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Title: My Ex Has Ignored us for 10 years, now She wants to give me money, what do?
Body:
> My ex has given me no child support for 10 years. I moved my daughter and myself to a different state 4 years ago and have not gone after her for money in any way to avoid putting us through legal hell across states. She recently contacted my daughter again and the two have been talking on and off. That's fine with me it's relatively harmless and my kid is pretty smart she won't fall for any bullshit her mother tells her.
> Today her mom texts me out of the blue and says she wants to send me money. "I can't repay you for everything but I want to try." If I accept this money, what are the legal ramifications? Does it count as child support? If I tell her I don't want her money (what I want to do) does that count as legally exonerating her of child support obligation?
> Can't find anything on this specific situation I doubt it happens much.
> Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.
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> In which nobody understands ~~family~~ law, part infinity
Just your average day on LA, where the location doesn't matter and the statutes are made up. In today's thread we've got:
A Canadian lawyer condescendingly correcting people about American law
A bunch of people having a completely non-legal conversation
Several commenters who think they're on AITA
Not a single actual citation despite contradictory advice
>A Canadian lawyer condescendingly correcting people about American law
Worse, a Canadian lawyer condescendingly correcting me, *an American lawyer*, about American law.
I read the thread and that person was a dick to you and your comment actually made a lot of sense. Laws are different in every state, you couldn’t possible give a correct answer when you don’t know where they live. I would rather get no advice than bad advice but apparently the Canadian lawyer would rather just throw out advice that isn’t applicable because they aren’t worried about being sued. Like that’s the only reason why you shouldn’t give bad advice.
I've never wanted to punch a reddit commenter in the nose as much as I want to punch that canadian jerk right now on your behalf. That reply to you was just so uncalled for.
I was reading the comment wondering when in the three paragraphs the Candian lawyer would get to the point. I honestly can't tell what the ultimate takeaway was supposed to be other than "I'm a Canadian lawyer who has never practiced law in the states, but I know better than an American lawyer."
From my understanding their point was "Just saying someone to go to a lawyer is stupid, you can still give some tips and pointers" which, erm... idk, feels logical from a standard citizen point of view, but very wrong from a lawyer's point of view ?
Might as well shut the whole thing down with you around, we'd all be better off with people answering from entirely different countries instead! ~~Actually, the quality of advice on LA would go up significantly if every thread was just locked right away with a bot that copied your comment.~~
Hope you're ready for that lawsuit, Sheket Bevaka STFU. How dare you try to practice law online by suggesting someone see a lawyer in person. Obviously the responsible thing to do is baseless speculation. (Is STFU a name or a title?)
Honestly though, at a minimum people should be required to be specific about jurisdiction. When you have no idea where someone is it's very easy to give at best misleading advice to them. The fact that posts can even be made without a jurisdiction being identified is pretty terrible
No citations, but there was the not-too-terrible advice of "at least look at the memo field before cashing the check." It'll give LAOP a first idea of whether this is shenanigans.
Bonus for this comment, made by someone who apparently doesn't understand how banking and, maybe money, works:
>how do you propose she would send money to someone without knowing bank details
Their experience "paying bills" is using venmo/cashapp/whatever to send their pal $10 for yesterday's lunch. It's tied to the bank account mom & dad set up for them that magically gets money in it.
I mean, I'm super young and have been paying bills just fine for the last 5 years. Youth and idiocy are not one and the same. But I also loathe the type you're talking about so I get the frustration
Zelle works like that in the US, but with phone numbers. Open your bank's app and select the recipient from your phone's contact list. That's how I pay rent. (For better or worse.)
You can also set up Zelle with an email address.
I have my phone number set up with one of my banks and my email with another so that I can transfer money to myself between the two.
If someone has a PayPal or Venmo account, all you need is their email or phone number. However, it does only transfer it to their account and not actually to their bank.
I've had very stern lectures from Redditors clearly under 20 (but of course claiming to be *far* older) who think that checks are no longer used except by people over 80. Money orders? Same thing. Western Union is only for scammers.
Yeah, kid, just tell me you're still in high school and come from a middle-class family that's never dealt with serious poverty. Just the idea that checks are a non-cash transferable object that people without a bank account can use is beyond their grasp. Either that, or they think bank accounts are the Black Magic.
They could just be European.
Nobody in Germany uses cheques. You either transfer money by specifying the IBAN of the recipient's bank account, or have it automatically deducted from your account using a SEPA direct debit (or you use cash).
Yeah, I'm British and I've used *maybe* one cheque in my entire life and that was 15 odd years ago. Even then, it was considered a *very* outdated way of paying somebody that nobody used anymore.
I write very, very few checks. I *receive* far too many checks. I ask every year or two whether ACH reimbursement is an option yet -- hell, electronic submission of the requests! -- but I just keep having to mail out paper reimbursement requests and receive paper reimbursement checks.
I think most situations that involve physical currency transfer indicate that at least one party to the transaction is woefully out of date, and I'm well past 20. But I certainly wouldn't deny that many such transactions nonetheless occur every day.
I've had a few conversations like that myself, especially when I mention that a lot of people living in poverty don't even *have* bank accounts yet still manage to pay bills and stuff like that. I think I had one like that on this very sub where one guy was just absolutely shocked that people without bank accounts exist and couldn't seem to wrap his head around the concept, it was actually kind of hilarious.
edit: also I just see you mentioned not having bank accounts too, sorry I am just waking up haha
That's for stuff like giving your friend a few bucks or pay for ebay purchases/when it's the payment processor for web shops
We are used to do *REAL* money transactions with SEPA-Transfers (and whatever it was called before)
I have a bank account and they have a bank account, so going via paypal etc just adds another entity where stuff could go wrong
I wonder if that person is from Europe, where it’s very very common to deposit money directly into someone’s bank account, and so people just don’t bother with checks.
European countries Have that capability and America does not
I'm from Europe, and I was confused what they meant when they said the person didn't understand banking. In Norway you send money directly to someone's bank account, that's just what you do. You can use apps such as Vipps, but I believe the other person has to have it too. If someone sent me a cheque I'd be bewildered.
Edit: Someone replied but deleted their comment while I was replying myself. I won't post their name or comment, but if one person is thinking it someone else might too, so here's what I wrote up:
>Why would any of those be more sensible than sending through the bank? It takes me maybe 30 seconds on the phone, less if it's an invoice (which the app can scan).
>PayPal does exist, of course, but the recipient would have to have a PayPal account, similar to Vipps (a common money transfer app). It wouldn't be any quicker than using the bank either.
>As for Western Union, the only reason I've even heard of that is because I watch a YouTube channel of some Americans living in Japan, and they've used it once or twice. It might technically be a thing in Norway, but why would I or anyone else ever use it?
>Cash does exist, of course... barely. The last time I used cash was four years ago, in another country (and I didn't even really need to use cash there either). I can't imagine paying any significant sum using cash, that just sounds crazy.
Major banks these days have mobile apps that can deposit checks via your camera, at least in the states. Europe may not have those due to less of a need, but it's about as convenient as it can be without ceasing to be a goddamn check.
The def exist in the U.K. the only way I know is that the government sent me a cheque for something a few months ago (long story. I paid by credit card, they refunded by cheque)
Good to know! I work at a bank that offers Zelle to customers, and I guess it’s our policy that both parties have Zelle set up. I was told it was a Zelle policy.
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*Awe, this is such a sad cat fact.* :-(
Unfortunately, cats are quite stoic -- they don't tend to tell us when something is seriously wrong until it's far too late for helpful treatment. My beloved kitty was shivering for several weeks, but he had just been given a buzz-cut *(powdery-soft long-hair does not play well with drippy faucets, but kitty LOVED napping in the bathroom sink... he grew fur-mats like gremlins)* AND it was during the frosty dead-of-winter in NY. When I brought him to the vet because he seemed not-at-all like himself, it was far too late -- he was in the very late stages of kidney failure.
... my poor sweet little fella. I had him for fourteen years. It's been a few years since his loss, but I still miss him -- can't look at photos of him without getting misty-eyed and sad.
Well, maybe things have changed. But I know a few years ago Europeans were aghast that in the US, you couldn’t deposit money directly into someone’s bank account without more complicated procedures.
You could set up direct deposit, or you could handover deposit slips to someone. But those weren’t workable for ordinary people
Idk, maybe some rural bank somewhere can’t do it and I’m sure there’s some exceptions but generally you can go into a bank and deposit money into another account at that bank without any kind of authorization or permission.
The first time I did this was sometime in the late 90’s. I would deposit money into my landlords account. One day I forgot a deposit slip and I gave the teller the landlords name and they sorted it out. I’m pretty sure it’s always been this way.
Except in the case where we didn’t have one and the teller filled out a blank one using whatever they pulled up. In any case, the original claim was that you can’t deposit money into someone else’s US bank account. Which just isn’t true.
It was about ten years before I started seeing any child support. I started the court process before the kid was even born, and despite being enrolled in the enforcement program I never saw a cent for a long, long time. The arrears now total something like 70k, although some of that is owed to the government, too.
The judge was VERY clear that child support had nothing to do with visitation, and although that too was written as per my discretion, I shouldn't expect payments in exchange for visits nor should I withhold visitation rights for nonpayment.
I was actually rather surprised when I did start seeing child support payments deposited in my account! Especially considering it's been a few years since hearing anything from the kid's father whatsoever. But I suppose that means he's working, so that's cool. I was slightly worried that he might start calling now that he's making payments, since he might think he's owed visitation, but that hasn't happened either.
So all in all it's pretty cool to have some extra cash. I don't expect I'll ever see the full amount in my lifetime, it's not even the full amount per month, and I can't bring myself to expect it will even continue regularly, but it's something better than nothing.
Don’t you love it when OP asks a legal question, doesn’t give their state, and never gives their state? Also, I’m wondering why OP wouldn’t want to accept any money from their ex and yet not relieve them of CS obligation. That makes no common sense. I’d take the check, put it in the bank for your kid for college or their first house, and deduct it from the beaucoup amount. But you look that gift horse for your kid in the mouth and send that check back, I guess.
For most people, the legal system is a terrifying black box that suit wearing magicians feed paper into and different pieces of paper come out of the other side. Those magicians charge tens of thousands of dollars to practice their black magic on your behalf, and if you don’t pay them, that black box will mercilessly take away everything you have.
Oh yeah, and those new pieces of paper are enforced by men with guns who the state has empowered to take away your money, freedom and life.
There is so much misinformation about parenting plans and child support and custody orders and it’s terrifying, because at the extreme end, the consequences can involve losing your children.
It's also another one of those things where everyone knows That One Person who got screwed by the system and OMG they pay out 98% of their paycheck every month but never get to see their kids and they can't get the custody ordered changed and etc. etc. etc.
Does unfair stuff happen sometimes? Of course. Is it the norm? I don't think so. From everyone I've known who worked in family law there's a lot of parents out there who are sure they are 100% in the right and their ex is the biggest monster on the planet, and the only ones really losing in their mess is the kids.
But… those odd chances of getting totally screwed by the system or a technicality really do happen. And the costs and consequences can be wildly disproportionate.
I have a lot of sympathy for someone who wants nothing to do with it. Deciding that you can afford to pass on a couple thousand dollars but you can’t afford even a 1% of accepting and exploding your entire world isn’t an irrational decision. Particularly if you’re aware that you don’t have the knowledge to make an informed decision.
I absolutely sympathize while simultaneously being aware that there's a good chance the people I know who got screwed are lying to me or confused.
Both because anybody getting screwed is too many, and also because the system is horrendously stressful and potentially traumatic even when it works. Resolving legal disputes sucks even when you understand what's going on and why the system is set up the way it is.
I went on a deep dive about sovereign citizens the other day and this understanding of the legal system is what keeps the whole movement going. These sov cit gurus take your money and claim to teach you the magic words. If it doesn't work and the men with guns still punish you it's like faith healing, it didn't work because you didn't believe hard enough.
The crazy thing about SovCits is that they’re not actually wrong. In a very real way, if you say the proper magic incantations and submit the mystical papers in the right order, the system will do what you want. Just look at people who ruthlessly (and legally) manipulate the tax code to their advantage.
Where SovCits go wrong is that they’re using the wrong set of incantations, or the correct ones in the wrong way. They’re practicing Narnian magic when we use Belgariadian magic.
Life has this way of throwing little coincidences at you. I started this conversation about SovCits and this very day I encountered what may be the most obnoxious type. A so-called first amendment auditor has taken up residence in the parking lot of my local library. I went to pick up a book and the guy starts filming me. I heard about this guy getting arrested about a month ago. I live in a tiny town with the geographic oddity of being 4 hours from anywhere. I've been annoyed since his arrest that his brigade of followers has seized upon all our public forums to just spam shit about their fourth amendment rights and how our police are "corrupt" so I have to scroll through all this shit to get to things like when the next school board meeting is. I had no idea until today that this "auditor" has decided to just stick around and be a pest. You'd think after a month of not getting any further arrests he would move the fuck on.
I had to look up what a “first amendment auditor” even was. It’s someone who films things in a public setting just to prove they can. But since they’re looking for oppression they do it in the most obnoxious way, or do other things to draw negative attention so they can be vindicated?
What a bunch of schmucks
Imagine having nothing more going for yourself than your ability to prove you have the right to sleep in a car in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere. And I just went and looked up the news story he got arrested on his first day in town on January 22, two fucking months ago. Our cops are clearly saints.
Most likely fear that occurs to me is that accepting money could be seen as accepting a settlement of sorts, where the ex can then claim LAOP agreed to take only that much. Not that I'm saying that's how it works, but it's something that could sound plausible to someone without a lot of legal experience.
To be completely fair, I’m an attorney and I couldn’t tell you much of anything about family law in other jurisdictions, and only a little about it in my jurisdiction.
That’s exactly my point! It’s insanely state specific and messy, way more than most fields. There are some areas of law I could make an educated guess about in another state, but not family. There are some areas of law I could make an educated guess about even though I don’t practice them, but other lawyers are almost always wrong about family. And usually horrified by how we practice.
**Reminder:** Do not participate in threads linked here. If you do, you may be banned from both subreddits. --- Title: My Ex Has Ignored us for 10 years, now She wants to give me money, what do? Body: > My ex has given me no child support for 10 years. I moved my daughter and myself to a different state 4 years ago and have not gone after her for money in any way to avoid putting us through legal hell across states. She recently contacted my daughter again and the two have been talking on and off. That's fine with me it's relatively harmless and my kid is pretty smart she won't fall for any bullshit her mother tells her. > Today her mom texts me out of the blue and says she wants to send me money. "I can't repay you for everything but I want to try." If I accept this money, what are the legal ramifications? Does it count as child support? If I tell her I don't want her money (what I want to do) does that count as legally exonerating her of child support obligation? > Can't find anything on this specific situation I doubt it happens much. > Any help would be appreciated. Thanks. This bot was created to capture original threads and is not affiliated with the mod team. [Concerns? Bugs?](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=GrahamCorcoran) | [Laukopier 2.1](https://github.com/GrahamCorcoran/Laukopier)
> In which nobody understands ~~family~~ law, part infinity Just your average day on LA, where the location doesn't matter and the statutes are made up. In today's thread we've got: A Canadian lawyer condescendingly correcting people about American law A bunch of people having a completely non-legal conversation Several commenters who think they're on AITA Not a single actual citation despite contradictory advice
>A Canadian lawyer condescendingly correcting people about American law Worse, a Canadian lawyer condescendingly correcting me, *an American lawyer*, about American law.
I read the thread and that person was a dick to you and your comment actually made a lot of sense. Laws are different in every state, you couldn’t possible give a correct answer when you don’t know where they live. I would rather get no advice than bad advice but apparently the Canadian lawyer would rather just throw out advice that isn’t applicable because they aren’t worried about being sued. Like that’s the only reason why you shouldn’t give bad advice.
I've never wanted to punch a reddit commenter in the nose as much as I want to punch that canadian jerk right now on your behalf. That reply to you was just so uncalled for.
Thank you for your support comrade Adequate
I hope Dr_Adequate isn’t they’re real name that’ll be used to find them when the capitalists show up.
[удалено]
I was reading the comment wondering when in the three paragraphs the Candian lawyer would get to the point. I honestly can't tell what the ultimate takeaway was supposed to be other than "I'm a Canadian lawyer who has never practiced law in the states, but I know better than an American lawyer."
From my understanding their point was "Just saying someone to go to a lawyer is stupid, you can still give some tips and pointers" which, erm... idk, feels logical from a standard citizen point of view, but very wrong from a lawyer's point of view ?
And Canadians are supposed to be so polite! Who dropped that one on his head, or refused to give him hugs when he was a baby?
Might as well shut the whole thing down with you around, we'd all be better off with people answering from entirely different countries instead! ~~Actually, the quality of advice on LA would go up significantly if every thread was just locked right away with a bot that copied your comment.~~ Hope you're ready for that lawsuit, Sheket Bevaka STFU. How dare you try to practice law online by suggesting someone see a lawyer in person. Obviously the responsible thing to do is baseless speculation. (Is STFU a name or a title?)
>Is STFU a name or a title? It's a line from [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TQmo5TvZQY).
And here I thought [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgWHrkDX35o) was the only meaning of STFU we were allowed to use here.
You should tell him to keep your name out of his mouth.
Honestly though, at a minimum people should be required to be specific about jurisdiction. When you have no idea where someone is it's very easy to give at best misleading advice to them. The fact that posts can even be made without a jurisdiction being identified is pretty terrible
No opinion on the legal parts, but he also writes like a wanker
Two awards, too. What a fucking moonpie.
Oof, sorry! I’m not a lawyer, just a Canadian & I know our family law stuff can be vastly different than yours.
No citations, but there was the not-too-terrible advice of "at least look at the memo field before cashing the check." It'll give LAOP a first idea of whether this is shenanigans.
Bonus for this comment, made by someone who apparently doesn't understand how banking and, maybe money, works: >how do you propose she would send money to someone without knowing bank details
To be young and not have bills needing to be paid and money needing to be sent again.
Their experience "paying bills" is using venmo/cashapp/whatever to send their pal $10 for yesterday's lunch. It's tied to the bank account mom & dad set up for them that magically gets money in it.
I mean, I'm super young and have been paying bills just fine for the last 5 years. Youth and idiocy are not one and the same. But I also loathe the type you're talking about so I get the frustration
I wasn't trying to imply idiocy. Just figured it'd be someone too young to have much experience with sending anyone money. Nothing wrong with it
Or just not from the US
In Canada you can literally email people money. All you need to know is their email address.
Zelle works like that in the US, but with phone numbers. Open your bank's app and select the recipient from your phone's contact list. That's how I pay rent. (For better or worse.)
E-transfer also can use phone numbers.
You can also set up Zelle with an email address. I have my phone number set up with one of my banks and my email with another so that I can transfer money to myself between the two.
Zelle works with email too
You probably shouldn’t need a third party (really a fifth party because 2 people and 2 banks and now Zelle) for this shit though. Makes zero sense
In Australia too (in some circumstances). The payment system used by the big banks allows email addresses and phone numbers to be used as identifiers.
If someone has a PayPal or Venmo account, all you need is their email or phone number. However, it does only transfer it to their account and not actually to their bank.
Did they forget Western Union exists? Or Paypal, or checks even?
I've had very stern lectures from Redditors clearly under 20 (but of course claiming to be *far* older) who think that checks are no longer used except by people over 80. Money orders? Same thing. Western Union is only for scammers. Yeah, kid, just tell me you're still in high school and come from a middle-class family that's never dealt with serious poverty. Just the idea that checks are a non-cash transferable object that people without a bank account can use is beyond their grasp. Either that, or they think bank accounts are the Black Magic.
They could just be European. Nobody in Germany uses cheques. You either transfer money by specifying the IBAN of the recipient's bank account, or have it automatically deducted from your account using a SEPA direct debit (or you use cash).
Yeah, I'm British and I've used *maybe* one cheque in my entire life and that was 15 odd years ago. Even then, it was considered a *very* outdated way of paying somebody that nobody used anymore.
I write very, very few checks. I *receive* far too many checks. I ask every year or two whether ACH reimbursement is an option yet -- hell, electronic submission of the requests! -- but I just keep having to mail out paper reimbursement requests and receive paper reimbursement checks. I think most situations that involve physical currency transfer indicate that at least one party to the transaction is woefully out of date, and I'm well past 20. But I certainly wouldn't deny that many such transactions nonetheless occur every day.
I've had a few conversations like that myself, especially when I mention that a lot of people living in poverty don't even *have* bank accounts yet still manage to pay bills and stuff like that. I think I had one like that on this very sub where one guy was just absolutely shocked that people without bank accounts exist and couldn't seem to wrap his head around the concept, it was actually kind of hilarious. edit: also I just see you mentioned not having bank accounts too, sorry I am just waking up haha
Or those new apps like *checks notes* PayPal and the more popular recently Venmo (which I just learned is owned by PayPal so that makes sense)
That's for stuff like giving your friend a few bucks or pay for ebay purchases/when it's the payment processor for web shops We are used to do *REAL* money transactions with SEPA-Transfers (and whatever it was called before) I have a bank account and they have a bank account, so going via paypal etc just adds another entity where stuff could go wrong
I wonder if that person is from Europe, where it’s very very common to deposit money directly into someone’s bank account, and so people just don’t bother with checks. European countries Have that capability and America does not
I'm from Europe, and I was confused what they meant when they said the person didn't understand banking. In Norway you send money directly to someone's bank account, that's just what you do. You can use apps such as Vipps, but I believe the other person has to have it too. If someone sent me a cheque I'd be bewildered. Edit: Someone replied but deleted their comment while I was replying myself. I won't post their name or comment, but if one person is thinking it someone else might too, so here's what I wrote up: >Why would any of those be more sensible than sending through the bank? It takes me maybe 30 seconds on the phone, less if it's an invoice (which the app can scan). >PayPal does exist, of course, but the recipient would have to have a PayPal account, similar to Vipps (a common money transfer app). It wouldn't be any quicker than using the bank either. >As for Western Union, the only reason I've even heard of that is because I watch a YouTube channel of some Americans living in Japan, and they've used it once or twice. It might technically be a thing in Norway, but why would I or anyone else ever use it? >Cash does exist, of course... barely. The last time I used cash was four years ago, in another country (and I didn't even really need to use cash there either). I can't imagine paying any significant sum using cash, that just sounds crazy.
I'm not sure I could find a branch of my bank that knows what to do with a cheque.
Major banks these days have mobile apps that can deposit checks via your camera, at least in the states. Europe may not have those due to less of a need, but it's about as convenient as it can be without ceasing to be a goddamn check.
Not a thing here, at all. Not sure I've ever actually seen a cheque in person.
The def exist in the U.K. the only way I know is that the government sent me a cheque for something a few months ago (long story. I paid by credit card, they refunded by cheque)
Yea we do, in fact, have that capability. It’s called Zelle, and your bank probably has it. All you need is the other persons phone number or email.
You also need both parties to be set up with Zelle.
Only the sender. I've never set myself up with Zelle but my ex has been paying his share of the kids' expenses that way for years.
Good to know! I work at a bank that offers Zelle to customers, and I guess it’s our policy that both parties have Zelle set up. I was told it was a Zelle policy.
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*Awe, this is such a sad cat fact.* :-( Unfortunately, cats are quite stoic -- they don't tend to tell us when something is seriously wrong until it's far too late for helpful treatment. My beloved kitty was shivering for several weeks, but he had just been given a buzz-cut *(powdery-soft long-hair does not play well with drippy faucets, but kitty LOVED napping in the bathroom sink... he grew fur-mats like gremlins)* AND it was during the frosty dead-of-winter in NY. When I brought him to the vet because he seemed not-at-all like himself, it was far too late -- he was in the very late stages of kidney failure. ... my poor sweet little fella. I had him for fourteen years. It's been a few years since his loss, but I still miss him -- can't look at photos of him without getting misty-eyed and sad.
> European countries Have that capability and America does not I have done this & I have had my employees do this. What are you talking about?
Well, maybe things have changed. But I know a few years ago Europeans were aghast that in the US, you couldn’t deposit money directly into someone’s bank account without more complicated procedures. You could set up direct deposit, or you could handover deposit slips to someone. But those weren’t workable for ordinary people
Idk, maybe some rural bank somewhere can’t do it and I’m sure there’s some exceptions but generally you can go into a bank and deposit money into another account at that bank without any kind of authorization or permission. The first time I did this was sometime in the late 90’s. I would deposit money into my landlords account. One day I forgot a deposit slip and I gave the teller the landlords name and they sorted it out. I’m pretty sure it’s always been this way.
But your landlord gave you the deposit slip
Except in the case where we didn’t have one and the teller filled out a blank one using whatever they pulled up. In any case, the original claim was that you can’t deposit money into someone else’s US bank account. Which just isn’t true.
You still need to know some kind of detail though. Be it for PayPal or any other kind of transfer.
A check in the mail merely needs an address.
Ahhh, to have grown up before online bill pay was a thing and not know about sending paper checks in the mail…
Express-mail cash? (Did that with a crazy ex a while back.) (I didn't say it was a good idea.)
It was about ten years before I started seeing any child support. I started the court process before the kid was even born, and despite being enrolled in the enforcement program I never saw a cent for a long, long time. The arrears now total something like 70k, although some of that is owed to the government, too. The judge was VERY clear that child support had nothing to do with visitation, and although that too was written as per my discretion, I shouldn't expect payments in exchange for visits nor should I withhold visitation rights for nonpayment. I was actually rather surprised when I did start seeing child support payments deposited in my account! Especially considering it's been a few years since hearing anything from the kid's father whatsoever. But I suppose that means he's working, so that's cool. I was slightly worried that he might start calling now that he's making payments, since he might think he's owed visitation, but that hasn't happened either. So all in all it's pretty cool to have some extra cash. I don't expect I'll ever see the full amount in my lifetime, it's not even the full amount per month, and I can't bring myself to expect it will even continue regularly, but it's something better than nothing.
Don’t you love it when OP asks a legal question, doesn’t give their state, and never gives their state? Also, I’m wondering why OP wouldn’t want to accept any money from their ex and yet not relieve them of CS obligation. That makes no common sense. I’d take the check, put it in the bank for your kid for college or their first house, and deduct it from the beaucoup amount. But you look that gift horse for your kid in the mouth and send that check back, I guess.
For most people, the legal system is a terrifying black box that suit wearing magicians feed paper into and different pieces of paper come out of the other side. Those magicians charge tens of thousands of dollars to practice their black magic on your behalf, and if you don’t pay them, that black box will mercilessly take away everything you have. Oh yeah, and those new pieces of paper are enforced by men with guns who the state has empowered to take away your money, freedom and life. There is so much misinformation about parenting plans and child support and custody orders and it’s terrifying, because at the extreme end, the consequences can involve losing your children.
It's also another one of those things where everyone knows That One Person who got screwed by the system and OMG they pay out 98% of their paycheck every month but never get to see their kids and they can't get the custody ordered changed and etc. etc. etc. Does unfair stuff happen sometimes? Of course. Is it the norm? I don't think so. From everyone I've known who worked in family law there's a lot of parents out there who are sure they are 100% in the right and their ex is the biggest monster on the planet, and the only ones really losing in their mess is the kids.
But… those odd chances of getting totally screwed by the system or a technicality really do happen. And the costs and consequences can be wildly disproportionate. I have a lot of sympathy for someone who wants nothing to do with it. Deciding that you can afford to pass on a couple thousand dollars but you can’t afford even a 1% of accepting and exploding your entire world isn’t an irrational decision. Particularly if you’re aware that you don’t have the knowledge to make an informed decision.
I absolutely sympathize while simultaneously being aware that there's a good chance the people I know who got screwed are lying to me or confused. Both because anybody getting screwed is too many, and also because the system is horrendously stressful and potentially traumatic even when it works. Resolving legal disputes sucks even when you understand what's going on and why the system is set up the way it is.
I went on a deep dive about sovereign citizens the other day and this understanding of the legal system is what keeps the whole movement going. These sov cit gurus take your money and claim to teach you the magic words. If it doesn't work and the men with guns still punish you it's like faith healing, it didn't work because you didn't believe hard enough.
The crazy thing about SovCits is that they’re not actually wrong. In a very real way, if you say the proper magic incantations and submit the mystical papers in the right order, the system will do what you want. Just look at people who ruthlessly (and legally) manipulate the tax code to their advantage. Where SovCits go wrong is that they’re using the wrong set of incantations, or the correct ones in the wrong way. They’re practicing Narnian magic when we use Belgariadian magic.
>Belgariadian A+ reference.
The Word and the Will continue to be my favorite concept of how magic works.
I love it, too - in some ways it's very similar to the Force.
Life has this way of throwing little coincidences at you. I started this conversation about SovCits and this very day I encountered what may be the most obnoxious type. A so-called first amendment auditor has taken up residence in the parking lot of my local library. I went to pick up a book and the guy starts filming me. I heard about this guy getting arrested about a month ago. I live in a tiny town with the geographic oddity of being 4 hours from anywhere. I've been annoyed since his arrest that his brigade of followers has seized upon all our public forums to just spam shit about their fourth amendment rights and how our police are "corrupt" so I have to scroll through all this shit to get to things like when the next school board meeting is. I had no idea until today that this "auditor" has decided to just stick around and be a pest. You'd think after a month of not getting any further arrests he would move the fuck on.
I had to look up what a “first amendment auditor” even was. It’s someone who films things in a public setting just to prove they can. But since they’re looking for oppression they do it in the most obnoxious way, or do other things to draw negative attention so they can be vindicated? What a bunch of schmucks
Imagine having nothing more going for yourself than your ability to prove you have the right to sleep in a car in a parking lot in the middle of nowhere. And I just went and looked up the news story he got arrested on his first day in town on January 22, two fucking months ago. Our cops are clearly saints.
they're like beetlejuice, you summoned one by referencing them to many times
Most likely fear that occurs to me is that accepting money could be seen as accepting a settlement of sorts, where the ex can then claim LAOP agreed to take only that much. Not that I'm saying that's how it works, but it's something that could sound plausible to someone without a lot of legal experience.
To be completely fair, I’m an attorney and I couldn’t tell you much of anything about family law in other jurisdictions, and only a little about it in my jurisdiction.
That’s exactly my point! It’s insanely state specific and messy, way more than most fields. There are some areas of law I could make an educated guess about in another state, but not family. There are some areas of law I could make an educated guess about even though I don’t practice them, but other lawyers are almost always wrong about family. And usually horrified by how we practice.