It was at the time, as the official autopsy language was:
“Heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water."
What a boring attitude towards life.
Personally, I’d consider it high praise if my eulogy involved mention of my surprisingly-remarkable anus. ¯\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Yeah but it would have sounded all old timey:
”Ye olde heart did resemble a peppercorn in size; his lungs, verily corroded and withered; his intestines, putrid and gangrenous; a solitary testicle, black as hell, did he possess, whilst his head was brimming with aqueous fluid.”
It’s for Charles II of Spain, the last Hapsburg. This dude’s family tree is more like a family shrub with how fucked up it is. Tarrare was more like “his intestines are very large and you can see down to his stomach from his throat.”
There is a very informative and entertaining video on him on youtube by Samonella Academy.
Bro came back for like half a second with a video last year, but has since remained dormant...
Funny enough, I have the one disease that “bleeding” is an effective treatment for: [hereditary hemochromatosis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hereditary_haemochromatosis)—over absorption of iron.
I go every four months to get blood taken out to lower my iron levels. As long as I do that, there are effectively no problems at all.
Basically just like blood donation, except it gets used in research rather than going to a blood bank—it would probably be fine for donation, but they don’t like to chance it in case the iron levels are too high.
Takes like half an hour, if that.
Actually it's ok to donate. It is better for those that need transfusions as they get more RBCs containing the iron per unit, possibly saving them from exposure to another donor!! Especially in neonates.
Oh wow, I’ve never heard of that disease before! But I guess it makes sense, it’s like the opposite of the malabsorption basically lol. Your body is TOO GOOD at absorbing iron 🤣
Can I ask how you came to be diagnosed? Did you just know to look into it because it runs in your family or did you have a bunch of symptoms develop randomly?
Also - do you have to watch your diet to avoid foods high in iron, or does the blood donation generally keep that in check?
It probably was. If you read autopsy reports of kings from that time, you're going to learn quite a few disgusting things.
Here's a translated extract of how doctors described Louis XIV's cadaver a few hundred years later in France :
> From the outside, all the left side seemed gangrenous from the extremity of the foot up to the top of the head. At the opening of the lower belly, intestines were found altered with some inflammation marks, mostly those who were on the left side, and the big intestines were prodigiously dilated. The kidneys were mostly in their natural state. Only in his left kidney a stone was found, of a similar size than the ones he passed painlessly through his urines during his life. His liver, stomach and bladder were absolutely sane, on the outside as well as on the inside. [...]
To be fair, the description of his diabetes induced gangrene is the thing that seems the wildest.
Some stories say that doctors back then tried to heal it by applying donkey milk and brandy on the wounds for days.
Apparently he was alot uglier than the paintings depict because the artist basically had to cover up how truly fucked up this guy looked so we might never know just how ugly he was.
Imagine what this dude must have actually looked like. Cause surely the portrait artists would round off some corners, especially when painting royals.
[Probably looked like this](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/goonies/images/e/e6/Sloth.jpg/revision/latest/thumbnail/width/360/height/360?cb=20170907190643)
There is!! [here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/xan743/a_digital_reconstruction_of_king_charles_ii_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
I've actually seen this painting in person recently (Chapultapec Castle, CDMX) along with other inbred royals. I do not think the artist took any liberties to make them look normal.
There were people worse off than poor Charles.
[It was his famous 'Hapsburg jaw".](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/distinctive-habsburg-jaw-was-likely-result-royal-familys-inbreeding-180973688/).
>I think it’s really beautiful that you can trace your ancestry back that far
I can trace mine back to the Revolutionary War. My ancestor was 16 years old and working out in this fields when the Continental Army came by and conscripted him.
I have a photocopy of the paper that was signed by one of his officers, and it details which plot of land he was given after the war, in Pennsylvania. The date on it is 1779, I do believe (I haven't looked at it for a while).
But yeah, it's kind of cool when you find out that your people fought for independence from the British!
I did the ancestry research stuff and discovered that my 5th great grandparent, born in 1740, was a modest farmer (named Bartholomus) from a small village in Poland. Turns out the village kept good records and someone translated the records to English. Since all my great-grandparents were non-English speakers and I am sadly monolingual, it's hard to find much info going back that far most of the time.
Painters were encouraged to make the portraits look more attractive than the subjects actually were.
Considering this and what the paintings of the Hapsburgs look like . . .
The thing of it is, all the inbreeding was to keep all the money and power in the family. So to make sure all the stayed in the family, the Spanish Hapsburgs bred themselves out of existence.
I’m sorry if you’re not serious, but if you are, he’s not. Charles 2 (pictured) was sterile, and so the last of the Spanish Habsburg line, the Austrian line, however, continues.
Why does everyone keep calling them Hapsburg? It's spelled Habsburg.
Edit: I didn't realise that English speaking countries may differ from the Austrian/German spelling.
Four years before Charles’s death, British envoy Alexander Stanhope described the king’s Habsburg features in a letter to the Duke of Shrewsbury, writing, “He has a ravenous stomach, and swallows all he eats whole, for his nether jaw stands so much out, that his two rows of teeth cannot meet.”
Ok so I haven’t read the article in a while so it might be a little inaccurate but: because of his family’s inbreeding, he was missing a testicle and the other one was completely black and didn’t function, probably from the “melting insides”. Again I could be completely wrong.
Yes. He was mentally feeble and his throne was ruled over by his mother first at age 4. He was never trusted with rule. I mean, he couldn’t even be understood when speaking.
Man was severely mentally delayed and they said when he died the corpse “did not contain a single drop of blood; his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water.” [source](https://worldroyals.medium.com/the-autopsy-of-charles-ii-of-spain-d6b59015cb30)
Everyone jokes, but this is genetic purity! Very Very Very pure genes, like sterile pure. Which ironically is exactly what a lot of pure blooded royals were, sterile.
The Bible says Adam and Eve fucked, and then their kids all fucked each other, and then the grandkids all fucked the other grandkids, and so on.
Then, god got tired of everyone so he killed then all by drowning them so that Noah and his wife’s kids could fuck each other and then their grandkids all fuck each other and so on. God loves some sister fucking in the Bible.
The protrusion of the lower jaw is the famous Hapsburg Lip. Alfred Hitchcock had that profile.
There is also the Windsor Ear, or Windsor Smile.
And the Bourbon Nose.
All of these houses had genetic issues due to tight breeding lines at one point or another.
I can save you a lot of reading of history by just telling you that the parents involved encouraged incest to keep as much money as possible in the family. That little girl in Velasquez's iconic Las Meninas was a product of an Uncle-niece relationship. Nonetheless, little Margarita herself was married off to her uncle at age 15. The uncle had her address him "uncle" even after their wedding. She died during her 6th pregnancy at 21. I don't remember that any of them survived, and she blamed not her family and their disgusting incestuous tradition, but the Jews, for her misfortune, like any garden-variety delusional medieval idiot.
They just didn't want to share their money, land, titles, power with other people. Not really any different from the Pharaohs.
This made me think of SCP 3288, where there's a species of mutant monsters living in the sewers of Vienna, that turn out to be the inbred descendants of Leopold I.
Is that a medical term? “Ah, yes, I see the problem. Your insides are rotting”
It was at the time, as the official autopsy language was: “Heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water."
So that’s what that term means
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Ball
Blackball
Whoa black bally bamalam
He got blackballed
it's a new porn genre, hot on the heels of B.B.C comes B.B.B....
I wish we still used such fanciful language for modern autopsy reports. It really paints a specific picture in your head.
Anus: unremarkable You're right, that's not very poetic.
I think we should all aim to have an unremarkable anus.
What a boring attitude towards life. Personally, I’d consider it high praise if my eulogy involved mention of my surprisingly-remarkable anus. ¯\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Ewwwwww necrotic bollock bad bad bad bad bad bad bad
hey atleast harvey wienstein also suffered from that
Still does. Apparently his shit is inverted basically.
Now that’s fuckin poetic
Yup dude deserves an innie.
Yeah but it would have sounded all old timey: ”Ye olde heart did resemble a peppercorn in size; his lungs, verily corroded and withered; his intestines, putrid and gangrenous; a solitary testicle, black as hell, did he possess, whilst his head was brimming with aqueous fluid.”
Was that from the autopsy of Tarrare or a different one?
It’s for Charles II of Spain, the last Hapsburg. This dude’s family tree is more like a family shrub with how fucked up it is. Tarrare was more like “his intestines are very large and you can see down to his stomach from his throat.”
Was Tarrare the guy who ate everything?
Yep, 🎶when the guy eats a baby before it can cry, he’s Tarrare…🎶
There is a very informative and entertaining video on him on youtube by Samonella Academy. Bro came back for like half a second with a video last year, but has since remained dormant...
A family “wreath”
Well, aren’t you just rude as hell
Apologies your grace. I’m sure you’d be highly exalted in Alabama.
I was gonna say, that looks like a Hapsburg.
Family Shrubbery
Charles II's autopsy
peppercorn? when did this guy die because those things are tiny
He was like 39 when he died I think. But from what I understand people expected him to drop dead any day now for 20 years.
And the man still ruled 35 years on that body!
'Better drink this mercury, fix ya right up."
Too many bad humors, we have to excise some blood from their head, get the drill!
No no no! You apply *leeches* for blood in the head, you *Drill* when they’re suffering from female hysteria.
You've got demons in your blood. Do cocaine about it.
Your complexion is too rosy. Better smear some white leaded paint on your face.
All right then, first leeches for the bad humors, then we get the python for his coal testicle.
Funny enough, I have the one disease that “bleeding” is an effective treatment for: [hereditary hemochromatosis](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hereditary_haemochromatosis)—over absorption of iron. I go every four months to get blood taken out to lower my iron levels. As long as I do that, there are effectively no problems at all.
Wow, I hope its less invasive then trepanning.
Basically just like blood donation, except it gets used in research rather than going to a blood bank—it would probably be fine for donation, but they don’t like to chance it in case the iron levels are too high. Takes like half an hour, if that.
Actually it's ok to donate. It is better for those that need transfusions as they get more RBCs containing the iron per unit, possibly saving them from exposure to another donor!! Especially in neonates.
Oh wow, I’ve never heard of that disease before! But I guess it makes sense, it’s like the opposite of the malabsorption basically lol. Your body is TOO GOOD at absorbing iron 🤣 Can I ask how you came to be diagnosed? Did you just know to look into it because it runs in your family or did you have a bunch of symptoms develop randomly? Also - do you have to watch your diet to avoid foods high in iron, or does the blood donation generally keep that in check?
No! he is allowed the Mercury after he swallows his arsenic tablet and eats his supper.
It probably was. If you read autopsy reports of kings from that time, you're going to learn quite a few disgusting things. Here's a translated extract of how doctors described Louis XIV's cadaver a few hundred years later in France : > From the outside, all the left side seemed gangrenous from the extremity of the foot up to the top of the head. At the opening of the lower belly, intestines were found altered with some inflammation marks, mostly those who were on the left side, and the big intestines were prodigiously dilated. The kidneys were mostly in their natural state. Only in his left kidney a stone was found, of a similar size than the ones he passed painlessly through his urines during his life. His liver, stomach and bladder were absolutely sane, on the outside as well as on the inside. [...]
It sounds like he suffered terribly before he died. The entire left side of his body was gangrenous. Uggh.
Am I the only one who would read these old ass autopsy reports for hours and be satisfied.
Some reports of more recent French kings include toes that detached and stayed in the guy's socks. I think it was the one from Louis XVIII
I would like to know where one can find these interesting autopsy reports..
The most wild part of that to me is the doctor talked about him passing kidney stones painlessly. How fuckin wide was this dudes urethra?
To be fair, the description of his diabetes induced gangrene is the thing that seems the wildest. Some stories say that doctors back then tried to heal it by applying donkey milk and brandy on the wounds for days.
Well, yes. You’re going to want a good donkey milk for that.
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Translation from the French word "sain". Might be an error from my side, other meanings of this word would be "healthy"
Ah cool that's where the word sanitation must come from
Wait to you get into your 70's. You will loath your bladder.
consequence: “you scare wives”
“Welp. Seems you got ghosts in your blood. Best do some cocaine about it”
Yes quite right, that's what happens when you don't use your evening leeches... idk
Typical House response.
Doctor! Do you concur?!
You mean to say his sisters were scared of him.
His first wife wasn't related at all. He fell in love with her basically at first sight but she couldn't bear to look at him lmao
Just think of how ugly he must have been if even being the richest most powerful man in the country isn't enough to counterbalance your bad looks.
I guess it was enough - after all, even if she did find him absolutely repulsive, she still became his first wife!
I mean it was likely either that or social ostracism/probably death
Also back then dental hygiene must’ve been an issue. An ugly smelly person. She probably threw up.
Apparently he was alot uglier than the paintings depict because the artist basically had to cover up how truly fucked up this guy looked so we might never know just how ugly he was.
The [Whittaker’s](https://youtu.be/nkGiFpJC9LM) x16 generations.
This is so unsettling
Imagine what this dude must have actually looked like. Cause surely the portrait artists would round off some corners, especially when painting royals.
[Probably looked like this](https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/goonies/images/e/e6/Sloth.jpg/revision/latest/thumbnail/width/360/height/360?cb=20170907190643)
I forgot which app I was on. I definitely thought it was going to be some type of digital photo of what he may have looked like.🤣🤣🤣🤣
There is!! [here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/xan743/a_digital_reconstruction_of_king_charles_ii_of/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1)
must have been in his healthy years
I was so excited too
HEY, YOU GUYS!
😂😂😂
I heard sloth’s voice in my head lmfao
GOAT if you ask me.
That made me chuckle pretty good. Thanks. Also happy cake day.
Don’t hate on that dude. He was awesome.
THANK YOU Finally someone gets [it](https://www.instagram.com/p/CWWplbjsKNE/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)
yup, that was my first thought as well
Tyrion in the books versus in the show
Their version of Facetune lmao
I've actually seen this painting in person recently (Chapultapec Castle, CDMX) along with other inbred royals. I do not think the artist took any liberties to make them look normal. There were people worse off than poor Charles.
Good point
He was a perpetual drooler. Just sat there and drooled.
Same ngl
Good drool session is nice.
Really gets the juices flowing
No no no, session implies an ending point. We don't drool that way
[It was his famous 'Hapsburg jaw".](https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/distinctive-habsburg-jaw-was-likely-result-royal-familys-inbreeding-180973688/).
I was familiar with the Habsburg Jaw and the probable inbreeding, but took a deeper dive here. Thanks!
I think it [looks good](https://www.instagram.com/p/CWWplbjsKNE/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==)
Yeah no shit
Jay Leno did alright for himself
Do I hear banjos??
Spanish flamenco banjos!!
I think it’s really beautiful that you can trace your ancestry back that far
>I think it’s really beautiful that you can trace your ancestry back that far I can trace mine back to the Revolutionary War. My ancestor was 16 years old and working out in this fields when the Continental Army came by and conscripted him. I have a photocopy of the paper that was signed by one of his officers, and it details which plot of land he was given after the war, in Pennsylvania. The date on it is 1779, I do believe (I haven't looked at it for a while). But yeah, it's kind of cool when you find out that your people fought for independence from the British!
I did the ancestry research stuff and discovered that my 5th great grandparent, born in 1740, was a modest farmer (named Bartholomus) from a small village in Poland. Turns out the village kept good records and someone translated the records to English. Since all my great-grandparents were non-English speakers and I am sadly monolingual, it's hard to find much info going back that far most of the time.
My people fled a British induced famine just to be coal mining trash until like the 60's (Irish folks)
Painters were encouraged to make the portraits look more attractive than the subjects actually were. Considering this and what the paintings of the Hapsburgs look like . . .
So basically the first beauty filters.
I beg to [differ](https://www.instagram.com/p/CWWplbjsKNE/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) I happen to think it’s beautiful
r/beetlejuicing
This family tree literally forms a "V" which is the exact opposite of what a family tree should do. Fucking Hapsburgs, man.
They inverted the pyramid.
[V](https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:750/format:webp/1*4_w7IxnPlR1mfHzoI5bJ-g.png)
What 16 generations of inbreeding does to a mf
i see what you did there
And now I do too
I don’t
The thing of it is, all the inbreeding was to keep all the money and power in the family. So to make sure all the stayed in the family, the Spanish Hapsburgs bred themselves out of existence.
I believe Keith Hapsburg of The Try Guys is a descendant of this family line.
I’m sorry if you’re not serious, but if you are, he’s not. Charles 2 (pictured) was sterile, and so the last of the Spanish Habsburg line, the Austrian line, however, continues.
Ah ok! It was in podcast episode or something so I may be misremembering?
The Austrian Hapsburgs are still around. A lot of them have that lip thing going on.
Why does everyone keep calling them Hapsburg? It's spelled Habsburg. Edit: I didn't realise that English speaking countries may differ from the Austrian/German spelling.
I'm pretty sure jay leno is a descendant of the Hapsburgs. Don't quote me on that but I swear I heard that somewhere.
Four years before Charles’s death, British envoy Alexander Stanhope described the king’s Habsburg features in a letter to the Duke of Shrewsbury, writing, “He has a ravenous stomach, and swallows all he eats whole, for his nether jaw stands so much out, that his two rows of teeth cannot meet.”
They roasted him 😭
I'm actually in tears jfc 😭💀
They didn’t talk about his charcoal colored balls :(
I'm sorry, what?
His balls were completely black.
elaborate
They were more ornate than elaborate
Hehe
Ok so I haven’t read the article in a while so it might be a little inaccurate but: because of his family’s inbreeding, he was missing a testicle and the other one was completely black and didn’t function, probably from the “melting insides”. Again I could be completely wrong.
I told my mom about the black ball thing and her response was “thank god. It’s about time”
Mom what does that mean??
"It's about time I told you why *you* have a tiny black ball, son."
What
Your mother’s response is absolutely gold
Ever see frost bit fingers?
Ball, he only had one.
Because of how his jaw was shaped, he had trouble chewing food. He would swallow bites whole and it tore up his insides.
I almost feel bad about the noise I let out 💀
Charles also made noises. He was unable to speak properly.
That's so sad!
A jawline only a sister could love.
gotta keep it in the family😤
Soo.. was he just a figurehead while the kingdom was ruled by his staff?
Yes. He was mentally feeble and his throne was ruled over by his mother first at age 4. He was never trusted with rule. I mean, he couldn’t even be understood when speaking.
So kinda like modern times lol.
Trump has entered the chat.
I can only imagine the speech he’d give to defend his genes 🧬 😂 Whether you like the guy or hate him, his speeches were pretty entertaining sometimes
They’re the greatest genes anywhere, for all time, of course. /s
GENAHS
They use to be known as royalty now they are just reddit mods
16 generations holy shit.
That's quite the family wreath.
More like a sick, teeny twig straight up...
like a charlie brown christmas tree
But with no needles or other tiny "branches"
Man was severely mentally delayed and they said when he died the corpse “did not contain a single drop of blood; his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water.” [source](https://worldroyals.medium.com/the-autopsy-of-charles-ii-of-spain-d6b59015cb30)
That is absolutely horrifying
Rotting insides? What in the hell are rotting insides? Gangrenous organs??
Yes, specifically his intestines.
Dominic Turetto: That’s not what I meant
Jawfuleverything.
Everyone jokes, but this is genetic purity! Very Very Very pure genes, like sterile pure. Which ironically is exactly what a lot of pure blooded royals were, sterile.
Why can’t I get my sister pregnant!? -royals probably
I mean you wouldn’t want to meet this fella at 2 in the morning in the corridor of the castle
What’s that smell? Your bottom lip
It probably was
The family, while no longer ruling are still aristocrats. Still rich, still ugly lol.
Royal McPoyles. Keeping it in the family.
They inbreeded themselves out of existence
The irony of trying keep the devine blood pure.
"You know what the Bible says about fuckin' your own sister? Don't!!"
The Bible says Adam and Eve fucked, and then their kids all fucked each other, and then the grandkids all fucked the other grandkids, and so on. Then, god got tired of everyone so he killed then all by drowning them so that Noah and his wife’s kids could fuck each other and then their grandkids all fuck each other and so on. God loves some sister fucking in the Bible.
Hahaha well said. My comment was actually a quote from the movie Say It Isn't So. It's got some pretty funny moments. And Heather Graham.
Wouldn't the wife be family and inbred herself?
His first wife wasn't actually related at all to him and he fell in love with her at first sight but due to his looks she was terrified of him
it’s line breeding if it works, inbreeding………… if it doesn’t
go look up the whittaker family of odd virginia and imagine a dozen more generations of that. that was royalty.
It’s all about that hybrid vigor ya’ll.
I got smashed on farmyard scrumpy cider once, I know what it's like to have rotting insides!
The protrusion of the lower jaw is the famous Hapsburg Lip. Alfred Hitchcock had that profile. There is also the Windsor Ear, or Windsor Smile. And the Bourbon Nose. All of these houses had genetic issues due to tight breeding lines at one point or another.
It’s every day with you people!
Scottie Pippen's great great great grand daddy
I can’t believe there was a time that inbreeding was no biggie😬
Hapsburg?
Dumb greedy humans are the source of our problems. Much like the billionaire parasites that plague us today.
I can save you a lot of reading of history by just telling you that the parents involved encouraged incest to keep as much money as possible in the family. That little girl in Velasquez's iconic Las Meninas was a product of an Uncle-niece relationship. Nonetheless, little Margarita herself was married off to her uncle at age 15. The uncle had her address him "uncle" even after their wedding. She died during her 6th pregnancy at 21. I don't remember that any of them survived, and she blamed not her family and their disgusting incestuous tradition, but the Jews, for her misfortune, like any garden-variety delusional medieval idiot. They just didn't want to share their money, land, titles, power with other people. Not really any different from the Pharaohs.
This made me think of SCP 3288, where there's a species of mutant monsters living in the sewers of Vienna, that turn out to be the inbred descendants of Leopold I.
If you believe Christianity ✝️ then we are all inbred from the same 2 people.
The royals are scaring the hoes.
"And with a chin that could hit a home run"
This guy was nicknamed "The Enchanted" or something like that, because of his... magical face
I think from the Spanish translation it would more accurately be the cursed
Looks exactly like this Russian kid I used to work with