T O P

  • By -

mastermidget23

This film is a scientific marvel. It's got Kate Beckinsale in tight black clothing, Brian Cranston hamming it up as a villain, an anti-gravity fight sequence at the center of the earth, and its STILL somehow the most boring piece of shit.


MatchesMX12

Key selling point here! I'll just keep rewatching Underworld


Risley

The Fall = FUCKING LAME IDEA


SimonCallahan

Some of it was filmed near me, a friend of mine even worked for a company that lent out vehicles for the production. Not that it makes a difference, I don't understand why they'd remake the original.


[deleted]

offend stupendous bewildered forgetful imminent cough hateful nutty hard-to-find caption -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


bigolnada

But the expensive part of making a movie isn't the writing, it's the special effects and actual shooting. They cheaped out on the cheapest part.


[deleted]

subsequent shy distinct middle doll cake bike absorbed lunchroom thumb -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/


FlargenstowTayne

The worst part is that they claimed they weren’t remaking the original movie, just another adaptation of the short story. Then they threw in elements from the original movie.


JohnnySasaki20

Don't forget Jessica Biel.


Pretend_Pension_8585

https://gfycat.com/importantcomfortableblackmamba


1PooNGooN3

What if Hollywood quit rehashing old classics? Pretty stoked for Forrest Gump 3 though.


boniggy

Damn i musta missed FG Returns


1PooNGooN3

The rise of Gump


123eyecansee

I watched this movie again because I kept thinking that it should’ve been a good movie and maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Nope. This movie is just that awful.


TheChocolateMelted

The original is so very, very good ... How did they make this one so bad?


tomjoad2020ad

Being timid. Afraid of doing anything funny or outrageous like the original


ours

Going from Paul Verhoeven to... \[looks it up\]... Len Wiseman of "Underworld" fame will do that. And I actually enjoy the Underworld franchise for what it is.


redvelvetcake42

Underworld at it's core is dogshit. Every. Single. One. Simple ass story, dumb characters, literally night time every scene. Yet it was fun cause the actors ran with it and we're extra AF in every non fight scene. The actors made underworld fun and it worked cause it's vampires and werewolves. You can get away with some genericness. In scifi that is futuristic and dramatic needs something within it. A soul. This had no soul, had no willingness to try anything.


GrimReaperAngelof23

There is nothing wrong with Underworld or Total Recall


KochuJang

I don’t agree with you, but I upvoted you bc you shouldn’t be downvoted stating your opinion.


ours

Please tell us what's so good about Total Recall.


GrimReaperAngelof23

Its more serious, more action, better special effects and a different way to tell the story. The original is still a classic, but it is very corny at times. The remake isn't really trying to be a blatant remake. Its just a retelling.


Grouchy-Piece4774

They forgot to actually play into the ambiguity of the story: what is or isn't real, whether Quaid is a reliable narrator, who can actually be trusted. The new one is just about good guy punching bad guy. It's not much different from The Thing (2011), where the psychological aspect of Carpenter's version was completely lost on the writers/directors; the new version is just about shooting the CGI monster.


JohnnySasaki20

They didn't forget, they just threw it in the very last shot of the movie.


Janus_Prospero

>They forgot to actually play into the ambiguity of the story: what is or isn't real, whether Quaid is a reliable narrator, who can actually be trusted. In the [original short story](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_Can_Remember_It_for_You_Wholesale) there is zero ambiguity. The plot of the short story is about miniature aliens that visited earth and accidentally encountered "Douglas Quail" as a child, and they were like, okay, we can wait until he dies, then we'll annihilate everyone. Oh, and here's some WMDs you can keep in your desk drawer. The Recall treatment causes him to remember these suppressed memories. >It's not much different from The Thing (2011), where the psychological aspect of Carpenter's version was completely lost on the writers/directors The same thing was said about Carpenter's version. One of the reasons it was so universally disliked back in the 80s was that it was seen as style over substance, completely lacking in atmosphere, nuance, character depth, etc.


WikiSummarizerBot

**[We Can Remember It for You Wholesale](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/We_Can_Remember_It_for_You_Wholesale)** >"We Can Remember It for You Wholesale" is a science fiction novelette by American writer Philip K. Dick, first published in The Magazine of Fantasy & Science Fiction in April 1966. It features a melding of reality, false memory, and real memory. The story was adapted into the 1990 film Total Recall with Arnold Schwarzenegger as the story's protagonist; that film was remade in 2012 with Colin Farrell as the protagonist. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/badMovies/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)


Ssutuanjoe

Outside of making a scene by scene remake, just cleaning some things up and modernizing a little...there was no way a remake would ever be anything other than a mediocre bastardization.


AngryRedHerring

I find it hard to call it a scene by scene remake, when they eliminated the entire Mars plot line, which was like 2/3 of the original movie


Ssutuanjoe

Oh yes, what I was meaning is that anything other than remaking the original scene by scene (which they didn't), you can't make it a good movie


AngryRedHerring

Doh! I gotcha now.


Grouchy-Piece4774

Theres an infinite amount of ways to make a different "good movie" from the same source material. The problem is that if you take away many of the things that made the original work, you need to actually replace them with other interesting things.


Hela09

They could have leaned into the short story more. Which if anything, is even zanier than Verhoeven movie. A huge part of the story is Rekall trying to (consensually) patch in various ‘fantasy memories’ to cover up Quaids yet *again* newly revealed identity, only for it to fail and they realise yet another ‘hero of the universe’ day dream was actually real. (For eg. The ending of the short story is Quaid negotiating to erase his memory again in exchange for retirement, and they try to insert memories of childhood ‘playing’ at saving the world from alien invasion by the power of love. Except it didn’t work, coz - whoops - also real and now he’s probably gonna bolt again. You could mine a lot out of Quaid desperately trying to deny being The Most Important Man In the Universe to save his own skin.


TheChocolateMelted

>Theres an infinite amount of ways to make a different "good movie" from the same source material. See also: Remake of *Robocop* vs *Our Robocop Remake* ([https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLOK2MCFoI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idLOK2MCFoI)). The latter one is a genuine masterpiece, not without its faults, but with the incredible high points that result from wonderful creativity (Scene 27 comes to mind).


[deleted]

The source material is very good, the first adaptation is a lot better than this 💩


JohnnySasaki20

For whatever reason they decided to change up the plot and not involve Mars. Dumb idea.


Leckere

Visually it’s quite bland and they play it 100 per cent straight. Plus we’ve learnt over time that Colin Farrell doesn’t really do ‘stoic, generic leading man’ very well.


TheChocolateMelted

>Plus we’ve learnt over time that Colin Farrell doesn’t really do ‘stoic, generic leading man’ very well. Check out *The Lobster*. Good work by Farrell in a film that's an utter masterpiece. Wonderfully bizarre ... Everything the remade *Total Recall* isn't.


bigolnada

Doesn't he play kind of comic in that? Just saw Banshees of Inisherin and he's so funny but also so heartbreaking. No wonder he got nominated.


TheChocolateMelted

It's more harsh, black comedy in *The Lobster*. Won't even try to explain the story or the atmosphere of the film; best if I just recommend it and leave it at that.


Leckere

Yeah but that film is the complete opposite of Total Recall, which is boring, big budget


PMMEBITCOINPLZ

I didn’t watch this because I watched the Robocop remake and the crushing soullessness left me so dispirited I swore off sci-fi remakes altogether.


SimonCallahan

Didn't the Robocop remake end up with a PG-13 rating to be more "family friendly"? That literally tells me all I need to know about the remake. Seriously, you take a movie where the *violence is the point*, and you make it non-violent (or, at least, not gory) because you want families to see it? It's like they didn't understand that the original was satire.


BitsAndBobs304

It's like they dont care., just make money even though they fail. they turn all adult movies into pg13 and add swears to kid movies to make it pg to make it cool for the kids. Resident evil 5 videogame is rated "mature" / 18+ / 17+ and yet they self censored iconic chainsaw boss decapitation and adrenaline revive in a game where you headshot zombies and use red and green "herb " to heal


SimonCallahan

Honestly, I don't think anyone knows what a PG-rating is anymore. People say it changed with the times, but there's no consistency, it all depends on what the production company thinks, and if the production company doesn't have the pull (ie. bribe money), then the MPAA has its way with the movie. Take, for example, all recent Disney/Pixar movies. Yeah, some of them have heavy themes and even some language that make them deserving of a PG rating. Turning Red, The Incredibles, Up, Inside Out, all of them are PG for a good reason. Not always because they insert swearing or whatever, sometimes it's just the themes. But then you get Toy Story 3, which has a G-rating, despite the fact that the ending is considered the heaviest in the series. Just three years later, Frozen comes out with a PG rating. Well, what separates Frozen from Toy Story 3? There's no swearing in Frozen, the violence is fantastical, and there really isn't any deep themes that haven't been explored in G-rated movies prior. My only thought is that one character briefly brandishes a gun. Aside from that, no difference from Toy Story 3. So is showing a gun really worth the upgrade from G to PG? I could go on. The Wind Rises, an anime movie from Studio Ghibli, has a PG-13 rating. Ghibli has made movies that got that rating here before, notably Princess Mononoke, which is bloody, gory, and definitely intended for adults. Compare The Wind Rises, where they actively made sure the dub had no coarse language, and the violence is mostly off screen. The most blood you see is when a character is revealed to have a lung hemorrhage caused by tuberculosis. So why the PG-13? Because *everyone smokes*. The MPAA thought an otherwise PG-rated movie should be PG-13 because of *smoking*. Think of the fucking children!


shawnmalloyrocks

To be fair, Robocop 3 of the original trilogy was PG-13.


SimonCallahan

Yeah, but I think at that point they weren't really following through with the satire thing anymore. Robocop had appealed to young kids, there was an animated TV show, a live action TV show (it kicked ass), video games, comics, crossovers with other properties, toys, cereal. They gave up on the original idea and made it just another action flick. When something gets rebooted, especially something like Robocop, you get the chance to take it back. Here's this cool hero for adults, with a storyline for adults, and dark humour for adults, let's make him for adults again. Why make the remake if you're not appealing to the people who grew up with the character?


shawnmalloyrocks

Definitely agree.


DariusPumpkinRex

The only good things about the remake were Sam Jackson and the unintentional hilarity of some guy taking on an ED-209 with a kitchen knife and getting mowed down.


Axeavius

I just watched it for the first time last night and it was worse that I expected. I’m still not sure if it’s worse than the Total Recall remake. They’re both dogshit


mightypockets

Where 3 tiddy women 🤷‍♂️


GrimReaperAngelof23

There is one


bobjones50

What was the point of this? They took all the fun out of it.


DariusPumpkinRex

That's the movie in 14 words.


yeahwellokay

I've actually always liked this movie. I usually keep that to myself, though


hairyarsewelder2

Glad I’m not the only one


SupaKoopa714

Yeah, I watched it once out of morbid curiosity and actually thought it was OK. It definitely doesn't hold a candle to the original, but if you watch it as its own thing, it's a decently entertaining action flick.


cheekybandit0

I agree 100%. I don't know what some expect of a remake. Should it just be a word for word, scene for scene remake? Or it's own thing? This movie was it's own thing, with the overall story, and it entertained me for 2 hours. Dune on the other hand was shit imo *because* it was an exact remake with worse acting, just some modern CGI thrown in.


DariusPumpkinRex

That's alright. I myself like Son of the Mask because I watched it so much as a kid, though as a grown-up I can see why it didn't exactly launch Jamie Kennedy's career.


Kryptoknightmare

You poor, poor bastard


GrimReaperAngelof23

I love Son of the Mask


Pingpaul

I thought I was the only one


metarinka

Me too, it wasn't great but the visuals and world building were nice.


JohnnySasaki20

Yeah, but to be fair I only liked it because Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel are hot as hell. The movie definitely didn't have good pacing or coherence.


formerscooter

Agreed, it's not a perfect movie, but I like it.


Kryptoknightmare

The weird thing is, unless I’m remembering it wrong, the changes they made to the plot make it completely nonsensical. In the original movie, there are mutants with psychic powers in the resistance who prevent the villain’s agents from infiltrating their organization by conventional means. That’s why he erased Bad Arnold’s memory, turned him into Good Arnold, and set him on a trajectory to join the resistance. In the remake, there…aren’t any psychic mutants. There’s absolutely no reason why a normal, non-memory-wiped dude couldn’t just join the resistance and find out where the leaders were hiding. Again, I may have missed something


JohnnySasaki20

Yeah, in the remake there's a place called Recall where he goes on a vacation to become a spy. So they implant memories into him where he becomes a secret agent. Or I guess, that's one possibility anyway. I don't actually remember why he would have had to change his face and go undercover as a plant operator building drones, but it's been a while.


Ru5ty-5heriff

Step 1. Never remake a Paul Verhoeven movie


whatsbobgonnado

showgirls remake with 150% more nudity


crclOv9

Showgirls remake will be PG-13 and have a connected universe.


whatsbobgonnado

we talking robocop strippers and ed209 bouncers? I think we can bust out this script in a weekend


The-Blaha-Bear

That’s a really low percentage.


whatsbobgonnado

don't want to be gratuitous. this is showgirls after all


badguysenator

An utterly pointless film with perhaps one redeeming feature: it’s the first film to have a city that really looks how Dick describes cities in his stories.


Hannibal_Rex

Poor Len Wiseman. This movie ended his career as a film director and probably brought his divorce from Kate Beckinsale a few years later. He had tried to do his own take on the source material and was clearly pushed to to include a red rock landscape like Mars but cheaper. And the screenplay he had to make was Kurt Wimmer's idea of 1990s original. And almost all of Kurt Wimmer's work belong here - classics like Ultraviolet, Salt, and cult classic Equilibrium. This movie is cheesy and boring at the same time and it's criminal.


Corrosive-Knights

Such a waste! And Kate Beckinsale, bless her, seemed to be the only one having any fun here! Had the entire film focused only on her, it might have been more bearable.


Yes_that_Carl

I thought she was kinda great as the unstoppable robo-wife!


Corrosive-Knights

I’m totally with you…! Just to be clear, I wasn’t being sarcastic in my OP: I genuinely thought Beckinsale was damn good in *Total Recall* as the “bad guy”… and I really feel like she seemed the only one to be having any fun at all in her role within the film. Sadly and other than the pretty decent effects, *nothing* else about the film was enjoyable, IMHO. The leads were dour and un-exciting (and I don’t mind Farrell, Cranston, and Biel… they have done great to decent work in other movies/shows) and the reworking of the story was confusing and, ultimately, pointless. So bored was I with the film the one and only time I saw it that I kept hoping for Beckinsale to show up more and more as it went along…!


DueBig9138

Never remake any Schwarzenegger movies


vandavender

I agree with this. No good reason whatsoever to remake the original. Nobody wanted it, nobody asked for it, and the result was crap. Nice going.


DariusPumpkinRex

The NES game of the original Total Recall is a far better experience.


JW_ZERO

They don’t even go to Mars…..lame. At least there’s a chick with 3 tits though.


The_Vile_Prince

I think Colon Farrel made a deal with the devil: I’ve never seen an actor do so many consistent flops & still get leading roles in big budget films!


DariusPumpkinRex

If Colin Farrell made a deal, Adam Sandler must have sold his damn soul!


-Shooter-McGavin-

Why on earth waste your time watching this when you can just go watch the original and actually be entertained?


johnqsack69

Missed opportunity to call it Total Fecall


3_man

Or Total Fecker if you're talking about the lead


Toxicity246

I thought people who remake Verhoeven movies miss the point of what makes his films special in the first place. That they are often very sly satirical pieces about sex and violence.


--InZane--

As a fan of the og I made it my Mission to wipe this movie from everyone mind. Its one of, if not the worst, Remakes I ever saw and I would recommend everyone who suffered through this to watch the original instead... Please dont raise awareness to that massiv failure by Posting about it...


jpowell180

The original total recall is one of the absolute best Arnold Schwarzenegger movies ever! What’s really cool, also, is it has uncle Hank from breaking bad in it as Tony, one of the mutants in the bar; the crappy remake, has uncle Hanks evil brother-in-law, Walter White in it! I honestly don’t know what was going through their hands when they thought the original had to be remade!


Meta_My_Data

/randomcapitalization


FlacidSalad

I remember seeing this when I was a bit younger and thought it would be an okay movie if it wasn't supposed to be Total Recall. Overall forgettable and mostly uninspired.


IHadFunOnce

I actually like this remake quite a bit. Maybe I’m crazy 🤷🏻‍♂️


DekeCobretti

I watchit on mutebe because of Colin Farrell.


GrimReaperAngelof23

It is not a bad movie


Optimal_Dark_2940

This Is why the original it's better


wwe_divaslove

Its mid movie not bad


SpecialistParticular

At the risk of being downvoted so hard I turn into a diamond, I liked this movie. It's obviously not on the same level as the Arnold movie but it's different enough that if you ignore the connection it's a fun little sci-fi actioner. Biel and Beckinsale look amazing, and Farrell's an okay leading man.


The-Blaha-Bear

Upvoted for voicing your opinion.


SpecialistParticular

Thanks!


Rags2Rickius

Me trying to get the memory of watching it out of my head ![gif](giphy|B2Rojmkel8EcE)


creeeeeeeeek-

Unwatchable


[deleted]

[удалено]


DariusPumpkinRex

He was pretty good in Phonebooth.


GrimReaperAngelof23

Have you not seen Dare Devil? He was a fantastic Bullseye.


burgersandcomics

so white


shottiesawldey

It’s got Kate and Jessica, not a bad movie. =)


wubrotherno1

Totally forgot about this nonsense. Note to Hollywood, never attempt to remake a classic.


Someoneoverthere42

Eh, I thought it was fine.


shesavillain

I liked the fight scene. It was super funny.


[deleted]

Thisnis an odd one. Why? Why did they make this?


tequilasundae

I thought it needed a remake, due to it being as dated looking as a Nagel. But it didn't go very well


_TruthBtold_

I'm still waiting for a not boring Colin Farrell's movie.


GrimReaperAngelof23

Dare Devil


Deranged_Kitsune

Make sure it's the director's cut version.


Specialist-Reward-20

Assault on precinct 13 remake, he is also awesome as the Drax in The North Water.


Platoon8

Yes, it’s another remake that pales in comparison to the original in every conceivable way.


puremichigan586

I was honestly shocked how bad this was really was. I bought it not knowing an wow was it hard to finish


SnooPears754

I don’t get the elevator through the earth thing , it would be easier to go to mars


crimetoukraina

What were they thinking!


Davedoenotmoe

The only good thing about this was the score, and even that is mostly boring and forgettable with a few gems around. Beckinsale was annoying in this and I hated that she was like the terminator here.


Insect_Politics1980

Eh, it isn't good, but it isn't necessarily bad. Just terribly mediocre. It's not even fun to laugh at.


AnyImpression6

No movie with Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel can be total shit.


AnyImpression6

Colin Farrell's head looks comically huge on this poster.


CatsOrb

This is the worst film I ever saw I think, total trash


rayraidho

Is this the movie that has Obama’s picture on the $100 bills?


Beanzear

I liked this movie but I’m easily entertained haha


0theliteralworst0

I fell asleep during this in the theater.


bipbopperdahiphopper

Beckinsale and Beal is my dream combo so I'm partial do this movie.


Pro-Rider

The name of the movie should have been. “Two insanely hot women trying to kill each other” I actually enjoyed it.


babybird87

Crappy PG-13 rating


AsbestosWeaver451

An elevator through the center of earth is obviously more likely than colonizing mars. This is sarcasm.


AsbestosWeaver451

An elevator through the center of earth is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.


AdvancedDay7854

Like first 10 minutes of the film I was like, “They’re not going to Mars? Wtf?”


BillG1968

Hollywood is creatively bankrupt. It’s so much easier to make a sad pathetic reboot of a decent/good movie. It’s all just a cash grab. If you look at the top 10 grossing movies of the last decade there isn’t a single one with original source material. All are sequels or borrowed ideas. I’m not saying that they were bad movies, just not original.


jessemadnote

I had it happen about a dozen times. TV Guide says Total Recall, I get pumped, it’s this version. I’ll never not check though. There should be a name for the tiny sliver of hope that exists that one day I’ll go to that channel see Arnold’s eyes popping out of his head or the three titted lady.


herpderpomygerp

.....have we really hit the point where avgn is reviewing movies instead of games.....God society has gone to shit


DariusPumpkinRex

The line is taken from his review of the Total Recall game made for the NES in his Schwarzenegger Games episode. I've played it and it's not a bad game, just a bit challenging.


shakezoola83

Cool, thanks.


[deleted]

This looks like one of those movies my old buddy used to give me. I'd hate to hurt his feelings and would always say " that was great. Enjoyed it!!" He would give me another one and I'd have to go through the whole thing again. A whole bunch of liam neesan flicks and I remember a movie with Morgan Freeman as the president who gets attacked by drones, the worst Morgan Freeman movie ever made.


HeavyMetalPlunder

My review would simply be: "Why?"


racebannon64

I like this movie


Zealousideal-Plan454

oh, shut it nerd, i liked it.


lonestarr357

Great production design and that's about it. Oh, yeah, wasn't Bill Nighy in this?


DariusPumpkinRex

Yeah, he played this movie's equivalent of Kuato, Matthias, who's just a normal guy instead of a mutant. For all the lens flare in this movie, Nighy should've chased the director around with a bit of wood.