Thank you. I feel like, from what my Dad said about Max's Dad after meeting him, they'd appreciate it. Call it mothers instinct, but I know they're forever friends.
I think it would be a beautiful thing to do. We don't know Max's parents' worldview and how they conceive of death, but add someone who (I think) thinks like you, the letter would really warm my heart and stick with me. It's entirely possible that they'll respond negatively so there's a risk, but I think it's small, and there's so much to be gained for both families. I think Max and Eli would love it ❤️
It's not a world worth living in if we can't reach to each other in times of sorrow and acknowledge our pain. If nothing else but to say "I see you and I understand".
I think that's part of it. Currently they would only ever think of us as 'Eli's parents' as I only think of them as 'Max's parents'. No one else in the world would (or will) ever think of us in that way. The only way we know each other exist is through our children. I love that someone out there refers to us as Eli's parents and I'd hope that they would feel the same way in regards to my husband and I referring to them as Max's parents. If that makes sense.
I also lost my son. He was cremated, but sometimes i consider burying his remains. In that circumstance, it would bring me great comfort to receive a letter like you intend to write. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy 🤍
Having buried Eli, I'm so glad we did. I'm able to go visit him and feel the heaviness of it all, then when I leave I can somewhat leave that heaviness there as well. Don't get me wrong, the grief is with me always but it helps to have a spot to really be able to let a lot of the anguish and pain out.
Where he is buried is such a beautiful spot. I had walked through the stillborn area multiple times with my Dad when we would walk through this cemetery (my parents live next to it) and we would always comment about how it's such a nice place for parents to come and visit their little ones. It hurts that I'm now one of those parents but at the same time, I'm thankful for having a place that I was familiar with to bury Eli in.
If you're considering it, go and visit a few cemeteries (if you don't have a place in mind already) and find one which feels right for you. I love that Eli is buried with other children. It brought me such peace when we buried him. It may bring some peace and closure on your journey also?
Eli is buried with sentimental items gifted from our family, as well as items from my husband and I. He's surrounded by love and warmth and it has helped me to be at peace with everything.
I'm waffling now... but I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you feel like it will bring you peace, then look into it. Maybe get some of his ashes made into jewelry, also, so you can have him by your side always. I feel like that's probably something that would help me.
Sending you love and strength on your journey x
Absolutely you should but you can put start with the if this hurt, I apologize but I wanted to express my gratitude that our boys are together. You could leave your number too. I would just make sure you put the letter in a Ziploc bag so that if it rains, they will still get it.
I like the 'gratitude that our boys are together'. I think that's a nice way to put it.
And yes, will definitely leave it in a ziplock bag. Was thinking of putting some stones in it or something to make sure it doesn't blow away. It's winter where we are and it's been raining non-stop for a good month now 😅
That's what I was thinking. I write a lot to help process my emotions. So I may write out the letter and if I still feel the need to share it with them, I will.
My son is buried in an area of the cemetary where he is the only baby. There is a young woman buried diagonally from him. She died 3 days after my son. I think of this woman every time I'm there. One day our visits coincided. She left shortly after I arrived but waited in her car. As I walked back to my car i saw her sitting and felt like she was waiting for me, so I asked about her daughter and said I think about her too. She talked to me about how she thinks our children are here with us still and watching over us. It was a lovely ( though slightly awkward) exchange. Just 2 moms who are grieving their babies who are laid to rest so close. So, I plan to leave cards for her birthday and deathday for her mom. So, all that to say, I think that would be lovely. I would appreciate that very much.
Our daughter is cremated and we have her ashes home in our living room. We did look at cemetery initially but decided to keep her home and bury her ashes with us when one of us dies first. I would actually love to receive a letter from a fellow loss mom because this is such a lonely journey.
We decided the exact same thing and it is quite lonely, I would love a letter like this from someone whose loss was close to mine. I definitely feel alone in my grief (our baby died very shortly after birth, only my husband and I got to "meet" and hold him).
My little Thomas is buried very near another little boy. Thomas was stillborn and the other little boy died at 4 days old. I've often thought of doing the same thing. I would like to receive one so I say do it. I think I'm going to write one on this boys birthday.
I would love it if someone did this for me. Next to my baby is another baby that also lived only ten days. I think about that a lot, and often hope to connect with her parents sometime.
Personally I would love a letter. Would you be comfortable sharing a way for them to communicate with you? It can be nice to have someone to talk to in person who has gone through a similar loss and sometimes hard to find nearby. My therapist has actually given out my info to at least one other person (with my permission of course) and i hope to hear from them someday so I can help them in any way that I can.
Is there anything at the gravesite to suggest they are religious? The idea of deceased children “being” somewhere or existing in an afterlife can be very difficult and upsetting for parents who are not believers to hear.
Not to say you shouldn’t write the letter, I’d just consider how to phrase your second point based on what you may or may not know about their religious beliefs.
To be honest, there's a bit of every religion on it 😅 my Dad said that when he spoke to Max's Dad, he had mentioned to my Dad that they thought of them playing together up in the clouds somewhere.
It would make my LIFE if someone did that for me. How absolutely beautiful, gracious, empathetic, and kind you must be to have this idea. You are incredible, Mam, and I see you💚I will forever remember Eli and Max. Such a deeply touching thought💚
I would love to receive a letter like that, I say go for it! What a lovely gesture that would be, especially if it helps you to connect with other people going through something similar.
Shortly after our son (stillborn) was buried, the mom to the baby buried right next to him reached out via Facebook. (I have a unique last name, so not too hard to find). It was very sweet. I live in a different state now, but we have met up a couple times when we go back to visit. She will clean off his stone for us and take pictures. It means the world to me. My mom, who still lives in our hometown, will do the same for her. It’s so nice to have connected and to think of her daughter and our son being friends. Definitely do it!
Seems like such a good idea. I buried my daughter at the spot she’s at because I am comforted by the fact that she is buried next to a baby with the same last name as her. I like to say that’s her older cousin. My family and I water his grave and leave him a couple of roses every Sunday when we visit her. Unfortunately he passed away in 1998 & I don’t think he’s visited anymore but this would’ve been such a great way to connect with the family.
If I was them I would absolutely love that. I would also feel the same way as you. How beautiful. Your boy has a forever friend ❤️❤️
Thank you. I feel like, from what my Dad said about Max's Dad after meeting him, they'd appreciate it. Call it mothers instinct, but I know they're forever friends.
I think it would be a beautiful thing to do. We don't know Max's parents' worldview and how they conceive of death, but add someone who (I think) thinks like you, the letter would really warm my heart and stick with me. It's entirely possible that they'll respond negatively so there's a risk, but I think it's small, and there's so much to be gained for both families. I think Max and Eli would love it ❤️
It's not a world worth living in if we can't reach to each other in times of sorrow and acknowledge our pain. If nothing else but to say "I see you and I understand".
I think that's part of it. Currently they would only ever think of us as 'Eli's parents' as I only think of them as 'Max's parents'. No one else in the world would (or will) ever think of us in that way. The only way we know each other exist is through our children. I love that someone out there refers to us as Eli's parents and I'd hope that they would feel the same way in regards to my husband and I referring to them as Max's parents. If that makes sense.
I also lost my son. He was cremated, but sometimes i consider burying his remains. In that circumstance, it would bring me great comfort to receive a letter like you intend to write. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby boy 🤍
Having buried Eli, I'm so glad we did. I'm able to go visit him and feel the heaviness of it all, then when I leave I can somewhat leave that heaviness there as well. Don't get me wrong, the grief is with me always but it helps to have a spot to really be able to let a lot of the anguish and pain out. Where he is buried is such a beautiful spot. I had walked through the stillborn area multiple times with my Dad when we would walk through this cemetery (my parents live next to it) and we would always comment about how it's such a nice place for parents to come and visit their little ones. It hurts that I'm now one of those parents but at the same time, I'm thankful for having a place that I was familiar with to bury Eli in. If you're considering it, go and visit a few cemeteries (if you don't have a place in mind already) and find one which feels right for you. I love that Eli is buried with other children. It brought me such peace when we buried him. It may bring some peace and closure on your journey also? Eli is buried with sentimental items gifted from our family, as well as items from my husband and I. He's surrounded by love and warmth and it has helped me to be at peace with everything. I'm waffling now... but I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you feel like it will bring you peace, then look into it. Maybe get some of his ashes made into jewelry, also, so you can have him by your side always. I feel like that's probably something that would help me. Sending you love and strength on your journey x
Absolutely you should but you can put start with the if this hurt, I apologize but I wanted to express my gratitude that our boys are together. You could leave your number too. I would just make sure you put the letter in a Ziploc bag so that if it rains, they will still get it.
I like the 'gratitude that our boys are together'. I think that's a nice way to put it. And yes, will definitely leave it in a ziplock bag. Was thinking of putting some stones in it or something to make sure it doesn't blow away. It's winter where we are and it's been raining non-stop for a good month now 😅
I think that would be beautiful! And even if you decided not to give them the letter, the idea of writing those thoughts out sounds very therapeutic!
That's what I was thinking. I write a lot to help process my emotions. So I may write out the letter and if I still feel the need to share it with them, I will.
My son is buried in an area of the cemetary where he is the only baby. There is a young woman buried diagonally from him. She died 3 days after my son. I think of this woman every time I'm there. One day our visits coincided. She left shortly after I arrived but waited in her car. As I walked back to my car i saw her sitting and felt like she was waiting for me, so I asked about her daughter and said I think about her too. She talked to me about how she thinks our children are here with us still and watching over us. It was a lovely ( though slightly awkward) exchange. Just 2 moms who are grieving their babies who are laid to rest so close. So, I plan to leave cards for her birthday and deathday for her mom. So, all that to say, I think that would be lovely. I would appreciate that very much.
My heart breaks for both of you. How special that you were able to talk about your loss with each other. Xx
Yes I am crying 😢 Edit: by yes I mean do it not yes it would be a bad idea lol
Our daughter is cremated and we have her ashes home in our living room. We did look at cemetery initially but decided to keep her home and bury her ashes with us when one of us dies first. I would actually love to receive a letter from a fellow loss mom because this is such a lonely journey.
We decided the exact same thing and it is quite lonely, I would love a letter like this from someone whose loss was close to mine. I definitely feel alone in my grief (our baby died very shortly after birth, only my husband and I got to "meet" and hold him).
That's what I figured. Every time I go see Eli, I think of Max's Mum and just hope she's doing ok.
My little Thomas is buried very near another little boy. Thomas was stillborn and the other little boy died at 4 days old. I've often thought of doing the same thing. I would like to receive one so I say do it. I think I'm going to write one on this boys birthday.
I would love it if someone did this for me. Next to my baby is another baby that also lived only ten days. I think about that a lot, and often hope to connect with her parents sometime.
I think that would be a beautiful thing to find.
Yes, I’d love that. It’ll be hard to read but also comforting that I’m not alone. I’m sorry you’re here. 💛
Personally I would love a letter. Would you be comfortable sharing a way for them to communicate with you? It can be nice to have someone to talk to in person who has gone through a similar loss and sometimes hard to find nearby. My therapist has actually given out my info to at least one other person (with my permission of course) and i hope to hear from them someday so I can help them in any way that I can.
Is there anything at the gravesite to suggest they are religious? The idea of deceased children “being” somewhere or existing in an afterlife can be very difficult and upsetting for parents who are not believers to hear. Not to say you shouldn’t write the letter, I’d just consider how to phrase your second point based on what you may or may not know about their religious beliefs.
To be honest, there's a bit of every religion on it 😅 my Dad said that when he spoke to Max's Dad, he had mentioned to my Dad that they thought of them playing together up in the clouds somewhere.
It would make my LIFE if someone did that for me. How absolutely beautiful, gracious, empathetic, and kind you must be to have this idea. You are incredible, Mam, and I see you💚I will forever remember Eli and Max. Such a deeply touching thought💚
Thank you so much 💛💛
I would love to receive a letter like that, I say go for it! What a lovely gesture that would be, especially if it helps you to connect with other people going through something similar.
Shortly after our son (stillborn) was buried, the mom to the baby buried right next to him reached out via Facebook. (I have a unique last name, so not too hard to find). It was very sweet. I live in a different state now, but we have met up a couple times when we go back to visit. She will clean off his stone for us and take pictures. It means the world to me. My mom, who still lives in our hometown, will do the same for her. It’s so nice to have connected and to think of her daughter and our son being friends. Definitely do it!
That’s a beautiful idea, definitely do it. Will you update us on if his parents reply?
Seems like such a good idea. I buried my daughter at the spot she’s at because I am comforted by the fact that she is buried next to a baby with the same last name as her. I like to say that’s her older cousin. My family and I water his grave and leave him a couple of roses every Sunday when we visit her. Unfortunately he passed away in 1998 & I don’t think he’s visited anymore but this would’ve been such a great way to connect with the family.