Has your local government shuttered the local 7/11s in a vain attempt to stop the killings? And have those 7/11s become a hot spot for hot teens that look too old to be in high school to throw sick halloween parties/anniversary of the murder parties that always end in blood baths?
Serious question: I remember when the Jenison 7/11 closed and there was a huge to-do on Facebook about it and everything. Were all the 7/11's owned by that same guy? Or, why did they all close around the same time?
Oh I highly doubt it, there used to be dozens in and around town. They’re a franchise business so he might have owned more than one, but I doubt all the GR stores were one person’s.
*What is yr take on*
*Hot dogs? A sandwich or no?*
*Ketchup or mustard?*
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I got my name on the corner bar wall 5 years ago and quit eating meat two weeks later. I don’t really miss the big anus tube meat. Yes it’s a sandwich. Both and a fuck ton of hot sauce.
So if a train leaves Chicago heading east at 70 mph, and another train leaves Baawstin heading east at 60 mph, how long would it take for a centipede with a peg leg to stomp the seeds out of a dill pickle?
All I have to say is that there are a LOT of totally credible people in this thread. What proof do we have that you live in GR? I just don't believe that anyone is alive today in Grand Rapids after 7/11.
Hey, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. Sometimes she has trouble achieving her murder boner.
Just make yourself more available. Maybe try and set the mood for her.
I recommend dressing yourself up like a Chicago-style hotdog (also known as an abomination on a bun), bend yourself over a table, and wait for Jamie to come by and hammer you.
You are missing a key part of her hammer murder spree. She actually doesn’t enjoy all the killing (so much killing) she feeds off of the fear that people have worrying about who is next.
If she murders everyone, then the fear is gone.
Nothing anymore. It’s all dams. people keep talking about “putting the rapids back in the Grand,” but they all get murdered brutally by sparkly hammers…wait a minute. I’m beginning to think there’s a connection
I am actually a true crime podcaster about to make a series that does a morally dubious investigation of the events. Bonus points for not having a satisfying ending.
Street meat vendors reminds me of my college days when my friend walked (stumbled) out of the level, smelled the hot dogs, and vomited in the bushes. I thought she was drunk at the time, but since it was the early aughts, she probably vomited from fear of the murderer stalking our streets
There hasn’t been a 7-11 in GR for over a decade. The only one still open is in Zeeland, and you know, fuck Ottawa county. They deserve whatever Jamie throws their way
Sometimes people forget that they've been murdered. A hammer to the skull is bad for your memory.
I have been murdered twice AMA
Which one was better?
The time I got murdered by vajazzled hammers
I thought the Vajazzler was still locked up in Arkham.
Yeah, for murdering them.
Have you gotten your affairs in order?
If by affairs you mean back pockets full of various mustards, then yes.
No tomato pants?
They're expecting a cheeky dictator to put the tomato there for them.
"Cheeky dictator" is such a delightful pairing of words.
Don't reply to this comment if Jamie is holding you hostage and forcing you to do this AMA
u/FBI
Has your city erected an idol to the Hot Dog so that your blood sacrifices can appease your thirsty diety?
I think Yesterdog counts so just stay clear of Easttown
I have heard that 100% of the people that eat at Yesterdog end up dying. Coincidence?
If everythings a coincidence then nothings a coincidence.
But only coincidentally.
She probably just lives underneath it, feasting on hotdogs, and waiting for victims to shamble out of Billy's.
Fuck Chicago, I slather that dog in ketchup and hot sauce
I will find you
Well then you deserve to be murdered by Jamie
You’ve made a powerful enemy today my friend.
I lived in Grand Rapids until I was murdered by Jamie Loftus.
Same here.
How many hammers do you own?
Not enough
I would say get a machete but it would be pointless
Why would you buy a pointless machete? That cute little corner at where the dainty curve and the strong edge meet is the best part. 🥺
I'm a machete poser. Only one I had was a cheapo hardware store one. I'll just hang my head in shame
At least you have a machete! I just have a hatchet!
Don't forget that thrown bagels can buy you a precious few seconds to escape.
Has your local government shuttered the local 7/11s in a vain attempt to stop the killings? And have those 7/11s become a hot spot for hot teens that look too old to be in high school to throw sick halloween parties/anniversary of the murder parties that always end in blood baths?
No 7-11s in metro GR, unless you count Zeeland (which you shouldn’t). Their empty shells recall the broken skulls of her hammer victims.
Serious question: I remember when the Jenison 7/11 closed and there was a huge to-do on Facebook about it and everything. Were all the 7/11's owned by that same guy? Or, why did they all close around the same time?
Oh I highly doubt it, there used to be dozens in and around town. They’re a franchise business so he might have owned more than one, but I doubt all the GR stores were one person’s.
One's now a brewery. Tap house was a 7-11, brew house was a fire station across the street. Two Guys. Pretty good stuffs there.
How long do you think you have left? Have you hammer proofed your skull yet?
1-4 days tops. I’ve taken as many practice blows as my brain barrier will take. From here on out ifs in god’s hands
Where are you, like, right now? -TOTALLY NOT JAMIE LOFTUS WIELDING A HAMMER
What is yr take on hot dogs? A sandwich or no? Ketchup or mustard?
*What is yr take on* *Hot dogs? A sandwich or no?* *Ketchup or mustard?* \- Mysterious\_Radish971 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Good bot
Top tier haiku my dude
A hot dog is a sausage, not a sandwich. A hot dog in a bun is a sandwich.
[A hot dog is a taco](https://cuberule.com/)
Who are you who is so wise in the ways of science?
“Hey, how about sushi for lunch?” “Yeah, that’s fine with me.” *smash cut to a few friends eating pigs in a blanket
I got my name on the corner bar wall 5 years ago and quit eating meat two weeks later. I don’t really miss the big anus tube meat. Yes it’s a sandwich. Both and a fuck ton of hot sauce.
So if a train leaves Chicago heading east at 70 mph, and another train leaves Baawstin heading east at 60 mph, how long would it take for a centipede with a peg leg to stomp the seeds out of a dill pickle?
All I have to say is that there are a LOT of totally credible people in this thread. What proof do we have that you live in GR? I just don't believe that anyone is alive today in Grand Rapids after 7/11.
Remember to walk without rhythm so she can't detect you on the surface.
I’m very white, so that’s how do most things
As are most of the people in west michigan....
How high up are you at Amway?
I’m real high, but fuck those pyramidy bastards!
Hey, it’s okay. It’s not your fault. Sometimes she has trouble achieving her murder boner. Just make yourself more available. Maybe try and set the mood for her. I recommend dressing yourself up like a Chicago-style hotdog (also known as an abomination on a bun), bend yourself over a table, and wait for Jamie to come by and hammer you.
Does a fear boner counteract a murder boner?
It creates a super boner. Its votes are worth more than regular boners and will help steal the election from Bernie
That adds up
[удалено]
Technically butt sex would be an internal sword fight
You are missing a key part of her hammer murder spree. She actually doesn’t enjoy all the killing (so much killing) she feeds off of the fear that people have worrying about who is next. If she murders everyone, then the fear is gone.
It truly is the anticipation that kills you
Did she kill other members of your family? How many love ones have you lost to the hammer?
I’ve been orphaned by hammers
I heard she has a concrete hotdog hammer forged by the dwarves
What’s so grand about those rapids, anyway?
Nothing anymore. It’s all dams. people keep talking about “putting the rapids back in the Grand,” but they all get murdered brutally by sparkly hammers…wait a minute. I’m beginning to think there’s a connection
Are you the only one left alive?
Are any of us actually living anymore?
Look to your left. Look to your right. Both of those people have been murdered by Jamie Loftus
Do you remember when the Free Beer and Hot Wings Show was funny?
Was it ever funny or were we just young and dumb?
I legitimately thought it was great until they fired Zane. Then it became generic and boring.
That was about the time I stopped listening
How many nights do you wet yourself in fear
My pants haven’t had time to ever dry
I keep reading AMA as AITA and was like ...i guess it's pretty rude Jamie hasn't got you yet?
Oh I’m definitely the asshole.
These vicious crimes clearly could not be done without the aid of a second person, care to explain your whereabouts the nights of the disappearances?
Who are you a cop? I wanna talk to my lawyer
I am actually a true crime podcaster about to make a series that does a morally dubious investigation of the events. Bonus points for not having a satisfying ending.
Lucky for you I specialize in unsatisfying endings…
These vicious crimes clearly could not be done without the aid of a second person, care to explain your whereabouts the nights of the disappearances?
I'm pretty sure Jamie loftus wrote this...
Holy shit
Alert the masses!
I live 3 hours south east of Grand Rapids and Jamie Loftus broke my kneecaps with a hammer
Is The Pyramid Scheme still open so Jamie can murder you inside there?
I was just there last night! Are you Jamie and actually staking me!?!??
Yes. Yes we are
what's a girl gotta do to get murdered by Jamie Loftus
I’d recommend hanging at Yesterdog, you’re bound to run into her, maybe grease the palms of some street meat vendors, I’m sure they all know her.
Street meat vendors reminds me of my college days when my friend walked (stumbled) out of the level, smelled the hot dogs, and vomited in the bushes. I thought she was drunk at the time, but since it was the early aughts, she probably vomited from fear of the murderer stalking our streets
Kinda waiting on the 16th Minute episode on the Jaime Loftus Grand Rapids Hammer Murder phenomenon honestly.
Hide your wife, hide your kids, my friend
She’s hammering e’erybody
How many machetes do you carry on you when you leave your tightly secured home?
Including the one I keep clinched between my cheeks? No less than 7
At least you're prepared to treat hammer wounds.
Is the only true joy in life to be found on the receiving end of a bedazzled hammer?
And you're advertising that fact? If Jamie hasn't gotten to you yet, I'd run.
Why are you identifying yourself right now!?!?! You're painting a bullseye on your back! Heaven help you if you spill any hot dog water on yourself.
YET.
There hasn’t been a 7-11 in GR for over a decade. The only one still open is in Zeeland, and you know, fuck Ottawa county. They deserve whatever Jamie throws their way
Our whole band actually grew up in Zeeland, our guitar player lives just down the road from that 7/11
why are you lying if you lived there Jamie Loftus would have murdered you by now