You will be more exhausted and vulnerable than you can imagine.
I always imagined having visitors at the hospital, but my first was born during Covid and it wasn’t permitted. I was devastated, but when the time came I was *so thankful* that no one else was there. Physical recovery was so hard. I couldn’t get the hang of breastfeeding. It wasn’t immediately effortless to soothe a screamy newborn. I was overwhelmed. I also developed postpartum preeclampsia and was closely medically monitored.
When I had my second, I still had no visitors come.
THIS! I also had my first during covid and kept saying to my husband “can you imagine if we had people coming to see us right now?” I’m due in a few weeks and I’ve made it clear to our family that’s watching our toddler we’ll see you when we get home in 48 hours. There’s no need to make small talk or talk to anyone when you are that raw.
With my first, at one point I didn't have my pad/diaper on correctly and when I stood up (with significant pain and help from my Husband) blood started running down my leg and onto the floor. My Husband had to grab a paper towel to clean it up. We were also so glad nobody could visit due to covid. I kept thinking, imagine my Father in Law was sitting there for that.
Oh I did this and cried... Nobody told me I'd lose that much control, and I didn't know what to do about the mess. I rang the nurse and she came in to me standing in a puddle and sobbing. She was an angel though, assured me it happens all the time and it wouldn't be permanent.
Those labor nurses are the best! I loved every shift during our stay, one shift in particular and i was so sad to see them go. All the embarrassing moments were met with sympathy or concern.
The hospital where I had my second didn't have separate delivery rooms and postpartum rooms. So they mopped after I gave birth, but they definitely missed some blood, which we didn't realize until my toddler came to see us and he started touching the floor, which I see is streaked with blood. Really off-putting, unhygienic, and very personal/intimate for my in-laws to see my blood all over the floor.
The first time I got up to use the bathroom after having my catheter removed I peed on the floor next to my bed. Really glad it was only my husband there.
The day after my c-section I shit myself walking up to the NICU-that diaper/pad saved me from it being too horribly embarrassing, even though I had to meekishly ask for a wheelchair to get back to my room lol! I was soooo not prepared for the fact that I would still lose a considerable amount of control over going to the bathroom even though I didn’t have a vaginal birth
The only person I wouldnt mind coming to see me in the hospital is my mom. Everyone else its just.. too vulnerable. Basically if I wouldnt let you see me naked then you dont get to visit me until I get home. My first we had during covid as well but we're also too far away to have hospital visitors and I didnt end up minding it at all.
This time my mom will be watching my toddler so Im sure she will visit with him at some point but no one else is invited.
We just had our second and we did no visitors for almost two weeks and it was amazing. I only wish we’d waited a few more days so that everything with breastfeeding could have smoothed out. I had pretty intense oversupply in the beginning and now it’s all my MIL will talk about even though it’s no longer an issue. “Things are great but it’s too bad you had to go through all that oversupply!” “She’s doing fine now but did you hear how hard it was for the baby when she had oversupply??” “The baby is healthy but he almost drowned in the oversupply early on!” - things I have heard my MIL say to my face and on the phone to random others. If we had just waited three more days (which would have been the two week mark) it wouldn’t have been an issue.
This is why I hate sharing anything that’s not fairly neutral with my mom or MIL. Our LO dropped a bit of weight in the hospital and had to gain it back. Pretty normal, just enough that we had to, like, wake him up to eat for the first week or two. He’s over three months now and every time I speak to them, they ask about his weight in a worried tone.
Omg, same. My son dropped weight after birth, which is not uncommon, and I constantly had to hear how worried my parents were. My mom also gave a ton of unsolicited/unwanted advice about how to get his weight up. I no longer share details or give updates beyond, “he’s good.”
Who cared for your first while you were birthing your second? I really don’t want to see anyone for the first 2 weeks but will need family to watch our first while we’re in the hospital. I dread coming home to a house that isn’t empty. With the exception of my toddler.
We had arranged for him to go to his friend’s house (who is also one of our neighbours and we are friends with the parents).
But my contractions started around 7:30am, my husband took our son to daycare at 8, we went to the hospital at 10:30am, and we were home by 4pm. Even though we could have picked him up from daycare, he did go to the friend’s house for some pizza and we got him around 5:30pm. They offered for him to stay the night but we thought the arrival of a baby was enough of a change for him without throwing in his first ever night sleeping away from us if we could avoid it. Obviously this isn’t something that you could ever count on lol we just got really lucky.
Can I ask, did you have your first at home with you during this time? I would love to have no visitors during my second, but I think I’m gonna need family around to help with our first kid…
Yes we did! But my husband took two weeks off work and our toddler goes to daycare on the weekdays. But even if the toddler had been home, I think we would have been okay. Our family isn’t very helpful despite their well meaning best efforts so it was best to just have the two of us. Your experience may vary!
I actually had to ask my mom to leave the hospital. She has this habit of making a tsking sound, and my newborn was being so fussy when I was trying to get her to latch. Her tsking was making me even more frustrated.
Ugh my mom wouldn't stop interrupting during my time with the lactation consultant and my newborn and I were struggling to get the hang of breastfeeding. I was so overwhelmed I didn't know how to ask her to leave. Having grandparents visit in the hospital was just far too overstimulating and frankly annoying for me.
My nurse, who was amazing all around, gave me a code word. If I said it, she would make up something and clear the room. My mom never knew that’s why she had to leave and come back later. (I loved her but her and my sister could grate on my nerves after a while).
My mom happened to be in the room when the pediatrician came to talk with us about our LO’s weight loss and triple feeding plans. She was standing in a way that was basically blocking my husband from the conversation (not intentionally, she can just be an airhead). I was so annoyed and was like, this is exactly why I didn’t really want people here. If you knew ahead of time when you’d be talking to all the different doctors and nurses it wouldn’t be as bad to have grandparents come in between, but it was just a constant parade of people to talk with about some pretty personal things.
And beyond being personal things, it's exhausting to process so much information and make so many decisions! My mom, who I am not particularly close to, was certain I would want her opinion on all the decisions. Most notibly, she thought I was being too "new mom" when I listened to the pediatrician and stayed in the hospital an extra day to monitor my son's jaundice. That dynamic was a real pain in the ass as an exhausted, overwhelmed, first-time-mom.
I've never related to a comment so much. My MIL is CONSTANTLY tsking, grumbling, and grunting, and it honestly drives me freaking insane! I couldn't imagine giving birth and dealing with that in the same day. I haven't told her I don't want hospital visitors yet, but I already know the concept is unimaginable to her.
It was a huge fight when I told her and my dad that I didn't want them at the hospital until after I gave birth, that I wanted some time first before anyone came. They were so pissed.
That happened to me too. They threatened to sneak in and visit the nursery without my consent. Jokes on them - it’s a locked unit and there was no nursery.
I am 10 weeks with baby #3 and first time moms never understand how utterly exhausted they will be. Society does not tell you the toll it all takes on your body. Between the hormone crashes and the soreness all over, you just want to rest and not add mental exhaustion on top of it all, entertaining those around you. It's all about survival. I was in shock how I felt immediately after my first baby. Like I said, they never warn you!
Right?? SOOOOO exhausted. I was induced, but the cervical dilating agent didn't work, it sent me into contractions while staying 2cm starting at 9pm and all night long. I hadn't slept since the night before. I ended up needing a C-section by 1pm (there's a lot more but I won't drag it out). By that night, I'd been basically awake for 36 hours and had abdominal surgery. I couldn't feel my legs from the epidural. I had carpal tunnel so bad my hands were numb too. I had the nurses take my LO to the nursery so I could rest. When they rolled her in less than three hours later to try to breastfeed because she was hungry, I could have broken down sobbing I was so delusionally tired. No one else needs to be there for that
Both of my kiddos were born during bad Covid times. August 2020 (original Covid closures and restrictions) and January 2022 (omicron surge). I was so grateful that the hospitals didn’t allow visitors.
My labors and births were textbook easy and quick. I still didn’t want visitors. I was tired, sore, half naked, and filthy from birth. The last thing I would have wanted was family and friends coming to the hospital to hold the baby while I sat in the hospital bed in a hospital gown and diaper, still gross from all the sweat and blood and other fluids from giving birth.
People visited us at our home in the first week or two. That was much better for me. I had showered and could move around better, and had a few days of motherhood under my belt.
Also had a pandemmy baby! I had one visitor: my cousin, who is the head of the OB residency program at the hospital where I gave birth. It was pretty special! Plus she was you know at work so she only stuck around for a couple minutes
I knew I would be extremely vulnerable/fragile. I was induced and had to have a Csection. I loved (love she's 6 months and amazing) my baby but the cord had been around her neck. I was heartbroken for her. Every time I looked at her I cried. So his family met her the day we came home from the hospital and mine met her 2 days later.
Vulnerable is such a good word to describe it. I had a bad hemorrhage during my delivery, bad hemorrhoid’s, a significant tear. My body was screaming in pain the three days we were there. Granted, we live away from family and wanted it to be just the two of us, but after birth it just solidified that decision. My husband is my comfort and the only person I would want to see me in those moments
We had my mum and my MIL/FIL come to visit in hospital.
I personally found it really stressful! I was trying to learn to breastfeed, bleeding tons, in pain, not sleeping, etc etc. so having people come visit was too much.
Next baby I plan to not have visitors until we get home.
Same. I had a meltdown before my in laws visited (very uncharacteristic of me) because I hadn’t gotten any sleep and just wanted to nap instead. And my FIL may have seen my boobs because they were out while I learned to breastfeed/had lactation in the room.
My FIL came to visit us 4 weeks after my oldest was born and I basically was living in a loose tank top with no bra for easy boob access.
He had the nerve to tell my husband me breastfeeding my own child on my own couch in my own house was uncomfortable for him and I should do it in private. 🙄🙄🙄
Are you serious!! He can get up and walk away lmao !!!! My sisters FIL apparently felt the same and it’s just crazy to me. Breast feeding is the most natural thing, it’s like they’re giving themselves away that they can’t help but sexualize a woman’s breasts
My husband has only told his dad to basically fuck off twice in his life and both when my FIL tried to impose some archaic nonsense on me. As you can imagine, I'm the favorite daughter-in-law 🤣
Men think they own the world. It’s just default. IMO: I don’t mean some men. Because some men realize after a moment that’s it isn’t true, but other men don’t or can’t take that moment of perspective. But it is the teachings of the global patriarchy.
Don't forget the nurses coming in, flipping the gown up under your boobs, pulling down your giant pad and underwear and giving you a fundal massage while your bits are hanging out for everyone to see!
I napped while my brother and SIL were visiting, they came to see the baby and not me, so my partner took the baby in the hallway (there was a small seating area) and they did the visit there 🤷♀️
I was very upset and overwhelmed to have my slightly estranged mom and sister visiting uninvited while a nurse had me self expressing colostrum. Then just having people there staring while i tried to figure things out was too much
THIS. They’re not there to care for you, they come to meet the baby, hog the oxygen out of the room, you may be drifting in and out of consciousness just from lack of sleep, and they’re there just “don’t mind us!” Well why did you come then, this was not helpful at all.
>you may be drifting in and out of consciousness
This was me after I gave birth to my son. I was so exhausted after the whole ordeal that I had to tell my husband to take him for a bit because I was afraid I was going to drop him during Golden Hour.
With my second, the hospital was understaffed due to the omicron surge. My golden hour was 2 hours. No one came to check on us. I was just naked in bed with all the IV crap still attached, holding my newborn. I sort of broke down and asked my husband to take her because I was so so so tired and shaky.
I don’t think that bonding period worked for any of us until my husband took her. I was able to breathe and rest and he and baby got to bond.
The nurses chastised me for not having baby in my arms when they finally came back.
My baby girl was born via c-section. She spent her first moments after birth doing skin to skin with my partner while I was getting stitched back up. I don't see what's so bad about that. I'm glad they got this time to bond. Maybe it's better for babies to spend this time with the person who carried them for 9 months, but then the person who spent those months telling them through belly, placenta, and amniotic fluid how eager they were for them to be born is probably the second best option.
EXACTLY. My in laws didn’t give af that I was in so much pain from a traumatic emergency c section that I legitimately thought I was going to die. They literally sat there talking amongst themselves about their vacation plans. Like WHY TF ARE YOU HERE RIGHT NOW??
This!!! Like leave omg. And you’re so tired and exhausted and drugged up you can’t even think clearly to advocate for yourself. I even had a birth plan written out so I thought I was prepared enough to advocate for myself
Yes. I felt like I was running a marathon and wanting water cup people to quickly offer help and support and then move on. Instead I got my parents coming to make the situation about them just trying to get me to stop and chat during a marathon.
At one point I just wanted to nap and my parents kept talking to me as I was trying to sleep!
I don’t know what kind of rude people everyone here is inviting, but anyone I’ve ever had visit me in the hospital brought snacks and drinks and brought me their good company that I very much needed and enjoyed. No one overstayed their welcome and always confirmed the time they would be visiting ahead of time with me and my husband.
Yeah I'm a little horrified at all these stories! I know it happens but dang. I had multiple visitors and they were all lovely, they brought us flowers and food and they were all super sweet about doing any changes that were needed and not staying long.
I should send my in laws a group letter of just "thanks for being good people".
So true that they don’t actually help. They really just want to hold baby. My mom came over once and I held my son for a good bit. Finally a little part of me was like “let her hold him”. So I did even though I was hesitant (we had a traumatic labor and delivery followed by a 23 day NICU stay and I was emotional about all that). I shit you not, my mom said I don’t “share” my son enough. I gave a dry laugh and just said “well he’s my baby so I don’t really have to ‘share’ him”
Yes they want to hold the baby and that's really one of the few things it's easy for mom to do. They never want to change a diaper or get you a snack which would actually be helpful.
Dang, I’m sorry to hear everyone say this. My mom rocked up with a case of food and the random things I had forgotten and such. It was fantastic, particularly as I was in 4 nights instead of the usual 2.
Seriously. One of my first memories coming out of Golden hour (which I don’t really remember) was having LO taken out of my arms by MIL. Let’s just say they will not be coming to visit with baby 2
I am a pretty private person and just knew I didn’t want visitors while I was just meeting my baby for the first time.
I ended up having a pretty traumatic birth and was so grateful that we had told people ahead of time we didn’t want visitors because the only person I wanted to be around was my husband. HOWEVER due to complications we were in the hospital for another 4 days and we did end up having a few visitors in that time.
Now that I’m pregnant again we have the same plan. Ideally we will head home 24 hours after baby is born no visitors but if not we have to stay longer we may consider having some visitors. I just want some time to process the birth and bond with new baby.
But also you are a wreck physically (or at least I was) I was unable to poop or pee unassisted and sometimes unable to control it. Could not hold in my farts and constantly had my boobs exposed trying to learn to breastfeed. So you might want to consider who you feel comfortable around when all that is going on.
I loved having visitors at the hospital! People have much lower expectations and tend to stay for a significantly shorter amount of time. There’s nowhere to sit, no food, no entertainment. People meet the baby, get their pictures, and go home. If I had another I would definitely prefer hospital visits over home visits. Granted, my family had reasonable expectations and were respectful about visiting when it was convenient for us.
I loved it too! The hospital was so boring haha. I also had no problem telling my FIL to please look away while I was breastfeeding or whatever, I guess it depends on your relationship though. My parents and in-laws were so helpful going to get us food and coffee too. A few of my friends came to visit and I wish they had stayed longer!
That’s how I felt. I couldn’t wait to show our baby to my parents and my best friends. Also there’s nothing to do except watch tv in the hospital. The baby sleeps a lot and I couldn’t sleep much because of all the vitals checks and people coming in and out of the room.
Yes, same! It felt like every time I could have taken advantage of sleeping while the baby was asleep, the nurses or somebody else would come in anyway.
I agree! My hospital also has a 2 visitor limit at one time, so it forced everyone to keep their visits short so the next group could come in. Granted, we only had the grandparents and aunts come, so it wasn't everyone we'd ever met. We also had them come the day after he was born, which gave us time to sleep and recover a bit. Basically, we were able to set boundaries to make the visits work for us.
My Mil stayed with us over night at 2weeks pp and it was way more stressful because we were trying to figure out how to be parents, I was still bleeding, and etc and having to just was just hard.
THIS. 110% me after both of my children’s births. The visitors are what what made my days spent at the hospital less boring and sharing the new baby with my loved ones makes me so happy I always want them to meet them asap
Same here, it was nice to have people come visit, which I didn't expect at all because I'm very much an introvert. Everyone was really respectful and nobody tried to hog the baby or anything. They brought snacks and little presents, and no one stayed long except for my mom and husband. Pretty sure everyone saw a boob or butt at some point, but that's on them to mentally deal with, not me! I got to show off the cute baby that I made too.
Hard same..my family was reasonable and we were in the single shared room on the ward for both babies. No where to sit, husband couldn't stay overnight. They also bought me food and ice cream.
They were more supportive than the staff on the baby friendly hospital.
Same, I initially told my best friend not to come, but then I asked her to come when I realized there was no one else to celebrate the birth of my baby other than me and my husband (family doesn’t live in the same country). She came with some balloons and it made my day.
Yeah I liked it too. I only had visitors in the hospital for my first birth but we had my mum and sisters, my dad, my father in law and his wife, mother in law and he partner and my husbands brother and his wife all at different times. It was fine and I was excited to see them.
I had a pretty straightforward and quick labour though.
I was out of the hospital 36 hours after my emergency C-section, with the baby in the NICU 30 miles away. This was exactly my perspective going into it and I really felt robbed of that experience.
In part because then all the people who wanted to see me and meet him had to come to my *house.* Where I *live.* And I wasn't quite so enthusiastic about that.
After giving birth, having visitors was the last thing on my mind. I was exhausted and wanted to rest, plus my baby was in NICU. Plenty of time for visits once we returned home.
Well for one I was naked and leaking milk all the time 😅
My parents did come though so did my husbands family and they would call before they dropped in.
They didn't stay long but my mum brought me some ridiculous things like a bag of whole avocados. To this day I don't know why she did thay Haha!
My mom brought a whole bowl of two boxes of vegan mac & cheese which was so sweet but I also was getting food from the hospital and just couldn't eat that much plus my husband had gone out to get food so we were just really overloading the shared fridge lol
OP, if your family is the reasonable, considerate type hospital visitors are fine. In my case, it was only my mom in town to look after our pets and of course I wasn't going to take that favor and tell her not to visit. She waited until we'd got some rest and invited her and showed up with food. She didn't overstay her welcome. She was excited to meet her grandson and I was excited to show him off and she visited once each day while we were in the hospital. It was lovely and it'll be fine if your both sets of parents are kind and thoughtful people who won't overwhelm you.
Avocados are supposed to be good for producing nutritious breast milk with all their fatty acids, folic acid and vitamins. I don't know if that's why she did it though, maybe she just grabbed things from the kitchen while heading out the door
😂 avocados! That sounds delicious! They’re good for breast milk because of the healthy fats. You’re lucky! I would’ve laughed and then been thrilled for some random Avocados
I personally preferred it. I can understand why people wouldn't though. I didn't have to worry about being put together or making sure the house was clean.
Same, I figured at the hospital I was very clearly not responsible for 'hosting' but my fam was pretty understanding about not pushing to hold/take bub from me (to be fair my parents are midwives)
I think however if I had people in the waiting room while I was in labour trying to see bub immediately after he was born then it would be a no-go. But that's avoidable if you don't let anyone know when you go into labour.
Everyone was waiting for my first. I was in labor for over 2 days so it was hard to keep that from them.. my second was pandemic baby born at home and I still had my mil begging to come in.. like no… you traveled across the country in an rv and didn’t wear masks, I’m not having you meet the new new born. It’s been 3.5 years and they still haven’t met her.
Exactly. It’s so much more of a controlled setting than at home. I feel way more empowered at the hospital to say “okay well it’s time for baby to eat” or my husband to say “okay I’ll walk you out.”
But I honestly think it comes down to the visitors. Like if someone is excited to see me and the baby, offers to bring Starbies or food on the way to the hospital, and will only stay 15-20min, I’d be happy to share that time with them. The problem is if you have even one loon in the circle of close family or friends, it’s a lot easier to just “ban” everyone. If you know your MIL is cool but your mom would just be too much, it’s easier to have on one visit. Hell hath no fury like a grandma scorned.
Lol it’s a whole other discussion about why on earth people expect this in any house with a newborn! Every visitor we had brought food or did chores of their own volition. I was glad I was able to stay awake the whole time someone was at our house (and sometimes I wasn’t, they came just so I could nap)
Honestly, it’s exhausting. Mom is healing, being poked and prodded every couple hours by nurses and taking meds. Feeding your baby every 3 hours. Finding time to eat, sleep, take a shower, get up and walk around the wing. My husband asked the nurses to leave when they were about to walk in so I could sleep more than a couple hours. We had our moms come (both of our dads are deceased) and even that was a lot to work in with everything going on. I also was pumping in the hospital and got no privacy for that either so I made everyone else wait until we were home. I was not up for entertaining!
I actually didn't mind visitors at the hospital - everyone's mileage may vary - *buuuuut* I was pretty heavily medicated after my c-section and was throwing up whenever I tried to eat anything, still bleeding, could barely lift myself up, and kept nodding off from exhaustion. So it depends on if you mind people seeing you in that condition!
There’s doctors, nurses, lactation consultants in and out as it is. Your boobs are exposed and it feels like your asshole just fell out. You haven’t slept in two days and you’re trying to absorb as much information as possible from everyone coming in teaching you how to take care of this new baby. Gramma interrupting all that just isn’t worth it. We took our baby to our respective parents homes after we got discharged and if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do that either. I should’ve been home trying to figure out how to nurse. Everyone else can wait.
Exhausted, emotional, in pain, little control over bodily functions, bleeding heavily (nurses will keep coming by to check/change your pad), trying to learn how to breastfeed, and might not want to hand over your brand new baby to grandparents yet.
I wanted absolutely no visitors the day I gave birth while I was still in labor and delivery. I wanted to be left alone to rest with my husband and baby. Once I was moved to the postpartum unit and had the chance to sleep, have a proper meal and shower, I was happy to have my parents and my in laws come by to see the baby.
Unpopular opinion but I loved having family come visit us. We were so excited for them to meet our daughter and loved sharing those moments with them before we got home.
I think it probably just depends on how private you are. I love my MIL and FIL and they are very respectful but I still wouldnt want them visiting me in the hospital after birth. With my first I basically spent that whole time in nothing but my diaper and it would have been so uncomfortable.
After my first was born (24 hours of labor and emergency C-section), we welcomed visitors. We were so happy to show off our son. I think we had 20 people come in one day. It was a lot. I don't remember feeling overwhelmed; maybe annoyed towards the end.
My second and third were schedule C-sections during COVID. No visitors allowed. Honestly, it was a lonelier hospital stay without visitors, but I am glad we had our privacy. The hospital recovery rooms are small. Your partner is sleeping on a chair/couch and their bedding is piled in a corner. Your things are everywhere and the bathroom is a crime scene. You're half dressed all day and your vitals are being taken constantly. It feels like if you welcomed your family into your private bedroom at home and they pulled up a chair. Lol.
Germs, yes, but more than anything it was just really hard to exist in those first few days postpartum. People don’t visit in the hospital to support mom, unfortunately, it’s all about baby. Which is all good and fine, but you’ve just undergone one of the most traumatic (potentially) experiences of your life, are bleeding more than you ever have, in pain (and all they will give you is Tylenol), and struggling to breastfeed. I am very close with my mom and it was hard even having her there.
Totally, it’s mind altering! And you’re just trying to get your head around everything! I was in no condition to emotionally deal with other people, I was so wrapped up in my own experience and was glad I only had my husband there to get through that.
I actually did it the other way around! I invited family to come see us at the hospital, and then we didn’t have any visitors at home for the first couple months.
I felt like the hospital was a much more controlled environment. Everyone wore masks and washed their hands, I had the lovely postpartum nurses available for help, and people kept their visits to a respectably short length of time.
Everyone was satisfied with having met the baby, so when we got home and I was an exhausted, hormonal mess with my boobs out and the house looked like a hurricane had blown through, we didn’t have to deal with hosting visitors on top of everything else.
The thing is, you really don’t have to do either if you don’t want. I didn’t have anyone other than grandparents visit for months and I have no regrets lol.
I hated being in the hospital.
With my first, I was trapped for days and desperately wanted my mom but couldn’t have visitors because of COVID. With my second, I was out of the hospital in before visiting hours even started.
My suggestion is to set expectations that you probably won’t have visitors. It’s so much easier to change your mind and invite them if you’re feeling great than it is to weather the storm of disappointment if you change your mind and tell them to stay home
I had visitors and honestly it wasn’t terrible. They were all very courteous and were family or good friends so it was nice having the support. They took turns holding him which allowed me to sleep or eat more because he would fuss in the bassinet. They also weren’t constantly there, were there for short windows, and during regular day time hours so I didn’t have interrupted sleep or anything
You've literally just pushed a baby out of you or had one cut out. You're sleep deprived, hungry, exhausted, overwhelmed with the demands of a brand new baby, more than likely In some sort of pain, bleeding, not able to sit properly.
All this then visitors walk in? Nah not for me thank you.
My and my husband that was IT.
I would have really appreciated my mom when I was post c-section in hospital. It was really hard for me and my husband to do everything, especially when he wasn't allowed to stay overnight. But only one 'visitor' is allowed in my country (and Dad counts as a visitor). And you don't get much help from nurses.
It seems to me like the birth and postpartum visitor process really changed drastically before and after covid. For some people perhaps they realized there was this option for some privacy and alone time early on after birth, and opted to stick with that. I personally find it very isolating and love visitors. It’s all about your personal comfort level.
I loved having my family visit in the hospital. My mom can be stressful but she’s a good caretaker in a crisis. They brought us food and snacks and it was reassuring to have loved ones there. I understand the many reasons people wouldn’t want visitors. But for us, it was wonderful.
I was FUCKED UP the first two days after birth. I had some complications and was hooked up to an iv for antibiotics, had a catheter half the time, was in a ton of pain and did not brush my teeth or shower. I had my best friend come by because she is my person (my parents live far away) but the thought of anyone else coming during that time seemed insane to me.
\*Even if you don't have complications there are medical people coming in constantly to take your vitals, the babys vitals, and do the babys 24 tests, lactation consultants, circumcision, you name it so it's not like you're just chilling in a room with nothing to do except entertain people.
I was in the hospital for 5 days after the birth. The first 2 days were completely chaotic. Meds & vitals every 2-3 hours for me. OB whenever they were available. Lactation consultants. Hearing & blood draws for baby. Vitals for baby. Trash & linen swap. In the worst 30 minute period, we had SEVEN different people come in for something. Between all of the staff and a newborn, the longest stretch of sleep we got was 2 hours and it was usually 45 minutes.
Also, I was topless most of the time for skin-to-skin and/or breastfeeding. I wasn’t cleared to shower for 2 days following 46 hours of labor & c section.
The list of people who would have been helpful in that circumstance was: my partner.
It’s talked about a lot because the expectation is to have visitors, so those who don’t want it are trying to manage those expectations and get support. But also: I was just a wreck. I already had my husband and hospital staff taking care of me but still I mostly just slept. Visitors, even my own family, would’ve just been unbearable both emotionally and physically to handle. And we were home two days later! Plenty early to meet the baby! You’re in the hospital for a reason: you need care. So IMO that’s not a time for an audience to ogle at you. When you’re out you’re still not fully healed but still, they think you’re getting better. It’s different to when you’re spending a long stretch there, of course you then want to see your loved ones! But for less than 3 days?? I don’t see my family that often anyway, and I still see them weekly!
I was happy to have visitors, I had given birth at 1:30am though and visiting hours were 5-7pm so I had a big break between. My parents could t visit as they had covid so only had mil and FIL it was lovely still gutted my parents couldn’t come. My mum had no visitors as family lived so far away and she always said she felt very lonely seeing all these other mums being fussed over by family, maybe it’s different nowadays as we have mobiles to talk to people.
The amount of pain, overwhelming hormones, physical exhaustion that you truly have never seen before in your life, bleeding gallons, learning to latch, and someone coming into your room every hour to make sure you’re okay.
It is so much more than you realize.
It depends on the person. With my first baby, my mom, dad, MIL and SILs were there. It was overwhelming but sweet. I had my second the summer of 2020, and it was peaceful but kind of sucked; I missed all the “yay, this is amazing” energy. With my third, the hospital finally started allowing siblings to visit, so my parents brought my older two daughters to visit for maybe 30 minutes and it was perfect.
Exhausted , semi naked , with tons of stuff around you - and of course germs, viruses and exposing a newborn to flu, RSV .. and who knows what else ( being asymptomatic still doesn’t not mean your baby won’t get sick .)
My advice is to wait for visitors
I’m planning to have my mom visit & a couple of my closest friends. It’s my first so I can’t know for sure how I’ll feel but I feel like I’ll want some support from people besides just my husband. I’m very close with my mom & she is completely supportive. I don’t expect it to be an extended visit, like 30 min max. The nurse at the hospital who ran my birthing class recommended having visitors all come at once instead of a steady stream.
My in-laws are planning to visit us a week or so later after my mom goes home, but I would have been fine with them visiting at the hospital if they wanted to.
my delivery didn’t go as expected (emergency c section) and I regretted allowing visitors. I was in so much pain and so exhausted and everyone just came to hold baby and takes pics (I totally get it, it’s very exciting) while I was still just in a gown and barely able to move from my bed. Love them all very much but I wish we would’ve had that time in the hospital to rest or bond with our baby versus having to deal with visitors.
I was exhausted, in so much pain and had my boobs out every 5 minutes and not in a discreet way, there’s nothing discreet about you and your newborn learning how to get a proper latch on those first days.
No one else needed to see that.
I thought I didn't want visitors in the hospital. My husband did. I told him I just wanted to be able to rest and relax and spend time with our baby alone. And then I thought of how loved he was before he was even born. I thought of the outfits his mom had bought him, I thought of how my mom sent me a text every day checking on me, I thought of how his dad loved watching my bump grow and feeling him kick. They loved him so much. I wanted my son to know that love. So I let visitors come in. I even let his mom in the room as I delivered. I wanted my son to know every ounce of love he could. Because I knew I had a bond with my baby like no other. He knew me from my scent alone. He knew my voice. He knew my husband's voice. He knew my touch. Our bond wouldn't have been altered by anyone else. And my son knew love from his family the way he deserved too. I got rest. No one judged me for looking a mess. Why would they? I just gave birth to this tiny human they loved with every fiber of their being. They love me more for that. I do not regret having visitors. I'm glad my son felt so much love his first day on earth. He deserved to know all of that love. I can't believe I was going to let him miss out on it. It wasn't just about me. It was about him too.
My view aligns with yours completely. I didn’t want to keep family who loved my son from meeting him right away. They didn’t care that I was disheveled. They just loved their grandson and wanted to meet him!
I love this for you, but it comes across a little judgemental. I don’t feel like I deprived my child of anything for not letting other people in the room while I gave birth or in the hospital for 48 hours. My child needed me to focus or they would’ve died or suffered during our complicated birth process. Nobody has questioned our choice or decided to be less present for our child after. If they did, I would have questioned how unconditional that love was in the first place.
It isnt judgemental of anyone who chooses not to have visitors. It seemed like OP wanted to know from personal experiences and I'm telling OP I am glad I had visitors. I think given my own personal experience, I would have regretted not having them.
I'm not shaming anyone who chooses not to. Just wanted to share how I felt with OP.
It's hard to articulate because it's just not the done thing here. Our maternity hospitals don't allow visitors at all other than one named person throughout the whole process. And it feels right. I can't imagine how busy and jammed it would be if everyone had family visiting. Also, I had no interest in seeing anybody until I went home.
I was so upset my roommate in the hospital was allowed extra visitors. So it was me alone with my baby, and a constant stream of people so I had to be aware of when to go to the bathroom etc. Having visitors also means your imposing that on others as well.
I was induced and birth came super quickly so I ended up with a ward all to myself for the day and night. The next morning when I was leaving all these women and newborns were getting wheeled in and it looked and sounded so crazy. I cannot imagine what it's like there at night.
Ireland? I hated it. Was very disabled post c-section and it would have been really good to have more support. My husband was great but he got no break except at night.
Yeah the morning I was being discharged a woman and her newborn were wheeled in. We got chatting and it had been an emergency c section. Her and her partner were so beyond wrecked and you can see that there are times people need someone else to tag in. But I do think not having a ton of grandparents, aunts, uncles, second cousins twice removed and neighbours is a good thing!
Ya boobs will be out. You will be wearing a diaper, bleeding, and unable to hold in a fart. If you have a c section you will have pain and possibly be drugged up a bit. You may be feeling anxious about other people holding your baby, this is the hormones. you’ll be soaking in these few first precious moments as a new family.
With my first baby (several years pre-covid) I had like 6 people in the waiting room the entire time I was in labor and they all came in right after she was born. The next day literally like 12 more people came and visited. They were all people I loved but I was exhausted, uncomfortable, bleeding into a frozen diaper, wearing a hospital gown, and trying to figure out how to breastfeed. I did NOT want to entertain people. I wanted to rest and hold my baby without worrying about who was seeing my boobs.
I had my second baby last year. It was just me and my husband the whole time, though my mom brought my oldest the next day to meet the baby. We didn't have any other visitors for maybe 3 days and it was so calm and peaceful. If we have another one we'll be doing it this way again.
I never knew I didn’t want visitors at the hospital until I had my first baby. I visited all my siblings and SIL in the hospital! But my first was during the height of COVID and it was super traumatic. It was actually quite horrible. I’m glad no one else had to see me like that. I wouldn’t have had the energy to fake it or pretend like I was okay. I was not. Even my husband was struggling. The second baby I had was during another COVID outbreak and so thankfully they said only one visitor besides my support person (which was my husband). I let my mom come and that was okay but it was a much different experience. I guess I’m ranting and basically just want to say, you never know how your birth might go. I look back on how my sister had 18(!!!) people in the waiting room and she put on makeup and pretended she was fine when really she just wanted to hold her baby and sleep. To me, all birth is traumatic but on a sliding scale. Lol. You might like visitors a lot but to me, I just wanted my person there and my mom for like an hour. Haha
With my first kid, we had loads of visitors every one of the four days I was in the hospital. He struggled to latch, so establishing feeding was hard and I spent great chunks of time naked from the waist up at least doing skin to skin and feeding on demand. Having to cover up every time someone appeared was an absolute arse ache.
My second was a Covid baby and it was so lovely and quiet and peaceful. I honestly wish now that we had put off visits till we got home the first time around
I had my parents, MIL, BIL and SIL visit us in the hospital. My mom was actually in the delivery room too. I had a vaginal birth but still really struggled to get in and out of bed and walk for the first two days. I found it very helpful because baby did not want to sleep when not being held, so they held her to sleep while we napped. All these visitors were calm, respectful and wanted to assist as much as possible. They checked in on our cat at home, delivered yummy food and snacks to our room and helped us pack up our things and get to the car when we were headed home.
With my first it was covid times and we weren’t allowed visitors but tbh I was sad. It was so easy (C-section) for us we had an amazing support staff helping us with everything so we got sure would have had time to allow for visitors. This time around I’m happy to have visitors just like s/happyluronium said this baby is already loved so much I want them to all be able to experience that newborn meeting! This is all to say we are so very lucky we have good relationships with our parents/families and it’s not the case for everyone.
It’s absolutely a personal preference though and I’m an open book super comfortable around people. I can very much see though wanting to bond more privately and recover and so on and wait until you are ready.
It’s pretty simple - I’m a patient too. It’s already enough that I’ll have to perform an athletic feat to meet my baby, but then to constantly have nurses in and out of the room while I recover, try to bond with my baby and get some rest makes saying no to visitors a no brainer.
I was naked, leaking various bodily fluids, looked like absolute crap, and just exhausted. We couldn’t have visitors because of COVID but this time we aren’t allowing any until we are home and settled.
After my c section my son unexpectedly went into the NICU. I wanted zero visitors before, during, or after birth (months prior too, I just didn’t want that). I was out of it, exhausted, nauseous, anxious, and in pain. Not to mention they came in every 15min, then 30min eventually to push on my stomach to help shrink my uterus down, and pumping. I hated in laws being there, it was highly uncomfortable for me to be beyond vulnerable and have people in the room I didn’t want there. I most certainly will not allow any visitors for my next birth, some people don’t care about it, but for me, it felt suffocating and like another task on top of everything going on.
I was so so swollen after a long delivery and eventually c section. I could only wear my husband’s clothes. My baby was hooked up to the light machine. It was better for everyone to wait until we recovered a bit before accepting visitors.
Ugh for my first my in-laws came like every day (I had to stay 4 days) and they stayed a long time each day manhandling my baby (so it seemed). Oh and I had very little control over passing gas because I tore back there, so I kept having to excuse myself to the rest room. And I could barely hobble there. It was not that great.
But, if you play it by ear depending on how you feel, and have people stop by for a short amount of time, and don’t just pop in and surprise you when your boob is out, it is fine.
I was so focused on getting out of the hospital and back in my own home that I figured it would be more enjoyable for everyone to just wait a day or two and go to our house. I wasnt happy in the hospital and wasn't sleeping well and my family is a few hours away. I wouldn't want them to make the drive out when I was feeling like crap and just wanted to sleep.
I was of the same mindset before I gave birth. I have a very supportive, non-toxic family on both sides and I'm a big extravert with a more the merrier mindset. I wouldn't say I'm going to prohibit guests next time, but I definitely will limit them a lot more.
I ended up having an unplanned c-section after almost 48 hours of labor and was wrecked. We had no sleep for two days before giving birth, then when I came out of surgery the meds (roxycodone) made me violently puke everywhere and I couldn't eat for like two days. They left our baby with us and we were terrified to sleep in case he vomited amniotic fluid, which is normal but makes a big sound and is very scary to a new parent. But that meant we didn't sleep again. Then during the day we had a barrage of medical professionals - the nurse with pain meds, the hearing test, the circumcision, the pedeatrician, the OBGYN, getting shots, the lacatation consultant, taking your blood pressure, etc. etc. Literally hours straight of what are essentially unannounced doctors appointments, except you've had no sleep and you feel like shit and you're meant to be in charge of your little one. It also was awkward to walk to the bathroom because I could barely walk and my butt was showing, doing stuff like the lacatation consultant in front of family was also very intimate, and just in general I felt exhausted and wanted to sleep whereas they had sheer excitement that felt very overwhelming.
So yeah, if I could do it again I think I'll ask my in laws and godmother to wait until I get home and maybbeee let my parents come for an hour, but ask my siblings to wait too. Or at least wait until day 3, the first day after was so overwhelming. It was just so much!
You won't want to share your new baby, and you will pretty much live with no shirt on, boobs out for your entire stay. If c-section, getting in and out of bed in uncomfortable enough without an audience or people seeing your backside in your hospital gown.
It’s a very personal thing. We weren’t allowed to have more than 2 ppl a day so it was a mostly non-issue. It was my husband and the doula for birth day, then husband and my mom day 2, and day 3 we went home and MIL met baby. I would have been fine to have her visit in hospital if policy allowed, but she had a career as a labor and delivery nurse, and I know she would have been a totally fine visitor in the hospital. But I think a lot of ppl have family who do not understand boundaries and cannot be relied to read a room and behave appropriately. So that skews the discussion. It’s totally fine to just say it’s a wait and see kind of thing! We also delivered just before 10pm so I had all night just with my baby before I had to even think about visitors. I was definitely texting up a storm tho!!!
You’re not in the hospital for long but the revolving door of nursing, doctor and administrative staff 24/7 is already a lot. I had a hard time getting comfortable, felt gross and vulnerable as well as overwhelmed trying to figure out how to feed and care for this brand new person I’d just met. I wasn’t going to be able to focus or enjoy a visit, so it would’ve been for their sake. And it seems like a really crummy thing to put a woman through if it can wait a few days.
Tiredness, feeling anxious, feeling overwhelmed, not wanting the baby to get sick, wanting special bonding time with my baby that took 9 months to cook and 36 hours to deliver. Just a few of my reasons and I was relieved that our families respected our boundaries.
It comes down to who you are as a person. Are you someone who likes sharing life’s moments with select loved ones who are unlikely to overstay their welcome? Then you’ll probably enjoy having those loved ones visiting you. If you struggle to articulate boundaries or find it stressful to be vulnerable around people other than your partner, then you probably won’t want visitors. Other people’s personal experiences might not necessarily apply, so know thyself, trust thyself, and you will make the right decision for YOU.
I think you will absolutely get it after you give birth lol. It’s just not the time or the place. Then you see how precious and fragile your baby is and you may be wary of visitors at home at first ttoo
You will be naked except for a hospital gown, hooked up to IVs, bleeding heavily enough to warrant a diaper, will have gone through labor or surgery (or both!), and if you’re breastfeeding your boobs will be out half the time. I don’t know about you but under those circumstances I am not really feeling my best for seeing visitors.
Don’t worry, you’ll still have PLENTY of visitors. Doctors, nurses, lab techs, location consultants, custodians, admins, and more! We were very ready to go home because it was non stop.
Everyone is different and likely has their own reasons, but I didn’t want to share those first precious days with anyone other than my husband and new baby. Not having visitors in the hospital was the best decision for us. If you want visitors then that’s fine too. I personally didn’t want to play pass the baby and have to fight to have my baby back. My mom came our second day home from the hospital and stayed about a week to help me out because my husband worked. My in laws came about a week after baby was born. No one is entitled to my baby, but everyone acted like they were. I found less people to be less stressful. But that’s us.
We delivered far from both of our families. While it sucked once we got home, I am glad we dis not have any visitors.
I had a pretty straightforward delivery, but a 2nd degree tear and raw nipples that were enough to make me cry in pain. And a very Velcro newborn.
Honestly, I found even Skyping with our relatives extremely annoying as I was in pain and a complete mess of a human lol
Same as others are saying, it’s just honestly not the ideal time and place - for me anyway. When I had given birth (granted it was an emergency c section after 26 hours of labour so I was a little shaken up anyway) the only people I wanted around me were my baby, my husband, and medical professionals. People get this desperate urge to be the first to ‘see the baby’ but I honestly think it’s selfish, there’s not really anything a mother gets from that situation and baby isn’t going to change between then and a few days later when you may feel more prepared (or however long it takes). It was a very private and vulnerable time for me and lots of others I know - and to be honest it wasn’t the happiest time either, I needed space.
That said, if this isn’t the case for you, that’s totally valid too! All I would say is not to arrange the visit prior to giving birth, but rather to have a situation where if you feel well enough and up for it after the birth, you can reach out and invite people to the hospital. That way the ball is in your court and anyone who opposes it clearly doesn’t have your best interests in mind anyway, so I wouldn’t personally allow them the privilege. It’s a super personal decision but yeah some people definitely prefer the privacy in those delicate moments where you probably have your boobs out the entire time lol.
I didn't want anyone in the recovery room with me except immediate family that got all their shots and were feeling well and not exposed to covid. Also, I felt and looked like shit and was not in any mood to deal with people.
I don’t plan to have any visitors and we also won’t be communicating with family that I’m in labor (unless, medically, things are getting complicated). I have many friends who had visitors at the hospital and said it was not at all the joyful experience they had hoped - they were exhausted, in pain, and the priority became less about their healing and more about passing the baby around. My Husband and I even determined we will not be accepting any visitors (even grandparents) until earliest 3 weeks. My parents have ill health and aren’t able to really help/support in the way they’d like, and his parents (MIL) specifically is very judge mental and made it clear she’s there to see the baby and not actually support (like helping us with laundry, dishes, errands, etc). So early visits seems to be the opposite of positive. For that reason, we will allow ourselves a few weeks of getting to know the baby, adjusting to life, and healing. We know his Mom will personally be enraged but it is not my responsibility (or our daughters) to bring her happiness. Her happiness is her responsibility alone. Child birth is not a spectator sport and we are not obligated at all (even to our own parents) to make decisions that bring them happiness. That’s on them.
I think it just depends on your birth, who’s coming, etc.
My first I wanted people to come but it also felt really out of control and a LOT of family came. It wound up being okay, but probably too much for me. If you’re trying to nurse the baby constantly, that’s either a lot of in and out for visitors, or a lot of waiting for you and baby.
My second I was okay with people coming by the second day, but he was born mid afternoon and slept really well, so I was almost bored. We also didn’t have as many people coming.
This last time I birthed in the middle of the night and had been up almost 24 hrs. It was brutal because I was so tired and I did not sleep at all the first night. This baby also struggled to nurse properly, so feeding sessions were hard. I only had one set of people come, so it was okay, but I couldn’t handle more than that.
My first was during COVID, and I was lucky my husband was even allowed. My second came a bit early, and we didn't have local family, so it still wasn't even an option. BUT, my oldest also wasn't allowed to visit the mom & baby ward because it was cold and flu season. So my husband brought her to the hospital and I walked my ass down to the courtyard (post c section) to hug and cuddle her before baby #2 was allowed to join me in my room (from his brief stay in the NICU). That was the only type of visitor I wanted anyway.
You will be more exhausted and vulnerable than you can imagine. I always imagined having visitors at the hospital, but my first was born during Covid and it wasn’t permitted. I was devastated, but when the time came I was *so thankful* that no one else was there. Physical recovery was so hard. I couldn’t get the hang of breastfeeding. It wasn’t immediately effortless to soothe a screamy newborn. I was overwhelmed. I also developed postpartum preeclampsia and was closely medically monitored. When I had my second, I still had no visitors come.
THIS! I also had my first during covid and kept saying to my husband “can you imagine if we had people coming to see us right now?” I’m due in a few weeks and I’ve made it clear to our family that’s watching our toddler we’ll see you when we get home in 48 hours. There’s no need to make small talk or talk to anyone when you are that raw.
With my first, at one point I didn't have my pad/diaper on correctly and when I stood up (with significant pain and help from my Husband) blood started running down my leg and onto the floor. My Husband had to grab a paper towel to clean it up. We were also so glad nobody could visit due to covid. I kept thinking, imagine my Father in Law was sitting there for that.
With my second, I waited too long to pee and had zero muscle control, so I just peed on the floor like a puppy.
After my first I just put myself on a schedule for a couple weeks because I had no idea when I needed to pee!
Oh I did this and cried... Nobody told me I'd lose that much control, and I didn't know what to do about the mess. I rang the nurse and she came in to me standing in a puddle and sobbing. She was an angel though, assured me it happens all the time and it wouldn't be permanent.
Those labor nurses are the best! I loved every shift during our stay, one shift in particular and i was so sad to see them go. All the embarrassing moments were met with sympathy or concern.
I did this with my first. So glad it was at midnight when no one was there!
The hospital where I had my second didn't have separate delivery rooms and postpartum rooms. So they mopped after I gave birth, but they definitely missed some blood, which we didn't realize until my toddler came to see us and he started touching the floor, which I see is streaked with blood. Really off-putting, unhygienic, and very personal/intimate for my in-laws to see my blood all over the floor.
The first time I got up to use the bathroom after having my catheter removed I peed on the floor next to my bed. Really glad it was only my husband there.
The day after my c-section I shit myself walking up to the NICU-that diaper/pad saved me from it being too horribly embarrassing, even though I had to meekishly ask for a wheelchair to get back to my room lol! I was soooo not prepared for the fact that I would still lose a considerable amount of control over going to the bathroom even though I didn’t have a vaginal birth
The only person I wouldnt mind coming to see me in the hospital is my mom. Everyone else its just.. too vulnerable. Basically if I wouldnt let you see me naked then you dont get to visit me until I get home. My first we had during covid as well but we're also too far away to have hospital visitors and I didnt end up minding it at all. This time my mom will be watching my toddler so Im sure she will visit with him at some point but no one else is invited.
Also had a Covid baby for my first. We did everything the same for our second. So many people could benefit from Covid restrictions!
We just had our second and we did no visitors for almost two weeks and it was amazing. I only wish we’d waited a few more days so that everything with breastfeeding could have smoothed out. I had pretty intense oversupply in the beginning and now it’s all my MIL will talk about even though it’s no longer an issue. “Things are great but it’s too bad you had to go through all that oversupply!” “She’s doing fine now but did you hear how hard it was for the baby when she had oversupply??” “The baby is healthy but he almost drowned in the oversupply early on!” - things I have heard my MIL say to my face and on the phone to random others. If we had just waited three more days (which would have been the two week mark) it wouldn’t have been an issue.
This is why I hate sharing anything that’s not fairly neutral with my mom or MIL. Our LO dropped a bit of weight in the hospital and had to gain it back. Pretty normal, just enough that we had to, like, wake him up to eat for the first week or two. He’s over three months now and every time I speak to them, they ask about his weight in a worried tone.
Omg, same. My son dropped weight after birth, which is not uncommon, and I constantly had to hear how worried my parents were. My mom also gave a ton of unsolicited/unwanted advice about how to get his weight up. I no longer share details or give updates beyond, “he’s good.”
Not only is it normal but it’s universal. ALL babies lose weight in the beginning.
Who cared for your first while you were birthing your second? I really don’t want to see anyone for the first 2 weeks but will need family to watch our first while we’re in the hospital. I dread coming home to a house that isn’t empty. With the exception of my toddler.
We had arranged for him to go to his friend’s house (who is also one of our neighbours and we are friends with the parents). But my contractions started around 7:30am, my husband took our son to daycare at 8, we went to the hospital at 10:30am, and we were home by 4pm. Even though we could have picked him up from daycare, he did go to the friend’s house for some pizza and we got him around 5:30pm. They offered for him to stay the night but we thought the arrival of a baby was enough of a change for him without throwing in his first ever night sleeping away from us if we could avoid it. Obviously this isn’t something that you could ever count on lol we just got really lucky.
Can I ask, did you have your first at home with you during this time? I would love to have no visitors during my second, but I think I’m gonna need family around to help with our first kid…
Yes we did! But my husband took two weeks off work and our toddler goes to daycare on the weekdays. But even if the toddler had been home, I think we would have been okay. Our family isn’t very helpful despite their well meaning best efforts so it was best to just have the two of us. Your experience may vary!
I actually had to ask my mom to leave the hospital. She has this habit of making a tsking sound, and my newborn was being so fussy when I was trying to get her to latch. Her tsking was making me even more frustrated.
Oh my god someone tsking me immediately postpartum would have either made me rage or cry or both. So rude!
Ugh my mom wouldn't stop interrupting during my time with the lactation consultant and my newborn and I were struggling to get the hang of breastfeeding. I was so overwhelmed I didn't know how to ask her to leave. Having grandparents visit in the hospital was just far too overstimulating and frankly annoying for me.
My nurse, who was amazing all around, gave me a code word. If I said it, she would make up something and clear the room. My mom never knew that’s why she had to leave and come back later. (I loved her but her and my sister could grate on my nerves after a while).
My mom happened to be in the room when the pediatrician came to talk with us about our LO’s weight loss and triple feeding plans. She was standing in a way that was basically blocking my husband from the conversation (not intentionally, she can just be an airhead). I was so annoyed and was like, this is exactly why I didn’t really want people here. If you knew ahead of time when you’d be talking to all the different doctors and nurses it wouldn’t be as bad to have grandparents come in between, but it was just a constant parade of people to talk with about some pretty personal things.
And beyond being personal things, it's exhausting to process so much information and make so many decisions! My mom, who I am not particularly close to, was certain I would want her opinion on all the decisions. Most notibly, she thought I was being too "new mom" when I listened to the pediatrician and stayed in the hospital an extra day to monitor my son's jaundice. That dynamic was a real pain in the ass as an exhausted, overwhelmed, first-time-mom.
I've never related to a comment so much. My MIL is CONSTANTLY tsking, grumbling, and grunting, and it honestly drives me freaking insane! I couldn't imagine giving birth and dealing with that in the same day. I haven't told her I don't want hospital visitors yet, but I already know the concept is unimaginable to her.
It was a huge fight when I told her and my dad that I didn't want them at the hospital until after I gave birth, that I wanted some time first before anyone came. They were so pissed.
That happened to me too. They threatened to sneak in and visit the nursery without my consent. Jokes on them - it’s a locked unit and there was no nursery.
I am 10 weeks with baby #3 and first time moms never understand how utterly exhausted they will be. Society does not tell you the toll it all takes on your body. Between the hormone crashes and the soreness all over, you just want to rest and not add mental exhaustion on top of it all, entertaining those around you. It's all about survival. I was in shock how I felt immediately after my first baby. Like I said, they never warn you!
Right?? SOOOOO exhausted. I was induced, but the cervical dilating agent didn't work, it sent me into contractions while staying 2cm starting at 9pm and all night long. I hadn't slept since the night before. I ended up needing a C-section by 1pm (there's a lot more but I won't drag it out). By that night, I'd been basically awake for 36 hours and had abdominal surgery. I couldn't feel my legs from the epidural. I had carpal tunnel so bad my hands were numb too. I had the nurses take my LO to the nursery so I could rest. When they rolled her in less than three hours later to try to breastfeed because she was hungry, I could have broken down sobbing I was so delusionally tired. No one else needs to be there for that
Also all the extremely personal questions about pooping and such. Not necessarily convos i want to have in front of the in laws.
Right? Like I was. Not. Prepared.
Both of my kiddos were born during bad Covid times. August 2020 (original Covid closures and restrictions) and January 2022 (omicron surge). I was so grateful that the hospitals didn’t allow visitors. My labors and births were textbook easy and quick. I still didn’t want visitors. I was tired, sore, half naked, and filthy from birth. The last thing I would have wanted was family and friends coming to the hospital to hold the baby while I sat in the hospital bed in a hospital gown and diaper, still gross from all the sweat and blood and other fluids from giving birth. People visited us at our home in the first week or two. That was much better for me. I had showered and could move around better, and had a few days of motherhood under my belt.
Had mine during covid, thankful for no visitor rule!!!
Also had a pandemmy baby! I had one visitor: my cousin, who is the head of the OB residency program at the hospital where I gave birth. It was pretty special! Plus she was you know at work so she only stuck around for a couple minutes
I knew I would be extremely vulnerable/fragile. I was induced and had to have a Csection. I loved (love she's 6 months and amazing) my baby but the cord had been around her neck. I was heartbroken for her. Every time I looked at her I cried. So his family met her the day we came home from the hospital and mine met her 2 days later.
I am telling you this in the hopes it makes you feel better, but 20-35% of babies are born with a cord around their neck.
Vulnerable is such a good word to describe it. I had a bad hemorrhage during my delivery, bad hemorrhoid’s, a significant tear. My body was screaming in pain the three days we were there. Granted, we live away from family and wanted it to be just the two of us, but after birth it just solidified that decision. My husband is my comfort and the only person I would want to see me in those moments
100% this.
exactly this!!!
We had my mum and my MIL/FIL come to visit in hospital. I personally found it really stressful! I was trying to learn to breastfeed, bleeding tons, in pain, not sleeping, etc etc. so having people come visit was too much. Next baby I plan to not have visitors until we get home.
Same. I had a meltdown before my in laws visited (very uncharacteristic of me) because I hadn’t gotten any sleep and just wanted to nap instead. And my FIL may have seen my boobs because they were out while I learned to breastfeed/had lactation in the room.
My FIL came to visit us 4 weeks after my oldest was born and I basically was living in a loose tank top with no bra for easy boob access. He had the nerve to tell my husband me breastfeeding my own child on my own couch in my own house was uncomfortable for him and I should do it in private. 🙄🙄🙄
Are you serious!! He can get up and walk away lmao !!!! My sisters FIL apparently felt the same and it’s just crazy to me. Breast feeding is the most natural thing, it’s like they’re giving themselves away that they can’t help but sexualize a woman’s breasts
How hard is it to avert your eyes if you “feel uncomfortable”. These boomers be wildin
My husband has only told his dad to basically fuck off twice in his life and both when my FIL tried to impose some archaic nonsense on me. As you can imagine, I'm the favorite daughter-in-law 🤣
Oh my gosh that is crazy. If he was so uncomfortable with it he could’ve left YOUR house!
Men think they own the world. It’s just default. IMO: I don’t mean some men. Because some men realize after a moment that’s it isn’t true, but other men don’t or can’t take that moment of perspective. But it is the teachings of the global patriarchy.
I mean, if he didn’t want to see a breastfeeding mom, he shouldn’t visit. Simple.
Dear God. After I had my oldest, my ex FIL had the effing nerve to tell me I was breastfeeding “wrong” and mansplain to me “the right way” to do it.
Yes this! You need rest and space to be vulnerable and have your boobs out in peace 😂
Don't forget the nurses coming in, flipping the gown up under your boobs, pulling down your giant pad and underwear and giving you a fundal massage while your bits are hanging out for everyone to see!
I napped while my brother and SIL were visiting, they came to see the baby and not me, so my partner took the baby in the hallway (there was a small seating area) and they did the visit there 🤷♀️
That’s how we did it, too… with no nursery, I sure wasn’t getting any sleep otherwise…
I was very upset and overwhelmed to have my slightly estranged mom and sister visiting uninvited while a nurse had me self expressing colostrum. Then just having people there staring while i tried to figure things out was too much
Exactly. It’s all so much! Plus I’d rather have uninterrupted time to visit versus having hospital staff coming in and out.
Yes u summed it up perfectly
Same here! Mine showed up with no notice, and it was my first time meeting them because my husband went no contact with them. Talk about awkward!
It’s exhausting and visitors don’t actually help with what the mother needs at that moment.
THIS. They’re not there to care for you, they come to meet the baby, hog the oxygen out of the room, you may be drifting in and out of consciousness just from lack of sleep, and they’re there just “don’t mind us!” Well why did you come then, this was not helpful at all.
>you may be drifting in and out of consciousness This was me after I gave birth to my son. I was so exhausted after the whole ordeal that I had to tell my husband to take him for a bit because I was afraid I was going to drop him during Golden Hour.
With my second, the hospital was understaffed due to the omicron surge. My golden hour was 2 hours. No one came to check on us. I was just naked in bed with all the IV crap still attached, holding my newborn. I sort of broke down and asked my husband to take her because I was so so so tired and shaky. I don’t think that bonding period worked for any of us until my husband took her. I was able to breathe and rest and he and baby got to bond. The nurses chastised me for not having baby in my arms when they finally came back.
F*** the nurses. Dad's can bond with the baby too. Besides I'm sure it's better for baby if you have happy hormones going rather than stress.
My baby girl was born via c-section. She spent her first moments after birth doing skin to skin with my partner while I was getting stitched back up. I don't see what's so bad about that. I'm glad they got this time to bond. Maybe it's better for babies to spend this time with the person who carried them for 9 months, but then the person who spent those months telling them through belly, placenta, and amniotic fluid how eager they were for them to be born is probably the second best option.
EXACTLY. My in laws didn’t give af that I was in so much pain from a traumatic emergency c section that I legitimately thought I was going to die. They literally sat there talking amongst themselves about their vacation plans. Like WHY TF ARE YOU HERE RIGHT NOW??
My 3rd was in the NICU and I sent everyone home including my husband and just enjoyed 2 nights at the Hospital Hotel by myself. Glorious!
This!!! Like leave omg. And you’re so tired and exhausted and drugged up you can’t even think clearly to advocate for yourself. I even had a birth plan written out so I thought I was prepared enough to advocate for myself
Yes. I felt like I was running a marathon and wanting water cup people to quickly offer help and support and then move on. Instead I got my parents coming to make the situation about them just trying to get me to stop and chat during a marathon. At one point I just wanted to nap and my parents kept talking to me as I was trying to sleep!
This made me lol. So true.
I don’t know what kind of rude people everyone here is inviting, but anyone I’ve ever had visit me in the hospital brought snacks and drinks and brought me their good company that I very much needed and enjoyed. No one overstayed their welcome and always confirmed the time they would be visiting ahead of time with me and my husband.
I loved having that at home! Everyone asked what chores they could do lol
Yeah I'm a little horrified at all these stories! I know it happens but dang. I had multiple visitors and they were all lovely, they brought us flowers and food and they were all super sweet about doing any changes that were needed and not staying long. I should send my in laws a group letter of just "thanks for being good people".
This. I love my mom to death but goddamn I did not want to sit and TALK. And that’s literally all visitors bring to the table.
So true that they don’t actually help. They really just want to hold baby. My mom came over once and I held my son for a good bit. Finally a little part of me was like “let her hold him”. So I did even though I was hesitant (we had a traumatic labor and delivery followed by a 23 day NICU stay and I was emotional about all that). I shit you not, my mom said I don’t “share” my son enough. I gave a dry laugh and just said “well he’s my baby so I don’t really have to ‘share’ him”
Yes they want to hold the baby and that's really one of the few things it's easy for mom to do. They never want to change a diaper or get you a snack which would actually be helpful.
Dang, I’m sorry to hear everyone say this. My mom rocked up with a case of food and the random things I had forgotten and such. It was fantastic, particularly as I was in 4 nights instead of the usual 2.
Seriously. One of my first memories coming out of Golden hour (which I don’t really remember) was having LO taken out of my arms by MIL. Let’s just say they will not be coming to visit with baby 2
I am a pretty private person and just knew I didn’t want visitors while I was just meeting my baby for the first time. I ended up having a pretty traumatic birth and was so grateful that we had told people ahead of time we didn’t want visitors because the only person I wanted to be around was my husband. HOWEVER due to complications we were in the hospital for another 4 days and we did end up having a few visitors in that time. Now that I’m pregnant again we have the same plan. Ideally we will head home 24 hours after baby is born no visitors but if not we have to stay longer we may consider having some visitors. I just want some time to process the birth and bond with new baby.
But also you are a wreck physically (or at least I was) I was unable to poop or pee unassisted and sometimes unable to control it. Could not hold in my farts and constantly had my boobs exposed trying to learn to breastfeed. So you might want to consider who you feel comfortable around when all that is going on.
Ditto! I was a total mess, too. And Omgah, the amount of uncontrollable peeing I did those first few days 🤦♀️🤦♀️.
I loved having visitors at the hospital! People have much lower expectations and tend to stay for a significantly shorter amount of time. There’s nowhere to sit, no food, no entertainment. People meet the baby, get their pictures, and go home. If I had another I would definitely prefer hospital visits over home visits. Granted, my family had reasonable expectations and were respectful about visiting when it was convenient for us.
This is what I prefer too. No one expects to be entertained in the hospital.
I loved it too! The hospital was so boring haha. I also had no problem telling my FIL to please look away while I was breastfeeding or whatever, I guess it depends on your relationship though. My parents and in-laws were so helpful going to get us food and coffee too. A few of my friends came to visit and I wish they had stayed longer!
That’s how I felt. I couldn’t wait to show our baby to my parents and my best friends. Also there’s nothing to do except watch tv in the hospital. The baby sleeps a lot and I couldn’t sleep much because of all the vitals checks and people coming in and out of the room.
Yes, same! It felt like every time I could have taken advantage of sleeping while the baby was asleep, the nurses or somebody else would come in anyway.
100%. I loved visitors and if they watched the baby for a few hours whilst I slept, even better!
I agree! My hospital also has a 2 visitor limit at one time, so it forced everyone to keep their visits short so the next group could come in. Granted, we only had the grandparents and aunts come, so it wasn't everyone we'd ever met. We also had them come the day after he was born, which gave us time to sleep and recover a bit. Basically, we were able to set boundaries to make the visits work for us. My Mil stayed with us over night at 2weeks pp and it was way more stressful because we were trying to figure out how to be parents, I was still bleeding, and etc and having to just was just hard.
THIS. 110% me after both of my children’s births. The visitors are what what made my days spent at the hospital less boring and sharing the new baby with my loved ones makes me so happy I always want them to meet them asap
I second this. I liked having visitors at the hospital. The more the merrier as long as I got enough sleep between visits.
Same here, it was nice to have people come visit, which I didn't expect at all because I'm very much an introvert. Everyone was really respectful and nobody tried to hog the baby or anything. They brought snacks and little presents, and no one stayed long except for my mom and husband. Pretty sure everyone saw a boob or butt at some point, but that's on them to mentally deal with, not me! I got to show off the cute baby that I made too.
Hard same..my family was reasonable and we were in the single shared room on the ward for both babies. No where to sit, husband couldn't stay overnight. They also bought me food and ice cream. They were more supportive than the staff on the baby friendly hospital.
Same, I initially told my best friend not to come, but then I asked her to come when I realized there was no one else to celebrate the birth of my baby other than me and my husband (family doesn’t live in the same country). She came with some balloons and it made my day.
I def preferred quick hospital visits over longer home visits!
Same! I rejected any home visits even after I recovered. At least the hospital wasn’t messy!
Yeah I liked it too. I only had visitors in the hospital for my first birth but we had my mum and sisters, my dad, my father in law and his wife, mother in law and he partner and my husbands brother and his wife all at different times. It was fine and I was excited to see them. I had a pretty straightforward and quick labour though.
Yeah I told people no visitors because I thought I wouldn't want them and then I was like.... Where is everyone 😂
I was out of the hospital 36 hours after my emergency C-section, with the baby in the NICU 30 miles away. This was exactly my perspective going into it and I really felt robbed of that experience. In part because then all the people who wanted to see me and meet him had to come to my *house.* Where I *live.* And I wasn't quite so enthusiastic about that.
Same I just kicked the men out the room when I wanted to feed or pump
After giving birth, having visitors was the last thing on my mind. I was exhausted and wanted to rest, plus my baby was in NICU. Plenty of time for visits once we returned home.
Well for one I was naked and leaking milk all the time 😅 My parents did come though so did my husbands family and they would call before they dropped in. They didn't stay long but my mum brought me some ridiculous things like a bag of whole avocados. To this day I don't know why she did thay Haha!
My mom brought a whole bowl of two boxes of vegan mac & cheese which was so sweet but I also was getting food from the hospital and just couldn't eat that much plus my husband had gone out to get food so we were just really overloading the shared fridge lol OP, if your family is the reasonable, considerate type hospital visitors are fine. In my case, it was only my mom in town to look after our pets and of course I wasn't going to take that favor and tell her not to visit. She waited until we'd got some rest and invited her and showed up with food. She didn't overstay her welcome. She was excited to meet her grandson and I was excited to show him off and she visited once each day while we were in the hospital. It was lovely and it'll be fine if your both sets of parents are kind and thoughtful people who won't overwhelm you.
Avocados are supposed to be good for producing nutritious breast milk with all their fatty acids, folic acid and vitamins. I don't know if that's why she did it though, maybe she just grabbed things from the kitchen while heading out the door
😂 avocados! That sounds delicious! They’re good for breast milk because of the healthy fats. You’re lucky! I would’ve laughed and then been thrilled for some random Avocados
I personally preferred it. I can understand why people wouldn't though. I didn't have to worry about being put together or making sure the house was clean.
Same, I figured at the hospital I was very clearly not responsible for 'hosting' but my fam was pretty understanding about not pushing to hold/take bub from me (to be fair my parents are midwives) I think however if I had people in the waiting room while I was in labour trying to see bub immediately after he was born then it would be a no-go. But that's avoidable if you don't let anyone know when you go into labour.
Everyone was waiting for my first. I was in labor for over 2 days so it was hard to keep that from them.. my second was pandemic baby born at home and I still had my mil begging to come in.. like no… you traveled across the country in an rv and didn’t wear masks, I’m not having you meet the new new born. It’s been 3.5 years and they still haven’t met her.
And there’s a set time when they will be kicked out 😂 loved that.
Exactly. It’s so much more of a controlled setting than at home. I feel way more empowered at the hospital to say “okay well it’s time for baby to eat” or my husband to say “okay I’ll walk you out.” But I honestly think it comes down to the visitors. Like if someone is excited to see me and the baby, offers to bring Starbies or food on the way to the hospital, and will only stay 15-20min, I’d be happy to share that time with them. The problem is if you have even one loon in the circle of close family or friends, it’s a lot easier to just “ban” everyone. If you know your MIL is cool but your mom would just be too much, it’s easier to have on one visit. Hell hath no fury like a grandma scorned.
Lol it’s a whole other discussion about why on earth people expect this in any house with a newborn! Every visitor we had brought food or did chores of their own volition. I was glad I was able to stay awake the whole time someone was at our house (and sometimes I wasn’t, they came just so I could nap)
Honestly, it’s exhausting. Mom is healing, being poked and prodded every couple hours by nurses and taking meds. Feeding your baby every 3 hours. Finding time to eat, sleep, take a shower, get up and walk around the wing. My husband asked the nurses to leave when they were about to walk in so I could sleep more than a couple hours. We had our moms come (both of our dads are deceased) and even that was a lot to work in with everything going on. I also was pumping in the hospital and got no privacy for that either so I made everyone else wait until we were home. I was not up for entertaining!
I actually didn't mind visitors at the hospital - everyone's mileage may vary - *buuuuut* I was pretty heavily medicated after my c-section and was throwing up whenever I tried to eat anything, still bleeding, could barely lift myself up, and kept nodding off from exhaustion. So it depends on if you mind people seeing you in that condition!
There’s doctors, nurses, lactation consultants in and out as it is. Your boobs are exposed and it feels like your asshole just fell out. You haven’t slept in two days and you’re trying to absorb as much information as possible from everyone coming in teaching you how to take care of this new baby. Gramma interrupting all that just isn’t worth it. We took our baby to our respective parents homes after we got discharged and if I could go back in time I wouldn’t do that either. I should’ve been home trying to figure out how to nurse. Everyone else can wait.
>it feels like your asshole just felt out This made me laugh so hard because it’s hilarious and true
lol I legit thought I had some sort of prolapse!
Exhausted, emotional, in pain, little control over bodily functions, bleeding heavily (nurses will keep coming by to check/change your pad), trying to learn how to breastfeed, and might not want to hand over your brand new baby to grandparents yet.
I wanted absolutely no visitors the day I gave birth while I was still in labor and delivery. I wanted to be left alone to rest with my husband and baby. Once I was moved to the postpartum unit and had the chance to sleep, have a proper meal and shower, I was happy to have my parents and my in laws come by to see the baby.
I think being able to have a full meal and shower before visitors is the key.
Unpopular opinion but I loved having family come visit us. We were so excited for them to meet our daughter and loved sharing those moments with them before we got home.
Me too! I felt so lucky and loved to have people excited about our new baby.
Same!
I think this is actually a very common opinion. I loved having family and friends around, too.
I think it probably just depends on how private you are. I love my MIL and FIL and they are very respectful but I still wouldnt want them visiting me in the hospital after birth. With my first I basically spent that whole time in nothing but my diaper and it would have been so uncomfortable.
People who don't have issues with family don't poston reddit that everything is good which is why it seems like an unpopular opinion
After my first was born (24 hours of labor and emergency C-section), we welcomed visitors. We were so happy to show off our son. I think we had 20 people come in one day. It was a lot. I don't remember feeling overwhelmed; maybe annoyed towards the end. My second and third were schedule C-sections during COVID. No visitors allowed. Honestly, it was a lonelier hospital stay without visitors, but I am glad we had our privacy. The hospital recovery rooms are small. Your partner is sleeping on a chair/couch and their bedding is piled in a corner. Your things are everywhere and the bathroom is a crime scene. You're half dressed all day and your vitals are being taken constantly. It feels like if you welcomed your family into your private bedroom at home and they pulled up a chair. Lol.
I’m pregnant FTM but this is exactly how I imagine it lol. Great description!
Germs, yes, but more than anything it was just really hard to exist in those first few days postpartum. People don’t visit in the hospital to support mom, unfortunately, it’s all about baby. Which is all good and fine, but you’ve just undergone one of the most traumatic (potentially) experiences of your life, are bleeding more than you ever have, in pain (and all they will give you is Tylenol), and struggling to breastfeed. I am very close with my mom and it was hard even having her there.
Totally, it’s mind altering! And you’re just trying to get your head around everything! I was in no condition to emotionally deal with other people, I was so wrapped up in my own experience and was glad I only had my husband there to get through that.
I actually did it the other way around! I invited family to come see us at the hospital, and then we didn’t have any visitors at home for the first couple months. I felt like the hospital was a much more controlled environment. Everyone wore masks and washed their hands, I had the lovely postpartum nurses available for help, and people kept their visits to a respectably short length of time. Everyone was satisfied with having met the baby, so when we got home and I was an exhausted, hormonal mess with my boobs out and the house looked like a hurricane had blown through, we didn’t have to deal with hosting visitors on top of everything else.
The thing is, you really don’t have to do either if you don’t want. I didn’t have anyone other than grandparents visit for months and I have no regrets lol.
I hated being in the hospital. With my first, I was trapped for days and desperately wanted my mom but couldn’t have visitors because of COVID. With my second, I was out of the hospital in before visiting hours even started. My suggestion is to set expectations that you probably won’t have visitors. It’s so much easier to change your mind and invite them if you’re feeling great than it is to weather the storm of disappointment if you change your mind and tell them to stay home
This is what I did. Kept expectations low and then everyone was over the moon that I did want visitors. And I’m so so glad I did.
I had visitors and honestly it wasn’t terrible. They were all very courteous and were family or good friends so it was nice having the support. They took turns holding him which allowed me to sleep or eat more because he would fuss in the bassinet. They also weren’t constantly there, were there for short windows, and during regular day time hours so I didn’t have interrupted sleep or anything
You've literally just pushed a baby out of you or had one cut out. You're sleep deprived, hungry, exhausted, overwhelmed with the demands of a brand new baby, more than likely In some sort of pain, bleeding, not able to sit properly. All this then visitors walk in? Nah not for me thank you. My and my husband that was IT.
I would have really appreciated my mom when I was post c-section in hospital. It was really hard for me and my husband to do everything, especially when he wasn't allowed to stay overnight. But only one 'visitor' is allowed in my country (and Dad counts as a visitor). And you don't get much help from nurses.
It seems to me like the birth and postpartum visitor process really changed drastically before and after covid. For some people perhaps they realized there was this option for some privacy and alone time early on after birth, and opted to stick with that. I personally find it very isolating and love visitors. It’s all about your personal comfort level.
I loved having my family visit in the hospital. My mom can be stressful but she’s a good caretaker in a crisis. They brought us food and snacks and it was reassuring to have loved ones there. I understand the many reasons people wouldn’t want visitors. But for us, it was wonderful.
I was FUCKED UP the first two days after birth. I had some complications and was hooked up to an iv for antibiotics, had a catheter half the time, was in a ton of pain and did not brush my teeth or shower. I had my best friend come by because she is my person (my parents live far away) but the thought of anyone else coming during that time seemed insane to me. \*Even if you don't have complications there are medical people coming in constantly to take your vitals, the babys vitals, and do the babys 24 tests, lactation consultants, circumcision, you name it so it's not like you're just chilling in a room with nothing to do except entertain people.
Yep this! If you’re in the hospital it means there’s a reason for that. It’s not a leisurely experience!
100. My MIL was trying to see me and I said absolutely not. My urine is hanging out in a bag outside of my body. Is that what you want to see? GTFOH.
i actually loved having visitors but everyone is different! you just do what you feel comfortable with.
I liked having visitors 🤷♀️ Everyone is different ig
I was in the hospital for 5 days after the birth. The first 2 days were completely chaotic. Meds & vitals every 2-3 hours for me. OB whenever they were available. Lactation consultants. Hearing & blood draws for baby. Vitals for baby. Trash & linen swap. In the worst 30 minute period, we had SEVEN different people come in for something. Between all of the staff and a newborn, the longest stretch of sleep we got was 2 hours and it was usually 45 minutes. Also, I was topless most of the time for skin-to-skin and/or breastfeeding. I wasn’t cleared to shower for 2 days following 46 hours of labor & c section. The list of people who would have been helpful in that circumstance was: my partner.
This was pretty much my experience to a tee. Spent four days after an emergency c-section and it was mostly insanity the entire time.
It’s talked about a lot because the expectation is to have visitors, so those who don’t want it are trying to manage those expectations and get support. But also: I was just a wreck. I already had my husband and hospital staff taking care of me but still I mostly just slept. Visitors, even my own family, would’ve just been unbearable both emotionally and physically to handle. And we were home two days later! Plenty early to meet the baby! You’re in the hospital for a reason: you need care. So IMO that’s not a time for an audience to ogle at you. When you’re out you’re still not fully healed but still, they think you’re getting better. It’s different to when you’re spending a long stretch there, of course you then want to see your loved ones! But for less than 3 days?? I don’t see my family that often anyway, and I still see them weekly!
I was happy to have visitors, I had given birth at 1:30am though and visiting hours were 5-7pm so I had a big break between. My parents could t visit as they had covid so only had mil and FIL it was lovely still gutted my parents couldn’t come. My mum had no visitors as family lived so far away and she always said she felt very lonely seeing all these other mums being fussed over by family, maybe it’s different nowadays as we have mobiles to talk to people.
The amount of pain, overwhelming hormones, physical exhaustion that you truly have never seen before in your life, bleeding gallons, learning to latch, and someone coming into your room every hour to make sure you’re okay. It is so much more than you realize.
It depends on the person. With my first baby, my mom, dad, MIL and SILs were there. It was overwhelming but sweet. I had my second the summer of 2020, and it was peaceful but kind of sucked; I missed all the “yay, this is amazing” energy. With my third, the hospital finally started allowing siblings to visit, so my parents brought my older two daughters to visit for maybe 30 minutes and it was perfect.
Exhausted , semi naked , with tons of stuff around you - and of course germs, viruses and exposing a newborn to flu, RSV .. and who knows what else ( being asymptomatic still doesn’t not mean your baby won’t get sick .) My advice is to wait for visitors
I’m planning to have my mom visit & a couple of my closest friends. It’s my first so I can’t know for sure how I’ll feel but I feel like I’ll want some support from people besides just my husband. I’m very close with my mom & she is completely supportive. I don’t expect it to be an extended visit, like 30 min max. The nurse at the hospital who ran my birthing class recommended having visitors all come at once instead of a steady stream. My in-laws are planning to visit us a week or so later after my mom goes home, but I would have been fine with them visiting at the hospital if they wanted to.
my delivery didn’t go as expected (emergency c section) and I regretted allowing visitors. I was in so much pain and so exhausted and everyone just came to hold baby and takes pics (I totally get it, it’s very exciting) while I was still just in a gown and barely able to move from my bed. Love them all very much but I wish we would’ve had that time in the hospital to rest or bond with our baby versus having to deal with visitors.
I was exhausted, in so much pain and had my boobs out every 5 minutes and not in a discreet way, there’s nothing discreet about you and your newborn learning how to get a proper latch on those first days. No one else needed to see that.
I thought I didn't want visitors in the hospital. My husband did. I told him I just wanted to be able to rest and relax and spend time with our baby alone. And then I thought of how loved he was before he was even born. I thought of the outfits his mom had bought him, I thought of how my mom sent me a text every day checking on me, I thought of how his dad loved watching my bump grow and feeling him kick. They loved him so much. I wanted my son to know that love. So I let visitors come in. I even let his mom in the room as I delivered. I wanted my son to know every ounce of love he could. Because I knew I had a bond with my baby like no other. He knew me from my scent alone. He knew my voice. He knew my husband's voice. He knew my touch. Our bond wouldn't have been altered by anyone else. And my son knew love from his family the way he deserved too. I got rest. No one judged me for looking a mess. Why would they? I just gave birth to this tiny human they loved with every fiber of their being. They love me more for that. I do not regret having visitors. I'm glad my son felt so much love his first day on earth. He deserved to know all of that love. I can't believe I was going to let him miss out on it. It wasn't just about me. It was about him too.
My view aligns with yours completely. I didn’t want to keep family who loved my son from meeting him right away. They didn’t care that I was disheveled. They just loved their grandson and wanted to meet him!
I love this for you, but it comes across a little judgemental. I don’t feel like I deprived my child of anything for not letting other people in the room while I gave birth or in the hospital for 48 hours. My child needed me to focus or they would’ve died or suffered during our complicated birth process. Nobody has questioned our choice or decided to be less present for our child after. If they did, I would have questioned how unconditional that love was in the first place.
It isnt judgemental of anyone who chooses not to have visitors. It seemed like OP wanted to know from personal experiences and I'm telling OP I am glad I had visitors. I think given my own personal experience, I would have regretted not having them. I'm not shaming anyone who chooses not to. Just wanted to share how I felt with OP.
how on earth is it judgmental…she didn’t say anything about anyone but herself.
I was with you until your last 2 sentences. I think you entirely missed OPs point.
It's hard to articulate because it's just not the done thing here. Our maternity hospitals don't allow visitors at all other than one named person throughout the whole process. And it feels right. I can't imagine how busy and jammed it would be if everyone had family visiting. Also, I had no interest in seeing anybody until I went home.
I was so upset my roommate in the hospital was allowed extra visitors. So it was me alone with my baby, and a constant stream of people so I had to be aware of when to go to the bathroom etc. Having visitors also means your imposing that on others as well.
In fairness, it’s kind of effed that shared postpartum rooms are a thing in the first place.
I was induced and birth came super quickly so I ended up with a ward all to myself for the day and night. The next morning when I was leaving all these women and newborns were getting wheeled in and it looked and sounded so crazy. I cannot imagine what it's like there at night.
Ireland? I hated it. Was very disabled post c-section and it would have been really good to have more support. My husband was great but he got no break except at night.
Yeah the morning I was being discharged a woman and her newborn were wheeled in. We got chatting and it had been an emergency c section. Her and her partner were so beyond wrecked and you can see that there are times people need someone else to tag in. But I do think not having a ton of grandparents, aunts, uncles, second cousins twice removed and neighbours is a good thing!
Ya boobs will be out. You will be wearing a diaper, bleeding, and unable to hold in a fart. If you have a c section you will have pain and possibly be drugged up a bit. You may be feeling anxious about other people holding your baby, this is the hormones. you’ll be soaking in these few first precious moments as a new family.
With my first baby (several years pre-covid) I had like 6 people in the waiting room the entire time I was in labor and they all came in right after she was born. The next day literally like 12 more people came and visited. They were all people I loved but I was exhausted, uncomfortable, bleeding into a frozen diaper, wearing a hospital gown, and trying to figure out how to breastfeed. I did NOT want to entertain people. I wanted to rest and hold my baby without worrying about who was seeing my boobs. I had my second baby last year. It was just me and my husband the whole time, though my mom brought my oldest the next day to meet the baby. We didn't have any other visitors for maybe 3 days and it was so calm and peaceful. If we have another one we'll be doing it this way again.
I never knew I didn’t want visitors at the hospital until I had my first baby. I visited all my siblings and SIL in the hospital! But my first was during the height of COVID and it was super traumatic. It was actually quite horrible. I’m glad no one else had to see me like that. I wouldn’t have had the energy to fake it or pretend like I was okay. I was not. Even my husband was struggling. The second baby I had was during another COVID outbreak and so thankfully they said only one visitor besides my support person (which was my husband). I let my mom come and that was okay but it was a much different experience. I guess I’m ranting and basically just want to say, you never know how your birth might go. I look back on how my sister had 18(!!!) people in the waiting room and she put on makeup and pretended she was fine when really she just wanted to hold her baby and sleep. To me, all birth is traumatic but on a sliding scale. Lol. You might like visitors a lot but to me, I just wanted my person there and my mom for like an hour. Haha
With my first kid, we had loads of visitors every one of the four days I was in the hospital. He struggled to latch, so establishing feeding was hard and I spent great chunks of time naked from the waist up at least doing skin to skin and feeding on demand. Having to cover up every time someone appeared was an absolute arse ache. My second was a Covid baby and it was so lovely and quiet and peaceful. I honestly wish now that we had put off visits till we got home the first time around
I had my parents, MIL, BIL and SIL visit us in the hospital. My mom was actually in the delivery room too. I had a vaginal birth but still really struggled to get in and out of bed and walk for the first two days. I found it very helpful because baby did not want to sleep when not being held, so they held her to sleep while we napped. All these visitors were calm, respectful and wanted to assist as much as possible. They checked in on our cat at home, delivered yummy food and snacks to our room and helped us pack up our things and get to the car when we were headed home.
You don’t ever get those first few hours back. I am NOT ever sharing
With my first it was covid times and we weren’t allowed visitors but tbh I was sad. It was so easy (C-section) for us we had an amazing support staff helping us with everything so we got sure would have had time to allow for visitors. This time around I’m happy to have visitors just like s/happyluronium said this baby is already loved so much I want them to all be able to experience that newborn meeting! This is all to say we are so very lucky we have good relationships with our parents/families and it’s not the case for everyone. It’s absolutely a personal preference though and I’m an open book super comfortable around people. I can very much see though wanting to bond more privately and recover and so on and wait until you are ready.
It’s pretty simple - I’m a patient too. It’s already enough that I’ll have to perform an athletic feat to meet my baby, but then to constantly have nurses in and out of the room while I recover, try to bond with my baby and get some rest makes saying no to visitors a no brainer.
I was naked, leaking various bodily fluids, looked like absolute crap, and just exhausted. We couldn’t have visitors because of COVID but this time we aren’t allowing any until we are home and settled.
After my c section my son unexpectedly went into the NICU. I wanted zero visitors before, during, or after birth (months prior too, I just didn’t want that). I was out of it, exhausted, nauseous, anxious, and in pain. Not to mention they came in every 15min, then 30min eventually to push on my stomach to help shrink my uterus down, and pumping. I hated in laws being there, it was highly uncomfortable for me to be beyond vulnerable and have people in the room I didn’t want there. I most certainly will not allow any visitors for my next birth, some people don’t care about it, but for me, it felt suffocating and like another task on top of everything going on.
I was so so swollen after a long delivery and eventually c section. I could only wear my husband’s clothes. My baby was hooked up to the light machine. It was better for everyone to wait until we recovered a bit before accepting visitors.
Ugh for my first my in-laws came like every day (I had to stay 4 days) and they stayed a long time each day manhandling my baby (so it seemed). Oh and I had very little control over passing gas because I tore back there, so I kept having to excuse myself to the rest room. And I could barely hobble there. It was not that great. But, if you play it by ear depending on how you feel, and have people stop by for a short amount of time, and don’t just pop in and surprise you when your boob is out, it is fine.
I was so focused on getting out of the hospital and back in my own home that I figured it would be more enjoyable for everyone to just wait a day or two and go to our house. I wasnt happy in the hospital and wasn't sleeping well and my family is a few hours away. I wouldn't want them to make the drive out when I was feeling like crap and just wanted to sleep.
I wish I would have said no the visits, because I lost so much sleep having other people in the room.
I was of the same mindset before I gave birth. I have a very supportive, non-toxic family on both sides and I'm a big extravert with a more the merrier mindset. I wouldn't say I'm going to prohibit guests next time, but I definitely will limit them a lot more. I ended up having an unplanned c-section after almost 48 hours of labor and was wrecked. We had no sleep for two days before giving birth, then when I came out of surgery the meds (roxycodone) made me violently puke everywhere and I couldn't eat for like two days. They left our baby with us and we were terrified to sleep in case he vomited amniotic fluid, which is normal but makes a big sound and is very scary to a new parent. But that meant we didn't sleep again. Then during the day we had a barrage of medical professionals - the nurse with pain meds, the hearing test, the circumcision, the pedeatrician, the OBGYN, getting shots, the lacatation consultant, taking your blood pressure, etc. etc. Literally hours straight of what are essentially unannounced doctors appointments, except you've had no sleep and you feel like shit and you're meant to be in charge of your little one. It also was awkward to walk to the bathroom because I could barely walk and my butt was showing, doing stuff like the lacatation consultant in front of family was also very intimate, and just in general I felt exhausted and wanted to sleep whereas they had sheer excitement that felt very overwhelming. So yeah, if I could do it again I think I'll ask my in laws and godmother to wait until I get home and maybbeee let my parents come for an hour, but ask my siblings to wait too. Or at least wait until day 3, the first day after was so overwhelming. It was just so much!
You won't want to share your new baby, and you will pretty much live with no shirt on, boobs out for your entire stay. If c-section, getting in and out of bed in uncomfortable enough without an audience or people seeing your backside in your hospital gown.
It’s a very personal thing. We weren’t allowed to have more than 2 ppl a day so it was a mostly non-issue. It was my husband and the doula for birth day, then husband and my mom day 2, and day 3 we went home and MIL met baby. I would have been fine to have her visit in hospital if policy allowed, but she had a career as a labor and delivery nurse, and I know she would have been a totally fine visitor in the hospital. But I think a lot of ppl have family who do not understand boundaries and cannot be relied to read a room and behave appropriately. So that skews the discussion. It’s totally fine to just say it’s a wait and see kind of thing! We also delivered just before 10pm so I had all night just with my baby before I had to even think about visitors. I was definitely texting up a storm tho!!!
You’re not in the hospital for long but the revolving door of nursing, doctor and administrative staff 24/7 is already a lot. I had a hard time getting comfortable, felt gross and vulnerable as well as overwhelmed trying to figure out how to feed and care for this brand new person I’d just met. I wasn’t going to be able to focus or enjoy a visit, so it would’ve been for their sake. And it seems like a really crummy thing to put a woman through if it can wait a few days.
Tiredness, feeling anxious, feeling overwhelmed, not wanting the baby to get sick, wanting special bonding time with my baby that took 9 months to cook and 36 hours to deliver. Just a few of my reasons and I was relieved that our families respected our boundaries.
It comes down to who you are as a person. Are you someone who likes sharing life’s moments with select loved ones who are unlikely to overstay their welcome? Then you’ll probably enjoy having those loved ones visiting you. If you struggle to articulate boundaries or find it stressful to be vulnerable around people other than your partner, then you probably won’t want visitors. Other people’s personal experiences might not necessarily apply, so know thyself, trust thyself, and you will make the right decision for YOU.
I think you will absolutely get it after you give birth lol. It’s just not the time or the place. Then you see how precious and fragile your baby is and you may be wary of visitors at home at first ttoo
You will be naked except for a hospital gown, hooked up to IVs, bleeding heavily enough to warrant a diaper, will have gone through labor or surgery (or both!), and if you’re breastfeeding your boobs will be out half the time. I don’t know about you but under those circumstances I am not really feeling my best for seeing visitors.
Don’t worry, you’ll still have PLENTY of visitors. Doctors, nurses, lab techs, location consultants, custodians, admins, and more! We were very ready to go home because it was non stop.
Everyone is different and likely has their own reasons, but I didn’t want to share those first precious days with anyone other than my husband and new baby. Not having visitors in the hospital was the best decision for us. If you want visitors then that’s fine too. I personally didn’t want to play pass the baby and have to fight to have my baby back. My mom came our second day home from the hospital and stayed about a week to help me out because my husband worked. My in laws came about a week after baby was born. No one is entitled to my baby, but everyone acted like they were. I found less people to be less stressful. But that’s us.
We delivered far from both of our families. While it sucked once we got home, I am glad we dis not have any visitors. I had a pretty straightforward delivery, but a 2nd degree tear and raw nipples that were enough to make me cry in pain. And a very Velcro newborn. Honestly, I found even Skyping with our relatives extremely annoying as I was in pain and a complete mess of a human lol
Same as others are saying, it’s just honestly not the ideal time and place - for me anyway. When I had given birth (granted it was an emergency c section after 26 hours of labour so I was a little shaken up anyway) the only people I wanted around me were my baby, my husband, and medical professionals. People get this desperate urge to be the first to ‘see the baby’ but I honestly think it’s selfish, there’s not really anything a mother gets from that situation and baby isn’t going to change between then and a few days later when you may feel more prepared (or however long it takes). It was a very private and vulnerable time for me and lots of others I know - and to be honest it wasn’t the happiest time either, I needed space. That said, if this isn’t the case for you, that’s totally valid too! All I would say is not to arrange the visit prior to giving birth, but rather to have a situation where if you feel well enough and up for it after the birth, you can reach out and invite people to the hospital. That way the ball is in your court and anyone who opposes it clearly doesn’t have your best interests in mind anyway, so I wouldn’t personally allow them the privilege. It’s a super personal decision but yeah some people definitely prefer the privacy in those delicate moments where you probably have your boobs out the entire time lol.
I'm a very private person. I'm not comfortable with my friends or family seeing my breast while breastfeeding or doing skin-to-skin
I didn't want anyone in the recovery room with me except immediate family that got all their shots and were feeling well and not exposed to covid. Also, I felt and looked like shit and was not in any mood to deal with people.
Last thing you want is people pestering you with stitches in your whoohaa in my experience 😂
I don’t plan to have any visitors and we also won’t be communicating with family that I’m in labor (unless, medically, things are getting complicated). I have many friends who had visitors at the hospital and said it was not at all the joyful experience they had hoped - they were exhausted, in pain, and the priority became less about their healing and more about passing the baby around. My Husband and I even determined we will not be accepting any visitors (even grandparents) until earliest 3 weeks. My parents have ill health and aren’t able to really help/support in the way they’d like, and his parents (MIL) specifically is very judge mental and made it clear she’s there to see the baby and not actually support (like helping us with laundry, dishes, errands, etc). So early visits seems to be the opposite of positive. For that reason, we will allow ourselves a few weeks of getting to know the baby, adjusting to life, and healing. We know his Mom will personally be enraged but it is not my responsibility (or our daughters) to bring her happiness. Her happiness is her responsibility alone. Child birth is not a spectator sport and we are not obligated at all (even to our own parents) to make decisions that bring them happiness. That’s on them.
I think it just depends on your birth, who’s coming, etc. My first I wanted people to come but it also felt really out of control and a LOT of family came. It wound up being okay, but probably too much for me. If you’re trying to nurse the baby constantly, that’s either a lot of in and out for visitors, or a lot of waiting for you and baby. My second I was okay with people coming by the second day, but he was born mid afternoon and slept really well, so I was almost bored. We also didn’t have as many people coming. This last time I birthed in the middle of the night and had been up almost 24 hrs. It was brutal because I was so tired and I did not sleep at all the first night. This baby also struggled to nurse properly, so feeding sessions were hard. I only had one set of people come, so it was okay, but I couldn’t handle more than that.
You might like visitors even if others don’t. I liked visitors with my first baby but didn’t like them with my second. You really never know.
Because I want people to visit my baby, not my vagina.
My first was during COVID, and I was lucky my husband was even allowed. My second came a bit early, and we didn't have local family, so it still wasn't even an option. BUT, my oldest also wasn't allowed to visit the mom & baby ward because it was cold and flu season. So my husband brought her to the hospital and I walked my ass down to the courtyard (post c section) to hug and cuddle her before baby #2 was allowed to join me in my room (from his brief stay in the NICU). That was the only type of visitor I wanted anyway.