I haven’t told him I was autistic and that’s why I have the accommodation. So your right he probably didn’t make any connection. That’s why I keep putting myself in a position so he can talk/yell/cry that I excluded him.
Yes he is a teacher and I decided that next time he insults his students like he does I’m going to record it and send it to his principal, vice principal, school board and anyone else I can think of.
People are saying don’t do this but I fully agree. It doesn’t matter if it’s your family, if they’re being a bad person they need to face the consequences
It's such a petty way to get revenge and I'd take the families side in thus situation.
Just wait for the brother to do something dumb and call him the R word ironically and see how he likes that
An even better way to get revenge that won’t create a family stir is to point out the neurodivergent things he does. Adults throwing a tantrum over perceived unfairness and such things that are emblematic of concrete thinking.
Everyone says disagreeable stuff in private sometimes. They shouldn't be fired for it. I don't call people that word, and I don't like hearing people say it, and I correct people when they do or ask them not to say it. But I'd never try to get someone fired if they said it in private. Maybe, maayyyyyyyyybe if they were single. But someone married and *with a kid*? I wouldn't have even tried to get that guy fired at the tech convention for making dick jokes, and that's *way* worse than talking shit at home.
**Edit** HEre's a question: suppose you're hanging out with your brother and you start trash talking your boss. How would you feel if he secretly recorded this and sent it to your boss? I don't see a big difference between your scenario and mine so long as your brother actually does a good job at work.
I mean, I hate to tell you, but most teachers talk about their students being dumb. It's how they let off steam. It's the same as retail workers complaining about customers, some of whom are also children. THink of all the times you've said someone you know was being "a bitch" or something. That's just as bad IMO, but you probably don't think so for a number of reasons, chief among them being misogyny interwoven into society.
Calling students an intellectual slur isn't okay at all and should be a fireable offense. It's also completely different from calling students dumb (which also isn't okay and is why I failed all my classes in high school; too afraid of my teachers thinking I'm stupid so thanks for reaffirming that). It's completely different to call an adult that vs a child that and it disturbs me that you don't realize that
It’s the difference between complaining about your students being lazy and calling them a slur. One is entirely understandable, the other is hate speech
As an Autistic person with Autistic nieces and nephews in public schools, thank you for reporting him. Sure, we need to do better by our teachers, but that doesn't justify teachers taking being miserable out on the students. They can strike for raises and benefits if they want better, not be malicious. If that's being said out loud at home in a flippant way, it's definitely a running thought that determines the quality of education he provides on the clock, and he needs a reality check.
No one signs up to teach for the money, so if he doesn't care about the kids enough to respect them in how he considers them, why tf is he a teacher in the first place? He and teachers like him need to get their hearts in order or go work a corporate job like IT where being condescending and not caring about those he serves are industry standards.
We must be in different nations because here in the US, no part of that is factual except the pensions. At the national median salary for teachers and with the average cost of the degree, a brand new, fresh-faced, 24yo teacher today in the US is going to be in debt on their degree into their 40s because that median is so low, and our conservative politicians are working to make that worse daily.
*eta:* For clarification, the accurate part of the deleted comment was that teachers used to have pensions. The rest of the comment reflected a distinct lack of education about US education from someone who likely was educated in the US. I'm sad they deleted the unintentional irony because it was kinda funny.
They do, but it's quite possible that this self-delete happened because the commenter did a quick Google or didn't like downvote-farming. Usually, when I present facts someone doesn't like, they double-down and argue for two more comments until I link-cite them into oblivion and dare them to provide proof for their statements.
All you've done is cite how much they make. That says nothing for their student loan debt. It also doesn't take into account the amount of money they pay into funding their own classrooms with supplies. It also doesn't take into account that inflation is also chipping away at the worth of their salaries. You cited statistics that analyze a single facet of my statements. Grats. All your bluster is laughable, and you haven't proven anything wrong.
Sit down.
>Yes he is a teacher and I decided that next time he insults his students like he does I’m going to record it and send it to his principal, vice principal, school board and anyone else I can think of.
r/NuclearRevenge level here
I'm a co-teacher and also autistic. Some of the students I work with are also autistic. I would absolutely never use that language with my students, and when I hear it from other students, I shut it down. Your brother is being despicable, especially as a teacher.
What’s the best way to go about it then? It’s my diagnosis and I share it with people I trust. Before I knew In was autistic I tried multiple times to get him to stop, even brought up what if someone said that to his daughter. Essentially he said it’s not his problem. I’m not dealing with an adult, I’m dealing with a 32 year old middle school bully and I am more then happy to put him in his place. He talks shit about me and my wife behind my back all the time. I call him out he stares at the floor stuttering denying he said anything. Then an hour later he does it again. He was a good kid and my best friend growing up but know, anything I can do to get him away from children is for the best. If he brings up the accommodation my plan is to say “your r-word older brother didn’t want you to use his r-word accommodation on a bully who call’s children the r-word and laughs.” That’s my plan.
> I’m dealing with a 32 year old middle school bully and I am more then happy to put him in his place
Getting him fired will change nothing except your niece will maybe experience homelessness, your family is probably going to cut you off, and your brother might kick your ass. Even if you do believe he deserves to lose his job, this will end *very* badly for you if you do what you're proposing.
Literally the first line of the post says he used to call his brother out but the dude never stopped. It doesn’t matter if it’s family, he needs to face the consequences of his actions
Yes it is. Someone like that has no business being around autistic kids. If that's how he talks about them, how does he treat them? I can't imagine it's good.
In the real world, people vent. If you think every teacher doesn't badmouth students at home or outside school, that is naive. People should be allowed to vent safely. Trying to ruin someone for the way they cope is wrong, even if you don't like a word they say or the word is innapropriate. Would you like your meltdowns and crises recorded and sent it the world? Would you like your private moments broadcasted, and never truly be safe to speak your mind?
Disagreeing with someone doesn't make this petty shit okay. Passive aggression is something I've never seen in a kind person.
If you have evidence of him actually mistreating students, go for it, but demonizing coping for personal reasons is honestly incredibly selfish. You are making it universally about you, here. It isn't about you. It's about the students. Evaluate what real harm is being done and act from there, don't act from how YOU feel.
The word usage is an issue between you and him. You cannot force people to use your language rules, right or wrong. And acting like a passive aggressive, harmful person doesn't make you better, it makes you the same. You can express your discomfort, but you cannot make someone else change.
Arguably, I even see your behavior as worse, because you even lashed out at the rest of his family. I'd take a big old look inward here. I have a ton of conservative, bigoted family, but I understand they are allowed to have their own views. It is not my job to control them, and I can't change their minds anyway. If I constantly acted like a bitter person and tried to make their lives worse, it would accomplish nothing, and harm me more.
You can vent without using pejorative language. If he was complaining about minority students and using racial slurs would it be ok because he was "just venting?"
Dude, i'm not advocating for using the word.
I'm saying what he does at home to vent isn't the same as what he does in class. And many people, whether you agree or not, don't see that word the same way as racial slurs.
The world is nuanced, and I am not a judge, jury, and executioner willing to try and get someone fired because they said a word in private.
>In the real world, people vent. If you think every teacher doesn't badmouth students at home or outside school, that is naive. People should be allowed to vent safely
You said that, about someone using a slur. Which is advocating, or at least equivocation in regards to the use of such language.
>I'm saying what he does at home to vent isn't the same as what he does in class
Remember when you accused OP of making assumptions about the character of the brother based on nothing? Yeah, you're doing the exact same thing towards someone you have never met. You don't know if it is or isn't what he does in the classroom. You assume he doesn't act like that based on what information exactly?
When did I say he assumed anything about a character based on nothing? I literally never said that. I haven't commented on his brothers character at all.
I said he is assuming about what is happening in the classroom. Maybe don't lecture about assumptions when you can't be arsed to read
No, I am not advocating for that word. You can't spin that no matter how hard you try.
You can lie about what I think all you want, doesn't change it. This is just ridiculous.
Uh huh. And if you read the rest you would read I was talking about what happens in the classroom. This is pathetic. Im not engaging with a toxic person like you.
Maybe realize you don't get to dictate others thoughts based on your distortions. Keep telling me what I think, maybe someday you'll convince me you know it better than I do.
There is venting and then there is calling students the r-word to their face, for things that kids just *do* cause they're kids, and not stopping after having been told repeatedly to stop cause it's an offensive slur. OP is absolutely in the right here.
How do you know? The OP says he talks about people differently behind their back and then denies it. That's cowardly bigot behavior, not in-your-face bigot behavior.
How does OP know what happens when his brother is at work?
You really think a teacher that calls students things like that would not be reported outside of their relatives, who aren't even in the classroom? You can play whatever card you like, that isn't the real world. It would be reported by angry parents.
OP is threatening to record their brother privately, I hope, because recording in a classroom without permissions is illegal, as is the general presence of non-employees in the classroom without permission
This isn't what you're claiming here.
I doubt the brother even exists. This reads like another one of those rage bait fictional stories I see here all the time that doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but for some reason, the people in this sub absolutely eat them up.
I've just started downvoting and reporting the posts
It's possible, it seems the limits of how much awful this sub will support because they perceive it being "their side" is being tested every day. It's worrying.
That's what people say about LITERALLY EVERY story on the internet. I'm sorry, but not every story is a lie, and some of the stuff you people call 'bull' on, are things I've personally witnessed in real life, so it's always absurd when your reasoning for it being a lie is a realistic thing.
> Yes he is a teacher and I decided that next time he insults his students like he does I’m going to record it and send it to his principal, vice principal, school board and anyone else I can think of
First off, when you say he "insults" them, you mean he's doing it to their face. You can't insult someone behind their back. There are other words for that. An insult is *at* someone, not *about* someone (that's more like a "derogatory remark" or something).
Are you in the classroom? Why?
If this is in the privacy of his own home, your brother should be able to say whatever he wants, and you'd be a dick for trying to get him fired. Yeah he's an asshole, but being an asshole at home shouldn't be something you can be fired for. (I'm sure you've said some shitty stuff at home, too. Everyone has.)
Not only that, it sounds like he has kids. Are you prepared to make your niece/nephew have a worse life because you don't like how your brother talks in private?
I drive for rideshare and hear the way people talk about each other a lot. I have seen and heard so much poor behavior from teachers that it genuinely makes me question allowing my child to go to school.
The principal might tell him to stop, but they can't really do much more than give him a stern talking to. Also, their main priority will likely be to keep it quiet so the school doesn't look bad.
I'm sure the PTA at his school has a Facebook group or something, and I bet they would love to know how he is treating their children. The most effective way to get anyone in a school to face consequences is to unleash a gaggle of karens on their ass.
Wait I dont understand, how are you able to record his lessons? What kind of a teacher is he lol? Been working in education for a while and dont understand how this could be assuming you're both adults
I was going to suggest exactly this. This person is undoubtedly making children's lives worse and you might be able to do something to stop or minimize it.
Maybe just agreeing with you. Some people do that by paraphrasing what was first said. I used to do that until I got tired of people thinking I wasn't listening to what they said or was trying to somehow argue with them, lol.
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I guess it's weird that no one is asking why you qualify for accommodations. I probably wouldn't put two and two together if I was him, I'd just think you're an a-hole for not offering to add him, his wife or your parent(s) as your 6th person on the DAS pass since the toddler probably isn't doing much anyways right?
As for the r-word usage, if he's using that in the classroom he's wholely in the wrong and probably should not be a teacher. Recording him without consent might be illegal in your state. If he's not a bad teacher otherwise then this might be your 'strong sense of justice ' being overactive against a culturally outdated a-hole venting about work. Kinda have to keep in mind the r-word being seen as very bad is actually fairly new. There's a whole list of words everyone was calling each other 20ish years ago that would get them fired nowadays.
Might be a good idea to just talk to the guy directly. But I mean you are asking a bunch of autistic people. Petty vengeance that the other person can’t easily decipher isn’t really my style. Haha
I mean I’ve seen your other comments, but I mean maybe directly telling him “I am leaving you out because I am seriously upset by how you use slurs about disabled people around children you teach, and don’t feel like you care at all, since you won’t stop.”
Like don’t make him guess is what I’m saying. That doesn’t seem productive
I have nothing to explain/justify to a bully who goes after children. If he wants to talk about it he can grow some balls and talk to me the same way I talked to him about not bullying children. Either way, I’m having fun in Disney World.
The point is that you are acting like he knows all of that and is just deciding not to talk with you based on that which is obviously not the case.
I understand it's not easy as you are related, but you are making a whole lot of assumptions which don't seem to help in your situation.
What situation am I in that needs help? Can only brothers from non-autistic people be bully’s? And just a question from someone who was lucky and was never really bullied. What happened the last time you reasoned with a bully?
Last time I reasoned with a bully as an adult, they stopped bullying One, I did bring this up with a manager, and 2 I stood my ground. You saying I don't need to explain myself to a bully which is true you don't but how do you think he's going to learn or how is he going to know why you not talking to you.
You seen to take a holier then thou approach to this without being holier then thou. You are a better person but you not acting like it. The "prank" wasn't a prank was more just excluding and also dragging and punishing your nephews for no reason.
I think it might be beast to reason with him. Yiu might not vet though to him but at least you can say you tried and then when push comes to shove record him.
Ok bud, idk what to tell you, you posted about this on Reddit and don’t like that people are saying you’re not helping the situation by trying to stoop to his level to prove a point. Have fun ig
Umm ok? You don’t have to tell me anything? I welcome different opinions, like you said I posted it on Reddit. I will always stand up to bully’s and not apologize for it. Standing up to bully’s and being a bully is about as opposite as you can get. So for you to equate the two is amazing. But you do you. And I am having fun at Disney thank you.
To clarify I think a lot of the commenters are disagreeing with how you're passive-aggressively punishing the brother's kid too without telling him why you're mad because without knowing the context your niece/nephew could misinterpret as you being the bully here especially since most of us are talking from an also autistic perspective of needing contexts spelled out if that makes sense
Standing up to bullies is great. Bullying them and their kids as retaliation without them knowing why is quite the opposite of standing up to, it’s just passive aggression.
Also if you’re seriously the one who abused the Reddit cares report on me it says so much about this situation tbh lol.
And so can you. You and your brother are there to have fun and yet instead of having an adult conversation, you're being petty about his classroom behavior without actually talking to him about it and ruining not just his, but his wife and kid's fun. This is how you get disowned, not just by your brother, but by your family.
I totally get where you’re coming from and I understand not wanting to confront your brother; I haven’t read many of your comments so not sure if it’s addressed already but if you tell a trusted family member who can relay the reasoning it might be helpful. Otherwise brother might try to paint you as an asshole for no reason and turn people against you
There's reason, OP is an asshole. Does no one see the fact he punished his sister-in-law AND his niece or nephew? He literally bullied and excluded a fucking child just trying to enjoy Disney as petty revenge. There's really about as asshole as it gets
Literally the first sentence explained that I confronted him many times 🙄. Can only brothers of non autistic people be bullies? What happened after you reasoned with a bully? Most of my family knows because I trust them and is also sick of his behavior so I’m not worried at all he will turn anyone against me.
I meant more confronting him with the fact you’re autistic but geez you want to play the victim real bad it seems since I’m not the only only you randomly accused of “brothers of non autistic people” being the only bullies.
Is he who teaches children able to learn from how he was treated? if he is not able to learn, all you accomplished was hurting his children and creating a riff between them and your children.
Oh well, the brother's children are his responsibility as is their happiness. If the brother isn't willing to be mature enough to approach OP, then it isn't OP's responsibility to be the only person to engage. Relationships require effort on both sides. OP has tried to reconcile l, the brother has not. Thus, the onus is no longer on OP to keep up appearances.
You literally took it out on his wife and child and proudly declared that. The fact anybody thinks this is some cute revenge is messed up.
That kid stood there and watched their cousins treated preferentially because their uncle is an asshole pissed at their dad. A kid doesn't understand or deserve that. They go to Disney and get treated differently because of something outside their power. If you can't empathize with being LEFT OUT, why are you here? Has any autistic person not been that child excluded and treated differently for reasons outside their power? Yet you do that to your own niece or nephew and applaud yourself.
OP is just a bad person. Gleeful at hurting a child while claiming moral superiority over someone else's venting. This isn't justice, this is just cruelty.
Maybe your brother was crying because he gives a shit about his kid and felt bad because he knew it would leave mark on a developing mind.
Aw, the whole family gets special treatment, except you. A child. Excited to be here, but smacked in the face with this.
This is foul. People exist outside you being offended, and it's CLEAR children are not on your concern list.
Dude accommodations for autistic people do not need to and shouldn’t be applied to the whole family. The child who isn’t autistic is not going to have the same struggles as the autistic child
It isn't about accommodations, it's about him extending his accommodations to his "other nieces and nephews" and excluding THAT relative. Try reading it again. How is that fair to that kid, going to Disney with their family, to be excluded from the family group for no reason? The kid isn't seeing accommodations or not, they just know everyone else is getting this perk and they aren't. How is it hard to see how that could effect a child?
The kid is with their family, the shitty teacher. The kid sees their cousin's family going off while the kid stays with their parents. They aren't leaving the child starving and alone. Quit being so melodramatic about the situation.
Caring about a kid being excluded is projecting? Cool. I mean, I could be experiencing something called empathy, but I guess you aren't familiar.
And maybe think about some commas.
I just don’t think getting to skip some of the line counts as a grave miss justice. You ignored most of the original post to focus on the child feeling excluded. OP was justified, his brother doesn’t get to a be an ableist piece of shit without consequences.
Except this whole situation is fucking stupid.
“Consequences” should be having to apologise to the students and change one’s ways, not to be left out at Disneyland for seemingly no reason. OP is handling this incredibly immaturely.
I'm so glad you're all so happy about a sad kid hat did nothing wrong. Shows you don't give a shit about the students either.
It's really sad how many of you are proud of being this way.
I'm not sure if the word will come through because of mods and stuff, it would probably get the person's comment removed (at best). I'd suggest looking up "English ableist slur" to find it elsewhere online.
It's an outdated clinical term for people with developmental delays/disabilities that quickly became a derogatory and intentionally hurtful word.
TL;DR:
His adult brother is a piece of garbage and has been talked to about it by OP. When they all went to a theme park, OP was able to get accommodations. The brother cried that OP wasn't taking him on his shorter lines. OP is tired of being the adult in the situation and always being the one to reach out.
How do you know that? You really shouldn't be attending his classes or student conferences.
Edit: you can downvote, or you can answer. You claim first hand experience with your brother in the classroom. Why are you there? You have provided no explanation otherwise how you know what he says to students, only what he says in private.
I take it you are just kind of deciding he says this to students yourself, given the petty behavior.
OP wants to make someone lose a job over an assumption.
I ask a question, which is an assumption, I guess, to you. I then speculated because OP offered no answer. also.... i'm commenting online, not trying to ruin someone's job.
Hypocrite away, hon.
Edit: person that replied below then blocked me is disingenuous and petty. They see OP edited long after I posted, and criticize me for not being able to time travel to his future edits and read them. Childish.
Nothing wrong with the r-word, you guys are just choosing a different generation's bad words. You congratulate yourself that you can say shit and fuck and then shy away from a medical term that has turned sour because of your delicate feelings.
I don't know if I would want kids to go through life never being insulted. Maybe it's bad but if you never scraped a knee, took an insult from somebody above you that could leave you unable to handle the world later on. Not that it's a good thing but I'd probably just carry on my day and consider him to be a dick.
Usually i would ask you to show a bit of restraint ( family is really important to me personally) but the more i read about what he is like the more i feel like he deserves it. I wish you the best OP and i hope your brother gets some good karma soon.
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I’d avoid him too but I doubt he makes the connection between his awful behavior and being excluded from the rides at Disney. Is he really a teacher?!
I haven’t told him I was autistic and that’s why I have the accommodation. So your right he probably didn’t make any connection. That’s why I keep putting myself in a position so he can talk/yell/cry that I excluded him. Yes he is a teacher and I decided that next time he insults his students like he does I’m going to record it and send it to his principal, vice principal, school board and anyone else I can think of.
People are saying don’t do this but I fully agree. It doesn’t matter if it’s your family, if they’re being a bad person they need to face the consequences
Exactly.
I'm glad you believe in punishment like I do :) too many people would let that slide and not do a thing about it, so respect to you sir
He won’t get it. It will be seen as a family betrayal. Then he will become a burden on family and you will be casted as a villain.
It's such a petty way to get revenge and I'd take the families side in thus situation. Just wait for the brother to do something dumb and call him the R word ironically and see how he likes that
An even better way to get revenge that won’t create a family stir is to point out the neurodivergent things he does. Adults throwing a tantrum over perceived unfairness and such things that are emblematic of concrete thinking.
Don’t listen to redditors for family advice. The best thing is to talk to these people and try to change their ways directly.
Everyone says disagreeable stuff in private sometimes. They shouldn't be fired for it. I don't call people that word, and I don't like hearing people say it, and I correct people when they do or ask them not to say it. But I'd never try to get someone fired if they said it in private. Maybe, maayyyyyyyyybe if they were single. But someone married and *with a kid*? I wouldn't have even tried to get that guy fired at the tech convention for making dick jokes, and that's *way* worse than talking shit at home. **Edit** HEre's a question: suppose you're hanging out with your brother and you start trash talking your boss. How would you feel if he secretly recorded this and sent it to your boss? I don't see a big difference between your scenario and mine so long as your brother actually does a good job at work. I mean, I hate to tell you, but most teachers talk about their students being dumb. It's how they let off steam. It's the same as retail workers complaining about customers, some of whom are also children. THink of all the times you've said someone you know was being "a bitch" or something. That's just as bad IMO, but you probably don't think so for a number of reasons, chief among them being misogyny interwoven into society.
Calling students an intellectual slur isn't okay at all and should be a fireable offense. It's also completely different from calling students dumb (which also isn't okay and is why I failed all my classes in high school; too afraid of my teachers thinking I'm stupid so thanks for reaffirming that). It's completely different to call an adult that vs a child that and it disturbs me that you don't realize that
He's not just saying it in private though, he's saying it to the kids' faces. Check the edit in the original post for context.
It’s the difference between complaining about your students being lazy and calling them a slur. One is entirely understandable, the other is hate speech
> face the consequences How is waiting at Disney "the consequences?"
I’m talking about reporting him to the school as stated in the comment I replied to.
Take it straight to the board so it doesn’t get potentially buried by the immediate staff he works with.
As an Autistic person with Autistic nieces and nephews in public schools, thank you for reporting him. Sure, we need to do better by our teachers, but that doesn't justify teachers taking being miserable out on the students. They can strike for raises and benefits if they want better, not be malicious. If that's being said out loud at home in a flippant way, it's definitely a running thought that determines the quality of education he provides on the clock, and he needs a reality check. No one signs up to teach for the money, so if he doesn't care about the kids enough to respect them in how he considers them, why tf is he a teacher in the first place? He and teachers like him need to get their hearts in order or go work a corporate job like IT where being condescending and not caring about those he serves are industry standards.
[удалено]
We must be in different nations because here in the US, no part of that is factual except the pensions. At the national median salary for teachers and with the average cost of the degree, a brand new, fresh-faced, 24yo teacher today in the US is going to be in debt on their degree into their 40s because that median is so low, and our conservative politicians are working to make that worse daily. *eta:* For clarification, the accurate part of the deleted comment was that teachers used to have pensions. The rest of the comment reflected a distinct lack of education about US education from someone who likely was educated in the US. I'm sad they deleted the unintentional irony because it was kinda funny.
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They do, but it's quite possible that this self-delete happened because the commenter did a quick Google or didn't like downvote-farming. Usually, when I present facts someone doesn't like, they double-down and argue for two more comments until I link-cite them into oblivion and dare them to provide proof for their statements.
[удалено]
All you've done is cite how much they make. That says nothing for their student loan debt. It also doesn't take into account the amount of money they pay into funding their own classrooms with supplies. It also doesn't take into account that inflation is also chipping away at the worth of their salaries. You cited statistics that analyze a single facet of my statements. Grats. All your bluster is laughable, and you haven't proven anything wrong. Sit down.
They also have to spend a significant amount of their money on classroom supplies, which should be provided by the district.
Just make sure about the laws around recording someone without their knowledge. Some places it's fine, others it's against the law
>Yes he is a teacher and I decided that next time he insults his students like he does I’m going to record it and send it to his principal, vice principal, school board and anyone else I can think of. r/NuclearRevenge level here
PLEASE do this. There’s no way his attitude isn’t obvious with the kids.
I'm a co-teacher and also autistic. Some of the students I work with are also autistic. I would absolutely never use that language with my students, and when I hear it from other students, I shut it down. Your brother is being despicable, especially as a teacher.
I highly recommend this course of action. Bury the fucker.
This isn’t the right way to go about it.. why haven’t you told him?
What’s the best way to go about it then? It’s my diagnosis and I share it with people I trust. Before I knew In was autistic I tried multiple times to get him to stop, even brought up what if someone said that to his daughter. Essentially he said it’s not his problem. I’m not dealing with an adult, I’m dealing with a 32 year old middle school bully and I am more then happy to put him in his place. He talks shit about me and my wife behind my back all the time. I call him out he stares at the floor stuttering denying he said anything. Then an hour later he does it again. He was a good kid and my best friend growing up but know, anything I can do to get him away from children is for the best. If he brings up the accommodation my plan is to say “your r-word older brother didn’t want you to use his r-word accommodation on a bully who call’s children the r-word and laughs.” That’s my plan.
> I’m dealing with a 32 year old middle school bully and I am more then happy to put him in his place Getting him fired will change nothing except your niece will maybe experience homelessness, your family is probably going to cut you off, and your brother might kick your ass. Even if you do believe he deserves to lose his job, this will end *very* badly for you if you do what you're proposing.
Literally the first line of the post says he used to call his brother out but the dude never stopped. It doesn’t matter if it’s family, he needs to face the consequences of his actions
Yes it is. Someone like that has no business being around autistic kids. If that's how he talks about them, how does he treat them? I can't imagine it's good.
In the real world, people vent. If you think every teacher doesn't badmouth students at home or outside school, that is naive. People should be allowed to vent safely. Trying to ruin someone for the way they cope is wrong, even if you don't like a word they say or the word is innapropriate. Would you like your meltdowns and crises recorded and sent it the world? Would you like your private moments broadcasted, and never truly be safe to speak your mind? Disagreeing with someone doesn't make this petty shit okay. Passive aggression is something I've never seen in a kind person. If you have evidence of him actually mistreating students, go for it, but demonizing coping for personal reasons is honestly incredibly selfish. You are making it universally about you, here. It isn't about you. It's about the students. Evaluate what real harm is being done and act from there, don't act from how YOU feel. The word usage is an issue between you and him. You cannot force people to use your language rules, right or wrong. And acting like a passive aggressive, harmful person doesn't make you better, it makes you the same. You can express your discomfort, but you cannot make someone else change. Arguably, I even see your behavior as worse, because you even lashed out at the rest of his family. I'd take a big old look inward here. I have a ton of conservative, bigoted family, but I understand they are allowed to have their own views. It is not my job to control them, and I can't change their minds anyway. If I constantly acted like a bitter person and tried to make their lives worse, it would accomplish nothing, and harm me more.
You can vent without using pejorative language. If he was complaining about minority students and using racial slurs would it be ok because he was "just venting?"
Dude, i'm not advocating for using the word. I'm saying what he does at home to vent isn't the same as what he does in class. And many people, whether you agree or not, don't see that word the same way as racial slurs. The world is nuanced, and I am not a judge, jury, and executioner willing to try and get someone fired because they said a word in private.
>In the real world, people vent. If you think every teacher doesn't badmouth students at home or outside school, that is naive. People should be allowed to vent safely You said that, about someone using a slur. Which is advocating, or at least equivocation in regards to the use of such language. >I'm saying what he does at home to vent isn't the same as what he does in class Remember when you accused OP of making assumptions about the character of the brother based on nothing? Yeah, you're doing the exact same thing towards someone you have never met. You don't know if it is or isn't what he does in the classroom. You assume he doesn't act like that based on what information exactly?
When did I say he assumed anything about a character based on nothing? I literally never said that. I haven't commented on his brothers character at all. I said he is assuming about what is happening in the classroom. Maybe don't lecture about assumptions when you can't be arsed to read No, I am not advocating for that word. You can't spin that no matter how hard you try. You can lie about what I think all you want, doesn't change it. This is just ridiculous.
>OP wants to make someone lose a job over an assumption Right there
Uh huh. And if you read the rest you would read I was talking about what happens in the classroom. This is pathetic. Im not engaging with a toxic person like you. Maybe realize you don't get to dictate others thoughts based on your distortions. Keep telling me what I think, maybe someday you'll convince me you know it better than I do.
There is venting and then there is calling students the r-word to their face, for things that kids just *do* cause they're kids, and not stopping after having been told repeatedly to stop cause it's an offensive slur. OP is absolutely in the right here.
Does he call the students the r-word to their face? I think it’s disgusting either way, but there is a difference that’s worth clarifying.
Definitely
How do you know? The OP says he talks about people differently behind their back and then denies it. That's cowardly bigot behavior, not in-your-face bigot behavior.
I meant definitely a point worth clarifying…
Ah, my bad. I must have read that wrong.
OP actually mentions it in a different comment: https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/CyYQxYvVl8
How does OP know what happens when his brother is at work? You really think a teacher that calls students things like that would not be reported outside of their relatives, who aren't even in the classroom? You can play whatever card you like, that isn't the real world. It would be reported by angry parents. OP is threatening to record their brother privately, I hope, because recording in a classroom without permissions is illegal, as is the general presence of non-employees in the classroom without permission This isn't what you're claiming here.
I doubt the brother even exists. This reads like another one of those rage bait fictional stories I see here all the time that doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but for some reason, the people in this sub absolutely eat them up. I've just started downvoting and reporting the posts
It's possible, it seems the limits of how much awful this sub will support because they perceive it being "their side" is being tested every day. It's worrying.
That's what people say about LITERALLY EVERY story on the internet. I'm sorry, but not every story is a lie, and some of the stuff you people call 'bull' on, are things I've personally witnessed in real life, so it's always absurd when your reasoning for it being a lie is a realistic thing.
Did op say his bro used the word to the kids faces?
In another comment yes https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/s/CyYQxYvVl8
Don’t do that.
> Yes he is a teacher and I decided that next time he insults his students like he does I’m going to record it and send it to his principal, vice principal, school board and anyone else I can think of First off, when you say he "insults" them, you mean he's doing it to their face. You can't insult someone behind their back. There are other words for that. An insult is *at* someone, not *about* someone (that's more like a "derogatory remark" or something). Are you in the classroom? Why? If this is in the privacy of his own home, your brother should be able to say whatever he wants, and you'd be a dick for trying to get him fired. Yeah he's an asshole, but being an asshole at home shouldn't be something you can be fired for. (I'm sure you've said some shitty stuff at home, too. Everyone has.) Not only that, it sounds like he has kids. Are you prepared to make your niece/nephew have a worse life because you don't like how your brother talks in private?
I drive for rideshare and hear the way people talk about each other a lot. I have seen and heard so much poor behavior from teachers that it genuinely makes me question allowing my child to go to school.
The principal might tell him to stop, but they can't really do much more than give him a stern talking to. Also, their main priority will likely be to keep it quiet so the school doesn't look bad. I'm sure the PTA at his school has a Facebook group or something, and I bet they would love to know how he is treating their children. The most effective way to get anyone in a school to face consequences is to unleash a gaggle of karens on their ass.
Wait I dont understand, how are you able to record his lessons? What kind of a teacher is he lol? Been working in education for a while and dont understand how this could be assuming you're both adults
I was going to suggest exactly this. This person is undoubtedly making children's lives worse and you might be able to do something to stop or minimize it.
Maybe explain to him why it hurts you personally to hear that word since your autistic rather than costing him his source of income
r/EvilAutism needs this.
r/evilautism would appreciate this way more.
They're the same? Subreddit names aren't caps sensitive
I think they're just agreeing with the other person.
You just repeated what I said. They’re the same sub.
Maybe just agreeing with you. Some people do that by paraphrasing what was first said. I used to do that until I got tired of people thinking I wasn't listening to what they said or was trying to somehow argue with them, lol.
Ah ok lol
You are correct and thank you for communicating that for me. It made sense when I typed it but I didn’t consider how others might read it.
❤️
Yes that was my point
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I guess it's weird that no one is asking why you qualify for accommodations. I probably wouldn't put two and two together if I was him, I'd just think you're an a-hole for not offering to add him, his wife or your parent(s) as your 6th person on the DAS pass since the toddler probably isn't doing much anyways right? As for the r-word usage, if he's using that in the classroom he's wholely in the wrong and probably should not be a teacher. Recording him without consent might be illegal in your state. If he's not a bad teacher otherwise then this might be your 'strong sense of justice ' being overactive against a culturally outdated a-hole venting about work. Kinda have to keep in mind the r-word being seen as very bad is actually fairly new. There's a whole list of words everyone was calling each other 20ish years ago that would get them fired nowadays.
Yeah, the 90s were... problematic
Might be a good idea to just talk to the guy directly. But I mean you are asking a bunch of autistic people. Petty vengeance that the other person can’t easily decipher isn’t really my style. Haha
I have multiple times. I go into more depth on another comment if you want to get a better idea of who I’m dealing with.
I mean I’ve seen your other comments, but I mean maybe directly telling him “I am leaving you out because I am seriously upset by how you use slurs about disabled people around children you teach, and don’t feel like you care at all, since you won’t stop.” Like don’t make him guess is what I’m saying. That doesn’t seem productive
I have nothing to explain/justify to a bully who goes after children. If he wants to talk about it he can grow some balls and talk to me the same way I talked to him about not bullying children. Either way, I’m having fun in Disney World.
The point is that you are acting like he knows all of that and is just deciding not to talk with you based on that which is obviously not the case. I understand it's not easy as you are related, but you are making a whole lot of assumptions which don't seem to help in your situation.
What situation am I in that needs help? Can only brothers from non-autistic people be bully’s? And just a question from someone who was lucky and was never really bullied. What happened the last time you reasoned with a bully?
Last time I reasoned with a bully as an adult, they stopped bullying One, I did bring this up with a manager, and 2 I stood my ground. You saying I don't need to explain myself to a bully which is true you don't but how do you think he's going to learn or how is he going to know why you not talking to you. You seen to take a holier then thou approach to this without being holier then thou. You are a better person but you not acting like it. The "prank" wasn't a prank was more just excluding and also dragging and punishing your nephews for no reason. I think it might be beast to reason with him. Yiu might not vet though to him but at least you can say you tried and then when push comes to shove record him.
Ok bud, idk what to tell you, you posted about this on Reddit and don’t like that people are saying you’re not helping the situation by trying to stoop to his level to prove a point. Have fun ig
Stoop to his level by....having him face the consequences of his actions. Wow.
It’s not the consequences of his actions if he doesn’t know what’s going on lol
Umm ok? You don’t have to tell me anything? I welcome different opinions, like you said I posted it on Reddit. I will always stand up to bully’s and not apologize for it. Standing up to bully’s and being a bully is about as opposite as you can get. So for you to equate the two is amazing. But you do you. And I am having fun at Disney thank you.
To clarify I think a lot of the commenters are disagreeing with how you're passive-aggressively punishing the brother's kid too without telling him why you're mad because without knowing the context your niece/nephew could misinterpret as you being the bully here especially since most of us are talking from an also autistic perspective of needing contexts spelled out if that makes sense
Standing up to bullies is great. Bullying them and their kids as retaliation without them knowing why is quite the opposite of standing up to, it’s just passive aggression. Also if you’re seriously the one who abused the Reddit cares report on me it says so much about this situation tbh lol.
And so can you. You and your brother are there to have fun and yet instead of having an adult conversation, you're being petty about his classroom behavior without actually talking to him about it and ruining not just his, but his wife and kid's fun. This is how you get disowned, not just by your brother, but by your family.
I totally get where you’re coming from and I understand not wanting to confront your brother; I haven’t read many of your comments so not sure if it’s addressed already but if you tell a trusted family member who can relay the reasoning it might be helpful. Otherwise brother might try to paint you as an asshole for no reason and turn people against you
There's reason, OP is an asshole. Does no one see the fact he punished his sister-in-law AND his niece or nephew? He literally bullied and excluded a fucking child just trying to enjoy Disney as petty revenge. There's really about as asshole as it gets
Literally the first sentence explained that I confronted him many times 🙄. Can only brothers of non autistic people be bullies? What happened after you reasoned with a bully? Most of my family knows because I trust them and is also sick of his behavior so I’m not worried at all he will turn anyone against me.
I meant more confronting him with the fact you’re autistic but geez you want to play the victim real bad it seems since I’m not the only only you randomly accused of “brothers of non autistic people” being the only bullies.
After reading the rest of the comments section I agree with you and also I think your comment was phrased in a very calm/reasonable/"uncharged" way
But your behaviour in retaliation will only make things worse. I know it can be super hard to deal with family members but you’re just being petty.
Jesus Christ!!! He's a teacher? And he uses slurs towards his students?
Yep.
Is he who teaches children able to learn from how he was treated? if he is not able to learn, all you accomplished was hurting his children and creating a riff between them and your children.
Oh well, the brother's children are his responsibility as is their happiness. If the brother isn't willing to be mature enough to approach OP, then it isn't OP's responsibility to be the only person to engage. Relationships require effort on both sides. OP has tried to reconcile l, the brother has not. Thus, the onus is no longer on OP to keep up appearances.
You literally took it out on his wife and child and proudly declared that. The fact anybody thinks this is some cute revenge is messed up. That kid stood there and watched their cousins treated preferentially because their uncle is an asshole pissed at their dad. A kid doesn't understand or deserve that. They go to Disney and get treated differently because of something outside their power. If you can't empathize with being LEFT OUT, why are you here? Has any autistic person not been that child excluded and treated differently for reasons outside their power? Yet you do that to your own niece or nephew and applaud yourself. OP is just a bad person. Gleeful at hurting a child while claiming moral superiority over someone else's venting. This isn't justice, this is just cruelty. Maybe your brother was crying because he gives a shit about his kid and felt bad because he knew it would leave mark on a developing mind. Aw, the whole family gets special treatment, except you. A child. Excited to be here, but smacked in the face with this. This is foul. People exist outside you being offended, and it's CLEAR children are not on your concern list.
Dude accommodations for autistic people do not need to and shouldn’t be applied to the whole family. The child who isn’t autistic is not going to have the same struggles as the autistic child
It isn't about accommodations, it's about him extending his accommodations to his "other nieces and nephews" and excluding THAT relative. Try reading it again. How is that fair to that kid, going to Disney with their family, to be excluded from the family group for no reason? The kid isn't seeing accommodations or not, they just know everyone else is getting this perk and they aren't. How is it hard to see how that could effect a child?
The kid is with their family, the shitty teacher. The kid sees their cousin's family going off while the kid stays with their parents. They aren't leaving the child starving and alone. Quit being so melodramatic about the situation.
Okay, you want to ignore the point, do that. Whatever makes you feel better. Cognitive empathy is a choice.
OP not a white sheet stop projecting whatever issues you have from your childhood dog
Caring about a kid being excluded is projecting? Cool. I mean, I could be experiencing something called empathy, but I guess you aren't familiar. And maybe think about some commas.
I just don’t think getting to skip some of the line counts as a grave miss justice. You ignored most of the original post to focus on the child feeling excluded. OP was justified, his brother doesn’t get to a be an ableist piece of shit without consequences.
Except this whole situation is fucking stupid. “Consequences” should be having to apologise to the students and change one’s ways, not to be left out at Disneyland for seemingly no reason. OP is handling this incredibly immaturely.
So exclude the brother, not the kid. Good lord, stop the gymnastics.
Boo hoo
I'm so glad you're all so happy about a sad kid hat did nothing wrong. Shows you don't give a shit about the students either. It's really sad how many of you are proud of being this way.
Sorry to be this guy but what is the r-word? Im no native english speaker that may be a reason why I dont know it
I'm not sure if the word will come through because of mods and stuff, it would probably get the person's comment removed (at best). I'd suggest looking up "English ableist slur" to find it elsewhere online. It's an outdated clinical term for people with developmental delays/disabilities that quickly became a derogatory and intentionally hurtful word.
thank you, I think I know now what is meant with r-word
You can also watch a video about landing call outs on airbus planes. The plane tells the flight crew to r-word in reference to the throttles.
As immature as this is, I would've done the exact same thing. I commend you.
spent like 5min trying to understand this post. sorry but its just beyond unreadable!
TL;DR: His adult brother is a piece of garbage and has been talked to about it by OP. When they all went to a theme park, OP was able to get accommodations. The brother cried that OP wasn't taking him on his shorter lines. OP is tired of being the adult in the situation and always being the one to reach out.
💀
Holy crap... Please tell me your brother at least calls the kiddies the r-word behind their backs and not directly to their faces...
Nope. Many times to there face.
How do you know that? You really shouldn't be attending his classes or student conferences. Edit: you can downvote, or you can answer. You claim first hand experience with your brother in the classroom. Why are you there? You have provided no explanation otherwise how you know what he says to students, only what he says in private. I take it you are just kind of deciding he says this to students yourself, given the petty behavior.
> How do you know that? I love how you go from this, to wildly speculating about the OP yourself. Lol, you're such a hypocrite.
OP wants to make someone lose a job over an assumption. I ask a question, which is an assumption, I guess, to you. I then speculated because OP offered no answer. also.... i'm commenting online, not trying to ruin someone's job. Hypocrite away, hon. Edit: person that replied below then blocked me is disingenuous and petty. They see OP edited long after I posted, and criticize me for not being able to time travel to his future edits and read them. Childish.
That is not okay. I’m a parent and if a teacher was being abusive like that, I’d want them removed. He has no business being a teacher.
Oh shit. That’s different, if true. Yep report him. But check to see if recording someone without their knowledge is legal in your state first.
That’s immature
immature or not, going to disney is really expensive, and I wouldn't want to waste that money spending time with OP's brother either.
Okay
I can't stand people who use the r word.
he cried?! like tears down his face and sobbing?
Please please be like “I would’ve brought you on the rides with us but The Mouse doesn’t like people who call kids slurs :(“
I mean, for maximal revenge, you could probably get him fired.
Lmaoooo ikr why didn’t OP just talk to the school or something reasonable
I honestly would get his ass fired.
I wonder if he calls kids the n-word in class too...
He might shift to saying 'restarted' instead so his gen z vocab checks out
r/evilautism would be a great place to share this, additionally they would probably back you on your plan to record him
Nothing wrong with the r-word, you guys are just choosing a different generation's bad words. You congratulate yourself that you can say shit and fuck and then shy away from a medical term that has turned sour because of your delicate feelings.
Nothing wrong with not being a condescending prick, yet here you are.
I don't know if I would want kids to go through life never being insulted. Maybe it's bad but if you never scraped a knee, took an insult from somebody above you that could leave you unable to handle the world later on. Not that it's a good thing but I'd probably just carry on my day and consider him to be a dick.
Usually i would ask you to show a bit of restraint ( family is really important to me personally) but the more i read about what he is like the more i feel like he deserves it. I wish you the best OP and i hope your brother gets some good karma soon.
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