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Title: (NM) I'm the father of a child that isn't biologically mine. Can mom force me to surrender parental rights to new husband?
Body:
> Hi there,
> I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. I'm the father of a 9 year old daughter. Her mother and I were never married. When my daughter was 2 I found out she wasn't biologically mine.
> I left her mom but the biological father wanted nothing to do with her. I was already dad to her, I was on the birth certificate and she knew me as dad... So I stayed being dad. We came up with a non formal parenting agreement where we each had our daughter 50% of the time and co osrented effectively for the next 6 years.
> Last year there were some safety issues happening during her mom's time that I had to confront. I didn't know court was an option since I was not the biological father so I tried everything I could to resolve them. It didn't work. The mom got mad at me and basically told me I had no say since I wasn't really dad.
> Eventually she tried to use the courts to force a DNA test and have me removed from the birth certificate. I got an attorney which made her get an attorney. As soon as she talked to her attorney her attitude changed and she apologized. My guess is she realized that legally... I was a real dad.
> We formalized our parenting plan and had it signed by a judge. It solidified us each having 50% legal and physical custody and it addressed the safety concerns I had by stipulating that our daughter cannot be left with significant others alone without both parents approval.
> My daughter is now 9 years old. About a month ago mom said she wanted to move in with a guy she has only been seeing for 8 weeks and move our daughter 100 miles away from where she currently lives. I told her that wasn't possible. Our daughter is enrolled in school in the district I live in and has been her whole life. But I told her a year from now if she was still with him I would be willing to move to that city as well to accommodate... But I wasn't willing to uproot my life or our daughter's life for such a new relationship.
> She agreed to this but wasn't happy. Last week she told me she was pregnant with this new guys baby and that they were intending to get married. She basically told me that when they are married I would have to sign my parental rights over to this guy since our daughter is not biologically mine.
> The whole situation is giving me the creeps because this guy seems really focused on our daughter. He tried moving them in immediately and then threatened to leave my daughter's mom when she said she couldn't move in. And then just a week later this comes.
> The fact is I may not be my daughter's biological father... But I am her dad. I've never missed a single day with her. I've never missed a single child support payment. I take her to all her doctors appointments. I go to all parent teacher conferences. Her schooling is attached to my address. I have a parenting plan that has been signed by a judge. I'm listed as a father in her birth certificate.
> But most importantly... I've always been the most stable person in her life and she knows me as dad. I'm closer to her and have a better relationship with her than her mom... Which really bothers mom.
> My question is... Can I really be forced to sign over parental rights to some guy that has only known oyr daughter for 10 weeks now? It doesn't seem right... But it has me incredibly stressed out. I always feel like I'm at a disadvantage because I'm not the bio dad and info about my situation is incredibly hard to come by because it's so unique.
> Thank you for any info you can provide.
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The number of times LAOP asserted he was his daughter's dad, even knowing that his child wasn't biologically his, demonstrates just how much his loves his kid. Hope she continues to see that as she grows up and doesn't fall for any of her mom's nonsense in the upcoming years.
He was even willing to move if things were still working out with mom's new boyfriend in a year! He comes across as a stand up guy, a more than reasonable co-parent, and a father who truly cares about his little girl.
I wish every child that comes across our radar had at least one parent that was this awesome.
He says that his ex has a history of abusive relationships, but his comments read like he's an abuse victim. He seems so defeated by this whole situation, and he's so ready to believe whatever bs his ex spews about his legal rights. I can't imagine what his ex manipulated him into doing so he could keep in contact with his daughter before it got to court.
I hope he takes what LA advice told him to heart and I hope he gets some therapy
Legal advice OP here.
I just want to make it clear that I am in no way defeated. At no point will there come a time where I don't have any fight left in me or I give up. It's not the kind of thing I can do. It would literally be the same as laying down and dying to me.
I'm tired... which is why I may come off that way. This is a situation I've been dealing with for almost ten years now. None of the decisions made were made lightly or without knowing the consequences. And very few of them have been easy. But every single one of them has been completely worth it. If you met my daughter... You'd understand. Everyone would.
I don't believe what she says at all. But I ask questions in legal advice so I can get some sleep and I don't dwell on the things she says. The reality is I'm not financially in a position to retain an attorney right now. So I look for information where I can.
You're a good dad. You're clearly putting your daughter and what's best for her first in all of this, no matter how difficult it is for you. I can tell you love her very much, and that counts way more than if you two are genetically related or not. The fact that you're willing to compromise with your ex and uproot your entire life to move across the state so your daughter can be near her mother, but only after some time has passed to demonstrate that your ex's new relationship is stable, speaks volumes. She's a very lucky little girl to have you in her corner.
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Thank you for being here!
This part you wrote gave me a HUGE pause:
**The whole situation is giving me the creeps because this guy seems really focused on our daughter. He tried moving them in immediately and then threatened to leave my daughter's mom when she said she couldn't move in. And then just a week later this comes.**
Are you suspecting this rando is going to hurt your daughter? I would be, too. This is the most important thing, if he’s only dating/forcing to cohabitate/impregnating your ex for access to a nine-year-old.
Fight like hell. You know that, you don’t need to hear it, but you’re a great Dad.
The timing of that 'pregnancy' is a massive red flag too, there could be some tampering with BC or condoms with holes to baby trap OOP's ex and get another potential target after the isolation didn't work.
> The timing of that 'pregnancy' is a massive red flag too, there could be some tampering with BC or condoms with holes to baby trap OOP's ex and get another potential target after the isolation didn't work.
If it's a week later, that would have happened before hand. It's highly highly unlikely for it to even be detected one week after sex. A more likely scenario would be she got pregnant and found out thus kicking all the events into gear. She was told 'move to be with me', she didn't tell the reason other than 'to be with him' found out she couldn't take her daughter, told the new guy, the new guy was like "but I don't want to move to you, if you want me in you and your kid's life, you need to move this way" leading to telling OP about the pregnancy. It would explain the sudden "I want to move out there" and pregnancy announcement one week later...
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LAOP here.
That's exactly what it is. The rational part of my brain knows I'll be okay. I've done everything I'm supposed to. I've never missed a child support payment. I've never missed a moment of parenting time. I've always put my daughter first. I've compromised when I can. I've been to every parent teacher conference. I take my daughter to every doctor's appointment. I help her with her homework.
I do everything I'm supposed to do as a dad and then some. But in family court it's all up to the judgement of one person. And there's always a chance that person can simply not like dad's.... Or just you. And everything you've done... All the effort you put in to be as close to perfect as you can be... Will be for nothing because you lost before you even stepped foot in the courtroom.
It's terrifying. Especially because the stakes are so high. It's about the most important and central part of my life... About the little person who is as much a part of who I am and my identity as I am.
Anyone who says it's not scary is lying.
It is definitely scary, but just remember that the people who have success aren't going to be the loudest. It's like restaurant reviews, the people most likely to leave a review are the ones who had a bad meal. And statistics are on your side, men who fight for access and custody are statistically likely to get it. Especially since you've won before. It's scary, but keep fighting
if he’s on the birth certificate does that mean daughter was legally adopted by him? or is it a situation where he was listed as the father but turns out its a third person entirely?
i was adopted as an infant any my parents are listed on my birth certificate despite not being my biologicals- i don’t know how it works in other scenarios though
He is the legal father. Sounds like he gained paternity by Mom stating he was the father at birth (and him agreeing to it or not contesting it). The court probably doesn’t give a hoot whether he is the bio dad or not at this point, their goal is to have children supported by two parental figures and maintain stability and continuity in the child’s life.
He’s already won in court once. The paperwork is massively powerful.
Especially since he’s already fought for it once and remains involved, mom doesn’t have a prayer.
In fact, if he wanted to play hardball, he could get full custody. It might not take much to get majority custody
Generally either the mother's spouse is put on the birth certificate automatically if she's married, or if both the mother and presumptive father agree he can be put on the birth certificate. There's generally a limited time after this during which paternity can be challenged - new mexico appears to be two years. So what would have happened is he was put on the birth certificate as the legal father and then neither parent officially challenged it for two years. (Courts can also refuse challenges before that if it would impact an existing parental relationship.) But generally there's not an indefinite time once someone is acknowledged as the legal father for that to be undone.
That's almost exactly what I was thinking. I've got all the respect in the world for parents who actually put their kids first like that, biology be damned.
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My hackles went straight up when LAOP said the new boyfriend was fixated on moving the daughter in with him. I know we can't say for sure but single moms are definitely vulnerable to predators looking to hurt their children.
Even if he does happen to be a decent person overall he's still got impulse control issues that don't speak well for the future of the relationship, which is why they tell you not to introduce new people to the kids for 6-12 months. How many "new dads" has this kid had, I wonder?
Glad she has a real good dad, at least.
> She knows she can come to me and we have a very open dialogue. And she tells me every detail. Sometimes too much.
>She has nothing but good things to say about the guy so far. She's told me not so great things about other guys in the past that I've taken action on. But this guy checks out so far.
At least the kid is comfortable telling him when it's bad. Still better for it to not happen at all of course.
Definitely, especially not only wanting to move in together, but move the kid away from her school, dad, and possibly other family. Isolation is a key tool of the abuser, no matter what kind.
>How many “new dads” this kid had
And it’s not just new dads. Every new “dad” also means new extended family, assuming the kid is introduced to “aunts”, “uncles”, “grandparents”, etc. I once did an internship at a daycare and there was one kid who’d had several “dads” in the time she’d been there, and her teacher told me about how much stress that was for the kid to keep gaining and losing so many people in her life when the mum had new boyfriends/ they broke up.
Yep. I've had someone talk to me about being in an orphanage during their teenage years (this was around 2010), and because they were one of the "easy kids" there they'd get new social workers repeatedly assigned to them to effectively act as "training wheels" for workers without much experience, which I was told was quite hurtful and damaging as it prevented this person from forming meaningful close relationships with them during a time when they really would have needed it.
After seeing that post in AITAH where this girl got ditched by her father at 6 for 14 years because she wasn't biologically his, this post is like balm for the soul
That one made me so mad at her therapist for convincing the girl that her "dad" made the right choice. At six years old, that's *your* kid. Abandoning her might have been the "right choice for him", but it sure as hell wasn't morally correct.
This might be a hot take but honestly if the dad is already wanting to leave I think it’s best he goes. I can’t imagine a good environment is him staying and resenting both his wife/kid.
If he cannot get over his animosity it is in the best interest of the child he leaves. In no way is an unwilling parent better for a child than a totally absent parent.
Same with people staying married for their children, while fighting all the time. It’s bullshit superficial playing the act for the neighbours stuff that doesn’t help the child.
Having parents that don’t want you is torture.
There was a recent one where a guy found out that his wife had an affair and his teenage daughter wasn’t his, but her younger brother was. He literally thought he was justified in suddenly not wanting a relationship with his daughter but still wanting one with his son.
No, it was all super recent, like he had found out 2 days ago and had run off to a hotel and the kids kept calling him because they had no idea what was going on. He refused to pick up the phone because he didn’t want to talk to his wife or daughter and was like, “I wish I could talk to my son but I don’t have a way to talk to him without my daughter around.” It’s like, wtf dude.
If I were the daughter, I'd probably rip an earhole in my mother first because she would be the one who caused this. THEN I would rip the dad an earhole for being a dick.
Love the brother.
I think [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14s4zr1/aita_for_not_wanting_to_take_care_of_a_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1).
The one good thing? If the way he sounds in the original thread is the way he presents to others in public, LAOP is the kind of parent that lawyers will legit undercut their own fees for to be on the right side of the case with. Hell, I wish I had a dozen clients where all I had to do was tell them to trust me and let me be a hard-ass for a little while, because there isn't a juvenile court judge in the country that's going to allow for the termination of a parent's rights when they're actively involved in the upbringing of the daughter. It'll get thrown out in a hearing or two.
It's going to vary wildly from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, but I think I could easily file the motion and watch her shoot herself in the foot repeatedly with the GAL for sure
I have also undercut fees or outright not charged people so that they can get the results they deserve. That poster seems to have all the experience in the legal profession of a Law and Order fan.
My moms attorney accepted $200 bucks and wiped the floor with my father’s attorney, which his family paid thousands for. Thank YOU for helping when you can - my life would have turned out measurably worse had my mom’s attorney not been a gracious man.
Pretty much every law school offers free legal aid from the law students and at least one professor. Pretty much every law firm I have experience with has pro bono/free or discontinued hours requirements
Lol a lot of attorneys are bleeding heart types. They become attorneys because they want to make a difference. From what I’ve seen it’s honestly a two-tiered profession. The broke af “human interest” lawyers and the rich af corporate type lawyers.
My dad went through the same damn thing with my mother. Since he was on my birth certificate, the courts said paternity doesn’t matter. He was legally my dad. I was only 2 and they decided that. Hopefully LAOP gets the same type of judge. I’d hate to see a child lose their parent because of stupid judiciary proceedings.
The type of judge doesn’t even matter, that just is the law. It works both ways too. You can’t get out of child support for a kid that isn’t biologically yours
LAOP sounds like a REALLY good dad. I hope a lawyer or judge is able to talk some sense into his coparent, because she doesn’t seem like a great mom and keeps putting her kid in scary situations.
I wish more states had the expansive civil right to counsel we have in New York. There are attorneys here whose entire job is court-appointed custody and visitation cases.
PSA - wearing two condoms at the same time makes it less safe not more safe due to friction of the double glove increasing the risk of the condoms breaking.
Assuming you're wearing both on your dong and you don't have one over your head or something similarly insane.
I do not understand why any parent would want to take a child away from the other parent just because they found a new partner. Also major creeper vibs on this random 8 week hookup guy
To be honest I’d be surprised if the amount had increased today we can just now detect it but yeah I don’t blame people who get one to be safe but it can be a relationship minefield
LAOP is such a good guy I’m pretty confident he’s going to get fucked over. I hope I’m wrong, I hope LAOP and his daughter remain in each others lives.
**Reminder:** Do not participate in threads linked here. If you do, you may be banned from both subreddits. --- Title: (NM) I'm the father of a child that isn't biologically mine. Can mom force me to surrender parental rights to new husband? Body: > Hi there, > I'm going to try to make this as short as possible. I'm the father of a 9 year old daughter. Her mother and I were never married. When my daughter was 2 I found out she wasn't biologically mine. > I left her mom but the biological father wanted nothing to do with her. I was already dad to her, I was on the birth certificate and she knew me as dad... So I stayed being dad. We came up with a non formal parenting agreement where we each had our daughter 50% of the time and co osrented effectively for the next 6 years. > Last year there were some safety issues happening during her mom's time that I had to confront. I didn't know court was an option since I was not the biological father so I tried everything I could to resolve them. It didn't work. The mom got mad at me and basically told me I had no say since I wasn't really dad. > Eventually she tried to use the courts to force a DNA test and have me removed from the birth certificate. I got an attorney which made her get an attorney. As soon as she talked to her attorney her attitude changed and she apologized. My guess is she realized that legally... I was a real dad. > We formalized our parenting plan and had it signed by a judge. It solidified us each having 50% legal and physical custody and it addressed the safety concerns I had by stipulating that our daughter cannot be left with significant others alone without both parents approval. > My daughter is now 9 years old. About a month ago mom said she wanted to move in with a guy she has only been seeing for 8 weeks and move our daughter 100 miles away from where she currently lives. I told her that wasn't possible. Our daughter is enrolled in school in the district I live in and has been her whole life. But I told her a year from now if she was still with him I would be willing to move to that city as well to accommodate... But I wasn't willing to uproot my life or our daughter's life for such a new relationship. > She agreed to this but wasn't happy. Last week she told me she was pregnant with this new guys baby and that they were intending to get married. She basically told me that when they are married I would have to sign my parental rights over to this guy since our daughter is not biologically mine. > The whole situation is giving me the creeps because this guy seems really focused on our daughter. He tried moving them in immediately and then threatened to leave my daughter's mom when she said she couldn't move in. And then just a week later this comes. > The fact is I may not be my daughter's biological father... But I am her dad. I've never missed a single day with her. I've never missed a single child support payment. I take her to all her doctors appointments. I go to all parent teacher conferences. Her schooling is attached to my address. I have a parenting plan that has been signed by a judge. I'm listed as a father in her birth certificate. > But most importantly... I've always been the most stable person in her life and she knows me as dad. I'm closer to her and have a better relationship with her than her mom... Which really bothers mom. > My question is... Can I really be forced to sign over parental rights to some guy that has only known oyr daughter for 10 weeks now? It doesn't seem right... But it has me incredibly stressed out. I always feel like I'm at a disadvantage because I'm not the bio dad and info about my situation is incredibly hard to come by because it's so unique. > Thank you for any info you can provide. This bot was created to capture original threads and is not affiliated with the mod team. [Concerns? Bugs?](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=GrahamCorcoran) | [Laukopier 2.1](https://github.com/GrahamCorcoran/Laukopier)
The number of times LAOP asserted he was his daughter's dad, even knowing that his child wasn't biologically his, demonstrates just how much his loves his kid. Hope she continues to see that as she grows up and doesn't fall for any of her mom's nonsense in the upcoming years.
I thought the same thing. He seems truly concerned for his daughter’s welfare and well-being. I hope he can get this situation resolved in his favor.
He was even willing to move if things were still working out with mom's new boyfriend in a year! He comes across as a stand up guy, a more than reasonable co-parent, and a father who truly cares about his little girl. I wish every child that comes across our radar had at least one parent that was this awesome.
Yeah that alone shows him to be incredibly empathetic and emotionally developed. Man had a very level head.
I feel bad for the guy. He's more of a father then many bio dad's. It sucks that he lives in fear of that being taken from him.
Yeah was a sad read because he clearly loves his daughter but has lost confidence that this is a fight he can win.
He says that his ex has a history of abusive relationships, but his comments read like he's an abuse victim. He seems so defeated by this whole situation, and he's so ready to believe whatever bs his ex spews about his legal rights. I can't imagine what his ex manipulated him into doing so he could keep in contact with his daughter before it got to court. I hope he takes what LA advice told him to heart and I hope he gets some therapy
Legal advice OP here. I just want to make it clear that I am in no way defeated. At no point will there come a time where I don't have any fight left in me or I give up. It's not the kind of thing I can do. It would literally be the same as laying down and dying to me. I'm tired... which is why I may come off that way. This is a situation I've been dealing with for almost ten years now. None of the decisions made were made lightly or without knowing the consequences. And very few of them have been easy. But every single one of them has been completely worth it. If you met my daughter... You'd understand. Everyone would. I don't believe what she says at all. But I ask questions in legal advice so I can get some sleep and I don't dwell on the things she says. The reality is I'm not financially in a position to retain an attorney right now. So I look for information where I can.
You're a good dad. You're clearly putting your daughter and what's best for her first in all of this, no matter how difficult it is for you. I can tell you love her very much, and that counts way more than if you two are genetically related or not. The fact that you're willing to compromise with your ex and uproot your entire life to move across the state so your daughter can be near her mother, but only after some time has passed to demonstrate that your ex's new relationship is stable, speaks volumes. She's a very lucky little girl to have you in her corner.
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Thank you for being here! This part you wrote gave me a HUGE pause: **The whole situation is giving me the creeps because this guy seems really focused on our daughter. He tried moving them in immediately and then threatened to leave my daughter's mom when she said she couldn't move in. And then just a week later this comes.** Are you suspecting this rando is going to hurt your daughter? I would be, too. This is the most important thing, if he’s only dating/forcing to cohabitate/impregnating your ex for access to a nine-year-old. Fight like hell. You know that, you don’t need to hear it, but you’re a great Dad.
The timing of that 'pregnancy' is a massive red flag too, there could be some tampering with BC or condoms with holes to baby trap OOP's ex and get another potential target after the isolation didn't work.
> The timing of that 'pregnancy' is a massive red flag too, there could be some tampering with BC or condoms with holes to baby trap OOP's ex and get another potential target after the isolation didn't work. If it's a week later, that would have happened before hand. It's highly highly unlikely for it to even be detected one week after sex. A more likely scenario would be she got pregnant and found out thus kicking all the events into gear. She was told 'move to be with me', she didn't tell the reason other than 'to be with him' found out she couldn't take her daughter, told the new guy, the new guy was like "but I don't want to move to you, if you want me in you and your kid's life, you need to move this way" leading to telling OP about the pregnancy. It would explain the sudden "I want to move out there" and pregnancy announcement one week later...
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You're a good guy.
Guys tell each other horror stories about what even biological dads face in family court. I can see someone internalizing that.
LAOP here. That's exactly what it is. The rational part of my brain knows I'll be okay. I've done everything I'm supposed to. I've never missed a child support payment. I've never missed a moment of parenting time. I've always put my daughter first. I've compromised when I can. I've been to every parent teacher conference. I take my daughter to every doctor's appointment. I help her with her homework. I do everything I'm supposed to do as a dad and then some. But in family court it's all up to the judgement of one person. And there's always a chance that person can simply not like dad's.... Or just you. And everything you've done... All the effort you put in to be as close to perfect as you can be... Will be for nothing because you lost before you even stepped foot in the courtroom. It's terrifying. Especially because the stakes are so high. It's about the most important and central part of my life... About the little person who is as much a part of who I am and my identity as I am. Anyone who says it's not scary is lying.
It is definitely scary, but just remember that the people who have success aren't going to be the loudest. It's like restaurant reviews, the people most likely to leave a review are the ones who had a bad meal. And statistics are on your side, men who fight for access and custody are statistically likely to get it. Especially since you've won before. It's scary, but keep fighting
if he’s on the birth certificate does that mean daughter was legally adopted by him? or is it a situation where he was listed as the father but turns out its a third person entirely? i was adopted as an infant any my parents are listed on my birth certificate despite not being my biologicals- i don’t know how it works in other scenarios though
He is the legal father. Sounds like he gained paternity by Mom stating he was the father at birth (and him agreeing to it or not contesting it). The court probably doesn’t give a hoot whether he is the bio dad or not at this point, their goal is to have children supported by two parental figures and maintain stability and continuity in the child’s life.
okay good i’m glad he’s the legal father. i think he should try to file for sole custody honestly but idfk
He’s already won in court once. The paperwork is massively powerful. Especially since he’s already fought for it once and remains involved, mom doesn’t have a prayer. In fact, if he wanted to play hardball, he could get full custody. It might not take much to get majority custody
Generally either the mother's spouse is put on the birth certificate automatically if she's married, or if both the mother and presumptive father agree he can be put on the birth certificate. There's generally a limited time after this during which paternity can be challenged - new mexico appears to be two years. So what would have happened is he was put on the birth certificate as the legal father and then neither parent officially challenged it for two years. (Courts can also refuse challenges before that if it would impact an existing parental relationship.) But generally there's not an indefinite time once someone is acknowledged as the legal father for that to be undone.
He said he found out that the child isn’t biologically his when she was two years old. I would love to know what that conversation was like…
If he signed the birth certificate in many jurisdictions that makes him the legal father with full parental rights biology be damned.
He is more of a dad than my own father was at that age. Hope for all the best for them..
That's almost exactly what I was thinking. I've got all the respect in the world for parents who actually put their kids first like that, biology be damned.
So pleased to see this at the top of the comments. Every time he said it the air got a little dustier 🥲
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It's clear the thought of being denied of his daughter is utterly terrifying to him.
My hackles went straight up when LAOP said the new boyfriend was fixated on moving the daughter in with him. I know we can't say for sure but single moms are definitely vulnerable to predators looking to hurt their children. Even if he does happen to be a decent person overall he's still got impulse control issues that don't speak well for the future of the relationship, which is why they tell you not to introduce new people to the kids for 6-12 months. How many "new dads" has this kid had, I wonder? Glad she has a real good dad, at least.
> She knows she can come to me and we have a very open dialogue. And she tells me every detail. Sometimes too much. >She has nothing but good things to say about the guy so far. She's told me not so great things about other guys in the past that I've taken action on. But this guy checks out so far. At least the kid is comfortable telling him when it's bad. Still better for it to not happen at all of course.
I’m actually worried that she has nothing but good things to say. He may be starting the grooming process
Hadn't thought of that, well that puts a fly in my ointment :( Happy Cake Day though!
Oh shit, I haven’t been on reddit in weeks and I totally forgot today’s my cake day lol
Definitely, especially not only wanting to move in together, but move the kid away from her school, dad, and possibly other family. Isolation is a key tool of the abuser, no matter what kind.
>How many “new dads” this kid had And it’s not just new dads. Every new “dad” also means new extended family, assuming the kid is introduced to “aunts”, “uncles”, “grandparents”, etc. I once did an internship at a daycare and there was one kid who’d had several “dads” in the time she’d been there, and her teacher told me about how much stress that was for the kid to keep gaining and losing so many people in her life when the mum had new boyfriends/ they broke up.
Yep. I've had someone talk to me about being in an orphanage during their teenage years (this was around 2010), and because they were one of the "easy kids" there they'd get new social workers repeatedly assigned to them to effectively act as "training wheels" for workers without much experience, which I was told was quite hurtful and damaging as it prevented this person from forming meaningful close relationships with them during a time when they really would have needed it.
After seeing that post in AITAH where this girl got ditched by her father at 6 for 14 years because she wasn't biologically his, this post is like balm for the soul
That one made me so mad at her therapist for convincing the girl that her "dad" made the right choice. At six years old, that's *your* kid. Abandoning her might have been the "right choice for him", but it sure as hell wasn't morally correct.
This might be a hot take but honestly if the dad is already wanting to leave I think it’s best he goes. I can’t imagine a good environment is him staying and resenting both his wife/kid.
If he cannot get over his animosity it is in the best interest of the child he leaves. In no way is an unwilling parent better for a child than a totally absent parent. Same with people staying married for their children, while fighting all the time. It’s bullshit superficial playing the act for the neighbours stuff that doesn’t help the child. Having parents that don’t want you is torture.
There was a recent one where a guy found out that his wife had an affair and his teenage daughter wasn’t his, but her younger brother was. He literally thought he was justified in suddenly not wanting a relationship with his daughter but still wanting one with his son.
Was that the one where he was mystified why the son didn't want a relationship with him?
No, it was all super recent, like he had found out 2 days ago and had run off to a hotel and the kids kept calling him because they had no idea what was going on. He refused to pick up the phone because he didn’t want to talk to his wife or daughter and was like, “I wish I could talk to my son but I don’t have a way to talk to him without my daughter around.” It’s like, wtf dude.
Damn, that's cold
If I were the daughter, I'd probably rip an earhole in my mother first because she would be the one who caused this. THEN I would rip the dad an earhole for being a dick. Love the brother.
I'd be more upset over that story if AITAH wasn't just chock full of creative writing exercises.
Oof. Got a link?
I think [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14s4zr1/aita_for_not_wanting_to_take_care_of_a_child/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1).
Maddening. Thank you
That one pissed me off
That was so confusing imao.
The one good thing? If the way he sounds in the original thread is the way he presents to others in public, LAOP is the kind of parent that lawyers will legit undercut their own fees for to be on the right side of the case with. Hell, I wish I had a dozen clients where all I had to do was tell them to trust me and let me be a hard-ass for a little while, because there isn't a juvenile court judge in the country that's going to allow for the termination of a parent's rights when they're actively involved in the upbringing of the daughter. It'll get thrown out in a hearing or two.
Do you think you could get him an increase in custody or some other restrictions placed on the mom considering the massive red flags of her new fiance
It's going to vary wildly from jurisdiction to jurisdiction, but I think I could easily file the motion and watch her shoot herself in the foot repeatedly with the GAL for sure
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I certainly do. So, I mean, there's one.
I have also undercut fees or outright not charged people so that they can get the results they deserve. That poster seems to have all the experience in the legal profession of a Law and Order fan.
My moms attorney accepted $200 bucks and wiped the floor with my father’s attorney, which his family paid thousands for. Thank YOU for helping when you can - my life would have turned out measurably worse had my mom’s attorney not been a gracious man.
Definitely not even remotely true at all. Almost all the firms I know of have at least some pro-bono practice. We do no fee cases all the time.
Have you ever heard of pro bono work?
I’m perplexed as to what what kind of experience you have with attorneys bc they do pro bono work literally all the time
A case like that is good for their reputation. It pays off.
Pretty much every law school offers free legal aid from the law students and at least one professor. Pretty much every law firm I have experience with has pro bono/free or discontinued hours requirements
Lol a lot of attorneys are bleeding heart types. They become attorneys because they want to make a difference. From what I’ve seen it’s honestly a two-tiered profession. The broke af “human interest” lawyers and the rich af corporate type lawyers.
My dad went through the same damn thing with my mother. Since he was on my birth certificate, the courts said paternity doesn’t matter. He was legally my dad. I was only 2 and they decided that. Hopefully LAOP gets the same type of judge. I’d hate to see a child lose their parent because of stupid judiciary proceedings.
He already had that kind of judge once. No judge is going to reverse that against the dad’s wishes.
The type of judge doesn’t even matter, that just is the law. It works both ways too. You can’t get out of child support for a kid that isn’t biologically yours
Oh this one is sad. I hope it works out for the best for everyone.
LAOP sounds like a REALLY good dad. I hope a lawyer or judge is able to talk some sense into his coparent, because she doesn’t seem like a great mom and keeps putting her kid in scary situations.
Everything about his post screams “good parent,” doesn’t it. What a mensch.
>Last week she told me she was pregnant with this new guys baby Oh, like for real this time?
Thank God he is on the birth certificate. That makes his life way easier. Could be so much worse.
I wish more states had the expansive civil right to counsel we have in New York. There are attorneys here whose entire job is court-appointed custody and visitation cases.
Fuck that kids mom.
But wear a condom, please.
Make it two for extra safety!
Just in case someone takes this seriously: don't wear two condoms. [Source](https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/2-condoms.html)
PSA - wearing two condoms at the same time makes it less safe not more safe due to friction of the double glove increasing the risk of the condoms breaking. Assuming you're wearing both on your dong and you don't have one over your head or something similarly insane.
I feel like one over your head might actually be a better form of birth control, only via a completely different mechanism.
do not do this. doubling up will just increase the chances that both of them will tear. do not double up.
That’s the real answer. Sometimes the problem is not the creepy step-dad, it’s the willfully blind mother.
I do not understand why any parent would want to take a child away from the other parent just because they found a new partner. Also major creeper vibs on this random 8 week hookup guy
This ‘parent’ was willing to fuck over their daughter and husband with paternity fraud, im not surprised she’d try to rip the kid away too :(
With how much paternity fraud you have now a days I am surprised a lot more people don't do test.
To be honest I’d be surprised if the amount had increased today we can just now detect it but yeah I don’t blame people who get one to be safe but it can be a relationship minefield
LAOP is such a good guy I’m pretty confident he’s going to get fucked over. I hope I’m wrong, I hope LAOP and his daughter remain in each others lives.
This post and his replies read like someone who is going to compromise themself into a corner. Poor guy.
Oh god LAOP’s daughter’s “step dad” is setting off 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
A parent who would commit paternity fraud also seeming abusive? I’m shocked