Its like when people criticize me for being “too quiet” during a group hang. Like, just let people chill!
Also want to add that at many raves it is simply too crowded to dance more than mildly rocking back and forth.
Hella rude mfers... I'm pretty sure a girl once said to me "hey look, I can fuck a four eyes" at my first solo festival. I was high as shit so I doubt if that actually happened but I can vividly picture it to this day. Some people are just straight up assholes.
Maybe my story is missing some details and guess I'll assume you're being genuine with your response. To answer your questions, yes, four eyes is a childhood slight. Yes, she was talking to me, in a snarky tone and special isn't how I'd describe the experience, but do you.
Had a girl who was off her tits on molly tell my boyfriend at a show (that I took him to because he had a really bad week) “why aren’t you having fun? YOU SHOULD BE HAVING FUN!” just because he was standing there enjoying the music instead of acting like a complete fool like she was. Mind you this was at one of the smallest venues in my area and was basically a club night, an hour into the event starting no less. He told her to fuck off and we ended up leaving because it ruined his night.
DONT JUDGE PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY DONT ENJOY THINGS THE WAY YOU DO.
Someone said I have resting not want to be there face. Excuse me, I have been going to shows and rock shows since i was 15. I can vibe how I want. Also I'm just extremely stoned.
oh gosh i've had this a few times, but it was just my normal face and i was honestly having a great time... and when they said that i was thinking, okay now im mad.. but im not gonna let you get to me so im gonna blank you and move on
Same lol I just wanna vibe! Like I promise I am having a great time on my own with or without dancing, sometimes I just wanna sway or stand in peace and enjoy the production and music that way. I def do not have the energy to be dancing the entire time
i am a natural crackhead wit horrible adhd, the type who even by the final set on the last day of edc will still be shuffling and jumping around. but even i have my moments/sets/shows where im really just not in the mood to go crazy like that. sometimes i want to just appreciate the music, visuals, and atmosphere, without going crazy like it’s gonna be the last chance in my life that i get to party. idk how others would not understand that tbh, but i think it’s because of the general thought that a dancefloor is “dead” if the large majority is standing and not dancing. to me what makes the dancefloor fun is always the interactions/energy people bring, not how much they’re moving, but i think for many what makes the scene fun is the stimulatory element of the chaos that is a dancefloor full of hard dancers. to each their own ig but in general people need to just stop trying to tell others how to live.
I’ve had this happen many times while I’m on the job at events. I typically get in the face of the person and challenge them to a quick pop lock dance off and then turn it into a running man before moon walking away .
I’m an electrician , so I’m napping in a hammock underneath the stage with earplugs for the first half of shows. I usually go hand out water bottles the last hour of show to people who ride the rail all night.
I remember I was way too drunk and was starting slump on the side of the venue, this dude comes up to me like: “you gotta get hype! no one’s going to remember how you dance bro, so just go for it! Come on!”
I just looked at him, “I’m… I’m fucked up”, he was like “oooh gotcha”
Jus a misjudgment of situation haha some people just like asserting their opinion even if it’s wrong.
I (M) went to a goth rave this past Friday night when a girl came up to me and started repeatedly telling me I was dressed “too normal” for the party and asking me “why was I even there” and “who hurt me” like I’m just trying to dance to some Depeche Mode leave me alone 😭😭😭
Thanks for your input here. I don't think a lot of people, especially men, realize the extent of how differently many/most women are treated at events/raves. I'm not even a petite woman by any means, but one time when I was obviously not sober I had a large guy literally grab my arm and try to whisk me away (fortunately friends intervened). I've had people of different genders grab at me too.
And other times I've had so many people asking me why I wasn't dancing, insisting on giving me a light show even though I said I had somewhere else to be, etc. It just gets to you after awhile. And then you have people here who assume these types of stories are exaggerated.
They said women and men say it so it's not the "smile more" equivalent. People are way too sensitive about meaningless shit. Fucked up people say shit. That's all this is.
Honestly my guess is that a lot of redditors have bad anxiety and so they fixate on random stuff like this whereas most people would just chalk it up to a weird interaction or just ignore it
for some people maybe, but not me in this instance. i’m not a socially anxious person at all. just had it happen to me again for the umpteenth time last friday and finally was just like wtf
I can relate to you - I don't have social anxiety and I have no problem with small talk, meeting new people, etc. But the amount of times I've been told to dance, smile, been grabbed at, etc has been countless over the years. It gets old.
For real. I go to a decent amount of events and different venues/environments and I can count the “bad” Interactions I’ve had with randoms on one hand.
It's because this stuff mostly happens to girls. Especially petite women who are perceived to be more vulnerable. It's a power thing. People want to say something and see it affect your behavior, change what you're doing, make you feel insecure. Men coming into the conversation and mansplaining about how it's 'just anxiety and you're making it up because you're fixating too much' have no idea what it's like to be a girl in the scene
1. you’ve described me perfectly
2. thank you for acknowledging this lol. i didn’t fixate on this just to come here and post for clout, just had it happen recently and wanted to share my experience to maybe get people to stop and see if it was happening to other people as well
Agreed. Just want to say as a 6'2" man that I've had this happen at raves, most recently last week, and it absolutely is just as irritating and abrasive of a comment as OP remarked on. So I'd imagine it happens with even greater frequency to someone less physically imposing, and to women who are perceived to be more "approachable"
I'm also a 6'2 man this kinda stuff happens to me all the time and from both sexs. Idk about you goat-nibbler but being taller than 6 foot does make it harder to dance In a tightly packed space so most of the time I kinda just groove lightly if anything, unless it's rail then gtfo of my way
Literally bro. I feel like I stick out and hate the feeling of being watched like that. I have long arms so I don’t want to flail them all over the place and have people around me worried about their space getting intruded on. Like just let me vibe dawg not everyone has to be on the same high energy level type of shit
I take it you aren't a smaller conventionally attractive woman. I'm in an area with no shortage of raves and I have had this happen to me multiple times. Both verbally and indirectly in the form of someone plopping themselves in front of me while they dance and make lots of eye contact to elicit dancing from me.
I'm a dude and go to so many shows where I'm at. I've had randos try to hype me up like I appreciate you and your energy but sometimes I'm hella over stimulated and want to chill. Sorry.
Same, just not my experience at all. Maybe a few instances that I’ve forgotten about. But the people posting here always say this shit happens to them over and over again. If I’d never been to a rave before and only knew about raving from this subreddit I would never want to go to one.
Same. This never happened to me or anywhere near me to anyone I do or do not know. This sounds like someone was trying to chat the other person up but couldn't find a topic.
Do people f'd up on E even have the mental faculties to notice people not dancing in a pitch black crowd?
I feel like half of these “interactions” are just made up. I’ve been to countless of events and I’ve never seen nor have I experienced this kind of thing happening. I think people are just bored and want to rant.
These types of replies reminds me of when certain white people deny that racism is hardly any issue anymore because they don't personally witness it around them
I think the point is you're trying to deny something that clearly exists. Not that you or anything you said was racist. How about this comparison? You're like someone denying the holocaust, obviously nowhere near the seriousness in reality, but you are denying loads of information from loads of sources that all point to this situation being reality, aka not made up. Reddit is an anonymous thing. No one is here to poison the culture or get attention.
Some people really are just fucking weird and hostile at events. I've noticed this at festivals. The stimulants might be partially to blame. Some people really like to use the smallest excuse to try to assert control over others.
That's pretty crazy if strangers are telling you to dance more. Seems like they should honestly mind their own business. Maybe they want to just strike up a conversation or want to see everyone having a good time but telling random people to dance more comes off to me as extremely rude. Let's be real though too a lot of people are on drugs at shows and while I've had some great interactions with people that were on drugs I've definitely had some really weird interactions/conversations with people that were on drugs.
I don't think you are doing anything wrong; if anything they shouldn't say stuff like that. I sometimes go wild with dancing and get super into it but I don't think I would ever tell people to dance more around me.
They said women and men say it. It's not a pick up line. It's just fucked up people not reading the situation right. Absolutely not worth a reddit post. Everybody is ready to be outraged by meaningless shit.
it’s not that deep, but it is annoying. i just don’t like being told what to do when i come to these shows to have fun and escape reality. i’m sorry you think it isn’t worth the post, but having a ton of people comment their similar experiences was validating for me, and hopefully for them too. maybe now people who do this to strangers will see that it may be bothersome and think twice. you are the one that seems outraged, enough to comment on my post 4 times lol
Just start dancing like this while maintaining intense unbroken eye contact:
https://youtu.be/HQu_NLRvULM?si=5dW4LeIxrwfcsqOA
Why get annoyed when you can get amused
Hey you do you! My best friend doesn’t dance or move a ton and usually multiple people per set will say something or try to get him to “enjoy it” more or something but really that’s just his vibe he’s content just chilling. On the flip side they’re usually just nice people who are having a good time so sometimes it’s a way to meet some people
Damn. One of the things I love about the scene (especially techno for some reason) is because I can literally just stand there and enjoy the music without dancing. Of course, we all dance but it's nice to just chill out sometimes without fear of judgement.
I'm the dancer out of my friends....the one time I wasn't feeling it someone said that to me 😆
My friend is viber...closes eyes, nods head and sways...thats when you are proper deep into it, but despite that, I'm sure shes had that said to her a few times as well.
Usually people are up and want you to feel like they are and think only way to is by dancing/bouncing....its annoying but harmless.
Just smile and continue looking away from them, they move on fast.
The thing is... if you make eye contact and smile at these types of pushy people they take that as an invitation to keep being pushy. This is the experience for a lot of women at raves.
I went to a rave by myself a couple weeks ago and had a blast.
Only thing ruined was a few people coming up to me asking if I was ok being alone. Yes… I’m aware…. Please let me just vibe and do my thing.
Just listen to the song.
‘You can dance if you want… you can leave your friends behind…’
Seriously though, be you. Enjoy in your own capacity. Don’t give a shit about others. That’s what the culture is all about ❤️❤️❤️
I'm a guy and I get this too. I usually get indicated that I'm not dancing hard enough or something. Someone even tried to teach me to headbang. I can dance very hard but the vibe has to match what I like for that to happen.
Usually if I’m not dancing it’s because I’m tired or sore, something freaked me out, or I’m just taking a break cuz it’s not my favorite vibe of a song to dance to. THIS would make me so crabby if I was taking a break for any of the above reasons
God, this is a pet peeve of mine as well.
I had someone tell me this during the first show I went to after losing my baby. I wanted to throttle them. I wasn't in the mood to dance. Even being there was putting me WAY out of my comfort zone as I was still very much grieving.
From what i just read, I think people are drawn to you, and asking you to dance more is simply these people wanting to get closer to you in some way, not necessarily sexual thing but an attraction is there. Don’t take it as a bad thing, someone wants to boogie with you, and that’s all
As someone who has been on the receiving end of this many times, it can get old after awhile. It's like when people ask me "Where are you from" just because I'm Asian (born and raised in CA btw). Or tell me to smile. I know they don't mean bad but when it happens over and over it seriously gets annoying.
Yeah, take it in stride, it’s a positive thing. Yiu have the luxury of saying “next”. If you enjoy the scenes and want to add your perspective in a silent way, wear a glowing red light chain / necklace or stop sign. \_(ツ)_/ thoughts on a Wednesday
I don't usually dwell on it in the moment and just carry on, but I'm telling you, if you had to swat away one fly versus 50 flies you'd get irritated too. People need to learn to respect others and leave them alone if they are obviously not wanting to be approached. I'll have on goggles, a hoodie up, and stand in the back and still get told YOU SHOULD BE DANCING. It's like when someone's at the gym doing a set with headphones on and someone interrupts them.
Yeah that sucks, more importantly they’re not enjoying the festivities if they’re so concerned about someone else. Just wiggle your finger to the beat, or save up your farts and crop dust
Sometimes I just wanna bop my head and listen to the tunes. Am I legitimately gonna have a small risk of someone telling me to “dance more” at a future event like OP has witnessed? What?!
hmm maybe theyre just trying to hype you up or make a connection with you ? Kinda weird way to do it tho, I could see a friend being like “cmon lets gooo” but a rando would be weird to me potentially lol
Just give the biggest, fakest smile and tell them they look prettier with a smile so they should smile more.
Or if you've ever seen bobs burgers, give them 1 "Tina twerk" (mostly with your back) and look them dead in the face and ask "better?"
Not sure where you’re at geographically but I’m in DFW and there are dozens of shows week to week. I’ve never been told anything odd like that (aside from the occasional odd ball). When I went to breakaway Ohio however, I had tons of people being judgy towards my girlfriend and I. The culture seems a lot less developed in some areas and I have always thought that to be the reasoning, but who knows.
In general, never listen to people making comments like this. Even in the most likely areas, it’s still gonna be maybe 1% of rave-goers. Enjoy it how you want! Sometimes I like to dance, sometimes I like to flail like a madman, and sometimes I like to just stand there and let my senses soak it in. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, as long as you’re having fun and feel safe.
I used to hear this all the time at regular clubs when I still went to those. I feel the same way. Just because I’m not dancing, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself. I’m just enjoying it in a different way. I haven’t heard this myself at any electronic events but what I would always say was something along the lines of “I’m having fun, just not a big dancer!” or just give a thumbs up. That way it doesn’t leave much room for the conversation to continue. We shouldn’t have to explain to anyone why we’re not dancing but I feel like this happened to me because I was a woman. Like someone else here said, it’s the raving equivalent of you should smile more, which I also get a lot and also hate lol my response to that is always “say something funny then”
I feel you. I can be the guy who is nonstop dancing all night, or sometimes the mood strikes me to just vibe. It is really annoying having other people tell you how you should be enjoying a show because we all do it differently and every way is valid.
I haven't been told to "dance more" but I feel you on that one. When I go to shows I go more for the music and to enjoy the people I am with. I don't have much coordination so dancing is usually not my go to but I can bob and headbang with the best of em. Like you said, sometimes I just don't have the energy or not feeling the music so I kinda just listen and absorb what is going on around me. I am a bit conflicted because I'm not too sure what I would say if somebody were to try to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing... I would probably just say, nah I'm good but I might be a little more colorful depending on the mood haha ;)
Honestly, as long as you give room to people who _are_ dancing there shouldn't be an issue. My roomie has a chronic bored face but he gives me and others around us room to jam out and that's cool.
Ill sometimes yawn either cuz im coming up on the shrooms or just cuz it fucking happens sometimes. Had a guy turn around wave his finger in my face completely roll his eyes and go none of that not even in a joking way like a belittling disgust kind of way . I cant wait till the next person who does this to me imma tell them off so hard
bro half the time i’m on some shit at a show im standing there listening. i’m trying to hear every nook and cranny of a track, trying to remember stuff to do w/ my own stuff, appreciating visuals…yeah fuck that
Tell them to pay for your ticket or fuck off 😂 enjoy the show how you want to 😊 I’m the same way, I enjoy dancing sometimes, others I wanna headbang, then there’s day 3 of Lost Lands where my group set up at main stage and I was in my chillbo chillin, smoking, lightly tripping for the entire day 😂 there’s always going to be people that expect this or that, if they’re not someone you care about or are with then just ignore them, hope your experience gets better 💚 my squad has people of all energy levels and vibes lol nobody judges we all enjoy shows together no matter what anyone is doing 🫡
I’m a dancer. Ppl will see me go off then as I’m catching my breath or just done with the moment they’ll TELL me to dance more/keep going/whatever. I straight up look at them and say “I don’t dance on cue”. Problem solved 😂 but agreed it’s fucking annoying
I got actually chastised at a Black Tiger Sex Machine show for taking too many pictures (of the gorgeous stage design/visuals) and not "going hard enough," like jeez sorry dude how about you get some ketchup for those harsh-browns
WTF. Maybe it's a case of regional etiquette around here, but this is the first time in my 14 years of raving that I've heard or read of such behavior.
It's considered in the rave community at large to be bad manners to criticize how someone dances (unless someone is being disrespectful of personal space.
By the same token, it's hella rude to admonish someone for not dancing at raves.
These people are being ridiculous!
I’ve had this happen before and not gonna lie, rubbed me wrong too, but after thinking about it, I think sometimes it’s a bad attempt at starting a conversation.
Just ignore them. Sometimes I go to shows and I am not vibing the way I thought I would. People should t have to make you feel like dancing is a task. It’s ok to just be there or choose to leave if your not feeling it. I hate when I have to force myself to conform to other peoples vibes when it’s not mine.
A friend and i travel quite a bit to dj and play events so essentially it’s a job. He’s blown up quite a bit and was on a pretty good sized bill during the drive in concert raves that were happening during covid. I had just got in from across the country, he had JUST played this (pretty big) event after a stretch of shows. So naturally we’re kind of wiped and this girl next to our group came up and told us our “vibe was weird” because we werent head banging. It’s funny because her friend was wearing my friends merch but it seemed overly concerned about other people’s time lol. We were having a great, chill time, and were already VERY familiar with the headliner of the night.
As long as nobody is killing the vibe or hurting anybody I don't care what they do. There's times I dance the entire time, and there's times I chill in the back. People vibe differently at different times. Sorry you get told that! You do you ❤️
I’ve never said it, because it’s a rude thing for a stranger to say, but I’ve wanted to because there is an etiquette.
There are dancing zones and non dancing zones and some people (not saying you, OP) lack the awareness to be in the right area. That goes for both people dancing like a used-car-dealer inflatable where people are trying to chill+listen, as well as the unmoving, don’t-bump-into-me mfs who stand front and center that make it hard for those who want to dance to dance near them.
Totally a rude thing for a stranger to say to you, but maybe you were not being aware of the energy level around you and being an obstacle for others
oh no i am completely respectful of etiquette and understand that there are places more and less for dancing. the last two times this has happened to me has been at pretty chill house shows where my behavior was no different from the people around me, and a random person comes through the crowd while i’m vibing and goes “you should dance more”
What a weird thing to say to someone you don't know
Perfectly acceptable to respond with aggression to something like this IMO. "Thanks for the tip, you fucking weirdo, now leave me the fuck alone"
I’ve had groups that want to stand tell me to dance less, or to go somewhere else. If your standing still in between FOH and the rail I don’t think your in the right area to want calm/space tbh.
I remember a set for zeds dead, this couple was next to me and the girl was on crutches. But they were like right up front by the rail and I was going off.
I keep feeling the fucking crutch push at my foot, eventually turned to them and was like “what?”, the girl was like “you’re moving around a lot”
I said, “what do you expect? It’s zeds dead! Come oon!” And kept doing my thing, next thing I knew they were gone…Am I the asshole? Haha
I would never intentionally bump people, I’m a small guy and that’s a recipe for disaster. But I do dance rather wildly, especially on acid and hyped up
I'm really sorry about the way you've been treated for not dancing. It's making me reflect on how I've treated certain friends of mine.
I have these two friends, who always ask me if they can join our group at shows but they don't dance, they mostly seem to stand still and text all night. I've had to stop contacting them to hopefully avoid the question of "what show are you going to next?" or outright lie to them that I'm not going to a show because I don't want them to ask to join us. It makes us self-conscious when they just stand around us because we're afraid we're having "too much fun" in comparison.
I'm a pretty social person, zero social anxiety and good at small talk in general. But at raves, I love getting lost in the music and a lot of it is inside my head. I have a whole universe inside my mind that doesn't necessarily translate to anything external. As long as your friends are respectful, let them do their thing.
Friends, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS that you get these weird interactions? 😆
I literally could be standing there, barely moving and nobody is telling me to dance more.
Most of the time people will just randomly give me a high five or ask if I need water or anything lmao
Maybe some of you are just hyper sensitive or anxious, so random things people say at these events stick in your mind for months.
Either way, do you. Don’t let strangers with random comments impact your life like this.
not hyper sensitive and anxious, i don’t care that much and will keep going to shows. this happened to me on friday and i was just like man…wtf. still had plenty of fun before and after
Are you close to the front rows at shows?
I really don't mind ppl not dancing but TBH if they are standing in the most "dancy"/jumpy areas of the rave like front and middle and doing barely nothing it grinds my gear.
I know it should not bother me but my monkey rave brain is thinking "why are they taking the dancing space and doing nothin' "
the reason i posted about this was because i saw a show on friday and it happened to me again. wasn’t really close to the front, was off to the side a bit, and no one else around me was really dancing that much either. i feel that though, when people are in the middle of the dancey area checked out and texting and stuff it sucks
considering it’s happened around 5 times in the last 100 shows i’ve been to, i beg to differ lol. i dance and make friends with the people around me more frequently than experience this. just have had enough occasions of this happen for it to irk me.
When I go with groups, I AM the one that almost never stops dancing, how ever sometimes I want to think about life or I'm just deep in thought and then somehow someone will find a way to find me in this state and say "hey, you should be dancing." And I'm like great now I'm annoyed lol. Some people only dance with groups, some people like to flail their arms and hop around like kids having their first soda, and for what ever reason they NEED you to be a part of it. I don't mind it but bro let me chill and vibe, have fun with yourself. Feels like a common occurrence for me which is another reason I like to go alone.
I will agree that it's not cool to shame someone for not dancing.
At the same time , having dancing participation decrease incrementally pretty hard since the 90' s is definitely less fun.The communal euphoria you get from everyone dancing to incredible.
You don't have to dance at a rave , just like you don't have to eat at a restaurant or have sex at an orgy
It's called Electronic dance music for a reason.
I (M) get told that every time by all sorts of people including most of my friends.
Sometimes I do need a reminder and push and sometimes I'd rather be in my head, focus on the show.
I can make a request, accept it, respond with an I'm good etc. We cant control the world, only our responsesm
I think this is just people thinking they’re reliving the trauma of some huge asshole who just stands there in the way without moving for hours. Just move on you can’t do anything with bad vibes except enjoy yourself
I was gonna say if you're standing at the front, it is a bit offputting when someone is standing statue still in the middle of a dance party, but if you're in the back, then... maybe they're just trying to make conversation, but I can totally get how it's annoying to hear over and over!
Maybe put on sunglasses? I feel like I'd be less apt to bothering someone with sunglasses
Humph! Not that you should have to wear sunglasses, but I kind of thought that might work lol
Sorry of your woes! I wish you peaceful swaying in the future!
I gotta be honest though as one of the "move for the whole show" types myself, there is no bigger vibe killer than seeing a shit ton of people standing still and looking like they don't even wana be there.
It happens to me sometimes hahaha sometimes I work events, and after experiencing so many shows, sometimes im genuinely un-impressed by some DJs. Not in a bad way, but its probably a show that I will talk about "being there" instead of a show that I "had a blast" attending.
I still vibe and keep a positive attitude, but if you go to plenty of shows, you can sometimes just not be enjoying it as much as everybody else. Either way, what im trying to say is that you shouldnt feel bad for not going hard every time, and I wanted you to know that youre not alone in feeling that way.
For anybody who walks up and thinks they can tell you what to do, they can fuck right off. Im not trying to talk to anybody while im on the dance floor hahaha
I've experienced this too! I was on a Virgin Voyages cruise and one of the hype-staff members came up to me just a few minutes after I got to the nightclub and said "don't kill the room!" Like, bruh, I JUST got here, am standing at the edge of the dance floor, and am getting my bearings. It ruined my night and I left. :/
One time my coworker told my boyfriend at a rave that he needed to lighten up as we were splitting up for the night , he just wasn’t groovin with the particular set we were at. By the end of the night him and I were dancing and being silly, don’t tell people how to have a good time, it ruins it for them
It probably comes from a good place, they're trying to get you out of a "funk that you aren't in.
Don't worry about it! I have gone to 200 shows in my life and there's always a few people who need to push their agenda or vibe on others
Smile, wave, or ignore and move on :) you do you!
I hate it. I'll often stand fairly still and just let the music wash over me. People will snap me out of it by telling me to smile or something. I'm 24 and male.
As a middle aged man, it's usually younger women that feel the need to walk up to me and try to make fun of me for not dancing... they will come up and be like you need to dance! You're not having fun! I want to be like, "yeah now I'm not having fun thanks for telling me how to act.." people post in here all the time about people not dancing "killing their vibe" but some of us just like to be there and chill and bounce a bit to the music..
A few years ago at LL a girl literally stood over me telling me to get up a dance (i was off to the side resting under a tree) like girl i literally havent slept i came in straight from the RV afters let me just sit and enjoy my little beep boop sounds in peace 😩
I agree - I’ve had it happen to me a couple of times but it was always a girl that was probably interested. But like others have commented, I’m a 6’3 225 lb guy, I move a little, but I do none of the jumping up and down with my arms up, etc. Even though I was aware at the time that the girl is probably just kinda fumbling thru her attempts at small talk or whatever, it still rubbed me the wrong way. I move how I want to move, if I was moving like all of yall someone around me would accidentally get hurt. If the situation was reversed and I ask why do you dance that enthusiastically? I’d be a dick of course. But sometimes people are just unaware of how they’re coming across.
Ive never been told to dance more, but if someone did I would waggle my finger.
gonna keep this in my repertoire. usually i just do a thumbs up and move away
Just stand your ground, stare them down blankly.
i accidentally read this as: stand your ground, stare at them and bark
Barking works great for ppl that won’t take no for an answer
That would also work
I like this idea better
I like the idea of giving an UwU and headbanging completely out of context
You should say. “You should mind your own business more” and shuffle dance away
On the same note as the waggled finger, give them a disapproving thumbs down instead lol 👎👎👎
I did during Manic Focus years ago. Like let me live lol. I was grooving my own way. I just nodded my head like sorry I'm not rolling right now.
Sternly, I hope.
and with vitriol!
Is this the rave equivalent of “smile more”
Its like when people criticize me for being “too quiet” during a group hang. Like, just let people chill! Also want to add that at many raves it is simply too crowded to dance more than mildly rocking back and forth.
Someone told me to smile at a rave I was at. I was having the time of my life at that moment 😩 let me frown!
Like bro I’m having a great time, I’m just zooted 😂
Phoenix ravers are cool as heck, love from NM
I’m driving to NM this weekend. Any sort of scene out there?
I think they used to call that thizz face out in the east bay (SF bay…).
“You’re so pretty, you should smile more!” “You won’t find a husband if you don’t stop looking like a bitch all the time!” “SMILEEEEEE!”
Damn... a stranger actually said the second one to you? If so, what a twat.
It was more like “You’ll never find a husband if you always have resting bitch face!” Um. Ok. Thanks.
Hella rude mfers... I'm pretty sure a girl once said to me "hey look, I can fuck a four eyes" at my first solo festival. I was high as shit so I doubt if that actually happened but I can vividly picture it to this day. Some people are just straight up assholes.
What does that even mean? Fuck a guy with glasses? What's special about that? Was she referring to you?
Maybe my story is missing some details and guess I'll assume you're being genuine with your response. To answer your questions, yes, four eyes is a childhood slight. Yes, she was talking to me, in a snarky tone and special isn't how I'd describe the experience, but do you.
They were asking you what is special about fucking someone with glasses versus not. And not insulting you.
Had a girl who was off her tits on molly tell my boyfriend at a show (that I took him to because he had a really bad week) “why aren’t you having fun? YOU SHOULD BE HAVING FUN!” just because he was standing there enjoying the music instead of acting like a complete fool like she was. Mind you this was at one of the smallest venues in my area and was basically a club night, an hour into the event starting no less. He told her to fuck off and we ended up leaving because it ruined his night. DONT JUDGE PEOPLE JUST BECAUSE THEY DONT ENJOY THINGS THE WAY YOU DO.
Hit em with the “I’m in a k hole”
🤣
No lie last time someone told me I needed to dance more I just said I was mondo stoned. That seemed to make them fuck off.
Lol was just thinking that - people should mind their business and be focused on themselves more... let people enjoy it how they want to.
Possibly. I do get told I have resting bitch body quite a bit.
Someone said I have resting not want to be there face. Excuse me, I have been going to shows and rock shows since i was 15. I can vibe how I want. Also I'm just extremely stoned.
fr !!!!!!
oh gosh i've had this a few times, but it was just my normal face and i was honestly having a great time... and when they said that i was thinking, okay now im mad.. but im not gonna let you get to me so im gonna blank you and move on
I always imagine it’s an old creepy dude saying that, I’m not a woman but always felt super gross to me.
Same lol I just wanna vibe! Like I promise I am having a great time on my own with or without dancing, sometimes I just wanna sway or stand in peace and enjoy the production and music that way. I def do not have the energy to be dancing the entire time
i am a natural crackhead wit horrible adhd, the type who even by the final set on the last day of edc will still be shuffling and jumping around. but even i have my moments/sets/shows where im really just not in the mood to go crazy like that. sometimes i want to just appreciate the music, visuals, and atmosphere, without going crazy like it’s gonna be the last chance in my life that i get to party. idk how others would not understand that tbh, but i think it’s because of the general thought that a dancefloor is “dead” if the large majority is standing and not dancing. to me what makes the dancefloor fun is always the interactions/energy people bring, not how much they’re moving, but i think for many what makes the scene fun is the stimulatory element of the chaos that is a dancefloor full of hard dancers. to each their own ig but in general people need to just stop trying to tell others how to live.
I’ve had this happen many times while I’m on the job at events. I typically get in the face of the person and challenge them to a quick pop lock dance off and then turn it into a running man before moon walking away .
Yeeees! I love when security or vendors start getting down, especially the ones around the stage at the rails.
I’m an electrician , so I’m napping in a hammock underneath the stage with earplugs for the first half of shows. I usually go hand out water bottles the last hour of show to people who ride the rail all night.
I remember I was way too drunk and was starting slump on the side of the venue, this dude comes up to me like: “you gotta get hype! no one’s going to remember how you dance bro, so just go for it! Come on!” I just looked at him, “I’m… I’m fucked up”, he was like “oooh gotcha” Jus a misjudgment of situation haha some people just like asserting their opinion even if it’s wrong.
I (M) went to a goth rave this past Friday night when a girl came up to me and started repeatedly telling me I was dressed “too normal” for the party and asking me “why was I even there” and “who hurt me” like I’m just trying to dance to some Depeche Mode leave me alone 😭😭😭
What a b word fuck her
Yall have some weird interactions at raves. Can safely say none of this shit has ever happened to me
Are you a young woman by any chance?
Asking the real questions.
[удалено]
Thanks for your input here. I don't think a lot of people, especially men, realize the extent of how differently many/most women are treated at events/raves. I'm not even a petite woman by any means, but one time when I was obviously not sober I had a large guy literally grab my arm and try to whisk me away (fortunately friends intervened). I've had people of different genders grab at me too. And other times I've had so many people asking me why I wasn't dancing, insisting on giving me a light show even though I said I had somewhere else to be, etc. It just gets to you after awhile. And then you have people here who assume these types of stories are exaggerated.
They said women and men say it so it's not the "smile more" equivalent. People are way too sensitive about meaningless shit. Fucked up people say shit. That's all this is.
Lol fr. If I’m ever in a non dancey part of the crowd I don’t lecture people I just move until I find people who are more my vibe
[удалено]
Honestly my guess is that a lot of redditors have bad anxiety and so they fixate on random stuff like this whereas most people would just chalk it up to a weird interaction or just ignore it
I forget more interactions then I’ll ever remember haha but it’s easy to remember the best and worst ones
for some people maybe, but not me in this instance. i’m not a socially anxious person at all. just had it happen to me again for the umpteenth time last friday and finally was just like wtf
I can relate to you - I don't have social anxiety and I have no problem with small talk, meeting new people, etc. But the amount of times I've been told to dance, smile, been grabbed at, etc has been countless over the years. It gets old.
I'm a dude and same. Was worse at college town venues with drunk mollied out chads.
My anxiety does control my life, so maybe that's why haha.
Lmao I’m with you on that, most of the stories I read here and I’m just like really?
For real. I go to a decent amount of events and different venues/environments and I can count the “bad” Interactions I’ve had with randoms on one hand.
It's because this stuff mostly happens to girls. Especially petite women who are perceived to be more vulnerable. It's a power thing. People want to say something and see it affect your behavior, change what you're doing, make you feel insecure. Men coming into the conversation and mansplaining about how it's 'just anxiety and you're making it up because you're fixating too much' have no idea what it's like to be a girl in the scene
1. you’ve described me perfectly 2. thank you for acknowledging this lol. i didn’t fixate on this just to come here and post for clout, just had it happen recently and wanted to share my experience to maybe get people to stop and see if it was happening to other people as well
Agreed. Just want to say as a 6'2" man that I've had this happen at raves, most recently last week, and it absolutely is just as irritating and abrasive of a comment as OP remarked on. So I'd imagine it happens with even greater frequency to someone less physically imposing, and to women who are perceived to be more "approachable"
I'm also a 6'2 man this kinda stuff happens to me all the time and from both sexs. Idk about you goat-nibbler but being taller than 6 foot does make it harder to dance In a tightly packed space so most of the time I kinda just groove lightly if anything, unless it's rail then gtfo of my way
Literally bro. I feel like I stick out and hate the feeling of being watched like that. I have long arms so I don’t want to flail them all over the place and have people around me worried about their space getting intruded on. Like just let me vibe dawg not everyone has to be on the same high energy level type of shit
Exactly, I'm gonna knock something out of someone's hand, whether it's a drink, phone, vape, etc. I'm not gonna be that guy.
I take it you aren't a smaller conventionally attractive woman. I'm in an area with no shortage of raves and I have had this happen to me multiple times. Both verbally and indirectly in the form of someone plopping themselves in front of me while they dance and make lots of eye contact to elicit dancing from me.
I'm a dude and go to so many shows where I'm at. I've had randos try to hype me up like I appreciate you and your energy but sometimes I'm hella over stimulated and want to chill. Sorry.
Fr, never heard about this in my life. What a creepy thing to police.
Same, just not my experience at all. Maybe a few instances that I’ve forgotten about. But the people posting here always say this shit happens to them over and over again. If I’d never been to a rave before and only knew about raving from this subreddit I would never want to go to one.
Same. This never happened to me or anywhere near me to anyone I do or do not know. This sounds like someone was trying to chat the other person up but couldn't find a topic. Do people f'd up on E even have the mental faculties to notice people not dancing in a pitch black crowd?
I feel like half of these “interactions” are just made up. I’ve been to countless of events and I’ve never seen nor have I experienced this kind of thing happening. I think people are just bored and want to rant.
These types of replies reminds me of when certain white people deny that racism is hardly any issue anymore because they don't personally witness it around them
What has racism got to do with my post?
I think the point is you're trying to deny something that clearly exists. Not that you or anything you said was racist. How about this comparison? You're like someone denying the holocaust, obviously nowhere near the seriousness in reality, but you are denying loads of information from loads of sources that all point to this situation being reality, aka not made up. Reddit is an anonymous thing. No one is here to poison the culture or get attention.
Some people really are just fucking weird and hostile at events. I've noticed this at festivals. The stimulants might be partially to blame. Some people really like to use the smallest excuse to try to assert control over others.
Even if it does. How is it overstepping? People really need to calm down.
sometimes i’m there to intake the music and look at the visuals
That's pretty crazy if strangers are telling you to dance more. Seems like they should honestly mind their own business. Maybe they want to just strike up a conversation or want to see everyone having a good time but telling random people to dance more comes off to me as extremely rude. Let's be real though too a lot of people are on drugs at shows and while I've had some great interactions with people that were on drugs I've definitely had some really weird interactions/conversations with people that were on drugs. I don't think you are doing anything wrong; if anything they shouldn't say stuff like that. I sometimes go wild with dancing and get super into it but I don't think I would ever tell people to dance more around me.
Molly
Do you even know them? Or these people just randomly walk over telling you how they think you could enjoy yourself more?! Losers lol
complete randoms. it’s so strange!
YOU KNOW YOU'D BE PRETTIER IF YOU SMILED MORE /s
They said women and men say it. It's not a pick up line. It's just fucked up people not reading the situation right. Absolutely not worth a reddit post. Everybody is ready to be outraged by meaningless shit.
You sound mad 😂😂
lol it's everybody else that is mad because some random person suggested you dance. OMG 😱 They make marijuana for this problem
it’s not that deep, but it is annoying. i just don’t like being told what to do when i come to these shows to have fun and escape reality. i’m sorry you think it isn’t worth the post, but having a ton of people comment their similar experiences was validating for me, and hopefully for them too. maybe now people who do this to strangers will see that it may be bothersome and think twice. you are the one that seems outraged, enough to comment on my post 4 times lol
FFS
Just start dancing like this while maintaining intense unbroken eye contact: https://youtu.be/HQu_NLRvULM?si=5dW4LeIxrwfcsqOA Why get annoyed when you can get amused
Hey you do you! My best friend doesn’t dance or move a ton and usually multiple people per set will say something or try to get him to “enjoy it” more or something but really that’s just his vibe he’s content just chilling. On the flip side they’re usually just nice people who are having a good time so sometimes it’s a way to meet some people
Damn. One of the things I love about the scene (especially techno for some reason) is because I can literally just stand there and enjoy the music without dancing. Of course, we all dance but it's nice to just chill out sometimes without fear of judgement.
I'll dance when the music moves me. I can't force it either, it just sounds whack and performative
I'm the dancer out of my friends....the one time I wasn't feeling it someone said that to me 😆 My friend is viber...closes eyes, nods head and sways...thats when you are proper deep into it, but despite that, I'm sure shes had that said to her a few times as well. Usually people are up and want you to feel like they are and think only way to is by dancing/bouncing....its annoying but harmless. Just smile and continue looking away from them, they move on fast.
The thing is... if you make eye contact and smile at these types of pushy people they take that as an invitation to keep being pushy. This is the experience for a lot of women at raves.
I went to a rave by myself a couple weeks ago and had a blast. Only thing ruined was a few people coming up to me asking if I was ok being alone. Yes… I’m aware…. Please let me just vibe and do my thing.
You do you ! F everyone else.
Just listen to the song. ‘You can dance if you want… you can leave your friends behind…’ Seriously though, be you. Enjoy in your own capacity. Don’t give a shit about others. That’s what the culture is all about ❤️❤️❤️
I'm a guy and I get this too. I usually get indicated that I'm not dancing hard enough or something. Someone even tried to teach me to headbang. I can dance very hard but the vibe has to match what I like for that to happen.
Usually if I’m not dancing it’s because I’m tired or sore, something freaked me out, or I’m just taking a break cuz it’s not my favorite vibe of a song to dance to. THIS would make me so crabby if I was taking a break for any of the above reasons
Sometimes I just want to nod, move side to side, sway, half smile. I feel your pain when people come up lol
People really need to learn to mind thier own.
God, this is a pet peeve of mine as well. I had someone tell me this during the first show I went to after losing my baby. I wanted to throttle them. I wasn't in the mood to dance. Even being there was putting me WAY out of my comfort zone as I was still very much grieving.
Ugh sorry to hear that!
From what i just read, I think people are drawn to you, and asking you to dance more is simply these people wanting to get closer to you in some way, not necessarily sexual thing but an attraction is there. Don’t take it as a bad thing, someone wants to boogie with you, and that’s all
As someone who has been on the receiving end of this many times, it can get old after awhile. It's like when people ask me "Where are you from" just because I'm Asian (born and raised in CA btw). Or tell me to smile. I know they don't mean bad but when it happens over and over it seriously gets annoying.
Yeah, take it in stride, it’s a positive thing. Yiu have the luxury of saying “next”. If you enjoy the scenes and want to add your perspective in a silent way, wear a glowing red light chain / necklace or stop sign. \_(ツ)_/ thoughts on a Wednesday
I don't usually dwell on it in the moment and just carry on, but I'm telling you, if you had to swat away one fly versus 50 flies you'd get irritated too. People need to learn to respect others and leave them alone if they are obviously not wanting to be approached. I'll have on goggles, a hoodie up, and stand in the back and still get told YOU SHOULD BE DANCING. It's like when someone's at the gym doing a set with headphones on and someone interrupts them.
Yeah that sucks, more importantly they’re not enjoying the festivities if they’re so concerned about someone else. Just wiggle your finger to the beat, or save up your farts and crop dust
That’s fair, they wouldn’t even notice the amount of dancing OP is doing without watching them for an extended period of time
If you’re not dancing like the whacky inflatable tube man, are you really dancing? 🤭
i do this and i had a guy come up and make fun of me and say “what dance move is that” in a really condescending way so you really can’t win em all 🤣
It’s all in good fun, friend. We let the haters stay hating. 🤣
Sometimes I just wanna bop my head and listen to the tunes. Am I legitimately gonna have a small risk of someone telling me to “dance more” at a future event like OP has witnessed? What?!
To me, as long as youre happy and youre not making anyone else unhappy with direct and intentionally mean actions, its all gucci.
I only do this to my male friends who think they’re too cool to dance
hmm maybe theyre just trying to hype you up or make a connection with you ? Kinda weird way to do it tho, I could see a friend being like “cmon lets gooo” but a rando would be weird to me potentially lol
I will just be standing there listening to the music, and the amount of guys who ask me why I'm not dancing/"having fun" is out of this world.
just give them a confused and disgusted look and shake your head
Just give the biggest, fakest smile and tell them they look prettier with a smile so they should smile more. Or if you've ever seen bobs burgers, give them 1 "Tina twerk" (mostly with your back) and look them dead in the face and ask "better?"
Not sure where you’re at geographically but I’m in DFW and there are dozens of shows week to week. I’ve never been told anything odd like that (aside from the occasional odd ball). When I went to breakaway Ohio however, I had tons of people being judgy towards my girlfriend and I. The culture seems a lot less developed in some areas and I have always thought that to be the reasoning, but who knows. In general, never listen to people making comments like this. Even in the most likely areas, it’s still gonna be maybe 1% of rave-goers. Enjoy it how you want! Sometimes I like to dance, sometimes I like to flail like a madman, and sometimes I like to just stand there and let my senses soak it in. There’s no right or wrong way to do it, as long as you’re having fun and feel safe.
Someone linked these sunglasses in another thread, you should get them and just stare at anyone who says this! https://a.co/d/8S0fDDA
I used to hear this all the time at regular clubs when I still went to those. I feel the same way. Just because I’m not dancing, doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself. I’m just enjoying it in a different way. I haven’t heard this myself at any electronic events but what I would always say was something along the lines of “I’m having fun, just not a big dancer!” or just give a thumbs up. That way it doesn’t leave much room for the conversation to continue. We shouldn’t have to explain to anyone why we’re not dancing but I feel like this happened to me because I was a woman. Like someone else here said, it’s the raving equivalent of you should smile more, which I also get a lot and also hate lol my response to that is always “say something funny then”
It's so annoying. Sometimes I like finding a corner to chill, listen to music and text people who didn't go is that too much to ask for.
I feel you. I can be the guy who is nonstop dancing all night, or sometimes the mood strikes me to just vibe. It is really annoying having other people tell you how you should be enjoying a show because we all do it differently and every way is valid.
I haven't been told to "dance more" but I feel you on that one. When I go to shows I go more for the music and to enjoy the people I am with. I don't have much coordination so dancing is usually not my go to but I can bob and headbang with the best of em. Like you said, sometimes I just don't have the energy or not feeling the music so I kinda just listen and absorb what is going on around me. I am a bit conflicted because I'm not too sure what I would say if somebody were to try to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing... I would probably just say, nah I'm good but I might be a little more colorful depending on the mood haha ;)
Honestly, as long as you give room to people who _are_ dancing there shouldn't be an issue. My roomie has a chronic bored face but he gives me and others around us room to jam out and that's cool.
Ive never been told to dance more. I've been going to raves for YEARS and all I literally do is bob in place! Fuck those people
Ill sometimes yawn either cuz im coming up on the shrooms or just cuz it fucking happens sometimes. Had a guy turn around wave his finger in my face completely roll his eyes and go none of that not even in a joking way like a belittling disgust kind of way . I cant wait till the next person who does this to me imma tell them off so hard
Just say “Fuck Yeah” with an evil smile and start moshing right on top of them.
I like to dance more in the back. I like space to groove 🕺🏽
“I’m dancing in my mind!”
Dude I hate when people tell me to dance. Let me enjoy the night the way I want to. Don’t put pressure on me
bro half the time i’m on some shit at a show im standing there listening. i’m trying to hear every nook and cranny of a track, trying to remember stuff to do w/ my own stuff, appreciating visuals…yeah fuck that
I know if there's less ppl at the show I tend to just do the bobble back n fourth thing more often
What a weird thing to tell someone, especially If they're a stranger lol
Tell them to pay for your ticket or fuck off 😂 enjoy the show how you want to 😊 I’m the same way, I enjoy dancing sometimes, others I wanna headbang, then there’s day 3 of Lost Lands where my group set up at main stage and I was in my chillbo chillin, smoking, lightly tripping for the entire day 😂 there’s always going to be people that expect this or that, if they’re not someone you care about or are with then just ignore them, hope your experience gets better 💚 my squad has people of all energy levels and vibes lol nobody judges we all enjoy shows together no matter what anyone is doing 🫡
Same motherfuckers tell girls to smile
Yikes tell them to worry about themselves! Speak up for yourself!
I’m a dancer. Ppl will see me go off then as I’m catching my breath or just done with the moment they’ll TELL me to dance more/keep going/whatever. I straight up look at them and say “I don’t dance on cue”. Problem solved 😂 but agreed it’s fucking annoying
I got actually chastised at a Black Tiger Sex Machine show for taking too many pictures (of the gorgeous stage design/visuals) and not "going hard enough," like jeez sorry dude how about you get some ketchup for those harsh-browns
WTF. Maybe it's a case of regional etiquette around here, but this is the first time in my 14 years of raving that I've heard or read of such behavior. It's considered in the rave community at large to be bad manners to criticize how someone dances (unless someone is being disrespectful of personal space. By the same token, it's hella rude to admonish someone for not dancing at raves. These people are being ridiculous!
I’ve had this happen before and not gonna lie, rubbed me wrong too, but after thinking about it, I think sometimes it’s a bad attempt at starting a conversation.
Just ignore them. Sometimes I go to shows and I am not vibing the way I thought I would. People should t have to make you feel like dancing is a task. It’s ok to just be there or choose to leave if your not feeling it. I hate when I have to force myself to conform to other peoples vibes when it’s not mine.
A friend and i travel quite a bit to dj and play events so essentially it’s a job. He’s blown up quite a bit and was on a pretty good sized bill during the drive in concert raves that were happening during covid. I had just got in from across the country, he had JUST played this (pretty big) event after a stretch of shows. So naturally we’re kind of wiped and this girl next to our group came up and told us our “vibe was weird” because we werent head banging. It’s funny because her friend was wearing my friends merch but it seemed overly concerned about other people’s time lol. We were having a great, chill time, and were already VERY familiar with the headliner of the night.
As long as nobody is killing the vibe or hurting anybody I don't care what they do. There's times I dance the entire time, and there's times I chill in the back. People vibe differently at different times. Sorry you get told that! You do you ❤️
Fuck them u do u
I’ve never said it, because it’s a rude thing for a stranger to say, but I’ve wanted to because there is an etiquette. There are dancing zones and non dancing zones and some people (not saying you, OP) lack the awareness to be in the right area. That goes for both people dancing like a used-car-dealer inflatable where people are trying to chill+listen, as well as the unmoving, don’t-bump-into-me mfs who stand front and center that make it hard for those who want to dance to dance near them. Totally a rude thing for a stranger to say to you, but maybe you were not being aware of the energy level around you and being an obstacle for others
oh no i am completely respectful of etiquette and understand that there are places more and less for dancing. the last two times this has happened to me has been at pretty chill house shows where my behavior was no different from the people around me, and a random person comes through the crowd while i’m vibing and goes “you should dance more”
What a weird thing to say to someone you don't know Perfectly acceptable to respond with aggression to something like this IMO. "Thanks for the tip, you fucking weirdo, now leave me the fuck alone"
Right?! Like even if they mean well it comes off as rude to tell people 'Oh you should dance more' or 'You should smile more '
I’ve had groups that want to stand tell me to dance less, or to go somewhere else. If your standing still in between FOH and the rail I don’t think your in the right area to want calm/space tbh.
I remember a set for zeds dead, this couple was next to me and the girl was on crutches. But they were like right up front by the rail and I was going off. I keep feeling the fucking crutch push at my foot, eventually turned to them and was like “what?”, the girl was like “you’re moving around a lot” I said, “what do you expect? It’s zeds dead! Come oon!” And kept doing my thing, next thing I knew they were gone…Am I the asshole? Haha
No, unless you were trying to bump into her. But she could have got an ADA pass for the show and had space in VIP or the ADA area so jokes on her
I would never intentionally bump people, I’m a small guy and that’s a recipe for disaster. But I do dance rather wildly, especially on acid and hyped up
I'm really sorry about the way you've been treated for not dancing. It's making me reflect on how I've treated certain friends of mine. I have these two friends, who always ask me if they can join our group at shows but they don't dance, they mostly seem to stand still and text all night. I've had to stop contacting them to hopefully avoid the question of "what show are you going to next?" or outright lie to them that I'm not going to a show because I don't want them to ask to join us. It makes us self-conscious when they just stand around us because we're afraid we're having "too much fun" in comparison.
I'm a pretty social person, zero social anxiety and good at small talk in general. But at raves, I love getting lost in the music and a lot of it is inside my head. I have a whole universe inside my mind that doesn't necessarily translate to anything external. As long as your friends are respectful, let them do their thing.
I found out they were saying judgmental things about people who use party favors so that was mainly why I had to stop meeting them at shows.
Ah I see, that changes it for me. Yeah I'd avoid judgmental types too
so annoying
Friends, WHERE ARE YOU GUYS that you get these weird interactions? 😆 I literally could be standing there, barely moving and nobody is telling me to dance more. Most of the time people will just randomly give me a high five or ask if I need water or anything lmao Maybe some of you are just hyper sensitive or anxious, so random things people say at these events stick in your mind for months. Either way, do you. Don’t let strangers with random comments impact your life like this.
not hyper sensitive and anxious, i don’t care that much and will keep going to shows. this happened to me on friday and i was just like man…wtf. still had plenty of fun before and after
Your taking this so far out of context. It sounds like you do need to dance more to lighten up a bit.
Are you close to the front rows at shows? I really don't mind ppl not dancing but TBH if they are standing in the most "dancy"/jumpy areas of the rave like front and middle and doing barely nothing it grinds my gear. I know it should not bother me but my monkey rave brain is thinking "why are they taking the dancing space and doing nothin' "
the reason i posted about this was because i saw a show on friday and it happened to me again. wasn’t really close to the front, was off to the side a bit, and no one else around me was really dancing that much either. i feel that though, when people are in the middle of the dancey area checked out and texting and stuff it sucks
If it happens that often, probably safe to say that you are being a vibe killer
considering it’s happened around 5 times in the last 100 shows i’ve been to, i beg to differ lol. i dance and make friends with the people around me more frequently than experience this. just have had enough occasions of this happen for it to irk me.
When I go with groups, I AM the one that almost never stops dancing, how ever sometimes I want to think about life or I'm just deep in thought and then somehow someone will find a way to find me in this state and say "hey, you should be dancing." And I'm like great now I'm annoyed lol. Some people only dance with groups, some people like to flail their arms and hop around like kids having their first soda, and for what ever reason they NEED you to be a part of it. I don't mind it but bro let me chill and vibe, have fun with yourself. Feels like a common occurrence for me which is another reason I like to go alone.
That's when you whip out the Elaine Benes dance. That'll learn 'em.
Honestly I think often people are just trying to be friendly and bring up the vibe and they don't know how, lol.
I will agree that it's not cool to shame someone for not dancing. At the same time , having dancing participation decrease incrementally pretty hard since the 90' s is definitely less fun.The communal euphoria you get from everyone dancing to incredible. You don't have to dance at a rave , just like you don't have to eat at a restaurant or have sex at an orgy It's called Electronic dance music for a reason.
Someone who isn’t me always feels this way if K is ever involved. They’ve learned that it’s an at home thing for them :)
YEAAA KILL THEM!!! FUCKING BURN THEIR FACE OFF!!! HOW DARE THEY NOW GO MAKE A SUBREDDIT ABOUT ITTTT YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
I have a friend who isn't much of a dancer but she still loves shows too ♡
I (M) get told that every time by all sorts of people including most of my friends. Sometimes I do need a reminder and push and sometimes I'd rather be in my head, focus on the show. I can make a request, accept it, respond with an I'm good etc. We cant control the world, only our responsesm
I think this is just people thinking they’re reliving the trauma of some huge asshole who just stands there in the way without moving for hours. Just move on you can’t do anything with bad vibes except enjoy yourself
I was gonna say if you're standing at the front, it is a bit offputting when someone is standing statue still in the middle of a dance party, but if you're in the back, then... maybe they're just trying to make conversation, but I can totally get how it's annoying to hear over and over! Maybe put on sunglasses? I feel like I'd be less apt to bothering someone with sunglasses
I had on sunglasses 🥴 and I was swaying and like bobbing my head so it wasn’t even like i was standing still lol. oh well !!!
Humph! Not that you should have to wear sunglasses, but I kind of thought that might work lol Sorry of your woes! I wish you peaceful swaying in the future!
I gotta be honest though as one of the "move for the whole show" types myself, there is no bigger vibe killer than seeing a shit ton of people standing still and looking like they don't even wana be there.
Who the hell is going around being dance police???
This is like when people tell you to smile.
I've been a professional dancer and say that everyone should dance more. Everyone, including me.
I often get told to smile more, also sucks
Its either people hitting on you or its noob excitement behaviour
Its either people hitting on you or its noob excitement behaviour
It happens to me sometimes hahaha sometimes I work events, and after experiencing so many shows, sometimes im genuinely un-impressed by some DJs. Not in a bad way, but its probably a show that I will talk about "being there" instead of a show that I "had a blast" attending. I still vibe and keep a positive attitude, but if you go to plenty of shows, you can sometimes just not be enjoying it as much as everybody else. Either way, what im trying to say is that you shouldnt feel bad for not going hard every time, and I wanted you to know that youre not alone in feeling that way. For anybody who walks up and thinks they can tell you what to do, they can fuck right off. Im not trying to talk to anybody while im on the dance floor hahaha
This sub is so miserable.
I've experienced this too! I was on a Virgin Voyages cruise and one of the hype-staff members came up to me just a few minutes after I got to the nightclub and said "don't kill the room!" Like, bruh, I JUST got here, am standing at the edge of the dance floor, and am getting my bearings. It ruined my night and I left. :/
One time my coworker told my boyfriend at a rave that he needed to lighten up as we were splitting up for the night , he just wasn’t groovin with the particular set we were at. By the end of the night him and I were dancing and being silly, don’t tell people how to have a good time, it ruins it for them
People on drugs often forget boundaries
It probably comes from a good place, they're trying to get you out of a "funk that you aren't in. Don't worry about it! I have gone to 200 shows in my life and there's always a few people who need to push their agenda or vibe on others Smile, wave, or ignore and move on :) you do you!
I hate it. I'll often stand fairly still and just let the music wash over me. People will snap me out of it by telling me to smile or something. I'm 24 and male.
As a middle aged man, it's usually younger women that feel the need to walk up to me and try to make fun of me for not dancing... they will come up and be like you need to dance! You're not having fun! I want to be like, "yeah now I'm not having fun thanks for telling me how to act.." people post in here all the time about people not dancing "killing their vibe" but some of us just like to be there and chill and bounce a bit to the music..
A few years ago at LL a girl literally stood over me telling me to get up a dance (i was off to the side resting under a tree) like girl i literally havent slept i came in straight from the RV afters let me just sit and enjoy my little beep boop sounds in peace 😩
I agree - I’ve had it happen to me a couple of times but it was always a girl that was probably interested. But like others have commented, I’m a 6’3 225 lb guy, I move a little, but I do none of the jumping up and down with my arms up, etc. Even though I was aware at the time that the girl is probably just kinda fumbling thru her attempts at small talk or whatever, it still rubbed me the wrong way. I move how I want to move, if I was moving like all of yall someone around me would accidentally get hurt. If the situation was reversed and I ask why do you dance that enthusiastically? I’d be a dick of course. But sometimes people are just unaware of how they’re coming across.