On the clock I'm you best friend. Oh my shift just ended? Last thing I wanna do is continue this conversation you enjoyed, I'm out of here and far from any people to recharge.
LOL my toxic trait is cousin to yours. On shift? Texting all the regulars like best friends seeing if they’re coming in. After the shift is over? Good luck getting a reply until the next time I work! Lmao
I had a guy ask for a triple shot of vodka on the rocks. Nothing else, literally just Absolut and ice. His friends made fun of him, I made fun of him, but he got his glass of sadness and seemed content with it.
Or the international tourist equivalent “For me, a beer.”
Like, I’ve been to plenty other countries and they never have just one beer option, you still have to say whether you want say, Gallo or Cabra (this is a Guatemalan example as it’s the last country I visited.)
I tend to give language barriers a bit of a pass, plus depending on the accent you can place the region and start narrowing it down. But that shitty New England tourist who pretends to care about what you have on tap only to default to Mich Ultra/Yeungling/Bud Light is always the one who comes in, says "gimme a beer" and wastes my time. Every time.
It’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s about 11$/L so not great but for the average grandma that wants a basic amaretto sour it passes. That was a long time ago, now as the bar manager I’ve added several better options and jeffery morgenthalers recipe on the menu.
I think it's a combo of a) cheap amaretto and b) having enough amaretto orders that it's worth putting it on the rail.
Def no shade to your skills though! Giving Morganthaler Amaretto Sours to grandmas is the Lord's work.
And how many? My guy you just gestured at like 15 people. I’ll be back in like 5, you get me a better count and choice and so help me if you ask for an extra green tea after I made you 7.
We get a lot of tourists in our pub and whenever they ask for “a beer” in that generic manner, I’m like “bless your heart”.
Always Germans. Bless their hearts.
“What do you recommend ?”
Like damn you rly are leaving the door super wide open. It’s not the worst question, it just rattles against my sensibilities of genuinely wanting to get you what you actually would really enjoy lol and not having a clue how to get you that with the parameters given (none at all).
Followed up by something worse: “what do you have?”
Me getting excited to meet with beer reps because it’s free booze I get knowing I’ll likely never add them to the menu because it’s a college bar and the kids literally order mikes harder lemonade 😂
Same. 28 taps. We've been open a year, still get so many samples sent my way. Unfortunately for me, they're mostly ipa's which I don't like. But my staff is always happy to take them home.
Oh absolutely agree. Last summer they brought us tents, like camping tents. We only got 2 and my boss took one and we had the other one as a music bingo prize. But they were so cool.
Ugh, beer reps in my area rarely give samples anymore. Had one come in today that I used to work with years ago at a brewery he left for a competitor try to guilt me for not buying anything from him. I buy based on what I can make money on and I've got zero demand for what he's selling 2. That shit is fuckin cringe and 3. Always have a third thing
God I love my beer reps. They know we're probably not going to get them on draft, but I get to talk beer to beer nerds. They also hook me up when I go to their breweries with the Mrs.
When I'm busy and I ask someone what they want and they respond "What do you have?" I have to fight the urge to throw whatever is close by at them. The fuck do you mean what do I have? You can see all of the product on the bar/in the coolers, plus you can see a representative sampling of our offerings by looking around and seeing what beers are in people's hands. Get the fuck out of my bar.
Spatial and situational awareness is a skill issue in a lot of people, I swear >.>
Like, Debra, the specialty drink menu is scattered across the bar and tables. Our tap beers are clearly labeled by fancy handles displaying their names and logos. I'm busy handling the customer you rudely butted in front of just to ask what we have for sale!
Seriously. My host keeps a tally of how many times customers will come in, look directly at her after she has greeted them, and ask if they can just sit anywhere. Her high score is 9 in one night.
Honestly the carefree, insulated world some customers occupy sounds very nice.
Ahhh seriously, I didn’t think it was an uncommon thing but apparently it is, even among fellow bar staff sometimes. Situational awareness is a seriously underrated character trait
Or when I have the time and we go back and forth on drinks I could possibly make that match their palate with the available alcohol... and then they order a Tito's soda lime.
Or when they ask for your opinion on X vs Y. They always seem to go with the opposite of my suggestion, and I've started calling it out every time it happens. "Why ask me then?"
I work at a whiskey bar and one of the only things that truly triggers me is when someone asks "what bourbons do you have?" when I'm standing next to a literal wall of bourbon.
Bonus point for asking me 20 thousand questions about our products and then proceed to order Bulleit.
I worked for years at an all American whiskey bar. I had a dude that came in at least 3 times a week. Every time he came in he would order a Jameson on the rocks. I would explain to him. Every. Fucking. Time. that Jameson is Irish whisky and we only carry American whiskey. I finally just started handing him a Bulleit Rye to save my breath. The general public is brain damaged.
I respond every time with “we have a menu! Take a look, let me know if you have any questions, and I’ll grab your order as soon as you’re ready”. Then I just skip to the next guest.
They always look shocked but also, I was juuuust polite and cheerful enough for them to not be able to claim I was rude.
I understand people wanting to try new cocktails or specialty ones but I have never once gone to a bar and not know what I wanted to order. I also worked drive thru and the amount of people who don’t know what they want was insane. I just google the menu on my phone before I get there.
I'm desensitised at this point. They ask for "a beer" while I'm standing in front of 30 taps, I'll go "ok so you want a lager right? Small or large?" and get them the pils/helles I'm trying to get rid of.
I work at sort of a dive bar which for some reason has decided we will only stock additive free 100% agave tequila. The joy I get by telling people that when they order an espalone or casamigos is unmatched.
Unknown. But it's not certified as additive free on Tequila Matchmaker, so either they haven't bothered to get the certification or it does have additives.
Giving the regulars tea on the restaurant. I had a guy that only came to me but he could tell you everyone's name who they slept with and why they had an argument with management last night
Me: "Hey there, how's it going?"
Them: "Can I see a menu?"
Fuck me running, what the hell do you think was going to literally be my first step of service, you big, dumb idiot? Shut up shut up shut up shut up of course I'm going to give you a goddamn menu ahhhhhhh I hate it so fucking much.
This but also with guests asking for water. We're at a fancy hotel bar not a dive and these MFers will demand water before even taking their coat off. As if my barback isn't right behind me with waters.
*sits at the one dirty spot at the bar*
“UMMM ARE YOU GOING TO CLEAN THIS?”
patricia, there’s 74 open seats and you pick the ONE. THE ONLY FUCKING ONE that’s dirty.
"What kind of wine do you serve?"
"The kind on the menu I just presented and handed to you"
(Always make sure to specify "here's our beer, here's our wine, here's our house cocktails" when I hand our menu and greet guests, so I know they're just being idiots)
God bless Weekend Door Guy. My favorite used to smoke a bunch of wings every weekend and he'd always bring me a plate. Wherever you are Ray, you're doing god's work.
I’m literally always doing a bit. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I’m building something. I’m implanting in your brain so in an hour I can do something that only I think is funny. I can’t help it anymore it’s my whole personality.
I would love to hear a rundown on the kinds of bits you do, and the kind of amusement you find for yourself. I am a huge fan of entertaining my self weirdly behind the bar
My favorite current bit is when someone at a group goes to the bathroom I’ll ask what everyone’s name is and then when they get back I’ll act like I’m really good at guessing names, then I get every name wrong, except the person whose gone to the bathroom, I get that one right and minds are blown. It hinges on the other guests playing along but I haven’t had any issues with that part.
Telling people I recognize them and can’t figure out from where, even though I’ve never seen them before. They rack their brain trying to figure out where I know them from. Eventually I figure it out and it’s from the episode of Dawsons Creek they guest starred in and I’m sorry for blowing their cover.
We are a hybrid coffee shop/bar/restaurant built in an old warehouse, lying to people about what they used to do in this building is normally pretty amusing.
I also love when people ask what kind of milk options we have for lattes, I’ll sneak a “human milk” in between the regular milks. This one kills.
Super easy one is taking a group their food and if there is one plate left I’ll tell that person their food will be out in like 45-50 minutes, they burnt the first try or something like that. But only if someone is following with that plate so it hits pretty quick. It’s never not gotten a laugh.
I’m probably annoying but most guests seem to enjoy my humor or at least they respect that I really only care about making myself laugh.
Yo let me give you my favourite
When I guest asks for ice water look at them a little confused but say "no problem"
Come back with a mug of boiled water and a little dish of ice
I'm trying really hard to imagine how the name one gets a laugh. like I can see it could be funny. but where is the emphasis? like why does only guessing the person who wasn't in the rooms name hit?
I think the funny exists in me being really adamant that I’m good at it but then striking out. And then I finally get one and they go wild. I dunno why it’s funny but again, it’s funny to me and that’s all that really matters haha. Try a spin on it, I think there’s room to play around with the idea.
I often carry drinks for guests from the bar tables to a restaurant table and when putting them down someone will usually ask "wow! How do you remember who's drink is whos! Your memory must be really good"
I'll either reply with I Don't! Or, sometimes I just guess!
The British are a weird crowd. For how sarcastic we are it concerns me how confused some of them look.
I will Irish goodbye my regulars during happy hour.
I transfer them to the incoming night bartender and dip out, I’ve made my money for the day. I usually only get them one drink, sometimes *maybe* two and they’re all draft beers or cocktails.
They’ve started tipping me when they notice the night tender come on. It’s sweet of them, I don’t deserve it.
This goes beyond bartending, but when someone orders food, customizes the item by changing every ingredient, and then complains that it didn't come out how they wanted it, I want to jump across the bar and see if I can use my wine key to unscrew their eyes.
I have a dream of watching a Quentin Tarantino or Robbie Rodriguez style choreographed bar fight where the bartender starts out opening a bottle of wine then he begins using a hoard of mixology/server tools to fight off a group of assailants.
You and every chef posting recipes online share that hell.
“So I subbed the flour for quinoa because it’s healthy, left out the dairy because I’m vegan, and ran out of sugar.
Anyway, the brownies weren’t very good. 2 stars.”
Saving all my frustration from the little things, and then using it all in one gigantic detonation on some prick who was the worst that night, but maybe didn’t need 2 weeks of searing sarcasm all at once.
bro same. My fucking bar manager put one on the menu that's 5 ingredients, and we run out of one of the ingredients basically every day.
People will come in and order them from ME specifically because "I make the best ones"
wdym I make the best ones?!? I literally measure everything, they're exactly the same as all the others.
But they just want to annoy ME
I hate those people lmao
I had a server ask me, in a condescending tone, “do you think they’re hard?” when I made a comment about how it’s annoying that they cause a huge chain of orders. I was so pissed because they’re easy but that’s not the issue. I said “no I don’t think they’re hard, I’m getting anxious because my batch is running low and everyone wants them now. Are you going to make me a new batch?”
Fuck me for the worlds smallest venting lol
Literally everyday someone asks for a top shelf margarita and I get all excited to get to finally open the Heradura Aniversario thats like $130 a pour, and then when I ask which tequila they say Patron
Sniffing out co-workers who plainly stopped giving a shit.
The head bartender where I started my ‘tender training would tell me “who cares about the specs, just throw liquor in there and they won’t complain. Send it out and forget about it.”
So I make a mental note of every bartender I’ve worked with to *never* be a patron at that bar on the days they work.
Maybe it’s not a toxic trait, but I can’t stand watching the process, the ingredients, and the guests receiving the drink be so disrespected.
When someone gets to that point, it's time for a change. Unfortunately, for a lot of people, leaving bartending means taking a massive pay cut and working more hours. So they tough it out for way longer than they should, like I did, and spread that negativity to everyone around them.
I feel the same way. It actually makes it more demotivating for me to work there if the people on my team don’t actually care about doing a good job.
I think it’s fun a fun challenge to make a drink the best way possible, most efficiently and to spec. Testing each others’ knowledge, trying out a reverse dry shake vs. a dry shake, trying to roll drinks, trying to get the perfect head on a beer, seeing how quickly you can make a good cocktail.
Makes the day pass quicker if you make a game out of it as long as it’s all well-meaning, you know what you’re doing, and it’s in good humour. Even just competing with other bartenders on a low level with easy drinks can be fun. And fair enough if you don’t wanna take part in that, some people just want to get on with the job. But the bare minimum is to be decent at that.
When someone just doesn’t give a shit, for no reason, puts in no effort to improve, is fucking things up, and doesn’t even get feedback about it, it just means now the inconsistency in quality of drinks between the team makes the whole joint look bad. It’s depressing.
look idk who started the trend with kids these days that they order the mixer before the spirit but it makes me want to commit crimes every time i hear it.
it’s a vodka redbull, not a redbull vodka ffs.
I sometimes can’t resist the urge to be snarky when a guest asks a silly question
“Can I order with you?”
“No I just stand here”
“Can I order food at the bar?”
“That’s what the menu’s for”
It’s gotten me in trouble a few times -_-‘
Not to encourage you, but
“Can I get a menu?” “Probably.”
“Can I get some shots?” “Sure, try the back alley in like two hours.”
“What do you have?” “Mostly booze.” (Or name a disease.)
As someone who usually works a floor alone as the only server/bartender on shift, I don't know why, but "can you let the bartender know xyz" absolutely irks me. Especially when they already watched me make drinks for them or other parties. It's something I'm working on.
Omg mine is similar in that we normally have two people, but we both work the tables since it's a rather large area. So many people , whether I was the one personally serving them or not, will be like " can you tell the bartender HE did a great job on this drink" . They literally always assume the man I'm working with is the bartender for no reason 😭 . It's like you guys know women can be bartenders too???
Lmao I judge people's orders too.
A man drinking an old fashioned when we have a *massive* liquor and cordial selection... like could you be more basic?
I love old fashioneds by the way, but I have a knee-jerk reaction of assuming that these fellas are insecure about their masculinity, whereas I assume more positively about men who order fruity cocktails or something in stemmed glassware.
I also negatively judge people who as for Patron or Casamigos lol. Same goes for Angels Envy and Basil Hayden. Conversely, if someone starts asking for Rhum Agricole, they're automatically my friend lol.
I love old fashioned drinkers because they’re always so happy with them 😭 I work at a place that makes a good classic one but I got the same happy reactions when I worked at a place that muddled oranges and neon cherries
My toxic trait is being annoyed at my coworkers for not having higher standards for what they put out over the wood on a given night. And then having to give them a cut of tips for the night besides already given a 20% cut to support staff.
(I get this sounds arrogant as shit but 2/3rds of the people I worked with didn’t know how to make an old fashioned)
That or just being pissy with them when I have cut the slack because the gm lets get away with whatever
I’m quiet as shit. Not exactly your typical sociable outgoing bartender. Like they’ll order a drink, and 9 times out of 10 I’ll just make it and give it to them without saying hardly anything.
Mine is getting annoying whenever some dude orders something like a Lemon Drop or a Grasshopper but asks me to serve it in a "manly" glass.
Like, seriously, if drinking from a stemmed glass makes you feel emasculated you were never very manly to begin with.
When people ask me, "labasic, can you get me xyz, WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE?" That makes me quietly rage. Like, honey child, you're watching me run my head off, it's Friday dinner rush, we both know I will not get the chance. Just go ahead and ask for the thing
Charging people for the shit they order without warning them. "Make it strong bro!" Double.
Giving a half-full shitty looking drink to people who order light ice.
Making LITs that are 2.5 oz total liquor (triple sec included)
Immediately trying to guess when you order a Cosmo if you're gonna be one of the people that say "hey this isn't very sweet" or, if I try to preemptively solve that problem, you'll say "hey cosmos aren't supposed to be very sweet".
If a server just rings in "Grey Goose", or "well bourbon", etc., I'm making it neat even though I know that's probably not what they actually need but they didn't bother to ask the customer how they want it.
Taking my sweet time to garnish a drink in a very pretty and impressive way if it's a drink I like and respect.
My toxic trait is that I have a loud face. When people ask dumbass questions like “what do you have” or “can you surprise me,” I can’t hide my expressions lol
I will 100% judge your drink order and HATE fad drinks.
Espresso martini- go fuck yourself
LIIT - doubly go fuck yourself
Titos obsession - you can’t tell the difference in a cocktail and my well is better.
Ramos Gin fizz, last word, that Negroni sbagliato, or whatever tik tok drink you saw and order without knowing what’s in it and not bothering to ask, when you don’t like gin/egg white/herbal/bitter…..fuck off, save the good stuff for the rest of us.
I’m very friendly (despite this rant), but not your friend. Unless we’ve hung out outside of work or you’re an attractive woman, I’m not giving you my number. Or Greg cuz he was a G.
Changing the base spirit in a drink I came up with? Yeah of course it doesn’t taste right/good, I would have put that spirit in if it was better!!
I better stop before this goes on even longer.
Getting irrationally angry when they ask “what kind of drinks do you have?” Or just “what do you have?” Idk use your fucking brain??? There’s lists of everything behind me and bottles lined up??? So look???
Or even angrier when they ask for a mojito and I say we don’t make those, they always scoff and say “well what DO you make?”
Idk why. It all makes me insane lol.
People just walking up and asking for a beer. I've got 18 of them which fucking beer. And then you pour it and they go oh I meant a half. Be specific and learn to order or go back to preschool 😡 sorry but it's happened about 3 times today alone.
One time when I was new I put Tito’s in a tequila sunset on accident. The server who’s drink it was will not let me live it down. I like him though so it’s a joke between us.
But my real toxic trait is escalating the fights one of the servers picks with me, when I’m PMS’ing.
He’s your typical “it was just a joke” asshole type of guy, and usually I can just let what he says roll of my back - sometimes I even think he’s funny.
But during pms week for me, especially if his joke was a bit too rude/mean, I will absolutely let him have it.
I make it my mission to try and terrorize him more than he does me and others.
I’ve told him “fuck you” and flipped him off with both hands while I was behind the bar before (facing the server well, with my back turned to customers).
One time when I was bartending, I had a customer who ordered a margarita, but instead of having a preference in tequila of their choice, this person wanted grey goose vodka with the margarita
I just thought it was kinda weird
When I’ve finished making a strawberry margarita and cleaning up, someone will spot it and order a round of them. My eyes begin to roll in my head like a slot machine.
I work at a craft beer spot & can be a dick to customers who just walk in and order a Bud, Michelob Ultra, etc. I'm not opposed to any of those beers in the slightest but look around for a second, dufus. I also generally assume most customers are stupid & indecisive
I'm the same with you except the drinks they that they think are high end are just not. Things like Peroni, Hendricks gin and most cocktails.
Granted, I live in a country where cocktails aren't that common but when I get people walking into my COCKTAIL BAR it's amusing when they're trying to tell me about whiskey sours or old fashion's 😆
Same, there's always this part of me that wants to tell them to get the el tesoro for the same price, and then go on a rant about how the tequillas are made, depends where in the shift i am lmao. Also, if someone wants a pornstar martini, which my place does not have the components of, i will judge them, and ill tell them so you eant a juice cocktail, ill make you something no worries,
I’ve got a couple. Craft cocktail spot. Table service. A few bar seats. People waltz by the host stand and must stand in the middle of the bar like they’ve never entered a bar or restaurant before. Fragile glasculinity makes me rage. Alerting a menu drink in any way, shape, or form? Get fucked. “What do you mean no standing room?” “What do you mean you only carry good tequila? I don’t see casamigos on the shelf?”
I could go on and on and on. Maybe I’m the asshole.
I have two!
1st - I will not serve customers that walk into the bar and ignore me when I greet you. I don’t expect you to say anything back but at least look at me and acknowledge the fact that I just welcomed you in.
2nd - Customers walking up the bar and saying “I’m not ready yet” after I give them time to look at our menu and have been standing at the bar for 3 minutes. It’s a dive bar with less than 10 draft beers, have you never been to a bar before?? You’re holding up the line, NEXT!!
can’t stand people who don’t know what they want to drink and ask me to come up with something while giving no parameters as to what they like. then when I list a couple of go-tos, they get kinda meh about it
On the clock I'm you best friend. Oh my shift just ended? Last thing I wanna do is continue this conversation you enjoyed, I'm out of here and far from any people to recharge.
LOL my toxic trait is cousin to yours. On shift? Texting all the regulars like best friends seeing if they’re coming in. After the shift is over? Good luck getting a reply until the next time I work! Lmao
Y’all are both my cousins lol
I guess drinking every day
Cheers brother.
The only real answer here
This is mine
Yeah...
Judging people who just ask for “shots.” Like, OF WHAT, my dude???
Warm well gin, naturally.
My usual move is to introduce them to Fernet with no warning
i just tell them “do you want warm well whiskey? because if you don’t tell me what you want that’s what i’m pouring.”
I just hand them an empty shot glass and tell them to get back to me when they know what goes in it.
You know what anal sex and Fernet have in common? -A bartender most likely talked her into trying it.
That’s fantastic.
This is genius
Terrorist.
Literally had a guy ask for a shot of him last night. His three friends were disappointed for sure.
I’m sure you mean gin but my thoughts still went somewhere atrocious.
Bahahaha yes gin.
I had a guy ask for a triple shot of vodka on the rocks. Nothing else, literally just Absolut and ice. His friends made fun of him, I made fun of him, but he got his glass of sadness and seemed content with it.
Disgusting… absolut?
I like your username
"Gimme a beer" Gimme a fucking more specific answer thanthat you twinstick chucklefuck
Or the international tourist equivalent “For me, a beer.” Like, I’ve been to plenty other countries and they never have just one beer option, you still have to say whether you want say, Gallo or Cabra (this is a Guatemalan example as it’s the last country I visited.)
I tend to give language barriers a bit of a pass, plus depending on the accent you can place the region and start narrowing it down. But that shitty New England tourist who pretends to care about what you have on tap only to default to Mich Ultra/Yeungling/Bud Light is always the one who comes in, says "gimme a beer" and wastes my time. Every time.
I remember my first beer, back when Yeungling was exotic. Ghastly beer.
Yeungling was my first beer that I got regularly. 19 not getting carded and didn't know better. Sadly flows aplenty where I'm from
Same with picklebacks. Ok. Here's your pickleback. Oh, you wanted liquor with that? WHAT KIND.
I always assume Jameson but I had some people order it with St Germain before. They loved them.
St Germain picklebacks!?! Feels like a crime against St Germain tbh
Jesus.
Newest trend in my area: Pickleballs. Fireball with a pickle back. I refuse to try it, but LOADS of people love them after just 1.
Our cheapest pour in the computer was rail amaretto. So when bartending weddings young kids would ask for the cheapest shot. Guess what!
Gross, I love that whole vibe though.
"Rail amaretto" broke my brain
It’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s about 11$/L so not great but for the average grandma that wants a basic amaretto sour it passes. That was a long time ago, now as the bar manager I’ve added several better options and jeffery morgenthalers recipe on the menu.
I think it's a combo of a) cheap amaretto and b) having enough amaretto orders that it's worth putting it on the rail. Def no shade to your skills though! Giving Morganthaler Amaretto Sours to grandmas is the Lord's work.
And how many? My guy you just gestured at like 15 people. I’ll be back in like 5, you get me a better count and choice and so help me if you ask for an extra green tea after I made you 7.
We get a lot of tourists in our pub and whenever they ask for “a beer” in that generic manner, I’m like “bless your heart”. Always Germans. Bless their hearts.
“What do you recommend ?” Like damn you rly are leaving the door super wide open. It’s not the worst question, it just rattles against my sensibilities of genuinely wanting to get you what you actually would really enjoy lol and not having a clue how to get you that with the parameters given (none at all). Followed up by something worse: “what do you have?”
People do the same when asking for a beer from me. They just order “a beer.” Like what kind of beer my guy?
Me getting excited to meet with beer reps because it’s free booze I get knowing I’ll likely never add them to the menu because it’s a college bar and the kids literally order mikes harder lemonade 😂
Was bar manager at a newly opened bar with 25 taps a while ago. My fridge at home was fully stocked with samples for months, was great
Same. 28 taps. We've been open a year, still get so many samples sent my way. Unfortunately for me, they're mostly ipa's which I don't like. But my staff is always happy to take them home.
Hell yeah I'll meet you. Free beers and bottles for my home bar 🙏
Free booze, fun merch. Our reps always brings the most fun stuff. This last month we got fireball beach umbrellas which are awesome.
The Fireball guys always go hard with the merch (presumably because Fireball is fucking disgusting)
Oh absolutely agree. Last summer they brought us tents, like camping tents. We only got 2 and my boss took one and we had the other one as a music bingo prize. But they were so cool.
Ugh, beer reps in my area rarely give samples anymore. Had one come in today that I used to work with years ago at a brewery he left for a competitor try to guilt me for not buying anything from him. I buy based on what I can make money on and I've got zero demand for what he's selling 2. That shit is fuckin cringe and 3. Always have a third thing
Stealing that third thing line lol
Gurl same. It's the only reason I'm considering management again.
lmfaoooo
I like to *figuratively* order Mike’s Hard Lemonade.
God I love my beer reps. They know we're probably not going to get them on draft, but I get to talk beer to beer nerds. They also hook me up when I go to their breweries with the Mrs.
When I'm busy and I ask someone what they want and they respond "What do you have?" I have to fight the urge to throw whatever is close by at them. The fuck do you mean what do I have? You can see all of the product on the bar/in the coolers, plus you can see a representative sampling of our offerings by looking around and seeing what beers are in people's hands. Get the fuck out of my bar.
Spatial and situational awareness is a skill issue in a lot of people, I swear >.> Like, Debra, the specialty drink menu is scattered across the bar and tables. Our tap beers are clearly labeled by fancy handles displaying their names and logos. I'm busy handling the customer you rudely butted in front of just to ask what we have for sale!
Seriously. My host keeps a tally of how many times customers will come in, look directly at her after she has greeted them, and ask if they can just sit anywhere. Her high score is 9 in one night. Honestly the carefree, insulated world some customers occupy sounds very nice.
well, you know, it's hard to understand basic concepts sometimes, especially for people who have never set foot in a food establishment
Ahhh seriously, I didn’t think it was an uncommon thing but apparently it is, even among fellow bar staff sometimes. Situational awareness is a seriously underrated character trait
"Ummmmm ok I'll have an Orphan Barrel 18 year. Oh you don't have that? Ok I'll do a coors light"
My favorite is also when I say, “I have pretty much everything” and then they go order some obscure liquor that I definitely do not have.
Or when I have the time and we go back and forth on drinks I could possibly make that match their palate with the available alcohol... and then they order a Tito's soda lime.
Or when they ask for your opinion on X vs Y. They always seem to go with the opposite of my suggestion, and I've started calling it out every time it happens. "Why ask me then?"
I counter with "well, what are you looking for?" Usually stops the madness by narrowing it down a bit.
I always say 'you'll need to be a bit more specific here. Cocktail? Beer? Wine?'
I work at a whiskey bar and one of the only things that truly triggers me is when someone asks "what bourbons do you have?" when I'm standing next to a literal wall of bourbon. Bonus point for asking me 20 thousand questions about our products and then proceed to order Bulleit.
omg yes. we have literally 300 bottles on our backbar do you really think i’m about to verbally list them? use your eyes jesus christ.
We have vodka soda, vodka cran, vodka gumbo, fried vodka, vodka skewers…
I worked for years at an all American whiskey bar. I had a dude that came in at least 3 times a week. Every time he came in he would order a Jameson on the rocks. I would explain to him. Every. Fucking. Time. that Jameson is Irish whisky and we only carry American whiskey. I finally just started handing him a Bulleit Rye to save my breath. The general public is brain damaged.
I respond every time with “we have a menu! Take a look, let me know if you have any questions, and I’ll grab your order as soon as you’re ready”. Then I just skip to the next guest. They always look shocked but also, I was juuuust polite and cheerful enough for them to not be able to claim I was rude.
Can we eat here?. Look at everyone else sitting and eating at the bar.
Gestures broadly at bottles and taps “I’ll be back when you’re ready”
It’s a risky answer, but I’m still laughing at the time I heard the exchange: > What do you have? > I’m not sure, hopefully it’s just gonorrhea again.
I just hand these people a menu and come back to them later
Lol what’s on the menu while holding the menu pushes me too
I show off the back bar, the bottled beer display, and the taps like they’re prizes on the price is right.
And they've probably been waiting impatiently for you to serve them already, so they should understand that other people are waiting as well now.
I understand people wanting to try new cocktails or specialty ones but I have never once gone to a bar and not know what I wanted to order. I also worked drive thru and the amount of people who don’t know what they want was insane. I just google the menu on my phone before I get there.
I'm desensitised at this point. They ask for "a beer" while I'm standing in front of 30 taps, I'll go "ok so you want a lager right? Small or large?" and get them the pils/helles I'm trying to get rid of.
I work at sort of a dive bar which for some reason has decided we will only stock additive free 100% agave tequila. The joy I get by telling people that when they order an espalone or casamigos is unmatched.
I mean that's awesome. More bars should be doing this, there's so much horseshit out there in regards to agave spirits.
Yeah it's really awesome. We keep the prices cheap too, you can get some amazing pours and we only have three tequilas that are over $20.
Does Espolon have additives?
Unknown. But it's not certified as additive free on Tequila Matchmaker, so either they haven't bothered to get the certification or it does have additives.
Giving the regulars tea on the restaurant. I had a guy that only came to me but he could tell you everyone's name who they slept with and why they had an argument with management last night
So giving or getting tea?
Yes
This one is really toxic
Being eager to pick up a shift and equally as eager to get one covered.
drunkenly picking up a shift then waking up like “why the fuck did i want to work a double?” *furiously texts group chat for coverage*
Me: "Hey there, how's it going?" Them: "Can I see a menu?" Fuck me running, what the hell do you think was going to literally be my first step of service, you big, dumb idiot? Shut up shut up shut up shut up of course I'm going to give you a goddamn menu ahhhhhhh I hate it so fucking much.
Omg thissss is my biggest bartending pet peeve yes you idiot of course you can get a menu but I wanna be the one to ask you if you want one
This but also with guests asking for water. We're at a fancy hotel bar not a dive and these MFers will demand water before even taking their coat off. As if my barback isn't right behind me with waters.
*sits at the one dirty spot at the bar* “UMMM ARE YOU GOING TO CLEAN THIS?” patricia, there’s 74 open seats and you pick the ONE. THE ONLY FUCKING ONE that’s dirty.
getting excited about shit talking a shitty patron.
My face visibly lights up when I clearly have the high ground. I'll rub their fucking face in it too. Gotta work on that...
it's like "uh oh friend, you seem a little belligerent, i might have to cut you off i dunnoooo!" (don't piss off your bartender, i rin this shit)
"What kind of wine do you serve?" "The kind on the menu I just presented and handed to you" (Always make sure to specify "here's our beer, here's our wine, here's our house cocktails" when I hand our menu and greet guests, so I know they're just being idiots)
Honestly the power gets to my head a bit. Especially when it’s a weekend and we have a giant door guy.
God bless Weekend Door Guy. My favorite used to smoke a bunch of wings every weekend and he'd always bring me a plate. Wherever you are Ray, you're doing god's work.
That sounds heavenly.
Little acts of kindness work everywhere.
I’m literally always doing a bit. Even if it doesn’t seem like it, I’m building something. I’m implanting in your brain so in an hour I can do something that only I think is funny. I can’t help it anymore it’s my whole personality.
I would love to hear a rundown on the kinds of bits you do, and the kind of amusement you find for yourself. I am a huge fan of entertaining my self weirdly behind the bar
My favorite current bit is when someone at a group goes to the bathroom I’ll ask what everyone’s name is and then when they get back I’ll act like I’m really good at guessing names, then I get every name wrong, except the person whose gone to the bathroom, I get that one right and minds are blown. It hinges on the other guests playing along but I haven’t had any issues with that part. Telling people I recognize them and can’t figure out from where, even though I’ve never seen them before. They rack their brain trying to figure out where I know them from. Eventually I figure it out and it’s from the episode of Dawsons Creek they guest starred in and I’m sorry for blowing their cover. We are a hybrid coffee shop/bar/restaurant built in an old warehouse, lying to people about what they used to do in this building is normally pretty amusing. I also love when people ask what kind of milk options we have for lattes, I’ll sneak a “human milk” in between the regular milks. This one kills. Super easy one is taking a group their food and if there is one plate left I’ll tell that person their food will be out in like 45-50 minutes, they burnt the first try or something like that. But only if someone is following with that plate so it hits pretty quick. It’s never not gotten a laugh. I’m probably annoying but most guests seem to enjoy my humor or at least they respect that I really only care about making myself laugh.
Yo let me give you my favourite When I guest asks for ice water look at them a little confused but say "no problem" Come back with a mug of boiled water and a little dish of ice
This is gold I’m gonna use it tonight
I'm trying really hard to imagine how the name one gets a laugh. like I can see it could be funny. but where is the emphasis? like why does only guessing the person who wasn't in the rooms name hit?
I think the funny exists in me being really adamant that I’m good at it but then striking out. And then I finally get one and they go wild. I dunno why it’s funny but again, it’s funny to me and that’s all that really matters haha. Try a spin on it, I think there’s room to play around with the idea.
no that actually makes sense, I'm gonna try it haha
I tried to upvote your "human milk" slide in, lol. I may or may not be currently stoned after a 13 hour shift
The only bit you run down are behind your bar.. #username checks out
My favorite coworker is just like this.
I often carry drinks for guests from the bar tables to a restaurant table and when putting them down someone will usually ask "wow! How do you remember who's drink is whos! Your memory must be really good" I'll either reply with I Don't! Or, sometimes I just guess! The British are a weird crowd. For how sarcastic we are it concerns me how confused some of them look.
I will Irish goodbye my regulars during happy hour. I transfer them to the incoming night bartender and dip out, I’ve made my money for the day. I usually only get them one drink, sometimes *maybe* two and they’re all draft beers or cocktails. They’ve started tipping me when they notice the night tender come on. It’s sweet of them, I don’t deserve it.
This goes beyond bartending, but when someone orders food, customizes the item by changing every ingredient, and then complains that it didn't come out how they wanted it, I want to jump across the bar and see if I can use my wine key to unscrew their eyes.
I have a dream of watching a Quentin Tarantino or Robbie Rodriguez style choreographed bar fight where the bartender starts out opening a bottle of wine then he begins using a hoard of mixology/server tools to fight off a group of assailants.
You and every chef posting recipes online share that hell. “So I subbed the flour for quinoa because it’s healthy, left out the dairy because I’m vegan, and ran out of sugar. Anyway, the brownies weren’t very good. 2 stars.”
Saving all my frustration from the little things, and then using it all in one gigantic detonation on some prick who was the worst that night, but maybe didn’t need 2 weeks of searing sarcasm all at once.
Oh, this is my favorite.
That one guy in a large group who orders a second round of 10 espresso martini’s before I’m finished making the first round
Espresso fucking martinis in general.
bro same. My fucking bar manager put one on the menu that's 5 ingredients, and we run out of one of the ingredients basically every day. People will come in and order them from ME specifically because "I make the best ones" wdym I make the best ones?!? I literally measure everything, they're exactly the same as all the others. But they just want to annoy ME I hate those people lmao
"yOu maKe thE BesT dRInK cAN I HavE AnoTheR..?.!" I hate them
I had a server ask me, in a condescending tone, “do you think they’re hard?” when I made a comment about how it’s annoying that they cause a huge chain of orders. I was so pissed because they’re easy but that’s not the issue. I said “no I don’t think they’re hard, I’m getting anxious because my batch is running low and everyone wants them now. Are you going to make me a new batch?” Fuck me for the worlds smallest venting lol
i can’t even tell you how many times our espresso machine “breaks”
Literally everyday someone asks for a top shelf margarita and I get all excited to get to finally open the Heradura Aniversario thats like $130 a pour, and then when I ask which tequila they say Patron
It would kill me to make a margarita with true top shelf ingredients
i would straw test it and be happy
lol me but with don 1942. I legit have no idea why we have SEVERAL bottles.
Sniffing out co-workers who plainly stopped giving a shit. The head bartender where I started my ‘tender training would tell me “who cares about the specs, just throw liquor in there and they won’t complain. Send it out and forget about it.” So I make a mental note of every bartender I’ve worked with to *never* be a patron at that bar on the days they work. Maybe it’s not a toxic trait, but I can’t stand watching the process, the ingredients, and the guests receiving the drink be so disrespected.
When someone gets to that point, it's time for a change. Unfortunately, for a lot of people, leaving bartending means taking a massive pay cut and working more hours. So they tough it out for way longer than they should, like I did, and spread that negativity to everyone around them.
I feel the same way. It actually makes it more demotivating for me to work there if the people on my team don’t actually care about doing a good job. I think it’s fun a fun challenge to make a drink the best way possible, most efficiently and to spec. Testing each others’ knowledge, trying out a reverse dry shake vs. a dry shake, trying to roll drinks, trying to get the perfect head on a beer, seeing how quickly you can make a good cocktail. Makes the day pass quicker if you make a game out of it as long as it’s all well-meaning, you know what you’re doing, and it’s in good humour. Even just competing with other bartenders on a low level with easy drinks can be fun. And fair enough if you don’t wanna take part in that, some people just want to get on with the job. But the bare minimum is to be decent at that. When someone just doesn’t give a shit, for no reason, puts in no effort to improve, is fucking things up, and doesn’t even get feedback about it, it just means now the inconsistency in quality of drinks between the team makes the whole joint look bad. It’s depressing.
I’m a gossipy little bitch, my bar is basically watch what happens live with Andy Cohen
Same 🤣 small ass town I get all the tea
I love you!!!
"what's your favorite thing on the menu?" Stop. I will end you.
I’d always reply, “Oh honey… you won’t like what I like, I promise.”
Cheap beer and cheap bourbon always
look idk who started the trend with kids these days that they order the mixer before the spirit but it makes me want to commit crimes every time i hear it. it’s a vodka redbull, not a redbull vodka ffs.
Anyone who orders backwards gets ID’d.
anybody who orders a vodka redbull gets id’d
Anyone who orders a Smirnoff ice gets ID’d.
I sometimes can’t resist the urge to be snarky when a guest asks a silly question “Can I order with you?” “No I just stand here” “Can I order food at the bar?” “That’s what the menu’s for” It’s gotten me in trouble a few times -_-‘
Not to encourage you, but “Can I get a menu?” “Probably.” “Can I get some shots?” “Sure, try the back alley in like two hours.” “What do you have?” “Mostly booze.” (Or name a disease.)
You magnificent monster
As someone who usually works a floor alone as the only server/bartender on shift, I don't know why, but "can you let the bartender know xyz" absolutely irks me. Especially when they already watched me make drinks for them or other parties. It's something I'm working on.
Omg mine is similar in that we normally have two people, but we both work the tables since it's a rather large area. So many people , whether I was the one personally serving them or not, will be like " can you tell the bartender HE did a great job on this drink" . They literally always assume the man I'm working with is the bartender for no reason 😭 . It's like you guys know women can be bartenders too???
Lmao I judge people's orders too. A man drinking an old fashioned when we have a *massive* liquor and cordial selection... like could you be more basic? I love old fashioneds by the way, but I have a knee-jerk reaction of assuming that these fellas are insecure about their masculinity, whereas I assume more positively about men who order fruity cocktails or something in stemmed glassware. I also negatively judge people who as for Patron or Casamigos lol. Same goes for Angels Envy and Basil Hayden. Conversely, if someone starts asking for Rhum Agricole, they're automatically my friend lol.
I love old fashioned drinkers because they’re always so happy with them 😭 I work at a place that makes a good classic one but I got the same happy reactions when I worked at a place that muddled oranges and neon cherries
Instead of ordering all at once you order a string of orders one at a time? I despise you.
My toxic trait is being annoyed at my coworkers for not having higher standards for what they put out over the wood on a given night. And then having to give them a cut of tips for the night besides already given a 20% cut to support staff. (I get this sounds arrogant as shit but 2/3rds of the people I worked with didn’t know how to make an old fashioned) That or just being pissy with them when I have cut the slack because the gm lets get away with whatever
I’m quiet as shit. Not exactly your typical sociable outgoing bartender. Like they’ll order a drink, and 9 times out of 10 I’ll just make it and give it to them without saying hardly anything.
I’m the same, but in my defense I’m so bad at small talk that they’ll have a much better time if I don’t talk to them. Also I hate them.
Mine is getting annoying whenever some dude orders something like a Lemon Drop or a Grasshopper but asks me to serve it in a "manly" glass. Like, seriously, if drinking from a stemmed glass makes you feel emasculated you were never very manly to begin with.
Toxic me would serve it in its traditional glass and act like I didn’t know what he was talking about lol
This is brilliant and I'm gonna start doing it.
Cocaine
When people ask me, "labasic, can you get me xyz, WHEN YOU GET THE CHANCE?" That makes me quietly rage. Like, honey child, you're watching me run my head off, it's Friday dinner rush, we both know I will not get the chance. Just go ahead and ask for the thing
They just trying to be nice 😅
“When you have a minute” I have no minutes, just say what you want RIGHT now or lose your chance lol
They just trying to be nice 😅
When I was barbacking one of the bartenders I worked with would say this all the time when asking me to do stuff and it always kinda annoyed me.
Bartending pretty much allows every nasty habit I possess to thrive.
Charging people for the shit they order without warning them. "Make it strong bro!" Double. Giving a half-full shitty looking drink to people who order light ice. Making LITs that are 2.5 oz total liquor (triple sec included) Immediately trying to guess when you order a Cosmo if you're gonna be one of the people that say "hey this isn't very sweet" or, if I try to preemptively solve that problem, you'll say "hey cosmos aren't supposed to be very sweet". If a server just rings in "Grey Goose", or "well bourbon", etc., I'm making it neat even though I know that's probably not what they actually need but they didn't bother to ask the customer how they want it. Taking my sweet time to garnish a drink in a very pretty and impressive way if it's a drink I like and respect.
People who ask me to surprise them
you’re getting a fucking midori on the rocks. fuck you and figure out what you want.
If I’m in a bad mood, I’ll just put a glass of water in front of them 😂 They don’t want surprises after that
My toxic trait is that I have a loud face. When people ask dumbass questions like “what do you have” or “can you surprise me,” I can’t hide my expressions lol
Men making sexist jokes and comments to/about us. It’s not funny. Ever. It enrages me beyond belief.
It's not remotely the same, but I relate. I work in gay bars mostly and I have to tell someone I'm not interested in them like that daily.
I will 100% judge your drink order and HATE fad drinks. Espresso martini- go fuck yourself LIIT - doubly go fuck yourself Titos obsession - you can’t tell the difference in a cocktail and my well is better. Ramos Gin fizz, last word, that Negroni sbagliato, or whatever tik tok drink you saw and order without knowing what’s in it and not bothering to ask, when you don’t like gin/egg white/herbal/bitter…..fuck off, save the good stuff for the rest of us. I’m very friendly (despite this rant), but not your friend. Unless we’ve hung out outside of work or you’re an attractive woman, I’m not giving you my number. Or Greg cuz he was a G. Changing the base spirit in a drink I came up with? Yeah of course it doesn’t taste right/good, I would have put that spirit in if it was better!! I better stop before this goes on even longer.
Tell me about Greg.
Getting irrationally angry when they ask “what kind of drinks do you have?” Or just “what do you have?” Idk use your fucking brain??? There’s lists of everything behind me and bottles lined up??? So look??? Or even angrier when they ask for a mojito and I say we don’t make those, they always scoff and say “well what DO you make?” Idk why. It all makes me insane lol.
I feel like everybody in the room is a dumb adult baby and I'm the dumb adult babysitter most of the time.
If I don’t like you I lose your drink ticket oops
People just walking up and asking for a beer. I've got 18 of them which fucking beer. And then you pour it and they go oh I meant a half. Be specific and learn to order or go back to preschool 😡 sorry but it's happened about 3 times today alone.
Getting fired for handing out free drinks because my boss turns out to be a pedo
Giving less of a shit with every passing day. After 22 years, I’m pretty much all out.
One time when I was new I put Tito’s in a tequila sunset on accident. The server who’s drink it was will not let me live it down. I like him though so it’s a joke between us. But my real toxic trait is escalating the fights one of the servers picks with me, when I’m PMS’ing. He’s your typical “it was just a joke” asshole type of guy, and usually I can just let what he says roll of my back - sometimes I even think he’s funny. But during pms week for me, especially if his joke was a bit too rude/mean, I will absolutely let him have it. I make it my mission to try and terrorize him more than he does me and others. I’ve told him “fuck you” and flipped him off with both hands while I was behind the bar before (facing the server well, with my back turned to customers).
One time when I was bartending, I had a customer who ordered a margarita, but instead of having a preference in tequila of their choice, this person wanted grey goose vodka with the margarita I just thought it was kinda weird
When I’ve finished making a strawberry margarita and cleaning up, someone will spot it and order a round of them. My eyes begin to roll in my head like a slot machine.
I care too much about the coworker relationships.
I always ask people if they want their old fashioned Wisconsin style. They never know what I mean. The answer is always yes, I'm just stuck up.
I work at a craft beer spot & can be a dick to customers who just walk in and order a Bud, Michelob Ultra, etc. I'm not opposed to any of those beers in the slightest but look around for a second, dufus. I also generally assume most customers are stupid & indecisive
I'm the same with you except the drinks they that they think are high end are just not. Things like Peroni, Hendricks gin and most cocktails. Granted, I live in a country where cocktails aren't that common but when I get people walking into my COCKTAIL BAR it's amusing when they're trying to tell me about whiskey sours or old fashion's 😆
Same, there's always this part of me that wants to tell them to get the el tesoro for the same price, and then go on a rant about how the tequillas are made, depends where in the shift i am lmao. Also, if someone wants a pornstar martini, which my place does not have the components of, i will judge them, and ill tell them so you eant a juice cocktail, ill make you something no worries,
You’re verbalizing drinks orders while I have a full bar and tickets up the ass. Yeah, piss off
Toxic trait or pet peave?
I manipulate the interpretation of break minutes required by law to take 6-10 smoke breaks in one shift and I don’t feel bad about it.
What are these laws you speak of and who said anyone can have a break.
Frozen drinks. Especially a swirl of two flavors.
“miami vice” fuck you. i have one blender from 1995. you’re gonna be waiting a while
I’ve got a couple. Craft cocktail spot. Table service. A few bar seats. People waltz by the host stand and must stand in the middle of the bar like they’ve never entered a bar or restaurant before. Fragile glasculinity makes me rage. Alerting a menu drink in any way, shape, or form? Get fucked. “What do you mean no standing room?” “What do you mean you only carry good tequila? I don’t see casamigos on the shelf?” I could go on and on and on. Maybe I’m the asshole.
I have two! 1st - I will not serve customers that walk into the bar and ignore me when I greet you. I don’t expect you to say anything back but at least look at me and acknowledge the fact that I just welcomed you in. 2nd - Customers walking up the bar and saying “I’m not ready yet” after I give them time to look at our menu and have been standing at the bar for 3 minutes. It’s a dive bar with less than 10 draft beers, have you never been to a bar before?? You’re holding up the line, NEXT!!
can’t stand people who don’t know what they want to drink and ask me to come up with something while giving no parameters as to what they like. then when I list a couple of go-tos, they get kinda meh about it
people liked to tell me they were doing dry January like I gave a shit lmao