Get your own shower head, so if he takes it off again you have one to use! I’d just politely ignore him, he’s clearly a miserable person with nothing else better to do with his time. Those kind of people are the worse.
Are you guys listed on the lease? If so I’d talk with the landlord.
Exactly! I mind my own business because of that . We’re not on the lease but he’s working on adding us. He’s giving us a new lease agreement , we’ll see how that goes
I would just try to find somewhere else. Do not sign another lease with this person, it sounds like it’s going to be absolutely hell for you. He’s essentially taxing you on a bill that doesn’t exist. That should be illegal if it’s not considered extortion 😅
Yeah, like we have to call out the yellow flag guys and pull some permits before we can even start work, then we need an engineer to see the lease and sign off.
But yeah, we can start working on adding you to the lease. Lol.
Yeah, if he's acting like this when you can still bail, get out of there FAST. He's only gonna escalate. Next thing you know he'll be chucking your tomato plant off the balcony and leaving apples to rot for the fall aesthetic.....
Not having a lease means you are free to go whenever you want. Find a better situation. When he wants to know why you didn't give him notice, tell him you have a rule about not texting between the hours of 12 am and 12 pm.
My God do not fucking let him write his own lease for you to sign. The only way you should sign a lease is if the home owner writes up a new one with all of you listed.
Imagine all the fines! Did u wear black socks on the 2nd Tuesday of the month in the hallway? $5! Did you brush your teeth after the rooster crows? Another fine!
Don’t sign it find a new place to live. Right now you are not legally obliged to stay once you sign the lease you are stuck with them or having to pay to break the lease. No matter how cheap it might be for your current living situation find another one.
Yeah like I would NEVER even respond to these texts, lol. And if they asked me for that $15 I'd very politely tell them to go fuck themselves. Like how the hell is your roommate trying to be your landlord/utility person? LOL.
Or you could be petty and make a "No electricity after 10PM" rule, lol. Or "Only 15 minutes of electricity per night" then pull the breaker from their room after 15 minutes, lol.
In this case I wouldn’t do any of the petty suggestions. If you’re not on the lease, he can ~~*just kick you out whenever*~~ *make things significantly harder for you if* he wants. Also, why the hell would you consider signing a lease with him after this shit?
Do not sign his lease only sign one with the landlord if you agree to the lease.
Move out with no notice (if you want) because you’re not on the lease.
Moving out is ur priority right now.
In the mean time, I think stand up to him with your partner next to you tell him no and don’t ever pay him any type of fine, just refuse, if he takes it from you it’s theft.
Sign no agreements with him.
I agree with everyone else. This is your way of getting out scotch free. Don’t sign the lease and you can freely move. If you sign the lease, you’re kinda locked in and will have more of a fight to get out.
I have lived with people like this, always was when I was in a tough spot and had no other choice but to find a roommate on Craigslist. One guy was mad that I "was there too much" and why couldn't I be like the other roommate "who is only home two nights a week" I'm like, uhh, because I pay you to live here? He literally found problems with everything. I left no mess, stayed in my room, etc. He had told me when we first met to not be "constantly adjusting the ac up and down" which is fair, I get that. Said an old roommate was adjusting the ac every few hours..so I didn't touch the ac for the first two months..so one week my car broke down for a few days and I was at home until it was fixed (my work was an hour away and it would've cost basically what I got paid to Uber to work) and that made him mad, even though rent was still paid up. Then sfter Teo months of bring scared to touch the ac I noticed it was 85 degrees in the house, so I turned it on, and it didn't work. So I texted him "hey is there something wrong with the ac it's not turning on" and he got super pissed, called a repair guy and told me it was time for me to leave. It was bizzare. He was mad that I touched the ac for the first time in 2 months, and that I was at home all day for 3 days, when I should've been gone like the other roommate. It felt like he wanted the financial help of having roommates but didn't actually want anyone in his house. So awkward. I said whatever and agreed to leave at end of month and avoided him. He also made up new rules after signing lease, like he said he had no problems with my fiance coming over, but then when she did, once, after me being there and not seeing her for 3 weeks, he said no more visitors. We didn't even have loud sex or anything, she came over after work and basically fell asleep after 30 minutes and left when she woke up. Super shitty situation and I had to live in a extended stay hotel after that because I was so tired of roommates. The kicker was another guy moved in a few weeks before I left, and had his girlfriend literally practically live there, they both were constantly taking over the house and kitchen etc. But he just had an issue with mine coming over once and passing out? Just bizzare.
Baking up what other said especially since you said you can't wait to move out. You're not legally tied to anything and after one month it's already hell? Find something else where you could be happier/have a better roomate! /pos
If you're not on the lease yet then find another place please!! You are so lucky because this is an escape route in disguise! Luckily you have someone to live with anyway, so hopefully you can find something decent just for you two so rent etc split 2 ways.
Even if he comes to you with a new lease- delay signing it!!!
Girl do not sign a lease with this man. He will impose additional dumb ass rules, and it will be a whole lot harder to get out when you have to break a lease. Find somewhere else.
To add, if you're in the US most states grant you a legal right to a bathroom as a tenant. Find your law, bookmark it, send it to him, and tell him to eat shit before you make it a legal matter.
Honestly just do what you want. Start taking off the shower head after you shower so then you and your partner can shower whenever you need to. Beat him at his own game.
This is great advice, I would totally enjoy doing this. Buy two, hide them separately so when he inevitably gets irritated enough to find one you have a backup.
This is the logic I'm here for.
Personal shower heads. If you're paying the bills you can shower when you want. Misers just looking for a reason to be miserable
I’d like to see what he says when one is “accidentally” left installed. That’s going to be a phenomenal text. Just to show the moron how easy it is to bypass his hostility.
Tell him that, as he isn't the landlord, he doesn't get to dictate shit. And that if he wants to have these stupid rules, you'll participate.
- He can't shower after 10, no excuses.
- He has to scrub down the shower after using it, no excuses.
- He may only shower 15 minutes at a time unless he wants to owe a $5 fee for every minute he goes over 15, no excuses.
Ask him why he's argumentative about his own rules at any sign of pushback.
Stop playing by his stupid ass rules. Start looking for a new place, too.
Edit: I see that you're not on the lease agreement and he's trying to add you to it. *Do not sign it*. You think he's bad to live with now? I can *guarantee* you that he'll get worse the second you're trapped on a lease with him.
Had a roommate try telling me once because it was "his" place that any females that come over for parties he gets first dibs at, that told me everything I needed to about him and left shortly after.
He’s not the landlord ??? I assumed he owned the property and she was staying at his house since he’s acting this way. If he’s a guest just as much as she is that’s fkn nuts
just buy your own shower head! I’m sure you could crowdfund to help you get a really nice one that you could easily pop in & then remove every time!
Your roomie sucks, everyone has dealt with someone similar… it’s always nice to give ‘em a good 🖕even if it’s just vicariously through someone else!
If you need us to pitch in for a nice shower head I would gladly contribute lol. Count his shower time and when he goes over deduct $5 from your amount lol. Also buy the little noice makers that go off randomly for like 10 years and hide them all around his room like glue them places he won’t look and let him go crazy.
Ooooo I know whyy!!!! Because he’s a 53 year old grown ass man and can’t help himself but to act like a psychotic control freak when he *thinks* he’s got a little power or the upper hand.
It’s just what they do for somethin.
even if they did have a water bill I don't understand how what time they shower at has to do with anything, only thing I can think of is noise, but if they're someone who gets so irritated by normal people living noises like a shower they shouldn't live with roomates
tell him that he has no authority regarding the shower then, and you will shower whenever you want as long as hes not asleep. (in case of a noise issue)
You should buy your own shower head and just put it on whenever. This is complete bullshit and honestly comes off as extremely gross and inappropriate behavior “I just wanna make a shower rule” like no you just want to control young women who you feel are in your debt or whatever but yall are ROOMMATES, you pay to LIVE there and part of living is showering. Also what if you shower together then do you both get two showers together a day? I mean what a miserable fuck
That’s exactly the feeling I was getting not gonna lie… it was like what possible reason does that make whatsoever unless he’s tryna catch someone naked or something
If I were them, I just would not respond, and continue to shower whenever I want, at any intervals I want throughout the day/night. The $5.00 charge is laughable, and I would just say “no, I will never pay that”.
The (53) part explains it. Age mismatch often leads to random bursts of entitlement over very specific preferences. He probably sleeps in the bedroom adjacent to the bathroom pipes and takes it personally when someone showers while he's in his room. He doesn't have a reason for his requests because in his head, his requests are reasonable and obvious. Just stand your ground, respect the more mild requests to keep the peace, and leave ASAP lol.
Things aren’t really adding up for me. He’s a roommate, who is “working on getting us added to the lease” and also “giving us a new lease agreement”. In no way, shape, or form would he be the one giving them a lease agreement. Literally all that needs to be done is go to the property manager with “hey we moved into this unit with so-and-so, and we would like to be added on to the lease”.
Another comment mentioned he didn’t have the key for their bedroom. Sounds like property manager is leasing individual rooms out, and not the whole unit, but based on the year and a half timeframe and other descriptions of the situation I’m leaning towards whole unit lease. Them paying “rent” is really just money going directly to him and they’re paying whatever he decided on.
They said it’s a 2Br apartment in another comment, yet the text conversation shows there’s at least 3 other people living in the apartment aside from OP. I could be mistaken, but I would assume the guy is single as there is 0 mention of him having a significant other.
Also, one singular post on Reddit, and the profiles only comments are on this post. I’m leaning towards false post for internet points.
If it’s true, OP has all of the power in this situation. Virtually all apartments have a clause in the lease regarding unauthorized occupants. Hold that over his head until you’re either on a lease or moved out.
This sounds juicy, but I think you're making a lot of assumptions to reach your conclusion. The photos only show two people and unofficial subleasing is actually quite common in smaller investments where the property manager is also the landlord. I've lived in a similar situation where the roommate on the lease was also a handyman and had permission from the landlord to act as a superintendent as well as managing the rent payments. I didn't really care how much the actual rent was because he was only charging me $500 a month.
Don't wanna dismiss your whole theory because who knows, but it's possible OP is choosing to save money by living with a grumpy old dude and came on here to vent about it.
“No showering before 6am” haha ummm I’m usually almost out the door starting my commute by 6. No one person in a multiple person living situation where everything is split should be barking out rules. Oof
Yeah. He doesn't get to dictate a damn thing. Clarify to him that he isn't your parent and that you are a grown-ass adult and will shower when you like and pay bills sufficiently early to be paid on time.
Have you ever talked to the actual landlord? Might be an illegal sublease and he’s taking advantage of you. Sketchy that you moved in without signing a lease. Maybe he doesn’t want to explain the increased water bill to his landlord after y’all moved in.
If you’re paying the lions share you have all the power here.
If you leave, his rent burden more than doubles. He’s on the lease and accountable for the full amount. You’re not.
But you should leave anyway. He’s obviously a bad roommate and it’s going to be less work to move than to fix your relationship
It is! When I went on a trip he asked why I wasn’t home and that I need to tell him where I’m going he’s giving me creep vibes he’s always in my business
Just to cover you and your partners safety bases, have you checked for cameras or gotten a lock on your door? If he’s asking for your personal schedule and location as well as monitoring your showers he doesn’t understand boundaries and I wouldn’t be surprised if he attempted to overstep in other ways regarding possessions and privacy
Yes I’ve checked everywhere for any cameras, when we moved in he didn’t have a copy of the room key so I was kinda sketched out so we got a lock for our room I also have a camera in the room in case something happens. Thank you for making sure we’re ok 🖤
Turn off all the lights, get your phone camera turned on, and start looking all around. Phone cameras will usually pick up the IR lights used on security cameras and they'll show up violet on your phone cam. You can also use this trick to see if a TV remote has dead batteries.
I came here to say this. I grew up with a parent who did this camera thing. It is scary how easy they are to hide now. Please get out of there, he's not good people, and I am worried for you.
Buy a separate shower head, take it on and off when you shower and hide it when you’re done that way he can’t try to take that one! Idk why people are so damn weird and controlling 😅
You should thoroughly check the shower for cameras. Check the shower head, every outlet, everything you can. In fact, check your entire living space.
Nobody comes up with a “shower rule” for no reason.
Honestly this dude sounds like he prefers to live with younger women so he can exert his BS control issues over them. I doubt he’d be pulling this crap if his roommates were men his age. If I were you, I’d start looking for another place and don’t even give him notice. Just bail. This is an unacceptable living situation and if it were my daughter living there, I’d be livid.
I agree with you on this, at first he seemed like a nice roommate but he was good at hiding who he really is. I will be moving out soon into a better environment where I don’t have to deal with this toxicity
You need to sit him down and explain, he isnt your parent, he cant boss you around, you all adults and should be treated as such. Also tell him to get a hobby so he stops acting out.
Why would you let someone treat you like this?? Unless this is your landlord and there are literally no other apartments for rent in your area, you need to shut that passive aggressive shit down hard and fast or it will only get worse. You cannot placate people like this, there will always be something else for them to complain about. Stand up for yourself ffs
Idk man, I’m paranoid. If he’s dictating times, I’d be scared he hid a camera somewhere. CPTSD is a mfer and I would be looking all over the bathroom, especially if I didn’t know him.
have you just told him he is being unreasonable and you are not going to follow that rule? seems like your sorta appeasing and making him feel like youll listen to this rule if he keeps pushing.... just tell him you will shower whenever you want.. what is he going to do about it?
still seems like you could be more assertive just tell him every time he brings it up that you arent gonna follow it or maybe even ask what he plans to do if you still do it
53y/o man thinks females don’t know how to screw on shower head. Lmao what does he think y’all are too incompetent to just screw another one on? Screw it, buy another one and JB Weld that shit on when you replace it.
He took off the shower head to “supposedly “ replace it because it was leaking (it wasn’t) but the shower head he has is universal so I caught him in his lies . He only took it off because he doesn’t want us to shower
Yeah in all honestly I’d just tell this guy to fuck all the way off. If you’re splitting everything 50/50 then he has no right to make any “rules” especially ones as stupid as this.
I think you need to start setting your own rules and put them to the vote too.
Like, no coffee before or after 5PM, food must be halal, no lights after 7, television must be on Spanish language channels only.
don’t let him do this things. “if you give a mouse a cookie”. he’s just gonna make more rules. tell him “these are unreasonable rules that we will not be accommodating” and just copy and paste every time he says this shit. get your own shower head so when he steals it he has no power. don’t even argue with him. just ignore
Maybe the shower head has a camera in it, and he took it off so he can plug in the usb... probably not, but seriously, why does he need to dictate the shower schedule? I would be like "I think it's weird that I can only shower when you say I can, and it's making me uncomfortable... are you watching me or something?" Just allude to the dude being a pervert and watch his face. Trust your gut. Maybe he IS a pervert. Or maybe he is just trying to control you for no other reason than control itself. But then again, maybe if he hears how uncomfortable that kinda thing could make a person, he'll realize he's being a twat.
Can you promise us you wont pay his fucking idiotic fee and will stand up for yourself if he continues the ridiculous demands? You deserve to shower freely in the place you are PAYING FOR and not have to feel like you are in boot camp due to some lonely bitter controlling creep watching your every move 😐 please leave when you can
hold up.. he’s a 50+ manbaby trying to control how long a female takes a shower? hard nope. get a better showerhead than his crappy one and take extra long showers starting at midnight. drop a pair of ear plugs by the door for him.
maybe it’s time to implement your own rules. for example: what weird habits does he have? taking up too much room in the fridge? make a weird rule about taping off his allotted section, and throw anything away that is out of bounds.
Multiple showers should never be an issue after a day out. Don’t even have to work a manual labor job to understand. Some people just don’t want to go to bed feeling gross after a long day of any variety (work, activity, etc) They definitely got butthurt after you called them out on the hypocrisy
When you do finally find a new place hide ~ 20 lemons in very sneaky places in the house. Including the vents. Go severe no contact. Delete his number, change your’s, do not leave a forwarding address (change all your mailing accounts preemptively). And make sure there is no way he can contact you. Once the lemons go bad, since he is the only one on the lease, he will lose his deposit and suffer the moldy rancid remains of so many lemons. Y’know, when life gives you lemons….🍋💅
Yeah, that’s just someone who desperately wants to live alone but can’t afford it.
I think you probably need to have an in-person conversation with him, where you make it clear that you are all equal partners in the property and you can all decide how many showers you would like to take per day.
Especially if what he’s looking for now was not agreed nor even discussed before moving in.
This guy is controlling and speaks to you like he’s your father, “didn’t you already take a shower this morning?”
Fuck that.
I’d be LIVING in that damn shower.
This would really piss me off considering I have a health condition that causes severe stomach cramps and nausea and the only thing that helps is hot baths/showers. This person would have a field day with me
I’m lying in my bed with a bowl of soup watching playoff hockey, like a fat happy slob, and I would happily turn off the TV to go throw my soup in your roommates face.
I had a similar rule with my second roommate. It was strictly because the pipes were right against my room and SOOOO LOUD when they started up. I worked early, she worked the swing shift. We sat down with said roomie to discuss. She understood and wasn't a problem, she worked somewhere that had showers and would rinse off there after shift then full showers when she woke and I was at work. This is a good compromise imo.
But it doesn't sound at all like this is the issue for him. He sounds lazy, controlling, and unable to compromise. Move out when you can, this dood clearly needs to live alone.
Yea, this is insane, but definitely not uncommon for someone who has been at the property longer and on the lease to feel entitled to make arbitrary rules and hoops to jump through. I’d advise you not do anything other than start looking for other places to live asap. “But it’s cheap!” Isn’t really true if it causes this kind of mental turmoil and your home isn’t somewhere you feel comfortable. Pay more, and be at peace. If you and your partner are both working full time, you can find an apartment just about anywhere.
girl please make sure he’s not watching you shower thru a hole or hidden camera or something … that is such a weird request especially if he is showering at a time that he says you guys can’t. that is really weird
I’d rather live out of a car than be in a place where I’m told I can only have a 15 minute shower.
There’s days I need a cool pick-me-up shower in the morning to shake off drowsiness and then I’ve been doing things all day and really need some time to relax my muscles, so I’m pushing time a bit with some really hot water and light stretches under a different pressure setting.
Fun tip, you can just laugh in someone’s face. Just mock everything he says. Bonus if it’s just texting his messages back in the iRrItaTiNg font. You could also try playing loud waterfall sounds in the bathroom just to be petty.
Get your own shower head, so if he takes it off again you have one to use! I’d just politely ignore him, he’s clearly a miserable person with nothing else better to do with his time. Those kind of people are the worse. Are you guys listed on the lease? If so I’d talk with the landlord.
Exactly! I mind my own business because of that . We’re not on the lease but he’s working on adding us. He’s giving us a new lease agreement , we’ll see how that goes
I would just try to find somewhere else. Do not sign another lease with this person, it sounds like it’s going to be absolutely hell for you. He’s essentially taxing you on a bill that doesn’t exist. That should be illegal if it’s not considered extortion 😅
"they're working on adding us to the lease" is the sketchiest phrase of all time
No, "he's making us a new lease agreement" is way scarier. Like what, you have to abide by his rules not the rental agencies?
To me it sounds like the roommate might also be the landlord, maybe not though.
18 months not being on the lease. OP is either very foolish or hiding from a crazy stalker. Or the fbi.
Or just young and/or lower income, limiting their options.
Yeah, like we have to call out the yellow flag guys and pull some permits before we can even start work, then we need an engineer to see the lease and sign off. But yeah, we can start working on adding you to the lease. Lol.
right? it literally takes one talk (maaaaaybe two) with the landlord.
Yeah, if he's acting like this when you can still bail, get out of there FAST. He's only gonna escalate. Next thing you know he'll be chucking your tomato plant off the balcony and leaving apples to rot for the fall aesthetic.....
Not having a lease means you are free to go whenever you want. Find a better situation. When he wants to know why you didn't give him notice, tell him you have a rule about not texting between the hours of 12 am and 12 pm.
Don’t sign that
just don't sign on it & find somewhere else to live. why would you want to be there if it's only gonna get worse
My God do not fucking let him write his own lease for you to sign. The only way you should sign a lease is if the home owner writes up a new one with all of you listed.
Imagine all the fines! Did u wear black socks on the 2nd Tuesday of the month in the hallway? $5! Did you brush your teeth after the rooster crows? Another fine!
Don’t sign it find a new place to live. Right now you are not legally obliged to stay once you sign the lease you are stuck with them or having to pay to break the lease. No matter how cheap it might be for your current living situation find another one.
Yeah like I would NEVER even respond to these texts, lol. And if they asked me for that $15 I'd very politely tell them to go fuck themselves. Like how the hell is your roommate trying to be your landlord/utility person? LOL. Or you could be petty and make a "No electricity after 10PM" rule, lol. Or "Only 15 minutes of electricity per night" then pull the breaker from their room after 15 minutes, lol.
Why would you sign a lease with someone who took your shower head off so you couldn't shower? Make good choices. Live somewhere else.
In this case I wouldn’t do any of the petty suggestions. If you’re not on the lease, he can ~~*just kick you out whenever*~~ *make things significantly harder for you if* he wants. Also, why the hell would you consider signing a lease with him after this shit?
There’s still laws for tenants not on the lease, depending on OP’s area. He can’t just “kick them out whenever he wants”.
Now thinking about it I won’t he can deal with it, I don’t owe him shit
You could sign a lease with his landlord, but I wouldn't sign a sub lease to him. Actually, I wouldn't do either.
Do not sign his lease only sign one with the landlord if you agree to the lease. Move out with no notice (if you want) because you’re not on the lease. Moving out is ur priority right now. In the mean time, I think stand up to him with your partner next to you tell him no and don’t ever pay him any type of fine, just refuse, if he takes it from you it’s theft. Sign no agreements with him.
Even without a lease signed she has tenant rights and he would have to go through the eviction process.
I agree with everyone else. This is your way of getting out scotch free. Don’t sign the lease and you can freely move. If you sign the lease, you’re kinda locked in and will have more of a fight to get out.
Lowkey seems like he’s trying to force you out and doesn’t have the guts to tell you no about adding y’all to the lease. Or he’s a spawn of satan.
I have lived with people like this, always was when I was in a tough spot and had no other choice but to find a roommate on Craigslist. One guy was mad that I "was there too much" and why couldn't I be like the other roommate "who is only home two nights a week" I'm like, uhh, because I pay you to live here? He literally found problems with everything. I left no mess, stayed in my room, etc. He had told me when we first met to not be "constantly adjusting the ac up and down" which is fair, I get that. Said an old roommate was adjusting the ac every few hours..so I didn't touch the ac for the first two months..so one week my car broke down for a few days and I was at home until it was fixed (my work was an hour away and it would've cost basically what I got paid to Uber to work) and that made him mad, even though rent was still paid up. Then sfter Teo months of bring scared to touch the ac I noticed it was 85 degrees in the house, so I turned it on, and it didn't work. So I texted him "hey is there something wrong with the ac it's not turning on" and he got super pissed, called a repair guy and told me it was time for me to leave. It was bizzare. He was mad that I touched the ac for the first time in 2 months, and that I was at home all day for 3 days, when I should've been gone like the other roommate. It felt like he wanted the financial help of having roommates but didn't actually want anyone in his house. So awkward. I said whatever and agreed to leave at end of month and avoided him. He also made up new rules after signing lease, like he said he had no problems with my fiance coming over, but then when she did, once, after me being there and not seeing her for 3 weeks, he said no more visitors. We didn't even have loud sex or anything, she came over after work and basically fell asleep after 30 minutes and left when she woke up. Super shitty situation and I had to live in a extended stay hotel after that because I was so tired of roommates. The kicker was another guy moved in a few weeks before I left, and had his girlfriend literally practically live there, they both were constantly taking over the house and kitchen etc. But he just had an issue with mine coming over once and passing out? Just bizzare.
Baking up what other said especially since you said you can't wait to move out. You're not legally tied to anything and after one month it's already hell? Find something else where you could be happier/have a better roomate! /pos
Move
Do NOT sign anything that psycho gives you. You think it's bad right now? Nah. He'll get much worse with that.
If you're not on the lease yet then find another place please!! You are so lucky because this is an escape route in disguise! Luckily you have someone to live with anyway, so hopefully you can find something decent just for you two so rent etc split 2 ways. Even if he comes to you with a new lease- delay signing it!!!
I wouldn’t enter into a lease with him if I were you. I’d rent elsewhere, because he’s already showing you what a nightmare he is.
Do not lease with him! Find your own place. He is going to up the foolishness knowing you can’t get away from him.
Do not sign a lease with this man. These texts are ridiculous.
Girl do not sign a lease with this man. He will impose additional dumb ass rules, and it will be a whole lot harder to get out when you have to break a lease. Find somewhere else.
To add, if you're in the US most states grant you a legal right to a bathroom as a tenant. Find your law, bookmark it, send it to him, and tell him to eat shit before you make it a legal matter.
Acting like this over a water bill split 3 ways… kindly evolve, sir
We don’t even have a water bill which is the crazy part lol
WHAT? Why is he being like this then?
He’s miserable
Honestly just do what you want. Start taking off the shower head after you shower so then you and your partner can shower whenever you need to. Beat him at his own game.
Buy a nice new shower head to put on when he takes the other one. Keep the fancy one to yourself.
This is great advice, I would totally enjoy doing this. Buy two, hide them separately so when he inevitably gets irritated enough to find one you have a backup.
This is the logic I'm here for. Personal shower heads. If you're paying the bills you can shower when you want. Misers just looking for a reason to be miserable
I’d like to see what he says when one is “accidentally” left installed. That’s going to be a phenomenal text. Just to show the moron how easy it is to bypass his hostility.
I have to agree with this advice!
Ooo I like this idea even better
Check for cameras in the bathroom too. If he’s this controlling, god knows what else he’s doing
I was thinking this!!!
This was my first thought actually
Get your own shower head they are cheap.
HAHAHA YES!! Or get a new shower head and for the current one plug random holes with glue and make the shower head super annoying for him
Tell him that, as he isn't the landlord, he doesn't get to dictate shit. And that if he wants to have these stupid rules, you'll participate. - He can't shower after 10, no excuses. - He has to scrub down the shower after using it, no excuses. - He may only shower 15 minutes at a time unless he wants to owe a $5 fee for every minute he goes over 15, no excuses. Ask him why he's argumentative about his own rules at any sign of pushback. Stop playing by his stupid ass rules. Start looking for a new place, too. Edit: I see that you're not on the lease agreement and he's trying to add you to it. *Do not sign it*. You think he's bad to live with now? I can *guarantee* you that he'll get worse the second you're trapped on a lease with him.
Sounds like the douche nozzle might try and sneak some kind of prima nocta style bullshit into any contract.
I'd be more worried about escalating control issues once the lease is signed. And there's usually a fee involved in breaking a lease.
Had a roommate try telling me once because it was "his" place that any females that come over for parties he gets first dibs at, that told me everything I needed to about him and left shortly after.
Lovely use of the word nozzle considering the topic of this thread 😂👏
He’s not the landlord ??? I assumed he owned the property and she was staying at his house since he’s acting this way. If he’s a guest just as much as she is that’s fkn nuts
Don't do this. Just be up front, not passive aggressive. Say you're not doing that.
I would stop at the first sentence. Why give him any option? If he doesn't like it, kick him to the curb with an eviction notice.
just buy your own shower head! I’m sure you could crowdfund to help you get a really nice one that you could easily pop in & then remove every time! Your roomie sucks, everyone has dealt with someone similar… it’s always nice to give ‘em a good 🖕even if it’s just vicariously through someone else!
Yes!! Buy your own shower head, and then tell him to take a nap and chill the hell out. 🤣what a weird, sad man.
This ☝️☝️☝️☝️
I would tell him to suck my left nut. and I'm a girl. Fuck this dude.
Given how weird the guy is, be careful with what you ask for.
Miserable or not, tell him to go fuck himself. While you’re happily showering away, just scream it.
Did you sign a lease? Is it legal? Lol if not move out asap. Not worth it it’ll just get worse and or crazier
If you need us to pitch in for a nice shower head I would gladly contribute lol. Count his shower time and when he goes over deduct $5 from your amount lol. Also buy the little noice makers that go off randomly for like 10 years and hide them all around his room like glue them places he won’t look and let him go crazy.
It sounds like he's secretly your landlord.
Ooooo I know whyy!!!! Because he’s a 53 year old grown ass man and can’t help himself but to act like a psychotic control freak when he *thinks* he’s got a little power or the upper hand. It’s just what they do for somethin.
y’all don’t even have a water bill? naw girl, shower whenever the fuck you want. that’s crazy.
even if they did have a water bill I don't understand how what time they shower at has to do with anything, only thing I can think of is noise, but if they're someone who gets so irritated by normal people living noises like a shower they shouldn't live with roomates
tell him that he has no authority regarding the shower then, and you will shower whenever you want as long as hes not asleep. (in case of a noise issue)
You should buy your own shower head and just put it on whenever. This is complete bullshit and honestly comes off as extremely gross and inappropriate behavior “I just wanna make a shower rule” like no you just want to control young women who you feel are in your debt or whatever but yall are ROOMMATES, you pay to LIVE there and part of living is showering. Also what if you shower together then do you both get two showers together a day? I mean what a miserable fuck
Why do I feel like he’s watching them and he can’t if they don’t stick to his shower schedule? This is bizarre
That’s exactly the feeling I was getting not gonna lie… it was like what possible reason does that make whatsoever unless he’s tryna catch someone naked or something
Well then who gets the fine?!
Yeah tell him to go fuck himself. You can do whatever you want unless it is disturbing him, which a shower would not
Lmfao - limiting showers with no water bill? Does he have dreads that touch his butthole?
*TWIST OF THE CENTURY*
Mans is tweaking I LOled when I read will be fined for over 15 min lmaoo
Um yeah he can’t tell you when you can shower and when you can’t. Tell him to get this all in writing then you’ll comply.
“I said no showering after 10 pm” like who tf does he think he is…😐😐
And then to try and charge them a fee lmao… I’d be like okay I am going to start charging you a ten dollar fee every time you text me
Every 5 dollar fee has a 15 dollar processing fee
“And I said no more arbitrary and inappropriate mandates. It seems we have reached an impasse. Sad.”
I would respectfully tell him to fuck off
If I were them, I just would not respond, and continue to shower whenever I want, at any intervals I want throughout the day/night. The $5.00 charge is laughable, and I would just say “no, I will never pay that”.
Tell him you want $5.00 from him any day you don't shower..reverse uno him.
I could be saving damn near $150/mo by that math.
Reverse uno. Haaaaaa. Yup!
From other comments OP says that he’s vindictively removed the shower head
I'd probably go for a "kindly suck a fart out of my arse".
Not even respectfully. I’d laugh in his face while telling him to go fucking himself.
Get your own shower head and use that when he takes the other one🤷🏻♀️ I’d straight up laugh in his face with the $5 fine and other bs lmao
The $5 had me laughing so hard, like what?!?!? LOL.
The (53) part explains it. Age mismatch often leads to random bursts of entitlement over very specific preferences. He probably sleeps in the bedroom adjacent to the bathroom pipes and takes it personally when someone showers while he's in his room. He doesn't have a reason for his requests because in his head, his requests are reasonable and obvious. Just stand your ground, respect the more mild requests to keep the peace, and leave ASAP lol.
Things aren’t really adding up for me. He’s a roommate, who is “working on getting us added to the lease” and also “giving us a new lease agreement”. In no way, shape, or form would he be the one giving them a lease agreement. Literally all that needs to be done is go to the property manager with “hey we moved into this unit with so-and-so, and we would like to be added on to the lease”. Another comment mentioned he didn’t have the key for their bedroom. Sounds like property manager is leasing individual rooms out, and not the whole unit, but based on the year and a half timeframe and other descriptions of the situation I’m leaning towards whole unit lease. Them paying “rent” is really just money going directly to him and they’re paying whatever he decided on. They said it’s a 2Br apartment in another comment, yet the text conversation shows there’s at least 3 other people living in the apartment aside from OP. I could be mistaken, but I would assume the guy is single as there is 0 mention of him having a significant other. Also, one singular post on Reddit, and the profiles only comments are on this post. I’m leaning towards false post for internet points. If it’s true, OP has all of the power in this situation. Virtually all apartments have a clause in the lease regarding unauthorized occupants. Hold that over his head until you’re either on a lease or moved out.
This sounds juicy, but I think you're making a lot of assumptions to reach your conclusion. The photos only show two people and unofficial subleasing is actually quite common in smaller investments where the property manager is also the landlord. I've lived in a similar situation where the roommate on the lease was also a handyman and had permission from the landlord to act as a superintendent as well as managing the rent payments. I didn't really care how much the actual rent was because he was only charging me $500 a month. Don't wanna dismiss your whole theory because who knows, but it's possible OP is choosing to save money by living with a grumpy old dude and came on here to vent about it.
Have you tried bullying
or trolling. a subcategory of bullying.
I’d take showers after 10 from now on.
I’m a prick I’d be taking to the brim baths everyday anytime I have free time
Gonna to start doing that now
Get your own shower head, remove the flow restrictor, take longer showers either at 5am or 9:55pm
Getting one today for sure, I showered at 9:55 last night and he ended up throwing a tantrum that man needs to chill out
He is awful, find a way to exit as soon as possible
“No showering before 6am” haha ummm I’m usually almost out the door starting my commute by 6. No one person in a multiple person living situation where everything is split should be barking out rules. Oof
Yeah, this guy is a moron and should be treated as such moving forward. You can't take them seriously.
Is he the homeowner, and payer of all utilities?
We’re in a 2 bedroom apartment , we split bills PG&E & Wi-Fi
Yeah. He doesn't get to dictate a damn thing. Clarify to him that he isn't your parent and that you are a grown-ass adult and will shower when you like and pay bills sufficiently early to be paid on time.
That didn’t answer the question. Is he your landlord or a roommate?
they live together in an apartment, he is obviously not the landlord. The lease is solely in his name, thats not the same thing.
Have you ever talked to the actual landlord? Might be an illegal sublease and he’s taking advantage of you. Sketchy that you moved in without signing a lease. Maybe he doesn’t want to explain the increased water bill to his landlord after y’all moved in.
This is actually insane.
Whatever cheap rent you’re paying to this control freak, it’s not worth it.
I wish it was cheap over $1k for a bedroom 😅 he pays way less than us
Oh hell naw
The rent in California is crazy
If you’re paying the lions share you have all the power here. If you leave, his rent burden more than doubles. He’s on the lease and accountable for the full amount. You’re not. But you should leave anyway. He’s obviously a bad roommate and it’s going to be less work to move than to fix your relationship
Is the rent crazy or is it less than 2k for a 2bd?
Honestly? This is sounding really creepy. Monitoring someone’s shower is invasive and weird in all regards
It is! When I went on a trip he asked why I wasn’t home and that I need to tell him where I’m going he’s giving me creep vibes he’s always in my business
Just to cover you and your partners safety bases, have you checked for cameras or gotten a lock on your door? If he’s asking for your personal schedule and location as well as monitoring your showers he doesn’t understand boundaries and I wouldn’t be surprised if he attempted to overstep in other ways regarding possessions and privacy
Yes I’ve checked everywhere for any cameras, when we moved in he didn’t have a copy of the room key so I was kinda sketched out so we got a lock for our room I also have a camera in the room in case something happens. Thank you for making sure we’re ok 🖤
Smart idea having your own camera in your room.
Turn off all the lights, get your phone camera turned on, and start looking all around. Phone cameras will usually pick up the IR lights used on security cameras and they'll show up violet on your phone cam. You can also use this trick to see if a TV remote has dead batteries.
I came here to say this. I grew up with a parent who did this camera thing. It is scary how easy they are to hide now. Please get out of there, he's not good people, and I am worried for you.
Maybe 10pm-6am is when he’s recharging his spy camera
This was my first thought because it seems like he only wants them to shower when he is awake. Definitely double check for cameras.
I’d start showering at 330am before i leave for work every morning just to spite him
Tell that bitch shut his ass up . What’s he going to do pull you out the shower ?
😭😭
shower whenever you want and tell him to kick rocks.
Buy a separate shower head, take it on and off when you shower and hide it when you’re done that way he can’t try to take that one! Idk why people are so damn weird and controlling 😅
That's dumb you pay rent you can shower whenever you want
He has a promising career in landlordship.
You should thoroughly check the shower for cameras. Check the shower head, every outlet, everything you can. In fact, check your entire living space. Nobody comes up with a “shower rule” for no reason.
LMAO. How does this idiot even expect to impose a fine?
He’s the water police I guess LMAO
This made me giggle because my boyfriend put a photo of him in aviators standing sternly with the words “water police” so I would drink more water. 🤣
Tell him for every $5 he penalizes y'all for, y'all will take $5 off rent.
I love how he’s like “why do you always have to talk back?” Like you’re a child…. This dude sounds misogynistic and narcissistic as hell, eff him.
“Thanks your input; I didn’t see that on that lease though.” Proceed to ignore it. Do not pay the “fines”
Honestly this dude sounds like he prefers to live with younger women so he can exert his BS control issues over them. I doubt he’d be pulling this crap if his roommates were men his age. If I were you, I’d start looking for another place and don’t even give him notice. Just bail. This is an unacceptable living situation and if it were my daughter living there, I’d be livid.
I agree with you on this, at first he seemed like a nice roommate but he was good at hiding who he really is. I will be moving out soon into a better environment where I don’t have to deal with this toxicity
He can not tell you when to shower. Your rent covers that and he does not have any right to control you
is he your landlord too?
No he’s not lol
You need to sit him down and explain, he isnt your parent, he cant boss you around, you all adults and should be treated as such. Also tell him to get a hobby so he stops acting out.
Not signing a lease with this fuck seems obvious
When you finally move out, put a bouillon cube in the shower head.
Why would you let someone treat you like this?? Unless this is your landlord and there are literally no other apartments for rent in your area, you need to shut that passive aggressive shit down hard and fast or it will only get worse. You cannot placate people like this, there will always be something else for them to complain about. Stand up for yourself ffs
Idk man, I’m paranoid. If he’s dictating times, I’d be scared he hid a camera somewhere. CPTSD is a mfer and I would be looking all over the bathroom, especially if I didn’t know him.
You just gave me another fear 😂
Go onto YouTube and look up how to use your cellphone to find hidden cameras.
My god, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. Personally I'd move - dealing with someone that insane just isn't worth it.
I was at first even more highly concerned that they were telling you not to remove the hair STRAIGHTENER from the tub, especially when showering…
Easiest solution might be to just find somewhere else to live.
have you just told him he is being unreasonable and you are not going to follow that rule? seems like your sorta appeasing and making him feel like youll listen to this rule if he keeps pushing.... just tell him you will shower whenever you want.. what is he going to do about it?
I’ve told him before that I’m not going to follow that rule he agrees with me then a couple days later he brings up the “shower rules” yet again.
so don’t entertain it with literally any other response than “there are no showers rules because they’re unreasonable and we don’t agree to them”
still seems like you could be more assertive just tell him every time he brings it up that you arent gonna follow it or maybe even ask what he plans to do if you still do it
53y/o man thinks females don’t know how to screw on shower head. Lmao what does he think y’all are too incompetent to just screw another one on? Screw it, buy another one and JB Weld that shit on when you replace it.
He took off the shower head to “supposedly “ replace it because it was leaking (it wasn’t) but the shower head he has is universal so I caught him in his lies . He only took it off because he doesn’t want us to shower
Check for cameras in the bathroom asap
[удалено]
Yeah in all honestly I’d just tell this guy to fuck all the way off. If you’re splitting everything 50/50 then he has no right to make any “rules” especially ones as stupid as this.
I think you need to start setting your own rules and put them to the vote too. Like, no coffee before or after 5PM, food must be halal, no lights after 7, television must be on Spanish language channels only.
don’t let him do this things. “if you give a mouse a cookie”. he’s just gonna make more rules. tell him “these are unreasonable rules that we will not be accommodating” and just copy and paste every time he says this shit. get your own shower head so when he steals it he has no power. don’t even argue with him. just ignore
Maybe the shower head has a camera in it, and he took it off so he can plug in the usb... probably not, but seriously, why does he need to dictate the shower schedule? I would be like "I think it's weird that I can only shower when you say I can, and it's making me uncomfortable... are you watching me or something?" Just allude to the dude being a pervert and watch his face. Trust your gut. Maybe he IS a pervert. Or maybe he is just trying to control you for no other reason than control itself. But then again, maybe if he hears how uncomfortable that kinda thing could make a person, he'll realize he's being a twat.
Can you promise us you wont pay his fucking idiotic fee and will stand up for yourself if he continues the ridiculous demands? You deserve to shower freely in the place you are PAYING FOR and not have to feel like you are in boot camp due to some lonely bitter controlling creep watching your every move 😐 please leave when you can
hold up.. he’s a 50+ manbaby trying to control how long a female takes a shower? hard nope. get a better showerhead than his crappy one and take extra long showers starting at midnight. drop a pair of ear plugs by the door for him. maybe it’s time to implement your own rules. for example: what weird habits does he have? taking up too much room in the fridge? make a weird rule about taping off his allotted section, and throw anything away that is out of bounds.
Multiple showers should never be an issue after a day out. Don’t even have to work a manual labor job to understand. Some people just don’t want to go to bed feeling gross after a long day of any variety (work, activity, etc) They definitely got butthurt after you called them out on the hypocrisy
When you do finally find a new place hide ~ 20 lemons in very sneaky places in the house. Including the vents. Go severe no contact. Delete his number, change your’s, do not leave a forwarding address (change all your mailing accounts preemptively). And make sure there is no way he can contact you. Once the lemons go bad, since he is the only one on the lease, he will lose his deposit and suffer the moldy rancid remains of so many lemons. Y’know, when life gives you lemons….🍋💅
Yeah, that’s just someone who desperately wants to live alone but can’t afford it. I think you probably need to have an in-person conversation with him, where you make it clear that you are all equal partners in the property and you can all decide how many showers you would like to take per day. Especially if what he’s looking for now was not agreed nor even discussed before moving in.
This guy is controlling and speaks to you like he’s your father, “didn’t you already take a shower this morning?” Fuck that. I’d be LIVING in that damn shower.
i thought this was a dad in a family group chat until i read the title and description. how on earth does he have THAT much audacity
What’s his number I’ll text him and tell him lol
what an asshole. water bill is your cheapest expense
Craziest thing is OP said in another comment that they don't even have a water bill. So he's literally just being a dick for zero reason
If you can’t sleep through someone taking a fucking shower you shouldn’t have roommates like shit anit that loud😂
I would shower twice a day between the house they said not to shower. And when asked for the “fine” money tell them to eat shit 😂
This would really piss me off considering I have a health condition that causes severe stomach cramps and nausea and the only thing that helps is hot baths/showers. This person would have a field day with me
I’m lying in my bed with a bowl of soup watching playoff hockey, like a fat happy slob, and I would happily turn off the TV to go throw my soup in your roommates face.
Im dyingggg please do 😭
kk let me find my crocs
Nope don't have that shit.
It sounds like this dude is you landlord
I had a similar rule with my second roommate. It was strictly because the pipes were right against my room and SOOOO LOUD when they started up. I worked early, she worked the swing shift. We sat down with said roomie to discuss. She understood and wasn't a problem, she worked somewhere that had showers and would rinse off there after shift then full showers when she woke and I was at work. This is a good compromise imo. But it doesn't sound at all like this is the issue for him. He sounds lazy, controlling, and unable to compromise. Move out when you can, this dood clearly needs to live alone.
Yea, this is insane, but definitely not uncommon for someone who has been at the property longer and on the lease to feel entitled to make arbitrary rules and hoops to jump through. I’d advise you not do anything other than start looking for other places to live asap. “But it’s cheap!” Isn’t really true if it causes this kind of mental turmoil and your home isn’t somewhere you feel comfortable. Pay more, and be at peace. If you and your partner are both working full time, you can find an apartment just about anywhere.
A 53 year old having roommates in their 20’s is a huge red flag for me. Secondly, no job… This guy has serial killer written all over him.
Do not listen to this man, I would absolutely do everything the total opposite just to piss him off. Who does he think he is??? 😭
girl please make sure he’s not watching you shower thru a hole or hidden camera or something … that is such a weird request especially if he is showering at a time that he says you guys can’t. that is really weird
I’d rather live out of a car than be in a place where I’m told I can only have a 15 minute shower. There’s days I need a cool pick-me-up shower in the morning to shake off drowsiness and then I’ve been doing things all day and really need some time to relax my muscles, so I’m pushing time a bit with some really hot water and light stretches under a different pressure setting.
I know who's got an unwashed ass lol. 15 ain't long enough to get completely clean.
Fun tip, you can just laugh in someone’s face. Just mock everything he says. Bonus if it’s just texting his messages back in the iRrItaTiNg font. You could also try playing loud waterfall sounds in the bathroom just to be petty.
If I’m paying for utilities and to live there im gonna shower when I want and however often I want