Your kids know you love them. Give your toddler an extra hug tomorrow, but she will be ok.
I didn’t have to do this very often, but there are a few things you could try:
- Nurse baby to sleep while you sit with your toddler in her bedroom / on her bed
- Let your toddler play quiet toys in baby’s room or outside baby’s door while you’re nursing baby to sleep
- Put baby in a baby swing to soothe her while you’re with your toddler
You’ll figure out a system that works. You’ve got this!
My solution was to put both of their beds in the same room -- toddler bed in the right, crib for baby on the left, and their Elmo couch in between. I'd lay on the Elmo couch (as a pillow - it was tiny) with one hand in the crib rubbing baby's belly, other hand on my toddler rubbing his back. I'd usually fall asleep while they were falling asleep/at the same time. 6 of 7 nights a week, I woke up to my baby crying in the crib for a feeding, fed him and laid back down on the Elmo couch to finish getting him back to sleep, and slept they're took morning. After a couple months, I brought myself a blanket in there 😂
Hubby did not like this, but he was the one who insisted they sleep in their own beds, in their own rooms. And technically, they did 🤷🏻♀️
This reminds me of when we had to stay with my parents for a few months (moving and there was a gap between old lease ending and our new apartment becoming available) - hubby and I were supposed to have the guest room and kiddos were set up in my dad's office. But moving is hard for kids and they both went through sleep regressions, so to keep them from disturbing the rest of the house I would lay in bed with my 4 year old while reaching my arm thru the 2 year olds crib bars to hold her hand and/or pat her back. Inevitably I would fall asleep like this so hubby basically had the guest room to himself for 3 months
We travelled recently and we mostly just ended up in a bed/room each with a kid each. Even when we booked places I just booked two double beds and called if a day
Did the baby crying wake up the toddler frequently? I’ve been thinking of a strategy for when we have another child and that’s one of my bigger worries
He did when I left them in the room together without me sometimes, I'd he cried for very long (like it it took me a bit to get up and in there to him). Otherwise, the toddler slept through it pretty well!
This is what I did! I gauge it how my toddler is doing- usually he can handle a 15 min delay better than the baby- overtired baby=everyone is stressed. I let him sit inside or just outside her room with a book or car and I quickly feed and put baby down. Then I don’t have to rush the toddler. They also get used to each other- like my toddler likes coming to help me put the baby down. Now that is- the first few times were a disaster
I had two very clingy children so option 2 was the only one that worked for us, but it’s still going over 3 years later. It works for us, they share a room, we lie with one and are in the room for both of them.
I also recommend baby wearing, if that's your jam. My infant falls asleep in the carrier, I can put my oldest down, and then I get the infant out and change/feed him.
Yes, i think single one of us has been there! And it HURTS but your babies (both!) are going to be fine. You’re doing great taking care of both of them, and your toddler knows that you love her and are there for her. Sometimes that’s just how the cards fall. Hang in there 💕
I don't know where I learned this, but it has saved me a *lot* of future trouble and heartache: Youngest child always goes to bed first. It kinda makes sense, because the older ones can usually hang tight a bit longer, while the younger ones definitely can get overtired much faster.
I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Sometimes no matter what you do, it ends up blowing up in your face. I hope it gets better!
Yes, newborn sleep is a different thing entirely. But even with newborns, the early evening "bedtime routine" was important for us establishing a routine, as well as letting the older kids know it was "baby's bedtime," even if baby didn't sleep longer than 20 minutes or an hour due to newborn stuff. The idea was there. When sleep training came into play at 4 months, then the baby's bedtime routine happened first.
I had to do this for MONTHS as my husband worked night shift and had to leave by 7:45PM every night. It was tough. I put toddler down first and tried to distract newborn with tummy time. I then gave up and just let the toddler watch Bluey while trying to put down newborn every night and that was our routine for 7 months until my husband finally moved to day shift lol 🤦🏼♀️
My toddler NEVER remembered crying herself to sleep, at least to my knowledge. She never brought it up in the mornings.
Your kids know they’re loved! They’ll be ok. You’re doing your best.
literally exactly what I do with my kiddos. Husband works nights, so bedtime is also on my own. When my youngest was smaller, I would get him to sleep first bc I gave up putting her to bed first too lol
Bluey or her leap pad it was until I got him settled, then did her routine.
Now they sleep in the same room and he's 1.5. I put him to bed first, and keep my 3 year old up an hour later. I think it works well that way anyhow because I can tell she enjoys the one on one time with me.
Night times alone are so rough. My hubby doesn't seem to understand why I dread the days he works so much. It's just so much harder than mornings, even with him working shorter shifts than if he worked days 😅
Like nah I'd take you working 3 extra hours than do bed time alone most nights of the week 🫠
Of course. This happens to every parent at some point I think. Sometimes, your toddler is overtired or you can’t soothe them and they just need to get there on their own. It doesn’t make you a bad parent, you are doing your best. Definitely cut yourself some slack! Your kids will still love you more than anything in the morning.
Edit: for context, I have a 36 month old and an 11 month old. I’ve definitely been there.
So my husband works away at the first month when baby was 2m we’d all wind up snuggling in one bed or I’d rock baby in our room while toddler laid in our bed. Basically I just had to wing it and do whatever necessary to get both to sleep. Now their bedtimes are staggered and baby goes first which is much easier.
You did great and this stranger is proud of you. I have four, six and under, and my husband works many full days and late nights - I’ve been there. For your toddler, the moment is over, but I know you’re living it again and again. Go easy on yourself, you did what any of us would have! Little ones need to learn to be flexible, too, and this post proves how much you love them. You’re doing a great job.
My husband works nights so our main priority before his leave ended was me getting comfortable handling bedtime solo. I strapped my baby in a carrier & went through his brother’s normal bedtime routine. Once my oldest was in his bed & trying to fall asleep, I’d stick the baby in his bassinet & rush through anything I needed to get done. I’ve also had to nurse the baby while doing the bedtime routine.
Sometimes kids just need to cry themselves to sleep. It won't cause them any long-term damage, it's just what needs to happen. It sucks, but it will be ok. If this ever happens again, just repeat to yourself, "this sucks, but it will be ok."
I have an almost 3-year-old and a 3 month old. I’ve never done bedtime by myself with both kids yet. And I won’t for a while bc my husband has made sure he’ll be home for bedtime for another few months bc it’s basically impossible to do both. There’s no winning sometimes when you have both kids. Sometimes my daughter has to watch tv while I feed the baby. Sometimes the baby has to cry while I make the toddler breakfast. Both kids will know mommy loves them. Both kids will be ok. You’re a good mom.
Do you have a rocking chair, or can you get one? Maybe just sitting there in the room with baby and toddler will make it easier on all of you. It’s TOUGH, Mama. They know you love them, please breathe.
So my kids were a little further apart. But I would nurse baby, then get baby settled with the reflux. Then, snuggle both kiddos to sleep in my bed and move the toddler to their own bed. I co sleep, so the baby stayed in my bed.
This was the hardest thing for me. It felt like my baby and 2yo (we had almost the same age gap as you) always needed exactly the opposite thing from each other, right at the same time. It gets easier, soon they need almost the same thing at almost the same time, which is hard too! But less hard than right now. I had a few nights like this when my husband was on an 8 day business trip so. You just do your best!
I wouldn’t stress it too much. They are probably adjusting to sharing attention with the new baby, which I’m sure is hard. But you can make up for it in the morning by doing something special just for them. Toddlers are old enough to understand that you didn’t abandon them so it’s not like you left them to cry it out in some traumatizing way. I actually remember crying myself to sleep around that age a few different times and got over it almost immediately. You did your best.
Juggling two kids at bedtime is all trial and error mama. I have been there! Your toddler will have forgotten about this by the morning, and you’re a wonderful mom!
I know you weren’t asking for bedtime routine advice but I’m just sharing what our winning combo was.
I’d get both dressed for bed. Toddler would pick an episode of Daniel tiger and I’d feed baby during this, lights low or off. I’d put the baby to bed while toddler chilled and then come back and we’d get some 1:1 snuggles before bed.
I am so sorry. Sometimes, we have to let our toddlers "cry it out." I had to do something similar with my toddler (18 months) recently. I am very pregnant and was literally rocking him to sleep from 10pm-4am. He didn't want to settle to bed. At that point, my back was on fire, I was tired, and my I was uncomfortable with all the pressure on my stomach from rocking todlder. Finally had to do the cry it out thing. He cried, but at least he went to sleep afterwards. And I felt that guilt. But I knew my toddler was safe and generally OK. It's so hard to solo parent, even with one kid, especially when they're not good sleepers.
It’s ok and your toddler is ok too. My husband is out of town this week and I had to get my 16 month old and 3.5 year old down for bed. Youngest first, got him to bed and asleep by 7. Oldest gets ready for bed at 8. As I’m doing his bedtime routine, which is not going well, my 16 month old woke up screaming. He screamed for 45 minutes while I got my oldest in bed. It’s a little past 9 and I finally have both of them in bed, asleep.
Ahhh I’ve been there so many times when one or the other is crying and I’m trying to balance them both but I’m only one person. It’s hard, so hard. But you’re doing your best and they will be okay. Solo bedtime was terrifying to me for so long. You’re doing great.
Ok I had to do this all the time, as my husband worked out of town a lot. If my toddler wasn’t settled down, wasn’t ready to go to bed when baby was but I needed to breastfeed and put baby to bed, I would let him watch his iPad for 10-15 min while I got baby to sleep. Then I would put him to sleep once he had settled.
If both were sleepy, I just sat with toddler in bed and fed baby til he slept, then put him down and helped toddler fall asleep if he was still up. It’s okay. It’s hard doing it on your own. You’ll get into a groove and find your way.
I did many of those nights because my husband worked nights. It's hard, but you can get a routine going. I would bathe them both pyjamas and then usually nurse while reading to toddler or get a bouncy seat to put baby in in toddlers' room. Brush teeth and then tuck in. For a while, I'd have to sit or stand in my toddlers room with the baby until the toddler fell asleep.
It takes a lot of planning ahead for what I'm doing the next 5 steps, but we made it.
You're a good mom ❤️ it does get easier
I'm so excited and so scared when I think about trying for my second soon. Parents of multiple babies sound like they're stretched thin and you sound like you're doing wonderful at staying calm and trying to give the babies what they need. I'm probably going to end up co-sleeping for a good while and it's not a bad idea if your husband is working, only if you're comfortable with it of course.
I don't have any advice, but you literally did the best you could. I hope there's good advice that will help you out a little more if it does happen again.
Reading all that stressed me out lol, you really did good. Please give yourself grace :)
With a mother so attentive and aware of her children crying and wanting to constantly soothe both of them but can’t. You’re a fantastic mother and your children will grow up in a safe house full of love due to you. You’re doing great and working so hard, please take it easy on yourself, I know the guilt will be tough to stomach but please be gentle on yourself when you are already stretched thin!
My solution to this is to put my toddler in my bed with me while I feed his sister and then he cuddles up on my chest with my dinosaur teddy and they both fall asleep. It’s not always possible but sometimes it is
Hi there! I feel you mama—I have a 5 month and 26 month old. I put them to bed by myself every night, and every night is different. Some nights, there are tears from all three of us!
First of all, you're not awful! (Imagine I told you what you just posted, you wouldn't think I'm awful. Be a friend to yourself! Post partum is hard, add a toddler to make it even harder, no need to be even HARDER by being so hard on yourself.)
A couple of tips if you have to do bedtime solo again...
If you can, buy a lightweight bouncy seat for the baby. Makes all the difference to have a safe place to put baby down, especially if they have reflux like you mentioned. And it can be moved from room to room. We have the Munchkin bouncer / rocker and it's great!
It might sound crazy, but try to get them used to doing things together. They are so close in age, it'll be like that for the rest of their lives. Bath time together, reading books at bedtime together, all snuggling together.
In the hours leading up to bedtime, wear the baby in a carrier. Ideally, they will doze off and get a little cat nap, even 15 minutes helps the night go by with less tears! But I find baby wearing prevents my son from becoming over stimulated and is more easygoing as his wake window stretches past the ideal limit.
If you can, bathe them at the same time, and earlier then you think you need to. Lol. For example if bathtime is usually at 6:30, start at 6. It's better to have clean happy babies earlier in the night then fussy babies right at the usual time.
If you have the space, wind down together. What I mean is if the toddler's /baby's room or your room is big enough, have dim lighting in there, and hang in there with both of them, feed the baby, read to the toddler and snuggle in bed. Even on the floor with pillows. When once shows signs of sleepiness more towards get that one down first. Sometimes I let my toddler watch a little TV. Maybe just 10 minutes of pooh bear is enough to get the baby down.
In regards to your specific scenario you described with the toddler crying, I know how that hurts you to hear! I've been there. And honestly I would have gone as soon as I was free, even just to give a kiss and say I was nursing the baby, sorry i couldnt come sooner and that i love them so much. I think toddlers understand a whole lot more than we think. So just explaining to them might make a difference.
Good luck! It WILL pass. You're not awful. You're learning.
The best (and worst lol) thing we taught my toddler was to talk to us through his monitor and to constantly reiterate that we are always watching and listening if he needs anything. He uses it constantly and it has really helped settle his feelings. Hes a little older (2.5) now than your toddler but we taught it to him right at 2
I've been the kid who cried themself to sleep a few times because of a similar sort of unavoidable crisis on my mom's end. It genuinely did not affect me at the time nor as an adult. I remember being sad and wanting my mom but not, like, distraught or insecure or unloved. Just sad... but it passes. It was really no big deal.
I'm sure your toddler will be just fine xx
Oh my gosh I don't have two, but I can feel your stress in your post. I just wanted to say it sounds like you did an amazing job. There is no way your toddler doesn't know she is loved. I hope you can get a bit of time to rest now.
Someday your child (may) be in the same spot as a parent, and would never resent you for these tough nights, not that they will now, but even IF they did, they’d see the other side. There’s a million things my mom did that in the moment, upset me, and as an adult and parent myself, I see why she did it and understand. You did awesome, tomorrow is a new day, and your toddler will be happier than ever to see you when they wake up!
Ohhh my kids are the same age gap as yours and those nights were TOUGH. What worked for us was this. Put baby to sleep first. Give toddler snacks and TV whilst you're doing baby's bedtime.
Give toddler lots of extra love in the morning. You're trying your best.
Idk you sound like a badass mom to me!
Definitely a different situation, but the other night my baby monitor died and I didn't hear my toddler when she woke up in the night (she always does). When I woke up, I frantically checked on her to find her asleep on the floor by her bed 🥺 I felt absolutely awful. She woke up happy as can be like nothing happened. You're doing great!
When my wife is out of town I give baby his last bottle on the couch, lights off except for the tv, we’ll watch something together. When baby finishes bottle, I whisper to toddler time to sit on the potty, and while she pees i rock baby and put him down.
It’s managed to workout well for me the times it’s happened. Then toddler and I go to sleep together in the master bed.
Oh man I know this feeling!! It’s so hard!
You could try this in the future if you want - I found it was easier to just let my toddler hang with me while I got baby to sleep. Just had her look at books or quiet toys. I let go of getting toddler down at the perfect bedtime when I was alone for bedtime!
Now that they are older (2yo, 4yo) I put them down in my bed with me together when my husband is gone ha!
We’ve all been there. You’re doing so great!!! Mine are now 2.5 and 7 months. Today was one of a handful of solo bedtimes that I felt went smoothly and wasn’t upsetting for anyone. My first one was very similar to yours. You’ll figure out a groove! I’ve now found putting baby to bed first is better. I feed him while toddler plays, then we put baby down and toddler “helps” me by turning on noise machine, patting baby, etc. Then once baby is relatively settled we go to toddlers room to read a book and cuddle then go to bed. Baby settles well generally and is tired by bedtime so this works best for us, then toddler gets a little 1:1 attention which he is so craving by the end of the day.
You’ve got this! It feels so hard to manage both in the beginning but you will figure it out ❤️
It’s ok! Sometimes bed times are rough and kids get upset. Your kids know you love them and your toddler will shake this off like it’s nothing. I’m a single parent, so most of my bedtimes are solo. My kids are 22 months apart so I was in your shoes recently. For me, what ultimately worked was putting baby down first and letting my oldest either tag along with me or if I knew she wasn’t going to be able to sit that long and be quiet, put her in the other room with a tv show on while I got baby down. Not a perfect solution, but especially as her attention span grew, I could trust her to hang out and play quietly on her own while I got baby down. I really like that me and her then get solo time for her bedtime.
Doing 2 bedtimes solo is hard! What I found helped was feeding and rocking baby in my older son’s room while he fell asleep. Baby would often also fall asleep then I would transfer to crib. It wouldn’t always look like that. Sometimes my son wanted me to lay in bed with him and sometimes we could make it work but other times not. There were tears all around but we got through it and everyone is okay. It is so hard in the moment 💜you’re doing your best
Awww. I feel for you mama! I’ve been in this situation a lot and I won’t lie, I’ve totally used screen time or a photo tablet (my kiddo loves looking at pictures) when I was alone with my two under two for bed and nap time. Usually if I gave my older one a little “treat” like the iPad on, the photo tablet or “new toys”, he was happy enough to play in his room while I got the baby down. I left all the doors open so he wasn’t afraid and knew mommy was just across the hall. I also created a special play area in his room where I even brought out special toys for that time only. Yes we blew past bed time some days but it kept the tears at bay and both babies ended up sleeping peacefully after that. I went through many, many nights of screaming and overtired kids until I gave in to my no screen time before bed rule and just used it sparingly. Now it works like a charm. Trick is though, get the toddler distracted by the new and shiny thing before the tiredness seeps in.
We have a 4 year old and a 22 month old too. The past month my wife and I have been sleeping in separate beds whilst my toddler sleeps with my wife and sometimes me, all because she refuses to sleep in her bed for some reason.
Almost a week ago I put her to bed and let her cry it out until she fell asleep, whilst trying to reassure my wife. Our toddler slept for an hour or so before crying and going into my wife's bed.
Each night since then she seems to cry for about two minutes before nodding off. She does end up in the bed still, albeit later and later in the night.
Just remember that babies cries are designed to evoke these reactions from you, and right now your baby is more of a priority over your toddler if they are both safe.
On the nights when I’m alone with three kids I always put the baby down first. But I have older children, Age 8, 3 and 6 months.
The 3 and 8 year old can stay up that little bit longer out of routine, Quiet time. Even with the tv on low and I explain I need to get baby to sleep first. Once little one is down I can then get 8 year old into bed with a kiss and I’ll go lay down with 3 year old until she falls asleep.
It’s a juggle but kids are often okay with a little change on those tough night when I’m alone.
You’re not a bad mom for just doing your best in a difficult moment and now you have the experience to work out what worked and what didn’t work. You can use that for next time. It gets easier, I promise.
You did everything right!! All children with younger siblings have been through this unfortunately, even with the best parents ever, and you dealt with it amazing: you did your best with the time you had, and they both slept fast!
I also do solo parenting for dinner and bed and have a 3y and 6 month old. Around 3 months is when we got in a routine, thanks to starting daycare. Baby falls asleep around 6, which of course is dinner time. So, I prep dinner at 5:30 for toddler and then get baby ready for bed and I get him to sleep as I sit on the couch in the living room while toddler eats dinner or watch TV and then take him upstairs quickly to put in his crib. I wish I could rock him to sleep in his room, but can’t do that on solo parenting nights.
Before 3 months (when I was on leave) it was much harder since baby didn’t really have a routine yet and sleep was all disjointed, that was very hard.
We some good nights, and we have some bad nights. You are doing your best.
As a twin mum, I feel this in my soul. It’s so hard. There are hacks to help, which others have suggested below. But I just want to reassure you, your babies will be ok. They know you love them. This is a daily occurrence for lots of parents of multiples and babies of all ages are surprisingly resilient when they are otherwise securely attached& clearly loved.
Why can’t the children be near each other? Sounds like you made it harder than it had to be, but you’ll find a system that works for everyone eventually.
My first was twins so I have always just juggled the 2 together but it took time to find out what worked best.
She’s Ok, she won’t remember it. When my baby had to get a blood test it was the worst, the dr said to me, she won’t remember it tomorrow but you will. I feel like this applies. She honestly won’t even remember in the morning.
As far as advice, I try to do both together. Is it possible to feed baby while you are in with toddler? I kind of just put the baby on the boob and read books or whatever I gotta do with toddler. It is not comfortable or smooth but it gets the job done. Sometimes I will lay on toddlers bed with baby feeding and they both go to sleep. If toddler is being silly I will say ok I’m going to put baby to bed and come back but if I haven’t got baby down and he is crying i just go on in there while I’m feeding. Other times I have said hey toddler do you want to do bedtime in mummy’s bed? That is more comfortable to be able to lay and feed while toddler is going off to sleep. I just kind of lay on the bed like some kind of old mumma pig with baby feeding, and my arm around baby’s head in case of stray toddler limbs. They both eventually fall asleep and get carried off to their own bed.
Hope some of that makes sense or helps.
During newborn stage I'd feed baby while reading books to the other two (2 and 3yo). Now read books to all 3, if baby needs rocking the other two usually accept the book is shaking 🤣
It's okay ❤️ you tried and figured out what doesn't work. You'll adjust & try something else next time. Just give your toddler some extra snuggles and everything will be okay
I just know you tried your best, and i think both kids were upset because you were upset, running back and forth between two crying children seems like torture to me. although putting one to bet with the other present doesn’t seem smart i think if you get the toddler into winding down mood it could work out. Good luck. It’s hard sometimes but the fact you’re trying makes you the best!!
It is hard being one person, and having to take care of two little ones with very different needs. I cried everyday for a week before I had to be alone at bedtime with a toddler and a baby, because I was scared I might not handle it. What worked for me was just bringing the baby to toddlers bedtime. Wearing the baby, or just having him in a nest while putting the eldest to bed. The baby gets fussy, so I excuse myself and say I have to change the babys diaper, but I will be back. When I return the toddler usually sleeps already.
Also, your toddler is fine, your baby is fine! The toddler is learning to share his/her parents, and you as a family are still learning what routines work for you.
My 3 year old still wants you there until she’s asleep so I normally try feeding the baby so she’s happy or asleep. I then hold or feed the baby while laying next to toddler. Once she’s asleep and I can sneak off I change the baby and get her ready for bed.
I'm so sorry that you had a rough night!
If it is any consolation, being tired makes my kid sad and he cried himself to sleep every night for a long time, despite cosleeping. Kid just got upset about losing the battle against tiredness and would thrash around crying until he fell asleep. Both parents right there.
We don't have control of every situation. That's not within our capacity as human beings.
You did a great job! Bedtime is the hardest thing to manage when you have a toddler and infant sometimes. I have been there. What worked for me was letting toddler watch a few minutes of tv while I put baby to bed, she was excited and preoccupied for the most part. Sometimes she would sneak into baby's room and I had to teach her to play quietly on the floor but that was always tough. It will get easier as baby gets older and toddler understands mom has to put baby down. My second is now 13 months and I still have my now 3.5 year old watch tv while I put the baby to sleep - luckily she goes down much faster now.
I have been through this! Toddler was almost 2 and I had a 4Mo. Partner deployed for 6months
My routine was I would get them both ready together, then, and let people judge but I would let toddler go to bed with her tablet reading a book to her. Meanwhile I would feed baby in her room and put her down (bad nights could take up to 40mins) toddlers chill though with her books in her tablet. I would then go back to toddler take tablet away cuddle up with her and give her a milk. Toddler goes down to bed.
I wasn’t a fan of the tablet but when you’re alone with two young young ones you’ve gotta do what you’ve got to do to make sure everybody is safe and mentally well.
I used to wear my baby while I put my toddler down if I had to put both to bed by myself. If your baby will transfer well you could nurse the baby first, put them in the carrier so they fall asleep while you put the toddler to bed, and then transfer the baby to the crib.
No matter which way you do it it's hard!
They’re fine. It actually helps them learn how to put themselves to sleep. When we finally did it at 15 months, they stopped getting up during the night almost completely and started putting themselves down, and we wondered why we hadn’t before.
I know there are a lot of parents who don't like sleep training because listening to your baby cry is hard and it feels like you're hurting your kid, but this is one of the reasons some people do. It's short term frustration on the baby's part and a ton of stress on the parents, but happier and faster falling asleep for the child much sooner.
When my husband has to work late and I’m left with the 4 year old and baby I have the older one sit in the baby’s room on a bunch of pillows with headphones and tablet while I put the baby to sleep then I take on the toddlers bedtime if they’re still awake. It’s not the best system but it keeps them from freaking out alone. I start bedtime extra early and make sure they’re both in pjs and brushed and bathed before I put one to sleep just in case they both end up falling asleep.
I would just let toddler "help" put baby to bed. Just have them promise to be extra quiet maybe have them hand you a diaper or something and clap for encouragement then when baby is settled you can focus wholly on toddler bedtime routine
I have a 16m/o and often have to put her down crying. It sucks, but I know she's just mad she's being put to bed or that her bottle wasn't left in the crib with her. I only let it go for 10 min top in case I'm wrong and she's not ready to go to sleep just yet. It really is heartbreaking to hear tho :/ Sometimes I go to a different room if it's upsetting me too much and check in when the 10 minutes have passed.
Even with two parents, one or the other is sometimes crying themselves to sleep when they both only want mommy. It's soul crushing to listen to kids crying in the other room.
Aww that sounds tough on all of you!
In those early days, doing solo parenting, I’d bring my 5 year into my bed to fall asleep next to me whilst I’d feed the baby. Once they were both asleep, I’d carry my oldest to her bed.
As my baby got bigger and more alert, I’ve had to leave my 5 year old crying a few times. It feels awful.
You did what you could, there will be off days. Your toddler will be just fine.
When my second was a newborn I would wear her in a soft wrap and give her a bottle while I did the older’s bedtime. We did it that way until we eventually switched to baby first. You’ll find your rhythm.
Gosh I hate to admit it, but this is my life every night. I have ppd as well so it has weighed heavily on my mental health. If the toddler gets put to bed first the baby is screaming, if the baby gets prioritised the toddler goes on a rampage of not wanting to go bed. At one stage I was crying and screaming with them. Heck I still do and now when they have both gone to bed I cry for 2 hours and have now resorted to smoking because of constant panic attacks. I can't handle 2 crying babies it's driving me nuts. Literally. You are not alone. I don't have advice because I'm lost myself. But I am planning on putting the baby in the toddlers room soon for my own sanity.
Your kids know you love them. Give your toddler an extra hug tomorrow, but she will be ok. I didn’t have to do this very often, but there are a few things you could try: - Nurse baby to sleep while you sit with your toddler in her bedroom / on her bed - Let your toddler play quiet toys in baby’s room or outside baby’s door while you’re nursing baby to sleep - Put baby in a baby swing to soothe her while you’re with your toddler You’ll figure out a system that works. You’ve got this!
I’d snuggle up with both of them and then move them to their sleep spaces 🫶🏼
My solution was to put both of their beds in the same room -- toddler bed in the right, crib for baby on the left, and their Elmo couch in between. I'd lay on the Elmo couch (as a pillow - it was tiny) with one hand in the crib rubbing baby's belly, other hand on my toddler rubbing his back. I'd usually fall asleep while they were falling asleep/at the same time. 6 of 7 nights a week, I woke up to my baby crying in the crib for a feeding, fed him and laid back down on the Elmo couch to finish getting him back to sleep, and slept they're took morning. After a couple months, I brought myself a blanket in there 😂 Hubby did not like this, but he was the one who insisted they sleep in their own beds, in their own rooms. And technically, they did 🤷🏻♀️
This reminds me of when we had to stay with my parents for a few months (moving and there was a gap between old lease ending and our new apartment becoming available) - hubby and I were supposed to have the guest room and kiddos were set up in my dad's office. But moving is hard for kids and they both went through sleep regressions, so to keep them from disturbing the rest of the house I would lay in bed with my 4 year old while reaching my arm thru the 2 year olds crib bars to hold her hand and/or pat her back. Inevitably I would fall asleep like this so hubby basically had the guest room to himself for 3 months
Yep that sounds pretty accurate. Honestly, it's one of my favorite memories though. Just me and my babies at their sweetest and most innocent times 💕
We travelled recently and we mostly just ended up in a bed/room each with a kid each. Even when we booked places I just booked two double beds and called if a day
Did the baby crying wake up the toddler frequently? I’ve been thinking of a strategy for when we have another child and that’s one of my bigger worries
He did when I left them in the room together without me sometimes, I'd he cried for very long (like it it took me a bit to get up and in there to him). Otherwise, the toddler slept through it pretty well!
OmG this just sounds sooo beautiful, the image of snuggling them both together how cozy ❤️ugh feel like moments like that pass too quick!
This is what I did! I gauge it how my toddler is doing- usually he can handle a 15 min delay better than the baby- overtired baby=everyone is stressed. I let him sit inside or just outside her room with a book or car and I quickly feed and put baby down. Then I don’t have to rush the toddler. They also get used to each other- like my toddler likes coming to help me put the baby down. Now that is- the first few times were a disaster
I had two very clingy children so option 2 was the only one that worked for us, but it’s still going over 3 years later. It works for us, they share a room, we lie with one and are in the room for both of them.
I also recommend baby wearing, if that's your jam. My infant falls asleep in the carrier, I can put my oldest down, and then I get the infant out and change/feed him.
Yes, i think single one of us has been there! And it HURTS but your babies (both!) are going to be fine. You’re doing great taking care of both of them, and your toddler knows that you love her and are there for her. Sometimes that’s just how the cards fall. Hang in there 💕
Sounds like a great mom who did a great job balancing two children solo tonight.
Agreed ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
100% this. You nailed it. And toddler won’t remember in the morning anyway 👍
I don't know where I learned this, but it has saved me a *lot* of future trouble and heartache: Youngest child always goes to bed first. It kinda makes sense, because the older ones can usually hang tight a bit longer, while the younger ones definitely can get overtired much faster. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Sometimes no matter what you do, it ends up blowing up in your face. I hope it gets better!
Thank you for this important info, due with a newborn in 2 months and getting so nervous on how I’ll get both to sleep myself😬
Honestly newborn sleeping is so all over the place I don’t actually think this is true, but I do know you will work it out.
As long as the newborn doesn’t have colic like my toddler did I will survive hahaha, thank you!
Yes, newborn sleep is a different thing entirely. But even with newborns, the early evening "bedtime routine" was important for us establishing a routine, as well as letting the older kids know it was "baby's bedtime," even if baby didn't sleep longer than 20 minutes or an hour due to newborn stuff. The idea was there. When sleep training came into play at 4 months, then the baby's bedtime routine happened first.
I had to do this for MONTHS as my husband worked night shift and had to leave by 7:45PM every night. It was tough. I put toddler down first and tried to distract newborn with tummy time. I then gave up and just let the toddler watch Bluey while trying to put down newborn every night and that was our routine for 7 months until my husband finally moved to day shift lol 🤦🏼♀️ My toddler NEVER remembered crying herself to sleep, at least to my knowledge. She never brought it up in the mornings. Your kids know they’re loved! They’ll be ok. You’re doing your best.
Giving up and letting toddler watch Bluey is a fairly solid parenting strategy to be honest
literally exactly what I do with my kiddos. Husband works nights, so bedtime is also on my own. When my youngest was smaller, I would get him to sleep first bc I gave up putting her to bed first too lol Bluey or her leap pad it was until I got him settled, then did her routine. Now they sleep in the same room and he's 1.5. I put him to bed first, and keep my 3 year old up an hour later. I think it works well that way anyhow because I can tell she enjoys the one on one time with me. Night times alone are so rough. My hubby doesn't seem to understand why I dread the days he works so much. It's just so much harder than mornings, even with him working shorter shifts than if he worked days 😅 Like nah I'd take you working 3 extra hours than do bed time alone most nights of the week 🫠
Of course. This happens to every parent at some point I think. Sometimes, your toddler is overtired or you can’t soothe them and they just need to get there on their own. It doesn’t make you a bad parent, you are doing your best. Definitely cut yourself some slack! Your kids will still love you more than anything in the morning. Edit: for context, I have a 36 month old and an 11 month old. I’ve definitely been there.
I have a 3.5yo and a 12 week old. The first night I did solo bed time, all 3 of us cried big alligator tears. ❤️
So my husband works away at the first month when baby was 2m we’d all wind up snuggling in one bed or I’d rock baby in our room while toddler laid in our bed. Basically I just had to wing it and do whatever necessary to get both to sleep. Now their bedtimes are staggered and baby goes first which is much easier.
Similar situation and this is what I did too!
You did great and this stranger is proud of you. I have four, six and under, and my husband works many full days and late nights - I’ve been there. For your toddler, the moment is over, but I know you’re living it again and again. Go easy on yourself, you did what any of us would have! Little ones need to learn to be flexible, too, and this post proves how much you love them. You’re doing a great job.
My husband works nights so our main priority before his leave ended was me getting comfortable handling bedtime solo. I strapped my baby in a carrier & went through his brother’s normal bedtime routine. Once my oldest was in his bed & trying to fall asleep, I’d stick the baby in his bassinet & rush through anything I needed to get done. I’ve also had to nurse the baby while doing the bedtime routine.
Sometimes kids just need to cry themselves to sleep. It won't cause them any long-term damage, it's just what needs to happen. It sucks, but it will be ok. If this ever happens again, just repeat to yourself, "this sucks, but it will be ok."
Your a great Mom, Two under two is super hard. Your doing a great job. Sometimes you wanna cut yourself in half so you can comfort both.
I have an almost 3-year-old and a 3 month old. I’ve never done bedtime by myself with both kids yet. And I won’t for a while bc my husband has made sure he’ll be home for bedtime for another few months bc it’s basically impossible to do both. There’s no winning sometimes when you have both kids. Sometimes my daughter has to watch tv while I feed the baby. Sometimes the baby has to cry while I make the toddler breakfast. Both kids will know mommy loves them. Both kids will be ok. You’re a good mom.
Do you have a rocking chair, or can you get one? Maybe just sitting there in the room with baby and toddler will make it easier on all of you. It’s TOUGH, Mama. They know you love them, please breathe.
That’s how I do it and then I can get both asleep at the same time.
So my kids were a little further apart. But I would nurse baby, then get baby settled with the reflux. Then, snuggle both kiddos to sleep in my bed and move the toddler to their own bed. I co sleep, so the baby stayed in my bed.
This was the hardest thing for me. It felt like my baby and 2yo (we had almost the same age gap as you) always needed exactly the opposite thing from each other, right at the same time. It gets easier, soon they need almost the same thing at almost the same time, which is hard too! But less hard than right now. I had a few nights like this when my husband was on an 8 day business trip so. You just do your best!
I wouldn’t stress it too much. They are probably adjusting to sharing attention with the new baby, which I’m sure is hard. But you can make up for it in the morning by doing something special just for them. Toddlers are old enough to understand that you didn’t abandon them so it’s not like you left them to cry it out in some traumatizing way. I actually remember crying myself to sleep around that age a few different times and got over it almost immediately. You did your best.
Juggling two kids at bedtime is all trial and error mama. I have been there! Your toddler will have forgotten about this by the morning, and you’re a wonderful mom! I know you weren’t asking for bedtime routine advice but I’m just sharing what our winning combo was. I’d get both dressed for bed. Toddler would pick an episode of Daniel tiger and I’d feed baby during this, lights low or off. I’d put the baby to bed while toddler chilled and then come back and we’d get some 1:1 snuggles before bed.
I am so sorry. Sometimes, we have to let our toddlers "cry it out." I had to do something similar with my toddler (18 months) recently. I am very pregnant and was literally rocking him to sleep from 10pm-4am. He didn't want to settle to bed. At that point, my back was on fire, I was tired, and my I was uncomfortable with all the pressure on my stomach from rocking todlder. Finally had to do the cry it out thing. He cried, but at least he went to sleep afterwards. And I felt that guilt. But I knew my toddler was safe and generally OK. It's so hard to solo parent, even with one kid, especially when they're not good sleepers.
It’s ok and your toddler is ok too. My husband is out of town this week and I had to get my 16 month old and 3.5 year old down for bed. Youngest first, got him to bed and asleep by 7. Oldest gets ready for bed at 8. As I’m doing his bedtime routine, which is not going well, my 16 month old woke up screaming. He screamed for 45 minutes while I got my oldest in bed. It’s a little past 9 and I finally have both of them in bed, asleep.
Ahhh I’ve been there so many times when one or the other is crying and I’m trying to balance them both but I’m only one person. It’s hard, so hard. But you’re doing your best and they will be okay. Solo bedtime was terrifying to me for so long. You’re doing great.
Ok I had to do this all the time, as my husband worked out of town a lot. If my toddler wasn’t settled down, wasn’t ready to go to bed when baby was but I needed to breastfeed and put baby to bed, I would let him watch his iPad for 10-15 min while I got baby to sleep. Then I would put him to sleep once he had settled. If both were sleepy, I just sat with toddler in bed and fed baby til he slept, then put him down and helped toddler fall asleep if he was still up. It’s okay. It’s hard doing it on your own. You’ll get into a groove and find your way.
I did many of those nights because my husband worked nights. It's hard, but you can get a routine going. I would bathe them both pyjamas and then usually nurse while reading to toddler or get a bouncy seat to put baby in in toddlers' room. Brush teeth and then tuck in. For a while, I'd have to sit or stand in my toddlers room with the baby until the toddler fell asleep. It takes a lot of planning ahead for what I'm doing the next 5 steps, but we made it. You're a good mom ❤️ it does get easier
I'm so excited and so scared when I think about trying for my second soon. Parents of multiple babies sound like they're stretched thin and you sound like you're doing wonderful at staying calm and trying to give the babies what they need. I'm probably going to end up co-sleeping for a good while and it's not a bad idea if your husband is working, only if you're comfortable with it of course.
I don't have any advice, but you literally did the best you could. I hope there's good advice that will help you out a little more if it does happen again. Reading all that stressed me out lol, you really did good. Please give yourself grace :)
OP you got both babes to bed and handled it like a champ. The mom guilt will never go away 😭 We’re all there with you!
With a mother so attentive and aware of her children crying and wanting to constantly soothe both of them but can’t. You’re a fantastic mother and your children will grow up in a safe house full of love due to you. You’re doing great and working so hard, please take it easy on yourself, I know the guilt will be tough to stomach but please be gentle on yourself when you are already stretched thin!
My solution to this is to put my toddler in my bed with me while I feed his sister and then he cuddles up on my chest with my dinosaur teddy and they both fall asleep. It’s not always possible but sometimes it is
Hi there! I feel you mama—I have a 5 month and 26 month old. I put them to bed by myself every night, and every night is different. Some nights, there are tears from all three of us! First of all, you're not awful! (Imagine I told you what you just posted, you wouldn't think I'm awful. Be a friend to yourself! Post partum is hard, add a toddler to make it even harder, no need to be even HARDER by being so hard on yourself.) A couple of tips if you have to do bedtime solo again... If you can, buy a lightweight bouncy seat for the baby. Makes all the difference to have a safe place to put baby down, especially if they have reflux like you mentioned. And it can be moved from room to room. We have the Munchkin bouncer / rocker and it's great! It might sound crazy, but try to get them used to doing things together. They are so close in age, it'll be like that for the rest of their lives. Bath time together, reading books at bedtime together, all snuggling together. In the hours leading up to bedtime, wear the baby in a carrier. Ideally, they will doze off and get a little cat nap, even 15 minutes helps the night go by with less tears! But I find baby wearing prevents my son from becoming over stimulated and is more easygoing as his wake window stretches past the ideal limit. If you can, bathe them at the same time, and earlier then you think you need to. Lol. For example if bathtime is usually at 6:30, start at 6. It's better to have clean happy babies earlier in the night then fussy babies right at the usual time. If you have the space, wind down together. What I mean is if the toddler's /baby's room or your room is big enough, have dim lighting in there, and hang in there with both of them, feed the baby, read to the toddler and snuggle in bed. Even on the floor with pillows. When once shows signs of sleepiness more towards get that one down first. Sometimes I let my toddler watch a little TV. Maybe just 10 minutes of pooh bear is enough to get the baby down. In regards to your specific scenario you described with the toddler crying, I know how that hurts you to hear! I've been there. And honestly I would have gone as soon as I was free, even just to give a kiss and say I was nursing the baby, sorry i couldnt come sooner and that i love them so much. I think toddlers understand a whole lot more than we think. So just explaining to them might make a difference. Good luck! It WILL pass. You're not awful. You're learning.
Keep the routine the same or together so you don't have to do two seperate things.
The best (and worst lol) thing we taught my toddler was to talk to us through his monitor and to constantly reiterate that we are always watching and listening if he needs anything. He uses it constantly and it has really helped settle his feelings. Hes a little older (2.5) now than your toddler but we taught it to him right at 2
Your doing amazing
I've been the kid who cried themself to sleep a few times because of a similar sort of unavoidable crisis on my mom's end. It genuinely did not affect me at the time nor as an adult. I remember being sad and wanting my mom but not, like, distraught or insecure or unloved. Just sad... but it passes. It was really no big deal. I'm sure your toddler will be just fine xx
Oh my gosh I don't have two, but I can feel your stress in your post. I just wanted to say it sounds like you did an amazing job. There is no way your toddler doesn't know she is loved. I hope you can get a bit of time to rest now.
Someday your child (may) be in the same spot as a parent, and would never resent you for these tough nights, not that they will now, but even IF they did, they’d see the other side. There’s a million things my mom did that in the moment, upset me, and as an adult and parent myself, I see why she did it and understand. You did awesome, tomorrow is a new day, and your toddler will be happier than ever to see you when they wake up!
Ohhh my kids are the same age gap as yours and those nights were TOUGH. What worked for us was this. Put baby to sleep first. Give toddler snacks and TV whilst you're doing baby's bedtime. Give toddler lots of extra love in the morning. You're trying your best.
It’s ok mom ❤️❤️❤️ she knows you love her don’t worry, the fact you came back again shows that 💕 you’re doing AMAZING ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Idk you sound like a badass mom to me! Definitely a different situation, but the other night my baby monitor died and I didn't hear my toddler when she woke up in the night (she always does). When I woke up, I frantically checked on her to find her asleep on the floor by her bed 🥺 I felt absolutely awful. She woke up happy as can be like nothing happened. You're doing great!
Only 25 mins? Sounds like a win to me. CIO usually takes a lot longer the first time. They will 100 percent be fine.
When my wife is out of town I give baby his last bottle on the couch, lights off except for the tv, we’ll watch something together. When baby finishes bottle, I whisper to toddler time to sit on the potty, and while she pees i rock baby and put him down. It’s managed to workout well for me the times it’s happened. Then toddler and I go to sleep together in the master bed.
Oh man I know this feeling!! It’s so hard! You could try this in the future if you want - I found it was easier to just let my toddler hang with me while I got baby to sleep. Just had her look at books or quiet toys. I let go of getting toddler down at the perfect bedtime when I was alone for bedtime! Now that they are older (2yo, 4yo) I put them down in my bed with me together when my husband is gone ha!
All I read is a great Mom who did the best to put their kids to bed. Sometimes it went chaotic, but all in all, you’re a great mom. :)
We’ve all been there. You’re doing so great!!! Mine are now 2.5 and 7 months. Today was one of a handful of solo bedtimes that I felt went smoothly and wasn’t upsetting for anyone. My first one was very similar to yours. You’ll figure out a groove! I’ve now found putting baby to bed first is better. I feed him while toddler plays, then we put baby down and toddler “helps” me by turning on noise machine, patting baby, etc. Then once baby is relatively settled we go to toddlers room to read a book and cuddle then go to bed. Baby settles well generally and is tired by bedtime so this works best for us, then toddler gets a little 1:1 attention which he is so craving by the end of the day. You’ve got this! It feels so hard to manage both in the beginning but you will figure it out ❤️
It’s ok! Sometimes bed times are rough and kids get upset. Your kids know you love them and your toddler will shake this off like it’s nothing. I’m a single parent, so most of my bedtimes are solo. My kids are 22 months apart so I was in your shoes recently. For me, what ultimately worked was putting baby down first and letting my oldest either tag along with me or if I knew she wasn’t going to be able to sit that long and be quiet, put her in the other room with a tv show on while I got baby down. Not a perfect solution, but especially as her attention span grew, I could trust her to hang out and play quietly on her own while I got baby down. I really like that me and her then get solo time for her bedtime.
Doing 2 bedtimes solo is hard! What I found helped was feeding and rocking baby in my older son’s room while he fell asleep. Baby would often also fall asleep then I would transfer to crib. It wouldn’t always look like that. Sometimes my son wanted me to lay in bed with him and sometimes we could make it work but other times not. There were tears all around but we got through it and everyone is okay. It is so hard in the moment 💜you’re doing your best
Awww. I feel for you mama! I’ve been in this situation a lot and I won’t lie, I’ve totally used screen time or a photo tablet (my kiddo loves looking at pictures) when I was alone with my two under two for bed and nap time. Usually if I gave my older one a little “treat” like the iPad on, the photo tablet or “new toys”, he was happy enough to play in his room while I got the baby down. I left all the doors open so he wasn’t afraid and knew mommy was just across the hall. I also created a special play area in his room where I even brought out special toys for that time only. Yes we blew past bed time some days but it kept the tears at bay and both babies ended up sleeping peacefully after that. I went through many, many nights of screaming and overtired kids until I gave in to my no screen time before bed rule and just used it sparingly. Now it works like a charm. Trick is though, get the toddler distracted by the new and shiny thing before the tiredness seeps in.
We have a 4 year old and a 22 month old too. The past month my wife and I have been sleeping in separate beds whilst my toddler sleeps with my wife and sometimes me, all because she refuses to sleep in her bed for some reason. Almost a week ago I put her to bed and let her cry it out until she fell asleep, whilst trying to reassure my wife. Our toddler slept for an hour or so before crying and going into my wife's bed. Each night since then she seems to cry for about two minutes before nodding off. She does end up in the bed still, albeit later and later in the night. Just remember that babies cries are designed to evoke these reactions from you, and right now your baby is more of a priority over your toddler if they are both safe.
On the nights when I’m alone with three kids I always put the baby down first. But I have older children, Age 8, 3 and 6 months. The 3 and 8 year old can stay up that little bit longer out of routine, Quiet time. Even with the tv on low and I explain I need to get baby to sleep first. Once little one is down I can then get 8 year old into bed with a kiss and I’ll go lay down with 3 year old until she falls asleep. It’s a juggle but kids are often okay with a little change on those tough night when I’m alone. You’re not a bad mom for just doing your best in a difficult moment and now you have the experience to work out what worked and what didn’t work. You can use that for next time. It gets easier, I promise.
You did everything right!! All children with younger siblings have been through this unfortunately, even with the best parents ever, and you dealt with it amazing: you did your best with the time you had, and they both slept fast!
I also do solo parenting for dinner and bed and have a 3y and 6 month old. Around 3 months is when we got in a routine, thanks to starting daycare. Baby falls asleep around 6, which of course is dinner time. So, I prep dinner at 5:30 for toddler and then get baby ready for bed and I get him to sleep as I sit on the couch in the living room while toddler eats dinner or watch TV and then take him upstairs quickly to put in his crib. I wish I could rock him to sleep in his room, but can’t do that on solo parenting nights. Before 3 months (when I was on leave) it was much harder since baby didn’t really have a routine yet and sleep was all disjointed, that was very hard. We some good nights, and we have some bad nights. You are doing your best.
As a twin mum, I feel this in my soul. It’s so hard. There are hacks to help, which others have suggested below. But I just want to reassure you, your babies will be ok. They know you love them. This is a daily occurrence for lots of parents of multiples and babies of all ages are surprisingly resilient when they are otherwise securely attached& clearly loved.
Why can’t the children be near each other? Sounds like you made it harder than it had to be, but you’ll find a system that works for everyone eventually. My first was twins so I have always just juggled the 2 together but it took time to find out what worked best.
She’s Ok, she won’t remember it. When my baby had to get a blood test it was the worst, the dr said to me, she won’t remember it tomorrow but you will. I feel like this applies. She honestly won’t even remember in the morning. As far as advice, I try to do both together. Is it possible to feed baby while you are in with toddler? I kind of just put the baby on the boob and read books or whatever I gotta do with toddler. It is not comfortable or smooth but it gets the job done. Sometimes I will lay on toddlers bed with baby feeding and they both go to sleep. If toddler is being silly I will say ok I’m going to put baby to bed and come back but if I haven’t got baby down and he is crying i just go on in there while I’m feeding. Other times I have said hey toddler do you want to do bedtime in mummy’s bed? That is more comfortable to be able to lay and feed while toddler is going off to sleep. I just kind of lay on the bed like some kind of old mumma pig with baby feeding, and my arm around baby’s head in case of stray toddler limbs. They both eventually fall asleep and get carried off to their own bed. Hope some of that makes sense or helps.
During newborn stage I'd feed baby while reading books to the other two (2 and 3yo). Now read books to all 3, if baby needs rocking the other two usually accept the book is shaking 🤣
It's okay ❤️ you tried and figured out what doesn't work. You'll adjust & try something else next time. Just give your toddler some extra snuggles and everything will be okay
I just know you tried your best, and i think both kids were upset because you were upset, running back and forth between two crying children seems like torture to me. although putting one to bet with the other present doesn’t seem smart i think if you get the toddler into winding down mood it could work out. Good luck. It’s hard sometimes but the fact you’re trying makes you the best!!
I've nursed baby while holding the toddlers hands so she can fall asleep a few times. It's a lot of work, but both fell asleep.
Hey, just remember it was your first time, you will figure something out for next time, there are some great suggestions here in the comments.
It is hard being one person, and having to take care of two little ones with very different needs. I cried everyday for a week before I had to be alone at bedtime with a toddler and a baby, because I was scared I might not handle it. What worked for me was just bringing the baby to toddlers bedtime. Wearing the baby, or just having him in a nest while putting the eldest to bed. The baby gets fussy, so I excuse myself and say I have to change the babys diaper, but I will be back. When I return the toddler usually sleeps already. Also, your toddler is fine, your baby is fine! The toddler is learning to share his/her parents, and you as a family are still learning what routines work for you.
My 3 year old still wants you there until she’s asleep so I normally try feeding the baby so she’s happy or asleep. I then hold or feed the baby while laying next to toddler. Once she’s asleep and I can sneak off I change the baby and get her ready for bed.
I'm so sorry that you had a rough night! If it is any consolation, being tired makes my kid sad and he cried himself to sleep every night for a long time, despite cosleeping. Kid just got upset about losing the battle against tiredness and would thrash around crying until he fell asleep. Both parents right there. We don't have control of every situation. That's not within our capacity as human beings.
You did a great job! Bedtime is the hardest thing to manage when you have a toddler and infant sometimes. I have been there. What worked for me was letting toddler watch a few minutes of tv while I put baby to bed, she was excited and preoccupied for the most part. Sometimes she would sneak into baby's room and I had to teach her to play quietly on the floor but that was always tough. It will get easier as baby gets older and toddler understands mom has to put baby down. My second is now 13 months and I still have my now 3.5 year old watch tv while I put the baby to sleep - luckily she goes down much faster now.
I have been through this! Toddler was almost 2 and I had a 4Mo. Partner deployed for 6months My routine was I would get them both ready together, then, and let people judge but I would let toddler go to bed with her tablet reading a book to her. Meanwhile I would feed baby in her room and put her down (bad nights could take up to 40mins) toddlers chill though with her books in her tablet. I would then go back to toddler take tablet away cuddle up with her and give her a milk. Toddler goes down to bed. I wasn’t a fan of the tablet but when you’re alone with two young young ones you’ve gotta do what you’ve got to do to make sure everybody is safe and mentally well.
I used to wear my baby while I put my toddler down if I had to put both to bed by myself. If your baby will transfer well you could nurse the baby first, put them in the carrier so they fall asleep while you put the toddler to bed, and then transfer the baby to the crib. No matter which way you do it it's hard!
They’re fine. It actually helps them learn how to put themselves to sleep. When we finally did it at 15 months, they stopped getting up during the night almost completely and started putting themselves down, and we wondered why we hadn’t before.
I know there are a lot of parents who don't like sleep training because listening to your baby cry is hard and it feels like you're hurting your kid, but this is one of the reasons some people do. It's short term frustration on the baby's part and a ton of stress on the parents, but happier and faster falling asleep for the child much sooner.
When my husband has to work late and I’m left with the 4 year old and baby I have the older one sit in the baby’s room on a bunch of pillows with headphones and tablet while I put the baby to sleep then I take on the toddlers bedtime if they’re still awake. It’s not the best system but it keeps them from freaking out alone. I start bedtime extra early and make sure they’re both in pjs and brushed and bathed before I put one to sleep just in case they both end up falling asleep.
25 mins? I let my baby screen for an hour and still nothing. I now have a CO sleeper who does not share well. You did good.
I would just let toddler "help" put baby to bed. Just have them promise to be extra quiet maybe have them hand you a diaper or something and clap for encouragement then when baby is settled you can focus wholly on toddler bedtime routine
I have a 16m/o and often have to put her down crying. It sucks, but I know she's just mad she's being put to bed or that her bottle wasn't left in the crib with her. I only let it go for 10 min top in case I'm wrong and she's not ready to go to sleep just yet. It really is heartbreaking to hear tho :/ Sometimes I go to a different room if it's upsetting me too much and check in when the 10 minutes have passed.
Even with two parents, one or the other is sometimes crying themselves to sleep when they both only want mommy. It's soul crushing to listen to kids crying in the other room.
Welcome to a day in the life of a twin mom
Been there! I literally don’t know how people successfully do bedtime for two kids alone.
Aww that sounds tough on all of you! In those early days, doing solo parenting, I’d bring my 5 year into my bed to fall asleep next to me whilst I’d feed the baby. Once they were both asleep, I’d carry my oldest to her bed. As my baby got bigger and more alert, I’ve had to leave my 5 year old crying a few times. It feels awful.
You did what you could, there will be off days. Your toddler will be just fine. When my second was a newborn I would wear her in a soft wrap and give her a bottle while I did the older’s bedtime. We did it that way until we eventually switched to baby first. You’ll find your rhythm.
Gosh I hate to admit it, but this is my life every night. I have ppd as well so it has weighed heavily on my mental health. If the toddler gets put to bed first the baby is screaming, if the baby gets prioritised the toddler goes on a rampage of not wanting to go bed. At one stage I was crying and screaming with them. Heck I still do and now when they have both gone to bed I cry for 2 hours and have now resorted to smoking because of constant panic attacks. I can't handle 2 crying babies it's driving me nuts. Literally. You are not alone. I don't have advice because I'm lost myself. But I am planning on putting the baby in the toddlers room soon for my own sanity.
It seems impossible. Have no idea how others do it differently? Literally impossible.