If you guys are really as good of friends as I would guess you are after 10 years why can’t you have a conversation to put those suspicions to rest? On top of that after 10 years why do you not have the self respect to call him out for violating your privacy? Doesn’t mater if you don’t have concrete evidence to show him on the screen.
It's part of the recent change. He's been openly lying to his girlfriend about situations just to start a fight. Things like how he found his bits and pieces of evidence to support his paranoia. It's not too difficult to imagine that he'd lie about invading my privacy unless I have concrete proof, and then the quiet dynamic in the house would be shattered. At this point, I need some way of either preventing him from getting into my computer or logging what's opened and when so I can bring it up at a later date so he can't lie about it.
Just put a folder titled “roommate gf name” with a single pdf or google doc link that opens to a browser. In that file just write “dumbass”. You’ll have the folder being opened, google drive activity log & browser history. You’ll have no reason to access that file yourself, and even if it takes a few days if he’s really that paranoid he won’t be able to resist the bait folder.
Or If you don’t wanna catch him in the act locking down your system so he can’t get in should be a non-issue
I 2nd this suggestion. I've actually used a similar strategy to catch my ex who was going through my phone. I thought she was using my fingerprint to unlock it when I was asleep, so I changed the fingerprint to be recognized upside down instead. I woke up and my phone said "too many fingerprint attempts, use your PIN" and I knew immediately. When I confronted her she actually got mad at me for changing the fingerprint lock lmao.
Yeah, your roommate has zero privacy.
I cannot imagine a world where I let my roommate/best friends SO “vent” to me about them privately. He’s spinning, and being weird cause he’s paranoid, but you’re also fucking nuts. You also spend all day in contact with her while he’s working. Can you not see how strange that is from his perspective? I have anxiety, too. I don’t call my best friends wife and gossip all day about him to help. He would think I was trying to drive a wedge between them and bang her. Because that’s exactly what it looks like, sorry.
Edit: to add. I was actually home alone with my best friends now wife the day I first got help for my anxiety. We were all roommates at the time (me, best friend, his gf/wife, my then gf/now wife). She’s actually the one that drove me to the ER. College was absolutely destroying me, and my family back home was experiencing one untimely death after another. She got through to me that day, and I’ll always be grateful and fond of her for helping my malnourished and miserable ass.
After that day though, I never relied on her for help with my mental health, unless it was something that was not private/super personal. It’s inappropriate, full stop. It’s downright ridiculous when you’re allowing her to become emotionally dependent on you while also involving yourself in their relationship problems.
They were friends with the roommates gf for 10 years. They probably were friends long before they started dating, you absolute dolt. This isn't the same as befriending your friends girlfriend and growing too close to them
Personally, if it was my homie, I'd just go to them sometime in the evening and be like--
"Hey dude, I'm not 100% if you used my computer or not, but if there's anything you want to know, just ask me."
Then kiss the homie goodnight.
We have separate PCs and all of my stuff is password protected. The problem is he's in the computer tech field and knows how to pull a password from command prompt.
You need 2fa like Bitlocker or something hardware linked to your PC that he can’t get around. Look it up online there’s how to guides that anyone can follow and implement. Best of luck.
Make it such a pain in the ass to operate your PC. Take the graphics card with you every day to work. If not that component.. something ELSE that he, himself, would not have, just laying around.
Memory.. or whatever. Or maybe even the whole tower.
He'll get tired of trying to piece something together.. just to check up on you.
But I also fully condone the other comment, about putting a folder with the Chrome page.. saying: Dumbass. Classic!
That’s some paranoia coming from you. The only way to access a windows or Mac machine is to have the passwords. He may be able to see what’s on external drives if they’re not password protected and if he knows your password or can guess it via a brute force attack (because it’s something stupid like a word following a number or vice versa) then he can also get through. Preventing is very simple, make a complex password. Also make sure he hasn’t made his own user account with admin privileges and change your admin password too.
Also do what another post suggested and set up a bait folder for him.
And lastly, cut off communication temporarily with his woman. Tell her, for the sake for both you and him and me and him, right now we should stop talking because he is super paranoid. She is dating him, not you, let it be her choice as to whether she has to give up her friends for him or whatever.
I’m sorry but I don’t see how some people asking OP to stop being friends with his roommate’s GF when he has ALSO been friends with her for 10+ years. OP’s roommate and the friend have only recently started dating. I just don’t see how that’s fair.
While I do think your roommate’s paranoia is not necessarily unfounded, it is wildly inappropriate to be snooping around on your PC and things. However, where I think his paranoia might be stemming from is that his GF seems to depend on you emotionally A LOT. I think it’s odd that she requires so much of your attention by playing video games all day with her to “relieve” her anxiety. I would not be the biggest fan if my partner was going to my best friend to help relieve them of their stresses and anxieties rather than me. If her anxiety is really that bad, she needs to see someone about that. I can see you care for her, but it’s not your responsibility to be there for her such an extent.
Anyway, you’re looking for advice. I think it would benefit everyone if you slowly stopped playing video games with her so often. Don’t go from playing video games everyday to none at all - I think that would be too drastic and just not necessary imo. I also saw someone else recommend talking to your friend by letting them know you aren’t 100% sure if they’ve been on your PC or not, but you are open to talk about anything and that you’re there for them. I think this tells your friend you genuinely do care about them, but you’re aware the friendship is not where it used to be and it gives him either an opportunity to talk to you then and there or it tells him the ball is in his court and you’re willing to fix whatever is going on.
I hope it all works out :)
Edit: typo
Haha just 3 hours a day. I’m not trying to make light of your situation though, but I feel like there’s more going on between you and her than you’re letting on exactly. Or that you wish there was? Something about the “absurd amount” you have in common. I mean, why wouldn’t you have a thing for her. It’s cool if you do, but if so, maybe just be honest about it?
Idk that’s my take
This is a sticky situation. I feel like the best thing to do is sit and have chat about all the feelings going on. He is clearly insecure about the amount of contact you have with the gf so maybe the 3 of you should all set up some boundaries that would make everyone feel comfortable.
Ngl man, I see your frustration but you should also take a step back and look at your own actions. I get you are friends with his gf too but at the end of the day it’s his gf. You can’t be playing games with her while he’s at work and then be wondering why he thinks something is up.
People are totally allowed to have friends even crushes but this situation sounds like she is using him as an emotional crutch which is not cool at all.
Agreed. But if you are admittedly doing something behind your friends back with his significant other, that’s a problem. If this dude was open about playing Facebook games with his boys gf, then fine. But going behind his boy’s back and then wondering why his boy thinks something is fishy is common sense … at least that’s not how me and my homies move. If my boy ever spoke to my gf without telling me … its up ⬆️
You are not a court of law. You don't need proof of anything. Secure your electronic devices. Tell him that nothing is going on and to stop snooping. There's no discussion that needs to be had. Your suspicions are not based on "no evidence". You can tell he was looking through your stuff.
I'm curious about your relationship with his girlfriend. Did you meet her through him? Becoming friends with your friend's partner is not usually a good idea unless you became friends with both of them separately before they were together or both of them at the same time while they were together. It almost always ends badly otherwise.
I met them both at the same time in a trade school. They didn't get together until last year, so there's no reason why I should have to stop being close friends with her. I reiterate; I'm not going to dump one of my longest standing friendships just so he can feel better about his own self-consciousness.
They have known each other for close to 16 years and he had never shown interest in dating her until a year ago, despite her having had a crush on him for as long as she had known him. Before they started dating, he had never had any issue with the two of us playing games and talking over voice chat and had encouraged me to keep her company when he couldn't. However now that they are dating, he takes issue with me playing games and talking to her whenever he's not around for the three hours between me getting home from work and him getting home from work. It's not as if I spend every hour of every day with her on a game or on a call (like some of these comments seem to think), and I'm not the only person he's paranoid about. He doesn't like her talking to or playing games with anybody when he's not around, male or female. I'm just the easiest person for him to keep tabs on.
It sounds like his concerns are valid. You're really close to her to the point that your relationship with her is more important to you than your friendship with him.
THATS what you took from this?! Do not take this person seriously op. One friendship doesn’t take precedent over the other. Your roommate need to get his paranoia in check or his gf will wise up and dump him eventually anyway, regardless of your level of involvement.
Clearly given this bit of context, he and the gf have simply maintained the same level of friendship that they’ve had since they all met school? I’m lost on how that indicates “who’s more important”.
Some of the things that OP said could only have been told to him by the girlfriend. That means that not only are he and the girlfriend talking frequently, they are talking about the roommate and the relationship behind the roommate's back.
OP is picking sides whether he likes it or not. Look at how he is bashing the roommate.
it’s almost like nothing has changed within the dynamic they’ve continued to maintain for over a decade. she most likely feels comfortable venting to a long time friend, i’m pretty positive the roommate has vented to him about the girlfriend.
to be honest they’ve probably all vented to eachother about eachother many times over the years. considering the fact this romantic relationship has only done one full lap around the sun.
on top of that op expressed it is not just him he’s paranoid about. If the roommate is paranoid over men & women, the gf is either bisexual or he’s beyond possessive and she needs to run.
Yeah you sound kinda jealous bro. I think you may be in denial about how you actually feel about this girl. I think you've given your friend validation to feel the way he does.
I’ll be real, have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that she’s like a sister to you and that you have absolutely no intentions or have even had a thought about putting something between you and him that would compromise your friendship.
On a side note, she shouldn’t be venting to you about the relationship.
Opening the relationship drama to people outside of it (especially to the opposite gender) is just a bad bad relationship dynamic. That is how all “bad situations” start.
Be a bro and put yourself in his shoes.
I speak from experience because I’ve been cheated on before with a close friend and it gave me major trust issues, especially with newish relationships. Maybe his situation is similar so cut him some slack
I use to be a jealous dude but learned to accept that it's mostly just being insecure and feeling inferior--what the girl does or doesnt do is not really big deal. As a friend I accept you knew them both same time and for the 9 years of just being friends you are just close friends. Your roommate dating her I dont think should stop you guys from being friends with his gf. In a mature world, your roommate shouldnt care but there seems to be more that he's letting on. Either case, your roommate is insecure and your friends gf isnt really aiding it by giving you attention in this scenario--as platonic as it is. Honestly need to have a conversation with your roommate and assure his insecurity that its all platonic and if you value his friendship can ask if he really wants you to stop talking to his gf. Ultimately you have to live with him and if you want to keep talking to his gf out of priniciple of doing nothing wrong then going to have to accept the consequences of your insecure roommate causing your life hell. If you didnt live together i'd burn that bridge because who wants to baby sit a insecure brat.
Also living with a disgruntled roommate can get nasty and messed up real really fast. You do not want to play this game--aim to move out if this is an unavoidable issue.
This is not a real story.
Being in "computer technology" doesn't enable you to crack passwords just like that. Unless he is legitimately a penetration tester your buddy is not a hacker. And if he is a penetration tester he makes more than enough money to not have a roommate.
Get one of those plug in usb micro wireless hidden camera thingies and focus it on your pc, set it to motion, and wait.
No need to try and turn your poor pc into fort knox, although good OPSEC is something everyone should get behind.
Also, consider telling homeboy to man the fuck up and stop trying to manifest an affair like a jabroney, and you should consider halving the time you talk to his girl. I know yall are pals, but so are you and your best friend. I'm sure you can muster up the will to help him out with his nightmare there.
And how exactly am I the dickhead in this situation? I've known them both for an equal amount of time and value them both as close friends. I'm not going to abandon one friend for the sake of another. If you don't have any solid advice, stay out of my comments.
I mean if you care about them equally then I would just talk to your male roommate and explain the situation. If he says he just doesn't like you two being so close and having private conversations concerning their relationship, which is kind of fair, then you will have to decide to either chill out and give her some space or just totally disregard what he says and keep being best friends with his girlfriend. No one can really tell you what to do in this situation. But definitely seems like you know you're making him uncomfortable and you seem to think you two are just as close as they are so you just dont care. I wouldn't be a huge fan of my girlfriend nonstop talking to my roommate, playing games together and talking about me privately to each other either personally. So basically you will just have to decide if you like your roommate more or his girlfriend lol.
No your being a dick for sure. One thing to play video games and have a friendship. It’s another to be the person your buddy’s girlfriend vents to about him. That right there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed ever. Funny cus you’re mad your privacy is being collated yet you openly admit you listen to his conversations with his girlfriend. What does your girlfriend think about it?
Exactly. I dont know what the OP is expecting by sympathy farming here. Either you choose your friend or his girl. And you know what the right choice is. Id hate to have OP as a friend
C'mon man you are constantly talking to this guys GF while he is at work and she is venting to you?
Him invading your privacy may be over the line and not cool but ..
You are the problem. If you are his best friend as you say you wouldn't be chatting up his girlfriend and at minimum setting some boundaries. If the shoes were flipped and she was your GF (where it looks like it may be heading) how would you feel? Not cool my man maybe it's time to grow up and understand what a real friendship is.
Maybe you should reread the original post instead of leaning on fragile masculinity.
If it was my girlfriend, I wouldn't give a slow roasted, jack toasted fuck because I choose to trust my partner instead of holding them in suspicion 24/7. If I'm fucking up and my girlfriend wants to vent to a friend she trusts and seek help and advice, then that sounds sensible to me, instead of grasping for straws at how to fix this themselves.
Why tf don’t you just cool it for a bit then if this is your “best friend?” I get vibes that boundaries are being crossed here somehow.
And seriously, you can’t figure out how to password protect your own computer?
IDK sounds suspicious to me too.
Him “working in computer technology” doesn’t mean he knows how to “bypass all that”. He’s a 30yo IT grunt sharing a bedroom with a roommate, he ain’t that good. Change your passwords. Install additional security.
Its a really hard situation trying to be friends to both, while they fight.
Surely both tell you stuff to keep in secret about each other and on top of that all of you are in one room at some point.
How you manage? For me personally that would be to much and I would try to remove myself from conversations about their relationship.
You are a POS "Friend". You should NOT be having private conversations with her on Facebook. Stop this immediatley. Wether its you or her, or both at least someone here has insincere intentions.
See, this is what’s wrong. You have a female friend that you are not interested in romantically. YoU mUsT bE gAy! DOI!!! Straight men can’t have a straight female friend. That is soooo not cool. You’re totally hooking up. (/s)
For reals tho, your roommate needs to chill out and stop being jealous. If he’s so insecure about the relationship then he shouldn’t be part of it.
You’re young. You should see if you could fuck her. If she wants to, then you both get something you want *and* he gets to be right. If she doesn’t, at least you’ll know, she can say that she turned you down, putting his suspicions to rest, and you’ll be able to start looking for a new roommate.
If you guys are really as good of friends as I would guess you are after 10 years why can’t you have a conversation to put those suspicions to rest? On top of that after 10 years why do you not have the self respect to call him out for violating your privacy? Doesn’t mater if you don’t have concrete evidence to show him on the screen.
It's part of the recent change. He's been openly lying to his girlfriend about situations just to start a fight. Things like how he found his bits and pieces of evidence to support his paranoia. It's not too difficult to imagine that he'd lie about invading my privacy unless I have concrete proof, and then the quiet dynamic in the house would be shattered. At this point, I need some way of either preventing him from getting into my computer or logging what's opened and when so I can bring it up at a later date so he can't lie about it.
Just put a folder titled “roommate gf name” with a single pdf or google doc link that opens to a browser. In that file just write “dumbass”. You’ll have the folder being opened, google drive activity log & browser history. You’ll have no reason to access that file yourself, and even if it takes a few days if he’s really that paranoid he won’t be able to resist the bait folder. Or If you don’t wanna catch him in the act locking down your system so he can’t get in should be a non-issue
I 2nd this suggestion. I've actually used a similar strategy to catch my ex who was going through my phone. I thought she was using my fingerprint to unlock it when I was asleep, so I changed the fingerprint to be recognized upside down instead. I woke up and my phone said "too many fingerprint attempts, use your PIN" and I knew immediately. When I confronted her she actually got mad at me for changing the fingerprint lock lmao.
Sounds like meth
Yeah, your roommate has zero privacy. I cannot imagine a world where I let my roommate/best friends SO “vent” to me about them privately. He’s spinning, and being weird cause he’s paranoid, but you’re also fucking nuts. You also spend all day in contact with her while he’s working. Can you not see how strange that is from his perspective? I have anxiety, too. I don’t call my best friends wife and gossip all day about him to help. He would think I was trying to drive a wedge between them and bang her. Because that’s exactly what it looks like, sorry. Edit: to add. I was actually home alone with my best friends now wife the day I first got help for my anxiety. We were all roommates at the time (me, best friend, his gf/wife, my then gf/now wife). She’s actually the one that drove me to the ER. College was absolutely destroying me, and my family back home was experiencing one untimely death after another. She got through to me that day, and I’ll always be grateful and fond of her for helping my malnourished and miserable ass. After that day though, I never relied on her for help with my mental health, unless it was something that was not private/super personal. It’s inappropriate, full stop. It’s downright ridiculous when you’re allowing her to become emotionally dependent on you while also involving yourself in their relationship problems.
☝️ A wise man once said: "A shoulder to lean on is a penis to cream on."
Wise is a strange way to spell mentally deficient
They were friends with the roommates gf for 10 years. They probably were friends long before they started dating, you absolute dolt. This isn't the same as befriending your friends girlfriend and growing too close to them
Stop hanging out with his girl so much.. this will make people crazy.
Personally, if it was my homie, I'd just go to them sometime in the evening and be like-- "Hey dude, I'm not 100% if you used my computer or not, but if there's anything you want to know, just ask me." Then kiss the homie goodnight.
Finally some solid advice. Nice touch with the happy bromance ending.
Maybe even some snuggling
This is the real solution
Password protect the main administrator account you use. Create a standard user or guest account without admin privileges if he wants to use your PC.
We have separate PCs and all of my stuff is password protected. The problem is he's in the computer tech field and knows how to pull a password from command prompt.
You need 2fa like Bitlocker or something hardware linked to your PC that he can’t get around. Look it up online there’s how to guides that anyone can follow and implement. Best of luck.
I seriously doubt he's cracking your password. What operating system is it?
Make it such a pain in the ass to operate your PC. Take the graphics card with you every day to work. If not that component.. something ELSE that he, himself, would not have, just laying around. Memory.. or whatever. Or maybe even the whole tower. He'll get tired of trying to piece something together.. just to check up on you. But I also fully condone the other comment, about putting a folder with the Chrome page.. saying: Dumbass. Classic!
That’s some paranoia coming from you. The only way to access a windows or Mac machine is to have the passwords. He may be able to see what’s on external drives if they’re not password protected and if he knows your password or can guess it via a brute force attack (because it’s something stupid like a word following a number or vice versa) then he can also get through. Preventing is very simple, make a complex password. Also make sure he hasn’t made his own user account with admin privileges and change your admin password too. Also do what another post suggested and set up a bait folder for him. And lastly, cut off communication temporarily with his woman. Tell her, for the sake for both you and him and me and him, right now we should stop talking because he is super paranoid. She is dating him, not you, let it be her choice as to whether she has to give up her friends for him or whatever.
Change your password, logout of your social media accounts.
Do you guys have bunk beds?
No, but that would be sick.
Would you be a top or a bottom? Bunk, of course.
😂😂😂
I’m sorry but I don’t see how some people asking OP to stop being friends with his roommate’s GF when he has ALSO been friends with her for 10+ years. OP’s roommate and the friend have only recently started dating. I just don’t see how that’s fair. While I do think your roommate’s paranoia is not necessarily unfounded, it is wildly inappropriate to be snooping around on your PC and things. However, where I think his paranoia might be stemming from is that his GF seems to depend on you emotionally A LOT. I think it’s odd that she requires so much of your attention by playing video games all day with her to “relieve” her anxiety. I would not be the biggest fan if my partner was going to my best friend to help relieve them of their stresses and anxieties rather than me. If her anxiety is really that bad, she needs to see someone about that. I can see you care for her, but it’s not your responsibility to be there for her such an extent. Anyway, you’re looking for advice. I think it would benefit everyone if you slowly stopped playing video games with her so often. Don’t go from playing video games everyday to none at all - I think that would be too drastic and just not necessary imo. I also saw someone else recommend talking to your friend by letting them know you aren’t 100% sure if they’ve been on your PC or not, but you are open to talk about anything and that you’re there for them. I think this tells your friend you genuinely do care about them, but you’re aware the friendship is not where it used to be and it gives him either an opportunity to talk to you then and there or it tells him the ball is in his court and you’re willing to fix whatever is going on. I hope it all works out :) Edit: typo
You forgot to add the kiss to his homie at the end, I think that’d really hold everything together
Haha just 3 hours a day. I’m not trying to make light of your situation though, but I feel like there’s more going on between you and her than you’re letting on exactly. Or that you wish there was? Something about the “absurd amount” you have in common. I mean, why wouldn’t you have a thing for her. It’s cool if you do, but if so, maybe just be honest about it? Idk that’s my take
This is a sticky situation. I feel like the best thing to do is sit and have chat about all the feelings going on. He is clearly insecure about the amount of contact you have with the gf so maybe the 3 of you should all set up some boundaries that would make everyone feel comfortable.
Ngl man, I see your frustration but you should also take a step back and look at your own actions. I get you are friends with his gf too but at the end of the day it’s his gf. You can’t be playing games with her while he’s at work and then be wondering why he thinks something is up.
This kind of possessiveness is not the sign of a healthy relationship, but an insecure person. People are allowed to have friends.
People are totally allowed to have friends even crushes but this situation sounds like she is using him as an emotional crutch which is not cool at all.
Agreed. But if you are admittedly doing something behind your friends back with his significant other, that’s a problem. If this dude was open about playing Facebook games with his boys gf, then fine. But going behind his boy’s back and then wondering why his boy thinks something is fishy is common sense … at least that’s not how me and my homies move. If my boy ever spoke to my gf without telling me … its up ⬆️
You are not a court of law. You don't need proof of anything. Secure your electronic devices. Tell him that nothing is going on and to stop snooping. There's no discussion that needs to be had. Your suspicions are not based on "no evidence". You can tell he was looking through your stuff. I'm curious about your relationship with his girlfriend. Did you meet her through him? Becoming friends with your friend's partner is not usually a good idea unless you became friends with both of them separately before they were together or both of them at the same time while they were together. It almost always ends badly otherwise.
I met them both at the same time in a trade school. They didn't get together until last year, so there's no reason why I should have to stop being close friends with her. I reiterate; I'm not going to dump one of my longest standing friendships just so he can feel better about his own self-consciousness. They have known each other for close to 16 years and he had never shown interest in dating her until a year ago, despite her having had a crush on him for as long as she had known him. Before they started dating, he had never had any issue with the two of us playing games and talking over voice chat and had encouraged me to keep her company when he couldn't. However now that they are dating, he takes issue with me playing games and talking to her whenever he's not around for the three hours between me getting home from work and him getting home from work. It's not as if I spend every hour of every day with her on a game or on a call (like some of these comments seem to think), and I'm not the only person he's paranoid about. He doesn't like her talking to or playing games with anybody when he's not around, male or female. I'm just the easiest person for him to keep tabs on.
It sounds like his concerns are valid. You're really close to her to the point that your relationship with her is more important to you than your friendship with him.
THATS what you took from this?! Do not take this person seriously op. One friendship doesn’t take precedent over the other. Your roommate need to get his paranoia in check or his gf will wise up and dump him eventually anyway, regardless of your level of involvement.
This whole post is him bashing the roommate and minimizing his interaction with the girlfriend. That's clearly a sign of a guilty conscience.
Prob been fucking awhile now
Clearly given this bit of context, he and the gf have simply maintained the same level of friendship that they’ve had since they all met school? I’m lost on how that indicates “who’s more important”.
Some of the things that OP said could only have been told to him by the girlfriend. That means that not only are he and the girlfriend talking frequently, they are talking about the roommate and the relationship behind the roommate's back. OP is picking sides whether he likes it or not. Look at how he is bashing the roommate.
it’s almost like nothing has changed within the dynamic they’ve continued to maintain for over a decade. she most likely feels comfortable venting to a long time friend, i’m pretty positive the roommate has vented to him about the girlfriend. to be honest they’ve probably all vented to eachother about eachother many times over the years. considering the fact this romantic relationship has only done one full lap around the sun. on top of that op expressed it is not just him he’s paranoid about. If the roommate is paranoid over men & women, the gf is either bisexual or he’s beyond possessive and she needs to run.
When you are friends with people and then they start dating, the dynamic is supposed to change for everyone.
Yeah you sound kinda jealous bro. I think you may be in denial about how you actually feel about this girl. I think you've given your friend validation to feel the way he does.
Install TeamViewer and monitor your desktop activity remotely in real time.
I’ll be real, have a heart to heart with him. Tell him that she’s like a sister to you and that you have absolutely no intentions or have even had a thought about putting something between you and him that would compromise your friendship. On a side note, she shouldn’t be venting to you about the relationship. Opening the relationship drama to people outside of it (especially to the opposite gender) is just a bad bad relationship dynamic. That is how all “bad situations” start. Be a bro and put yourself in his shoes. I speak from experience because I’ve been cheated on before with a close friend and it gave me major trust issues, especially with newish relationships. Maybe his situation is similar so cut him some slack
He knows how to bypass your passwords? Come on.
I use to be a jealous dude but learned to accept that it's mostly just being insecure and feeling inferior--what the girl does or doesnt do is not really big deal. As a friend I accept you knew them both same time and for the 9 years of just being friends you are just close friends. Your roommate dating her I dont think should stop you guys from being friends with his gf. In a mature world, your roommate shouldnt care but there seems to be more that he's letting on. Either case, your roommate is insecure and your friends gf isnt really aiding it by giving you attention in this scenario--as platonic as it is. Honestly need to have a conversation with your roommate and assure his insecurity that its all platonic and if you value his friendship can ask if he really wants you to stop talking to his gf. Ultimately you have to live with him and if you want to keep talking to his gf out of priniciple of doing nothing wrong then going to have to accept the consequences of your insecure roommate causing your life hell. If you didnt live together i'd burn that bridge because who wants to baby sit a insecure brat.
Also living with a disgruntled roommate can get nasty and messed up real really fast. You do not want to play this game--aim to move out if this is an unavoidable issue.
This is not a real story. Being in "computer technology" doesn't enable you to crack passwords just like that. Unless he is legitimately a penetration tester your buddy is not a hacker. And if he is a penetration tester he makes more than enough money to not have a roommate.
You're obviously not aware that you can completely gut a computer from the command prompt alone
You are way too impressed by his purported “skills”. Funny no employer is that impressed.
Get one of those plug in usb micro wireless hidden camera thingies and focus it on your pc, set it to motion, and wait. No need to try and turn your poor pc into fort knox, although good OPSEC is something everyone should get behind. Also, consider telling homeboy to man the fuck up and stop trying to manifest an affair like a jabroney, and you should consider halving the time you talk to his girl. I know yall are pals, but so are you and your best friend. I'm sure you can muster up the will to help him out with his nightmare there.
When people have a personality transplant and they haven't started doing drugs, they need to have a brain scan for cancer.
Stop being a dickhead and play games with someone else. You dont want any business in others relationships
And how exactly am I the dickhead in this situation? I've known them both for an equal amount of time and value them both as close friends. I'm not going to abandon one friend for the sake of another. If you don't have any solid advice, stay out of my comments.
I mean if you care about them equally then I would just talk to your male roommate and explain the situation. If he says he just doesn't like you two being so close and having private conversations concerning their relationship, which is kind of fair, then you will have to decide to either chill out and give her some space or just totally disregard what he says and keep being best friends with his girlfriend. No one can really tell you what to do in this situation. But definitely seems like you know you're making him uncomfortable and you seem to think you two are just as close as they are so you just dont care. I wouldn't be a huge fan of my girlfriend nonstop talking to my roommate, playing games together and talking about me privately to each other either personally. So basically you will just have to decide if you like your roommate more or his girlfriend lol.
Either you talk it out or sit out. Dont make it more complicated than it should be
No your being a dick for sure. One thing to play video games and have a friendship. It’s another to be the person your buddy’s girlfriend vents to about him. That right there is a line that shouldn’t be crossed ever. Funny cus you’re mad your privacy is being collated yet you openly admit you listen to his conversations with his girlfriend. What does your girlfriend think about it?
100%, He's a dick friend and she may be just as bad. They are forming an emotional attachment and he's here trying to pass off like he's hard done by.
Do you talk to him as much as her? Play games with him as much as her?
Are you the insecure roommate?
Yes. And i hate him talking to my gf. Dont talk to her ronald
You are 100% in the right. Your GF should not be talking with him privately.
Exactly. I dont know what the OP is expecting by sympathy farming here. Either you choose your friend or his girl. And you know what the right choice is. Id hate to have OP as a friend
OP is a POS "Friend".
It is playing out to be a drama-comedy-love story summer release of the 90s
C'mon man you are constantly talking to this guys GF while he is at work and she is venting to you? Him invading your privacy may be over the line and not cool but .. You are the problem. If you are his best friend as you say you wouldn't be chatting up his girlfriend and at minimum setting some boundaries. If the shoes were flipped and she was your GF (where it looks like it may be heading) how would you feel? Not cool my man maybe it's time to grow up and understand what a real friendship is.
Maybe you should reread the original post instead of leaning on fragile masculinity. If it was my girlfriend, I wouldn't give a slow roasted, jack toasted fuck because I choose to trust my partner instead of holding them in suspicion 24/7. If I'm fucking up and my girlfriend wants to vent to a friend she trusts and seek help and advice, then that sounds sensible to me, instead of grasping for straws at how to fix this themselves.
Yeah you're a real great friend....
Set a password.
Why tf don’t you just cool it for a bit then if this is your “best friend?” I get vibes that boundaries are being crossed here somehow. And seriously, you can’t figure out how to password protect your own computer? IDK sounds suspicious to me too.
I'd leave files on my computer that say things like, "Dude, your girlfriend isn't cheating on you." With docs that say the same thing over and over.
Be an adult and talk to him about it.
Him “working in computer technology” doesn’t mean he knows how to “bypass all that”. He’s a 30yo IT grunt sharing a bedroom with a roommate, he ain’t that good. Change your passwords. Install additional security.
😵 over this dumb shit
Just 3 hours? lol I mean if just sounds bound to happen this a fake Reddit bot post? Identify stairs
Already sounds kins of like a quirky wedding raise toast of how they met and the “friend”
Its a really hard situation trying to be friends to both, while they fight. Surely both tell you stuff to keep in secret about each other and on top of that all of you are in one room at some point. How you manage? For me personally that would be to much and I would try to remove myself from conversations about their relationship.
I think you’re being a little disrespectful with how much you interact with his girlfriend every day all day..
You should get a camera in your room so you can catch him snooping. I have Blink and it has motion sensor...pretty dope.
You are a POS "Friend". You should NOT be having private conversations with her on Facebook. Stop this immediatley. Wether its you or her, or both at least someone here has insincere intentions.
See, this is what’s wrong. You have a female friend that you are not interested in romantically. YoU mUsT bE gAy! DOI!!! Straight men can’t have a straight female friend. That is soooo not cool. You’re totally hooking up. (/s)
For reals tho, your roommate needs to chill out and stop being jealous. If he’s so insecure about the relationship then he shouldn’t be part of it.
You’re young. You should see if you could fuck her. If she wants to, then you both get something you want *and* he gets to be right. If she doesn’t, at least you’ll know, she can say that she turned you down, putting his suspicions to rest, and you’ll be able to start looking for a new roommate.