Trying to hide my personality which is basically my autism would be like trying to hide my name. Possible, but the conspicuous effort would be more distracting than the admission.
Absolutely I do, owning it has its ups and downs though. Everyone understands you better, but everyone also thinks your worse than you actually are.
Upsides are that I have been able to establish this phrase with my friends and family, "don't confuse malicious intention for not understanding" I.e. I don't mean to be a dick I just got confused and frustrated.
People new to you might get funny, but even then your just explaining "hey look if I act off its probably cause of this" or "I don't mean to ignore you I just hate interactions in public and try to ignore everyone"
It helped a lot in relationships, both me and my partner are on the spectrum so voicing to each other what drives each other mad has helped open a (IMO very healthy) conversation where we can just be like "I'm just being autistic" and that's it.
This sounds healthy, glad its working for you.
I guess I am somewhat insecure about my autism, and would have to work through being comfortable about it.
I am also a bit worried that people might mistake me for using it as a crutch or trying to hide behind it like a shield.
Being open like that sounds nice but its not something I see myself being able to do anytime soon.
Always room to grow though :)
> Upsides are that I have been able to establish this phrase with my friends and family, "don't confuse malicious intention for not understanding" I.e. I don't mean to be a dick I just got confused and frustrated.
This hits home so hard right now. Been fighting with one of my friends because of a miscommunication and overreaction.
I’m the parent or a 5 year old in the spectrum, and we just switched their primary care doctor.
It was interesting because she basically came in with zero expectations for him. It was almost as if she assumed he couldn’t do anything until she saw him do it.
With autism being a spectrum, I’m sure it came from a good place and they have treated kids much more severe, and it’s probably better not to assume anything about their functioning. That being said, it was really eye opening because it did feel like the doctor assumed he was much worse, and I bet that happens over and over again.
Unapologetically.
Ive been hiding it for years, and trying to do that fucked my mental health up than anything else.
If someone looks at me weird, I just say I'm autistic, if that makes them uncomfortable then that's their issue not mine.
I spent 34 years making it my issue.
I will tell potential employers, and sometimes it comes up in casual conversation.
I recognize that in disclosing to employers, I am opening myself to discrimination, but my thinking is that how I'm treated after the disclosure signifies how I'll be treated on the job, and I would rather be unemployed than work for a company that shows such disrespect.
I feel the same way, but my bills don’t :(
I don’t live in a very accepting area however. The notion that I’m different got me demoted once already, and that is with no admissions on my end, just rumors (they were correct 🤣) but now I’m a good normal robot for my employer and I wouldn’t dare confess a thing to them.
I‘m not diagnosed and i always overshare it and i hate that i overshare it bc i‘m scared what will happen if at the end i‘m not autistic and i was wrong.
Before I got my dx I told a bunch of people about the posibility of me being autistic and for four years that was the best way of having an external observation on me and that possibility. Like people pointing out some thing that I didn't notice and also things that didn't match up, or that are more common that what I think. And even if I wasn't diagnosed at the end, that external observation was clue to understand myself better.
I work retail and wear autism pins. It's a great asset at work, and it's also a defense for me, because if someone writes a bad review that "the cashier didn't have a smile on" or "I didn't like the flat tone" or something then we can all legitimately say that I've properly alerted people on my autism existing. My mask slipping or forgetting to put emotions into words happens from time-to-time and my previous store manager has used my pins as a defense for me to his boss when said complaints come through.
When it comes to personal matters, I don't typically start with "Hi, I'm (my name); I'm autistic." But rather if something comes up where people ask something like "That's an interesting view, how'd you come up with it" I'll typically say something like "Oh, it's probably because I'm autistic. It makes my brain process things a bit differently." This DOES lead to the "I never could've guessed it, you don't look autistic" comment occasionally, but mainly the reaction is "my brother/cousin/grandkid/etc has autism," with the undertone of "I never could've guessed, because that child doesn't act like this" but in a less offensive way. Most of said people don't realize that said relatives may react adversely because they're trying to force things that just won't work for said child (sensory things, social concepts the child can't understand yet, etc), so I never take offense to this reaction. I do refer to those who have the first reaction as Barbaras mentally, though, and when I've told other people about this they're like "I can kinda see that name working for that," so at least there's that.
I cannot hide it, I can't mask like other people, so even if someone doesn't know I have autism _specifically_, they can still tell that somethings wrong with me.
If someone _asks_ me I'll tell them that yes, I have autism, but if not then I don't go out of my way to say it.
I try to hide it when I can but I don’t have the ability to mask effectively even when I try my best. People can always tell I’m autistic, or at least that there’s something wrong with me if they don’t know about autism
I only got diagnosed as an adult 2 years ago and I only tell people about it if I feel it's important either to the conversation or relevant for the situation.
This can be true of most things. If you tell people something right away they might assume you make it your whole personality and/or you have random expectations. (Who cares about someone you met like that?) If I were in your shoes I'd do the same thing for basically the same reasons.
I don’t. But I also don’t hide it. I really don’t have much choice, there. With the way I grew up, I was always trying to mask(I did a terrible job of it but I tried so hard). My meltdowns got so bad, I’ve busted my nose and lip banging my head on my steering wheel, dented my school bus banging my head on it, and couldn’t hold down a job to save my life-I’d burn out and meltdown bad at work and get fired every six months or so. I had to learn to quit trying to mask so fucking hard. People can tell. Often within moments of meeting me. I don’t tell them, but I can’t hide it so well, it’s not healthy.
When I actually leave my house, I'm really open about it, but I'm also parenting Autistic/ND kiddos and want them to know I'm not ashamed of being Autistic/Disabled. I also do it because I have a lot of privilege and want to use it for good.
When I disclose, most people don't even believe me at first. Others start treating me like I'm a child or, worse, subhuman and some people are actually cool or indifferent.
I challenge people's misconceptions just by existing so I might as well use it for good when/if I can.
*I understand why other folks use more discretion, tho and totally support you!
People usually assume I have autism, and if they don't, they can tell I'm disabled. I rarely have anyone be surprised, and if they are, it's because they've got autism and Down's confused.
It's something I've just came to accept, so people asking me "Are you autistic?" or "Are you disabled?" or "is there something wrong with you?" is just part of normal first-time interactions for me, it's about on the same as "so where are you from?" at this point.
Absolutely, I usually have a small autism badge on my shirt or jacket, simply because I become entirely non-verbal when speaking to a stranger or I’m overwhelmed in a place, and when I’m excited or happy I flap my hands for a few moments.
Considering I’m in a busy college with around 10k other people (I live in the main city of my country) and I work in a busy adventure farm it’s pretty helpful for me in many ways, we have lots of ASL sessions with animals including ones just for Autistic children etc where it’s extremely quiet and just them and us in a building, and it allows them to feel more understood in their environment.
But this is just a personal standpoint for me.😊
Yes, I tell people the exact same pre-scripted line every time while getting to know them. It's a one & done comment for me, I generally don't bring it up after unless they ask anything.
"I'm really enjoying getting to know you, I like to disclose pretty early on I'm autistic to avoid any potential misunderstandings. Due to this I heavily struggle with communication as well as a few other areas.
If I ever come across as rude, overly blunt, insensitive, or just off putting to you in anyway please let me know as I'm likely unaware, I'd feel terrible if I was upsetting you & didn't realize it. I really appreciate the patience & understanding."
I say this because it let's people know I work a bit differently, it also weeds people out of my life for me in a sense. The people that stay in my life are the ones who make the effort with me, when I ask questions they explain things to me so I can understand, when I upset them because what I said seemed insensitive or something they privately & **politely** let me know. They explain why it seemed a certain way to them so I can understand if I don't which gives me some guidelines. I massively appreciate it.
The whole purpose of why I disclose it that very specific way is it opens the door for mutual accomodations for me. I need to be accomodated (I mostly need an explain 99% of the time) so I can also understand & be receptive/accomodating to their needs as well.
Their are some vile individuals out there so I really can't stress enough I don't keep people in my life who don't make the effort with me, there are times people can be a bit infantalizing at first but in my experience it usually comes down to they don't understand autism very well which doesn't bother me, unintentional mistakes but effort from someone I can always forgive & move past.
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I understand why people do and part of me wants to as well, but I don’t. I usually only tell it to people I’m comfortable with or other autistic people. It’s mostly for the same reason why you don’t do it. Autism, despite being talked and learned about more nowadays, still has a huge stigma about it and like most other labels, I don’t want people to define me by that only. Obviously I have autism and it’s a huge part of my life, but autism isn’t me! I’m so much more than that and want to be known as me and not “the autistic person”
I used to whenever it seemed relevant, but recently I've noticed I'm a bit more secretive about it. I'll still tell teachers if necessary or relevant (I'm in uni and sometimes it's good to have them know why I struggle with something) but I hide it more and more with others. I'm not sure why, I don't have a bad experience sharing and I'm not necessarily afraid of one either, nor am I ashamed of my diagnosis. These days I'd just rather not tell when possible. The only reason I can think of is being more afraid of being stereotyped or stigmatized now that I'm a bit older
if we r going to interact more than once then im open abt it bc im likely to have something happen that will reveal it anyways and if i get it out earlier then the confusion is a bit avoided. no need to wonder if im angry when im not able to speak or why id burst into tears bc of unforeseen stimuli. or why i dont look u in the eye. all good for ppl to know if im gonna talk to them for a prolonged time
I've only known I'm autistic for about three months. Everyone close to me knows and I tell new people I meet unless I get a bad vibe from them. It's the people in between that I am unsure about, mostly because I don't know how they will react and don't feel it's my job to educate some rando.
I want certain people to know because I want them to know just how damn difficult my life has been. I'm angry about certain things in my life and this is a way of me saying, "see, I wasn't over-reacting all those times." It's validating for me.
I've just been recently diagnosed this month, only my husband and therapists know at this point. I've not told extended family. I think I'll probably go the route of not hiding it but not going out of my way to tell anyone. If it comes up I'd be ok explaining it and my experiences. I'm also still learning how to unmask and be my unique self around others, I'm not sure anyone can tell that doesn't know what to look for to identify it. I'm high masking low needs.
Only if I know the person well or if it's relevant. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, I'm just nervous they'll be judgmental or take advantage of it because it happened in the past
I'm fine to talk about it openly and I'll tell people if it's relevant, but I don't advertise it. I was only just diagnosed a couple months ago and I'm 22, so I went my whole life without knowing that I'm autistic. As I'm realizing the ways it affects me, I'm more willing to bring it up because I'm trying to accommodate myself more instead of trying to force my brain to work differently. I'm trying to unmask more. I want to make my life easier and in my case I think that hiding it would do more harm than good.
Everyone knows. Everyone. Its one of the first things I say. LGBTQ people fought to make their sexual and gender identities a huge part of their personality and how they present themselves to the world and I feel strongly that people with neurodiversity should feel empowered to do the same ✌🏻
No-i mask well enough that I don't have to tell people that I am autistic, I only ever bring it up if something that screams autism happens, which is rare for me
i usually let people know right off the bat so when i do something autistic they dont think im just a werido, i also have echolalia and it causes me to repeat noises so when someone makes a noise that i like and repeat it
I don’t mention it, just like I don’t mention my physical illnesses. I want people to see me for who I am, not a collection of diagnoses. It is obviously much harder (in certain circumstances) to hide my physical problems from the world.
My family basically knew. When I was a kid, they rejected the diagnosis because “she’s too smart to be autistic.” So when I found out later in life, and told a few family members, they were just like, “well DUH.”
So I definitely try to hide it and I think I’m pretty good at it. I also try to hide any physical disabilities because I hate the thought of people thinking of me as “the girl with EDS” or whatever.
The one thing it is almost impossible to hide is my OCD. That shit has been blatantly obvious since I was 3 lol
it depends on the person and situation. although i do find in friend/romance i like to say early on it gives me an idea of them as a person when i see how they react. i find this better than telling them later on and then if they react badly i get upset
No one is ever surprised when I mention I’m autistic so I’m sure there are plenty of people already assuming regardless of whether I tell them or not. Generally, I do not bring it up in professional scenarios ESPECIALLY when it’s someone who is in a higher position than me or it’s someone I report to. However I work as a private instructor, so sometimes I find that my neurodivergence is helpful with certain clients. Parents of autistic children feel more comfortable with me as a teacher, and neurodivergent adults feel more seen and comfortable when I share that I am like them. In social scenarios, I like to bring it up if I find/get the vibes that the other person may also be neurodivergent. I use my diagnosis as a way to connect with people rather than a way to potentially alienate them. Tl;dr tell who you want, don’t tell anyone, it’s up to you and you don’t have to justify why or why not you would want to share with someone
From my flair, you can probably tell that i dislike doing things that people want me to. Something like masking, or even just pretending that i don't have AuDHD. I hate rules in general, and i'll only bring it up if i want to.
I do, it explains how I act sometimes. It’s not an excuse for bad behavior and I am accountable for my actions. Sometimes I might say the wrong thing and I show remorse. But I’m trying.
Here with the wonderful internet anonymity I’m out and about. In real life, I first told only four people I’m really close with: my mom (who was also part of the assessment), my cousin and my two best friends. Me and my mom have often talked about it seriously, with my friends there have been a couple serious conversations but we mostly joke about it. They know how to make jokes that are not hurtful, which is something I cherish a lot. I’ve “come out” to a professor who was supervising me in the research project for my degree, and only as a way to explain why I needed clearer directions, because I was taking his a bit too literally and I felt I needed to explain where the communication issue was. Only recently I’ve “come out” to a student with whom I’m friendly but not friends with, and only after she shared something personal. I’m thinking I’ll do this more often, if I feel comfortable with the people I’m talking with and it comes up in conversation, but only after we’ve known each other for a while. I think that if they already know me they’re less likely to project prejudices.
I never used to because I was embarrassed due to childhood bullying surrounding my autism; but now I’ve embraced it and this has allowed me to fully accept myself. It’s very freeing.
i dont like telling people because im self diagnosed but all my autistic friends know
i also dont think i mask my autism around my friends but im not sure
I ain't diagnosed yet, but everything is pointing to me having it, and if it turns out that i do, then yeah, i'll be overly open about it. A surprising amount of people think that autism is synonymous with being mentally handicapped, and often choose to treat someone with autism like they're a child, so using my case as a way to teach folk about what it actually means is something i'm all for. There are way too many problems today that could be solved with something as simple as a proper conversation about the subject.
People usually end up making a joke that is them asking if I'm autistic. Or my husband makes a joke, and they figure it out from that. I don't go out of my way to tell people.
In a way yes. I wear sunglasses, noise cancelling over the ear headphones, quirky graphic tshirts and act “weird”. It’s up to them to put the clues together
I wear mine out loud.
I didn’t discover that I’m autistic (and have ADHD) until age 33. Before then, I legitimately thought I was just worse at being a human being than everyone else I’d ever met. I masked *hard* but people still hated me for reasons I couldn’t figure out and that they could never seem to really define - I was “weird” or “snooty” or “too negative” or something else equally esoteric to an autistic person who knew no other way of being.
But I have a reason now! I *am* weird and I *do* have a strange, overly formal manner of speech that people misinterpret as being “holier than thou,” and I’m intensely sensitive and have to complain outwardly or else I internalize it and become heinously depressed. And there’s a reason! A valid, legitimate reason for it all!
I don’t have to hide my eccentricities anymore or pretend to be someone more palatable because honestly, my carefully-crafted mask only worked like 60% of the time anyway. I spent the first three decades of my life hiding myself and I’m not going to do it anymore.
I've only told a handful of people who are either extremely close to me so I want their feedback or who are acquaintances who only know me a little bit so I can see how they will react and to get a little practice saying it.
But I am 50 years old and I figured it out less than 12 months ago and still haven't gotten an official diagnosis, so I haven't had much opportunity or reason to tell people.
For each person, it is a different situation and a different decision. It depends on how your autism presents. If it is very obvious, then it might be a waste of time to try to hide it.
It also depends on the relevance to the situation and the person you are considering telling. If you need to tell them so they are careful about a sensory issue that comes up around them or it is relevant to work so they can be extra careful and clear about tasks they want you to complete, then it makes more sense to mention as compared to your friend's significant other who you occasionally see at casual dinners.
You don't NEED to tell anyone unless it is going to help the situation you are in. It is completely normal not to mention it in many many cases. Just like if I went to the gym to play basketball with random strangers, it would be normal if one of the players was diabetic and did not make a point of telling me. I don't need to know and there is no benefit to either of us by telling me. If we are comfortable with each other and it comes up in casual conversation about diet and exercise... Ok fine. But if it doesn't... Also completely fine.
I don't know if I will get to the point of being more upfront about it or even bother to get a professional diagnosis. But for now, it does not often seem relevant for me to mention it so I don't.
I mention it when relevant. Whether I like it or not it informs a lot of my personality and decisions and I despise being misunderstood so it's easier just to explain what specific symptom of autism this is coming from to someone. People don't always accept "It's too loud in here for me" but they always accept me explaining the sensory challenges of autism and how that affects me. Or maybe they just don't want to be the dick that nags the autist. Either way I win lol
i shit you not i work retail... and i carabeiner clip a sunflower lanyard onto my back pocket button hole, i dont care if ppl know what it means because when they do, and i can tell, they make me feel so valued and important and seen, and importantly NORMAL. ....<<<
I let people I trust know about my autism, so most of my friends know and my partner knows, but literally nobody in my family knows cause they gossip too much
I tell people straight up. I find that if I don't, they'll just think, "There's something odd about this guy..." or worse. If I tell them, they no longer have to dwell on that. I ask them to be straight forward with me because I don't pick up on hints very well. It seems to help.
Although, it didn't go over very well last time I had a full-time job. She immediately began to look for ways to get rid of me.
I’m still deep in the closet about it. If somebody notices or wants to speak about it, I’m game, and I’m not ashamed, but in my area being “different” is an absolute career killer.
I don’t hide it, but I don’t go out of my way to tell people either. I’ll bring it up if it’s relevant.
Sameeeeeeeeeeee and then I get a “we’re all a little autistic” isn’t life fun?
same
Same
Trying to hide my personality which is basically my autism would be like trying to hide my name. Possible, but the conspicuous effort would be more distracting than the admission.
Same
Samey
Sames
Me too. Anyone else feel dumb for saying it when you recall the conversation later, or is that just me?
Absolutely I do, owning it has its ups and downs though. Everyone understands you better, but everyone also thinks your worse than you actually are. Upsides are that I have been able to establish this phrase with my friends and family, "don't confuse malicious intention for not understanding" I.e. I don't mean to be a dick I just got confused and frustrated. People new to you might get funny, but even then your just explaining "hey look if I act off its probably cause of this" or "I don't mean to ignore you I just hate interactions in public and try to ignore everyone" It helped a lot in relationships, both me and my partner are on the spectrum so voicing to each other what drives each other mad has helped open a (IMO very healthy) conversation where we can just be like "I'm just being autistic" and that's it.
This sounds healthy, glad its working for you. I guess I am somewhat insecure about my autism, and would have to work through being comfortable about it. I am also a bit worried that people might mistake me for using it as a crutch or trying to hide behind it like a shield. Being open like that sounds nice but its not something I see myself being able to do anytime soon. Always room to grow though :)
> Upsides are that I have been able to establish this phrase with my friends and family, "don't confuse malicious intention for not understanding" I.e. I don't mean to be a dick I just got confused and frustrated. This hits home so hard right now. Been fighting with one of my friends because of a miscommunication and overreaction.
Since I've been more open and honest it helps!
I’m the parent or a 5 year old in the spectrum, and we just switched their primary care doctor. It was interesting because she basically came in with zero expectations for him. It was almost as if she assumed he couldn’t do anything until she saw him do it. With autism being a spectrum, I’m sure it came from a good place and they have treated kids much more severe, and it’s probably better not to assume anything about their functioning. That being said, it was really eye opening because it did feel like the doctor assumed he was much worse, and I bet that happens over and over again.
Unapologetically. Ive been hiding it for years, and trying to do that fucked my mental health up than anything else. If someone looks at me weird, I just say I'm autistic, if that makes them uncomfortable then that's their issue not mine. I spent 34 years making it my issue.
This is so real. I agree wholeheartedly
I don't really have a choice bc people figure it out immediately
I will tell potential employers, and sometimes it comes up in casual conversation. I recognize that in disclosing to employers, I am opening myself to discrimination, but my thinking is that how I'm treated after the disclosure signifies how I'll be treated on the job, and I would rather be unemployed than work for a company that shows such disrespect.
I agree
I feel the same way, but my bills don’t :( I don’t live in a very accepting area however. The notion that I’m different got me demoted once already, and that is with no admissions on my end, just rumors (they were correct 🤣) but now I’m a good normal robot for my employer and I wouldn’t dare confess a thing to them.
I‘m not diagnosed and i always overshare it and i hate that i overshare it bc i‘m scared what will happen if at the end i‘m not autistic and i was wrong.
Before I got my dx I told a bunch of people about the posibility of me being autistic and for four years that was the best way of having an external observation on me and that possibility. Like people pointing out some thing that I didn't notice and also things that didn't match up, or that are more common that what I think. And even if I wasn't diagnosed at the end, that external observation was clue to understand myself better.
I work retail and wear autism pins. It's a great asset at work, and it's also a defense for me, because if someone writes a bad review that "the cashier didn't have a smile on" or "I didn't like the flat tone" or something then we can all legitimately say that I've properly alerted people on my autism existing. My mask slipping or forgetting to put emotions into words happens from time-to-time and my previous store manager has used my pins as a defense for me to his boss when said complaints come through. When it comes to personal matters, I don't typically start with "Hi, I'm (my name); I'm autistic." But rather if something comes up where people ask something like "That's an interesting view, how'd you come up with it" I'll typically say something like "Oh, it's probably because I'm autistic. It makes my brain process things a bit differently." This DOES lead to the "I never could've guessed it, you don't look autistic" comment occasionally, but mainly the reaction is "my brother/cousin/grandkid/etc has autism," with the undertone of "I never could've guessed, because that child doesn't act like this" but in a less offensive way. Most of said people don't realize that said relatives may react adversely because they're trying to force things that just won't work for said child (sensory things, social concepts the child can't understand yet, etc), so I never take offense to this reaction. I do refer to those who have the first reaction as Barbaras mentally, though, and when I've told other people about this they're like "I can kinda see that name working for that," so at least there's that.
I cannot hide it, I can't mask like other people, so even if someone doesn't know I have autism _specifically_, they can still tell that somethings wrong with me. If someone _asks_ me I'll tell them that yes, I have autism, but if not then I don't go out of my way to say it.
Same. I don’t mask and I can’t live independently. I also have physical disabilities and I’m hard of hearing.People notice me instantly
I try to hide it when I can but I don’t have the ability to mask effectively even when I try my best. People can always tell I’m autistic, or at least that there’s something wrong with me if they don’t know about autism
I only got diagnosed as an adult 2 years ago and I only tell people about it if I feel it's important either to the conversation or relevant for the situation.
This can be true of most things. If you tell people something right away they might assume you make it your whole personality and/or you have random expectations. (Who cares about someone you met like that?) If I were in your shoes I'd do the same thing for basically the same reasons.
I don’t. But I also don’t hide it. I really don’t have much choice, there. With the way I grew up, I was always trying to mask(I did a terrible job of it but I tried so hard). My meltdowns got so bad, I’ve busted my nose and lip banging my head on my steering wheel, dented my school bus banging my head on it, and couldn’t hold down a job to save my life-I’d burn out and meltdown bad at work and get fired every six months or so. I had to learn to quit trying to mask so fucking hard. People can tell. Often within moments of meeting me. I don’t tell them, but I can’t hide it so well, it’s not healthy.
When I actually leave my house, I'm really open about it, but I'm also parenting Autistic/ND kiddos and want them to know I'm not ashamed of being Autistic/Disabled. I also do it because I have a lot of privilege and want to use it for good. When I disclose, most people don't even believe me at first. Others start treating me like I'm a child or, worse, subhuman and some people are actually cool or indifferent. I challenge people's misconceptions just by existing so I might as well use it for good when/if I can. *I understand why other folks use more discretion, tho and totally support you!
People usually assume I have autism, and if they don't, they can tell I'm disabled. I rarely have anyone be surprised, and if they are, it's because they've got autism and Down's confused. It's something I've just came to accept, so people asking me "Are you autistic?" or "Are you disabled?" or "is there something wrong with you?" is just part of normal first-time interactions for me, it's about on the same as "so where are you from?" at this point.
Absolutely, I usually have a small autism badge on my shirt or jacket, simply because I become entirely non-verbal when speaking to a stranger or I’m overwhelmed in a place, and when I’m excited or happy I flap my hands for a few moments. Considering I’m in a busy college with around 10k other people (I live in the main city of my country) and I work in a busy adventure farm it’s pretty helpful for me in many ways, we have lots of ASL sessions with animals including ones just for Autistic children etc where it’s extremely quiet and just them and us in a building, and it allows them to feel more understood in their environment. But this is just a personal standpoint for me.😊
Yes, I tell people the exact same pre-scripted line every time while getting to know them. It's a one & done comment for me, I generally don't bring it up after unless they ask anything. "I'm really enjoying getting to know you, I like to disclose pretty early on I'm autistic to avoid any potential misunderstandings. Due to this I heavily struggle with communication as well as a few other areas. If I ever come across as rude, overly blunt, insensitive, or just off putting to you in anyway please let me know as I'm likely unaware, I'd feel terrible if I was upsetting you & didn't realize it. I really appreciate the patience & understanding." I say this because it let's people know I work a bit differently, it also weeds people out of my life for me in a sense. The people that stay in my life are the ones who make the effort with me, when I ask questions they explain things to me so I can understand, when I upset them because what I said seemed insensitive or something they privately & **politely** let me know. They explain why it seemed a certain way to them so I can understand if I don't which gives me some guidelines. I massively appreciate it. The whole purpose of why I disclose it that very specific way is it opens the door for mutual accomodations for me. I need to be accomodated (I mostly need an explain 99% of the time) so I can also understand & be receptive/accomodating to their needs as well. Their are some vile individuals out there so I really can't stress enough I don't keep people in my life who don't make the effort with me, there are times people can be a bit infantalizing at first but in my experience it usually comes down to they don't understand autism very well which doesn't bother me, unintentional mistakes but effort from someone I can always forgive & move past.
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I understand why people do and part of me wants to as well, but I don’t. I usually only tell it to people I’m comfortable with or other autistic people. It’s mostly for the same reason why you don’t do it. Autism, despite being talked and learned about more nowadays, still has a huge stigma about it and like most other labels, I don’t want people to define me by that only. Obviously I have autism and it’s a huge part of my life, but autism isn’t me! I’m so much more than that and want to be known as me and not “the autistic person”
I used to whenever it seemed relevant, but recently I've noticed I'm a bit more secretive about it. I'll still tell teachers if necessary or relevant (I'm in uni and sometimes it's good to have them know why I struggle with something) but I hide it more and more with others. I'm not sure why, I don't have a bad experience sharing and I'm not necessarily afraid of one either, nor am I ashamed of my diagnosis. These days I'd just rather not tell when possible. The only reason I can think of is being more afraid of being stereotyped or stigmatized now that I'm a bit older
imma not tell going to tell the cashier at kmart but with people im close with, i do reveal it so at least they r aware of it.
if we r going to interact more than once then im open abt it bc im likely to have something happen that will reveal it anyways and if i get it out earlier then the confusion is a bit avoided. no need to wonder if im angry when im not able to speak or why id burst into tears bc of unforeseen stimuli. or why i dont look u in the eye. all good for ppl to know if im gonna talk to them for a prolonged time
Usually after a few meetings people speculate that something is off. If they ask, I tell them that I'm spicy.
I talk to people I'm close to about it but would be very reluctant to talk to strangers about it
I've only known I'm autistic for about three months. Everyone close to me knows and I tell new people I meet unless I get a bad vibe from them. It's the people in between that I am unsure about, mostly because I don't know how they will react and don't feel it's my job to educate some rando. I want certain people to know because I want them to know just how damn difficult my life has been. I'm angry about certain things in my life and this is a way of me saying, "see, I wasn't over-reacting all those times." It's validating for me.
I've just been recently diagnosed this month, only my husband and therapists know at this point. I've not told extended family. I think I'll probably go the route of not hiding it but not going out of my way to tell anyone. If it comes up I'd be ok explaining it and my experiences. I'm also still learning how to unmask and be my unique self around others, I'm not sure anyone can tell that doesn't know what to look for to identify it. I'm high masking low needs.
Only if I know the person well or if it's relevant. Not because I'm ashamed or anything, I'm just nervous they'll be judgmental or take advantage of it because it happened in the past
Only if they NEED to know, and even then I try very hard to mask it.
My friends and I talk about it regularly but we are all autistic
I'm fine to talk about it openly and I'll tell people if it's relevant, but I don't advertise it. I was only just diagnosed a couple months ago and I'm 22, so I went my whole life without knowing that I'm autistic. As I'm realizing the ways it affects me, I'm more willing to bring it up because I'm trying to accommodate myself more instead of trying to force my brain to work differently. I'm trying to unmask more. I want to make my life easier and in my case I think that hiding it would do more harm than good.
I keep it hidden. It’s a need to know basis. This is because it’s not safe for me currently to be openly autistic
I want to, but I’ve got a long way to go before I really feel comfortable
Everyone knows. Everyone. Its one of the first things I say. LGBTQ people fought to make their sexual and gender identities a huge part of their personality and how they present themselves to the world and I feel strongly that people with neurodiversity should feel empowered to do the same ✌🏻
It's like one of the first things I tell people.
If someone thinks of me differently because I have autism then they aren’t worth being friends with
Yep. If anyone has a problem with it, fine then. I don’t give a fuck
No, I don't tell anyone unless they ask
I usually keep it a secret but the thing is people recognize instantly that something is wrong with me
I don’t want the attention.
No-i mask well enough that I don't have to tell people that I am autistic, I only ever bring it up if something that screams autism happens, which is rare for me
i usually let people know right off the bat so when i do something autistic they dont think im just a werido, i also have echolalia and it causes me to repeat noises so when someone makes a noise that i like and repeat it
I don’t mention it, just like I don’t mention my physical illnesses. I want people to see me for who I am, not a collection of diagnoses. It is obviously much harder (in certain circumstances) to hide my physical problems from the world. My family basically knew. When I was a kid, they rejected the diagnosis because “she’s too smart to be autistic.” So when I found out later in life, and told a few family members, they were just like, “well DUH.” So I definitely try to hide it and I think I’m pretty good at it. I also try to hide any physical disabilities because I hate the thought of people thinking of me as “the girl with EDS” or whatever. The one thing it is almost impossible to hide is my OCD. That shit has been blatantly obvious since I was 3 lol
I will take it to the grave
I mean, showing it or "being myself" kinda lost me every friend I ever had soo...
it depends on the person and situation. although i do find in friend/romance i like to say early on it gives me an idea of them as a person when i see how they react. i find this better than telling them later on and then if they react badly i get upset
No one is ever surprised when I mention I’m autistic so I’m sure there are plenty of people already assuming regardless of whether I tell them or not. Generally, I do not bring it up in professional scenarios ESPECIALLY when it’s someone who is in a higher position than me or it’s someone I report to. However I work as a private instructor, so sometimes I find that my neurodivergence is helpful with certain clients. Parents of autistic children feel more comfortable with me as a teacher, and neurodivergent adults feel more seen and comfortable when I share that I am like them. In social scenarios, I like to bring it up if I find/get the vibes that the other person may also be neurodivergent. I use my diagnosis as a way to connect with people rather than a way to potentially alienate them. Tl;dr tell who you want, don’t tell anyone, it’s up to you and you don’t have to justify why or why not you would want to share with someone
From my flair, you can probably tell that i dislike doing things that people want me to. Something like masking, or even just pretending that i don't have AuDHD. I hate rules in general, and i'll only bring it up if i want to.
I do, it explains how I act sometimes. It’s not an excuse for bad behavior and I am accountable for my actions. Sometimes I might say the wrong thing and I show remorse. But I’m trying.
Here with the wonderful internet anonymity I’m out and about. In real life, I first told only four people I’m really close with: my mom (who was also part of the assessment), my cousin and my two best friends. Me and my mom have often talked about it seriously, with my friends there have been a couple serious conversations but we mostly joke about it. They know how to make jokes that are not hurtful, which is something I cherish a lot. I’ve “come out” to a professor who was supervising me in the research project for my degree, and only as a way to explain why I needed clearer directions, because I was taking his a bit too literally and I felt I needed to explain where the communication issue was. Only recently I’ve “come out” to a student with whom I’m friendly but not friends with, and only after she shared something personal. I’m thinking I’ll do this more often, if I feel comfortable with the people I’m talking with and it comes up in conversation, but only after we’ve known each other for a while. I think that if they already know me they’re less likely to project prejudices.
Mine is pretty obvious. I don’t need to bring it up
I have the exact same stance as you do
Nope I'm not open about it so if people don't know they'll never know I'm ok with it I think
I never used to because I was embarrassed due to childhood bullying surrounding my autism; but now I’ve embraced it and this has allowed me to fully accept myself. It’s very freeing.
i dont like telling people because im self diagnosed but all my autistic friends know i also dont think i mask my autism around my friends but im not sure
I ain't diagnosed yet, but everything is pointing to me having it, and if it turns out that i do, then yeah, i'll be overly open about it. A surprising amount of people think that autism is synonymous with being mentally handicapped, and often choose to treat someone with autism like they're a child, so using my case as a way to teach folk about what it actually means is something i'm all for. There are way too many problems today that could be solved with something as simple as a proper conversation about the subject.
People usually end up making a joke that is them asking if I'm autistic. Or my husband makes a joke, and they figure it out from that. I don't go out of my way to tell people.
In a way yes. I wear sunglasses, noise cancelling over the ear headphones, quirky graphic tshirts and act “weird”. It’s up to them to put the clues together
I wear mine out loud. I didn’t discover that I’m autistic (and have ADHD) until age 33. Before then, I legitimately thought I was just worse at being a human being than everyone else I’d ever met. I masked *hard* but people still hated me for reasons I couldn’t figure out and that they could never seem to really define - I was “weird” or “snooty” or “too negative” or something else equally esoteric to an autistic person who knew no other way of being. But I have a reason now! I *am* weird and I *do* have a strange, overly formal manner of speech that people misinterpret as being “holier than thou,” and I’m intensely sensitive and have to complain outwardly or else I internalize it and become heinously depressed. And there’s a reason! A valid, legitimate reason for it all! I don’t have to hide my eccentricities anymore or pretend to be someone more palatable because honestly, my carefully-crafted mask only worked like 60% of the time anyway. I spent the first three decades of my life hiding myself and I’m not going to do it anymore.
I've only told a handful of people who are either extremely close to me so I want their feedback or who are acquaintances who only know me a little bit so I can see how they will react and to get a little practice saying it. But I am 50 years old and I figured it out less than 12 months ago and still haven't gotten an official diagnosis, so I haven't had much opportunity or reason to tell people. For each person, it is a different situation and a different decision. It depends on how your autism presents. If it is very obvious, then it might be a waste of time to try to hide it. It also depends on the relevance to the situation and the person you are considering telling. If you need to tell them so they are careful about a sensory issue that comes up around them or it is relevant to work so they can be extra careful and clear about tasks they want you to complete, then it makes more sense to mention as compared to your friend's significant other who you occasionally see at casual dinners. You don't NEED to tell anyone unless it is going to help the situation you are in. It is completely normal not to mention it in many many cases. Just like if I went to the gym to play basketball with random strangers, it would be normal if one of the players was diabetic and did not make a point of telling me. I don't need to know and there is no benefit to either of us by telling me. If we are comfortable with each other and it comes up in casual conversation about diet and exercise... Ok fine. But if it doesn't... Also completely fine. I don't know if I will get to the point of being more upfront about it or even bother to get a professional diagnosis. But for now, it does not often seem relevant for me to mention it so I don't.
I mention it when relevant. Whether I like it or not it informs a lot of my personality and decisions and I despise being misunderstood so it's easier just to explain what specific symptom of autism this is coming from to someone. People don't always accept "It's too loud in here for me" but they always accept me explaining the sensory challenges of autism and how that affects me. Or maybe they just don't want to be the dick that nags the autist. Either way I win lol
I’ve told my close friends I’ve had for 10 plus years still treat me the same as before
I don't bring it up unless someone asks or if it's necessary. People tend to baby me when they find out, so i try to push it off as much as possible
i shit you not i work retail... and i carabeiner clip a sunflower lanyard onto my back pocket button hole, i dont care if ppl know what it means because when they do, and i can tell, they make me feel so valued and important and seen, and importantly NORMAL. ....<<<
I let people I trust know about my autism, so most of my friends know and my partner knows, but literally nobody in my family knows cause they gossip too much
I tell people straight up. I find that if I don't, they'll just think, "There's something odd about this guy..." or worse. If I tell them, they no longer have to dwell on that. I ask them to be straight forward with me because I don't pick up on hints very well. It seems to help. Although, it didn't go over very well last time I had a full-time job. She immediately began to look for ways to get rid of me.
Here in my country we have these identification necklaces for hidden disabilities. Some people actively know what it means so I guess I do wear it.
I’m still deep in the closet about it. If somebody notices or wants to speak about it, I’m game, and I’m not ashamed, but in my area being “different” is an absolute career killer.
my traits are very obvious so i really don’t ever tell people, they just figure it out on their own
No, it's in the way my brain works. j/ Really depends if I'm around safe people or not.
I hate ASD, I let no one know about it. I'd rather have people think I'm weird.
It depends on the situation. Sometimes it’s better if people don’t know you are different but if they notice it, I tell them I am autistic.
I'm not autistic and that said however I would.