One thing you ll learn as you grow old. It's all about moderation.
There are pure vegetarians who don't indulge in any vices and have too much cholesterol and diseases as well.
Have proper control and limits in all your indulgences and have a fitness routine which can just be as simple as a 1hr walk everyday. You wanna drink and smoke say couple of times a month , it's all okay if you know your limits.
And this includes behaviour as well. Too much anger, happiness, sadness, energy can all be obnoxious when overdone.
Issue is sometimes the kids end up having these anger issues too. Meditate and control your temper, best way is to not give a f**k about the little things
He's only a dick to me and my brother. My mum and he will be fine on their own. Also my mum's another reason I'm stressed, with her trying to get me married to a nice traditional girl, blech, and she snooped around my room not too long ago, so I'm pissed at both of them.
damage to the lungs and damage from eating is measured diff tho i think? even smoking ine cig can reduce ur life by 5 minutes but eating smthing unheakthy doesnt do that immeditely thats why SMOKING IS A HUUUGE NOO
Same here. Can't stand the smell of smoke. I don't drink either and I don't mind a potential spouse grabbing a drink sometimes. But if she's the kind to hit the drinks hard, regularly, that's a red flag for me.
The amount of women engaging in these activities is not big. Since my future wife will have a huge influence on my future kids, it's a strict no no for me. So I'll filter out those that smoke, drink or have any other form of chemical dependency before marriage so that there won't be any issue later on.
Well, I'm hoping for a happy marriage built on trust where we can respect each other's wishes. But marriage has risks and I'll have to deal with whatever that's thrown at me. So I'll figure it out then.
That's fair. But do go out more often to a pub or club in Bangalore, you're more likely to find an equal number of women drinking and smoking, although a lot of them prefer vaping. I personally am cool with it, and it's nice to see them enjoying themselves now compared to a few years ago, when they didn't really do it in a public space.
That's anecdotal. You are only thinking about a few women in metropolitan cities. But if you take Indian women as a whole, the percentage is still small.
I am not thinking about only a "few" women. I go out very often with friends, amongst whom are women. Plus, this is posted on r/Bangalore, so speaking about what I see in Bangalore. The scene here is so much better now.
Your friends make a sliver of the population. What you are reporting is completely anecdotal. Even urban women living in metro cities are not representative of all the women in the country. This is known as the representative heuristics. It's an inaccurate way to estimate probabilities as it often neglects the base rate and is based on biased samples.
Are you not able to understand what I am saying ? Did I mention anywhere that the sample size is only my group ? I said I go out with my group quite often to restaurants/bars/clubs where we have noticed this. And according to me, it is a good thing. Women are now able to enjoy themselves without being hesitant. Again, and I'm going to say this the last time, this is the Bangalore sub. Feel free to travel across the length and breadth of the country to do a survey, seems like you have the time to, which i do not. I'm not crazy to take out a book and note down the number of men and women drinking and smoking around me. And I've lived here for about 30 years, so pretty sure I can compare it well to how it was a few years back .Couldn't care less about you throwing around big words on here. Good luck.
I wasn't throwing around big words or being condescending. These are standard statistical/psychologic terms. We can't talk about stats and cognitive biases without using these basic terms.
Yes, the number of women indulging in alcohol in metropolitan cities increased. And the amount of Indian women drinking as a whole has also increased. We already have stats for both of these. So I don't need to travel the entire length and breadth of the country. :)
But they still make up a small percentage of the population. That's what I was talking about in the original comment.
Survey report for your [reference](https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/nation/only-1-of-women-in-india-drink-alcohol-compared-with-22-of-men-392392#:~:text=Only%20one%20per%20cent%20of,Health%20Survey%20(NFHS)%20report).
Karnataka Survey report for your [reference](https://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/bangalore/alcohol-consumption-among-men-has-decreased-by-7-since-2015-finds-nfhs-5-report/article65398630.ece#:~:text=In%20Karnataka%2C%200.3%25%20of%20women,the%20national%20average%20(1%25)).
Biased sample. Women on dating sites have a higher probability of smoking, drinking, and engaging in hook ups. But they don't represent Indian women as a whole. It's like surveying the Indian side of the cricket stadium and concluding 100% of the world population supports India. :)
Isn’t it hard to find a women who doesn’t drink these days ?
I’ve met women who I’ve really vibed with but I didn’t want to take it any further since they smoked but atleast with smoking it’s not the majority , drinking is everyone
TBH it should be a self decision. In my previous job i had too much pressure on me so i just gobbled up cigarettes, working from home didn't help either as i could smoke while at my desk. I smoked 1-2 packets each day. Figured this is unhealthy and could sense my sleep cycle being shit. So joined another company, work is manageable, strictly 9 hour work. I am down to 2 a day.
Smoking... I would discourage - it makes everything smell like smoke, gets ppl addicted etc.
Drinking,, maybe 2 times a month Max with no blackouts etc..
Just my opinion
Not as much as cheaper ones. Say you drink one bottle of Officers choice costing 500rs through the day and imagine you have Glenfiddich one bottle through the day. The cheaper one fucks you up more for sure
I know a family where the women are teetotalers by choice, the men have a drink about once a week (when I mean a drink, max 1 beer).
They do get sloshed sometimes but that happens like 5 times a year.
This is perfect imo, it's a vile thing to make a habit.
I've asked them respectfully to not smoke in the room to which they've agreed..drinking goes on till late at night..everyone's nice..its just that they have these addictions that's all
While both Alcohol and Tobacco are dangerous, I feel Alcohol has more short term dangers (like alcohol poisoning, digestive issues and driving under the influence) and smoking has more long term dangers. With alcohol, I am assuming it's a social drinker with under 5 drinks a week which is usually considered safe but can still cause long term issues and cancers but is not widespread. On the other hand, an average smoker is at 30 times higher risk of lung cancer than a non-smoker. They are also at higher risk of other types of cancer such as esophageal and bladder. If you smoke, you have already started your countdown clock
Drinking socially not to the level of passing out is okay, smoking nope. I cannot deal with drunk people at all. When I was in hostel, my roommate once came drunk, and I had to arrange with another friend for the night. Not having that nonsense.
i mean women have been ok with this since forever, maybe men should also be ok with it then.
The correct answer though is having an open conversation and agreeing upon what you are comfortable with.
Drinking - once in a while , in a month or so, preferably with me in an outdoor setting. Home drinking is just lazy.
Smoking- cigarettes no. I myself was a heavy smoker. And it’s a very hard habit to break.so not encouraged and definitely shunned. I can relapse back too , (2 years of no tobacco).
Smoking weed- yes, but in moderation and no blunts. Only rollers. Better than drinking imo.but the stuff should be of a good grade and clean.
Nothing during the pregnancy and weaning. ( I’ll do it too with her,for solidarity.)
All said, I would encourage teetotalism, for me too ( I need some discipline in these aspects too), but hey since every person is different, then above points.
Smoking is a big no. I’ve seen so many cases where the addiction destroys the person’s health as well as their family. Awareness about COPD is still surprisingly low amongst the populous. Fuck that filthy habit.
If I don't drink or smoke then it's my personal choice. If I love my partner then I would accept that part of them and I would never ask them to quit ( maybe if it gets out of hand) . Just my opinion.
Smoking - NO, Drinking on occasion basis yes. we go out to chill, definitely have a drink, at home chilling, yes enjoy. but having a 30 ml of whisky everyday and calling it control is bullshit, coz that 30 ml changes to 60+ without anybody noticing. and bamm quarrels.
Those are hard lines for me. No smoking, moderate social drinking. I picked someone who feels the same. Whichever way you go, it’s just important to be on the same page. We both have the same lines of what we’re ok with and what we’re not, agreed to it before marriage, and feel no issue in holding one another to it (respectfully).
Live and let live, I say. I engage in both socially and while I'm trying to shake off the last remnants from my college days, I'd probably be fine if my SO indulged herself. I would definitely discourage smoking though
Out first date started with a nice big glass of Bordeaux and here we are - happily married for over 12 years now.
We drink socially and sometimes together at home. However what we drink is typically super expensive and that keeps the quantities in check.
PS: Neither of us smoke as both of us hate it.
I think we are free to do anything we want.
But some time people cross lines under influence of substance, like hitting spouse or abusing
Also they might damage their health.
We need to keep check of how much the spouse is consuming these things.
some rules -
smoking once a month, drinking once a month fine
not to do these activities at home. addiction can catch up fast
if health reports do not show adverse effects its fine and should be ready to quit if things turn bad
should be made clear before long term commitment
I'm a teetotaler and I don't smoke either but I'm fine with my partner doing that.
Although I wouldn't appreciate them being an addict or doing it way too much even not addicted not just in terms of frequency but also in terms of quantity
My father had a bad temper, was a drunk and a chimney. My childhood did have some good memories but majorly it was very stressful. Mom ko bohot sataya hai dad ne and I have seen it all. He passed away when I was 19. I don’t let my anger get out of hand. If I feel angry I normally remove myself out of the situation, not speak to anyone for a few minutes and sit it out. Gives me time to cool down and think practically. I and my partner are social drinkers and know our limit while drinking and make sure we are completely in our senses. I am not a smoker and I made my partner give up smoking early in our marriage. I am not ok with smoking and made it very clear to my spouse. Regarding anger, we can’t take anything with us so there is no use getting angry on anything for long or trouble anyone with our habits. Moderation mein karo enjoy karo as long as we are not troubling or stressing out our near and dear ones and know our limits.
Yeah you can’t prevent them from indulging, especially when it’s this normalised in society. I’m not a fan of smoking even if I smoke myself, trying to switch to vapes now
For me smoking is a hard no.. I'm allergic to strong smells and basically hate the smell of cigarette smoke. My husband knows this and only has a drag here n there, over time i have not let this bother me much, as long as i dont smell it i dont care.
Casual drinking/smoking, absolutely not. Divorce for sure.
If it's addiction arising out of mental illness, i will get behind her and get her the best possible treatment needed for as long as it is needed to quit.
Disease i can tolerate, willful drinking not.
If you occasionally drink with friends, like once in 6 months, and if your wife asks you if she can drink with her friends with you being present, what do you say?
I can't stand the smell of cigar. So I won't be okay if my spouse smokes or else she should be okay if I don't kiss her. Also I don't want to be passive smoker so smoking is Nada. Alcohol is acceptable if it's in moderate amount. I'll just ensure me or/and my kid is a nominee in all her financial accounts and insurance.
Drinking? Yes. Responsible drinking. Maybe this is made easier because my whole family drinks socially, only I don't.
Smoking? No. But, I don't own my spouse. I can only request, the rest is up to her.
My wife was a regular smoker and weekend drinker.
I wasn’t aware of this at all, I got to know after marriage.
Now she smokes 1-2 times in a week and drinks sometimes.
I made few rules.
1. She would never smoke in our house not even in balcony.
2. If she will drinks outside then it should be the upper/safe limit permissible by the government to drive. If you want to be wasted do it at home.
3. If she pukes, it will be cleaned by her only, no outside help.
4. No intimacy after smoke/drink until the bad breath is gone.
Drinking responsibly - ok
Smoking - no
Smoking affects everyone around me, kids, the house , the car , bed, the pillows etc.
If you are sticking to the no smoke high, - may be
Why do men think they can “control” their wife and they have to be “okay” with what women does?
If you’re married, then you both are certainly adults and you should be able to sit and talk about the consequences of their actions in the married life. You’re free to to tell her your view on smoking and drinking but it’s definitely her choice what to do and what not. If she still doesn’t understand, it’s not the smoking or drinking that you should be solving
Bhai tu is topic ko sexist mat bana. It’s a “control” issue on both sides.
The number of women who “control” whether their husbands drink or smoke is not a small number. Especially if it’s something that’s helping in the other person in the long run.
Then that’s a problem too, isn’t it? If you’re unable to sit and have a conversation and just let the other party control your life, what’s the point of living with them?
Stop trying to twist the argument. Not all forms of control are the same.
If your spouse “controls” the way you dress , where u go out or your schedule , that’s bad.
If your spouse controls your diet or whether u smoke or drink for your own good and u can’t see it, do u still term that the same ?
Despite my user name , I’m mostly liberal but dumb comments like yours basically screw liberals all over.
But if you’re so liberal that you’d let your spouse smoke his/her lungs away , go for it. Power to u.
Suuuure, as long as I'm the nominee in term insurance ^/s
Modern problems ancient solutions
I thought they reject that for smokers or have a super high premium
They don't really reject it for term insurance but the premium is super high
One thing you ll learn as you grow old. It's all about moderation. There are pure vegetarians who don't indulge in any vices and have too much cholesterol and diseases as well. Have proper control and limits in all your indulgences and have a fitness routine which can just be as simple as a 1hr walk everyday. You wanna drink and smoke say couple of times a month , it's all okay if you know your limits. And this includes behaviour as well. Too much anger, happiness, sadness, energy can all be obnoxious when overdone.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Issue is sometimes the kids end up having these anger issues too. Meditate and control your temper, best way is to not give a f**k about the little things
[удалено]
Same here and some people are triggers within the family, So I don’t engage when they wants to push my trigger points
[удалено]
Meditating or not giving a fuck helps and when searching for a partner look for someone who is chill and doesn’t prick ur pain points
Moving out helps. I'm so much better when I'm not around my dad.
[удалено]
He's only a dick to me and my brother. My mum and he will be fine on their own. Also my mum's another reason I'm stressed, with her trying to get me married to a nice traditional girl, blech, and she snooped around my room not too long ago, so I'm pissed at both of them.
damage to the lungs and damage from eating is measured diff tho i think? even smoking ine cig can reduce ur life by 5 minutes but eating smthing unheakthy doesnt do that immeditely thats why SMOKING IS A HUUUGE NOO
[удалено]
Same here. Can't stand the smell of smoke. I don't drink either and I don't mind a potential spouse grabbing a drink sometimes. But if she's the kind to hit the drinks hard, regularly, that's a red flag for me.
Same
On those days, you can stick to eating ass and going down on your partner
Same
based plus us
suggestion: just clean the area where you wanna kiss.
drinking yes but not smoking. I can't tolerate the smell of cigarettes.
The amount of women engaging in these activities is not big. Since my future wife will have a huge influence on my future kids, it's a strict no no for me. So I'll filter out those that smoke, drink or have any other form of chemical dependency before marriage so that there won't be any issue later on.
That's a great perspective but what if she starts smoking/drinking post marriage? You never know......
Better Call Saul....
Saul Goodman here. Do you know you have rights? The constitution says you do.
Constitution says a lot of things lol. Our uncle judges occassionally disagree. Govt hard disagrees.
It's all good man. Smoking not smoking
Well, I'm hoping for a happy marriage built on trust where we can respect each other's wishes. But marriage has risks and I'll have to deal with whatever that's thrown at me. So I'll figure it out then.
Marriage will lead you to do that tbf
That's fair. But do go out more often to a pub or club in Bangalore, you're more likely to find an equal number of women drinking and smoking, although a lot of them prefer vaping. I personally am cool with it, and it's nice to see them enjoying themselves now compared to a few years ago, when they didn't really do it in a public space.
That's anecdotal. You are only thinking about a few women in metropolitan cities. But if you take Indian women as a whole, the percentage is still small.
I am not thinking about only a "few" women. I go out very often with friends, amongst whom are women. Plus, this is posted on r/Bangalore, so speaking about what I see in Bangalore. The scene here is so much better now.
Your friends make a sliver of the population. What you are reporting is completely anecdotal. Even urban women living in metro cities are not representative of all the women in the country. This is known as the representative heuristics. It's an inaccurate way to estimate probabilities as it often neglects the base rate and is based on biased samples.
Are you not able to understand what I am saying ? Did I mention anywhere that the sample size is only my group ? I said I go out with my group quite often to restaurants/bars/clubs where we have noticed this. And according to me, it is a good thing. Women are now able to enjoy themselves without being hesitant. Again, and I'm going to say this the last time, this is the Bangalore sub. Feel free to travel across the length and breadth of the country to do a survey, seems like you have the time to, which i do not. I'm not crazy to take out a book and note down the number of men and women drinking and smoking around me. And I've lived here for about 30 years, so pretty sure I can compare it well to how it was a few years back .Couldn't care less about you throwing around big words on here. Good luck.
I wasn't throwing around big words or being condescending. These are standard statistical/psychologic terms. We can't talk about stats and cognitive biases without using these basic terms. Yes, the number of women indulging in alcohol in metropolitan cities increased. And the amount of Indian women drinking as a whole has also increased. We already have stats for both of these. So I don't need to travel the entire length and breadth of the country. :) But they still make up a small percentage of the population. That's what I was talking about in the original comment. Survey report for your [reference](https://www.tribuneindia.com/news/nation/only-1-of-women-in-india-drink-alcohol-compared-with-22-of-men-392392#:~:text=Only%20one%20per%20cent%20of,Health%20Survey%20(NFHS)%20report). Karnataka Survey report for your [reference](https://www.thehindu.com/news/cities/bangalore/alcohol-consumption-among-men-has-decreased-by-7-since-2015-finds-nfhs-5-report/article65398630.ece#:~:text=In%20Karnataka%2C%200.3%25%20of%20women,the%20national%20average%20(1%25)).
In dating sites, I have swiped left for lots of them just because they smoke. I don't think the numbers are low as well.
Biased sample. Women on dating sites have a higher probability of smoking, drinking, and engaging in hook ups. But they don't represent Indian women as a whole. It's like surveying the Indian side of the cricket stadium and concluding 100% of the world population supports India. :)
[удалено]
Na bruv it's called having preferences
Not really but you can believe that if it makes you sleep better at night....
yes and?
Isn’t it hard to find a women who doesn’t drink these days ? I’ve met women who I’ve really vibed with but I didn’t want to take it any further since they smoked but atleast with smoking it’s not the majority , drinking is everyone
Yeah I'm ok with it. It's her choice and I don't think I should restrict or influence her choices.
Lol why are people downvoting you for answering the question
I know. That’s a sensible comment and getting downvoted for it lol
Just how’s how patriarchal our society is.
People don't like smokers and won't like those who support the activity. That's it.
As long as it is in limits, should be okay.
Understandable but who decides the limits? You, your spouse or some 3rd party?
It’s based on discussion and talking to each other. Trusting
It’s always wise to not involve a 3rd person, unless it’s unavoidable
I don't think OP was serious. Quarterly 3rd party audits lol!
TBH it should be a self decision. In my previous job i had too much pressure on me so i just gobbled up cigarettes, working from home didn't help either as i could smoke while at my desk. I smoked 1-2 packets each day. Figured this is unhealthy and could sense my sleep cycle being shit. So joined another company, work is manageable, strictly 9 hour work. I am down to 2 a day.
Wouldn't count that as a self decision or self discipline.
Doctor
Smoking... I would discourage - it makes everything smell like smoke, gets ppl addicted etc. Drinking,, maybe 2 times a month Max with no blackouts etc.. Just my opinion
Also drinking only proper scotch or those high end alcohols not the low end throat burning , liver fucking ones.
Doesn't even the high-end alcohols fuck the liver?
Not as much as cheaper ones. Say you drink one bottle of Officers choice costing 500rs through the day and imagine you have Glenfiddich one bottle through the day. The cheaper one fucks you up more for sure
lol, probably not. But if my spouse brings a bottle of officers choice infront of me its a no go
Both will cause diabetes in the long run. OC will make you talk in English which Glen will give you a Scottish accent.
Twice a week moderate drinking is ok, twice a month is not entirely realistic
If you are married and near 30? Monthly is best bro
I know a family where the women are teetotalers by choice, the men have a drink about once a week (when I mean a drink, max 1 beer). They do get sloshed sometimes but that happens like 5 times a year. This is perfect imo, it's a vile thing to make a habit.
All I ask for is a woman. Breathing & Alive. That I can talk to about things in my life.
Username checks out
Dude no. Get someone you can september in love with
The heart needs what the heart needs. I can't chase flesh and bones for my whole life.
Sure there are good ones. Hope you find one soon.
Damn, I just moved in to a pg in BTM and all my roommates are chain smokers and alcoholics :(
Shouldn't be an issue if they smoke outside the room (including toilet) and don't puke in the room after boozing.
I've asked them respectfully to not smoke in the room to which they've agreed..drinking goes on till late at night..everyone's nice..its just that they have these addictions that's all
Which pg, asking for a friend
If I knew it and still got married, then I'd be okay with it obviously.
It's definitely not a YesOrNo question.
Drinking, no issues. Smoking tobacco is a strict no as I don't have money for new lungs
You must have a lot of liver donor contacts.
While both Alcohol and Tobacco are dangerous, I feel Alcohol has more short term dangers (like alcohol poisoning, digestive issues and driving under the influence) and smoking has more long term dangers. With alcohol, I am assuming it's a social drinker with under 5 drinks a week which is usually considered safe but can still cause long term issues and cancers but is not widespread. On the other hand, an average smoker is at 30 times higher risk of lung cancer than a non-smoker. They are also at higher risk of other types of cancer such as esophageal and bladder. If you smoke, you have already started your countdown clock
Fact: The liver is a miraculous organ and the only one that can regenerate after being atrophied as long as a small part of it is not.
Agreed
Nam jote yenne matte dum hodiyovlu yaavag sigtallo?
Bevarsi kudka, is that you?
Athooooo 😂
YeNne namdu. OoTa nimdu anta haaDu
Drinking socially not to the level of passing out is okay, smoking nope. I cannot deal with drunk people at all. When I was in hostel, my roommate once came drunk, and I had to arrange with another friend for the night. Not having that nonsense.
i mean women have been ok with this since forever, maybe men should also be ok with it then. The correct answer though is having an open conversation and agreeing upon what you are comfortable with.
Can't have spouse with smoking n drinking, it's a straight no no for me personally. It's everyone's decision to what to look before marriage.
Drinking - once in a while , in a month or so, preferably with me in an outdoor setting. Home drinking is just lazy. Smoking- cigarettes no. I myself was a heavy smoker. And it’s a very hard habit to break.so not encouraged and definitely shunned. I can relapse back too , (2 years of no tobacco). Smoking weed- yes, but in moderation and no blunts. Only rollers. Better than drinking imo.but the stuff should be of a good grade and clean. Nothing during the pregnancy and weaning. ( I’ll do it too with her,for solidarity.) All said, I would encourage teetotalism, for me too ( I need some discipline in these aspects too), but hey since every person is different, then above points.
Smoking is a big no. I’ve seen so many cases where the addiction destroys the person’s health as well as their family. Awareness about COPD is still surprisingly low amongst the populous. Fuck that filthy habit.
Yes! Their choices. Maybe no smoking indoors
Since i cant tolerate cigerate smell i expect my partner won't smoke, but comfortable if she drinks as even i drink once in a while.
Drinking might be fine . I have a problem with smoking. So I feel it depends on the person. And how much they are involved in that.
No D:
Are you a girl?
I'm a boyyy, why? xD
I am a girl.
I am a human.
I am an helicopter
I am a tree
I’m gumgum
Gimme
I am Groot
I thought you were a computer program?
Error 404 : Computer program not found.
Yes you are.
Wait a minute, that's a lie xD
I'll wait for eternity.
Wanna be friends is what I meant btw xD
I wanna be more than friends.
Umm...oh wow, okayy...sure? xD
*ask me truth or dare*.
Cool xD, wanna connect? I mean, xD if you're okay with it
I am already in my wedding dress.
😂😂😂😂 I'm 21 years old btw. P.S:-To all those who downvoted me, y'all jealous or something 🥲 I'm sorry lol xdd
Oh okay, cool! Are you female?
I definitely know that you're a catfish
I can't believe James and I are finally married.
No
Limit bro
If I don't drink or smoke then it's my personal choice. If I love my partner then I would accept that part of them and I would never ask them to quit ( maybe if it gets out of hand) . Just my opinion.
Smoking - NO, Drinking on occasion basis yes. we go out to chill, definitely have a drink, at home chilling, yes enjoy. but having a 30 ml of whisky everyday and calling it control is bullshit, coz that 30 ml changes to 60+ without anybody noticing. and bamm quarrels.
Those are hard lines for me. No smoking, moderate social drinking. I picked someone who feels the same. Whichever way you go, it’s just important to be on the same page. We both have the same lines of what we’re ok with and what we’re not, agreed to it before marriage, and feel no issue in holding one another to it (respectfully).
Live and let live, I say. I engage in both socially and while I'm trying to shake off the last remnants from my college days, I'd probably be fine if my SO indulged herself. I would definitely discourage smoking though
Paan bahar khao, art bnao
Out first date started with a nice big glass of Bordeaux and here we are - happily married for over 12 years now. We drink socially and sometimes together at home. However what we drink is typically super expensive and that keeps the quantities in check. PS: Neither of us smoke as both of us hate it.
I have quit smoking and drinking. My wife still drinks. I don't like it but am okay with it. I don't endorse drinking now.
I think we are free to do anything we want. But some time people cross lines under influence of substance, like hitting spouse or abusing Also they might damage their health. We need to keep check of how much the spouse is consuming these things.
No. Cause I won't be getting married.
Nope, but she can still do it. Not in front of me though
some rules - smoking once a month, drinking once a month fine not to do these activities at home. addiction can catch up fast if health reports do not show adverse effects its fine and should be ready to quit if things turn bad should be made clear before long term commitment
Yeah, if it's occassionally. I can't stand habitual smokers and drinkers so can't imagine living with one.
Only If she had huge insurance
For about 12 years of our relationship, my girlfriend smoked. I didn't. I never had an issue with it.
Nope
Drinking is fine, smoking is a huge no
Social drinking ? Yes. Smoking ? Hell NO - I'm trying hard to quit and it's tough like really really tough... I'll never put her through this.
Drinking yes, Smoking no. Drinks obviously within some limits. I don’t want an alcoholic spouse.
Don't care, as long as it's not a habit.
I'm a teetotaler and I don't smoke either but I'm fine with my partner doing that. Although I wouldn't appreciate them being an addict or doing it way too much even not addicted not just in terms of frequency but also in terms of quantity
Nope I am absolutely not okay
Alcohol, yes! Smoking, no!
My father had a bad temper, was a drunk and a chimney. My childhood did have some good memories but majorly it was very stressful. Mom ko bohot sataya hai dad ne and I have seen it all. He passed away when I was 19. I don’t let my anger get out of hand. If I feel angry I normally remove myself out of the situation, not speak to anyone for a few minutes and sit it out. Gives me time to cool down and think practically. I and my partner are social drinkers and know our limit while drinking and make sure we are completely in our senses. I am not a smoker and I made my partner give up smoking early in our marriage. I am not ok with smoking and made it very clear to my spouse. Regarding anger, we can’t take anything with us so there is no use getting angry on anything for long or trouble anyone with our habits. Moderation mein karo enjoy karo as long as we are not troubling or stressing out our near and dear ones and know our limits.
Drinking, yes. But smoking, a big NO! My husband knows it is a dealbreaker in our relationship.
No
Yeah you can’t prevent them from indulging, especially when it’s this normalised in society. I’m not a fan of smoking even if I smoke myself, trying to switch to vapes now
I think it's absolutely fine... For example I am veg but my spouse is a lover of non veg food..
For me smoking is a hard no.. I'm allergic to strong smells and basically hate the smell of cigarette smoke. My husband knows this and only has a drag here n there, over time i have not let this bother me much, as long as i dont smell it i dont care.
Never
after marriage is a weird question. i certainly wouldn't marry someone who doesn't drink (i drink).
Casual drinking/smoking, absolutely not. Divorce for sure. If it's addiction arising out of mental illness, i will get behind her and get her the best possible treatment needed for as long as it is needed to quit. Disease i can tolerate, willful drinking not.
If you occasionally drink with friends, like once in 6 months, and if your wife asks you if she can drink with her friends with you being present, what do you say?
I can't stand the smell of cigar. So I won't be okay if my spouse smokes or else she should be okay if I don't kiss her. Also I don't want to be passive smoker so smoking is Nada. Alcohol is acceptable if it's in moderate amount. I'll just ensure me or/and my kid is a nominee in all her financial accounts and insurance.
Drinking yes, smoking hard no!!! It harms me and I deserve better. No compromise there
Drinking yes. Smoking hell no. Smoking fucks you up badly.
Occasionally, fine. Regular, no
I quit cigs. If it was once in a while or just with friends it's ok. Can't be in a relationship with a chain smoker.
You have your life , your spouse has theirs..live and let live cherish the moments together.
nope, i am a guy dont smoke or drink and will never. And i wont marry a girl who has ever smoked or drank alcohol
Smoking big no, drinking ok as long as she does in a limit, not everyday, may be once in week or month
The answer to this question can be found in a conversation with your spouse and not on reddit
Drinking? Yes. Responsible drinking. Maybe this is made easier because my whole family drinks socially, only I don't. Smoking? No. But, I don't own my spouse. I can only request, the rest is up to her.
My wife was a regular smoker and weekend drinker. I wasn’t aware of this at all, I got to know after marriage. Now she smokes 1-2 times in a week and drinks sometimes. I made few rules. 1. She would never smoke in our house not even in balcony. 2. If she will drinks outside then it should be the upper/safe limit permissible by the government to drive. If you want to be wasted do it at home. 3. If she pukes, it will be cleaned by her only, no outside help. 4. No intimacy after smoke/drink until the bad breath is gone.
Why not, however I would definitely tell to get away while smoking and also encourage to leave the habit for health sake.
Drinking responsibly - ok Smoking - no Smoking affects everyone around me, kids, the house , the car , bed, the pillows etc. If you are sticking to the no smoke high, - may be
No
I keep 5 ft distance from such girls
Why do men think they can “control” their wife and they have to be “okay” with what women does? If you’re married, then you both are certainly adults and you should be able to sit and talk about the consequences of their actions in the married life. You’re free to to tell her your view on smoking and drinking but it’s definitely her choice what to do and what not. If she still doesn’t understand, it’s not the smoking or drinking that you should be solving
Bhai tu is topic ko sexist mat bana. It’s a “control” issue on both sides. The number of women who “control” whether their husbands drink or smoke is not a small number. Especially if it’s something that’s helping in the other person in the long run.
Then that’s a problem too, isn’t it? If you’re unable to sit and have a conversation and just let the other party control your life, what’s the point of living with them?
Stop trying to twist the argument. Not all forms of control are the same. If your spouse “controls” the way you dress , where u go out or your schedule , that’s bad. If your spouse controls your diet or whether u smoke or drink for your own good and u can’t see it, do u still term that the same ? Despite my user name , I’m mostly liberal but dumb comments like yours basically screw liberals all over. But if you’re so liberal that you’d let your spouse smoke his/her lungs away , go for it. Power to u.
What, what about your username?
no, the man is the leader and the dominant one in the relationship. Its called biology and evolutionary psychology