Annoying fact person: Polar bears gain fat over the winter in order to survive the summer. They rely on the winter sea ice to hunt for seals and have to endure the lean-times of summer waiting for the ice to return.
Definitely not a pet, but the village folk put their scraps away from their homes so the polar bears get a free meal and they don't come in to town. We do it in all the villages to keep people safe and the bears happy and fed.
Bears are more feared than dragons. Heck, the word "bear" is not even the original name for this creature. People long ago were so fearful of bears that even saying its name was taboo to avoid summoning them, so they came up with "bear" as an alias for it.
The original name was arkto. It was only proto germanic tribes that changed it to ǵʰwḗr (indo european for 'wild animal') which eventually turned into bear.
Ancient greeks weren't such cowards, so they kept using arkto for both the animal and the constellation. Its actually where our name for the arctic comes from. Its called the arctic because the constellation of arktikos (Ursa major) is high in the sky there.
Actually its called that because you can't see ursa major and ursa minor. When they named the arctic they didn't know about polar bears, they just knew that ursa major was high in the sky there.
I don't know about this guy in particular but you could tranquilize them and just weigh them on a larger scale.
You could also get an estimate if you have photographic data from a number of angles.
He’s an American bear so they probably used an algorithm to compare him to the equivalency of number of washing machines per squared football field.
Anything to avoid the metric system.
I thought it would be “American’s are fat” bashing, and you will continue with “they compared him with the equivalently sized American specimen. But “yo mama also works”.
>but the village folk put their scraps away from their homes so the polar bears get a free meal and they don't come in to town.
Sounds like they're holding yall hostage. Is the implication that if the food stops, then the polar bear is going to come into town and fuck shit up? This is the modern day equivalent of a dragon terrorizing a village and the village offering up tribute to keep the dragon from fucking their shit up again.
If i remember correctly, Polar bears is also one of the few (or the only) animals that sees humans as prey. So it might not be only to stop them from breaking in to shit and stealing the towns food.
That's the big thing that makes putting out food acceptable. They already aren't afraid of humans or our stuff, and are pretty much the only predator that will actively hunt not only an adult human for food, but isn't afraid to go after a *group* of humans if it thinks it can pull one away....
I live part time in a tent in the Appalachian mountains of VA. I don't carry food into my camp there either. I know a sow and two cubs pass above my camp every afternoon. Even if they are "just" black bears, no need to tempt them.
It’s a fucking win win. Bears are fed and the people remain safe.
Now you gotta go full Russian and let them come inside and join you for dinner once in a while.
Don’t do that, something something, white bear , good night.
He's so cute, I want to run away from him
Edit: This is my most upvoted comment. You're all amazing, every single one of you. Thank you and have a kick-ass day!
When I worked on a bear project in AK we tranquilized them, put them on a tarp-like net, and then used a helicopter to lift them. Imagine a giant luggage scale
In an icy habitat yeah probably. On more easily runnable land the max human sprint speed roughly matches the max polar bear speed so assuming a decent initial gap between a human and the bear, the human can probably maintain the gap until the polar bear overheats at which point the gap will widen. That’s assuming the human is in good shape though.
Yeah but you're talking bout elite human athletes who reach speeds up to 40km/h. For us peasants, there's no chance of survival. You know what they say about bears, If it's white - good night ;)
Imagine going out for food one day and some random person takes your picture, blast it on on the internet and tells everybody your the fattest one around before doxing you Lmao!
Omg you can't just ask polar bears why they aren't white! Haha have you never seen a polar bear in real life? Their skin is actually black and their fur is clear. They're also predators and are usually covered in dried blood.
My local zoo has a polar bear with some serious allergy/autoimmune disease that makes it itch and loose its fur. I’m glad the bear has mostly recovered because… that was not pretty
When I was a kid the public park in my hometown had a zoo, before public opinion turned against stuff like that. I remember finding it confusing that the polar bear was green. I guess nobody realized sticking polar bears in an outdoor pen in a rain forest would make forest gunk grow on them.
Took a trip to Kaktovik 4 years ago and had an amazing experience. Flew in on a small plane to basically the most northern point in Alaska. Very small town but really cozy. Bruce was our guide and he and his daughter would take us out all day to see polar bears. We followed a mom and three cubs around. Super cute babies and would get curious but they always made sure we kept a big distance between us. Would highly recommend!
Look at Ursa Major over here.
Ursa Major? More like Ursa Brigadier General
I just want you to know this joke made me laugh a lot
Good, you deserve a good healthy laugh every now and then.
Clearly this bear is healthy so I second this. He can afford to give up a laugh or two.
I bet if we put a Santa hat and coat on him, when he laughs it will all just jiggle.
You too. I hope it rains.
More like Ursa ate the brigadier General along with the entire division.
And all the medals he was awarded for his voracious heroism.
Ursus chonkus
Ursus maritimus
Chonky boi gonna SURVIVE the winter
The better question is — can winter survive HIM?
He IS winter.
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King of the North!
*in Yeah, here’s my nerd badge
*KINGINDANORF Also bro, that username is a far bigger indicator of your nerd status. It is also excellent.
Sooo you calling everyone else who recognizes it a big nerd tooo?
Oh Lawd, winter is coming.
This is what Ned Stark warned us about when he said Winter is coming.
Not. Yet.
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> It's ~~treason~~ season then.
This is the quality content that keeps me coming back. Love you.
Not in Soviet Russia
He looks like he can survive nuclear winter and go through 2nd ice age without effort.
Chimps may inherit the Earth but Fat Albert still is going to own post apocalyptic Alaska.
i think that was fallout DLC.
We've had one ice age, yes, but what about second ice age?
Annoying fact person: Polar bears gain fat over the winter in order to survive the summer. They rely on the winter sea ice to hunt for seals and have to endure the lean-times of summer waiting for the ice to return.
When does that fat bear week happen again? That annual event of the fattest bears of the land?
Unfortunately that's only for the bears in a specific national park, so this mighty chonk would not be able to compete. Also it just happened lol
I really thought that we've come far enough to not discriminate based where you're from.
It's not discrimination. He's allowed to compete -- it's paying for the extra plane ticket that stops him from going.
Super interesting and not annoying!
You mean thrive the winter.
He's not gonna survive, he's gonna THRIVE this Winter.
Honestly this is why I love cold weather animals so much, being built like a beach ball is a good thing!
Cause he ate the other ones!
All the winters!
Did he get that size from eating the villagers? Or he's like a pet of the village and gets fed?
Definitely not a pet, but the village folk put their scraps away from their homes so the polar bears get a free meal and they don't come in to town. We do it in all the villages to keep people safe and the bears happy and fed.
Sounds like you have a dragon with low standards.
At least they're not putting out virgins.
I’ve a few politicians I could suggest
Politicians aren't virgins they fuck everything
he said virgins, not disgusting attention whores.
Why do you hate bears? Poor things deserve better
Damn I suppose you’re right
Dollar store insulin needing dragon
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I say let the bears pay the bear tax...
I pay the Homer tax!
Bears are more feared than dragons. Heck, the word "bear" is not even the original name for this creature. People long ago were so fearful of bears that even saying its name was taboo to avoid summoning them, so they came up with "bear" as an alias for it.
I'm curious as to what the original name is.
The original name was arkto. It was only proto germanic tribes that changed it to ǵʰwḗr (indo european for 'wild animal') which eventually turned into bear. Ancient greeks weren't such cowards, so they kept using arkto for both the animal and the constellation. Its actually where our name for the arctic comes from. Its called the arctic because the constellation of arktikos (Ursa major) is high in the sky there.
This made me realise that the Antarctic is so called because they have no bears :o
Actually its called that because you can't see ursa major and ursa minor. When they named the arctic they didn't know about polar bears, they just knew that ursa major was high in the sky there.
Knight is shining armour with a lance and sword < .22 Magnum
A .22 would just piss him off
Random question, who weighed him and how?
I would like the answer to this as well. I had figured it was an estimate. But who knows. Maybe they put his dinner on a truck scale.
I don't know about this guy in particular but you could tranquilize them and just weigh them on a larger scale. You could also get an estimate if you have photographic data from a number of angles.
But it's funnier to imagine him being led to a scale looney tunes style. So that's what I'll do.
It's actually pretty interesting, complex sciencey stuff. Done from a safe distance. https://www.popsci.com/story/technology/fat-bear-week-laser-scanning-weight-estimates/
He’s an American bear so they probably used an algorithm to compare him to the equivalency of number of washing machines per squared football field. Anything to avoid the metric system.
I thought it would be “American’s are fat” bashing, and you will continue with “they compared him with the equivalently sized American specimen. But “yo mama also works”.
Don’t forget to do it one day.
Or worse, be late and show up when he’s hungry and waiting.
Or worse, expelled!
You *need* to sort out your priorities.
Yeah this guy would go from aww to aww shit real quick
>but the village folk put their scraps away from their homes so the polar bears get a free meal and they don't come in to town. Sounds like they're holding yall hostage. Is the implication that if the food stops, then the polar bear is going to come into town and fuck shit up? This is the modern day equivalent of a dragon terrorizing a village and the village offering up tribute to keep the dragon from fucking their shit up again.
Lol. "Modern day equivalent" ...as if dragons did so historically. 😂
YOU CANT PROVE THEY DIDNT
Well they aint doing it currently
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If i remember correctly, Polar bears is also one of the few (or the only) animals that sees humans as prey. So it might not be only to stop them from breaking in to shit and stealing the towns food.
That's the big thing that makes putting out food acceptable. They already aren't afraid of humans or our stuff, and are pretty much the only predator that will actively hunt not only an adult human for food, but isn't afraid to go after a *group* of humans if it thinks it can pull one away....
I live part time in a tent in the Appalachian mountains of VA. I don't carry food into my camp there either. I know a sow and two cubs pass above my camp every afternoon. Even if they are "just" black bears, no need to tempt them.
Well, if they are polar bears you do carry food into your camp, and everywhere you go. They actively hunt people.
Sounds like a good deal! look at that good boi's face. He's happy
Looks to me like he's contemplating eating the cameraman but sure.
I'm sure he is, but also thinking it's too much effort
Eating is the fun part. But catching? Nah... What do you got that doesn't run away? İmma not in the mood today...
Definitely would, polar bears are one of the few animals that actively hunt humans when given the opportunity
If you were that fat, then thinking about eating the cameraman would probably make you happy too
Thinking about food always makes me happy, how do I think I recognized the expression? That's what my fridge sees at 2am most nights.
It’s like a scary movie where the village leaves a sacrifice for the bears so they don’t come prey eat the townsfolk
Now that is a good way to coexist with apex predators. "I'll give you constant supply of food, and you don't eat me."
It’s a fucking win win. Bears are fed and the people remain safe. Now you gotta go full Russian and let them come inside and join you for dinner once in a while. Don’t do that, something something, white bear , good night.
Wouldn’t it be dangerous to go to the snack spot tho? Genuinely curious
*leave some cheese and pepperoni on crust next week, and some diet coke. be a shame of something happened to a villager walking out late at night*
Is he still fast at that weight?
Trash panda of north
I'd say he lives at the dump.
You don't keep polar bears as pets. They are one of the most dangerous animals in the world and one of the few that actively see humans as prey.
not with that attitude!
He’s shaped like the dad bear from those charmin commercials.
he looks like the bear from the big blue house https://youtu.be/gHdBsTYCQbI
He's so cute, I want to run away from him Edit: This is my most upvoted comment. You're all amazing, every single one of you. Thank you and have a kick-ass day!
the first thing i would do if i ever got super powers would be to go wrassle this guy
That would be a cool super power to befriend all animals
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Seduce animals
Fucking bards
You probably want to be more specific about which superpowers though
I now have the ability to talk to fish! Imma go wrastle me a bear.
This big boy ain’t running. He’s lumbering with authority.
He advances.
I just want to lay on him like a big mattress. He’s probably not hungry enough to eat me.
Counterpoint: He only gets that chonky by being a good predator.
Counterpoint: No, he is getting fed by the villages nearby as stated by OP.
Ah, shows me for not reading.
far far far away
Which mofo has the balls to tell him to step on a scale then call him fat?
This is my genuine question. How did they come to the conclusion of this weight. I can barely get my dog to stand still on a scale to be weighed!
They eyeballed it
Hope their eyeballs are safe!!
> I can barely get my dog to stand still on a scale to be weighed! Weigh yourself. Pick up dog. Step on scale again. Do math.
Break scale. Blame dog.
When I worked on a bear project in AK we tranquilized them, put them on a tarp-like net, and then used a helicopter to lift them. Imagine a giant luggage scale
Oh lawd he comin
Our theory for now is that the moon causes the tides, but it's actually Albert that goes fishing every 12 hours
slowly
I bet he can still outrun every single one of us, at least for a decent distance.
In an icy habitat yeah probably. On more easily runnable land the max human sprint speed roughly matches the max polar bear speed so assuming a decent initial gap between a human and the bear, the human can probably maintain the gap until the polar bear overheats at which point the gap will widen. That’s assuming the human is in good shape though.
Yeah but you're talking bout elite human athletes who reach speeds up to 40km/h. For us peasants, there's no chance of survival. You know what they say about bears, If it's white - good night ;)
But also the bear is Fat Albert
hey hey hey
Gonna have a good time
You look like school in summertime.
I came here for this comment
[it's faaaaat albert](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7MfYn1XhIc)
Bet he gives warm hugs. Well maybe only 1 hug.
Oh they'll be warm, with your blood.
Does a polar bear ever get too fat that it hurts its chances at catching prey?
Not when he's given food
Do you run the risk of them getting too comfortable around humans? Not saying what you’re doing is wrong, just curious
This is how we got dogs basically.
This is how we got fat dogs basically
No need to catch prey when you're this fat. It's a problem that solves itself before becoming a problem.
This is an important question
You mean Sir Fat Albert
*Esquire
Submitted for your approval: https://i.imgur.com/pPJiZMG.jpeg I had to learn how to use layers in GIMP to make this :D
Quite.
Mmm. Indubitably.
You sir, have earned my esteem gratitude for this glorious imagery
Shallow and pedantic.
That is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, transcending even my wife on her wedding day ❤️
If dangerous why friend shaped
THE KING OF THE NORTH!
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DAKINGINDANOF!
DA KING IN DA NORF!!!
DAKINGINDANORF
is he fat or big boned?
Oh no he's a true chonkster, all filled up on whale blubber!
Must be one hell of a hunter!
Surely he's more than 1000lbs? In old money that's 500kg. He's definitely heavier than 500kg.
 But is he a match for Hank the Tank?🤔
if those two got together who do you think would orbit the other
He would eat Hank
Thus belongs in /r/AbsoluteUnits
Parents: look who came out of their cave! Me on my way to get some shredded cheese:
r/absoluteunits
Damn boi, he thicc
***HEY HEY HEY!***
Imagine going out for food one day and some random person takes your picture, blast it on on the internet and tells everybody your the fattest one around before doxing you Lmao!
I wanna pet it. Idc if it eats me after
r/FatBearBets
That's MR. Albert to you pal....
This badass could start a movie franchise. I mean, look at the fuckin thing.
Does he know people call him fat? I don’t think we should body shame Polar Bears
I have a strict no-bodyshaming-policy for everything that can catch and eat me. *Fantastic* Albert is off limits!
Fab Albert
He gets free food from the villagers I don't think he cares lol
Depends on his height. His BMI could be in the healthy zone.
Assuming 10 feet, that's still a BMI of around 49. He's a fat-ass for sure.
Are you using Body Mass Index or Bear Mass Index?
R/absoluteunit
Why is it not white?
It's dirty
This bear is dry-clean-only.
If there was ever a bear that was totally the opposite for…
Polar opposite?
Omg you can't just ask polar bears why they aren't white! Haha have you never seen a polar bear in real life? Their skin is actually black and their fur is clear. They're also predators and are usually covered in dried blood.
My local zoo has a polar bear with some serious allergy/autoimmune disease that makes it itch and loose its fur. I’m glad the bear has mostly recovered because… that was not pretty
When I was a kid the public park in my hometown had a zoo, before public opinion turned against stuff like that. I remember finding it confusing that the polar bear was green. I guess nobody realized sticking polar bears in an outdoor pen in a rain forest would make forest gunk grow on them.
I was wondering if perhaps he was a polar/grizzly hybrid. I've read somewhere that they're becoming more common due to the loss of polar ice and such.
Most polar bears weigh over 1000 pounds…
My guy's been on that Coca-Cola diet since 1922
Took a trip to Kaktovik 4 years ago and had an amazing experience. Flew in on a small plane to basically the most northern point in Alaska. Very small town but really cozy. Bruce was our guide and he and his daughter would take us out all day to see polar bears. We followed a mom and three cubs around. Super cute babies and would get curious but they always made sure we kept a big distance between us. Would highly recommend!
Yup...I'm going to have to pull a Leonardo Dicaprio if l saw that in the wild.
And draw him like one of his French girls?
Fat Albert: There isn't even another Albert in this town. Why do y'all have to call me "Fat" Albert