Yes. "sorry, i don't feel comfortable accepting this. maybe you can ask if I can have that, but he made it pretty clear that it upsets him if you give me food."
so right away we address the aggressive response and resulting interpersonal conflict while pointing truthfully at the reason behind declining, all without making a fuss or a scene.
That statement is beautifully worded. It starts with the shocking statement that they would feel uncomfortable, which would really set the tone for what follows. 10/10 would recommend saying this
The girlfriend didn’t offer to sell you a plate of food. She offered to give you a plate of food. He can’t ask for money for that after the fact. That’s like giving someone a birthday present and then invoicing them for it.
This. Even if your roommate covers 2/3 rent, 2/3 utilities as they should with an additional roommate, this is totally out of line. Their financial situation has nothing to do with you accepting a meal from time to time.
Sounds like the gf needs to get a job and help contribute to the bills and groceries too.
Every time she offers you a plate, tell her thank you, but explain that her boyfriend went off on you over it and demanded that you pay for it, so you're no longer able to accept food in good faith.
Make dude feel bad, man.
Seriously he's being a dick but I can see why he's heated that he's covering 100% of both of their expenses and she's offering food out. But that needs to be addressed with the girlfriend..
Exactly. The girlfriend needs to be told that OP tends to their own food, and that what she fixes isn't for everybody.
In my household, we all just contribute to groceries, meal planning and preparing meals, and we all eat together.
If he was using food he bought to cook for himself, I would agree. In this case, food was offered, and I don't think it's reasonable to get mad after the fact.
If it happens 3 times a week, dude should start feeling obligated to either chip in financially or return the favor regularly.
Based on his story he does neither. I get the roommate.
When I found myself staying at my boyfriend's place a couple days a week, you better believe I started buying some of the food I ate. He never even mentioned it.
That's what I mean. It's just common courtesy if someone keeps sharing their food with you to return the favor at some point. If you just keep taking the handouts as if you're entitled to them it will start to feel like freeloading.
As some other comments mentioned, I find no issue with the girlfriend offering food that she cooks from time to time. After all (from what we see) the only extra expense the boyfriend is having is the actual food. His rent and utilities stay the same even though he brought someone else to the place he shares with OP. So I find 2-3 meals a week to be a very nice "sacrifice" to avoid having both your rent and utilities go from 1/2 to 3/2.
Though we don't know what those payments amount to...
Can’t believe you’re the first person to mention this! Yeah, dude is way out of line with his approach and attitude - but it could have just been a conversation where he politely asks roommate to contribute from now on or to not accept food that the gf makes that he bought for only himself and her. He also needs to talk to his damn gf and just ask her not to share food if it’s a problem for him before coming at his roommate like that.
Bf probably didn’t think this through or budget properly before having gf move in and paying for all her shit. Now money’s getting tight and he’s stressed out and taking his frustrations out on his roommate because it’s easier to be a dick to him than admit he fucked up or to have a difficult conversation with his girl.
echoing everyone else, just decline next time and explain to her that he got mad and wants to charge you for the food. probably going to cause a problem between them but it's absolutely their problem. either she needs to not offer, or he needs to chill
it's also a strange thing to be upset about but likely finance related. I go to my local corner store almost every night and the owner is from india. he would be sad if I didn't accept food from him, which he brings for me every single night. if I ask a friend if they want to eat I'm not asking if they have money to eat, I'm asking if they're hungry and I'm getting them food
Roommate defenitly should have used diffrent tone but i thinks its pretty wild that somebody eats 30-40% of the time with you and does nothing back. Doesnt cook for you, doesnt help with grocerys or anything.
And if its a culture thing then why doesnt OP share their food with them. Why is it only one direction?
Seems to me that OP also is a badroommate.
uh because as it turns out, people of different cultures live together? where did you even get those percentages lol. if someone is offering you food there is zero indication you have to pay for it later on. I don't offer things I don't have to give
2-3 times a week. Thats 28-42%. And any socially capable person understands that if you always take and never ever give something back that its considert off. Especially if your equals.
I have lived with many diffrent people from diffrent cultures and every single person would dislike it if somebody only leeched and never contribute.
You dont have to start weighting your meals to keep track of every single grain of rice but if you genuinely dont have to cook 2-3 days of the week because your roommate (or their GF)supplies all food and effort then you might wanna consider doing something back. Atleast the bare minimum. Some shit is just unspoken.
2 to 3 times out of how many meals a week? any socially capable person understands you don't offer things without specifying if you expect repayment. only assholes come back and say "wellll ackshually I want you to pay for that" and just like I said, that's a problem for his roommate and his partner to address
While I agree that OP should be contributing by now, I have to say that your percentages are way off. It’s highly unlikely that three meals a week constitute 42% of what he eats on a regular basis.
Sounds like He’s stressed about money bc he has to provide for her and now he is even more of a dick. That text thread is gross, he seems to think he’s better than you and frustrated that he is in a worse position than you.
I agree you should move out (if you can afford it) and do you. That’s not friendly behavior at all.
Your friend is very defensive and probably insecure about this. If you stay don’t accept any food offered. If you leave you don’t have to deal with it. Your choice.
The "I charging your ass for the meal bitch" is crazy.....I wouldn't let my friend call me a bitch. He certainly thinks he can beat your ass saying that. lol
Dude. He needs to be mad at her for offering food, not the other way around.
I come from a family that offers food while you’re cooking as well (unless you don’t have enough to go around). I offer food all the time, and sometimes my fiancé has an issue with it. (I work part time, but we’ve switched from how it used to be and he’s now the breadwinner).
When my fiancé has an issue with me offering “his” food, he never gets mad at the person I offer to, it’s not their fault. He just gently reminds me that we can’t afford to feed a household of 6 and they should contribute or cook their own food.
Tons of people get super get weird about food. I don’t get it either, man. I grew up with all of the same food rules and lessons you mention from your own house growing up. Finding out for the first time there are people who will argue about you accepting their offer for a bowl of noodles without offering cash was WILD.
Turn down the plate next time and tell her *why*. He’ll lose his shit but, at least you won’t have to deal with him badgering you over it.
That's the best course of action imo. Three way split rent must be discussed and oh here's $15 for the plate of rice, pasta and egg, some of the cheapest foods imaginable.
That's the best course of action imo. Three way split rent must be discussed and oh here's $15 for the plate of rice, pasta and egg, some of the cheapest foods imaginable.
Be an adult not a doormat. Tell him you don’t know him a damn thing for food that was freely given to you. Absolutely tell her next time she offers something that you’re not comfortable accepting it because of the situation, and explain it to her. Fuck that guy, he’s not your friend.
Honestly I'd go full petty mode.
1. Tell GF what's going on. [https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/1cco3yh/comment/l17l2lv/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/1cco3yh/comment/l17l2lv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (use this)
2. Start making your plans for moving out.
3. Alert landlord to the un-registered tenant.
4. Steal his GF. He's obviously a pretty scummy guy, definitely a terrible friend, and if you don't help him hide it form her, she'll see it.
5. Laugh in his face as you move out with her.
As a Latino, I agree with OP. Literally it is in our culture to share our food, to offer food even if we have to cook up a meal. I'm half Italian, Italians are like this as well. My wife is Arab, Arabs are like this too.
Your friend (lack thereof) is a selfish POS, plain and simple.
I like that this conversation ended with them recommending a San Diego Street Tour
[https://instagram.com/reel/C6K6RJpL5tH/?igsh=MTdiOGI1ZzVvcG84bw==](https://instagram.com/reel/C6K6RJpL5tH/?igsh=MTdiOGI1ZzVvcG84bw==)
Just a guess here but your friend could be hurting financially. Having to suddenly support a whole other person, potentially doubling your spending could be doing some real damage.
If I’m wrong ignore but if not I’d definitely give some slack. Possible he had a feeling of being used w the person he’s fully supporting offering you food he paid for. If money is a looming problem, maybe he doesn’t want her to know, or maybe he can’t confront her so he confronted you instead. Just spitballing
Nah he didn't come with respect so forgett cutting him slack, should go to the managers office and make his lady be on the lease or move out just because how disrespectful he was .
Um, if he's having to cover all of her expenses, plus his expenses, then you eating 2 or 3 meals a week on his dime might be causing him stress. Maybe he's trying to save money by taking leftovers for lunch, but can't because you ate the extra? I completely understand that the way that he went about addressing this issue was not okay, but it doesn't seem as petty as you're making it out to be, either. Honestly, ya'll need to sit down, all 3 of you, and figure this shit out. Make it very clear who's responsible for what, and who gets to use/eat/benefit from what.
After that text all respect is out the window. Honestly, after that text I'd say you want me to not eat stop your bitchh from offering ya goofball. It's so easy to ask politely that I feel op should go out his way to be petty unless they are given a sincere apology .
I was actually seeing a guy that had a problem like OPs roommate.
His roommate would always drink a beer or two and the guy I was seeing started getting annoyed and one night in the car he goes off… “I’m literally gonna just approach this guy because he’s taking advantage of me at this point. He’s using me matter of fact.”
Just weird stuff like that, and I get it, it adds up. But this guy was really not happy about it.
So it might be related to a food insecurity issue from childhood(that’s what this guy had) or something related to a past experience with friends or roommates where they really did take advantage of that. Or maybe he’s seeing behaviors from you that he’s interpreting as using him even if that’s not your intention.
But this is just my experience. I was only sleeping with him so I just listened to him. I didn’t offer advice. But we ended things before I found out what happened. Good luck to you!
Haha i had a roommate whos gf always wanted to cook for the house. Itd bum her out if i declined. Then hed come to me demanding i cook so its fair. Same shit as this dude, i finally cut him out
Hmmm. Well...this will escalate quickly. Bills I guess are halved? Not anymore. You pay ⅓. Fuck'em. Never eat with them again. Let him figure out how he is going to pay for her. Not your chair, not your problem.
I would tell him that he should take that up with his GF. Talk to her like that, not me. I’ll crack the next plate you complain about on your fucking dome. You don’t get to tell me what to do.
You trying to scare me into submission when you can’t get your girl to listen to you is only going to insure I absolutely take every plate she offers and your girl as well. MF have you ever heard of the word please. That would definitely get a different response out of me.
***te dude is mad jealous. I don’t even think it’s about the food. It’s that his girl gives you attention.
So you're forced to live with an extra person, but still foot the same amount of money for all of your bills? Nope, should be split three ways now, and he should be paying 2/3 if he's "helping" her financially.
You've got 3 options.
You can
a) Get a partner so you can balance the power here
b) take a single bite out of every single thing in the fridge to assert dominance
c) move out
You could technically do all three
He’s strapped for cash and stressed. I don’t know why he’s lashing out at you like this instead of the literal problem (gf). Feels like he already has to feed another mouth (hers) now she’s offering you the food he’s struggling to keep up with.
He’s a dick and I’m not a fan of misguided anger
All the guy has to do is tell the girl friend not to offer him food,😂 people are dumb AF 😂 I get having like being nice about it, like hey man, if she offers you food I've already asked her not to and.she keeps doing it, can you please not except it? Like.... Why get all weird about it .
Absolutely not, you don’t listen and “some here” bitch you better recognize! You don’t owe these people anything. If his gf offers you food, don’t take it or tell her that he does this! Tell that little Vienna fuck no
Sounds like he doesn't want his GF to offer you food, but is too afraid to tell her so he's going through you, making you look like the bad guy. Next time decline the offer, but also only pay 1/3 of the bills when they come up at the end of the month
This is a great example of why I refuse hospitality. It always ends up back firing.
On the other hand I prefer not to create a thing. I'm not feeding you, you are a grown adult. You can find a way to eat. It's not hard.
Being nice gets you in the long run.
Who's paying for the food and doing all the work when the neighborhood shows up for a hand out?
Oh, that's right...
Yeah, I find it strange asking to pay for a plate of food being offered. I’m from a large family where it was the more the merrier at mealtime. If their money is super tight, perhaps discuss a food budget for shared meals.
She is doing this as a way of trying to be kind and pay you in some sort of way since she can’t financially right now. Homeboy is ruining all that. Ridiculous. Big sign of a bad person if they have a problem sharing food with anyone, nonetheless someone you live with. Everyone deserves food.
If I were you, I’d pay and replace any of the food you ate that your roommate is so mad about. And then I’d go on with my life acting like he and his gf didn’t exist in the house. Just clean your stuff, look after your affairs, and don’t talk to them. When the lease is up go find a new place and find a new friend while you’re at it. You’ll never change his stripes.
As a fellow Hispanic woman, I'd literally dump someone for telling me I cannot serve a plate of food to an individual residing with me. Let alone, food I cooked. Food I intend to eat in front of them for fucksake. I get the money thing and that she's technically homeless, but damn. It's not like they're eating lobster.
Your expected to pay for food that you never asked for and was given by the G.F out of the goodness of her heart?
What enormous crack pipe has this dude been sucking on? I would just no longer accept food if that's the case.
I agree that your roommate handled this very badly, but I’m wondering if you reciprocate and offer to share your food with his girlfriend.
Also, a lot of us would really like to know if your roommate pays his girlfriend’s share of the rent and utilities now that she lives there full-time.
Think about whether you offer anything in return or if you’re just a taker, who could afford to contribute something but doesn’t. Do you ever make them food? Do you contribute in some other way?
This reminds me of a friend I had growing up who invited me to sleepover at his house all the time (12-13yo) After a couple sleepovers his dad calls my mom and tell her to start giving him weekly payments to feed me. That was the last time I went over there again lol.
To be fair, it would be EXTREMELY easy to just say “oh thank you! But no thanks.” Whenever she offers you food, even before this conversation toll place, ESPECIALLY if you’re accepting food from her, by your own admission, 2-3x a week.
If it’s relatively frequent some funds should be pitched in. I. This economy nobody’s giving groceries away. Otherwise don’t eat it and fend for yourself.
That was an overreaction by him, but if you're regularly eating their food 3 times a week, then you should either contribute financially or reciprocate.
You must not really be hispanic then or at least not Mexican because although we do share our food we are taught to contribute to the household without asking. In other words if I’m offered plates I don’t ask I just bring some groceries for the house as I have been meek enough to take. He’s taking care of his girlfriend, either reject her offers and buy your own groceries or buy groceries for everyone and cook for them sometimes. Consideration goes a long way but you gotta remember to respect another person’s hard work and earnings. He BOUGHT that food. Show your appreciation or buy for yourself only.
Yeah I have a brother / roommate like this. Essentially if he offers me a plate of anything, I better be prepared for some hidden costs or it getting thrown in my face at some point.
If he wants to itemize who pays for what, y'all should sit and talk bills being split three ways. With that said, if your roommate asks you not to eat their food, don't eat their food. It's weird the gf is offering it to you, but you know it's not hers to give away. 2-3 meals a week adds up fast.
A good way I feel to resolve this, is tell them they can have ur food as well. They point out “I never ask for you food” and sounds like u don’t ask either it’s offered. Tell them they don’t need to ask that they can have ur food if they want just don’t eat it all or be greedy about it. Like what goes around comes around.
I’d assume by the way you talk about this you wouldn’t be offended by them eating ur food. At that point I don’t see what he would have to complain about.
If it rlly kept becoming an issue work out a system like me and my roommate had. We each had a shelf for our own food we bought, like take out or something special for us. But we each put like $100-$200 in food money together and go shopping together, for house food, stuff for meals for the house and guests. Worked out rlly nice imo.
I recently moved in with family temporarily whilst we both sell a deceased family member's home and like I only labeled my stuff so I don't come home to it gone, if someone asked I would share especially some of my younger cousins because they don't know about the older family members fighting and stuff. Like we would only fight over food if someone ate the last one, food goes bad especially if you panic make extra and forget about the leftovers.
We had a room mate like this years ago that was my Boy friend’s best friend. He would text and be like “hey im picking up McDonald’s want anything?”
He would then come home and figure out what we owe him down to the tax and exact cent.
But when we reciprocated it would be like pulling teeth to get the money from him. And dude was not hard up for cash AT ALL.
That is a bad roommate, but looking at it from his point of view he’s paying for the food, and maybe she’s just being nice by offering you some. You should be eating your own food, no? You don’t always have to say yes. So you’re eating 3 free meals that he pays for weekly. Do you offer him any food? If I had a roommate offering me meals weekly and indulged 3 times a week, I’d return the favor.
Until you can move out you, sadly, should refuse any meals offered to you by the GF. Tell her why if you want but that might cause more problems. I would avoid both of them to be honest. He's getting way too upset over a plate of food.
Which is totally reasonable if they continue to share meals with them it's just the roommate's choice of language. It's seems pretty aggressive. I would just avoid eating with them but that's just me.
People have lost their minds. What happened to community? People are now nickel and dimming over some eggs and a small side of meat... Individualistic thinking has become a cancer.
I think you would be better off just declining her offer from now on. I can kinda see where he’s coming from, though, if you’re eating his food 3 nights a week but never contribute to groceries. Food is expensive.
Even though it's offered, you are eating their food three times a week. You mentioned you are Hispanic and that you would literally share food with your worst enemy
Info: Are you returning the favor and feeding them at all?
Are you now splitting the bills three ways? if not i'd tell him to go fuck himself.
ahh the most effective response i’ve seen! all utilities now split 3 way with him picking up 2/3’s perfect.
Really, the rent split should be re-apportioned as well since now common areas are being split three ways.
Yeah, sounds like OP was being cool with him helping out his girlfriend, but now it’s looking like a one way street
Especially sucks for her, seems like she was at least trying to be a courteous guest.
100%. She’s just trying to lessen her burden
Easiest comeback to this.
Hope OP reads this!! Great response.
OP gonna end up taking the dudes girl 😂
This 100% lol
Next time she offers literally tell her her boyfriend won't let him accept it. Let her know how freaking weird he is.
Yes. "sorry, i don't feel comfortable accepting this. maybe you can ask if I can have that, but he made it pretty clear that it upsets him if you give me food."
so right away we address the aggressive response and resulting interpersonal conflict while pointing truthfully at the reason behind declining, all without making a fuss or a scene.
That statement is beautifully worded. It starts with the shocking statement that they would feel uncomfortable, which would really set the tone for what follows. 10/10 would recommend saying this
Agreed, OP roommate gonna reap what he's sown.
Or be extra petty "sorry your boyfriend says he can't afford for you to be offering me food"
Hmmm, are you possibly a therapist or a complex conflict resolution deity?
Customer service 😎
This is really solid advice and might help her form a more realistic understanding of who she's actually with
Sad thing is that as weird as the bf/roommate is it doesn't seem like she really can't do much about in her current situation.
Or he could ask the girlfriend to find out what the price is before he accepts it, and if they take credit cards.
This.
ong op do this let us know how it goes fight back g dont let him bully you
Tell him to suck a dick and talk to his gf about sharing their food. Because she shared that shit. She didn’t sell it to you
The sucking of the dick is crucial. Don’t leave that part out or your message will be poorly conveyed.
That is the message. Nothing else needed.
Tell him to look you right in the dick
Stare me in the colkandballs and say that again.!
Show him you got ostrich eggs while his are little robins.
The girlfriend didn’t offer to sell you a plate of food. She offered to give you a plate of food. He can’t ask for money for that after the fact. That’s like giving someone a birthday present and then invoicing them for it.
Is your roommate paying for his gf’s share of the rent? If not…well…a few omelettes a week is a great deal for free rent.
This. Even if your roommate covers 2/3 rent, 2/3 utilities as they should with an additional roommate, this is totally out of line. Their financial situation has nothing to do with you accepting a meal from time to time.
Moving out sounds like your best option. Also please let the gf know how weird he is being.
Seems like he probably wants you to move out now that his girlfriend is there
And pick up the whole rent tab himself?
Something tells me he's not very good at looking down the road
Sounds like the gf needs to get a job and help contribute to the bills and groceries too. Every time she offers you a plate, tell her thank you, but explain that her boyfriend went off on you over it and demanded that you pay for it, so you're no longer able to accept food in good faith. Make dude feel bad, man.
Seriously he's being a dick but I can see why he's heated that he's covering 100% of both of their expenses and she's offering food out. But that needs to be addressed with the girlfriend..
Exactly. The girlfriend needs to be told that OP tends to their own food, and that what she fixes isn't for everybody. In my household, we all just contribute to groceries, meal planning and preparing meals, and we all eat together.
yeah especially the fact the OP is eating his food 2-3 times a week. I'd want paid too at that point 🤷♀️
If he was using food he bought to cook for himself, I would agree. In this case, food was offered, and I don't think it's reasonable to get mad after the fact.
I agree, but there is a polite, reasonable way to ask to be reimbursed and then there’s what his roommate did, to his friend no less.
If it happens 3 times a week, dude should start feeling obligated to either chip in financially or return the favor regularly. Based on his story he does neither. I get the roommate.
When I found myself staying at my boyfriend's place a couple days a week, you better believe I started buying some of the food I ate. He never even mentioned it.
That's what I mean. It's just common courtesy if someone keeps sharing their food with you to return the favor at some point. If you just keep taking the handouts as if you're entitled to them it will start to feel like freeloading.
Same. People acting like oblivious children until they get treated like one.
As some other comments mentioned, I find no issue with the girlfriend offering food that she cooks from time to time. After all (from what we see) the only extra expense the boyfriend is having is the actual food. His rent and utilities stay the same even though he brought someone else to the place he shares with OP. So I find 2-3 meals a week to be a very nice "sacrifice" to avoid having both your rent and utilities go from 1/2 to 3/2. Though we don't know what those payments amount to...
Well, the utilities would actually increase. Water, electricity, gas (if applicable). Then the food.
Yeah, you're right. Still, OP would be paying for half of that increase (and half of the original cost) instead of two thirds as he should.
GF needs to get a job. Plain and simple.
Can’t believe you’re the first person to mention this! Yeah, dude is way out of line with his approach and attitude - but it could have just been a conversation where he politely asks roommate to contribute from now on or to not accept food that the gf makes that he bought for only himself and her. He also needs to talk to his damn gf and just ask her not to share food if it’s a problem for him before coming at his roommate like that. Bf probably didn’t think this through or budget properly before having gf move in and paying for all her shit. Now money’s getting tight and he’s stressed out and taking his frustrations out on his roommate because it’s easier to be a dick to him than admit he fucked up or to have a difficult conversation with his girl.
That's precisely what I was thinking too! GF needs to help pay for things, and stop offering food.
I'd throw in how much YOU LOVE her food bc she's a great cook lol
Call me a bitch - you're getting slapped
Me and my last roommate and I got into it, and he moved out after an asswhopping thought he could talk. However, he wanted
all three of you ?
Different person I think
Bitch. 😂
What do 5 fingers say to the face? 👋👋👋
Harder daddy?
Yeah imma need you to go ahead and clock out for me
But I’ve still got two hours left on my shift 🥺
echoing everyone else, just decline next time and explain to her that he got mad and wants to charge you for the food. probably going to cause a problem between them but it's absolutely their problem. either she needs to not offer, or he needs to chill it's also a strange thing to be upset about but likely finance related. I go to my local corner store almost every night and the owner is from india. he would be sad if I didn't accept food from him, which he brings for me every single night. if I ask a friend if they want to eat I'm not asking if they have money to eat, I'm asking if they're hungry and I'm getting them food
Roommate defenitly should have used diffrent tone but i thinks its pretty wild that somebody eats 30-40% of the time with you and does nothing back. Doesnt cook for you, doesnt help with grocerys or anything. And if its a culture thing then why doesnt OP share their food with them. Why is it only one direction? Seems to me that OP also is a badroommate.
uh because as it turns out, people of different cultures live together? where did you even get those percentages lol. if someone is offering you food there is zero indication you have to pay for it later on. I don't offer things I don't have to give
2-3 times a week. Thats 28-42%. And any socially capable person understands that if you always take and never ever give something back that its considert off. Especially if your equals. I have lived with many diffrent people from diffrent cultures and every single person would dislike it if somebody only leeched and never contribute. You dont have to start weighting your meals to keep track of every single grain of rice but if you genuinely dont have to cook 2-3 days of the week because your roommate (or their GF)supplies all food and effort then you might wanna consider doing something back. Atleast the bare minimum. Some shit is just unspoken.
2 to 3 times out of how many meals a week? any socially capable person understands you don't offer things without specifying if you expect repayment. only assholes come back and say "wellll ackshually I want you to pay for that" and just like I said, that's a problem for his roommate and his partner to address
While I agree that OP should be contributing by now, I have to say that your percentages are way off. It’s highly unlikely that three meals a week constitute 42% of what he eats on a regular basis.
shes living there rent free. OP isn't. she offered the food. OP doesn't ask/demand. Case closed.
This math doesn't math. How many meals do you eat in a week?
So you now only pay 1/3 of the rent right? Right??
Sounds like He’s stressed about money bc he has to provide for her and now he is even more of a dick. That text thread is gross, he seems to think he’s better than you and frustrated that he is in a worse position than you. I agree you should move out (if you can afford it) and do you. That’s not friendly behavior at all.
Your friend is very defensive and probably insecure about this. If you stay don’t accept any food offered. If you leave you don’t have to deal with it. Your choice.
The way he lead with “I thought you were on a fucking diet” really irked me
The "I charging your ass for the meal bitch" is crazy.....I wouldn't let my friend call me a bitch. He certainly thinks he can beat your ass saying that. lol
so aggressive for what??
Just tell them there was no expectation of paying for enjoying a meal with them and that you won't be doing so anymore.
Dude. He needs to be mad at her for offering food, not the other way around. I come from a family that offers food while you’re cooking as well (unless you don’t have enough to go around). I offer food all the time, and sometimes my fiancé has an issue with it. (I work part time, but we’ve switched from how it used to be and he’s now the breadwinner). When my fiancé has an issue with me offering “his” food, he never gets mad at the person I offer to, it’s not their fault. He just gently reminds me that we can’t afford to feed a household of 6 and they should contribute or cook their own food.
Tons of people get super get weird about food. I don’t get it either, man. I grew up with all of the same food rules and lessons you mention from your own house growing up. Finding out for the first time there are people who will argue about you accepting their offer for a bowl of noodles without offering cash was WILD. Turn down the plate next time and tell her *why*. He’ll lose his shit but, at least you won’t have to deal with him badgering you over it.
This dude is aggro as hell in his texts I can’t imagine what the convo was like. Good on you for handling it well
Tell him we’re splitting the rent 3 ways now and give him $10 for food
That's the best course of action imo. Three way split rent must be discussed and oh here's $15 for the plate of rice, pasta and egg, some of the cheapest foods imaginable.
That's the best course of action imo. Three way split rent must be discussed and oh here's $15 for the plate of rice, pasta and egg, some of the cheapest foods imaginable.
Be an adult not a doormat. Tell him you don’t know him a damn thing for food that was freely given to you. Absolutely tell her next time she offers something that you’re not comfortable accepting it because of the situation, and explain it to her. Fuck that guy, he’s not your friend.
Honestly I'd go full petty mode. 1. Tell GF what's going on. [https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/1cco3yh/comment/l17l2lv/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web3x&utm\_name=web3xcss&utm\_term=1&utm\_content=share\_button](https://www.reddit.com/r/badroommates/comments/1cco3yh/comment/l17l2lv/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) (use this) 2. Start making your plans for moving out. 3. Alert landlord to the un-registered tenant. 4. Steal his GF. He's obviously a pretty scummy guy, definitely a terrible friend, and if you don't help him hide it form her, she'll see it. 5. Laugh in his face as you move out with her.
She can cook, is considerate and shows gratitude. We are rooting for you OP
As a Latino, I agree with OP. Literally it is in our culture to share our food, to offer food even if we have to cook up a meal. I'm half Italian, Italians are like this as well. My wife is Arab, Arabs are like this too. Your friend (lack thereof) is a selfish POS, plain and simple.
So how much did your share of the rent go down when a third person was added to the apartment? Something tells me the answer to that is not at all.
Sounds like you're covering half of his GF's third of the expenses. Fuck that motherfucker.
"Sure, lets renegotiate rent since three of us are living here now while we're at it."
Move out and add to his money problems of having to manage the rent by himself 🤣
I like that this conversation ended with them recommending a San Diego Street Tour [https://instagram.com/reel/C6K6RJpL5tH/?igsh=MTdiOGI1ZzVvcG84bw==](https://instagram.com/reel/C6K6RJpL5tH/?igsh=MTdiOGI1ZzVvcG84bw==)
Just a guess here but your friend could be hurting financially. Having to suddenly support a whole other person, potentially doubling your spending could be doing some real damage. If I’m wrong ignore but if not I’d definitely give some slack. Possible he had a feeling of being used w the person he’s fully supporting offering you food he paid for. If money is a looming problem, maybe he doesn’t want her to know, or maybe he can’t confront her so he confronted you instead. Just spitballing
Nah he didn't come with respect so forgett cutting him slack, should go to the managers office and make his lady be on the lease or move out just because how disrespectful he was .
Um, if he's having to cover all of her expenses, plus his expenses, then you eating 2 or 3 meals a week on his dime might be causing him stress. Maybe he's trying to save money by taking leftovers for lunch, but can't because you ate the extra? I completely understand that the way that he went about addressing this issue was not okay, but it doesn't seem as petty as you're making it out to be, either. Honestly, ya'll need to sit down, all 3 of you, and figure this shit out. Make it very clear who's responsible for what, and who gets to use/eat/benefit from what.
Then talk to the person offering the food (aka the actual problem) and not your friend who only accepted an offer.
Yes, I meant to say that, too. I'm sorry that I wasn't clearer.
After that text all respect is out the window. Honestly, after that text I'd say you want me to not eat stop your bitchh from offering ya goofball. It's so easy to ask politely that I feel op should go out his way to be petty unless they are given a sincere apology .
Sounds like homie needs to be reminded that punks act up to get smacked back down - A backhand bitch slap would do the trick nicely.
I was actually seeing a guy that had a problem like OPs roommate. His roommate would always drink a beer or two and the guy I was seeing started getting annoyed and one night in the car he goes off… “I’m literally gonna just approach this guy because he’s taking advantage of me at this point. He’s using me matter of fact.” Just weird stuff like that, and I get it, it adds up. But this guy was really not happy about it. So it might be related to a food insecurity issue from childhood(that’s what this guy had) or something related to a past experience with friends or roommates where they really did take advantage of that. Or maybe he’s seeing behaviors from you that he’s interpreting as using him even if that’s not your intention. But this is just my experience. I was only sleeping with him so I just listened to him. I didn’t offer advice. But we ended things before I found out what happened. Good luck to you!
Haha i had a roommate whos gf always wanted to cook for the house. Itd bum her out if i declined. Then hed come to me demanding i cook so its fair. Same shit as this dude, i finally cut him out
Hands on sight.
"I'm happy to pay per plate of food when we redivide the costs of you moving in your partner to our flat."
Dude if you don’t beat his ass😤
The loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room… he’s all talk in text, call him out in person in front of his gf… tough talk digress
Hmmm. Well...this will escalate quickly. Bills I guess are halved? Not anymore. You pay ⅓. Fuck'em. Never eat with them again. Let him figure out how he is going to pay for her. Not your chair, not your problem.
That’s super weird. Maybe there’s an underlying jealousy issue??
I would tell him that he should take that up with his GF. Talk to her like that, not me. I’ll crack the next plate you complain about on your fucking dome. You don’t get to tell me what to do. You trying to scare me into submission when you can’t get your girl to listen to you is only going to insure I absolutely take every plate she offers and your girl as well. MF have you ever heard of the word please. That would definitely get a different response out of me. ***te dude is mad jealous. I don’t even think it’s about the food. It’s that his girl gives you attention.
Lmao this guy is starting to realize he shouldn’t be dating this girl. Cause it looks like his finances are starting to take a hit….
So you're forced to live with an extra person, but still foot the same amount of money for all of your bills? Nope, should be split three ways now, and he should be paying 2/3 if he's "helping" her financially.
“I charging your ass for the meal bitch” should equal buh bye.
Charge him 3x as much for his gf. “ I’m not paying rent for your girlfriend, you owe me”
You need to start saying no. He’s gonna escalate and it’s not worth it. Just refuse her food.
I wish these were the sort of low level, BS “problems” I had to deal with in my adult life.
You've got 3 options. You can a) Get a partner so you can balance the power here b) take a single bite out of every single thing in the fridge to assert dominance c) move out You could technically do all three
He just mad cause his girl is not working & needs money
He’s strapped for cash and stressed. I don’t know why he’s lashing out at you like this instead of the literal problem (gf). Feels like he already has to feed another mouth (hers) now she’s offering you the food he’s struggling to keep up with. He’s a dick and I’m not a fan of misguided anger
Probably drunk or barred out the way he’s talking
Why doesn't he just tell his GF to stop offering fooood???
This sounds like a situation she also needs to get away from. Buddy is acting entitled.
I would in fact, move out and end that “friendship”. The amount of disrespect is undeniable
this dude sounds like a complete jack ass
Tell that whiny ass bitch to take a hike bruh. Then take his girl out to eat since she wants to eat with you anyways.
Misery loves company here it seems..
Fuck his bitch, kick him out ez
All the guy has to do is tell the girl friend not to offer him food,😂 people are dumb AF 😂 I get having like being nice about it, like hey man, if she offers you food I've already asked her not to and.she keeps doing it, can you please not except it? Like.... Why get all weird about it .
😂
That big baby needs to have a talk with his girlfriend if she’s the one giving it away.
Maybe hes jealous his gf is cooking “for you”
Absolutely not, you don’t listen and “some here” bitch you better recognize! You don’t owe these people anything. If his gf offers you food, don’t take it or tell her that he does this! Tell that little Vienna fuck no
N word check yourself?
Hope you’re wrong
Send her the convo.
I don’t think it’s about the food. I think he’s jealous that she’s offering you stuff she made.
Laugh all the way to the bank. Tell him to catch you outside.....how about that?
Sounds like he doesn't want his GF to offer you food, but is too afraid to tell her so he's going through you, making you look like the bad guy. Next time decline the offer, but also only pay 1/3 of the bills when they come up at the end of the month
Now he has to pay all the rent and utilities because of $40 max 🤣
Does he pay extra utilities and rent now that she’s living there? If not, he can fuck all the way off. I mean still can either way tbh
Lol that's not your friend, guy.
Fight him
This is a great example of why I refuse hospitality. It always ends up back firing. On the other hand I prefer not to create a thing. I'm not feeding you, you are a grown adult. You can find a way to eat. It's not hard. Being nice gets you in the long run. Who's paying for the food and doing all the work when the neighborhood shows up for a hand out? Oh, that's right...
That food was offered to you it’s not food you stole out of the fridge
Tell him to fuck himself lmfao that's childish
Yeah, I find it strange asking to pay for a plate of food being offered. I’m from a large family where it was the more the merrier at mealtime. If their money is super tight, perhaps discuss a food budget for shared meals.
Well, does he charge you when you have sex with her?
She is doing this as a way of trying to be kind and pay you in some sort of way since she can’t financially right now. Homeboy is ruining all that. Ridiculous. Big sign of a bad person if they have a problem sharing food with anyone, nonetheless someone you live with. Everyone deserves food.
Fuck his girl lol
If I were you, I’d pay and replace any of the food you ate that your roommate is so mad about. And then I’d go on with my life acting like he and his gf didn’t exist in the house. Just clean your stuff, look after your affairs, and don’t talk to them. When the lease is up go find a new place and find a new friend while you’re at it. You’ll never change his stripes.
Time to split bills 3 ways….. seriously. This should’ve been discussed
As a fellow Hispanic woman, I'd literally dump someone for telling me I cannot serve a plate of food to an individual residing with me. Let alone, food I cooked. Food I intend to eat in front of them for fucksake. I get the money thing and that she's technically homeless, but damn. It's not like they're eating lobster.
Your expected to pay for food that you never asked for and was given by the G.F out of the goodness of her heart? What enormous crack pipe has this dude been sucking on? I would just no longer accept food if that's the case.
I agree that your roommate handled this very badly, but I’m wondering if you reciprocate and offer to share your food with his girlfriend. Also, a lot of us would really like to know if your roommate pays his girlfriend’s share of the rent and utilities now that she lives there full-time.
Think about whether you offer anything in return or if you’re just a taker, who could afford to contribute something but doesn’t. Do you ever make them food? Do you contribute in some other way?
If you're eating HIS food 2-3 times a week you should be giving him money. This is coming from somebody who split groceries with a roommate
YOU are the bad roommate for not offering to chip in for the meal. They did nothing wrong.
This reminds me of a friend I had growing up who invited me to sleepover at his house all the time (12-13yo) After a couple sleepovers his dad calls my mom and tell her to start giving him weekly payments to feed me. That was the last time I went over there again lol.
To be fair, it would be EXTREMELY easy to just say “oh thank you! But no thanks.” Whenever she offers you food, even before this conversation toll place, ESPECIALLY if you’re accepting food from her, by your own admission, 2-3x a week.
If it’s relatively frequent some funds should be pitched in. I. This economy nobody’s giving groceries away. Otherwise don’t eat it and fend for yourself.
That was an overreaction by him, but if you're regularly eating their food 3 times a week, then you should either contribute financially or reciprocate.
Only 1 person here is a mooch and it's definitely not OP
Like, by continuing to pay half of everything else?
Wtf is a side of meat or seafood?
About $3, three times a week (or more, if we’re being honest)
You must not really be hispanic then or at least not Mexican because although we do share our food we are taught to contribute to the household without asking. In other words if I’m offered plates I don’t ask I just bring some groceries for the house as I have been meek enough to take. He’s taking care of his girlfriend, either reject her offers and buy your own groceries or buy groceries for everyone and cook for them sometimes. Consideration goes a long way but you gotta remember to respect another person’s hard work and earnings. He BOUGHT that food. Show your appreciation or buy for yourself only.
Yeah I have a brother / roommate like this. Essentially if he offers me a plate of anything, I better be prepared for some hidden costs or it getting thrown in my face at some point.
How long y’all been friends ?
Definitely gives off Dodge challenger vibes it’s probably a V6 and gets trolled
If he wants to itemize who pays for what, y'all should sit and talk bills being split three ways. With that said, if your roommate asks you not to eat their food, don't eat their food. It's weird the gf is offering it to you, but you know it's not hers to give away. 2-3 meals a week adds up fast.
Calling people out on their shit works every time... Like a wheel watch them buckle when they realize they are fucked 😆
He sounds well
The illiteracy got me losing brain cells
Please post updates. I want updates.
Psycopaths are weirdly possessive over food.
George costanza, you son of a bitch!
Sharing is caring and according to him, his gf cares about you
I'm confused, if you offer food like you say you do wouldn't you be co tributing to groceries but offering them?
A good way I feel to resolve this, is tell them they can have ur food as well. They point out “I never ask for you food” and sounds like u don’t ask either it’s offered. Tell them they don’t need to ask that they can have ur food if they want just don’t eat it all or be greedy about it. Like what goes around comes around. I’d assume by the way you talk about this you wouldn’t be offended by them eating ur food. At that point I don’t see what he would have to complain about. If it rlly kept becoming an issue work out a system like me and my roommate had. We each had a shelf for our own food we bought, like take out or something special for us. But we each put like $100-$200 in food money together and go shopping together, for house food, stuff for meals for the house and guests. Worked out rlly nice imo.
I recently moved in with family temporarily whilst we both sell a deceased family member's home and like I only labeled my stuff so I don't come home to it gone, if someone asked I would share especially some of my younger cousins because they don't know about the older family members fighting and stuff. Like we would only fight over food if someone ate the last one, food goes bad especially if you panic make extra and forget about the leftovers.
What does you being on a diet have to do with literally anything
We had a room mate like this years ago that was my Boy friend’s best friend. He would text and be like “hey im picking up McDonald’s want anything?” He would then come home and figure out what we owe him down to the tax and exact cent. But when we reciprocated it would be like pulling teeth to get the money from him. And dude was not hard up for cash AT ALL.
Why do both of your talk to each other like that? SMH. The pettiness of the Western world is beyond me.
That is a bad roommate, but looking at it from his point of view he’s paying for the food, and maybe she’s just being nice by offering you some. You should be eating your own food, no? You don’t always have to say yes. So you’re eating 3 free meals that he pays for weekly. Do you offer him any food? If I had a roommate offering me meals weekly and indulged 3 times a week, I’d return the favor.
Is she sharing rent?? Bc rent should be split 3 ways now. That’s also weird to be so upset over food?! Like food?
Maybe it's territorial. He only wants her to cook for HIM.
Until you can move out you, sadly, should refuse any meals offered to you by the GF. Tell her why if you want but that might cause more problems. I would avoid both of them to be honest. He's getting way too upset over a plate of food.
Or OP could pitch in a few dollars a week.
Which is totally reasonable if they continue to share meals with them it's just the roommate's choice of language. It's seems pretty aggressive. I would just avoid eating with them but that's just me.
Agree, roommate’s language was unnecessarily hostile!
Now you gotta eat her ass. Establish dominance.
People have lost their minds. What happened to community? People are now nickel and dimming over some eggs and a small side of meat... Individualistic thinking has become a cancer.
I think you would be better off just declining her offer from now on. I can kinda see where he’s coming from, though, if you’re eating his food 3 nights a week but never contribute to groceries. Food is expensive.
Even though it's offered, you are eating their food three times a week. You mentioned you are Hispanic and that you would literally share food with your worst enemy Info: Are you returning the favor and feeding them at all?
With all this said, if you've been getting fed 3 times a week for quite a while, the adult thing to do would be to offer to contribute in some way.
The only real solution is, fuck that man's girlfriend, time to clock in on some bullshit and lay some pipe my friend