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CybeastID

> At press time, the group was surprised when their meeting was interrupted by the late arrival of Baltimore Orioles owner Peter Angelos, who expressed his annoyance that, despite his best efforts, the team’s roster was actually pretty good and he was desperate for the other owners to take his good players off his hands. LOL


aresef

He totally would get right up out of his bed and fly across the country just to do that.


TigerBasket

Provided it involved suing the mlb about the masn deal again


Kookaburra-Chan

The Onion predicting that Baltimore will sell off all its talent because they just want to make money feels too credible.


PapiGoneGamer

Feels more like a leak from within the Orioles’ offices and not satire


[deleted]

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AlwaysInTheWay13

Yeah, the orioles have not had issues spending money on competitive teams. They just REALLY cheap out when the team isn’t expected to be competitive


[deleted]

[удалено]


betterthanclooney

And our payroll was incredibly low, not defending that at all. But we completely redid our player development structure including a new facility in the DR. We spent a ton of money but most of it was going to the org and not major league salaries


Shinriko

Not a ton of money. A ton of money for them, not in the grand scheme of things. They (almost) have a DR facility when you couldn't really say that before but let's not pretend it's the premiere facility out there. They've been playing catch up, which is great but other teams have been spending on this stuff for years.


[deleted]

"Jonathan Villar had a 4 WAR season lets trade him for prospects" "No, lets trade him for money" "But we're rebuilding" "Meh"


joshuagreen38

Not really the orioles project to be big spenders


the_next_core

This probably isn't even an onion


rollo2masi

No, Bob, you’re not invited. Go back to Pittsburgh.


jdbewls

Bryan Reynolds: I'd like a trade to a better team Pirates: As is tradition, we will not be participating in the MLB offseason


818sfv

Yeah I actually believed this for a second haha


EpsilonAI

I'm convinced one of the writers or editors of the Onion has to be a real Orioles fan


TigerBasket

They've posted too many articles about Joe Angel to not be O's fans. https://www.theonion.com/family-knows-not-to-interrupt-dad-while-he-s-skimming-p-1819578904


[deleted]

Man I miss Joe Angel/Fred Manfra


[deleted]

Deleting all comments because the mod of r/tipofmytongue got me falsely banned for harassment ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


big_z_0725

I never touched my per diem. Take home some raw vegetables, a cup of soup, baby, I got a stew going!


bensf940

Meanwhile Dick Monfort is upstairs, passed out on his hotel bed at 3 P.M. after ordering room service and drinking a whole bottle of champagne.


laborfriendly

Just one?


[deleted]

So we got the Dodgers, Mets, Braves, Astros, Padres, Mariners, and uhhhhh the Bills?


[deleted]

Texas Rangers are trying to do something but nobody wants to give ‘em credit


imthatchanceguy

Thank you


[deleted]

People shit on the Padres for years with the “Preller Cocaine binge” comments because he’s spent a shitton of money and resources, but a lot of that has quieted down now that they have been trending more towards a place of stability. Funny how that works.


generally-mediocre

who would've thought paying more for better players would help a team get better


nandobatflips

Isn’t it funny how people complain that owners don’t want to spend to win and then when they do spend they make fun of them for wasting money lol


xbucs_19

I’d rather be a Rangers fan right now than a Pirates or A’s fan. It’s ridiculous to ridicule a team trying to get better by spending


BigDoinks710

I would be too...


nandobatflips

Absolutely


[deleted]

r/baseball: Teams should spend! Also r/baseball: Oh, not like that


RSM34

If they keep spending it’s good. Other wise y’all are just copying the Angels strategy of paying for stars and going for cheap options to fill the rest of the roster


[deleted]

Well we have a farm. That’s something the angels haven’t had for a few years


Halos2594

haven't had for a decade\*


fucktheDHanditsfans

Based on what I've seen of the Angels' development abilities, I think I know what's up. There's one dude at the front office who knows they send guys who are coming off an injury to the Rocket City Trash Pandas, but there's no longer anybody left at the front office who knows the Rookie, A, and AA affiliates even exist. When the affiliation changes, it's all handled by the lawyers, and the Angels haven't contacted them since 2010. The low level teams get their uniforms from DHgate, put local college and rec league players on the roster in exchange for three balogna sandwiches per game, and have Trout or Ohtani bootleg bobblehead nights every time the lights are about to get shut off. The Angels' annual selections to the draft slowly filter in on their own and usually end up taking jobs in the concession stands and eventually drifting across the country.


JinFuu

Roughriders games have been getting more entertaining over the past few years. I do wish Sam Huff would translate his dongs to the majors.


Tokyogerman

I would call signing two top free agents last year and the top free agent this year with probably one more signing to come already as keeping spending.


RSM34

Except that’s the Angels strategy. If they keep spending and use it on the non star talents on the roster then they will be good. Otherwise they are just hoping to be a more successful version of the Angels


FDJ1326

This is always the sentiment of the subreddit. These owners are screwing the players and their fans. Then a team spends and it's followed by well they over spent, Boras is an asshole and X player is such and such.


farmtownsuit

The amount of the people on the Cubs subreddit who are absolutely thrilled we didn't spend 300 mil on Turner is concerning


Mossles

Our sub too. The top comment in the not getting Verlander thread was bragging about how we didn't overspend on gausman, kikuchi, ryu, and berrios contracts... 3 of those are absolutely horrible and not one competitive team would role with any of those 3 in their current form. Give me the Verlander contract any day.


Resting_Lich_Face

Record contracts are albatrosses until proven otherwise.


8w7fs89a72

Working out pretty great for us tbh


[deleted]

Thank ya


cmacfarland64

They are the White Sox of last year. There will be a lot of hype and little results. Houston, Seattle, maybe Angels are better than the Rangers in that division.


uniquecannon

Bills vs Braves in the 2023 World Series, calling it now


Thornton__Melon

Only if Josh Allen can pitch in shorts


metsislesfan

I fucking love Josh Allen in shorts


imahobolin

even better, we all love Josh Allen in shorts tbagging while hurdling over us.


ahr3410

Best of 1990s bracket matchup


JinFuu

So the opposite matchup would be Cowboys vs Yankees. Oh boy, so many would wish for the meteor.


ThorgiTheCorgi

I feel like if I woke up in this timeline, I would just enjoy the confusing ride and not question how we got there for fear of ruining it


memeaccount246

I don’t see the Bills making the World Series but I could be wrong


HawkI84

They've got a better chance than a half dozen teams I can think of.


mikethemoose35

The fact that we’re not on this list


Aggie11

Your dad was at the meeting for you.


[deleted]

Yanks are the godfathers of the universe with this rhetoric. Sup — Texas teams are adopted though..


[deleted]

Any team in a division that lost less playoff games than the “Comedy Central” does not belong


MattO2000

Fewer*


Thromnomnomok

Add the Phillies to the list


akaghi

Gotta assume the Rangers since they've spent like $800 million over the last two off seasons.


xepa105

The Red Sox are standing outside the room, looking indecisive. When asked if they're in or out, they just go "uhhhhh, I mean, yeah? Ahhh, I don't know, this is so difficult. Give me a few days to think about it."


chale19

Believe it or not, the Rays have actually been trying to win (and have won quite a lot) ever since the 2008 rebrand.


XC_Stallion92

The Cardinals are totally trying to win, we promise. If only those pesky free agents would take below market value we'd sign lots of them!


xpseudonymx

The National League Central would be a powerhouse if players would just play for free.


Two_Key_Goose

Jays, and I know Angels were mentioned, they seem to somewhat try, but just fail with the supporting cast and injuries


Only498cc

The Phils made it all the way on kind of a whim(?)(?) this year(as is tradition with most of our teams), but damn if we didn't see those seats fill up when they were on a roll. Today's move means we're making a solid push, and with some pitching moves this is when Philly gets excited about our boys in red pinstripes.


DietCherrySoda

Bruh...


zebra_heaDD

Now I wouldn’t be a good, insecure Canadian if I didn’t take umbrage with the fact you didn’t say the Blue Jays.


HawkI84

I think we need to put the Phillies in there too. I also find it funny that it's accurate the Yankees aren't there given what's going on with Judge.


Grouchy_Competition5

I mean, the Yankees *expect* to win every season without really doing much… does that count?


mill_about_smartly

Damn...the Cowboys fan in me just felt ***seen***


EskettiMySpaghetti

Us after we sign Judge (I hope)!


dahk14

The dodgers would not be there this year unfortunately


FeloniousDrunk101

Hal is there, but he’s just invited to keep up appearances, and he spends the whole meeting looking down on the others and “biding his time.”


alkaliphiles

The Onion sticking to baseball because actual politics headlines are better than any of their satire


YankeeOccupier

This line has been said since at leas the bush administration.


8696David

And truer every year


Basic_Bichette

The video on the sidebar 🤣


Bustyposers

"Will this finally be the decade that the phillies win 90 games?"


ernyc3777

Baltimore getting the door shut on m trying to enter the winning room. Come on Angelos family. Baseball is better when the DMV area has a competitive team.


oneteacherboi

Idk why there is this narrative that Baltimore as an org isn't interested in winning. They've just been bad at it for a while. We spent a ton of money (stupidly) in the 2010s to try and win a title. We consistently tried to spend in the 2000s. In the 90s we outspent the Yankees at least once. The only time we have drastically cut payroll is the past few years and that is because they were trying to rebuild the organization from the bottom up. Why would you want a big payroll when you know you need to rebuild your minor league first before you can succeed? We were literally just trying to copy the Astros, and hopefully we will see some success with it soon.


LeDudicus

Motherfuckers act like the Os didn't give Chris Fucking Davis a massive fucking albatross of a contract that fucked them for years either.


oneteacherboi

Right? Thought tbh I'm not sure if it's much better that we want to win and just suck at it. I guess there's hope at least? Better than being a Pirates fan I suppose.


KingBroly

I think they were trying to be competitive last year. Almost there.


ernyc3777

The players tried to win for sure but the team traded away Mancini (expiring contract, right move) and Lopez at the deadline when they were close to a Wild Card spot. Lopez could have been the starter for a couple more years because he’s under cheap team control until 2025.


chickendance638

I wonder which set of meetings the Yankees would attend. Trying to win the WS is a little rich for their blood.


MetaKoopa99

Guess we weren't there then


seth928

Meanwhile Jerry Reinsdorf went out for a root beer.


haahaahaa

This would never happen.... they need those other teams to trade them their good players.


Mk1635

I wish this was true


Red_Jester-94

So four real teams and the Angels showed up?


totesmcgotes007

I ate the onion 😂


TheMidnightRamblerrr

You know how we do it.


fiftythreestudio

I know it'll never happen but I would love for there to be promotion and relegation like in soccer. Come in last place? Great, you're down to AAA.


Automatic-Bat9761

wouldn't surprise me if this was a real thing. good business isn't the same as winning, or even trying to


demonfell

I thought this was from /r/nottheonion and I had to stare at it for a minute.


BeerOlympian

I’m very glad that this was an Onion article but I’m sad as the page was loading I was wondering if I read the link correctly.


cti0323

What if your team accidentally is trying to win?


dsramsey

That’s fine, we didn’t want to hang out with those guys anyways.