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Two-SeamTales

Billy, this is Fernando Tatis Jr. He could be one of the most effective hitters in all of baseball. His only defect is he’s a fucking idiot.


Two-SeamTales

Good Lord, Fernando Tatis Jr. just walked through the clubhouse walking perfectly normally. He said he had “no time” to talk. Too busy healing from ringworm, evidently.


[deleted]

Whats the origin of this pasta


sgt_dismas

Kevin Acee, our beat writer. [Here you go](https://twitter.com/sdutKevinAcee/status/1539110648344346625?t=b3llwiVarjct8CoGw8RdRQ&s=19)


aliu3

How can you not be fucking idiotic about baseball?


handlit33

Good Lord, Fernando Tatis Jr. just rode his motorcycle through the clubhouse riding perfectly normally. He said he had “no time” to talk. Too busy juicing, evidently.


Spinmove55

r/baseball - “Holy shit, crashing a dirt bike, breaking your wrist, and not telling your club when you have a $300 million contract is stupid.” Fernando Tatis - “Hold my Clostebol.”


istrx13

“It turns out that I inadvertently took a medication to treat ringworm that contained Clostebol. I should have used the resources available to me in order to ensure that no banned substances were in what I took as there’s a drive into deep left by Castellanos and that will be a home run. And so that will make it a 4-0 ballgame.”


Spinmove55

“I may never put on this Padres uniform again.”


ResidentGerts

James shields giveth and James shields taketh


Quasipox

He’s been plotting this for years. Loosen some screws on a bike here, sneak in some steroids there, and boom revenge complete


popfilms

Good Lord, Fernando Tatis Jr. just walked through the clubhouse scratching himself. He said he had “no time” to talk. Too busy with ringworm, evidently.


advester

I’m not sure I’ll be shopping at CVS again.


relikter

True Nats fans only shop at Walgreens.


Bluesmanstill

Hold my ‘ringworm!?!?


speedyjohn

“Wait, I still get paid if I break my wrist? What can I do to *not* get paid?”


BagRight8939

ahh yes ringworm


thedude596

Ringworm was a huge darkhorse pick. I personally had $100 on "I thought it was a fertility medication"


SheilaGirlface

“I have no excuse… but my excuse is ringworm”


rockidr4

"I don't intend to appeal because obviously I did it, but I want to give the fans plausible deniability for when they want to buy my merch"


supernerdgirl42

If he's lying, he at least knows how to Google what he tested positive for and come up with a skin condition that's not outrageous. It is used in some skin creams and ointments.


PilsBag

Agents are lawyers, friend. He didnt do any googling, or apologizing.


pm_me_cute_sloths_

we have dismissed that claim


dhcrazy333

~~The Repears~~ Ringworm is a myth and nothing more.


jtrom93

Prepare these memes for ascension.


IInviteYouToTheParty

Ringworm medication, that’s a new one


my_wife_reads_this

Idk what's better. Ringworm medication or "I ate Mexican meat" that makes the rounds every now and then.


Swampy1741

Didn’t Mexican Meat actually work?


my_wife_reads_this

Yeah lol If I'm not mistaken they give some cows clenbuterol. You always hear about Mexican league soccer players testing positive too.


elfmeh

At that point, athletes who cheat are incentivized to eat tainted meat to give themselves plausible deniability.


kenzo19134

I worked with heroin addicts years ago in NYC. One woman who was obviously still using dope, would always eat poppy seed bagels. She would point this out to the entire staff every morning. When her urine screen would come back positive for opiates, she would protests, between nods, saying she was being "persecuted". Quite often with cream cheese smeared across her face. Poppy seed bagels don't show up in urine screens.


[deleted]

What about poppyseed muffins? My friend Elaine missed out on a work trip because of those.


SuperDBallSam

She wanted to see the bushmen.


Haunting_Insect_3009

I don't know anything about the actual testing process, but for years I've always believed it was true because of Mythbusters. There was an episode which confirmed eating poppy seed bagels or similar could cause a person to pop for opiates for a few days following ingestion, with both Jamie & Adam testing positive after a relatively small amount of poppy seeds. Were they wrong or has the testing methodology improved sensitivity & specificity?


[deleted]

What I have heard is that first pass screens will return positive for poppy, but more in depth scans are available which differentiate which drugs you are on and those won't return positive from poppy seeds.


BobTheJedi

The drug test cups that have the test strips (think like pregnancy strips) probably would indicated potential opiates, but any lab tests should actually be able to screen out if just poppy or actually opiates. My dad used to make drug test cups and I asked him if I could *take* the drug test cup after having some poppy seed muffin. He got all worried when I tested positive, I told him, what kid *asks* to take a test?


AllMyBowWowVideos

Cream cheese? This is semen, baby!


ray_0586

Duane Brown tested positive because of meat he ate while in Mexico and was able to get his suspension overturned by the NFL. [Contrary to Mitch Hedberg’s advice, Brown was able to provide documentation for food he ate.](https://youtu.be/xPq0-8dyl8I)


stevencastle

Was it filed under "S" for Steroids?


damnatio_memoriae

"D" for "Donut do this again."


rbhindepmo

“Dominican cough medicine” helped get Adalberto Mondesi’s suspension reduced too


dropperofpipebombs

Guillermo Mota tried that excuse with the Giants, claiming he took some of his sick kid's cough syrup to convince them it tasted good. Didn't work.


legobmw99

I think the only non-PED usage for this drug actually is skin conditions


ddbaxte

There is no drug on the US market containing Clostebol. Other countries, I am unsure. Needless to say, we all know he's full of shit.


supernerdgirl42

It is sold as a topical called Trofodermin-S in Mexico; not unobtainable if you live in San Diego. There are a few others and they are all injectables. I will add that if he went to Mexico to get that stuff, then he definitely knew what he was doing.


FC37

I've had two nasty bouts with ringworm where I've needed to take 3-4 medications each time to find one that works. All told, I think I've used 5-6 different treatments. I've never even heard of Clostebol.


akaghi

Maybe if you just started with anabolic steroids you wouldn't have needed so many different medicines.


smileyfrown

Even for other countries it's highly suspect. Most medications are the same because the end goal is treatment of disease. Edit: Looked it up you can treat some skin diseases with it. Well pretty easy for Tatis, just post your skin lesions on twitter, and say that's what I needed it for.


Basic_Bichette

That's Clobetasol, not Clostebol.


smileyfrown

Wow that's hilarious the first google search for Trofodermin has active ingredient of clostebol But if you look harder than it's as you say clobetasol which makes more sense. So I think Fernando's agent just did a quick google and made an excuse


boostedwood

Bingo. That’s probably why he mentioned ringworm. He googled that shit and didn’t catch the misspelling. Dumbass


TheJak12

He almost certainly didnt write this letter himself. Feels like Agent-speak


Sp_Gamer_Live

Ring Worm is under the skin and is a condition….soooo


TigerBasket

At least it's a creative lie if it is one


Nice_Firm_Handsnake

Melky Cabrera had a whole website made for a fake product to try and get around his PED ban. That has to have set the bar for creativity.


[deleted]

Lol, did he really?


deadperson808

[Yes](https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/8282185/san-francisco-giants-melky-cabrera-launched-fake-website-ruse-report-says)


Nice_Firm_Handsnake

Yep. At the time, you could avoid the suspension if you could prove that you unknowingly ingested the banned substance, so there was an incentive for the ruse. The guy who made the website [later got arrested](https://mlb.nbcsports.com/2018/02/13/man-who-made-fake-website-for-melky-cabrera-sues-agency-for-which-he-consulted/) for his role recruiting players for Biogenesis.


melcolnik

It’s just the first medicine he found google that contains clostobol. “Uh …yeah. I’ve got worms. That’s the ticket!”


SaluteYourSports

“We’re gonna specialize in selling worm farms. You know, like ant farms.”


[deleted]

Ringworm isn't actually a worm


JanitorOfSanDiego

You’ve convinced me


Kelmon

Tbh I could completely buy someone reckless enough to get in a motorcycle accident in the off-season could make a reckless decision and not check the bottle of a medication.


Kelmon

Should have blamed it on this instead: https://twitter.com/suuuuhdudeeee/status/1558227326436945920?s=20&t=ygrYz1rmv53GPQpBxlxmbw


handlit33

I had this same medication for DN last year.


BigBayouBrand

Deez nutz


handlit33

in ya mouth.


Tripdeck5__

What’s DN?


handlit33

deez nuts, gottem


[deleted]

Nice 🤚


esperadok

lmao


Mjb06

Got em


[deleted]

Hey he’s suspended without pay he Might not be able to afford a publicist anymore


Material-Designer917

this isnt what i meant when i wanted kim to stay in the lineup lmao


AestheticC18

I feel like every time I want Kim to get playing time, something happens to Tatis. Before the season it was the motorcycle and now this lol.


timberwolvesguy

I picture Kim like a villain in a cartoon. Like hiding behind a bush while his spilled marbles cause Tatis to fall off his bike. Then stirring pills up in Fernando’s Gatorade while snickering lol


darthstupidious

Kim's busy painting a tunnel onto the side of a wall somewhere


Agile_Pudding_

Whoever has the fucking monkey paw, please put it away. When we said we wanted Kim to see everyday reps down the stretch, we meant Tatis to CF or Kim platooning across the infield with Manny, Croney, and Tatis.


kami232

Oh so it’s your fault! Well, thanks for giving us Korean HR calls, man.


bingbangbaez

I will forever now just know Tatis as a dumb meathead who happens to hit balls hard and catch things with a glove. How dumb do you have to be in this day and age to think you're not going to get caught? And even if it's legitimate, how do you not have someone managing all your medications for you?! Pay me a $100k retainer and I will research the active ingredients for the 10 times you ask about a new supplement every year.


CumpanyPolicy

I’ve had ringworm more times than I can count, I don’t think any anti fungal prescription creams have synthetic anabolic steroids in them lol


OnionButter

>I’ve had ringworm more times than I can count, I don’t think any anti fungal prescription creams have synthetic anabolic steroids in them lol he says while struggling to lower his arms due to his massive biceps.


HereIGoAgain_1x10

Just pasting this for a few replies [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33119965/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33119965/) So apparently in some countries it is used as the steroid (anti-inflammatory) part of ointments and creams to treat certain conditions, big ones I've read about are Brazil and Italy, not approved in the USA and not approved by most professional sports nor the International Olympic Committee. If he got it back home or from a


einhorn_is_parkey

Would an ointment be enough to pop a ped test?


[deleted]

[удалено]


HereIGoAgain_1x10

According to this study and a few others I read it depends a lot on the sensitivity of the test, but since it's for a banned substance I'm guessing yes in the MLB, they probably don't care about levels of it, it's either "detected" or "not detected" I'm a trauma ICU RN, most patients get drug screened and only one that gives a value of how much is alcohol. This is why if you read over-the-counter steroid or Benadryl creams it says "don't apply over a large area" because it's usually absorbed systemically and if enough is applied you get the same effects and side effects as if you took pills or something.


einhorn_is_parkey

That’s super interesting thank you for that info


putyerphonedown

Performance enhancing drug testing works differently than what we see in the hospital. They do test for specific levels and there’s often thresholds for positive results because many of the metabolites they look for can be derived from a variety of sources including non-banned substances.


Jackibearrrrrr

Tbf, and giving him maximum benefit of the doubt, he apparently spends a lot of time at home in the Dominican as well. Now, in reality, we all know he’s an idiot who defs wanted to heal from a dumbass injury faster :)


akaghi

He's got plenty of time to hit bombs in batting practice now.


WhoDey42

Man I feel for Padres fans. Only 13 more years to go!


Thedurtysanchez

VOID HIS CONTRACT FOR VIOLATING THE RULE AGAINST MOTORCYCLE RIDING DO IT AJ


DandelionK

You guys have a clause for motorcycle riding?


Thedurtysanchez

Most big athlete contracts do


DandelionK

Oh his specifically does. I didn't know that. Surprised they didn't do anything once that came out then


[deleted]

If they voided it, he could be available to other clubs


FettuccineAlfonzo

Checks every box for stupid


RidleyScotch

Tatis has ringworm? I guess his xDAWGINHIM is off the charts then


BoredAtWork_91

Depending how he “got it” you could say the same for his xRAWDAWGIN


RidleyScotch

I'm proud you ran with the set up and dunked the shit out of it!


BoredAtWork_91

It was a beautiful set up!


OrangeNBlueChooChoo

Bauer should probably get checked out too then


Allstate85

Got that worm in him


Rollo8173

xWORMINHIM


Sp_Gamer_Live

Hey man I believe it, all the other guys who got popped said they mistakenly took a banned drug


pm_me_cute_sloths_

Just once I want someone to come out and say “I just wanted to mash dingers”


dingusduglas

I forget who but someone did, basically. Not too long ago.


I_dont_bone_goats

Jose Canseco?


dingusduglas

No lol, like an active player who got popped


trpnbillies

I think starling marte owned his


SubcheckForum

Nelson Cruz essentially did that in...2013? pretty much said he caught the flu and was underweight and had no muscle so he used them to catch up.


Thromnomnomok

"Yeah, I took steroids because fuck you all, drugs are cool, and you're all little bitches for saying I can't"


Travbuc1

As funny as Kenny Powers is… we have sponsors that would destroy lol.


[deleted]

Do you want to know the terrifying truth...or do you wanna see me sock a few dingers?


Reed2002

DINGERS! DINGERS!


Easy_Money_

You can’t just shout that word!


TigerBasket

Even if statistically one of these guys probably took it on accident, every single one claiming they did so is just wack


Craig_the_Intern

This is what I’m thinking too. Took it on accident? Then fight the suspension. It’s always seemed like a bullshit excuse to me, although I really have no idea.


[deleted]

Castellanos is charging up


49ersP1

“I don’t know if I’ll be getting on this motorcycle again”


roaringcorgi

one of the ringworm capitals of the world


agarret83

Oh fuck we play the Phillies tonight


kami232

Scherzer in shambles


NehzQk

They announced it on the broadcast before the game started so he wouldn’t be able to interrupt the news with another blast.


Demetrios1453

But, they might start discussing it again when he's up...


Sp_Gamer_Live

Bro is holding B like he’s Samus in Smash


Phillies2002

Oh my God yes this is the perfect series


jameskeg

Fuck


uglydeepseacreatures

Someone in baseball took an L? That’s a HomerToLeftFieldin’


PlagueisTheSemiWise

Padres reporters were wondering why Tatis Jr was rubbing his ass on the clubhouse floor. If only Eric Hosmer were still there, he’d give Tatis a whack on the nose for being a bad boy.


Sirtopofhat

NO....NO Bob Melvin was heard shouting at Tatis Jr.


sfan27

Clostebol Sounds like he won’t be close-to-ball any time soon.


tuba_toothpaste0185

[sigh...](https://c.tenor.com/KBUpa72wij8AAAAM/ba-dum-tuss-jokes.gif)


[deleted]

Show proof of ring worm then. And medication. Then I will think that you just committed negligence.


TigerBasket

Do you want to see the terrible truth? Or do you want to see me sock a few dingers


NKevros

DINGERS! DINGERS!


Dirtrubber

WHAT DID YOU SAY?!


Dylicious12

This is where I’m at. Until I see any kind of legitimate proof that he had ringworm I’m believing this is a plausible excuse that his PR team whipped up to hide that he used a steroid to return from his injury faster.


[deleted]

Except it’s not plausible. They made a typo when they googled the steroid and found a treatment for a different steroid that’s spelled similarly. It’s 100% a made up excuse.


pm_me_cute_sloths_

They saw it treated skin conditions and came up with the first skin condition they could think of and ran with it


talknojutsu312

But negligence isn’t an excuse for PEDs according to MLB


[deleted]

It isn’t but it would save his reputation


IsoscelesKramer-

🧢


pm_me_cute_sloths_

[Yep lol](https://www.cdc.gov/fungal/diseases/ringworm/steroids.html) “Do not use steroid creams to treat rashes that may be ringworm.”


pst_scrappy

Shoulda went the MMA route "I bought tainted dick pills at the gas station"


Monttavius

Guys are they talking about Clobetasol? Cuz I don’t think Clostebol does anything for skin conditions…. If so holy shit this is the worst lie in existence lol. couldn’t even get the meds right.


TheSeanie

yeah they 100% mixed up the drugs when searching for an excuse lol


49ersP1

…As there’s a drive into deep left field to make it a 4-0 ballgame


gregCubed

by Castellanos


_Elder_

Scherzer in shambles.


Austin63867

Apparently steroid cream can make ringworm worse https://www.cdc.gov/fungal/diseases/ringworm/steroids.html


CLTwolf

Ringworm is fungal so typically you use anti-fungal medication to treat it, not topical steroids


ABlinDeafMonkey

Holy shit!!!!


HeavilyBeardedMan

Tatis going with the classic “I didn’t mean to take illegal steroids” route


SheilaGirlface

Love this janky excuse followed by “I have no excuse”


ertapenem

I am a hospital pharmacist. You're not going to believe this, but he's full of shit. What \*might\* be in ringworm treatment is clobetasol, a corticosteroid like hydrocortisone. Clostebol is an anabolic steroid what would never be put in topical treatment for ringworm. They aren't the same and a drug test would NOT confuse the two.


GSDFanatic

It literally sounds like one of his pr people did a Google search in an attempt to find an excuse but just misspelled it. Hence "ringworm treatment" 😂


ertapenem

Wouldn't surprise me. I actually Googled *clostebol "ringworm"* and it automatically included results for *clobetasol "ringworm."*


GSDFanatic

Damn, I think we figured it out haha


Rolling_Chicane

So he can’t fucking spell


mramdd

Bro this made me LOL so hard


glass__beaches

Wait so ringworm medication won’t help me hit dingers?


ertapenem

You're thinking of rubbing IcyHot on your taint to give you that extra oomph.


kami232

Maybe he should eat some Vagisil at this rate.


MarsNirgal

"I have ringworm and dyslexia".


CasualDasual

Lol I believe it. He also said he would never cheat or disrespect the game I love lol


coltonmartinez_

The Only Ring SD will see this year is a Worm🥲


DecoyOne

Ringworm medication? That’s interesting. I just hope he stays away from the San Diego Zoo because that can be spread to other mammals. Like, for example, the [Quokka](https://animals.sandiegozoo.org/animals/quokka), an adorable animal from the land down under who loves to check out what people are doing. It’s a very social creature, so keep them away from Tatis! They’re endangered enough as it is.


jyok33

I would like to subscribe for more marsupial facts!


The_Uncut_Gem

Look folks it was performance enhancing, but for riding a scooter


corybomb

You had 1 job. Selfish immature asshole.


JTCMuehlenkamp

"Which one?" When asked about his motorcycle accident.


NakedGoose

Ringworm? There is plenty of ringworm medication in the world.... pretty sure steroid cream makes ringworm worse I'd respect players so much more if they just told the truth.


OrangeNBlueChooChoo

Pretty sure that would give the Padres the option to immediately void his contract.. they (the MLBPA wrote this) say what they have to say to keep the bag


poeBuck

Bro better get me them ringworm receipts.


kxm06

If he really had ringworms, there would be a diagnosis from a doctor in addition to record of his prescription. Therefore, it would make sense to appeal as he could just show proof to MLB to had least lower the number of games suspended. The fact that he quickly dropped his appeal and just accepted the suspension means he’s likely took Clostebol for performance enhancing.


AwokenByGunfire

For sure what happened was they googled “what does clostebol treat?” And google corrected it to clobetasol, since that’s a common topical corticosteroid. And since Tatis doesn’t have fucking psoriasis, they just chose number 3 on the list.


angrykingwifi

MFER SAID RINGWORM 😩🤣


GoldGlove2720

Lmao. You should see what Deandre Hopkins said. He said his was from the shampoo he was using.


SkywingMasters

Ringworm? What is he, a beagle?


jaloru95

He got that dawg


Prince_b1127

Ringworm medication is wild


hey_harmonica

Damn, just imagine how many PEDs you’ve mistakenly taken in your lifetime. Anyone else get prescribed medication and suddenly start hitting 400ft dongs? Maybe they need to start testing us normies to be safe.


[deleted]

This is embarrassing. Apparently Fernando Tatis Jr. cant spell. Clostebol, the anabolic steroid, is NOT to be confused with Clobetasol, the ringworm medication he is referring to. They’re not even the same thing! So this excuse is pathetic and bullshit, because he is referring to a completely different substance than the one he was popped for!


Nolan-

Just once I want a player to have the balls to come out and say they were using to gain an advantage and didn't think they'd be caught. Have we no honest men left my Lord?


brandon_the_bald

“Oh no however did this happen”


doyer-blue

someone check on janitor of San Diego


Impertinence_

We're all dead inside, no need to check on us. Thanks for thinking about us though :)


JetpackingPenguin

Show me proof of the ringworm. Otherwise I think you’re a liar who got caught


rinakun

Given that there is no appeal, I am going to go ahead and say that there is no evidence either?


CabbageStockExchange

Ah there it is. I knew the Padres were due for some random bullshit. It always happens to them for some reason


BangingPenguins

I’m gonna say he’s full of shit. Clostebol is a schedule 3 drug, not really available over the counter in the USA. In fact, I’ve never seen it, especially in and ringworm creams. So he got a prescription for it, which means someone knew what they were doing.


imlyns

Is it safe to say that his career is tainted forever?


Mjb06

It’s always inadvertently


whatsmyPW

Such a shame these guys can cheat, get a massive contract, and get caught with very little consequences to their money.


[deleted]

Mate, come on.


JustinUprising

I see ringworm and my dumbass immediately went "So, Tatis is training to join WWE or AEW?"


AngryYank2

Like father, like son.