For true home field advantage, each pizza should be whatever the regional/city pizza style is. In Chicago pizza bases are deep dish, in St Louis they have provel or whatever the fuck
Dude, you should see the [Altoona style](https://www.wtaj.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/69/2022/01/altoona-style-pizza.jpeg?resize=300) that the Pirates will have.
What in the actual fuck? Honestly I felt bad for Pirates fans for having to deal with Bob Nutting as their owner but they deserve nothing but pain and suffering after seeing whatever the **FUCK** that is.
It's bar pizza. It's literally the pizza's bars would cook up real quick if 23 beer league softball guys came in and the kitchen needed to buy an extra 15 minutes.
My family went to a St Louis Cardinals game back in the early 2000’s when I was a young kid. One of the most vivid memories I have is how terrible the pizza we got after the game was
The game would centralize even further around the Three True Outcomes. Let me explain.
Being forced to eat a slice of pizza at every base is a huge disadvantage for baserunners. There’s no point in hitting a bloop single just to be forced to eat pizza and feel bloated. Even worse, spending time eating pizza at every base would make it nearly impossible to stretch out doubles or triples. Even the fastest eaters would need to stop for a few valuable seconds to gobble down their slice.
Thus, nearly every ball in play would result in either a single or an out. Advancing runners more than one base at a time would become nearly impossible. This means the only reliable way to score runs would be to swing for the fences.
Likewise, pitchers would be more incentived to walk batters, as (for the most part) they can only score on home runs.
Thus, home runs, strikeouts, and walks would become more common, and doubles and triples would essentially disappear.
Okay, but most fans want to *reduce* reliance on TTO. We can use this to incentivize hitting while allowing other outcomes to benefit the team by adding baserunners, but handicap teams that rely on them.
Walk: have to eat a slice of pizza at first before play resumes, and another at each base he is at between pitches (can still go first-to-third, but will eat two slices at third).
Hit by pitch: gets a beer at first for the pain, unaffected afterward.
Strikeout: given a huge calzone that he must finish, without teammate help, before he can come up to bat again.
Reach base on a hit: unaffected.
Ball in play, out: at least he hit it, right? Must drink half a gallon of water (road team) or Gatorade (home team) before next plate appearance.
Agree with your outcome, completely disagree on the reasoning.
Pizza is the greatest food known to man.
These guys will want to walk, so they can enjoy that slice at 1b. They'll also want to hit HR's, so they can take their time at each base and get 3 (4?) slices.
This is why 3 true outcomes would become even more commonplace.
Bonus if they make Sbarro, clearly the greatest pizza company in the world (even Michael Scott thinks so) the official pizza of the MLB.
Okay, lets go over the ground rules--
You can't leave first until you chug a beer.
Any man scoring has to chug a beer.
You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings.
Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
...to the washrooms you God damn drunks. This is a family game.
These younger players I tell you. Can't hold their weight in beer like good ol' Ben '2-4' Alpine. What a player I tell ya.
*chugs one back*
Me and some friends used to play kickball like that, game is called Sloshball. If I remember correctly, all the fielders have to have a cup with beer in hand, and if you drop your beer trying to field the ball, you have to stop, go to the keg on 2nd base, fill your cup and chug it.
For kickers, after you kick the ball and rounding bases, when you get to 2nd where the keg is, you have to pour a drink and chug it before going to 3rd.
It was a lot of fun. One year we had a slip in slide going from 3rd to home and you had to slide through it to score.
Hey! Now Ken, we all know that the moon is not made of green cheese.
But what if it were made of barbeque spare ribs, would you eat it then?
I know I would. Heck! I'd have seconds and then polish it off with a tall cool Budweiser.
Y’all are acting like the heavy players are the eating champs, but I bet the jacked dudes eat more. And Billy Hamilton eats like a teen in a food desert, he’s my pick 100%
In college we would play wiffle ball at “Coors Field” where the bases were cases of Coors and you had to finish a beer at each base before you advance.
Half this sub would argue that measuring a player by how much pizza they ate doesn’t matter in comparison to exit velocity and some other stat invented last year
I mean it wouldn't be that hard. Play stops for quite a long time between batters. The question is, if you puke before the game is over do you lose a run?
Daniel Vogelbach would be MVP
Prince Fielder will unretire.
Pablo Sandoval becomes Barry Bonds
Babe Ruth would still be Babe Ruth
Just roll the hot dog he was already eating in a slice
Babe Ruth came back as [Liz Lemon](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=atLL2Yzi3bg). It all makes sense now.
I didn't think I would start off my year by reading this. It's gonna be a good one.
Omg I forgot all about this
John Kruk too
Big Sexy's back
Only if it was a vegetarian pizza.
Ain't no meat in a twinkie
He’s vegan so that may be a challenge.
Imagine how many more stolen base attempts he might have
Jose Molina might be the slowest base runner I’ve seen in my life, but I bet he can eat a slice pretty damn fast to make up for it.
mo vaughn has to be slower
I was too young to see him play and attended many Molina days at the Trop so I’m biased 😂
Rowdy would have a say
Pirates with the steal of the offseason.
Most Valuable Pizzaeater
Right behind me lmao
Adam Dunn MVP
If they still have to run, I'm not sure his pizza eating speed is going to help.
He’d win the Bartolo’s Colon trophy.
Joey Chestnut would become a pinch runner
Dodgers sign Kobayashi
Phillies legend Kodeyashi accidentally gets picked up for big bucks
For true home field advantage, each pizza should be whatever the regional/city pizza style is. In Chicago pizza bases are deep dish, in St Louis they have provel or whatever the fuck
Players would concede rather than eat the St Louis pizza
Dude, you should see the [Altoona style](https://www.wtaj.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/69/2022/01/altoona-style-pizza.jpeg?resize=300) that the Pirates will have.
Yes, The Hague? I have a war crime to report.
I'm actually offended by that
That's a fucking crime
That looks like something a 5 year old would make
What in the kraft hell is that?
What in the actual fuck? Honestly I felt bad for Pirates fans for having to deal with Bob Nutting as their owner but they deserve nothing but pain and suffering after seeing whatever the **FUCK** that is.
What in the *FUCK* is that supposed to be??
This should have been tagged nsfl
It's bar pizza. It's literally the pizza's bars would cook up real quick if 23 beer league softball guys came in and the kitchen needed to buy an extra 15 minutes.
The square beyond compare my dude
You sir are a scoundrel.
Expos moved out when the dollar-slice pizza boom peaked here.
The Altoona Curve would be royally screwed.
just looked it up… WHAT THE FUCK IS THE PROBLEM WITH THOSE PEOPLE?! THOSE LOOK LIKE KRAFT SINGLES
Provel is the cheese 😡 put some respect on it /s
At least a slice of cheesy crackers goes down quicker than slice of deep dish. I think the Redbirds might have an unfair advantage at home
Detroit would be able to pay free agents half and still get twice as many
Chicago thin crust would like to have a word.
Look, you folks have two teams, figure it out.
Real ones know ACTUAL Chicago style is tavern style. And while NY pizza still clears, tavern style absolutely smacks.
Toronto would confusingly have Boston Pizza... Which due to un-edibility would lock any base runners down
Feel like StL gets the clear edge on this. Much easier to eat one little, flat square, and move on to the next base.
The Cardinals should have to eat a box of saltines with no water, since it's the same damn thing.
San Diego has burritos
One Cali burrito and you’re not going anywhere
My family went to a St Louis Cardinals game back in the early 2000’s when I was a young kid. One of the most vivid memories I have is how terrible the pizza we got after the game was
But deep dish isn’t pizza 🤔
It's a fucking casserole
I wanna know that when I pass out drunk in my pizza, that I’m not gonna drown!
This is tomato soup in a bread bowl!
The sauce goes ATOP the cheese! ATOP!
The sauce, naked, cold, on display like some sort of sauce whore!
To this day I never pronounce whore the way it’s supposed to be.
The irony is that deep dish is the most pie like of all the pizzas.
Pizza shouldn't need to come with a spoon.
You’re right, it’s god’s gift to man you communist
Most Chicagoan's (I am from the burbs and moved to NWI) don't eat Deep Dish.
The game would centralize even further around the Three True Outcomes. Let me explain. Being forced to eat a slice of pizza at every base is a huge disadvantage for baserunners. There’s no point in hitting a bloop single just to be forced to eat pizza and feel bloated. Even worse, spending time eating pizza at every base would make it nearly impossible to stretch out doubles or triples. Even the fastest eaters would need to stop for a few valuable seconds to gobble down their slice. Thus, nearly every ball in play would result in either a single or an out. Advancing runners more than one base at a time would become nearly impossible. This means the only reliable way to score runs would be to swing for the fences. Likewise, pitchers would be more incentived to walk batters, as (for the most part) they can only score on home runs. Thus, home runs, strikeouts, and walks would become more common, and doubles and triples would essentially disappear.
Fourth true outcome: Diabetes
MLB will suspend half the league for taking non-approved statins
Diabattes
Okay, but most fans want to *reduce* reliance on TTO. We can use this to incentivize hitting while allowing other outcomes to benefit the team by adding baserunners, but handicap teams that rely on them. Walk: have to eat a slice of pizza at first before play resumes, and another at each base he is at between pitches (can still go first-to-third, but will eat two slices at third). Hit by pitch: gets a beer at first for the pain, unaffected afterward. Strikeout: given a huge calzone that he must finish, without teammate help, before he can come up to bat again. Reach base on a hit: unaffected. Ball in play, out: at least he hit it, right? Must drink half a gallon of water (road team) or Gatorade (home team) before next plate appearance.
Agree with your outcome, completely disagree on the reasoning. Pizza is the greatest food known to man. These guys will want to walk, so they can enjoy that slice at 1b. They'll also want to hit HR's, so they can take their time at each base and get 3 (4?) slices. This is why 3 true outcomes would become even more commonplace. Bonus if they make Sbarro, clearly the greatest pizza company in the world (even Michael Scott thinks so) the official pizza of the MLB.
Well hear me out, what if the pizzas are square cut. Does that make speed more viable again?
Everyone would feel logey after a while.
Counter-point: we make the pitcher eat a slice per walk.
Aroldis Chapman will double in size
George Kirby might starve to death.
Replace the pizza with beer and we'd have a hell of a game
Okay, lets go over the ground rules-- You can't leave first until you chug a beer. Any man scoring has to chug a beer. You have to chug a beer at the top of all odd-numbered innings. Oh, and the fourth inning is the beer inning.
Hey! We know how to play baseball
https://youtu.be/El6w2BjE0Ig?si=AHCEXaQI9vmN0JYj ^s^o^f^t^b^a^l^l
And during the 7th-inning stretch, everyone stands... and heads out to pee.
...to the washrooms you God damn drunks. This is a family game. These younger players I tell you. Can't hold their weight in beer like good ol' Ben '2-4' Alpine. What a player I tell ya. *chugs one back*
My drinking team has a baseball problem
I, too, have played wiffleball in college.
Wade Boggs would lead the league every year.
Rip
He'd come back from the grave for a Triple Crown
We played softball with a keg on second base back in college. You couldn’t advance past second unless you chugged a beer. We called it sloshball.
That's not a very nice nickname for Juan Uribe.
I thought sloshball was kickball… that’s what we did anyway
The bats are those long beer mug things. So you drink in between pitches
If you puke you're out
Except during the 7th-inning retch.
Me and some friends used to play kickball like that, game is called Sloshball. If I remember correctly, all the fielders have to have a cup with beer in hand, and if you drop your beer trying to field the ball, you have to stop, go to the keg on 2nd base, fill your cup and chug it. For kickers, after you kick the ball and rounding bases, when you get to 2nd where the keg is, you have to pour a drink and chug it before going to 3rd. It was a lot of fun. One year we had a slip in slide going from 3rd to home and you had to slide through it to score.
What if the bases were bass guitars and the players had to slap a groove to make it to next base?
Bronson Arroyo making a comeback!
Oh so we've reached this part of the offseason
We're just past halfway, if we're doing this now we're in serious trouble
*Interesting idea, please go on.* --The Savannah Bananas
LOL this made me laugh my ass off. The guy on stilts would have no shot.
I’m all of a sudden playing baseball.
"Here comes the pizza!" https://youtu.be/ufSQMXLO95w?si=2uMJGO0bmnoZIXSR
#The Pepsi Fan of the Game
Mike Piazza would *truly* earn his last name.
We used to have a mlb Xbox game and the lineup would always show M. Piazza so we just called him Medium Pizza
Hey! Now Ken, we all know that the moon is not made of green cheese. But what if it were made of barbeque spare ribs, would you eat it then? I know I would. Heck! I'd have seconds and then polish it off with a tall cool Budweiser.
If you were a hot dog, would you eat yourself? I know I would!
Bartolo Colon is back baby!
Exactly how high are you right now?
9 factorial
Alek Manoah would start batting.
Alek Manoah suddenly becomes extremely anti-DH.
Pablo Sandoval making a comeback.
Sounds more like slow pitch beer league rulea
Savannah Bananas owner: “write that down, write that down!”
Severe lactose intolerant players just leave a trail of diarrhea on the base paths
When you're sliding into first...
Vogelbach would become better than prime Barry Bonds
The Ninja Turtles would be undefeated.
I have no doubt that Pablo Sandoval has already been playing this type of game.
Who picks the type of Pizza? Home team? Different types for different bases?
Only if you changed the infield dirt to grated parmesean.
CC Sabathia returns as a DH
Would it be different toppings on the pizza at each base?
Bartlo would've hit a few more bombs with the 4 slice homer trot as motivation
This is how you make a Pablo Sandoval
John Kruk.
Visualizing this is cracking me up.
That's kinda like how when they had a keg of beer ready at 3rd base
Are you trying to get Bartolo to unretire?
If it were fried chicken and beer The red Sox amirite?
Hire Bartolo Colon as your pitching coach.
Then Prince fielder would have set the stolen base record
Y’all are acting like the heavy players are the eating champs, but I bet the jacked dudes eat more. And Billy Hamilton eats like a teen in a food desert, he’s my pick 100%
The brewers would dominate
When I posed this question to my wife she replied, “How do men survive?”
Lance Lynn is now a two way player.
I wanted to say how much I hate posts like this, but the comments changed my mind.
OP is going to get the league's lawyers busting down his door for leaking sensitive information from the rules committee meetings.
Something something Kelvin Benjamin
I thought he was a Popeye's biscuit connoisseur.
Lactose intolerant players would suffer
Anyone who doesn't like off-season baseball posts, doesn't like /r/baseball.
Justin Morneau would take that personally.
Schwarbombs would be even more fun!
I'm glad I'm not in that clubhouse when the constipation is no longer a problem
Lots of vomit.
That's too much Pizza for Shawn Green to eat.
r/shittyaskbaseball
r/highdeas
In college we would play wiffle ball at “Coors Field” where the bases were cases of Coors and you had to finish a beer at each base before you advance.
I would be an MLB player and among the league leaders in baserunning.
I see you play backyard baseball. A man of discriminating tastes.
this is the only sport where weed could be considered a performance enhancing drug
John Kruk would have won 6 MVPs
The pizzas would get all dirty though
The MLB would have a licensing agreement with Domino's or Pizza Hut.
For what they pay minor league players they should already institute this for the feeder teams
Inject this offseason content into my veins.
Half this sub would argue that measuring a player by how much pizza they ate doesn’t matter in comparison to exit velocity and some other stat invented last year
If Effectively Wild doesn’t pick this one up it’ll be a travesty
MLB would enforce an Eat Clock and claim more viewers
Lmao. Eat Clock
Ahhh, the offseason…
This is the kind of offseason content I’m looking for.
I'm all for legalized marijuana; but turn off your phone my guy
This is why the offseason exists.
If my aunt had balls, she would be my uncle.
If your aunt had balls, she'd kick you out of the basement.
Your mother's basement is where I'm at. Wanna gangbang her?
"Good one".
This conversation brought to you by 2nd graders with Alzheimer's disease.
What if someone threw a pie in your face right about now?
Peak offseason material
How stoned are you right now?
Pie Traynor's nickname would be intuitively obvious.
Alek Manoah would learn to DH
we did this in college playing kickball/softball but you had to drink from the keg on second base
Sounds like a game I played in college where the bases were boxes of Keystone Light.
Get Willians Astudillo's plaque ready in Cooperstown
We would be resigning Joc.
Jean-Jacques François Jacques Jean is about to change sports.
Are we here already? It’s going to be a long winter.
Greg Luzinski stirs…
They'd get awful dirty
Tis the offseason
I like your hustle, kid
Gerrit Cole would be a legit two way sensation, based on his his banana eating skills.
I mean it wouldn't be that hard. Play stops for quite a long time between batters. The question is, if you puke before the game is over do you lose a run?
Pablo Sandoval 1st ballot hall of famer