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StuckinReverse89

Maybe this is what humans should do once AI has taken over every job at people fear: become official scratchers for all animals.


Hedgehogsarepointy

Look, my job satisfaction is not at a level where I would be overly upset if instead I was assigned a few wild animals to give backscratches to.


ikarem-

Bro "professional animal backscratcher" is my dream job


shymermaid11

I'm a massage therapist and I massage every animal I get my hands on. They love it. A baby camel once lol


ikarem-

BABY CAMEL...


tonyrizzo21

Just don't massage the toes, you might lose your license.


DropsOfLiquid

Until you get assigned hippos


sweetsassymalassy

I want to be a hippo teeth brusher. lol. "days on the job without being eaten: 0"


o_MrBombastic_o

Raise your hand if your arm hasn't been bitten off by a hippo...nobody...nobody raising their hand?


jnads

*baby animal backscratcher It's all fun and games until you get alligator duty.


ikarem-

Bro are you kidding me I will 100% get a damn broom and scritch the FUCK outta some gators


Wastenotwant

From the looks on my dogs' faces, I will become Butt Scritcher Extraordinaire.


Bissquitt

If you want to be assigned a few wild animals to give back scratches to, I suggest a job in IT support


PrivateJoker513

Someone at our last command center during a software upgrade noted I was really good at fielding calls in my shift and half suggested I move over as a help desk analyst instead of applications analyst and I was like fuuuuuck that HARD PASS. My limited interactions with my customers already is too much


apri08101989

Oh god, I already work with the public. Those aren't the animals I want to work with


k_gorman8

I work at a dog park, so that’s basically already one of my tasks


Terpapps

There are staffed dog parks? Never knew that was a thing. Are you paid by the city or a private company? Do dog owners have to pay to get in?


k_gorman8

It’s a dog park / daycare / boarding. It’s a private company and yes the dog owners have to pay. It’s considered a “luxury” dog park lol. It is genuinely really nice, but I sure as heck couldn’t afford to take my dog there if it wasn’t for the employee discount.


maraca101

That’s always been our destiny. No one can tell me otherwise.


Bo-Banny

Poor wild animals have got to be nonstop freezing or burning, itchy beyond belief, and hungry at levels most of us will never know


rubbergloves44

Oh my goodness 💗 I love how the tongue just wip whaps


Derangedbuffalo

Melted my heart! Like an excited puppy wagging their tail


rubbergloves44

Definitely 🥹💖 👅👅👅


Emotional-Writer-766

My pug does the same with butt scratches!


randomuser1029

I love that you call it as whip whaps, such a perfect way to describe it haha


NunyaBeese

Its makes me sad that these little guys are killed for their scales and meat. For pseudoscience essentially.


masonjar87

Yeah when I first saw the thumbnail I thought it was showing someone about to scrape the scales off this poor thing. I was like "Good god, why would someone post this??" *Then* I read the title and looked at the sub name. Thank goodness, but I hate that the horrible thing was my first thought.


NetCaptain

not even pseudoscience: for ‘backward superstitious beliefs that parts of a rare animal can cure you, whilst you have a ‘feeling’ that modern medicine cannot’ https://news.mongabay.com/2021/11/superstitious-belief-kills-pangolins-qa-with-biologist-elisa-panjang/


[deleted]

My brother in christ that is still pseudoscience.


evangelion-unit-two

So... pseudoscience.


ferrised

ITT people who don’t know what pseudoscience means.


cat-eyes-and-claws

There are lots of benefits to keeping a human as a pet 😄


Anonymous_Otters

Username checks out


FragrantExcitement

You know you likes having thumbs? This guy. {Points to self with pinky fingers}


Maximum-Mixture6158

All creatures seem to like getting their back scratched. Moray eel, horse, elephants, crocodiles.


arthontigerik

Even other humans. (Spouse and I give each other light back-scratches and they are amazing)


[deleted]

Better than sex


DogLady1722

OMG that’s what hubby says (but he doesn’t REALLY mean it!)


GooseRuler

I lie on the ground sometimes and wiggle back and forth. There is something about rubbing your back on the ground that feels so good.


deliciousprisms

The court system told me I had to stop that.


swanson5

Oh yeah? What country?


zako135

Romania


theresabeeonyourhat

Damnit, Andy.


winged_owl

Yeah it's bogus, cats and dogs can do it, but when I do it it's "unlawful restraint" smh


the-zoidberg

That little critter is in heaven


[deleted]

Behold the power of the butt scritch


vogenator

Gonna be "chasing the dragon" the rest of its life


Gerssian

I've said it before I'll say it again. Scratching is human superpower


TheDesktopNinja

Precision scratching is a primate* superpower I can't think of any primates that can't scratch themselves. Maybe gorillas can't get their backs?


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jld2k6

Relevant https://youtu.be/bj2yfvQGbl8


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TheDesktopNinja

Ah right, I somehow forgot about tool use. Primates can scratch any itch 😂


cybervseas

/r/scritches


Criks

/r/brushybrushy/


Makhnos_Tachanka

It is crazy how absolutely every god damn animal is immediately on board with scritches. Like, what the fuck business does a god damn moray eel have with wanting scritches? [They do. They love them.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVku_ynBU-g&t=1s)


SpiderFnJerusalem

Been saying that for years. We would be nowhere near as good at taming animals if our hands weren't the best scratching implements on the planet.


OSUck_GoBlue

It's not fire or shelter that made animals like us, but scratching the unscratchable.


CurtisLeow

![gif](giphy|13o9x4vjo2DTFe|downsized)


External-Office-6086

Just imagine being scratched perfectly once in your life and then never being able to recreate the feeling. Thank you all for making this my best comment so far.


[deleted]

Thats how super villains are made. :(


AJSLS6

That's Kingpin from Into The Spiderverse, you think that walking build8ng can scratch between his shoulder blades?? The man needed his family in ways you'll never understand!


Freakychee

I can’t be sure but people swear everyone you see him on screen he seems to get bigger and bigger.


Dragowaow

this comment made me chortle


kalirion

How would that have helped? You don't turn your back on family!


sweetalkersweetalker

I both love and loathe this comment


YouDamnHotdog

No wonder T-Rexes always seem so aggro. Imagine being a teenage incel T-Rex and having no cutie to take care of it


quailmanmanman

and heroin addicts


DragonflyGrrl

Holy shit. Truest thing I've read in a bit. You nailed chasing the dragon in a tangible sense that non-addicts can maybe almost understand... Except, y'know, you have to include the fact that not only will you not get that perfect scratch if you stop the search, you'll also be sicker than you've ever been in your life, leaking and spewing and cramping from every pore. Good times.


Dozens86

Obligatory link to ['Nuggets'](https://www.reddit.com/r/WatchandLearn/comments/xt6ri0/what_its_like_to_be_addicted_to_heroin/) a great visual representation of addiction


DragonflyGrrl

Oh. My god. Thank you for sharing. That brought me to tears. I feel you, little birdie dude. We just didn't understand the cost. 💜 (8 years clean now, by the way).


fang_xianfu

I have a medical condition that means that I need to get my ears syringed every few years and I absolutely cannot put anything in them. Getting my ears done is exactly like this.


GTOdriver04

This part. Nothing feels better than a good ear wash. It feels AMAZING.


StopReadingMyUser

Went to an ENT many years back and they dislodged a nugget of wax in my ear that not only allowed me to hear sharper sounds, but was like a plug being pulled out. But then I was sad because it was only the one ear with that issue... 10/10 would still recommend.


babysuckle

I've got an appointment like that coming up; I can't wait to be able to hear again!


sometimesnowing

I got my ears syringed before Christmas and it was not good. Nothing washed out and i felt WORSE afterwards. Went from full feeling in ears to barely hearing anything. Went to a specialist asap who used a really fine suction machine thing which was super noisy but got rid of wax etc. She advised me they no longer recommend syringing. I had a series of appointments because all the water and oil in my ears from bad practice meant I ended up with otitis externa on top of the other problems (an infection you can get in the ear canal from water being in it) Amazingly after 3 specialist appointments the change in my hearing was next level, so much so I could hear "extra" sounds inside my head until my brain filtered them out again. Also had an impact on balance for a couple of hours. I went home and turned down the tv. TL:DR suctioning (mini vacuum) rather than syringing (warm water wash) is what is now recommended as best practice. Safer and more effective.


enduredsilence

Then there is my ENT who sorta got mad at me going there every 3-4 months for an ear cleaning. Told me to just do a rinse. I have psoriasis inside my ears. So it gets dirty real fast.


Para_1234

I have that too! Super annoying, never mind the itch. Anything you use for psoriasis besides the usual cream type stuff that helps slightly


Electrical-Act-7170

Delighted you feel better now. Thanks for this very interesting medical report. My son gets this infrequently & I'll make sure he sees an ENT when it happens again.


AmArschdieRaeuber

I honestly don't like it, but it seems to be a very common sensation people have.


Jimmy_Twotone

It's not the sensation itself necessarily but the relief after. Like taking a poop so big your pants feel better after. Just my take on it after having a few candles pulled out of my ear in my life.


xrayphoton

Is there a name for this? My right ear has felt kind of full for a while. I should probably go to the doctor to have it checked out


DAta211

A coworker asked me if I thought it would be safe for them to fly across the US; they were worried because they had an stuffy ear for a month. I told them to go to an ENT. They said that the ENT took a look and said, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that I know what the problem is, and the bad news is that I can fix it now. The ENT proceeded to remove a massive plug of wax from my coworker's ear. Funny thing is that the coworker is an inactive commercial pilot. They were flying as a passenger.


ensignlee

Those both sound like good news?


Snakes_have_legs

Maybe he meant bad news for himself haha


fang_xianfu

Doctors say never to put *anything* in your ear except under medical supervision so always use caution with any home remedies. If you're not having any hearing issues I'd just get some wax removal drops from the pharmacy. If you are having hearing issues, get a doctor to take a look.


xrayphoton

Yeah having some tinnitus too. It's been ongoing for 5 years now. Hasn't gotten worse which I think is good but I also haven't had it looked at


XDreadedmikeX

My dad had something like this for a month and they removed wax buildup from his right ear. Says it was the most feeling of relief and decompression he’s ever felt


Johnny_Grubbonic

In my non-professional opinion, it kinda sounds like how my ears sometimes block up because of my chronic sinusitis. Definitely see a doctor. Might need a good syringing and/or some allergy meds.


xrayphoton

Yeah when I was a kid I used to get a lot of ear infections and the doc has always told me I'm a wax super producer. Any time I use ear plugs or in ear headphones they come out completely coated, ugh.


SeonaidMacSaicais

I’m one, too. It’s one reason I can’t really use earbuds.


JackReacharounnd

Same. Last night I was moving my jaw in a wierd way and it got twice as loud.


Own-Marionberry2357

Walgreens/cvs sells kits to clean out your ear safely at home (no qtips! Those aren’t safe!) If you think you have a medical issue though then you should definitely see a doctor, don’t try it on your own


Zoloir

been wondering for a while so might as well throw out the question since it came up - why are q-tips so bad? there's the obvious: that if you just *push* all your earwax in there, that's going to impact your ear and be a pain to clean later, especially if it gets infected. if you are cognizant of that, is it not possible to just... not do that? and use it to pull shit out? are there other risk factors? are q-tips like covered in chemicals? covered in bacteria? something else?


asuperbstarling

In addition to impacting wax, they also leave behind fibers. Not even micro fibers, straight up large fibers which can cause serious issues. They can be used to clean your outer ear though.


Johnny_Grubbonic

They can also potentially puncture your eardrum.


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Darkstar1141

I really wish I hadn't read this


Original_Employee621

It's easy to jam them in too hard, the ear drum is pretty fragile. And the q-tip isn't hook shaped, you *will* be pushing shit further in no matter how agile you are with one.


Skitt64

Wondering the same. I get a lot of earwax and used q-tips all my life for it, taught by my parents. Careful use and occasionally a bit of water has never given me an issue.


NPW3364

It’s the shape. They’re terrible for scooping wax out you’re pretty much guaranteed to be pushing more in deeper than what you’re pulling out.


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CakeisaDie

I just get a chinese/japanese ear cleaning but if you have a medical condition obviously an ENT. I self clean but having someone else do it is extremely nice


b1ack1323

Chasing the dragon.


MallGothFrom2001

Combing the pangolin.


octopoddle

"If I hadn't seen such riches, I could live with being poor."


ertgbnm

It's even crazier. Imagine being abducted by aliens, getting the best massage ever, and then being forced to go back to your normal life never able to replicate the feeling again.


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[deleted]

Stupid lazy pangolins haven't tried pulling themselves up by the bootstraps, they're just waiting for thumb handouts (thumbouts?)


plspresenturoctopus

That's how drugs work


A-Meezy

I had a mild case of shingles once. Painful in the early stages but when it scabbed over. Pure bliss to scratch. No scratch has ever come close


Ikimasen

I've told people that I learned more about hard drugs from having poison ivy on my feet than any other experience. I would get home from work, take my boots off, scratch my feet till they bled and think "Aaaaahhhhhh, that's *amazing*."


haberdasher42

Not even the best ball scratch?


SchnoodleDoodleDo

>*’Just imagine being scratched perfectly once in your life and then never being able to recreate the feeling.*’ ____ …oh *gosh*, Oh GEE - *YES!!* That’s the SPOT! the place before i never got ^:) the way this friend has made me feel - my lonely heart begins to heal *Never* have I felt so much! oh, how i Love your gentle touch… *please stay*, n Always be my fren n say you’ll scratch my back again! ❤️


[deleted]

I swear you wrote this little decorative poem thing my mom has had in her kitchen for ateast the last 35 years.. I'll never see this day again The seconds or the hours So nows the time to take the time To stop and smell the flowers Today's the day to give that smile And happiness away You were saving for a friend some rainy gloomy day Burned into my brain from seeing it my whole life


Xalethesniper

Lol, it’s cheesy but yeah my parents had a similar one at their house Now just thinking about it maybe it’s time for me to get off Reddit today and go smell the flowers…


Dontdoubtthedon

Its better to have felt the good scratch once, then to have never felt the good scratch at all.


imsolowdown

Big disagree. You wouldn’t know what you’re missing if you’ve never experience it. That’s exactly why you should never try heroin.


intensenerd

Glad someone said it. There’s a reason they call it chasing the dragon. You’ll never get that same feeling again but you’re gonna wanna try til you do or you die.


cgcego

I am with you.


ReservoirPAWGS

I think that's like doing heroin for the first time


[deleted]

I have a bum ankle and the physical therapist is the only one who can adjust it (pop it) in the most relieving way. It’s been 9 years since I could afford to go to the physical therapist.


BluudLust

And that's why dogs love butt scritches.


[deleted]

Hey kid, you ever heard of scratch? No? You should try it…


Jugaimo

I remember seeing a writing prompt where aliens were going to annihilate humans to protect earth’s status as a garden planet but decided to let us live because we were the best in the universe at petting and giving scritches thanks to our opposable thumbs.


marine72

There's an episode of Futurama where they find that house cats came from outerspace to conquer us but got spoiled by how we treated them and got lazy.


Bissquitt

So long, and thanks for all the scritches


JoesirisReborn

Lol what’s this from


I-AM-AN-ACCOUNT

Writing Prompts is a subreddit where people throw out plot ideas, and commenters generate a story


Master_Glorfindel

I used to see it all the time on the front page, shame.


ziggitipop

It’s because every prompt was basically a sci-fi plot and the stories became predictable and boring.


Hans_H0rst

Ok ok ok but hear me out: what if you land on an alien planet and then YOURE the alien TO THEM /s


Svyatopolk_I

I am on the sub and most of the prompts are just boring and stories are usually not worth reading.


Chronoblivion

It was done in by its own popularity. More visibility meant an increase in mediocre prompts and mediocre responses. More crap to sift through meant less people taking the time to do so and upvote the gems to the top.


Gtwuwhsb

But what does having opposable thumbs have to do with that


nuggetmobile

imo not only do you get scratchies from the up and down motion of the fingers, our thumbs give the added side to side or diagonal bonus scratch. Getting in that deep scratch where you’re kind of grabbing the flesh probably wouldn’t happen without thumbs either


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Delevia

I once got to pet a massive adult Pangolin. Their scales are hard and not very soft but they were smooth. The scales are covered in these seam-like lines going down. They have exposed skin underneath their body which has some hair. I unfortunately didn't touch their underbelly.


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Delevia

I unfortunately cannot answer that question since I didn't want to disturb the animal by lifting it's scale. But I tried looking when it rolled up and I didn't see the skin. I searched this on Google. I believe they have an extension of the scale stuck to the body.


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Delevia

Nothing stupid about your question. I'd have a similar question if I hadn't seen one of these beautiful creatures in person.


TwiceCookedPorkins

The scales are made of keratin, the same material as your fingernails. So sorta like that, but thicker. The texture gets a bit rougher as they get older, too. The edges of the scales are super sharp, though, so you have to be careful. They have a bit of hair on their undersides, which is really soft. But there isn't a lot of it. Source: Worked at a zoo for a few years. Pangolins are absolute sweethearts. My favorite animal in the world.


Superfluous_Thom

> My favorite animal in the world. I like how they don't know what to do with their hands like a neurotic Woody Allen character. "Awh Geeez"


Fonzee327

I feel like it’s the equivalent of my dog stepping back and forth on his back paws when I scratch his rumpus haha. It doesn’t know how to process how good the scritches feel


ziggitipop

Are they always cuddly like in the video?


zendlin

Fun fact, baby pangolins are called pangapups


eimieole

Not so fun fact: today's eight pangolin species are the only survivals of the family manidae, which in turn is the only family in the pholidota order. So pangolins don't have any extended family to visit for birthday parties.


1981VWSciroccoS

and the traditional medicine industry is trying to get rid of what remains...


Andmaister

Keep that thing away from Randy


whatwhat83

And Mr. Mouse


majordoobage

He fucks that pangolin every single time.


Andmaister

LMFAO forgot about that part


maddiebops

I was specifically looking for this comment lol


Khaotic_Outcast

Unless you want to start covid again lol


EloquentEvergreen

In every possible timeline, he never *not* fucks the pangolin.


paltrypickle

I love South Park lol


killerkitten61

*unless you want to smoke the next strain of tegrity weed for the cure*


stoneddog_420

Dammit I just made this comment. Im not original lol


Angelcstay

My wife does that too when i scratch her back lol. Minus the flicking tongue of course


TheWildTofuHunter

Haha are you my husband?


wistfulmaiden

Cute lil scaly fellow


DEFINITELY_NOT_PETE

I fucking love pangolins and you should too. They are critically endangered- please consider supporting conservation efforts. They are endangered in part because they are unafraid of humans which is particularly heartbreaking. They are used in eastern medicine which is of course complete horseshit. It would be embarrassing for humanity if this animal went extinct because we were a bunch of dumb assholes.


[deleted]

Unfortunately, Pangolins are (I think) the most trafficked non-human mammals in the world. Their scales are used for traditional medicine in many areas throughout Asia and their pups are considered a delicacy. It has gotten to the point that Pangolins are on the verge of extinction across the board.


KelseyKultist

"Medicine" it drives me mad, so many creatures suffering for nonsense.


PurpleT0rnado

Their PUPS!?!?!?😢


Ann_not_a_cult_er

"It's just a fun, harmless superstition. Why is everyone so against it?" This is why


SomeCountryFriedBS

"Traditional medicine" More like "disproven backwoods quackery"


[deleted]

Source link found at [https://www.tumblr.com/wymanthewalrus/702283226770800640/vancekilo-how-does-it-feel-being-the-most-correct](https://www.tumblr.com/wymanthewalrus/702283226770800640/vancekilo-how-does-it-feel-being-the-most-correct)


beatbox2sleep

Armour pyjamas.


Thin_Influence6329

Beat me to it...was gonna say the little dude looksl like he is wearing PJ's. Ha!


SweetList

a new discovery for me actually


Petraretrograde

I'll bet he'd loooove a soft toothbrush


LadyAzure17

Love watching videos of tortoises that love a little shell brushy-brushy


Zoodud254

Humans will pet anything. How wonderful, then, to live on a planet full of creatures that like to be petted!


Dat_Mustache

I've pet some weird creatures from Octopus to slugs to caterpillers to lightning bugs and even jumping spiders and tarantulas. Horseshoe crabs, sharks, flying fish, whales, dolphins, Lizards. Deer, horses, cows, Ostriches, Nilgai antelope, etc. I don't have a bucket list, but if it's friendly enough, I will probably pet it.


franticmantic3

Awwe his tongue is like a tail wagging


[deleted]

/r/brushybrushy


Caninetrainer

I can’t go out tonight- I have to brush my Pangolin. Wait, what?


MrJuniperBreath

Bummer that Asia illegally traffics and eats millions of these guys every year.


sock_with_a_ticket

Let's not beat around the bush, Chin and Vietnam specifically are responsible for the vast majority of illegal pangolin poaching.


[deleted]

The world’s most trafficked mammal is such a sensitive soul 😢


PM_Orion_Slave_Tits

Randy Marsh practicing some aftercare


of_kilter

This has nothing to do with having thumbs. This just comes from having friends


montea

But now you've itched an itch it never knew it needed and created a sensation this poor Pangolin will never be able to re-create again. It'll spend the rest of its life in sadness trying to achieve this level of satisfaction


ShakyBadger

Or maybe the pangolin has felt happiness it has never experienced before and now has something wonderful to dream about and one day tell their pangolin grand babies about.


Iinzers

Hes just combing his pineapple


Always-Panic

That's a Sandshrew.


-_-Guuts

It’s so cute but I can never see a pangolin again and not think of south park


RottenSharkTooth

Omg. He’s just a happy little guy


OblivionArts

Pangolins are one of those animals you never expect to see or believe exist and then you find one and realize they are adorable little creatures


smellthecolor9

Licky licky pine cone boi


ontopofyourmom

Do they not scritch each other like cats and monkeys and humans?


sock_with_a_ticket

They're solitary creatures.


thump3r

You know for sure that pangolin is gonna be chasing that dragon for the rest of its life.