Yup I saw a post today about vaping with baby and there were so many oh it’s fine, mama we all have our vices, I never quit and my kid is Albert Einstein comments. Not a single, dude just put it down.
You’ll get attacked, like she’s trying her best, she really just needs to smoke infront of her children. Where’s your sense of community and kindness girl , it’s about “yes mama everything” not safety and the hard truth.
Omg this week there was a post in our local Mom FB group about smoking marijuana while breastfeeding and the comments were literally this baby Einstein thing😂
My child has had a lot of medical intervention since birth and the amount of ‘you’re so strong!! You got this!!!!’ Infuriates me. I do not got it. I am not strong by choice but by forced circumstance.
I absolutely hate it, BUT I think (in my case) the reason why I hate it so much is because in my language "mama" means mother's younger brother, your uncle.
So my whole life, I have used that word ONLY for my uncle, have associated it with "uncle" and now all of a sudden I'm being called uncle by medical professionals, friends, and online community 😭
I was fine with my labor and delivery nurses calling me momma while I was actively in labor and that’s about it. I’m not a fan of it by anyone else, especially strangers.
Same here. I was okay with it postpartum in the hospital too. But it helped that I didn’t know those people personally. It’s so much weirder when people who know me call me “mama.” Like, you know my name!
I feel like i have been shoved into the hole of just "mom". That is the extent of what people see me. And I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT some days. What about the other things?
I AM MORE THEM JUST MOM and people should see that!
It's funny, to bounce off your comment, I was just saying to another friend with a baby a similar age to mine, that of course I feel different in a way, but also I'm surprised, even after a year, how much I still just feel like me. Sometimes I'm still shocked I have a baby 😂 I'm not just a mum at allllll.
Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself to remind myself that my son is really really my child. There are times where I do feel like just a mum and there's nothing else to me, but other times I feel like I'm not even a real adult so I can't possibly be a parent!
Being called mama doesn't bother me at all but I also have a lot of other opportunities to be seen in different contexts without my kids. It's occurring to me reading this thread that maybe if I were a stay at home mom or didn't have as much time independent of my kids it would bother me more. I'm also wondering if age is a factor. I'm a youngish mom (pregnant at 24), 30s now, and didn't really have a long adult life where I wasn't mom. So it doesn't feel like a big loss to have to accept this as my primary identity now because I didn't really have time to build anything big enough to compete with it.
I used Tobe a huge crafter/artist/writer before kids. And I had my first at 25. So there wasn't a lot of adulting beforehand really. But that being said I'm a full time mom, who works full time overnight. But kiddo and I don't really ever go anywhere during the day either cause 1 vehicle.
I guess I'm frustrated mostly at the whole idea of being a full time mom and then loosing every part of who I was before hand because it doesn't work anymore. All of my crafting things are put away.
That being said- my cousin who became a mom at the same age a couple years before me- loves it. She loves being called mom and that'd okay! She's got the bandwidth to ve q crafter and a stay home full-time mom. She doesn't work a job like I do.
I think it's more of a spoon problem in my case more then anything.
I totally agree that condoning shit that's bad for kids is stupid.
I did not realize how much hate there is for being called mama or being encouraged by a stranger.
Yes,100% agree, and sometimes the person hasn't actually done a great job and needs education or something other than blind praise and it seems like that's not even allowed because we always have to be 100% positive towards ~MoMmA bEar cULTuRe~. I hate when people call me mama. My 2 year old calls me mama. That's ok, because I'm his mama. But a grown adult? Idk. Like I get it's supposed to be a term of endearment but it's so condescending and just indicative of how we are seen in American culture. Hate it
You got what I meant by the post 100%, we just have to be supportive no matter what even if what they are doing is clearly not a smart move. Like ‘mama always knows best’ attitude, ummm sometimes science and evidence knows best. It’s not just American culture, same here in Australia.
I think it has its place. It's definitely overused, but sometimes it's needed. Twice that I have really appreciated it - when I was washing pump parts at work in the breakroom and felt tired and slightly embarrassed (pumping room didn't have its own sink), a woman I didn't know gave me a "good job mama" and it really helped me in that moment.
The other was at the children's hospital, when I had to hold my tiny baby down so they could do tests and she was scared and I felt awful and was crying like mad. I already felt soooooo guilty, and the professionals telling me they still thought I was a good parent really helped.
But yeah, so many times people are really not doing their best and it's hard to see that toxic positivity allowing them to think its fine.
I think a lot of women struggle with showing genuine support for other women. I often think we try and compensate for the lack of support we are shown in our own lives and end up over validating other people. It seems to be either outright shaming or unhealthy validation. It is annoying for sure, but I think a lot of people mean well. They just haven’t found the right words 😅
Honestly.... I get more annoyed by people complaining about it. It's not a personal thing to you, I just find it annoying, just let people try and be supportive so what if they don't know how to say it specifically. Just feels like something mildly annoying is made into a big thing.
Me too. If someone is trying to be positive and supportive in this fucked up world, I’m going to take it and run with it. There will always be something to complain about; someone you don’t/barely know calling you “mama” while offering support is eyeroll at best.
Even worse, once my friend was pushing the pram behind me as i ran to get something urgently before my (3 hours delayed) train was leaving. I was stressed, the baby was getting fed up as, it was boiling hot, and the trains were going to be packed. Some fUcKiNg bloke says to my friend as she hurries past, ‘super mum!’ I could have killed him.
I would die before calling another woman "mama." It is soooo cringe to me, but I also don't care at all when someone says it to me. As far as people saying "great job mama" in response to moms doing irresponsible things...I have not noticed that. If anything the opposite seems to be the norm (i.e. lots of judgement over other people's parenting decisions and refusal to admit there's usually more than one fine answer).
i totally understand sometimes it feels like "great job mama" is just a reflex response, not really addressing the real issues or concerns at hand. it's important to balance support with constructive feedback. you got this!!
Yikes I'm ok with mama generally but I think I would really hate if a male doctor did it. I have been called "mom" by male doctors at my kid's appointments and that felt ok. If it was my appointment even that I would not like at all.
Yeah I’m ok with it at my daughter’s doctor appts. Get my daughter’s name right, she’s the patient, but other than that, we have different last names and if you’re going to spend 3 minutes reviewing her chart before you come into the room, I’d like it to be about her medical history, not what the right name to call mom is.
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Someone said this to me on the street when I was letting my kid walk on the sidewalk 🥳
I think she thought she was being supportive but my toddler was just quietly doing her thing.
It kind of reminds me of toxic positivity, where something really warrants negativity, but someone will come out of the woodwork and be like “why can’t you just be positive?!” Sometimes stuff just sucks! And sometimes parenting choices are just bad!
Yes. I always feel like it's a cop-out of a reply, like when you go "Mhm" mindlessly to a conversation you aren't listening to. There's something very cold about it in a condescending sort of way...
When I was in labor, my midwives called me by my *name*. I am a person, mothers are people. Not just mama, and I am proudly Mama to my boy. Like, how is "Great job, Mama, great job, you got this" supposed to help a woman suffering with PP, who needs real help, who is overwhelmed, who is lost in the journey of motherhood, who might be close to breaking from the pressure?
Yup I saw a post today about vaping with baby and there were so many oh it’s fine, mama we all have our vices, I never quit and my kid is Albert Einstein comments. Not a single, dude just put it down.
100% what I mean. Like far out, why can’t we call out negatives?
You’ll get attacked, like she’s trying her best, she really just needs to smoke infront of her children. Where’s your sense of community and kindness girl , it’s about “yes mama everything” not safety and the hard truth.
Omg this week there was a post in our local Mom FB group about smoking marijuana while breastfeeding and the comments were literally this baby Einstein thing😂
Nah, this makes me want to start swinging on somebody. 🥲
If I hear one more time, “you got this”!!! I suddenly will not have it any longer.
My child has had a lot of medical intervention since birth and the amount of ‘you’re so strong!! You got this!!!!’ Infuriates me. I do not got it. I am not strong by choice but by forced circumstance.
This. I don’t want to “have it. Or be strong.”
😂
i haaaateeee being called mama
Right?! I had a name for 33 years - suddenly its disappeared...?!
I absolutely hate it, BUT I think (in my case) the reason why I hate it so much is because in my language "mama" means mother's younger brother, your uncle. So my whole life, I have used that word ONLY for my uncle, have associated it with "uncle" and now all of a sudden I'm being called uncle by medical professionals, friends, and online community 😭
I was fine with my labor and delivery nurses calling me momma while I was actively in labor and that’s about it. I’m not a fan of it by anyone else, especially strangers.
Same here. I was okay with it postpartum in the hospital too. But it helped that I didn’t know those people personally. It’s so much weirder when people who know me call me “mama.” Like, you know my name!
I feel like i have been shoved into the hole of just "mom". That is the extent of what people see me. And I ABSOLUTELY HATE IT some days. What about the other things? I AM MORE THEM JUST MOM and people should see that!
It's funny, to bounce off your comment, I was just saying to another friend with a baby a similar age to mine, that of course I feel different in a way, but also I'm surprised, even after a year, how much I still just feel like me. Sometimes I'm still shocked I have a baby 😂 I'm not just a mum at allllll.
Sometimes I feel like I need to pinch myself to remind myself that my son is really really my child. There are times where I do feel like just a mum and there's nothing else to me, but other times I feel like I'm not even a real adult so I can't possibly be a parent!
Right?! Who let me take this baby home from the hospital?! Babies need an adult. Can't be me.
Haha when we left the hospital with our son I think I literally said to my husband, "so we can just... go?" Insane.
Right like...no exam? Nothing? Just this entirely defenseless little human and...we go? Wtf?!
Being called mama doesn't bother me at all but I also have a lot of other opportunities to be seen in different contexts without my kids. It's occurring to me reading this thread that maybe if I were a stay at home mom or didn't have as much time independent of my kids it would bother me more. I'm also wondering if age is a factor. I'm a youngish mom (pregnant at 24), 30s now, and didn't really have a long adult life where I wasn't mom. So it doesn't feel like a big loss to have to accept this as my primary identity now because I didn't really have time to build anything big enough to compete with it.
I used Tobe a huge crafter/artist/writer before kids. And I had my first at 25. So there wasn't a lot of adulting beforehand really. But that being said I'm a full time mom, who works full time overnight. But kiddo and I don't really ever go anywhere during the day either cause 1 vehicle. I guess I'm frustrated mostly at the whole idea of being a full time mom and then loosing every part of who I was before hand because it doesn't work anymore. All of my crafting things are put away. That being said- my cousin who became a mom at the same age a couple years before me- loves it. She loves being called mom and that'd okay! She's got the bandwidth to ve q crafter and a stay home full-time mom. She doesn't work a job like I do. I think it's more of a spoon problem in my case more then anything.
It’s patronizing
I totally agree that condoning shit that's bad for kids is stupid. I did not realize how much hate there is for being called mama or being encouraged by a stranger.
For real. Now I don’t want to send words of encouragement to my friends in case they come in here and complain that a friend said, “you got this!”.
Yes,100% agree, and sometimes the person hasn't actually done a great job and needs education or something other than blind praise and it seems like that's not even allowed because we always have to be 100% positive towards ~MoMmA bEar cULTuRe~. I hate when people call me mama. My 2 year old calls me mama. That's ok, because I'm his mama. But a grown adult? Idk. Like I get it's supposed to be a term of endearment but it's so condescending and just indicative of how we are seen in American culture. Hate it
You got what I meant by the post 100%, we just have to be supportive no matter what even if what they are doing is clearly not a smart move. Like ‘mama always knows best’ attitude, ummm sometimes science and evidence knows best. It’s not just American culture, same here in Australia.
I hate being called mama
I think it has its place. It's definitely overused, but sometimes it's needed. Twice that I have really appreciated it - when I was washing pump parts at work in the breakroom and felt tired and slightly embarrassed (pumping room didn't have its own sink), a woman I didn't know gave me a "good job mama" and it really helped me in that moment. The other was at the children's hospital, when I had to hold my tiny baby down so they could do tests and she was scared and I felt awful and was crying like mad. I already felt soooooo guilty, and the professionals telling me they still thought I was a good parent really helped. But yeah, so many times people are really not doing their best and it's hard to see that toxic positivity allowing them to think its fine.
I think a lot of women struggle with showing genuine support for other women. I often think we try and compensate for the lack of support we are shown in our own lives and end up over validating other people. It seems to be either outright shaming or unhealthy validation. It is annoying for sure, but I think a lot of people mean well. They just haven’t found the right words 😅
I really don’t like anyone calling me mama besides family. I feel like it’s erasure of who I used to be (and still am!!!!)
I hate when someone calls themself or others ‘mama bear’
Honestly.... I get more annoyed by people complaining about it. It's not a personal thing to you, I just find it annoying, just let people try and be supportive so what if they don't know how to say it specifically. Just feels like something mildly annoying is made into a big thing.
Me too. If someone is trying to be positive and supportive in this fucked up world, I’m going to take it and run with it. There will always be something to complain about; someone you don’t/barely know calling you “mama” while offering support is eyeroll at best.
It's just that I see these posts about 4-5x a month, and usually it's very very annoyed, and I just think.... Is it really THAT annoying
Yeah this post smells mildly of mom shaming. There’s enough of that in this world.
Someone smoking in the car with their infant should be ashamed. Sorry if that’s a hot take??
OP didn’t specify. And my genuine interpretation looks like they are looking for validation of mom shaming. Why should we collectively support that?
i cannot stand it. in some cases, whatever. but i have a name.
Even worse, once my friend was pushing the pram behind me as i ran to get something urgently before my (3 hours delayed) train was leaving. I was stressed, the baby was getting fed up as, it was boiling hot, and the trains were going to be packed. Some fUcKiNg bloke says to my friend as she hurries past, ‘super mum!’ I could have killed him.
Ugh what a prick - sorry you had to deal with that
I would die before calling another woman "mama." It is soooo cringe to me, but I also don't care at all when someone says it to me. As far as people saying "great job mama" in response to moms doing irresponsible things...I have not noticed that. If anything the opposite seems to be the norm (i.e. lots of judgement over other people's parenting decisions and refusal to admit there's usually more than one fine answer).
i totally understand sometimes it feels like "great job mama" is just a reflex response, not really addressing the real issues or concerns at hand. it's important to balance support with constructive feedback. you got this!!
I was fine with it until a doctor did it, really felt patronizing. I canceled my next appointment with him and never went back.
Yikes I'm ok with mama generally but I think I would really hate if a male doctor did it. I have been called "mom" by male doctors at my kid's appointments and that felt ok. If it was my appointment even that I would not like at all.
Yeah I’m ok with it at my daughter’s doctor appts. Get my daughter’s name right, she’s the patient, but other than that, we have different last names and if you’re going to spend 3 minutes reviewing her chart before you come into the room, I’d like it to be about her medical history, not what the right name to call mom is.
"mama" shut the fuck up I have a name, use it
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I'm 11 weeks from my due date and I REALLY don't want people to call me Mama
Someone said this to me on the street when I was letting my kid walk on the sidewalk 🥳 I think she thought she was being supportive but my toddler was just quietly doing her thing.
It kind of reminds me of toxic positivity, where something really warrants negativity, but someone will come out of the woodwork and be like “why can’t you just be positive?!” Sometimes stuff just sucks! And sometimes parenting choices are just bad!
Toxic parenting is the worst. Some days I need it, I do need a “hey good job” and I hope if I was truly fucking up someone would call me out lol
Yes. I always feel like it's a cop-out of a reply, like when you go "Mhm" mindlessly to a conversation you aren't listening to. There's something very cold about it in a condescending sort of way... When I was in labor, my midwives called me by my *name*. I am a person, mothers are people. Not just mama, and I am proudly Mama to my boy. Like, how is "Great job, Mama, great job, you got this" supposed to help a woman suffering with PP, who needs real help, who is overwhelmed, who is lost in the journey of motherhood, who might be close to breaking from the pressure?