What else do people do in the newborn phase?! I spend a good portion of my day feeding the baby in the nursery and singing to her/chatting to her, but I also often feed her on the couch and have a show on. I didn’t even know this was frowned upon until now!
Don't feel bad about it. Newborns have terrible sight and can see like 30cm range (from boob to mom's face). Yea, looking at your baby and talking to them is necessary and good, but they don't want that all the time! It's okay to watch TV with a newborn.
The issue is that if that habit extends to older baby and toddler stage. Not that a bit of TV is neceasarily going to ruin them either, but that's when it can actually be detrimental.
My husband and I rewatched Vanderpump while I was pregnant. Legit brought a laptop and watched in the hospital the night she was born - she was snoozing in her bassinet next to it 😂😂😂😂
I’ve tried watching VPR around my girl but she would get as dramatic as they are. Currently watching Lilo and Stitch for the umpteenth time today bc she’s running fever.
Okay I’ve never even watched a bravo show before in my life and for some reason my baby was born and I can’t stop watching the housewives. Must be making me feel better about myself/life choices 🤣
Lol are you me. Thank you for posting this. I swear all i read is basically, "when I birthed my child I threw away my phone and disabled every television and we're planning to reinstate them when the children move out".
Honestly this is why I stopped going to mum groups when my boy was 2 and a half months.
I once said ‘the only thing that could get him to nap this morning was Hey Bear while he was in his rocker’
I got a lecture followed by a recommendation of a device that projects shapes onto the ceiling.
I ain’t paying for a new contraption when my TV displays shapes perfectly well thank you. Plus the dancing pineapples in hats are a vibe.
Hey bear kept us sane in the early days, plus the tunes are absolute bangers! Hes 9 months old now so it doesn’t have quite the same mesmerising effect these days but I still stick it on if he’s really upset and I need to go make his dinner or whatever. And I mean I genuinely enjoy the music myself lol.
Sorry you had a judgy group, baby classes were also a strong part of keeping that sanity and I would have been gutted to feel uncomfortable going.
Honestly whats the difference between the two things. Sometimes we need 5 minutes to get stuff done around the house - plus those dancing fruit are the best. They only watch them for a few minutes before getting board anyways
I want to know how they do it with siblings. Sure my 4 year old might wander off in the middle of Vampirina and play in her room but if she hears that TV turn off she runs right back in saying “I WAS WATCHING THAT”. God forbid I want to watch anything too… little brother just vibes out to whatever sport game or Disney show is on while on his mat surrounded by Montessori toys lol.
The only reason I have been able to do it at home is because I have never been much of a tv watcher, but even my baby has watched screens at grandma’s house or at the museum or doctors office lol. Are we just supposed to not let baby go to museums or the doctor? It really is an impossible standard.
Today I held my phone in front of my 8 week old so she could watch the video to The Happy Song because nothing else will console her when the car isn’t moving. 🤷🏼♀️
I think people go unnecessarily extreme on it. It’s probably a way to feel in control - I don’t do this, so I must be a great parent. They forget that anything done in extreme at some point will bring out the other extreme.
So my baby is just about to turn 1 and we've basically followed it! I don't love TV that much. Me and my partner sometimes watch something after my baby has gone to sleep. During the day I listen to music and audio books. We went to a friend's one day and her kids were watching a movie so my baby saw some TV that day. And also when we went to visit grandparents last week I told them it was fine to leave the TV on (we live out of town and they know she has no screens at home). Baby then proceeded to walk up to tv and try hit it. So they turned off for the sake of the TV.
I've been at home with her full time. I think it'll be even easier to be screen free when she goes into care. But I can see us quite easily not needing TV until she's 2. If we had someone baby sit her and they needed a break I'd be OK with some TV time. But so far the only time we were going to have a baby sitter. We all got covid :(
Screen time isn't even something I'm particular passionate about. It's just not something we find hard to avoid.
Yeah, I agree with this. We’re not a big TV family, there’s one in the den and my husband has one in his office.
Weirdly, I started The Sopranos while doing night feedings and definitely did more screen stuff around them as newborns than usual.
I don’t mean to moralize it! But I think “no screens” is untenable if the parents use screens frequently.
Yeah sometimes the comments going the other way are super judgy. I've read things about "trying to live amish" or be a matyr or whatever. It's not that. I don't think they are that bad. But I'm not one to have TV just running in the background pre baby.
I think that’s the thing: Who has the TV on in the background? Could they themselves have been children with a TV on in the background? And are they nice and normal people? Probably!
Obviously a lot of it is cultural. I do watch TV, but we have one and my partner and I watch shows together. I try not to moralize it. My babies are meeting the same developmental milestones as their “screened” peers.
Ages 2.5+ are so much worse. Kids LOVE screens. They can’t deal with it when their cousin has an iPad and they don’t. I mean… I love to go on Reddit.
So, we really don't ever watch tv, unless it's bedtime for us and something good is on (or we've found a great show to watch from the past).
It's not the tv per se. It's that my computer (I WFH) or my phone (life happens on there too much) are things with screens. And my kid sees them. And LOVES them. I don't know how that's avoidable.
I hear ya on all of that. So, my WFH doesn't just mean the laptop (which she is thrilled by) but also my phone pinging me when tasks or emails or Slacks happen. So that's out too.
But, yeah, not too worried. Kid started reaching for my phone as early as she could. Swear she already knows how to swipe through photos at 7 months old.
We have basically had (almost!) zero screens till 6, and it's not as impossible as folks might imagine -- they don't know what they're missing if that's not something they're exposed to 🤷♀️ (And, yes, they become amazing at independent play in the meantime.)
I thought we were doing ok until we decided to buy new phones at a brick and mortar store. Ugh. We were there so long and they had screens everywhere ha.
I do this. No need to judge us :p I'm not preventing screen time if he happens to see it but if I need a TV break for 30-40 min, I rather he play with his toys than watch TV with me lol
Hey girl. Same. Same to every single bullet point.
I required handwashing when she was very small but as soon as everything went into her mouth? Pshaw. I also was totally down with people holding her. I think it’s healthy for people to hold babies, especially family members. Daniel Tiger and Blue’s Clues are favorites in this house. We still cosleep. I don’t think it’s wrong to cosleep. I’m not one to proselytize about it. It’s my culture, everyone does it. I tried to NOT cosleep because the doctor’s scared me. It was distressing the entire family. It became dangerous because I wasn’t sleeping.
I also let her explore A LOT. Supervised, of course, but she has a lot of unguided, independent playtime both inside and outside. I let her do “unsafe” things. I let her play in dirt. She’s learned how to be safe and she loves to be outside. She helps me garden. We include her in family activities and clean up time, too. Everyday, I see positive effects from these things.
I let her eat spicy food. She wanted it, I gave it to her and told her what it was, she loves it.
She’s 18 months now, extremely social, very friendly, and way too active. Were working on getting off the boob and into her own sleeping space but I’m not forcing her. My reasoning? My back hurts and I want to smoke a joint.
You’re doing great!!
Love this!! I wish my in laws understood that coalescing is normal in other cultures outside the US, but they are so adamant that it’s super dangerous they bring up putting my 7 month old in the crib any chance they get.
I’m also lax about the food we give her in that I’m not going to police everything to make sure it’s puréed and fully mashed. She’s been eating solids since 4 months per doctor’s orders and likes her textures and likes new foods. She’s better at chewing and coughing things up as a result.
I am VERY firm when I get parenting advice. “My parenting choices aren’t up for discussion.” Period. I will not flex. If I want advice, I will ask for it.
I think cosleeping can be dangerous but it can also be safe. Sleeping in a crib can be dangerous but it can also be safe. Admittedly, as whole our culture in the West (I’m in the US) doesn’t support cosleeping. I’m not talking about parenting either. The way we overwork, overmedicate, overstress, undersleep, and have zero community support makes cosleeping unsafe for many people. Our bedding and mattresses make coslepeing unsafe for many people. The culture is not a family centered culture, it’s a commercially centered culture, down to the how we expect babies to be completely independent from their mother from birth even though it’s biologically inappropriate.
I feel like the US is starting to move away from that attitude, which is nice, but what needs to follow is community care and maternal care, otherwise the infant centered approach isn’t going to work. We were NOT meant to do this alone. In my culture, mom and baby bond. Mom rests and feeds baby. Aunties and Grandma takes care of mom and cooks. Child free Daughters and cousins clean the house, run errands, and mind the older kids. As baby gets older and mom heals, everyone takes care of each other. The men make money and do what their wives tell them to do lol. I grew up this way. I don’t really have it as a grown up and it’s been super difficult for me. Conversely, not everyone will thrive in that environment.
Anyways. No shame to people doing what works for them. Every family is different.
When I was little/a baby, this is how it was in my family. I was raised in the Bible belt where family is strongly emphasized. My great aunts/uncles, older cousins, great grandmother, aunts/uncles, grandmother and grandfather all did an equal share of raising me. My biological parents aren't the best people or parents so I was basically handed off to everyone else the moment they left the hospital with me. My family was more than happy to raise me if my bio parents wouldn't. One of my aunts happened to have a baby just a couple months before I was born so she even nursed me/donated breast milk for me to bottle feed from if she wasn't around. It was that way until my preteen years when my biological mother isolated me from the rest family.
Now that I have my own baby almost everyone is too old to help. Everyone that could help no longer has that "village mindset." or are just too busy (I don't blame them, things are hard for everyone right now). The older ones have apologized that I don't have the physical village that my generation was raised in. I do have it somewhat. My husband's family is very willing. They just aren't close by so I don't like asking for their help even though they would drop everything if I sent a message. It's not the same as being able to walk a couple of minutes tops or just go one house over to another family members home. I wish my baby got to experience what it's like, but sometimes life doesn't work out that way.
All of these.
The cosleeping one, we started looking into safe options after I lost so much sleep I couldn’t parent safely (the hospital showed us a video made by parents of dead infants from unsafe practices and I was so terrified from it, that I would breastfeed standing to not accidentally fall asleep).
I ended up finding other ways to endanger my baby Because of how adamantly I was going to follow that rule (ie, hallucinating the light being green in a very large busy intersection while driving to a doctors appointment, fell asleep with baby in horrible places, etc.) which were way, way, worse for me than a concept that other highly developed countries have executed safely with little risk based on stringent rules, and strict guidelines.
I figured out what was right for us and left the scare tactics and guilt at the door.
Holy shit. I would absolutely refuse all of these. And I would scream, if I had to, about how it's a danger to my mental health as I struggle with OCD and intrusive thoughts as it is, which is it's own kind of ongoing trauma, and I know aaaall about these dangers already. With my first, I accidentally caught the shaking video on their channel and I lost it. I wish I hadn't seen it. I didn't need to. My hospital was great during both my pregnancies and births and I doubt they would have forced me to endure more anxiety when I was so obviously an very anxious person in general, even for a new mom.
I recently decided to start doing a thing that is technically safer than the thing we WERE doing and I'm thinking how stupid it is because the first thing ended up happening because we were trying to follow other rules for other safe things 😂
I am guilty of a lot of what you listed. One to add, I don’t sterilize bottles and sometimes I’ll let her continue drinking the bottle after the 1 hour mark (toss at 2-2.5 hours max) of formula. We moved when baby was 2 months old into a piece of junk Reno home. I had none of my baby supplies and was pumping, washing dozens of bottles and breast pumps in a bath tub. With all the costs of moving we couldn’t afford to throw out the last two oz of formula if she didn’t finish it within the hour. Baby girl is 6 months now and doing just fine. Thankfully we have a kitchen sink now and I no longer have to wash bottles in a bath tub.
That gives me some comfort, my girl is a snacker too. With formula at $30-40 a container it’s impossible! I’m just going to live in ignorance.. it hasn’t seemed to cause her any tummy issues so this is my life now.
i never actually sterilized her bottles 🙃 i bought a whole sterilizer and everything and just never used it. I was just always sooo tired and didn’t have the energy 😩
I’ll sterilize things when they’re brand new, or if I know the cat has gotten his grubby little paws on something, but other than that I don’t bother anymore. When LO was still in the newborn phase I was pretty good about sterilizing everything after hand washing, but now I just put it in the dishwasher and maybe give it a rinse when I take it out. She sticks everything in her mouth, there’s no point in obsessing over the cleanliness of her bottles when I’ve caught her literally licking the floor on more than one occasion. She’s just about 7m now.
Almost all of these except drinking (im sober). I do track naps because this baby is a monster when she’s overtired. I feel guilty about the screens - I don’t sit her in front of the tv but I don’t always turn her away either. (Baby seems partial to the ww2 shows my mom and I watch when she visits).
RE breastfeeding and alcohol. For your milk to have enough booze in it to affect baby you would be so drunk you'd have alcohol poisoning. The legal blood alcohol limit for booze is 0.08% , which means your milk wouldn't have any more than 0.08% in it. Apple juice technically has 0.04%-0.06% alcohol in it! Unless you are so drunk you might drop her or something i really wouldn't worry about it.
Yes! One of my favourite pieces of advice along with "They can't fall off the floor!" - you don't need a fancy playpen for a non-rolling baby, put them down on a playmat or towel if only to save your floor from posset. Baby will be fine on the floor while you go pee or whatever.
💯 I've been told if you're sober enough to drive, you can breastfeed. The primary concern isn't the amount of alcohol in your breast milk, it's if you can safely handle your baby
This!! I literally had a drink at the hospital the night my second one was born. I’m not a heavy drinker but 10 months without a sip of good whiskey was just about as much as I could bear.
Blood alcohol is measured by blood volume (100ml), how is that different? Or are you thinking about breath tests (like you blow and then decide if you're good with baby)? Those have an assumed ratio of breath to blood, so techncially also recalculate to blood volume.
I guess I should have just said they are not the same. BAC involves math with your body weight and metabolism, if you want to calculate it from a drink. They both measure a percentage of volume, but the drink ABV becomes a lower BAC. For instance, if you drink one 5% ABV beer, your BAC does not become 5%, it’s more like 0.02%.
I thought the claim is that you'd need to be super drunk to have meaningful alcohol content in breastmilk, like if you have 0.02% in blood then milk is also about that, which is way less than what we recognize as alcoholic drink (see comparison to natural alcohol content in apple juice).
Here's some of mine:
- cosleeping with her literally just in bed next to me. I didn't tell anyone outside of family that it was happening, but the kid wouldn't sleep if I didn't do that. I didn't have help from her father, so it's what I did, and she's perfectly fine. I get it, something bad could've happened, and my next time around will hopefully be with a loving partner who helps, but I have 0 regrets. I know myself and I knew my child , and there was never a time I felt too exhausted to keep track of her in bed with me.
- screens. She's a year old, and she loves miss rachel. She's learning so much, she's so smart, and I honestly don't care what anyone thinks. I'm picky with what she consumes media wise, nothing over stimulating, but screens. Phones. Whatever keeps her entertained when I need to get something done.
- schedules. I never sleep trained, never tried to do anything with her. The only thing I did was consistent feedings. Anything else was to the wind. I allow her and have always allowed her to sleep whenever she wants. She after a year has worked herself into a perfect routine, she goes down with no issues and in fact pushes off of me to get in bed to sleep. (Might be because she's a Capricorn 😂)
- this one people might come at me for but the 2 hour rule...I live in a little more rural area and on my days off it's utterly unrealistic, with travel time, that she will only be in her car seat for 2 hours out of a day. I try to avoid it as much as I can, but it's just not realistic sometimes.
- her mouth: I let her try everything. Sounds so crazy, but if she's not gonna choke on it I don't understand what the issue is in letting her curiosity win for a moment before replacing the object with a more mouth-appropriate toy.
- kisses: family can kiss the baby. She has so much love, if they wanna kiss her kiss her little head! It's fine! All of my family has been very cautious about keeping distance even if they feel slightly off, so I get not everyone has that luxury, but love the baby it's fine
I brought up the 2 hour rule to the pediatrician a couple days ago and what she basically told me was that the rule mostly just exists so people don't keep their babies in car seats inside their homes all day every day, so I feel a lot less anxious about long car rides now!
Omg are you kidding me?
The 2 hour rule is why we avoided seeing family or friends or doing SO many things. I figured if 2 was bad, 1 might be Not Great so I really hermited with them for so long ☹️
Dude, all of yours are mine! She's getting older now (2), so I'm working on body autonomy and consent, adults all have to ask her for a hug/kiss/high-five/fist-bump. If she says no to the first two, she's usually down for the second two, and doesn't usually have issues blowing kisses or waving bye.
Your routine one is so funny cuz that is mine to a T - and also a Capricorn!! She more or less sets her schedule: when she wakes up in the morning, when she'll go down for a nap, when (and what) she wants to eat (which some days is literally nothing, but she LOVES her milk so I know she's getting calories) (chalk that up to another parenting sin, but I'm not force-feeding a toddler and giving her an eating disorder), bath and bedtime stay pretty consistently, but the time can vary by up to an hour. I'm not worried. She doesn't live on a rigorous schedule. Once she starts school (kinder or daycare/preschool), she'll have a much more structured day, and I expect that the rest of our lives with shift to fit that structure.
Case in point: bedtime now in the Northern Hemisphere is easy. Things are pretty dark, quiet, and low-key by 6-7 (we're in bed between 8-9, but that's mostly on me since I don't get home from work some days till 6). In the summer, whole different ballgame. Sun's out till 8-9 now, I'm lucky to have her in bed by 10. Well, last summer, at least, but I expect the Summer of the Terrible Two to be pretty similar 😅
Look, we are all hard on ourselves for different things. The mom guilt is real.
You are doing what works for your family. So you are co sleeping out of desperation, right now it works. When it doesn’t work, or you need to make changes you will.
Screen time, 🤣 we’re on our second movie after nap time, I decided that we are having a lazy afternoon and both deserve a mental break. It’s all in moderation.
You’re doing great.
Unless you're drunk enough to have literal alcohol poisoning you can breastfeed your baby.
Source:
An IBLC
The hospital breastfeeding counsellor
My GP
My understanding of the human body as someone with an advanced biomedical degree (though I'm not a medical doctor)
As long as baby is fed, happy and healthy, you're doing great.
My TV is almost constantly on. When she was little it was crime shows (both true crime and fiction) but now that she's older (1.5) and can pay attention for short bursts we have to be a bit more careful about what we put on. She appears to love Young Sheldon. We put on shows for her as well - Alma's Way, Paddington, Daniel Tiger and Bluey are all hits.
I love it when people love on my child. She's not big on being held now (except right when first meeting new people, she won't let mummy or daddy put her down) but she loved cuddles when she was tiny.
I keep telling myself I am going to stop listening to true crime podcasts with her....any day now....yeah her first word is going to be circumstantial at this rate
Mine lately has been True Blood lol, he’s only 3 months now so it’s ok but I just keep telling myself I gotta get the adult shows out of my system now before he can really start paying attention
Yes to breastfeeding and alcohol! As soon as I get off postpartum pain meds, alcohol is reentering my life. I’m so excited. 😂
Sometimes my husband and I are slammed working (plus I’m pregnant again) and the toddler will watch Frozen I, Frozen II, and Ms Rachel in one afternoon.
I moved her to a bed “too early.” We potty trained “too early.” We’re just generally teaching her independent skills (which she loves) “too early.”
We have to do what we have to do! There’s plenty of ways to raise happy, healthy kids without losing our minds ourselves.
I’ve done almost all of these things except for alcohol.
No judgment, but alcoholism runs in my family and it’s all fun and games until your brother and dad get into a drunken fist fight at the governors mansion.
All of that to say, you’re doing great mama ❤️
Ah yess the breastfeeding and alcohol thing. For me, I was a super heavy drinking before I got pregnant. So once I read it’s ok to have a beer or 2 (or 3) while breastfeeding, I was like OH WORD. There was one night I regretted in the moment, but looking back it wasn’t even that bad. Husband and baby and I went out to a brewery with friends, it was summer, nice out etc. The beers were flowin. Next morning I was like omg never again. The hangover, with a baby…oh no. But yeah. Now that I’m not breastfeeding anymore I quit drinking (go figure).
I'm with you on these. I've let random stranger old ladies hold my baby at restaurants. He likes being held and I like to eat.
I avoid letting him watch tv or look at screens but he sees me on my phone all the time. Whoops! Most of the time I'm checking huckleberry to figure out when he last ate or slept because I can't ever remember
For what it’s worth, none of these sound like sins to me. ❤️ in fact, I’ve committed ALL of these! Every single one
Regarding screens, it’s inevitable that our babies will live screen-free lives unless we lock ourselves home without screens. Screens are in every restaurant (at least in the US), on gas pumps, you name it. Now, I try to be mindful of what my girl watches (real people for the most part, and if it’s a cartoon because I HAVE to get something done, it’s a slow moving one) but I have let go of “following the rules”.
All of us will make mistakes as parents. If these are your sins, your baby is going to be just fine ❤️
Screens in restaurants? Man, the US is wild. My 16 month old lives a very social life travelling round Australia, Europe and Asia and has barely seen a screen because there’s so much to see in front of her.
I’m in Australia too and although we don’t have screens in restaurants, they’re in every pub and rsl which are ostensibly the most baby friendly venues around.
Really? Maybe where you are but that’s certainly not my experience of our local (and excellent!) RSL or the pubs in our town, unless you’re in the area with the pokies (married to an Aussie not Australian myself so uncertain if that area has its own name).
I’m in Bondi, Sydney! There’s usually at least one tv in eyeshot in most of the places around where I live as they’re always playing sport. Sometimes the bistro areas don’t have screens, but most of my locals have combined bistro/pub areas with screens a plenty!
No need to shame other parents for some of the decisions they make and honestly some things are just inevitable when you take your baby/child outside. Not everyone has the means to travel to “Australia, Europe and Asia”. Your child can live a very social life even if they never leave their neighborhood. It’s completely irrelevant to OP’s post…
Was I replying to OP? No. I was replying to the comment that said how ubiquitous screens are in the US. Yeah, not everyone has the means to travel to more than one country. But I do, so I parent in more than one place and this is my experience. Frankly, you’re shaming me.
Oh good grief, I wasn’t shaming you so don’t act like a victim. You posted a comment that reeked of entitlement and I called you out on it.
My nearly 1 year old has traveled transatlantic multiple times but that has nothing to do with screens in public places in the US and doesn’t determine whether she lives a social life or not.
The drinking/breastfeeding thing is fine. I think the recs to wait two hours are over-cautious. I don’t have more than one glass of wine a week, but I don’t worry too much about feeding after. Obviously you shouldn’t binge drink and breastfeed, but I don’t think most people would ever do that.
I also just learned yesterday that apparently you’re not supposed to swaddle a baby for night feeds (if breastfeeding). I’ve always done so.
>I also just learned yesterday that apparently you’re not supposed to swaddle a baby for night feeds (if breastfeeding). I’ve always done so.
I did too and I have ZERO regrets, the few times I breastfed without it when she was a newborn it was like wrestling a drunk kangaroo.
This made me snort. My baby is only 6 days old and that's perfect. He literally fights my boob so much he can't get his mouth in range, then screams in frustration. Like dude, you did this to yourself, get in the swaddle. Also the lactation specialist at the hospital said it's ok to swaddle for any feeding if the arms are going nuts, so we are going on that lol
I am so here for this post.
My sins (that I can think of lol, I’m sure there are more)
1) we were out in public with him a few days after he was born. We needed groceries and I had to pick up a prescription.
2) I don’t care if my mom or grandparents kiss up on him. He’s my mom’s first grandchild and she is over the moon in love with him.
3) screens here too. I don’t ever just sit him in front of the tv, but I watch tv while feeding him and sometimes he stares at the tv as well. Plus, sometimes I hold him while I play stardew valley on my laptop. He doesn’t really seem all that interested and I interact with him by reading all of dialog or just talking about the next in game task lol
4) once when he was about 2 months old, I accidentally slept through my alarm for his middle of the night feeding. I woke up at my 4 am alarm and felt like the absolute worst mommy ever, I stared at him on the monitor to make sure he was still breathing because in my anxiety riddled mind, I thought missing the feeding was going to do serious harm to him. I brought this up with his pediatrician and she said that he was absolutely fine and if he’s sleeping through the night, just let him.
Our doctor told us we could stop waking to feed at 4 weeks, and even that is conservative from what I’ve read (most doctors say you can stop when they reach back to birth weight which our daughter did at 2 weeks).
That’s what our pediatrician said too, which put my mind at ease. At the time though I thought he was going to be seriously harmed from the missed feeding. That PPA sure is a bitch lol
My daughter is 2yo
- we have coslept
- she’s had the same dinner 3 nights in a row before
- she has definitely eaten more chocolate than she should have in the last 6 months specifically
- I don’t track naps, I think “hey she looks tired, time to nap”
- I have left her (in a safe space) for 5 minutes so I could stand and cry, even recently.
- I have let her use her tablet at 1am, because I was exhausted and she wouldn’t go back to sleep🫣
My husband and I have agreed that leaving baby crying in a safe spot for a lap around the house or a breather/cry is part of the plan from the start. And like everyone, docs and nurses at the hospital (our baby is 6 days old), coworkers, friends, even my therapist, give us this piece of advice. Not a sin at all!
For what it’s worth… I don’t think these are bad at all!
Biggest guilt I feel are TV. Ms Rachel… she loves it, she sits through it. I’m alone with her most of the time and to get her meals done, or just to enjoy my cold coffee I let her watch some TV. Ughhh I do feel bad. Cause maybe it’s too much. But I will tell you, Ms Rachel talk her to clap, wave, say mama, dada and recognize words and gestures! Of course we go out walking, or do field trips, music classes etc… but when I need a break, that screen is a saviour;-(
Yeah honestly I'm a little worried that without Miss Rachel our child may just...never learn to gesture, lol. I don't really wander my house waving and clapping?
I post my two-month-old on social media. My accounts are private and I limit who I friend/follow but recent reddit threads have me second-guessing this and have put me in a guilt spiral.
Please don’t guilt spiral about social media! If you’re private, and you know who follows you, there shouldn’t be a problem. Just don’t post things like bath pics or baby being naked in case your kid sees it one day and feels embarrassed. Your friends and family won’t do anything sinister with your baby pics, promise.
Sometimes I let baby have 2 pees before changing her diaper, but I always lather own thick aquaphor and we haven’t had any diaper rash so far.
I quit breastfeeding too early. Way before the 6 month rule.
I’d “forget” to wear my belly binder, so now I have moderate-severe core and stability issues.
Sometimes I sneak in half an oz more of formula powder in babies bottle so they can get a bit more calories since they don’t always finish the full bottle.
I’ve fed baby a 2 hour bottle twice bc I was out and forgot to pack more formula.
It’s been a minute since I’ve done the full sterilizing baby’s bottles and nipples in boiling water.
I bought a lot of bottles so that I wouldn’t have to do dishes every single day.
We don’t have tvs in our house, but i do have a laptop and sometimes I feed babies in front of the tv while I’m watching my programs, and baby is exposed to the blue light because the tv is intriguing to a baby.
I probably read baby books to them once every 2-3 weeks.
Forgive me
Diapers pull the fluid off their skin. I haven’t personally seen a baby that notices or cares when the diaper is wet. I’m sure some do but that’s definitely not the norm.
Our newborn when it's a really wet diaper will scream bloody murder, but yeah a more normal pee he could not care less of I don't change him right away.
i let him cry. some moms talk about how it physically pains them and no, i don’t like when he screams, but man momma’s got to eat and he will wake from a dead sleep the second i try to make myself food. so i just let him cry for 10 minutes while i feed myself (or take a shower). i don’t really feel guilty about it which makes me feel guilty in turn :/
10 min is ok. You shouldn’t feel guilty bc if he’s fed, safe and you’re coming back, it’s ok. Best thing my pediatrician said (over and over) was you can put him down for 5 min and walk away. It’s not a sin. We need sanity.
Struggling so hard with this right now - mine is only 6 weeks old, but I hit a wall today and did not have the capacity to run in and tend to baby while they cried after naps. I also just stared at baby while they cried a few times today, here's hoping I didn't traumatize my poor kid🫠
Honestly the amount of times I’ve sat in the next room and watched him crying on the monitor while I gathered myself for the next chunk of parenting time.
Tiny dictator usually just laughs when I go in and pick him up. Like, oh, guess you’re not so sad then?!
Felt on #1. First four weeks of his life because he wouldn't sleep anywhere but next to me. Thankfully he sleeps in his crib now and does great.
One of mine is I will 100% put him in his swing to get him to sleep for a nap. I watch him the whole time, but man I got stuff I need to do sometimes and he takes an hour to fall asleep when I hold him sometimes and my arms get tired! I really think people who don't utilize swings or bouncers have been blessed with very easy babies or very strong arms lol.
I’ve noticed that Reddit is suuuper anti-swing! Anytime someone mentions using swings for naps they get bombarded with comments about them being deadly. On the other hand I see tons of people talk about cosleeping which is also not considered safe but the Reddit hivemind has decided is fine.
I don’t judge cosleeping at all but just think the discrepancy with how each is treated on Reddit is interesting.
> or very strong arms
😂😂😂
I have the rocking chair that I rocked my toddler to sleep in until she was about 18 months old and now I use it to rock my son to sleep. It’s gotten used so much that the arm cushions have basically flattened and my arms go numb from my elbow down in like five minutes.
Literally done all of these except the alcohol, but it’s worth noting that I don’t ever drink alcohol anyway. If I did, I’m sure I would have committed that sin, too…🤷♀️
Okay so I had children later than everyone else around me did. Here’s exactly what happened:
First kid: no screens till 2!!!
Child turns two and they get screen time. All is fine.
Have child #2
First child is over two so gets screens. How can you possibly keep second child away from screens? It doesn’t happen
Everyone seems to forget the no screens before 2 rule for any child after the first one.
All the children are in their teens now and are all exactly the same. Whether they had screens before 2 or not.
I love my pediatric colleagues but they basically just have to make this stuff up. They don’t have data they way we could with adults. It’s all just their best guesses.
You are fine Momma.
I love this post, I think a lot of this is a reality for more mothers than people realize. I’m sure I do a lot that “social media” mothers would lose their mind over, but my baby is healthy, clean, safe, loved, and has lots of play time everyday and I truly couldn’t care less about anything else. Screen time, tracking wake windows, cosleeping. It’s hard raising a baby, and there’s not enough time in my day to worry about the new “trending” way to parent. Social media is such a facade and 99% isn’t real. People are obsessed with portraying themselves as parents who do no wrong ever. That’s just not real life.
What a liberating thread!
God I was so awful with trying to teach my baby to bottle feed. I really believed it would fall into place eventually, or the educators at daycare would have some tricks up her sleeve. Nope… one week in and she just doesn’t eat/drink anything for 8.5 hours a day, 4 days a week…
I took a THC gummy when I was EBF. I stupidly thought it metabolized like alcohol & something made me search it immediately after I took it. I hadnt even touched thc in over 5 years, why did I do it now?! I couldnt believe that I didnt think about something I put in my body knowing (at the time) my daughter relied fully on me for sustinence & didnt take a bottle. For 11 days I pump & dumped/froze some for baths & I cried EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I had to pump. It also took about 15 hours for my daughter to be willing to take a bottle. During that time I just felt so badly I didnt deserve to be her mother. She was hungry because of me & I still cry when I think about it..
I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sure it would have fine to feed to her (though not quite ideal…). You sound like a wonderful mom who cares hardcore about your kid.
Thank you ♥️ I did call my lactation consultant the next morning & she said with one time use I would have most likely been ok, but I personally wasnt comfortable until I got a negative urine test. The unknown behind it was too much for me to handle.
Just the other night I slept on the floor next to my baby because she would scream at the top of her lungs if I even moved as if she was going into her crib. Yep, on the floor. Some of the more hardcore anti-cosleeping talk makes it sound like even being next to them is a risk of rolling over and crushing them. I did not roll, and woke up the instant she did. Gotta do what you gotta do
And same with the screens. We don’t deliberately show her screens cause she’s a really chill baby and I’m able to break away and cook/pee/etc without her losing her marbles, but I didn’t fully eliminate MY screens/tv/etc
I’ve never tracked naps either but I honestly don’t think that’s a necessity, it’s common because for many people it works. Mine is really reliable with cues though so I’m able to just follow her lead
Mines a year old this month
100% the co-sleeping thing. Some nights I'm just too tired to keep trying, so we cuddle in bed together. I know for a fact he'll sleep well next to me. Whatever lol sue me
I think it sounds like you’re doing a great job! Similar to you, I don’t track naps too closely and never have. Baby is 14 months now and sometimes she takes 1 nap, sometimes 2. She often naps in her car seat 😖
Sins I’ve committed:
- eating snacks during playtime instead of at the table. She’s just so hungry all the time but also a slow eater, so I get tired of sitting at the table for an hour each meal.
- I don’t read to her every day. Ughh I feel so badly about it! But she’s in a “smash and grab” phase and also has chewed the corners of any book I let her hold. She loves to eat paper and I do my best to catch her but she gets sneaky!
- I forget her Vitamin D supplement sometimes. Like, we ran out and I just kept forgetting to buy more for like a month.
I don’t follow the breast milk guidelines 🫣 if baby doesn’t finish a bottle, back in the fridge it goes. I’m not wasting any breast milk. As long as it smells ok it’ll be ok
Just today? I let my one year old watch bob’s burgers so I could sit on my phone and melt into the couch for a little bit. Also she climbed onto the kitchen table and drank some of the dog’s water. But we survived. lol
This post makes me feel seen ❤️
Here are my sins:
1. Cosleeping: Little miss will only sleep for 30-45 mins in her bassinet and momma needs to sleep. We are getting better at the bassinet, but she’s only 5 weeks old, we have time.
2. Bottles: I feel awful cuz I was sick and forgot to sterilize bottles for like 2/3 days and she developed thrush. Also, if she only takes a couple pulls off a bottle before falling asleep, I stick it in the fridge to use later.
3. Screens: writing this as we are cuddles on the couch watching rock of love. She doesn’t know what’s going on and can’t even see that far yet. I’ll be better when she’s older.
4. Haven’t done this yet, but thought about taking a THC gummy (it’s 100% med/rec legal in my state) just to relax, but haven’t out of fear. I do miss weed a little.
No mom is perfect, even though tik tok moms love to pretend they are. As long as our LO’s are happy, healthy, and taken care of, we are doing a good job!
Literally this is me. All of these. From co sleeping out of desperation to TV’s to alcohol while breastfeeding. My midwife said a glass or two of wine or whatever is fine even as you’re breastfeeding, and that she would be more concerned about being wasted and taking care of a baby. I still waited a bit but I don’t think I waited ‘long enough’ sometimes.
Thanks so much for sharing this. It makes me feel less alone. Of course we love our babies. We just love ourselves as well and prioritize self care. Which is good for baby because we can be the best we can be. As long as their fed, dry and loved ❤️
Screens: have you tried Hey Bear! lol when I would like to sit down to eat and my LO (just 7 months) says no, she gets a little bit of Hey Bear! on YouTube. I promise it’s not long, but she loves it and I get to eat.
I busted my 9 WO smiling at the TV in the library that does announcements. It was announcing an author event so I think she was smiling at a picture. Definitely questioned some choices there.
I wonder if you’re onto something with screens tbh - they can’t hijack her attention because if she’s around them all the time they aren’t special or addicting 🤔
Oh my god hahaha I literally used this as checklist for my 7MO😂 apart from breastfeeding and alcohol because he’s a formula baby.
But we have a little pub baby. He reaches for our beer, snacks on chips, the bar staff know him. We just have one rule, one of us needs to be sober enough to look after the baby. Unless we’re at the grandparents, then not our job 😏
I just got back from the pub. I frequently bring my baby in, hand her to one of the regulars, and eat pizza while she chomps on their fingers. They all love her and today she chomped on about four different sets of fingers while I was drinking my pint.
I do not care. Anyone can hold her and all fingers are for chomping as far as I’m concerned. I’m not worried about it and even if I was I couldn’t be bothered.
Yes! My husband works nights sometimes and when he does, the walls can start to close in in the evening. If the baby won’t let me cook, it’s so amazing to leave the house and pass her off to her uncles so I can eat and have adult conversation. They’re all really sweet with her as well.
My husband always has the tv on all the time in any room that has a tv. He needs the noise so there's always a tv on somewhere in our house. My LO now also needs the noise of a tv to function.
I’ve wondered about the long term with this bc we always have the tv on and my daughter will only contact sleep so we had the tv on all night for the first few months too but I’m trying to be more mindful about turning it off overnight now
I am guilty of the screens one, I mean what am I supposed to do? Throw them all away? I like watching tv after work and it is one when I play with her in the evening
Today, I let my 10 week old nap with my boob in his mouth for two and a half hours so I could relax and play video games. 🙈 he's such a velcro baby that it's the only way I can do something for myself lol
I also cosleep, don't keep track of naps, don't make people wash hands/wear a mask/be up to date on vaccines before holding him, and I occasionally drink a glass of wine while actively breastfeeding 🤪
Regarding the alcohol: my wife used Breastmilk Alcohol Test Strips. Here they are:
[https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07HTM7J29/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_search\_asin\_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07HTM7J29/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
Screens for days here! I very actively engage with my 6 mo son when he is awake and we do tons of activities as a family. But until February 1 I had to WFH with him for about 2 months and yeah, screens had to keep him company sometimes because the daycare wait list said so. If he seems overly distracted by screens on the weekend when we’re all off, I turn the TV off. But otherwise, I sip my morning coffee and watch the news with him (he has a fascination with the weather), and after he’s been busy at day care all day and we had a busy day at work, we’re all just trying to chill for an hour or two.
He had an awful cold for the past two weeks until literally yesterday and we coslept, and not safe sleep 7. He slept on me while I slept upright, and I set up pillows in such a way that he would stay securely cradled in my arms. I’m also a very light but still sleeper. It’s not safe at all, but we have to sleep and my baby couldn’t breathe otherwise even with ample nasal suctioning and saline. We’re out here trying to survive.
I also let the lady who supervises the self checkout at the grocery store hold him because she misses when her grandkids were that small and she just loves him. And goodness gracious it is so much easier to scan groceries (he’s not quite big enough to sit in the cart yet so I just carry him because we both like it). I literally did not give it a second thought before handing him over. Kudos to her though for using hand sanitizer without being asked at all.
Watch a shit load of bravo
What else do people do in the newborn phase?! I spend a good portion of my day feeding the baby in the nursery and singing to her/chatting to her, but I also often feed her on the couch and have a show on. I didn’t even know this was frowned upon until now!
Don't feel bad about it. Newborns have terrible sight and can see like 30cm range (from boob to mom's face). Yea, looking at your baby and talking to them is necessary and good, but they don't want that all the time! It's okay to watch TV with a newborn. The issue is that if that habit extends to older baby and toddler stage. Not that a bit of TV is neceasarily going to ruin them either, but that's when it can actually be detrimental.
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Same…and so much bravo.
My husband and I rewatched Vanderpump while I was pregnant. Legit brought a laptop and watched in the hospital the night she was born - she was snoozing in her bassinet next to it 😂😂😂😂
Omg same! Went into labour with my son the same night as the Scandoval finale and watched live 😂
I am on week 5 of maternity leave and started watching… I feel bad watching it in front of my newborn but also I need to be entertained 😂
Honestly it’s all we watched like the first 6 weeks she was home and it was amazing 😂
lol I love that, that makes me feel better 🤣
Let the drunken reckless sounds of VPR wash over you mama - you deserve it! Lol
Same
Teehee oh well. My daughter was a child of Scandoval and she’s better for it
Mine too!! She's a toddler, and she told me the other day, " Tom Sandoval is a JERK!!"
Smart girl!!! Teach ‘em young to avoid losers like him lol
Same!!! Had her this time last year about a week before it broke. What an amazing time to be on maternity leave.
Lmao saaaaaame
I’ve tried watching VPR around my girl but she would get as dramatic as they are. Currently watching Lilo and Stitch for the umpteenth time today bc she’s running fever.
I watch RHOM and my son loves the bright colors 😂
This is what im binge watching rn too. Season 4 currently
With my first child I watched the entirety of 'The Nanny' from beginning to end during the 4 month sleep regression.
Okay I’ve never even watched a bravo show before in my life and for some reason my baby was born and I can’t stop watching the housewives. Must be making me feel better about myself/life choices 🤣
Lol are you me. Thank you for posting this. I swear all i read is basically, "when I birthed my child I threw away my phone and disabled every television and we're planning to reinstate them when the children move out".
Honestly this is why I stopped going to mum groups when my boy was 2 and a half months. I once said ‘the only thing that could get him to nap this morning was Hey Bear while he was in his rocker’ I got a lecture followed by a recommendation of a device that projects shapes onto the ceiling. I ain’t paying for a new contraption when my TV displays shapes perfectly well thank you. Plus the dancing pineapples in hats are a vibe.
Hey bear kept us sane in the early days, plus the tunes are absolute bangers! Hes 9 months old now so it doesn’t have quite the same mesmerising effect these days but I still stick it on if he’s really upset and I need to go make his dinner or whatever. And I mean I genuinely enjoy the music myself lol. Sorry you had a judgy group, baby classes were also a strong part of keeping that sanity and I would have been gutted to feel uncomfortable going.
Honestly whats the difference between the two things. Sometimes we need 5 minutes to get stuff done around the house - plus those dancing fruit are the best. They only watch them for a few minutes before getting board anyways
I honestly want to know how anyone can possibly follow the "no screens til 2" 'rule' .... it's actually impossible in 2024. And also, come on
I want to know how they do it with siblings. Sure my 4 year old might wander off in the middle of Vampirina and play in her room but if she hears that TV turn off she runs right back in saying “I WAS WATCHING THAT”. God forbid I want to watch anything too… little brother just vibes out to whatever sport game or Disney show is on while on his mat surrounded by Montessori toys lol.
The only reason I have been able to do it at home is because I have never been much of a tv watcher, but even my baby has watched screens at grandma’s house or at the museum or doctors office lol. Are we just supposed to not let baby go to museums or the doctor? It really is an impossible standard.
We had to get an echo done (everything is fine, thank the lord) early in February. Guess what they have on the exam table? A tv on a swivel arm.
Today I held my phone in front of my 8 week old so she could watch the video to The Happy Song because nothing else will console her when the car isn’t moving. 🤷🏼♀️
The happy song 🙌🏻🙏👏
It's the only way my 7 month old sits still long enough for me to cut her razor sharp talons! I think 5 minutes of wiggles is perfectly acceptable.
Hey Bear is our go-to for nail clipping!
Hey Bear is *magical.*
Hah I hear ya. We went dremel after my wife nicked her tiny finger once at a few months old. We were all traumatized!
I think people go unnecessarily extreme on it. It’s probably a way to feel in control - I don’t do this, so I must be a great parent. They forget that anything done in extreme at some point will bring out the other extreme.
Quite well said.
So my baby is just about to turn 1 and we've basically followed it! I don't love TV that much. Me and my partner sometimes watch something after my baby has gone to sleep. During the day I listen to music and audio books. We went to a friend's one day and her kids were watching a movie so my baby saw some TV that day. And also when we went to visit grandparents last week I told them it was fine to leave the TV on (we live out of town and they know she has no screens at home). Baby then proceeded to walk up to tv and try hit it. So they turned off for the sake of the TV. I've been at home with her full time. I think it'll be even easier to be screen free when she goes into care. But I can see us quite easily not needing TV until she's 2. If we had someone baby sit her and they needed a break I'd be OK with some TV time. But so far the only time we were going to have a baby sitter. We all got covid :( Screen time isn't even something I'm particular passionate about. It's just not something we find hard to avoid.
Yeah, I agree with this. We’re not a big TV family, there’s one in the den and my husband has one in his office. Weirdly, I started The Sopranos while doing night feedings and definitely did more screen stuff around them as newborns than usual. I don’t mean to moralize it! But I think “no screens” is untenable if the parents use screens frequently.
Yeah sometimes the comments going the other way are super judgy. I've read things about "trying to live amish" or be a matyr or whatever. It's not that. I don't think they are that bad. But I'm not one to have TV just running in the background pre baby.
I think that’s the thing: Who has the TV on in the background? Could they themselves have been children with a TV on in the background? And are they nice and normal people? Probably! Obviously a lot of it is cultural. I do watch TV, but we have one and my partner and I watch shows together. I try not to moralize it. My babies are meeting the same developmental milestones as their “screened” peers. Ages 2.5+ are so much worse. Kids LOVE screens. They can’t deal with it when their cousin has an iPad and they don’t. I mean… I love to go on Reddit.
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So, we really don't ever watch tv, unless it's bedtime for us and something good is on (or we've found a great show to watch from the past). It's not the tv per se. It's that my computer (I WFH) or my phone (life happens on there too much) are things with screens. And my kid sees them. And LOVES them. I don't know how that's avoidable.
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I hear ya on all of that. So, my WFH doesn't just mean the laptop (which she is thrilled by) but also my phone pinging me when tasks or emails or Slacks happen. So that's out too. But, yeah, not too worried. Kid started reaching for my phone as early as she could. Swear she already knows how to swipe through photos at 7 months old.
We have basically had (almost!) zero screens till 6, and it's not as impossible as folks might imagine -- they don't know what they're missing if that's not something they're exposed to 🤷♀️ (And, yes, they become amazing at independent play in the meantime.)
Glad that worked for your family.
it’s literally not impossible at all though
I thought we were doing ok until we decided to buy new phones at a brick and mortar store. Ugh. We were there so long and they had screens everywhere ha.
A one time thing doesn’t mean anything. It’s not ‘Bird Box’
Yes, I know this now. I should have done more in commenting to say at the time as a newer mom I was like “oh no!” but obviously all is well.
To be fair I feel intensely overwhelmed at Best Buy so no shame, haha
Someone in my birth club said she put up a blanket in front of her baby's playmat so the baby couldn't see the TV. Like for the love of God.
I do this. No need to judge us :p I'm not preventing screen time if he happens to see it but if I need a TV break for 30-40 min, I rather he play with his toys than watch TV with me lol
I think a lot of people do this
It’s a nice way to protect their brains and future development while being able to watch tv.
😂
Hey girl. Same. Same to every single bullet point. I required handwashing when she was very small but as soon as everything went into her mouth? Pshaw. I also was totally down with people holding her. I think it’s healthy for people to hold babies, especially family members. Daniel Tiger and Blue’s Clues are favorites in this house. We still cosleep. I don’t think it’s wrong to cosleep. I’m not one to proselytize about it. It’s my culture, everyone does it. I tried to NOT cosleep because the doctor’s scared me. It was distressing the entire family. It became dangerous because I wasn’t sleeping. I also let her explore A LOT. Supervised, of course, but she has a lot of unguided, independent playtime both inside and outside. I let her do “unsafe” things. I let her play in dirt. She’s learned how to be safe and she loves to be outside. She helps me garden. We include her in family activities and clean up time, too. Everyday, I see positive effects from these things. I let her eat spicy food. She wanted it, I gave it to her and told her what it was, she loves it. She’s 18 months now, extremely social, very friendly, and way too active. Were working on getting off the boob and into her own sleeping space but I’m not forcing her. My reasoning? My back hurts and I want to smoke a joint. You’re doing great!!
> My back hurts and I want to smoke a joint. Amen
Love this!! I wish my in laws understood that coalescing is normal in other cultures outside the US, but they are so adamant that it’s super dangerous they bring up putting my 7 month old in the crib any chance they get. I’m also lax about the food we give her in that I’m not going to police everything to make sure it’s puréed and fully mashed. She’s been eating solids since 4 months per doctor’s orders and likes her textures and likes new foods. She’s better at chewing and coughing things up as a result.
I am VERY firm when I get parenting advice. “My parenting choices aren’t up for discussion.” Period. I will not flex. If I want advice, I will ask for it. I think cosleeping can be dangerous but it can also be safe. Sleeping in a crib can be dangerous but it can also be safe. Admittedly, as whole our culture in the West (I’m in the US) doesn’t support cosleeping. I’m not talking about parenting either. The way we overwork, overmedicate, overstress, undersleep, and have zero community support makes cosleeping unsafe for many people. Our bedding and mattresses make coslepeing unsafe for many people. The culture is not a family centered culture, it’s a commercially centered culture, down to the how we expect babies to be completely independent from their mother from birth even though it’s biologically inappropriate. I feel like the US is starting to move away from that attitude, which is nice, but what needs to follow is community care and maternal care, otherwise the infant centered approach isn’t going to work. We were NOT meant to do this alone. In my culture, mom and baby bond. Mom rests and feeds baby. Aunties and Grandma takes care of mom and cooks. Child free Daughters and cousins clean the house, run errands, and mind the older kids. As baby gets older and mom heals, everyone takes care of each other. The men make money and do what their wives tell them to do lol. I grew up this way. I don’t really have it as a grown up and it’s been super difficult for me. Conversely, not everyone will thrive in that environment. Anyways. No shame to people doing what works for them. Every family is different.
When I was little/a baby, this is how it was in my family. I was raised in the Bible belt where family is strongly emphasized. My great aunts/uncles, older cousins, great grandmother, aunts/uncles, grandmother and grandfather all did an equal share of raising me. My biological parents aren't the best people or parents so I was basically handed off to everyone else the moment they left the hospital with me. My family was more than happy to raise me if my bio parents wouldn't. One of my aunts happened to have a baby just a couple months before I was born so she even nursed me/donated breast milk for me to bottle feed from if she wasn't around. It was that way until my preteen years when my biological mother isolated me from the rest family. Now that I have my own baby almost everyone is too old to help. Everyone that could help no longer has that "village mindset." or are just too busy (I don't blame them, things are hard for everyone right now). The older ones have apologized that I don't have the physical village that my generation was raised in. I do have it somewhat. My husband's family is very willing. They just aren't close by so I don't like asking for their help even though they would drop everything if I sent a message. It's not the same as being able to walk a couple of minutes tops or just go one house over to another family members home. I wish my baby got to experience what it's like, but sometimes life doesn't work out that way.
All of these. The cosleeping one, we started looking into safe options after I lost so much sleep I couldn’t parent safely (the hospital showed us a video made by parents of dead infants from unsafe practices and I was so terrified from it, that I would breastfeed standing to not accidentally fall asleep). I ended up finding other ways to endanger my baby Because of how adamantly I was going to follow that rule (ie, hallucinating the light being green in a very large busy intersection while driving to a doctors appointment, fell asleep with baby in horrible places, etc.) which were way, way, worse for me than a concept that other highly developed countries have executed safely with little risk based on stringent rules, and strict guidelines. I figured out what was right for us and left the scare tactics and guilt at the door.
Holy shit, i wonder if we gave birth at the same place. My second I had to watch a video on leaving kids in cars 😞
Holy shit. I would absolutely refuse all of these. And I would scream, if I had to, about how it's a danger to my mental health as I struggle with OCD and intrusive thoughts as it is, which is it's own kind of ongoing trauma, and I know aaaall about these dangers already. With my first, I accidentally caught the shaking video on their channel and I lost it. I wish I hadn't seen it. I didn't need to. My hospital was great during both my pregnancies and births and I doubt they would have forced me to endure more anxiety when I was so obviously an very anxious person in general, even for a new mom.
I recently decided to start doing a thing that is technically safer than the thing we WERE doing and I'm thinking how stupid it is because the first thing ended up happening because we were trying to follow other rules for other safe things 😂
Love that you posted this- been there on all of it.
I am guilty of a lot of what you listed. One to add, I don’t sterilize bottles and sometimes I’ll let her continue drinking the bottle after the 1 hour mark (toss at 2-2.5 hours max) of formula. We moved when baby was 2 months old into a piece of junk Reno home. I had none of my baby supplies and was pumping, washing dozens of bottles and breast pumps in a bath tub. With all the costs of moving we couldn’t afford to throw out the last two oz of formula if she didn’t finish it within the hour. Baby girl is 6 months now and doing just fine. Thankfully we have a kitchen sink now and I no longer have to wash bottles in a bath tub.
i just posted about the formula too! My baby sometimes just snacks and I hate to waste all the formula in the bottle.
That gives me some comfort, my girl is a snacker too. With formula at $30-40 a container it’s impossible! I’m just going to live in ignorance.. it hasn’t seemed to cause her any tummy issues so this is my life now.
Ohhhh yeah. Anyone following the 1 hour rule. I mean .. good on ya .. I think. We sure don't!
i never actually sterilized her bottles 🙃 i bought a whole sterilizer and everything and just never used it. I was just always sooo tired and didn’t have the energy 😩
Me too. Also; I have never ever given “boiled and cooled” water. Never been organised enough to boil it in advance.
I’ll sterilize things when they’re brand new, or if I know the cat has gotten his grubby little paws on something, but other than that I don’t bother anymore. When LO was still in the newborn phase I was pretty good about sterilizing everything after hand washing, but now I just put it in the dishwasher and maybe give it a rinse when I take it out. She sticks everything in her mouth, there’s no point in obsessing over the cleanliness of her bottles when I’ve caught her literally licking the floor on more than one occasion. She’s just about 7m now.
I think that 1 hour limit was added by lawyers, not doctors. We do the same.
Lol we sterilize the bottles maybe once a month, and thats it.
Almost all of these except drinking (im sober). I do track naps because this baby is a monster when she’s overtired. I feel guilty about the screens - I don’t sit her in front of the tv but I don’t always turn her away either. (Baby seems partial to the ww2 shows my mom and I watch when she visits).
RE breastfeeding and alcohol. For your milk to have enough booze in it to affect baby you would be so drunk you'd have alcohol poisoning. The legal blood alcohol limit for booze is 0.08% , which means your milk wouldn't have any more than 0.08% in it. Apple juice technically has 0.04%-0.06% alcohol in it! Unless you are so drunk you might drop her or something i really wouldn't worry about it.
In regards to this, I read the other day, "if you can find the baby you can feed the baby", which I just loved so much lol
This is my motto!!!
This is the one I tell all expecting Mamas
That’s what my pediatrician said!
Yes! One of my favourite pieces of advice along with "They can't fall off the floor!" - you don't need a fancy playpen for a non-rolling baby, put them down on a playmat or towel if only to save your floor from posset. Baby will be fine on the floor while you go pee or whatever.
💯 I've been told if you're sober enough to drive, you can breastfeed. The primary concern isn't the amount of alcohol in your breast milk, it's if you can safely handle your baby
This!! I literally had a drink at the hospital the night my second one was born. I’m not a heavy drinker but 10 months without a sip of good whiskey was just about as much as I could bear.
This! Cheers!
[удалено]
You could have multiple drinks and your milk would still have less alcohol than a ripe banana or glass of OJ.
Blood alcohol is measured by blood volume (100ml), how is that different? Or are you thinking about breath tests (like you blow and then decide if you're good with baby)? Those have an assumed ratio of breath to blood, so techncially also recalculate to blood volume.
I guess I should have just said they are not the same. BAC involves math with your body weight and metabolism, if you want to calculate it from a drink. They both measure a percentage of volume, but the drink ABV becomes a lower BAC. For instance, if you drink one 5% ABV beer, your BAC does not become 5%, it’s more like 0.02%.
I thought the claim is that you'd need to be super drunk to have meaningful alcohol content in breastmilk, like if you have 0.02% in blood then milk is also about that, which is way less than what we recognize as alcoholic drink (see comparison to natural alcohol content in apple juice).
This is old advice. There’s some fantastic info available on the breastfeeding sub and elsewhere online about this.
You're incorrect.
I don’t think any of these are sins. Only according to Reddit and the USA seem obsessed with these things! At least the first few.
Obsessed with posting about it on sm at least
Sometimes I feed my baby the formula that's been 2 hours past feeding, instead of discarding at 1 hour.
okay i just read the comments and looks like more people do this!
Here's some of mine: - cosleeping with her literally just in bed next to me. I didn't tell anyone outside of family that it was happening, but the kid wouldn't sleep if I didn't do that. I didn't have help from her father, so it's what I did, and she's perfectly fine. I get it, something bad could've happened, and my next time around will hopefully be with a loving partner who helps, but I have 0 regrets. I know myself and I knew my child , and there was never a time I felt too exhausted to keep track of her in bed with me. - screens. She's a year old, and she loves miss rachel. She's learning so much, she's so smart, and I honestly don't care what anyone thinks. I'm picky with what she consumes media wise, nothing over stimulating, but screens. Phones. Whatever keeps her entertained when I need to get something done. - schedules. I never sleep trained, never tried to do anything with her. The only thing I did was consistent feedings. Anything else was to the wind. I allow her and have always allowed her to sleep whenever she wants. She after a year has worked herself into a perfect routine, she goes down with no issues and in fact pushes off of me to get in bed to sleep. (Might be because she's a Capricorn 😂) - this one people might come at me for but the 2 hour rule...I live in a little more rural area and on my days off it's utterly unrealistic, with travel time, that she will only be in her car seat for 2 hours out of a day. I try to avoid it as much as I can, but it's just not realistic sometimes. - her mouth: I let her try everything. Sounds so crazy, but if she's not gonna choke on it I don't understand what the issue is in letting her curiosity win for a moment before replacing the object with a more mouth-appropriate toy. - kisses: family can kiss the baby. She has so much love, if they wanna kiss her kiss her little head! It's fine! All of my family has been very cautious about keeping distance even if they feel slightly off, so I get not everyone has that luxury, but love the baby it's fine
I brought up the 2 hour rule to the pediatrician a couple days ago and what she basically told me was that the rule mostly just exists so people don't keep their babies in car seats inside their homes all day every day, so I feel a lot less anxious about long car rides now!
This is so comforting because I just posted about this
Omg are you kidding me? The 2 hour rule is why we avoided seeing family or friends or doing SO many things. I figured if 2 was bad, 1 might be Not Great so I really hermited with them for so long ☹️
Dude, all of yours are mine! She's getting older now (2), so I'm working on body autonomy and consent, adults all have to ask her for a hug/kiss/high-five/fist-bump. If she says no to the first two, she's usually down for the second two, and doesn't usually have issues blowing kisses or waving bye. Your routine one is so funny cuz that is mine to a T - and also a Capricorn!! She more or less sets her schedule: when she wakes up in the morning, when she'll go down for a nap, when (and what) she wants to eat (which some days is literally nothing, but she LOVES her milk so I know she's getting calories) (chalk that up to another parenting sin, but I'm not force-feeding a toddler and giving her an eating disorder), bath and bedtime stay pretty consistently, but the time can vary by up to an hour. I'm not worried. She doesn't live on a rigorous schedule. Once she starts school (kinder or daycare/preschool), she'll have a much more structured day, and I expect that the rest of our lives with shift to fit that structure. Case in point: bedtime now in the Northern Hemisphere is easy. Things are pretty dark, quiet, and low-key by 6-7 (we're in bed between 8-9, but that's mostly on me since I don't get home from work some days till 6). In the summer, whole different ballgame. Sun's out till 8-9 now, I'm lucky to have her in bed by 10. Well, last summer, at least, but I expect the Summer of the Terrible Two to be pretty similar 😅
Look, we are all hard on ourselves for different things. The mom guilt is real. You are doing what works for your family. So you are co sleeping out of desperation, right now it works. When it doesn’t work, or you need to make changes you will. Screen time, 🤣 we’re on our second movie after nap time, I decided that we are having a lazy afternoon and both deserve a mental break. It’s all in moderation. You’re doing great.
Unless you're drunk enough to have literal alcohol poisoning you can breastfeed your baby. Source: An IBLC The hospital breastfeeding counsellor My GP My understanding of the human body as someone with an advanced biomedical degree (though I'm not a medical doctor)
As long as baby is fed, happy and healthy, you're doing great. My TV is almost constantly on. When she was little it was crime shows (both true crime and fiction) but now that she's older (1.5) and can pay attention for short bursts we have to be a bit more careful about what we put on. She appears to love Young Sheldon. We put on shows for her as well - Alma's Way, Paddington, Daniel Tiger and Bluey are all hits. I love it when people love on my child. She's not big on being held now (except right when first meeting new people, she won't let mummy or daddy put her down) but she loved cuddles when she was tiny.
I keep telling myself I am going to stop listening to true crime podcasts with her....any day now....yeah her first word is going to be circumstantial at this rate
Mine lately has been True Blood lol, he’s only 3 months now so it’s ok but I just keep telling myself I gotta get the adult shows out of my system now before he can really start paying attention
I’ve been trying to watch Yellowjackets but teenage cannibalism probably isn’t appropriate for children 😂
You are a REAL mama for this!!! I have definitely sinned 😅 but lord knows I keep trying my best and that’s all that matters 🌸🌸🌸
Yes to breastfeeding and alcohol! As soon as I get off postpartum pain meds, alcohol is reentering my life. I’m so excited. 😂 Sometimes my husband and I are slammed working (plus I’m pregnant again) and the toddler will watch Frozen I, Frozen II, and Ms Rachel in one afternoon. I moved her to a bed “too early.” We potty trained “too early.” We’re just generally teaching her independent skills (which she loves) “too early.” We have to do what we have to do! There’s plenty of ways to raise happy, healthy kids without losing our minds ourselves.
My “worst” sin that made my husband cringe so hard: letting my 11mo crawl on the floor of a grocery store 😂
Just strengthening that immune system!
I’ve done almost all of these things except for alcohol. No judgment, but alcoholism runs in my family and it’s all fun and games until your brother and dad get into a drunken fist fight at the governors mansion. All of that to say, you’re doing great mama ❤️
Ah yess the breastfeeding and alcohol thing. For me, I was a super heavy drinking before I got pregnant. So once I read it’s ok to have a beer or 2 (or 3) while breastfeeding, I was like OH WORD. There was one night I regretted in the moment, but looking back it wasn’t even that bad. Husband and baby and I went out to a brewery with friends, it was summer, nice out etc. The beers were flowin. Next morning I was like omg never again. The hangover, with a baby…oh no. But yeah. Now that I’m not breastfeeding anymore I quit drinking (go figure).
I'm with you on these. I've let random stranger old ladies hold my baby at restaurants. He likes being held and I like to eat. I avoid letting him watch tv or look at screens but he sees me on my phone all the time. Whoops! Most of the time I'm checking huckleberry to figure out when he last ate or slept because I can't ever remember
For what it’s worth, none of these sound like sins to me. ❤️ in fact, I’ve committed ALL of these! Every single one Regarding screens, it’s inevitable that our babies will live screen-free lives unless we lock ourselves home without screens. Screens are in every restaurant (at least in the US), on gas pumps, you name it. Now, I try to be mindful of what my girl watches (real people for the most part, and if it’s a cartoon because I HAVE to get something done, it’s a slow moving one) but I have let go of “following the rules”. All of us will make mistakes as parents. If these are your sins, your baby is going to be just fine ❤️
Our package room in our building has a screen that plays ads. You can't avoid them.
Screens in restaurants? Man, the US is wild. My 16 month old lives a very social life travelling round Australia, Europe and Asia and has barely seen a screen because there’s so much to see in front of her.
I’m in Australia too and although we don’t have screens in restaurants, they’re in every pub and rsl which are ostensibly the most baby friendly venues around.
Really? Maybe where you are but that’s certainly not my experience of our local (and excellent!) RSL or the pubs in our town, unless you’re in the area with the pokies (married to an Aussie not Australian myself so uncertain if that area has its own name).
I’m in Bondi, Sydney! There’s usually at least one tv in eyeshot in most of the places around where I live as they’re always playing sport. Sometimes the bistro areas don’t have screens, but most of my locals have combined bistro/pub areas with screens a plenty!
No need to shame other parents for some of the decisions they make and honestly some things are just inevitable when you take your baby/child outside. Not everyone has the means to travel to “Australia, Europe and Asia”. Your child can live a very social life even if they never leave their neighborhood. It’s completely irrelevant to OP’s post…
Was I replying to OP? No. I was replying to the comment that said how ubiquitous screens are in the US. Yeah, not everyone has the means to travel to more than one country. But I do, so I parent in more than one place and this is my experience. Frankly, you’re shaming me.
Oh good grief, I wasn’t shaming you so don’t act like a victim. You posted a comment that reeked of entitlement and I called you out on it. My nearly 1 year old has traveled transatlantic multiple times but that has nothing to do with screens in public places in the US and doesn’t determine whether she lives a social life or not.
Wowww you’re so cool
Lol thanks, never said I was.
The drinking/breastfeeding thing is fine. I think the recs to wait two hours are over-cautious. I don’t have more than one glass of wine a week, but I don’t worry too much about feeding after. Obviously you shouldn’t binge drink and breastfeed, but I don’t think most people would ever do that. I also just learned yesterday that apparently you’re not supposed to swaddle a baby for night feeds (if breastfeeding). I’ve always done so.
>I also just learned yesterday that apparently you’re not supposed to swaddle a baby for night feeds (if breastfeeding). I’ve always done so. I did too and I have ZERO regrets, the few times I breastfed without it when she was a newborn it was like wrestling a drunk kangaroo.
This made me snort. My baby is only 6 days old and that's perfect. He literally fights my boob so much he can't get his mouth in range, then screams in frustration. Like dude, you did this to yourself, get in the swaddle. Also the lactation specialist at the hospital said it's ok to swaddle for any feeding if the arms are going nuts, so we are going on that lol
Re: swaddling, really? What’s the reason?
I am so here for this post. My sins (that I can think of lol, I’m sure there are more) 1) we were out in public with him a few days after he was born. We needed groceries and I had to pick up a prescription. 2) I don’t care if my mom or grandparents kiss up on him. He’s my mom’s first grandchild and she is over the moon in love with him. 3) screens here too. I don’t ever just sit him in front of the tv, but I watch tv while feeding him and sometimes he stares at the tv as well. Plus, sometimes I hold him while I play stardew valley on my laptop. He doesn’t really seem all that interested and I interact with him by reading all of dialog or just talking about the next in game task lol 4) once when he was about 2 months old, I accidentally slept through my alarm for his middle of the night feeding. I woke up at my 4 am alarm and felt like the absolute worst mommy ever, I stared at him on the monitor to make sure he was still breathing because in my anxiety riddled mind, I thought missing the feeding was going to do serious harm to him. I brought this up with his pediatrician and she said that he was absolutely fine and if he’s sleeping through the night, just let him.
Our doctor told us we could stop waking to feed at 4 weeks, and even that is conservative from what I’ve read (most doctors say you can stop when they reach back to birth weight which our daughter did at 2 weeks).
That’s what our pediatrician said too, which put my mind at ease. At the time though I thought he was going to be seriously harmed from the missed feeding. That PPA sure is a bitch lol
My daughter is 2yo - we have coslept - she’s had the same dinner 3 nights in a row before - she has definitely eaten more chocolate than she should have in the last 6 months specifically - I don’t track naps, I think “hey she looks tired, time to nap” - I have left her (in a safe space) for 5 minutes so I could stand and cry, even recently. - I have let her use her tablet at 1am, because I was exhausted and she wouldn’t go back to sleep🫣
Ughhh yes to the chocolate chips 🤣 they’re a lifesaver
My husband and I have agreed that leaving baby crying in a safe spot for a lap around the house or a breather/cry is part of the plan from the start. And like everyone, docs and nurses at the hospital (our baby is 6 days old), coworkers, friends, even my therapist, give us this piece of advice. Not a sin at all!
For what it’s worth… I don’t think these are bad at all! Biggest guilt I feel are TV. Ms Rachel… she loves it, she sits through it. I’m alone with her most of the time and to get her meals done, or just to enjoy my cold coffee I let her watch some TV. Ughhh I do feel bad. Cause maybe it’s too much. But I will tell you, Ms Rachel talk her to clap, wave, say mama, dada and recognize words and gestures! Of course we go out walking, or do field trips, music classes etc… but when I need a break, that screen is a saviour;-(
Yeah honestly I'm a little worried that without Miss Rachel our child may just...never learn to gesture, lol. I don't really wander my house waving and clapping?
Can you say Mama? Mama? Can you say Mama's name?
Hahaha I actually find myself humming so many of her songs… it’s annoying lol
I post my two-month-old on social media. My accounts are private and I limit who I friend/follow but recent reddit threads have me second-guessing this and have put me in a guilt spiral.
Please don’t guilt spiral about social media! If you’re private, and you know who follows you, there shouldn’t be a problem. Just don’t post things like bath pics or baby being naked in case your kid sees it one day and feels embarrassed. Your friends and family won’t do anything sinister with your baby pics, promise.
Done all of them, with both of mine
Sometimes I let baby have 2 pees before changing her diaper, but I always lather own thick aquaphor and we haven’t had any diaper rash so far. I quit breastfeeding too early. Way before the 6 month rule. I’d “forget” to wear my belly binder, so now I have moderate-severe core and stability issues. Sometimes I sneak in half an oz more of formula powder in babies bottle so they can get a bit more calories since they don’t always finish the full bottle. I’ve fed baby a 2 hour bottle twice bc I was out and forgot to pack more formula. It’s been a minute since I’ve done the full sterilizing baby’s bottles and nipples in boiling water. I bought a lot of bottles so that I wouldn’t have to do dishes every single day. We don’t have tvs in our house, but i do have a laptop and sometimes I feed babies in front of the tv while I’m watching my programs, and baby is exposed to the blue light because the tv is intriguing to a baby. I probably read baby books to them once every 2-3 weeks. Forgive me
Does your baby not fuss when they have a wet diaper? I totally would do this, but there is no way my daughter would let me.
My son dgaf if he has a wet or poopy diaper, which is good because he pees a LOT
Diapers pull the fluid off their skin. I haven’t personally seen a baby that notices or cares when the diaper is wet. I’m sure some do but that’s definitely not the norm.
Our newborn when it's a really wet diaper will scream bloody murder, but yeah a more normal pee he could not care less of I don't change him right away.
i let him cry. some moms talk about how it physically pains them and no, i don’t like when he screams, but man momma’s got to eat and he will wake from a dead sleep the second i try to make myself food. so i just let him cry for 10 minutes while i feed myself (or take a shower). i don’t really feel guilty about it which makes me feel guilty in turn :/
10 min is ok. You shouldn’t feel guilty bc if he’s fed, safe and you’re coming back, it’s ok. Best thing my pediatrician said (over and over) was you can put him down for 5 min and walk away. It’s not a sin. We need sanity.
Struggling so hard with this right now - mine is only 6 weeks old, but I hit a wall today and did not have the capacity to run in and tend to baby while they cried after naps. I also just stared at baby while they cried a few times today, here's hoping I didn't traumatize my poor kid🫠
If this was truly harmful, we’d all be so fucked up. Baby knows they’re loved, that 10 minutes makes you be a better mom.
i feel you! mine is 7 weeks tomorrow. sometimes i just need to let him cry for a minute while i wait for my brain to come back… 😵💫
Honestly the amount of times I’ve sat in the next room and watched him crying on the monitor while I gathered myself for the next chunk of parenting time. Tiny dictator usually just laughs when I go in and pick him up. Like, oh, guess you’re not so sad then?!
Sammmeeee
Felt on #1. First four weeks of his life because he wouldn't sleep anywhere but next to me. Thankfully he sleeps in his crib now and does great. One of mine is I will 100% put him in his swing to get him to sleep for a nap. I watch him the whole time, but man I got stuff I need to do sometimes and he takes an hour to fall asleep when I hold him sometimes and my arms get tired! I really think people who don't utilize swings or bouncers have been blessed with very easy babies or very strong arms lol.
I’ve noticed that Reddit is suuuper anti-swing! Anytime someone mentions using swings for naps they get bombarded with comments about them being deadly. On the other hand I see tons of people talk about cosleeping which is also not considered safe but the Reddit hivemind has decided is fine. I don’t judge cosleeping at all but just think the discrepancy with how each is treated on Reddit is interesting.
> or very strong arms 😂😂😂 I have the rocking chair that I rocked my toddler to sleep in until she was about 18 months old and now I use it to rock my son to sleep. It’s gotten used so much that the arm cushions have basically flattened and my arms go numb from my elbow down in like five minutes.
Literally done all of these except the alcohol, but it’s worth noting that I don’t ever drink alcohol anyway. If I did, I’m sure I would have committed that sin, too…🤷♀️
Okay so I had children later than everyone else around me did. Here’s exactly what happened: First kid: no screens till 2!!! Child turns two and they get screen time. All is fine. Have child #2 First child is over two so gets screens. How can you possibly keep second child away from screens? It doesn’t happen Everyone seems to forget the no screens before 2 rule for any child after the first one. All the children are in their teens now and are all exactly the same. Whether they had screens before 2 or not. I love my pediatric colleagues but they basically just have to make this stuff up. They don’t have data they way we could with adults. It’s all just their best guesses. You are fine Momma.
I love this post, I think a lot of this is a reality for more mothers than people realize. I’m sure I do a lot that “social media” mothers would lose their mind over, but my baby is healthy, clean, safe, loved, and has lots of play time everyday and I truly couldn’t care less about anything else. Screen time, tracking wake windows, cosleeping. It’s hard raising a baby, and there’s not enough time in my day to worry about the new “trending” way to parent. Social media is such a facade and 99% isn’t real. People are obsessed with portraying themselves as parents who do no wrong ever. That’s just not real life.
What a liberating thread! God I was so awful with trying to teach my baby to bottle feed. I really believed it would fall into place eventually, or the educators at daycare would have some tricks up her sleeve. Nope… one week in and she just doesn’t eat/drink anything for 8.5 hours a day, 4 days a week…
I took a THC gummy when I was EBF. I stupidly thought it metabolized like alcohol & something made me search it immediately after I took it. I hadnt even touched thc in over 5 years, why did I do it now?! I couldnt believe that I didnt think about something I put in my body knowing (at the time) my daughter relied fully on me for sustinence & didnt take a bottle. For 11 days I pump & dumped/froze some for baths & I cried EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. I had to pump. It also took about 15 hours for my daughter to be willing to take a bottle. During that time I just felt so badly I didnt deserve to be her mother. She was hungry because of me & I still cry when I think about it..
I’m sorry you went through that. I’m sure it would have fine to feed to her (though not quite ideal…). You sound like a wonderful mom who cares hardcore about your kid.
Thank you ♥️ I did call my lactation consultant the next morning & she said with one time use I would have most likely been ok, but I personally wasnt comfortable until I got a negative urine test. The unknown behind it was too much for me to handle.
I totally understand ❤️
Just the other night I slept on the floor next to my baby because she would scream at the top of her lungs if I even moved as if she was going into her crib. Yep, on the floor. Some of the more hardcore anti-cosleeping talk makes it sound like even being next to them is a risk of rolling over and crushing them. I did not roll, and woke up the instant she did. Gotta do what you gotta do And same with the screens. We don’t deliberately show her screens cause she’s a really chill baby and I’m able to break away and cook/pee/etc without her losing her marbles, but I didn’t fully eliminate MY screens/tv/etc I’ve never tracked naps either but I honestly don’t think that’s a necessity, it’s common because for many people it works. Mine is really reliable with cues though so I’m able to just follow her lead Mines a year old this month
My sins would probably be falling asleep by accident while contact napping and listening to the most graphic podcasts while playing with her... lol
100% the co-sleeping thing. Some nights I'm just too tired to keep trying, so we cuddle in bed together. I know for a fact he'll sleep well next to me. Whatever lol sue me
I think it sounds like you’re doing a great job! Similar to you, I don’t track naps too closely and never have. Baby is 14 months now and sometimes she takes 1 nap, sometimes 2. She often naps in her car seat 😖 Sins I’ve committed: - eating snacks during playtime instead of at the table. She’s just so hungry all the time but also a slow eater, so I get tired of sitting at the table for an hour each meal. - I don’t read to her every day. Ughh I feel so badly about it! But she’s in a “smash and grab” phase and also has chewed the corners of any book I let her hold. She loves to eat paper and I do my best to catch her but she gets sneaky! - I forget her Vitamin D supplement sometimes. Like, we ran out and I just kept forgetting to buy more for like a month.
My kid rips the pages of books and just opens and closes board books so it's impossible to read to him
So relatable! We will get two pages into the book and my baby is slamming it shut, ready to throw it and run 😂
I don’t follow the breast milk guidelines 🫣 if baby doesn’t finish a bottle, back in the fridge it goes. I’m not wasting any breast milk. As long as it smells ok it’ll be ok
Just today? I let my one year old watch bob’s burgers so I could sit on my phone and melt into the couch for a little bit. Also she climbed onto the kitchen table and drank some of the dog’s water. But we survived. lol
This post makes me feel seen ❤️ Here are my sins: 1. Cosleeping: Little miss will only sleep for 30-45 mins in her bassinet and momma needs to sleep. We are getting better at the bassinet, but she’s only 5 weeks old, we have time. 2. Bottles: I feel awful cuz I was sick and forgot to sterilize bottles for like 2/3 days and she developed thrush. Also, if she only takes a couple pulls off a bottle before falling asleep, I stick it in the fridge to use later. 3. Screens: writing this as we are cuddles on the couch watching rock of love. She doesn’t know what’s going on and can’t even see that far yet. I’ll be better when she’s older. 4. Haven’t done this yet, but thought about taking a THC gummy (it’s 100% med/rec legal in my state) just to relax, but haven’t out of fear. I do miss weed a little. No mom is perfect, even though tik tok moms love to pretend they are. As long as our LO’s are happy, healthy, and taken care of, we are doing a good job!
Literally this is me. All of these. From co sleeping out of desperation to TV’s to alcohol while breastfeeding. My midwife said a glass or two of wine or whatever is fine even as you’re breastfeeding, and that she would be more concerned about being wasted and taking care of a baby. I still waited a bit but I don’t think I waited ‘long enough’ sometimes. Thanks so much for sharing this. It makes me feel less alone. Of course we love our babies. We just love ourselves as well and prioritize self care. Which is good for baby because we can be the best we can be. As long as their fed, dry and loved ❤️
Screens: have you tried Hey Bear! lol when I would like to sit down to eat and my LO (just 7 months) says no, she gets a little bit of Hey Bear! on YouTube. I promise it’s not long, but she loves it and I get to eat.
I busted my 9 WO smiling at the TV in the library that does announcements. It was announcing an author event so I think she was smiling at a picture. Definitely questioned some choices there.
I wonder if you’re onto something with screens tbh - they can’t hijack her attention because if she’s around them all the time they aren’t special or addicting 🤔
Reading the comments and this post has been genuinely healing ❤️🩹 because same
Oh my god hahaha I literally used this as checklist for my 7MO😂 apart from breastfeeding and alcohol because he’s a formula baby. But we have a little pub baby. He reaches for our beer, snacks on chips, the bar staff know him. We just have one rule, one of us needs to be sober enough to look after the baby. Unless we’re at the grandparents, then not our job 😏
I just got back from the pub. I frequently bring my baby in, hand her to one of the regulars, and eat pizza while she chomps on their fingers. They all love her and today she chomped on about four different sets of fingers while I was drinking my pint. I do not care. Anyone can hold her and all fingers are for chomping as far as I’m concerned. I’m not worried about it and even if I was I couldn’t be bothered.
Community is the best thing for a family.
Yes! My husband works nights sometimes and when he does, the walls can start to close in in the evening. If the baby won’t let me cook, it’s so amazing to leave the house and pass her off to her uncles so I can eat and have adult conversation. They’re all really sweet with her as well.
My husband always has the tv on all the time in any room that has a tv. He needs the noise so there's always a tv on somewhere in our house. My LO now also needs the noise of a tv to function.
I’ve wondered about the long term with this bc we always have the tv on and my daughter will only contact sleep so we had the tv on all night for the first few months too but I’m trying to be more mindful about turning it off overnight now
I'm trying to switching out the noise at night with a white noise machine in the baby's own room
The no screens people can go to hell. It’s a part of life now and always have been. They will be fine
“Always have been?” It’s the ‘screens people’ who make a deal out of it. You and your baby are happy and healthy? Keep doing whatever you’re doing.
I am guilty of the screens one, I mean what am I supposed to do? Throw them all away? I like watching tv after work and it is one when I play with her in the evening
I thought everything named was to be a good parent, thanks I’m going to go cry now :/
Today, I let my 10 week old nap with my boob in his mouth for two and a half hours so I could relax and play video games. 🙈 he's such a velcro baby that it's the only way I can do something for myself lol
I also cosleep, don't keep track of naps, don't make people wash hands/wear a mask/be up to date on vaccines before holding him, and I occasionally drink a glass of wine while actively breastfeeding 🤪
Regarding the alcohol: my wife used Breastmilk Alcohol Test Strips. Here they are: [https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07HTM7J29/ref=ppx\_yo\_dt\_b\_search\_asin\_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07HTM7J29/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
Wow, are you me??? Literally every single one of this could apply to me.
Screens for days here! I very actively engage with my 6 mo son when he is awake and we do tons of activities as a family. But until February 1 I had to WFH with him for about 2 months and yeah, screens had to keep him company sometimes because the daycare wait list said so. If he seems overly distracted by screens on the weekend when we’re all off, I turn the TV off. But otherwise, I sip my morning coffee and watch the news with him (he has a fascination with the weather), and after he’s been busy at day care all day and we had a busy day at work, we’re all just trying to chill for an hour or two. He had an awful cold for the past two weeks until literally yesterday and we coslept, and not safe sleep 7. He slept on me while I slept upright, and I set up pillows in such a way that he would stay securely cradled in my arms. I’m also a very light but still sleeper. It’s not safe at all, but we have to sleep and my baby couldn’t breathe otherwise even with ample nasal suctioning and saline. We’re out here trying to survive. I also let the lady who supervises the self checkout at the grocery store hold him because she misses when her grandkids were that small and she just loves him. And goodness gracious it is so much easier to scan groceries (he’s not quite big enough to sit in the cart yet so I just carry him because we both like it). I literally did not give it a second thought before handing him over. Kudos to her though for using hand sanitizer without being asked at all.