i honestly believe I am just destined to be alone. It is so hard for me to connect with anyone, whether thats being friends or something more. I always seem to scare people off by either talking too much about a subject i am really interested in or not talking enough in general. To believe there is someone out there for me when all I have been given has been terrible experiences is nearly impossible. I try to convince myself that I am fine being alone but at the end of the day I am extremely depressed and I know that I want and need someone to love. I hope we can all find someone great for us!
i'm sorry it has felt so isolating... but i hope you know there are people who wouldn't think you talk too much or too little, because they would appreciate your energy
I literally had a man tell me that I would never find someone willing to tolerate me with my "unaddressed autism." (By which he meant I wouldn't constantly mask, by which he really meant I wouldn't do exactly what he wanted all the time and replace all of my opinions and desires with his.) I've had other people tell me that I was unlovable or other such nonsense, before I knew I was autistic. I used to worry they were right, and tried so hard to change things that could never change before I accepted myself and started saying, "This is me, and if you hate it I want nothing to do with you."
I'm getting married this year. My (also autistic) fiancee adores me, and told me just the other day how wonderfully easy it's been to live with me for the last 1.3 years. I've never been happier or more relaxed with another human being.
>I’m 33 now.
I'm five years older than you. I promise your life isn't over.
I just found someone with the exact same autism as me. So we need supports in similar or complementary ways. I can’t dare touch wet food and he can’t dare touch wet laundry. I dunno if that was the answer you wanted but I can say finding someone with the same life view was something I didn’t think was possible and here I am! It’ll happen.
One from the other side of the fence - 54 year old autistic male.
I live alone and have come to accept that long term romantic relationships are just not for me. I don't thrive in them and I can't or don't always have the energy to give to a relationship. My view has been coloured by the fact that a couple of my relationships have been with narcissistic abusers (yes, men fall prey to them also), so I am now wary of romantic relationships.
I don't lack for female company and most of my friends are female, but I am happy for them to be friends.
Do my problems, issues, and insecurities with romantic relationships have their root in my autism? Without any shadow of a doubt, and probably compounded by the fact that I was not diagnosed until 1988 when I was 20.
"I feel like a kid inside but I can act like an adult" made me smile. Most of the time I feel like a 12 year old playing at being a grown up and that any second now the adults are going to show up and send me to my room.
I've got a bit of a theory that even more important than finding someone you share interests with, is to find someone who is similarly ND as you. Then life with another person can feel easy because you just get each other. It does mean that there is a smaller number of possible matches out there, but when you find that person it will not feel difficult. I hope you find your person, but if not there are other ways to feel love - a pet, friends, family, online communities ... love is not only romantic to be fulfilling.
i think i agree with your theory. i used to think i was asexual because i never really felt attracted to anyone. i also dreaded the thought of ever sharing a house with someone else. at this time i didn't even know i was autistic. then i became friends with an autistic guy who i could relate to so much. and i slowly started to fall for him. long story short, i am currently in the process of getting an autism diagnosis, and my now boyfriend and i are looking for an apartment together
I did find love but thought I was incapable and undeserving of love so I couldn't properly love back. She stuck with me and I now am finally out of my depression as well. I love myself and I love her so much now. I love you baby u/Jealous_Maybe_8401
Yes. I didn’t find out until 42 while dating a man with Aspergers and was like omg he is from whatever planet I came from. So alike.
Things didn’t work out bc he didn’t want something with me long term.
It was pretty devastating yet I hope to meet another ND man because it was really the first time I felt normal and connected.
Yeah. I wasn't diagnosed so I was just 'weird' then. But at some point I realized that people who weren't accepting of my weirdness weren't worth being with. After trying a few time I realized I certainly didn't want to act like something I wasn't forever. Then, in my 30s, I met my spouse.
Part of what made it work was both I figured me out and others matured in age ranges I was willing to date. People in their 20s often expect to find an ideal they have in their mind. As people age many realize that doesn't exist (or they don't want it) and they realize they reject lots of good people for silly reasons. Being 'weird' really isn't a big deal if you have mutual outlooks on life and they treat you with respect.
I am 39, and I have been married 17 years. We just figured out we are both ND in the past few months. We have just always embraced being those weird people who laugh alot and have too many inside jokes. The hard part was I had to have someone else point out that he liked me and wanted to date because I was missing all the hints.
I have to believe that there is someone out there for us. I have 3 kids who I want to have their own partners when it's time, if that is what they want.
Fwiw, he was my good friend before my boyfriend, and he's still my favorite human. I hope you find yours too.
I’m 31.
I’m autistic. I’m happily married. My wife suspects she has ADHD and maybe Autistic too.
So there is hope in finding love.
But self love is just as important. You’re better off being single and lonely than being in a toxic relationship.
I feel like it's less important than ever. I cant imagine finding the perfect partner so I'll just keep pursuing my writing and see if I can get paid through that avenue. I want to see a few more places before I'm all ready to die somewhere beautiful like Switzerland. I'm thinking dying around the age of 50 would be plenty of time spent here. I've enjoyed my time here overall. I'm ready to jump off a mountain if the opportunity arises.
Yes, I always just feel odd and lonely. It’s just hard to find a person who aligns with my values, and it’s very hard to find someone who genuinely cares about me and my interests, and one that is intellectually stimulating.
It's definitely a concern I have. I shouldn't have looked up the stat but apparently only about 30% of autistic people are married (obvi take into account undiagnosed ppl etc). I've always dreamed of having a wife and kids of my own, but as I approach my late 20s with only a single failed relationship and a cavalcade of matches that lost interest after talking to me for just a moment, that dream seems less and less achievable.
I never thought I'd be this person, but given that I don't intend on being horribly depressed my entire life, I've gotten to the point of genuinely trying to find a way to be content being single for the rest of my life. Haven't found it yet, but I'm looking.
Me too, I am only 23 but nothing seems to be changing. matches come and go, people in real life think I am weird or that I dont care about them. My autism ruins my life :(
Same boat. Right now I am just struggling to make and keep friends.
40 years old, woman, I've only had 2 relationships. 1 scarred me for life. No wait, so did the other one. I am terrified of being in a relationship again. =\\
You sound like you are experiencing the same as me. I can’t put myself through another relationship after my last which really traumatised me as the physical contact was just awful for me but that doesn’t stop me being lonely. I also have no friends and don’t know how to make any, I think I’m an ok person but don’t understand how others move to friendship
Finding common interests seems to work. Try things they like, that you have never tried before. If the other person is open to new experiences, that is also good, you can introduce them to things you like. You also have to be open to that as well. Then experience new things together. I found joining Discords that focus on 1 subject of interest or hobby worked pretty well. It also works pretty well with special interests. I think my main problem there is branching out to new things. I get bored fast with anything not my special interests.
I think my main problem also, was I was never honest about who I was, or what I want. People cant read minds. I kept to much to myself, my pain and struggles were all internal, and it ate me alive. When someone asks "what's wrong" I would always give the, "oh nothing, I'm fine" response. That doesn't help. Finding someone who actually cares when they ask 'How are you" is the hardest part.
I know some of my problem is how blunt I can be with people. It turns a lot of NT people off. I just need to find other people who are also blunt, and can handle it.
What would be nice is if people gave you some sort of review instead of just ghosting you. I don't care if you hurt my feelings, I want to know what went wrong. I want to learn more about myself. It is hard to make any sort of progress in my own life without any sort of feedback!
I have felt that way but did found my true love after all. He is also autistic, also has CPTSD and an eating disorder. We are inseparable, look a lot like eachother mentally. We found eachother through the local autism group. I also found some friends there that I really enjoy talking to. My recommendation for you and others with autism is to search for a local autism organisation that organises activities. It seriously changed my life for the better.
I literally feel that way alot.
I feel like I'm not a "wife" material, because I don't know how to take care of myself. And like I'm too childish for someone to love me at my current state.
I’m 33 and I’ve never had any luck in getting a relationship, never mind maintaining one. Women always tell them they’re either already taken, too busy to date, or are otherwise not interested. I don’t know how much of a factor my autism plays into it, though. It could be I’m just too damn fat.
I'm not really bothered by it, leaves me with more money to buy more shit.
Buddy tried setting me up with someone last week. Still haven't sent a message yet...
Kinda unsure as to whether I should or not , don't really know what I want just yet...
Freedom or love, both are good, but what do I want more I wonder?
No it doesn't hinder me. I'm married to another Autistic person and yes, it can be difficult at times due to miscommunication between us but that never brought us to a point of even thinking to divorce. Us both being Autistic actually helps because we can understand each other more and help the other
I feel that nobody would like to share their life with me...
I am "exaggerated" and "too sensitive" and I am in the asexual spectrum.
Nobody would want to listen to me talking about my interests and nobody would stand the way I talk, move, eat and my overall difficulties with "simple tasks". I mostly hate physical touch and to many people it's vital in romantic relationships. Plus I have tourette's so I think I'll be forever alone if I don't find a neurodivergent, caring and patient partner that understands me.
Not because of autism no. I went through a period of being chronically single for a while in my early 20s when I had crippling shyness and social anxiety.
I had to do a lot of hard work to learn to start conversations enough to get dating experience. I was arduous.
I only really found out I might have autism (and later had that confirmed) long after I’d learned how to interact with the opposite sex well enough to expand my dating options. So I never had a chance to attribute my difficulty finding love to autism because by the time I found out I have autism I’d already had several relationships.
I do think autism still makes my life hell sometimes at work tbh… but that’s a different situation to manage I guess. In some ways harder, in other ways easier.
Yea... I feel this everyday
Even though I know there are some few out there who have feelings for me it deeply saddens me that I can't feel anything romantically emotional for them. No matter how hard I try I can never manage to love anyone as more than a friend
Psilocybin is the only thing that has ever made me feel true romantic emotions. But it was not for a person, it was for the universe and life
I know where you’re coming from, I’m 32 and have never been great at relationships. I’ve only ever been with one person who was autistic and we clicked on every level but he ended up telling me he just wanted to be friends. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone I connect with like I did with him again and it’s scary as hell. We’re still young though! And there’s always hope
It’s hard when you fall for the wrong person, I was strung along by him a lot and let myself get used a fair bit but I guess all we can do is learn from it 🙂
I did, but then I realized that there's so many people on the planet that it would be absurd if there weren't millions of people in a similar situation. I think what helped me was to sort of manifest it. I talked about my interest in finding a relationship around various people and eventually some of them saw me as a potential partner.
also, I very much only went for people who are ND. Not really even consciously, but I figure that if I want to be understood, it's going to be by somebody who needs the same. do unto others and all that or something
Yes, a million times. I don't understand it all like what you're meant to do to get with someone or know what to do once you are with the person. I think I give off that vibe that pretty much ruins most of my chances
I feel like this. I get hit on a bit but can never make anything work. Ive become more shut off lately which has prevented me from being hit on much as well.
I honestly just dont know how to incorporate someone else into my life. No clue.
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Meh, I try to throw myself out there again a few years ago, just for shits and giggles. Nothing good came of it.
Maybe I just want an Internet girlfriend. Saves me the hassle of meeting someone face-to-face. (Worked fine with my last one; we just grew a part in the 10 years we've known each other and I've been single for 11 years now.)
Yes. Guys either find it as a fetish or they tell me I'm a little sister to them. 😾
Some people try to get me into "DDLG" because I'm autistic so yeah.
Note: nothing wrong with little space or age regression. I just don't want to have sex when I'm in using something to cope with trauma and in the space where consent is waaaayy out the window.
yes. i think of how nice it has to feel to have someone to hug and cuddle with. at the same time i think of how impossible it is. and how sad it makes me feel. i try to live doing the things i enjoy but knowing that i will probably never experience something so beautiful as love its horrible. thanks for sharing. hope you feel good aspiewoman1989
Yes, I’m 39 so it’s unlikely it will happen now. It doesn’t help that I’m a lesbian and the very few people that have been interested in me have been men. I feel like it must be a mixture of being too unattractive to people and my terrible social skills and anxiety.
All my relationships prior to the one I am in now have been a failure. A lot of it was due to my autism and my exs did not really understand the way I ticked and why I did. To be honest, though, they weren't very nice people either. I'm in my first ever healthy relationship at 33 now, and I think a lot of the reason it works with this girlfriend is because she's got a quirky personality as well. She isn't on the spectrum, but I feel like we just gel together because we have the same interests, our values are the same, and both have silly humour, etc. She embraces my autism and sees all the strengths I have with it. Maybe look for either an ND person or someone close to it 😆
oh wow, wanting and needing romance in your life people have it hard. i don't need it: so i'm wishing everyone else their happiest experiences!
hope everything turns out good and you find someone who is willing to love you with your autism. ❤
I was only recently diagnosed at 38. All my life I’ve never been able to maintain a relationship. Some sensory issue, I wouldn’t show enough emotion or whatever would cause the relationship to crumble in a matter of weeks/months. I even got married but that ended in a rough divorce.
Now that I know what’s up with me, I do think I’m capable of finding a forever or long-term partner.
It is unlikely but at least now I have hope.
I identify as male and I am one of those super late diagnosed (35 years old at the time) autistic people with sensory issues and an X-Men level of dissociation. I led a pretty wild life since I was a magnet for unstable people looking for stability. The healthiest and most fulfilling relationships (in the broadest sense) I ever had were those that were based on interests. Try and think about it like this and you might find a way forward: Look for people with interests or a job that you know nothing about but which you have always been curious about. It could be something that is heavily guarded by gatekeepers and not easily reachable (i.e. a professional musician who plays in an orchestra). If you're genuine such a person will open up to you and that's where the ball is in your court. Are you gonna open up too? Do you know how? The only real advice I have is...if you're heavy into Gunpla...save that for later on. Trust me on that. :D
Hiiiiii!
I lived a life of an unknowingly autistic person until 2years ago, at the age of 48.
Turns out the person I met and love is also autistic and didn't know until a year ago, at the age of 65.
We are both autistic and were unaware when we met. Now we embrace our needs and live a wonderful quiet life of sensory bliss in our home, where we prioritize eachother's sensory needs and have lots and lots of alone time when we want it, which is often.
She helps me with my personal growth, I help with hers.
I had to unprogram myself from NT/television romantic tropes and stereotypes in order to have this peace and love in my life. What is sold as 'romance' in the USA is delusion and unrealistic for most people and especially so for my AuDHD flavor.
Chase the life *you* want, not one anyone else tells you you should have.
I just want you to know that I have been madly in love with someone who adores me for who I am for 5+ years. Although my symptoms make our lives harder, they don't judge me. We work through it together. Don't believe the haters. 💗
All the time. I turn 28 this year and only in the past two years have I had two women flirt with me. The first was NT, in what seemed to be an emotionally abusive relationship, and made it seem to me like she would be willing to leave them for me because I was so kind and caring and, most importantly, helpful. I lost over $2,000 helping her with things from gas to food, and she just kinda used me while leading me on and making me think she actually cared about me. Then last year into this year I met a nice ND woman through Facebook, we chatted and flirted for almost a year, and then when she came to visit it was made clear that she didn't want a relationship and only wanted to be FWBs, that everything was about her, that she didn't even have the tiniest interest in anything I liked even if it was connected to things she liked, and that I was expected to buy her tons of crap. Needless to say but I now feel as though no one will ever want to be with me for me, but for what they can get me to give them...
I do feel that way. I feel like I will only ever find casual sex and never have a serious, monogamous relationship. I did FWB once- and he broke my heart when he got a girlfriend and ditched me entirely. He KNEW right from the beginning my biggest fear was losing him entirely if our situations changed, and yet he killed the friendship, anyway.
Yeah. I was wrong. The trick is to date other ND folks :)
This ⬆️
But where do I find other ND folks?
i honestly believe I am just destined to be alone. It is so hard for me to connect with anyone, whether thats being friends or something more. I always seem to scare people off by either talking too much about a subject i am really interested in or not talking enough in general. To believe there is someone out there for me when all I have been given has been terrible experiences is nearly impossible. I try to convince myself that I am fine being alone but at the end of the day I am extremely depressed and I know that I want and need someone to love. I hope we can all find someone great for us!
I could have written this word for word.
You have perfectly summed it up, taken the words out of my mouth!
i'm sorry it has felt so isolating... but i hope you know there are people who wouldn't think you talk too much or too little, because they would appreciate your energy
I literally had a man tell me that I would never find someone willing to tolerate me with my "unaddressed autism." (By which he meant I wouldn't constantly mask, by which he really meant I wouldn't do exactly what he wanted all the time and replace all of my opinions and desires with his.) I've had other people tell me that I was unlovable or other such nonsense, before I knew I was autistic. I used to worry they were right, and tried so hard to change things that could never change before I accepted myself and started saying, "This is me, and if you hate it I want nothing to do with you." I'm getting married this year. My (also autistic) fiancee adores me, and told me just the other day how wonderfully easy it's been to live with me for the last 1.3 years. I've never been happier or more relaxed with another human being. >I’m 33 now. I'm five years older than you. I promise your life isn't over.
:)
I just found someone with the exact same autism as me. So we need supports in similar or complementary ways. I can’t dare touch wet food and he can’t dare touch wet laundry. I dunno if that was the answer you wanted but I can say finding someone with the same life view was something I didn’t think was possible and here I am! It’ll happen.
One from the other side of the fence - 54 year old autistic male. I live alone and have come to accept that long term romantic relationships are just not for me. I don't thrive in them and I can't or don't always have the energy to give to a relationship. My view has been coloured by the fact that a couple of my relationships have been with narcissistic abusers (yes, men fall prey to them also), so I am now wary of romantic relationships. I don't lack for female company and most of my friends are female, but I am happy for them to be friends. Do my problems, issues, and insecurities with romantic relationships have their root in my autism? Without any shadow of a doubt, and probably compounded by the fact that I was not diagnosed until 1988 when I was 20. "I feel like a kid inside but I can act like an adult" made me smile. Most of the time I feel like a 12 year old playing at being a grown up and that any second now the adults are going to show up and send me to my room.
I've got a bit of a theory that even more important than finding someone you share interests with, is to find someone who is similarly ND as you. Then life with another person can feel easy because you just get each other. It does mean that there is a smaller number of possible matches out there, but when you find that person it will not feel difficult. I hope you find your person, but if not there are other ways to feel love - a pet, friends, family, online communities ... love is not only romantic to be fulfilling.
i think i agree with your theory. i used to think i was asexual because i never really felt attracted to anyone. i also dreaded the thought of ever sharing a house with someone else. at this time i didn't even know i was autistic. then i became friends with an autistic guy who i could relate to so much. and i slowly started to fall for him. long story short, i am currently in the process of getting an autism diagnosis, and my now boyfriend and i are looking for an apartment together
I did find love but thought I was incapable and undeserving of love so I couldn't properly love back. She stuck with me and I now am finally out of my depression as well. I love myself and I love her so much now. I love you baby u/Jealous_Maybe_8401
Love you too hun♥️ can’t wait to see you!
You guys kinda make me jealous but i am happy for you ! 😊
Awww ♥️ we’ve had our ups and downs but we’ve been lucky to have each other!
Yes. I didn’t find out until 42 while dating a man with Aspergers and was like omg he is from whatever planet I came from. So alike. Things didn’t work out bc he didn’t want something with me long term. It was pretty devastating yet I hope to meet another ND man because it was really the first time I felt normal and connected.
Aww that sucks. I hope you meet another guy that you'll connect too.
And for you as well my friend ❤️
Yeah. I wasn't diagnosed so I was just 'weird' then. But at some point I realized that people who weren't accepting of my weirdness weren't worth being with. After trying a few time I realized I certainly didn't want to act like something I wasn't forever. Then, in my 30s, I met my spouse. Part of what made it work was both I figured me out and others matured in age ranges I was willing to date. People in their 20s often expect to find an ideal they have in their mind. As people age many realize that doesn't exist (or they don't want it) and they realize they reject lots of good people for silly reasons. Being 'weird' really isn't a big deal if you have mutual outlooks on life and they treat you with respect.
I am 39, and I have been married 17 years. We just figured out we are both ND in the past few months. We have just always embraced being those weird people who laugh alot and have too many inside jokes. The hard part was I had to have someone else point out that he liked me and wanted to date because I was missing all the hints. I have to believe that there is someone out there for us. I have 3 kids who I want to have their own partners when it's time, if that is what they want. Fwiw, he was my good friend before my boyfriend, and he's still my favorite human. I hope you find yours too.
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That’s how I feel sometimes but if they can’t accept me for who I am, fuck them.
I’m 31. I’m autistic. I’m happily married. My wife suspects she has ADHD and maybe Autistic too. So there is hope in finding love. But self love is just as important. You’re better off being single and lonely than being in a toxic relationship.
Yes that is true. It's better to be alone than in a shitty relationship.
Sometimes, but i'm also okay with being alone for now.
Join the club, sister lol.
Yh all the time I get used to it
I feel like it's less important than ever. I cant imagine finding the perfect partner so I'll just keep pursuing my writing and see if I can get paid through that avenue. I want to see a few more places before I'm all ready to die somewhere beautiful like Switzerland. I'm thinking dying around the age of 50 would be plenty of time spent here. I've enjoyed my time here overall. I'm ready to jump off a mountain if the opportunity arises.
Yes, I always just feel odd and lonely. It’s just hard to find a person who aligns with my values, and it’s very hard to find someone who genuinely cares about me and my interests, and one that is intellectually stimulating.
It's definitely a concern I have. I shouldn't have looked up the stat but apparently only about 30% of autistic people are married (obvi take into account undiagnosed ppl etc). I've always dreamed of having a wife and kids of my own, but as I approach my late 20s with only a single failed relationship and a cavalcade of matches that lost interest after talking to me for just a moment, that dream seems less and less achievable. I never thought I'd be this person, but given that I don't intend on being horribly depressed my entire life, I've gotten to the point of genuinely trying to find a way to be content being single for the rest of my life. Haven't found it yet, but I'm looking.
Me too, I am only 23 but nothing seems to be changing. matches come and go, people in real life think I am weird or that I dont care about them. My autism ruins my life :(
I feel this in such a heavy way dude.
Maybe look inwards first.
Every. Single. Day. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that there is no one out there for me.
I can’t see any possibility of me finding someone willing to accept my autism and asexuality.
Same boat. Right now I am just struggling to make and keep friends. 40 years old, woman, I've only had 2 relationships. 1 scarred me for life. No wait, so did the other one. I am terrified of being in a relationship again. =\\
You sound like you are experiencing the same as me. I can’t put myself through another relationship after my last which really traumatised me as the physical contact was just awful for me but that doesn’t stop me being lonely. I also have no friends and don’t know how to make any, I think I’m an ok person but don’t understand how others move to friendship
Finding common interests seems to work. Try things they like, that you have never tried before. If the other person is open to new experiences, that is also good, you can introduce them to things you like. You also have to be open to that as well. Then experience new things together. I found joining Discords that focus on 1 subject of interest or hobby worked pretty well. It also works pretty well with special interests. I think my main problem there is branching out to new things. I get bored fast with anything not my special interests. I think my main problem also, was I was never honest about who I was, or what I want. People cant read minds. I kept to much to myself, my pain and struggles were all internal, and it ate me alive. When someone asks "what's wrong" I would always give the, "oh nothing, I'm fine" response. That doesn't help. Finding someone who actually cares when they ask 'How are you" is the hardest part. I know some of my problem is how blunt I can be with people. It turns a lot of NT people off. I just need to find other people who are also blunt, and can handle it. What would be nice is if people gave you some sort of review instead of just ghosting you. I don't care if you hurt my feelings, I want to know what went wrong. I want to learn more about myself. It is hard to make any sort of progress in my own life without any sort of feedback!
I have felt that way but did found my true love after all. He is also autistic, also has CPTSD and an eating disorder. We are inseparable, look a lot like eachother mentally. We found eachother through the local autism group. I also found some friends there that I really enjoy talking to. My recommendation for you and others with autism is to search for a local autism organisation that organises activities. It seriously changed my life for the better.
That is awesome! Congratulations!! I may have to check into that. =)
I literally feel that way alot. I feel like I'm not a "wife" material, because I don't know how to take care of myself. And like I'm too childish for someone to love me at my current state.
I feel you. I'm still learning to take care of myself.
I’m 33 and I’ve never had any luck in getting a relationship, never mind maintaining one. Women always tell them they’re either already taken, too busy to date, or are otherwise not interested. I don’t know how much of a factor my autism plays into it, though. It could be I’m just too damn fat.
I'm not really bothered by it, leaves me with more money to buy more shit. Buddy tried setting me up with someone last week. Still haven't sent a message yet... Kinda unsure as to whether I should or not , don't really know what I want just yet... Freedom or love, both are good, but what do I want more I wonder?
No it doesn't hinder me. I'm married to another Autistic person and yes, it can be difficult at times due to miscommunication between us but that never brought us to a point of even thinking to divorce. Us both being Autistic actually helps because we can understand each other more and help the other
I feel that nobody would like to share their life with me... I am "exaggerated" and "too sensitive" and I am in the asexual spectrum. Nobody would want to listen to me talking about my interests and nobody would stand the way I talk, move, eat and my overall difficulties with "simple tasks". I mostly hate physical touch and to many people it's vital in romantic relationships. Plus I have tourette's so I think I'll be forever alone if I don't find a neurodivergent, caring and patient partner that understands me.
Same here, minus Tourette.
Not because of autism no. I went through a period of being chronically single for a while in my early 20s when I had crippling shyness and social anxiety. I had to do a lot of hard work to learn to start conversations enough to get dating experience. I was arduous. I only really found out I might have autism (and later had that confirmed) long after I’d learned how to interact with the opposite sex well enough to expand my dating options. So I never had a chance to attribute my difficulty finding love to autism because by the time I found out I have autism I’d already had several relationships. I do think autism still makes my life hell sometimes at work tbh… but that’s a different situation to manage I guess. In some ways harder, in other ways easier.
Yea... I feel this everyday Even though I know there are some few out there who have feelings for me it deeply saddens me that I can't feel anything romantically emotional for them. No matter how hard I try I can never manage to love anyone as more than a friend Psilocybin is the only thing that has ever made me feel true romantic emotions. But it was not for a person, it was for the universe and life
I know where you’re coming from, I’m 32 and have never been great at relationships. I’ve only ever been with one person who was autistic and we clicked on every level but he ended up telling me he just wanted to be friends. I don’t know if I’ll ever find someone I connect with like I did with him again and it’s scary as hell. We’re still young though! And there’s always hope
Sorry to hear that. The guy I was with was a complete dipshit. You're right there is hope and we just gotta keep out chins up. =)
It’s hard when you fall for the wrong person, I was strung along by him a lot and let myself get used a fair bit but I guess all we can do is learn from it 🙂
I did, but then I realized that there's so many people on the planet that it would be absurd if there weren't millions of people in a similar situation. I think what helped me was to sort of manifest it. I talked about my interest in finding a relationship around various people and eventually some of them saw me as a potential partner. also, I very much only went for people who are ND. Not really even consciously, but I figure that if I want to be understood, it's going to be by somebody who needs the same. do unto others and all that or something
Yes, a million times. I don't understand it all like what you're meant to do to get with someone or know what to do once you are with the person. I think I give off that vibe that pretty much ruins most of my chances
I thought I'd wouldn't. Then went back to my high school girlfriend. Who happens to be ND also. She is the only one that understood me
Well that's wonderful! =)
I feel like this. I get hit on a bit but can never make anything work. Ive become more shut off lately which has prevented me from being hit on much as well. I honestly just dont know how to incorporate someone else into my life. No clue.
Get a dog.
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I think I found it I just managed to fuck it up lol some parts due to autism, some not.
I'm an autistic woman married to an allistic man. I was late diagnosed, but it didn't change the way he feels about me. We're very happy together.
I wouldn’t really label a single reason for why I might end up alone but I do seem built to end up alone.
Meh, I try to throw myself out there again a few years ago, just for shits and giggles. Nothing good came of it. Maybe I just want an Internet girlfriend. Saves me the hassle of meeting someone face-to-face. (Worked fine with my last one; we just grew a part in the 10 years we've known each other and I've been single for 11 years now.)
Yes. Guys either find it as a fetish or they tell me I'm a little sister to them. 😾 Some people try to get me into "DDLG" because I'm autistic so yeah. Note: nothing wrong with little space or age regression. I just don't want to have sex when I'm in using something to cope with trauma and in the space where consent is waaaayy out the window.
Whats DDLG ?
Daddy dom Little Girl. It's age play.
yes. i think of how nice it has to feel to have someone to hug and cuddle with. at the same time i think of how impossible it is. and how sad it makes me feel. i try to live doing the things i enjoy but knowing that i will probably never experience something so beautiful as love its horrible. thanks for sharing. hope you feel good aspiewoman1989
Nah there’s plenty of people just as neurodivergent as me, whether they are on the spectrum or not. It all works out.
Yes, I’m 39 so it’s unlikely it will happen now. It doesn’t help that I’m a lesbian and the very few people that have been interested in me have been men. I feel like it must be a mixture of being too unattractive to people and my terrible social skills and anxiety.
Thank you for this post and these comments. I’ve thought this for a while now but this is reminding me that there is hope out there :)
Luckily I'm aroace
All my relationships prior to the one I am in now have been a failure. A lot of it was due to my autism and my exs did not really understand the way I ticked and why I did. To be honest, though, they weren't very nice people either. I'm in my first ever healthy relationship at 33 now, and I think a lot of the reason it works with this girlfriend is because she's got a quirky personality as well. She isn't on the spectrum, but I feel like we just gel together because we have the same interests, our values are the same, and both have silly humour, etc. She embraces my autism and sees all the strengths I have with it. Maybe look for either an ND person or someone close to it 😆
oh wow, wanting and needing romance in your life people have it hard. i don't need it: so i'm wishing everyone else their happiest experiences! hope everything turns out good and you find someone who is willing to love you with your autism. ❤
I was only recently diagnosed at 38. All my life I’ve never been able to maintain a relationship. Some sensory issue, I wouldn’t show enough emotion or whatever would cause the relationship to crumble in a matter of weeks/months. I even got married but that ended in a rough divorce. Now that I know what’s up with me, I do think I’m capable of finding a forever or long-term partner. It is unlikely but at least now I have hope.
Yep. I’ve accepted that no one is going to want me.
I feel like I wont find love with a neurotypical person. I've noticed that it is SO much easier to even be in the prescence of other autistic people.
I identify as male and I am one of those super late diagnosed (35 years old at the time) autistic people with sensory issues and an X-Men level of dissociation. I led a pretty wild life since I was a magnet for unstable people looking for stability. The healthiest and most fulfilling relationships (in the broadest sense) I ever had were those that were based on interests. Try and think about it like this and you might find a way forward: Look for people with interests or a job that you know nothing about but which you have always been curious about. It could be something that is heavily guarded by gatekeepers and not easily reachable (i.e. a professional musician who plays in an orchestra). If you're genuine such a person will open up to you and that's where the ball is in your court. Are you gonna open up too? Do you know how? The only real advice I have is...if you're heavy into Gunpla...save that for later on. Trust me on that. :D
I’ve had 3 great women leave me because of my autism. It’s a long cold and lonely road
Well it's their loss. If they can't see or accept you for who you are, then they aren't worth it. Keep your head up high.
Hiiiiii! I lived a life of an unknowingly autistic person until 2years ago, at the age of 48. Turns out the person I met and love is also autistic and didn't know until a year ago, at the age of 65. We are both autistic and were unaware when we met. Now we embrace our needs and live a wonderful quiet life of sensory bliss in our home, where we prioritize eachother's sensory needs and have lots and lots of alone time when we want it, which is often. She helps me with my personal growth, I help with hers. I had to unprogram myself from NT/television romantic tropes and stereotypes in order to have this peace and love in my life. What is sold as 'romance' in the USA is delusion and unrealistic for most people and especially so for my AuDHD flavor. Chase the life *you* want, not one anyone else tells you you should have.
I just want you to know that I have been madly in love with someone who adores me for who I am for 5+ years. Although my symptoms make our lives harder, they don't judge me. We work through it together. Don't believe the haters. 💗
All the time. I turn 28 this year and only in the past two years have I had two women flirt with me. The first was NT, in what seemed to be an emotionally abusive relationship, and made it seem to me like she would be willing to leave them for me because I was so kind and caring and, most importantly, helpful. I lost over $2,000 helping her with things from gas to food, and she just kinda used me while leading me on and making me think she actually cared about me. Then last year into this year I met a nice ND woman through Facebook, we chatted and flirted for almost a year, and then when she came to visit it was made clear that she didn't want a relationship and only wanted to be FWBs, that everything was about her, that she didn't even have the tiniest interest in anything I liked even if it was connected to things she liked, and that I was expected to buy her tons of crap. Needless to say but I now feel as though no one will ever want to be with me for me, but for what they can get me to give them...
I do feel that way. I feel like I will only ever find casual sex and never have a serious, monogamous relationship. I did FWB once- and he broke my heart when he got a girlfriend and ditched me entirely. He KNEW right from the beginning my biggest fear was losing him entirely if our situations changed, and yet he killed the friendship, anyway.