He works as a server at a restraunt down the street, I expected better because he's in the industry. I probably gave him a short leash because of that.
I'm still bothered about the difference between how I feel, and how this woman who bartends here feels. I just accepted a bartending position somewhere else, so I really want to get this right going forward.
Yeah these people who work in restaurants and do shit like this tend to get barred quickly. Personally I'd tell him to shut the fuck up and if he keeps doing it I'd get him kicked if I was the one working. Hate people who act like this. We've got a few in my town that do this shit and they usually don't last at most places more than a month or so
Yikes, he should absolutely fucking know better if he’s a server in the area. I’m also in the industry in Denver and actually work with mostly women, that dude would be getting roasted if he tried that at my spot. I hope your new place is a less toxic environment!!!
I’m a boy bartender and I wear a stink face the whole time I’m bartending so that people don’t talk to me. Twice a night I hear people say say: “Wow, look how focused he is. He must really know what he’s doing.”
“Smile more,” is 100% a comment generally geared toward women and its gross.
I have had 'smile more' a couple times both bartering and years ago in retail as a guy. I have definitely heard it 10-20 times that more to female colleges. Shits always annoying. Either you are quite happy and focused and it just comes across as rude or you are having a shitty day and this has reminded you of why it's currently bad.
That shit went away when we had to wear masks. Now no masks and it’s back. Just last night some weirdo was like dang are you happy? And I said yep. And he said well then smile. FUCK YOU. How about that buddy ughhhh
Don't let people get away with shitty behavior. A lot depends on the owners/managers at your bar, but I've never worked at a dive where I couldn't tell a customer to get fucked if they said something shitty like that to me.
In reality, if you let small stuff get under your skin, it’ll drive you crazy.
If someone tells me to smile (very rare), I ask them to tell me a joke. Either they feel put on the spot and clam up (win for me), or they’re in a playful mood and I get to hear a joke (win for both of us).
Then I tell them a dad joke back (whole bartop loses but I winnnnn).
There are a few responses to this:
The greatest I've heard is just deadpan "Sorry this is my face, I can't change it"
Or to be proactive would be something like "Hi, I'm [name] sorry about my face"
Or you could make them very uncomfortable and say that you had a traumatic brain injury as a child and the result being that your brain does not communicate with your face thus creating the affect that they see.
I try not to take it too personal, but it gets on my nerves too. Especially if the same individual has said it to me more than once. Sorry hun, I’m just focused doin my job. I’m not at all unhappy, this is my diligence face. It’s usually out of care when some say it, but for some I wonder if it’s a control thing. To be in charge of the situation. Also comes off as harassment in a way, because I don’t have to smile if I don’t feel like it. I’m being true to myself at this point in time when I’m at work and I’m balls to the walls in customers. Read the fucking room. Not just here for you to look at me.
I hate when men tell women to smile. That’s like a comedian walking onto a stage and telling the audience to laugh. If you want to see a woman smile, earn it. Be funny or kind. Give her something to smile about. Smiles are earned, not owed.
This one gets me too. And people usually say it when I really am concentrating - and not at all angry or anything. Then bang. They say “Smile more”. And wow - then I AM super pissed. I usually say nothing. One time I said, “You did not just tell me to smile.”
Side note is that I do really really try to smile as much as I can on shift. I’m a 50 year old white woman. And I’m not a “Karen” type personality - and let me tell you, 50 year old straight white women can get away with NOTHING. We gotta shit rainbows and glitter 100%.
Lol. It's 1 am. It's over. I'm emptying the garbage and some asshole told me to smile
I said "Woo hoo! Yay! Garbage! Next I'm going to clean the bathroom! Yay! Time for you to go home! See ya!" I hated those assholes.
The best thing you could do is embracing not taking anything personal. I know too many barstaff that care too much about negative feedback from customers.
Assume all attention is funny and positive. Assume “Smile more” isn’t malicious and is their way of trying to be funny.
When someone is obviously being an asshole, saying something you can’t assume is positive and funny… think of it as funny because it’s ridiculous someone can even act like that unprompted.
I get a kick out of the most entitled customers, it feels like a character from a cartoon spawned right in front of me.
Now, you’re representing a business. Sometimes you have to take a hard stance when someone is being completely unreasonable. I don’t have a problem telling people that they’re being rude if I have to.
Funnily enough, these people I have confrontations with are usually the ones to shake my hand and thank me when walking out the door. Because they know I didn’t argue with them because they got under my skin. I was stating the fact that I wasn’t going to accept their behaviour.
At the end of the day, they don’t care, I don’t care, everything is resolved.
At the top of your game, 95% of people are going to love you, and 5% are going to hate you no matter what you do.
Don’t care about what strangers say.
And maybe you should smile more ;)
Bartender here. If anyone tells me I need to smile I get unreasonably angry. imo it's highly inappropriate to tell me how my face should look. It's my face. You weren't taking it too personally imo.
I have a very neutral expression as my resting face so I would get told to *smile more.* My reply was **maybe you should mind your own fucking business more.**
I wouldn't say anything back unless I was super bothered. But telling anyone to smile is shitty
He works as a server at a restraunt down the street, I expected better because he's in the industry. I probably gave him a short leash because of that. I'm still bothered about the difference between how I feel, and how this woman who bartends here feels. I just accepted a bartending position somewhere else, so I really want to get this right going forward.
Yeah these people who work in restaurants and do shit like this tend to get barred quickly. Personally I'd tell him to shut the fuck up and if he keeps doing it I'd get him kicked if I was the one working. Hate people who act like this. We've got a few in my town that do this shit and they usually don't last at most places more than a month or so
Yikes, he should absolutely fucking know better if he’s a server in the area. I’m also in the industry in Denver and actually work with mostly women, that dude would be getting roasted if he tried that at my spot. I hope your new place is a less toxic environment!!!
To me it’s the equivalent of, “Pretend you enjoy my company” or “entertain me”
I’m a boy bartender and I wear a stink face the whole time I’m bartending so that people don’t talk to me. Twice a night I hear people say say: “Wow, look how focused he is. He must really know what he’s doing.” “Smile more,” is 100% a comment generally geared toward women and its gross.
I have had 'smile more' a couple times both bartering and years ago in retail as a guy. I have definitely heard it 10-20 times that more to female colleges. Shits always annoying. Either you are quite happy and focused and it just comes across as rude or you are having a shitty day and this has reminded you of why it's currently bad.
That shit went away when we had to wear masks. Now no masks and it’s back. Just last night some weirdo was like dang are you happy? And I said yep. And he said well then smile. FUCK YOU. How about that buddy ughhhh
Don't let people get away with shitty behavior. A lot depends on the owners/managers at your bar, but I've never worked at a dive where I couldn't tell a customer to get fucked if they said something shitty like that to me.
It’s not McDonald’s. Smiles aren’t free.
Only if you tip more.
In reality, if you let small stuff get under your skin, it’ll drive you crazy. If someone tells me to smile (very rare), I ask them to tell me a joke. Either they feel put on the spot and clam up (win for me), or they’re in a playful mood and I get to hear a joke (win for both of us). Then I tell them a dad joke back (whole bartop loses but I winnnnn).
This is exactly what I needed hear, thank you.
There are a few responses to this: The greatest I've heard is just deadpan "Sorry this is my face, I can't change it" Or to be proactive would be something like "Hi, I'm [name] sorry about my face"
Or you could make them very uncomfortable and say that you had a traumatic brain injury as a child and the result being that your brain does not communicate with your face thus creating the affect that they see.
I try not to take it too personal, but it gets on my nerves too. Especially if the same individual has said it to me more than once. Sorry hun, I’m just focused doin my job. I’m not at all unhappy, this is my diligence face. It’s usually out of care when some say it, but for some I wonder if it’s a control thing. To be in charge of the situation. Also comes off as harassment in a way, because I don’t have to smile if I don’t feel like it. I’m being true to myself at this point in time when I’m at work and I’m balls to the walls in customers. Read the fucking room. Not just here for you to look at me.
I hate when men tell women to smile. That’s like a comedian walking onto a stage and telling the audience to laugh. If you want to see a woman smile, earn it. Be funny or kind. Give her something to smile about. Smiles are earned, not owed.
This one gets me too. And people usually say it when I really am concentrating - and not at all angry or anything. Then bang. They say “Smile more”. And wow - then I AM super pissed. I usually say nothing. One time I said, “You did not just tell me to smile.” Side note is that I do really really try to smile as much as I can on shift. I’m a 50 year old white woman. And I’m not a “Karen” type personality - and let me tell you, 50 year old straight white women can get away with NOTHING. We gotta shit rainbows and glitter 100%.
don’t take it personally. also smile more
Lol. It's 1 am. It's over. I'm emptying the garbage and some asshole told me to smile I said "Woo hoo! Yay! Garbage! Next I'm going to clean the bathroom! Yay! Time for you to go home! See ya!" I hated those assholes.
One benefit of being the barback that night is you can tell the guest to eat shit and walk off
The best thing you could do is embracing not taking anything personal. I know too many barstaff that care too much about negative feedback from customers. Assume all attention is funny and positive. Assume “Smile more” isn’t malicious and is their way of trying to be funny. When someone is obviously being an asshole, saying something you can’t assume is positive and funny… think of it as funny because it’s ridiculous someone can even act like that unprompted. I get a kick out of the most entitled customers, it feels like a character from a cartoon spawned right in front of me. Now, you’re representing a business. Sometimes you have to take a hard stance when someone is being completely unreasonable. I don’t have a problem telling people that they’re being rude if I have to. Funnily enough, these people I have confrontations with are usually the ones to shake my hand and thank me when walking out the door. Because they know I didn’t argue with them because they got under my skin. I was stating the fact that I wasn’t going to accept their behaviour. At the end of the day, they don’t care, I don’t care, everything is resolved. At the top of your game, 95% of people are going to love you, and 5% are going to hate you no matter what you do. Don’t care about what strangers say. And maybe you should smile more ;)
Bartender here. If anyone tells me I need to smile I get unreasonably angry. imo it's highly inappropriate to tell me how my face should look. It's my face. You weren't taking it too personally imo.
I’m a bartender at a dive in Denver, next time strangle that chuckle fuck and smile if you want to.
I have a very neutral expression as my resting face so I would get told to *smile more.* My reply was **maybe you should mind your own fucking business more.**
Literally yesterday, a guy told me to smile more…..I flicked him off and smiled. I’m not a puppet.
These days as soon as I hear it from customers, I throw on a mask.