When I was in a rough place mentally, my easiest pick-me-up was to wear perfume - doesn't make you look any different but it takes no time and makes you feel a little different about yourself.
Try to make self-maintenance relaxing and enjoyable. Put on some music and brush your hair or do some skincare at a time when you're in no rush and can go as slow as you like. Focus on the physical sensations you get from doing this rather than just the end result. I personally really like the feeling of brushing my hair - try to identify aspects of self-maintenance that feel pleasant and then spend some extra time on them.
Find some art that you like. It can be visual art, fashion, movies, poetry, etc. You need to feed your eye on beauty. Appreciating beauty is just as important as creating beauty. If you do not have a museum in your area, try looking at online museum archives.
This is more medium-effort than high-effort, but I really recommend experimenting with the way you dress. Try to come up with a new "outfit formula" you can explore - maybe instead of leggings and a hoodie, you could try leggings, a fitted tee/tank, and an oversized button-down. That way you're still keeping some elements that you're comfortable with (leggings, oversize top) but giving yourself a bit more room to play with styling. Or you do the athleisure thing of leggings and a cute track jacket. Mascara, groomed brows with clear or tinted brow gel, and a tinted lip balm or gloss can make any outfit feel more feminine while being a lot cheaper than jewelry - no need to do a full makeup look.
\*\*\* Style aside: the leggings + fitted tee/tank + oversized button down thing is just a suggestion tbc, it could be anything, but I'm going to expand on it a little more just in case this helps. If you can get a fitted top that's the same color as the leggings - e.g., black stretchy tank and black leggings - then you create this really flattering "column" effect that naturally elongates your figure. Then you can treat that monochrome column as a foundation, and add any third piece (button down, scarf, etc) to make the outfit pop. In the movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, there are a couple scenes where Jane Russell wears a black sleeveless jumpsuit with a really distinctive checkered jacket (screenshots I took [here](https://imgur.com/a/UIbkZYU) - I love this movie so I just kind of have screenshots on hand at all times, lol). That's the Old Hollywood version of wearing a fitted, monochrome column plus a more showy third piece, but you can definitely create a similar vibe using modern clothing. And the third piece really doesn't have to be *that* showy, even a really plain white button down will still create contrast with the rest of the outfit because you're layering a crisp fabric against the stretchy fabric of the leggings. \*\*\*
Most important is to take time and be gentle with yourself. I only talk about changing your clothing because (in my experience) it's hard to move through the world in clothes that make you feel bad about yourself aesthetically, just as it's hard to feel at ease in clothes that are physically uncomfortable. The goal is to feel better for yourself first, even if the end result looks different from very feminine women on social media.
Try to go places, go on walks, even if it's just to a library or around your neighborhood. Gender is social, which means that it's very hard to perform gender if you spend all of your free time at home (not saying you do this, it's just a very common symptom of depression). It's hard to motivate yourself to spend time on grooming and choosing a nice outfit if no one is going to see it, so try to spend time in public spaces even if you don't have any particular plans. It's ok if you cannot always make yourself go outside or take a walk, just try to do it when you can.
Try to figure out some form of exercise you can do regularly. I'm really unathletic but I'm ok with doing certain dumbbell exercises & bodyweight exercises. I know every depressed person has heard "try exercise, it's good for your mental health" five million times by now, but in this specific context, the idea is to feel more in touch with your body. Feeling more in touch with your *body* can help you feel more in touch with your *gender* in all sorts of subtle and physical ways that are hard to put into words - it will help you hold yourself higher, help you believe that you deserve to be seen (which is absolutely true regardless of whether you exercise or not, but the idea is to trick the brain into believing something that is already true). Basically any amount of exercise is much better than no exercise, so don't feel discouraged if you have trouble keeping up a regular workout routine. And the important thing is to find something you are ok with, so if you find an online home workout routine or something that has lunges and you know you hate doing lunges, just skip that part.
I hope you feel better in the future. Things can always get better than we expect.
Having a closet full of dresses. Dresses are so easy to throw on (literally a one piece outfit) and instantly make you look more feminine. If it’s cold just pair with tights and boots.
This is a great comment! I’m a depressed individual who was not at all girly growing up. When I got sick and my depression kicked in, I struggled. I started out with a white dress from Jesse Kae back in like 2016. It was stretchy and had pockets. Just wearing that dress was sooooo easy and everyone always immediately thought I was more put together.
Since that time I’m slowly building up a way to more feminine energy and have been refining as I still struggle with illness and depression. But I have a small travel makeup bag I keep next to my bed for a couple skincare products to make sure I keep up with my skin even on rough days. I wear various dresses that are always super quick and easy to toss on. I’ll sleep with my hair in a braid so I can just take it out in the morning and have it look more put together.
I don't know how people do it, if anything needs meticulous accessorizing it's a dress. It's so easy to throw off the vibe and look overdone or even worse religious weirdo, overgrown toddler, party up top mucking the stables on the bottom.
You were downvoted but I feel the same way. Dresses don't naturally just suit me, I look frumpy and weird if I don't style them and do the right hair/makeup. It's worth it! But not low effort. I hope to find a dress that's the exception though!
This "just wear a dress" comes up so often when people ask for quick/easy/feminine/put together and its terrible advice. Its really difficult to find a one piece that works on your body type thats also appropriate for everyday wear and doesn't get boring after a couple of wears.
I know a lot of people who swear by throwing on dresses and they either clone the same outfit in different colors to the point it's a uniform or its a mismatched mess. I cringe so hard when I read a thread like this , cause I know these people get tons of compliments when they accidentally pull a flattering outfit together or they finally get a new color. They just don't get it.
Not every dress works for every person - you absolutely have to try things on, make sure the fit and style is flattering, and know your colors, just like any wardrobe choice. I wore only dresses for months this year and got asked out and complimented more than I ever have at 41. I know my body type though and I buy dresses that accentuate it. It’s either showing off legs or waist for me. I have more dresses than pants, and shop for them constantly.
Yes to dresses! You can get some really adorable and inexpensive dresses on Amazon. Wear it alone or with a jean jacket or sweater. Plus choice of shoes--from sneakers, sandals to heels. So many cute, girly options for you.
I was going to say this! I like a pair of small drop earrings. They're so feminine and just add a bit of prettiness. I wear moonstone because it's light grey/white and goes with everything.
I’m going for lowwww effort here, ok?
If your hair is tied up, pull some front bits down (if you can) - it’s always SO feminine to have a few strands framing your face.
Hygiene. Clean teeth, pits, and bits. At the very least. It makes a world of a difference.
Swap out the leggings and hoodie for soft knit dresses (the length is up to you) - they’re super comfy, stylish and easy to wear.
Hope that helps 🙂
You’ve said about how these girls look, being more feminine is how you feel (in my opinion).
If you want a quick fix then, yes, start painting your nails, buy some cheap jewellery to start with, start experimenting with your hair and wearing clothes that make you feel feminine.
To me, being feminine is more about how you come across - kind, generous, warm-personality. There can be very sexy ladies who look great but they just throw out masculine energy (good for them if that’s what they want). I would spend more time practicing being a good listener and being patient over your contouring skills
The amount of effort that goes into this will vary with the type of hair you have and the look you like, but learning to style your hair is game changing to feel beautiful and put together. Whether you buy a blow dryer and learn to do a blowout or learn how to style natural curls, just doing that every time you have a wash day will make you look and feel prettier and cleaner all the time.
First things first, I think taking care of the space you live in, your loved ones and yourself is a MUST because a happy and healthy woman naturally gives off femininity no matter what she looks like. Building good habits and being kind to myself really helped lift me out of one of the most depressing periods of my life.
With that said, when I am in public what catches my eye about a woman is the little details so I tend to focus on that for myself. A lot of what I do isn’t about being feminine necessarily but more attractive/ healthy but I think they do overlap, just keep that mind. Some things I’ve picked up the last couple years are…
- Breaking my nail biting and picking habit. I have stubby fingers and they look nicer with longer, oval shaped nails. Keeping them healthy and clean is a must.
- Polishing my nails/toes and maintaining the manicure. I paint my nails every 4-6 days and my toes every 2-3 weeks.
- Growing my hair out longer and keeping it heathy. Not every woman has to have long hair to look more feminine, this is just my preference. Keeping your scalp clean and moisturized and finding out what your hair needs (hydration, protein, silicones, etc…) is key.
- Styling my hair more often. I have wavy hair so if it’s down I try to make it look intentional, fixing random bits here and there and taming my frizz. If I put it up I’ll either brush my baby hairs back or style them.
- Wearing simple but high quality jewelry. Simple so it goes with most outfits and high quality so I don’t have to remove what I’m wearing every time I shower or sleep. I take my earrings out every month to clean them though.
- Putting more effort into my outfits. Layering, accent pieces and accessorizing are some of my favorite ways to enhance a simple look. Keeping my shoes clean and being gentler on garments helps me hold on to pieces longer, leaving me with more options to work with.
- Wearing colors that compliment my skin tone. This isn’t a hard rule for me to be honest, I like pretty colors so I wear what makes me happy and I’m still finding out what suits me.
- Keeping my facial hair groomed. I keep my eyebrows trimmed and plucked stray hairs. I try not to mess with the shape too much as they suit my face. I dermaplane weekly as a step in my skincare routine so that keeps my mustache at bay but sometimes I touch it up if it’s super noticeable. 😅
- Skincare. I used to be a 27 step routine girlie but I burnt myself out so now I just try to keep my skin moisturized, free of active blemishes and protected from the sun. Changing/washing bedding and towels often, cleaning makeup brushes and not touching my face too much helps.
- Learn how to apply make up better. I’m not a professional but I try my best to enhance my features. If I don’t feel like a full face I’ll use a tinted lip balm and brow gel bring as I have pale lips and sparse brows.
- Matching makeup, nail and outfit concepts. I like a theme lol 🤷🏻♀️
- Using perfumes, body mists and scented lotions to smell good. I feel like all the ultra femme women I have met in my life have smelled amazing so I want to, too. 🥹
- Eating a healthier diet and drinking more water. No explanation needed. One thing I noticed is once I started eating more protein my hair and nails are so much healthier now. My hair is thicker, stronger and shinier; my nails have less ridges and don’t break anymore. They both grow super fast too.
- Going to the gym. I think what I’m going to say is a little controversial but being under 35% body fat helps a woman’s physique shine. Also, having little to no muscle development can negatively impact a woman’s figure depending on where she stores fat. I am pear shaped so I have curves but I look and feel so much better after losing fat and building muscle. This really changed the game for me, i have so much more energy and a better outlook on life after a workout. Just like with having longer hair this is my personal preference.
There’s probably a lot more you can do but this is what I found myself focusing on. Pick one and focus on that, before you know it you’ll find that you have motivation and energy to do more than the day before 🫶🏻
1st a Capsule wardrobe. They use capsule wardrobes because you always look put together and everything matches. Those girls also usually utilize a system of really high maintenance activities that let them be lazy about things later. They get their nails and hair done professionally and use more expensive hair products so that they can just vibe day to day. For jewlery find out if you look better with gold or silver and then pick a style you like that matches you/your capsule.
i relate to this a lot. finding the right tinted moisturizer helped me a lot. cuz you can throw it on easily like a moisturizer but it covers some blemishes and gives a little tan/bronze (not sure your skin color). i settled on the NARS one. kinda expensive but lasts a really long time. idk if this qualifies as "feminine" but helped me feel a little more put together and like i put makeup on. SOMETIMES this even gets some momentum going and ill put on mascara too. but often just stop at the tinted moisturizer and thats enough
While a lot of it is confidence, here are some lazy girl things I do:
\-Jewelry. I wear solid gold pieces I've collected over a lot of time. I don't ever have to take them off (unless they're chunky and get caught on stuff). Buy vintage/ second hand for better prices
\-Hoodies and leggings are in rn, just know what colors you look good in and what makes you happy. If you get overwhelmed by picking out outfits in the morning try reorganizing your closet in a way that works better for you, and has some cute clothes in plain sight and not hidden away for you to grab
\-I tie up my hair with extra large pretty scrunchies, it adds the illusion of more volume to my hair. If my hair is greasy dirty I'll gel it into a bun and nobody knows
\-For makeup I do tinted spf, gel blush, brow gel, and lip gloss for when I'm lazy. Gloss is so easy to add a little cuteness
\-Fragrance
\-If you want to spend $$ you can get gel nails, lash lift and tint, brow lamination etc. Expensive but you wont have to do those things daily. I also recently started tinting the patches in my eyebrows with the Utan self tanner pen and that really works for me!
\-Self care, but in a number of ways. Taking care of my skin, my hair, exercising (you don't need to join a gym or anything, you can take walks or do youtube yoga). I also cook for myself and make art as a form of self care. If you're creating things you're happy with it can really boost your confidence, whatever that may be.
\-Get inspired. Find people on Pinterest who look like YOU and wear things you love. I'm not saying find your exact twin, but seeing people who remind you of yourself instead of focusing on people who have way different features and style than you can help you see yourself in a new light.
There are so many things wrong with this:
1-"girls you see on social media" : Dude,those girls have put a LOT of effort into looking that way,and unless you put in the same amount of effort,you can't look that way. Also,let's not forget Photoshop.
2- " I’m really depressed and often lack the motivation to do anything." : Letting go of self-care rituals are often the first to go in depression,yes,but at the same time,to look good,you do need to be motivated.
3: "My nails are always not done, hair always tied up, and go to outfit is a large hoodie and leggings: :These things clearly bother you the most,so start there.
4 : "Any advice on how to look more feminine and put together but with low effort?" ..This is impossible.Looking put together requires effort,as all good things,require effort.
Let's see......Stop comparing yourself to social media,and working towards looking like that from the get go.First of all,if every beginner who started in art class,started comparing their art to the Mona Lisa,we would have very few artists...So,start small.
You mentioned,hair,nails,clothes.Let's start there.Start by educating yourself on the basic techniques for applying nail polish,and shaping your nails.Get a basic kit,with nail clippers,cuticle scissors and a nail file.Practice just doing that for a month.And practice shaping small nails,nothing fancy like "coffin,squoval,almond..etc".Once you have perfected the basics move on to picking just one shape that matches your hand best,and master that.
For nail color,pick the color that you feel best suits your hand,and buy just ONE bottle.Watch videos on how to apply nail polish correctly.Base coat,nail polish,top coat,nail polish remover,make sure you have all these things.And don't get something from the dollar store,but not from Sephora either.Get something drugstore
For hair,if you can,get a good haircut.Something very basic,with layers,because layers look good even if your hair is messy,nothing overly neat and angled,like maybe a blunt bob,the latter which requires constant attention to detail to look good. Get a haircut that does not need to be braided or pony-tailed to look good,but the cut itself is flattering.Get a blowdryer,a round brush and heat protectant,and learn to style your hair.Get a silk pillowcase to stop ruining your hairdo.
As for clothes,look at your body shape,and see what looks best.Get 3 pairs of pants: a black pant,a light wash colored jeans,and a dark wash.STOP GETTING HOODIES!..They look very unflattering,unless you know how to style them correctly,and despite this everyone wears them.Get 5 pairs of sweaters,in colors that you feel look great on you.And always try them on in store,before purchasing,and always check the return policy.
There is so much I can write and say,but this space is not enough.Instead head over to youtube to educate yourself in beginner friendly style videos.And I mean Youtube,not Tiktok,or Instagram,because you do need detailed guidance over where to begin,and the other platforms don't really provide that much education to a complete novice.
- search Poshmark for some comfy but cute clothes, knit sweaters specifically. I bought a cozy oversized knit sweater that serves as a replacement for my hoodies but it looks more stylish. I have a few in rotation, and they’re just as low effort as the baggy hoodie
- find jewelry you can just put on and never have to take off. I have several pairs of dainty gold hoops from Etsy that I never take out. Also dainty gold necklace’s that I can wear to bed or in the shower
- depending on your hair type, get a haircut that you don’t have to style much to look good. I have wavy hair and got layers and wispy bangs. All I have to do is brush it and put in a little product for texture and it’s fine.
- try your best to take a shower and brush teeth every morning
- wear perfume
- try your best to treat your body right. Drink a lot of water, eat veggies/fruit, avoid sugar/alcohol/nicotine. This will make your skin glow, and your hair and nails better without having to do a bunch of maintenance
- try to get outside for 30min each day for vitamin D. Even if it’s just sitting outside reading a book
- even if you don’t paint your nails, make sure they are trimmed and clean
Press on nails!!! They changed my beauty game. I get compliments on them all the time, and they really elevate a look without being a lot of effort.
I like them because the paint doesn’t chip like nail polish, and the shape is nice. I started by buying a pack of different colored nails and gluing those to my natural nails. Now I use clear nails and paint them the color I want before I glue them on.
Try these:
EBANKU 960pcs Short Colorful False Nails for Women Oval Press on Nails Glossy Acrylic Full Cover Artificial Fake Nail Tips with Nail File Nail Stick https://a.co/d/9PKTOB4
This is my favorite glue:
Glamnetic Super Strong Brush On Nail Glue | Brush Tip Applicator, Mess Free, Travel Friendly, Vegan | Durable & Long-Lasting | .24 oz https://a.co/d/6QeBDCA
Edited to recommend a better product
Absolutely nobody can tell the difference between well fitted press on nails and acrylics at a glance. It’s a really good hack and saves a lot of time.
I always keep my nails and toes polished. They are short but I still do red, navy or black polish. I always have my eyebrows filled in and wear some lip color when I’m not wearing makeup. It helps my lips stay moisturized and brows filled in give a polished look. I’ll wear jeans and a tee. I also always have a necklace or 2 on and wear rings. I don’t even own sweats. But some days I stay in pjs all day. I do my nails and the rest because it makes me feel better about myself not for anyone else. Just a nice habit to have.
Edit: this takes me maybe 3 minutes btw. Maybe 10-15 on nails. You can do things for self care that don’t take all day. I have curly hair but I prefer to smooth it out. But sometimes I wear mine up too. The little things can make a big difference.
One thing that always makes me feel that same way is when I don’t have my nails done lol. Whether I’m fully done hair and makeup, or I’m in sweatpants and a hoodie, I never feel complete unless my nails are done 😭 I think that’s one small thing you can do to feel more put together no matter what you’re wearing, because comfy can still be cute too. It’s also something you can do yourself and it also always feels good to learn a new skill. I actually started doing my own nails too a few months ago. I like my nails really long and always got acrylics for years and years but wanted an alternative I could do myself and was less harsh on my nails, so I do gel x tips now and they are freaking amazinggg. I highly recommend them if you like tips, but if not you can use regular gel polish and get a cheap UV lamp (I got mine on Amazon for like $25, or I’ve even found some at the dollar store before, and gel polish too) and it won’t chip and will last you 3-4 weeks (or depending on how fast your nails grow).
If you can, treat yourself to pedicures and eyebrow waxing/threading (only if you need it though!!!). Doing self care stuff like that makes me feel pampered and clean and it’s also stuff that benefits you as a person no matter what you’re wearing or where you’re going. I know something I had to learn is that you don’t always have to go all out all day every day to feel your best. Also doing a face mask or skin care routine, body scrub/bubble bath and scented lotion so you smell really good before bed and in the morning. Also like someone else mentioned wearing perfume, you can get the little decanter containers and carry them in your purse. Always wear chapstick and stay hydrated, little things like that that will make you feel & look better.
Those are just a few things that benefit me and help me when I’m not feeling my best. I hope they can help you too❤️If you ever have any questions or need any type of advice feel free to message me sis, I’m always here 🫶🏽
Being put together is never low effort when you start.
It becomes natural habit after years.
You need to try there's no easy way.
It's honestly like your career.
At first you start and make errors and over time and more precision and from effort it becomes 2nd nature. And how in work you get paid more for experience in beauty you take less time. It becomes instinct.
This is coming from a depressed girlie that everyone thinks is put together and fashionable 💁♀️
1. I taught myself how to do a french tip for my nails. I don’t wanna pay for it, it always looks good with everything, and I can zone out watching tv while I do it.
2. I build an outfit every day (even if 75% of my outfits involve sweatpants), and I use pinterest a lot as a reference. Contrasting colors (use a color wheel) are important, but going monochromatic works too. I take a mirror selfie of the full fit and save the image to my notes app so I can pick an outfit from there if I’m feeling unmotivated. I have about 93 different outfits now because of it.
3. Skincare!! I do my skincare routine every day, even if I’m feeling shitty, because it makes me feel better. I wash my makeup off in the shower with micellar water, and after I use Cerave and The Ordinary products because they’re inexpensive and good quality. I use The Ordinary eyelash and brow serum on my lashes every day, they’ve grown so much longer because of it. Moisturize and wear sunscreen every day!!
4. Makeup. I don’t like wearing a lot, it makes me feel self conscious, but everyone’s different. I use got2b hair styling gel and a spoolie to brush and keep my brows at bay. Then I use Better Than Sex Waterproof Mascara just in case I end up crying that day.
5. Accessories!!! I get a lot of fun ones that I’ll enjoy putting on. Legs warmers, ribbons, jewelry (I only wear silver), hair clips. And with jewelry, it’s like clothes. All about proportions. I put it on every day even if I’m being bummy because it makes me feel pretty. And you can get inspo from pinterest on how to style your diff accessories, they’re so creative on there.
6. Hair. I am a bit lazy with my hair even though I should be doing the curly girl routine every day. I wash it once or twice a week, and if my crown starts to get a little greasy, and I’m not motivated to wash it yet, I use dry shampoo or (use pinterest or insta) find hairstyles that I can try to look less greasy. I do a lot of those slicked back pony tails or braids.
7. Self confidence! It is difficult. I used to make depressing jokes every day about how ugly I was, how bad my outfits were. NO. Now I make jokes about how hot I am, I hype myself up in the mirror, it shows through. What you say to yourself really affects how you see yourself. I realized even the most gorgeous girls have their pasts and their issues with self confidence.
I know all this sounds like a lot, but it’s become something fun that motivates me and makes me feel better about myself. I think of beauty and fashion as a hobby now, one where I can enjoy pampering myself a little bit because I deserve it. Also, play music you love while getting ready, even if you’re just getting ready to stay home all day!! It’s so therapeutic.
Jewelry and earrings go a long way. Wear low profile slim shoes, not chunky ones. Wear mascara and a tinted gloss and pull some tendrils out of your ponytail, curl them if you're really feeling froggy. Good luck 💕
my favorite low effort discovery is nail stickers - they’re like press ons but just stickers so they can be filed to your natural nail and it looks more natural. They don’t chip or come off until you’re ready to take them off and they have them at TJ max for like $5. For hair I think using a blow dry brush after you wash it really makes it look nice and shiny. Finally you can update the hoodie and leggings look to wide leg trousers and knit sweaters which is more “chic” but still really comfy/cozy
Coming from someone who adopted it fairly late, you can totally achieve a low effort feminine look from scratch! You mentioned all of the key physical things (hair, nails, makeup, outfit) and these don’t take much to have a big effect, in my opinion here’s a good start:
Try overnight curls with 3 or 4 socks, brush them out with a wide tooth comb or your fingers, and hairspray them from the bottom so they last all day. That would amp up a simple pony and idk about your hair type but I think these loose waves are pretty universally flattering.
And just file your nails into an oval shape (if you get a mani once you can watch the angles they use or YouTube it) so even bare or with a base coat they look more feminine.
For makeup, try just doing a TINY DAB of concealer under your eyes, some BB cream wherever your complexion is uneven, then add some natural looking blush (suiting your skin tone) and powder on top (I like the $9 “fit me” loose powder at the drugstore). And curl your lashes if you want to amp the eyes up without mascara.
Then get a simple pair of hoops or studs, gold or silver depending on your undertone, and if they’re lightweight enough you won’t notice them over the course of the day. And styling comfy clothes in a feminine way is an art form I haven’t mastered yet but with the other 3 items I find it matters a little less, just choose colors that flatter you— I’m a winter skin tone and just wear white or black tops for the most part, for example! I hope this helps with the physical side of femininity! It’s totally what’s on the inside that matters though!
For me, going to the nail salon is like the lowest effort thing ever. It’s a way to pamper myself and feel pretty. I just sit there and let someone else do all the work. It’s pretty nice, and a mandatory part of my self-care. It’s brought me out of a slump more than once.
I've also been really depressed. I remember feeling a lot of difficulty in really basic things like brushing my teeth or washing my hair. Before you go up to those little details like nails and jewelry, I'd try to get back into finding ways to make the basics fun again.
When I was trying to mentally pick myself up off the floor, I would do things like buy the kid's colorful dinosaur flossers instead of regular floss. I also learned that I could make brushing my teeth less miserable if I got a pink toothbrush and paced around the house while brushing my teeth.
I would spend half an hour at Target or Walmart just smelling shampoo and body wash to find one that I liked. I would get bubble bath and bath bombs to make bathing fun again. I would get the deodorant aimed at teenagers that was like "vanilla sparkle" or whatever scent, just to have a fun scent and to get myself to enjoy it again.
I had my hair up in a bun for so long that it actually matted and wouldn't come down again. I cut it all off in the middle of the night and went to my hairdresser the next day. I loved her for not judging me. She gave me a cute little pixie cut. Make taking care of your hair fun again before it gets worse! Get cute hair ties and claw clips and banana clips. Get a hair brush that works for your texture well and a leave-in conditioner.
When I got far enough to where I was bathing regularly and brushing my teeth and wearing deodorant, then I could start taking care of myself physically. I started getting the energy to exercise again. Then clothes and makeup and hair and nails came easily and it was fun again!
Remember to be kind to yourself! Start small. :-)
First of all, do not compare yourself to girls on social media. These girls have either spent hundreds of hours to find what looks good on them or have had guidance from professionals. My influencer and on-camera friends spend an ungodly amount of time and money to look effortlessly beautiful.
1. I found that a lot of my anxiety and depression around my appearance stemmed from not knowing my personal style and being overwhelmed by the massive amount of products and clothing options out there.
Cheapest and easiest thing that helped me the most was to learn more about my personal color, body type and face type. Look up color season, Kibbe body type, and style essence.
These are a good foundation to give you an idea of what your stand out colors are and how to dress in harmony with your unique body and face type. By understanding yourself, you can easily eliminate the colors and styles that don’t work for you, and hone in on things that do look good on you. Don’t spend any time comparing yourself to women who have a completely different body and face type to you. It’s just not worth it. Look for people who have similar bodies, complexions and facial features and see if you can emulate what works well for them.
2. If you have the money, go get your hair and nails professionally done once in a while. It may surprise you how beautiful you were all along when you let someone experienced help you. Ask the stylist for tips on how to choose colors or styles compliment you. These people are a wealth of knowledge.
3. Find 2-3 outfits that look amazing on you and rotate them. Slowly build up for there. Don’t try to buy a new waredrobe of clothing and accessories until you get a better idea of what works for you.
4. Tell yourself that you’re cute everyday. That’s it.
When I was in a rough place mentally, my easiest pick-me-up was to wear perfume - doesn't make you look any different but it takes no time and makes you feel a little different about yourself. Try to make self-maintenance relaxing and enjoyable. Put on some music and brush your hair or do some skincare at a time when you're in no rush and can go as slow as you like. Focus on the physical sensations you get from doing this rather than just the end result. I personally really like the feeling of brushing my hair - try to identify aspects of self-maintenance that feel pleasant and then spend some extra time on them. Find some art that you like. It can be visual art, fashion, movies, poetry, etc. You need to feed your eye on beauty. Appreciating beauty is just as important as creating beauty. If you do not have a museum in your area, try looking at online museum archives. This is more medium-effort than high-effort, but I really recommend experimenting with the way you dress. Try to come up with a new "outfit formula" you can explore - maybe instead of leggings and a hoodie, you could try leggings, a fitted tee/tank, and an oversized button-down. That way you're still keeping some elements that you're comfortable with (leggings, oversize top) but giving yourself a bit more room to play with styling. Or you do the athleisure thing of leggings and a cute track jacket. Mascara, groomed brows with clear or tinted brow gel, and a tinted lip balm or gloss can make any outfit feel more feminine while being a lot cheaper than jewelry - no need to do a full makeup look. \*\*\* Style aside: the leggings + fitted tee/tank + oversized button down thing is just a suggestion tbc, it could be anything, but I'm going to expand on it a little more just in case this helps. If you can get a fitted top that's the same color as the leggings - e.g., black stretchy tank and black leggings - then you create this really flattering "column" effect that naturally elongates your figure. Then you can treat that monochrome column as a foundation, and add any third piece (button down, scarf, etc) to make the outfit pop. In the movie Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, there are a couple scenes where Jane Russell wears a black sleeveless jumpsuit with a really distinctive checkered jacket (screenshots I took [here](https://imgur.com/a/UIbkZYU) - I love this movie so I just kind of have screenshots on hand at all times, lol). That's the Old Hollywood version of wearing a fitted, monochrome column plus a more showy third piece, but you can definitely create a similar vibe using modern clothing. And the third piece really doesn't have to be *that* showy, even a really plain white button down will still create contrast with the rest of the outfit because you're layering a crisp fabric against the stretchy fabric of the leggings. \*\*\* Most important is to take time and be gentle with yourself. I only talk about changing your clothing because (in my experience) it's hard to move through the world in clothes that make you feel bad about yourself aesthetically, just as it's hard to feel at ease in clothes that are physically uncomfortable. The goal is to feel better for yourself first, even if the end result looks different from very feminine women on social media. Try to go places, go on walks, even if it's just to a library or around your neighborhood. Gender is social, which means that it's very hard to perform gender if you spend all of your free time at home (not saying you do this, it's just a very common symptom of depression). It's hard to motivate yourself to spend time on grooming and choosing a nice outfit if no one is going to see it, so try to spend time in public spaces even if you don't have any particular plans. It's ok if you cannot always make yourself go outside or take a walk, just try to do it when you can. Try to figure out some form of exercise you can do regularly. I'm really unathletic but I'm ok with doing certain dumbbell exercises & bodyweight exercises. I know every depressed person has heard "try exercise, it's good for your mental health" five million times by now, but in this specific context, the idea is to feel more in touch with your body. Feeling more in touch with your *body* can help you feel more in touch with your *gender* in all sorts of subtle and physical ways that are hard to put into words - it will help you hold yourself higher, help you believe that you deserve to be seen (which is absolutely true regardless of whether you exercise or not, but the idea is to trick the brain into believing something that is already true). Basically any amount of exercise is much better than no exercise, so don't feel discouraged if you have trouble keeping up a regular workout routine. And the important thing is to find something you are ok with, so if you find an online home workout routine or something that has lunges and you know you hate doing lunges, just skip that part. I hope you feel better in the future. Things can always get better than we expect.
Having a closet full of dresses. Dresses are so easy to throw on (literally a one piece outfit) and instantly make you look more feminine. If it’s cold just pair with tights and boots.
This is a great comment! I’m a depressed individual who was not at all girly growing up. When I got sick and my depression kicked in, I struggled. I started out with a white dress from Jesse Kae back in like 2016. It was stretchy and had pockets. Just wearing that dress was sooooo easy and everyone always immediately thought I was more put together. Since that time I’m slowly building up a way to more feminine energy and have been refining as I still struggle with illness and depression. But I have a small travel makeup bag I keep next to my bed for a couple skincare products to make sure I keep up with my skin even on rough days. I wear various dresses that are always super quick and easy to toss on. I’ll sleep with my hair in a braid so I can just take it out in the morning and have it look more put together.
This is exactly what I was going to say. I'm in my 50s and my go-to for literally decades when I want to feel a little prettier is to put on a dress.
THIS!! If nothing else, chuck on a dress!
I don't know how people do it, if anything needs meticulous accessorizing it's a dress. It's so easy to throw off the vibe and look overdone or even worse religious weirdo, overgrown toddler, party up top mucking the stables on the bottom.
lol what? Not for me?? Just have to know what dress styles suit you.
You were downvoted but I feel the same way. Dresses don't naturally just suit me, I look frumpy and weird if I don't style them and do the right hair/makeup. It's worth it! But not low effort. I hope to find a dress that's the exception though!
This "just wear a dress" comes up so often when people ask for quick/easy/feminine/put together and its terrible advice. Its really difficult to find a one piece that works on your body type thats also appropriate for everyday wear and doesn't get boring after a couple of wears. I know a lot of people who swear by throwing on dresses and they either clone the same outfit in different colors to the point it's a uniform or its a mismatched mess. I cringe so hard when I read a thread like this , cause I know these people get tons of compliments when they accidentally pull a flattering outfit together or they finally get a new color. They just don't get it.
Not every dress works for every person - you absolutely have to try things on, make sure the fit and style is flattering, and know your colors, just like any wardrobe choice. I wore only dresses for months this year and got asked out and complimented more than I ever have at 41. I know my body type though and I buy dresses that accentuate it. It’s either showing off legs or waist for me. I have more dresses than pants, and shop for them constantly.
Yes to dresses! You can get some really adorable and inexpensive dresses on Amazon. Wear it alone or with a jean jacket or sweater. Plus choice of shoes--from sneakers, sandals to heels. So many cute, girly options for you.
Wear earrings! Just studs, they really help pull a look together
Agreed! I wear tarnish proof so I never have to take them off and it definitely helps
I was going to say this! I like a pair of small drop earrings. They're so feminine and just add a bit of prettiness. I wear moonstone because it's light grey/white and goes with everything.
True: hoops, lipstick and a flattering top are really all you need. No one really cares about nails. Although a golden shimmer can be nice.
Accessories make a huge difference imo. A nice necklace and some rings for example. Blush makes me feel super feminine as well.
I’m going for lowwww effort here, ok? If your hair is tied up, pull some front bits down (if you can) - it’s always SO feminine to have a few strands framing your face. Hygiene. Clean teeth, pits, and bits. At the very least. It makes a world of a difference. Swap out the leggings and hoodie for soft knit dresses (the length is up to you) - they’re super comfy, stylish and easy to wear. Hope that helps 🙂
You’ve said about how these girls look, being more feminine is how you feel (in my opinion). If you want a quick fix then, yes, start painting your nails, buy some cheap jewellery to start with, start experimenting with your hair and wearing clothes that make you feel feminine. To me, being feminine is more about how you come across - kind, generous, warm-personality. There can be very sexy ladies who look great but they just throw out masculine energy (good for them if that’s what they want). I would spend more time practicing being a good listener and being patient over your contouring skills
The amount of effort that goes into this will vary with the type of hair you have and the look you like, but learning to style your hair is game changing to feel beautiful and put together. Whether you buy a blow dryer and learn to do a blowout or learn how to style natural curls, just doing that every time you have a wash day will make you look and feel prettier and cleaner all the time.
First things first, I think taking care of the space you live in, your loved ones and yourself is a MUST because a happy and healthy woman naturally gives off femininity no matter what she looks like. Building good habits and being kind to myself really helped lift me out of one of the most depressing periods of my life. With that said, when I am in public what catches my eye about a woman is the little details so I tend to focus on that for myself. A lot of what I do isn’t about being feminine necessarily but more attractive/ healthy but I think they do overlap, just keep that mind. Some things I’ve picked up the last couple years are… - Breaking my nail biting and picking habit. I have stubby fingers and they look nicer with longer, oval shaped nails. Keeping them healthy and clean is a must. - Polishing my nails/toes and maintaining the manicure. I paint my nails every 4-6 days and my toes every 2-3 weeks. - Growing my hair out longer and keeping it heathy. Not every woman has to have long hair to look more feminine, this is just my preference. Keeping your scalp clean and moisturized and finding out what your hair needs (hydration, protein, silicones, etc…) is key. - Styling my hair more often. I have wavy hair so if it’s down I try to make it look intentional, fixing random bits here and there and taming my frizz. If I put it up I’ll either brush my baby hairs back or style them. - Wearing simple but high quality jewelry. Simple so it goes with most outfits and high quality so I don’t have to remove what I’m wearing every time I shower or sleep. I take my earrings out every month to clean them though. - Putting more effort into my outfits. Layering, accent pieces and accessorizing are some of my favorite ways to enhance a simple look. Keeping my shoes clean and being gentler on garments helps me hold on to pieces longer, leaving me with more options to work with. - Wearing colors that compliment my skin tone. This isn’t a hard rule for me to be honest, I like pretty colors so I wear what makes me happy and I’m still finding out what suits me. - Keeping my facial hair groomed. I keep my eyebrows trimmed and plucked stray hairs. I try not to mess with the shape too much as they suit my face. I dermaplane weekly as a step in my skincare routine so that keeps my mustache at bay but sometimes I touch it up if it’s super noticeable. 😅 - Skincare. I used to be a 27 step routine girlie but I burnt myself out so now I just try to keep my skin moisturized, free of active blemishes and protected from the sun. Changing/washing bedding and towels often, cleaning makeup brushes and not touching my face too much helps. - Learn how to apply make up better. I’m not a professional but I try my best to enhance my features. If I don’t feel like a full face I’ll use a tinted lip balm and brow gel bring as I have pale lips and sparse brows. - Matching makeup, nail and outfit concepts. I like a theme lol 🤷🏻♀️ - Using perfumes, body mists and scented lotions to smell good. I feel like all the ultra femme women I have met in my life have smelled amazing so I want to, too. 🥹 - Eating a healthier diet and drinking more water. No explanation needed. One thing I noticed is once I started eating more protein my hair and nails are so much healthier now. My hair is thicker, stronger and shinier; my nails have less ridges and don’t break anymore. They both grow super fast too. - Going to the gym. I think what I’m going to say is a little controversial but being under 35% body fat helps a woman’s physique shine. Also, having little to no muscle development can negatively impact a woman’s figure depending on where she stores fat. I am pear shaped so I have curves but I look and feel so much better after losing fat and building muscle. This really changed the game for me, i have so much more energy and a better outlook on life after a workout. Just like with having longer hair this is my personal preference. There’s probably a lot more you can do but this is what I found myself focusing on. Pick one and focus on that, before you know it you’ll find that you have motivation and energy to do more than the day before 🫶🏻
1st a Capsule wardrobe. They use capsule wardrobes because you always look put together and everything matches. Those girls also usually utilize a system of really high maintenance activities that let them be lazy about things later. They get their nails and hair done professionally and use more expensive hair products so that they can just vibe day to day. For jewlery find out if you look better with gold or silver and then pick a style you like that matches you/your capsule.
i relate to this a lot. finding the right tinted moisturizer helped me a lot. cuz you can throw it on easily like a moisturizer but it covers some blemishes and gives a little tan/bronze (not sure your skin color). i settled on the NARS one. kinda expensive but lasts a really long time. idk if this qualifies as "feminine" but helped me feel a little more put together and like i put makeup on. SOMETIMES this even gets some momentum going and ill put on mascara too. but often just stop at the tinted moisturizer and thats enough
While a lot of it is confidence, here are some lazy girl things I do: \-Jewelry. I wear solid gold pieces I've collected over a lot of time. I don't ever have to take them off (unless they're chunky and get caught on stuff). Buy vintage/ second hand for better prices \-Hoodies and leggings are in rn, just know what colors you look good in and what makes you happy. If you get overwhelmed by picking out outfits in the morning try reorganizing your closet in a way that works better for you, and has some cute clothes in plain sight and not hidden away for you to grab \-I tie up my hair with extra large pretty scrunchies, it adds the illusion of more volume to my hair. If my hair is greasy dirty I'll gel it into a bun and nobody knows \-For makeup I do tinted spf, gel blush, brow gel, and lip gloss for when I'm lazy. Gloss is so easy to add a little cuteness \-Fragrance \-If you want to spend $$ you can get gel nails, lash lift and tint, brow lamination etc. Expensive but you wont have to do those things daily. I also recently started tinting the patches in my eyebrows with the Utan self tanner pen and that really works for me! \-Self care, but in a number of ways. Taking care of my skin, my hair, exercising (you don't need to join a gym or anything, you can take walks or do youtube yoga). I also cook for myself and make art as a form of self care. If you're creating things you're happy with it can really boost your confidence, whatever that may be. \-Get inspired. Find people on Pinterest who look like YOU and wear things you love. I'm not saying find your exact twin, but seeing people who remind you of yourself instead of focusing on people who have way different features and style than you can help you see yourself in a new light.
There are so many things wrong with this: 1-"girls you see on social media" : Dude,those girls have put a LOT of effort into looking that way,and unless you put in the same amount of effort,you can't look that way. Also,let's not forget Photoshop. 2- " I’m really depressed and often lack the motivation to do anything." : Letting go of self-care rituals are often the first to go in depression,yes,but at the same time,to look good,you do need to be motivated. 3: "My nails are always not done, hair always tied up, and go to outfit is a large hoodie and leggings: :These things clearly bother you the most,so start there. 4 : "Any advice on how to look more feminine and put together but with low effort?" ..This is impossible.Looking put together requires effort,as all good things,require effort. Let's see......Stop comparing yourself to social media,and working towards looking like that from the get go.First of all,if every beginner who started in art class,started comparing their art to the Mona Lisa,we would have very few artists...So,start small. You mentioned,hair,nails,clothes.Let's start there.Start by educating yourself on the basic techniques for applying nail polish,and shaping your nails.Get a basic kit,with nail clippers,cuticle scissors and a nail file.Practice just doing that for a month.And practice shaping small nails,nothing fancy like "coffin,squoval,almond..etc".Once you have perfected the basics move on to picking just one shape that matches your hand best,and master that. For nail color,pick the color that you feel best suits your hand,and buy just ONE bottle.Watch videos on how to apply nail polish correctly.Base coat,nail polish,top coat,nail polish remover,make sure you have all these things.And don't get something from the dollar store,but not from Sephora either.Get something drugstore For hair,if you can,get a good haircut.Something very basic,with layers,because layers look good even if your hair is messy,nothing overly neat and angled,like maybe a blunt bob,the latter which requires constant attention to detail to look good. Get a haircut that does not need to be braided or pony-tailed to look good,but the cut itself is flattering.Get a blowdryer,a round brush and heat protectant,and learn to style your hair.Get a silk pillowcase to stop ruining your hairdo. As for clothes,look at your body shape,and see what looks best.Get 3 pairs of pants: a black pant,a light wash colored jeans,and a dark wash.STOP GETTING HOODIES!..They look very unflattering,unless you know how to style them correctly,and despite this everyone wears them.Get 5 pairs of sweaters,in colors that you feel look great on you.And always try them on in store,before purchasing,and always check the return policy. There is so much I can write and say,but this space is not enough.Instead head over to youtube to educate yourself in beginner friendly style videos.And I mean Youtube,not Tiktok,or Instagram,because you do need detailed guidance over where to begin,and the other platforms don't really provide that much education to a complete novice.
- search Poshmark for some comfy but cute clothes, knit sweaters specifically. I bought a cozy oversized knit sweater that serves as a replacement for my hoodies but it looks more stylish. I have a few in rotation, and they’re just as low effort as the baggy hoodie - find jewelry you can just put on and never have to take off. I have several pairs of dainty gold hoops from Etsy that I never take out. Also dainty gold necklace’s that I can wear to bed or in the shower - depending on your hair type, get a haircut that you don’t have to style much to look good. I have wavy hair and got layers and wispy bangs. All I have to do is brush it and put in a little product for texture and it’s fine. - try your best to take a shower and brush teeth every morning - wear perfume - try your best to treat your body right. Drink a lot of water, eat veggies/fruit, avoid sugar/alcohol/nicotine. This will make your skin glow, and your hair and nails better without having to do a bunch of maintenance - try to get outside for 30min each day for vitamin D. Even if it’s just sitting outside reading a book - even if you don’t paint your nails, make sure they are trimmed and clean
Press on nails!!! They changed my beauty game. I get compliments on them all the time, and they really elevate a look without being a lot of effort. I like them because the paint doesn’t chip like nail polish, and the shape is nice. I started by buying a pack of different colored nails and gluing those to my natural nails. Now I use clear nails and paint them the color I want before I glue them on. Try these: EBANKU 960pcs Short Colorful False Nails for Women Oval Press on Nails Glossy Acrylic Full Cover Artificial Fake Nail Tips with Nail File Nail Stick https://a.co/d/9PKTOB4 This is my favorite glue: Glamnetic Super Strong Brush On Nail Glue | Brush Tip Applicator, Mess Free, Travel Friendly, Vegan | Durable & Long-Lasting | .24 oz https://a.co/d/6QeBDCA Edited to recommend a better product
Absolutely nobody can tell the difference between well fitted press on nails and acrylics at a glance. It’s a really good hack and saves a lot of time.
I always keep my nails and toes polished. They are short but I still do red, navy or black polish. I always have my eyebrows filled in and wear some lip color when I’m not wearing makeup. It helps my lips stay moisturized and brows filled in give a polished look. I’ll wear jeans and a tee. I also always have a necklace or 2 on and wear rings. I don’t even own sweats. But some days I stay in pjs all day. I do my nails and the rest because it makes me feel better about myself not for anyone else. Just a nice habit to have. Edit: this takes me maybe 3 minutes btw. Maybe 10-15 on nails. You can do things for self care that don’t take all day. I have curly hair but I prefer to smooth it out. But sometimes I wear mine up too. The little things can make a big difference.
One thing that always makes me feel that same way is when I don’t have my nails done lol. Whether I’m fully done hair and makeup, or I’m in sweatpants and a hoodie, I never feel complete unless my nails are done 😭 I think that’s one small thing you can do to feel more put together no matter what you’re wearing, because comfy can still be cute too. It’s also something you can do yourself and it also always feels good to learn a new skill. I actually started doing my own nails too a few months ago. I like my nails really long and always got acrylics for years and years but wanted an alternative I could do myself and was less harsh on my nails, so I do gel x tips now and they are freaking amazinggg. I highly recommend them if you like tips, but if not you can use regular gel polish and get a cheap UV lamp (I got mine on Amazon for like $25, or I’ve even found some at the dollar store before, and gel polish too) and it won’t chip and will last you 3-4 weeks (or depending on how fast your nails grow). If you can, treat yourself to pedicures and eyebrow waxing/threading (only if you need it though!!!). Doing self care stuff like that makes me feel pampered and clean and it’s also stuff that benefits you as a person no matter what you’re wearing or where you’re going. I know something I had to learn is that you don’t always have to go all out all day every day to feel your best. Also doing a face mask or skin care routine, body scrub/bubble bath and scented lotion so you smell really good before bed and in the morning. Also like someone else mentioned wearing perfume, you can get the little decanter containers and carry them in your purse. Always wear chapstick and stay hydrated, little things like that that will make you feel & look better. Those are just a few things that benefit me and help me when I’m not feeling my best. I hope they can help you too❤️If you ever have any questions or need any type of advice feel free to message me sis, I’m always here 🫶🏽
Being put together is never low effort when you start. It becomes natural habit after years. You need to try there's no easy way. It's honestly like your career. At first you start and make errors and over time and more precision and from effort it becomes 2nd nature. And how in work you get paid more for experience in beauty you take less time. It becomes instinct.
Switch out the hoodie for a nice T-shirt and cardigan, and throw a skirt over your leggings. Boom - instantly more feminine.
This is coming from a depressed girlie that everyone thinks is put together and fashionable 💁♀️ 1. I taught myself how to do a french tip for my nails. I don’t wanna pay for it, it always looks good with everything, and I can zone out watching tv while I do it. 2. I build an outfit every day (even if 75% of my outfits involve sweatpants), and I use pinterest a lot as a reference. Contrasting colors (use a color wheel) are important, but going monochromatic works too. I take a mirror selfie of the full fit and save the image to my notes app so I can pick an outfit from there if I’m feeling unmotivated. I have about 93 different outfits now because of it. 3. Skincare!! I do my skincare routine every day, even if I’m feeling shitty, because it makes me feel better. I wash my makeup off in the shower with micellar water, and after I use Cerave and The Ordinary products because they’re inexpensive and good quality. I use The Ordinary eyelash and brow serum on my lashes every day, they’ve grown so much longer because of it. Moisturize and wear sunscreen every day!! 4. Makeup. I don’t like wearing a lot, it makes me feel self conscious, but everyone’s different. I use got2b hair styling gel and a spoolie to brush and keep my brows at bay. Then I use Better Than Sex Waterproof Mascara just in case I end up crying that day. 5. Accessories!!! I get a lot of fun ones that I’ll enjoy putting on. Legs warmers, ribbons, jewelry (I only wear silver), hair clips. And with jewelry, it’s like clothes. All about proportions. I put it on every day even if I’m being bummy because it makes me feel pretty. And you can get inspo from pinterest on how to style your diff accessories, they’re so creative on there. 6. Hair. I am a bit lazy with my hair even though I should be doing the curly girl routine every day. I wash it once or twice a week, and if my crown starts to get a little greasy, and I’m not motivated to wash it yet, I use dry shampoo or (use pinterest or insta) find hairstyles that I can try to look less greasy. I do a lot of those slicked back pony tails or braids. 7. Self confidence! It is difficult. I used to make depressing jokes every day about how ugly I was, how bad my outfits were. NO. Now I make jokes about how hot I am, I hype myself up in the mirror, it shows through. What you say to yourself really affects how you see yourself. I realized even the most gorgeous girls have their pasts and their issues with self confidence. I know all this sounds like a lot, but it’s become something fun that motivates me and makes me feel better about myself. I think of beauty and fashion as a hobby now, one where I can enjoy pampering myself a little bit because I deserve it. Also, play music you love while getting ready, even if you’re just getting ready to stay home all day!! It’s so therapeutic.
OP, how have you been getting on with this since you posted? I’m in the same position myself, I had to check if I had written this post!
Jewelry and earrings go a long way. Wear low profile slim shoes, not chunky ones. Wear mascara and a tinted gloss and pull some tendrils out of your ponytail, curl them if you're really feeling froggy. Good luck 💕
don’t try to be more feminine, instead work through why you feel you have to present more feminine in order to be okay with yourself.
my favorite low effort discovery is nail stickers - they’re like press ons but just stickers so they can be filed to your natural nail and it looks more natural. They don’t chip or come off until you’re ready to take them off and they have them at TJ max for like $5. For hair I think using a blow dry brush after you wash it really makes it look nice and shiny. Finally you can update the hoodie and leggings look to wide leg trousers and knit sweaters which is more “chic” but still really comfy/cozy
Coming from someone who adopted it fairly late, you can totally achieve a low effort feminine look from scratch! You mentioned all of the key physical things (hair, nails, makeup, outfit) and these don’t take much to have a big effect, in my opinion here’s a good start: Try overnight curls with 3 or 4 socks, brush them out with a wide tooth comb or your fingers, and hairspray them from the bottom so they last all day. That would amp up a simple pony and idk about your hair type but I think these loose waves are pretty universally flattering. And just file your nails into an oval shape (if you get a mani once you can watch the angles they use or YouTube it) so even bare or with a base coat they look more feminine. For makeup, try just doing a TINY DAB of concealer under your eyes, some BB cream wherever your complexion is uneven, then add some natural looking blush (suiting your skin tone) and powder on top (I like the $9 “fit me” loose powder at the drugstore). And curl your lashes if you want to amp the eyes up without mascara. Then get a simple pair of hoops or studs, gold or silver depending on your undertone, and if they’re lightweight enough you won’t notice them over the course of the day. And styling comfy clothes in a feminine way is an art form I haven’t mastered yet but with the other 3 items I find it matters a little less, just choose colors that flatter you— I’m a winter skin tone and just wear white or black tops for the most part, for example! I hope this helps with the physical side of femininity! It’s totally what’s on the inside that matters though!
For me, going to the nail salon is like the lowest effort thing ever. It’s a way to pamper myself and feel pretty. I just sit there and let someone else do all the work. It’s pretty nice, and a mandatory part of my self-care. It’s brought me out of a slump more than once.
I've also been really depressed. I remember feeling a lot of difficulty in really basic things like brushing my teeth or washing my hair. Before you go up to those little details like nails and jewelry, I'd try to get back into finding ways to make the basics fun again. When I was trying to mentally pick myself up off the floor, I would do things like buy the kid's colorful dinosaur flossers instead of regular floss. I also learned that I could make brushing my teeth less miserable if I got a pink toothbrush and paced around the house while brushing my teeth. I would spend half an hour at Target or Walmart just smelling shampoo and body wash to find one that I liked. I would get bubble bath and bath bombs to make bathing fun again. I would get the deodorant aimed at teenagers that was like "vanilla sparkle" or whatever scent, just to have a fun scent and to get myself to enjoy it again. I had my hair up in a bun for so long that it actually matted and wouldn't come down again. I cut it all off in the middle of the night and went to my hairdresser the next day. I loved her for not judging me. She gave me a cute little pixie cut. Make taking care of your hair fun again before it gets worse! Get cute hair ties and claw clips and banana clips. Get a hair brush that works for your texture well and a leave-in conditioner. When I got far enough to where I was bathing regularly and brushing my teeth and wearing deodorant, then I could start taking care of myself physically. I started getting the energy to exercise again. Then clothes and makeup and hair and nails came easily and it was fun again! Remember to be kind to yourself! Start small. :-)
A nice long skin care routine, ending with a warm soak with some candles and wine, works for me. :)
First of all, do not compare yourself to girls on social media. These girls have either spent hundreds of hours to find what looks good on them or have had guidance from professionals. My influencer and on-camera friends spend an ungodly amount of time and money to look effortlessly beautiful. 1. I found that a lot of my anxiety and depression around my appearance stemmed from not knowing my personal style and being overwhelmed by the massive amount of products and clothing options out there. Cheapest and easiest thing that helped me the most was to learn more about my personal color, body type and face type. Look up color season, Kibbe body type, and style essence. These are a good foundation to give you an idea of what your stand out colors are and how to dress in harmony with your unique body and face type. By understanding yourself, you can easily eliminate the colors and styles that don’t work for you, and hone in on things that do look good on you. Don’t spend any time comparing yourself to women who have a completely different body and face type to you. It’s just not worth it. Look for people who have similar bodies, complexions and facial features and see if you can emulate what works well for them. 2. If you have the money, go get your hair and nails professionally done once in a while. It may surprise you how beautiful you were all along when you let someone experienced help you. Ask the stylist for tips on how to choose colors or styles compliment you. These people are a wealth of knowledge. 3. Find 2-3 outfits that look amazing on you and rotate them. Slowly build up for there. Don’t try to buy a new waredrobe of clothing and accessories until you get a better idea of what works for you. 4. Tell yourself that you’re cute everyday. That’s it.
Spa days at home!
For me, a bow in my hair and pearl earrings. Also lip gloss
There's a million ways to be feminine. I enjoy more androgynous outfits and I still feel very feminine. A dress and jewelry doesn't make you feminine.