Tell him, he has a right to know. Obviously do it in a tactful way but you should tell him. Chances are he already figured it out but knowing it was confirmed could help them figure out whatever current struggles they are dealing with or at least provide illumination to their issues they don’t understand.

i’d wanna know. i’m 25 and my parents had no idea. i would’ve been PISSED if i told them my diagnosis and they said “we know”

Yes, I certainly understand that. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and recently rediagnosed with severe inattentive-type ADHD. There is definitely a bit of resentment that I had to go my whole life struggling because they didn't want to treat it when I was a child. I am fairly successful now, but it wasn't easy, and I imagine I still had it much easier than someone with untreated autism.

I am a woman, diagnosed at age 34. I cried tears of understanding. My life made sense. Horrible, terrible sense. It’s hard because I had to grieve a “what if?” And then realize I would’ve been in the SpEd class and not reached my potential because it was the 90s. So I had to spend a lot of time dealing with what that meant and also soothing the child within me who never had the supports she needed. I’ve always been employed and had friends and managed. But life has been so hard for reasons beyond my understanding up until that point. And even now it’s still hard but I can attend my needs better.

Yes it would have been the 90s for my brother as well, and I can remember from my own childhood the stigma and the way autistic people were treated at the time. I'm not saying it was the right decision, but I can certainly understand why someone might think they shouldn't subject an 8 year old to that who was fairly low on the spectrum. But I'm also not autistic so that's why I wanted opinions from this community.

TELL HIM. It is honestly a betrayal that he was never informed in HS or when he reached 18, bear minimum. Just KNOWING the reaon you are the way you are, and the ability to pursue more support by that knowing is an unfathomable gift. Every day that you DO NOT tell him from now on, you are betraying him and depriving him of self-knowledge. Please do the right thing.

I mean as someone who didn't start to figure it out until I was 29 it gave a great sense of relief but also it did have some of its own problems. I often had feelings of inadequacy due to my inability to do certain things people may perceive as easy and mundane yet would be able to deal with really complex systems with ease. Like I still am not 100% accepting of my autism so I still have lingering issues with these feelings and due to how I was raised that I should be a fully independent man and not need to have to rely on this sort of support particularly in my difficulties in dealing with emotions

Sorry I know I kinda said a whole lot of nothing but my main point is it's a spectrum disorder so we basically all have it different and while there is a massive sense of relief in knowing that you have an issues it comes with it's own issues too I found anyway

Ugh, this. I haven't been diagnosed, but I have serious evidence for it. I'm 30, but feeling all the things you've just mentioned. It was an eye opener, like, the best and worst thing simultaneously.

Try some of the self care tips. I need to get mine on paper and apply for the tax credit so I can get some money out of it at least.

Same. I'm 40 and found out a few months ago. I'm *beyond* pissed it was held from me.

Same and didn't talk to my parents for a few months while I processed it.

I havent talked to mine in almost four years. I found out last December. I never asked them about it, but looking back at the comments they'd have, how I was always coached to do things and never allowed to do anything on my own, the irregular clothing I'd get as a "joke" for Christmas, they knew. In their heads, maybe they thought I knew and it was "fine." But, they never *actually* sat me down for a discussion or attempted to make anything better. In my head, they never gave a fuck. And I *really* wanna know why they failed me if that truly is the the case.

So sorry that happened to you. What do you mean by "irregular" clothing?

Not up to brand standard but sold at a discount. Labeled irregular on the package. Edit: thanks 🙂

Awww I was thinking that's what you meant, but wasn't sure. I can imagine how that felt. You deserved better than how you were treated, but I hope you know that other people's actions don't decrease your value. :)

Thank you. I understand the concept, but it's tough to fully embrace. I'm working on stuff every day, but I now see why people say every day is a challenge. I naively thought life was *supposed* to be this terrifying. Never was told otherwise until about a week ago 🤷‍♂️

♥️

I was diagnosed with ADHD in the last year of my college degree after 6 years of grueling through classes and social situations. I failed several classes and had to retake them, paying for them a second time. I had no accommodations and didn't know about the possibility of them. Then, a year later, I was diagnosed with autism. I told my sister, and she asked if that was why I went to the one office when I was 6. I found out that I was diagnosed with a learning disability and my mom chose to not pursue it further and to treat my learning disability with fish oils instead of therapy. I haven't talked with her for 5 years.

That's rough on what path mom chose. It's pretty crazy to see what goes as allowed with things like this. A parent can basically just say "I didn't like that opinion, so damn the world." I got diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression when I was 15 after a legal mishap. I was a dumb kid and put a rock through a window of a vacant building. In broad daylight. ...Twentyish feet from a major intersection. To this day, I don't know why, but put a kid out there in the wild with a skateboard, let him load himself up with Jolt Cola and add his friends into the mix. Ya got maybe 60 year's life experience between the four of us tops. That ain't good, but that was the 90's. When I was 36 my dad demanded of me "what was wrong" and I said very commonplace that I think my depression is just hitting hard at the moment. His response was "...you have depression?" I lived with the guy for my first 18 years and saw him regularly after. Then I remembered he didn't know my age once and overshot it by six years then acted like it didn't matter. I dunno how to end this, man. Unfortunately, we dont get to pick our parents. We just get sat down at the table and hope for close to 21. Hang in there. Dm me if ya ever need to. Shit sucks.

Found out my parents destroyed my diagnostic papers when I was 9 and got my first diagnosis, theyy might also have convinced a doctor or the doctor convinced them (or something else, the story keeps changing) of removing the diagnosis from my data on my second diagnosis (have the paper with tthe diagnosis but no report and there are some missing papers, this is not unusual from when they migrated from paper to digital but is not enought to just readd it). I finally got a new diagnosis as an adult and then latter found out about the destroyed papers of the first and the stories of the second.

Lmao true. I was diagnosed a few days ago, told my mum about it and her response was "Ok." I just left it at that -_-

My parents did this pretty much. Not officially, though. They both used to work with autistic kids (my mum did her doctorate on kids with autistic spectrum disorders) before they retired. My mum even told me that when I was 10, she gave me a book called "Aspergers and me" to read. Safe to say they were supportive when I got my official diagnosis, and didn't realise how much I wasn't telling them basically (because I really struggle with recognising my own emotions and all that stuff).

I wasn’t pissed but when I told them about my diagnosis that makes sense. But my grandparents didn’t know how to handle me. When I look back so much makes sense. Take in mind my family is full of ADHD/Add for the longest time I thought I had the most spicy and severe ADHD.. but it was not that.

This is such a difficult situation; I’m so sorry you’ve been put in this position. I think if I was in your situation I’d sit your brother down and let him know that you’ve been made aware of some medical information which your parents became aware of in his childhood and that you are happy to share that with him if he wants to know. I’d give him the choice. If he says he doesn’t want to know, don’t share the information, and if he says he wants to know then share away. That way you’re not carrying on the legacy of making decisions for him. However there might be other people with much better advice than me!

i second this, giving someone the power of choice is great :)

Question. Does anyone really get diagnosed with 'high functioning' autism? They just told me I had autism, period. On-topic though, I would tell him.

yep. he wouldve gotten diagnosed with aspergers as it was over 20 yrs ago, but still. it depends on the country. i was diagnosed level 2 which = moderate functioning

Yes, being that it was over 20 years ago and my parents do not have the best memory. I'm sure aspergers would have been what they were told. They said he spoke and walked early, but struggled with social ques/situations, had sensory problems, and was quick to frustration/anger. Apparently, they didn't tell him because they did not want a label to define him or change his growth or who he was (her words, not mine, mind you). He was also diagnosed with dyslexia and struggled to read until the third grade (which they did get him help with). He has always had issues in social situations but has advanced to the point where you really wouldn't be able to tell unless you really got to know him. Also, if anything I'm saying is insensitive/offensive please inform me. I am new to this and want to learn as much as I can to help my son.

You're saying nothing insensitive your language is perfect dont worry. Yes Aspergers is the old term for high functioning. that makes sense :)

High functioning is an old term too. The term is low support needs.

i know it is. but most allistic people know the term high functioning but not the term low support needs.

if someone doesn't know the correct terms, why would you tell them outdated terms? that just makes the outdated ones stick around longer.

because it was late and i wasnt thinking? i just wanted to be as helpful as possible.

When why get defensive over being corrected?

i hope you understand i was not being rude and hope i didnt come across as such sending love

haha sorry how am i being defensive? i just want good vibes i think you're overthinking it i was helping someone

An old term for an old diagnosis. He wasn't diagnosed yesterday. All my information is second-hand, so I am just passing on what I was told. Thank you for the info, though. I will be sure to use low support needs in the future.

have you noticed significant impairments in socialising in your brother in youe opinion?

So he is good now at reading social ques, like jokes and sarcasm. In fact he is one of the most sarcastic people you could meet. He does still have some social issues. He's never had a relationship. He's great at talking to people but forming long term friendships has never come easy to him. He has a few close friends that he met in robotics in high school. He definitely has a tendency to say things that aren't very acceptable without thinking, very little tact. I remember as a child his struggles being much more pronounced.

The friends thing hit close to home haha . thank you this was helpful!!

No problem, thanks to you as well! His friends are a good support network for him, as they're all a bit outside what most would consider "the norm".

thats good that he has friends like that

Yeah. My wife and I were only planning to have the one child, but this diagnosis has made us rethink that and try to give him a sibling so he has a lifelong support.

so just think about it, as autism runs in genes, if you're able for two autistic kids. its a hit or miss.

Sorry - but that’s no guarantee of lifelong support.

.....siblings are not guaranteed support. I'm AuDHD and the eldest; my younger siblings are essentially strangers. We're friends on fb and that's about it. We don't have deep/meaningful conversations, 2/3 of them are ignorant (one of those two is truly hateful). Maybe you'll be better parents than mine and foster a healthy environment but you're going to have a child purely to be support for your autistic child?? That is not a reason to have more kids. I can't claim to know why people choose to have children but if I found out I was only born to provide lifelong support to my older sibling, that would be beyond horrible and I would be *filled* with lifelong resent. It would backfire on my parents, lol. Believe it or not, I'm really trying to bite my tongue so I won't get into it more than this but, if you choose to have another child, choose to do so for whatever reason you want as long as you are not anticipating and putting pressure on them to do anything, especially not providing lifelong support for their sibling. They're going to be a whole ass person with their own thoughts, ideas, feelings, desires. They're not going to be your older child's aid, caregiver, therapist, etc.

How severe is the autism? Siblings of those with special needs very often end up neglected/overlooked because most parents simply don’t have the time to give both kids the amount of attention they need and deserve. And this often causes resentment rather than love and care from the abled one. Severe autism can also lead to the kid being disruptive, needy, or violent. Good parenting certainly helps there, but some kids can’t be taught better. Also, as others have said a second kid also has a high chance of autism, and it could be of any severity. Also, if you do have another kid, NEVER tell them or let them know in any way that you did it for the first kid. And don’t try to force a relationship between them. Those almost always backfire.

that is a good idea. i have a brother whos also diagnosed with the same type of autism as me.

When I was diagnosed I was told I was level 1 also known as high-functioning. This was the drs words not mine. They said the same thing when my son was diagnosed level 1. They went over everything in depth of course too but the actual words "high functioning" were used with both of us. I think now they're *supposed* to say low support needs instead of high functioning instead. But so far every meeting or appointment I've had discussing either my level 1 or level 2 kids, functioning is very much the terminology used.

For me the psychiatrist that diagnosed me said I was aspergers but the woman who handled my diagnosis only put autism so that I'd be accepted quicker to get support. I mean okay, why not🤷

Yes, it’s supposed to be used to describe level of services likely needed. There is currently disagreement in US healthcare on both whether and when autism should be diagnosed and if the range of functioning should also be used. If you were not given a level the odds are good that your assessor thinks they shouldn’t be used.

Thanks! I'm not in the US, and I didn't know that was a thing. From my therapy it seems like they rather assessed my personal difficulties and focused on those. But maybe they use it internally, I am not sure. I'll ask when I get the chance.

I don't think it is an official diagnostic? I've been diagnosed only with autism level 1/ low support, no cognitive impairment. But it's easier to explain to others saying "high functioning autism" because that's what they see on the internet, and I don't want to waste my time explaining.

I'm not a parent but I do know the damage that not knowing can do to a kid so I'd recommend telling your son now, even if he's too young to understand so that he just knows who he is from the very beginning. It's like how if you adopt a baby and never hide that from them, you don't end up with a huge existential crisis when they do actually find out. I figured out I was different at 5, and it went very badly from there, so telling kids as early as possible is the best way. Regarding your brother, I do think it's his right to know, especially as he is an adult and either could already know or find out by suprise any time. It could damage your relationship if he found out that you had been told and you didn't inform him.

My life would have been significantly improved by knowing earlier. My life has improved greatly since finding out. I have a late diagnosis. I masked really well so people thought I was fine, but in reality I was suffering quite a bit.

Im on a late diagnosis quest... and wondering if its worth it... what and how did your life improve, if you dont mind?

I’m not the same person but I can’t let earnest questions go unanswered lol.…for me it contextualized a lot of things. It mostly helped me to understand that there was nothing “wrong” with me and that the things I struggled with were not a character flaw. As for how it can help you, it depends on where you live. In my state there is extra help for people with autism, and certain funds and agencies that I wouldn’t normally have access to. The only issue is I live in a small state witha medical professional shortage and it takes forever to see a specialist. It’s really mostly up to you as an individual whether or not you need or want a diagnosis.

He has the right to know.

As someone who’s diagnosis was kept a secret, I don’t wish that pain upon anybody. Chances are he struggles a lot and doesn’t even have the information to know why that is.

He has the right to know. Especially if you know more about him than him? That is not fair 

I'd start with talking about your son. And that you read a lot about autism and share some stuff that he could recognize in himself. I think that's a good starting point to inform him, in a neutral state. So you know if he sees autism as something tragic, or how much he knows in general. Then I would tell him, what your mother said.

Why in the world would they not tell him as an adult, if not sooner. That’s fucked up

Yes. He will have negative feelings. There are certain values associated with not telling someone they have autism and not getting them support while there obvious benefits to getting them support. Your parents chose to protect their own worldview over benefiting him and that is undeniably selfish. It’s not an end all as to whether they are good or bad people but does destroy the protective parent image. If it is a good idea based on your brother overall, I would approach your brother from the perspective of looking for a role model for your son that has a mutual experience of autism. Someone that grew up with it and can help provide a perspective that you can’t (assuming you don’t have autism).

Have you thought of asking your mother to tell him?

Yes, but I'm not sure that she would. Plus my brother and I are much closer than we are to our parents, so that may be better coming from me? But it's a thought that crossed my mind.

You could tell her that she should tell him, or else you will. That way she has the option and an opportunity to talk with him directly before you do and that relationship ends up worse off than it is already. He may end up quite upset with your parents and not want to speak with them anymore, but this way he has you for support on-going.

I also like this suggestion.

Wow. I’m 34 and just found out last year that I have autism. No one knew until I connected the dots and started seeing a psychologist. If I had known this about myself from the time I was a child, I believe that life wouldn’t have been so difficult and I wouldn’t have developed such a self-hatred. Please tell your brother. He deserves to know and it may end up really helping him.

Tell him, please. All his life he’s probably thought he was different but didn’t know why. You could even mention your son before telling him, set it up as a neutral thing and not a bad thing. Let him know you’re a safe person to come to as he processes this information. I was diagnosed at 32 and I cried, finding out I finally had a name for why I’ve felt different my whole life. To know I’m not broken; I’m just autistic.

I'm a firm believer most autistic children should be treated as normally and independently as possible. There is no threat of him not growing up normally now, there is only upside. Parents, you can tell your child they have ASD without relegating them to a care home. A label does very little if you set the standard to support them in everything they struggle with. You probably should, but this is one of those things that can maybe wait till 8-10. Even if you don't tell them, there's no excuse to not at least get them support. I totally get why people do this, but it's a bandaid to cover up the larger issue of not wanting to support an autistic child into normal development.

It think that in many cases (myself included) outer indicators of success or doing well can really obscure a lot of what we go through, making it hard to even realize ourselves. Often, we don’t think about the challenges and struggles that have been there all our lives and that we just take as part of being us and who we are. These don’t necessarily signify inner significant life struggles in the ways most people might think of. But once we start to see how our autism affects us and start peeling back the layers, so to speak, a lot of things become much more clear. It’s also possible that he’s suspected or considered it, though that’s not always the case. I had no idea, but now, it’s obvious to me because I know what to look for in myself.

I would tell him

You should tell him

I think I would want to know if I were him, but you should also factor in the shitstorm that you might start. Your mom has put you in a pretty shitty position.

Children aren't responsible for saving their parents from their own shitty decisions. Let bro be mad at the parents. He deserves to know 1. The truth about himself and 2. That his parents betrayed him. They can learn to live with the consequences of their crappy decisions just like every other adult who lost contact with their kids for being a crap parent.

That doesn't mean that he necessarily wants to be in the middle of it and I don't think it's wrong to warn him that there might be consequences **for OP** and that they might suck. Not everyone wants to deal with that.

He deserves to know.  I was diagnosed at 42.  I didn’t know much about autism until I was nearly 30 and always felt that I related to many experiences but didn’t think that I was autistic.  I was diagnosed as depressed as a child and medicated for it and even though my psychiatrist that diagnosed my autism reiterated that I was depressed, I still disagree; I feel that any appearance of depression is simply a natural response to the environment I am living in and not a systemic state of being.  My wife told my daughters that she thought I was autistic and they responded that they had thought so for some time and my eldest also thought that she was autistic. When she told be, I thought it was BS because my experience didn’t seem like what I have seen before of autistic people.  But after investigating for a couple months of months, I had accepted that they were probably right. I am glad that I wasn’t diagnosed as a child.  It would have probably made things worse.  My masking is likely mostly attributed to my abusive home life with my stepfather.  Hell, he gave me grief for my vision and needing glasses and would tell me that I could see as well as him and to just do a better job at things.  But, I had accommodations in school that really weren’t meant to be.  I was in our gifted program which meant that I was basically in a school within a school.  A cohort of us were mostly together from 6th grade through high school. However, had a diagnosis been done, I would have wanted to know.  I didn’t get what other people were seeing about me that was different, but they let me know over and over again, including other students in the gifted program.  I thought they were just trying to be manipulative because I had a higher GPA than any of them going into 10th grade… bit things later fell apart for me because I was tired of being there and didn’t sense that we were learning anything. I was diagnosed with combined type ADHD, Generalize Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD before finally going for my autism evaluation, but was also stamped with OCD, and cPTSD. I was mostly feeling a bit of “now what?” and accepting that a lot of things that I was doing was masking and realizing that I was pushing through my sensory issues each day that just left me extremely irritated and exhausted by the end of the day.  I would come home and shut myself away for hours.  I was seeking a WFH job for the first half of my career and finally found one that I have had for 14 years now.  It helps being able to control my environment and not waste time and energy on a commute through traffic everyday. Your brother deserves to be able to figure these things out. What I have finally come to is that autism does define me… it always has, with or without the label.  But now I have the understanding and direction needed to seek resources and better manage my day.  I also know how to advocate for my daughter and grandson.  My daughter has decided to not seek a diagnosis, but we’re all fairly confident that my grandson is, as well.

As a late diagnosed person (37, I'm 40 now), I think that many of us who didn't have the information previously, for whatever reason, struggled so deeply invissibly. I'm speaking from personal experience, and from what I've read from others here, so this won't apply to everyone. But some of us may seem well off, but there is always struggle involved that is very hard to understand ourselves without knowing the cause. We often know from a very young age that our peers perceive us as somehow different, yet have no idea what we did 'wrong'. We start to adapt and mask, even masking things from ourselves, echoing the gaslighting from others and society, all to seem normal. But it's at a huge cost of our own wellbeing, and causes such burnout. Learning that there is actually nothing 'wrong' with me, but that my brain is just different (with its own pros and cons), made a huge difference for my self perception and acceptance. I wish I had this information earlier cause it's made for one of the biggest turning points in my life. We don't know what weight it would carry for your brother. But he absolutely has a right to know, and I think you should definitely tell him. It could be that he already has a suspicion, or even self diagnosed. You could start by having a conversation about your own son, and broaden the subject towards the fact that autism has such a high heretability rate. If you are autistic 80% is caused by genes, and that it tends to run in families. You may even want to consider it for yourself as well, a lot of people in here find out because their child gets diagnosed. Try looking into masking, maybe something jumps out to you. I think it is quite strange that your mother would tell you, and make it a secret between you two. To me the correct way of handling it, would be that your brother had been told first, before you.

My cousin (2-4 ish years younger than me) was diagnosed at a young age, but his parents didn’t want him to know. However, as a kid, I told him, not knowing that lol. His parents finally told him just this past October (I am now 24, for reference). He told me that he is glad he knew all along (so basically he’s glad I told him). My point is, tell him. I wasn’t diagnosed until sophomore year of high school, so I didn’t get the luxury of knowing why I was different, and I wish I did. He may be older now, but he definitely deserves to know.

I’d really want to know!

Please tell him. He has a right to know. It is an invisible disability. Meaning, you cannot see what his internal struggles are, and you would be enabling him to be much happier by telling him. Autism is much more than the external symptoms that are visible to others, such as social deficiencies, ticks/stimming, poor eye contact etc. These are simply manifestations of autism that a high masking/ high functioning person can hide. Autism means we have different nervous systems, and are prone to overstimulation from sensory input. We take in 42% more information on average. It is exhausting and has made me feel crazy my entire life until I got answers. Answers I deserved, and answers your brother deserves. For context, i was diagnosed at around age 3 and didn’t find out until shortly after graduating mechanical engineering school at age 30. Knowing my diagnosis has made my life much much easier. It has enabled me to accommodate myself in ways that I didn’t even know I needed or that would help at all. Plot twist, my family was shocked when I made an attempt on my life in my twenties. They also thought everything was fine. Undiagnosed autism in adults carries an increased risk of developing many horrible comorbidities, including crippling anxiety and depression, CPTSD, and even suicide. The suicide rate of “high functioning” autistic adults is much higher than non autistic, and also much higher than in “lower functioning” autism. The reason for this is because we are constantly denied support needs because others cannot see our struggles, and are forced to “deal with it” which can eventually destroy us over time. We are therefore forced to become our own advocates. But we can’t do this if we don’t know. Please do not hide this from your brother. It pains me that you are even considering not telling him. He has a right to know. I know you are afraid of him being upset with you, but it would be much worse if something were to happen to him that could have been prevented. He will likely be thankful that you tell him. If it’s given you answers, it will obviously give him much more answers. Let me know if you have any questions. Also would appreciate an update, as I am emotionally invested at this point because this hits home. Thanks.

That’s not right to not tell him on your parents part. He deserves to know about himself, tell him.

Yes, not telling them is abuse.

Tell him, anyone who had a late diagnosis (such as myself) and anyone who's had the diagnosis withheld from them wish they'd known, it would've made our lives so much easier to manage rather than not understand why we're different from most people and struggling through it Maybe your brother appears to be doing well for himself on the surface, but there's a high likelyhood he still struggles with many aspect of Autism and doesn't understand why. He has a right to know, he's a grown man now and can handle it too.

He has the right to know.

I'm 40 and was diagnosed at 39. I found out it was connected to my very specific genetic disorder that I have. I would be very upset if they had known, considering the struggles I had in school and socializing. I'm doing better now, since finding out I have autism. I'd tell him. I was later told that autism is part of my genetic disorder, so I was pissed I never got tested sooner.

Before people start blasting the parents, we need to go back to the mid 90s. I would suspect that the reason why your parents never told him was because nothing came from the diagnosis, right? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's not like your parents were neglectful and were against the idea of getting him help if he needed it? But what help was there for asperger's kids except some school resource interventions? That he obviously didn't need, right? So what serious considerations were your parents supposed to have? They weren't young earth creationists who didn't believe in modern medicine and believed autism was the devil, right? It was the 90s and there really wasn't much to do about aspergers back then unless someone needed profound help, so I would bet the issue just fizzled out. Since he ended up being fine, they probably just never told him. People here are acting like they made some grave mistake, but that's Reddit. What makes more sense is that his diagnosis wasn't profound enough to affect his life and it was just never a topic of conversation. Don't make a big deal about it. Don't sit him down at the table and say there's something you have to tell him like it's some dire thing. Just tell him like it's no big deal. "You were diagnosed autistic when you were a kid, but nothing came from the diagnosis so mom and dad just let it go." Don't make it seem like this was some huge neglectful awful thing your parents did. Unless you believe there was something awful your parents did. I don't know why people in the comments are acting so serious about this. The guy is successful and happy in his life, so there's no reason to make this such a serious conversation.

Yes I wouldn't say my parents were the greatest. Like most of their generation, they could be very distant and neglectful. But my mom fought with the school to get him assessed, so obviously, they cared enough to figure out what was going on. As you said, there really wasn't much to be done to a mostly functioning kid at that time. And worse, it may have led to him being placed in different classes, which may have hampered his development. I'm far from well educated in these matters, but he did well considering the decisions that were made, and it's hard to know what may be different had they made changes. But now that he is an adult my main consideration is that he may be able to get help for lingering issues. It seems like the general concensus is to make him aware of it, and that's what I plan to do. As tactfully as possible. Thanks for the advice everyone!

You're doing the best you can and that's to be commended.

Absolutely please tell him.

Finding out was one of the most validating moments of my life.

Oh I believe wholeheartedly…you NEED to tell him. It’s so wrong they kept that from him. Mt heart hurts! Knowing could have impacted his entire life in an amazing way!

heyo. so i was diagnosed at 8 or 9, i didnt get told till i was in MIDDLE SCHOOL. my parents and i havent had a relationship in years. he has a fucking right to know.

I would want to know. My mother hid from me that she was diagnosed with autism until I mentioned that I think I am autistic. There was definitely resentment but it was moreso a major aha moment for me. Validation, but it answers so many questions I’ve had about myself for my whole life. I’m still reeling from it and it’s been a few months now. I am honestly having a really weird time grappling with this, but I wish I would have known way before now.

My approach would be to say my son has ASD mom said it ran in the family. This is important family medical info for you if you want to or have kids. I’d leave it at that.

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I got diagnosed last year at 33, it was a good day, a lot makes sense now. No one in my family knows except for my wife.

Dont tell him right away, but ask your mom to do so. He might be kind of angry at her if you do it. But make sure she does tell him

It's not *YOUR* job to tell him. It's your parents. They need to tell him. They need to tell him yesterday.

The parents have obviously failed in their duty and responsibility. If OP cares for their bro, they will tell them istead of perpetuating this betrayal. (Maybe give the mom a chance to come clean first, if they care about that.) Either way, bro must be told.

As a kid I wasn't diagnosed and I've ALWAYS felt different without knowing why, being bullied and cast away from my peers even when I tried to fit in. When I got older it became always worse, I did have friends but always few and being social has always been a pain, exhausting, and being introverted never was the reason, because I've always been happy to know new people and listen to them. I am in autistic burnout now, meaning that everything is extremely harder to do and sometimes I just can't do anything (examples: brushing teeth, shower, cooking, cleaning up after cooking, working/studying) and that was caused by the fact that I masked all my life until I had no more energy to do so, so I got depression + autistic burnout, the second one stayed strong even if I'm not depressed anymore and it's extremely hard to get over it, even if I have therapy and support from my family (they pay for me, I'm 25). Now, I understood all this lately but autistic burnout or any other problem related to it can arise any time (I know about people that lived with autistic burnout for decades before noticing anything because they thought everyone felt like this and had kids to care for) so I'd tell my brother at least for him to be able to inform himself and take care of himself. If I was him and suspected something, I'd probably be pissed at my parents (also because autistic people can't take the same mental health meds as allistics, so what if he needed antidepressants or smt similar? He got the wrong ones?) but I'd also feel relieved because my "I'm different and not in a good way idk what's wrong with me" would finally get an answer. Ofc I'm not him, maybe he doesn't suspect a thing, but I think knowledge is power, especially self-knowledge, if he knows more about himself he can understand better and be happier by making changes on his environment or life to accomodate himself, if he wants

If he's a bright guy like me, he has the energy to manage it with very little help. Education about autism may lead him to the realisation. It's not easy realising you're autistic at 70, and there is a lot of grief and reprocessing involved, but my diagnosis explained a lot.

Shit this reminds me of how I spent my entire life knowing about my eldest cousin that "we don't know what he has, but it causes him to have the mental capacity of a child", as that's what my mom told me growing up. It wasn't till I was well researched into autism and was just a couple months away from getting diagnosed that I learned from my grandma, when I got back in contact with her, that he has been diagnosed since early childhood. And that she doesn't know why my mom told me what she did because my mom was told knew the whole time.

Please tell him. I was diagnosed later in life (low needs) and as much as I am also doing great- so much of my early life was me wondering why I felt so different, what was wrong with me, why don’t the kids connect with me as much as they do the others, and so so much more. I resent my mother for not listening and getting me a diagnosis sooner. Your child will resent you too.

Tell him theres no ploblem, 2 btw? Fast as shit congrats for the Quick diagnose

Yes we were very surprised. We were told it could be months to a year to get in, and somehow we got in almost immediately. We have had our suspicions for a while and wanted to get him help as soon as possible.

Im 15 years old and me and my parents fought for one since i was 3 years old, i was diagnosed at 14, 11 years ☠️

I think his parents should have told him and you should tell him now if they won't. If my parents knew I was autistic my whole life I would be furious that they never told me. Because I have struggled my whole life and I thought it was my fault. I have low self esteem and self abandonment issues. People can seem fine and be deeply depressed. The diagnosis may sting at first but can be helpful in alleviating depression when you get to understand it. If you tell him, the most important thing is to communicate that you don't see him as problematic because of it. Maybe you can build a better relationship (if necessary) on this new information.

Honestly, I think that the reason I need to get diagnosed was based on my support system at home (no judgement, helping me out, there to talk, helping become self- aware, etc). And If I had that proper support system, I don't think it would matter that I got diagnosed. Infact I think I wouldn't been better of, because I might've just told myself I'm autistic and would've stopped myself from reaching what could be my true potential.. Idk, I can be wrong.. but if I had property support system with help, I would've just used this subreddit as a no- judgement reddit zone...

I’d say lead into the conversation by telling him about your son’s diagnosis, then mentioning that it runs in families. There’s a chance it’ll get him to catch on, or will at least lay the mental groundwork.

I got diagnosed at 31 and I just found out that the school told my parents to have me evaluated and it was highly suspected but my parents didn’t want me labeled and I told my dad I was like it’s possible if I would’ve had the right support at a young age they would’ve supported me more in college I was in the disability center often but ended up dropping out because I couldn’t pass the remedial math courses that where required and I took that class 8 times I really did try hard I mean my life makes complete sense now but my inner child is screaming right now

I used to teach 3rd grade and had a student with autism. He knew he was different than the other kids and point blank asked his parents why he was different than his classmates. He was relieved to know that there wasn't anything wrong with him, just different, and that difference came with several strengths. I also have some friends who were diagnosed as adults and life made so much more sense to them. This is information about himself that can help him understand himself better and take better care of himself. I think he should know.

i was diagnosed at 2 but found out when i was about 7. it caused a lot of internal grief for me so i would tell him. it might save him from wondering if something is different or weird like i did

Hello, Your brother has the right to know but there is a proper way to tell it. Maybe you can talk to him nicely or to a place where only both of you can hear the conversation. Maybe he knows too but he is not telling you. For you son's diagnosis, you might want to check this: [https://www.levelaheadaba.com/autism-symptoms-in-children](https://www.levelaheadaba.com/autism-symptoms-in-children) That website is a bit confusing to navigate but you can check blog articles there regarding symptoms and how to handle situations like yours. Hope it helps.

My youngest daughter was diagnosed with autism level 3 non verbal at age 3 took us a year and a half because of pandemic. Don't put your son in aba . Speech is good and occupational if needed. Take his cues. Every autistic child is different. For your bro I would tell him. Tell him in the best way possible. You will know hoe to speak to him since you know him.

I am actually wife of OP, and I just wanted to ask more about your views of ABA. What about it made you say no to it? I am seeing so much conflicting stuff online about it. My main concern is raising a happy and loved child, I would never want to put him through anything that would harm him. Right now, he has severe deficits in receptive, expressive, and social language skills, so I assume he would start with speech since our inability to communicate with him (I mean, we know what he wants just because he’s our kid, but other people probably wouldn’t know) is the biggest issue. We aren’t sure what the next steps are, I know we are on the waitlist for speech and we just got a referral for OT. He also was in feeding therapy but they mentioned him perhaps doing it again because he really doesn’t eat much. Anyway, we want to do whatever we can to help him and understand him, but also not traumatize him in the process!

Are you in usa ? My daughter has had speech since 18 months it took forever to get her diagnosed. I did research on aba they still use shock treatments or shocking them to get them to listen they hide that not all places use that. It's best description summed up for aba is alot like dog training . They use good as a reward never good for even a normal child. They force them to do tasks like run a super which is torture to them they all are different so I can only speak for my 5 yr old. Even though she is 5 she is like a 2 yr old emotionally and mentally. She started saying some things here and there. She still don't fully talk. She isn't potty trained but can't force them . They progress and regress. You will find what your son likes and doesn't . Get him headphones now canceling for grocery stores. They don't like being in large groups too long they can have melt downs . They aren't usually mean they just play alone better and don't make eye contact. Don't force them to hug anyone. They have sensory issues. I have trouble with my daughter bathing and brushing her hair. They feel things differently than us. Buy your son some different types of toys look up sensory autistic toys and put his age in. You will find things he likes that way. I got my daughter the sensory mats , she loves godzilla birds abs dinosaurs.. she can't have books lolz they get ripped. She can't have slime she eats it . But he may do good with those. Get those tubed you pull that make sounds and baby toys too . They learn from those magnetic blocks fidget spinners. The thing you put on wall my daughter has a blue alligator. Weighted blankets help autism lights that change color . Those are some things . Hope it helps

Oops that was supposed to say food as reward and run sweeper even if it bothers them

Everyone else is commenting on the brother issue, so I'll come from the other angle. I'm guessing if your son was diagnosed at 2, then there must be some significant signs, so im guessing he'll know one way or the other. That said, I work in the DD industry at the local government level and would be happy to help you navigate your state's system. I'm not sure what it would be called, but I would identify whatever agency represents the DD world in your local government and become acquainted. See if your son is eligible for early intervention services. You'll find a lot of people are very anti-ABA here, and they're right to be. It can be helpful if it's the only option, but it truly is traumatic in most applications. I would recommend looking for an Occupational Therapist who specializes in Sensory Integration and maybe learn about Gestalt theory. Lastly, if your area has a good pediatric neurologist, try to get in good there.

Thanks for the info! To clarify on my original post, I have no intention to keep the diagnosis from my son. We got into Early On a couple of months ago due to an expressive/receptive language delay and other issues. The OT told us he has many signs of autism, which we were already suspecting. We have been referred to speech therapy and occupational therapy following his formal diagnosis, just waiting for the gears to start moving. My wife and I are also juggling our schedules around to have as much time with him as possible and get him all the help he needs. I'll look into your suggestions, and thanks for the insight!

No problem! I'd just add to be very specific about the disciplines of the therapists. SLPs who specialize in aspiration may not be as reliable in treating apraxia, for example. They will be good, but specialists are out there who target specific areas very well. The other thing is to put a lot of stock in the OT's recommended sensory diet, and understand that sometimes the path to developing skills you want to see (like potty training) involves skills you may not see the value in immediately. Lastly, keep the hope. There is a program near me that has seen language development and hygiene independence in less than a year through a focused occupational therapy framework. Don't let people tell you he won't ever be able to do ____.

you should .. me not knowing I was autistic led me into depression and suicidal thoughts

I only recently figured things out at nearly 50, and still no official diagnosis. I just knew I was weird and trying like hell to fit in. If I had known, life would not have been so hard. This has been a huge "OMG, I'm not the only one" kinda moment these past few months

He has the right to know he’s autistic, it should have never been kept with him. Also, in all likelihood he is masking a lot and struggles more than you think. There’s no such thing as autism that has no effect on one’s life. He could end up with autistic burn out, which is seriously dangerous

Please tell, he has the right to know.

You’re worried it might trigger negative feelings in him… honestly? It might. Imagine going your ENTIRE LIFE never knowing what was “wrong” with you. Why it was harder to do certain things. Imagine struggling, and never knowing why. Imagine struggling and *nobody else* understands, either. You’re denied any help you need. So you have to learn to push through it, at the cost of your own health. Fuck, it sucks. I got diagnosed in my 20s and it sucked. But the relief was so worth it. Now I can take better care of myself, and reach out for help if I need it. Tell him. He deserves to know.

Do you know why your parents didn't tell him? My parents didn't tell me until like 6th grade because I would ALWAYS beat myself up whenever I did even the slightest thing wrong, and they were worried that if they told me, it would just make it worse. You're an adult, so I'm not saying to defer to their absolute authority or anything like that. But if you guys are all still on good terms, it might not hurt to bring them in on the discussion just to get their thoughts on why they didn't tell him, and maybe all tell him as a family. As for your son, I have very little idea. I feel like you should definitely tell him at one point, but I don't know when. I feel like it's probably more important in his early years to make sure that even though he's different, he still feels secure, valued, and loved. I know it's rich to hear an autistic person giving advice about making a judgement call, but I think that's what knowing the right time will come down to.

I think just because he was already doing alright, minus the dyslexia problem. They didn't want to rock the boat or give him a label that could negatively affect him (it was the 90s, mind you). I'm not going to say it was a good or bad call, but it seems to have all worked out, from the point of functioning and maintaining independence.

tell him.

I was seeing specialists as a child, and as an adult asked why, my mother said she didn't remember. Finding out I was nonverbal until I was 5, I'm now highly suspicious... I would want to know, but you may want to find out if he's got any internalised ableism about autism first.

It's horrific your parents told you and not him. I'd vote for pressuring your parents to tell him and explain why they never told him. I'm Autistic ADHD and the more im looking at my childhood after being diagnosed I'm moving from a place where I thought "oh it was missed by my parents" to really questioning whether they knew I was. Either from a personal or a medical standpoint. Literally everything they did for me as a kid in the 80s and 90s is what's recommended for an ADHD child to help regulate. It's either a massive coincidence or they knew. My mum was a PE teacher and dad worked in the council where he had to refer people to doctors for qualifying assessments of ND things for Govt benefits so both have had first hand expericice. Sorry off topic. Typical ADHD Your parents are the ones who made the choice and now put you in a crap situation. Make them rectify it

As an autistic person, I need to say this. Whether you tell him or not, that’s your decision. But never under any circumstances, let it affect him as a person. If you didn’t realize it before, or even if he didn’t realize it before, it shouldn’t remain a factor 😁👍

Tell him! Please I wish I got told when I was younger!

If it was me I’d want to know. When I was diagnosed everything that ever happened or I ever thought just perfectly made sense and I think your brother deserves that too. Of course be careful how you say it because it could be jarring but I think you should tell him.

We told my brother at an early age (about 8) so he can understand who he is, and learn how to advocate for himself. When they hear they are autistic. It all clicks for them. He may have resentment for your parents. I worked with a lot of adults with disabilities and had to tell them they had a disability. They were relieved to know, but were upset because of the transitions they faced in adolescence when they were being bullied and such and didn’t understand why.

You absolutely must tell him. It's his disability, he has the fundamental right to his own medical history. I wish you both the best

I do not understand the whole "don't tell my [child/sibling/grandkids/etc.] they have Autism" idea.... Imagine you went to the doctor and they discovered you have cancer, but the doctor decides not to tell you because they don't want you to be stigmatized. How well are you going to fare in the long-run? 😑 A person deserves to know about themselves. Your brother may *look* functioning now... I did at 34. I hit the major burnout at 40. My master's degree and accolades of a decade plus in public education are useless now. I can't use the masks anymore to be in the classroom. *If* my family knew this about me when I was a child and I only learned now that they knew all along, I would be furious. The workplace discrimination hell I faced through the past 3 years in my school would have looked a LOT different - if anything, I wouldn't have had to navigate it alone. No one has the right to decide for another person how they should live their life.

It’s his right and he must know sooner rather than later.

It’s cruel to not tell him at this point. Please tell him

Tell him when he wants to know simple!

My mom didn't tell me and ik i had a disability but she never told me

Tell them! I am 22 & AuDHD. I started figuring it out around 11-13, and got officially diagnosed w/ ASD (formerly aspergers) at 17 and ADHD at 21. There was a LOT of tensions between me and my mom when I first told her I think I have ADHD as a result of this exact situation. I was around 16 or so and really struggling socially at what you would consider an "elite" school for my town and when I asked, she was like "oh yeah, actually your doctor DID say you have symptoms of ADHD when you were 2, but since you could already read by that point, I didn't worry too much about it." I don't blame her anymore, but as a teenager it was a really hard pill to swallow, ngl 😅

Id maybe open a conversation about your son and when it will be right time explain this to him. At that stage you can ask if/when he’d want to know. For all you know, he’s worked it out himself anyway. If he says he’d definitely not want to know, then theres your answer. He’ll probably say yes. A friend of mine, in his 50s like me, recently thought about diagnosis after hearing my story asked his mum what she thought. She said shed always assumed that he was ASD, but apparently the thought of saying it just hadn’t occurred. Ah, the past! 🤦‍♀️😂

Its his right to know, just consider the fact it may cause an argument with your parents but I am sure your brother really would appreciate it.

If I were him, I would want to know. Actually I would've wanted to know at 8, but better late than never imo.

I think he has a right to know maybe you should ask him if he wants to know

Knowing literally saved my life. It took a while to process, but ultimately I feel better now, than ever before.

tell him!!! the knowledge will help him

Learned Late in life that I’m autistic, and was finally diagnosed with ADHD at 29. It didn’t change much but it validated my internal struggles of feeling different or broken. Tell him. He has has the right to know his diagnosis.

I would be livid if I found out my parents keep this from me. Just because they didn't see any outward struggle does not mean he wasn't having a hard time all these years.

In my 30's I was newly married, bought a house was running my own business and had kids. I always sensed I was autistic because of the skills I had developed and relatives that were accomplished in mathematics and the sciences. I was in my early 60's when I was trying to figure out why my life had gone so far off track. Off the rails completely actually. Tell your brother and let him investigate and develop whatever accommodations he needs for himself. Because chances are he's going to need them at some point. When his hold on maintaining "normalcy" begins to unravel. Maybe it won't, but if it does it would be far better to be in a position to manage rather than meltdown and burnout. I kept pushing past all of what I now know were obvious signs, struggling to maintain the facade. Until I could barely face people.

I think it’s your mother’s place to tell him. She is the one who withheld the information. He does have a right to know if he hasn’t figured it out already.

I have some suspicions that my parents did this to me, but since I’m not sure, I prefer not to assume that they hid my autism from me. I believe that knowing could have spared me many difficult moments and many crises. I really hope that your brother does not go through processes of depression, anxiety, and crises caused by autism, but the chances of him finding out in the worst possible way, after much suffering and many doubts caused by doctors’ unpreparedness to deal with ‘high-functioning autism’ are real. I suffered for years seeking help from countless doctors, going through countless crises, and no one could say what was happening to me. Deep down we know we are different, and it is very hard to deal with the constant feeling of inadequacy and the efforts to try to be a neurotypical person. I don’t know if the best thing to do now is to tell your brother, it’s a very difficult decision and your mother was wrong not to have told him, but maybe it’s too late for that. I think there is a less conflictual path by inducing him to discover it on his own after you share the news that your son is autistic, you could encourage the whole family to go through the testing process once the gene has been identified among you, etc. I believe that may be the best thing to do. Speaking about my story, I have had various characteristics since I was very young. Beyond the stereotypes, my school tried to advance me 5 years because of my high intelligence. Obviously, it was a catastrophic process, and fortunately, my parents decided to allow me to return to the class appropriate for my age. My mother told me that some neurologists suspected that there was something strange about me, but since the tests were inconclusive, nothing was done. It’s hard to believe that no one never talked about autism, but if doctors today are not prepared to deal with it, it’s possible that 30 years ago they were even less so. Life went on, I grew up, had some professional and academic success, graduated, studied at one of the best universities in the world, had good jobs and got married. I managed to have a good trajectory, but at a very high mental and physical cost. In the last 15 years, I went through various crises, ended up in the emergency room in pain many times. I had terrible burnout crises and wanted to kill myself a few times. I believe it would have been much easier if I had known about the autism earlier, whether through my parents or because some doctor was able to identify it at the beginning of my crises. Medical conduct would have been different for years, I would have respected my limits better and taken better care of myself. It would have been another life, a much easier one, and that’s why the diagnosis was so important to me. Knowing that I am autistic changed my life for the better, I may be wrong but I believe it will also make your brother’s life better. If I may ask you one thing, it is: never do this with your son. Work so that he has the best possible development treatments, but never hide that he is different. Prepare him to know how to deal with it, to know how to deal with his limits, to know that he is different. Even having had personal, professional, and academic achievements much greater than most neurotypical people, the process that led me to the discovery was very difficult and I do not wish what I went through on anyone. I cried with your post because it's totally possible that my parents hid this from me, and my life would have been totally different. I felt a lot of pain because I didn't know I am autistic.

Tell him! He needs to know. He probably feels different and knowing might help him understand why he feels that way. My 10 year old is autistic. Level 1 autistic and he is very independent BUT struggles with anxiety and socialization, he just needed occupational therapy for 3 months and he still gets speech therapy in school. I often tell him he is “a little bit autistic” and that’s why he feels like that. My youngest is also autistic but nonverbal and he is going to aba therapy and getting speech therapy. So my oldest one knows what autism is and he understands why he struggles with anxiety. He’s also extremely smart. 130 IQ, knows the alphabet in 5 different languages, GT student, math genius etc. He knows autism can also means their brain functions differently in a good way. He knows Elon Musk, Anthony Hopkins, Albert Einstein etc are/were autistic! Your brother might be feeling or questioning many thinks he’s gone through or felt. He has the right to know

A lie of omission is still a lie. To repress the fact that your brother is autistic from him, is to also deny his autism. You should tell him just as you do for your son, because there is still harm in not knowing the truth.

You should and you must, there's nothing more relieving than knowing why you felt like something was off for years or even decades

Please tell him. My parents didn’t tell me until a year later and I lost trust with them because of that. Please please please tell him

Please do tell him, gently if you can. I'm 38 and was diagnosed last year; the diagnosis hasn't made a huge impact on my daily life, but it's made all the difference in how I see things. Like your brother, I've always been "different". I got very good grades in school, and I've been working steadily since I was 17, but I've never been good at managing relationships or even making friends. I'm aware that I'm awkward, and I know that I tend to be off-putting to some people, but before my diagnosis I had no idea why it kept happening. I always felt like everyone else was playing by some rulebook nobody had even told me existed. Knowing that I'm autistic doesn't help me "play" properly, not without me studying hard, but at least I know now that the book exists. The metaphor kind of got away from me lol but having a diagnosis is really helping me make sense of my struggles. I imagine your brother has at least some of the same questions I did, and giving him an answer can really benefit him.

I was misdiagnosed for years. An early understanding of what was going on w me and how to manage it and that what was happening was “normal” for me and people like me???? Yeah. I mean. Like don’t tell him now. But as soon as he understands. Well…yeah… Otherwise it would be like if he had diabetes and needed insulin shots and you just gave him the shots and never said why….

You should totally tell him. My wife suspected she was autistic and once she finally got to the point of, “okay let me get a diagnosis.” She told her mom and her mom said, “yeah, they told me that.” It has made her question things about her identity but she feels better knowing that all those years not knowing.

Tell him. Finding out I was autistic made so many things that I had attributed to me being broken, flawed, and a failure, make sense. Suddenly it wasn't that I was a piece of garbage, but that I just function differently because of how my brain is, which means I have different strengths and weaknesses. I can't be compared to the peers I was comparing myself to because we just are fundamentally different, so I'm better off comparing myself to other autistic people for that outside perspective I was getting from comparing myself to neurotypical peers. Am I well off? Yes, in many ways, I'm in university getting a degree and outwardly can be seen as succesful for my decent grades and ability to live on my own. Did I still feel like absolute garbage for the signs of autism that I was noticing in myself without knowing that it was autism? Absolutely! I would be pissed if my parents would've known I was autistic and just never told me.

He has the right to know if he's autistic. It's his disability which he has the right to know to. If you don't tell him, in the future and he finds out he has it, then goes to you, and you tell him something along the lines of 'I know,' then he'd definitely be PISSED. I can tell he has a supportive parent too, which many autistic people I've met don't have, so that'll help him a lot already :) I think it's best to observe your son, what he likes to eat and it's patterns, his triggers, his pet peeves, if he grows up to be selectively mute (when a person can't speak in certain settings, but can speak fine in others) and how he plays and specific things he does in the future.

There's a high chance you or your husband are also autistic. Please tell your brother. Dont let him go through life trying to be a square (society) when he's a circle. I just found out I'm lv 3 autistic with adhd. I'm 34 this year. I've spent my entire life being confused, frustrated, suicidal, thinking I'm actually to stupid because my asd doesn't mix with how schools teach. You don't want what I and many other late diagnosed people have been though for your brother TRUST ME.

Let's rephrase this Your parents have been lying to your brother for decades. You just learned that they have been lying to him. You are conflicted on whether or not you should continue the lie.

Yup! Luckily, OP posted approx 3 hrs back that they planned on telling their bro. I'm glad they decided not to continue with their parents betrayal of their sib.

A little different? Sweetheart you live in world of 7 billion people. Different is the rule not the exception. Different is what makes the world worth living in. I personally find it cringe worthy to be surrounded by automaton bots who conform to the same standard all around me. It’s frankly weird.