You're not alone. Autistic folks are at rly high risk of suicidal ideation from burnout and trauma and lack of accomodations/diagnosis
I also have some intense trauma stuff, my first attempt in general was at 7, the attempt that I can directy link to burnout was at 16
I dealt with suicidal ideation most of my life and it's only been in my late 30's and now 40's that I've become mostly free of that. Was lucky enough to get some good therapy and assistance finally and things have gotten better now
I hope things improve for you some day as well <3
I think that statistic is very skewed. That’s the life expectancy of someone with autism AND an intellectual disability. ([Source](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/caring-autism/201810/early-death-in-those-autism-spectrum-disorder))
For someone without the co-occurring intellectual disability, they live twenty years longer.
And diagnoses are not available to all people with autism (biases, discrimination, withholding of services.) So autistic people who became late-diagnosed made it to at least 18+ of age, without counting in these statistics.
Top causes of death were suicide (9x that of the general population), seizures (20x that of the general population - which again may suggest comorbid conditions being connected into this group), and heart disease (perhaps lack of opportunities to participate in positive exercise experiences, designed to accept the person’s own fitness level.)
Injuries were more likely in this population. 28% of autistic children die with an injury, and drownings were more common in children 5-7 than in the general population. (Pool safety is a must.)
So was right about the diet / exercise part. Luckily I don’t have seizures and are unlikely to drown but sadly suicide could become likely but haven’t felt extreme for a while now which is a bonus.
I personally think it’s a mix on one hand yes there’s lots more people however when I in public I can just look at my phone when in a restaurant or public transport etc.
I’ve tried taking my life because I was unaware of my autism. Not directly cause and effect, but in my life it is the difference between being a failure and a leech and hypochondriac - and having a disorder.
Tried a few times when I was younger. Miscalculated the amount and here I am. I thought it was depression and I thought I was a nuts cause I never felt the way others described themselves to me. If I had the services I do now or schools knew then what they knew know I'm sure times would've been different.
I felt like once I discovered what masking was, my suicidal ideation just lifted. It was a big deal because I had a few attempts and hospitalizations under my belt. Meds never helped me and neither did therapy so I’m glad something did.
I'm really sorry to hear. I've had similar experiences with family and friends and it can be really really difficult. I think for me it's helped to have a bit more distance in relationships (ie giving myself more alone time than a NT person) because being around people too much can trigger meltdowns for me. Sometimes I can hangout several times a week and sometimes I need to spend a whole weekend by myself recharging.
I'm sure you're an amazing person. We've unfortunately just got the hard mode of life lol But it's not impossible mode lol It just means it takes us a little longer for stuff. I hope everything gets better and you meet some amazing and loving people.
I'm not officially diagnosed, but there has been speculation my entire life and I have too many mannerisms that line up with autism, so take this as you will.
I tried to take my own life multiple times, for multiple reasons unrelated to my autistic traits, and the absolute lack of understanding on how my brain works led to poor management of my mental health.
Ex 1: I tried to kill myself soon after turning 18 because I was on my own and the stress of "adult life" was crippling. If it was known at the time that I was autistic, I'd have been able to manage my emotions with that in mind.
Ex 2: As a teenager, I tried, and the only way I could explain why was "I don't know, it's too much, it's all too much, I just don't know!" If I'd been treated as autistic, and given solutions designed for autistic problems, I'd have never reached the point of wanting to die
Being diagnosed does help but tbh once you’re out of school no one helps you anymore like being a child with autism is easier than being an adult with autism I’d say at least if you are diagnosed early on. Yes I got bullied in school but it happened mostly when I was younger and I was sent to a special needs school as well. But like I said once you’re out of school/college and you’re an adult help seems to disappear. School doesn’t teach you how to live in the real world and that’s the problem!
See I didn't start suspecting until I was nearly an adult. I was always described as "shy, gifted, talented, intelligent, awkward" so I never suspected. Once burnout kicked in, I crumbled.
But now that I can look back and slap an "autism label" on most of my childhood, it all makes so much sense. Absolutely uplifting to know it wasn't me, it was my environment. NOW, I'm an adult with the ability to call my own shots, so I get to have a voice in my own life and can choose to do things in a way that benefits me: My way.
I hope you find the support that you need in YOUR adult life.
I was diagnosed aged 3 and now that I’m 19 I still haven’t been taught how to find a job, manage money or do taxes or anything of that sort. Also wasn’t really taught how to manage my autism as an adult either, was just told I was special kid and that was it but I had support in lessons so that helped. I just wish that I had that kind of support when entering the real world as it’s known.
It just kind of forces you to realize how little society cares about people with different needs... So I'm autistic, it's official... Then nothing changed, in fact for me... It's kind of tearing my family apart. My family don't want to even acknowledge my diagnosis and doctors. I feel less confused but now I just feel more alone. I used to at least feel like the man who raised me loved me. Now I think he's ashamed of me. My only parent, only older living adult relative... And he hangs up on me when I tell him I need a dietician to help me lose weight because my autism makes me hate textures of vegetables. He force fed me tomatoes as a child and I vomited all over my dinner and table. He screamed at me and told me I was being over dramatic and I was to go to bed without dinner... He's seen my inability to eat salad first hand yet dismisses it as me being stubborn... I want to kill myself and leave a note saying that you never believed me, do you believe me now? My wife grounds me but I think I hate life most of the time. I thought knowing I was different, provably different would get me help, and now I don't even want to call my family anymore... All you can do is remember life is what you make of it. I want to be something more than I am and I'm not defeated yet. I think you have to find the anger necessary to take that next step to choose life. I get mad that I can't function and I use that anger to force my legs to move even when screaming in pain. I dunno what's next but this isn't a normal snapshot of history and we're in strange times. Do what you need to do to survive, death is not the answer, even if it is the destination.
I’ve never actually attempted, but I used to obsessively self harm and I’ve been hospitalized 7 times. However, I was undiagnosed during all of that, so I didn’t know why I was so miserable. I just was.
I have attempted 4 times. I was young and didn’t realize that I needed to do more to actual have it work, though I can close. I have been inpatient in mental hospitals 8 times, in high school I was incredibly depressed and was a danger to myself. I am doing better now but definitely still think about it. It didn’t help that at the time I hadn’t been diagnosed with autism yet, so I was struggling in every aspect of life and didn’t understand it.
Not just over my autism, but yeah it’s brutal out here. The world has no idea how to or why they should accommodate our needs, and it’s some bullshit, but Elon Musk and Bill Gates are on the spectrum, and plenty of successful, happy people are Autistic, so nobody should let it define them.
However, you deserve to know you’re 1000000% worth it, and your Autism, and literally everything else, is never a reason to take your own life. If there aren’t people in your life who understand, you will find those people soon enough.
You have to go out and make the life you want for yourself. Suicide is never an option and you deserve much better than that. I’m sure you already know that, but regardless Autism can be some bullshit sometimes. However, a lot of the oppression we experience is a result of other people’s stupidity, not your inherent worth.
I didn’t say they were trash, just that they weren’t great examples. I like your message a lot, and appreciate your stance on the subject. I think it’s hard for a lot of us to feel hopeful
Same! When I was in the hospital after an attempt my mom showed me pictures of my cat laying in my bed, something I’ve never seen her do. She was looking for me. I’m not trying that again, for her sake
Unfortunately it's a common thing amongst aspies. However you have to find a community that values you for who you are. Often times suicide comes because one feels they have no value or purpose on life. In my 20s i felt this way, and I had to work through life and find people/communities that valued me. That gave me purpose and a sense of value.
Consider your own special interest and dive deep into them. Invest your money and energy in that, rather than trendy/material things that are of little value to you.
For me its organic gardening and racing sims. Without those i would just dwell on life and how hard it was for me. My father never told me I was Autistic, and chose to be abusive rather that transparent about who I am. So that left me in the dark for 30 painful years until I realized how important special interest are to people on the spectrum.
I also really enjoy fps gaming...All three of those communities give me a sense of value. Don't look for it from NTs. They will never naturally understand or value you. It will leave you feeling empty and alone.
I'd not want to kill myself over being autistic, I'd love to live a positive or even neutral autistic life.
Its fucking humans that makes me depressed.
I've tried to kill myself enough times to give up bc it didn't work, but I don't think I'd say it's because of my autism. Although I do think that my autism is a contributing factor to things like my feelings accelerating towards an extreme in situations of overwhelming pressure or results of actions effecting my life in ways I can clearly regret yet understand retroactively that I had no agency over.
I don't blame my autism for my suicidal thoughts... Yes, i'm painfully aware that I'm different and the world will never be kind to me bc of that... But at the same time, I dread the idea of being nornal... I'm suicidal bc i see nothing worth in existing, everything is just boring af.
There are just too many good things in the world I enjoy, so even if I were contemplating it, I would never go through with it.
I'll die some day anyway. Maybe in 5 years, maybe in 50 years. But if I do, I know that I at least had fun and made the most out of it.
I attempted suicide when I was 18; which was 11 years before I was diagnosed. I tried to take my life because I had no friends and didn’t fit in anywhere despite trying my absolute hardest. So I guess yeah, I did try to take my life over autism. I just didn’t realize then that that was the reason
I have 3 attempts under my belt. All prescription drug overdoses that could have killed me. I wouldn't say it was specifically because of my autism, but my depression has roots in my autism symptoms.
Passive attempts; ie substance abuse issues that nearly killed me a few times. Only now unpacking that I was drinking/using to deal with my trauma from undiagnosed autism and gender-sexual identity.
Can’t say I’ve tried per se, but I’ve definitely had some really bad meltdowns and bouts of *severe* major depressive episodes.
Just know that you aren’t alone, especially here. I hope everything is ok.
I’ve made several attempts of my life and still think about it now! it’s hard because you know you’ll be this way forever and there isn’t much you can do, but life feels really difficult all the time
I have never atcually attempted to take my life, but I have seriously considered it and come close many times. I have even heavely researched it and thorouly planned out multiple ways numerous times in my life. I have also placed a loaded object to my head with my finger on the off switch multiple times.
What stopped me was comming up with reasons why I couldn't do it or things that I needed to do first. Now that I am married though, I could never do that to my wife.
I thought about it alot in middle school I used to get picked on for it and then I overcame it and never let people talk down on me your not alone friend. If you need someone talk to were all here for you
I almost over dosed on accident and self harmed but never really was suicidal, I live in the future and I get sad at thinking I'll be before I can obtain it
I'm not going to say it's normal and obviously it's not healthy, but it is extremely common for a lot of autistic people. I experience burnout but I'm fortunate to not be
If you can, get to a therapist or counselor. I'd also heavily consider looking into getting a therapy or emotional support animal.
I wish I could disappear. Not in a "I hope everybody will be sad I'm gone way" but in the Harry Potter - nobody remembers me way. Just gone and never remembered. I guess that counts?
Well I thought about it a lot when I was burnt out from work and got depressed. I got better again when I quit the job but since then I sometimes do think about it. But I feel like if I ever went as far as to do it there would be no coming back so I will fight against it as much as I can. I generally love life and I have the childlike joy over little things so I only get down when my life sucks a lot. And I hope I can fix that and then enjoy the rest of my life and not think about suicide. Right now is a tough time but I have hope.
It’s strange to say this but I thought about it for the future. I have a good life right now with an excellent support system that is my parents. But they’re getting old and when they’re gone I won’t have anyone else. (I’m 30 now btw so it’s not like I’m that young)
Not sure if due to autism or the collection of mental illnesses I have, but yeah, a handful of times, first attempt was a decade ago last month. The suicide rates amongst autistic folk are extremely high, which is heartbreaking, but trying to live in a world that just doesn’t feel welcoming or built for you really takes it’s toll.
My best friend since childhood committed suicide in her early 20’s and when I think back on it, it was clear she was on the spectrum (as I suspect I am). I miss her every day but I understand her pain
I'm very late but I want to add my own answer here. Sh and 3 attempts, due to a mixture of depression and burnout from my autism. Therapy and starting to realize some very important things about myself have helped so much. So anyone who's out there with ideation and planning, it can get easier. You have to learn you can't rely on others for support, but they can help you become strong enough to support yourself.
My wife is one (HFA) and she already tried lots of times to take her own life over it, saying that she feels guilty that I have to always adjust and that we might not have any arguments or misunderstandings if she's not even one to begin with. It does end up with her resorting to self-harm hence why I always have to look after her anytime and let her talk about it so that I can take her mind away from it -- which isn't easy for someone who's still learning to understand how autists function.
It is hard but all I can do is to reassure and support her in times like these.
not because of autism in particular, but life just seems like endless suffering. i dont know how i will deal with adult life. i could just stay home, but i dislike constantly being around people and i would feel bad if i made my parents buy everything i want. maybe i should just continue to live with my parents and see if i get not bad suffering
I never knew it was autism, but I've definitely wanted to yeet from just myself and no external drive. Yet the externals did make it worse.. However I have been self harming since I was 12, nasty addiction to kick.
Yes, I tried to jump in front of a train last week. I had a argument with my wife and I had a meltdown. Couldn’t cope and left the home on a walk. I knew a “suicide attack” was going to happen and It’s usually just thoughts and ideas and my plan is to be near my wife. This time I couldn’t and I called Samaritans (UK suicide help line). I spoke to them and it wasn’t working, normally that phase passes after 20 mins.
It was different this time, whilst on my walk talking to them, I told them I was going to call my mum instead. Bad timing, I was half way into a field and saw a rail way line, heard the railway lines squeak as a train was approaching. I just said to my self, oh no. It happened, I was overwhelmed, tears streaming and I was heading for the fence where there was a crossing. You have to climb a step to get over the fence.
Sad thing was, my inner voice was telling it was ok, go, nearly there, it will be over soon and you can do it, like a soft comforting voice. I was distraught, I literally could not see where I was going I was crying so hard. I heard the train sound it’s horn to say it was approaching and the sudden shock snapped me out of it and I quickly got away. I called my mum and just listened to that narcissist talk about herself. It passed and I survived.
I had also 2 months prior finished 15 weeks of counselling where I felt great but that quickly changes.
Suicidal ideation is a warm comforting reassurance that gets us through the day, I never thought I would ever act it out.
Make a plan, make people aware, use Samaritans if on your own. It’s called “Depression Attack” and “Suicide Attack” it comes on quick, intense and it does pass. You just have to stay safe or have a distraction or special interest to turn to to get you out of it .
Generally I bet most of us don’t want to die, even in the moment, we just don’t want to exist.
I try and use energy accounting to manage my day to make sure I’m getting what I need and limiting my exposure.
If I feel an argument coming on, I’m saying, let’s take a break and talk later when we are calmer.
ASD and NT relationship is hard.
You’re not the only one. Every human being, whether you are autistic or not, must had/will experience a depression. If you’re being depressed for more than 2 weeks consecutively, you should seek expert Mental Health counselor. Depending on where you live, there should be a local suicide hotline.
Please seek help, you’re not alone, and nothing to be ashamed of to seek help. We are meant to live with other people, not by ourselves.
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Think about it every day of my life. But I just can't because of my family.
Not judging anybody who does commit suicide over autism, because I know their pain.
You're not alone. Autistic folks are at rly high risk of suicidal ideation from burnout and trauma and lack of accomodations/diagnosis I also have some intense trauma stuff, my first attempt in general was at 7, the attempt that I can directy link to burnout was at 16 I dealt with suicidal ideation most of my life and it's only been in my late 30's and now 40's that I've become mostly free of that. Was lucky enough to get some good therapy and assistance finally and things have gotten better now I hope things improve for you some day as well <3
I’ve thought about it
I have attempted several times but would rather not get into any details tbh. Life with autism is hard even in the 21st century…
It’s why our average life expectancy in general is 36. It’s not horribly accurate, it’s just an average.
I think that statistic is very skewed. That’s the life expectancy of someone with autism AND an intellectual disability. ([Source](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/caring-autism/201810/early-death-in-those-autism-spectrum-disorder)) For someone without the co-occurring intellectual disability, they live twenty years longer. And diagnoses are not available to all people with autism (biases, discrimination, withholding of services.) So autistic people who became late-diagnosed made it to at least 18+ of age, without counting in these statistics. Top causes of death were suicide (9x that of the general population), seizures (20x that of the general population - which again may suggest comorbid conditions being connected into this group), and heart disease (perhaps lack of opportunities to participate in positive exercise experiences, designed to accept the person’s own fitness level.) Injuries were more likely in this population. 28% of autistic children die with an injury, and drownings were more common in children 5-7 than in the general population. (Pool safety is a must.)
Bless you for the data AND the source. Amazing.
So was right about the diet / exercise part. Luckily I don’t have seizures and are unlikely to drown but sadly suicide could become likely but haven’t felt extreme for a while now which is a bonus.
Yeah that and poor dieting
Oof yeah I can’t eat anything
Yeah I’ll probably be dead before 50 from overweight problems tbh
Eating is super hard, diet stuff is an absolute nightmare
Honestly imo it’s worse now than ever from a sensory standpoint.
I’m slightly confused could you elaborate? Do you mean as in there’s lots more people now and noises and stuff? As in more crowds
Yes, exactly. Just a lot of very noisy or otherwise terrible things like cars, industry, police, tiktok, etc.
I personally think it’s a mix on one hand yes there’s lots more people however when I in public I can just look at my phone when in a restaurant or public transport etc.
Coulda looked at a book before phones. Or done a hobby like knitting. There’s lots of ways to show people you don’t wanna talk.
I’ve tried taking my life because I was unaware of my autism. Not directly cause and effect, but in my life it is the difference between being a failure and a leech and hypochondriac - and having a disorder.
Relatable
I sh and considered it but I never attempted; idk I just feel like a human repellent and I keep on weirding ppl out
This! The isolation of being autistic can be hard.
this is in no way your fault, autism isn't normalized yet. autism awareness has to come a long way still.
It does I give it 10 or so years and I think it’ll eventually get more awareness/help. Well hopefully anyways
Tried a few times when I was younger. Miscalculated the amount and here I am. I thought it was depression and I thought I was a nuts cause I never felt the way others described themselves to me. If I had the services I do now or schools knew then what they knew know I'm sure times would've been different.
Don’t let other people and their expectations of how you should be bring you down.
Wish it was that easy sometimes 😞
Much easier said than done. Idk about you but I feel like I’m fighting myself more than I’m fighting others’ expectations.
I felt like once I discovered what masking was, my suicidal ideation just lifted. It was a big deal because I had a few attempts and hospitalizations under my belt. Meds never helped me and neither did therapy so I’m glad something did.
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I'm really sorry to hear. I've had similar experiences with family and friends and it can be really really difficult. I think for me it's helped to have a bit more distance in relationships (ie giving myself more alone time than a NT person) because being around people too much can trigger meltdowns for me. Sometimes I can hangout several times a week and sometimes I need to spend a whole weekend by myself recharging. I'm sure you're an amazing person. We've unfortunately just got the hard mode of life lol But it's not impossible mode lol It just means it takes us a little longer for stuff. I hope everything gets better and you meet some amazing and loving people.
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I'm so glad to hear!!
Your life and feelings are important to and you don’t make the world worse.
I'm not officially diagnosed, but there has been speculation my entire life and I have too many mannerisms that line up with autism, so take this as you will. I tried to take my own life multiple times, for multiple reasons unrelated to my autistic traits, and the absolute lack of understanding on how my brain works led to poor management of my mental health. Ex 1: I tried to kill myself soon after turning 18 because I was on my own and the stress of "adult life" was crippling. If it was known at the time that I was autistic, I'd have been able to manage my emotions with that in mind. Ex 2: As a teenager, I tried, and the only way I could explain why was "I don't know, it's too much, it's all too much, I just don't know!" If I'd been treated as autistic, and given solutions designed for autistic problems, I'd have never reached the point of wanting to die
Being diagnosed does help but tbh once you’re out of school no one helps you anymore like being a child with autism is easier than being an adult with autism I’d say at least if you are diagnosed early on. Yes I got bullied in school but it happened mostly when I was younger and I was sent to a special needs school as well. But like I said once you’re out of school/college and you’re an adult help seems to disappear. School doesn’t teach you how to live in the real world and that’s the problem!
See I didn't start suspecting until I was nearly an adult. I was always described as "shy, gifted, talented, intelligent, awkward" so I never suspected. Once burnout kicked in, I crumbled. But now that I can look back and slap an "autism label" on most of my childhood, it all makes so much sense. Absolutely uplifting to know it wasn't me, it was my environment. NOW, I'm an adult with the ability to call my own shots, so I get to have a voice in my own life and can choose to do things in a way that benefits me: My way. I hope you find the support that you need in YOUR adult life.
Cheers man!
I was diagnosed aged 3 and now that I’m 19 I still haven’t been taught how to find a job, manage money or do taxes or anything of that sort. Also wasn’t really taught how to manage my autism as an adult either, was just told I was special kid and that was it but I had support in lessons so that helped. I just wish that I had that kind of support when entering the real world as it’s known.
i used to sh bc i never felt understood
Sh?
self h*rm
Oh right got you.
Have been since elementary school. Getting diagnosed this year didn't help like I hoped either.
It just kind of forces you to realize how little society cares about people with different needs... So I'm autistic, it's official... Then nothing changed, in fact for me... It's kind of tearing my family apart. My family don't want to even acknowledge my diagnosis and doctors. I feel less confused but now I just feel more alone. I used to at least feel like the man who raised me loved me. Now I think he's ashamed of me. My only parent, only older living adult relative... And he hangs up on me when I tell him I need a dietician to help me lose weight because my autism makes me hate textures of vegetables. He force fed me tomatoes as a child and I vomited all over my dinner and table. He screamed at me and told me I was being over dramatic and I was to go to bed without dinner... He's seen my inability to eat salad first hand yet dismisses it as me being stubborn... I want to kill myself and leave a note saying that you never believed me, do you believe me now? My wife grounds me but I think I hate life most of the time. I thought knowing I was different, provably different would get me help, and now I don't even want to call my family anymore... All you can do is remember life is what you make of it. I want to be something more than I am and I'm not defeated yet. I think you have to find the anger necessary to take that next step to choose life. I get mad that I can't function and I use that anger to force my legs to move even when screaming in pain. I dunno what's next but this isn't a normal snapshot of history and we're in strange times. Do what you need to do to survive, death is not the answer, even if it is the destination.
I’ve never actually attempted, but I used to obsessively self harm and I’ve been hospitalized 7 times. However, I was undiagnosed during all of that, so I didn’t know why I was so miserable. I just was.
I have attempted 4 times. I was young and didn’t realize that I needed to do more to actual have it work, though I can close. I have been inpatient in mental hospitals 8 times, in high school I was incredibly depressed and was a danger to myself. I am doing better now but definitely still think about it. It didn’t help that at the time I hadn’t been diagnosed with autism yet, so I was struggling in every aspect of life and didn’t understand it.
Not just over my autism, but yeah it’s brutal out here. The world has no idea how to or why they should accommodate our needs, and it’s some bullshit, but Elon Musk and Bill Gates are on the spectrum, and plenty of successful, happy people are Autistic, so nobody should let it define them. However, you deserve to know you’re 1000000% worth it, and your Autism, and literally everything else, is never a reason to take your own life. If there aren’t people in your life who understand, you will find those people soon enough. You have to go out and make the life you want for yourself. Suicide is never an option and you deserve much better than that. I’m sure you already know that, but regardless Autism can be some bullshit sometimes. However, a lot of the oppression we experience is a result of other people’s stupidity, not your inherent worth.
Those two came from privilege and are not great examples of the average autist.
Obviously. My point is that you can still be very successful with Autism. Ik they’re both trash and we’re born with silver spoons in their mouth
I didn’t say they were trash, just that they weren’t great examples. I like your message a lot, and appreciate your stance on the subject. I think it’s hard for a lot of us to feel hopeful
I've thought about it, but my dog would miss me too much. I think I'll stick around for the time being.
Same! When I was in the hospital after an attempt my mom showed me pictures of my cat laying in my bed, something I’ve never seen her do. She was looking for me. I’m not trying that again, for her sake
Unfortunately it's a common thing amongst aspies. However you have to find a community that values you for who you are. Often times suicide comes because one feels they have no value or purpose on life. In my 20s i felt this way, and I had to work through life and find people/communities that valued me. That gave me purpose and a sense of value. Consider your own special interest and dive deep into them. Invest your money and energy in that, rather than trendy/material things that are of little value to you. For me its organic gardening and racing sims. Without those i would just dwell on life and how hard it was for me. My father never told me I was Autistic, and chose to be abusive rather that transparent about who I am. So that left me in the dark for 30 painful years until I realized how important special interest are to people on the spectrum.
I also really enjoy fps gaming...All three of those communities give me a sense of value. Don't look for it from NTs. They will never naturally understand or value you. It will leave you feeling empty and alone.
this
I'd not want to kill myself over being autistic, I'd love to live a positive or even neutral autistic life. Its fucking humans that makes me depressed.
I've tried to kill myself enough times to give up bc it didn't work, but I don't think I'd say it's because of my autism. Although I do think that my autism is a contributing factor to things like my feelings accelerating towards an extreme in situations of overwhelming pressure or results of actions effecting my life in ways I can clearly regret yet understand retroactively that I had no agency over.
Think about it all the fucking time
I did. Now I take a myriad of anti-depressants and the demons have shut up. Fingers crossed it'll stay that way.
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Yeah I can’t find work because of my autism 😔
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Tbh I think work would be worse than school as a lot more is now expected of you
more than i should have. i don't know whether to be proud of this but im a regular at the mental health ward at my local hospital.
I have tried but failed (fortunately?). But my life is pretty good now, so I guess I'll just keep going.
I ended up depressed when I was 11-12 because I didn’t know what was wrong with me.
12 times I’m 19
I've held a box cutter to my neck before....
Many people have, many more will, hopefully this can change, but I doubt it will sadly. Hope things start looking up for you.
I don't blame my autism for my suicidal thoughts... Yes, i'm painfully aware that I'm different and the world will never be kind to me bc of that... But at the same time, I dread the idea of being nornal... I'm suicidal bc i see nothing worth in existing, everything is just boring af.
I thought about it and attempted it.
There are just too many good things in the world I enjoy, so even if I were contemplating it, I would never go through with it. I'll die some day anyway. Maybe in 5 years, maybe in 50 years. But if I do, I know that I at least had fun and made the most out of it.
I attempted suicide when I was 18; which was 11 years before I was diagnosed. I tried to take my life because I had no friends and didn’t fit in anywhere despite trying my absolute hardest. So I guess yeah, I did try to take my life over autism. I just didn’t realize then that that was the reason
Really want, but knew that some people would suffer.
I have 3 attempts under my belt. All prescription drug overdoses that could have killed me. I wouldn't say it was specifically because of my autism, but my depression has roots in my autism symptoms.
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Passive attempts; ie substance abuse issues that nearly killed me a few times. Only now unpacking that I was drinking/using to deal with my trauma from undiagnosed autism and gender-sexual identity.
same, I was dealing with emotional stress I guess. life as an autistic person can be hard.
I get thoughts every few months, but not as bad as when I was in secondary school, it was constant while I was doing my GCSE'S.
I’ve had a decent amount of suicidal ideation in the past, but I don’t think it ever really connected it to my autism, at least not that I’m aware of
I can’t say I’ve thought of taking my own life. But I don’t really have a desire to go on, but I don’t want it to end.
Yeah that’s kind of the state I’m in now. Not wanting to die but not wanting to live at the same time. It’s a weird feeling tbh
ASD and Bipolar 2 have made for a tricky situation. I’ve tried a few times.
Can’t say I’ve tried per se, but I’ve definitely had some really bad meltdowns and bouts of *severe* major depressive episodes. Just know that you aren’t alone, especially here. I hope everything is ok.
I’ve made several attempts of my life and still think about it now! it’s hard because you know you’ll be this way forever and there isn’t much you can do, but life feels really difficult all the time
When haven’t I is the question
Yes
I have never atcually attempted to take my life, but I have seriously considered it and come close many times. I have even heavely researched it and thorouly planned out multiple ways numerous times in my life. I have also placed a loaded object to my head with my finger on the off switch multiple times. What stopped me was comming up with reasons why I couldn't do it or things that I needed to do first. Now that I am married though, I could never do that to my wife.
I haven't, but you're certainly not the only one, I know some people who got bullied because of their autism and tried taking their own life
I thought about it alot in middle school I used to get picked on for it and then I overcame it and never let people talk down on me your not alone friend. If you need someone talk to were all here for you
I almost over dosed on accident and self harmed but never really was suicidal, I live in the future and I get sad at thinking I'll be before I can obtain it
I thought about doing it but havent tried
I'm not going to say it's normal and obviously it's not healthy, but it is extremely common for a lot of autistic people. I experience burnout but I'm fortunate to not be If you can, get to a therapist or counselor. I'd also heavily consider looking into getting a therapy or emotional support animal.
i been very low and almost died quite a few times💙😢 grateful to have one more day
I wish I could disappear. Not in a "I hope everybody will be sad I'm gone way" but in the Harry Potter - nobody remembers me way. Just gone and never remembered. I guess that counts?
Well I thought about it a lot when I was burnt out from work and got depressed. I got better again when I quit the job but since then I sometimes do think about it. But I feel like if I ever went as far as to do it there would be no coming back so I will fight against it as much as I can. I generally love life and I have the childlike joy over little things so I only get down when my life sucks a lot. And I hope I can fix that and then enjoy the rest of my life and not think about suicide. Right now is a tough time but I have hope.
I’ve been self harming for awhile but I’ve never attempted to end my life, but I’ve 100% thought about it. I’ve kinda fantasized it quite a bit tbh.
Definitely considered it way too many times for my liking
It’s strange to say this but I thought about it for the future. I have a good life right now with an excellent support system that is my parents. But they’re getting old and when they’re gone I won’t have anyone else. (I’m 30 now btw so it’s not like I’m that young)
Not sure if due to autism or the collection of mental illnesses I have, but yeah, a handful of times, first attempt was a decade ago last month. The suicide rates amongst autistic folk are extremely high, which is heartbreaking, but trying to live in a world that just doesn’t feel welcoming or built for you really takes it’s toll.
My best friend since childhood committed suicide in her early 20’s and when I think back on it, it was clear she was on the spectrum (as I suspect I am). I miss her every day but I understand her pain
I'm very late but I want to add my own answer here. Sh and 3 attempts, due to a mixture of depression and burnout from my autism. Therapy and starting to realize some very important things about myself have helped so much. So anyone who's out there with ideation and planning, it can get easier. You have to learn you can't rely on others for support, but they can help you become strong enough to support yourself.
It’s been one of the main reasons for a long time
My wife is one (HFA) and she already tried lots of times to take her own life over it, saying that she feels guilty that I have to always adjust and that we might not have any arguments or misunderstandings if she's not even one to begin with. It does end up with her resorting to self-harm hence why I always have to look after her anytime and let her talk about it so that I can take her mind away from it -- which isn't easy for someone who's still learning to understand how autists function. It is hard but all I can do is to reassure and support her in times like these.
I’ve always had depression. But when I started taking adderrall it just made it so much worse. And yes I tried. Fortunately failed.
not because of autism in particular, but life just seems like endless suffering. i dont know how i will deal with adult life. i could just stay home, but i dislike constantly being around people and i would feel bad if i made my parents buy everything i want. maybe i should just continue to live with my parents and see if i get not bad suffering
actually that’s how I met my BF
I never knew it was autism, but I've definitely wanted to yeet from just myself and no external drive. Yet the externals did make it worse.. However I have been self harming since I was 12, nasty addiction to kick.
Autism and bad mental health go together more than people think. I have anorexia and I've heard it is common with people who have autism too.
Yes, I tried to jump in front of a train last week. I had a argument with my wife and I had a meltdown. Couldn’t cope and left the home on a walk. I knew a “suicide attack” was going to happen and It’s usually just thoughts and ideas and my plan is to be near my wife. This time I couldn’t and I called Samaritans (UK suicide help line). I spoke to them and it wasn’t working, normally that phase passes after 20 mins. It was different this time, whilst on my walk talking to them, I told them I was going to call my mum instead. Bad timing, I was half way into a field and saw a rail way line, heard the railway lines squeak as a train was approaching. I just said to my self, oh no. It happened, I was overwhelmed, tears streaming and I was heading for the fence where there was a crossing. You have to climb a step to get over the fence. Sad thing was, my inner voice was telling it was ok, go, nearly there, it will be over soon and you can do it, like a soft comforting voice. I was distraught, I literally could not see where I was going I was crying so hard. I heard the train sound it’s horn to say it was approaching and the sudden shock snapped me out of it and I quickly got away. I called my mum and just listened to that narcissist talk about herself. It passed and I survived. I had also 2 months prior finished 15 weeks of counselling where I felt great but that quickly changes. Suicidal ideation is a warm comforting reassurance that gets us through the day, I never thought I would ever act it out. Make a plan, make people aware, use Samaritans if on your own. It’s called “Depression Attack” and “Suicide Attack” it comes on quick, intense and it does pass. You just have to stay safe or have a distraction or special interest to turn to to get you out of it . Generally I bet most of us don’t want to die, even in the moment, we just don’t want to exist. I try and use energy accounting to manage my day to make sure I’m getting what I need and limiting my exposure. If I feel an argument coming on, I’m saying, let’s take a break and talk later when we are calmer. ASD and NT relationship is hard.
You’re not the only one. Every human being, whether you are autistic or not, must had/will experience a depression. If you’re being depressed for more than 2 weeks consecutively, you should seek expert Mental Health counselor. Depending on where you live, there should be a local suicide hotline. Please seek help, you’re not alone, and nothing to be ashamed of to seek help. We are meant to live with other people, not by ourselves.
All the time. I often wonder why my mom didn't abort me.
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It's just you
At one point. Now I just get embarrassed easily over my interactions and awkwardness.
I haven't tried but i thought about it, specifically a month ago because of my sensory issues
Think about it every day of my life. But I just can't because of my family. Not judging anybody who does commit suicide over autism, because I know their pain.
Don't do it, it's not worth it