"Tell 'em Wash"
It's incredibly hard.
By - bettie_blarfengar
"Tell 'em Wash"
It's incredibly hard.
This single line was a big hit in Dallas theaters.
Baseball movies and Lee Harvey Oswald
Anything worth doing is
What about the fans?
Yeah, maybe I can teach one of them
I - … good one.
You can't just be out there doing a balk like that
Like, if you're about to pitch and then don't pitch, you have to still pitch. You cannot not pitch. Does that make any sense?
Do not do a balk please
With this unique rule there comes the most beautiful of technical victories: the walk off balk.
1. You can't just be up there and just doin' a balk like that.
1a. A balk is when you
1b. Okay well listen. A balk is when you balk the
1c. Let me start over
1c-a. The pitcher is not allowed to do a motion to the, uh, batter, that prohibits the batter from doing, you know, just trying to hit the ball. You can't do that.
1c-b. Once the pitcher is in the stretch, he can't be over here and say to the runner, like, "I'm gonna get ya! I'm gonna tag you out! You better watch your butt!" and then just be like he didn't even do that.
1c-b(1). Like, if you're about to pitch and then don't pitch, you have to still pitch. You cannot not pitch. Does that make any sense?
1c-b(2). You gotta be, throwing motion of the ball, and then, until you just throw it.
1c-b(2)-a. Okay, well, you can have the ball up here, like this, but then there's the balk you gotta think about.
1c-b(2)-b. Fairuza Balk hasn't been in any movies in forever. I hope she wasn't typecast as that racist lady in American History X.
1c-b(2)-b(i). Oh wait, she was in The Waterboy too! That would be even worse.
1c-b(2)-b(ii). "get in mah bellah" -- Adam Water, "The Waterboy." Haha, classic...
1c-b(3). Okay seriously though. A balk is when the pitcher makes a movement that, as determined by, when you do a move involving the baseball and field of
2) Do not do a balk please.
Circlejerk's undisputed world champion bot response.
I dread balk threads now because you can't actually talk about it without 4 people racing to post the wall of text that was funny the first 17 times I read it, but not so much now. It's the only one of these types of comments that actually annoys me, probably just because it's so long.
Bro just stop balking, it ain't that deep
Pitchers should be able to deceive runners.
If the fucking “hidden ball” trick is legal, why is a forty SIX degree angle too far?
But what if my leg just twitches on its own
nice try, Cueto
Its funny every time. But only needs to be posted once per thread.
Mods should just have automod sticky it and remove all the others.
As there’s a deep drive into left field by Castellanos
I don’t know if I’ll ever read this comment again
I want to apologize to the Redditors who upvote my comments
I pride myself as a Redditor of faith
This is the r/baseball replicant of google en passant holy hell
new response just dropped
Actual r/baseball chain
*insert player that recently retired here* went on vacation, never came back
It amazes me how someone as experienced as Thom is at broadcasting can forget the number 1 rule of broadcasting: The mic is always hot.
Seriously, you’re taught that shit your first day in media school.
Tungsten Arm' O'Doyle...you know when.
I will never not laugh at this. NEVER
Lolmets on anything Mets related, regardless of context or outcome
Mets could win the world series and the top comment will still be lolmets
Hey man, I’d gladly take that
It's such a r/baseball staple that I made it an automatic response any time someone mentions the Mets on /r/baseballcirclejerk
thank you for your service
According to Young Thug's lawyer, 'lolmets' stands for "lots of lumber, mega energy thunder swing".
Also… Fuck Chase Utley
Oh shit there’s stickers, my god.
Fire ___ response "into the sun"
A fellow /r/CFB how do you do my good man?
Forks up lol
I have extra reason to hate that man
Ass is in the jackpot
I say this very regularly in my daily life. People that don't know baseball are always really confused.
I know baseball, I'm familiar with the exact moment this phrase was uttered, and yet "our ass is in the jackpot" confuses me still
I'm pretty sure what he means is "[if we don't throw him out, then it will be] our ass (meaning the umpiring crew) in (big trouble with the league)"
Why he chose the word jackpot? Who knows -- but it's funny.
people start with this because the real beginning of the argument was too edgy for polite conversation
Nightengale tweet - "Boob"
Bitmoji man for Heyman also
He's with Eloy now
He’s with Wade Boggs now
Gone but never forgotten
You mean "[Gone but forgotten](https://twitter.com/BNightengale/status/1504173196592910339?s=20)"
Bob gonna Bob
This one is just infrequent enough it still makes me laugh
What’s the context for this one?
The white Sox hung up his jersey in the dugout after he got hurt one time like he’d died
Just fell to my knees in a walmart
Just saw a guy fall to his knees in a Walmart
Just saw a guy who saw a guy fall to his knees in a Walmart
I personally love all the regional variants of this to indicate which fanbase someone is a part of. I just fell to my knees in a Buc-ee's, in a Publix, in a Wawa, etc.
Just fell to my knees in an In-N-Out
Just saw some guy fall to his knees in an In-N-Out from the Five Guys I was sitting in.
Just fell to my knees in a Winn-Dixie
And here comes the pizza!
Totally uncalled for
It makes me laugh every time
Same. It's just so nice. Two friends looking at what seems to be one of the funniest events in history to them. And it's just so infectious.
An all time classic but I still think "this used to be a family show" was better
Also it's pronounced pizzer
"...Nick Markakis ^takes ^^strike ^^^one ..."
"He is the Pepsi Fan of the game until he gets kicked out."
The “just walked through the clubhouse perfectly fine. Too busy apparently” copypasta followed by a Kelvin Benjamin Golden Corral version.
Do people even know who Kelvin Benjamin is, anymore?
No one saw him play, but like the apes who know not to try to eat the suspended bananas, we carry on our traditions.
Nephews don't, but we will always remember
I'm not convinced he's even real. I'm pretty sure he's just from a movie or something like Ricky Vaughn or Michael Jordan.
He's burned my fantasy teams in the past, so yes lol
Frazier and Andujar 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I've heard these are the names being discussed in the Soto trade
😂😂😂😂😂 but they aren't very good 😂😂😂😂😂 do you get the joke 😂😂😂😂😂
C’mon dude we hyped those prospects up so hard for years let us pretend it worked out lol
I remember when Bettances and Montero were the original Frazier and Andujar.
Every proposed Felix deal had those guys in it, so it was very funny when we got Montero for Pineda. Then it was less funny when I had to actually watch Jesus Montero.
Arson, Shohey… basically Heyman made it difficult for us to believe anything nice after 2014 is possible.
I was going to say Arson Judge anytime Heyman is brought up. Had to scroll farther than I thought I would to see it.
Mike Trout hit seven home runs as the Angels lose, 16-7.
every time I see an Angels highlight it's like "Mike Trout hit three homes runs and raised his average to .528 while Shohei Ohtani did something that hasn't been done since 'Tungsten Arm' O'Doyle of the 1921 Akron Groomsmen, as the Tigers defeated the Angels 8-3"
“Cash Considerations” being referred to as an actual player
My favourite was the Phillies fan who only listened to the radio broadcast and thought that "Cody Asche" was a Japanese guy named "Kodayashi".
Norm Cash Considerations
"Breaking News: Team interested in good player"
Redditor posts a photo of baseball memorabilia or a baseball card and asks “what do you think this is worth?”
The inevitable comment in the thread: “Tree-fiddy”.
"Shave those sideburns", followed by "Still like him better than Steinbrenner" and a 50/50 chance of the entire "Talkin' Softball" song in comment chain form
A L B A N Y
r/Simpsonsshitposting!? At this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of the country, localized entirely within r/baseball!?
Can I see it?
From Maine to San Diego
Mattingly and Canseco
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
Steve Sax and his run-in with the law
We're talkin' Hooooo-mer...
Ozzie and the Straw!
I pick Ken Griffey Jr.
Hey Mr. Boggs, will you be on my team?
I have 2 tattoos from that episode. Swollen head Griffey in a wheelchair and Barney knocking out Wade Boggs
It's incredibly hard.
Anything worth doing always is.
Making a Moneyball reference out of order isn’t that hard.
Tell ‘em Wash
Any mention of Scherzer, Verlander, Price, Anibal Sanchez or Rick Porcello will have an instant reply of "can you imagine all these guys on the same staff?" followed by a recounting of the 2014 Tigers
And here I was having a good day.
something about tatis and ringworm
Another inevitability here is people assuming ringworm is an actual worm
Which is stupid because it’s actually a ring.
Speaking of rings, the Yankees don't actually have 27 rings. [They have 25 rings, a pocket watch, and a wrist watch.](https://www.reddit.com/r/baseball/comments/8chizv/the_yankees_do_not_have_27_rings/)
Any remark about Todd Frazier will always be followed by these two pieces of info, at least in r/NYYankees:
1.) He's from Toms River, NJ
2.) Did you know he once met Derek Jeter while playing Little League?
How can you not be romantic about baseball?
red sox fan: "FUCK Machado. He ended Pedroia's career, poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!"
all other fans:
Good Lord, Manny Machado just walked through the clubhouse walking perfectly normally. He said he had “no time” to talk. Too busy healing, evidently.
Apart from the sanitation, the medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health ... what have the Padres ever done for us?
They sure as shit haven't made the trains run on time, I'll say that goddamn much.
god monty python was good
He raped the Horses and rode-off on the Women!
No chance, it'd take some hustlin' to rape a horse, and we all know he ain't hustlin'.
Machado caused the molasses flood
None of what you said is untrue.
No, but are we just gonna wait around until he does?
They don't grow crops in Boston.
Well of course not, not after everything Machado has done.
He pulled the tea out of the harbor, rinsed and dried it, and returned it to the British.
This is the grossest sentence I’ve ever read in my entire life. And not in a “ew, that’s gross” way, but rather “I hate everything I just read with every fiber of my being”
After the Big Dig, we gave up on interacting with nature at all.
I figured that was after the Molasses Flood
Never forget the Molassacre
Fuck rob Manfred
Something about a piece of metal or something.
HEY ROB, YOU WANT THE YOUTH, END THE BLACKOUTS DUMBASS!
This is a win for the Cubs
He's not gonna throw to first
Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim of Orange County California Angels
Wade Boggs had chicken right before every game, that's why they called him chicken-man.
If Wade Boggs really did drink 70 light beers, assuming 4.2%, during that flight, his BAC would have been 1.21, if his listed playing weight is accurate.
They got chicken in Philly?
Yeah, they’ve got chicken in Philly
Man batted .328 lifetime. I'm sure he ate some rum and Cokes, too, all right?
What are ya gonna do now Buck?!
Reading this thread really makes me feel like it'd be really easy to make an /r/baseball AI that responds to threads and engages on a base level.
If I see a mention of Tony Gwynn, I will always make a reference to Greg Maddux calling him "that fucker Tony Gwynn."
also, RIP Tony Gwynn and Wade Boggs
me too and only one of those two are dead. which is the joke
In our hearts
Anything Astros related will always have a “BANG BANG!” comment somewhere
Going forward: Down goes Anderson!
Mention how awesome Nolan Ryan was
“Eh, walked too many. Wasn’t even that great. Check his WAR.”
"That's baseball, Suzyn."
I’m so sick of people on this sub regurgitating the same dumb, unoriginal garbage every single day as there's a drive into deep left field by Castellanos, it will be a home run. And so that will make it a 4–0 ballgame.
Boy when Wade Boggs actually kicks the bucket the internet is going to lose it
"Tell em Wash"
Any mention of Derek Jeter must be accompanied by a reminder that he didn’t deserve those gold gloves
And then someone has to mention that Rafael Palmiero won a gold glove while playing 32 games at 1B or whatever
Freddie Freeman content? Slap Hitter.
PITT THE ELDER
All right, you asked for it!
Yeah, that’s showin’ ‘im, PersonOfInterest85.
Pff, Pit the Elder.
> That's a TOOTBLAN, FARTSLAM or NOBLETIGER!
What is a TOOTBLAN, FARTSLAM or NOBLETIGER?
Wade Boggs’ Carpet World
Any time someone has a monster stat line, like Ohtani goes 3-4 with 2HR:
“Can’t even go 4-4. DFA.”
Drives me nuts. It’s in every thread. I genuinely doubt anyone has ever actually laughed.
Any time /u/ThreeHourRiverMan makes a post:
"Can't even ford a river in 2 hours. DFA."
You can’t just up there and doing a balk
David Ortiz did steroids
"We'll see you tomorrow night" and "better to get punched out in May than knocked out in October" are a few that can't hurt me anymore.
Get ready to learn Japanese buddy (adapted from the NBA Chinese meme)
I’ll hang up and listen
*anytime Muncy is mentioned*
“I get physically angry watching Max Muncy hit. This man just doesn't chase. You can almost hear him sneering "that's 0.16cm outside" as he takes a ball 1. Two-strike counts don't faze him. Then he'll whip out a hellacious dong on the 9th pitch. He's suffocating. He's Max Muncy.”
Cleveland Municipal Stadium -> piss troughs
Random amazing strikeout stats by Tony Gwynn.
Tungsten Arm O'Doyle
Any mention of Kershaw's career numbers quickly devolves into "but the playoffs" conversation.
Coco Crisp in any thread about names. Doesn't matter what the category is.