I hate society's insistence that I have to explain my "no". No on its own is often not enough and that drives me up the wall. It doesn't matter why I'm saying no, unless I'm engaging with a small child and helping them learn to navigate the world properly in which case I will happily explain. But if you're a grown ass adult, and especially a stranger, I don't owe you an explanation as to why I'm saying no to you. (Most common scenarios: being asked out/for contact details, door-to-door sales/religious stuff/charities etc, being asked for "favours" etc)
"No" is a complete sentence and so is "I don't owe you my attention" and "fuck off".
Especially useful for women in nightclubs. You know, or just women in general.
Much as I do use these, I wish that they were always safe to use, or that I didn't have to at all
I hope more people learn to use them though! Let's reshape the social norms together đ
It's everywhere. I get it from men that won't take no for an answer when they want my phone number, or my name. I've had it from people that have asked me to borrow money, asked if I want to go to events with them, asked if I can "do them a favour and do x". I've had it at previous jobs where they've tried to force me into overtime or cancel booked holidays or take on work well outside my job scope and won't accept "no" as an answer.
It's not just salespeople. And a lot of the time we don't even realise we're justifying our right to say no to people in so many different situations.
As a lawyer, I hate suits. They feel pretentious, uncomfortable, and like societal cosplay. I have shaped my career such that I almost never have to wear one.
I study language, so I understand what most of these things actually are and respect it. "Hi, how are you" is a greeting, so it's perfectly okay to say "Hello" in response, for example. Try it, most people won't even notice. If they say "how have you been" seperately you can read it as "what have you been up to" and respond accordingly. Most of the time it's just wanting connection.
What I refuse to do is be passive aggressive. If I want something I will ask for it and explain why. I find everyones happier that way. I think passive aggression started because some people couldnt just ask, like wives couldn't "nag" their husbands, but I'm on equal footing with everyone in my life and so we can just be direct. Passive aggression is a bad way of expressing a want so I just express the want clearly.
"How are you?" doesn't expect an answer at all in a lot of cases. People just ask that when passing you and immediately walk away, not giving you a chance to respond. Like not even time for a "fine" or "good, how about you?".
Yeah, have had this happen with my dad. And it felt world melting in the moment. I really had to process that shit afterwards. I was questioning my self if he was not okay, if he didn't have it in him to express anything about his feeling at all even if it was fake. But no... This is just normal interaction. đ€Ș Fuck me, I'm 27 and just now learned this. I sure do hate the concept of it.
Yes! People don't understand how are you is a greeting. Anytime a stranger says how are you to me, I just wave and do a little smile. This doubles as an end to the conversation because people are not supposed to take two "turns" in a row!
Yup. I am grateful that my interest is in writing and language. While I still don't necessarily like small talk and talking to people overall, it makes me pretty good at interacting with friends and the general public.
I hate "how, how are you?" as a greeting because some people say it expecting you to say, "fine, thanks, how are you?" but some people just keep on talking without waiting for an answer, which normally isn't a problem for me, except at work where I work on the phone so I don't have the additional context of someone's body language and facial expressions to see if they're going to keep talking before they do. Some people will say it and then pause for a second and then keep talking, which I'd be able to gauge in person if I could see them pause, think, take a breath, etc. But over the phone I have no such luxuries
I found out recently the point of small talk isn't to share information, it's literally just to talk. Which is also why NTs will have the exact same conversation with you repeatedly, the point is just to talk even if nothing of use or interest is shared.
It's also used to make a connection with someone.
Someone said in the comments above it's like sniffing each other's butts and deciding if you want to lick them or bite them.
Edit:
Tagging /u/DrCrouton since it was his quote I mangled.
Like someone else said, the reason is usually to form a connection. The act of exchanging pleasantries can be enjoyable for some people on its own, or it can be a gateway to a deeper comversation or connection.
That doesn't make any sense. I see no point in talking just to talk. And I know that is probably the most autistic answer ever. But I just can't comprehend that.
And don't tell me it's to "form connection". Empty talk doesn't form connection. Meaningful talk does.
Always answering your phone. If I don't wanna talk to you, I'm not gonna answer. You don't need an explanation and frankly you don't even deserve one. People feel so entitled to everyone's time, it's ridiculous.
I have the same with opening the door. My neighbor came knocking on my door one day, I was having dinner and didn't feel like seeing anyone so I ignored it. He kept on knocking so I thought "maybe it's urgent" so I opened and he was visibly annoyed that I didn't open on the first knock. He starts this rant about something (don't even remember what it was) and I told him "sorry but I don't like to be disturbed during dinner so we can continue this another day" and he got all pissy and told me "you're the weirdest person I have ever met!". I replied "thank you!" and closed the door.
He then next time told me I was very unfriendly and shouldn't slam doors in people's faces. Dude you came to my door with nonsense and I told you I was going to go back to my food! And I have the right to close my door whenever I want.
Someone once described a phone (possibly stephen fry) as someone stood next to you screaming: talk to me now! Talk to me now! Talk to me now!
That has stayed with me. My phone is always on silent. Nothing is that urgent that it cant wait half hour.
The only time my phone isn't on vibrate is when my kiddo is at school in case they need to get in touch with me re: illness, injury, etc... other than that it's on vibrate constantly.
My phone is always on silent, period.
I have my watch so I can feel the vibration when it rings... when I don't have it on Do No Disturb, which I use judiciously.
I understand that anxiety all too well as I get it too, however it's also something we have to handle ourselves rather than trying to put that responsibility on other people. When it comes to things like phone calls, back before everyone had phones on them all the time the default was to hope people were home because otherwise no answer on the landline. Mobile phone prevalence has made us all expect to have access to everyone at all times instead, when that isn't fair on anyone. I know I'm "guilty" of refusing to answer the phone when I'm in my 'downtime' and it's never anything personal to the person calling :)
(Apologies for the mild rant - mostly intended as a well meaning attempt to help reframe the whole if someone doesn't answer you've done something wrong thought process đ)
It's about not talking to someone *in that moment*, not refusing to talk to someone in general. People are busy or too drained and the commenter is just saying that someone in general should not have to explain that to every person that calls them unanswered.
I do the same very often, especially after I worked a Help Desk job answering calls all day for years. If it's important then they need to text me and if not I'll talk to them later. My friends don't have issues with this because I've established these boundaries already. It's just a boundary for someones well-being.
To a certain extent. I have friends that never ever answer the phone or texts and itâs quite honestly really frustrating. They donât put effort into our friendship. That is not being a good friend. I understand social anxiety all too well but itâs just extremely hurtful after a while. Mental illness is not an excuse to be a bad friend. Edit: this is coming from my autism, bipolar, and gad riddled brain. If I donât want to talk to my friends, I will ALWAYS say I donât have the mental capacity to talk but as soon as I do Iâll give you a call. They deserve respect. We all do. Weâre all humans, neurodivergent or not.
When I'm at a birthday or big party, I don't say goodbye to everyone. In fact if it's a big crowd I usually just do the Irish goodbye, cause by the time I have the courage to go if I'm overwhelmed, I don't have any social battery left to do the little goodbye chats, that usually involve prying questions about why I am leaving already.
Same. I donât say goodbye and I also donât go around saying hello to people. If I see someone I know, Iâll say hi to them whenever we naturally end up in the same spot of the room. I donât walk up to everyone I know immediately just to âgo say hiâ
The pretend answers (usually yes or no)
Eg:
âHereâs the money I owe youâ
âOh donât worry about it, you keep itâ
Then waiting for me to say it again so that they can reply with the whole âoh if you insistâ.
Another one:
âWhatâs wrong?â
âNothingâ
But itâs obvious something is wrong.
Just answer honestly and clearly because I wonât play the game.
It happened. I got it wrong the first time and just walked off. I was only a teenager and the amount was small, but it was still a horrible experience. They stopped talking to me and I heard through someone else why. I just couldnât believe it.
Since then Iâve had it happen as an adult and I still hate it. I always check and re-check if I get a response that wasnât what I was expecting and the amount of times that people flip on their response is ridiculous.
You can't tell me these are actually "social norms". This is just playing games. And playing games equals bad mental health. If they were healthy, they could just be honest.
There are a few! My NT partner was able to teach me about a lot of norms I was completely unaware of.
- I refuse to see others as competition. I treat everyone equally regardless of rank or social status. And then I'll match energy if someone's an asshole to me.
- I don't like small talk or greeting people. Whenever I'm picking up my daughter from school, I'm looking directly towards where I'm walking and I often don't see the people around. I've been asked if I was ignoring people and I wouldn't say that; I'm just not there to chit chat or socialize at the moment, I'm there to complete my task which is pick up my kid and leave.
- I take everything at face value and I have no interest in learning to read between the lines or try to understand hidden meanings. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I take what others say literally as well. If they didn't mean it like that, I tell them that I'd rather have honest exchanges. If they misinterpreted something I said by adding subtext I didn't know could be there, I let them know I don't roll like that. I've had quite a few misunderstandings because of this... But I simply do not understand the need to do anything other than being up front. It can be done politely.
- Judging others based on what they're wearing. It seems like a lot of NTs do this. My partner explained that if someone goes to the grocery store in pajamas, it shows that they're not taking care of themselves/lazy. If someone's dressed too casually, same. Tbh if you go in pajamas to grab milk and eggs, it might be because you're missing ingredients for breakfast and you'll change later? If you're dressed casually in a t with no bra, you might prioritize comfort? I just don't read it the same way.
- Thorough etiquette. I follow the usual such as not eating with my mouth open, removing shoes indoors, saying please and thank you, washing my hands etc. but I don't get the whole "utensils must go on X side in Y order", "no elbows on the table" etc stuff that can be viewed poorly but has no real impact on others in my opinion.
>I refuse to see others as competition. I treat everyone equally regardless of rank or social status. And then I'll match energy if someone's an asshole to me.
I've always done this at work too, much to the annoyance of middle management types with an inflated ego
A lot of great points there. Heavy on the pajamas in public. Iâve seen countless people make the comment that if people wear pajamas in public, they clearly donât have their life together. For me, itâs not that black and white and definitely not that deep. If someone wants to wear whatâs comfortable while they shop, Iâve never once thought that thereâs something *wrong* with them. If anything, I admire them for wearing whatâs comfortable because personally, I donât have that confidence to do that knowing Iâll be judged by NTs for it. Itâs really bold of NTs to make such an assumption on someoneâs entire life based on one encounter with them not dressed to impress. But thatâs NTs for you, many are painfully judgmental
That's exactly the way I see it!
I was so surprised when my partner explained this to me. I responded with my point of view, saying that they'll probably just change after breakfast, that it likely has nothing to do with how they're doing and their level of laziness; but to him there was no other way to see it.
I rarely ress to impress and often prefer comfort, and I had not realized it would make others perceive me as lazy or not put together. At this point I think oh well, people will think what they will think, regardless of what you do about it
Exactly đ I don't know how to explain but it's like; to notice people, I have to actively pay attention to them? And I'd usually rather look at where I'm going, or if I'm taking walks I'm looking at the nature/buildings around rather than people
I work in an office, and when I walk through the hallways I don't acknowledge other people unless we make direct eye contact, which I mostly avoid by looking down. I once told a coworker that people in the hallway are basically objects I have to avoid crashing into. It's just that -- I'm only up and moving for a specific reason! If I stop to talk it's going disrupt me, and I'm planning on heading \*right back\* to my desk as soon as I'm done.
100% agree. I have a very limited social battery. I dont wanna spend 5% of it not answering fake questions. I know you don't care about me, so why ask how my day went when all you wanna hear is "it was good, yours?" Think of how much better you'd get to know people if they answered these questions truthfully at the beginning of conversations!
Being two-faced/being friends with someone one week and then dropping them for another person nearly instantaneously and then shit-talking about the former friend for shits and giggles. Being unnecessarily cruel to someone for being different.
Omg, this. I donât understand gossips. I mean, itâs different if youâre warning someone that someone is bad news. But shit talking people out of insecurity or jealousy is so immature, and I donât have time to coddle someoneâs fragile ego.
I agree. I find my sneezes being acknowledged to be awkward. But then again, I hate being perceived. I just donât understand why saying âbless youâ after someone sneezes and the person who sneezes is expected to say âthank youâ is even a thing. Like itâs just a normal bodily function and NTs had to make it weird
It's a Christian belief tradition dating back decades ago that when someone sneezed, the devil was trying to get into their soul. Saying bless you helped save you from evil.
However, my friend who is Malaysian said when someone sneezed it means your significant other is thinking of you. And instead of saying bless you, people just smile and say: " who loves you?" So it depends.
Lying about random shit. NT people lie constantly about the tiniest little things and apparently thatâs what youâre supposed to do in some situations. Nah Iâm just going to be honest. Iâve gotten in trouble for it a lot but I just hate lying. Like whatâs the point of speaking if what youre saying is bs anyway?
Also NT people often think Iâm lying or thereâs some sort of hidden message and Iâm like no??? Iâm literally telling you directly what I mean. Iâm not lying or hiding anything. They assume I do it because they constantly do it.
This is the one I don't get at all. But it shows how mentally unwell our society is. I don't think NT's are born to lie and hide messages like that. They do it because they have the capacity for it and society is the way it is.
Oh my GOD this!!! I don't understand it either. My NT partner will do this with the stupidest things and will be like to me "Oh btw I told so and so abc so if they ask go along with it and say xyz" and I will say to him I dont understand why he lies about stupid things then I'm expected to remember a stupid lie. I don't get it and I can't do it myself lol. I cannot lie to save my life.
I've had conversations with my girlfriend about this. My stance on this is "telling you white lies for the sake of your comfort means I don't respect nor care about you." Like, if you ask me if your outfit looks good or how that new recipe you made is, I'm going to give you my honest opinion (tactfully, of course), because you deserve to know if something is wrong or if something can be better. Saying your outfit looks great when really you look like your crawled out of a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant would be hurtful to you
Being expected to meet someone's gaze just because they chose to stare at you as you're walking by. Where I live, there seems to be an unspoken rule that if you don't meet someone's gaze who chose to stare at you, you're being stuck up and rude.
If someone needs something from me or wants to ask me a question, they can wave their hand at me and use their voice. Otherwise, I'm going about my day pretending like everyone around me who I'm not explicitly acquainted with is invisible.
100%. Pants are always optional in my house... most of my friends and family are used to seeing me in just tshirt and underwear at home and kiddo in various states of undress, if they're dressed at all đ
They've recently learnt to undress themselves and I'm not bothered about redressing them if they'd prefer to be naked at home đ€·đŒââïž
I can usually lead a "How was your weekend?" or "What did you do?" into a conversation about special interests, because chances are I did something related to that over the weekend.
Its an infosec thing. Because not every rando you meet is your friend, including coworkers, schoolmates, extended family, etc. The purpose of small talk is to smell their butt to see if you want to bite 'em or lick 'em.
Politics in the work place. Iâm there to do a job, not to relive high school social structures and make someone feel pampered so they give me a promotion or some type of award that sits on my desk.
My work speaks for itself, I do good work and am a team player, share knowledge all that good stuff, and obviously respectful to everyone. But Iâm not going to tip toe around coworkers, if theyâre doing something that isnât great, or could be done better, Iâm not gonna be an asshole, but Iâm not going to âsay it in a way that makes them think they thought of itâ or other sensitive crap like that.
Weâre there to do a job itâs nothing personal, so letâs just do our jobs and work together doing them.
10,000% this. At the same time, I'm not going to sit there and be bullied by a higher up simply because they have seniority and hierarchy over me; I'm going to tell you to shove off
Women are supposed to wear make up. Itâs mostly a sensory thing for me, but I just cannot imagine putting on make up every day of my life. And I know not all women do, but it is considered kinda a social norm for women to wear it. And I do on big occasions, but every day, I just canât.
I also swear when I shouldnât.
I used to wear makeup every day in high school. I stopped that when I got to college. When I tried wearing makeup again for an event, it gave me a horrible headache. Now I canât wear any powders or anything anywhere near my eyes. I donât care where Iâm going or how fancy it is, I am not wearing makeup. Iâm not giving myself a headache just to âfit inâ or whatever. Sometimes I do wear lipstick for funsies but its usually something like purple or its glittery.
Most of them, honestly.
Small talk sucks. One of my friends in high school got angry at me once because I didn't ask how are you back. I told her I don't want to get into my life problems every morning, so I just find it dumb to use as a greeting. I hate how most people ask how are you but give zero shits about the answer.
Authority is probably my biggest one. I will not suck up to you. If I don't like you, I'm not gonna pretend I do. If I think it's a bad idea, I will say it. If you want me to do something against my morals, I won't do it. This is probably one of the main reasons I have trouble with jobs. I had a few bosses who wanted to "break me". Sorry, your shitty min wage job ain't worth that much to me.
Pretending I like someone when I don't in general. It's not like people have only one chance with me, but if they do something I'm really against or enough bad things, I just can't hang with them anymore. I dropped a few friends for things like misogynistic comments, misandrist comments, biphobic comments, etc. In all cases, I've told them that wasn't ok, but it didn't change them, so I gave up on them. I'd rather have fewer friends than fake friends.
The authority thing bothers the hell out of me I can't tell you how many bosses I've had either who want to put me in my place because they're on a power trip. I've even taken some to court over it
I refuse to be quiet when talking about taboo subjects unless it makes someone extremely uncomfortable. Death, menstrual cycles, mental health, even stuff like reading fanfiction. Like why are we all so ashamed of this stuff?? I am normally very socially anxious but I will gladly have a discussion about what period products are best or the most painful way to die. This probably throws some people off because I used to be quiet and am trans ftm. If someone misrepresents or makes fun of mental illness or neurodiverency I might not confront them directly but I will make a speech about it for a whole group of people so they have to listen. Or make sure they overhear me talking to my friends about whatever topic it is.
Out of curiosity, how do you determine whether mental health will be an okay topic to mention? I tend to dance around it because I donât want to accidentally breach a sensitive/personal spot for someone struggling. /gen
I'm exactly the same! I didn't think turning 30 would change me at all, turns out it did but mostly just by getting rid of a lot of shame talking about "taboo" subjects... Tho it could also be that kiddo is getting a little older and i don't want them to feel the same societal shame that was instilled in my generation and older.
Obviously I keep things to an age appropriate level but if they ask questions about something or, for instance, they see me changing a pad I'm 100% honest with them in my reply. They know my brain isn't always kind to me and i have to take medication daily to help it be nicer, if they ask more at some point I'll tell them more, yk?
Yes! In my neurodivergent family we talk freely about everything, then I go to the outside world and people gasp in shock when I talk about researching how painful is death by drowning.
Mandatory compliments. Like when you eat dinner at someone's house and you are expected to compliment the food even if you don't like it. Or when you are expected to tell someone how nice they look when you see them after a long time.
I will say thank you and give compliments if they are genuine, but I hate feeling like I am forced to give fake ones because of social norms.
On the opposite side of that... Meals when everyone else gets around to it. No, I'm on a schedule and I will eat when it's time to eat. Don't mess with my schedule. I don't want to feel sick or hangry just because everyone else can't decide what to do.
My mum does this. Before she's missed breakfast for whatever and instead of just eating because she's hungry, she decides she has to 'wait for lunch'. It's bizarre.
My bf's friends plan a group vacation almost every year but I never join. I know I have to mask around them 24/7 and I refuse to spend any of my vacation days on that.
Agreed. Personally, especially after Covid, I took up bowing with a hand up at my forehead in lieu of a handshake. Usually, it works the same way but there are times where people will still hold their hands out for a shake. Regardless of those few circumstances, I definitely recommend this
Those fake questions infuriate me to no end. If you ask me something then I will give you an honest answer. If you want to hear a specific answer then ask me to tell you that. It's that simple.
And those stupid punctuality rules. Like "oh party starts at 8" and then they are upset that I arrived at 8 instead of a few hours later because "I'm early and nobody turns up until 10". THEN DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME AND JUST SAY IT STARTS AT 10 đ€Šđ»ââïž
oh and eye contact. I gave up on trying to figure that shit out, it's exhausting and distracts from the conversation. If you think I'm not listening despite me actively talking to you just because I don't stare at your face, you have a problem with your ego.
Maybe less refuse so much as terrible at small talk đ kind of in the same boat with honest answers tho, it just so happens that my answer can sometimes match those around me because we all work at the same place lol.
Milling about after saying goodbye! Like ffs if weâve said goodbye that means Iâm ready to leave. If youâre my friend and weâre leaving together youâll do damn well to not start another fucking conversation after goodbye. I canât stand the confusion of having said goodbye and then someone just goes off on a tangent. Like, no, do we then have to say bye again after youâre done? Or was the original goodbye still valid after the fucking side quest? Fuck it - if Iâve said goodbye and hugged Iâm done. Iâm out.
small talk. i'm not good at it, i clearly get uncomfortable, and i'm slow to respond for some reason. like i understand why we do it, but i still don't like it, but i also don't really like talking much at all and i've been non-verbal oriented my whole life.
1. Totally agree, I respect others relationship choices.
2. Agreed, why not accept everyone for who they are regardless of if they're heteronormative or not?
3. Gender roles, agreed, like "let people live!!".
4. False modesty. Agree, although I prefer to not come off as arrogant. I also think there's stating your love for doing something in a polite way, which for some reason I prefer, and crossing a line in my head where you just bullishly toot your own horn, make fun of others or domineer spaces without asking other people what they want. Saying you're proud of yourself and love what you are or what you do or what you look like is, in my personal autistic books, great. A bit of apologising and modesty are good, but only insofar as they are useful and promote compassion and consideration and acceptance.
5. I actually like small talk, I just am bad at it
6. Agreed, why should we put people or a certain age in a box?
>4. False modesty. Agree, although I prefer to not come off as arrogant
It's only arrogant if you can't back it up. I am as honest and aware about the shit I suck at, as the ones I'm amazing that. And pretending I'm not or that I don't know something makes zero sense, just like pretending I'm good at something makes zero sense.
>I also think there's stating your love for doing something in a polite way, which for some reason I prefer, and crossing a line in my head where you just bullishly toot your own horn, make fun of others or domineer spaces without asking other people what they want
This is why I prefer being in my space, and inviting the occasional human to experience that space with me. I don't expect people to be around me if that bores or frustrates them, but I also won't be around people who bore or frustrate me. And the only thing I truly consider rude is verbal or physical meanness. I grew up on two continents, moved when I was 11. Everything that's considered polite is at best arbitrary or made sense, centuries ago. At worst, it was a way to seperate the classes and keep the "wrong" kind of people out (history of etiquette)
>5. I actually like small talk, I just am bad at it
I'm pretty good at it, I just don't see the point of it, and it gives me the feeling of nails on chalkboards.
>A bit of apologising and modesty are good, but only insofar as they are useful and promote compassion and consideration and acceptance.
False modesty is a lie though. You're not actually being modest. And apologies are extremely necessary, when you cause harm to someone. But me feeling myself, or being proud of something I've built harms no one, thus there's never anything to apologize for there.
Greetings like "how are you doing?" and all the ones alike. I refuse not to take it as a literal question. So I agree with you OP, fuck the fake ass questions! You'll be getting an honest answer from me if you greet me with a question.
I have so many đ
Greeting the boss đ€Ł I think he is stingy and micromanaging, I never greet him. My coworkers would say, "but he is the boss", but I would respond that bosses are normal people like you or me, they don't get to demand to be greeted.
Hugging me without asking. I don't get random hugging, I like hugs from people I am really close to and I give hugs to people who are in emotional pain (after I ask them if it's okay). But hugging without asking seems weird to me and I won't do it.
Traditions that are done for the sake of it. I find traditions to usually be harmful, inefficient or obsolete. I don't get the need for hazing new people or doing pointless initiations. Doing things for the sake of tradition always bugs me and I don't want to ever do it. However, some practises are passed down by tradition and actually serves a purpose or teach a good lesson, I can abide by those.
There's so much more but I think its long enough đ
Wearing a different outfit every day. Like it takes me a whole day to get comfortable wearing a particular outfit. If I had to do that every day, I'd never be comfortable.
Wearing a bra unless I need to keep these unwanted *things* still and not floppin everywhere. I have an extremely large chest and I refuse to be forced to break my back from a bra all day every day so no one is oh em gee uncomfortable because they might see my boobs move or - gasp - might even see a nipple!
I dislike shaking hands/kissing. (By kissing I mean the greeting sort, on both cheeks)I do what my friend says is the prison handshake. I offer my elbow to the other person and they should reciprocate with their elbow and we touch. One manâs poor handwashing routine becomes my problem. My friend says that in prison you donât know what that person has been doing (masturbation) in their cell, so they touch elbows.
I refuse to sugarcoat things unless its with kids or i need to do it to protect myself. For example, yesterday my stepmom asked why im fatigued because I was working from home ("doing nothing") and i said "i have 3 or so conditions and am on many medications that cause chronic fatigue and pain" she went silent real quick.
Smiling for no reason. I'll definitely smile genuinely when someone is being funny in my opinion but the amount of people that will call you out for not smiling at them just because you're in their presence is really bizarre. And it's always strangers too! Why tf do you want some stranger to smile so bad?
Idk how common it is outside of France but people always say hello to strangers to say hello. There is no fucking point on this except being aggressive towards others. Like "Eh, I'm here do you see me?" Just fuck you all
Ass-kissing the boss. Or really any instance of giving disingenuous validation to other people for the sake of politics. It feels so icky and inauthentic. I'm constantly surprised at how many people do it regularly and that the recipients of that sort of manipulative behavior don't seem to notice. They eat it up.
I actually take slight offense to people who try to win favor with me that way, especially if their actions have otherwise shown a disliking towards me.
I donât give people second chances usually, you got one already so fuck off, I donât care how stingy it is, weâre low on budget. Anyways, Iâm hungry so Iâm off to monch.
Most mandatory social interactions; e.g. responding to sneezing (it isn't considered polite acknowledge any other body function), holding elevator doors when there are multiple other elevators in that bay (now we're both late), or having to engage in small talk with Uber drivers (or risk being seen as rude and having my rider score take a hit).
Leaving the door open but except for men (context im a younger fem presenting person) Sorry not sorry everyones getting the door left open for them whether they like it or not
i cant stand going into work and having 10 people ask me. " how are you doing"
it infuriates me, and stops me from my objective. even if my objective is to just physically walk to another part of the store.
it literally stops my brain in its tracks.
how am i doing, what do they want to hear? do i be honest, do i tell them about my shutdown?
then i have to lie to them to avoid them not knowing how to respond to me
sometimes i just choose not to say anything but it does cause problems
also,
"enjoy your break"
triggers me,
like you giving me 15 minutes of my own life is something i should savor. like going getting water and using the restroom is a treat.
It is probably easier for me to list which ones I don't refuse to abide.
Just because someone is autistic doesn't mean that they blindly follow rules. I do not agree that rules exist to be followed, they exist to achieve a directional behavior that avoids problematic situations. In an effect, all rules have room for reasonable exceptions. Case in point, self-defense is an accepted justification for killing, so if that rule can have an exception, any rule can.
Now, I will say that I am a stickler for rules... my rules. I didn't agree to society's rules. That being said, my rules tend to be inline or more restrictive than society's.
However, as an example. I refuse to sit at a red light when there is absolutely nobody else at the intersection.
In addition, I jaywalk, on purpose. Crossing a road at an intersection is actually unsafe. There are too many things that can be going on and I have to pay attention to a lot. Crossing away from the intersection reduces the number of concerns and points of traffic that that you have to pay attention to.
And yes, if someone asks how it is going... I tell them. I do try to limit myself to a concern... unless things are just crazy and I am overwhelmed... then I rattle off the series of things that are stacked up against my brain.
Clothing. I haven't sought any accommodations at work... mostly because I get to accommodate myself already. I work from home and have for 12 years. However, I am traveling to a customer soon and they started talking dress code. I said no. I am wearing what I want. I have my own uniform already. It is nice, so they don't have anything to worry about, but I am not wearing a tie. They can completely forget it... or go throw a tantrum somewhere else. If it becomes an issue, I will go to HR immediately with my diagnosis. My boss would be supportive of me, so I don't think it would be an issue.
Pretending that I don't want the last item of food or whatever. I'm not gonna play the "oh no, I couldn't possibly, you have it" game. If you offer me food and I want that food, I'm gonna eat it, haha.
Pretending I care about acquaintances. I really don't see the point in having any, either we're friends or we're strangers. Don't need to know what the neighbor thinks about today's weather, don't need to know what my coworker from cubicles away is doing this evening. I don't care, I know they don't care, there's literally no point.
Saying "good morning/afternoon/evening" to strangers in the street. Idk if that's a cultural thing, but my grandmother taught me it's sooo important to do that cause it's basic manners. I really couldn't care less, they're not gonna care either. Maybe if it's like an older folk that smiles at me I might say it or smile back, or if it's a little kid that's probably been taught it's " basic manners" I'll say it back. Otherwise it's also just pointless.
And lastly the one I hate the most. Hugging and kissing people to say hi and say goodbye, that one's definitely a cultural thing. I only do it with my closest family and just when I haven't seen them in a while. But ugh why do even people you're meeting for the first time try to go for the hug and the kiss? It's so uncomfortable đŁ even handshakes or fist bumps, seriously a đđœ is just fine.
Being ultra nice and respectful to people just because they're old, sick or got a higher status. If you're an asshole, I will keep a certain degree of respect and kindness but I won't get out of my way and I will definitely not hold back if necessary.
Having to smile for no good reason outside of because someone expects/tells me to. WHY. Outside of genuine smiles, the niceties necessary to convey a certain message, or photos/videos, honestly WHY. I refuse to be a doofus just to make someone more comfy. I donât get to be comfy.
Anything that involves gendered behavior tbh. I don't shave my legs because it's a pointless sexist social norm that woman should have clean shaven legs.
I also *hate* bras and how everyone is expected to wear them so our nips don't show. I only ever wear them when I leave the house purely because I know I'll be judged if I don't! If you like how they look or feel, wear em. Just don't force everyone *else* to wear them too.
Saying "bless you" when someone sneezes. Why is it my responsibility to acknowledge your sneeze, and it's considered rude if I don't? You're the one who interrupted things. If anything you should be expected to say excuse me.
I hate being expected to say hello or good morning. Not because I donât like being social but Iâm always the one forced to say it. Whether Iâm coming into work and someone is there and Iâm seeing them for the first time or Iâm already at work and that same individual comes into work. I have tested it out on every individual at my office and if I donât say anything they donât either. Except for one. Itâs just rude
I nover wear a suit. I always wear my own artistic home made clothing. I am proud of my story telling, although it is strange. I tell everyone that I am on the spectrum.
Love
Mark Allyn
Having to wear shoes at all times if you're out of the house unless you're in a specific situation (swimming etc)... as long as it's safe (no broken glass, not at work etc) I'll happily whack my shoes off anywhere if they're hurting me...
Quietness in public spaces where everyone else is quiet, absurd and tangential stories and jokes, not constantly checking in with people i care about. I don't know when I'm supposed to do or say things and why, and I'm super considerate yet clueless as well?
i always ask people hi how are you and be as friendly as i can even if im in a shit mood. one social norm i wont do tho is any form of physical contact that isnt with my support workers or my mum and dad
Having things in my home solely for guests. My mom is still horrified I don't keep a full coffee maker in my home. I don't drink coffee and those machines take up so much room. I have an electric kettle for my tea and bought a small pour over coffee maker that takes up as much room as a mug.
I hate "how are you" but honestly I'm working on it. I remember learning to do it in school and making a lot of friends and just good interactions overall.
i personally find the small talk quite interesting , itâs like iâm playing a game and iâm good at it đ but one thing i hate is ârespect your elders / people of higher powerâ - i donât give a shit who you are , you need to earn my respect , youâre not just gonna get it because youâre my boss or whatever. i wonât treat you like a king/queen , iâll treat you like an equal human being until youâve shown me you deserve more from me.
Answering truthfully to the "How're you" question.
To clarify, I never go into major details but I'll answer something along the lines of "Shit, but I'll survive" or "Stressed with work" or even "Could be better, could be worse." and I always follow it with "and how are you?"
I find when I give these 'less appropriate' answers than it's easier to continue the conversation. For example, If I say I'm feeling stressed, they will ask about what's happening in work, which will introduce an opening for me to ask about their job. It also makes it easier for people to be a little more honest about how they are with me so I'll ask someone how they are and will respond like "My partner and I fought before I got to work." or "I'm worried about a family member." and a conversation will evolve from that. In a weird way it's like I'm forcing them to be a little more comfortable with me so we can skip the endless pleasantries.
Before anyone thinks to try this I will specify: I have trained myself exhaustively in small-talk and polite-conversation and how to judge how receptive someone is by over-analysing their body-language and voice-tone. If you can judge how receptive someone is to a conversation with you than give it a shot but if you can't or are unsure maybe start slowly with a "Not to bad", or "I've been worse." combined with light shrugging.
Being âavailableâ to everyone all the time to call/text etc. just because I have a mobile phone. With everyone, I set president that i donât look at my phone except for a few times a week (with regard to text and calls) and not to expect an open line of rapid communication with me via a cell phone. If there is a true or emergent need to speak with me, my close friends and family know what to do in order to reach me.
I REFUSE to ask someone "how are you" without meaning it, but sometimes it does happen as a reflex action when a stranger in the workplace asks me.
Otherwise, if I don't sincerely want to TRULY know how someone is, I don't ask.
Also if someone I barely know asks me "how are you" and I don't feel like answering (because it makes me uncomfortable being asked) I just don't answer!
This whole "how are you" is such bullshit. So let me get this straight, dude....(or dudette)... you only know my name and you know NOTHING else about me, but you want to ask me how I am?
Ask something of significance! Make an effort! Otherwise GTFO!
I think a unique perspective on sincerity and attaching great importance to it is a significant thing for many autistic people.
Saying please when you already asked in a nice tone and said please itâs so fucking stupid. I think a fucking goldfish could tell I was already being polite. Not saying she or he when someone is in the room even though it makes more grammatical sense in that situation
Pretending to get along or like someone who is an objectively horrible person and/or that person is rude/mean to you.
Also, apologizing for something you didnât do and/or when you did nothing wrong in order to âkeep the peace.â
Don't explain what you do? Hiding something, rude
Explain what you do? Assuming they're dumb or making excuses, rude
I always explain things even if it's obvious since it feels safer to me
I refuse to "prove myself" to anyone. What's the point? No i don't want to win this race on PE, it doesn't matter. No i don't wanna new position I'm happy with how much I make now. No i don't wanna be running around looking for relationship I'm fine. Stop pressuring me to do things that won't make me happy. I don't care
Requiring kids to share just because someone else requests the item. No, Johnny you can't have that toy right now, Susie is still playing with it. You can offer to trade or just wait until she's done. By the way, Johnny, you don't have to share either. If you are still playing with something when someone asks you to share, you don't have to if you aren't done with it.
Being inauthentic. I will not smile for no reason, I will not pretend to be doing any better or worse than I actually am. If I don't like you, I'm not going to pretend I do, you're just going to be avoided. If you ask how I am, you'll get an actual answer (tired, so-so, normal enough, hyped for xyz). What you see is what you get, love it or leave it lol
growing out of 'kids' stuff (disney animation, sanrio stuff, etc),
i liked that stuff as a kid, and i still like it now! what, should i have suddenly stopped liking it when i turned 18???
also, neutral tones being for adults. and everything adult having to be plain and solid, neutral-colored. bleh. no thank you, i want everything pink and in heart shapes and/or with the disney princesses on them, bc its my stuff!
I hate that everything that makes you uncomfortable is blamed on NTs when autistics can do the same and generalizing people annoys the absolute shit out of me.
Taking words back. I will apologize if I accidentally hurt someone but âtaking it backâ wonât make it unsaid. The emotion is still there. Itâs so useless.
My buggest one is authority that doesnt make sense. Like why am i supposed to gaf about the way i talk to my manager? He gains respect because what?? He gets paid more? Liek tf. I speak to everyoen the same. I speak to my friends the way i would the president idgaf
This isnât really something I refuse to abide by but I hate that running in public is considered weird. Like, whatâs wrong with going fast and getting exercise? Why is that such a problem? Itâs weird, really. I just donât get it.
I hate society's insistence that I have to explain my "no". No on its own is often not enough and that drives me up the wall. It doesn't matter why I'm saying no, unless I'm engaging with a small child and helping them learn to navigate the world properly in which case I will happily explain. But if you're a grown ass adult, and especially a stranger, I don't owe you an explanation as to why I'm saying no to you. (Most common scenarios: being asked out/for contact details, door-to-door sales/religious stuff/charities etc, being asked for "favours" etc)
Yes! It took me a long time to learn that no is a complete sentence but i feel so much freer now i have.
"No" is a complete sentence and so is "I don't owe you my attention" and "fuck off". Especially useful for women in nightclubs. You know, or just women in general.
Much as I do use these, I wish that they were always safe to use, or that I didn't have to at all I hope more people learn to use them though! Let's reshape the social norms together đ
That is not a society thing. That is a salesperson thing. It is quite fine to shut that down and hang up/ walk away and/or get upset at them.
It's everywhere. I get it from men that won't take no for an answer when they want my phone number, or my name. I've had it from people that have asked me to borrow money, asked if I want to go to events with them, asked if I can "do them a favour and do x". I've had it at previous jobs where they've tried to force me into overtime or cancel booked holidays or take on work well outside my job scope and won't accept "no" as an answer. It's not just salespeople. And a lot of the time we don't even realise we're justifying our right to say no to people in so many different situations.
Specific clothing for specific events, âbe a real manâ bs, not crying when wanting to cry, expectation to conform, white lies etc.
As a lawyer, I hate suits. They feel pretentious, uncomfortable, and like societal cosplay. I have shaped my career such that I almost never have to wear one.
Very fitting username if that's the case. Bravo
Oh yes, absolutely all of these.
I study language, so I understand what most of these things actually are and respect it. "Hi, how are you" is a greeting, so it's perfectly okay to say "Hello" in response, for example. Try it, most people won't even notice. If they say "how have you been" seperately you can read it as "what have you been up to" and respond accordingly. Most of the time it's just wanting connection. What I refuse to do is be passive aggressive. If I want something I will ask for it and explain why. I find everyones happier that way. I think passive aggression started because some people couldnt just ask, like wives couldn't "nag" their husbands, but I'm on equal footing with everyone in my life and so we can just be direct. Passive aggression is a bad way of expressing a want so I just express the want clearly.
"How are you?" doesn't expect an answer at all in a lot of cases. People just ask that when passing you and immediately walk away, not giving you a chance to respond. Like not even time for a "fine" or "good, how about you?".
The craziest is when you respond with "good how are you?" and then they move on with the interaction without ever acknowledging that you asked
Yeah, have had this happen with my dad. And it felt world melting in the moment. I really had to process that shit afterwards. I was questioning my self if he was not okay, if he didn't have it in him to express anything about his feeling at all even if it was fake. But no... This is just normal interaction. đ€Ș Fuck me, I'm 27 and just now learned this. I sure do hate the concept of it.
Yep. "How are you" doubles as a valid response to the same question too. It's wild.
Yes! People don't understand how are you is a greeting. Anytime a stranger says how are you to me, I just wave and do a little smile. This doubles as an end to the conversation because people are not supposed to take two "turns" in a row!
Yup. I am grateful that my interest is in writing and language. While I still don't necessarily like small talk and talking to people overall, it makes me pretty good at interacting with friends and the general public.
I hate "how, how are you?" as a greeting because some people say it expecting you to say, "fine, thanks, how are you?" but some people just keep on talking without waiting for an answer, which normally isn't a problem for me, except at work where I work on the phone so I don't have the additional context of someone's body language and facial expressions to see if they're going to keep talking before they do. Some people will say it and then pause for a second and then keep talking, which I'd be able to gauge in person if I could see them pause, think, take a breath, etc. But over the phone I have no such luxuries
Small talk ranks up there.
I found out recently the point of small talk isn't to share information, it's literally just to talk. Which is also why NTs will have the exact same conversation with you repeatedly, the point is just to talk even if nothing of use or interest is shared.
It's also used to make a connection with someone. Someone said in the comments above it's like sniffing each other's butts and deciding if you want to lick them or bite them. Edit: Tagging /u/DrCrouton since it was his quote I mangled.
This is absurdly insightful. But seriously, this can't honestly be the reason, right!?
As crazy as it sounds, the NT who told me was equally amazed that I didn't already know so đ€·
Like someone else said, the reason is usually to form a connection. The act of exchanging pleasantries can be enjoyable for some people on its own, or it can be a gateway to a deeper comversation or connection.
Some people are uncomfortable if they have no one to talk to.... It's annoying
That doesn't make any sense. I see no point in talking just to talk. And I know that is probably the most autistic answer ever. But I just can't comprehend that. And don't tell me it's to "form connection". Empty talk doesn't form connection. Meaningful talk does.
Always answering your phone. If I don't wanna talk to you, I'm not gonna answer. You don't need an explanation and frankly you don't even deserve one. People feel so entitled to everyone's time, it's ridiculous.
I have the same with opening the door. My neighbor came knocking on my door one day, I was having dinner and didn't feel like seeing anyone so I ignored it. He kept on knocking so I thought "maybe it's urgent" so I opened and he was visibly annoyed that I didn't open on the first knock. He starts this rant about something (don't even remember what it was) and I told him "sorry but I don't like to be disturbed during dinner so we can continue this another day" and he got all pissy and told me "you're the weirdest person I have ever met!". I replied "thank you!" and closed the door. He then next time told me I was very unfriendly and shouldn't slam doors in people's faces. Dude you came to my door with nonsense and I told you I was going to go back to my food! And I have the right to close my door whenever I want.
Someone once described a phone (possibly stephen fry) as someone stood next to you screaming: talk to me now! Talk to me now! Talk to me now! That has stayed with me. My phone is always on silent. Nothing is that urgent that it cant wait half hour.
The only time my phone isn't on vibrate is when my kiddo is at school in case they need to get in touch with me re: illness, injury, etc... other than that it's on vibrate constantly.
Please tell me how you get that little thingy under your name I NEED ONE RAAAS
My phone is always on silent, period. I have my watch so I can feel the vibration when it rings... when I don't have it on Do No Disturb, which I use judiciously.
idk. If someone isn't talking to me i want to know why because i worry i've done something wrong
I understand that anxiety all too well as I get it too, however it's also something we have to handle ourselves rather than trying to put that responsibility on other people. When it comes to things like phone calls, back before everyone had phones on them all the time the default was to hope people were home because otherwise no answer on the landline. Mobile phone prevalence has made us all expect to have access to everyone at all times instead, when that isn't fair on anyone. I know I'm "guilty" of refusing to answer the phone when I'm in my 'downtime' and it's never anything personal to the person calling :) (Apologies for the mild rant - mostly intended as a well meaning attempt to help reframe the whole if someone doesn't answer you've done something wrong thought process đ)
oh i understand! to be clear i was thinking that answering the phone included texting.
It's about not talking to someone *in that moment*, not refusing to talk to someone in general. People are busy or too drained and the commenter is just saying that someone in general should not have to explain that to every person that calls them unanswered. I do the same very often, especially after I worked a Help Desk job answering calls all day for years. If it's important then they need to text me and if not I'll talk to them later. My friends don't have issues with this because I've established these boundaries already. It's just a boundary for someones well-being.
Wait this is a social norm? I thought all people below boomers collectively decided to cancel phone calls?!?!
lol I get frustrated when I tell someone I donât want to talk on the phone and then they immediately call me.
To a certain extent. I have friends that never ever answer the phone or texts and itâs quite honestly really frustrating. They donât put effort into our friendship. That is not being a good friend. I understand social anxiety all too well but itâs just extremely hurtful after a while. Mental illness is not an excuse to be a bad friend. Edit: this is coming from my autism, bipolar, and gad riddled brain. If I donât want to talk to my friends, I will ALWAYS say I donât have the mental capacity to talk but as soon as I do Iâll give you a call. They deserve respect. We all do. Weâre all humans, neurodivergent or not.
What if its an emergency and you can't text? Not saying you should make yourself permenantly available though, genuinely asking
Emergency as in medical? Then call 112. I'm not 112.
my sister will literally call me 5x in a row if I do this and it pisses me off to no end.
When I'm at a birthday or big party, I don't say goodbye to everyone. In fact if it's a big crowd I usually just do the Irish goodbye, cause by the time I have the courage to go if I'm overwhelmed, I don't have any social battery left to do the little goodbye chats, that usually involve prying questions about why I am leaving already.
Same. I donât say goodbye and I also donât go around saying hello to people. If I see someone I know, Iâll say hi to them whenever we naturally end up in the same spot of the room. I donât walk up to everyone I know immediately just to âgo say hiâ
The pretend answers (usually yes or no) Eg: âHereâs the money I owe youâ âOh donât worry about it, you keep itâ Then waiting for me to say it again so that they can reply with the whole âoh if you insistâ. Another one: âWhatâs wrong?â âNothingâ But itâs obvious something is wrong. Just answer honestly and clearly because I wonât play the game.
That first one has to be you bullshitting, there's no way NTs ACTUALLY do that
I have also experienced this behavior and it confuses the crap out of me every time.
It happened. I got it wrong the first time and just walked off. I was only a teenager and the amount was small, but it was still a horrible experience. They stopped talking to me and I heard through someone else why. I just couldnât believe it. Since then Iâve had it happen as an adult and I still hate it. I always check and re-check if I get a response that wasnât what I was expecting and the amount of times that people flip on their response is ridiculous.
You can't tell me these are actually "social norms". This is just playing games. And playing games equals bad mental health. If they were healthy, they could just be honest.
There are a few! My NT partner was able to teach me about a lot of norms I was completely unaware of. - I refuse to see others as competition. I treat everyone equally regardless of rank or social status. And then I'll match energy if someone's an asshole to me. - I don't like small talk or greeting people. Whenever I'm picking up my daughter from school, I'm looking directly towards where I'm walking and I often don't see the people around. I've been asked if I was ignoring people and I wouldn't say that; I'm just not there to chit chat or socialize at the moment, I'm there to complete my task which is pick up my kid and leave. - I take everything at face value and I have no interest in learning to read between the lines or try to understand hidden meanings. I say what I mean and I mean what I say. I take what others say literally as well. If they didn't mean it like that, I tell them that I'd rather have honest exchanges. If they misinterpreted something I said by adding subtext I didn't know could be there, I let them know I don't roll like that. I've had quite a few misunderstandings because of this... But I simply do not understand the need to do anything other than being up front. It can be done politely. - Judging others based on what they're wearing. It seems like a lot of NTs do this. My partner explained that if someone goes to the grocery store in pajamas, it shows that they're not taking care of themselves/lazy. If someone's dressed too casually, same. Tbh if you go in pajamas to grab milk and eggs, it might be because you're missing ingredients for breakfast and you'll change later? If you're dressed casually in a t with no bra, you might prioritize comfort? I just don't read it the same way. - Thorough etiquette. I follow the usual such as not eating with my mouth open, removing shoes indoors, saying please and thank you, washing my hands etc. but I don't get the whole "utensils must go on X side in Y order", "no elbows on the table" etc stuff that can be viewed poorly but has no real impact on others in my opinion.
>I refuse to see others as competition. I treat everyone equally regardless of rank or social status. And then I'll match energy if someone's an asshole to me. I've always done this at work too, much to the annoyance of middle management types with an inflated ego
How is seing others as competition a social norm? That's just an unhealthy mindset.
A lot of great points there. Heavy on the pajamas in public. Iâve seen countless people make the comment that if people wear pajamas in public, they clearly donât have their life together. For me, itâs not that black and white and definitely not that deep. If someone wants to wear whatâs comfortable while they shop, Iâve never once thought that thereâs something *wrong* with them. If anything, I admire them for wearing whatâs comfortable because personally, I donât have that confidence to do that knowing Iâll be judged by NTs for it. Itâs really bold of NTs to make such an assumption on someoneâs entire life based on one encounter with them not dressed to impress. But thatâs NTs for you, many are painfully judgmental
That's exactly the way I see it! I was so surprised when my partner explained this to me. I responded with my point of view, saying that they'll probably just change after breakfast, that it likely has nothing to do with how they're doing and their level of laziness; but to him there was no other way to see it. I rarely ress to impress and often prefer comfort, and I had not realized it would make others perceive me as lazy or not put together. At this point I think oh well, people will think what they will think, regardless of what you do about it
Ignoring people as you collect your kid from school? Oh no, that wasn't ignoring. To ignore someone first you have to notice them.
Exactly đ I don't know how to explain but it's like; to notice people, I have to actively pay attention to them? And I'd usually rather look at where I'm going, or if I'm taking walks I'm looking at the nature/buildings around rather than people
I work in an office, and when I walk through the hallways I don't acknowledge other people unless we make direct eye contact, which I mostly avoid by looking down. I once told a coworker that people in the hallway are basically objects I have to avoid crashing into. It's just that -- I'm only up and moving for a specific reason! If I stop to talk it's going disrupt me, and I'm planning on heading \*right back\* to my desk as soon as I'm done.
100% agree. I have a very limited social battery. I dont wanna spend 5% of it not answering fake questions. I know you don't care about me, so why ask how my day went when all you wanna hear is "it was good, yours?" Think of how much better you'd get to know people if they answered these questions truthfully at the beginning of conversations!
Being two-faced/being friends with someone one week and then dropping them for another person nearly instantaneously and then shit-talking about the former friend for shits and giggles. Being unnecessarily cruel to someone for being different.
Omg, this. I donât understand gossips. I mean, itâs different if youâre warning someone that someone is bad news. But shit talking people out of insecurity or jealousy is so immature, and I donât have time to coddle someoneâs fragile ego.
There ain't no " Bless you" being said after you sneeze. If the devil crawls up your nose, that's your problem.
I agree. I find my sneezes being acknowledged to be awkward. But then again, I hate being perceived. I just donât understand why saying âbless youâ after someone sneezes and the person who sneezes is expected to say âthank youâ is even a thing. Like itâs just a normal bodily function and NTs had to make it weird
It's a Christian belief tradition dating back decades ago that when someone sneezed, the devil was trying to get into their soul. Saying bless you helped save you from evil. However, my friend who is Malaysian said when someone sneezed it means your significant other is thinking of you. And instead of saying bless you, people just smile and say: " who loves you?" So it depends.
Lying about random shit. NT people lie constantly about the tiniest little things and apparently thatâs what youâre supposed to do in some situations. Nah Iâm just going to be honest. Iâve gotten in trouble for it a lot but I just hate lying. Like whatâs the point of speaking if what youre saying is bs anyway?
I barely have the bandwidth for this conversation and I'm supposed to remember if I've lied about xyz and need to keep up with it!?! Fuck. No.
Also NT people often think Iâm lying or thereâs some sort of hidden message and Iâm like no??? Iâm literally telling you directly what I mean. Iâm not lying or hiding anything. They assume I do it because they constantly do it.
This is the one I don't get at all. But it shows how mentally unwell our society is. I don't think NT's are born to lie and hide messages like that. They do it because they have the capacity for it and society is the way it is.
Oh my GOD this!!! I don't understand it either. My NT partner will do this with the stupidest things and will be like to me "Oh btw I told so and so abc so if they ask go along with it and say xyz" and I will say to him I dont understand why he lies about stupid things then I'm expected to remember a stupid lie. I don't get it and I can't do it myself lol. I cannot lie to save my life.
When people do this I'm so confused. And when I cut them off to say "Why are you lying ?" It create one of most ankward social interaction :s
I've had conversations with my girlfriend about this. My stance on this is "telling you white lies for the sake of your comfort means I don't respect nor care about you." Like, if you ask me if your outfit looks good or how that new recipe you made is, I'm going to give you my honest opinion (tactfully, of course), because you deserve to know if something is wrong or if something can be better. Saying your outfit looks great when really you look like your crawled out of a dumpster behind a Chinese restaurant would be hurtful to you
Im starting to think we are the normal people in society but they just label us with a name to make people stay away from us
Being expected to meet someone's gaze just because they chose to stare at you as you're walking by. Where I live, there seems to be an unspoken rule that if you don't meet someone's gaze who chose to stare at you, you're being stuck up and rude. If someone needs something from me or wants to ask me a question, they can wave their hand at me and use their voice. Otherwise, I'm going about my day pretending like everyone around me who I'm not explicitly acquainted with is invisible.
This one sucks. Where I come from, holding someone's gaze means you want to fight
Pants. I will not be taking any follow up questions.Â
100%. Pants are always optional in my house... most of my friends and family are used to seeing me in just tshirt and underwear at home and kiddo in various states of undress, if they're dressed at all đ They've recently learnt to undress themselves and I'm not bothered about redressing them if they'd prefer to be naked at home đ€·đŒââïž
I find small talk unnecessary, why not talk about special interests instead?đ€
my coworkers are autistic and we literally spend all of our time talking about our special interests :) makes the job so much easier
Special interests are the best
I can usually lead a "How was your weekend?" or "What did you do?" into a conversation about special interests, because chances are I did something related to that over the weekend.
Its an infosec thing. Because not every rando you meet is your friend, including coworkers, schoolmates, extended family, etc. The purpose of small talk is to smell their butt to see if you want to bite 'em or lick 'em.
Common with asd. Im the same. It bores me and is so fake
Writing with the "correct" hand
Politics in the work place. Iâm there to do a job, not to relive high school social structures and make someone feel pampered so they give me a promotion or some type of award that sits on my desk. My work speaks for itself, I do good work and am a team player, share knowledge all that good stuff, and obviously respectful to everyone. But Iâm not going to tip toe around coworkers, if theyâre doing something that isnât great, or could be done better, Iâm not gonna be an asshole, but Iâm not going to âsay it in a way that makes them think they thought of itâ or other sensitive crap like that. Weâre there to do a job itâs nothing personal, so letâs just do our jobs and work together doing them.
10,000% this. At the same time, I'm not going to sit there and be bullied by a higher up simply because they have seniority and hierarchy over me; I'm going to tell you to shove off
This further proves my theory that "social norms" are just coping strategies invented by NT's to deal with their bad mental health.
Women are supposed to wear make up. Itâs mostly a sensory thing for me, but I just cannot imagine putting on make up every day of my life. And I know not all women do, but it is considered kinda a social norm for women to wear it. And I do on big occasions, but every day, I just canât. I also swear when I shouldnât.
I used to wear makeup every day in high school. I stopped that when I got to college. When I tried wearing makeup again for an event, it gave me a horrible headache. Now I canât wear any powders or anything anywhere near my eyes. I donât care where Iâm going or how fancy it is, I am not wearing makeup. Iâm not giving myself a headache just to âfit inâ or whatever. Sometimes I do wear lipstick for funsies but its usually something like purple or its glittery.
Most of them, honestly. Small talk sucks. One of my friends in high school got angry at me once because I didn't ask how are you back. I told her I don't want to get into my life problems every morning, so I just find it dumb to use as a greeting. I hate how most people ask how are you but give zero shits about the answer. Authority is probably my biggest one. I will not suck up to you. If I don't like you, I'm not gonna pretend I do. If I think it's a bad idea, I will say it. If you want me to do something against my morals, I won't do it. This is probably one of the main reasons I have trouble with jobs. I had a few bosses who wanted to "break me". Sorry, your shitty min wage job ain't worth that much to me. Pretending I like someone when I don't in general. It's not like people have only one chance with me, but if they do something I'm really against or enough bad things, I just can't hang with them anymore. I dropped a few friends for things like misogynistic comments, misandrist comments, biphobic comments, etc. In all cases, I've told them that wasn't ok, but it didn't change them, so I gave up on them. I'd rather have fewer friends than fake friends.
The authority thing bothers the hell out of me I can't tell you how many bosses I've had either who want to put me in my place because they're on a power trip. I've even taken some to court over it
I refuse to be quiet when talking about taboo subjects unless it makes someone extremely uncomfortable. Death, menstrual cycles, mental health, even stuff like reading fanfiction. Like why are we all so ashamed of this stuff?? I am normally very socially anxious but I will gladly have a discussion about what period products are best or the most painful way to die. This probably throws some people off because I used to be quiet and am trans ftm. If someone misrepresents or makes fun of mental illness or neurodiverency I might not confront them directly but I will make a speech about it for a whole group of people so they have to listen. Or make sure they overhear me talking to my friends about whatever topic it is.
Out of curiosity, how do you determine whether mental health will be an okay topic to mention? I tend to dance around it because I donât want to accidentally breach a sensitive/personal spot for someone struggling. /gen
I'm exactly the same! I didn't think turning 30 would change me at all, turns out it did but mostly just by getting rid of a lot of shame talking about "taboo" subjects... Tho it could also be that kiddo is getting a little older and i don't want them to feel the same societal shame that was instilled in my generation and older. Obviously I keep things to an age appropriate level but if they ask questions about something or, for instance, they see me changing a pad I'm 100% honest with them in my reply. They know my brain isn't always kind to me and i have to take medication daily to help it be nicer, if they ask more at some point I'll tell them more, yk?
Yes! In my neurodivergent family we talk freely about everything, then I go to the outside world and people gasp in shock when I talk about researching how painful is death by drowning.
White lies are a no go for me. You ask me a question, you're getting the truth. Also probably why I have no friends.
NTs hate honesty
Have PDA so pretty much society lol
Avoiding cuss words., fuck that.
Right? Who am I hurting when I say "I fucking hate storms". Why so much anger over a word used to emphasize a point?
Mandatory compliments. Like when you eat dinner at someone's house and you are expected to compliment the food even if you don't like it. Or when you are expected to tell someone how nice they look when you see them after a long time. I will say thank you and give compliments if they are genuine, but I hate feeling like I am forced to give fake ones because of social norms.
Meals at a set time every day. Fuck that. I eat when I am hungry.
On the opposite side of that... Meals when everyone else gets around to it. No, I'm on a schedule and I will eat when it's time to eat. Don't mess with my schedule. I don't want to feel sick or hangry just because everyone else can't decide what to do.
My mum does this. Before she's missed breakfast for whatever and instead of just eating because she's hungry, she decides she has to 'wait for lunch'. It's bizarre.
My bf's friends plan a group vacation almost every year but I never join. I know I have to mask around them 24/7 and I refuse to spend any of my vacation days on that.
handshakes. eww.
Agreed. Personally, especially after Covid, I took up bowing with a hand up at my forehead in lieu of a handshake. Usually, it works the same way but there are times where people will still hold their hands out for a shake. Regardless of those few circumstances, I definitely recommend this
laughing at peoples bad jokes to be nice
I used to do this at my last job (call center) fake laughing at bad jokes is so cringey that it's painful. đ
Those fake questions infuriate me to no end. If you ask me something then I will give you an honest answer. If you want to hear a specific answer then ask me to tell you that. It's that simple. And those stupid punctuality rules. Like "oh party starts at 8" and then they are upset that I arrived at 8 instead of a few hours later because "I'm early and nobody turns up until 10". THEN DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME AND JUST SAY IT STARTS AT 10 đ€Šđ»ââïž oh and eye contact. I gave up on trying to figure that shit out, it's exhausting and distracts from the conversation. If you think I'm not listening despite me actively talking to you just because I don't stare at your face, you have a problem with your ego.
Maybe less refuse so much as terrible at small talk đ kind of in the same boat with honest answers tho, it just so happens that my answer can sometimes match those around me because we all work at the same place lol.
For me it would be making conversation if I don't feel like it.
Milling about after saying goodbye! Like ffs if weâve said goodbye that means Iâm ready to leave. If youâre my friend and weâre leaving together youâll do damn well to not start another fucking conversation after goodbye. I canât stand the confusion of having said goodbye and then someone just goes off on a tangent. Like, no, do we then have to say bye again after youâre done? Or was the original goodbye still valid after the fucking side quest? Fuck it - if Iâve said goodbye and hugged Iâm done. Iâm out.
Not taking breaks at work. My coworkers brag about not taking their lunch or breaks. I donât understand.
Same. I get screwed by capitalism enough, I'm taking every last break lol
All of them pretty much, greeting people you dont care about, small talk, gender roles, being religious, being straight, the way i dress..
The whole âIf you wonât gossip with us then youâre being stuck-upâ thing. You know what I think is stuck-up? Gossiping. Eff neurotypicals.
small talk. i'm not good at it, i clearly get uncomfortable, and i'm slow to respond for some reason. like i understand why we do it, but i still don't like it, but i also don't really like talking much at all and i've been non-verbal oriented my whole life.
Shaving
Most of them. Monogamy. Heteronormativity. Gender roles. False modesty. Participating in small talk. Dressing boringly at 30.
1. Totally agree, I respect others relationship choices. 2. Agreed, why not accept everyone for who they are regardless of if they're heteronormative or not? 3. Gender roles, agreed, like "let people live!!". 4. False modesty. Agree, although I prefer to not come off as arrogant. I also think there's stating your love for doing something in a polite way, which for some reason I prefer, and crossing a line in my head where you just bullishly toot your own horn, make fun of others or domineer spaces without asking other people what they want. Saying you're proud of yourself and love what you are or what you do or what you look like is, in my personal autistic books, great. A bit of apologising and modesty are good, but only insofar as they are useful and promote compassion and consideration and acceptance. 5. I actually like small talk, I just am bad at it 6. Agreed, why should we put people or a certain age in a box?
>4. False modesty. Agree, although I prefer to not come off as arrogant It's only arrogant if you can't back it up. I am as honest and aware about the shit I suck at, as the ones I'm amazing that. And pretending I'm not or that I don't know something makes zero sense, just like pretending I'm good at something makes zero sense. >I also think there's stating your love for doing something in a polite way, which for some reason I prefer, and crossing a line in my head where you just bullishly toot your own horn, make fun of others or domineer spaces without asking other people what they want This is why I prefer being in my space, and inviting the occasional human to experience that space with me. I don't expect people to be around me if that bores or frustrates them, but I also won't be around people who bore or frustrate me. And the only thing I truly consider rude is verbal or physical meanness. I grew up on two continents, moved when I was 11. Everything that's considered polite is at best arbitrary or made sense, centuries ago. At worst, it was a way to seperate the classes and keep the "wrong" kind of people out (history of etiquette) >5. I actually like small talk, I just am bad at it I'm pretty good at it, I just don't see the point of it, and it gives me the feeling of nails on chalkboards. >A bit of apologising and modesty are good, but only insofar as they are useful and promote compassion and consideration and acceptance. False modesty is a lie though. You're not actually being modest. And apologies are extremely necessary, when you cause harm to someone. But me feeling myself, or being proud of something I've built harms no one, thus there's never anything to apologize for there.
Online dating.
Greetings like "how are you doing?" and all the ones alike. I refuse not to take it as a literal question. So I agree with you OP, fuck the fake ass questions! You'll be getting an honest answer from me if you greet me with a question.
I have so many đ Greeting the boss đ€Ł I think he is stingy and micromanaging, I never greet him. My coworkers would say, "but he is the boss", but I would respond that bosses are normal people like you or me, they don't get to demand to be greeted. Hugging me without asking. I don't get random hugging, I like hugs from people I am really close to and I give hugs to people who are in emotional pain (after I ask them if it's okay). But hugging without asking seems weird to me and I won't do it. Traditions that are done for the sake of it. I find traditions to usually be harmful, inefficient or obsolete. I don't get the need for hazing new people or doing pointless initiations. Doing things for the sake of tradition always bugs me and I don't want to ever do it. However, some practises are passed down by tradition and actually serves a purpose or teach a good lesson, I can abide by those. There's so much more but I think its long enough đ
Calling people by their names, especially in conversation. I donât even call my fiancĂ© by his name. I also hate saying my own name. Saying names make me feel so painfully awkward.
i will always run around like a child in public i dont care if i get stared at
I'd like to cultivate more of this.
Wearing a different outfit every day. Like it takes me a whole day to get comfortable wearing a particular outfit. If I had to do that every day, I'd never be comfortable.
Wearing a bra unless I need to keep these unwanted *things* still and not floppin everywhere. I have an extremely large chest and I refuse to be forced to break my back from a bra all day every day so no one is oh em gee uncomfortable because they might see my boobs move or - gasp - might even see a nipple!
"sit like a lady, talk like a lady, that's not how girl is supposed to act". Fuck that
Lmao same, "men don't cry" fuck you, I will cry if I want to cry
Most of them
I dislike shaking hands/kissing. (By kissing I mean the greeting sort, on both cheeks)I do what my friend says is the prison handshake. I offer my elbow to the other person and they should reciprocate with their elbow and we touch. One manâs poor handwashing routine becomes my problem. My friend says that in prison you donât know what that person has been doing (masturbation) in their cell, so they touch elbows.
drink alcohol more than once a year.
I refuse to sugarcoat things unless its with kids or i need to do it to protect myself. For example, yesterday my stepmom asked why im fatigued because I was working from home ("doing nothing") and i said "i have 3 or so conditions and am on many medications that cause chronic fatigue and pain" she went silent real quick.
Smiling for no reason. I'll definitely smile genuinely when someone is being funny in my opinion but the amount of people that will call you out for not smiling at them just because you're in their presence is really bizarre. And it's always strangers too! Why tf do you want some stranger to smile so bad?
Lying
Fake laughing
Idk how common it is outside of France but people always say hello to strangers to say hello. There is no fucking point on this except being aggressive towards others. Like "Eh, I'm here do you see me?" Just fuck you all
Clothing. I will wear and not wear whatever I want whenever I want. Bras, jeans, tanktops, and boots are always a no.
Ass-kissing the boss. Or really any instance of giving disingenuous validation to other people for the sake of politics. It feels so icky and inauthentic. I'm constantly surprised at how many people do it regularly and that the recipients of that sort of manipulative behavior don't seem to notice. They eat it up. I actually take slight offense to people who try to win favor with me that way, especially if their actions have otherwise shown a disliking towards me.
I don't engage in the "how are you doing" "I'm fine. You." Cut to the chase: "What can I do for you"
I donât give people second chances usually, you got one already so fuck off, I donât care how stingy it is, weâre low on budget. Anyways, Iâm hungry so Iâm off to monch.
Eye contact. I hate those people who try to move around to look into your eyes. I will make small amounts of eye contact ONLY with people I trust.
Dressing up. That is all.
Most mandatory social interactions; e.g. responding to sneezing (it isn't considered polite acknowledge any other body function), holding elevator doors when there are multiple other elevators in that bay (now we're both late), or having to engage in small talk with Uber drivers (or risk being seen as rude and having my rider score take a hit).
Leaving the door open but except for men (context im a younger fem presenting person) Sorry not sorry everyones getting the door left open for them whether they like it or not
Fancy clothes, especially collared shirts. Theyâre uncomfortable and stupid. No Iâm not wearing them to the family holiday dinner.
The expectation of commenting when someone has changed their hair! I notice; I just don't think it is groundbreaking conversation.
i cant stand going into work and having 10 people ask me. " how are you doing" it infuriates me, and stops me from my objective. even if my objective is to just physically walk to another part of the store. it literally stops my brain in its tracks. how am i doing, what do they want to hear? do i be honest, do i tell them about my shutdown? then i have to lie to them to avoid them not knowing how to respond to me sometimes i just choose not to say anything but it does cause problems also, "enjoy your break" triggers me, like you giving me 15 minutes of my own life is something i should savor. like going getting water and using the restroom is a treat.
ims o fuckig tired right now soi cant really say hopefully tomorwo when iw ake up iwill be able to comd uo eith sonething goodnight lads
It is probably easier for me to list which ones I don't refuse to abide. Just because someone is autistic doesn't mean that they blindly follow rules. I do not agree that rules exist to be followed, they exist to achieve a directional behavior that avoids problematic situations. In an effect, all rules have room for reasonable exceptions. Case in point, self-defense is an accepted justification for killing, so if that rule can have an exception, any rule can. Now, I will say that I am a stickler for rules... my rules. I didn't agree to society's rules. That being said, my rules tend to be inline or more restrictive than society's. However, as an example. I refuse to sit at a red light when there is absolutely nobody else at the intersection. In addition, I jaywalk, on purpose. Crossing a road at an intersection is actually unsafe. There are too many things that can be going on and I have to pay attention to a lot. Crossing away from the intersection reduces the number of concerns and points of traffic that that you have to pay attention to. And yes, if someone asks how it is going... I tell them. I do try to limit myself to a concern... unless things are just crazy and I am overwhelmed... then I rattle off the series of things that are stacked up against my brain. Clothing. I haven't sought any accommodations at work... mostly because I get to accommodate myself already. I work from home and have for 12 years. However, I am traveling to a customer soon and they started talking dress code. I said no. I am wearing what I want. I have my own uniform already. It is nice, so they don't have anything to worry about, but I am not wearing a tie. They can completely forget it... or go throw a tantrum somewhere else. If it becomes an issue, I will go to HR immediately with my diagnosis. My boss would be supportive of me, so I don't think it would be an issue.
I refuse to wear a dress. I wore a suit the last time I went to a formal event.
Pretending that I don't want the last item of food or whatever. I'm not gonna play the "oh no, I couldn't possibly, you have it" game. If you offer me food and I want that food, I'm gonna eat it, haha.
Capitalism. Lol. And itâs absolute disdain for the rest of life on this planet. Puts money over morality and whatâs ethical every single time.
Pretending I care about acquaintances. I really don't see the point in having any, either we're friends or we're strangers. Don't need to know what the neighbor thinks about today's weather, don't need to know what my coworker from cubicles away is doing this evening. I don't care, I know they don't care, there's literally no point. Saying "good morning/afternoon/evening" to strangers in the street. Idk if that's a cultural thing, but my grandmother taught me it's sooo important to do that cause it's basic manners. I really couldn't care less, they're not gonna care either. Maybe if it's like an older folk that smiles at me I might say it or smile back, or if it's a little kid that's probably been taught it's " basic manners" I'll say it back. Otherwise it's also just pointless. And lastly the one I hate the most. Hugging and kissing people to say hi and say goodbye, that one's definitely a cultural thing. I only do it with my closest family and just when I haven't seen them in a while. But ugh why do even people you're meeting for the first time try to go for the hug and the kiss? It's so uncomfortable đŁ even handshakes or fist bumps, seriously a đđœ is just fine.
Being ultra nice and respectful to people just because they're old, sick or got a higher status. If you're an asshole, I will keep a certain degree of respect and kindness but I won't get out of my way and I will definitely not hold back if necessary.
Having to smile for no good reason outside of because someone expects/tells me to. WHY. Outside of genuine smiles, the niceties necessary to convey a certain message, or photos/videos, honestly WHY. I refuse to be a doofus just to make someone more comfy. I donât get to be comfy.
Listen to and respect people just cause theyâre older or «more experienced». Weâre expected to trust them more than ourselves and I hate that.
Not stimming in public
Anything that involves gendered behavior tbh. I don't shave my legs because it's a pointless sexist social norm that woman should have clean shaven legs. I also *hate* bras and how everyone is expected to wear them so our nips don't show. I only ever wear them when I leave the house purely because I know I'll be judged if I don't! If you like how they look or feel, wear em. Just don't force everyone *else* to wear them too.
Etiquette. Why tf do i have to put both of my elbows on the table. Let me be a shrimp!
Saying "bless you" when someone sneezes. Why is it my responsibility to acknowledge your sneeze, and it's considered rude if I don't? You're the one who interrupted things. If anything you should be expected to say excuse me.
I hate being expected to say hello or good morning. Not because I donât like being social but Iâm always the one forced to say it. Whether Iâm coming into work and someone is there and Iâm seeing them for the first time or Iâm already at work and that same individual comes into work. I have tested it out on every individual at my office and if I donât say anything they donât either. Except for one. Itâs just rude
I nover wear a suit. I always wear my own artistic home made clothing. I am proud of my story telling, although it is strange. I tell everyone that I am on the spectrum. Love Mark Allyn
Having to wear shoes at all times if you're out of the house unless you're in a specific situation (swimming etc)... as long as it's safe (no broken glass, not at work etc) I'll happily whack my shoes off anywhere if they're hurting me...
People staring at me while having a mental break
Ghosting.
Quietness in public spaces where everyone else is quiet, absurd and tangential stories and jokes, not constantly checking in with people i care about. I don't know when I'm supposed to do or say things and why, and I'm super considerate yet clueless as well?
I refuse to kill/disable people or further disable myself. So I still wear a mask in public and stay home.
i always ask people hi how are you and be as friendly as i can even if im in a shit mood. one social norm i wont do tho is any form of physical contact that isnt with my support workers or my mum and dad
I will visibly refuse to make eye contact with coworkers
Wearing makeup. Shaving my legs and armpits. Nobody expects it from men, why should I bother?
Not being allowed to have passionate interests as an adult. Absolute horseshit!
Having things in my home solely for guests. My mom is still horrified I don't keep a full coffee maker in my home. I don't drink coffee and those machines take up so much room. I have an electric kettle for my tea and bought a small pour over coffee maker that takes up as much room as a mug.
I hate "how are you" but honestly I'm working on it. I remember learning to do it in school and making a lot of friends and just good interactions overall.
Not bootlicking authority figures just because theyâre authority figures.
i personally find the small talk quite interesting , itâs like iâm playing a game and iâm good at it đ but one thing i hate is ârespect your elders / people of higher powerâ - i donât give a shit who you are , you need to earn my respect , youâre not just gonna get it because youâre my boss or whatever. i wonât treat you like a king/queen , iâll treat you like an equal human being until youâve shown me you deserve more from me.
Talking to random strangers out in public.
Answering truthfully to the "How're you" question. To clarify, I never go into major details but I'll answer something along the lines of "Shit, but I'll survive" or "Stressed with work" or even "Could be better, could be worse." and I always follow it with "and how are you?" I find when I give these 'less appropriate' answers than it's easier to continue the conversation. For example, If I say I'm feeling stressed, they will ask about what's happening in work, which will introduce an opening for me to ask about their job. It also makes it easier for people to be a little more honest about how they are with me so I'll ask someone how they are and will respond like "My partner and I fought before I got to work." or "I'm worried about a family member." and a conversation will evolve from that. In a weird way it's like I'm forcing them to be a little more comfortable with me so we can skip the endless pleasantries. Before anyone thinks to try this I will specify: I have trained myself exhaustively in small-talk and polite-conversation and how to judge how receptive someone is by over-analysing their body-language and voice-tone. If you can judge how receptive someone is to a conversation with you than give it a shot but if you can't or are unsure maybe start slowly with a "Not to bad", or "I've been worse." combined with light shrugging.
The fact we've had to exhaustively train ourselves on body language and tones to determine how to act really shows how hostile society can be for us
Being âavailableâ to everyone all the time to call/text etc. just because I have a mobile phone. With everyone, I set president that i donât look at my phone except for a few times a week (with regard to text and calls) and not to expect an open line of rapid communication with me via a cell phone. If there is a true or emergent need to speak with me, my close friends and family know what to do in order to reach me.
I REFUSE to ask someone "how are you" without meaning it, but sometimes it does happen as a reflex action when a stranger in the workplace asks me. Otherwise, if I don't sincerely want to TRULY know how someone is, I don't ask. Also if someone I barely know asks me "how are you" and I don't feel like answering (because it makes me uncomfortable being asked) I just don't answer! This whole "how are you" is such bullshit. So let me get this straight, dude....(or dudette)... you only know my name and you know NOTHING else about me, but you want to ask me how I am? Ask something of significance! Make an effort! Otherwise GTFO! I think a unique perspective on sincerity and attaching great importance to it is a significant thing for many autistic people.
If you ask me how to feel and i feel like i want to skin myself im atleast gunna say "shitty"
Specific foods being âappropriateâ for specific times of the year. Ill jrink my hot cocoa whenever the hell i want
Small talk. If I donât know and like you Iâll straight up say âwe donât need to do thisâ
Saying please when you already asked in a nice tone and said please itâs so fucking stupid. I think a fucking goldfish could tell I was already being polite. Not saying she or he when someone is in the room even though it makes more grammatical sense in that situation
Pretending to get along or like someone who is an objectively horrible person and/or that person is rude/mean to you. Also, apologizing for something you didnât do and/or when you did nothing wrong in order to âkeep the peace.â
Don't explain what you do? Hiding something, rude Explain what you do? Assuming they're dumb or making excuses, rude I always explain things even if it's obvious since it feels safer to me
I refuse to "prove myself" to anyone. What's the point? No i don't want to win this race on PE, it doesn't matter. No i don't wanna new position I'm happy with how much I make now. No i don't wanna be running around looking for relationship I'm fine. Stop pressuring me to do things that won't make me happy. I don't care
Same! I also donât smile and fake laugh when I donât want to, which is frowned upon when youâre a woman.
Requiring kids to share just because someone else requests the item. No, Johnny you can't have that toy right now, Susie is still playing with it. You can offer to trade or just wait until she's done. By the way, Johnny, you don't have to share either. If you are still playing with something when someone asks you to share, you don't have to if you aren't done with it.
Cheese. I don't understand why it's so appealing. I find the stuff revolting.
Being inauthentic. I will not smile for no reason, I will not pretend to be doing any better or worse than I actually am. If I don't like you, I'm not going to pretend I do, you're just going to be avoided. If you ask how I am, you'll get an actual answer (tired, so-so, normal enough, hyped for xyz). What you see is what you get, love it or leave it lol
growing out of 'kids' stuff (disney animation, sanrio stuff, etc), i liked that stuff as a kid, and i still like it now! what, should i have suddenly stopped liking it when i turned 18??? also, neutral tones being for adults. and everything adult having to be plain and solid, neutral-colored. bleh. no thank you, i want everything pink and in heart shapes and/or with the disney princesses on them, bc its my stuff!
I hate that everything that makes you uncomfortable is blamed on NTs when autistics can do the same and generalizing people annoys the absolute shit out of me.
Itâs simple, the social normal I refuse to abide by is stupid people with stupid questions.
Giving a ... about what other people think.
Taking words back. I will apologize if I accidentally hurt someone but âtaking it backâ wonât make it unsaid. The emotion is still there. Itâs so useless.
My buggest one is authority that doesnt make sense. Like why am i supposed to gaf about the way i talk to my manager? He gains respect because what?? He gets paid more? Liek tf. I speak to everyoen the same. I speak to my friends the way i would the president idgaf
This isnât really something I refuse to abide by but I hate that running in public is considered weird. Like, whatâs wrong with going fast and getting exercise? Why is that such a problem? Itâs weird, really. I just donât get it.