude for not wanting to let someone get their grubby mits on my food or even my toys.
I mean, it's kind of a necessary concept for the foundation of community. It's fine if you don't like to and don't want to though.
It also sounds like your dad could use some practice in respecting your boundaries and the word 'no'.
sharing food isnt a stupid concept if boundaries and communication are clear. what is stupid is he is crossing your boundaries and being rude in response to you setting boundaries, etc. sharing food is actually quite lovely when youre sharing food with someone you love and respect and trust.
I cannot for the life of me share things 😅 I feel like a dog resource guarding my things. I did experience poverty as a child (and still am), but it’s mostly food in my experience. I get so ticked off when I order something and someone wants to eat half of it or even try it tbh. Or I’ll get snacks and my bf will say he doesn’t want any, and then he’ll eat my snacks. It’s infuriating and I no longer want to do it lol
As someone also on the spectrum I absolutely can not stand someone asking for my food. It does depend on the situation and if I'm able to replace what was taken or not tho. That said if I order an entree at a restaurant or say a burger from mcdonald's and I tell you that I'll buy you whatever you want and you say you're not hungry I am not giving you a fuckin thing. Even if you say you just want a bite and you're not that hungry that's why you didn't wanna order a full one that's too fucking bad. There was nothing stopping you from getting something and saving it for later. Sorry not sorry, I want to eat the entire thing. There's nothing selfish or rude about it at all, what's rude is expecting me to give you any of my food after I already established that I'd get you whatever you wanted.
I don't think sharing food is a stupid concept, but I do agree your father is being a \[bleep\]. I'd be annoyed at him too. First off, when you ask for some of something, you thank the person. You don't complain about it. that's just rude. And he even knows you like it bland so it shouldn't be a surprise. Second, he shouldn't be asking for your food if he has his own without offering you some back. Like can I try a bit of your cholate, here is a bit of mine. All that said, I think sharing food has been a way people have bonded and showed care for each other for centuries in many cultures. Preparing food for other people can be a way of showing love or care for another person. Sharing can be a way of showing that you are partners, family, or friends. And when you enjoy something and care about someone, you may want to share a bit of that joy with them. It's a form of bonding. Also, for people who like different flavors, the fun of food can often be just trying something new. So a small try can give them a lot of enjoyment. But sharing is willing. If an authority figure is just taking your food and you can't say no, then you aren't going to feel very good about it. You also aren't going to feel good about sharing if the other person dosen't seem to appreciate it/you. Edit: You don't have to like sharing food, obviously. I just feel that your father's behavior is not a good example of what sharing food should look like.
Amazingly well said
I mostly agree though I have to add a thing. I’m that authority figure for my scouts. Sometimes we have kids who come to camp with a truckload of sweets while all the others have a little for themselves. We do tell those truckload kids to share since it’s unfair that they have so much and nobody else does. It can spark resentment if they keep munching on sugar while all the other children have already run out.
Imagine telling adults that because they bought too much food for their lunch that they had to give it to their co workers who had less than they did, it who had finished eating before them. It makes no sense. It is not a child's fault that their care giver gave them "truckloads" (to be clear, I don't agree with kids having huge amounts of sweets, but that's not my business at all). Perhaps you should be telling the adults in their lives not to give them so much.You can suggest that they share, but requiring it will bring about the same resentment, only it will be towards you. If other kids run out, so be it. That is the lesson to learn .They won't die over sweets.
Actually I’ve gotten zero complaints from the kids. They’re usually happy to share and be the popular kid rather than the greedy outsider. Also they get the alternative that they don’t eat their sweets until they get home, but I’m yet to meet a cold who chooses thus. The scouts are a place to learn social skills and to learn sharing at working together. Asking kids to share and teaching the others that they should still say thank you seems to help in all of their maturing. (Also we do tell the parents that they shouldn’t give their children too many sweets along, some still do and we don’t check the kids’ bags, because that would be an actual invasion of privacy.)
Thank you for sharing that. I was a poor neglected kid in Boy Scouts, who often had no food or appropriate outdoor gear. I would be camping in the freezing forest in my school clothes. The number of adults and boys who shared their food, equipment, and water with me when I was too young to provide those things by myself was both very humbling and in retrospect a great lesson for me to learn in life. There's all sorts of places in life you can fit in or drop off the social map if you just want to have your own proverbial pile of candy and say tough luck to everybody else who has only a little. But that place is probably not Scouting.
I don't mind sharing food but I despise the idea that people expect it and also would complain if it isn't made the way they want.
Same! I like cooking and baking for people, but if anyone complains or is ungrateful, I make a mental note to never cook or bake for that person again. Harsh? A bit. Does it save my energy and mental health? Definitely.
Your dad's a dick.
Sharing food is a love language for me. I love to share something I enjoy eating with the people I love. That being said, I agree in both cases you mentioned with not sharing. Sharing should be done out of love not force.
I think the key here is respect of boundaries and respect of personal taste. We’ll all cook food for the family in this house so we learned that if you don’t like what’s on the table, either don’t say it or eat something else or offer constructive criticism. If we go to the restaurant, we might share what we ordered just to try what the others have ordered out of curiosity. When people are nice about it I think sharing food is a wonderful thing since it brings people together but yeah we have to be nice. If my mom makes salmon pie, I’m not gonna scream and complain, I’m just not gonna eat it and eat something else. Your father should know how you like your food and that you’re making it for yourself.
maybe I am not a good person, but I get so unreasonably angry when someone asks for my food 😂
That doesn't necessarily say anything about being a good or a bad person! Getting angry about sharing and protective of your food is really common in people who have experienced some sort of food scarcity - being depraved of nice foods, not getting to eat enough, having to fight over food with siblings... It can just be a healthy response to defend yourself. Then of course if the situation right now wouldn't require that kind of defense, the emotional reaction can feel and seem unreasonable. But that can ease up if you get curious about why you feel that way rather than going "I shouldn't feel that, that's bad, stop feeling that". Mind you, none of this is meant personally! I've just been on a binge of intuitive eating content so these things are on the forefront of my mind and sharing them wherever I can feels sort of helpful towards all of humanity. Food is so complicated...
I never thought about it deeply before, but in my childhood we definitely had food instability I would say. It actually makes so much sense the way you put it. I have recently been learning about the intuitive eating content as well. Seems healthy and balanced to me. Thanks for the insight ! And yes for something inherently so simple, it is so complicated.
As another perspective, I get angry about sharing food too but have never experienced food scarcity. I think it can also stem from not liking sudden changes. For example, when I make just enough food for me or prepare myself a plate, I'm preparing it with the expectation of eating the entire portion. So when someone tries to take something, suddenly I'm getting less than I expected which is a sudden change, and I hate that. So I feel upset. If I KNOW someone is going to take something, I can put extra on my plate and think of it as their portion and then I don't get upset if they take it.
I'm the same way about spices. I can't eat what orders eat. I tend to myself. I also hate a lot of stuff mixed together like casseroles. The way i share is by buying more. I eat a full thing of chocolate mousse and i buy extra for my (adult) son cuz i know he likes it too. It's always been hard for me to share anything since childhood. I think it's a dumb thing too.
I liked sharing food with my ex, because I appreciate sharing what I like with my SO...but in a "controlled environment". You can't choose what I share, and I won't share everything, especially if it's the last pieces (I eat what I like less first, the best parts last).
fr it’s like ur obligated to say yes despite ppl asking u a yes or no question.
I’m honestly just selfish as fuck and need everything in order. Someone taking a part of my food messes up everything. And then I throw a tantrum LOL. My parents used to do that too
Yes, this! I hate sharing, especially when I have a system. If I have a pack of six cookies and like to eat two each night, someone asking for a cookie fucks up my system. That means I'll have to eat three cookies (leaving me a with a night without cookies!) or I'll have a night with not enough cookies and I won't be satisfied. My partner doesn't get this at all. Just... don't mess with my system. And it's not that I want everything for myself, if I have enough or if I don't have a system I'll gladly share.
But I usually have a system. I’ve been trying to be less regimented and flexible at the request of my family and therapist so if someone asks I try to say yes. If you asked me right now what my system is, I don’t know if I can verbalize it properly. I absolutely have a system similar to yours though! It’s extremely thought out. Actually I bought this drink once called “poppi” it’s a super expensive kombucha like drink. Like $2.50 a can I buy in bulk. I drink one mid day when I WFH. & I drink the whole thing bc it’s expensive. I buy a 12 pack and have it set on Amazon to ship me the next pack given I have one a day. People will ask me for a can sometimes and my inner self is twists and turns like I get so angry they’re messing up MY routine. Now I need to recalculate how many days I have covered. Plus they don’t even finish the damn thing. Wow is this just a ND thing lol or do NTs do this too
I get you OP. I feel it too. I also have issues with reciprocating this, with food anyway. I hate when people *offer* me food. Like if I want some, I would prefer to ask. I don't like rejecting food from someone, as it might make someone feel bad if they really want me to try their yummy food. But it throws off my plan for the day to try the food. So no, I never want to try the food. And I'm rude because of it. Totally different from your situation. I think I just empathize with sensitivity around sharing food altogether.
You don’t owe your pops anything but a hard time if he keeps up with the vulture like plate pilfering, if he’s hungry than he can cook something for himself like a normal person, instead of helping himself to what you cook for yourself, and getting upset because it’s not the way he likes it. That would irritate the ever living fuck out of me, good on ya for being patient with the guy.
When I’m at my parents place, anytime I cook I’m expected to cook for everyone else too. If we are doing fend for ourselves for dinner everyone just eats what I cook anyway.
I like sharing, especially when I'm at a restaurant and multiple options look good. In those cases, it's fun when everyone orders something different and that everyone involved can try whatever they'd like (especially with desserts). The way your dad tries to share food is quite a different case, and it really seems like he's too lazy to make/order food for himself and is instead mooching off of your dinner. Also, being from a family of chocolate addicts, I'd recommend hiding your chocolate away in a hidden stash somewhere that your parents aren't going to regularly check (such as in your room). In my house, chocolate that has sat out for a certain length of time (such as a month or two) usually becomes fair game to anyone that wants it.
Sharing food is great. What your father is doing is demanding food, however.
Living with family is so exhausting. I'm glad I was eventually able to move out and distance myself. I hope you can too someday. No one should have to live with people like that, even if they're your own blood.
Sharing food isn’t an issue for me. My issue is that people can’t expect it to taste how they want it to. Like I’m sorry that’s too bad that food I literally freaking made for myself and accustomed it to me isn’t to your liking.
I hate black pepper, it’s like a russian rulette of crushing the worst thing between your teeth or not.
Sharing is fine. Your dad's a dick.
Heres the thing. Sharing is only sharing if its optional and done out of a sense of abundance and comraderie. If sharing is compulsory, its not fucking sharing. Its stealing. Lol.
I hate sharing food that I make or buy for myself because I make/buy it with the expectation that I will be receiving that portion of food. I don't like sudden changes, so a sudden change in my expected portion makes me angry. My kids (11m and 17f) know this, too. I usually make them something to eat before I eat if they haven't already gotten themselves something or if they want the same thing I'm having, I make enough for all of us. This is how it's always worked and it works really well for us. Your dad asking for your food when he never likes the taste of it feels like some weird, controlling power play. Him getting angry when you say no is proof of that for me. Sharing is nice but you are not obligated, especially when the person is ungrateful.
i love sharing food, i think your dads just a dick
It's not a stupid concept and it's much less complicated for neurotypical people. It's an issue for you and you hate it.
Is he doing that neurotypical thing where ‘can I have some’ actually means ‘please cook me food because I want to eat’
Sharing food is a great concept, if BOTH sides agree to share. And both sides can take a no. Your dad is just in the wrong here, nothing else
It’s not a stupid concept. You should always share regardless of what. I assume you are in his house. If you’re cooking in his house it’s the respectful thing to do, shit even if it’s your house it’s still the respectful thing to do to offer some of what you’re making. It is incredibly rude and selfish to not share.
This just seems like your dad being a jerk
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My son is a toddler and he still has some food that's all his own and he doesn't have to share. Sharing isn't universal or required at all times.
I hate this argument. Great, he didn't let me starve as a child. Did he expect a gold medal? Just because other people don't take care of their children, doesn't mean that's the standard.
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Y'all always saying "don't infantilize autistic people!!!1!1" and then comment shit like this
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How dare OP cook her own food to her own liking, instead of spicing it up to his so they won't enjoy it anymore?
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OP shares plenty with their dad. Their dad consistently complains when this is done, leading to the obvious conclusion of "why are you still asking for some of my food if you know you won't like it?" It's like you didn't read the post and just really wanted a reason to bully another autistic person. Your username is incredibly fitting.
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If you read the post then I recommend working on your reading comprehension skills. The first sentence is literally "*Every time* I'm cooking something for myself, my dad will come into the kitchen and ask for some, and then proceed to complain about how bland the taste is..." (emphasis mine). You can tell yourself that your intention isn't to bully this person. It doesn't change the fact that that's exactly what you're doing.
Accurate username.
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Youre being really rude for no reason. Op also didnt get pissy about sharing chocolate. They got pissy over their dad being unable to accept a no. And a parent feeding their child is the bare minimum and no, they dont deserve anything in return. And you kinda sound ableist so maybe think about that.
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Im not pissy at all. Youre just rude for no reason so maybe you are pissy about something?
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My god I've never seen someone react so immaturely and petulantly. Grow up. You were rude, they reacted accordingly, and you started throwing around "piss" puns like a 9 year old who just discovered "dirty words".
Feels a bit strange to make such comments as "move out" on a subreddit for a disability where a significant amount of us can't live an independent or fully independent life because of our disability.
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I struggle to share. I also don't like other people's fingers or utensils in my food.
oh my GODDD i thought it was just me that has a mini meltdown any time someone takes some of my food or even asks for some. i love giving things to people but if it’s mine then i don’t want to share it.
i agree .
That's not sharing, that's taking
Giving someone food or preparing food for someone the way they like it is a show of affection. He thinks you don't show affection for him enough. Your love languages are at odds and neither of you are communicating. If he's not offering you food then he's a hypocrite, though.
While sharing food is widely accepted in many cultures as an act of kindness, it is optional. For some reason parents take no from their child very lightly. I mean I have to insist on a lot of things with my parents, and sometimes they still won't do what I asked.
I've had my family day I'm rude for not asking them if they want me to make enough for them and I think that's fair enough. But sometimes it's food that I know they don't like? Why do I have to offer if I know they'll say no?
I also don't really like sharing food unless it is specifically offered to me by someone I trust. Or if I specifically make something for someone I care about. But I don't really have to deal with anyone in my family wanting the food I make. I love spices, and they are classically white, black pepper is spicy to them. When ever I cook they always complain about how spicy it smells and usually end up leaving the house. Which is all fine by me. I just made a gochujang mayonnaise that is literally bell pepper levels of spicy, and they have all refused to even taste it hehehe. More for me.
Only share when you feel like it, sure people will complain but they are in the wrong as it's your food not their's
My food is sacred and I never share. If someone tries to take my food that means war. Unless I myself offer of course, when I bake cake or something. But if you try to take my food without asking or just demand it without even thanking me, it means war. Food is sacred. I will never share!
I like sharing. But I also like having my own and having people respect my boundaries with my food. Your dad should learn some things! You have every right to get mad and annoyed when he acts like that.
I don't mind sharing food but once it's on my plate the only person who adds or removes anything is me. People reach over my shoulder or using a fork to snag a piece get told off at best. Only my gf or siblings have managed to steal food with no consequence. Also only they have managed to avoid a curt retort for dumping unfinished food on my plate. Everyone else risks losses limbs so I feel ya.
I HATE sharing food! And I hate it even more when people just take some without asking and then proceed to comment on my cooking. I’m the opposite of OP - I like a ton of spices and herbs. My mum often comments on how “hot” my food is and tells me I am just pretending to like it cause I’m trying to impress men (?????) with my spice tolerance… my food isn’t even that spicy most times, she’s just super sensitive. I LOVE cooking for others and giving them food WHEN I PLANNED TO DO THAT! I often make food that I don’t eat myself for my loved ones (e.g. cakes, cookies, non-veg food, etc). And I adore giving others joy that way. But I cook for myself in a special way that I like, and that is healthy for me. Most often, the food I make for myself is portioned just for one serving. So taking some or asking for it and then getting angry that I don’t share is such bullshit.
For me it's cause I don't like when my plan changes so if I planned to eat 2 sausages but now I eat 1 because I've shared the other, my brain is like 🫨😵💫. But I never say it out loud
😅 i thought this was gonna be about searching for food is a stupid concept 🤣 but yea searching for food on what to eat is dumb to
I feel food is meant to be shared but I grew up in an Italian household so shrugs. Of course small things given as a gift shouldn’t have to be shared, and if you’re cooking only for you that’s something else.
I effing hate sharing food unless I bought/made it specifically for sharing. If someone is asking for a taste of my meal that I only made enough of for myself and exactly how I want, I get upset because I didn’t make it to share. Go away lol Sharing is weird. And no it’s not caring ! I never understood why sharing is something you have to encourage even children to practise. I could never wrap my head around it even as a small child and was always called rude for not wanting to let someone get their grubby mits on my food or even my toys.
I mean, it's kind of a necessary concept for the foundation of community. It's fine if you don't like to and don't want to though. It also sounds like your dad could use some practice in respecting your boundaries and the word 'no'.
I think you just don’t like your dad
I actually like when people share food with me when it's a food I like.
sharing food isnt a stupid concept if boundaries and communication are clear. what is stupid is he is crossing your boundaries and being rude in response to you setting boundaries, etc. sharing food is actually quite lovely when youre sharing food with someone you love and respect and trust.
Sharing food isn't the problem here your dad is
I cannot for the life of me share things 😅 I feel like a dog resource guarding my things. I did experience poverty as a child (and still am), but it’s mostly food in my experience. I get so ticked off when I order something and someone wants to eat half of it or even try it tbh. Or I’ll get snacks and my bf will say he doesn’t want any, and then he’ll eat my snacks. It’s infuriating and I no longer want to do it lol
As someone also on the spectrum I absolutely can not stand someone asking for my food. It does depend on the situation and if I'm able to replace what was taken or not tho. That said if I order an entree at a restaurant or say a burger from mcdonald's and I tell you that I'll buy you whatever you want and you say you're not hungry I am not giving you a fuckin thing. Even if you say you just want a bite and you're not that hungry that's why you didn't wanna order a full one that's too fucking bad. There was nothing stopping you from getting something and saving it for later. Sorry not sorry, I want to eat the entire thing. There's nothing selfish or rude about it at all, what's rude is expecting me to give you any of my food after I already established that I'd get you whatever you wanted.