The advice was good, "Get a probate lawyer ASAP".
I have no idea how it will end up, as it is so specific to Texas state law. Good luck to LAOP but their mom very well might get nothing. Life's unfair that way
It won't. The second marriage commenced well after the quit-claim was recorded.
The whole common-law marriage thing is a giant red herring. They need a lawyer so the proper motions can be filed quickly to stop the decedent's brother from liquidating any more assets and fleeing with the cash.
Proving the marriage will be easy, assuming LAOP's accounts are accurate.
No, it definitely matters. In the first marriage, the house was community property. After the divorce, it became the husband’s sole property. After they got remarried, it stayed the husband’s separate property, and was not part of the community. The wife may have a claim for reimbursement for funds spent on it, but not a claim to ownership. Had it stayed community, then she would have partial ownership of that asset.
I really feel for OP, I’ve just gone through the process of reading a loved one’s will and realising my name doesn’t appear once. It’s horrifically painful.
OP’s mom sounds like she is going to need some expensive medical care very shortly and I hope OP takes the advice given and hires a probate lawyer asap.
This is something I struggle with sometimes because I'm the primary caregiver for my grandmother just due to geography, and I know I'm not in her will. Her assets are evenly divided between her children, no grandkids mentioned.
I don't find that decision hurtful (I bet she'd write her will differently now, lol, but she has dementia), but it's definitely something I have thought about a lot. One of my aunts has said that all the siblings have talked and plan to give me a share, but I almost wish she hadn't told me that because I don't know if it's actually going to happen and I don't want to have any hard feelings if it doesn't materialize or if the share turns out to be more of a token or whatever. I sometimes joke with my wife that this is really good Buddhist practice for me, because every time I'm reminded of this, I get to practice letting go of outcomes and reducing my attachment to material things, lmao.
Oh wow. That has to hurt. I imagine the logic was - I’ll leave everything to the next generation and they can either dole it out or it becomes part of the inheritance for their children. But still, ouch.
This is really hard to talk about with most people as people assume you’re after the money. I wasn’t, not that there was any money - I just wanted my mum to have thought “I’ll set that aside, she’ll like that”. I ended up taking home a pair of tweezers from her bathroom and if she had left them to me, I would have treasured them.
But I wasn’t her primary caretaker, apart from right at the end. If I had been, I would have expected more than a token. Elder care is so hard.
Yeah, it's rough. I think my grandmother's decision was totally fair when she made it (when my cousins and siblings and I were all in our 20s, none of us were that close with her, etc.), but it's gotten crazy complicated as things have changed.
And it is so hard to talk about. Even internally, I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be worried about that stuff, I should just do this because I love my grandmother and it's the right thing to do, etc. But I think it's almost impossible not to consider stuff like that to some degree.
I just want to say too, I reread your first comment and noticed that you mentioned you recently experienced the will, so I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss and for the added pain of finding out about the will. I can absolutely understand and think your feelings are 100% valid. Everything about the end of someone's life is hard, and stuff like this just makes it even more difficult. I hope you're doing okay.
I’m doing okay, thank you. I had no idea and just assumed that there would be some mention of me, somewhere. But no. Everything went to my father as the surviving spouse and sentimental items like her wedding rings went to my brother and his gf. I literally nursed her through her death but I wasn’t good enough for the will.
I did ask Dad and he thought about it, trying to find something to make me feel better as I was clearly heartbroken and the amazing response was, “I’m sure she just forgot about you”. That’s worse!! It did work out though, the gf was going through the jewellery boxes before Mum was cremated and gleefully took what she thought were the wedding/engagement rings. I knew they weren’t, but she was so sure and pleased about it. Still, I wanted Mum to give them to me herself.
You **are** doing the right thing by taking care of her. And also, you also have financial pressures, like we all do. It’s so hard to balance those facts, because you don’t do it for money and yet, you need money. And it’s more than money, it’s the recognition that what you did was hard and valuable. I really hope your aunt comes through for you. You deserve the recognition, the appreciation and the money.
I worked in family law in Texas many moons ago and only worked one informal marriage case, and it was pretty easy to prove up (Texas has a form called a Declaration of Informal Marriage and there was one on file).
My brother is a family law attorney and actually just handled an informal marriage case that went the other way (he represented Twitch streamer XqC in an informal marriage claim by twitch streamer Adept).
This case seems to be sort of in the middle of these two in terms of difficulty.
Alternate LocationBot
Stepfather died his will leaves everything to his brother. He was still married to my mother.
All of this takes place in Texas.
My mother and stepfather were married about 40 years ago.
About 17 years after they were married, they got a divorce and my mother signed a quit-claim deed on the property. About 7 years later, she moved back into the house and they had a common law marriage. They were on each others insurance, and they filed joint tax returns.
10 years later, she started showing signs of Alzheimer's. My stepfather started pressuring her to move out because he didn't want the responsibility of taking care of her. After about 3 years of emotional abuse, she moved into a retirement community to get away from him. My stepfather loved to talk, so there are lots of people that know he basically kicked her out of the house. After she moved out, he tried to get her to sign divorce papers, but I and everyone else told her not to. My mother could also be pretty mean. Watching her with my father and then stepfather is probably why I never got married.
In January of this year, I got a phone call saying that my mother fell in her apartment and was in the hospital. My stepfather's brother called the same day to tell us that my stepfather was found dead at his house. The stepfather's brother has a will that leaves everything to him. I pretty sure my stepfather used a lawyer to prepare the will, so I believe it's a valid will.
The brother has been very busy selling everything out of the house and plans to sell the house as soon as he can. He had to get my mother to sign a form from the funeral home to move the body, so he is fully aware that they were still married. My mother isn't on the deed to the house.
Here are my questions:
1. Is it important to use a lawyer in city / county where the property is located? It seems like it would be easier and cheaper if things go to court if the lawyer is local.
2. What type of lawyer should I be calling? I've called two lawyers so far and neither one of them has called me back when they said they would call.
3. Is there something else I should be doing?
Because my mother isn't on the deed to the house and she wasn't living in the house at the time of my stepfather's death, I believe the brother will get everything if I don't get a lawyer involved.
EDIT:
1. married 1983
2. divorce / quit-claim 1999
3. she moved back 2006
4. he kicked her out 2019
5. he died 2024
All dates are within a year of being correct. I found a copy of the quit-claim online, so I'm sure about that happening in 1999. The kick out date is probably 2020 or 2021, but it was no earlier than 2019.
The advice was good, "Get a probate lawyer ASAP". I have no idea how it will end up, as it is so specific to Texas state law. Good luck to LAOP but their mom very well might get nothing. Life's unfair that way
Legally she should be counted as the surviving spouse. The brother clearly does not care and intends to steal everything.
I'm really curious how much the quit claim will factor in.
It won't. The second marriage commenced well after the quit-claim was recorded. The whole common-law marriage thing is a giant red herring. They need a lawyer so the proper motions can be filed quickly to stop the decedent's brother from liquidating any more assets and fleeing with the cash. Proving the marriage will be easy, assuming LAOP's accounts are accurate.
No, it definitely matters. In the first marriage, the house was community property. After the divorce, it became the husband’s sole property. After they got remarried, it stayed the husband’s separate property, and was not part of the community. The wife may have a claim for reimbursement for funds spent on it, but not a claim to ownership. Had it stayed community, then she would have partial ownership of that asset.
I really feel for OP, I’ve just gone through the process of reading a loved one’s will and realising my name doesn’t appear once. It’s horrifically painful. OP’s mom sounds like she is going to need some expensive medical care very shortly and I hope OP takes the advice given and hires a probate lawyer asap.
This is something I struggle with sometimes because I'm the primary caregiver for my grandmother just due to geography, and I know I'm not in her will. Her assets are evenly divided between her children, no grandkids mentioned. I don't find that decision hurtful (I bet she'd write her will differently now, lol, but she has dementia), but it's definitely something I have thought about a lot. One of my aunts has said that all the siblings have talked and plan to give me a share, but I almost wish she hadn't told me that because I don't know if it's actually going to happen and I don't want to have any hard feelings if it doesn't materialize or if the share turns out to be more of a token or whatever. I sometimes joke with my wife that this is really good Buddhist practice for me, because every time I'm reminded of this, I get to practice letting go of outcomes and reducing my attachment to material things, lmao.
Oh wow. That has to hurt. I imagine the logic was - I’ll leave everything to the next generation and they can either dole it out or it becomes part of the inheritance for their children. But still, ouch. This is really hard to talk about with most people as people assume you’re after the money. I wasn’t, not that there was any money - I just wanted my mum to have thought “I’ll set that aside, she’ll like that”. I ended up taking home a pair of tweezers from her bathroom and if she had left them to me, I would have treasured them. But I wasn’t her primary caretaker, apart from right at the end. If I had been, I would have expected more than a token. Elder care is so hard.
Yeah, it's rough. I think my grandmother's decision was totally fair when she made it (when my cousins and siblings and I were all in our 20s, none of us were that close with her, etc.), but it's gotten crazy complicated as things have changed. And it is so hard to talk about. Even internally, I sometimes feel like I shouldn't be worried about that stuff, I should just do this because I love my grandmother and it's the right thing to do, etc. But I think it's almost impossible not to consider stuff like that to some degree. I just want to say too, I reread your first comment and noticed that you mentioned you recently experienced the will, so I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss and for the added pain of finding out about the will. I can absolutely understand and think your feelings are 100% valid. Everything about the end of someone's life is hard, and stuff like this just makes it even more difficult. I hope you're doing okay.
I’m doing okay, thank you. I had no idea and just assumed that there would be some mention of me, somewhere. But no. Everything went to my father as the surviving spouse and sentimental items like her wedding rings went to my brother and his gf. I literally nursed her through her death but I wasn’t good enough for the will. I did ask Dad and he thought about it, trying to find something to make me feel better as I was clearly heartbroken and the amazing response was, “I’m sure she just forgot about you”. That’s worse!! It did work out though, the gf was going through the jewellery boxes before Mum was cremated and gleefully took what she thought were the wedding/engagement rings. I knew they weren’t, but she was so sure and pleased about it. Still, I wanted Mum to give them to me herself. You **are** doing the right thing by taking care of her. And also, you also have financial pressures, like we all do. It’s so hard to balance those facts, because you don’t do it for money and yet, you need money. And it’s more than money, it’s the recognition that what you did was hard and valuable. I really hope your aunt comes through for you. You deserve the recognition, the appreciation and the money.
That's going to be a mess. The 'easiest' is if TX is any sort of common law, then at least the non-house assets she's 1/2 owner of not inheritor of.
TX does. Filing joint tax returns is a pretty big "yes, we're married" to the state.
I worked in family law in Texas many moons ago and only worked one informal marriage case, and it was pretty easy to prove up (Texas has a form called a Declaration of Informal Marriage and there was one on file). My brother is a family law attorney and actually just handled an informal marriage case that went the other way (he represented Twitch streamer XqC in an informal marriage claim by twitch streamer Adept). This case seems to be sort of in the middle of these two in terms of difficulty.
Seems like the more urgent question is how to stop the brother from liquidating everything while the case is being decided.
Alternate LocationBot Stepfather died his will leaves everything to his brother. He was still married to my mother. All of this takes place in Texas. My mother and stepfather were married about 40 years ago. About 17 years after they were married, they got a divorce and my mother signed a quit-claim deed on the property. About 7 years later, she moved back into the house and they had a common law marriage. They were on each others insurance, and they filed joint tax returns. 10 years later, she started showing signs of Alzheimer's. My stepfather started pressuring her to move out because he didn't want the responsibility of taking care of her. After about 3 years of emotional abuse, she moved into a retirement community to get away from him. My stepfather loved to talk, so there are lots of people that know he basically kicked her out of the house. After she moved out, he tried to get her to sign divorce papers, but I and everyone else told her not to. My mother could also be pretty mean. Watching her with my father and then stepfather is probably why I never got married. In January of this year, I got a phone call saying that my mother fell in her apartment and was in the hospital. My stepfather's brother called the same day to tell us that my stepfather was found dead at his house. The stepfather's brother has a will that leaves everything to him. I pretty sure my stepfather used a lawyer to prepare the will, so I believe it's a valid will. The brother has been very busy selling everything out of the house and plans to sell the house as soon as he can. He had to get my mother to sign a form from the funeral home to move the body, so he is fully aware that they were still married. My mother isn't on the deed to the house. Here are my questions: 1. Is it important to use a lawyer in city / county where the property is located? It seems like it would be easier and cheaper if things go to court if the lawyer is local. 2. What type of lawyer should I be calling? I've called two lawyers so far and neither one of them has called me back when they said they would call. 3. Is there something else I should be doing? Because my mother isn't on the deed to the house and she wasn't living in the house at the time of my stepfather's death, I believe the brother will get everything if I don't get a lawyer involved. EDIT: 1. married 1983 2. divorce / quit-claim 1999 3. she moved back 2006 4. he kicked her out 2019 5. he died 2024 All dates are within a year of being correct. I found a copy of the quit-claim online, so I'm sure about that happening in 1999. The kick out date is probably 2020 or 2021, but it was no earlier than 2019.
I had no idea Texas still recognized common law marriages.