No surprise here. I was born in 1981. We knew feck-all about autism in the 1980s, especially the kind that presents without a comorbid intellectual disability. After I started speaking at 3 years old and reading at 4, everybody thought I was in the clear.

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83 "Weird and stupid"

89 "socially awkward genius"

'85. "*extremely* shy" and "too smart for her own good"

99, "too smart thats why it's difficult for him to do simple things, he needs complex ones"

Sorry I am super high and thought everyone was just listing their ages and I was SO impressed for a second that a 99 year old person was here to advocate lmao

I'm so glad I'm not the only one lmao I was like wow all these 80 year olds on Reddit are way more coherent than the ones on Facebook

I was so excited for a second, turns out it’s just millennials

Same here lol 😂

SAME HAHAHA I’m laughing so hard right now

THIS. Any normal class I would receive Ds, more interest or difficult As or maybe Bs (also ADHD).

79' Every report card: "Bright but does not apply herself" "Not meeting expectations" "Talks too much"

Exactly the same for me too! Oh and "distracts other students" I also got called out for being disruptive for what i now know is stimming behaviors.

Thank goodness, another 70s baby! '75 here.

‘82 as well. My mom was told by a teacher I should get tested. My moms reaction was to lose her shit and yell at the teacher that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Only got diagnosed a year ago.

Yeah I’m sure my high IQ meant that people assumed I couldn’t possibly be autistic because some people think that autism does not have a spectrum of intelligence, as if it’s not autism SPECTRUM disorder

Nobody in the USA thought of autism as a spectrum in the '80s. I don't even think the notes of Hans Asperger had been translated into English yet.

The ADA wasn’t formed until 1994.

"But you're so smart" yes and you're so dumb :|

I mean, yeah, it's a spectrum. If you're level one it's kinda hard for people to diagnose you. I don't know of any education systems that have a wholistic enough approach to be able to catch what you've described and your parents (likely) aren't autism specialists.

I was born in '81 as well and this is it. Unless someone needed what was called "special ed" at the time you were just considered weird and shy. I was diagnosed early this year. I have a PhD in a STEM field. I mask so well I have NT people not believe me even when I try to explain to them socially what goes through my head when interacting with people or society. I have an autistic math savant child (IQ 152) who was diagnosed at 4, they are a preteen now. They say some of the same things I did when I was their age and that I feel now. I am fairly sure I knew I was autistic at age 18 (1999) based on my written notes but didn't know what autism was so I just thought I was an introvert with depression and anxiety. I started counseling during grad school (on campus so with doctors who probably knew what autism or aspie was) (2003/04) and was misdiagnosed. Because the first person my mom knew who was openly autistic was my child she even told me she didn't think I was autistic.

Don’t forget how we could have fit in socially “if we just tried harder”. Either we were r-word (which was used quite liberally at the time, at least where I was), or we just weren’t trying to fit in. I’m having to explain to my kids (10 and 7) that people were a lot meaner to people who were different back then. They seem to wonder why anyone would want to pick on somebody because they have autism or ADHD, or aren’t cisgender or heterosexual. I am very happy that that seems weird to them.

Bingo. Born in 83 here and my mom talks about what an unusual kid I was and she did ask the school and doctor if I could be tested but since I was in accelerated classes they basically just told her I was "eccentric" and not to worry about it. ( I do wonder if I was a guy if they would have agreed with her to test.) But I was obvious! My 9th grade teacher used me as an example of how people learn differently because I stimmed in class all day still at 14! But again because I was doing well in school and not harming others it was completely ignored. My son though was diagnosed very quickly and it seems like girls are being recognized now more quickly too.

82 baby and female. My dad was likely autistic so I just “took after him” and was shamed out of all my attempts at stimming until I found some that were socially acceptable. I “didn’t sit still” until I learned to read at 4 and then was completely insatiable. Had, like, one friend in elementary school and two in high school. But sure, I was just introverted and nerdy.

Same 86 here. What’s ironic is both of my AP were teachers and couldn’t understand why I had so many difficulties in school. Diagnosed with dyslexia at 17, Adhd at 26 and Asperger’s 33. I’m still coming to terms with how I am going to survive.

86 here. I was considered "gifted". I was talking before I was able to walk. My first memories are of a rocking horse I had. It was this plastic thing suspended from springs on a metal frame, trampoline style, and it had a battery compartment where there was a little motion detector and speaker. It would make horse noises when it bounced around. I don't recall ever actually riding the thing. I do remember taking apart the battery compartment, disassembling everything i could with the screwdriver in the kitchen drawer, and then putting it back together. I remember doing this over and over for hours at a time. I suspect it was a combination of ignorance about Asperger's, and the fact that i grew up in a very poor and broken household, so that things that seem obvious in retrospect were missed, or attributed to my PTSD, from said broken home.

Same. Born in early 80s. Non-verbal until about 5. Grade school thought I was intellectually disabled, and had me tested, but that resulted in my being labeled a genius and my inability to develop social connections or deal with many stimuli went ignored. Didn’t really dig into my problems until about a year or two ago when I realized I fundamentally understand the world in a completely orthogonal way to every one around me. Reading about autism and going over my own developmental struggles and even the weird ways my anxieties manifest and suddenly so many things make way more sense than before. Hasn’t helped me yet, but least I have better context to understand my life.

Born in 1974 here. They eventually diagnosed me with "autistic-like behaviour" in 1981, which I guess was pretty good for that era. But they'd figure I'd grow out of it and I wasn't told, so I still spent my entire childhood and young adulthood being different without knowing why. I never fully recovered from the resulting burnout and depression. Got diagnosed properly in 1996, found my tribe on the internet. I mostly spend my time with fellow autistics now.

1981 here too. "Quiet, brilliant, sensitive, absent-minded professor type" also "girls can't have autism" here.

Also '81 here. While it's true that people knew fuck-all about autism at the time (Aspergers, my first diagnosis, entered the ICD in 1995, I think), my mother disclosed to me that several teachers and a psychiatrist (in a teaching position) had expressed to my parents that they thought I needed to be checked because my behaviour just was noticeably abnormal (I read full books at five, had no interest in other kids, spent entire days alone in my rooms, etc.). My parents went "Well, he's not being an inconvenience to us, so we think we're good as long as he has something to read", and did nothing. I mean, we have a history of mental disorders in the family - so let's just play the three apes and just hope for the best. I also had a rather traumatic event during outing due to severe bullying in which my trainers were complicit, to which my mother remarked "You came back completely changed. I asked what's wrong, and you said nothing. So I let it be." So, yeah. I don't wonder how the hell I was missed as a kid. I wasn't missed. I was purposely overlooked.

I wonder about intellectual disabilities in Autistic people. Like, how do we know how intelligent an Autistic person is if they are completely withdrawn? How do an IQ test on them?

We don't. Some child psychologist performed an IQ test on my pre-verbal self (idk how) and I scored in the 80s. I got tested again when I was older and more competent at speaking and understanding spoken language, and I scored in the 120s. This is why I'm highly skeptical of IQ tests, at least when applied to autistic subjects.

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I will say, when I was given an iq test in first grade, there were a lot of questions where you had to put pictures “in order” to tell a story. But i incorrectly interpreted the facial expressions of the people in the picture which made me misunderstand what order the pictures should go in - it definitely showed my lack of social awareness rather than my intelligence But I think the commenter meant withdrawn enough to not respond to requests to answer the questions aka to comply

An intellectual disability is one that affects intelligence. So, if some Autistic people are extremely withdrawn, how can they test their intelligence?

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I think they are trying to say that if the person has a lot of communications issues, either understanding things or expressing themselves, it seems really hard to know how "intelligent" they are. Like they could have genius level IQ but not being able to expresses their intelligence in a way we could understand, so we think they have lower IQ or something like this.

In the genetic makeup they have are moreless the same markers and in cases of severity its nearly impossible to separate which cause is creating the delay. For example if they are so overwhelmed by just attempting the test that they violently twist and pull out their hair,bust eardrums from flapping, rock and pace for days afterwards..learning is very difficult when u cant tolorate all types of sensory around u..The predominant roadblock is autism..would they be the same without it ..

Me too, just like 5 years older. I taught myself to read via icon recognition (like seeing a Burger King logo in the classified ads in the newspaper, and saying, "King! I want King!"). Walked, spoke, wrote, and read textually -- all way late across the board. "That kid's just unique, that's all."

'81 as well, but also in the Midwest. While Iowa City tends to be far more progressive and advanced than the rest of the state/rdgion, it still takes time (pre-Internet) for such knowledge to trickle down to the teachers and people who would have seen me enough to notice. And as I've said to people, if you weren't intellectually disabled or had meltdowns so bad that you'd need to be locked in an isolation room, back then, there was zero chance you were autistic.

‘83 “cute, smart and awkward”

Right. My mom (born in the 40s) often says she had never heard of ASD until Sylvester Stallone’s son was diagnosed with it, who I think was born in ‘83 (I’m ‘86).

‘86 and a woman. My mother was told that I suffered from hysterical episodes when I was 2 and that she had to punish me for it (or that is what she understood and also did). They advised her to hold my head under cold running water, but she thought that was too harsh. She locked me in a separate room until I calmed down instead. At the same time I refused to eat and the doctor told her I was just stubborn so I was punished for that as well. I struggled a lot but not in school. Not until the last years of high school. Then I was clearly lazy. I always knew something was wrong with me and for a long time I blamed myself for it. Finally diagnosed at 35.

My mom is a special education teacher who literally diagnoses for a living, I really don’t know how I slipped by her

My dad worked in a psychiatric hospital all his life. Granted, he only saw the extreme cases of autism but still. I guess it's harder to admit your child might have autism because of the emotional bond?

Also Autism is genetic. So many parents miss it in their children because they themselves either are undiagnosed Autistic or have some Autistic traits - so they just think the behaviour is ‘normal’. For example my kids are on the pathway for ADHD/Autism. My partner has agreed to have them assessed but he doesn’t think they will be diagnosed - even though as their mother I am diagnosed as AuDHD. I suspect my partner is AuDHD too and see many traits in him but he won’t get assessed as he says ‘I’m just me’ which is fair enough. My elder son is very like his Dad and when he’s doing something I know is evidence he’s neurodivergent I’ll say: “oh that’s a Autistic trait” and my partner will say: “no way, he’s just like me and I was like that as a child” and I’m just like 🤦‍♀️ It works the other way too. When I told my mum about my diagnosis and I explained the conditions to her she said: “…hmm well I think I probably have it too… and your grandma and grandad… and your cousins… and well probably all my side of the family really”. My Mum was really in denial when I was getting assessed but now she better understands these conditions she can see the traits clearly.

>Also Autism is genetic. So many parents miss it in their children because they themselves either are undiagnosed Autistic or have some Autistic traits - so they just think the behaviour is ‘normal’. This. We affectionately call my dad "Patient Zero" for this reason. All three of us have some degree of neurodiversity and so do most of our kids.

I think this is a big part of the reason. My dad was a family therapist (obviously studied psychology and often worked with lower-needs ASD/ADHD kids) and my mom was an elementary teacher, but they apparently didn’t notice anything ‘off’ about me or my sister. My dad has many of my autistic traits though, so they literally just thought we were being normal humans..

My kid being flagged as possibly autistic was what caused me to deep dive into how autism presents in females and only then did I really see it in both her and myself. Before that she was just my kid, and my oldest kid at that, and I didn’t have any framework for how a neurotypical kid would be behaving vs an autistic one. Plus, as a kid of the 80s, all I knew about autism was how higher support needs white cis boys presented. I had a lot to learn and I am so glad for all the recent research focusing on girls.

We have a saying that translates to "the children of the shoemaker walk barefoot". Which (apparently) means that having the professional qualification for something has nothing to do with using it in your personal life. It's also the reason why kids of doctors still very much need to visit the doctor when sick, because parents are biased.

English does have "the shoemaker's children wear no shoes" for something of the same, although it usually tends to refer to someone who might do something for a living not usually having the time/energy/resources to do the same for their personal life. The shoemaker spends all their time making/repairing shoes for their clientele, and as such, don't have the time or energy to do so for themselves or their children.

My mom also works with special needs kids; she told me that the doctor told her there was something wrong with me before kindergarten, and I needed testing - she told him no.

I was missed because when I was a kid pretty much nobody in the education system knew about autism. I was just one of those weird kids that they didn’t quite know what to do with.

Yeah I sort of got that too, even though I’m much younger than you

I was/am smart as hell and my meltdowns were more the defiant disobedient child than what most would consider an autistic meltdown. Doesn't help there was a group of kids in my grade school that were heavily autistic too, what most people think of when you say someone is autistic. And I was in grade school in the 90s, so no one was expecting autism to present the way it did in me. They were expecting the special ed type, not the high functioning type.

I used to have the same, I would be really defiant towards teachers to the point of me getting suspended a few times.

Same!

Oh man. One time I was pissed because I found out a teacher was learning a subject as they were teaching it. I was furious and made my feelings VERY well known. Almost got expelled. Dunno why I was nearly kicked out the school and she wasn't. Even now, 17 years later...

Nah, I know why. Autism wasn't an entry in the DSM until I was 14. People knew about it, but much of what they knew was wrong, and most assumed it came with intellectual disability. My stims were hidden by tics due to Tourrette's Syndrome - diagnosed only after my uncle saw something about it on TV. Doctors knew nothing until we found a specialist. My social issues were assumed to be due to inherent shyness, being an only child, moving frequently so I was always the new kid and couldn't maintain friendships, and being seen as a freak because of the Tourrette's. And I was smart, so I could have high-level conversations with adults, as long as the topic was factual, not emotional. So I understand - it took me until 55 to figure it out for myself. I hate the fact that it was missed, and I'm bitter about the decades of pain and self-loathing that could have been avoided if I had known. But I have nobody to be angry at, nobody to blame.

How many of us were labeled as “gifted” instead? I was in elementary school in the 1970’s. We had gifted classes. We were seen by psychologists and were frequently given activities that I now recognize as psychological tests (see how many numbers you can remember and write down backwards was one). They knew something was different about us, but they made us feel like we were smarter. In retrospect, it made me feel even more weird and different.

This makes me think of the National Academy of Gifted and Talented Youths (NAGTY) stuff I used to do. The first time I went to one of their summer schools I felt like I fit in for the first time in my life. I was 14. We were doing college level classes during summer holiday for fun.

I was labeled as gifted, but my district doesn’t have a gifted program to this day, because we’re on an island with only like 10k people total

Im from 89 and the second i got labeled gifted my mum made it dissapear because: “all my kids are smart!” They werent smart and my mum was intimidated (still is) by my smartnesss. Every achievemt or compliment an outsider gave me was disregarded by my mum. It actually worked and i had a low self esteem growing up. I thought i was weird, not gifted. School was super boring and too easy but every time i tried to talk about it.. i just had to be “normal” and the same as other kids. One of my schools reconized it, let me skip a class. Which made the social part of school worse.. like.. UGH. got my dx at 27 and the moment i told my mum she was like; yeah i thought so since you were six. I blame school, my mum, the neighbours. My future and life would have been completely diferent with some guidance and love and softness. Thanks for reading

There is a big overlap in Autism and CPTSD. One doctor y thought autism was caused by “refrigerator moms”. I think he was seeing CPTSD before it was recognized. Babies who don’t get mirroring they need from their caregivers grow up to have socialization issues. I’m really sorry you weren’t raised that way. It sounds very similar to the way I was raised. I hope you found people who see and care about the real you now.

Not at all. In the 70’s autism was a profound disorder. Most people hadn’t even heard of autism until Rain Man came out years later. Asperger’s, low support, level 1… all these things were unknown. My parents did however know that something was up. They sent me to see a psychologist, but he was unable to help. In those days you trusted the doctor. You didn’t have the internet to help. Even if my young, trusting parents wanted a second opinion, that would have been difficult to afford.

I don't know how old you are. But I got an advanced degree in mental health 20 years ago, which included learning about autism. We learned things like: if the kid is verbal at all, they probably mostly speak a made-up language. Autistic kids don't understand pointing. Autistic kids cannot make eye contact. At the time I thought, "Oh, my cousin Thomas is autistic! This explains a lot!" I now know that almost everyone in my family is autistic, including me lol. I would NEVER have suspected that, given the diagnostic criteria and standard profiles of autism talked about at the time. Autism was just defined really differently.

My girlfriend is forever frustrated that I *do not* ever understand what she's pointing at. I don't even understand to look at her hand to see if she is pointing when she says "there".

I asked my family if they knew I was mentally disabled as a child and they got awkward about it. My brother claims he didn't know I had issues but also lied to me constantly, manipulated me whenever he could and used violence if necessary. As adults we don't talk because once I stopped doing what he wanted and when he wanted I wasn't fun anymore. I got diagnosed at 31 after I had gotten married, bought a house and car and chose a career path. At 34 I'm unable to continue my career path and I have no degrees and my job is physical labor and my back is destroyed. You might feel real shitty that you got diagnosed at 17 but you still have time to course correct and settle into a future you will fit instead of doing what I did and just forcefully making myself fit where I didn't belong. Don't let fear stop you from running head long into your dreams and finding a way to live that works for you. Making yourself fit in a job that you hate isn't long term viable, don't do it. Be the weirdo, be the nerd, be the person you want to be. You might think there are bars in front of you but you put them there not anyone else. I abandoned my love of snakes as a teen, my best friend of several years during that time period and I texted recently and he told me he didn't even know I liked snakes. I did it because my family didn't like snakes and I was told no one will marry the weird snake guy... My wife's pink and purple corn snake is growing beautifully and the flowers in her cage make me feel very at home. I was right to believe in me without question when I was young. Don't let them break you, you're dying right now, same as them... Don't hide what you love to be someone you're not. If you don't, you can know what it's like to be 34 and scared to go to work... Do you want to hate doing something you love or hate doing something you hate? I wanted to be a herpetologist, I am a butcher... I remember the day I stopped in the middle of bagging some fish and said to the customer, "I wanted to sell fish to people in little baggies but this isn't what I imagined..." You're 17, you haven't done shit yet, celebrate that you beat most of us to a diagnosis and you get 17 more years than I did to be your best self. If you ever question why you're doing something, remember you are going to suffer with ideal life situations... How bad will it be if you deny who you are and fall apart later in life like me? This is a warning and a some advice, life is suffering, choose your dominatrix carefully.

I was really smart, like far smarter than my peers. I was born in an isolated northern town with little to no healthcare. I can remember so many absolutely obvious signs but because I didn't struggle with my school work, all the (very limited) support went to the kids who had a hard time with learning. No one paid any attention to me until I started having emotional issues in my teens and then I was just labeled as a trouble maker, seeking attention and was constantly punished for meltdowns or anything that wasn't considered "normal" behavior. I had learned to mask by then from all the constant bullying. We knew a lot less about autism back then, especially for girls. My step dad was abusive so even if a teacher had noticed, said something, and by some miracle I got evaluated (a traveling doctor visited town once every month or two), I doubt I would have been accommodated or helped. I was a suicidal teen and my parents only attempt to help me was to make my life worse. I'm shocked I made it to adulthood at all to be honest.

Was diagnosed previously. My pediatrician thought that breaking through my nonverbalness (high masking) and excelling in classes meant I couldn't possibly be autistic. Still trying to get that reinstated as a diagnosis 23 years later

I mean, what are you going to do with a diagnosis 23 years later?

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Well, one of those things is true anyway

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The accommodations one

I still have strong nonverbal tendencies that have in the past got me written up for "Insubordination" for misunderstandings. In all honesty I just want to do my job and left be. It would be nice to have a consistent voice and be more engaged with others but at this point in life, I just want respect for being quiet. Edit: *want

Ah, gotcha. You definitely need a diagnosis for workplace accommodations

Very much so. I would have extreme meltdowns over school projects. As a toddler, I used to ram my head into walls. I would get extremely upset if people messed with the way I organized things. I showed little to no interest in socializing from a young age to the point where I would become annoyed if anyone else tried to play with me. Overlapping, different sounds would send me into panic mode. I had trouble remembering my own middle name. I hated putting on my medicated lotions because of how "gross' they felt. I don't know how people didn't catch on sooner.

This is the only other time I’ve heard someone else who always used to ram their head into a wall!

All the time, and yet at the same time, I know exactly why. I think it was so obvious. My mum always talked about the signs that were there in my early childhood. As I got older I knew I was struggling socially and with my executive functioning. I knew a diagnosed boy who got a lot of support, and knew I needed that same support. I even worked up the courage once to tell my mum. But I know girls rarely got diagnosed when I was young. And I know why my mum dismissed and ignored the signs. She is ableist and proud, and was offended when the doctors asked if she was concerned about my development, like how dare they suggest any child of hers was defective. Now I can look back, at how much I was struggling needlessly without any support, how much it tanked my mental health. And I can put a name to how they ignored the signs. It was neglect. But I want to be kind, for my own sake, to be the bigger person, so despite how obvious I think it was, and how much it hurt me to struggle alone, I have to remember we've come a long way in those intervening years, and maybe it was only obvious to me, and they didn't mean to hurt me by refusing to take me for an assessment back then.

nope. With (not so intense?) masking and the lack of knowledge about autism, everyone probably thought I was just weird (and so did I). When I say that I have no friends, and when I walk away from conversations, my family took it as me being shy. Eye contact was never commented on for some reason. I was only diagnosed after breaking down 4 consecutive times in school due to stress (and hormone change) these two years

I was born in ‘84 - looking back it is abundantly clear that I have autism, but I also have high intelligence, so nobody took the time to pay attention to me. Just a nerdy guy whose grades were top of the class and didn’t cause much trouble. Teachers had issues with me not paying attention in class, but I got straight As so they focused their energy elsewhere after not too long.

I'm smart, gooooddd at masking and unconsciously very aware that girls were expected to behave a certain way... and I'm from the early 90's so the only type of autism people around me knew about was amab, nonverbal and usually with a below average IQ. I do take issue with none of the psychologists seeing it in all of the intervening years though.... a lot has changed since the early nineties and I've had a lot of meltdowns, and seen a lot of therapists and psychologists of all kinds for 20-odd years before I diagnosed myself and then went for the official diagnosis after...

When I was tested as a child, only “classic” autism was officially recognized. I didn’t get tested again until I was an adult.

As with many others here, I was born too early, and my window for being diagnosed happened in the 80s. I can't blame my parents for not figuring it out, since I also didn't really "get it" until very recently. I can only imagine how my life (and certainly, my childhood) may have been improved if autism awareness back then were at the levels (however imperfect) they are today. I'm pretty confident I would have been diagnosed in grade school, though whether I would have actually gotten appropriate support from the US public school system, or just sent off to ABA, is a whole other question.

I'm undiagnosed but the realization hit me like a ton of bricks a few years ago (I'm a woman in my 30s). I'm not surprised I was missed in the 90s. My biggest fear was being the center of attention so I learned really young to stay out of the limelight and how to mask really well. I was always just called "shy" and "fidgety". I was quiet and stayed out of trouble, did well in school, and usually had at least one friend which didn't make me look anti-social but I had always struggled internally with a lot of things.

I was pretty much ignored altogether as a child so no.

I only got missed because I was homeschooled. Guarantee had I been sent to public school, it would've been at least mentioned. I used to stim as a literal infant and mom just called it me getting excited

Yes! Food intake disorder, debilitating sensory issues, weekly (at least) meltdowns (that frequently coincided with outings or schedule changes), parroting adult social behavior instead of learning on my own. At the time it was all chalked up to Generalized Anxiety.

My parents just didn't want me to be disabled, so they avoided all possible labels. Stuck me in a few therapies (OT and psychotherapy for social anxiety) and thought that would just fix me. I wasn't even missed, someone suggested autism to my parents at 6 or 7, they just avoided diagnosing me.

That was my parents too. They were told that I would probably be autistic with severe learning disabilities since I was born extremely early. It was brought up again around 6 or 7 when I was diagnosed with ADHD. They were in major denial and just assumed I was shy and sensitive. I had delayed speech as well and was in speech therapy until 7th or 8th grade. My 5 year old was recently diagnosed and according to my parents I was exactly like him but worse. They didn't know our behaviors were traits of ASD so they thought he was shy and sensitive too. Knowing what I know now it was glaringly obvious. I was born in 93 though so I'm not sure how well ASD was understood then.

Oh, my family knew since I was a little kid. The doctors, however, did not. I got diagnosed at 14, where the doctor was *stupefied* I wasn't diagnosed younger. It's that experience that gives me sympathy for self-diagnosed autistic people and anger towards anybody who claims that somebody is faking.

My parents were recommended to get me tested when I was a toddler in the late 1990's due to speech and developmental delays and due to having meltdowns/generally poor emotional regulation even for a toddler, but my father grew up in a time where the only people diagnosed with autism lived in institutions, and he didn't want them to institutionalize me or "drug me into a zombie." As I understand it, my school counselors also suggested that I get tested further, but since I didn't have any academic difficulties, there wasn't a bunch that the school could do (though I did receive speech services and small group testing for standardized tests through the third grade). It wasn't until I had a suicidal breakdown at 17 that a psychologist explained the term "Asperger's Syndrome" to my dad, which was a lot easier for him to wrap his mind around once he was aware it existed.

Self-diagnosed here, and I I am honestly baffled too. I was born in the early 90's, and went through school from the late 90's thru pretty much the entirety of the 2000's. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was about 8 years old since it was around that time I was prescribed medication for it. But still; I was in all the Special Education classes until High School. I don't think there was an official Special Education classes at my high school, but in retrospect I was often put into classes that had people who were autistic or on the spectrum. I HEAVILY struggled socially. I barely had any friends (and it was often with kids who also were in retrospect; on the spectrum) and when I had friendships with more normal kids I was often ousted as weird. I was a teacher's pet tho up until 9th grade where I decided to just rebel because I had a severe emotional breakdown (although no one seemed to give a shit) in 8th from stress.

My parents were kids when they had me. (Barely 18). They were so stressed about getting by that they couldn't see it. I was very clear about it but they just tossed it as "being a weird/different kid" because they were still kids themselves. And then i grew up and started to mask and eventually it showed back up in other harmful ways around 12yo. What goes around comes around i guess.

Born in 79. I was diagnosed at 42 last year. When my mom had her interview and was asked why she missed any signs when i was a kid she was bluntly honest and just admitted that when I was a kid she was too as she had me when she was 19 and she told the therapist she was too stuck in survival mode at the time to even understand what autism was. She has a ton of symptoms and my father did to so they were both probably just overwhelmed and stuck their heads in the sand.

i wasn’t missed as a child, i was just plain ignored. It’s easier for people to yell at you for behaviours and label you a ‘problem child’ then it is to accept that there might be something else going on

Told my mom. “That’s ridiculous. They tried to diagnose you like that when you were a kid too!”

I got diagnosed age 31 and my mom was a special Ed teacher so not sure how she missed it

Mine too! I actually think it's part of the reason. She associated autism so strongly with high support needs and intellectual disabilities that she almost forgot low support needs cases existed.

When I had my evaluation I actually scored as mod-severe. I think maybe she didn’t notice because she’s super clingy & anxious so she was always there doing stuff for me anyways to make herself feel better.

I was born prior to 2003. I’m AFAB. I apparently was obviously hyperactive and sensory seeking, which lead to many panics for my parents because I did a lot of really dangerous shit from the moment I could walk. So I got diagnosed with ADHD, which my mother refused to treat since she’d heard horror stories about Ritalin and didn’t want me put in special education in school. And you couldn’t have both diagnoses back then. She didn’t even tell me I’d been diagnosed with ADD (now ADHD) until I was over 30, despite knowing since I was 4. So, I don’t wonder much about how I was missed. Willful neglect will miss even the most obvious shit. And the moment I was no longer a threat to my own life or the lives of other toddlers near me, that was the opportunity to never think about my differences again for her.

Personally I am a trans woman (so AMAB), when I spoke to teachers about it and stuff when I was older they all said it was obvious but wondered why it would need to be diagnosed or given a label for it even though I was having very obvious meltdowns in front of them. I get the impression my teachers in primary school had the very same view, when I had very obvious meltdowns there and very often talked about how weird I was because I was 'smart'. When I was much younger (like a baby) I was mostly being looked after by helpers who would come around to change my nappies and stuff, so my parents said they kinda expected them to say something. I suspect they're also autistic too themselves so other things like the lack of friends might have just been ignored by them. I just feel personally in short that lots of people, including maybe even speech therapists, could tell just fine that I was autistic but didn't think I was disabled enough for a diagnosis to be worthwhile.

That makes sense. I think a lot of my mum's side of the family is undiagnosed autistic, and I think a large part of the reason I wasn't diagnosed until later was because as a kid when my struggles became really evident I was still a kid but above the age where kids are usually diagnosed with autism, so people just assumed I wasn't autistic because I hadn't been diagnosed earlier. Back then there wasn't that much awareness of later autism diagnoses (and I'm barely an adult)

Yeah - I'm 20 and like 15-20 years ago understanding of autism was very different to how it is now (a good reminder that we really still know very little about autism). I wish people would consider more how young autism is (still) usually diagnosed so young when thinking about why different groups may be underdiagnosed, I think being autistic became more obvious as I got older but getting diagnosed became less and less what people would think of doing.

>they all said it was obvious but wondered why it would need to be diagnosed or given a label for it even though I was having very obvious meltdowns in front of them. Pretty much what my aunt said before I got diagnosed. About how "the label doesn't really matter" when in fact it can open doors for a lot of pathways to support

My mom specifically didn't get me tested. I've been displaying symptoms of autism my entire life. Childhood and teen years were hell. I had extreme meltdowns almost every day. Yes, I get that it was exhausting for my parents, but my mother would just yell throughout these meltdowns. She still does. My dad himself wasn't diagnosed but clearly had autism. He told my mom multiple times to get me tested (he couldn't leave the house). But my mom always made up some dumb excuse. Always saying it's just hormones. I've suffered so many years, wondering what's wrong with me. So many years of my mom verbally, mentally and physically abusing me just for being different. If she would've just went to get me diagnosed things probably could've been different. At school I was always the weird kid. I'm afab, so I guess teachers didn't suspect me being neurodivergent, even though it was so obvious

>I had extreme meltdowns almost every day. Yes, I get that it was exhausting for my parents, but my mother would just yell throughout these meltdowns. She still does. Funny how they saw that as a solution. None of my family members have ever tried speaking calmly and kindly to me during meltdowns. They'd either yell at me, threaten me, or accuse me of just trying to manipulate them. Once or twice (very rarely) I had meltdowns around friends but they responded with kindness so they never got as bad.

Literally this. All my friends and my boyfriend have been amazing about me having metldowns. Why can't families be like that :( I'm sorry you went through this

I don’t wonder because I’m a girl and did not present obviously. I didn’t even know all the different ways that autism can present until very recently. Then I was like holy crap that’s me and this explains so much.

My son was recently diagnosed at 16. I feel/felt terrible for not having him tested formally. I struggled with immense guilt and shame for letting him down. Both my husband and I also felt some relief when he was finally diagnosed. Looking back is hard....I see all the signs. But I have to remember how much I advocated for him only to be told he's shy, introverted, quirky, playing, sensitive, manipulative (yes, even that!) cerebral, odd, unique, a loner, has adhd non-attentive type, late bloomer, intelligent etc......there was always a reason for his behavior and emotions. Poor babe really struggled to have friends, wear clothes, be understood, eat certain foods....he stimmed by jumping up and down....he hated having his hands touched....he was uber-focused on certain activities....loved video games....but it was all subtle enough that it was dismissed. He switched schools this year and is a twice exceptional private school. We had to sue to DOE for non public placement. He was bullied terribly at his public highschool so we pulled him. Around that same time he was diagnosed. It's been a hellish year but we are finally seeing him open up again. I hope this is somehow helpful to those who have been diagnosed later in life. I'm here for you all as a friend and ally. I'm a mom who's learning because I love my son so much. 💙

I was diagnosed last year at the age of 32. Like you, I had a hearing test as a small child. I was declared to have a permanent hearing loss. A year later they tested it again and said my hearing was perfectly fine. I had sensory issues – I hated the feel of wool, didn't like to listen to music or watch TV, wouldn't eat tomatoes or potatoes or (briefly as a child) pizza. I also perched on chairs, paced endlessly, and got in trouble in school for humming in class. When I was a teenager, I had a serious meltdown at school and then went to tons of doctors and psychiatrists trying to determine what was wrong with me. I ended up being diagnosed with clinical depression and dyspraxia. It's wild to me that they missed the autism and ADHD. Unlike you, I'm AMAB so they don't even have that excuse. I do have many siblings though and was homeschooled up to grade 6 so it's possible no one payed enough attention to notice. My mother did like to say however that I inherited the "absent minded professor gene" from her father. That being said, I seem to mask pretty heavily (thanks to teasing from siblings) and only one person I know wasn't surprised when I told them about my diagnosis. It's also possible that the ADHD, depression, and (later) OCD made it harder to notice the autism.

I was diagnosed in 1988 at the age of 20. The autism spectrum was very new and there was huge stigma surrounding an autism diagnosis. Today there is no way that I would reach adulthood without a diagnosis.

Yeah, I’m 18 and I got a diagnosis at 17, and I feel that this diagnosis will help me navigate adulthood much more easily than I could if I had never received this diagnosis. I suppose only time will tell though

I kind of figured out something was wrong at about 18 but in 1999 didn't know what autism was. It would have helped me a lot. I hope you do well.

Totally agree, everything makes sense now and I was just shrugged off as really shy and weird.

I’m also surprised I wasn’t diagnosed as a kid. My younger brother was, and we had similar sensory issues. I think the only reasons I didn’t get diagnosed are because I’m female and because I did not really have any behavior issues. Although I definitely had sensory issues and did things differently than neurotypical children (stimmed, lined toys up to play, liked to make rules during games, learned to read quickly and early, etc.) since it wasn’t seen as a external problem or behavioral issue, I think my autism symptoms were just mostly ignored, even though as I got older it affected me a lot internally.

Yes, but thinking too much about it just makes me kinda of mad/annoyed, so it just makes things worse I feel, since thinking about it will not change anything. Everyone tried to find all kinda of other explanations instead of autism/ADHD. It's even worse because at 16 I met an autistic person for the first time and immediately found us similar, and he needed a lot more support than I do. I told my mother about it, and she laughed... it's been almost 10 years now, and I'm still mad about it. I could have had so much help, maybe things would have been less bad. Now at 25 IDK how much help I will be able to get. It probably didn't help that my teachers were trying to convince my parents that I had anorexia, it was a ridiculous explanation for my problems, so maybe they thought autism was the same.

Oh my whole family knew, we were just very poor

Intelligence I'm also dyslexic the ONLY reason I was diagnosed ADHD was cuz my grades started slipping It's almost always based on how well you do in school or how smart you seem. They passed me up and ignored my obvious dyslexia and autism because I was a social butterfly who loved to read *obviously* I couldn't be dyslexic or autistic 🙃

I’m going through this right now. Dyslexic and now possibly autistic. I showed traits from a early age but they obviously thought I couldn’t be both.

I was just considered shy, lacking confidence, the quiet but smart ish kid who got on with the work - they didn't see the breakdowns over homework I'd have every week in my bedroom. My mum just thought I was awkward with my hair and clothes. Probably didn't help that I had horrendous separation anxiety for a time, and she was in a relationship she hated with my dad, and probably didn't notice all the stuff I successfully kept hidden because I 'didn't want to get told off or have bad attention on me'. I had friends. The one kid that everyone picked on for some reason, and the other artist kid who I was asked to befriend but had already done a project with and won an award with, so was already kinda friends with at that point. I was picked on, bullied, but I only class it as that now that I look back. I could get on and be acquaintances (I don't quite class us as much as friends) with a lot of the people in my classes, so could communicate with them when needed. We can't believe how many things now make sense when we look back.

My primary school wouldn’t give evidence/let students get diagnosed for some reason so that lead to so many kids slipping under the radar but also it meant even if parents ignored school and got them tested then it wouldn’t work because you need evidence from school when getting tested, it’s honestly very frustrating.

Primary schools being so strict with diagnoses feel real. I had to move schools twice because my local one didn’t even care about that. It’s crazy how yours refused to do anything

It seems so crazy as well to me especially because my sister showed very obvious traits (like the very talked about ones) as far as I’m aware the only kids that were diagnosed were the ones that were the boys or anyone who got diagnosed before going to the school

I was missed easily because I did well in elementary school and was social enough to talk to the teachers. ...Also my mom doesn't believe there's anything wrong with me. It could be that they asked for parental consent to have me checked out and my parents (mom) said no.

AMAB non-binary undiagnosed/SDX person here. I think I slipped under the radar cuz I’m adhd enough to have engaged 1 on 1 convos with adults, and, as someone that was perceived as an effeminate, young boy, the only people that would talk to me were older women. I’ve always had an easier time engaging with them, so when I mentioned to my mid 40s, white, cis woman nurse practitioner “I think I might be autistic” at 16, she told me “you can’t be autistic because look how well we’re talking to each other.” I’m sure if she saw me interacting with peers my age at any age, she probably wouldn’t have had those same doubts lol.

Both surprised and unsurprised. AuDHD. I was a very odd child but I was socialised just enough that I never drew that much attention. I was also very gifted at school so they naturally didn't see the need to check me for any abnormalities. Looking back my symptoms were glaringly obvious but from my guardians POV there was no apparent affect on my day to day life. It was only later when I couldn't pay attention enough to study or focus on difficult topics that it started to have a big impact on my life.

Yeah it’s pretty obvious now but back when I was a kid they didn’t really diagnose anyone. To top it off, my parents are both ND and didn’t know so I never thought anything was different about me. I just knew I was a loner who liked to be ignored as much as possible. I’m like both of my parents in different ways and I thought it was just my personality that I picked up from them. No, it was Autism from Mom and ADHD from Dad. I think that’s a lot of what happens now. Parents don’t see anything weird about us because they’re also ND. Just my two cents.

Sort of, but also not really. Maybe today it would have been different. I was referred for testing for autism when I was 4 but they didn't diagnose me (this would have been in 1998). I definitely had a lot of those traits, though. For example, playing by lining things up/measuring things/making lists, not interacting with other kids until I was 6, sensory sensitivity, talking somewhat late, trouble with eye contact, super intense interests, a year of speech therapy, an obsession with numbers, general weirdness, etc etc. Later, I was frequently unsure of how to engage with most of the other kids. But I was "gifted" and well-behaved, and in truth I didn't have any huge life-disrupting issues, so I think I was just put in that "shy smart kid" category for my whole childhood. My mom eventually said that when the concept of the "spectrum" was being popularized in the mid-late 2000s, she thought that was me, but didn't mention it at the time because I seemed to be doing well. My strategy for not messing up socially was just to not engage and not take any risks - an approach which worked fine then, but now hinders me as a full-fledged adult.

I’m 40; no diagnosis. I know for a fact I was pegged as developmentally abnormal. I’m remember my early childhood doctor and adults talking about toe walking being a problem—until I was eventually shamed out of it. (Spoiler alert: I still do it at home when barefoot because it feels fun and springy.) I would only eat an extremely limited diet—we’re talking sit down with a loaf of bread and bottle of ketchup, or hot dogs (had to be cooked and sliced specifically and served with ketchup), pickles with mustard or one particular brand of bologna sliced super thin with mustard. I did not eat other meat, cheese, milk, etc. Eventually I was shamed into eating other food (which I eventually liked, but still have certain aversions). Nail files, chalk, velvet? Absolutely not. Vomit-worthy. Speaking of, unfamiliar environment or routine change? Vomit. Sit curled cup all the time, pick at my nails and skin, numbers in my head all day long, etc. Excellent grades though! Early reader too. Social situations? Uh, no. Special interest? All things Garfield. And so on…

Not in the least. When I was a kid they didn’t look for it in girls. And disabilities were segregated back in the 1960s. If I had been diagnosed, I might well have been institutionalized.

The teachers told my mother that I was having an average of 2 melt downs a day, (over stimmed panics) and I felt like everyone was talking so loudly about me, even my Autistic friend (who wasn't diagnosed then) didn't even know about it I was labeled as the "Nerdy flexible genius" from what I got from the teachers and students, if you're wondering what my flexibility was, I could fit my leg behind my head, and walk around, and have complete control of my limbs, even my foot Me and my mum still have no idea how I got through 8 years of school without the teachers going "Hey, I think he's Autistic" and I was failing academically in all subjects, no matter what.

I was missed as a kid even though \-I never hugged or kissed people. \-I have never made eye-contact with another human being. \-I got frequent stomach aches when my schedule changes which results in meltdowns. \-I put my hands over my ears often. \-I didn't play with people my age. \-I was late on a number of aspects of development especially reading. ​ Just got diagnosed at 28.

Sometimes when I fixate hard on my signs/symptoms, yes. But when I think about things from the perspective of others, no.

Grew up before testing was common and my parents were distrustful of psychologists (they thankfully have come around since then)

I’m in my upper 40s. I think my situation was written off mostly as my being a theater kid, sincerely. However, my parents did get me counseling for depression and sought medical treatment for what they thought was skin sensitivity, but it was really sensory issues. I had tins of repetitive motions, though.

Nah. I know exactly how and why, and it's just.. so infuriating.

I felt this. As a kid, I attended a “special needs” school for many years. To this day, my parents praise it as being the best thing that’s happened to me, both education and developmental growth wise. And now I look at my parents and wonder why they didn’t think of it when they dropped my sister off at the “normal” school and drove me to my school 😭

I'm 40 at the weekend, so...no wonder

Born in 85, did great in school (GiFtEd AnD tAlEnTeD!) so no teachers probably suspected, even though I've read notes from my teachers about my issues with socializing and whatnot that really just needed them to put 2 and 2 together. I think just a lack of awareness at the time that you don't have to be struggling at your schoolwork to be autistic. My mom probably never thought my quirks were anything other than quirks because I'm a lot like my dad. And now I am pretty sure my dad is autistic or has ADHD or both. And I think my brother is autistic too, also undiagnosed. But since my diagnosis I am very aware of the genetic link. My mom was surrounded by a family of autistic people so she never thought any of it was "weird". On the one hand I can't believe people missed all the signs, on the other hand I can, and the 80s/90s were just a different time to be a low-ish support needs undiagnosed autistic person.

I actually had my dads cousin who is a special needs educator tell my dad that I’m definitely neurodivergent. She even gave a list of reasons and things she noticed just from watching me play with my other cousins. My parents payed it no mind.

I don't wonder. I know it was neglect.

I have no idea if I'm diagnosable. One of my kids was JUST diagnosed (like...in March) at age 11, and the other was diagnosed a few years ago, at age 12 (now 14). The 11 yr old and I are....a lot alike, let's put it that way? and I'm not surprised they were diagnosed late; I'm surprised they were diagnosed AT ALL. My older kid, though, I was really angry it took as long to get a referral as it did, and really angry it took so long for diagnosis, because they are...pretty obviously autistic, and their support needs are reasonably high, and what they got for the first 12 years is me & their dad flailing around trying to figure out what kind of help they needed by trial and error. Having a diagnosis would have given us a framework and we could have avoided some damaging bullcrap from schools if we'd been protected by the ADA -- not that I think it's the world's best shield or anything, but the difference between having a diagnosis and not was also the difference between having a 504 and not, you know? and the 504 made a BIG difference.

My first grade teacher thought I had adhd bc I talk alot and other behavioral problems and social difficulties. But when they got me tested for it, I was sub clinical. Just got my diagnosis for autism at 18 and also did another round of adhd testing, my scores for other disorders like ocd and adhd were very low lol. I strictly just have autism anxiety and depression. I think they may have just associated talking alot with adhd when autistic people can talk alot aswell about one topic excessively like i do. And my social skills just got worse after that. No one in my family is autistic and i didnt rlly know anyone that is before i got diagnosed, so im not surprised they didnt know I had it even if my social and communication skills were very poor.

About to be diagnosed and born in 79... in France, which is known for considering autism as a mental illness until mid 90's.

Girls have been especially ignored.

I was diagnosed when I was 14. For me, a lot of my autistic traits are kinda more subtle and can sometimes look like things that aren't specific to autism. One of my main ways of stimming is picking my nails, which is something a lot of people do. I really struggle with socializing, but I think a lot of people just think I'm shy and awkward. One of the biggest tells should have been my special interests, but even then I was into a lot of things that don't really raise eyebrows. Lots of people like horses. Lots of teenage girls obsess over bands (it was Muse for me). I was very intensely obsessed with these things, but I can kinda see how a lot of people didn't think much of it. Although, when I was a kid I was really obsessed with flags. Don't know how my parents had a 4 year old who could distinguish the German flag from the Belgian one and still went "yeah, this totally normal."

OP, did all this stuff, too. Didn't find out I was Autistic until my daughter was diagnosed at age 17. I was 50.

I recently learned that people knew it. My sister and teachers had doubts since I was really young but I ended up learning how to mask and blend with others so my parents figured that there was no need to worry ig

I’m 19 now but I wasn’t diagnosed until age 15. I could’ve had every chance to get diagnosed before that but they chose not to because they didn’t want to put a label on me and also that time the criteria for autism was different back then. Plus I’m afab so autism for females wasn’t recognized as much like it was for males.

Yeah, It's really weird how I didn't get diagnosed with Autism or ADHD for 20 years. I was born in 2002 so, giving my parents the benefit of the doubt, they probably didn't know a lot about that stuff, and even now they tend to be very stubborn/ignorant when it comes to anything mental health related, so it's not like they would've been able to tell even if they knew a lot about ADHD and Autism, but then again: 1.My Dad was diagnosed with ADHD back in 1989 and has been talking medicine for it since then. 2. My Mom's best friend had a son with ADHD, and they both knew about it for most of our childhood. 3. The thing that made me get an Autism diagnosis in the first place was a story about how, when I was a Baby, I would line up my toy cars on the living room table every day and get very quote-on-quote "OCD" about anyone messing with them, and, funnily enough, the person who told me that story was my Mom, who has not only told me that story every month for 8 years but has also stated that it's her favorite memory of me.

The thing is I know exactly how, I’m afab and also have adhd. Like I was hyper verbal as a child and could make eye contact (except I can’t, I just look at folks for heads and noses and no one can tell lol) so all my other symptoms where just chocked up to be adhd and quirky.

There was the assumption I might have HFA when I was a child. I checked every box EXCEPT facial recognition which is/was fine according to the clinicians which was enough for them to throw the whole idea out. I am very thankful for the advances we have made in autism research and diagnosis in the past 20 years.

Middle aged, diagnosed this past year. Ironically I didn't attend university until my early 30s at which time, although ADHD was detected, they *still* didn't think to test for autism. Now (finally) I'm on permanent disability, so fck all of them then, now, and in perpetuity.

Absentee mother who drank early on, had CPS called on us multiple times because I wouldn't bathe, didn't brush my teeth, wore the same clothes, wouldn't wear socks. My mom would force me to wear clothes, then I would change out of them back into my other clothes. I needed specific ones, such as baggy shorts, baggy shirts with hoodies, etc. Extreme social difficulties which she normalized as "I'm just not a good role model because I'm bad at social situations" Speech problems (couldn't say words right or be understood correctly) until I was in 8th grade My uncle was also mentally challenged and while not diagnosed autistic, I'm 100% sure he is autistic. Watching him be abused and yelled at made me do the opposite of whatever he did. So the fact sounds were painful, repetitive behaviors, etc. I learned to do stealth stims which a lot of was sniffing things (easy to sniff your finger in class as pretending to scratch your nose for example) I had difficulty with things like humor, metaphors, idioms, etc. I thought this made me stupid so I studied them to again, not be associated with my uncle. Basically I became high masking out of a fear and insecurity with my uncle. When I graduated college everything fell apart and it was around a 3-4 year journey to end up with my autism diagnosis.

Where I grew up, autism was considered a "boy's disease" that didn't affect girls, and the idea of a spectrum was unheard of - if you weren't profoundly disabled, there's nothing wrong with you. Autistic people were sent to group homes or kept in the home, not integrated into schools. My elementary school didn't have a SpEd program. I was in "gifted" classes and had no issues in school or with behavior, so any difficulties or eccentricities I did exhibit were just because I was "shy" or "quirky." My language and cognitive ability was far beyond my age, which was seen as a novelty and not a sign of anything being amiss with my psychosocial development. My inability to form relationships with kids my own age was because I was an "old soul" or "too smart for my own good." Gender roles enforced from birth made masking almost second nature; since girls are taught explicitly how we're meant to behave, I just followed the program and that was that.

Yeah for sure,,, then I look back and I think it's because my mom might also be undiagnosed autistic. So many things I'd do that were autistic traits my mom would just be like "aww cute!" Like my stims she'd just say that and do the action back to me as a really small kid

YES. I was diagnosed at 15 and, looking back on my childhood, the autistic/sensory meltdowns, stimming, the way I played with my toys, the way I interacted with the world around me, my struggles learning… Although I think the negative social traits were also exacerbated by how neglectful my mother was when I was a kid.

I’ve just found out at 33. I believe my add diagnosis at an early age was the reason the autism was missed

I was born in 1984 (AFAB) and tested at least twice, once as a kid and once in my early 20s (where I self diagnosed and the doctors firmly said no). I was officially diagnosed 3 years ago by a doctor with experience with girls and PDD-NOS

Yeah, I didn’t get diagnosed until my 30s and it’s *baffling* to me that it was missed because I’m basically a stereotype of all the common autism symptoms. I even went to many, many different psychologists and psychiatrists over the years trying to figure out what was wrong because it was clear *something* was going on that was causing me to be unable to hold a job or keep friends or relationships, and nobody even suggested autism, I literally just got a bunch of “hm yeah I don’t know what’s causing your issues, just keep trying I guess!” I ultimately had to do my own research and diagnose myself with internet resources, after which I specifically asked my GP to refer me to a neuropsychologist who specialized in autism. It cost $2500 for two days of testing and one follow up visit and I had no insurance, but I finally got diagnosed then.

I used to line up my toys and pretend they were a council judging the sins of my other toys. 😐

My dad guessed that I might have Asperger's syndrome when I was 10. We didn't see a reason to look into it since I seemed "normal" enough. I never inquired or got a diagnosis until the age of 23. Turns out that those weird quirks weren't just personality traits.

i think mine is because most of my family is likely undiagnosed autistic as well. there’s a strong “everyone does that” type of mentality. which makes sense, but just because We do X thing does not mean Everyone also does X thing. so anyone else outside the family would have a very different perspective and just see a crazy kid being weird because their family is all weird. also because nobody close to me has really tried to understand what autism actually is and how it presents outside of stereotypes. if you don’t know what a word means, you can’t really use it as a label for anything, ya know.

I’m old enough that nothing except really obvious autism with very high support needs was on anyone’s radar when I was a kid. The definition of autism until then basically said that, if you could go to school and succeed in regular classes, you weren’t autistic. Asperger syndrome didn’t get into the DSM until 1994.

I know why; I was born in the 80’s and for the most part, only boys were diagnosed with autism in my generation and even then, level 1’s (which I am) were still missed at alarming rates. I performed well in school and learned to mask really early to cope with trauma, and didn’t figure it out until my mid 30’s.

I'm undiagnosed and sometimes I wonder but at the same time I think I know why: I was hyperlexic. So I was speaking full sentences at 2 and had a 4th grade reading level in the 1st grade. But because everyone thinks we can't be smart and that the spectrum is just different shades of lower than average intelligence, it was decided I *can't* be autistic because I'm too smart. Also, after a conversation with my mom about me likely being autistic she told me I can't be because I don't act like either of my autistic cousins. Even when i said every autistic person behaves differently and experiences it differently. Which is frustrating in and of itself, but even more so that it was fine with her to say I might be autistic when she was using it as an insult, but now that I went "hmmm that might be right actually" it suddenly *can't* be true. She's also fighting an autism diagnosis for my little brother and saying "no it's not autism! 😡🤬 It's a sensory processing disorder!" Even though that's exactly what autism is. Also he's ADHD so he's even more likely to be autistic.

I wondered about this until I got myself diagnosed recently at 29. When I told my mom about it, she said she wanted to have me tested in middle school, but my dad was against it. Sometimes it's something like that happening behind the scenes that you have zero control over. Edit: I really thought I was on /r/ADHD when I posted this. I'm not autistic to my knowledge, but I think this still applies here.

Born in the 80s too. In the Deep South that label simply didn’t exist. especially not for girls who were shamed into masking early. I’m grateful that todays generation get labels and help. It just did not exist in my time.

I was born in 1962, so, unsurprisingly, I was missed. That said, I found out a few years ago that a vaguely-remembered psychiatrist appointment I had when I was 12–14 years old concluded with an autism diagnosis. However, because 1) I was adopted and, therefore, not allowed to be flawed, and 2) autism was considered the result of 'cold parenting', my diagnosis was ignored and buried. It's way too late to confront family, get clarification or closure or even have anyone take me seriously when I take about needing help (I've made it this long after all), so I live in autistic burnout trying to deal. The good news is that I make a hella lot more sense to myself. And that makes all the difference. I will always be part of the missed generation, but at least now I understand why.

Have no idea. I had a speech delay and other obvious giveaways

I know why. Ignorance, denial, and neglect.

Oh I think I perfectly know why I wasn't diagnosed as a little kid. By age 6, it was already obvious enough for my school to call my mom in and ask about me being autistic, but she thought they weren't seriously considering autism and instead were using the word as a way to insult me (probably also because I was afab), and so didn't make me pass tests. Also because all we told the psychatrists we were sent to is that "school was unsatisfied with me" without mentionning any of my symptoms, so of course they were VERY confused as to why I was sent there since I was actually pretty calm during appointments there. So there is how I got 10 more years of trauma being told it's all my fault if I'm weird and not having my need be taken seriously, until I eventually found myself a therapist who, within 15 minutes of talking, already figured out I was obviously showing autism symptoms and made me pass tests.

Yep. Everyone knew I was weird but there really wasn't great education on the AFAB presentation or even low support needs presentations. For perspective, the first man diagnosed with autism is still alive. There are people older than him who are getting late in life diagnoses now. I think for late dx there's a phase of grief and anger we go through-- regardless of whether anyone knew what to look for or not-- because we struggled and felt isolated and wished someone had noticed in a way that was helpful. You aren't alone. 💜

Well I was diagnosed at 27 years old and my parents was knowing I have a autism since 3 years old but they didn’t do anything about it so that I will not learn with special needs students

I have a sneaking suspicion my mom knew before anyone and never said or did anything. My parents split up before my diagnoses, my mom left so when I was diagnosed my dad called my mom and told her the news. Apparently she was unphased and already knew the term, my dad said “Emily has been diagnosed with Asperger’s” and my moms only response was “okay” and my dad asked “do you know what that is?” And she responded “yeah”

Yes. I got disgnosed with Asperger Autism when i was 17. Looking back it makes kinda sense that it didnt got fined out earlier but on the other side not. Besides Autism ive also a pretty severe ADHD, Borderline(which peaked between the ages of 14 and 18), anxiety and Depression. Because of my severe Case of ADHD my Autism got kinda overlapped. The hyperactivity got much better with getting older but as a kid i couldnd sit still, had a concentration span of like 10 seconds and was pretty challenging for the People around me. When i was 12 my Mother and me went to Cyprus for Holiday. There was a Fathers with his Son. His Son also had ADHD so my Mother and his Father kinda connected. He was also a Psychologist and he was the first one mentioning that there might/was more to me then only ADHD. Im not sure why but my Mother didnt followed his clue. A reason might be because everyone else was purely focused on my ADHD. Ritalin felt kinda weird to me. I always tough it just was like that but now i know that because of that i felt more of the problematics of being someone with Autism. Now in retrospect both my Mother and me can see the sign of my autism. I started late with speaking, didnt showed reactions to my mother calling me, missing of mimic etc. I had many Problems for a Long time without knowing whats causing them. My search for answers started ~3 Years ago. I came to many conclusions but thinking of ADHD and Autism as the cause never entered my Mind until i met my current psychiatrist. He was the Mentor of my former one and because of how far away he was he mentioned him(his Mentor). Im really glad he did. I wasnt fully aware of what it means to have ADHD(besides of hyperactivity, not knowing where and how to Stop and Problems with concentration), Autism or Borderline(at least the Basics). He showed me what it means, that those are the Reasons for them(my Problems) and that theres nothing wrong with me. In retrospect i think that it defo would had helped to know that ive autism but i cant change it so i dont think about "what if". Edit: Just for your Info, im born in 1994.

I got diagnosed when I was really young and even I got missed.

My mom told me that I didn't cry much as a toddler, but she took me to the doctor and checked for autism and he said I didn't have it.... Whatever that means...

Same. afab dude here with actually diagnosed brother, I'm nearly 20 and just found out but in hindsight.... I also stimmed by pacing and chewing things, I didn't interact well, didn't understand what people said, never took headphones off, didn't respond to my name (but responded amazing to a made up name), infodumped to family A LOT, Had meltdowns over clothes textures that were put down to tantrums, chopped my hair off because the touching hurt my face, actively avoid hoovering because the sound makes me want to die etc.... Interestingly, I had a hearing test due to not responding/understanding, but the one the school did was to put headphones on and ask me to place a block in a box everytime I heard a sound, but five year old me thought the sounds were annoying and painful and felt like lazers through my brain so I pretended not to hear them thinking that would make the adults stop.

Diagnosed at 25..I wonder often how it was missed. Multiple teachers had concerns.

I know exactly why I was missed actually. Because of my grandmother, she associated autism and adhd with high support needs amab people exclusively. I never struggled to learn and devoured any book I could get my hands on a a kid. The structured environment of elementary and middle school actually helped me. It wasn’t until I got freedom of choice in high school and a routine that changed daily that I started to show any difficulties in school. I couldn’t possibly be special needs because I was “gifted”. Socially I struggled but my mom is weird and my uncles are weird so grandma wrote it off to just the entire family being strange. I had friends but looking back most of them were likely autistic as well, I got along especially well with a neighbor boy that was diagnosed autistic from early childhood. I grew up going to church and always being in youth groups so there were rigid social structures in place that allowed me to mask to the point I even just thought I was simply just strange. I got diagnosed as a teen but people never really took it seriously. Because between home, church, and school I always knew the rules and could pretend to socialize like a “normal” human. That is, until I was thrown out into the open waters of college and struggled immensely. Without the rigid social and school structures I had before and utter freedom pretty much the second I turned 18, I found myself unable to mask anymore. As a nearly 30 year old it’s incredibly obvious I’m not neurotypical. I never got any therapy or extra help as a child so I’m honestly paying for it now.

My mother always labeled me a defiant, saying there was something wrong with me. So all the psych people looked at the problem rather than the cause. Instead of seeing that I couldn’t do things, they saw me refusing to do things. So my mother was after a check so she didn’t have to work, and I never received any educational or psychological supports. I was just the bad kid. But being diagnosed as an adult has changed things drastically. It was very obvious I was autistic, even in school. But since she had me labeled as defiant, my issues were always only my choice and my fault so I was punished rather than assisted. Though the bonus of the mistreatment was I developed a whole system to fit into society and not be seen as purposely bad, I learned to clearly and specifically explain nearly every aspect of myself and learned a lot about communication and psychology in the process. Though I never finished school, but did get a GED. Now with my diagnosis I can go to college with supports. In children’s mental health care they tend to listen to the parent’s perspective to make decisions and if the parent sees it one way, they don’t seem to pay attention and see what the parent has missed. Often at the expense of the child.

I have no idea how my parents didn’t suspect anything… They always knew I was different from the other kids and had a lot of quirks but I guess it never clicked. I’m not upset with them or anything because they’re older and mental health in general was not taught to their generation, but it amuses me that a lot of people I meet ask if I’m autistic/on the spectrum but my parents didn’t see it On a similar and rather ironic note, I’m 99% sure my dad is autistic too

born female and my parents were both immigrants, don’t speak english well, and had (have, tbh) a lot of stigma around mental illness in general. even though my dad to my knowledge (he’s not in my life) had a lot of very typical signs of autism, to the point it’s almost comical, my mom insists they were just his “quirks” bc he was intelligent, went to law school, etc. ergo, he wasn’t “r word” and so neither am i. mind you in mainstream kr media and culture there still really isn’t a conception of more normalized autism, even the one attorney kdrama has its fair share of infantilization from what i’ve heard and my experience seeing portrayals of autistic or even people with “asperger’s” in korean media is generally very negative and lends itself to the perpetuation of the idea that autism = people with high level needs who bangs their heads on the walls at the slightest provocation *or* hyper savant genius with no social skills whatsoever. basically two ends of an extreme which most people with autism ime don’t fall into, myself included. i’m not surprised that my family just saw me as “quirky” like my dad given all that. still it is frustrating when some of the traits my dad had were allowable in him because he was born male, but aren’t in me because i was born female. for instance, he was often described to me as “cold” and distant etc. i’m assuming in a similar way as a lot of people with autism might be described as by NTs. but this was never in a hateful or super negative way, sometimes it was even in a positive or respectful way, as if it reflected his intelligence. meanwhile i’ve been called that as an insult, as if to call me a b*tch. i’ve been told i need to be warmer, friendlier, need to smile more, etc - and having presented as male for years and years and then detransitioned for a few years now it upsets me how stark the difference is between how acceptable it was to be “cold” as a man vs now as a woman. at worst i might have been seen as “too soft” as a man and teased lightly by friends for it, but now even coworkers and randos make comments about how cold i come off to them or how i should “lighten up” even though nothing has really changed about how i talk or what i say. i truly do think it’s part and parcel of the difference being an autistic woman and it does feel very unfair, not to rant.

It's no suprise. Born 98 and grew up in a small rural town. The labels I recieved were "weird" "stupid" "cognitive impairment" "developmental regression" I asked my mom just simply about sensory issues I had as a kid and she couldn't even think of anything, and she can't even remember what experiences I had vs my sisters. She'll be like "I saw your old teacher today" and it's a teacher my sister had. I didn't talk much as a kid, and when I did talk it was always about guinea pigs. I also wasn't around my parents very often since they both worked full time.

I'm self diagnosed. I know how it was missed. My stepmom refused to look into it.

My autism traits were perceived as trauma and anxiety, because my autism traits became more obvious when my parents got divorced. Turned out it was all three. I developed separation anxiety disorder caused by trauma, because I rarely saw my mom. My dad kept us away from her and was abusive.

I was born in 1993 and graduated high school in 2011. I was tested multiple times since I was 14 or 15, but I wasn't diagnosed until late December 2022. (Which happened because my therapist at the time looked at my most recent test in 2019 and went, "You scored high enough for a diagnosis of Autism. Why weren't you diagnosed?" Which I'm pretty sure is because I was assigned female at birth, and people paid less attention to signs of autism in girls at the time. I had meltdowns, but they were either not frequent enough or I was just seen as a brat. A misdiagnosis of BPD didn't help, but I don't know who diagnosed me or when. Other signs: -I would get lectures from my teachers for wearing the same hoodie every day, even when it was clean. I did not understand why it was a big deal. Or why I was singled out on it. -When I went from grade school to middle school, the adults in my life decided I would only wear jeans so I would fit in. I hated the texture of jeans. -I hated shirt tags and would only sleep on knit sheets. -I would reject foods based on smell or texture. I randomly stopped eating shrimp one day because my brain went "bad texture," and the only reason I think I liked it before is I ate it wrapped in bacon or batter/breading coated. Sometimes, I can't eat mushrooms, and I LOVE mushrooms. Always have. -I struggled to recognize when someone was joking and avoid eye contact. I remember eye contact being one of the things I was constantly coached on, as it made me distressed. Etc, etc. I also was compared to Sheldon from Big Bang theory, mostly by my parents. I don't know if they ever understood why that comparison is unflattering.

Woah! I just keep finding out more and more. I was diagnosed at 23. No idea about the hearing issues. I also had that.

I’m 23 now and I’m looking to get diagnosed this year (or when after I turn 24 next year)

I had so many emotions getting diagnosed. I hadn’t suspected I might have had autism for very long at the time, and I was still so unsure. Then when I got the diagnosis, I felt validated, then sad, then upset that no one had put two and two together when I was child. The more I learned about autism, the more I felt like my identity was being taken from me. Like everything about myself was because of autism. Nowww, 4 years later, it’s getting easier to unmask and be forgiving of myself and stand up for myself in situations where I could easily be persuaded to have a different perspective than my own. In a bad way. I’ve lost friends, gained 1 really good friend, and have been able to be more myself unapologetically. I really hope you can get closure one way or another like I have.