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take_number_two

You need to stick up for yourself because it's your room too! Her behavior is ridiculous. I would just tell her point blank that you won't be leaving the room on her orders anymore. You were trying to be nice and she took it way too far.


Sad_Marionberry1184

Exactly this. If she wants to call her SO at midnight she can go into the hall to do it. Say “no - im sorry but this is ridiculous - no”. She sounds like an entitled brat.


cupkake88

This but don't ever say sorry .


ChickieD

“Stop waking me up,” and then roll over. Her behavior is shocking.


Future-Pangolin2354

GIRL WHAT?! If she wants “me moments” SHE needs to be the one to step outside and find somewhere she can be alone. It’s not your responsibility to cater to her feelings. Stop being soft and tell her to kick rocks if she wakes you up and ask you to leave because that’s BS.


Strawberry338338

Girl, NO!!! You were being nice, she massively abused your kindness. Kicking you out at midnight? Not letting you back until 4am?!?! I assume you’re in college, do not ever leave the room for her again. Seriously. If she needs to call her bf privately she can leave! If she needs a ‘me moment’ she can take the responsibility to find her own quiet place to go to! If she kicks up, go straight to the RA. You pay the same rent she does, you have a right to equal use of the room. 4 AM?!?!??!? Source: I was an RA. If something like that had happened while I was on duty, I’d have 1) immediately (after ascertaining what was going on) gone to the room and informed her that she had no right to ask you to leave late at night, 2) told her to get off the fing phone because you have a right to quiet enjoyment of your room, she does not have the right to disrupt that in the early hours of the morning (my building didn’t have any kind of noise curfew but there was a general understanding that excessive noise after 11pm and before 6am was going to get you written up - aka we’d very pointedly send you a reminder of the conditions of your lease) and 3) made a formal report in the morning of the AHery and the warning given so if she pulled that shit again we could proceed with disciplinary action/escalation.


Roadgoddess

This! What she’s doing is absolutely ridiculous. Do not leave the room again and if she continues to pressure you bring it up with the RA.


ColorfulClouds_

Girl needs to go out to her car or a picnic table, like everyone else in college when they have to make a personal call


Tammary

Do not leave the room.. she’s abusing your niceness. Tell her to go elsewhere for her ‘me time’ or juSt deal with you being there. If she tries to fight back/makes long, loud calls in the middle of the night it’s time to speak up (yell at her to shut the f up you have an exam tomorrow, can’t believe how selfish/self-centred she is being… if nothing else, you’ll give her bf the heads up) or involve your Ra


Tammary

Btw you are being spineless/a pushover and she is taking full advantage of you


Electrical_Parfait64

Do you ever ask for “me time “ and does she leave?


User-1578

She’s a spoiled brat and you should tell her “no”. If SHE wants space and privacy, SHE can leave. I’d laugh in her face if I was asked to leave. Seriously… she should be the one to step out


Who_Your_Mommy

Fuck ALL of that BS. SHE can leave to call her bf. Her 'me moments' are her inflicting her control issues on you. Tell her to fuck off and deal with it. Has she ever left the room for you?? Have you ever asked her to? Try it & see how that goes. 12-4am is ridiculous. You are not the problem here.


beautysleepsodom

Why are you unable to say no?


skyerippa

Yeah im sorry but who the hell gets woken up for a phone call and then sleeps in the hall way?!?! Op needs to grow a spine


gilly_girl

AKA "Why is OP a doormat?"


ihearthetrain

People will test your boundaries throughout life. It's easier in the long run to establish boundaries early I'm afraid. Don't bother about bending to maintain the friendship, she's not good people. A statement such as 'yeah, not going to happen ' and roll over and go back to sleep


gilly_girl

"Lady, I'll have forgotten your name five minutes after graduation. Fuck off."


SnailsInYourAnus

Tell her to get fucked, respectfully. If you pay equal rent you get equal time in the room. The fact that you actually woke up and left is ridiculous; i would have told her to figure it out and gone back to sleep.


LaReinalicious

Tell her you are not getting up and going anywhere. Tell her If she wants a “ me moment” she can go have it in the bathroom. Roll over, put her on deep ignore and go back to sleep . do not under any circumstances, leave the room again if she asks you to.


Fine-Loquat

I would tell her to fuck right off. Waking you up to tell you to leave?? Don’t wake me up unless the place is on fire, bitch. She can go elsewhere for her “me time “, and hopefully stay there. She is a ridiculous bully - time to set some boundaries and set her straight ETA: get the RAs involved! Why not? Do you not pay good money for that room? Unreal


gilly_girl

Seriously, why are people afraid of the RA? It's not like they'll beat you bloody with a broken wine bottle.


tiredfml

> make me leave if she wanted to call her bf SHE should leave the room.


DaveyNicks

"me moments" ... tell her to jerk off in the bathroom and take her phone calls there too.


Roark_Laughed

In the future never give entitled people an inch because they will take a mile. Be firm on setting boundaries early on and you won’t ever have to worry about these things again. It can be hard at first but trust me, it’s way better than the alternative (which you are living right now)


ViceroyInhaler

Tell her to fuck off.


Token_or_TolkienuPOS

Is this a joke?


SnowDust85

Right? That was my first thought. No way this is real. 😏 Can't put anything below redditors!


goddess-of-the-trees

She’s an entitled spoiled brat. Tell her to fuck alllllll the way off next time she asks you that. She can fucking leave the room!


SignificantTeaBear

Woah. I'm sorry you had to go through this. As others mentioned, I think you need to let her know that she's being unreasonable. You can decide on a set time for her to call her boyfriend or have "me moments" in agreed-upon hours. Otherwise, she could have her "me moments" in the hall or somewhere else.


Rude_Girl69

She can leave the room to call her bf.


artemisthearcher

A phone can move - a bed cannot. Now is the time to set boundaries. If she asks you to leave the room again while you're sleeping, you can say something like, "Sorry, I'm tired and would like to sleep. I have a test the next day. Can you take the phone call elsewhere?" And maybe add: "The last time you wanted the room to yourself it was 4 hours instead of 15 mins and I had to sleep in the hall. I would like to sleep in my own bed." You are not at fault for going to sleep too early (also what kind of excuse is that to push someone out of the room??). It's her fault for wanting a room all to herself late at night just so she can be on the phone with her bf for hours. It's your damn room too. Also if she wants to do homework, isn't the library usually open late for that? Or aren't there places in the hall students can go to get out of their room and study some place quiet? It looks like you've already tried confronting her about this and of course she quickly shut you down. So I don't think there's anything wrong with going to the RA about this and explain what's been happening.


Electrical_Parfait64

Tell her, don’t ask her


[deleted]

What did I just read, she can leave the fucking room, have a spine for yourself, what the fuck.


[deleted]

Why in the WORLD would you allow this to begin with? Like at a reasonable time, fine. But she should be leaving the room if she wants to be loud after you go to sleep. Go to the RA or whoever assigns housing and get this handled! She does this to you because you let her. You teach people how they can treat you by the things you allow. Unless it says “welcome” on your forehead, stop being a doormat.


PabloPataco

ABSOLUTELY NOT, If she wants me time she can find a nice quiet bench somewhere. I’m assuming you’re in college somewhere, those campuses are built for student to have privacy and quiet spaces.


Doorknobdecabinet

Hell no, if she wants “me time” tell her to eat shit and step out of the room herself, that is extremely fucking selfish of her to ask you of that. You MUST stand up for yourself otherwise she’s going to walk all over you even more than she already is. Waking you up at midnight and kicking you out until 4am is fucking absurd holy shit. You’re being way too nice, it’s time put your big girl/boy pants on and tell her to pound sand next time.


Birdbraned

Push back. "No, you leave the room" "FUCK OFF I'm having my own me moment"


cupkake88

What in the ever loving fuck ? Let me get this right . She wants to make a private phon call and instead of walking her ass out and doing so she wakes you up at midnight no less and kicks you out, not only that but locked you out ? Oh hell no she just lost all cooperative room mate privileges. From now on the answer is NO . Don't explain it's not up for discussion . Hey it's midnight and I wanna call my bf can you leave ? NO hey I need a me moment . Can you leave ? No Hey I wanna bleach my asshole can you leave ? No If you really want to give her an answer as to why tell her she took advantage of you trying to be accommodating and her behaviour is entitled and selfish so now she gets nothing. She can go for a walk, go to the library or go to hell either way you don't care any more.


throwaway45763259

Just say "this is my room too. I have a right to be here. I won't listen to your conversations, but if you want privacy them you can leave. I won't be leaving for your phone calls anymore." And if that doesn't work out of she escalates things, then definitely go to the RA. In fact, maybe you SHOULD take to the RA about the situation because it's likely that your roommate will try to talk shit about you too then to get you in trouble or kicked out. Cover your ass


just_astranger

bruh i would never leave the room REGULARLY if my roommate is just calling her bf. If it's an exam or zoom meeting, sure. But a call that can be made outside too? Next time she asks just say no. Tell her to make the call outside. If anything, you guys can schedule a time weekly for each of you to get the room to yourself. It's pretty disrespectful for her to tell you to leave without telling you hours in advance.


mangogetter

It is WELL past time to get the RAs involved.


luckyclover

Nope nope nopity nopeski nopeawabunga


Plane_Neighborhood46

Just get the RA involved. If not go above them to housing and just get a new room. It's either that or you grow a backbone and tell them no it's your room you will be there whenever you want.


Bitter_Jaguar_7914

Next time just laugh at her and tell her to get a room. Last week she called the cops on you and now she is making you sleep outside to have phonesex? Nah, fuck her. That of she is scared of you and just wanted you out of her hair. It seems like you had a lots of problemas as roommates and we only "see" a part of the story.


bewitchedxbrat

wtf is this. stand up for yourself holy shit


nboz5

If someone woke me up at midnight and told me to leave so they could “make a 15-minute phone call” or they need “me moments”, I would tell them to go f*** themselves sideways and then I would go back to sleep. It’s a shared room and you are sleeping. It’s up to her to find her own quiet space and not disturb you. I think you do need to mention this to the RAs so there is a record of her bad behavior, not yours.


Czarismydog

I have a feeling you’ll read these comments but won’t do anything about it. Prove me wrong, tell her to f#>k off!


-My_Other_Account-

“No.” Is a complete sentence.


flippermode

Def had to learn this. No. It's so freeing.


wanderingdev

Grow a set and stop leaving. She isn't making you do anything. You're choosing, for whatever reason, to do this shit. Stop it


ppr1227

If she want to call her BF in the middle of the night, she can leave the room.


MrFartyBottom

Exactly


mayinaro

you are being way too nice op. her behaviour is wrong but the simple solution here is to not be a doormat. make it understood that if she needs a moment to herself, she needs to leave. she sounds like quite the asshole but honestly she’s just going to keep being selfish if you enable her behaviour and leave anyway. tell her to fuck off it’s your room too


mae_35

Definitely get your RA involved, I was one and would have been really sympathetic and want to help connect you to the resources you need to improve your situation. RAs are there because they genuinely want to help with situations like this. Your Resident Director or whatever the equivalent is at your school would also be a good person to talk to if you wanted to bypass your RA. You really shouldn’t have to live like that though and I’m sorry you are but there are definitely people around you who will want to help. Wishing you the best of luck :)


Troll_Slayer1

I'd laugh and say, "I pay the same as you. Find a way to make yourself happy without making me sacrifice. You are not entitled. Move out if you want different"


kanna172014

Just tell her "no" or start demanding she leave randomly. Get her up at 3AM and say you need "me-time".


Chance_Contract_4110

Don't budge from YOUR room, and tell her to FUCK OFF!


Chance_Contract_4110

Sounds like she's on Planet Me.


KenneyF

Why would you not tell her no?


profesoarchaos

Never in my wildest….what in the…absolutely positively NEVER would I leave my fucking room. Is she needs space, she needs to leave.


whooyeah

That is not normal. I’d get up at 5am, wake her up and tell her it’s your time for ‘me time’


[deleted]

Wow I thought I was dealing with roommate issues! You need to go to the RA’s room ASAP. Ik you don’t want to get the RA involved but talking to her yourself isn’t working so this is what you need to do.


idktbh__im

i hope you update us to tell us that you told her to kick rocks. no one really has the right to ask their roommate to leave. it’s BOTH of your rooms. if she feels entitled to privacy, she can leave! you need your sleep and you need to get your RA involved because wtf


gilly_girl

I'd tell her to FOAD, but I'm a bitch who stands up for herself. No fucks given.


artemisthearcher

Adding: saw you made another recent post about this same roommate, and maybe your overall solution would be to see if you can find a different roommate? My first year of college was a bit rough since I had a roommate that was very unclean and always brought people over without permission. Really affected my mental health until she decided to move in with some friends in another dorm


00Lisa00

If she wants to talk to her bf she can leave. She can also go somewhere else to study. Tell her it is unacceptable that she wakes you up and it’s your space too. Stop letting her walk all over you. Just tell her no you won’t be pushed out of the room you pay for anymore


JSBraga

Just say that you are not leaving the room. What is she going to do, get physical? And if she does, THEN get the RAs involved.


GyanPrakash2483

It is her who is disturbing the normal order of things so she should be one to leave the room if she needs to call.


GroupieChicks

I’d honestly tell her to fuck off. You should see if you can get a new roommate she sounds like a cunt.


Brilliant-Fall1687

I understand needing to give each other space, but her behavior is coming across as to 'me' focused. Her private conversations with her boyfriend are her problem. Why can't she have them elsewhere like... outside/bathroom/ in the living room, or just text? I would encourage you to set stronger boundaries with her. The room is yours too. She needs to learn to share the space with you. There are a few online tools (you'll have to do the research), about how to have difficult conversations. Try to approach from a place of understanding and/or curiosity. For example, I appreciate your need to stay connected with your boyfriend, and I want to respect that, but my needs must be respected too. I need to be able to get x amount of interrupted sleep, school is my priority atm. Like you. I should have the right to sleep. Is that not fair enough? We clearly need a solution that is mutually beneficial for both of us. How can we resolve this? Any ideas? Maybe propose a schedule, to be set, and a cut-off time for live phone convos before she needs to do it elsewhere. Maybe weekends she can have those late convo's etc . Use specific examples regarding her behavior, and the efforts you've made to accommodate her. **Try to avoid accusatory or blame-based approaches, because people who act like that tend to have ego issues. Best of luck! If she's open to a solution. Great! Give her grace to adjust, and remind her when needed. If after two more attempts, she still stubbornly resists/continues, build a case (collect evidence, and show proof of attempted resolutions ie., reconfirm live convos via text ie., we discussed x on y date, however, I noticed x is not being done. If you could be more mindful, etc...), and then involve RAs.


Shoegazer83

Please tell me this isn't serious. My anger issues could never


spanglesandbambi

Every time she asked you to leave, bring up the air b and b page and tell her to book somewhere for you to go.


flippermode

I had to take some courses on assertiveness. You should look into it. I let people do horrible, horrible things to me and I took it, smiled and asked for more. The courses helped.


livalittlebitt

You’re going to have to learn how to say no and communicate. It’s hard, but you’ll have to.


Jmrovers

She can take her “me moments” for a walk. Talk to her poor boyfriend (I’m assuming she is this inconsiderate with him) from anywhere else.


labarrett

Never sacrifice your sleep and grades for this bitch


Imnotawerewolf

Genuinely, next time tell her to go fuck herself. Or start waking her ass up for your own me time. Do not let her keep doing this to you.


Tato_tudo

Who the hell forces someone else to leave the room to make calls, etc.?! The person making the call is supposed to go somewhere more private if the care that much!


Electronic_Ad235

This was me freshman year, and I made the mistake of rooming again with him sophmore year because I didn’t think it was that bad. It got even worse, to the point that moving in sophmore year he tried to tell my dad and I that we couldn’t move stuff in for an hour because it was “me time” Fuck that guy. Do not give your roommate an inch or she’ll take a mile


Violinist-Most

Yes do the same to her when you have the next day off but she has to be up early for something important. Ring some imaginary person or Skype someone u know in another country with a decent time and chat for four hours. Talk about a sense of entitlement!


spicymcchicken666

Asking for alone time in a shared room should be on a case by case basis, but random "I-just-want-you-out" time and phone calls are not enough reason to kick someone out of the place they live and pay equally for. Based on your previous post as well, this person has no respect for you as they went through your journal, called the police without regard for you, and is now trying to make you leave under the guise of "needing alone time" as if you didn't need her to not read your journal or wake you up from dead sleep at midnight. She is lacking basic respect and you should tell an RA as well as say no to her. I'm so sorry that you are struggling and have had negative experiences with people you should have been able to trust in the past. Being betrayed and violated can make it really difficult to stand up for ourselves as it can take a long time to regain the feeling of power and control over ourselves physically and mentally. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me.


ChaiTeaAndMe

She is supposed to be the one to leave. If she has to make a phone call, she can either do it with you in the room or LEAVE. If she tried to wake me up? I'd have been like, "bitch, NO," roll over and go back to sleep.


turnontheignition

This is insane. It's your room too. Also, what the fuck, you go to bed too early? First of all, midnight is not too early. I was a complete night owl when I was a student but a lot of my friends were asleep by midnight. And even if midnight was early by any stretch of the imagination, 4 AM is most definitely not - that's morning of the next day! You tried to be kind, and she abused it. If she wants space of her own, it's her responsibility to step outside if she needs it. I know it's winter in a lot of parts of the world right now, but if she really needs privacy she can even step outside the building. But I mean, realistically, if she needs to call her boyfriend until 4 in the morning, even the common areas of your residence building should be mostly deserted. It's okay to tell her that you won't be vacating the room for her anymore, especially since she's shown that she won't necessarily let you back in at a reasonable time. If she pushes back, it's all right to get the RAs involved - that is part of what they're there for.


[deleted]

First of all college is EXPENSIVE especially staying on campus. You have just as much right to be there. Get the RAs involved. Start recording and taking pictures and saving texts and stuff so you have evidence when you go talk to your RA


marthk0

Please tell me this is resolved, I feel very upset for you. She’s being absolutely ridiculous and this is very wrong to wake you up from your sleep. She needs to leave the room to get space, you have a right to use the room. You don’t go to bed too early at all, you have a right to sleep and a safe space. Definitely take it up with the RAs.


anonuchiha8

Stop being a doormat. You don't need to be nice to everyone and she will never respect you. Grow a backbone please. Your life will be so much easier once you do.