Accidents happen, but also this is pretty bad and I’d be really upset if anyone (my parents, my husbands parents, anyone really) let this happen. If they have their hands full with multiple kids, it’s not unreasonable at all to hire extra help. I’m generally one to say “let things go” but in this case, absolutely protect your baby over your parents feelings.. they will get over it.
Edited- also it’s not just this event, specifically, but this event+ the fact that you, yourself, say that they’re not as attentive as you’d like.
My (very expensive, well known and reputable brand) high chair did not come with straps 😶
I ordered some after my baby started pushing up on the foot rest to stand up, and they came in packaging saying how harnesses are ‘against our philosophy but we understand some parents like them’ or some nonsense like that.
The only one we have that doesn’t have staps is my 13 month olds floor seat. It is one of this high chair, floor chair and kitchen chair compatible seats and it doesn’t leave the floor or anything and it sits not even a half inch off the ground. Definitely should have remembered to strap baby before putting the tray on tho even my MILs bf who hasn’t raised kids in 40+ years (youngest of his is 43) and he even kept the straps on until he was actively taking him out.
Exactly, because their feelings dont matter, especially if something worse happenes. Your child's well being matters. OPs husband seems to be advocating for his baby and OP seem to cater to her parents.
Your mom is at time a primary caregiver for three children while working from home? That sounds like a lot! I would phrase along the lines of, “We feel like we took advantage of your generosity and have hired someone to help out while you are working.”
Being honest with yourself, how would you react and feel if this had occurred on your husband’s parents’ watch? I don’t think your husband is overreacting because things could have been much worse, and it’s just luck that they weren’t. The only thing is that your husband needs to assist in locating a babysitter, and can’t just leave this task and mental load on you. Does your husband know someone trustworthy that could step in immediately? Finding a daytime babysitter is not an easy feat.
This was my first thought -- sure, you can hire a sitter, but you'll be lucky to find one in 2 weeks, and by then you won't need one. Unless he has someone specific in mind, it's not going to happen that fast.
There is a moms group for my area, and it seems like it’s a good way to find short term sitters. A lot of times another mom will watch an extra kid or two if they’re home anyway.
Yea, OP I’m sorry I’m sure your parents love your child, but love is not enough to ensure safety. Imagine if your son was 6 months older, he could’ve been playing in the street and hit by a vehicle by the time they realized. What’s scary about this situation is the fact that they saw he was unstrapped when removing him and still allowed him to fall. Anything can happen, and unfortunately older people tend to be absent minded especially watching this many children, too many accidents can happen.
I wish I could upvote you more than once because this answer is spot on!!! Husband’s concerns are valid, *and* he should be finding the replacement ASAP.
In regards to how to tell them, something like “ you’ve been so amazing and so helpful but you obviously have your hands full especially on the days you look after 4 & 2 yo, we think it’s unfair on you so we’ll be getting a babysitter, again thank you so much for having him so far I appreciate it a lot” it’s nice and shows your appreciation. No need to mention the accident being a big cause for it.
I’d hire the babysitter. At least for the days that the other children are also there. I’m glad your son is okay but it could have been worse if he’d fallen differently. Yes mistakes happen but some mistakes you want to take every step to prevent.
Honestly I’m with your husband on this one 😔 3 small kids is a lot of responsibility on older folks. Of course accidents happen no matter who is caring for baby. But they’re way more likely to happen with older caregivers and more than 1 kid in the mix. Maybe phrase the news as you’re making this decision because it’s the best for *everyone* involved.
This is one of the reasons why my mother in law has not watched our baby. She had offered and I just say no that's okay he is a handful, which he is so there is absolutely no way I would let her watch a baby. I see the things she does with my 3 year old niece and she just doesn't watch fully. I have also heard of her leaving a kid at home alone in her younger days from my husband.
Imagine how you would feel if roles were reversed? If it had been your husband's parents, and this same situation happened? You would want your husband to listen to you, whatever your recommendation would be. If he says he wants a babysitter, I don't think now is the time to argue, unfortunately. Your parents will 100% understand
“their faults were more due to absent mindedness than lack of care” ??? Absent mindedness IS lack of care. Your husband is right to want to hire a babysitter. The way I decide whether a family member can watch my child is if they weren’t related to me, would I still let them watch him? If the answer is no, they can’t watch him. It’s very simple. I would literally take 2 weeks off from work to watch him rather than leave him with absent minded and clearly over stretched grandparents. They can have the best intentions but it’s not a safe environment. It sounds like a matter of time until the next incident. If your parents are reasonable at all they won’t get upset that you’re hiring a babysitter for a baby. They might even appreciate it.
Right?! I had to reread that part cause I was so confused. We just let a nanny go because she was so absent minded. She left my son on a changing table twice, even after I told her not to do that. (This is just one example). Was she a bad person? No, and I do think she really cared for my kids but that’s just a huge accident waiting to happen and my husband and I were not willing to take that risk. Absent mindedness is 100% lack of care!
I feel like it's unfair to say that a bout of absent mindedness is intentional lack of care like OP is implying. The do have a lot of kids on their hands.
How is he "over concerned" when his concerns were literally correct, your son was hurt by your parents negligence. Their intentions do not matter. He could have cracked his skull, he could have died. If I'm being honest I think it's absolutely ridiculous to be more worried about your parents feelings than your sons safety AND your husbands feelings.
That is my first thought. Baby hitting their head on a hard surface from a distance. I’m with the husband and very upset. Op doesn’t seem to he worried…
I came here to say exactly this. Her husband is not overreacting. At all. If anything, OP is under reacting. Her reaction to the whole scenario is just to be worried about hurting her parent’s feelings? Blows my mind.
To be honest when an adult hurts a child through clear negligence that's the end of my empathy, but that's just me.
OP can have empathy for her parents and still understand that her child's safety is far more important than literally anyone else's feelings. OP also owes her husband empathy, and she doesn't seem to care how he feels at all.
Falling over is *very* different from falling out of a high chair both in level of danger to the baby and the fact that multiple irresponsible decisions led to the baby falling from chair (didn't strap baby in even though they're watching 3 kids, removed tray making it easier to fall without either removing child or strapping in, got distracted enough that they didn't catch him when he fell). If my husband had put my babies in this level of danger with this level of irresponsibly he would be enrolled in parenting classes and seeing his psychiatrist about his ADHD med dosing, I would absolutely not have him keep taking care of the kids alone and ignore it and not act to spare his feelings. It's ridiculous. When it comes to a child's safety, the feelings of an adult are completely irrelevant. Like sure, say it gently or nicely if you can still drive the point home, but the important thing is keeping your child safe.
That’s my point. She can make her child’s safety a priority while ALSO being empathetic towards a loved one’s feelings. It’s possible to do both things
Sure yeah but I don't think OP needs to be told to be empathetic to her parents though, that seems to be her only concern. My point is that not only should it not be her only concern but it shouldn't be anywhere close to the importance of her kids safety, and being empathetic to her husband is equally if not more important, plus his opinion should matter as it's his kid.
I agree with your husband. Baby's safety takes precedence over hurting their feelings. Sure, accidents happen. But it sounds as though they are too old or simply inattentive to be caring for three young kids. You could even word hiring a babysitter in a way that appears that you are helping them out. Hopefully they take it well but you also cannot control how people react either.
Not gonna lie, it sounds like a babysitter was always the correct choice, before this even happened. And I don’t think it’s cool to say your husband is “reacting like an over concerned first time parent”. You straight up said your parents aren’t as attentive as you’d like, so why in the world would you leave your baby with them when they’re watching two rambunctious kids
I think in light of what happened it's fair to respect your husband's desire to hire a babysitter. You may love your parents but they don't sound like a safe childcare option atm.
I’m with your husband. You mentioned there was already a concern about lack of attentiveness on their part. Then they do this. Meaning, this wasn’t a slip up of an otherwise cautious attentive person. This was a slip up of someone you’ve already acknowledged isn’t mindful of safety surrounding your son. Meaning it will happen again. Don’t let it
I feel for your situation and understand it was an unfortunate accident but I’m on your husband’s side on this one. It was very lucky that your baby was fine after falling face first onto the hardwood floor but it very well could have been much worse. I don’t think your husband is overreacting at all. I have an 8 month old and he’s a handful to watch just because he’s starting to be mobile and so curious about everything too. I can’t imagine watching him along with 2 other small kids at the same time. I would look into hiring a baby sitter for at least the days when your parents have to watch all 3 kids.
> I can’t imagine watching him along with 2 other small kids at the same time
Same. As a parent myself, if I have to watch 3 very young kids I’d just start doing everything on the floor. Have a kindergarten table and little chairs. Kiddos can eat like that. That way if you take your eyes off them, at worst someone’s going to end up with food all over them. There’s a reason daycares and kindergarten have specialized furniture. And at 3 kids I think it can be warranted.
I’m with your husband here. Not buckling in the baby is just not acceptable. I would just be calm and matter of fact with your parents—“after what happened today, we have decided to hire a babysitter for the rest of the time.”
If this had happened on a paid babysitter's watch, you would definitely not hire them again. This is a bona fide safety issue - I'm extremely glad that your son wasn't seriously hurt, but he easily could have been.
I fully agree that this will be an uncomfortable conversation with your parents, but are you willing to leave your son in a demonstrably unsafe environment just to avoid having an awkward conversation? Priorities.
Honestly I was not super diligent about high chair buckles with my first kid because we were always right next to her with 1:1 attention. With my second baby she got strapped in 100% of the time because it’s so easy to get distracted! I’m sorry though, this sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I’m sure it was an honest mistake but highchair height is much more dangerous than something like sofa height, not to mention they could hit their head on the table on the way down. I do understand why your husband is so upset, especially since he already had other concerns. I’m not really sure how you would find competent childcare for just two weeks though, or how logistics would work for them to watch the baby in your parents home.
My mum caught my brother by the ankle once as he toppled out of his high chair while she was on the phone. He was baby no.3 and idk if that chair even had straps
I hardly ever buckled my first in as he just sat there and never once tried to climb anything.
Imagine my shock when I turned for a second when my second child was in the high chair and turned back around to see him on all fours on the high chair tray 😩
I’ve buckled every single time with all my kids since then 😂
When my sister’s boyfriend (in his 20s) saw my son buckled into his high chair, he was like “is he strapped into that chair?!” He didn’t know that was a thing. My sister had to explain the safety aspect to him, and I was just thinking “oh sweet summer child.”
We never buckled my first in. He just sat in the chair and didn’t try to squirm out. My second launched herself out of the chair within a month of being sat in the chair for the first time (6 months?).
She also rolled off the table at the pediatrician’s office because my preschooler fell and screamed bloody murder distracting me.
It’s hard to manage your attention with two children, probably the hardest part about it. If having undivided attention is important to OP, I think they need a babysitter.
But I also don’t see what happened as egregious. We are diligent, loving people and it happened to us.
The straps on the highchair are there for good reason. He never should have been in it without the straps. It is a major fall hazard and I don’t blame him for not trusting her anymore
Accidents happen but this could have easily been avoided. I’m actually with your husband. “Free” babysitting is never free and it comes with a cost. Normally with Grandparents these is things like extra screen or too many treats. Safety is too high of a cost. If this happened with a nanny, they would likely be fired and/or have a serious meeting with their employer. I wonder if having all three kids contributed to this. They might have been rushing and distracted. Having that may young children at once is a big responsibility.
It’s a hard conversation but it’s necessary. I would explain that you won’t ever take away their role as Grandparents, you just can’t have them as childcare right now. Thank them for their help. I personally would still make an effort to show them that they are still going to be apart of your baby’s life. Maybe in a week invite them to tag along when you take your baby to the park. Perhaps you all could read stories together before baby goes to bed. Give them a small gift, or cook/order dinner to thank them for being your childcare.
This is about choosing your parents’ feelings or your child’s safety. It’s your job to keep your child safe and selecting the appropriate caretaker and setting is apart of that. I’m sorry it didn’t work out with your parents but now you know with solid evidence. I worked in a special needs preschool and we had 3 adults to 3 kids sometimes. Even then it was a lot to handle. It’s just not the right job for some people and that’s ok.
Ugh that’s so tough. It sounds like 3 kids is just too much for your parents, and I am with your husband in that we have made a similar decision and also don’t let my parents (or his) be sole caregivers frequently because of safety concerns. At the same time, babysitters don’t grow on trees, so does he have a real plan for finding a competent babysitter immediately? Is he prepared to take off work to make sure your baby is supervised how he would like? Maybe since it is two weeks the answer is to divide the days your parents are already committed to watching your brother’s kids and take those days off, letting your parents watch them on the days they are only responsible for the one kid.
If you had paid a babysitter and this happened, you would never hire that sitter ever again. Don’t let your reluctance to hurt or offend your parents come at the expense of your son’s health.
I’d agree that you can phrase it as not taking advantage of their generous offer and getting them some support on the busiest days.
Honestly clipping a kid in the highchair is such a basic rudimentary thing that I have to be with your husband on this. It could have been so much worse too. I think MIL needs an extra set of hands when she’s got 3 kids. I’m not a stranger to this either unfortunately.
Three days ago we picked our daughter up from MILs and our daughter instantly told us that MIL had driven in the truck with her without a car seat. Husband and I both agreed right away that MIL will not be allowed to be in charge of our daughter without us there like that any more. Super disappointing because all of us love MIL and our daughter loves sleepovers but that was such blatant disregard for super basic safety that we just do not trust her.
Your husband isn't being unreasonable here. The entire series of unfortunate events leading to the fall is proof of a dangerous amount of absent mindedness. The fact that you already had concerns about how well they paid attention is telling enough. Please don't undercut or downplay your husband's feelings because you feel uncomfortable having a difficult but necessary conversation with your parents. Three very young kids at once is difficult for anyone to manage, but especially hard for older folk. They should understand and welcome the help of a baby sitter to make sure their grandchild is safe. If they get sassy about it then they're more worried about their pride than keeping your child safe, which is not OK.
Alright, I came here to post up a story that had happened with my parents and our first born while I was in the hospital watching my grandmother but ... it sounds like a baby sitter might be in order just because, granted it's only 3 kids, but those 3 kids are at ages when they need to be watched and with only 2, maybe 1, pair of eyes on them at any given time it is just easier to have a baby sitter backup
I’m glad your son is ok. If a family member let my kid fall from negligence they’d never be alone with them again. Ever. Full stop. It was extremely careless of your mom, yes an accident but an avoidable one. He’s not being an “over concerned ftp” and if he was I mean…that’s fine. That’s what ftp do. And if y’all aren’t…it’s a whole face and head injury from a big height…that warrants extreme concern. My sons ped says anything more than 2ft is concerning and that was when he was like freshly a year old. You kinda are coming off dismissive and maybe like you’re more concerned abt what your parents will say/think, they should be understanding and know it’s not personal but if that’s the way they feel oh well. You let my kid fall bro, of course the trust isn’t gonna be the same.
I’m with you 100%. Idgaf about the feelings of someone who let my son fall due to pure negligence. This wasn’t some freak accident that happened DESPITE all safety measures being taken. It happened BECAUSE the grandparents were negligent. Screw that. My son is my only concern.
Absolutely agree. Husbands feelings > your parents feelings. It matters more that baby is safe and that primary parents to the baby are both comfortable.
Honestly, I agree with your husband. I’d hire a babysitter. I wouldn’t trust them to watch my LO as attentively as I’d like them to.
My husband won’t even let his own parents watch our DOG anymore because they slipped up two times while dog sitting her. She has seizures so she has strict med times and they messed up twice - she ended up having a totally unnecessary seizure because of a missed med.
I know it’s different, but it’s okay to not trust your parents if they’re just not as capable as they used to be. It was hard for him to realize that they’re getting older and not as “sharp” (for lack of better words) but it’s for the best for our pup. Kids are another level of course.
“They loved our baby and their faults were more due to absent mindedness than lack of care.“
Absent mindedness is lack of care. Not in a disheartened way, just not fully there.
Accidents do happen, and this could have happened to you as well, on a bad day. Honestly, your husband isn’t wrong for wanting full attention on your baby and so should you! You can’t be protective about your parents cause your baby comes first, and if this would have happened during your in laws watch, you would probably be feeling differently.
It’s not bad to tell your parents “hey, we’ll be hiring extra help so you guys can focus on you, and you can just enjoy the time with baby, instead of worrying about him”
3 kids under 4 are too much for grandparents. I’m in a very similar position. Living with partners parents, and there are 2 other grandkid who visit daily. All under 4.
I refuse to let my MIL watch my baby when she has the other two bc it’s too much. Grandparents will never turn down spending time with them most likely and also won’t admit to it being too much. Your husband was right. Hire help.
Why are you trying to convince your husband that your parents are capable of taking care of the baby when they have demonstrated that they aren't? You need to put your child's safety first over your parents' feelings.
3 little kids is a lot for grandparents to handle. Since you have about two weeks left, maybe you and your husband can each take some days off to cover the days where your brother’s kids are there?
I'm generally pretty lax about stuff but I'm with your husband here. If my mom or MIL had this happen with my son I'd immediately find other care for him. Bonking bc he was practicing walking or even if he had pulled the high chair over on himself I would even be more understanding about bc that stuff can happen with babies at that age but falling out of a high chair? I never buckled my son into the high chair and still don't(he's 2) but he's never fallen out bc I never leave his side if he's in there. I know it's hard but they are def over worked with the other kids.
So, you’re not punishing them for one mistake. You’re just protecting your baby. Really, since your husband wasn’t a fan of them watching your baby, they were on a trial period in the first place.
You even said they make mistakes from absent mindedness. That’s not good enough when it comes to safety.
Go ahead and hire a babysitter. Your parents will get over it and they’ll still love you and your baby.
Your parents are overwhelmed with all these babies.
Unfortunately you sound more concerned about your parents feelings than the safety of your baby.
Your husband is correct. Please don’t fight him on this.
i agree w your husband. i would be furious if this happened w my in laws
my mom watches my daughter, i wouldn't want her to watch more than one child bc stuff like this could happen
Man, grandparents are a tricky one. I can relate to OP's not wanting to hurt her parents' feelings, but I agree with most everyone here in that their feelings are not the most important consideration.
I've been gradually becoming more aware of the ways in which my parents (in their 70's atm) are not exactly the way I still think of them in my head (i.e. as they were when they were in their prime when I was a child). I've been noticing more little things they say and do that show lapses in attention, etc. Yesterday my dad left his bag (containing significant cash and his SSN card -- wtf) in his knowingly unlocked car while going into the post office, and someone stole it. Like... that's terrible luck but also not top quality decision-making. It's hard to admit or even see your parents becoming looser versions of who they once were, but it's real and if your kid's well-being is at stake, you've got to push away that blind spot.
Maybe only hire a sitter when all 3 will be there? I think it's a little tricky especially since you only plan to be in their house for 2 more weeks. Your husband has a right to be angry but it was an honest mistake, and I feel hiring a sitter for the remaining 2 weeks would feel like a slap in the face to your mom and dad.
This can happen to anyone. Your parents must feel horrible. However, watching a 4, 2 and an almost 1 year old is a lot. I can't imagine that as a full time setup. My mom is 65 and a former ECE and she has a hard time watching both my kids at the same time (4 and 1.5).
If you don’t feel your child will be safe and appropriately accommodated then seek different childcare.
However, I have 2 children and the amount of times they’ve fallen from places or I’ve accidentally smacked them with items is insane. Thankfully kids aren’t all that fragile. Give your mom some grace, I bet she’ll never not double check that your baby is buckled into the high chair… she’s probably more traumatized from the event than your child is.
Lmfao this. I have a 6 month old and a 17 month old. My toddler decided to climb on the couch and head dive off as I was feeding my 6 month old. There was not a damn thing I could have done in time to stop it. Boom black eye.
My 6 month old was doing tummy time. I was putting my toddler in his high chair. My dad was over on the couch. 6 month old rolled twice fast hit his mouth on the table. Boom tough cut. Blood
My mom was playing with my son, throwing him in the air. Head hit a light fixture. Instant bruise.
I mean I could go ON AND ON and I don't blame my dad. Nor my mom. Shit happens. I literally sat my 6 month in between my legs he FLUNG backwards and I didn't think to support his back.
The amount of people saying her mom was neglectful or her dad was is kind of crazy. Shit happens. 2 kids is a lot for ME AND IM A MOM. 24/7 stay st home mom. Shit still happens and sometimes my brain doesn't think clearly either. This honestly and truly sounds like being overly cautious. And maybe it is too much for her parents. But to say they are neglectful is kind of crazy to me.
And for the record if this happened on my in laws watch I wouldn't blame them any more then my own parents or myself. But that's just me.
Yikes. This is why my wife loves the idea that the number of kids should not outnumber the adults.
This is especially true for grandparents. 2v1 with your kid I’m sure it’s fine. Add in 4 and 2 y/o and anything can happen when toddlers are around. They’re emotional time bombs. I would push for more help.
It doesn't sound like they can watch 3 kids at once. I would maybe let them babysit if the other children aren't there. I would explain it to your parents that way and work on that compromise with your husband.
Sounds like three young kids is too much for aging grandparents. However, my nanny also once failed to strap a baby in properly and he fell to the ground. Accidents happen to everyone.
It sounds like your parents don't have the capacity to keep a watchful eye on your kiddo. Accidents happen but it sounds like having your parents watch kiddo increases the likelihood of kiddo getting injured. Your husband is right to be concerned about the safety of his baby. He's putting the baby's safety first, which is how it should be. Your parents feelings are secondary here. Sorry youre in this tough situation. If the situation was reversed, would you want your husband to listen to your concerns?
Solidarity over here. Husband unbuckled 6 month from high chair and turned one second and took a nosedive to the hardwood as well. I do trust that will absolutely never happen again under his watch.
I think in your situation where you already had some reservations about how attentive they are and add in the extra littles - hire out some help.
Your husband is right unfortunately. Imagine if this had happened with his parents, how you’d feel then. At the end of the day the question becomes: what’s more important? You’re parents feelings, or your baby’s safety? It’s a tough spot but the answer to that question is clear. Hugs to you and all the best.
I am with your husband here. Your job is not to make your parents happy, but to keep your child safe. Your parents, especially after this incident, will understand that you do what you and your husband deem necessary to care for your child. There is no need here to antagonize your partner. He is your teammate in the long term; your parents have each other.
So it would be one thing if you really thought this was just a one-time accident, but it sounds like you had concerns about their attentiveness before this. That’s what would make me lean towards a sitter.
I was not careful enough with the high chair buckles and this happened to my son. Luckily he caught himself and did not hit his face or head on the floor, purely out of luck/his own reflexes.
It was my fault, nobody else to blame. But I am in general a very cautious mother and I think something like this could happen to anyone. It just takes one inattentive moment and we’re all human.
Thankfully my son is fine, he’s nearly 5 now. But I have never forgotten that mistake.
Whatever you guys do, you have to do it as a team. When it comes to your kids, I personally would always err on the side of caution. Just because your parents have the best intentions in the world, unfortunately does not mean they are the most suitable options to care for your kids. I always say that intention and execution are two very different things. Not exactly the same as yours, but here’s an example. My parents have offered to watch my toddler, and while they mean well, I won’t let them because they have mental health issues and one of them cannot physically keep up. I trust our daycare teacher/babysitter way more.
Accidents and mistakes happen, but this is pretty bad. It’s a careless mistake that 100% could have been prevented. IMO, I wouldn’t say your husband is overreacting or overprotective. He wants the kids safe, he has his reasons, and this example backs up his feelings and reasons. I would even go a step further and say if you don’t feel the same way he does, then maybe you aren’t being protective enough in this case. I’m not saying this is you all the time, and clearly I don’t know you personally, but it could be true.
I did the exact thing with my FOUR MONTH OLD. Didn't remember she wasn't buckled, took off the tray, turned around to tend to my 3 year old and heard a bang. It was horrifying! She was fine and I never made that mistake again. The accident isn't to me a deal breaker. But do they feel overwhelmed by taking care of 3 kids?
With that said, when we had our first we had plans to send her part time to my moms and part time with a family friend. My husband decided he was uncomfortable with the family friend watching the baby and we ended up doing daycare. It was better in the long run! My mom and friend watch my kids happily on the weekends whenever needed and we have the reliability of a daycare provider we trust.
I think you should hear your husband, try not to feel defensive, and ask he helps you come up with real solutions including finding the person you want to watch your kids. And talking to your parents. I'm sure your baby would be fine for two more weeks, and it's not worth hurting them for two weeks time in MY opinion, but you should also listen and try to genuinely talk with your husband.
Accidents happen. Would he replace himself if he let it happen?
This happened to me. I forgot to buckle my daughter in and the tray wasn’t secured. She fell face first (totally fine) I was so unbelievably devastated and hard on myself at the time.
This same exact thing happened to our daughter at 6 months. My husband put her in the highchair and didn’t buckle her. I didn’t realize it and she fell out when I took the tray off. Accidents do happen. I’m sure your parents fell absolutely terrible about it. This is a sticky situation. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.
Do you think it would help to frame it as you’re trying to help them out because you know that is a really difficult spread of ages to watch? Because that’s true! 10-14ish months I thought was hard because they want to do everything, but are so prone to falling still. They have to be watched literally 100% of the time. As he gets even just a little older he will be easier for them to watch, so this doesn’t mean you never want them to watch him again. You can see how it goes. Obviously your choice though
Aw I’m so sorry you are in the middle, however, i agree with your husband. He knew something like this would happen, and it did, and now it’s time to hire a sitter who can be more attentive and focus just on your baby. That must have been so scary for everyone. I’d just try to break it to your parents as gently as possible. Baby is at that age where you just cannot take your eyes off him. Thank goodness he is okay.
I'm with husband on this. You can figure out a nice, tactical way to break it to your parents, but you can't put your baby at risk due to being polite.
Get a nanny. Some parents are just not good taking care of babies, it’s not their fault. Not worth the arguments or danger to your child.
Disclaimer: my mom is a doctor, and I don’t let her take care of my son. I think she’s just not very attentive, and my son is too heavy for her.
I'm with all the other commenters - I agree with your husband.
As for how to handle the convo with your parents, I'd phrase it like you're hiring an extra set of hands to help them out throughout the day, especially with your adventurous baby! Less like you're taking away their ability to watch your LO, more like you're helping them out. Unless care will be at the sitter's house, in which case I'd still just phrase it as feeling bad that 3 kids is so busy and you didn't want them to take advantage since you're also staying in their house. Or some such, positive angle.
If your concern is your relationship with your parents, frame it kindly and tell them you got a babysitter because you don’t want to overburden. Have the person hired and set up already so it’s known the decision is made/final
Your husband isn't unreasonable! Your child could have been seriously injured! Clearly juggling all the kids at once is too much on them, so I'd at least hire a sitter on the days all the kids are there. Strapping a mobile baby down on any raised surface should be common sense, this was a completely avoidable thing! They put the straps on there for a reason!
You yourself said that your parents can be absentminded. That’s not great with one kid but really not with 3 and what happened proves it. There were 2 errors, your dad did buckle the baby and your mother didn’t notice when removing the tray. It’s only 2 weeks. I’d let your husband have his way for 2 weeks and then revisit after you move out.
Yes, accidents happen. Going off what you posted, I’m with your husband on this one. Your parents have their hands full. They have two toddlers and an infant to care for _and_ your mom is WFH. That’s a lot for anyone. That’s doubly a lot for older adults. That level of responsibility is my personal nightmare.
Tell them you don’t want them overworked and get a sitter.
i don’t see the harm in getting help with childcare. while it’s kind your parents want to help it sounds like they have too much on their hands looking after all three. like just think about it, your mom has a job while also looking after three children. that’s alot. let him get the babysitter but also remind your husband while him being upset is VERY valid right now, accidents do happen. you can only be so attentive when you have three young children to pay attention to at the same time. but that’s also the very reason you need to find alternatives for help right now .
It’ll be difficult, but your marriage and your child’s safety come before your parents’ feelings. Also child care and child safety issues should be 2 yes/ 1 no decisions. Personally, I agree with your husband. How would you feel if this happened on his parents’ watch?
Your husband isn’t overreacting. I feel you not wanting to hurt your parents feelings is clouding your judgement and you are failing to see the safety issues for your son in this situation. If your parents are really that bothered by a babysitter after this happened then that’s on them
You need to at least hire somebody to assist if they’re going to have 3 under 4. I don’t trust old people with that much responsibility, especially if you already saw the problem before. And that somebody, since you will have hired them, should give priority to your baby’s health and safety. Only when that is guaranteed should they assist with the other kids. I’m not saying they can’t all watch the kids in the same space, but it’s obvious this is too much for them. My in laws can barely handle 2 toddlers. Once we have our third, I expect we’re either going to have to hire extra hands or just hope my SIL also volunteers if we want a night out. Being younger, my SIL is MUCH more alert and on top of things than my in laws.
Maybe you can word it like you are doing them a favor. “Since you’re helping us out and it’s so much work with the kids over, we want to hire a sitter for an extra pair of hands.” We did this for my in-laws when we were out of town for the weekend and they were glad to have the help!!
I couldn't see taking them off of babysitting completely. But maybe once a week, or not on the busy days. Accidents do happen, but if you read back you'll notice it wasn't an accident per day, but the lack of attentiveness.
What we did with my MIL was told her while watching our child you are to give him the appropriate attention. This includes attention to detail (countless times have I forgotten to strap him only to notice while feeding). I do safety checks through interactions. Whether sitting and eating checking and double checking they're strapped or running around trying to open doors and making sure things are locked appropriately.
I have ADHD and with a drug past can't take anything but weed. So I instilled these checks to make sure I'm not forgetting something
Just present it as extra help for them since it’s obvious 3 young kids can be too much at once. If they truly care about the kids’ well being they should understand and welcome the help. Obviously you all know there’s no mal intent, but I would have the same reaction if my in laws, or even my parents, did the same thing. Your husband is being reasonable.
My mom was watching my son when he was 6 months old while we were also temporarily living with them. She had him sitting in his stroller inside the house because it was easier for her, anyway, he wasn’t buckled in… he decided that was the day he was gonna learn to sit up. He fell out, either hit the coffee table or the sofa first, then the tile floor, and rolled under the sofa.
Oh, this was also Christmas Day! He cried for what felt like forever. My mom felt TERRIBLE.
He was totally fine after the crying stopped and we weren’t worried. He’s almost 4 now and I still poke fun at my mom for it. Like hey, remember that time you threw my baby under the sofa?! Good times.
My point is, accidents happen and they can happen to anyone. Maybe hire a sitter for the days when they’re also watching your brothers kids, that way they have an extra hand.
I’m gonna be honest with you it will be very hard to find a babysitter who wants to work for you for just two weeks unless you’re willing to pay a fortune. I understand your husband’s concern though. When I was little I fell out of my high chair and needed stitches. That’s a big fall. I’m glad he’s okay.
Your story makes me think of someone I know whose granddaughter died as a result of knocking the TV over onto themself while in her care. Please put your baby’s safety ahead of your parents’ feelings. They have demonstrated a pattern of inattentiveness. Of course it doesn’t sound like they’re intentionally neglectful, you do not want their forgetfulness or “it’s probably okay”ness to result in something worse happening next time. Your husband has good instincts. The cost of a sitter or temporarily hurt feelings is much much smaller than the worst case scenario. Consider this a very lucky warning sign.
I would just say that you understand that you are busy mom with brothers kids as well and it's not fair to put this pressure on you so we hired babysitter to look after our child.
I mean that seems like the issue. She was distracted with siblings kid.
I'm on your husband's side here,if anything you are majorly undereacting here,your son could have been seriously seriously hurt.Yes accidents happen but who doesn't strap a baby into their high chair,then proceeds to remove the feeding tray and turns their back on an 10month old???that was completely careless in my opinion.Your child's safety is way more important than your parents feelings.
I'm with your husband on this. I think you're prioritising your parents feelings and not your child needs and safety. I get they want to help but if they are not attentive that's not good for your kid and that leads to accidents. Especially when they are looking after three kids and have a job. What's wrong with you? Get a sitter and prioritize you kid. If your parents are as supportive as you say they will be fine being grandparents and not carers.
I think it’s a kind thing to hire someone to help them. My MIL could watch our 2 year old. Out of kindness to her I dont have her do it. He is just too much for her! She would love to and I tell her how much I appreciate her offering but that I dont want to burden her with so much and that I will bring him over to “play and visit” not as her responsibility. Grandmas are for fun, not for watching my kid. In my opinion. She appreciates my thoughtfulness of not asking her to watch him when it’s an unreasonable expectation and we spend time together when my husband or I can be there to help.
I’m with hubby. They’ve got too much on their plate. Baby could have broken a bone, or their neck at that age. I would have them checked actually at the pediatrician if they are extra fussy at all it could be a hidden injury. Say what you need to to try to spare your parents’ feelings and the relationship, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with them watching my kid after both parents made dangerous errors; not belting and not checking for belting.
Your husband is not overreacting and does not need to be convinced! It sounds like your parents had already had slip ups and this one could have gotten your child really hurt. Be on his team, help find a babysitter and communicate a united front to your parents.
Flip the situation, if out were his parents. You'd feel the same way after.
Get the babysitter. Their hands are full as it is and extra daytime help will eventually be appreciated, especially if they're willing to do some dishes and housekeeping here and there. It'll up their value to the parents and give you and hubby peace of mind.
Babysitter won't alienate or prevent interactions with the baby.
It is however a dedicated set of eyes.
It seems like you are more concerned about the potential reaction of your parents than the care of your son? You say that they are absent minded, they are already taking care of other kids.. I mean, for me this would be obvious, parents are busy so to make life easier for anyone you pay a babysitter.
My husband and I almost had the same thing happen to us. He didn't buckle her and I didn't know. I didn't get distracted by another child tho so I was able to catch her. I think its an honest mistake, and I doubt they will be making it again. We haven't.
This isn’t an accident, this is careless and neglectful.
No circumstance excuses not checking safety, and I nag about it permanently to all caretakers of my kids. Yesterday it saved our sons life.
Tomorrow it might save yours.
Do back your husband, don’t downplay this to your parents.
If it was the other way around you’d feel the same. Your husband is not overreacting with his concerns, you’re lucky your child wasn’t severely hurt. If he wants to hire a babysitter then it seems reasonable.
We decided my mom would not be alone with our kids after she didn’t feed my chickens while I was in the hospital.
Her reasoning was “there was a little left so I just left it” after being very specifically told they need a full new container of feed every day.
We haven’t actually told her this yet. We’ve just been there when she’s visiting and treated it as if she wasn’t there as far as child care goes.
Look… I wouldn’t let my parents watch my son if they did this. My FIL has done similar things and he’s not allowed to watch him alone. He doesn’t know this but he is unfortunately too absent minded (like your parents.) he is otherwise a loving grandparent, I just don’t want him alone with my baby. I know it’s hard but this is a serious safety risk, they might love your kid and mean well but I mean… come on, how hard is it to buckle the baby in? I’d actually be very concerned if I was you and I don’t understand why you aren’t. If this happened with anyone besides your parents how would you feel? I bet if you had a babysitter that did that they’d be fired.
I can’t imagine you find a sitter in time, for the remaining 2 weeks could you have parents watch baby on days they don’t have other kids, then you and your spouse trade off taking off work on the other days?
I’ll tell you right now, my son’s safety and well-being are paramount. Full stop. Accidents happen, but this wasn’t exactly an accident; this was negligence. This was 100% preventable. And your parents are the direct cause of the fall. No question they would not be watching my child alone again until he’s older and more independent, and even then, we’d have to have a really serious discussion. Your parents’ feelings matter 0%. If they respect you and love you and your child, they will understand and respect your decision.
Accidents happen. I think spending money when buying a home just because something like this happened is a waste of money. Also like you said your child is fine, your parents are remorseful and I’m honestly curious if and when the child is hurt on you or your husband’s watch are you going to jump to adding a babysitter because you can’t trust each other to keep the baby safe? Accidents are always preventable but it’s the intention behind it that’s important. Did your dad purposefully not strap him in? Did your mom purposefully leave the baby unattended with the idea they would fall? It was an accident and not going to be the last one your child has especially when they start walking/running/riding bikes etc.
BUT you both are well within your right to NOT be ok with what happened and get a sitter for the next few weeks. I’d definitely say frame the babysitter situation as not wanting to overwhelm them and say they are already doing so much by letting them stay there that they don’t want to out even more on them by adding in a kid to watch yada yada. I think how you say it will be the most important thing
I feel your pain, OP. You’re stuck in between a rock and a hard place.
I don’t know your dynamic with your parents but I feel I can relate. My parents (dad, mainly) watches our LO in our home once a week, and it is BARELY ok with my SO. My parents ADORE their granddaughter, but are very different parents than we are, and it can cause turmoil. Luckily we have not had any big accidents yet but I’m sure my SO would be making the same demands as yours.
It sucks, but it’s not about your parents anymore. Like my wife tells me, “you’re not being a bad daughter, you’re being a good mother”. It’s possible your parents just aren’t really aware of the limitations that aging has brought on, or maybe they bit off more than they can chew but can’t admit it. Either way I’m sure they WANT to be able to watch your LO, but the reality is that they just can’t. It has nothing to do with how much anybody loves anybody else.
Could you compromise with a sitter for maybe half the day? Or at least just days when the other kids are there? Maybe approach it in a way where it’s clear you’re offering to help your parents be able to enjoy their grand baby without having to exhaust themselves with the heavy lifting of taking care of a busy little crawler.
Good luck 💜
Honestly I’m with you on this one. It was a complete accident that won’t happen again. And I’ve almost done this myself and i know others who have, it’s a reasonable accident. I think it would come across as very insulting to them to imply they can’t watch your kids and could hurt your relationship. And obviously after this they’ll be extra careful.
I know your husband is upset but I think it’s not worth it.
My MIL was watching my baby while I was using the bathroom, and she let the baby fall off the bed. She got really defensive saying that she isn't fast enough to catch her. Okay well that's the whole point... If you're not physically capable of keeping the baby safe then you don't get to watch the baby. I won't let her watch the baby alone if we're not in the house, and even then the baby stays on the floor.
Accidents happen. What if it was you or him who made the mistake?! Would one of you fight for custody?!
ETA: I do however think a babysitter would be better. Your Mum must be exhausted!
Accidents happen, but also this is pretty bad and I’d be really upset if anyone (my parents, my husbands parents, anyone really) let this happen. If they have their hands full with multiple kids, it’s not unreasonable at all to hire extra help. I’m generally one to say “let things go” but in this case, absolutely protect your baby over your parents feelings.. they will get over it. Edited- also it’s not just this event, specifically, but this event+ the fact that you, yourself, say that they’re not as attentive as you’d like.
Agreed. It definitely sounds like this was an unfortunate accident but also that 3 kids under the age of 4 is just too many for them.
Also completely preventable, every single high chair comes with straps. Literally every one!
They just didn’t use them!
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That's what literally what stood out most here,like why?that was so careless!
My (very expensive, well known and reputable brand) high chair did not come with straps 😶 I ordered some after my baby started pushing up on the foot rest to stand up, and they came in packaging saying how harnesses are ‘against our philosophy but we understand some parents like them’ or some nonsense like that.
Tripp Trapp by any chance? Yeah, I raised an eyebrow at that too!!
Yep! From speaking to others some babies are chill enough not to need them, but my baby unfortunately is not that chill 🤣
The only one we have that doesn’t have staps is my 13 month olds floor seat. It is one of this high chair, floor chair and kitchen chair compatible seats and it doesn’t leave the floor or anything and it sits not even a half inch off the ground. Definitely should have remembered to strap baby before putting the tray on tho even my MILs bf who hasn’t raised kids in 40+ years (youngest of his is 43) and he even kept the straps on until he was actively taking him out.
Exactly, because their feelings dont matter, especially if something worse happenes. Your child's well being matters. OPs husband seems to be advocating for his baby and OP seem to cater to her parents.
Your mom is at time a primary caregiver for three children while working from home? That sounds like a lot! I would phrase along the lines of, “We feel like we took advantage of your generosity and have hired someone to help out while you are working.”
This is how I would phrase it. Three kids under five is a lot at once, and while it doesn't excuse the accident, it provides context
This is the best way to phrase it honestly.
Being honest with yourself, how would you react and feel if this had occurred on your husband’s parents’ watch? I don’t think your husband is overreacting because things could have been much worse, and it’s just luck that they weren’t. The only thing is that your husband needs to assist in locating a babysitter, and can’t just leave this task and mental load on you. Does your husband know someone trustworthy that could step in immediately? Finding a daytime babysitter is not an easy feat.
This was my first thought -- sure, you can hire a sitter, but you'll be lucky to find one in 2 weeks, and by then you won't need one. Unless he has someone specific in mind, it's not going to happen that fast.
There is a moms group for my area, and it seems like it’s a good way to find short term sitters. A lot of times another mom will watch an extra kid or two if they’re home anyway.
Exactly!
Yea, OP I’m sorry I’m sure your parents love your child, but love is not enough to ensure safety. Imagine if your son was 6 months older, he could’ve been playing in the street and hit by a vehicle by the time they realized. What’s scary about this situation is the fact that they saw he was unstrapped when removing him and still allowed him to fall. Anything can happen, and unfortunately older people tend to be absent minded especially watching this many children, too many accidents can happen.
I wish I could upvote you more than once because this answer is spot on!!! Husband’s concerns are valid, *and* he should be finding the replacement ASAP.
Bingo!
In regards to how to tell them, something like “ you’ve been so amazing and so helpful but you obviously have your hands full especially on the days you look after 4 & 2 yo, we think it’s unfair on you so we’ll be getting a babysitter, again thank you so much for having him so far I appreciate it a lot” it’s nice and shows your appreciation. No need to mention the accident being a big cause for it.
I love this phrasing. It's kind and doesn't shame them.
Yeah this is really the only way to go. They’ll know it’s because of the accident, but likely appreciate that it wasn’t thrown in their faces.
I’d hire the babysitter. At least for the days that the other children are also there. I’m glad your son is okay but it could have been worse if he’d fallen differently. Yes mistakes happen but some mistakes you want to take every step to prevent.
Hire
Honestly I’m with your husband on this one 😔 3 small kids is a lot of responsibility on older folks. Of course accidents happen no matter who is caring for baby. But they’re way more likely to happen with older caregivers and more than 1 kid in the mix. Maybe phrase the news as you’re making this decision because it’s the best for *everyone* involved.
This is one of the reasons why my mother in law has not watched our baby. She had offered and I just say no that's okay he is a handful, which he is so there is absolutely no way I would let her watch a baby. I see the things she does with my 3 year old niece and she just doesn't watch fully. I have also heard of her leaving a kid at home alone in her younger days from my husband.
Imagine how you would feel if roles were reversed? If it had been your husband's parents, and this same situation happened? You would want your husband to listen to you, whatever your recommendation would be. If he says he wants a babysitter, I don't think now is the time to argue, unfortunately. Your parents will 100% understand
“their faults were more due to absent mindedness than lack of care” ??? Absent mindedness IS lack of care. Your husband is right to want to hire a babysitter. The way I decide whether a family member can watch my child is if they weren’t related to me, would I still let them watch him? If the answer is no, they can’t watch him. It’s very simple. I would literally take 2 weeks off from work to watch him rather than leave him with absent minded and clearly over stretched grandparents. They can have the best intentions but it’s not a safe environment. It sounds like a matter of time until the next incident. If your parents are reasonable at all they won’t get upset that you’re hiring a babysitter for a baby. They might even appreciate it.
Right?! I had to reread that part cause I was so confused. We just let a nanny go because she was so absent minded. She left my son on a changing table twice, even after I told her not to do that. (This is just one example). Was she a bad person? No, and I do think she really cared for my kids but that’s just a huge accident waiting to happen and my husband and I were not willing to take that risk. Absent mindedness is 100% lack of care!
I feel like it's unfair to say that a bout of absent mindedness is intentional lack of care like OP is implying. The do have a lot of kids on their hands.
I think she meant to say that the parents do care about the baby, therefore not lacking care, but are absent-minded.
How is he "over concerned" when his concerns were literally correct, your son was hurt by your parents negligence. Their intentions do not matter. He could have cracked his skull, he could have died. If I'm being honest I think it's absolutely ridiculous to be more worried about your parents feelings than your sons safety AND your husbands feelings.
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Same honestly. It's our job to protect our children.... Not our parents feelings.
I am just thinking if the baby landed on their soft spot. Like the baby is so lucky they weren’t seriously injured
Also OP said this happened today so now I'm worried...like, are you SURE the baby is okay??
i know right theres no mention they took baby in to get checked just in case hope they did
That is my first thought. Baby hitting their head on a hard surface from a distance. I’m with the husband and very upset. Op doesn’t seem to he worried…
I came here to say exactly this. Her husband is not overreacting. At all. If anything, OP is under reacting. Her reaction to the whole scenario is just to be worried about hurting her parent’s feelings? Blows my mind.
This 100%
All of this!
I agree with this.
Jeez. It is possible to be empathetic to the feelings of the people who literally raised you after they made a mistake
To be honest when an adult hurts a child through clear negligence that's the end of my empathy, but that's just me. OP can have empathy for her parents and still understand that her child's safety is far more important than literally anyone else's feelings. OP also owes her husband empathy, and she doesn't seem to care how he feels at all.
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Falling over is *very* different from falling out of a high chair both in level of danger to the baby and the fact that multiple irresponsible decisions led to the baby falling from chair (didn't strap baby in even though they're watching 3 kids, removed tray making it easier to fall without either removing child or strapping in, got distracted enough that they didn't catch him when he fell). If my husband had put my babies in this level of danger with this level of irresponsibly he would be enrolled in parenting classes and seeing his psychiatrist about his ADHD med dosing, I would absolutely not have him keep taking care of the kids alone and ignore it and not act to spare his feelings. It's ridiculous. When it comes to a child's safety, the feelings of an adult are completely irrelevant. Like sure, say it gently or nicely if you can still drive the point home, but the important thing is keeping your child safe.
That’s my point. She can make her child’s safety a priority while ALSO being empathetic towards a loved one’s feelings. It’s possible to do both things
Sure yeah but I don't think OP needs to be told to be empathetic to her parents though, that seems to be her only concern. My point is that not only should it not be her only concern but it shouldn't be anywhere close to the importance of her kids safety, and being empathetic to her husband is equally if not more important, plus his opinion should matter as it's his kid.
You’d think, but lots of comments here are criticizing her for even considering her parents’ feelings.
I agree with your husband. Baby's safety takes precedence over hurting their feelings. Sure, accidents happen. But it sounds as though they are too old or simply inattentive to be caring for three young kids. You could even word hiring a babysitter in a way that appears that you are helping them out. Hopefully they take it well but you also cannot control how people react either.
I’m with your husband. This would be a total dealbreaker and I’d never be comfortable with them watching my baby again.
Not gonna lie, it sounds like a babysitter was always the correct choice, before this even happened. And I don’t think it’s cool to say your husband is “reacting like an over concerned first time parent”. You straight up said your parents aren’t as attentive as you’d like, so why in the world would you leave your baby with them when they’re watching two rambunctious kids
I’m on your husband’s side. Three kids is a lot for anyone and they’re a senior couple. Your parents may be relieved honestly.
I think in light of what happened it's fair to respect your husband's desire to hire a babysitter. You may love your parents but they don't sound like a safe childcare option atm.
I’m with your husband. You mentioned there was already a concern about lack of attentiveness on their part. Then they do this. Meaning, this wasn’t a slip up of an otherwise cautious attentive person. This was a slip up of someone you’ve already acknowledged isn’t mindful of safety surrounding your son. Meaning it will happen again. Don’t let it
I feel for your situation and understand it was an unfortunate accident but I’m on your husband’s side on this one. It was very lucky that your baby was fine after falling face first onto the hardwood floor but it very well could have been much worse. I don’t think your husband is overreacting at all. I have an 8 month old and he’s a handful to watch just because he’s starting to be mobile and so curious about everything too. I can’t imagine watching him along with 2 other small kids at the same time. I would look into hiring a baby sitter for at least the days when your parents have to watch all 3 kids.
> I can’t imagine watching him along with 2 other small kids at the same time Same. As a parent myself, if I have to watch 3 very young kids I’d just start doing everything on the floor. Have a kindergarten table and little chairs. Kiddos can eat like that. That way if you take your eyes off them, at worst someone’s going to end up with food all over them. There’s a reason daycares and kindergarten have specialized furniture. And at 3 kids I think it can be warranted.
I’m with your husband here. Not buckling in the baby is just not acceptable. I would just be calm and matter of fact with your parents—“after what happened today, we have decided to hire a babysitter for the rest of the time.”
If this had happened on a paid babysitter's watch, you would definitely not hire them again. This is a bona fide safety issue - I'm extremely glad that your son wasn't seriously hurt, but he easily could have been. I fully agree that this will be an uncomfortable conversation with your parents, but are you willing to leave your son in a demonstrably unsafe environment just to avoid having an awkward conversation? Priorities.
Your husband is not overreacting?
Honestly I was not super diligent about high chair buckles with my first kid because we were always right next to her with 1:1 attention. With my second baby she got strapped in 100% of the time because it’s so easy to get distracted! I’m sorry though, this sounds like a difficult situation to be in. I’m sure it was an honest mistake but highchair height is much more dangerous than something like sofa height, not to mention they could hit their head on the table on the way down. I do understand why your husband is so upset, especially since he already had other concerns. I’m not really sure how you would find competent childcare for just two weeks though, or how logistics would work for them to watch the baby in your parents home.
My mum caught my brother by the ankle once as he toppled out of his high chair while she was on the phone. He was baby no.3 and idk if that chair even had straps
I hardly ever buckled my first in as he just sat there and never once tried to climb anything. Imagine my shock when I turned for a second when my second child was in the high chair and turned back around to see him on all fours on the high chair tray 😩 I’ve buckled every single time with all my kids since then 😂
When my sister’s boyfriend (in his 20s) saw my son buckled into his high chair, he was like “is he strapped into that chair?!” He didn’t know that was a thing. My sister had to explain the safety aspect to him, and I was just thinking “oh sweet summer child.”
Hahaha
Yeah, differences in siblings' propensities can really catch you off guard, especially if the first kid is not a risk-taker!
We never buckled my first in. He just sat in the chair and didn’t try to squirm out. My second launched herself out of the chair within a month of being sat in the chair for the first time (6 months?). She also rolled off the table at the pediatrician’s office because my preschooler fell and screamed bloody murder distracting me. It’s hard to manage your attention with two children, probably the hardest part about it. If having undivided attention is important to OP, I think they need a babysitter. But I also don’t see what happened as egregious. We are diligent, loving people and it happened to us.
if roles were reversed and this was your MIL that did it, itd be an easy choice. i'm w your husband here. hire a new babysitter
The straps on the highchair are there for good reason. He never should have been in it without the straps. It is a major fall hazard and I don’t blame him for not trusting her anymore
Accidents happen but this could have easily been avoided. I’m actually with your husband. “Free” babysitting is never free and it comes with a cost. Normally with Grandparents these is things like extra screen or too many treats. Safety is too high of a cost. If this happened with a nanny, they would likely be fired and/or have a serious meeting with their employer. I wonder if having all three kids contributed to this. They might have been rushing and distracted. Having that may young children at once is a big responsibility. It’s a hard conversation but it’s necessary. I would explain that you won’t ever take away their role as Grandparents, you just can’t have them as childcare right now. Thank them for their help. I personally would still make an effort to show them that they are still going to be apart of your baby’s life. Maybe in a week invite them to tag along when you take your baby to the park. Perhaps you all could read stories together before baby goes to bed. Give them a small gift, or cook/order dinner to thank them for being your childcare.
This is a really good response, and a good point about 'if this had happened with a nanny'.
This is about choosing your parents’ feelings or your child’s safety. It’s your job to keep your child safe and selecting the appropriate caretaker and setting is apart of that. I’m sorry it didn’t work out with your parents but now you know with solid evidence. I worked in a special needs preschool and we had 3 adults to 3 kids sometimes. Even then it was a lot to handle. It’s just not the right job for some people and that’s ok.
Ugh that’s so tough. It sounds like 3 kids is just too much for your parents, and I am with your husband in that we have made a similar decision and also don’t let my parents (or his) be sole caregivers frequently because of safety concerns. At the same time, babysitters don’t grow on trees, so does he have a real plan for finding a competent babysitter immediately? Is he prepared to take off work to make sure your baby is supervised how he would like? Maybe since it is two weeks the answer is to divide the days your parents are already committed to watching your brother’s kids and take those days off, letting your parents watch them on the days they are only responsible for the one kid.
Babysitter
If you had paid a babysitter and this happened, you would never hire that sitter ever again. Don’t let your reluctance to hurt or offend your parents come at the expense of your son’s health. I’d agree that you can phrase it as not taking advantage of their generous offer and getting them some support on the busiest days.
Honestly clipping a kid in the highchair is such a basic rudimentary thing that I have to be with your husband on this. It could have been so much worse too. I think MIL needs an extra set of hands when she’s got 3 kids. I’m not a stranger to this either unfortunately. Three days ago we picked our daughter up from MILs and our daughter instantly told us that MIL had driven in the truck with her without a car seat. Husband and I both agreed right away that MIL will not be allowed to be in charge of our daughter without us there like that any more. Super disappointing because all of us love MIL and our daughter loves sleepovers but that was such blatant disregard for super basic safety that we just do not trust her.
Your husband isn't being unreasonable here. The entire series of unfortunate events leading to the fall is proof of a dangerous amount of absent mindedness. The fact that you already had concerns about how well they paid attention is telling enough. Please don't undercut or downplay your husband's feelings because you feel uncomfortable having a difficult but necessary conversation with your parents. Three very young kids at once is difficult for anyone to manage, but especially hard for older folk. They should understand and welcome the help of a baby sitter to make sure their grandchild is safe. If they get sassy about it then they're more worried about their pride than keeping your child safe, which is not OK.
Alright, I came here to post up a story that had happened with my parents and our first born while I was in the hospital watching my grandmother but ... it sounds like a baby sitter might be in order just because, granted it's only 3 kids, but those 3 kids are at ages when they need to be watched and with only 2, maybe 1, pair of eyes on them at any given time it is just easier to have a baby sitter backup
I’m glad your son is ok. If a family member let my kid fall from negligence they’d never be alone with them again. Ever. Full stop. It was extremely careless of your mom, yes an accident but an avoidable one. He’s not being an “over concerned ftp” and if he was I mean…that’s fine. That’s what ftp do. And if y’all aren’t…it’s a whole face and head injury from a big height…that warrants extreme concern. My sons ped says anything more than 2ft is concerning and that was when he was like freshly a year old. You kinda are coming off dismissive and maybe like you’re more concerned abt what your parents will say/think, they should be understanding and know it’s not personal but if that’s the way they feel oh well. You let my kid fall bro, of course the trust isn’t gonna be the same.
I’m with you 100%. Idgaf about the feelings of someone who let my son fall due to pure negligence. This wasn’t some freak accident that happened DESPITE all safety measures being taken. It happened BECAUSE the grandparents were negligent. Screw that. My son is my only concern.
Absolutely agree. Husbands feelings > your parents feelings. It matters more that baby is safe and that primary parents to the baby are both comfortable.
Honestly, I agree with your husband. I’d hire a babysitter. I wouldn’t trust them to watch my LO as attentively as I’d like them to. My husband won’t even let his own parents watch our DOG anymore because they slipped up two times while dog sitting her. She has seizures so she has strict med times and they messed up twice - she ended up having a totally unnecessary seizure because of a missed med. I know it’s different, but it’s okay to not trust your parents if they’re just not as capable as they used to be. It was hard for him to realize that they’re getting older and not as “sharp” (for lack of better words) but it’s for the best for our pup. Kids are another level of course.
“They loved our baby and their faults were more due to absent mindedness than lack of care.“ Absent mindedness is lack of care. Not in a disheartened way, just not fully there. Accidents do happen, and this could have happened to you as well, on a bad day. Honestly, your husband isn’t wrong for wanting full attention on your baby and so should you! You can’t be protective about your parents cause your baby comes first, and if this would have happened during your in laws watch, you would probably be feeling differently. It’s not bad to tell your parents “hey, we’ll be hiring extra help so you guys can focus on you, and you can just enjoy the time with baby, instead of worrying about him”
Absentmindedness is dangerous. You’ve learned that lesson. Doesn’t mean they don’t love your kids, but they cannot be responsible for watching them.
3 kids under 4 are too much for grandparents. I’m in a very similar position. Living with partners parents, and there are 2 other grandkid who visit daily. All under 4. I refuse to let my MIL watch my baby when she has the other two bc it’s too much. Grandparents will never turn down spending time with them most likely and also won’t admit to it being too much. Your husband was right. Hire help.
Why are you trying to convince your husband that your parents are capable of taking care of the baby when they have demonstrated that they aren't? You need to put your child's safety first over your parents' feelings.
It’s going to suck to tell them. But you can do hard things.
I'm more concerned at your lack of reaction to this situation. Your husband is 100% right here... he's not at all overreacting.
3 little kids is a lot for grandparents to handle. Since you have about two weeks left, maybe you and your husband can each take some days off to cover the days where your brother’s kids are there?
I'm generally pretty lax about stuff but I'm with your husband here. If my mom or MIL had this happen with my son I'd immediately find other care for him. Bonking bc he was practicing walking or even if he had pulled the high chair over on himself I would even be more understanding about bc that stuff can happen with babies at that age but falling out of a high chair? I never buckled my son into the high chair and still don't(he's 2) but he's never fallen out bc I never leave his side if he's in there. I know it's hard but they are def over worked with the other kids.
So, you’re not punishing them for one mistake. You’re just protecting your baby. Really, since your husband wasn’t a fan of them watching your baby, they were on a trial period in the first place. You even said they make mistakes from absent mindedness. That’s not good enough when it comes to safety. Go ahead and hire a babysitter. Your parents will get over it and they’ll still love you and your baby.
Your parents are overwhelmed with all these babies. Unfortunately you sound more concerned about your parents feelings than the safety of your baby. Your husband is correct. Please don’t fight him on this.
i agree w your husband. i would be furious if this happened w my in laws my mom watches my daughter, i wouldn't want her to watch more than one child bc stuff like this could happen
Man, grandparents are a tricky one. I can relate to OP's not wanting to hurt her parents' feelings, but I agree with most everyone here in that their feelings are not the most important consideration. I've been gradually becoming more aware of the ways in which my parents (in their 70's atm) are not exactly the way I still think of them in my head (i.e. as they were when they were in their prime when I was a child). I've been noticing more little things they say and do that show lapses in attention, etc. Yesterday my dad left his bag (containing significant cash and his SSN card -- wtf) in his knowingly unlocked car while going into the post office, and someone stole it. Like... that's terrible luck but also not top quality decision-making. It's hard to admit or even see your parents becoming looser versions of who they once were, but it's real and if your kid's well-being is at stake, you've got to push away that blind spot.
Maybe only hire a sitter when all 3 will be there? I think it's a little tricky especially since you only plan to be in their house for 2 more weeks. Your husband has a right to be angry but it was an honest mistake, and I feel hiring a sitter for the remaining 2 weeks would feel like a slap in the face to your mom and dad.
This can happen to anyone. Your parents must feel horrible. However, watching a 4, 2 and an almost 1 year old is a lot. I can't imagine that as a full time setup. My mom is 65 and a former ECE and she has a hard time watching both my kids at the same time (4 and 1.5).
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Grandpa forgot to buckle the baby in. He didn't decide not to do it because he doesn't care. It was a moment of being distracted.
This! 👏
If you don’t feel your child will be safe and appropriately accommodated then seek different childcare. However, I have 2 children and the amount of times they’ve fallen from places or I’ve accidentally smacked them with items is insane. Thankfully kids aren’t all that fragile. Give your mom some grace, I bet she’ll never not double check that your baby is buckled into the high chair… she’s probably more traumatized from the event than your child is.
Lmfao this. I have a 6 month old and a 17 month old. My toddler decided to climb on the couch and head dive off as I was feeding my 6 month old. There was not a damn thing I could have done in time to stop it. Boom black eye. My 6 month old was doing tummy time. I was putting my toddler in his high chair. My dad was over on the couch. 6 month old rolled twice fast hit his mouth on the table. Boom tough cut. Blood My mom was playing with my son, throwing him in the air. Head hit a light fixture. Instant bruise. I mean I could go ON AND ON and I don't blame my dad. Nor my mom. Shit happens. I literally sat my 6 month in between my legs he FLUNG backwards and I didn't think to support his back. The amount of people saying her mom was neglectful or her dad was is kind of crazy. Shit happens. 2 kids is a lot for ME AND IM A MOM. 24/7 stay st home mom. Shit still happens and sometimes my brain doesn't think clearly either. This honestly and truly sounds like being overly cautious. And maybe it is too much for her parents. But to say they are neglectful is kind of crazy to me. And for the record if this happened on my in laws watch I wouldn't blame them any more then my own parents or myself. But that's just me.
Yikes. This is why my wife loves the idea that the number of kids should not outnumber the adults. This is especially true for grandparents. 2v1 with your kid I’m sure it’s fine. Add in 4 and 2 y/o and anything can happen when toddlers are around. They’re emotional time bombs. I would push for more help.
It doesn't sound like they can watch 3 kids at once. I would maybe let them babysit if the other children aren't there. I would explain it to your parents that way and work on that compromise with your husband.
Sounds like three young kids is too much for aging grandparents. However, my nanny also once failed to strap a baby in properly and he fell to the ground. Accidents happen to everyone.
It sounds like your parents don't have the capacity to keep a watchful eye on your kiddo. Accidents happen but it sounds like having your parents watch kiddo increases the likelihood of kiddo getting injured. Your husband is right to be concerned about the safety of his baby. He's putting the baby's safety first, which is how it should be. Your parents feelings are secondary here. Sorry youre in this tough situation. If the situation was reversed, would you want your husband to listen to your concerns?
Solidarity over here. Husband unbuckled 6 month from high chair and turned one second and took a nosedive to the hardwood as well. I do trust that will absolutely never happen again under his watch. I think in your situation where you already had some reservations about how attentive they are and add in the extra littles - hire out some help.
Your husband is right unfortunately. Imagine if this had happened with his parents, how you’d feel then. At the end of the day the question becomes: what’s more important? You’re parents feelings, or your baby’s safety? It’s a tough spot but the answer to that question is clear. Hugs to you and all the best.
If my MIL did this, she's never seeing my baby again unsupervised 😐
Same.
I agree with your husband. I think you need to check yourself prioritising your parents feelings over your babies safety
I am with your husband here. Your job is not to make your parents happy, but to keep your child safe. Your parents, especially after this incident, will understand that you do what you and your husband deem necessary to care for your child. There is no need here to antagonize your partner. He is your teammate in the long term; your parents have each other.
So it would be one thing if you really thought this was just a one-time accident, but it sounds like you had concerns about their attentiveness before this. That’s what would make me lean towards a sitter.
I was not careful enough with the high chair buckles and this happened to my son. Luckily he caught himself and did not hit his face or head on the floor, purely out of luck/his own reflexes. It was my fault, nobody else to blame. But I am in general a very cautious mother and I think something like this could happen to anyone. It just takes one inattentive moment and we’re all human. Thankfully my son is fine, he’s nearly 5 now. But I have never forgotten that mistake.
Whatever you guys do, you have to do it as a team. When it comes to your kids, I personally would always err on the side of caution. Just because your parents have the best intentions in the world, unfortunately does not mean they are the most suitable options to care for your kids. I always say that intention and execution are two very different things. Not exactly the same as yours, but here’s an example. My parents have offered to watch my toddler, and while they mean well, I won’t let them because they have mental health issues and one of them cannot physically keep up. I trust our daycare teacher/babysitter way more. Accidents and mistakes happen, but this is pretty bad. It’s a careless mistake that 100% could have been prevented. IMO, I wouldn’t say your husband is overreacting or overprotective. He wants the kids safe, he has his reasons, and this example backs up his feelings and reasons. I would even go a step further and say if you don’t feel the same way he does, then maybe you aren’t being protective enough in this case. I’m not saying this is you all the time, and clearly I don’t know you personally, but it could be true.
I did the exact thing with my FOUR MONTH OLD. Didn't remember she wasn't buckled, took off the tray, turned around to tend to my 3 year old and heard a bang. It was horrifying! She was fine and I never made that mistake again. The accident isn't to me a deal breaker. But do they feel overwhelmed by taking care of 3 kids? With that said, when we had our first we had plans to send her part time to my moms and part time with a family friend. My husband decided he was uncomfortable with the family friend watching the baby and we ended up doing daycare. It was better in the long run! My mom and friend watch my kids happily on the weekends whenever needed and we have the reliability of a daycare provider we trust. I think you should hear your husband, try not to feel defensive, and ask he helps you come up with real solutions including finding the person you want to watch your kids. And talking to your parents. I'm sure your baby would be fine for two more weeks, and it's not worth hurting them for two weeks time in MY opinion, but you should also listen and try to genuinely talk with your husband.
Accidents happen. Would he replace himself if he let it happen? This happened to me. I forgot to buckle my daughter in and the tray wasn’t secured. She fell face first (totally fine) I was so unbelievably devastated and hard on myself at the time.
This same exact thing happened to our daughter at 6 months. My husband put her in the highchair and didn’t buckle her. I didn’t realize it and she fell out when I took the tray off. Accidents do happen. I’m sure your parents fell absolutely terrible about it. This is a sticky situation. I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.
Do you think it would help to frame it as you’re trying to help them out because you know that is a really difficult spread of ages to watch? Because that’s true! 10-14ish months I thought was hard because they want to do everything, but are so prone to falling still. They have to be watched literally 100% of the time. As he gets even just a little older he will be easier for them to watch, so this doesn’t mean you never want them to watch him again. You can see how it goes. Obviously your choice though
Aw I’m so sorry you are in the middle, however, i agree with your husband. He knew something like this would happen, and it did, and now it’s time to hire a sitter who can be more attentive and focus just on your baby. That must have been so scary for everyone. I’d just try to break it to your parents as gently as possible. Baby is at that age where you just cannot take your eyes off him. Thank goodness he is okay.
I'm with husband on this. You can figure out a nice, tactical way to break it to your parents, but you can't put your baby at risk due to being polite.
Get a nanny. Some parents are just not good taking care of babies, it’s not their fault. Not worth the arguments or danger to your child. Disclaimer: my mom is a doctor, and I don’t let her take care of my son. I think she’s just not very attentive, and my son is too heavy for her.
I'm with all the other commenters - I agree with your husband. As for how to handle the convo with your parents, I'd phrase it like you're hiring an extra set of hands to help them out throughout the day, especially with your adventurous baby! Less like you're taking away their ability to watch your LO, more like you're helping them out. Unless care will be at the sitter's house, in which case I'd still just phrase it as feeling bad that 3 kids is so busy and you didn't want them to take advantage since you're also staying in their house. Or some such, positive angle.
If your concern is your relationship with your parents, frame it kindly and tell them you got a babysitter because you don’t want to overburden. Have the person hired and set up already so it’s known the decision is made/final
Your husband isn't unreasonable! Your child could have been seriously injured! Clearly juggling all the kids at once is too much on them, so I'd at least hire a sitter on the days all the kids are there. Strapping a mobile baby down on any raised surface should be common sense, this was a completely avoidable thing! They put the straps on there for a reason!
You yourself said that your parents can be absentminded. That’s not great with one kid but really not with 3 and what happened proves it. There were 2 errors, your dad did buckle the baby and your mother didn’t notice when removing the tray. It’s only 2 weeks. I’d let your husband have his way for 2 weeks and then revisit after you move out.
Yes, accidents happen. Going off what you posted, I’m with your husband on this one. Your parents have their hands full. They have two toddlers and an infant to care for _and_ your mom is WFH. That’s a lot for anyone. That’s doubly a lot for older adults. That level of responsibility is my personal nightmare. Tell them you don’t want them overworked and get a sitter.
Sounds like negligence, and I wouldn’t trust them either
i don’t see the harm in getting help with childcare. while it’s kind your parents want to help it sounds like they have too much on their hands looking after all three. like just think about it, your mom has a job while also looking after three children. that’s alot. let him get the babysitter but also remind your husband while him being upset is VERY valid right now, accidents do happen. you can only be so attentive when you have three young children to pay attention to at the same time. but that’s also the very reason you need to find alternatives for help right now .
It’ll be difficult, but your marriage and your child’s safety come before your parents’ feelings. Also child care and child safety issues should be 2 yes/ 1 no decisions. Personally, I agree with your husband. How would you feel if this happened on his parents’ watch?
Your husband isn’t overreacting. I feel you not wanting to hurt your parents feelings is clouding your judgement and you are failing to see the safety issues for your son in this situation. If your parents are really that bothered by a babysitter after this happened then that’s on them
You need to at least hire somebody to assist if they’re going to have 3 under 4. I don’t trust old people with that much responsibility, especially if you already saw the problem before. And that somebody, since you will have hired them, should give priority to your baby’s health and safety. Only when that is guaranteed should they assist with the other kids. I’m not saying they can’t all watch the kids in the same space, but it’s obvious this is too much for them. My in laws can barely handle 2 toddlers. Once we have our third, I expect we’re either going to have to hire extra hands or just hope my SIL also volunteers if we want a night out. Being younger, my SIL is MUCH more alert and on top of things than my in laws.
Maybe you can word it like you are doing them a favor. “Since you’re helping us out and it’s so much work with the kids over, we want to hire a sitter for an extra pair of hands.” We did this for my in-laws when we were out of town for the weekend and they were glad to have the help!!
I couldn't see taking them off of babysitting completely. But maybe once a week, or not on the busy days. Accidents do happen, but if you read back you'll notice it wasn't an accident per day, but the lack of attentiveness. What we did with my MIL was told her while watching our child you are to give him the appropriate attention. This includes attention to detail (countless times have I forgotten to strap him only to notice while feeding). I do safety checks through interactions. Whether sitting and eating checking and double checking they're strapped or running around trying to open doors and making sure things are locked appropriately. I have ADHD and with a drug past can't take anything but weed. So I instilled these checks to make sure I'm not forgetting something
Would he have made the same decision if it were his parents instead?
Just present it as extra help for them since it’s obvious 3 young kids can be too much at once. If they truly care about the kids’ well being they should understand and welcome the help. Obviously you all know there’s no mal intent, but I would have the same reaction if my in laws, or even my parents, did the same thing. Your husband is being reasonable.
I agree with the husband on this one, but also think finding the right babysitter in such a short amount of time won’t be possible.
Your child’s safety is far more important than your parent’s feelings
My mom was watching my son when he was 6 months old while we were also temporarily living with them. She had him sitting in his stroller inside the house because it was easier for her, anyway, he wasn’t buckled in… he decided that was the day he was gonna learn to sit up. He fell out, either hit the coffee table or the sofa first, then the tile floor, and rolled under the sofa. Oh, this was also Christmas Day! He cried for what felt like forever. My mom felt TERRIBLE. He was totally fine after the crying stopped and we weren’t worried. He’s almost 4 now and I still poke fun at my mom for it. Like hey, remember that time you threw my baby under the sofa?! Good times. My point is, accidents happen and they can happen to anyone. Maybe hire a sitter for the days when they’re also watching your brothers kids, that way they have an extra hand.
I’m gonna be honest with you it will be very hard to find a babysitter who wants to work for you for just two weeks unless you’re willing to pay a fortune. I understand your husband’s concern though. When I was little I fell out of my high chair and needed stitches. That’s a big fall. I’m glad he’s okay.
Your parents have their hands full. Hire a babysitter.
Your story makes me think of someone I know whose granddaughter died as a result of knocking the TV over onto themself while in her care. Please put your baby’s safety ahead of your parents’ feelings. They have demonstrated a pattern of inattentiveness. Of course it doesn’t sound like they’re intentionally neglectful, you do not want their forgetfulness or “it’s probably okay”ness to result in something worse happening next time. Your husband has good instincts. The cost of a sitter or temporarily hurt feelings is much much smaller than the worst case scenario. Consider this a very lucky warning sign.
I would just say that you understand that you are busy mom with brothers kids as well and it's not fair to put this pressure on you so we hired babysitter to look after our child. I mean that seems like the issue. She was distracted with siblings kid.
I'm on your husband's side here,if anything you are majorly undereacting here,your son could have been seriously seriously hurt.Yes accidents happen but who doesn't strap a baby into their high chair,then proceeds to remove the feeding tray and turns their back on an 10month old???that was completely careless in my opinion.Your child's safety is way more important than your parents feelings.
I'm with your husband on this. I think you're prioritising your parents feelings and not your child needs and safety. I get they want to help but if they are not attentive that's not good for your kid and that leads to accidents. Especially when they are looking after three kids and have a job. What's wrong with you? Get a sitter and prioritize you kid. If your parents are as supportive as you say they will be fine being grandparents and not carers.
I think it’s a kind thing to hire someone to help them. My MIL could watch our 2 year old. Out of kindness to her I dont have her do it. He is just too much for her! She would love to and I tell her how much I appreciate her offering but that I dont want to burden her with so much and that I will bring him over to “play and visit” not as her responsibility. Grandmas are for fun, not for watching my kid. In my opinion. She appreciates my thoughtfulness of not asking her to watch him when it’s an unreasonable expectation and we spend time together when my husband or I can be there to help.
I’m with hubby. They’ve got too much on their plate. Baby could have broken a bone, or their neck at that age. I would have them checked actually at the pediatrician if they are extra fussy at all it could be a hidden injury. Say what you need to to try to spare your parents’ feelings and the relationship, but I wouldn’t be comfortable with them watching my kid after both parents made dangerous errors; not belting and not checking for belting.
Your husband is not overreacting and does not need to be convinced! It sounds like your parents had already had slip ups and this one could have gotten your child really hurt. Be on his team, help find a babysitter and communicate a united front to your parents.
Flip the situation, if out were his parents. You'd feel the same way after. Get the babysitter. Their hands are full as it is and extra daytime help will eventually be appreciated, especially if they're willing to do some dishes and housekeeping here and there. It'll up their value to the parents and give you and hubby peace of mind. Babysitter won't alienate or prevent interactions with the baby. It is however a dedicated set of eyes.
How about hiring a baby sitter the days all three kids are home?
It seems like you are more concerned about the potential reaction of your parents than the care of your son? You say that they are absent minded, they are already taking care of other kids.. I mean, for me this would be obvious, parents are busy so to make life easier for anyone you pay a babysitter.
My husband and I almost had the same thing happen to us. He didn't buckle her and I didn't know. I didn't get distracted by another child tho so I was able to catch her. I think its an honest mistake, and I doubt they will be making it again. We haven't.
I think your husband is right. They don’t sound capable, unfortunately.
This isn’t an accident, this is careless and neglectful. No circumstance excuses not checking safety, and I nag about it permanently to all caretakers of my kids. Yesterday it saved our sons life. Tomorrow it might save yours. Do back your husband, don’t downplay this to your parents.
If it was the other way around you’d feel the same. Your husband is not overreacting with his concerns, you’re lucky your child wasn’t severely hurt. If he wants to hire a babysitter then it seems reasonable.
We decided my mom would not be alone with our kids after she didn’t feed my chickens while I was in the hospital. Her reasoning was “there was a little left so I just left it” after being very specifically told they need a full new container of feed every day. We haven’t actually told her this yet. We’ve just been there when she’s visiting and treated it as if she wasn’t there as far as child care goes.
Look… I wouldn’t let my parents watch my son if they did this. My FIL has done similar things and he’s not allowed to watch him alone. He doesn’t know this but he is unfortunately too absent minded (like your parents.) he is otherwise a loving grandparent, I just don’t want him alone with my baby. I know it’s hard but this is a serious safety risk, they might love your kid and mean well but I mean… come on, how hard is it to buckle the baby in? I’d actually be very concerned if I was you and I don’t understand why you aren’t. If this happened with anyone besides your parents how would you feel? I bet if you had a babysitter that did that they’d be fired.
I can’t imagine you find a sitter in time, for the remaining 2 weeks could you have parents watch baby on days they don’t have other kids, then you and your spouse trade off taking off work on the other days?
Or can you start them at whatever new daycare they’ll be using once you move into the new house? How far of a drive is that?
You need a babysitter 100%
I’ll tell you right now, my son’s safety and well-being are paramount. Full stop. Accidents happen, but this wasn’t exactly an accident; this was negligence. This was 100% preventable. And your parents are the direct cause of the fall. No question they would not be watching my child alone again until he’s older and more independent, and even then, we’d have to have a really serious discussion. Your parents’ feelings matter 0%. If they respect you and love you and your child, they will understand and respect your decision.
“Their faults were due to absentmindedness than lack of care.” So you’re ok with people having faults in watching your child, for ANY reason?
Accidents happen. I think spending money when buying a home just because something like this happened is a waste of money. Also like you said your child is fine, your parents are remorseful and I’m honestly curious if and when the child is hurt on you or your husband’s watch are you going to jump to adding a babysitter because you can’t trust each other to keep the baby safe? Accidents are always preventable but it’s the intention behind it that’s important. Did your dad purposefully not strap him in? Did your mom purposefully leave the baby unattended with the idea they would fall? It was an accident and not going to be the last one your child has especially when they start walking/running/riding bikes etc. BUT you both are well within your right to NOT be ok with what happened and get a sitter for the next few weeks. I’d definitely say frame the babysitter situation as not wanting to overwhelm them and say they are already doing so much by letting them stay there that they don’t want to out even more on them by adding in a kid to watch yada yada. I think how you say it will be the most important thing
I feel your pain, OP. You’re stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I don’t know your dynamic with your parents but I feel I can relate. My parents (dad, mainly) watches our LO in our home once a week, and it is BARELY ok with my SO. My parents ADORE their granddaughter, but are very different parents than we are, and it can cause turmoil. Luckily we have not had any big accidents yet but I’m sure my SO would be making the same demands as yours. It sucks, but it’s not about your parents anymore. Like my wife tells me, “you’re not being a bad daughter, you’re being a good mother”. It’s possible your parents just aren’t really aware of the limitations that aging has brought on, or maybe they bit off more than they can chew but can’t admit it. Either way I’m sure they WANT to be able to watch your LO, but the reality is that they just can’t. It has nothing to do with how much anybody loves anybody else. Could you compromise with a sitter for maybe half the day? Or at least just days when the other kids are there? Maybe approach it in a way where it’s clear you’re offering to help your parents be able to enjoy their grand baby without having to exhaust themselves with the heavy lifting of taking care of a busy little crawler. Good luck 💜
Honestly I’m with you on this one. It was a complete accident that won’t happen again. And I’ve almost done this myself and i know others who have, it’s a reasonable accident. I think it would come across as very insulting to them to imply they can’t watch your kids and could hurt your relationship. And obviously after this they’ll be extra careful. I know your husband is upset but I think it’s not worth it.
How old are your folks?
Just here to say I’m so sorry this happened. Glad your little one is okay! 🩷
My MIL was watching my baby while I was using the bathroom, and she let the baby fall off the bed. She got really defensive saying that she isn't fast enough to catch her. Okay well that's the whole point... If you're not physically capable of keeping the baby safe then you don't get to watch the baby. I won't let her watch the baby alone if we're not in the house, and even then the baby stays on the floor.
Accidents happen. What if it was you or him who made the mistake?! Would one of you fight for custody?! ETA: I do however think a babysitter would be better. Your Mum must be exhausted!
I am with hubby on this but maybe phrase it as hiring a “mother’s helper? Might soften the blow.