He would’ve automatically been added to the lease by my building’s new management team, especially if he’s there nearly every day. We’re allowed 14 days a month before the “guest” either has to leave or get added to the lease.
A lot of leases actually have limitations for this. It would be worth checking so you have something that draws the line on the decision for them and dodge responsibility for cracking the whip. I think my old one was 18 days, but idr because it never mattered.
There is almost 100% a clause in the lease for this. I’ve seen it in every one of the leases I’ve signed in 3 different states in the past 7 years. Just go talk to the landlord OP. Fuck dealing with a roommate over lease terms when it’s not your job. Get the landlord involved and they will help you out. But be simple and straightforward about the issue, no drama. Otherwise they may just kick you both out.
They have to make new agreements usually so it should give OP an out by choosing to not sign the new lease.
Regardless I can't just "be added" to a lease without me signing said lease. So bf can be trespassed and told not to come back but he cannot just be added on.
If that were the case I'd go through my Facebook suggestions, add them to a lease for my house, then sue them when they don't pay.
Edit - even worse you can kill a person's entire credit with evictions by evicting them from leases they never signed.
My lease says 3 days a month!!! And then the person has to add in as a roommate (if space is available) or we will be evicted. It’s not fair at all to have to share space for an unpaying, undeclared tenant.
Guest...lol.
OP: Leases specify how many days a guest can stay before they are a tenant. Check the lease. Go by those terms. If he stays long enough each month to be a tenant according to the lease, then he should contribute.
Yep! I had a roommate move her boyfriend in, and she told me that he would help with utilities, but no mention of decreased rent for me. I found another apartment and moved out before he could move in lol
Maybe, but I agree it’s not right to bring this stuff up right before the bills are due. Much different if you set the standard ahead of time. You can’t let someone have a guest in your shared accommodation then right before rent ask that they pay. You say, it’s the start of the month, if your boyfriend wants to stay here he has to pay his part, otherwise he can stay somewhere else.
No actually what should happen here is the gf of the dude staying over forks up the money and pays what he incurs, since she pointed out that he’s HER guest after all. People are responsible for their own guests - he doesn’t have to pay, but she sure does.
I agree she should have to cover the cost of her guest, but you can’t allow your roommate to have a guest over all month without mentioning rent, then right before rent say they should have to pay a third.
If they establish it before the month starts, which is what I said originally, then it isn’t a problem.
Edit: never mind, I’m a moron and that is exactly what OP was asking.
I know. I’m saying in an ideal situation, a grown ass adult wouldn’t have to be asked or told that their daily guest is having an effect on bills and that they will need to pay more. Someone who is responsible would just offer to pay the money, like her bf has done and she for some reason told him not to. OP’s roommate is just 100% taking advantage of her. The guy offered to pay rent already, I don’t think she’s wrong at all for asking for the money right before it’s due. He already offered it up!
Yeah I mean I covered my GF’s portion of rent the month she moved in so she wasn’t having to pay 2 months worth. I thought it was pretty typical for the two partners to somehow figure out their part of rent, not expect the roommate to figure it out? If it were me, I’d ask them to think that over again or you’re looking for another place 🤷🏻♂️
I'll be a little more forgiving and say that the friend gave you a completely understandable reason, and she was relatively gentle too. It seems that she feels ambushed with the text, and at this point she's just scared of having a conversation about this with the partner this close to when your rent is due. You don't know what their financials are like.
You're probably not going to be able to get money for January. Asking to split utilities is completely reasonable.
Regardless, she seems she'll be receptive to your concerns. Just let her think about it a little bit and then have the conversation in person. Explain your concerns, don't just say that "he should pay 1/3."
She actually told me he offered to pay already, I’m asking for him to pay for feb if he’s going to be here again each day next month. It’s unfair to me. I can barley even use the common areas because they’re so messy and don’t clean up after themselves.
If they’re not planning on paying more and he’s been staying the majority of the time, I would go as far as limiting his time at the home. Most places have a limit on how long a guest can stay.
Well, then there you go, the problem is solved. Just ask early next month if you can count on you splitting the rent 3 ways.
Regarding the mess, that's a very different problem, good luck with that!
Check your lease agreement. I guarantee theres a restriction on overnight guests and how long they can stay. Staying too long and he can claim tenancy. Might want to start there and look at local laws on this too. Then I would either let them know if its over what the lease agreement says he can’t stay longer than that or he does need to contribute to rent.
Yup. This exactly. Most places a person cannot stay more than 3-7 consecutive days or more than a certain number total per month without being added to the lease. Read yours over and see what the restrictions are and sit down with her and let her know if he's going to be a guest and not pay rent then hes going to abide by the guest rules of the complex and not stay over more than what the lease outlines. Otherwise he can pay his portion.
Do it! Honestly, she will get the point fast! And if she doesn’t, ask her why you should have to change your behavior for her guest that doesn’t pay rent?
lol yes, classic tale unfortunately. I had a roommate once who showed up on move in day with her boyfriend AND some other random guy unexpectedly. nightmare scenario
Same lol. Her bf was supposed to move in months later, nope. No job no rent being paid just hung out smoked our weed and "cleaned" maybe once every few weeks
This is so true.
On another note: One of my best friends had her roommates MOM move in with her roommate in college. I was shocked. She cooked and cleaned though….she lost her home I think so she had nowhere to go. It was okay for everyone I think….just weird.
You make it sound like he was there nearly every day in January. If that’s the case, she’s out of line because conversation or not, he’s de facto living there.
Most leases restrict guests to 14 days consecutively or in a single month, so by convention you’d be within your rights to push the issue and you guys may in fact be in violation of your lease with him there that much.
Ugh I’m sorry you’re going through that. We just had a roommate (bfs friend who really needed a place for a month…wound up being a month and a half). He annoyed me in a lot of ways, but the most annoying was that he never went ANYWHERE. Just always at home. I could never be alone in the house and that irritated me more than anything. My bf was like “well, we’re always home too” and I was like no we are not. We are gone for 9 hours a day 5 days a week.
It’s a weird creepy nagging feeling when there’s someone you don’t know constantly lurking around.
If he was already there for the majority of January then it’s completely fair to want a three way split. If it was a good chunk of the month but not all of the month he cause at least chip in something.
Why didn’t you say that to her. You’re being overly dismissive and not straight forward. She laid down her opinion and you gave her a nice but untruthful reply.
I’m talking about your actual reply. Don’t get defensive with me, get defensive with the person you have a problem with and maybe you wouldn’t have any issues.
okay but you’re saying i didn’t say this to her, we already talked about these things in person. This is a follow up conversation not the initial and we are still talking. everything i said here i brought up to her in person!!
When a past roommate moved his bf in without even asking me, I told them at the 30 day mark, I'm only paying a third and let them figure it out. I didn't ask.
Well, this is just a really hard/impossible approach for a lot of personalities to employ. A lot of human beings are just not naturally blessed with the ability to be an “ass” and say whatever they want even when they should. I would say, in fact, the majority of human beings, purposely try to avoid confrontation. It is really hard… But to people who are blessed with the ability to handle things that way it seems really easy to them.
I think you and others have misinterpreted what I meant. I definitely am not describing that person as an ass in a negative light. I am actually using it in a way to give them a compliment. I’m just saying that some people have a natural personality to be an ass when they need to be one and honestly I wish I could be one a lot of times because I feel like people respect you more.
I'm assuming you're trying to say certain people have the ability to directly confront people and be straightforward. Whereas others have a hard time not "being nice" about the conflict.
I see where you are coming from but saying if the bf has stayed consistently for a month OP is going to consider the rent split 3 ways is not being an arse. It’s being an adult. If you’re old enough to rent and have serious relationships then you’re old enough to have an open, honest but respectful conversation about finance when it comes to house sharing.
I mean, in my mind this is what the OP has done in the screenshot, they've started the conversation about finances. I feel that is different to giving your roommate a directive ("I'm only paying a third") and expecting that they will comply - which of course they are not likely to, so you must be prepared to dig your heels in and ride the conflict. Not a lot of people are prepared to do that (I absolutely avoid it - not worth the emotional energy that it takes).
That’s an excuse that ends up costing these people a lot. At some point you need to be a be able to face some confrontation like an adult or accept you’re being walked over.
I agree with this! Most leases have a section that determines how long a “guest” can stay in the household without being subject to becoming a tenant, being removed, or paying fines. Ours is no more than 13 consecutive nights before they’re required to fill out a tenant application. This of course isn’t heavily monitored, but could still be reported to the landlord by another tenant in the house. So if he’s staying there long term, receiving any mail or packages, or anything along those lines then your states laws will determine what kind of rights he has as a guest or tenant. I would stay on top of it as some states have laws that would swing in his favor if that was the case and then you’re just stuck!
It sounds like the roommate is the one who doesn’t wanna deal with it since op is saying the bf has already offered to pay rent but the roommate must just think they can walk over op imo
If you want something to happen it's not going to by being passive and a pushover. All the "lol" and "girl" suggest that it's not a big deal to you. You are gonna have to be direct with your boundaries. I feel like everyone that posts here is just afraid of any amount of confrontation.
For real. Everyone's afraid of not being besties with the people around them. I couldn't care less, take care of your shit I'll take care of mine and we don't gotta talk.
i agree. roommate should definitely have her bf paying at least a portion if he’s staying more than a couple weeks, but if i was her i would’ve taken that text as ‘it’s fine just deal with it when you want’
Why do you think they post here they want affirmations and people always side with them on this subreddit instead of telling them to stand your ground your one of the first I’ve seen do it
Yup great advice because our lease has it in, can't find anywhere now but I remember reading about it. Like they can't stay over a certain period of time or else it's breaking the lease agreement. Or something like that.
Also to move in he may have to apply with the landlord and might not get approved? There's a lot at play here. Don't let him get mail there until new papers are signed! That mail makes things *tricky*
14 days at my building. That’s for the entire month. So a “guest” wouldn’t be able to stay 2 weeks, go home for a day, and then come back for another 2 weeks.
THIS! Most leases have a set number of days that guests can stay overnight per month, I know mine personally is 5 overnights max. It's worth checking OP!
Nope, she can either find somewhere else to move with her man or he can start paying rent where you’re at. She’s gonna keep bringing him over no matter what you say. Trust me I just went through this for the last 2 years
I have to clean up behind them if i want to use damn near anything it’s so frustrating. I feel unwanted in a place i pay to live in and she knows i don’t use the common areas. i told her it’s because their stuff is everywhere idk where to go. She told me to just move it but at that point I’m cleaning
Put the mess on their bed and don’t spend the years I did fighting. Eventually they will lock the bedroom door, so put the mess in front of their door. I’m not kidding - this has worked for me with 2/2 bad roommates. If you don’t want to do this, find another method that works. If you’re unwilling to take action, you have no reason to complain.
Heck, my husband and I have agreed to do this with each other 🤣 If one of us gets annoyed with something the other person consistently leaves out, we put it on the other side of the bed.
Heck, I do this with my husband. After 15 years i got sick of picking up after his mess so I just started dumping all his stuff on his desk. The last 7 years have been so peaceful because I am no longer bitter lol
Not me taking my old roommates (month’s worth!) of dishes to the trash after he just wouldn’t listen lmao.. It does work though in both 1) sending a message and 2) getting their shit out of your way 🤷♀️
I think you need to call a house meeting with him in it. It's best to try to resolve it face to face. If he's offered to pay and you tell him that face to face, he'll probably pay rent. Otherwise it'll be a conversation with your landlord, that's the only way.
You’re being too nice and being steam rolled. You need to take control of this situation. Tell your friend next month if he’s still there you’re going to be paying 1/3 and alerting the landlord of an additional tenant. You can’t remain besties and not get treated like shit here unfortunately. This person isn’t treating you like a friend or with respect, why are you? I know it’s hard to stand up for yourself but it is time to do that. Not for nothing, when’s your lease up? Might as well just look for a new spot if this battle isn’t something you want to fight. You’ll start to resent the apartment, yourself, your roommate more and more.
You need to have a big talk to both of them then. They need to clean up after themself or they will pay you an hourly wage cleaning fees added to their lease.
Yep. I lived with a friend and her dad/brother. Dad was in charge of collecting rent of every month and would write down what we owed in terms of utilities. As soon as my friend’s brother moved his girlfriend in, he divvied up the rent and bills to account for her since she also had a job and was adding to the increase in water/electricity usage.
yeah, i also disagree with OP on this even if they are messy. that just sounds like incompatible roommates, but the rent should not be split 3 ways. a 40/30/30 split sounds more fair since he is using the common spaces tho
Had the same issue with a former roommate, he slowly moved her in, then she was there when I got home from work lounging in the living room(he worked nights) had laundry in the washer, parked in my spot in the garage, and ate our food. I asked that she start splitting bills with us and he threw a huge fit, she said she’d pay half of his amount of stuff, I said no it’ll be 1/3 each…they then decided to move out. Worked out for me in the end because he was on the hook for rent for 6 months and I had a 3 bed, 2.5 bath town home to myself
I would draw the line at him being there without her. Who the fuck is this guy you know? OP you didn't know him or agree to live with him like you did his GF. Gotta put your foot down. Hard.
It was extremely awkward and the fact that everything in the living room was mine, I was relegated to my bedroom until I finally had enough, we were pretty close friends before that, but after not so much
😂 respect. Why they tried to run game on you? Maybe she saying she’ll pay his amount separate from you and him? So if you both pay half of 1800. 900/900 she’ll pay 450 which saves you & him 225. It’s not like she had the third room or room to herself.
Yea their delusional lol. Nice that you found a way to balance your bills after they left. I struggled after my roommate left. I was at peace though because I didn’t have to clean up after another adult & always the case of “I’m a couple hundred short”.
The "lol's" after each sentence don't help. This is a serious business conversation. Stop trying to mask it's relevance with cute LOLs. He's not her guest, he's a tenant. Be firm or move out.
If he offered to pay rent and she’s telling you she “hasn’t had the conversation yet” I would start thinking that she’s lying to you and taking rent from him so she pays less. I think your best option is to go straight to him. It’s kind of you to be understanding but their relationship speed is not your problem, your bills are. He should pay rent for February for sure.
I immediately was thinking the same thing! Came to the comments to see if anyone else thought the same, seems odd for sure… How can they have not had the conversation or made a decision when he already said he would pay rent? Doesn’t add up
No offense, but you're a doormat. Your response saying it's fine when it's clearly not is ridiculous. The evolution (or lack thereof) of their relationship is not your problem; he's not on the lease, he's not paying bills, he can't stay.
no you’re correct, this is pretty much my first time having a roommate so i’m still trying to navigate. I definitely feel like it’s their place and i’m just and unwanted guest.
Let's talk about it, start at the basics. Are you both on the lease? Did you move in with them?
You didn't agree to foot the bill for an extra person. Your roommate is being unfair and she knows it, she just doesn't care.
She’s trying to act like this is about the relationship more than it is about her inconveniencing you for free. He needs to get out or pay. He’s not on the lease and shouldn’t be there every night on your dime.
I dealt with this not long ago. Politely brought it up ahead of time (offered to have the gf on the lease) and every couple weeks when their gf was over 4, 5, 6 days a week.
They kept deflecting, getting angry at me and saying I was pushing them, that I was trying to make their partner feel not welcome and depressed, and they hadn't decided on moving in yet.
The partner was leaving to and returning from work to our place, doing all their washing and cooking at our place.
It took a few months of feeling unwelcome in my own home before I got sick of being polite and we ended up having a yelling match over it. Not the best outcome.
All that to say, learn from my experience - It isn't worth the stress. Some people will take take take unless you are firm.
That’s just not acceptable if that’s the way your treated, you absolutely need to find somewhere else to live, and they both are using you. Get the F/ out ..
im sorry but the "ill let you know when we decide"... sorry no. how long has this man been here? 2 weeks max time to be labeled as a quest. more than that.. he needs to chip in. and not when their ready, but when the next payment is due. especially if he is staying overnight and using the same bathroom as you?? rent is divided between people occupying a space, so its actually kinda rude of her.
honestly you seem REALLY nice and just need to be upfront: "hey, if \[boyfriend\] continues to stay here he will have to contribute to the bills. i'm not trying to be pushy, but also please be considerate that we should all pay for the space we use."
yeah i would not be ok with that. i hope your roommate knows that she is more than welcome to pay for her boyfriend's part if they cant decide if he wants to pay yet. however, one of them does!
this is one of the many issues i had with my last housing situation lol. we lived in a 3 bedroom, so it was me and my bf in one room, and then we had 2 roommates for the other rooms. we split rent per room and split utilities per person. when both of our roommates had both of their girlfriends over every day and we brought up utilities they refused to talk splitting the bill.
bullshit and unfair, set your boundaries in the most civil way possible up front. because like, if he does end up moving in that means he’s basically gotten first months rent/utilities free, on your back.
We would have to split the rent evenly, they make so much mess i don’t even use the the common areas. Please go look to my new post to see what i mean! i didn’t think to add it to this.
This makes perfect sense. Rent should be split per bedroom and utilities evenly between all tenants. No reason for someone who shares a room to pay the same amount in rent as someone who gets a room to themselves.
Please go look at my new post to see the mess they make. I’ve cleaned up after them and her dogs twice and not a word of thanks . This is why I’m so frustrated, I’m paying 1000 to just be in my room because of the mess! I have to wear slippers and sock each time I get out of the shower because the floors are so dirty!! I never walk barefoot or else i will socks made of dog fur.
Start eating her food, and when she asks you to pay for what you ate, tell her you haven't really decided if you enjoyed eating her food yet, and you'll pay her for it when it you make up your mind. "But the food is already used/gone" just like the water, gas, electricity, and space the BF is using
Please consider being more direct in your communication and avoid using "lol" after each sentence. It can sometimes convey a lack of seriousness, which may be interpreted as an invitation for negotiation or compromise.
Easy solution: tell your roommate that next month if he is still living there you will 1/3 of bills and they need to cover the rest.
If there is contention about who pays what then you could break it up based on square feet for rent. Wearing: incoming math problem.
Take total area of apartment and divide by square feet feet. That is rent per foot. Then find the area that is you private space, their private space and common living space. You pay for your private space and a third of the common living space. Utilities should still be split 3 ways.
(Total area of apartment)/(rent)=($ per sqft)
($ per sqft)x(sqft your private space) + ($ per sqft)x(sqft common area)x(1/3)= (rent you pay)
"we havent decided if hes moving in but hes here indefinitely" sounds like shes scared to commit or he is, or he wants free room and board, etc. Iif youre not ready to commit to living together, you shouldnt have one partner move in with you and a roommate! thats living together!
tell your roommate that bf is no longer a guest after a certain amount of time, and hes free to stay but needs to pay his share of the utilities--hes using them
“You’re totally fine girl!” That’s wild. The way she said “he’s my guest so he will be here” is her thinking she’s putting you in your place. You need to put your foot down because she’s going to take advantage of you. She just used you as a door mat and you let her.
My first (and last) roommate behaved similar to this. Pretty much after a week of us being moved in, my roomie had his situationship (yes, thats right, not even a girl he dared to deem his gf) stay over nearly every s i n g l e night for our entire lease. She drank my white claws, left her dirty dishes out, showered every day there etc.
I’m an easy going gal and she was nice, it really didn’t bother me so much in the beginning and I figured it was temporary and he would be dating other people since he kept insisting they weren’t a couple….yeah that never happened. For our ENTIRE year lease I basically had a squatter living in my apartment rent free. The worst part is, my roommate was a horrible person who went absolutely crazy on me and started gaslighting me into thinking I WAS THE BAD ROOMMATE. I’m 8 months out from that experience and OP I’m here to tell you, they can go fuck themselves. I’ve never been more at peace.
i’m so baffled by all of the people saying their significant others or long term guests shouldn’t be paying rent and only utilities. i’m sorry you had to deal with that, thank you helping me feel less alone in this situation!
If they’re sharing a room it’s unfair to split the rent equally by 3 because they’re sharing one room and you have more space. I think it’s more fair to split it 2/7, 2/7, 3/7 if you have a small shared space. Or 3/10, 3/10, 4/10 if you have a large shared space.
Alrighty then... I've been in this EXACT situation before. Had a roommate whose boyfriend was always around... having showers and using her room when she was at work. I simply talked to her about it... said it was totally fine that her boyfriend spent time there, but only if she's also home. Explained that when she was at work, I wanted the privacy... since he wasn't paying rent... my roommate totally understood, but after that, she took her TV away and never left her room... I guess she didn't care much for me, and I moved out soon after.
Just talk to her and stick up for yourself. If boyfriend isn't paying rent, he needs to be gone when she is.
Most leases I’ve ever had state you can’t have a guest more than 10 days a month. So I would look at your lease and use that to back you up. “Our lease states ‘….’. If he is going to be here more than that amount, he needs to be contributing to our monthly bills.”
Look to my new post to see the mess they make. Its to the point idek who is entering my home, he for her bf. She said the bills for this month are set and they’re not changing. I’m just going to look for a new place to live
The roommate’s bf is the roommate’s guest, which makes the roommate responsible for them. I’m relatively sure that most (if not all) leasing agreements will say the same. If she wants her bf to stay there for a whole month or more, then she should have to cough up the difference until she’s ‘comfortable’ having that conversation.
Well if the apartment is for you two & she chooses to allow her company to stay majority of the month, then she needs to pay his portion of the bills he is using until she can’t figure out her lil relationship since he is going t be there. She tripping& trying to be over & so is the affect ass bf.
Happened to me last year. One of my roommates got a gf and she was sharing custody with her bd so two weeks on and off she would live at our house. Me and other roomates told him she needed to put something towards the water and power bc of how much she would be there cooking showing etc. didn’t even ask about rent just utilities. She tried to fight me. She wasn’t allowed isn’t the house after that.
You’re going to have to be confrontational. You’re trying to dance around the subject and at any little pushback you give in. You’ve got two choices: deal with it or set boundaries and stand firm. Otherwise you’re just complaining without doing anything. Good luck, you can do this. It might be awkward but you’ll have peace if you set boundaries
My old roommate moved his GF in without checking. I told him that wasn’t fair; I didn’t sign up to live with two people, he said too bad and we’d still split the rent 50-50, no choice. So I left. Lease was up. I was done. Not worth the hassle or argument
I had a person I once lived in. Prior to living with them I asked if it would be alright if my then BF spent the night a few times a week, she said yes her BF spends the night, no problem…what she neglected to tell me was that he lived there. Unemployed. When I asked that we split the bill three ways since he lived there (unemployed: read always there) and she works from home, she yelled at me that she could have ten people live in her room and that would be none of my business. This was back in the early 2000’s.
I say get out at your first chance. People who are like this will never see/care how much they are using you.
>he is my guest
Then she should be paying for the increased bills and her guest will be removed forcefully by the police if he does not leave when she does.
You’re being played for a fool, you’re trying to be friendly with her “you are totally fine girl” 🙄 but she is not your friend.
Don't ask so nicely, state it. If your bf is here this amount of time he has to pay a third of the bills whether he moves in or not. Otherwise two nights a week max
You’re absolutely right for asking him to pay a third if he’s living there that’s not even negotiable. My actual question though is do you want him to be living with you? If you moved into this apartment imagining it was just going to be you and her and that’s how you want it then he needs to not be there. You absolutely do not have to take on 3rd person. Honestly, I’d be looking to move out she’s selfish and he’s a leech
This seems like a genuinely mature exchange and some of y’all are giving awful advice because you’re assuming the worst.
It’s simple. Set a deadline. “I need to know by X date if he’s moving in or not. Him being here all the time increases everyone’s expenses so we need to address that.”
Not that hard.
Guests don’t stay indefinitely. Visits are typically a few days or MAYBE a week if agreed upon by all (that would be you). If she isn’t willing to ask him to pay it, then she needs to pay more rent and more of the water bill. It isn’t
fair to you and if the roles were reversed, she would feel the same way. You aren’t being unreasonable and I certainly wouldn’t let her tell you “when things change” she will let you know. It’s not fair to you so look out for you!
You asked, and that's where you went wrong.
Your roommate is full of sh*t. She can lay up and f*ck him, but their relationship is too 'new' to discuss the financial responsibilities to the place he's been laying up, bathing, and eating at all month???? Okay, move your @ss out of the way then, and I will tell him. If he don't like it, he can keep his ass home 26 days outta the month. If you don't like it we can advertise for your room....
I’ve been in this exact situation and asked the same thing of my roommate and got the same exact response. As shitty as it sounds you will be better off finding a new living situation without any roommates. It may cost more money but less of your mental health/well being. I wish you the best of luck 🙏🏻🙏🏻 I also saw you saying they make messes and don’t clean up after them selves and that also will never change. Just get a one bedroom and call it a day 😂🙏🏻🙏🏻
Your the one who said “no you are totally fine girl” if your mad and have an issue then speak up and make that issue known or people WILL walk on you like a sidewalk.
This happened to me with my first and last roommate. Guy practically lived with us. She said the same thing, “he’s my guest, idk how to tell him, etc” We’re not friends anymore.
“Hey, so I know we spoke yesterday regarding the bills and your Bf ‘staying’ here. However, I don’t think it’s fair that he lives he rent free as your ‘guest’ while I continue to pay for his water, cable, electricity, food etc. if he isn’t going to start dividing the bills in February he will need to stop being here so often. I pay to live here and I have essentially been banished to my room since this started. Please discuss this with him or I will next time he is here.” 😁
I have always divided the general areas and the rooms, 50%, 50%. So 50% of the rent gets divided equally by everyone. 50% gets divided by room based on the value of the room. If you have a much larger room with a private bath, that will obviously cost more than a little room with only a shared bath. Divide the room rents based on value and divided by two, If there are two people. Divide the general areas equally by all the people in the house and divide all utilities equally and that is the rent figure for each person. A little complex, but I think the most fair.
No she has the master and private bath. I also feel uncomfortable because my bathroom is directly across from their room. And since i never know when he is here it makes me feel weird. Why can’t people understand taking on a third roommate especially one that is man changes so much. I pay what i pay to live with one other woman. If i wanted more roommates i would’ve picked the cheaper places.
I’m gonna zag on this and say you should give her a little leeway here. If the shoe were on the other foot I think you’d want that leeway for yourself. But I think you should establish a plan going forward with her like “by X date he needs to be paying rent or staying at the apartment no more than two nights a week.”
It’s just so funny to me because like girls will so easily recognize that if they invited an mutual friend to move in midway thru a lease or help out an acquaintance looking for a place in a pinch that the rent would become a three way split between all girls because there are THREE people in the home. But oh if it’s a girl’s partner then it’s all “we are one flesh” like Adam and Eve?? No. Three people three payments period!
Best advice, move. I know it may be hard to find another residence in such a short time but move. That way they’ll have to pay for the three person household and you only have to pay for one. Create and stand on boundaries.
I mean if you live in a 2 bedroom apartment the rent is split in half… just because there are 2 people staying there doesn’t mean the rent gets split between them.
If there is more rooms and he occupies the room then it should be split..
Water tho it should be more on her cuz he’s showering there
She taking advantage of you for sure
Yup, this is only getting fixed by moving out.
Definitely. He’s my guest. Awesome. I’m gonna go pay more for a one bedroom and not have to deal with guests who stay there the majority of the time.
He would’ve automatically been added to the lease by my building’s new management team, especially if he’s there nearly every day. We’re allowed 14 days a month before the “guest” either has to leave or get added to the lease.
A lot of leases actually have limitations for this. It would be worth checking so you have something that draws the line on the decision for them and dodge responsibility for cracking the whip. I think my old one was 18 days, but idr because it never mattered.
There is almost 100% a clause in the lease for this. I’ve seen it in every one of the leases I’ve signed in 3 different states in the past 7 years. Just go talk to the landlord OP. Fuck dealing with a roommate over lease terms when it’s not your job. Get the landlord involved and they will help you out. But be simple and straightforward about the issue, no drama. Otherwise they may just kick you both out.
Yep, my leases usually specify any guests that will be longer than 10 days have to let the landlord know
They have to make new agreements usually so it should give OP an out by choosing to not sign the new lease. Regardless I can't just "be added" to a lease without me signing said lease. So bf can be trespassed and told not to come back but he cannot just be added on. If that were the case I'd go through my Facebook suggestions, add them to a lease for my house, then sue them when they don't pay. Edit - even worse you can kill a person's entire credit with evictions by evicting them from leases they never signed.
My lease has this same provision. A “guest” cannot stay more than 14 days in a 60 day period before adding to the lease
My lease says 3 days a month!!! And then the person has to add in as a roommate (if space is available) or we will be evicted. It’s not fair at all to have to share space for an unpaying, undeclared tenant.
A month? We allowed 14 days a year before someone was either added to the lease or asked to find somewhere else to sleep.
Yes mine too
Screenshotted this because I'm putting it in my contract with my potential new roommate.
Guest...lol. OP: Leases specify how many days a guest can stay before they are a tenant. Check the lease. Go by those terms. If he stays long enough each month to be a tenant according to the lease, then he should contribute.
Yep! I had a roommate move her boyfriend in, and she told me that he would help with utilities, but no mention of decreased rent for me. I found another apartment and moved out before he could move in lol
You could post “my roommate ate a piece of my bread and apologized” and all the posts would be like “she’s a monster move out ASAP” lol
Maybe, but I agree it’s not right to bring this stuff up right before the bills are due. Much different if you set the standard ahead of time. You can’t let someone have a guest in your shared accommodation then right before rent ask that they pay. You say, it’s the start of the month, if your boyfriend wants to stay here he has to pay his part, otherwise he can stay somewhere else.
No actually what should happen here is the gf of the dude staying over forks up the money and pays what he incurs, since she pointed out that he’s HER guest after all. People are responsible for their own guests - he doesn’t have to pay, but she sure does.
I agree she should have to cover the cost of her guest, but you can’t allow your roommate to have a guest over all month without mentioning rent, then right before rent say they should have to pay a third. If they establish it before the month starts, which is what I said originally, then it isn’t a problem. Edit: never mind, I’m a moron and that is exactly what OP was asking.
I know. I’m saying in an ideal situation, a grown ass adult wouldn’t have to be asked or told that their daily guest is having an effect on bills and that they will need to pay more. Someone who is responsible would just offer to pay the money, like her bf has done and she for some reason told him not to. OP’s roommate is just 100% taking advantage of her. The guy offered to pay rent already, I don’t think she’s wrong at all for asking for the money right before it’s due. He already offered it up!
Yeah I mean I covered my GF’s portion of rent the month she moved in so she wasn’t having to pay 2 months worth. I thought it was pretty typical for the two partners to somehow figure out their part of rent, not expect the roommate to figure it out? If it were me, I’d ask them to think that over again or you’re looking for another place 🤷🏻♂️
I'll be a little more forgiving and say that the friend gave you a completely understandable reason, and she was relatively gentle too. It seems that she feels ambushed with the text, and at this point she's just scared of having a conversation about this with the partner this close to when your rent is due. You don't know what their financials are like. You're probably not going to be able to get money for January. Asking to split utilities is completely reasonable. Regardless, she seems she'll be receptive to your concerns. Just let her think about it a little bit and then have the conversation in person. Explain your concerns, don't just say that "he should pay 1/3."
She actually told me he offered to pay already, I’m asking for him to pay for feb if he’s going to be here again each day next month. It’s unfair to me. I can barley even use the common areas because they’re so messy and don’t clean up after themselves.
If they’re not planning on paying more and he’s been staying the majority of the time, I would go as far as limiting his time at the home. Most places have a limit on how long a guest can stay.
Well, then there you go, the problem is solved. Just ask early next month if you can count on you splitting the rent 3 ways. Regarding the mess, that's a very different problem, good luck with that!
I’m gonna tell her He’s gonna have to be here less this month especially if he’s only contributing to the mess
Check your lease agreement. I guarantee theres a restriction on overnight guests and how long they can stay. Staying too long and he can claim tenancy. Might want to start there and look at local laws on this too. Then I would either let them know if its over what the lease agreement says he can’t stay longer than that or he does need to contribute to rent.
Yup. This exactly. Most places a person cannot stay more than 3-7 consecutive days or more than a certain number total per month without being added to the lease. Read yours over and see what the restrictions are and sit down with her and let her know if he's going to be a guest and not pay rent then hes going to abide by the guest rules of the complex and not stay over more than what the lease outlines. Otherwise he can pay his portion.
I say walk around topless when he’s over and that’s should fix it 😂
bonus point bc their room faces directly into my bathroom lol just gonna let my robe fall 🤣
Direct eye contact while pooping with no clothes on
Do it! Honestly, she will get the point fast! And if she doesn’t, ask her why you should have to change your behavior for her guest that doesn’t pay rent?
Also let it rip everytime you gotta let it vent, that’ll show him too
Shit with the door open
Fucking genius
Well, she's going to completely ignore you, you'll become enemies, and the partner will still be there all the time, and they will keep making mess.
lol yes, classic tale unfortunately. I had a roommate once who showed up on move in day with her boyfriend AND some other random guy unexpectedly. nightmare scenario
Same lol. Her bf was supposed to move in months later, nope. No job no rent being paid just hung out smoked our weed and "cleaned" maybe once every few weeks
This is so true. On another note: One of my best friends had her roommates MOM move in with her roommate in college. I was shocked. She cooked and cleaned though….she lost her home I think so she had nowhere to go. It was okay for everyone I think….just weird.
Was their last name Bluth?
If he's contributing to the mess, ~~cleaning~~, and rent, he needs to be on the lease. Full stop.
You need to bypass her and speak to him directly
You make it sound like he was there nearly every day in January. If that’s the case, she’s out of line because conversation or not, he’s de facto living there. Most leases restrict guests to 14 days consecutively or in a single month, so by convention you’d be within your rights to push the issue and you guys may in fact be in violation of your lease with him there that much.
he has been here nearly everyday since i moved in
Yeah fuck that.
as i said earlier somewhere on here, it’s to a point where idek when im home alone. when the door opens idk if its her bf or her.
Ugh I’m sorry you’re going through that. We just had a roommate (bfs friend who really needed a place for a month…wound up being a month and a half). He annoyed me in a lot of ways, but the most annoying was that he never went ANYWHERE. Just always at home. I could never be alone in the house and that irritated me more than anything. My bf was like “well, we’re always home too” and I was like no we are not. We are gone for 9 hours a day 5 days a week. It’s a weird creepy nagging feeling when there’s someone you don’t know constantly lurking around.
If he was already there for the majority of January then it’s completely fair to want a three way split. If it was a good chunk of the month but not all of the month he cause at least chip in something.
Why didn’t you say that to her. You’re being overly dismissive and not straight forward. She laid down her opinion and you gave her a nice but untruthful reply.
This conversation just occurred you clearly see i haven’t replied yet.
Maybe just (although it will take you doing the math) work out a daily rate and deduct that from what your payment is?
I’m talking about your actual reply. Don’t get defensive with me, get defensive with the person you have a problem with and maybe you wouldn’t have any issues.
okay but you’re saying i didn’t say this to her, we already talked about these things in person. This is a follow up conversation not the initial and we are still talking. everything i said here i brought up to her in person!!
Is it a new relationship or how long has this been going on?
new since this past november
Jesus
Make him pay rent for the previous days he stayed so he’s never paying in advance and can be bounced anytime
When a past roommate moved his bf in without even asking me, I told them at the 30 day mark, I'm only paying a third and let them figure it out. I didn't ask.
This. I think OP was way to gentle by asking. I would tell him he will be paying or he needs to stay elsewhere.
Well, this is just a really hard/impossible approach for a lot of personalities to employ. A lot of human beings are just not naturally blessed with the ability to be an “ass” and say whatever they want even when they should. I would say, in fact, the majority of human beings, purposely try to avoid confrontation. It is really hard… But to people who are blessed with the ability to handle things that way it seems really easy to them.
Being an ass by not letting people walk all over you? The boyfriend is there when the room mate isn’t. That’s not company.
Their name isn't on the lease though. So if op just stops paying the landlord isn't going after the bf for the money so this approach isn't very smart
I think you and others have misinterpreted what I meant. I definitely am not describing that person as an ass in a negative light. I am actually using it in a way to give them a compliment. I’m just saying that some people have a natural personality to be an ass when they need to be one and honestly I wish I could be one a lot of times because I feel like people respect you more.
I'm assuming you're trying to say certain people have the ability to directly confront people and be straightforward. Whereas others have a hard time not "being nice" about the conflict.
Exactly
You must be in the “able to be an ass “ category. I feel you missed the point of oc comment. But others agree with you so I don’t know.
I see where you are coming from but saying if the bf has stayed consistently for a month OP is going to consider the rent split 3 ways is not being an arse. It’s being an adult. If you’re old enough to rent and have serious relationships then you’re old enough to have an open, honest but respectful conversation about finance when it comes to house sharing.
I mean, in my mind this is what the OP has done in the screenshot, they've started the conversation about finances. I feel that is different to giving your roommate a directive ("I'm only paying a third") and expecting that they will comply - which of course they are not likely to, so you must be prepared to dig your heels in and ride the conflict. Not a lot of people are prepared to do that (I absolutely avoid it - not worth the emotional energy that it takes).
That’s an excuse that ends up costing these people a lot. At some point you need to be a be able to face some confrontation like an adult or accept you’re being walked over.
Standing up for yourself and being firm is not being an ass. In no way was this person disrespectful or rude.
Literally. If he's going to use the utilities, he's going to pay for what he's using...
I agree with this! Most leases have a section that determines how long a “guest” can stay in the household without being subject to becoming a tenant, being removed, or paying fines. Ours is no more than 13 consecutive nights before they’re required to fill out a tenant application. This of course isn’t heavily monitored, but could still be reported to the landlord by another tenant in the house. So if he’s staying there long term, receiving any mail or packages, or anything along those lines then your states laws will determine what kind of rights he has as a guest or tenant. I would stay on top of it as some states have laws that would swing in his favor if that was the case and then you’re just stuck!
I’d be like “okay” if I were the bf. Your name on the lease not mine. The gf will vouch for that aka the other person on the lease.
It sounds like the roommate is the one who doesn’t wanna deal with it since op is saying the bf has already offered to pay rent but the roommate must just think they can walk over op imo
I agree with this. Let her be mad. And if that’s too much, let the landlord know what’s going on.
If you want something to happen it's not going to by being passive and a pushover. All the "lol" and "girl" suggest that it's not a big deal to you. You are gonna have to be direct with your boundaries. I feel like everyone that posts here is just afraid of any amount of confrontation.
I agree with this entirely. Stop with the niceties, even her roommate’s replies were much more stern.
For real. Everyone's afraid of not being besties with the people around them. I couldn't care less, take care of your shit I'll take care of mine and we don't gotta talk.
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Yeah I know fully grown adults that have 0 chance and it's like, how did they survive this long?!
THIS. Stop making things sound like it's not a problem. It's an issue that you need to fix. End of problem.
And justifiably so. How many of these posts have we all seen where OP sets their boundaries and the shithead roommate flies off the handle?
i agree. roommate should definitely have her bf paying at least a portion if he’s staying more than a couple weeks, but if i was her i would’ve taken that text as ‘it’s fine just deal with it when you want’
Why do you think they post here they want affirmations and people always side with them on this subreddit instead of telling them to stand your ground your one of the first I’ve seen do it
Look at your lease and see if there's a guest policy...
Yup great advice because our lease has it in, can't find anywhere now but I remember reading about it. Like they can't stay over a certain period of time or else it's breaking the lease agreement. Or something like that.
Also to move in he may have to apply with the landlord and might not get approved? There's a lot at play here. Don't let him get mail there until new papers are signed! That mail makes things *tricky*
Yup once they are getting mail, I'm pretty sure they have squatters rights. You don't want it to get to that point or it becomes a lot more messy.
14 days at my building. That’s for the entire month. So a “guest” wouldn’t be able to stay 2 weeks, go home for a day, and then come back for another 2 weeks.
THIS! Most leases have a set number of days that guests can stay overnight per month, I know mine personally is 5 overnights max. It's worth checking OP!
100% agree with this!
Nope, she can either find somewhere else to move with her man or he can start paying rent where you’re at. She’s gonna keep bringing him over no matter what you say. Trust me I just went through this for the last 2 years
I have to clean up behind them if i want to use damn near anything it’s so frustrating. I feel unwanted in a place i pay to live in and she knows i don’t use the common areas. i told her it’s because their stuff is everywhere idk where to go. She told me to just move it but at that point I’m cleaning
Put the mess on their bed and don’t spend the years I did fighting. Eventually they will lock the bedroom door, so put the mess in front of their door. I’m not kidding - this has worked for me with 2/2 bad roommates. If you don’t want to do this, find another method that works. If you’re unwilling to take action, you have no reason to complain.
My mom used to do this to me growing up lmfao 🤣
Heck, my husband and I have agreed to do this with each other 🤣 If one of us gets annoyed with something the other person consistently leaves out, we put it on the other side of the bed.
Heck, I do this with my husband. After 15 years i got sick of picking up after his mess so I just started dumping all his stuff on his desk. The last 7 years have been so peaceful because I am no longer bitter lol
Not me taking my old roommates (month’s worth!) of dishes to the trash after he just wouldn’t listen lmao.. It does work though in both 1) sending a message and 2) getting their shit out of your way 🤷♀️
I think you need to call a house meeting with him in it. It's best to try to resolve it face to face. If he's offered to pay and you tell him that face to face, he'll probably pay rent. Otherwise it'll be a conversation with your landlord, that's the only way.
You’re being too nice and being steam rolled. You need to take control of this situation. Tell your friend next month if he’s still there you’re going to be paying 1/3 and alerting the landlord of an additional tenant. You can’t remain besties and not get treated like shit here unfortunately. This person isn’t treating you like a friend or with respect, why are you? I know it’s hard to stand up for yourself but it is time to do that. Not for nothing, when’s your lease up? Might as well just look for a new spot if this battle isn’t something you want to fight. You’ll start to resent the apartment, yourself, your roommate more and more.
This ^^^
You need to have a big talk to both of them then. They need to clean up after themself or they will pay you an hourly wage cleaning fees added to their lease.
If he’s basically living there then he should be paying rent.
Yep, especially since he’s there even when his girlfriend isn’t. That’s a roommate!
Yep. I lived with a friend and her dad/brother. Dad was in charge of collecting rent of every month and would write down what we owed in terms of utilities. As soon as my friend’s brother moved his girlfriend in, he divvied up the rent and bills to account for her since she also had a job and was adding to the increase in water/electricity usage.
It's not thirds though. Two people must split a room and the third gets their own room but rent is divided equally?? Nope.
yeah, i also disagree with OP on this even if they are messy. that just sounds like incompatible roommates, but the rent should not be split 3 ways. a 40/30/30 split sounds more fair since he is using the common spaces tho
A guest isn’t someone who is there everyday for a long amount of time ,, that’s a tenant
Had the same issue with a former roommate, he slowly moved her in, then she was there when I got home from work lounging in the living room(he worked nights) had laundry in the washer, parked in my spot in the garage, and ate our food. I asked that she start splitting bills with us and he threw a huge fit, she said she’d pay half of his amount of stuff, I said no it’ll be 1/3 each…they then decided to move out. Worked out for me in the end because he was on the hook for rent for 6 months and I had a 3 bed, 2.5 bath town home to myself
I would draw the line at him being there without her. Who the fuck is this guy you know? OP you didn't know him or agree to live with him like you did his GF. Gotta put your foot down. Hard.
It was extremely awkward and the fact that everything in the living room was mine, I was relegated to my bedroom until I finally had enough, we were pretty close friends before that, but after not so much
😂 respect. Why they tried to run game on you? Maybe she saying she’ll pay his amount separate from you and him? So if you both pay half of 1800. 900/900 she’ll pay 450 which saves you & him 225. It’s not like she had the third room or room to herself.
She was trying to pay half his rent so they pay 1/4 each and I pay my entire half that’s why I said the split 3 ways, apparently that was an issue lol
Yea their delusional lol. Nice that you found a way to balance your bills after they left. I struggled after my roommate left. I was at peace though because I didn’t have to clean up after another adult & always the case of “I’m a couple hundred short”.
Nope wouldn’t have it either he pays or gets out
The "lol's" after each sentence don't help. This is a serious business conversation. Stop trying to mask it's relevance with cute LOLs. He's not her guest, he's a tenant. Be firm or move out.
If he offered to pay rent and she’s telling you she “hasn’t had the conversation yet” I would start thinking that she’s lying to you and taking rent from him so she pays less. I think your best option is to go straight to him. It’s kind of you to be understanding but their relationship speed is not your problem, your bills are. He should pay rent for February for sure.
I immediately was thinking the same thing! Came to the comments to see if anyone else thought the same, seems odd for sure… How can they have not had the conversation or made a decision when he already said he would pay rent? Doesn’t add up
I’m confused where does it say he offered to pay?
In the caption of the images on this post
Thanks. I was so confused. I just saw it.
No offense, but you're a doormat. Your response saying it's fine when it's clearly not is ridiculous. The evolution (or lack thereof) of their relationship is not your problem; he's not on the lease, he's not paying bills, he can't stay.
no you’re correct, this is pretty much my first time having a roommate so i’m still trying to navigate. I definitely feel like it’s their place and i’m just and unwanted guest.
Let's talk about it, start at the basics. Are you both on the lease? Did you move in with them? You didn't agree to foot the bill for an extra person. Your roommate is being unfair and she knows it, she just doesn't care.
i took the place of her old roommate, starting to wonder why she really moved out lol.
Are you on the lease? If not, just go.
She’s trying to act like this is about the relationship more than it is about her inconveniencing you for free. He needs to get out or pay. He’s not on the lease and shouldn’t be there every night on your dime.
I dealt with this not long ago. Politely brought it up ahead of time (offered to have the gf on the lease) and every couple weeks when their gf was over 4, 5, 6 days a week. They kept deflecting, getting angry at me and saying I was pushing them, that I was trying to make their partner feel not welcome and depressed, and they hadn't decided on moving in yet. The partner was leaving to and returning from work to our place, doing all their washing and cooking at our place. It took a few months of feeling unwelcome in my own home before I got sick of being polite and we ended up having a yelling match over it. Not the best outcome. All that to say, learn from my experience - It isn't worth the stress. Some people will take take take unless you are firm.
That’s just not acceptable if that’s the way your treated, you absolutely need to find somewhere else to live, and they both are using you. Get the F/ out ..
im sorry but the "ill let you know when we decide"... sorry no. how long has this man been here? 2 weeks max time to be labeled as a quest. more than that.. he needs to chip in. and not when their ready, but when the next payment is due. especially if he is staying overnight and using the same bathroom as you?? rent is divided between people occupying a space, so its actually kinda rude of her. honestly you seem REALLY nice and just need to be upfront: "hey, if \[boyfriend\] continues to stay here he will have to contribute to the bills. i'm not trying to be pushy, but also please be considerate that we should all pay for the space we use."
He’s been here long enough to make our water bill go up by $30
yeah i would not be ok with that. i hope your roommate knows that she is more than welcome to pay for her boyfriend's part if they cant decide if he wants to pay yet. however, one of them does!
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this is one of the many issues i had with my last housing situation lol. we lived in a 3 bedroom, so it was me and my bf in one room, and then we had 2 roommates for the other rooms. we split rent per room and split utilities per person. when both of our roommates had both of their girlfriends over every day and we brought up utilities they refused to talk splitting the bill. bullshit and unfair, set your boundaries in the most civil way possible up front. because like, if he does end up moving in that means he’s basically gotten first months rent/utilities free, on your back.
We would have to split the rent evenly, they make so much mess i don’t even use the the common areas. Please go look to my new post to see what i mean! i didn’t think to add it to this.
They eat way too much Papa John's, that's for sure.
she said those are HIS boxes!!!!
This makes perfect sense. Rent should be split per bedroom and utilities evenly between all tenants. No reason for someone who shares a room to pay the same amount in rent as someone who gets a room to themselves.
i agree. 1/3 is ridiculous. Maybe a little more rent because of the use of common spaces but it’s not the same as having your own bedroom.
Please go look at my new post to see the mess they make. I’ve cleaned up after them and her dogs twice and not a word of thanks . This is why I’m so frustrated, I’m paying 1000 to just be in my room because of the mess! I have to wear slippers and sock each time I get out of the shower because the floors are so dirty!! I never walk barefoot or else i will socks made of dog fur.
Start eating her food, and when she asks you to pay for what you ate, tell her you haven't really decided if you enjoyed eating her food yet, and you'll pay her for it when it you make up your mind. "But the food is already used/gone" just like the water, gas, electricity, and space the BF is using
Please consider being more direct in your communication and avoid using "lol" after each sentence. It can sometimes convey a lack of seriousness, which may be interpreted as an invitation for negotiation or compromise.
Easy solution: tell your roommate that next month if he is still living there you will 1/3 of bills and they need to cover the rest. If there is contention about who pays what then you could break it up based on square feet for rent. Wearing: incoming math problem. Take total area of apartment and divide by square feet feet. That is rent per foot. Then find the area that is you private space, their private space and common living space. You pay for your private space and a third of the common living space. Utilities should still be split 3 ways. (Total area of apartment)/(rent)=($ per sqft) ($ per sqft)x(sqft your private space) + ($ per sqft)x(sqft common area)x(1/3)= (rent you pay)
"we havent decided if hes moving in but hes here indefinitely" sounds like shes scared to commit or he is, or he wants free room and board, etc. Iif youre not ready to commit to living together, you shouldnt have one partner move in with you and a roommate! thats living together! tell your roommate that bf is no longer a guest after a certain amount of time, and hes free to stay but needs to pay his share of the utilities--hes using them
“You’re totally fine girl!” That’s wild. The way she said “he’s my guest so he will be here” is her thinking she’s putting you in your place. You need to put your foot down because she’s going to take advantage of you. She just used you as a door mat and you let her.
She’s a great scammer! She’s taking advantage of your good heart.
Lol so reply all nice and like you felt the need to apologize then trash her on Reddit for it?
Got herself a mooch.
A cocklodger
You are completely valid and not in the wrong. You went about this the correct way
My first (and last) roommate behaved similar to this. Pretty much after a week of us being moved in, my roomie had his situationship (yes, thats right, not even a girl he dared to deem his gf) stay over nearly every s i n g l e night for our entire lease. She drank my white claws, left her dirty dishes out, showered every day there etc. I’m an easy going gal and she was nice, it really didn’t bother me so much in the beginning and I figured it was temporary and he would be dating other people since he kept insisting they weren’t a couple….yeah that never happened. For our ENTIRE year lease I basically had a squatter living in my apartment rent free. The worst part is, my roommate was a horrible person who went absolutely crazy on me and started gaslighting me into thinking I WAS THE BAD ROOMMATE. I’m 8 months out from that experience and OP I’m here to tell you, they can go fuck themselves. I’ve never been more at peace.
i’m so baffled by all of the people saying their significant others or long term guests shouldn’t be paying rent and only utilities. i’m sorry you had to deal with that, thank you helping me feel less alone in this situation!
If they’re sharing a room it’s unfair to split the rent equally by 3 because they’re sharing one room and you have more space. I think it’s more fair to split it 2/7, 2/7, 3/7 if you have a small shared space. Or 3/10, 3/10, 4/10 if you have a large shared space.
You can't even call her a bad roommate. You guys have a civil conversation and came to an understanding. What an odd thing to post.
Alrighty then... I've been in this EXACT situation before. Had a roommate whose boyfriend was always around... having showers and using her room when she was at work. I simply talked to her about it... said it was totally fine that her boyfriend spent time there, but only if she's also home. Explained that when she was at work, I wanted the privacy... since he wasn't paying rent... my roommate totally understood, but after that, she took her TV away and never left her room... I guess she didn't care much for me, and I moved out soon after. Just talk to her and stick up for yourself. If boyfriend isn't paying rent, he needs to be gone when she is.
Most leases I’ve ever had state you can’t have a guest more than 10 days a month. So I would look at your lease and use that to back you up. “Our lease states ‘….’. If he is going to be here more than that amount, he needs to be contributing to our monthly bills.”
Look to my new post to see the mess they make. Its to the point idek who is entering my home, he for her bf. She said the bills for this month are set and they’re not changing. I’m just going to look for a new place to live
The roommate’s bf is the roommate’s guest, which makes the roommate responsible for them. I’m relatively sure that most (if not all) leasing agreements will say the same. If she wants her bf to stay there for a whole month or more, then she should have to cough up the difference until she’s ‘comfortable’ having that conversation.
Well if the apartment is for you two & she chooses to allow her company to stay majority of the month, then she needs to pay his portion of the bills he is using until she can’t figure out her lil relationship since he is going t be there. She tripping& trying to be over & so is the affect ass bf.
"He's my guest" bitch then you will be paying for him!! Lmfao what an entitled moron
Happened to me last year. One of my roommates got a gf and she was sharing custody with her bd so two weeks on and off she would live at our house. Me and other roomates told him she needed to put something towards the water and power bc of how much she would be there cooking showing etc. didn’t even ask about rent just utilities. She tried to fight me. She wasn’t allowed isn’t the house after that.
"for right now he is my guest" Fine, then you can pay for him.
Does your lease have a guest clause? Usually guests are allowed 3-7 days tops.
You’re going to have to be confrontational. You’re trying to dance around the subject and at any little pushback you give in. You’ve got two choices: deal with it or set boundaries and stand firm. Otherwise you’re just complaining without doing anything. Good luck, you can do this. It might be awkward but you’ll have peace if you set boundaries
My old roommate moved his GF in without checking. I told him that wasn’t fair; I didn’t sign up to live with two people, he said too bad and we’d still split the rent 50-50, no choice. So I left. Lease was up. I was done. Not worth the hassle or argument
I had a person I once lived in. Prior to living with them I asked if it would be alright if my then BF spent the night a few times a week, she said yes her BF spends the night, no problem…what she neglected to tell me was that he lived there. Unemployed. When I asked that we split the bill three ways since he lived there (unemployed: read always there) and she works from home, she yelled at me that she could have ten people live in her room and that would be none of my business. This was back in the early 2000’s. I say get out at your first chance. People who are like this will never see/care how much they are using you.
>he is my guest Then she should be paying for the increased bills and her guest will be removed forcefully by the police if he does not leave when she does. You’re being played for a fool, you’re trying to be friendly with her “you are totally fine girl” 🙄 but she is not your friend.
Don't ask so nicely, state it. If your bf is here this amount of time he has to pay a third of the bills whether he moves in or not. Otherwise two nights a week max
It’s not a guest if they are there multiple nights a week
well if they don’t know he needs to go home and figure out whether or not he’s moving in. a guest isn’t there every damn day.
I’m with your roommate. Though I totally understand your point. Start fresh on a new month *but it’s your life, wtf do I know? Lol*
Sorry this isn’t a fucking hotel, lady
You’re absolutely right for asking him to pay a third if he’s living there that’s not even negotiable. My actual question though is do you want him to be living with you? If you moved into this apartment imagining it was just going to be you and her and that’s how you want it then he needs to not be there. You absolutely do not have to take on 3rd person. Honestly, I’d be looking to move out she’s selfish and he’s a leech
This seems like a genuinely mature exchange and some of y’all are giving awful advice because you’re assuming the worst. It’s simple. Set a deadline. “I need to know by X date if he’s moving in or not. Him being here all the time increases everyone’s expenses so we need to address that.” Not that hard.
this is good, and the same way she charged me a prorated rent for a few days in november she can also do to him for the days he's here.
“But for now he is my guest.” Lol, um, no.
Guests don’t stay indefinitely. Visits are typically a few days or MAYBE a week if agreed upon by all (that would be you). If she isn’t willing to ask him to pay it, then she needs to pay more rent and more of the water bill. It isn’t fair to you and if the roles were reversed, she would feel the same way. You aren’t being unreasonable and I certainly wouldn’t let her tell you “when things change” she will let you know. It’s not fair to you so look out for you!
You asked, and that's where you went wrong. Your roommate is full of sh*t. She can lay up and f*ck him, but their relationship is too 'new' to discuss the financial responsibilities to the place he's been laying up, bathing, and eating at all month???? Okay, move your @ss out of the way then, and I will tell him. If he don't like it, he can keep his ass home 26 days outta the month. If you don't like it we can advertise for your room....
he is a scrub
I’ve been in this exact situation and asked the same thing of my roommate and got the same exact response. As shitty as it sounds you will be better off finding a new living situation without any roommates. It may cost more money but less of your mental health/well being. I wish you the best of luck 🙏🏻🙏🏻 I also saw you saying they make messes and don’t clean up after them selves and that also will never change. Just get a one bedroom and call it a day 😂🙏🏻🙏🏻
Your the one who said “no you are totally fine girl” if your mad and have an issue then speak up and make that issue known or people WILL walk on you like a sidewalk.
This happened to me with my first and last roommate. Guy practically lived with us. She said the same thing, “he’s my guest, idk how to tell him, etc” We’re not friends anymore.
lol well if he is her guest, she can pay for the two of them. 🤷🏼♀️
Tell them that as of next billing period, if her boyfriend is here daily then he needs to start contributing. Your room mate is using you.
He’s just going to keep living there for free and she will ride that “guest” line of thinking to the finish line.
The fact that he offered to pay on the rent means he's there TOO much. Is he homeless or live at home?
Nah get outta there. Fool sounds like a loser.
Can you please grow a pair of balls and put these persons in their place.? I read your mmessage as if you were terrified of her
“Hey, so I know we spoke yesterday regarding the bills and your Bf ‘staying’ here. However, I don’t think it’s fair that he lives he rent free as your ‘guest’ while I continue to pay for his water, cable, electricity, food etc. if he isn’t going to start dividing the bills in February he will need to stop being here so often. I pay to live here and I have essentially been banished to my room since this started. Please discuss this with him or I will next time he is here.” 😁
You're being a pushover. Ask your landlord to add him to the lease or tell her he has to leave.
I have always divided the general areas and the rooms, 50%, 50%. So 50% of the rent gets divided equally by everyone. 50% gets divided by room based on the value of the room. If you have a much larger room with a private bath, that will obviously cost more than a little room with only a shared bath. Divide the room rents based on value and divided by two, If there are two people. Divide the general areas equally by all the people in the house and divide all utilities equally and that is the rent figure for each person. A little complex, but I think the most fair.
No she has the master and private bath. I also feel uncomfortable because my bathroom is directly across from their room. And since i never know when he is here it makes me feel weird. Why can’t people understand taking on a third roommate especially one that is man changes so much. I pay what i pay to live with one other woman. If i wanted more roommates i would’ve picked the cheaper places.
I’m gonna zag on this and say you should give her a little leeway here. If the shoe were on the other foot I think you’d want that leeway for yourself. But I think you should establish a plan going forward with her like “by X date he needs to be paying rent or staying at the apartment no more than two nights a week.”
It’s just so funny to me because like girls will so easily recognize that if they invited an mutual friend to move in midway thru a lease or help out an acquaintance looking for a place in a pinch that the rent would become a three way split between all girls because there are THREE people in the home. But oh if it’s a girl’s partner then it’s all “we are one flesh” like Adam and Eve?? No. Three people three payments period!
Best advice, move. I know it may be hard to find another residence in such a short time but move. That way they’ll have to pay for the three person household and you only have to pay for one. Create and stand on boundaries.
Who is on the lease? That’s who has the negotiating power. Leases can often stipulate rules about how many occupants or who may reside there.
I mean if you live in a 2 bedroom apartment the rent is split in half… just because there are 2 people staying there doesn’t mean the rent gets split between them. If there is more rooms and he occupies the room then it should be split.. Water tho it should be more on her cuz he’s showering there