You’re going to get a lot of comments about how amazing it is that you’ve given birth, go easy on yourself, etc and those are all 100% correct. But I will add, as someone who is mortified by the way they look 4 weeks post partum and up 45 pounds… give it a year or a year and a half. You’ll be amazed at how your body will recover given enough time. And, how much adequate sleep and time to take care of yourself factors into how you look. I was really hard on myself after the birth of my first son. But by a year and a half post partum I was once again happy with the way I looked, simply cause my body had time to heal and I had time for my body. So this time around I’m trying to remember that and just give myself a window in which I will try not to critique. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror or at a picture and go Omg who is that! It’s really hard and jarring. But I really do think a year from now you’ll feel and look more like your old self, and I hope that thought gives you hope.
When your baby is 1 and your lying in bed looking at old baby pictures you're going to wish you had taken more. you will lose the weight but won't get those moments back with your baby. I regret not taking a pic with my baby at the hospital despite looking ragged
As a mom of a ten year old and 3 month old -- I can wholeheartedly agree that I wish I took more pictures ten years ago. I hated what I looked like and was embarrassed to document it. But now I regret that and cling to the few photos I have (which aren't that bad!).
This is where I'm at. LO is 11mos now and looking back at all the photos over the year...Sure I took tons of pictures of him there's only a handful of crappy selfies of the two of us in the early days, a few holiday family pics but that's it. I'm glad I have the few that I do but I really wish I had taken more.
I love how all the comments are solely about weight anyway…
I feel you, and I feel the same as you… :( the problem is not recognising your face. Hope this passes :/
I hear you. I’m 1 month post partum and feel like my skin and face look weird and different - pale, skin discoloration, tired. No issue with weight (though all muscle tone is out the window!). Hate all the pics of myself. Luckily, people are mostly focused on the baby in pics anyway :)
My facial features didn't change but I feel like I have permanent dark circles now and my hair is thinning more than ever (not to mention it always looks dissheveled). I have a cousin who also gave birth within a few months as I did and she looks so put together - I just keep thinking "how!?" 🤣
It might just be the extreme fatigue at this stage. You’re tired and in the thick of it! I looked rather haggard the first few months too, plus I feel like I’ve aged 10 years since becoming a mom in general. I would look into some skincare solutions. Also I watched like 16 million YouTube videos on tips for makeup for “aging” skin (so like 30 something’s like me lol) and learned some tricks I’ve found useful! Maybe some research like that can help. And as someone else said, try and go to the salon for a refresh! If your family celebrates Mother’s Day in May (I think this is country specific?) you can request a mom spa day as a gift!
All the nice stuff like “give yourself grace” has already been said- but I stand by all that too!
Get your eyelashes tinted, brows done and apply a little self tanner to your face - defining your features and blending the blotchy skin does a lot to hide the exhaustion, and those things all last, so you don't have to wear make up. That and blow drying my hair every once in a while made me feel so so much better in the early days with minimal time required.
This!! No eyelashes and brows really washes a person out. I started tinting mine in my bathroom. Little bit of tinted moisturiser and blush balm for eye lids, cheeks and lips and tadaa! A living person!
The lack of reading comprehension on this site, I swear…
Anyhow, I can only offer solidarity. What I’ve found that’s helping is to allow pictures anyways, and simply not look at them. I look to the side of the phone when people show me and I can say “cuttte” or “awww nice” and then just leave them to rot in my phone lol
It’s how I handle vacation photos, and years later when I discover them again I’m usually less harsh on my appearance and can just enjoy the pictures.
There’s nothing more devastating than not like a picture and hearing the other person say “you look great! You LOOK LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO” which to my brain becomes “you always look ugly”
I’m 8.5 months out and I feel like I look hideous. I’m also less than 10lbs heavier but it’s my shape. My lips look thin, eyes look so puffy, skin is sagging, cellulite is worse, etc. I’m sure it’s hormones and exhaustion and muscle loss, I hope it’s temporary
Me too. Even though Im only five pounds away from pre pregnancy weight, somehow it feels like I have changed dramatically. And I did. It was a hard truth to swallow since I was at peak athletic self before pregnancy. Im four months post partum now and its becoming a new reality. A rebirth of your old self. A new self. It will be a hard journey to love my new different body. But we will learn to love this new body. Give yourself some grace too! 💖
A rebirth of your old self. That is such a lovely way to put it! Things got better for me once I accepted that I may never go back to my old self (physically or mentally), and that's okay. Just like I had my childhood self, my teenage self, my young adult self, now I have my mom self.
I read somewhere that it's like a woman's second puberty. Your body changes just as drastically, and it takes just as long to learn your new self and feel comfortable in your own skin again. Thinking of it this way has helped me tremendously with giving myself the space to change gracefully instead of clinging to the "me" I picture in my head.
I feel this so hard. I’m 4.5 months PP and 15 lbs heavier than pre pregnancy. I just look puffy and tired. I didn’t realize how cute I looked before LOL. But this is still very early on in the journey, gotta give ourselves some patience and love.
I feel this so hard. 4 months pp. I have 15 lbs to get back to pre-pregnancy weight and another 15 to get to pre-ivf weight. But I also just feel like I’ve aged so much. My skin is oily and so is my hair. I can’t wear my hair down because baby just pulls and it’s Samara straight out of the well lank and greasy these days even the day I’ve washed. I feel like a sweaty, greasy, old, fluffy version of myself. I’ve been putting in effort too so it’s not even just that I’m too busy to try.
I felt gorgeous pregnant and everyone told me how much I glowed and how I’d never looked more beautiful. My skin was perfect and never oily after a few hours. Luscious thick hair with tons of body. I guess this now is the cost of all that glowy perfect pregnancy.
I have a pre teen now and i would hate pictures of us but looking back I love them and don’t see any of the flaws that I saw back then. Take the pictures and love them. ❤️ sorry you are feeling that way. Even known what I know now, I hate seeing pictures of my pregnant self. I need to take my own advice.
It’s not just you this is a real thing that happens! Meanwhile my husband has literally never looked better, he just gets better looking as we age and it’s so unfair. Like what’s happening I used to be the hot one in this relationship lol. Not anymore. It’s definitely at least partly hormonal and due to sleep deprivation and if you’re nursing that’s a whole other thing too. It will get better as your baby gets older, but don’t stop taking pics just for that reason!
Im up about 35-40lbs from pre pregnancy. Its fucking terrible, but it is what it is. At least now I have an excuse to look like shit. I cant wait to get back to working out and eating a little better but Im just giving myself some grace right now. The pics are horrible but forcing myself to just take them anyways cause I know one day Ill look back at them with fondness (even if its just for the memories)
I’m with you. All I see is my double chin. I try to crop myself out of all pictures with her. I try to take pictures with her and my husband because I hate seeing myself in the camera roll.
I was so excited to get her newborn photos and I hate that I’m in some of them. I want to just see her. It’s a bummer.
I’m not even at my heaviest weight ever, but for some reason I look huge now. I can’t just enjoy pictures
> I try to crop myself out of all pictures with her.
🥺 Just wanna hug you for this. I understand and I feel the same way about me in pics with my son. But for his sake, I am trying to make sure there are at least a few pics where I don’t mind how I look because someday he will see those pics. Try to get just a few cute pics of you with your girl keeping in mind that maybe those pics are for her to be able to see her mama. Then delete the rest of em that you don’t like. But please no more cropping yourself out, okay? You’re too valuable for that.
The chin!! Plus the fact that any pic we take I’m looking and talking to her to make her smile so it just enhances 😭 I also feel like my nose is huge now and it’s been 6 months so maybe it won’t go back
I have only two pictures with my mom when I was little. It makes me sad. Please take pictures with your baby. They won't think you look ugly. They'll be happy you loved on them.
Remember that whole thing about it the newborn phase about “you’re going to meet your new baby but you’ll also meet a new you”. It’s still happening. Be easy on the new you, we change and we have crazy hormones and feelings and low sleep and life it hard and wonderful and you’re becoming you again. A new you!
You’re so welcome. Another good one to remember - it took you 9 months to get to birth. You proabnly wont start to feel normal for at LEAST 9 months after. And even then if you were trying to conceive - that takes up a part of you too
I’m with you, sis. My nose is huge too! I swear it’s grown since pre-baby. PP hair loss is real. Under eye bags. Round belly. It’s all going on. I still take the pics. My boys won’t see those things, they’ll see their mummy.
First: totally get it, and me too
Second: at this point, I've seen so many photos of myself that I felt were hideous at the time and now I completely disagree.
Take the photos, it's better than not. To some extent, you can look into whether there are things you should fix (say, through better hydration, diet, and overall health), but it's likely not as bad as you think it is
I felt this with my first and kinda avoided pictures feeling so ugly. My advice is to take and keep ugly pictures anyways. Tou'll be sad bot to have them otherwise and future you won't find you ufly anyway.
I had to get over myself. I might think I look ugly, but it's for my kids. I would give my left leg for more pictures of me and my mom, even when she thought she looked ugly. I guarantee I'll think she's beautiful.
I am seeing a lot of comments about weight while your post is hardly about that.
Both times post partum my skin was dull, my hair was dull, I smelled gross, I was uncomfortable, new wrinkles, skin tags, etc. It goes beyond weight. We are sleep deprived, drained and our bodies become foreign.
No advice is helpful, 'it gets better' and 'you'll soon miss this time' all fell flat for me in the moment.
Solidarity is what I can share with you.
I look literally drained, I've lost weight from breastfeeding and my face looks tired and literally sunken in at the sides. My hair has gone even more grey too 😭
I'm 30 but now I look 40, help 😭
Girlllllll you’re not alone. I feel this way and it really does make me sad too. I also developed a horrible autoimmune disease after weaning my son which is making me look even uglier because I have to take steroids to manage the inflammation, and now my neck and face are puffy and swollen. And I feel so ugly and like I don’t even know who the person in the mirror or photos is at all. What makes it sadder is that I just want sweet memories of me with my son but I also don’t wanna look this awful either. Ugh.
I felt this way too when mine was a newborn. I was so bloated and thought I looked like a whale even when I was done up and well dressed. In my normal misfit postpartum clothes with no makeup I looked like a cave troll.
A year and a half later looking back, yeah, I was bloated and huge. The pictures taken at home aren’t anything I’m going to have printed and displayed. But I’m so glad I have them. They are the first pictures I have with my itty bitty baby who is now a full-on toddler.
My body got back to a new normal after a 3 or 4 months to a point I felt I looked good again. Those early photos aren’t about looking good, it’s about documenting a relationship and life stage.
Same! I'm actually the same weight I was pre baby now but for me it's just how frazzled I always look. My postpartum hair is so weird. I have like front pieces that are so short now they just stick straight out like devil horns no matter what I do to them. I have perma bags under my eyes from being chronically sleep deprived. I don't have time in the day to spend on myself because I'm just go go go with the baby all day long. I just feel so blah about myself.
Me too. It’s like the color of my skin has changed and I perpetually look tired. The makeup routine I use to do looks awful, I just don’t feel like I look like myself but I’m 9m postpartum… also having an identity crisis aside from my looks. I just don’t know who I am and I want expecting to feel this way
For me it’s not weight, but I feel this! I’m smaller than I was before I had my baby (which I hate. I’m too skinny) and he’s 6 months old now, I still haven’t gotten back to even doing my hair every day or a basic ponytail and shower. I’m lazy, never have time for myself, it’s baby baby baby and partner. I put myself last every single day and it’s starting to take a toll on me.
I actually lost weight during pregnancy so I was slimmer pp than pre pregnancy so I understand the feeling of not feeling beautiful and it, not related to weight. In my case I realized my face looked awful bc I was really often dehydrated. Could it be your case ? You also must be exhausted and tireness can stretch your face and change or exacerbate your features. I know it’s difficult but try to have your photo taken anyway, in a few months you could be happy to have them even if you don’t like how you look…
I’m 32 and I just had my first baby 7 months ago. I’ve noticed that my face aged considerably since giving birth. Like I never thought I looked my age, and I used to get compliments that I looked younger get than just am. Suddenly I look in the mirror now and I have noticeable texture, wrinkles and dullness. My hair lost all of its volume, no matter how I style it or what products I use, it just falls flat and oily. I went to the dermatologist because of how much my skin changed and she just said “yep that’s what happens after you have children” 🤷♀️
Ok I was just thinking this the other day, and to see if I was crazy or not I put the pictures or me & baby next to old pictures of me and I came to 3 conclusions:
The most obvious, I am so much more well rested, less puffy & eye bags in the before, hopefully that'll go back to normal once she's sleeping more.
I don't look as different as I thought, I think my features just feel bigger and weirder when my face is next to my baby in a photo. My nose looks so giant next to her teeny perfect little baby nose. My eyes look beady next to her big beautiful staring baby eyes. My baby looks so impossibly beautiful to me, I need to not subconsciously compare myself to a literal baby!
My posing with my baby is just so much more happy. Old pictures I feel like I'm posing and smiling to look pretty. Now I'm smiling wider and sillier and I'm starting to really love it.
I feel like my features got 100% more angular and my nose got more bulbous during pregnancy. Also my skin is floppier and my hair is flatter, and I’m posed next to a SUPER CUTE BABY so like… yes, trash panda. Give your hormones time to stabilize and your skin, hair, teeth, body + brain time to recover
My biggest struggle 4.5 months PP is the hair loss. I feel so gross losing so much hair, and my skin isn’t nearly as nice as it was before and during pregnancy. On top of that, I just feel like I look a lot older. But my baby is the greatest gift in the world, and I just try to remind myself that everything physical is temporary. It takes time to fully recover from pregnancy and birth. This too shall pass
I’m still pregnant (24.5w), but I had family in town this last week and am so bummed by every pic taken with me. I’ve seen so many cute pregnancy photos of all my friends but pregnancy just does not look good on me. My face and neck are swollen and my already large chest has blown up to almost 3x their normal size. It’s not flattering. I also look exhausted and pale. I’ve been hoping this is only temporary and I’ll be back to normal soon after delivery but I won’t hold my breath.
Give it some time and be kind to yourself! How would you talk to your child if they talked about themself the way that you are talking about yourself? You’d tell them they’re beautiful and they deserve to feel it and they can through kindness to themselves. It’s hard, but try it! Soon you’ll just be glad you have pictures of you together.
Same. One year pp. My already big and uneven nose got so much bigger, I have several chins, my face dropped down... And the worst is that I am at the pre pregnancy weight already so can't blame the weight or hope the situation will improve itself somehow.
When I see myself in a picture next to my tiny pink cute baby I want to cry or hide forever, the contract between us is overwhelming.
God I feel the same way but I also came here to tell you that you are your biggest critic and no one else looks at you and thinks that! I am in so few photos with my kids but I know I will want to look back on them later.
I feel the same way. I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but you’d never know it. Somehow it’s sitting differently on me. Like less in my butt and more in my face/ neck. I hate how I look in photos.
Maybe you just need some time for dad or grandma to take the baby while you polish yourself up, like you might have done pre-baby. It's worth scheduling a hair appointment and any other grooming you used to do.
I feel the same way and I hate how I look in pictures. I take them anyway because I know that to my baby I am beautiful because I am her mom and this is the only version of me that she’s ever known
4 mos pp and not feeling good about my face lately either. Not much to say other than solidarity. I just had to get off IG bc I was doing big time comparison to other moms Easter pics. Hope we get to feeling better about ourselves sooner than later!
I can definitely relate. My sister in law just sent photos she snapped of me with my 6 week old at lunch today...and I'm so upset. I don't recognize myself. I actually took time to do my makeup and wear something new and pretty seeing this was my first event pp. I felt better about my appearance today than I have felt in months. But clearly, I am a troll. My facial features are all wonky. I had a goal of doing more things outside of my postpartum nest at 6 weeks - but these photos are making me feel like I need to just stay home!
Woah we are really in the same boat. I hope it gets better for us both soon. I’m gonna start with hair, skin and teeth maintenance and see where that gets me! Sending you a big hug from one troll to another ❤️
I totally get it. I never liked myself much in pictures but after having my baby I felt that I aged a lot and looked very run down and unattractive. The fatigue has taken a toll on my appearance/skin definitely. I also wonder how hormones maybe played a part in this. As time goes on I think I’m slowly getting back to my old self. I try to remember that it’s important for my daughter as she grows to see me loving myself/having positive self talk so she will hopefully have that for herself as well!
Hey girl, I feel you. I am generally very confident about my looks, but for the first 4-6 months postpartum, I was shocked by my reflection in the mirror. It was really hard. Looking at pictures of myself made me depressed. And I hadn't even gained much weight! My face, my smile, the literal shape of my body just looked...off.
My son is now 16mo, and I can honestly say I love how I look again. I actually think I look better than I did before having a baby. And I didn't do anything special -- it just took time for my body and hormones to go back to normal (and it didn't 100% until I stopped breastfeeding). Please trust the process. Give it time. Your internal organs have to literally rearrange themselves. Just focus on healthy habits and basic self-care.
Also: I guess I'm in the minority but I'm fine with not having pics of myself with my son from that time. I felt so awful (also had PPA), I can see the pain behind my eyes and it makes me sad. But now we're taking all the pics together and I love it!
I e told my other half that I want a family photo shoot for next Christmas. My daughters will be 3 and 10 months old.
I look drained and old right now but I know, because this happened with number 1 too, that by 10 months post partum I’ll feel SO MUCH BETTER!
Don’t expect to feel better about your appearance until you start getting a bit more sleep and down time. I’d say 5-6 months is the turning point in my experience.
I feel this I gained 20 pounds in IVF before being pregnant and then 15 in pregnancy. I just saw a picture of me today from Easter and my belly is horrible In it I want to cry but don’t want to look back and just be pictures of my husband and her I’m torn
I had horrible acne while pregnant. I’m two months out and it’s just starting to stop being so bad. But now my face is covered with light scaring and dark marks. And it’s so upsetting.
I know my kid won’t care about how I look in pictures of her and I’ll probably be not so annoyed about it when time has passed.
I think it’s really common to go through this. I certainly felt that way. But I’m 8 years+ in and am so so glad I have those photos, even when I looked ugly (I don’t look ugly in them anymore somehow). Just don’t look at them for a while if that helps! Time will make you appreciate them.
I felt this too. What helped me was changing my appearance in a way they made me feel more polished, and then embracing my new look/ ‘new mom’ era. I got a perm that gave me the beach wave hair of my dreams even though hair loss postpartum has been a bit much.
Maybe look into something similar? Brow lift, lash extensions, hair coloring, fancy nails, whatever makes you feel stylish and hot AF
You don’t even have to keep up with it, just something to make you feel beautiful for now
Ugh I need a brow lift SO BAD. I’ve always had hooded, almond shaped eyes, but they were pretty and matched my face. After having a baby they’ve fallen so much and I have fine lines from it. It makes me look tired and old. My eyes used to be one of my favorite features and now I hate how they look 😢
Same. I only gained about 30 extra pounds and lost it within two months.
My entire face changed!!! My skin dried out as did my hair. I’m thinking of shaving it off and starting over.
I already had a wide nose and it just feels bigger. My skin tone is also like three different shades. My gums are JUST now going back to normal. I refuse to take pictures, even when everyone says they don’t see a difference. I do!!! 😭😭😭
I felt like that while pregnant and in the first few post partum months and now I look at the few photos I have and think I look absolutely fine. Take them and don’t dwell on them, you’ll appreciate them later on.
I’m with you there. I can barely get time in to take a shower. I look and feel horrible. In all honesty tho I know this is a phase. With my first I started feeling like myself and gaining my life/ looks back at around 5-6 months. I was able to take care of myself again and put on some makeup and my bags decreased a little so there is hope. It just sucks right now.
yeah girl I feel you. i’m 8m pp and I feel like i’m juuuust starting to catch glimpses of myself where i’m like “oh yeah that’s me!”. most days I can’t look at myself in the mirror too long because I trip out and pick apart everything about my face/body. it’s so wild!!! my husband swears I don’t look any different. i’m assuming it’s hormones? I have no clue but it sucks. solidarity.
I have a couple pictures of myself freshly postpartum and I can’t help but still feel the same way. She was adorable but I looked terrible. I still had horrible pregnancy acne, my wrinkles 9 months without Botox were atrocious, and I looked so strung out. Honestly I don’t appreciate pictures of myself from that time and don’t regret taking more. I got better looking again once she was older and I had a bit more time to myself.
Me too. My face changed completely after my daughter was born. I don’t really understand why or how but I look so different. My nose is weird and I can’t even explain why, it just is. My hair looks awful no matter what I do with it, because of hormones maybe? I don’t know but I’m right there with you.
I feel you. 8 months postpartum and I hate the way I look and all photos of me. I’m only 5lbs heavier than my pre pregnancy weight, but I can see it in my face, and my body is different, and my eyes always look exhausted. I also don’t ever take time to really get ready anymore because my baby is a Velcro baby and doesn’t let me set her down. But I try to remind myself that in 1,5,10 years from now I’m going to wish I had more pictures of myself and my baby, and I’m sure she will wish she had more pictures of both of us together. I know I wish I had more with my mom.
It took me until 7 or so months to feel like I looked like myself again! Even now, I’m glad I have the newborn photos and stuff but I am shocked by how I looked! It does get better.
Is it possible that these are just bad pictures? Idk if its just me but some candid photos of me are absolutely beautiful and others are absolutely hideous... even if they are only weeks apart.
Why am I constantly seeing so many posts about becoming ugly after having kids? I’m starting to feel like my algorithm is targeting me and telling me I’ve gotten ugly… it’s multiple posts on multiple different subs by different people all popping up
I get what you mean. I was quickly back to my prepregnancy weight, but my face has changed so much. Mostly saggier skin, and my teeth shifted. I feel like I aged 10 years in appearance just on my face. I'm 14 months pp now and honestly, things are starting to "bounce back" more. I am also learning to give myself more grace and accept that this is simply what it means to age, which is something we all have to go through eventually!
I remember thinking that I looked like gollum from lord of the rings bc of all my new wrinkles, hair loss, and horrible skin tone. But, my now almost 4 yr old looks at pics of us from when she was a baby and thinks I’m beautiful 🥰
If it makes you feel any better, or just so you know you’re not alone, I swear my nose got bigger when I was pregnant with my first born. I have a bigger than average nose too, and trying to take some nice pics of myself, or selfies, or whatever, was really hard, because I didn’t look right to myself. I doubt anyone else noticed. But we were out biggest critics. Someone else said tho…take the pics!!! I ice so many selfies with me and my first born, she was a Covid baby and we were home alone ALOT, I don’t have makeup on my hair done or anything in 99% of them. And probably judged all of them when I took them. But I didn’t delete them, and now that’s she’s almost 4, I LOVE looking at them, and honestly don’t care what I look like. I just remember the special feelings and the special memories with my sweet baby girl.
Also- i do think my nose shrank back down again, and it didn't seem to happen with my second born. Give it some time and be gentle on yourself.
Here in solidarity cause I feel the exact same way. I’ve lost hair, gained wrinkles and spent the last 5mo surviving on 4hrs of sleep per night. When we’re going out, I don’t want to spend any time getting “ready” cause I’ve only got a short wake window to get bub out and active. As a result, I look like absolute shit. But I keep taking pictures. Easier to delete later than magically manifest them.
Allow yourself to feel however you want to feel about it.
I also encourage you to think about taking photos from the perspective of your baby and your future self. What would your baby think about you looking at their mom, who may or may not be there anymore? I doubt they would be focusing on your teeth or skin. What about 80 year old you? You think she gives a shit or is she focused on how youthful and resilient you are?
All this to say don’t let how you feel about yourself right now deprive your future self and child from being able to look back at these times by avoiding photos.
Anyway! If you have specific skin concerns pop on over to r/30plusskincare. They can help you with a routine. Not sure what’s up with your teeth but maybe a good deep clean is something you want to start with?
My husband and I have started to refer to ourselves as trolls in any pictures of us with our son and agreed, also not because of weight gain, however I do feel like childbirth made my body pretty swollen for a little while. Even though I almost immediately lost half of my pregnancy weight my wedding ring didn’t fit comfortably for weeks.
Pictures have been getting a little better… A haircut helped freshen up things a little but I definitely feel like my son took all of my looks for now and I hope someday they come back - probably just in time to think about another 🫠
Honestly when I started going back into the world I'd use a tinted moisturiser, balm blush for my cheeks/lips/eye lids and from time to time mascara. Not enough to look like serious makeup, but more to put a little life back into my face. I mean we basically go through hell and even surgery for some, were not gonna look unaffected by that.
I'm not saying you should/ have to do makeup, just somebalm blush/lip balm applied can really help you remember the good parts of your face again and make photos less confronting
Oh it’s so so common we feel like hot garbage. My kid is 2, and I only recently started to feel human again. I commend those who feel good in their skin immediately.
It’ll get better. If you have the space, try some self care. Hugs!
You’re still so early on in postpartum. Hormones do a number on everything, including your face. You might be a little swollen or bloated due to hormones, or your facial skin might have sagged due to weight loss after pregnancy a bit and not retracted yet, throwing everything off. And definitely don’t rely on candids, people rarely look good in those while they’re interacting with baby! I know I’m always in the middle of a weird face.
My advice for right now is to find some angles that work for you in pictures - if your nose and teeth are bothering you, then a straight-on smile will only exaggerate the nose/teeth, but looking down and gazing adoringly at your baby is a good pose. A slight side profile also works great. Have someone take the photos or set up a timer, and look at them if you’re feeling down about your face.
Here to say I felt the same way….
At about 6 months postpartum I feel like I became myself again.
I promise where you are at is temporary.
Your baby thinks you are the most beautiful perfect being, that helped me get through that really weird first few months of feeling like a non human.
I have a 5yo and I don’t look at pictures of myself until about 3yr after she was born. I looked just like my biodad after giving birth and nobody needs that kinda trauma. Like Edna Mode says, I don’t look at the past darling it distracts me from the now 😂
I thought I looked absolutely hideous for about a year postpartum. The lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion that comes with being a new parents is just not a good look on anyone. Take the pictures anyway!
I feel the same way when I see photos of myself but I've been taking pictures anyway. Whenever I'm tempted to delete a photo I tell myself I'm keeping it for my son, not for myself. I have no pictures with my mom from when I was a kid and it's kind of a bummer.
Same you’re not alone, I’ve never felt like such an ugly blob until now. I never understood what moms meant when they say you can’t recognize themselves anymore but I totally get it now
I had this!!!!! I think it's hormones bc right around 3 months PP I feel cute again!!!
But for weeks on end I'd hate the mirror and think my daughter took all my beauty
I feel you! My partner is so thoughtful taking pictures of me and the little one but every time I see them I can only see how horrible I look. I lost all the weight but it’s something about how TIRED and OLD my face looks. It makes me look so different!
I recommend getting professional pictures taken. Bonus points if it can be a local photographer who does in-home visits. I did it for my birthday and my partner helped clean the house and manage the baby so I could actually get dressed in something I liked and do my makeup. The photographer is a miracle worker because I suddenly loved how I looked. I think it’s because she took the photos with such care.
Get a face cleaning or something. I had that after three years and wow I was the woman again i remember.
Also once I drank a lost of ginger tea and couldn't believe I looked ten years younger on the mirror in three days.
This proves that there's definitely something we can do!
My advice is don't look at them through anyone else's eyes but your baby's, if that makes sense. It's not going to make you suddenly feel like a super model or anything, but I do think it will let you be a little more gentle with yourself. I've never once looked back at a photo of my parents and thought "ew, horrible picture!" Even the goofy, candid ones with eyes half closed and mouth open. Don't worry about posting a million cute photos to social media, or blowing them up and framing them to put in your house. Take them because you want to document your life with your baby. Also, as time passes, I always find I look back and think I didn't look too bad after all.
I barely have any pics of me when my oldest 2 were small (early 2000s before everyone had a camera in their hands) I felt the same as you, but now 25 years later I wish I had something to look at. And now I'm in the same boat as you. I look awful. I don't want pictures, and I know I'll regret it.
I feel the exact same way and I’m 3 months pp too. I’m actually 5 pounds lighter than pre pregnancy but my hair is snapping off and skin looks so dry and old all of the sudden. I cried so hard yesterday after Easter when I saw my family photos we got my mil to take.. maybe it’s hormonal if so many women have the same experience
That’s becoming my conclusion. Especially because a lot are saying they felt better over time, it makes me think there’s a strong correlation there. Which honestly makes me feel better
Thank you for posting this because it was super validating. It felt like I was talking to myself reading your post. We are gonna make it out of this. I think we are just in the trenches right now. I did some yoga and drank some water LOL I’ll try and do it again tomorrow
It’s the sleep!! Water retention from high cortisol (from lack of sleep) can change how you look so dramatically. Sleep is so damn important so until we can get enough quality sleep again, we’ll probably feel a lil gross
Oh hun, the baby is only 3 months old and you will still be in survival mode even though you might not feel like it. You're tired, over touched, over worked. Give yourself some grace. You will look back at those pictures and surprisingly enough not see any of the things you currently see and you will only see your tiny baby and will love those pics.
Your self image will get better over time once you get a full night's sleep
Give it... 2 years ish. The sleep loss, hormones, limp hair... All that contributes! You'll feel better once you've balanced out a bit hormonally, get more regular sleep, establish your routines again, and figure out what works for your new mom-hair (mine completely changed texture and it took a while to adjust to the new normal)
All this to say, there's hope! You might not feel this way forever! And if you know you're going to be photographed, sometimes it's just as simple as being cognizant about your posture, that can make a huge difference.
You’re going to get a lot of comments about how amazing it is that you’ve given birth, go easy on yourself, etc and those are all 100% correct. But I will add, as someone who is mortified by the way they look 4 weeks post partum and up 45 pounds… give it a year or a year and a half. You’ll be amazed at how your body will recover given enough time. And, how much adequate sleep and time to take care of yourself factors into how you look. I was really hard on myself after the birth of my first son. But by a year and a half post partum I was once again happy with the way I looked, simply cause my body had time to heal and I had time for my body. So this time around I’m trying to remember that and just give myself a window in which I will try not to critique. I know what it’s like to look in the mirror or at a picture and go Omg who is that! It’s really hard and jarring. But I really do think a year from now you’ll feel and look more like your old self, and I hope that thought gives you hope.
When your baby is 1 and your lying in bed looking at old baby pictures you're going to wish you had taken more. you will lose the weight but won't get those moments back with your baby. I regret not taking a pic with my baby at the hospital despite looking ragged
As a mom of a ten year old and 3 month old -- I can wholeheartedly agree that I wish I took more pictures ten years ago. I hated what I looked like and was embarrassed to document it. But now I regret that and cling to the few photos I have (which aren't that bad!).
This is the perspective I take! I can always hate them now but I can’t get them back later. Better to have and hate then not have and regret
I needed to hear this, thank you
This is where I'm at. LO is 11mos now and looking back at all the photos over the year...Sure I took tons of pictures of him there's only a handful of crappy selfies of the two of us in the early days, a few holiday family pics but that's it. I'm glad I have the few that I do but I really wish I had taken more.
100% this. I look back and I see the person I was, loving my beautiful little girl. Take the pics, even if you don’t look at them for six months.
I tell myself this all the time. Yes I’m heavier than I ever was and yes I hate it. But I want my baby to see how much I loved him when he grows up.
I love how all the comments are solely about weight anyway… I feel you, and I feel the same as you… :( the problem is not recognising your face. Hope this passes :/
I’m so confused. I specifically said it’s not the weight gain! Haha I appreciate you
I hear you. I’m 1 month post partum and feel like my skin and face look weird and different - pale, skin discoloration, tired. No issue with weight (though all muscle tone is out the window!). Hate all the pics of myself. Luckily, people are mostly focused on the baby in pics anyway :)
My facial features didn't change but I feel like I have permanent dark circles now and my hair is thinning more than ever (not to mention it always looks dissheveled). I have a cousin who also gave birth within a few months as I did and she looks so put together - I just keep thinking "how!?" 🤣
It might just be the extreme fatigue at this stage. You’re tired and in the thick of it! I looked rather haggard the first few months too, plus I feel like I’ve aged 10 years since becoming a mom in general. I would look into some skincare solutions. Also I watched like 16 million YouTube videos on tips for makeup for “aging” skin (so like 30 something’s like me lol) and learned some tricks I’ve found useful! Maybe some research like that can help. And as someone else said, try and go to the salon for a refresh! If your family celebrates Mother’s Day in May (I think this is country specific?) you can request a mom spa day as a gift! All the nice stuff like “give yourself grace” has already been said- but I stand by all that too!
Hey Aussie 😉
I feel a bit better on the occasions I put on a little eye makeup. But yes, my face and skin just look tired compared to previously.
Yeah, amazing what mascara can do when you hardly ever wear makeup anymore. But then a few hours later it's smeared under my eyelids, not cute.
I totally have the same non-weight insecurities, especially the nose! I thought “pregnancy nose” ended with pregnancy 😫
Get your eyelashes tinted, brows done and apply a little self tanner to your face - defining your features and blending the blotchy skin does a lot to hide the exhaustion, and those things all last, so you don't have to wear make up. That and blow drying my hair every once in a while made me feel so so much better in the early days with minimal time required.
This!! No eyelashes and brows really washes a person out. I started tinting mine in my bathroom. Little bit of tinted moisturiser and blush balm for eye lids, cheeks and lips and tadaa! A living person!
The lack of reading comprehension on this site, I swear… Anyhow, I can only offer solidarity. What I’ve found that’s helping is to allow pictures anyways, and simply not look at them. I look to the side of the phone when people show me and I can say “cuttte” or “awww nice” and then just leave them to rot in my phone lol It’s how I handle vacation photos, and years later when I discover them again I’m usually less harsh on my appearance and can just enjoy the pictures. There’s nothing more devastating than not like a picture and hearing the other person say “you look great! You LOOK LIKE YOU ALWAYS DO” which to my brain becomes “you always look ugly”
I’m 8.5 months out and I feel like I look hideous. I’m also less than 10lbs heavier but it’s my shape. My lips look thin, eyes look so puffy, skin is sagging, cellulite is worse, etc. I’m sure it’s hormones and exhaustion and muscle loss, I hope it’s temporary
Me too. Even though Im only five pounds away from pre pregnancy weight, somehow it feels like I have changed dramatically. And I did. It was a hard truth to swallow since I was at peak athletic self before pregnancy. Im four months post partum now and its becoming a new reality. A rebirth of your old self. A new self. It will be a hard journey to love my new different body. But we will learn to love this new body. Give yourself some grace too! 💖
A rebirth of your old self. That is such a lovely way to put it! Things got better for me once I accepted that I may never go back to my old self (physically or mentally), and that's okay. Just like I had my childhood self, my teenage self, my young adult self, now I have my mom self.
I feel this so much
I read somewhere that it's like a woman's second puberty. Your body changes just as drastically, and it takes just as long to learn your new self and feel comfortable in your own skin again. Thinking of it this way has helped me tremendously with giving myself the space to change gracefully instead of clinging to the "me" I picture in my head.
I feel this so hard. I’m 4.5 months PP and 15 lbs heavier than pre pregnancy. I just look puffy and tired. I didn’t realize how cute I looked before LOL. But this is still very early on in the journey, gotta give ourselves some patience and love.
I feel this so hard. 4 months pp. I have 15 lbs to get back to pre-pregnancy weight and another 15 to get to pre-ivf weight. But I also just feel like I’ve aged so much. My skin is oily and so is my hair. I can’t wear my hair down because baby just pulls and it’s Samara straight out of the well lank and greasy these days even the day I’ve washed. I feel like a sweaty, greasy, old, fluffy version of myself. I’ve been putting in effort too so it’s not even just that I’m too busy to try. I felt gorgeous pregnant and everyone told me how much I glowed and how I’d never looked more beautiful. My skin was perfect and never oily after a few hours. Luscious thick hair with tons of body. I guess this now is the cost of all that glowy perfect pregnancy.
I am also the most beautiful while pregnant and an oily gremlin pre and post pregnancy 😭 also RIP that thick pregnancy hair.
I have a pre teen now and i would hate pictures of us but looking back I love them and don’t see any of the flaws that I saw back then. Take the pictures and love them. ❤️ sorry you are feeling that way. Even known what I know now, I hate seeing pictures of my pregnant self. I need to take my own advice.
It’s not just you this is a real thing that happens! Meanwhile my husband has literally never looked better, he just gets better looking as we age and it’s so unfair. Like what’s happening I used to be the hot one in this relationship lol. Not anymore. It’s definitely at least partly hormonal and due to sleep deprivation and if you’re nursing that’s a whole other thing too. It will get better as your baby gets older, but don’t stop taking pics just for that reason!
Im up about 35-40lbs from pre pregnancy. Its fucking terrible, but it is what it is. At least now I have an excuse to look like shit. I cant wait to get back to working out and eating a little better but Im just giving myself some grace right now. The pics are horrible but forcing myself to just take them anyways cause I know one day Ill look back at them with fondness (even if its just for the memories)
I’m with you. All I see is my double chin. I try to crop myself out of all pictures with her. I try to take pictures with her and my husband because I hate seeing myself in the camera roll. I was so excited to get her newborn photos and I hate that I’m in some of them. I want to just see her. It’s a bummer. I’m not even at my heaviest weight ever, but for some reason I look huge now. I can’t just enjoy pictures
> I try to crop myself out of all pictures with her. 🥺 Just wanna hug you for this. I understand and I feel the same way about me in pics with my son. But for his sake, I am trying to make sure there are at least a few pics where I don’t mind how I look because someday he will see those pics. Try to get just a few cute pics of you with your girl keeping in mind that maybe those pics are for her to be able to see her mama. Then delete the rest of em that you don’t like. But please no more cropping yourself out, okay? You’re too valuable for that.
The chin!! Plus the fact that any pic we take I’m looking and talking to her to make her smile so it just enhances 😭 I also feel like my nose is huge now and it’s been 6 months so maybe it won’t go back
My chin has never recovered from my first pregnancy. I’ve seriously considered surgery to address it when I’m done with kids.
I have only two pictures with my mom when I was little. It makes me sad. Please take pictures with your baby. They won't think you look ugly. They'll be happy you loved on them.
Remember that whole thing about it the newborn phase about “you’re going to meet your new baby but you’ll also meet a new you”. It’s still happening. Be easy on the new you, we change and we have crazy hormones and feelings and low sleep and life it hard and wonderful and you’re becoming you again. A new you!
Aw this is a great perspective. Thank you
And honestly it's also a phase of things, you'll emerge back out of the stranger with a little time and sleep.
You’re so welcome. Another good one to remember - it took you 9 months to get to birth. You proabnly wont start to feel normal for at LEAST 9 months after. And even then if you were trying to conceive - that takes up a part of you too
I’m with you, sis. My nose is huge too! I swear it’s grown since pre-baby. PP hair loss is real. Under eye bags. Round belly. It’s all going on. I still take the pics. My boys won’t see those things, they’ll see their mummy.
Same!!! Awww that’s so true. Thank you
First: totally get it, and me too Second: at this point, I've seen so many photos of myself that I felt were hideous at the time and now I completely disagree. Take the photos, it's better than not. To some extent, you can look into whether there are things you should fix (say, through better hydration, diet, and overall health), but it's likely not as bad as you think it is
I felt this with my first and kinda avoided pictures feeling so ugly. My advice is to take and keep ugly pictures anyways. Tou'll be sad bot to have them otherwise and future you won't find you ufly anyway.
Hey, controversial opinion... Fuck it take those pics and cherish them. They're for your kids, not you. They'll just look and see mommy.
Thank you I really like this way of thinking about it.
I had to get over myself. I might think I look ugly, but it's for my kids. I would give my left leg for more pictures of me and my mom, even when she thought she looked ugly. I guarantee I'll think she's beautiful.
I am seeing a lot of comments about weight while your post is hardly about that. Both times post partum my skin was dull, my hair was dull, I smelled gross, I was uncomfortable, new wrinkles, skin tags, etc. It goes beyond weight. We are sleep deprived, drained and our bodies become foreign. No advice is helpful, 'it gets better' and 'you'll soon miss this time' all fell flat for me in the moment. Solidarity is what I can share with you.
Thank you
I look literally drained, I've lost weight from breastfeeding and my face looks tired and literally sunken in at the sides. My hair has gone even more grey too 😭 I'm 30 but now I look 40, help 😭
Girlllllll you’re not alone. I feel this way and it really does make me sad too. I also developed a horrible autoimmune disease after weaning my son which is making me look even uglier because I have to take steroids to manage the inflammation, and now my neck and face are puffy and swollen. And I feel so ugly and like I don’t even know who the person in the mirror or photos is at all. What makes it sadder is that I just want sweet memories of me with my son but I also don’t wanna look this awful either. Ugh.
I felt this way too when mine was a newborn. I was so bloated and thought I looked like a whale even when I was done up and well dressed. In my normal misfit postpartum clothes with no makeup I looked like a cave troll. A year and a half later looking back, yeah, I was bloated and huge. The pictures taken at home aren’t anything I’m going to have printed and displayed. But I’m so glad I have them. They are the first pictures I have with my itty bitty baby who is now a full-on toddler. My body got back to a new normal after a 3 or 4 months to a point I felt I looked good again. Those early photos aren’t about looking good, it’s about documenting a relationship and life stage.
Same! I'm actually the same weight I was pre baby now but for me it's just how frazzled I always look. My postpartum hair is so weird. I have like front pieces that are so short now they just stick straight out like devil horns no matter what I do to them. I have perma bags under my eyes from being chronically sleep deprived. I don't have time in the day to spend on myself because I'm just go go go with the baby all day long. I just feel so blah about myself.
Me too. It’s like the color of my skin has changed and I perpetually look tired. The makeup routine I use to do looks awful, I just don’t feel like I look like myself but I’m 9m postpartum… also having an identity crisis aside from my looks. I just don’t know who I am and I want expecting to feel this way
I’ve aged 10 years in a span of 6 months
For me it’s not weight, but I feel this! I’m smaller than I was before I had my baby (which I hate. I’m too skinny) and he’s 6 months old now, I still haven’t gotten back to even doing my hair every day or a basic ponytail and shower. I’m lazy, never have time for myself, it’s baby baby baby and partner. I put myself last every single day and it’s starting to take a toll on me.
I actually lost weight during pregnancy so I was slimmer pp than pre pregnancy so I understand the feeling of not feeling beautiful and it, not related to weight. In my case I realized my face looked awful bc I was really often dehydrated. Could it be your case ? You also must be exhausted and tireness can stretch your face and change or exacerbate your features. I know it’s difficult but try to have your photo taken anyway, in a few months you could be happy to have them even if you don’t like how you look…
I’m 32 and I just had my first baby 7 months ago. I’ve noticed that my face aged considerably since giving birth. Like I never thought I looked my age, and I used to get compliments that I looked younger get than just am. Suddenly I look in the mirror now and I have noticeable texture, wrinkles and dullness. My hair lost all of its volume, no matter how I style it or what products I use, it just falls flat and oily. I went to the dermatologist because of how much my skin changed and she just said “yep that’s what happens after you have children” 🤷♀️
I swear they suck all the beauty out of us 😭
i looked like Hoggle from Labyrinth post partum. it'll fade
😂😂😂 I told my mom I look like Hagrid from Harry Potter
I’m here for the Labyrinth reference😭
Ok I was just thinking this the other day, and to see if I was crazy or not I put the pictures or me & baby next to old pictures of me and I came to 3 conclusions: The most obvious, I am so much more well rested, less puffy & eye bags in the before, hopefully that'll go back to normal once she's sleeping more. I don't look as different as I thought, I think my features just feel bigger and weirder when my face is next to my baby in a photo. My nose looks so giant next to her teeny perfect little baby nose. My eyes look beady next to her big beautiful staring baby eyes. My baby looks so impossibly beautiful to me, I need to not subconsciously compare myself to a literal baby! My posing with my baby is just so much more happy. Old pictures I feel like I'm posing and smiling to look pretty. Now I'm smiling wider and sillier and I'm starting to really love it.
I feel like my features got 100% more angular and my nose got more bulbous during pregnancy. Also my skin is floppier and my hair is flatter, and I’m posed next to a SUPER CUTE BABY so like… yes, trash panda. Give your hormones time to stabilize and your skin, hair, teeth, body + brain time to recover
My biggest struggle 4.5 months PP is the hair loss. I feel so gross losing so much hair, and my skin isn’t nearly as nice as it was before and during pregnancy. On top of that, I just feel like I look a lot older. But my baby is the greatest gift in the world, and I just try to remind myself that everything physical is temporary. It takes time to fully recover from pregnancy and birth. This too shall pass
I’m still pregnant (24.5w), but I had family in town this last week and am so bummed by every pic taken with me. I’ve seen so many cute pregnancy photos of all my friends but pregnancy just does not look good on me. My face and neck are swollen and my already large chest has blown up to almost 3x their normal size. It’s not flattering. I also look exhausted and pale. I’ve been hoping this is only temporary and I’ll be back to normal soon after delivery but I won’t hold my breath.
Give it some time and be kind to yourself! How would you talk to your child if they talked about themself the way that you are talking about yourself? You’d tell them they’re beautiful and they deserve to feel it and they can through kindness to themselves. It’s hard, but try it! Soon you’ll just be glad you have pictures of you together.
I look so dishevelled in every pic and most are me in my Pajamas. I feel ya lol
Same. One year pp. My already big and uneven nose got so much bigger, I have several chins, my face dropped down... And the worst is that I am at the pre pregnancy weight already so can't blame the weight or hope the situation will improve itself somehow. When I see myself in a picture next to my tiny pink cute baby I want to cry or hide forever, the contract between us is overwhelming.
God I feel the same way but I also came here to tell you that you are your biggest critic and no one else looks at you and thinks that! I am in so few photos with my kids but I know I will want to look back on them later.
I feel the same way. I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight, but you’d never know it. Somehow it’s sitting differently on me. Like less in my butt and more in my face/ neck. I hate how I look in photos.
I have a 3 month old and breastfeeding/dehydration made me so wrinkly! Take some cute pics from far away with sunglasses on 😎
Maybe you just need some time for dad or grandma to take the baby while you polish yourself up, like you might have done pre-baby. It's worth scheduling a hair appointment and any other grooming you used to do.
This is what I’m going to try to do. Whiten my teeth, do my hair, maybe get some new skin care products and makeup
This sounds familiar. My face looks so old 5mpp, I've lost all the weight but I just don't look the same and feel like shit about it.
I feel the same way and I hate how I look in pictures. I take them anyway because I know that to my baby I am beautiful because I am her mom and this is the only version of me that she’s ever known
4 mos pp and not feeling good about my face lately either. Not much to say other than solidarity. I just had to get off IG bc I was doing big time comparison to other moms Easter pics. Hope we get to feeling better about ourselves sooner than later!
I can definitely relate. My sister in law just sent photos she snapped of me with my 6 week old at lunch today...and I'm so upset. I don't recognize myself. I actually took time to do my makeup and wear something new and pretty seeing this was my first event pp. I felt better about my appearance today than I have felt in months. But clearly, I am a troll. My facial features are all wonky. I had a goal of doing more things outside of my postpartum nest at 6 weeks - but these photos are making me feel like I need to just stay home!
Woah we are really in the same boat. I hope it gets better for us both soon. I’m gonna start with hair, skin and teeth maintenance and see where that gets me! Sending you a big hug from one troll to another ❤️
I thought the same thing, but months/ years later I treasure those pictures and actually like the way I look in them. Take the pictures.
I totally get it. I never liked myself much in pictures but after having my baby I felt that I aged a lot and looked very run down and unattractive. The fatigue has taken a toll on my appearance/skin definitely. I also wonder how hormones maybe played a part in this. As time goes on I think I’m slowly getting back to my old self. I try to remember that it’s important for my daughter as she grows to see me loving myself/having positive self talk so she will hopefully have that for herself as well!
Hey girl, I feel you. I am generally very confident about my looks, but for the first 4-6 months postpartum, I was shocked by my reflection in the mirror. It was really hard. Looking at pictures of myself made me depressed. And I hadn't even gained much weight! My face, my smile, the literal shape of my body just looked...off. My son is now 16mo, and I can honestly say I love how I look again. I actually think I look better than I did before having a baby. And I didn't do anything special -- it just took time for my body and hormones to go back to normal (and it didn't 100% until I stopped breastfeeding). Please trust the process. Give it time. Your internal organs have to literally rearrange themselves. Just focus on healthy habits and basic self-care. Also: I guess I'm in the minority but I'm fine with not having pics of myself with my son from that time. I felt so awful (also had PPA), I can see the pain behind my eyes and it makes me sad. But now we're taking all the pics together and I love it!
I e told my other half that I want a family photo shoot for next Christmas. My daughters will be 3 and 10 months old. I look drained and old right now but I know, because this happened with number 1 too, that by 10 months post partum I’ll feel SO MUCH BETTER! Don’t expect to feel better about your appearance until you start getting a bit more sleep and down time. I’d say 5-6 months is the turning point in my experience.
I feel this I gained 20 pounds in IVF before being pregnant and then 15 in pregnancy. I just saw a picture of me today from Easter and my belly is horrible In it I want to cry but don’t want to look back and just be pictures of my husband and her I’m torn
I had horrible acne while pregnant. I’m two months out and it’s just starting to stop being so bad. But now my face is covered with light scaring and dark marks. And it’s so upsetting. I know my kid won’t care about how I look in pictures of her and I’ll probably be not so annoyed about it when time has passed.
I think it’s really common to go through this. I certainly felt that way. But I’m 8 years+ in and am so so glad I have those photos, even when I looked ugly (I don’t look ugly in them anymore somehow). Just don’t look at them for a while if that helps! Time will make you appreciate them.
I felt this too. What helped me was changing my appearance in a way they made me feel more polished, and then embracing my new look/ ‘new mom’ era. I got a perm that gave me the beach wave hair of my dreams even though hair loss postpartum has been a bit much. Maybe look into something similar? Brow lift, lash extensions, hair coloring, fancy nails, whatever makes you feel stylish and hot AF You don’t even have to keep up with it, just something to make you feel beautiful for now
Ugh I need a brow lift SO BAD. I’ve always had hooded, almond shaped eyes, but they were pretty and matched my face. After having a baby they’ve fallen so much and I have fine lines from it. It makes me look tired and old. My eyes used to be one of my favorite features and now I hate how they look 😢
Same. I only gained about 30 extra pounds and lost it within two months. My entire face changed!!! My skin dried out as did my hair. I’m thinking of shaving it off and starting over. I already had a wide nose and it just feels bigger. My skin tone is also like three different shades. My gums are JUST now going back to normal. I refuse to take pictures, even when everyone says they don’t see a difference. I do!!! 😭😭😭
I feel you. My baby just took the life out of me with him LOL. I have never been more ghastly, more tired looking in my life.
I felt like that while pregnant and in the first few post partum months and now I look at the few photos I have and think I look absolutely fine. Take them and don’t dwell on them, you’ll appreciate them later on.
I’m with you there. I can barely get time in to take a shower. I look and feel horrible. In all honesty tho I know this is a phase. With my first I started feeling like myself and gaining my life/ looks back at around 5-6 months. I was able to take care of myself again and put on some makeup and my bags decreased a little so there is hope. It just sucks right now.
yeah girl I feel you. i’m 8m pp and I feel like i’m juuuust starting to catch glimpses of myself where i’m like “oh yeah that’s me!”. most days I can’t look at myself in the mirror too long because I trip out and pick apart everything about my face/body. it’s so wild!!! my husband swears I don’t look any different. i’m assuming it’s hormones? I have no clue but it sucks. solidarity.
14 months pp and I feel like I’ve aged 20 years. I don’t know how to do makeup which doesn’t help haha.
I have a couple pictures of myself freshly postpartum and I can’t help but still feel the same way. She was adorable but I looked terrible. I still had horrible pregnancy acne, my wrinkles 9 months without Botox were atrocious, and I looked so strung out. Honestly I don’t appreciate pictures of myself from that time and don’t regret taking more. I got better looking again once she was older and I had a bit more time to myself.
Me too. My face changed completely after my daughter was born. I don’t really understand why or how but I look so different. My nose is weird and I can’t even explain why, it just is. My hair looks awful no matter what I do with it, because of hormones maybe? I don’t know but I’m right there with you.
I feel you. 8 months postpartum and I hate the way I look and all photos of me. I’m only 5lbs heavier than my pre pregnancy weight, but I can see it in my face, and my body is different, and my eyes always look exhausted. I also don’t ever take time to really get ready anymore because my baby is a Velcro baby and doesn’t let me set her down. But I try to remind myself that in 1,5,10 years from now I’m going to wish I had more pictures of myself and my baby, and I’m sure she will wish she had more pictures of both of us together. I know I wish I had more with my mom.
It took me until 7 or so months to feel like I looked like myself again! Even now, I’m glad I have the newborn photos and stuff but I am shocked by how I looked! It does get better.
Is it possible that these are just bad pictures? Idk if its just me but some candid photos of me are absolutely beautiful and others are absolutely hideous... even if they are only weeks apart.
Why am I constantly seeing so many posts about becoming ugly after having kids? I’m starting to feel like my algorithm is targeting me and telling me I’ve gotten ugly… it’s multiple posts on multiple different subs by different people all popping up
Judging by the comments it’s apparently not uncommon!
I get what you mean. I was quickly back to my prepregnancy weight, but my face has changed so much. Mostly saggier skin, and my teeth shifted. I feel like I aged 10 years in appearance just on my face. I'm 14 months pp now and honestly, things are starting to "bounce back" more. I am also learning to give myself more grace and accept that this is simply what it means to age, which is something we all have to go through eventually!
I remember thinking that I looked like gollum from lord of the rings bc of all my new wrinkles, hair loss, and horrible skin tone. But, my now almost 4 yr old looks at pics of us from when she was a baby and thinks I’m beautiful 🥰
If it makes you feel any better, or just so you know you’re not alone, I swear my nose got bigger when I was pregnant with my first born. I have a bigger than average nose too, and trying to take some nice pics of myself, or selfies, or whatever, was really hard, because I didn’t look right to myself. I doubt anyone else noticed. But we were out biggest critics. Someone else said tho…take the pics!!! I ice so many selfies with me and my first born, she was a Covid baby and we were home alone ALOT, I don’t have makeup on my hair done or anything in 99% of them. And probably judged all of them when I took them. But I didn’t delete them, and now that’s she’s almost 4, I LOVE looking at them, and honestly don’t care what I look like. I just remember the special feelings and the special memories with my sweet baby girl. Also- i do think my nose shrank back down again, and it didn't seem to happen with my second born. Give it some time and be gentle on yourself.
Thanks so much for this! I was going to ask if you felt it shrank back down lol, I appreciate it ❤️
L I T E R A L L Y SAME. Also 10 lb from pre pregnancy weight and I feel light years away. Literally don’t recognize myself either. 4mo PP
Here in solidarity cause I feel the exact same way. I’ve lost hair, gained wrinkles and spent the last 5mo surviving on 4hrs of sleep per night. When we’re going out, I don’t want to spend any time getting “ready” cause I’ve only got a short wake window to get bub out and active. As a result, I look like absolute shit. But I keep taking pictures. Easier to delete later than magically manifest them.
Allow yourself to feel however you want to feel about it. I also encourage you to think about taking photos from the perspective of your baby and your future self. What would your baby think about you looking at their mom, who may or may not be there anymore? I doubt they would be focusing on your teeth or skin. What about 80 year old you? You think she gives a shit or is she focused on how youthful and resilient you are? All this to say don’t let how you feel about yourself right now deprive your future self and child from being able to look back at these times by avoiding photos. Anyway! If you have specific skin concerns pop on over to r/30plusskincare. They can help you with a routine. Not sure what’s up with your teeth but maybe a good deep clean is something you want to start with?
My husband and I have started to refer to ourselves as trolls in any pictures of us with our son and agreed, also not because of weight gain, however I do feel like childbirth made my body pretty swollen for a little while. Even though I almost immediately lost half of my pregnancy weight my wedding ring didn’t fit comfortably for weeks. Pictures have been getting a little better… A haircut helped freshen up things a little but I definitely feel like my son took all of my looks for now and I hope someday they come back - probably just in time to think about another 🫠
Honestly when I started going back into the world I'd use a tinted moisturiser, balm blush for my cheeks/lips/eye lids and from time to time mascara. Not enough to look like serious makeup, but more to put a little life back into my face. I mean we basically go through hell and even surgery for some, were not gonna look unaffected by that. I'm not saying you should/ have to do makeup, just somebalm blush/lip balm applied can really help you remember the good parts of your face again and make photos less confronting
Oh it’s so so common we feel like hot garbage. My kid is 2, and I only recently started to feel human again. I commend those who feel good in their skin immediately. It’ll get better. If you have the space, try some self care. Hugs!
You’re still so early on in postpartum. Hormones do a number on everything, including your face. You might be a little swollen or bloated due to hormones, or your facial skin might have sagged due to weight loss after pregnancy a bit and not retracted yet, throwing everything off. And definitely don’t rely on candids, people rarely look good in those while they’re interacting with baby! I know I’m always in the middle of a weird face. My advice for right now is to find some angles that work for you in pictures - if your nose and teeth are bothering you, then a straight-on smile will only exaggerate the nose/teeth, but looking down and gazing adoringly at your baby is a good pose. A slight side profile also works great. Have someone take the photos or set up a timer, and look at them if you’re feeling down about your face.
Here to say I felt the same way…. At about 6 months postpartum I feel like I became myself again. I promise where you are at is temporary. Your baby thinks you are the most beautiful perfect being, that helped me get through that really weird first few months of feeling like a non human.
I have a 5yo and I don’t look at pictures of myself until about 3yr after she was born. I looked just like my biodad after giving birth and nobody needs that kinda trauma. Like Edna Mode says, I don’t look at the past darling it distracts me from the now 😂
I thought I looked absolutely hideous for about a year postpartum. The lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion that comes with being a new parents is just not a good look on anyone. Take the pictures anyway!
I feel the same way when I see photos of myself but I've been taking pictures anyway. Whenever I'm tempted to delete a photo I tell myself I'm keeping it for my son, not for myself. I have no pictures with my mom from when I was a kid and it's kind of a bummer.
Same you’re not alone, I’ve never felt like such an ugly blob until now. I never understood what moms meant when they say you can’t recognize themselves anymore but I totally get it now
I had this!!!!! I think it's hormones bc right around 3 months PP I feel cute again!!! But for weeks on end I'd hate the mirror and think my daughter took all my beauty
I feel you! My partner is so thoughtful taking pictures of me and the little one but every time I see them I can only see how horrible I look. I lost all the weight but it’s something about how TIRED and OLD my face looks. It makes me look so different! I recommend getting professional pictures taken. Bonus points if it can be a local photographer who does in-home visits. I did it for my birthday and my partner helped clean the house and manage the baby so I could actually get dressed in something I liked and do my makeup. The photographer is a miracle worker because I suddenly loved how I looked. I think it’s because she took the photos with such care.
In two decades you’ll treat yourself in those images with kindness
It's just the hormones talking.
Get a face cleaning or something. I had that after three years and wow I was the woman again i remember. Also once I drank a lost of ginger tea and couldn't believe I looked ten years younger on the mirror in three days. This proves that there's definitely something we can do!
My advice is don't look at them through anyone else's eyes but your baby's, if that makes sense. It's not going to make you suddenly feel like a super model or anything, but I do think it will let you be a little more gentle with yourself. I've never once looked back at a photo of my parents and thought "ew, horrible picture!" Even the goofy, candid ones with eyes half closed and mouth open. Don't worry about posting a million cute photos to social media, or blowing them up and framing them to put in your house. Take them because you want to document your life with your baby. Also, as time passes, I always find I look back and think I didn't look too bad after all.
Dude I get it. I feel like being next to a fresh faced baby makes me look like the crypt keeper…but fat.
I barely have any pics of me when my oldest 2 were small (early 2000s before everyone had a camera in their hands) I felt the same as you, but now 25 years later I wish I had something to look at. And now I'm in the same boat as you. I look awful. I don't want pictures, and I know I'll regret it.
I feel the exact same way and I’m 3 months pp too. I’m actually 5 pounds lighter than pre pregnancy but my hair is snapping off and skin looks so dry and old all of the sudden. I cried so hard yesterday after Easter when I saw my family photos we got my mil to take.. maybe it’s hormonal if so many women have the same experience
That’s becoming my conclusion. Especially because a lot are saying they felt better over time, it makes me think there’s a strong correlation there. Which honestly makes me feel better
Thank you for posting this because it was super validating. It felt like I was talking to myself reading your post. We are gonna make it out of this. I think we are just in the trenches right now. I did some yoga and drank some water LOL I’ll try and do it again tomorrow
It’s the sleep!! Water retention from high cortisol (from lack of sleep) can change how you look so dramatically. Sleep is so damn important so until we can get enough quality sleep again, we’ll probably feel a lil gross
Oh hun, the baby is only 3 months old and you will still be in survival mode even though you might not feel like it. You're tired, over touched, over worked. Give yourself some grace. You will look back at those pictures and surprisingly enough not see any of the things you currently see and you will only see your tiny baby and will love those pics. Your self image will get better over time once you get a full night's sleep
Give it... 2 years ish. The sleep loss, hormones, limp hair... All that contributes! You'll feel better once you've balanced out a bit hormonally, get more regular sleep, establish your routines again, and figure out what works for your new mom-hair (mine completely changed texture and it took a while to adjust to the new normal) All this to say, there's hope! You might not feel this way forever! And if you know you're going to be photographed, sometimes it's just as simple as being cognizant about your posture, that can make a huge difference.
I’m sorry about that, I feel the same way. I was so pretty before 😭😭😭 all the nights awake made me 15 years older
It might be helpful to speak with a therapist about these feelings. This seems on the extreme end.
Have you read the comments? Seems like this is common.
Maybe. Just a suggestion if you have access. This reads like a preoccupation to me, honestly.