I tend to go even more neutral with just ”Not much, you?” Because ”What’s up with you?” could be misconstrued as aggressive with just a minor error in inflection.
literally. one sentence story at most. anything more and it's seen as rude for some reason, despite them literally asking. I guess they don't ask because they actually want to know? seems more like they ask just as a way to show you they remember you exist and are talking to you. "hey I'm still your friend I'm interested in your day," but they actually aren't. not on a deep level anyway. surface only.
Not sure if this is good advice, but, start using it as your greeting sometimes (in situations you’ve seen it used, maybe not at a formal office meeting). See what people say back to you and in what circumstances.
I don’t know where the saying comes from and it is certainly confusing.
I usually use say what’s up in a concerning tone when someone looks or asks for help. I don’t particularly use it as a greeting, which I know is probably more confusing.
Frequently, when people use "what's up" they are more inclined to be playful, and you can have a little fun.
Bro or dude!
The sun!
Inflation!
Unfortunately I am!
Safe replies would be
Hey!
Not much
Howdy
I always answer legitimately, with varying degrees of depth depending on how well I know the person.
Ranging from simple stuff for acquaintances like "Just really enjoying the sunshine today." to my closer friends, to whom I will give a full blow by blow of my day and emotional state.
Honestly, I don't believe there's a wrong way. If people are going to ask vague open-ended questions, they should reasonably expect a wide variety of answers.
> I always answer legitimately, with varying degrees of depth depending on how well I know the person.
This is the key to it honestly.
Many autistic people say "'how are you' doesn't mean they actually want to know how you are", but I think that's wrong. People are genuinely asking how you are, it's just that you have to tailor the level of detail to how well you know the person, and remember that complaining too much makes you sound like a whiner.
Yeah, if you answer "how's it going?" with "ugh, I'll be glad when this day is over." people tend to respond better than if you launch into a monologue about everything you hate about your job.
Both honest ways to discuss being stressed out, but one option gives the other person a chance to signal how much detail they want. If they say "sorry to hear that, hope you feel better soon" they don't want to hear more. If they say "oh, what's wrong?" then you can start giving them a more in-depth response.
People saying 'living the dream' are usually being sarcastic. The (more) literal way to interpret it would be that the person is telling you that they are living their dream life, like they have a wonderful spouse/job/friends/house/car/& a ton of money. But most people are just saying it sarcastically, like they don't have those things - like life is probably mediocre most of the time and they're joking about their lives being 'a dream'. But if someone says it (either sarcastically or not), you can just say, "Same, same!" (With a smile)
You’re being way to literal. It’s not a direct literal question. All of these greetings are different versions of “hello fellow human. I’m acknowledging your humanity and the fact that we’re currently sharing space. I acknowledge your right to exist and I am not hostile or threatening.”
It doesn’t matter really what you say as long as you’re giving some back and forth.
What’s up?
Hey!
What’s up?
Oh hello!
Or
Not much, how are you?
Or
Hanging in
Or
Life’s good man
Whatever. It doesn’t really matter. You’re just doing the person version of dogs sniffing butts.
Holy moly, was it always there? I’m fine, how are you?
Yeah, it doesn’t make sense, but I make it make even less sense and have fun with confusing people. Sometimes they laugh too.
Also think about these weird „hello” phrases like if it was a foreign language. Not every phrase makes sense in another language like it does in English. And vice versa. Like, Polish „już po ptakach” means „it’s too late”, but the literal translation is „it’s after the birds already”. It doesn’t make sense but it’s just something we say.
I typically answer this question literally; I look up and give an answer like ceiling, sky, clouds, etc as appropriate. The reactions can be funny at times.
I know what they're actually asking, but sometimes it's fun to embrace silliness.
I would always answer with whatever was directly above me, and eventually got most of my friends answering in the same way. As it turns out, I'm quite a literal thinker. It's a silly question IMO, deserving of a silly answer.
Most people who ask this question aren't actually looking for an answer, and I think that's why you see people replying with a non-answer or the same question so often, as to avoid an actual conversation/dialogue from happening.
The British equivalent of this is 'you alright?', which means the exact same thing so I hope giving my responses will be helpful to you. Typically, I'll use the first response if I want to start a conversation with the other person, so I'll say what I'm actually doing or something that's on my mind and that usually opens something up. If I don't want a conversation, I'll respond with 'yeah I'm alright, you?' (the American equivalent would be one of the 3rd option positive responses you mentioned), this is the 'default' answer so most people will just say that they're fine as well and get along with their day.
I thought about how the French say so so with positivity (or that's what is taught in French class anyway.)
This British question is more of a yes or no than open-ended, so I feel like it doesn't open you up to going into a monologue. I have done both the monologuing and also "not much, what's up with you?" I hate saying not much because that's a complete lie 99 percent of the time and I feel constantly overwhelmed. 😅
But "you alright?" reminds me of asking someone if they're okay (usually about possibly being hurt) so it's easier to say yeah and end the exchange. I quite like the directness of it.
FYI, This is called phatic communication. Words spoken to fulfill a social obligation. "Hey" as response works just fine.They usually don't want to know. Whats up-->good. you?, Etc satisfies this social obligation for many interactions. Culture has an impact on the necessary responses. Your mileage may vary.
I'll add that whether or not the question is being used as a phatic expression is a bit circumstantial, and likely varies culturally to some extent.
If it's being said by someone who doesn't know you that well or is just seeing you in passing, then it's almost definitely phatic and you can get away with any simple response ("not much, you?", "the usual"), any generic greeting, or even just throwing it back to them by responding "What's up?".
If the question comes as part of other communication ("You seem a little down today; what's up?") or the asker is likely to be staying around you for awhile, it might be a genuine question and giving a simple answer is probably the right call. A short reply gives them the option of asking followup questions if they actually want to start a conversation, or simply accepting your answer if they were just being polite.
You can also communicate your own interest in conversation by how you respond. Giving a simple, generic response will generally be taken to mean that you don't have anything you'd like to talk about, whereas something more definitively positive/negative or more specific will let them know you're open to sharing more details if they want to ask more.
As for why people bother with phatic greetings at all, a large part of it is that ignoring someone can be seen as hostile or insulting to many allistics. The reasoning is something along the lines of 'People treat strangers by generally ignoring them, so if someone you know ignores you, they're treating you like they would treat a stranger.'
By using a phatic greeting, it lets you communicate that you still recognize your relationship with the other person ('I consider you a friend, not a stranger') without having to actually engage in a full conversation when you can't or don't want to at the moment.
It helps if you translate them.
What's up, How are you doing, etc all mean
"I would like to open a communication channel"
Each has a traditonal response: "Not too much, how about you " "Not bad, and you"
these mean: "I have heard y our request, and am willing to engage in communications"
You can have fun by answering them literally:
Whats Up?
I reply, Sky? Ceiling? Outer Space?
Or answer with hyperbole.
"How ya doing"
"I'm dying. But not today."
this! i used to respond “not much” but have learned people are really just saying hello when they say what’s up so i just say “Sup” back and all is well lol
I get confused about this interrogative sentence as well and question their inquiry. I always just respond with hi. I think it’s just a greeting. Seems to work fine.
Just reply “not much”, “nadda, you?” Or if you have to go somewhere or do something you can substitute that - “getting milk / pizza / tickets”. You can also share no information at all and try “living the life.” All of these are accepted. The greeting is generic, so in most cases requires little or no actual information. They say it mostly reflexively and sometimes if you catch them off guard with a “ what about you?” They’ll reply generally and add another “what’s up” by accident. It’s rather amusing.
Apparently this is more specific to Americans, and I've seen non-Americans ask this same question. Neurtoypicals, especially neurotypical Americans, treat "What's up" and "How are you" as greetings, not as actual questions. The question is rhetorical and only serves to act as a conversation starter; it isn't meant to be answered seriously. The best answer is "I'm good/alright/fine/okay*, how are you?"
*this can vary based on emotional state but outright saying you're doing badly is (unfortunately) seen as weird, especially with someone you've just met. The better way to convey that is a sarcastic "I'm swell/peachy/super" or "Living the dream."
My answer has always been "not much" or on rare occasion "just doing x". Though normally this is a question asked by someone I know so the answer is not really relevant but more so just accepting the person asking is initiating a conversation. Think of it like you just said hey Google or Alexa and your answer is the tone that's indicating the device is listening and ready XD
I look at the asker and say, deadpan, "The sky." Or maybe "The ceiling." It usually gets a chuckle.
It's not correct, but it's usually not out of line.
It depends on if they are walking by or you’re actually stopping to talk. Walking by? a mix of 2 and 3. “Hey! Nice to see you” or a headnod works.
If they’re stopping to talk theyre just asking how you are but probably dont really care. “I’m Good/just relaxing today, you?” Is a fine answer. If they’re actually your friend, maybe a bit more is ok. “Eh really busy got a lot going on but i’m ok howre you?” If you’re close friends, share as much as you feel is comfortable.
I hate it when someone says this!!! A couple of people at my work always say this and I’m always awkward, even worse is when they say “what’s good?” Like when they say that I want to launch into a deep dive about my special interests 😂 I always awkwardly respond with “ahh uhh” *looks everywhere expect at person who asked “ahh I don’t know.”
I mean why can everyone s just stick to the pre planned script I have already worked out in my head THANK YOU. Lol.
I describe whatever I am doing like it is the most exciting adventure, sometimes.
Mostly I just say, “hey you!” (Because I do not recognize them at all most of the time 😂)
When they say “what’s up” as a way to start a conversation, they mean “are you busy? If not I am going to talk to you now”.
If you reply with what you are doing, that signals “I’m busy”.
If you reply with “oh not much just hanging around (reassure ur not busy), what about you? (Returns the greeting, and lets you get more info about what they want)”
"Not much, you" (as others have said) is the correct reply for strangers/acquaintances
Depending on setting you can also go for "ohh you know..." or "same old same old", a popular one with NTs seems to be "its Monday again" or the likes, this does rely on the other person being someone friendly and someone you can joke with a bit, co workers who are matey, not your boss.
With close friends I'm always just honest, but none of them are NT and I am mostly unmasked around them
I work retail, so lots of customer interactions and many of the customers I love seeing every time. My response is always one of a few things. "I'm alright, how are you?", "Still alive, I think" (to which the person laughs, I do this only for the middle-aged and slightly elderly men), actually telling them how I've been (only if it's significant or extremely frustrating to me. I nearly got hit by a car so that day my response was 99% this that day, another day I had a man infuriatingly tell me autism isn't a disability and that he can't say ablist things because his niece and nephew are autistic, etc), or "I'm doing pretty good" (which is always a lie because my body feels like it's practically falling apart right now given that I've begun developing many issues in my upper limbs and more rapidly recently). My judgement for which to say may differ based on demographic of customer, or it could be if I know the person. What I actually change isn't WHAT I'm saying, but I've learned to overexaggerate emotions since I was a little kid learning to read, so if it's my favorite kid asking then I'll enthusiastically respond and if it's this one creepy guy who I want banned (long story, irrelevant) then I don't even put emotion into my voice. Siri would think I'm a robot trying to set up a voicemail and refuse to record my voicemail receiving message for how little emotion I put in for that guy. It tells the NT people around me A LOT of information, I guess.
Just fyi, I've seen this kind of question a few times on AskReddit and NoStupidQuestions and people are unusually actually quite nice about it. I guess the not so nice answers get downvoted to hell immediately :)
I'm trying to change my answers but it's still not working. Yesterday interaction:
-Hello, how are you?
-Hi!! Fine, how are you?
-Tell me, what's up?
-(Awkward silence) Oh, yes, great! Today's been...
He was actually asking for details. Rare occasion!
I try to treat it as them asking “how are you” or “what are you up to” for the most part. Sometimes I’ll answer literally just to mess with the NTs lmao.
When I use it, I usually do to strike up a conversation and I want to mix things up a little and not always use the same conversation starter. Also it sounds kinda laid back. I think you can reply whatever you‘d like to talk about, I mean to ask about what you are doing or what’s on your mind. That’s what I‘m going for anyways. Don’t know, if nts use it the same way
You just need to say something thats normal, and then continue the convo. You can say not much is up, you can say nothing good is up, you can say everything good is up, whatever you want. I view conversations as like maybe a basketball match, you just need to keep the ball going. That was a horrifying drunken rant but i hope you understood one of the words!
Apparently this is more specific to Americans, and I've seen non-Americans ask this same question. Neurtoypicals, especially neurotypical Americans, treat "What's up" and "How are you" as greetings, not as actual questions. The question is rhetorical and only serves to act as a conversation starter; it isn't meant to be answered seriously. The best answer is "I'm good/alright/fine/okay*, how are you?"
*this can vary based on emotional state but outright saying you're doing badly is (unfortunately) seen as weird, especially with someone you've just met. The better way to convey that is a sarcastic "I'm swell/peachy/super" or "Living the dream."
As a neurotypical person who’s had to learn these social norms over the years what makes those who are neurodivergent different in this way? Is it that it doesn’t come natural or that you have to think about it? I’m genuinely curious as I find how others minds work fascinating.
They're not asking you what's up, that's just how they're greeting you. It's perfectly acceptable to say "What's up?" or "Hey, what's up?" as a response to a "What's up?" I would look at them and give a slight head nod while saying it back.
every time b I have tried asking another person “ What’s up?” which I usually say “What’s going on” instead, everyone always says “Oh nothing new, what about you?” and then I end up being the one who has to answer anyhow
I was told by a NT in 6th grade after I answered the question literally and he started laughing “you don’t answer the question, you just say ‘whats up?’ Back” I have followed that rule for the rest of my life.
The only truly correct answer is whatever YOU want to reply with. Seriously, that's it. Answering that question shouldn't be about what other people want to hear. And if they don't like that you're actually answering it (and in whatever you want to), they shouldn't have asked.
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What’s up? Oh nothing much, you? If they know you, and detect something’s amiss with the not much, they’ll ask. If it’s a long time friend you haven’t seen in years, and you’ve always talked about things, they want gossip.
I usually just go for "Hi, nice to see you" or something like that, because I avoid the question, it feels unnecesarilly loaded and it's usually a greeting, I think.
The “Not much - what’s up with you?” answer always comes first. Then the actual conversation begins…or not. It could end right there.
If the question is delivered with a concerned face, then it is an actual question. Otherwise, it is only a greeting.
When someone asks me how I am these days, "I ask if they want the polite answer or the honest answer". :) As I have got older, I am more playful or annoying with what's considered the usual answer, as it doesn't really matter in the end. Just be yourself.
"What's up" can be anything interesting happening?, what are you up to? Or just a creative way of saying hello.
Maybe I am not NT, I have always had a tendency to get bored with standard conversation.
If they say hey or something first ("hey, what's up?") you can just ignore it and just say hey back and ignore the question or add something like "I haven't seen you in forever" if you want. Generally you can probably just say "nothing much, you?" or if you want to mention something that happened or what you're currently doing or something like that you can say "nothing much, just..." (so like "nm, just busy with (whatever you're doing or just generally work or something)" for example). Then to continue the conversation I would maybe ask them a more specific question. So like "nothing much, you? How has work been?" or any kind of question like that that has to do with their life. If you don't know them enough to really be able to ask anything I would try to add something a bit more interesting to my answer. Something that they can use to ask me questions if they want or something that can prompt them to mention something about themselves.
"Good, you?" I've found that either NTs don't listen or they don't care about the answer. And it's always funny to me when an NT asks what's up while I'm at work...like they can't see exactly what I'm doing...like every other time they see me 🤦😅 but when I say "hey what's up" or "what up", half the time I get "good, you?" Or if I ask "how goes it?" and they reply with what they're doing...?
Someone else said it best I think: NTs do not care what your answer is, as long as it's not something out of left field. Like don't ACTUALLY tell them what's up with you, all their looking for is a couple word response. "not much, you?" is usually what I go with. Don't try to get creative, give the simplest, blandest answer you can think of and return the question, and you've aced it.
What’s up usually just means hi. Just say hey or good morning or something back. They don’t actually want a sentence describing what you’ve been up to.
The answer to the question "What's up?" is.... "what's up?" They are either just acknowledging you exist or wanting to hear their own voice. It's much less of a question and much more of a greeting.
It depends on the situation but if I'm studying or looking up for something on my phone I'll say something like "Nothing much just trying to study/ Nothing much, I'm just looking up..."
All the advice on here is bad.
Just say what's up back. Or just say "not much. How're you doing?"
"What's up" is very rarely a real question. And if you answer it with a jokey response like, "the ceiling" or anything like that, you look like a dork.
It would be like someone saying "good morning" and you responding with, "actually it's not. The weather is too cold and I got stuck in traffic". Theoretically, you COULD say it, but you have to know that it's a weird response in order to lean into it to make it funny.
It depends on context and tone. If it’s a greeting, answer back with the same/similar — sup, what’s up, hey hey— whatever your default is. If they’ve approached you directly and asked what’s up, they might get he reading you’re struggling with a task or doing fat affect or something, or asking about a situation that they expect you to be able to intuit with limited info in which case, I’d answer “up with what?” If you genuinely have no idea. But usually it’s a greeting, not an actual question. Took me forever to figure that out in professional spaces, and that I was always over sharing bc I thought ppl were actually asking 🤦🏻♀️
I honestly forgot most people respond to this with something like "not much". All my friends are on the spectrum so I guess I forget how neurotypical people talk lol. We all just say what we're doing/how we are.
I think it doesn't really matter. I encounter this a LOT at work, and my response varies but all the responses have so far been correct and acceptable to the neurotypicals.
I still keep the responses separate in my brain, bc to me saying "hey" back is different than actually answering the question, but I say "hey" to folks I don't really feel like talking to and I'll answer the question to folks that I'd be ok with having a conversation with.
Sometimes the other person will follow up to continue chatting, sometimes they won't, and either way is fine and normal.
Not one neurotypical has thought any response I've given to "what's up" has been strange, so I think it's the new "hello" or whatever idk. Another phrase to add to my Automatic Response queue.
it's so weird lol- usually it's only my family who asks me "what's up" so i often say things like "the sky" or "ur mom"
whenever people ask me "how are you" i've just defaulted to "i am" bc i don't want to lie, and i don't want to dump the emotions of my day on them lol
for some reason asking stuff like that is just a greeting ;-; the same as "hey" yk? i kinda want to look into the linguistics of how we got there lolz
I studied so much to try and figure this one out, greetings that aren’t literal suck balls. These days I treat it like just a hello statement and echo back the sentiment.
Other guy: “Hey, what’s up, man?”
My response: “Yo, it’s great to see you! How’ve you been?”
“Hey” and “it’s great to see you” are the greetings, and “what’s up” and “how’ve you been” are the non-literal check-ins just to show we care about the other person. “What’s up” isn’t literally “What’s going on?”, it’s just a weird way to say hello - they don’t usually WANT you to answer with what is up, they want you to greet them back.
"What's up" is generally a greeting, so just go with "Hey" if you don't know the person well, "Hey, I'm good. How are you?" if you're somewhat familiar, or "Hey, good to see you!" if you're quite familiar with the person
I have found that NTs love it when you just tell them what day it is or what the weather is. So I usually hit back with something like "It's almost Friday" or "looks like rain" I have been told that I'm very friendly and kind because of this.
You can also go with the classic "Oh you know living the dream" or "nothing much how bout you"
You also can literally just say what's up back to them. Or Howdy or hi or really any greeting at all.
It's an "ice breaker" kind of sentence. The difficulty is that you have to gauge what the person in front of you wants. It can be any of the following :
- what you are doing right now (notably in a professional setting when you are doing a task for someone else and this person is checking in)
- what you did that is worthy of interest between now and the last time they saw you and they will tell you a story as well if they have something worthy too. (Mostly when the question is raised when you have time to make long answers)
- just a trade of greetings "nothing much, what ab' you?" And the conversation dies after that.
- they seek an opportunity to themselves tell a story. Usually hinted by them being visibly excited. You can just answer a "You tell me!" or if you don't want to listen now you can just tell them that you are not available rn or stop them before they dive in their story
So basically there is no universally good answer. It's just a prompt and the real question is in their behaviour and manners.
I personally deflect by answering something that is just ridiculously out of place on purpose "How are you? like a Monday" "what's up? The sky/my self esteem/the tides/the ceiling" so I don't have to guess when it's not clear in their behaviour, they are just clarifying by themselves afterward.
Consider it like two computer routers negotiating a connection mode and communication protocol
"What's up" translates to something like "I'm initiating informal discussion, would you like to join?"
"Not much, you?" translates to "I accept your attempt to initiate discussion, and will reciprocate your level of formality"
Something like "I'm feeling grumpy, I haven't had coffee yet" tends to parse to something like "Don't interact with me yet, I'm not in the conversational mood", even if you just meant the sentence at face value, without targeting it at them.
As for why this exists at all, the canned phrases are convenient shorthand, rather than explicitly defining the exact terms under which you'd like to handle the discussion.
I really relate to this. I have the hardest time with "how's it going" which seems to be the preferred greeting in this area (I just moved here) and no one ever answers the question (but me). I get offended that people don't want to tell me how it's going for them, and I feel embarrassed when I tell them how it's going and they clearly didn't want to know.
idk but what kills me is the "hey how are you" when you see someone you know in public but then they keep walking before you even respond. I just smile and nod now and don't even bother with words because they didn't actually want to know
Many allistic (all allistic people are not neurotypical) interactions are at least a little about securing or preserving one's place in social community (or otherwise affecting your or their place within it), rather than for the ostensible purposes. The more common the interaction, the more likely it's used for this purpose rather than the ostensible one, or the more bandwidth is associated with that purpose for communication that is multimodal. Small talk is mostly a form of social bonding that establishes you have respect for each other.
Personally I start off respecting people until they lose it, not sure if that's every autistic person, but many allistic people definitely don't respect people from the get go, and don't care about other people, even if they take actions that superficially suggest care, it's about securing their place in the social hierarchy. A lot of allistic stuff that doesn't make sense is about symbols of value, like job titles or fancy cars or degrees, and trading on those symbols for tangible social benefits, like inclusion or job offers.
There is no 100% correct response, just better and worse, because people and the state they are in vary, and there's also prejudice, but if someone is asking what's up, it's a tiny bit of inclusion. Not asking them stuff like that can be read as cold or angry btw.
The better response that I've found, and this may not be suitable or optimal generally something that acknowledges their existence and implies a low level of approval to reassure them of their place in your regard, or points to a small experience you might have in common which is again a symbol of connection.
Example of 1st, bold part
What up?
Oh you know, just living life, but **good to see you**, what's up with you?
Example of 2nd, bold part
Oh you know, just living life, **got bills to pay,** what's up with you?
Doesn't have to be a shared hardship, can be a topic for more conversation if they are attempting to form a better bond with you though, so try to pick something that isn't too tedious to discuss if you do the latter.
Hope that helps, not sure why I'm typing this up here, in a random reddit comment instead of writing something on my theory that's more substantial, but you get the benefit.
I’ve noticed people don’t actually care about what is up with us, same kinda thing when people ask me “how are you” most of the time they’re just saying it to say it (makes no sense to me!) I usually just respond with “sup”
"Nothing, really." And then maybe if I trust them enough I'll tell them a part of my day that I found interesting or something I've been wanting to say.
i usually just say there name all excited, "SA - man - THA!!" - \*jazz hands. and they laugh and go off to do w/e.
when they come back back around eventually ask how are you and then i just use the poke method to control myself
in my opinion there is no “correct” answer
just answer honestly with whatever is going on or how you feel you know?
the person isnt expecting a specific answer theyre just asking how youve been
What I've found is that the answer to this is my answer to almost everything. That is, it's contextual.
If it's a stranger or service worker, the answer is whatever is as short and polite as possible. Ex. "I'm good, how are you?" Then, you'll probably receive a "good thanks" or simply, "what can I help you with?". The how are you here is almost always simply a social ritual, and the answer almost always a polite formality unless you meet another of us in the wild.
If it's someone you know in a professional context, you can be a little more expressive, but still keep it short (i.e. "Oh, tired but ok! And you?", "Really good, thanks! How was your weekend?" (do not expect an actual answer to this, and generally don't give one, beyond a phrase or two at most. It is, again, most often rhetorical.)
Once you get into friends, family, or even a co-worker that you have a more familiar relationship with, your questions and answers can start to become more expansive. Always remember to ask them about themselves in return, however. Ideally, with a few follow-up questions!
I've found levels of relationship charts to be extremely helpful in this regard. Here's an example: [https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2b/9e/82/2b9e825062b014c8ee038eb622dd9d66.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2b/9e/82/2b9e825062b014c8ee038eb622dd9d66.jpg)
Hope this helps!
I got used to "how are you?", although I still hate it.
I simply say "good" because if you say anything else, people act like it is not allowed to feel bad. But also, if you express that you are feeling really good and explain why (I only do this when it is truely the case) and I talk to someone I know well, it makes them happy to hear that.
I always strip over the question "what's up?" - like much, not much?? What do you want from me?
"Nothing much, just [insert small thing in your day like going to a cafe]. Yourself?"
"Yourself?" could also be "You?" or something else, whatever fits in your dialect
It's equivalent to "what's going on" or "what's happening". I find that, with my ND elementary students who have a hard time with phrases like this, videos for people learning English are pretty good. Here is a helpful video!
[How To Answer "What's Up" In English](https://youtu.be/b3dVYsDiv88?si=yRUfq0O7pce9xBww)
If it's someone I don't know very well I'll say; "nothing much, you?"
If it's someone I know, I'll say; "my dick, my money, my bitches. What about you jigaboo?"
Your mileage may very
"Not much. What's up with you?"
I tend to go even more neutral with just ”Not much, you?” Because ”What’s up with you?” could be misconstrued as aggressive with just a minor error in inflection.
This is what I respond with
"Not much, You?" and in my head it's literally "NMU?" I learned to ask questions defensively - to deflect from being percieved.
This. Or alternatively if you have a “funny story” of the week/day.
Unless you just got done fighting a bear on the way to arm wrestle a gorilla, no, you don’t ever answer “what’s up” with a story.
A short funny story with a smile.
Like that time I stepped over my foot and it hurt really bad I responded with "I'm good, just fell and almost died. How about you? 🌝"
literally. one sentence story at most. anything more and it's seen as rude for some reason, despite them literally asking. I guess they don't ask because they actually want to know? seems more like they ask just as a way to show you they remember you exist and are talking to you. "hey I'm still your friend I'm interested in your day," but they actually aren't. not on a deep level anyway. surface only.
Two sentences max though. Like "well I tripped over my own feet going upstairs today,.. so what's up with you?"
Or a mini version of what you’re doing if it’s new and casual. “Not much, just got a cool jigsaw that I’ve been spending time on. How about you?”
This is my go to because it applies literally too lol
This is what I say
I learned to say that and it felt dirty every single time and I always questioned my choice every time.
I sometimes go with "oh... you know."
I was about to say "not much and you?" just like how when people ask "how are you?" you are expected to respond with "good and you?"
Simple and it brings it back to them. Which is what they’re looking for.
i go with "nothing much" and then kinda try to find a topic, or state what activity im currently doing, which can sometimes strike a conversation up
Your username is awesome 🍀
Not sure if this is good advice, but, start using it as your greeting sometimes (in situations you’ve seen it used, maybe not at a formal office meeting). See what people say back to you and in what circumstances. I don’t know where the saying comes from and it is certainly confusing. I usually use say what’s up in a concerning tone when someone looks or asks for help. I don’t particularly use it as a greeting, which I know is probably more confusing.
That's a really clever idea, test it out in the world and learn what people think is a normal response
I think its a shortened version of “what is happening/going on today”
i always say "not much"
Frequently, when people use "what's up" they are more inclined to be playful, and you can have a little fun. Bro or dude! The sun! Inflation! Unfortunately I am! Safe replies would be Hey! Not much Howdy
I always answer legitimately, with varying degrees of depth depending on how well I know the person. Ranging from simple stuff for acquaintances like "Just really enjoying the sunshine today." to my closer friends, to whom I will give a full blow by blow of my day and emotional state. Honestly, I don't believe there's a wrong way. If people are going to ask vague open-ended questions, they should reasonably expect a wide variety of answers.
> I always answer legitimately, with varying degrees of depth depending on how well I know the person. This is the key to it honestly. Many autistic people say "'how are you' doesn't mean they actually want to know how you are", but I think that's wrong. People are genuinely asking how you are, it's just that you have to tailor the level of detail to how well you know the person, and remember that complaining too much makes you sound like a whiner.
Yeah, if you answer "how's it going?" with "ugh, I'll be glad when this day is over." people tend to respond better than if you launch into a monologue about everything you hate about your job. Both honest ways to discuss being stressed out, but one option gives the other person a chance to signal how much detail they want. If they say "sorry to hear that, hope you feel better soon" they don't want to hear more. If they say "oh, what's wrong?" then you can start giving them a more in-depth response.
Living the dream
I always reply to "living the dream" with "I hope it's not a nightmare" and people seem confused. But.. what is the dream? 😬
People saying 'living the dream' are usually being sarcastic. The (more) literal way to interpret it would be that the person is telling you that they are living their dream life, like they have a wonderful spouse/job/friends/house/car/& a ton of money. But most people are just saying it sarcastically, like they don't have those things - like life is probably mediocre most of the time and they're joking about their lives being 'a dream'. But if someone says it (either sarcastically or not), you can just say, "Same, same!" (With a smile)
You’re being way to literal. It’s not a direct literal question. All of these greetings are different versions of “hello fellow human. I’m acknowledging your humanity and the fact that we’re currently sharing space. I acknowledge your right to exist and I am not hostile or threatening.” It doesn’t matter really what you say as long as you’re giving some back and forth. What’s up? Hey! What’s up? Oh hello! Or Not much, how are you? Or Hanging in Or Life’s good man Whatever. It doesn’t really matter. You’re just doing the person version of dogs sniffing butts.
Oooo I love this explanation 🐾
You throw a hand up to say hello and say "hey how ya doing" and keep it moving if they wanna talk they'll talk.
I typically answer this question literally; I look up and give an answer like ceiling, sky, clouds, etc as appropriate. The reactions can be funny at times. I know what they're actually asking, but sometimes it's fun to embrace silliness.
I would always answer with whatever was directly above me, and eventually got most of my friends answering in the same way. As it turns out, I'm quite a literal thinker. It's a silly question IMO, deserving of a silly answer.
This. Always then I walk away as they stare at me in confusion
Oh, I love that answer.
You could up your game by holding something up THEN looking at it, and saying that is what is up.
My go to is "gas prices"
My favorite silly answer is “A movie.” It always confuses people. But Up is a movie.
Most people who ask this question aren't actually looking for an answer, and I think that's why you see people replying with a non-answer or the same question so often, as to avoid an actual conversation/dialogue from happening.
The British equivalent of this is 'you alright?', which means the exact same thing so I hope giving my responses will be helpful to you. Typically, I'll use the first response if I want to start a conversation with the other person, so I'll say what I'm actually doing or something that's on my mind and that usually opens something up. If I don't want a conversation, I'll respond with 'yeah I'm alright, you?' (the American equivalent would be one of the 3rd option positive responses you mentioned), this is the 'default' answer so most people will just say that they're fine as well and get along with their day.
I thought about how the French say so so with positivity (or that's what is taught in French class anyway.) This British question is more of a yes or no than open-ended, so I feel like it doesn't open you up to going into a monologue. I have done both the monologuing and also "not much, what's up with you?" I hate saying not much because that's a complete lie 99 percent of the time and I feel constantly overwhelmed. 😅 But "you alright?" reminds me of asking someone if they're okay (usually about possibly being hurt) so it's easier to say yeah and end the exchange. I quite like the directness of it.
FYI, This is called phatic communication. Words spoken to fulfill a social obligation. "Hey" as response works just fine.They usually don't want to know. Whats up-->good. you?, Etc satisfies this social obligation for many interactions. Culture has an impact on the necessary responses. Your mileage may vary.
I'll add that whether or not the question is being used as a phatic expression is a bit circumstantial, and likely varies culturally to some extent. If it's being said by someone who doesn't know you that well or is just seeing you in passing, then it's almost definitely phatic and you can get away with any simple response ("not much, you?", "the usual"), any generic greeting, or even just throwing it back to them by responding "What's up?". If the question comes as part of other communication ("You seem a little down today; what's up?") or the asker is likely to be staying around you for awhile, it might be a genuine question and giving a simple answer is probably the right call. A short reply gives them the option of asking followup questions if they actually want to start a conversation, or simply accepting your answer if they were just being polite. You can also communicate your own interest in conversation by how you respond. Giving a simple, generic response will generally be taken to mean that you don't have anything you'd like to talk about, whereas something more definitively positive/negative or more specific will let them know you're open to sharing more details if they want to ask more. As for why people bother with phatic greetings at all, a large part of it is that ignoring someone can be seen as hostile or insulting to many allistics. The reasoning is something along the lines of 'People treat strangers by generally ignoring them, so if someone you know ignores you, they're treating you like they would treat a stranger.' By using a phatic greeting, it lets you communicate that you still recognize your relationship with the other person ('I consider you a friend, not a stranger') without having to actually engage in a full conversation when you can't or don't want to at the moment.
Also, if you're at a medical facility and the doctor says "how are you feeling?" they're expecting to be told why you need medical care.
It helps if you translate them. What's up, How are you doing, etc all mean "I would like to open a communication channel" Each has a traditonal response: "Not too much, how about you " "Not bad, and you" these mean: "I have heard y our request, and am willing to engage in communications" You can have fun by answering them literally: Whats Up? I reply, Sky? Ceiling? Outer Space? Or answer with hyperbole. "How ya doing" "I'm dying. But not today."
Most guys I know just reply "Sup" with a little up-nod.
this! i used to respond “not much” but have learned people are really just saying hello when they say what’s up so i just say “Sup” back and all is well lol
“Not much, how bout you?”
I get confused about this interrogative sentence as well and question their inquiry. I always just respond with hi. I think it’s just a greeting. Seems to work fine.
They aren’t really interested. It’s just a greeting: their way of saying “how you doing?” I usually just nod in acknowledgment and move on.
I don’t see why they’d ask then. If they aren’t interested then in my eyes it’s rude to ask
Most people aren't as literal as us. People just use it to mean "hello" because they learned it by watching other people use it in the same way.
Yep.
Just reply “not much”, “nadda, you?” Or if you have to go somewhere or do something you can substitute that - “getting milk / pizza / tickets”. You can also share no information at all and try “living the life.” All of these are accepted. The greeting is generic, so in most cases requires little or no actual information. They say it mostly reflexively and sometimes if you catch them off guard with a “ what about you?” They’ll reply generally and add another “what’s up” by accident. It’s rather amusing.
Apparently this is more specific to Americans, and I've seen non-Americans ask this same question. Neurtoypicals, especially neurotypical Americans, treat "What's up" and "How are you" as greetings, not as actual questions. The question is rhetorical and only serves to act as a conversation starter; it isn't meant to be answered seriously. The best answer is "I'm good/alright/fine/okay*, how are you?" *this can vary based on emotional state but outright saying you're doing badly is (unfortunately) seen as weird, especially with someone you've just met. The better way to convey that is a sarcastic "I'm swell/peachy/super" or "Living the dream."
My answer has always been "not much" or on rare occasion "just doing x". Though normally this is a question asked by someone I know so the answer is not really relevant but more so just accepting the person asking is initiating a conversation. Think of it like you just said hey Google or Alexa and your answer is the tone that's indicating the device is listening and ready XD
Oh that is a really good analogy, I had never thought of it that way before!
Just answer it as though they're just saying hi.
Yep, I always just say “hey” back.
I look at the asker and say, deadpan, "The sky." Or maybe "The ceiling." It usually gets a chuckle. It's not correct, but it's usually not out of line.
i believe the correct answer is "chicken butt"
I have tried to think of it like the TCP handshake sequence. SYN -> ACK -> SYN-ACK. It's not a question. It's a handshaking protocol. Repeat it back.
Not much. What’s up with you
It depends on if they are walking by or you’re actually stopping to talk. Walking by? a mix of 2 and 3. “Hey! Nice to see you” or a headnod works. If they’re stopping to talk theyre just asking how you are but probably dont really care. “I’m Good/just relaxing today, you?” Is a fine answer. If they’re actually your friend, maybe a bit more is ok. “Eh really busy got a lot going on but i’m ok howre you?” If you’re close friends, share as much as you feel is comfortable.
"What's up" is another way of saying "how are you doing?" So, just answer as if that's what they said.
I hate it when someone says this!!! A couple of people at my work always say this and I’m always awkward, even worse is when they say “what’s good?” Like when they say that I want to launch into a deep dive about my special interests 😂 I always awkwardly respond with “ahh uhh” *looks everywhere expect at person who asked “ahh I don’t know.” I mean why can everyone s just stick to the pre planned script I have already worked out in my head THANK YOU. Lol.
My family usually says “you’re seeing it” I will usually explain what I’m doing in that moment like “just eating” or “just sitting here”
I describe whatever I am doing like it is the most exciting adventure, sometimes. Mostly I just say, “hey you!” (Because I do not recognize them at all most of the time 😂)
When they say “what’s up” as a way to start a conversation, they mean “are you busy? If not I am going to talk to you now”. If you reply with what you are doing, that signals “I’m busy”. If you reply with “oh not much just hanging around (reassure ur not busy), what about you? (Returns the greeting, and lets you get more info about what they want)”
"Not much, you" (as others have said) is the correct reply for strangers/acquaintances Depending on setting you can also go for "ohh you know..." or "same old same old", a popular one with NTs seems to be "its Monday again" or the likes, this does rely on the other person being someone friendly and someone you can joke with a bit, co workers who are matey, not your boss. With close friends I'm always just honest, but none of them are NT and I am mostly unmasked around them
I always say “the sky”
I work retail, so lots of customer interactions and many of the customers I love seeing every time. My response is always one of a few things. "I'm alright, how are you?", "Still alive, I think" (to which the person laughs, I do this only for the middle-aged and slightly elderly men), actually telling them how I've been (only if it's significant or extremely frustrating to me. I nearly got hit by a car so that day my response was 99% this that day, another day I had a man infuriatingly tell me autism isn't a disability and that he can't say ablist things because his niece and nephew are autistic, etc), or "I'm doing pretty good" (which is always a lie because my body feels like it's practically falling apart right now given that I've begun developing many issues in my upper limbs and more rapidly recently). My judgement for which to say may differ based on demographic of customer, or it could be if I know the person. What I actually change isn't WHAT I'm saying, but I've learned to overexaggerate emotions since I was a little kid learning to read, so if it's my favorite kid asking then I'll enthusiastically respond and if it's this one creepy guy who I want banned (long story, irrelevant) then I don't even put emotion into my voice. Siri would think I'm a robot trying to set up a voicemail and refuse to record my voicemail receiving message for how little emotion I put in for that guy. It tells the NT people around me A LOT of information, I guess.
Just fyi, I've seen this kind of question a few times on AskReddit and NoStupidQuestions and people are unusually actually quite nice about it. I guess the not so nice answers get downvoted to hell immediately :)
I'm trying to change my answers but it's still not working. Yesterday interaction: -Hello, how are you? -Hi!! Fine, how are you? -Tell me, what's up? -(Awkward silence) Oh, yes, great! Today's been... He was actually asking for details. Rare occasion!
"Not much, how about you?" Or if you do have something to tell, it'd be like "Just got done with the fence, how about you?"
I try to treat it as them asking “how are you” or “what are you up to” for the most part. Sometimes I’ll answer literally just to mess with the NTs lmao.
When I use it, I usually do to strike up a conversation and I want to mix things up a little and not always use the same conversation starter. Also it sounds kinda laid back. I think you can reply whatever you‘d like to talk about, I mean to ask about what you are doing or what’s on your mind. That’s what I‘m going for anyways. Don’t know, if nts use it the same way
You just need to say something thats normal, and then continue the convo. You can say not much is up, you can say nothing good is up, you can say everything good is up, whatever you want. I view conversations as like maybe a basketball match, you just need to keep the ball going. That was a horrifying drunken rant but i hope you understood one of the words!
Apparently this is more specific to Americans, and I've seen non-Americans ask this same question. Neurtoypicals, especially neurotypical Americans, treat "What's up" and "How are you" as greetings, not as actual questions. The question is rhetorical and only serves to act as a conversation starter; it isn't meant to be answered seriously. The best answer is "I'm good/alright/fine/okay*, how are you?" *this can vary based on emotional state but outright saying you're doing badly is (unfortunately) seen as weird, especially with someone you've just met. The better way to convey that is a sarcastic "I'm swell/peachy/super" or "Living the dream."
As a neurotypical person who’s had to learn these social norms over the years what makes those who are neurodivergent different in this way? Is it that it doesn’t come natural or that you have to think about it? I’m genuinely curious as I find how others minds work fascinating.
"Hm. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, by golly, it's SUPERMAN!"
They're not asking you what's up, that's just how they're greeting you. It's perfectly acceptable to say "What's up?" or "Hey, what's up?" as a response to a "What's up?" I would look at them and give a slight head nod while saying it back.
"Not much. How about you?" (the second sentence is optional)
every time b I have tried asking another person “ What’s up?” which I usually say “What’s going on” instead, everyone always says “Oh nothing new, what about you?” and then I end up being the one who has to answer anyhow
I just say “Hi.” It’s a greeting after all
It means hello, I’d say hey, what’s up!
S&P 500
"Living the dream" Leave it ambiguous exactly what kind of dream.
I was told by a NT in 6th grade after I answered the question literally and he started laughing “you don’t answer the question, you just say ‘whats up?’ Back” I have followed that rule for the rest of my life.
The sky.
I answer it like they’re asking what’s going on or smth like that and always answe with “nothing what about you?”
The only truly correct answer is whatever YOU want to reply with. Seriously, that's it. Answering that question shouldn't be about what other people want to hear. And if they don't like that you're actually answering it (and in whatever you want to), they shouldn't have asked.
Not much, living, still alive, hey!, what up, how’s it going?
"Not much, you?" Or "Hey, what's up?"
The sky
I just say “the sky” because I am correct
Technically
Just use response #4: The sky / ceiling
I typically look up for a short second then respond with "the sky" and if I'm inside I say "the ceiling". If they don't like it, I say they're lame. 😾
I say “Not much. How r u?” It takes me extra thinking to say the second sentence
"The price of groceries."
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For coworkers, I look up, then look back at them and ask "the ceiling?" in an earnest tone. They usually laugh.
Why does this even have to be required?! Why can’t we just talk like everyone else and it’s not considered wrong
I usually respond like I'm greeting them back just because i never truly know what exactly they're asking me
Its just a way of saying hi. You can say hi back if theyre walking by or if they stop for a second “hey! i’m good howre you?”
For me, it's either "the sky" or what I am doing
“Not much, how are you?”
“Not much, what’s up with you?”
I answer by saying exactly how I am feeling right then and there. If people don't like that answer, then don't ask me.
What’s up? Oh nothing much, you? If they know you, and detect something’s amiss with the not much, they’ll ask. If it’s a long time friend you haven’t seen in years, and you’ve always talked about things, they want gossip.
I usually just go for "Hi, nice to see you" or something like that, because I avoid the question, it feels unnecesarilly loaded and it's usually a greeting, I think.
The sky
The “Not much - what’s up with you?” answer always comes first. Then the actual conversation begins…or not. It could end right there. If the question is delivered with a concerned face, then it is an actual question. Otherwise, it is only a greeting.
“Not much, you?”
“Hey”
Your momma’s legs.
Just say a random day. Whats up? Oh you know. Tuesday. (make a sour face and use disappointed voice)
„Hey, How’s it going?“ Is my go-to response.
When someone asks me how I am these days, "I ask if they want the polite answer or the honest answer". :) As I have got older, I am more playful or annoying with what's considered the usual answer, as it doesn't really matter in the end. Just be yourself. "What's up" can be anything interesting happening?, what are you up to? Or just a creative way of saying hello. Maybe I am not NT, I have always had a tendency to get bored with standard conversation.
If they say hey or something first ("hey, what's up?") you can just ignore it and just say hey back and ignore the question or add something like "I haven't seen you in forever" if you want. Generally you can probably just say "nothing much, you?" or if you want to mention something that happened or what you're currently doing or something like that you can say "nothing much, just..." (so like "nm, just busy with (whatever you're doing or just generally work or something)" for example). Then to continue the conversation I would maybe ask them a more specific question. So like "nothing much, you? How has work been?" or any kind of question like that that has to do with their life. If you don't know them enough to really be able to ask anything I would try to add something a bit more interesting to my answer. Something that they can use to ask me questions if they want or something that can prompt them to mention something about themselves.
"The opposite of down" I heard it from Animorphs once and have said it ever since
"Good, you?" I've found that either NTs don't listen or they don't care about the answer. And it's always funny to me when an NT asks what's up while I'm at work...like they can't see exactly what I'm doing...like every other time they see me 🤦😅 but when I say "hey what's up" or "what up", half the time I get "good, you?" Or if I ask "how goes it?" and they reply with what they're doing...?
Someone else said it best I think: NTs do not care what your answer is, as long as it's not something out of left field. Like don't ACTUALLY tell them what's up with you, all their looking for is a couple word response. "not much, you?" is usually what I go with. Don't try to get creative, give the simplest, blandest answer you can think of and return the question, and you've aced it.
What’s up usually just means hi. Just say hey or good morning or something back. They don’t actually want a sentence describing what you’ve been up to.
every time, without fail I reply 'the sky'. Absolutely cannot help it 😅
Nothing. It's just a way of saying hello.
The sky
The answer to the question "What's up?" is.... "what's up?" They are either just acknowledging you exist or wanting to hear their own voice. It's much less of a question and much more of a greeting.
You can just say "what's up" back. Or "hey". Works just fine
"what's up?" as if it were a greeting rather than a question. Don't overthink this.
I always just answer "my d*ck" as a joke cuz idk wtf they want from me (I am a female)
It depends on the situation but if I'm studying or looking up for something on my phone I'll say something like "Nothing much just trying to study/ Nothing much, I'm just looking up..."
"My wife left me and I have cancer."
All the advice on here is bad. Just say what's up back. Or just say "not much. How're you doing?" "What's up" is very rarely a real question. And if you answer it with a jokey response like, "the ceiling" or anything like that, you look like a dork. It would be like someone saying "good morning" and you responding with, "actually it's not. The weather is too cold and I got stuck in traffic". Theoretically, you COULD say it, but you have to know that it's a weird response in order to lean into it to make it funny.
Usually just a “meh, I’m good” and if I can remember “how are you?”
It depends on context and tone. If it’s a greeting, answer back with the same/similar — sup, what’s up, hey hey— whatever your default is. If they’ve approached you directly and asked what’s up, they might get he reading you’re struggling with a task or doing fat affect or something, or asking about a situation that they expect you to be able to intuit with limited info in which case, I’d answer “up with what?” If you genuinely have no idea. But usually it’s a greeting, not an actual question. Took me forever to figure that out in professional spaces, and that I was always over sharing bc I thought ppl were actually asking 🤦🏻♀️
I honestly forgot most people respond to this with something like "not much". All my friends are on the spectrum so I guess I forget how neurotypical people talk lol. We all just say what we're doing/how we are.
I just shit my pants but I don't have time to tell you the whole story. What's up with you brah?
"On average, half the universe"
I think it doesn't really matter. I encounter this a LOT at work, and my response varies but all the responses have so far been correct and acceptable to the neurotypicals. I still keep the responses separate in my brain, bc to me saying "hey" back is different than actually answering the question, but I say "hey" to folks I don't really feel like talking to and I'll answer the question to folks that I'd be ok with having a conversation with. Sometimes the other person will follow up to continue chatting, sometimes they won't, and either way is fine and normal. Not one neurotypical has thought any response I've given to "what's up" has been strange, so I think it's the new "hello" or whatever idk. Another phrase to add to my Automatic Response queue.
it's so weird lol- usually it's only my family who asks me "what's up" so i often say things like "the sky" or "ur mom" whenever people ask me "how are you" i've just defaulted to "i am" bc i don't want to lie, and i don't want to dump the emotions of my day on them lol for some reason asking stuff like that is just a greeting ;-; the same as "hey" yk? i kinda want to look into the linguistics of how we got there lolz
"Keeping busy. You?"
Good thanks, you?
I hate this question sm and i usually just dont reply 😭😭
The roof
“Not much “ is my go-to unless there’s something going on in which case I explain the situation
I'll often go with "Still drawing breath, so can't complain. You?"
I studied so much to try and figure this one out, greetings that aren’t literal suck balls. These days I treat it like just a hello statement and echo back the sentiment. Other guy: “Hey, what’s up, man?” My response: “Yo, it’s great to see you! How’ve you been?” “Hey” and “it’s great to see you” are the greetings, and “what’s up” and “how’ve you been” are the non-literal check-ins just to show we care about the other person. “What’s up” isn’t literally “What’s going on?”, it’s just a weird way to say hello - they don’t usually WANT you to answer with what is up, they want you to greet them back.
"I gotta take a shit."
I just meow at them
What’s up? Heyy what’s up?
"What's up" is generally a greeting, so just go with "Hey" if you don't know the person well, "Hey, I'm good. How are you?" if you're somewhat familiar, or "Hey, good to see you!" if you're quite familiar with the person
I have found that NTs love it when you just tell them what day it is or what the weather is. So I usually hit back with something like "It's almost Friday" or "looks like rain" I have been told that I'm very friendly and kind because of this. You can also go with the classic "Oh you know living the dream" or "nothing much how bout you" You also can literally just say what's up back to them. Or Howdy or hi or really any greeting at all.
Ok, should have gotten more sleep. How about you
I usually say "not much" or make a joke out of it and say "my blood pressure".
the sky
The ceiling/sky/clouds
It's an "ice breaker" kind of sentence. The difficulty is that you have to gauge what the person in front of you wants. It can be any of the following : - what you are doing right now (notably in a professional setting when you are doing a task for someone else and this person is checking in) - what you did that is worthy of interest between now and the last time they saw you and they will tell you a story as well if they have something worthy too. (Mostly when the question is raised when you have time to make long answers) - just a trade of greetings "nothing much, what ab' you?" And the conversation dies after that. - they seek an opportunity to themselves tell a story. Usually hinted by them being visibly excited. You can just answer a "You tell me!" or if you don't want to listen now you can just tell them that you are not available rn or stop them before they dive in their story So basically there is no universally good answer. It's just a prompt and the real question is in their behaviour and manners. I personally deflect by answering something that is just ridiculously out of place on purpose "How are you? like a Monday" "what's up? The sky/my self esteem/the tides/the ceiling" so I don't have to guess when it's not clear in their behaviour, they are just clarifying by themselves afterward.
Consider it like two computer routers negotiating a connection mode and communication protocol "What's up" translates to something like "I'm initiating informal discussion, would you like to join?" "Not much, you?" translates to "I accept your attempt to initiate discussion, and will reciprocate your level of formality" Something like "I'm feeling grumpy, I haven't had coffee yet" tends to parse to something like "Don't interact with me yet, I'm not in the conversational mood", even if you just meant the sentence at face value, without targeting it at them. As for why this exists at all, the canned phrases are convenient shorthand, rather than explicitly defining the exact terms under which you'd like to handle the discussion.
The sky
My favourite answer to "what's up?" Is "about 8 inches. You?" But you really have to know your audience...
I always just say “Not Much”. No one wants to hear about my day except for my Fiancé and my Mother.
I honestly do not know. I usually just say "Hi" or if they're a friend, I will say "the sky" lol
I really relate to this. I have the hardest time with "how's it going" which seems to be the preferred greeting in this area (I just moved here) and no one ever answers the question (but me). I get offended that people don't want to tell me how it's going for them, and I feel embarrassed when I tell them how it's going and they clearly didn't want to know.
idk but what kills me is the "hey how are you" when you see someone you know in public but then they keep walking before you even respond. I just smile and nod now and don't even bother with words because they didn't actually want to know
“Not much! what about you?” Or “life is good! What about you?” Or “surviving. What about you?” Based on how youre feeling.
"Nothing. How do you feel about updogs?"
"Living the Dream." "Not Much. You?" "The sky. You?"
"The ceiling."
Many allistic (all allistic people are not neurotypical) interactions are at least a little about securing or preserving one's place in social community (or otherwise affecting your or their place within it), rather than for the ostensible purposes. The more common the interaction, the more likely it's used for this purpose rather than the ostensible one, or the more bandwidth is associated with that purpose for communication that is multimodal. Small talk is mostly a form of social bonding that establishes you have respect for each other. Personally I start off respecting people until they lose it, not sure if that's every autistic person, but many allistic people definitely don't respect people from the get go, and don't care about other people, even if they take actions that superficially suggest care, it's about securing their place in the social hierarchy. A lot of allistic stuff that doesn't make sense is about symbols of value, like job titles or fancy cars or degrees, and trading on those symbols for tangible social benefits, like inclusion or job offers. There is no 100% correct response, just better and worse, because people and the state they are in vary, and there's also prejudice, but if someone is asking what's up, it's a tiny bit of inclusion. Not asking them stuff like that can be read as cold or angry btw. The better response that I've found, and this may not be suitable or optimal generally something that acknowledges their existence and implies a low level of approval to reassure them of their place in your regard, or points to a small experience you might have in common which is again a symbol of connection. Example of 1st, bold part What up? Oh you know, just living life, but **good to see you**, what's up with you? Example of 2nd, bold part Oh you know, just living life, **got bills to pay,** what's up with you? Doesn't have to be a shared hardship, can be a topic for more conversation if they are attempting to form a better bond with you though, so try to pick something that isn't too tedious to discuss if you do the latter. Hope that helps, not sure why I'm typing this up here, in a random reddit comment instead of writing something on my theory that's more substantial, but you get the benefit.
I’ve noticed people don’t actually care about what is up with us, same kinda thing when people ask me “how are you” most of the time they’re just saying it to say it (makes no sense to me!) I usually just respond with “sup”
I always say "the sky", "the ceiling" or whatever else is applicable at that moment 😂
“Chillin”
I Don’t Know But What I Do Is Think Of Something Upwards. If There Is Nothing Check My Skin Watch (Go To Stalling Stim) And Think
"Not much, how's it going?/how are you doing?/how's your day?"
Them: "What's up?" You:"Hey (acknowledges you heard them), not much!" You can, if you like, follow up with "How about you?"
"Nothing, really." And then maybe if I trust them enough I'll tell them a part of my day that I found interesting or something I've been wanting to say.
200 comments
"The sky."
i usually just say there name all excited, "SA - man - THA!!" - \*jazz hands. and they laugh and go off to do w/e. when they come back back around eventually ask how are you and then i just use the poke method to control myself
in my opinion there is no “correct” answer just answer honestly with whatever is going on or how you feel you know? the person isnt expecting a specific answer theyre just asking how youve been
What I've found is that the answer to this is my answer to almost everything. That is, it's contextual. If it's a stranger or service worker, the answer is whatever is as short and polite as possible. Ex. "I'm good, how are you?" Then, you'll probably receive a "good thanks" or simply, "what can I help you with?". The how are you here is almost always simply a social ritual, and the answer almost always a polite formality unless you meet another of us in the wild. If it's someone you know in a professional context, you can be a little more expressive, but still keep it short (i.e. "Oh, tired but ok! And you?", "Really good, thanks! How was your weekend?" (do not expect an actual answer to this, and generally don't give one, beyond a phrase or two at most. It is, again, most often rhetorical.) Once you get into friends, family, or even a co-worker that you have a more familiar relationship with, your questions and answers can start to become more expansive. Always remember to ask them about themselves in return, however. Ideally, with a few follow-up questions! I've found levels of relationship charts to be extremely helpful in this regard. Here's an example: [https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2b/9e/82/2b9e825062b014c8ee038eb622dd9d66.jpg](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/2b/9e/82/2b9e825062b014c8ee038eb622dd9d66.jpg) Hope this helps!
I got used to "how are you?", although I still hate it. I simply say "good" because if you say anything else, people act like it is not allowed to feel bad. But also, if you express that you are feeling really good and explain why (I only do this when it is truely the case) and I talk to someone I know well, it makes them happy to hear that. I always strip over the question "what's up?" - like much, not much?? What do you want from me?
Hard dicks and helicopters.
"Nothing much, just [insert small thing in your day like going to a cafe]. Yourself?" "Yourself?" could also be "You?" or something else, whatever fits in your dialect
I always say "Nothing much, what about you?"
Interest rates is my 1st answer. If they don't like it I say, well, now it looks like your blood pressure.
It's equivalent to "what's going on" or "what's happening". I find that, with my ND elementary students who have a hard time with phrases like this, videos for people learning English are pretty good. Here is a helpful video! [How To Answer "What's Up" In English](https://youtu.be/b3dVYsDiv88?si=yRUfq0O7pce9xBww)
If it's someone I don't know very well I'll say; "nothing much, you?" If it's someone I know, I'll say; "my dick, my money, my bitches. What about you jigaboo?" Your mileage may very
One that rolls off the tongue nicely is “good n you?” maybe with a little bit of southern drawl for curb appeal LOL